It’s tragic that this dynamic existed in their marriage and that she wasn’t willing to look at her (massive) role in it. It seems like she also tries to construct that “don’t talk about what I don’t want to talk about” dynamic elsewhere (with you😮). One would hope her interpersonal dynamics would be more clear to herself with a mood journal, but it’s hard to get that habit going.
Excellent, Thanks again Dr. Burns, but we are still wondering whether the wife was finally able to recognize or not her role in the conflict and the unnecessary suffering of her husband or if nothing therapeutic could be done in view of her resistance.
She only wanted help with her depression and so I agreed to help her with that. Working on her marriage was clearly not her agenda. Thanks for the question! warmly, david
Thank you dr. Burns for this video. The thing that bothers me is, doesn't Jerry make equally bad communication mistakes? Can't communication problems go both ways? Is it only his wife's fault that he hasn't expressed his feelings for years?
I have a theory called "Interpersonal Relativity." It goes like this: the person seeking help with a troubled relationship can always be shown to be the 100% cause of the problem. So if Jerry had come in asking for help, he would have found out, as you suggested, that he is creating the very problem he is asking for help with. This is why relationship problems can sometimes be harder to treat than individual mood problems, because the person asking for help will have to examine their role and stop blaming their spouse if they want things to improve. And this is almost always painful, but potentially super rewarding. Thanks! Important question. Both partners will be screwing up, though in different ways. best, david
Great Video from our greatest living Therapist!
It’s tragic that this dynamic existed in their marriage and that she wasn’t willing to look at her (massive) role in it. It seems like she also tries to construct that “don’t talk about what I don’t want to talk about” dynamic elsewhere (with you😮). One would hope her interpersonal dynamics would be more clear to herself with a mood journal, but it’s hard to get that habit going.
Thanks Dr. Burns. I love your work and appreciate your wisdom and mentorship❣
Thank you so much for your kind comment! best, david
Excellent, Thanks again Dr. Burns, but we are still wondering whether the wife was finally able to recognize or not her role in the conflict and the unnecessary suffering of her husband or if nothing therapeutic could be done in view of her resistance.
She only wanted help with her depression and so I agreed to help her with that. Working on her marriage was clearly not her agenda. Thanks for the question! warmly, david
Thank you dr. Burns for this video. The thing that bothers me is, doesn't Jerry make equally bad communication mistakes? Can't communication problems go both ways? Is it only his wife's fault that he hasn't expressed his feelings for years?
I have a theory called "Interpersonal Relativity." It goes like this: the person seeking help with a troubled relationship can always be shown to be the 100% cause of the problem. So if Jerry had come in asking for help, he would have found out, as you suggested, that he is creating the very problem he is asking for help with. This is why relationship problems can sometimes be harder to treat than individual mood problems, because the person asking for help will have to examine their role and stop blaming their spouse if they want things to improve. And this is almost always painful, but potentially super rewarding. Thanks! Important question. Both partners will be screwing up, though in different ways. best, david
@ thank you, its more clear now