Overcome Narcissists with the Information They Hide From You
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- Опубліковано 27 кві 2016
- I talk about how narcissists manipulate and censor your emotions, but they do that by controlling what information you have and what you think you know.
Check out my book "The 16 Signs of a Narcissist" by clicking below right now:
understandingnarcissists.com/...
It's like escaping a cult and when you run into someone who has just spent time with them, I have no other way to put it, It's like they just drank the kool-aid.
Just know it wasn't good. And it wasn't true!
I've written a long description about finding out the truth about my covert narc father-in-law, separate from this, so won't repeat here. My mother-in-law has one cousin who is also a close personal friend to her. The cousin & husband are only a few years older than me & my husband, and in the early decades of our marriage, we liked them & felt that we were also their friends. They live in another state but always visited once every year, and we would meet up at the parents' house (where they would stay). Due to health issues, the visits stopped about 2 years ago. But the "family dinner" events were getting weirder & weirder for some years before that, because the cousin's husband started deliberately targeting me with snide & sarcastic put-downs, in very much the same way the father always has. Now I really have stopped to ask whether his sudden negativity toward me, was engineered by my narc father-in-law starting to bad-mouth me behind my back.
"They're tyrants in the household." You can say THAT again.
There's always peace and laughter till he returns, then the shouting and chaos starts up again.
Elisa Hamilton yes
Amen to that!
They can't stop talking, yet their words are so empty. Actions speak louder!
He told me his mother was dead. I found out last week she is in a mental institution and he is paying for it. Okay, I did a bit of snooping but was shocked when I discovered that. Verifys my reason for going no contact and staying with it.
lin sioux he was going to put you there with her if he wanted to get rid of you.
Narcissists seek to isolate their targets and make them dependent. Controlling information is a good way to reinforce the kind of learned helplessness they try to instill. Any relationship with a person of this kind is essentially like falling into a premeditated trap.
Well that's definitely what it feels like a deadly trap,been months now, still trying to riggle my way out of it 😩
My new boyfriend talked to his old girlfriend for a couple hours every evening on the phone till I left him. Seemed like a set-up by them.
It likely was.
Your instincts may be right on. Good for you for starting by giving the benefit of the doubt but when you weren’t getting the respect your relationship required and deserved, letting the relationship go.
Good on you.
Come into my web said the spider too the fly 🤷♂️
In order to maintain their false persona a narcissist must spin everything they do according to the perception of them they want you to have.
Gwendolyn Wehage - When my niece was very small, I used to hear my sister tell her, "Oh, no, you don't- I know your tricks." Now that she's grown up, and directed her "tricks" at everyone around, including me, I know what my sister meant. They can start this activity very young. She's no amateur.
Talk, talk, talk. It's about getting constant attention. My narc mom, who was visiting, could not be quiet. She interrupted my thoughts, my TV programs etc.. with chatter and noise. She even woke me up many times with her obviously loud and drawn out yawns comming from the next room. On her exhale, she in full voice, would make a long "hummmmmmmmmmer" that sounded like a wounded animal. It would wake me up from a dead sleep. I spent more time TRYING to get some sleep, then I actually slept. Of course she got her sleep when I went to work at night. In the final blow-out we had, she called me lazy, among other things: she screamed at me, "ALL YOU DO IS SLEEP!
+grand454 I know about everything you're going thru all too well.
Wow how passive aggressive was that. Ohh LOOK at me...I'M sleeping. Wow then if you say Hey could we get some sleep here!!! it would be 'Oh I don't know what your talking about'. Drive you crazy.
Yes. Some of them try to be as annoying as possible. It's like their whole goal, every minute of life, is to try to be as annoying as they can.
When my ex narc and I first met, I remember sitting in my living room a few times, drinking hot tea and having lengthy conversations with him..What started out as nice evenings, soon became apparent that he was going to do all the talking. (yes, all the talking, every time) I patiently listened to him for what seemed to be hours on end.
When I would try to keep the conversation going with a simple on topic comment that were only a few sentences long at best, he'd look at me, bored, uninterested and annoyed, thinking, "Are you done yet?"
I found it so offensive and rude that I called him out on the looks that he gave me and asked him point blank if I was boring him.
He insisted I wasn't, but I could tell by the looks that I got that I was.
On several different occasions we had sitting and talking, he had the balls to tell me that I talked too much..Uhh, really dude?
You've been talking for the last couple hours and I hardly said a word.
Self absorbed much?
I know it is annoying, but damn this made my laugh they are such a comic creatures!
This was the key to getting my Narc to agree to go "NO CONTACT'. He left paperwork and stuff all over the place in tiny boxes and files. Once I put it together it told a complete story of his lies and deceit. It was truly shocking to discover that I was correct about his smooth story being totally a lie. Narcs keep little momentos of the people they burn. . . .if you can find them you can free yourself. You will be so disgusted with the Narc you will never consider re-connecting!
BernaLilly / So so true !!! You get so disgusted that @1st you want to tell them off so bad , but the problem is you can't , or you have to fear more , yet your existence ...
Hell hath no fury like a narcissist exposed. Great work, keep it up, please :)
E well I miss your channel and always wanted to thank you for your help a few years back
Your knowledge was a life line 🌻😊
What you just described about leaving out information is exactly what my adopted parents did all my life growing up. When I began to confront them about this they would have 'selective amnesia' and claim "I don't remember that...". It was all bullshit and I knew it and they knew that I knew it. I'm so happy I have no contact with them anymore. Until I began to learn more about narcissism I never realized how screwed up my childhood really was.
Ur not alone mate 😐 I had gaslighting and narcissism all thru my young life 11 years after adoption ...everyone was lead to believe I was the problem good thing I was strong I worked it all out and survived 😃
Ha my dad did that to me just last week. I'm 36. Wouldn't even acknowledge anything i said, unless it involved the info he was trying to get. Even called him on it, and he kept saying "i dont understand", i was like "you dont understand what? Comprehending a sentence?""
It's very true 👍🏼 however what I have personally found is that they fragment information so much to different people in the form of gas lighting they forget what they have said to whom. It's not until you put all the information together can this be fully seen and then you can hold up the mirror so to speak and challenge them with their own behaviour. It's only then do they crumble under their own deceit. But then you go into another area of them denying it...one thing I have found in important matters with a narc is to secretly record, save messages,, save documents etc....sooner or later you can put all the info together and trap them with their own information. 👍🏼
I feel like the narcissist has got you under some kind of hypnosis and some people live in this trance for years and they are in a universe that is not in reality so if and when you come out of a narcissistic relationship and you start to realise what's going on it is like one of the most traumatising things to go through because the narc is a drug addict so when they put you in the idealisation phase they are constantly in this phase with them self as they never really come down from the high state they are in as they are always looking for new supply to keep them high. So when you are in idolisation phase you are also high you at that moment in time are a drug addict but you don't know it yet you are so high with the love bombing you lose yourself you lose who you are but then all of a sudden you are devalued and discarded at this point you are on cold Turkey and in a utter state of shock left in the gutter feeling confused and trying to figure out what's going on whilst the.........
My mother would never answer questions- would always say I'll get back to you- or simply hang up the phone on me. It's so sick- they make you feel like you are the one that makes them hang up on you.
Hiding information is the very foundation of a narcissist. Second to that is, lying. Even if it's not relevant. Some of it is just for the kick they get out of it. The ultimate power rush. However it requires an excellent memory. And tiny little slips are given. These are your/our clues. Yes they lie straight in your face. But getting one over on someone is far more thrilling. Another excellent video.
+JD ashcroft
Yea , I think they know why they need to lie sometimes , it's so you will believe their lie , then at a later date when you bring it back up , they can deny they said it and call you the liar because what you are saying is not true , it's a lie.
That's when they pull out the truth in contrast to your lie , the lie they gave you.
To make you look bad , usually in front of others , always in front of others.
It's a set up to make you look like a liar , and to make them look truthful.
Lying is as easy for them as breathing. It's easier for them to lie than tell the truth. One thing to look out for is if they seem sentimental,... like keeping every text with you from the very beginning of your relationship. I thought at first this was sweet till the end of the relationship and finding out he was a overt,....It's for the covert to keep track of all his lies to keep them straight and of course to keep info to use back on you later!
Yes, they lie & the key is to have the memory to keep those lies that keep changing, in check. They logically don't have any consistency. You replay all the different scenarios to them but they still keep trying to justify the changes. Keep the information to yourself as they do not have the memory to keep up with their changing stories/lies. This is the key to your sanity - their inconsistency = a liar & person not worthy of your trust & loyalty.
This is brilliant. I have known narcissists and spoken to them daily for more than a decade and don't know one thing about them, despite them communicating with me A LOT.
This must be why he always insists on a phone conversation! He refuses to text, will only call or accept my call now. for the first two years he did text, but now, only calls. but he has always preferred calling. which is probably why he always tried to get women's phone numbers online.
And they always ask if you are recording the conversation...
the silent treatment is equally as consistent with their behaviors-
good point
The withholding of information is key to narcissists' strategic arsenal because knowledge is Power, and the narcissists do not want their target empowered lest they topple their regime Excellent analysis of the inner workings of the overt covert and deadly narcissists' schemes to leverage power at all costs! :-)
YES
Indeed. Yet while they're parcelling out their (mis)information, they're also gathering every scrap of info they can. (stealing email passwords, spyware on phones, etc) The analogy of an Intelligence/Counter-Intelligence Cold War is completely accurate.
but also: in what narcissistic states we live in! Political correctness, lying, overtalking real subjects with total irrelevant topics is what we daily experience
Wow! Excellent insight friend. Thank you.
amen
I've been with mine for 29 years. I've been no to low contact for 8 months. I woke up one day & said i've had enough. So i turned everything he was doing to me on him. I didn't know until now he is full fledged card carrying OCD Narcissist control freak. To the 10th degree . I think he hated the silent treatment & me calling him on everything did or do to this day the most. I questioned everything he did or said, like he was on trial.. I just keep saying to myself, how do you like it. I was so mad by the time he left, he needed to leave to get away from himself. He is a control freak & i told him, i would tell him his actions were like a sociopath, not knowing i was even close to being right. He just had no empathy for me & it just got worse the longer we were together. One day he decided 15minutes before i had to leave to go to the hospital. To have a lumpectomy, that he was going to start a fight with me for the thousandth time. Threatens to leave me. I left for the hospital by myself i wasn't going to let him make me late. He kept saying why are you so stupid i'm trying to help you. I said threatening to leave someone 15 minutes before they have to leave for major surgery isn't helping. I couldn't believe he made me go through that alone. My sons were devastated he did that. So that's when i decided i'm done. That was among one of the most heartless things he's ever done to me. An there's been a lot. Now that i have time & a clear head to think about it more. He is a heartless feminine hygiene product, especially the bag it comes in.. My kids & i are allot happier he's gone. It's so much calmer & quieter without him here & all his drama he blamed on me. I'm filing for a at fault divorce & he's losing his mind. It hurts still, because the feelings of how do you do something so heartless by walking out after i put up with all his bull for 29 years. Once i get past that i think i'll be good..
So sorry you suffered so long. Over the last few years I've been realizing that this is my story. 17 years, searching for answers for how to move forward.
Yes...28 years for me. And he is just freaking out because I "keep bringing up" things. Won't let him off the hook. Bring almost every conversation around in a circle right back onto him. He's so frustrated with me right now because I call him on his generalized statements and ask for details. For example, he will say something like, "You think you're so perfect. You have said horrible things too that have hurt me." And I would say..."Yes, you've told me that. But I've asked you every single time to tell me ONE of those horrible things I've said that have hurt you so much and you haven't been able to tell me even ONE of them. How am I supposed to own my stuff when you can't even tell me what my stuff is?" We have that conversation at least once a month. Same exact conversation...and he still hasn't answered it! When he said flirting was "perfectly normal"...I said, "Are you telling me that I could have been flirting all this time and it would have been just fine with you because it is NORMAL? Wow! I've been missing out on an awful lot of fun then! I need to make up for lost time!" And he says, "I never said that!" "Oh...you're right. You never did say that did you. You omitted some key words right? You meant to say that it was perfectly normal FOR YOU...didn't you. But hey...what good for the goose..." When he complained about my body not looking like it used to and compared me to other women...at first I was just broken over it. Then a righteous anger rose up in me and I I told him he never had to touch it or look at it ever again. And I've stuck to that for two years now. I'm just not playing it any more. When he wouldn't help me convert my garage into a home office for me to start my own home business and wouldn't let me have any of my own money to get someone else to do the work...I waited three years and finally gave up on the idea. I ended up seriously injuring my back on my job (I'm a nurse and wanted to start a home-care nursing agency before our youngest (autistic) son graduated high school) and now he doesn't even get my paycheck anymore! AND then he found out that a guy at work was dating a woman who had started an agency and grossed 3 million dollars in one year...so even those circumstances turned around and bit him on his ass! Eventually, he is going to realize that his abusive treatment of me is not paying off anymore. It might take him a while though. He's not as smart as he thinks. In the meantime, all of it made me physically sick, which is likely adrenal fatigue and chronic PTSD. So I am finally, after raising six children, learning how to take care of me, and my own serious health issues and squirreling away money. Once my health is better, I'm going back to work and socking away most, if not all, of my pay until I have a nice nest egg. And I'm educating myself on narcissism, and my own issues that kept me with him despite all of it for all these years, through abuse counseling and online research. I lost me in all this and I was so happy before...I just want ME back.
He HAD to leave. He could not face the truth of himself and had been exposed as a fraud and an emotional vampire.
Hope this finds you incredibly peaceful and calmly enjoying your new life.
The lying by omission is how my SO has frustrated me for years...I've often told him he lives his life as if he's in a courtroom and in lieu of communication he tries to "beat" me on technicalities. Like love and communication is something that we "win"....
1:10 About your usage of the word _"segmented"_: Why not _compartmentalized_? When narcs keep people separated from each other in order to control the flow of information, what they're really doing is _externalized compartmentalization_.
You are hitting the nail on the head here. I found a lot of paperwork stashed away. When HE knew I knew what he had done, experienced, and who else he had hurt, I got away and he has gone "no contact" with me!!! FREEDOM to be me now.
I'm only halfway through this video, and you've nailed my entire life.
Thank you so much for this information. I have been married to a narcarisst for almost 24 years. Control is at the center of why they do what they do. Selfishness is the next motivating factor. I started waking up about 2yrs ago I knew something was horribly wrong but could never really figure it out. You have to be willing to see the truth and understand your part in keeping the illusion/cycles of abuse going. They feed off of your insecurities about yourself and exploit any weakness you have. I am divorcing my narcissist and on my journey to healing. You have to let them go, not play the games and be willing to move forward at any cost. Thank you again for your videos they let us know nope your not crazy your partner is a narcarisst and they are not going to change.
Tami Reynolds / Yes yes yes Tami , I agree with you 100% , very good information !!!!
Your Situation is almost as mine , so sad !!!
I've been married over 25 years , divorced him after 3 years , than he sucked me back with his manipulative ways & lies I'm sure ( now ) !!! Married him again after 8 month divorced. Always making excuses for his behavior , now after so many years later , I had to learn about this , thru a friend , it literally breaks you & emotionally kills you when you have to realize that you wasted your love & life to somebody that never even cared one bit about you .
The Selfishness always bothered me , but I'm a people pleaser so I lived with it . The jealousy ( false ) most likely !!! Had me blinded & always thinking & believing that he loved me , wich is just another tactic of a Narc to controll you in every aspect .
I'm trying to prepare myself to finally leave & divorce him now , wich is very hard now since he conned all my savings out of me !!! He had me quit my job as well to stay home to take better care , as he said of my child . He don't to file for divorce cause of his pension , etc. in his eyes I don't deserve a thing , so basically he don't want to lose any of his things as well or pay any moneys of course . !!!!
Life is too short to be unhappy. Things can be replaced. Can your sanity? Maybe. We are miserable sometimes with it without them, but Being free from these people gives us a chance at parole at least. Not so much if you stay. Much love ❤️ stay strong 😊
This broke my previous relationship down to its bare bones! This is insane being able to look back and recall the exact moments these things occurred
Everyone controls information if only for practical reasons. For Narcs the tendency may be more broadly generalized to manipulate ambiguity and uncertainty. Withholding information is a means of maintaining this state of affairs
Note that secrecy in itself is not a bad thing when secrets are shared. It can indicate a healthy way of managing boundaries. Unlike shared secrecy, private secrecy may represent a pathology that's not hard to pick up on. You can infer it from ambiguous answers to simple questions and long-standing communication problems, some of which reflect the fact that the Narc always changes the subject so the issue at hand never gets sorted out.
A Narc takes pride in being shifty and may like the idea of having a secret criminal career systematically concealed by an appearance of being socially normative - kinda like hiding in plain sight, oh woohoo how clever am I that I can fake everyone out. The actions a Narc takes in the service of private pathological secrecy are charged with narcissistic energy and it's kind of hard to miss.
Withholding information is of course an obvious way of asserting control over people. Secrecy - concealment by omission - is better than outright lying and misinformation because there is no risk of the lie discovered and the liar exposed as a fraud. Withholding information is also easier than having to keep of factual details straight where the alleged facts were made up.
You are so on point. My father started poisoning my mother against me right from the start. He is so sick and twisted. I'm horrifed by the things he's done and I am terrified that he's done even worse.
He tells anyone who will listen about how bad my son and I am. Yet we feed and care for him. Keep the roof over his head. It's such a crazy existance. I am so relieved that this disorder has a name and real characteristics. It's heartbreaking for me to have loved such a monster.
Judgment Proof That would be the worst. I had a Granny or I think I would've lost my mind. You must be very strong. I'm sorry to hear of your pain. Here's to better times ahead :)
With a narc , when you zig , they will always zag , count on it.
brilliant observation!
so true. best way to get something you want is to tell them you hate that thing lol
The mission is to blur and to obfuscate.
Breakthrough Moment
Agreed , also to maintain plausible deniability at all times , so what is said and done won't come back to bite them in the ass..
Abuser abuser Exactly. "Plausible deniability" is the hallmark of passive-aggression, and they teeter on that edge, constantly, to skew reality.
Great topic, and explanation. I am going through this now, with an elderly parent. I realize that there is probably not a "true" word spoken by her, about anyone in our family, for my entire life. This information massaging is so involved in triangulation.
Talking, talking, talking: Don't interrupt me while I'm ignoring you! So True!
i could listen to you talk about this stuff for hours. its like you were living in my house during the time I was with the narc. You always describe him so well. Its crazy how much you know about this stuff and scary that they're all the same.
no dude i totally understand. my stepmom is like this. i found that the only way is to negate this is to just not listen. i've been told that i know nothing about the world because i've only been where i am. i notice she has rigid and specific ideas and she never stops talking. she forces these ideas passively, like, if you say nothing, you are a good child. if you speak against it, she is a "great arguer" and will then personally insult you and talk over you until you give up. i've also been at the shit end of her rage and disdain.
sounds cruel to say, but i have no love for her; she deserves none.
Wow, OK now I know you are talking about my brother-in-law. No joke you totally nailed him. He even started a Facebook page called "Action Against False Accusation," as a way to lie about people, and direct them away from seeing what he is. I am his current target because I exposed him as the lying conman he is. Meanwhile he is E-begging for donations to his Bitcoin, and calling other people lazy.
this describes my step father and sister in law. I'm right there with ya.
another great synopsis of what they do...probable full intention of what chaos they create and professional at passing the buck while stealiing yours along with everything else as puppet mastery professionals
Yep! Just another tactic that proves to me that I was right and they are narcissistic. What wonderful qualities they have, it never cease to amaze me!
In the book "30 Covert Manipulation Tactics" the author talks about this "lying by omission" exactly!
+dee durf
If you haven't already come across it.
48 Laws of power by Robert Greene , another good book on basically how to be a psychopath.
Thanks
crimson_noir
Right on.
: )
CO.DEE.PENDENT WARRIOR WARRIOR
Knowledge is power. A narcissit wants you to blindly believe their words only... no one else. If I tried to engage in conversation on a topic that was in contrast to what he had said I was told "I never trust him" or that I was a devils advocate!I for one felt like my ex-husband narc was leading two separate lives and it is VERY clear my children also feel this way now also as they get older. My eldest (13) does not want anything to do with him now he has moved his 22 year old girlfriend in, and my middle daughter (10) is struggling. She has no idea what or who he is as he shares nothing with her when she is not visiting him.... I believe if you have something to hide then you are doing something wrong! Additionally a 22 year old is definitely easier to manipulate now isn't she?
Great video Scott on a subject that I don't think anyone else has covered, not even Sam Vaknin.
I'd really like to see a follow-up video on what I call Stage 2, or what happens AFTER you see thru their propaganda and misinformation. This was when I first learned how they use information they've gathered about you and others to coerce and sometimes FORCE people to comply with their charade, up to and including extortion. This is when you realize just how evil these monsters are.
Ooh! You just explained why my narc ex bf kept asking the most intrusive and odd questions about my life. Things that noone would ask unless you were preparing to get married.
It felt odd. I just kept my information private.
They also do try to worm thier way into getting you dependent on them. Firtunately I learned early on my narc was not to be trusted with my well being.
I had been dating him for about 6 months. He volunteered to drive me to work on a weekend, then nastily told me not to expect him to ever do so again. I was shocked because I hadn't thought to ask then, never mind expect anything.
A couple of months later he kept asking me if I wanted him to take me to a pharmacy to pick up my meds or the laundromat during our regular date time.
I maintained my independence in all things and did not...to his frustration.
I did not trust him by this time or would talk about any of my problems by then.
I had accepted the little box of time and attention he had imposed, and was busy detaching.
that is very true it could be something really big or little that can impact on your wellbeing .dilerabate to screw you up and drive you to distraction to make you crazy insecure and vunerable in any manner
My narc ex bf kept asking me if he made me feel secure. I just would never answer that question, lol. I did nit understand on the beginning why he asked me that question. Came to realize he must want to know if his undermining was working. I just stayed silent.
Poor frustrated narc. Lol! I kept 90% of the drama, confusion, upset inside. So much so that I had a heart attack 3 weeks after I dumped the narc.
I responded logically, calmly, did not fall for any conversational red herrings or evasions. He finally looked cornered and threw out the last straw comment for me.
I then made him wait two weeks before I calmly told him in person that I was ending it.
He had a temper tantrum. I did not care at that point. I told him he was selfish
His interest seemed strangely reawakened in me when I told him that I no longer wanted to get married either. Lol, I had only ever mentioned it once, but having his eyes light up at that point disgusted me. I meant it then because I was exhusted and wanted away from ALL men at that point.
Mine was the silent type for the most part, but, when he did talk it was all lies and deflection. I used to beg him to just please talk to me, tell me what is going on. The more upset i got the quieter and more distant he became.
oh I always thought I am the only one in this world that I seen this thanks for sharing my wife done this to me for 29 year's at least now I know whats going on .
I feel ya!
Dear Scott
I can not thank you enough!
I had a treacherous time with my sister who is a narcissist….I first listened to your UA-cam channel in 2017!
I played them over and over again!
I’ve had therapy and support from my Dr!
My husband has been the rock I needed!
However you were the first kind person to help me see “the light”
Thank you thank you thank you 🙏😌😊
One of the best, once more! Totally agree! I think this idea about the way they handle information, together with the notion of control is everything! That's all one needs to know about the disorder to leave
This is an excellent video. Very valuable information. I was in a relationship with a narcissist for over eleven years. I can completely relate to what you are conveying. Your doing an extraordinary job . It has only been two months since I finally realized and got out of the relationship. Someone else on here referred to it as a "manipulationship" I find that term more suitable. But I just want to thank you for this video. It's One of those really enlightening ones. I'm going to save it under "My watch everyday" playlist. One last thing I'd like to add is yes it is a horrible and traumatic life changing experience to love a narcissist but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to stop suppressing your gut. Eleven years and I never once thought to look online for answers. Yes 11 years is gone. But I have the rest of my life. And I don't have to live and feel like a crazy person with no self value. I am finding my old young self that I remember and realize I love
This is so true. I experienced this non-stop for almost 5 years.
You are on point. Propaganda is a keyword
Over the years I have come to think of people who behave this way as "information hoarders." I haven't seen this discussed. You describe it to a t. Thank you and please discuss more about the mechanisms of information hoarding.
As SG I have spent all my life waiting for my NM validation. I have had good jobs over all my own expectations working for international companies and always got the positions by myself. I mean I always had to pass hard interviews etc to be taken among other good candidates. But she was always making comparations with my sister and of course my achivements were always minimised and inferior to hers althoug I went to university and she did not.
One day my NM was ungry with my sister told me that my sister had not got the wonderful job she have had for thirty years by herself but by the influence if some friend of herself who has get her the job.
That day sonething broke inside me. I felt so cheated and as if I had being living in her lyes for so meny years for just one reason: keeping me feeling inferior with a poor self image and low self steem instead of having got superior achivements in live that most of my peers had.
But I never valued them or enjoyed my own success because a lye. So yes, information and misinformation are a powerful weapon especialy when it used against you by someone like your own family.
wow great example. reading this helped me. thank you.
WOW Spot on alright! This was HIM EXACTLY!!! It wasn't hard for me to get my head around at all. I lived and proved all this over and over. OMG!!! Still re-living his crap! Thanks Scott. :)
Your stated observations and conclusions in this video were spot on. I came into relationship with my "narc" in my mid-20s, right after I exited a controlling cult that I was born into. As I tried to fit in with my spouse's religion, I had to rely on her for information and the interpretation of what things meant. This put her in the gatekeeper role right at the start. She used lots of rules and guilt-tripping in a twisted interpretation of Christianity with me and the children. She gravitated to fundamentalist churches that were legalistic and full of judgmental attitudes and narcissistic leaders. As I learned more about Christianity I became less and less dependent on her for information and also countered her interpretations. When I moved us out of the spiritually-abusive groups she had selected, she resented this loss of her control and my leadership based on real knowledge. And this is where narcissistic retaliation began to show itself strong in her. She began to seek narcissistic supply with other men. When two of our children witnessed her flirting with various men and her sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night, she abused them. One she tried to starve; the other she rejected and tried to pressure to move out. This led to the authorities getting involved and the marriage dissolving. Thank God I left and never went back to her- which, of course brought on its own retaliation and slander. But big failure of her family only slowed her down a little. She went on to even greater, perhaps even psychopathic, behavior and has taken her fake persona into the public arena when she got elected to political office, where she now gets narcissistic supply in truckloads.
Thank you so much for the information I was married to a narc for 47 years separate 2 years tou have helped me put so many pieces of the puzzle together the more knowledge I get it is helping me heal and reach my goal of limited contact only for business a few family issues. You have a gift making this topics understandable the way you describe the narcs behavior the topics you discuss I can so relate to as I have experienced a lot of this behavior in 50 years thanks
Thank you. Secrecy and indirect communication are especially brutal. Also it's a great way to keep a person feeling insane but not have to take responsibility for it. This method is destroying me. It's all about controlling their supply.
I've met many Narcissists that have covered-up their so-called constant "mistakes" such as cheating on their partners/targets. Sick of their status quo garbage!
Brilliant! Once you know what to look for it becomes easy to spot!!!
Amazing,I've been fighting in my head this information issue since the beginning, now almost 3 years ago.
Just can't tell you how nice it is to have in words a description of how they do this. So much of what they do is hard to really nail down and put into words! You did a great job of it in this video and so many of your others! Thank you!!!!
I really appreciate your non-emotional exposure of the different tactics the narcissist uses to manipulate people. As someone whom has been exposed to the narcissist for over a year but only started educating themselves recently via a variety of youtube videos, I find comfort in your logical approach to the aspects of this disease. It has helped to slowly, alleviate the disbelief and reinstate my sanity.
I am relating so much with this information. I'm trying to escape a narcissist, a family. It's so scary.
I am so amazed and impressed that you were able to articulate in such precise and accurate ways the manipulations and tactics that these people operate in. I know that this is exactly what happens, but I would not have been able to lay it out so succinctly for other people to understand. thank you for doing this. I can hear these examples, compare them to my experiences and know without a doubt, that I am not the crazy one. I feel crazy due to this very thing being done by a personality disordered individual and a group of people around her who are still blind to what is happening and how they're also being very manipulated. it makes me really sad but I can't save them. I can only take care of me and my family. and I'm putting my foot down right at this moment and saying NO MORE from this point forward. thank you for putting this video out. it has propelled me forward in a HUGE way this morning.
I have been watching your channel for about a year. You are very articulate with great insight. Respect
They’re such predators. Their power resides in their lies. They’re masters at perception management. I validate them and the truth of who they are boils to the top. Wherever their is confusion deception is at play. If you’re confused understand that whomever you’re confused about is playing you. They’re great at lying by omission.
Scott, you articulate so well exactly what goes on. I see so well now what used to keep me in confusion because of your videos!! How were you able to understand and articulate the grand illusion of the narc so well??
Boy oh boy, you sure nailed it. Great video!
Dang you nailed this one!!! Thank you!
I definitely agree with this. In my case, I found it necessary to detach emotionally. Detaching made it possible to look at the dynamics more clearly. Lundy Bancroft said it is very important to look at the abusers behavior during the calm phase of the cycle. Narcissist abusers will tell you who they are all the time. Listen to the way they say things. Watch their actions. Do they continue to gaslight? Do they continue to lie about small things? Do they display disrespectful attitudes toward others? Do they offer unsolicited criticism? Do they harshly judge others? I could go on and on. Mine does all of this off and on during the calm phase of the cycle when he is also being "nice". It is amazing how clear everything becomes when I detached emotionally and became an observer.
Thanks so much for your videos. They've helped me tremendously. Had a really rough time dealing with a BPD co-parent ex-husband, his cluster B wife, and his wealthy covert narc mother. What a doozy! Took me down, but now that I'm smarter it's almost like the less I defend, react or explain, the more suspicious they get and tell on themselves. All three are textbook, so just watch these videos and sit back in amazement. It's like being Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. 'The Great and Powerful Oz' is just a little man hiding behind a curtain using audiovisual equipment. Ha! Peace and Love!
Love how u take the time to try and explain
Buddy YOU hit the nail on the head.. love it! I wish I new this when I was with him.
Love you, thanks for this information. You make me feel sane, all the best. Michaela
Excellent analysis of the inner workings, I agree well said, Thank You
It's only their masterful charm, good looks, and sexuality that is appealing. But once they have you, kiss all that goodbye. From then on, it's all lies, abuse, boredom.
Yes!!!! I am so happy, this helped me so much thank u thank u. It is such a subtle thing, that u can't explain it to anyone.
This video says it all. I've been closely involved with several narcs and all did this in order to separate, manipulate and control. It's infuriating and the only solution for me was to permanently separate from them.
Yes, this really hits home.
Scott, you did a very accurate description of this phenomena... as usual
I have just found your videos which are a great source of information. Thank you :) I am coming out the otherside of experiencing a crazy relationship with a narcissist. I can relate. Many thanks.
@Understanding Narcissists This is excellent information on a Narcissist. Thank you.
Thank for making these videos, they helped me a lot! I love your detailed descriptions, and the level of abstraction is perfect to apply the info to my past situation while listening to it. Gave me a lot more clarity!
Great video, you were really in the zone on this one. A lot of good points.
absolutely brilliant video you're tapping into something. Knowledge is power
relistened, and its spot on, most relevant to the 2 key influences, the most cool and most dangerously glossed over to the outside. thankyou
I simply love how you speak. It is very soothing. And your eyes make all you say believable. Well done for the channel and the book. :)
You are so correct about the manipulation of information.
This is one of the most important and complicated topics/tactics. Well done.
Man ur really good at breaking down & explaining the intricacies of their malicious behavior. These things don’t get much understanding. Good shit. Keep doing this.
Thank you for this !
Spot on and I am amazed as always.
Gidday UN ,we love listening to all your insights into narcissists, my son ,like you has to become wise as to his narc father , and you really talk to him (14) like a big brother , so I cant thank you enough for these videos and the time you spend helping us , try to live AROUND the narcissists issues,and to try to enjoy our lives.lol heapsTT
Wow! Spot on! Nailed it. I'm so impressed by you. So young. And so insightful. Wow. Everything you said in this video, just clicked or fell into place with me. I have so many discussions stored in my head, where I wasn't being told half the information, and when the thing have happened, and because of my lack of information, something went wrong. I was to blame, and I was told, that I just should have gathered more information. I couldn't just expect to hear it all from them. That it was my fault that I didn't asked for more information. - and I was going nuts about it, because why wouldn't they just have told me that info from the start? How can I know I need to know something that I don't know about?
Thank you so much, for sharing this video!!
Very well explained, thank you very much! keep making videos
SO true, love the analogy! my mother's told me so many lies I have no idea what the truth really is, even core stuff
Excellent video and this is what is happening on a nation-wide or even global scale 2020....thank you
Excellent work! Thank you!
Your insights are ncredible. I cant imagine what you must have endured to have developed this level of understanding. Thank you for your willingness to share your knowledge and information.
These videos are so detailed and the information you provide is so nuanced. Thank you for sharing your personal experience and knowledge with us. You are helping so many people. 💕
This is such a great video on what is happening in my life right now. My Narc sister is/has done all the things you have elucidated so expertly - in fact one of her replies to my emails was entitled, 'Not Playing'. It is all about myself not being included in my father's will. At that point I realised it is all a game to her, a very sick game. I am now no contact and thankful I made that decision.
Keep your videos coming, they are extremely enlightening.
Cheers
CatB
I can relate to ths topic, it is so true. You know more about it then you know!
My narc told me once that I needed to stop listening so closely. I was putting two and two together and he didn't like it. I asked him if he'd been speaking to one of our mutual friends and he said, "no." Later on I discovered he had been, and he said, "I wasn't talking to her I was only texting, not the same," It's such a twisted web of crap, and there's no end to the madness.
so that once they access the desired emotion, thats what sticks with no further thought ever again.
Scott you are exactly right. I've lived in Narcassistic abuse 23 years and was raised by a Narcassist and an enabling Mother. He tries everyday to engage me in some kind of conversation. I'm trying to get away but it is slow. I'm divorced and in my own home but we have 8 kids and I still need help financially. I am not the best at low contact or gray Rock although it does work sometimes.
However, he is so manipulating and uses my older kids to break boundaries or to convince me of things and I love my kids so I end up with trampled boundaries. He also uses money over my head. I can't work right now because of health issues and little ones at home. I wish I could get away.
Really brilliant video as it reveals so much about what is really going on. I thing this information control idea and particularly the manipulation by omission is central to the disorder. Once you see that and 'get' it the game is up as you know that chasing a comfortable equilibrium is never going to work. The only course of action is to get out ... and to try to find a different partnership pattern in the future.
Keep up the good work 👍🏼 😊 great videos....there is so much to these narcs to uncover and explain / educate / forewarn others...it's quite alarming when you put it all together just how these people work. ALL...and I can honestly say ALL of your video information is a very accurate portrayal of these people types. It's very strange to listen to you speak the exacting problems I have endured with an an ex gf...although she had other personality diagnosis, the CAMHS team over looked Narcissistic personality for sure...but then again, she stopped going when they began to diagnose her and get to the problem. Probably realised she was about to be exposed which they hate. This all happened before I met her...I was kept in the dark for years just thinking she was shy type...OH NO...I know better now and your videos have explained it well...listening to this is like Deja Voo, only now I'm on the safe side of the fence observing it all...thinking crikey, she did all these exact things.