They intentionally create resentment then poke it, they create psychological blocks in your natural expression, frustrate you & block your flow of emotions, creating anger & fear of expressing that anger, so you repress it down in a way that it disruptive to conection with own feelings, energy in motion, which moves fixation of attention to thoughts & resolving the fake problems they create. They even shame & guilt you for leaving or disassociating, which is self defence, attacked if you stay attacked if you leave then justified attacks if you voice your anger back or put bounderies up, frustration agression principal then punishment for following that pattern, it's exhausting, talking to them as a parant is counter productive, it's the adult state that is being blocked.
Wendy Wonka same! for me they're narc family members around me. One thing that helps sometimes is being consistent with sleep and meals. Taking vitamin d and magnesium tea. Hope things get better for you.
Hey, thanks Caroline. I'll try that with the vitamins. TBH I don't know what's wrong with me, I only know that I sleep so much and feel so drained all the time after my relationship ended.
+Wendy The Vitamin D and magnesium works for me. I take D-3 I also take K-2 and potassium but I'm not a doctor, so look into it for yourself. For me, it is adrenal fatigue and I feel stronger/healthier when I eat correctly. Hope this helps :)
+Ell Agreed. I can't listen to Knowing The Narcissist for an extended amount of time, as he is hard core. Yet, I suspect we have each had glimpses of this within our own dealings with his type, so for insight, I will listen to him over any other "narc". Having said all of this, I rarely comment on his channel, as it is all feeding his ego.....
The Narc I was with constantly drained me. I dreaded when he woke up, because this would start the cycle of "time to go over the bills". Both of us are disabled, so we both didn't have a 9-5 job to go to, so he would wake up and "start". I'd have to sit and listen to him drone on, no matter what it was! If I showed disinterest, then the war would start. He would force me to make lists of things to get done, "because I would forget, ya know". We'd go over the list every day. Mind you, this was MY LIST. He had no list, he had no real responsibilities. I was the one physically paying the bills, he would just drone on about them. So after 2 hours of his monologue, I got so tired that I had to take a nap. "You're always napping, no wonder nothing gets done!" The naps were for me to get away from him, and have peace for an hour. lols I was also so stressed out to not cause him to explode on me...because the verbal tirade would last all day! Two years ago a big music festival came to our town which if I did enough, I would earn tickets, and it caught my passion. Well...that was bad because "it took my focus away from him". I earned enough to get two VIP tickets for the weekend, and I took my son. I worked hard and to the organizers, I was great. To him, "if they like you that much they would have hired you". Always trying to tear down anything that I was accomplishing out of jealousy. A very real thing in Narcissistic abuse is adrenal fatigue. Because I was always so stressed out about not making him mad, I was really draining my adrenal glands by always being on alert. Once he was gone, it took some time to calm down to where I could accomplish things. I am now 9 months post abuse, and my life is getting together, I am making plans for myself, getting things done, and wow..not "forgetting"! NO MORE LISTS! NO MORE STRESS! I AM FREE! :D
wow your telling how my life is . I try to get things I want to get done but by the time the drama stops I forget everything . feeling like my heads in a blender .
So I'm in my 40s, and it has taken me decades to even come close to understanding this stuff. It's crazy how well you understand all the nuances of this stuff at your age. Thanks so much
Professor Seventy-Five Me too! Found out about Narcissists by going down the “rabbit hole” on You Tube. Spent a lot of time in shock and denial because the damage is done I live with 3 of them 😩. It would have been easier to find out years ago, when I had more energy. I can’t go no contact yet. Hang in there!
@@nicoleaubry2981 You are not alone. I lived with 2. One left after I stopped reacting to the abuse I am in my 60s and only learned about narcissism 5 years ago . Thoughts and prayers for you on your healing journey.🙏
I thought about this for a while and thought of an attitude that works well for me: "You're not going to take away what's rightfully mine!" A Narcissist wants to take away your Peace of Mind, your groundedness, and your resolve. They picked you because you are skilled and capable and get things done, and they want to leave you a broken and empty shell. You don't reason with a crazy person. Be kind to yourself and get as healthy as you can while and after you leave. You must leave.
Absolutely draining. Even without uttering a word. In MY space. They chill while I get sucked dry, on every level. I cant do anything. Nothing physical. Yet, its exhausting.
msmay although there seems like nothing but no contact, when I quiet my mind and bring stillness into my body around them I sense a bit of psychic energy protection, if you will. Eckhart Tolle videos really are a great example and have helped me tons.
Very nicely described, thank you. “Even if you choose to spend a lot of time just sitting around, it’s still your time and it’s still valuable” Thank you!
My narc girlfriend would facetime me and not say anything but just stare at me waiting for a reaction from me. She wanted to analyze if I was in a good or bad mood so she could then proceed on the best approach to drain me.
HOW I OVERCAME IT: I had to generare more energy and become a diffrent person. Thry have an image of you in their head that doesn't change to serve them. You have to become a stronger and more driven person on en energetic level and it'll intimidate them. You have to engage in activities that will boost your mental and physical energy and they'll sense it. Workout and achieve things that have nothing to do with them everyday that gives off the energetic vibe that you are capable of achieving and feeling achievement. That energy scares them and that's the LEAD I believe he is trying to convey. It's like a muscle, you have to work at it everyday. Achieving things physically and mentally that they can't have or hold or even see. You generate your own energy through SELF LEADERSHIP by living your life and becoming a better you that doesn't involve them in your energy generating growth. They need other people's energy...You don't. The old you is dead and gone and this new person you must work into becoming will change the game. Whether you do this before or after you leave them it won't matter. They attached themselves to you because they saw what you were capable of without them. Now that you're gone, your doing better anyway and they're still miserable.
The energy factor is pivotal to their survival, it's so tricky to elude and dodge the vampiric drainage. I run away a lot. Everytime I'm assertive they become passive aggressive.
Hours of wasted time that you can not get back and accomplishes nothing....I understand this one well. I have changed my schedule, my eating habits (raw vegan and gluten free...interesting side affect, no more headaches!), my interests, the way I dress, etc. Do I do these things everyday? Do I stay on my diet always? Do I stress myself about any of my changes? No, but the narc does not know that. Changing anything seems to really screw with their playbook and not eating what they eat really freaks them out because they can't control your food and when you eat it. It doesn't matter what changes you make, just keep making them because they don't adjust quickly which gives you more time to yourself. Also, when they try to get your attention back due to some "crisis" they need you for, stop think about it and say "So, you have this "crisis" (state it in a motherly way). Let me stop what I need to be doing right now and talk about how you plan on solving your problem." "Let me hear the solutions you have thought of so far" hmmmm no solutions yet, I'll just finish what I was doing while you are thinking it over.", said so sweetly, and with the greatest concern for their problem. Yep, the narc just looks puzzled and walks away. This way you aren't telling them no, but not surrendering your time either. Hope this helps someone and thank you Scott. Peace to all...
Mine has resorted to other measures now and that's blocking my path to get by. Then if I move around (small area because she's a hoarder) she says I'm being aggressive and then her flying monkey gets an earful from her and now I have two to deal with. She sets out and enjoys making me late.
When you're the only one in the family who knows a certain soul draining family member is a narc.-the pressure can me overwhelming to "forgive" and get past their so called minor offences. It's amazing the abuse people will take from bullies.
No need to forgive them, if you told your best friend that you didn't wanna go somewhere because there's someone else there that you don't like, wouldn't you prefer having them say "well I know you don't like so and so, so let's plan something else that won't include that person."? Basically if you talk to your family and they don't side with you just leave when/if you have the opportunity.
Very true, an industry with lots and lots of free supply of everything really, NARC Supply, drugs, money, fear, sadness, control overy the helpless, pity.
@@glitterboxglitterbox1939 I don't know what it's called where you live; but social care is like anything to do with the care of "vulnerable people" in society.
When talking to them try crossing your legs and arms or clasping your hands together to close your energy field "circuit". This will keep you from feeling so tired after interacting with them. You can do this in a subtle way so they won't notice.
One of the very best "tools" I have are these really huge headphones. Think 1980's. Can't miss them and when they are on my head, narc knows I am mentally doing something that does not involve waiting on his special moment of speaking to me. I don't have to have anything playing, and most of the time, I don't. When NH wants to speak to me, he has to wait for me to take them off before I might be able to hear him. With the headphones on, sometimes I won't even "notice" he is talking to me, so he has to walk almost up to my desk before I acknowledge him. Usually I make him repeat his words, having just removed the headphones, which gives me a few more moments to get my own mind ready to deal with him. All of this gives me that extra moment to be ready to either be too busy to do whatever he wants to throw on my plate, or arrange myself to pretend to be interested in his latest "show and tell". Most importantly, I am learning to say no. My time is valuable and if he needs something bad enough, he can put on his big boy pants and do it himself. When he decides to have a rage melt down, I simply put my headphones back on and return to whatever I was doing. The key (the way I lead) is to stay 1-2 steps in front of him at all times, which is extremely draining. The headphones allow me some breathing space and I don't have to be as alert as I once was. I should mention that my back is to the wall, and I am facing the doorway, so I have intentionally positioned myself in such a manner that I can see when he is three rooms away and heading towards me. If it is of any help, I have also realized that I can change the topic and completely change the conversation and if he is intending to start something, he completely forgets this. I do it best when I ask something about him...some great task he has preformed. I don't know why, but he cannot stay focused on attacking me when I shift the focus. His mind can only hold one thought at a time. As he does not like to engage in too much conversation with me, when I ask pointed questions about him, he usually leaves pretty quickly.
Being with a narcissist is being in a film noire movie. They are the villain. I found it hard to believe that my life partner would actually be plotting schemes, but she was. Day after day they suck energy from you. I include sleep deprivation in this. When you are functioning with lower energy, you don't think well, you are more inclined to just go along and take the easy path. Your body feels like you have to drag and push it along. Always being on your guard and pre-emptive is exhausting, especially with people who supposedly love you and have your back.
Narcissist are stressful. They use drama, aggravation, and all kinds of shenanigans that wear out your adrenals glands. They can do this because a normal person is not aware of people acting out strangely for no "apparent" reason. Only the narcissist is aware of the "real story" in his/her mind. Its like trying to figure out what a person is saying in a language you can't understand.
You described it exactly. My adrenals were shot. I have a neice whose ex husband was a malignant narc. He tried to get custody of the kids, would be cursing at her on the phone. After a night of him screaming at her she went into adrenal failure. That same night her narc ex husband died from a heart attack. He was 45. Now she willhave peace away from him forever.
@@barbj9785 She is one of the lucky ones. Thank God that he didn't kill her with the terrible health side effects of his narcissism. A victim making it to the other side is always good news. As for his death. I'm pretty sure NOBODY that really knows him actually gives a real shit. That is nobody's fault but his own.
Yep. Zero. As soon as they know you trust anything they said they'd do, they'll pull the rug out from under you. If you start doing something they said they'd do weeks ago, suddenly they were going to do it too. Or they're in your way.
The best way I've found to beat a narcissist (assuming you think that they're not capable of violence) is to confront them. Flip the script. Be extremely forceful, don't back down, and beat them into submission with the truth. Bonus points if you do this in front of people they care about seeing how they look, but don't realize their true nature: employer, outside family, their friends/parents. It's actually funny how cowardly they act, if you calmly call them out in public, and profess the truth. It denigrates them, while empowering you.
There’s a narc in my life that when he uses my bathroom, always leaves a smell that makes me virtually just pass out. These episodes often keep me from accomplishing even small things. So, when they are not themselves sapping the life energy, they: (this one) are routinely leaving something that will. Then: to get unstuck in life with them and there flying monkeys, is another whole task, altogether. So - yes - you are right: a narc will keep you from making planned-use of your own time. They will waste it in all sorts of ways, even. Thank for pointing this out
It's because they leave you in a state of stress. It's like a mild form of PTSD. You dread being around them prior to even having to be around them. Before you figure out what's going on you find yourself in a kind of endless feedback loop in your head. You run through the pointless exercise of trying to make sense of it all, "What if I did this, or that, or that.... and playing it out in your head to try and see if that might work". But it's all for not and is part of what ends up sucking the life out of you.. Because no matter what you do it will be wrong to them. Their joy seems to be in making you feel like you're crazy... or gas lighting you. The only way to win is to limit or remove contact, because nothing will make them wake up, change, apologize or the like. They'll play nice to you for a couple weeks, then find a way to lay into you. You make the mistake of thinking things might be okay until you find a knife in your back again. It just never ends, and is one of the most abusive mind fucks anyone can imagine.... it's like some kind of attempt at brainwashing you. I would have preferred to be physically hit instead of what I had to get through. At some point I could have fought back as I got older and physically big enough to hit back..... but that's not how it worked out. So I limit contact or have tried, and am currently seeking a way to put a few hundred miles, then a few thousand miles between them and I. To any of you going through this shit hang in there. You're not crazy! What you think "should" be the right thing to do is in fact right. You just have to believe in that over what someone else tells you which no doubt takes time as you break the mind fuck programming you've had to tolerate.
The energy drain feels a vampire has drained my life force . Now I understand the reason for the chronic fatigue I can start to replenish my energy . Your videos are such a help . Thank you .
I got completely sick being around one for about three month! I even completely forgot to do my taxes! I don’t do things like that! Never again I pray and hope!
I always wondered where my husband got his nacissistic ways. His mother and father were so sweet throughout our marriage and they never gave me any problems. It was when we moved into my MIL's home to help care for her after my FIL died that I realized she was a full-on covert narc. I did hear through the grape-vine that you don't know her until you live with her. Thank goodness for this channel and others I was ahead of the game a little! I hold my ground, not letting her make me feel less than her or incapable. I rarely lose my composure because when I do, I know she will have the upper hand. It came to a breaking point when I decided to start eating dinner before she came to the table. I could feel her anger when she walked in the room yet I didn't look up. She walked towards me with her walker in an intimidating way, I still didn't look up and continued eating. She walked away and my husband went after her and "convinced" her to come to the table. I did look at her when she sat down and her eyes were pure black, and I could tell she was beside herself yet could not say anything or she would give herself up. It has gone that way ever since and it is letting up. I have to give myself a pep talk and remind myself I am an adult. I eat healthy and do some yoga. Luckily I love my job and I get validity there. She is not always "naughty" as I think of it. She is very nice when we have company or when she knows she won't get the best of me. She has learned to give me my space. She is 93 and I know this won't last forever (we are getting the house when she passes so I feel it will be worth it.) The world is full of narcissists so this has given me skills to deal with them. : )
You have to really get tired of them. I mean absolutely sick and tired of them and their tantrums/drama/shenanigans. When you get to that point, you won’t have any energy to give to them. You will be so depleted that you won’t have any energy to even give them. They won’t like it. They will unravel. But it’s not something you can just switch on. It will happen naturally after being so drained of their poor behavior that you have nothing left to give to them.
Thank you, Scott ... Concerning a narc ... run away ... never look back ... and you'll breath a new life for yourself ... physically and mentally you will feel newly refreshed ... and at peace.
Yesterday I asked him if he could go out and get milk (so we could have coffee) and he came in and dropped the bag in the middle of the kitchen. I was cleaning the fridge and in the middle of needing the sink because I was washing the shelves, he threw a tantrum and kicked the bag to the other end of the kitchen and said ,"great! you couldn't even put the milk away!"when ever I ask him to do something, he reacts with hostility. If I ask him to clean the liter box, he gets angry while doing it that he dumps the cat litter on the floor. Or with kicking the milk, it happened because I asked him to put his dirty glass in the dishwasher. In public he starts telling me what to do and I tell him to control himself because there are people waiting to eat and we have to wait, so he walks off and gives me the middle finger and tells me to "f" off in front of other people's children. He once drove around a city for 2 hours because he didn't want to pay for parking and when he finally gave in to parking somewhere, he kicked the machine where you have to pay and started screaming at it. I've been dealing with this for 10 years and I just can't do this anymore. He makes me miserable with his selfish behavior. Things have escalated to the point where I just can't do this anymore. I have confronted his aggression and hostility. He is terrorizing me (telling me that he hates my stuff and is going to throw it in the garbage, or that he will kill the dog, then he says I should kill myself or the last resort, that he should kill himself He is addicted to fighting and escalation because his mother is bi-polar and that's how they interact. They say horrible things and react horribly and then pretend after the explosion, that everything is normal and they go back to being normal. She's an instigator and creates scenes. I can't with the crazy stuff - words hurt and they kill. He wants that type of relationship with me and I just can't be that way. It's very sad to live like this and as you said, it's incredibly draining. I am getting stronger, using the techniques you mentioned and it really works. I wish I could have all of my energy and vitality back. The more I am autonomous, and less dependent on being regulated by him, the more jealous and hateful he becomes towards me. I can't say we have a relationship anymore - as he's full of contempt with me. And it's full on silent treatment, cold shoulder, no eye contact passive aggressive behaviors. The worst situation is that in the last time I spent time with his parents, his mom and him ganged up on me and he tried to blame and accuse me for things I did not do (that I misplaced a bottle of juice in the lady's refrigerator and she knocked it over and it broke because it was my fault that I moved it in refrigerator and that I left the freezer open at my own home all weekend) he decided that it was the perfect time to show his parents his full hatred and contempt toward me and began to loudly yell at me in anger. His dad just sat there in his chair as he tried to see his son lay the law down, and his mom was adding fuel to the fire by agreeing with him that there are roles and kept agreeing with him. It was embarrassing and mortifying and I felt that or the first time in my life, I was going to get in that car and never want to see those people ever again. That's how awful it was!!! I didn't give them what they wanted: yelling, an outburst or reactive anger, accepting blame, looking crazy, crying, or fear and submission. And the reason k didn't give them what they wanted was because he was yelling at me! I wasn't going to be yelled at that way by anyone. And I'm not going to let anyone talk to me that way, I walked off and got in my car and drove the 6 hours alone back to my house. The lady has the Gaul to send me a text message telling me she had a wonderful weekend and that it was nice to be together. (Honestly, it was the worst, most frightening confrontation I have ever had with other human beings in my entire life. It has completely solidified my feelings that they are dangerous and that I need to stay away from them because they are only looking for fights.) if this is grounds for divorce I don't really know what else is! It's sad to know that he is a disloyal, backstabbing, unfaithful and unreliable person. The lady just kept saying it was such a nice weekend being together and trying to get me to affirm that it was and I would not say it. I would not lie to myself. Can you imagine that if that was "so nice being together again and want to see you again soon" would mean the next time? It seems to mean that these behaviors are "normal" and "acceptable" and encouraged and that they are just priming and conditioning me to accept abusive behaviors and to be bullied and threatened by them. Wow, they are on a whole different playing field! I don't know if I can take more surprises like this, love doesn't behave this way. It would have been a wonderful weekend if I wasn't being blamed and accused for the things I didn't do. It was sneaky and vile being forced to accept their lies. And to be yelled at, as if it was their last resort to conform and to comply to their standards of how things are done there. As I guest in their house, I've never been made to feel worst and awful about myself! Who does that to guests?!!! Oh, I guess I'm forced to see their dirty laundry because I'm the daughter in law. And the husband has the right to openly criticize and devalue me in front of them. The exchanges are draining! I just can't even want to go there again. I get panic attacks just thinking I have to confront these things. I never let them get me upset and I never show it because I'm trying to be civilized, but it's now become an intolerable level for me to even manage civility with these people. They just keep pushing buttons to instigate. I think the mother was abused codependent and the father is the narcissist who regulates his family with anger. His son is trying to assert his position (pecking order) and demonstrate to them his authority over me, and I'm not letting them have it, so it's shaking the whole structure to the core. I wanted to love them, and I had accepted and tolerated them and I was willing to deal with them and respectfully tolerate them if they treated me well. But it looks like I may have to suddenly do the disappearing act because this is just getting too confrontational for me.😱 I think the entire family is narcissistic - each one has the disorder and on their form. And I see that my husband prefers those addictive relationships over a peaceful, calm and simple life. It's not fair what they are doing to me - basically they need me to change, accept what I am not meant to, tolerate the scapegoating, and they will forever be restless unless they can have their way with me to conform to their dynamic. .
+Amajor Seven Know that you are not alone in witnessing this type of madness. This is their shame, not yours. They do prefer the intense drama as it is the only way they can function. I don't know if your location will legally allow it, but if you can, start recording the outbursts, the melt down, the temper tantrums, all of it. I don't think you need any reason to divorce a person these days, but it would make a major difference if you can prove his mental and emotional abuse. Find yourself, find that inner strength and start planning your escape. Be well and stay safe.
Amajor Seven you deserve better. Please don't deal with their bs any longer and work on an exit strategy. It's not normal or healthy to created Doomsday all the time and then go on like nothing at all happened. They may do that for the rest of their lives but without you okay?
They are stuck in childhood reactions. My mom is the same way. She reacts like a child when things don't go her way. Look up what causes it, I've read it starts in childhood from dysfunctional homes. She definitely had that and she won't face her traumatic past so she drinks on top of her narcissism. I'm an ACOA because of being raised by her and have my own childlike reactions to work on. I don't wish this fate on anyone!
I love this particular video, because it really made me realise how I allowed narcissistic people take my energy... Just recently one of them, who I had a 'crush' on had relieved me from their presence. I won't describe details, but I can confirm that the person dropped me from their life as soon I stopped delivering adoration, ego massage (including other parts massage). Thank you UN for on-going videos - they really helped me realise what was happening! I can confirm that within minutes after the person said, they are not interested in me, I got a HUGE surge of energy: I felt ellated! All of a sudden I wanted to tidy up my flat, call my old friends, who I had neglected for ages, started looking at my personal art projects. I showed up at work next day with full enthusiasm, bright as a penny with a bushy tail. It is almost spooky, how the world also responded to me instantly with rewards: I received messages from people I didn't even contact, I got a promotion at work! All that energy I wasted by allowing the narcissistic person to occupy my thoughts is back... UN is right! Don't blame the narc - take control, start leading. They will run and GOOD RIDDANCE! Thank you UN!
I think I have done this method in the past with several of the narcissists in my life without realising it, it worked for me so I was fortunate enough. Even with that said, the damage was already done but it could have been so much worse. The best thing to do is to get the hell away from them, the sooner the better.
Excellent points! Narc will fight in ridiculous ways to stop you from doing things that are beneficial to you. The more I have been acknowledging their rages but kinda switch to a different subject afterwards like their screaming was a kinda their quirk but didn't mean much anymore, the more it just started fading away. Finally! Also you're beautiful and I love you so much. :D
I was married to a narc who absolutely thought his time and goals were the only thing that mattered in the WORLD! That is not much of an exaggeration!! Yes, talk about time, and LIFE wasters!! They top them all!! It is really good to have this form of validation that you express, video after video. Even though I have been away from him a few years, and he is deceased, as you spoke, I remembered all those hours that he felt he had a right to govern other people's time and energy. And, I let him! I thought at that time, I did not have the choice. But I know differently now. I actually have my own life that my Creator gave ME to use appropriately. Thanks again, Scott.
you are right. I don't argue anymore. I say my truth, I let him escalate, and the ensuing vacation, I mean silent treatment... I enjoy. I'm really comfortable with his absence. It's a long distance relationship anyway, so he oscillates between knowing he can't guide my day to day, although he tries. he told me to do something the other day regarding my work...and I straight told him, "No, I am not going to do that". he was furious. it was great. it's less exhausting to speak my truth. if he gets mad, he can go on a self imposed time out. I'm going on with my life.
Dear Scott, my Mother and sister both narcissists. My sister was the golden child an I was the scape goat. I am 65 years old and have felt with this pain my entire life, until recently. My Mother is in her last stage of dementia. Even during her early stages her and my sister both ganged up against me. When I was little the called me crazy over and over. I believed them. In my first marriage I married a man who would physically beat me and mentally abuse me. Due to my past, I believed I was such a bad person that, that was the best I deserved. I would love to write a book. My sister has lost our Mother due to her dementia. So now it is a one to one, no longer two to one against me. I have listened and read hundreds of articles and articles about narcissism, but have never found anything near as beneficial and precise as your UA-cam’s. I don’t know if you have studied narcissism if you have a degree in psychology or if this is merely from your first hand experiences, but you are awesome. You are a genius. There are no lectures, UA-cam’s, articles, books that cover this subject as realistic as you. I can relate to every single word you speak. I tend to believe you have got to be a victim. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom with the public. Again, you are unbelievably fantastic! You best any counselor session which I have gone to and believe me there have been many. I will be watching all of your UA-cam tapes. Thank you, thank you, and thank you!!
This is soooo true! He was stong and intimidating to others but I was able to be stronger emotionally than him. I did have to be totally focused and on guard but I was able to preempt all interactions. I did it in a way to make him feel ok about himself while following my lead. It seemed if I treated him like a child but with respect he would respond positively. But I am relieved he has gone...he finally got frustrated with my emotional strength and he ended up running. I let him run...he supposed I would chase him but I removed myself further.I did not call or look for him. Such a great video! So right on!
I've been away from the narc well over a year now, but I've noticed that I have, an abnormal emotional reaction in dealing with stress and tedious situations. I believe that , there must be some residue left over from the narc. Man it was hell, but Thank God it is over!!!
You might be suffering from C-PTSD. The C stands for Complex..meaning more than one trauma. I suffer with this. Any loud, sudden sounds freak me out more so than what it should. I scare easily. Emotional trauma is as damaging as physical.
Thank You so much, I do have ptsd, and I see many videos on here about C-PTSD. I will now take the time to study up on it. I also have trouble with sudden sounds, and loud sounds such as car alarms, ect. piss me off much more now, than before I met the Narc. thanx again and god bless!!!
You sometimes bring up points that no one else seems to touch upon. For six years I had to (daily) defend myself as I worked from home. I never understood why I wasn't allowed the time and space I needed to work, since it was my income that not only supported our family, but gave him the freedom to not work and pursue his interests during those same six years. I'm relieved to finally hear someone else touch on the subject. xo
I really wish you would add additional videos. You are really easy to understand and so on point. I have watched all your videos twice and bought the course. I would love to hear about the recovery process once its over. Im fresh out and trust No one and feel completely traumatized. like the battle is over, Im still hurt and mad but want to move forward
What will truly unlock you is finding a place to get away and somehow go to that place they are keeping your from, that feeling and emotion that pain you need to express either with music or some way of getting your emotion system back to life. Take your anger and focus it on healthy steps forward. Speak little about your plans, find anything little thing you can thank God for or celebrate. Your new shoes, your car, your lunch, a good weather day...pump this joy and gratitude non stop even on the smallest of blessings...think of it as a healthy program running on a computer. Run it all day everyday as a thought process in your mind and it will change your thought patterns. God bless...and take this seriously because it can destroy your life.
Very interesting, and original thinking and dissection of the narcissist and how the effects of their interactions play out! Thank you for this and I'm going to listen to it a couple of times just to absorb it.
We are talking Boundaries? My time is valuable even if I'm relaxing... Its my choice! Changing my schedule without notice & Narc adding to it with their unplanned insertions is not an option.
Meditation works to increase your confidence and energy levels. As I understand it, we are repetitive about the roads we think might lead to solutions when we use our conscious mind while, if we can cut off for a while our normal routes to finding solutions then other parts of our brain and experience are brought to bare on the subject that worries us. Meditation makes us shut off our normal ways of reacting or arguing things on our most conscious level by asking us to concentrate on something so boring that we are kept too busy trying returning our mind to the dot that we are trying to hold our attention to, to let us think about our normal worries. There are types of meditation which do other things than merely keeping you busy, such as imagining you are breathing in green air and out green air which is meant to be relaxing, so you are stopping your repetitive worries and thinking of a calming colour.
Appreciate your work man ! Stay up ! Doing Hurricane Irma work for a Narc contractor. My 1st day work i'm the best worker ever - 2nd day i'm the best but need guidance 3rd day i'm the incompetent 4th day doesn't know why he hired me... He started to have a negetive comment every time he passed me on the job. "put this there not there". "Dont go this way go that way" "did you do xyz " ... Thank god I SAW the sh*t from a mile away .... NO CONTACT !
AquanautSt1 : Ask him if he has children. Then tell him you are not afraid to die. That death does not scare you. Look him dead cold in the eyes. Let him know he is the one that is scared. He won't ever fuck with you.
Does ANYBODY actually ENJOY being around these people? I took a live in job with one. It seems like he’s intolerable to anyone in his orbit. He’s especially rude to women he’s not interested in. It’s appalling! Thank you for your videos.
You had it the first time! Being present (which I've learned from Eckhart Tolle) has given me that state of mind or lack of it I should say to remain solid. It is definitely something to practice at but it's a great shield because from my experience it has allowed me to be less reactionary.
You are so Spot-On with this subject I can't believe it. It's like you know the exact same person I'm dealing with! You articulate everything so well and so effective. I have watched many of your videos and they are all excellent. In this one, I especially liked how you described the ending or leaving the relationship as a somewhat "lengthy process" as opposed to simply cutting off and going No Contact! Going "No Contact" can enrage them as was my experience while being sucked back in! You are doing an incredible service to your listening audience. I intend to support your worthy cause and hope others will be moved to do the same. Thank You!!!
Thanks dude...it's like you're my secret little brother now...l will follow your advice of how to reverse the power...you are very intelligent and your heart 💓 is pure 🙏
Narcs are total energy vampires! Thank you Scott for this, very hard to explain. I just divorced the Narc in my life after 23 years of marriage. Now I understand why I was “down” all the time. You have to get away from them, it’s no way to live. This helps bring awareness to what is going on and to Scott’s point, it is a short term solution.
12:25 absolutely dead on. I really appreciate you going into depth on this subject. It put a lot of things in focus for me. Just what I needed to hear. thank you
Scott you did a good job I understood the concept and how I got a patch up the holes because he is draining my energy I’m talking about him all the time I’m angry and I thank you because when I do listen to you you encourage me and you give me that that motivation that I need to heal!!! have a good day
You are so right on as you are in every video I've watched. Thank you. These videos help me keep me sanity. Both if my parents are narcs. I need this to remind me.
Very good video. I wished I had found this one while I was in still in contact with my covert narcissistic mother. KEEP THIS VIDEO UP. I was looking for videos just like this before I went "no contact" because she was becoming too much as I pulled away from her. She intensified and I didn't know how to handle it. Thanks for your videos. I'm watching a few each day.
This is breaking some new ground...this is righteous, brother. Thank you for effectively communicating the dead serious nature of this entanglement. I reckon your information regarding the murky, basically uncharted territory of "combat strategy" is cutting edge.
This is worth gold. So much here. Loved the bit about their schedules, etc all this movement around them. Important work about being in authority role. Thank you and have a wonderful day!
I'm experiencing a narc coworker and all she does is try to make me look bad, talk bad about other co-workers and talk, talk, talk to me. Its as if she is trying to implant something inside my head as a form of control. It is draining! This video is speaking to me. Thank you for sharing and I love you videos!
Love your videos. They helped me so much. I feel now is time for me to help you. When I don’t feel good, I tend to put on weight. All I hope is that you are in control of your inner being. Good luck. I am your friend.
Thx for describing this, as you spoke, several situations came to mind -- wow - learned about how the fatigue can lead to hopeless & a fix is to value your time ... thx
I was with a Narcissist for nearly three years and i'm only just coming to the understanding of how Narcissistic he really was. At first I thought he was just a bit of a Rogue, always smiling with this charasmatic 'Aura' that made him Mr Popular with people in his circle, and complete strangers. We both had our own personalities to start with, that's where the attraction was. I'm a Free Spirit and it wasn't long before I started noticing the little signs. Trying to control me, trying to change me, putting me down, playing with my feelings and emotions. He classed himself an Alpha Male, a 'Caveman'. I'm in charge, I'm the Man you're the Woman, you do as I say. It was always about Control with him. I saw these signs early on in the Relationship, expressed my concerns, addressed the problems, but my feelings were merely 'Rubbish' to him. He didn't do 'emotion' as he was a Caveman. This set Alarm Bells off with me because he was actually a well evolved, intelligent man, so by knowing that he could use him being a Primitive Primate as an excuse, was just a cop out for him, because he knew exactly what he was doing. He made it clear that he would always be in control of the relationship and no way was he going to have a 50/50 relationship. I gave and he took. The more I gave, the more he took. Monetary and emotionally. I've been trying to walk away from this relationship for almost two years now, but he always ended up turning on the 'sweet talk' when he thought that there may be a chance of me walking away finally. This is that time. I haven't been spiritually happy for most of this relationship, it's been a struggle to stay focused. You look tired. Get some rest. And thank you for your insight. It's very much appreciated 😊
Scott you’re totally nailing it and nailing down a great plan. Richard Grannon talked about toxic passivityI and how the inertia and learned /taught helplessness is part of the way we( the partners of narcissists contribute torte situation and via our passivity we strengthen their control) I really appreciate your work and thought to life improvement-planning.
I loved this video! I watched before and is one of those videos I would repeat when felt I need reinforcement. I got it all completely. Almost felt like I could have a conversation with you on this. DRAINING they ARE! Even if not recognized as a narcissist... ( right away if such), I could see a few friends that fit in here... all about them,,, they pull you into that trap where you did not expect to go! Next thing you are involved in whatever is going on in their current plans... not even planned with you ... but by a distraction they got going on in their head that they need to finish before moving on to the actual plan you thought you were there for. Its like they orchestrate this, as they go along, to get attention by you in case they need your feedback. You hit it on the head to talk about this topic of Energy Management ... because it is hard to describe, how a narcissist can unbelievably reel you into their agenda,, even on small sh*t that don't matter or doesn't need addressing at the moment.
i have lived with the same narc and also recent addict of 12 yrs. now. He knows he is both but refuses to tell his own therepaist either. You are all right . He foud me at 26 yrs old i had suffered 42 rapes , my Dads suicide, kidnapping, more trauma the 20 woman could handle. He told me he would move me away from all the pain and be the hero the father i never had (creepy but i needed that) A friend to depend on and a husband. We have been together 19 yrs. He took me away from my family, and slowly, groomed me,took notes all these yrs on the sad things that has happenend to me. Not so he can help so he can play games with my head have me put in instituitions, thinking it was for stress when the sress was from him and him hitting me. I got a order of protection moved out a couple of times but always came back. These vidios help so much because i doubted myself in so many ways . He makes large decisions seem like they were mine before i even have a chance to decide the decision is made, and i didnt really want to do it but its to late. THese decisions are such as buying a house with him @ yrs ago. i never wanted too ever yet thousands of dollars later and so many tears later i must walk away from this beautiful dream . I was fulling myself thinking he was ever going to change in both aspects, and now i have to cut my losses and loose my house why?????? Ive been Threw so much why does that man get to have the house also . He threatened to kill me last time i left so i must be carefull he is threatenened by my family who all deal with him because of me but not one of them really like him because they saw what i didnt the cruelty.I was so used to being treated like a slave with my rapist into adult hood i obyied, untill one da, 7 yrs ago god woke me up gave me all the light to see, all my streghth back and i became over night a different person. I will stop argueing with him , he always wins, and i know my psyc. back of hand but he uses family what hurts me most mentally ,gaslights the shit out of me.so no engaging just on paper or texting till i leave. I dont want to die but hes to smug to kill me hed look bad he wont look bad to others. This whole town knows hes not write they seeit he thinks its me telling them . Hes starting to get sloppy. It will all crumble. I believe in pergatory and whatever and however he made otheres feel he will suffer there for however long it takes and feel every emotion we all felt that he put us threw deeply suffer. Since he cannot feel it on this earth he will feel it in the next. I am beyond hurt and pain i cry everday, but i try to hide it from him now orlett him think im defeated when im not. im strong. With my family so far he knows all i have is him and he did that on purpose thankyou for listening
i just read something look at anything else but him. Hes 64 yrs old i am 45. Hes going to kill me im making plans right as we speak i need support so bad first time i have ever spoke on line i go to vera house
Thank you Scott. I always take away a nugget of brilliant, insightful and helpful wisdom from each of your videos. Healing from narcissistic abuse feels like it's been a long journey for me, but definitely a journey worth taking. When I look back at where I was emotionally a few years ago to now, my gut tells me I've come a long way. "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." Lao Tzu ... Thank you Scott for always taking us one step closer.
Narcissists don't respect YOUR OBLIGATIONS but they demand that you respect THEIR FANTASIES. They steal TIME from you with empty promises.
You nailed it!
Yes. So much time sucked out of my free days for them.
Yes, you're correct.
💯💯💯💯
Wow facts
Once you truly realize that a narcissist does not care, getting rid of them is a walk in the park
They intentionally create resentment then poke it, they create psychological blocks in your natural expression, frustrate you & block your flow of emotions, creating anger & fear of expressing that anger, so you repress it down in a way that it disruptive to conection with own feelings, energy in motion, which moves fixation of attention to thoughts & resolving the fake problems they create. They even shame & guilt you for leaving or disassociating, which is self defence, attacked if you stay attacked if you leave then justified attacks if you voice your anger back or put bounderies up, frustration agression principal then punishment for following that pattern, it's exhausting, talking to them as a parant is counter productive, it's the adult state that is being blocked.
Lisa Lightrider without the name if possible as that's an old email I don't want to use, should update.
Jamesandrew62: Yours is an absolutely fantastic comment for its insight, clarity, and depth. Thank you!!!
Mending the Hummingbird unfortunately it comes from the wisdom of first hand personal experience. not not just theory & imagination.
Ya. They like to mock your every move . All you can do is remain perfectly still and not speak. It sucks when you have to itch your nose.
Joe Snelson haha
I think of the narcissist as a black hole. I'm two and a half years out of the relationship and still feel drained :/
Wendy Wonka same! for me they're narc family members around me. One thing that helps sometimes is being consistent with sleep and meals. Taking vitamin d and magnesium tea. Hope things get better for you.
Hey, thanks Caroline. I'll try that with the vitamins. TBH I don't know what's wrong with me, I only know that I sleep so much and feel so drained all the time after my relationship ended.
+Wendy
The Vitamin D and magnesium works for me.
I take D-3
I also take K-2 and potassium but I'm not a doctor, so look into it for yourself.
For me, it is adrenal fatigue and I feel stronger/healthier when I eat correctly.
Hope this helps :)
I will look into it. Thanks Supernova.
+Ell
Agreed.
I can't listen to Knowing The Narcissist for an extended amount of time, as he is hard core.
Yet, I suspect we have each had glimpses of this within our own dealings with his type, so for insight, I will listen to him over any other "narc".
Having said all of this, I rarely comment on his channel, as it is all feeding his ego.....
The Narc I was with constantly drained me. I dreaded when he woke up, because this would start the cycle of "time to go over the bills". Both of us are disabled, so we both didn't have a 9-5 job to go to, so he would wake up and "start". I'd have to sit and listen to him drone on, no matter what it was! If I showed disinterest, then the war would start. He would force me to make lists of things to get done, "because I would forget, ya know". We'd go over the list every day. Mind you, this was MY LIST. He had no list, he had no real responsibilities. I was the one physically paying the bills, he would just drone on about them. So after 2 hours of his monologue, I got so tired that I had to take a nap. "You're always napping, no wonder nothing gets done!" The naps were for me to get away from him, and have peace for an hour. lols I was also so stressed out to not cause him to explode on me...because the verbal tirade would last all day! Two years ago a big music festival came to our town which if I did enough, I would earn tickets, and it caught my passion. Well...that was bad because "it took my focus away from him". I earned enough to get two VIP tickets for the weekend, and I took my son. I worked hard and to the organizers, I was great. To him, "if they like you that much they would have hired you". Always trying to tear down anything that I was accomplishing out of jealousy. A very real thing in Narcissistic abuse is adrenal fatigue. Because I was always so stressed out about not making him mad, I was really draining my adrenal glands by always being on alert. Once he was gone, it took some time to calm down to where I could accomplish things. I am now 9 months post abuse, and my life is getting together, I am making plans for myself, getting things done, and wow..not "forgetting"! NO MORE LISTS! NO MORE STRESS! I AM FREE! :D
jofish420
I am so happy for you that you are away from your persecutor shall we say I really am genuinely happy for you
Thanks Megan! Oh yes I am! I've been attending other festivals since he's gone, and have been invited out to concerts too! :D
Thanks Susanne! People say that they see my face as genuinely happy now too. So much more relaxed now. :D
Good for you! Enjoy some music and enjoy your son. No more lists! Yay!
wow your telling how my life is . I try to get things I want to get done but by the time the drama stops I forget everything . feeling like my heads in a blender .
So I'm in my 40s, and it has taken me decades to even come close to understanding this stuff. It's crazy how well you understand all the nuances of this stuff at your age. Thanks so much
Professor Seventy-Five Me too! Found out about Narcissists by going down the “rabbit hole” on You Tube. Spent a lot of time in shock and denial because the damage is done I live with 3 of them 😩. It would have been easier to find out years ago, when I had more energy. I can’t go no contact yet. Hang in there!
@Lisa Rosenkoetter Me too,
Do you regret your life being wasted ?
@@nicoleaubry2981 Do you regret your life being wasted ?
@@nicoleaubry2981 You are not alone. I lived with 2. One left after I stopped reacting to the abuse I am in my 60s and only learned about narcissism 5 years ago . Thoughts and prayers for you on your healing journey.🙏
I thought about this for a while and thought of an attitude that works well for me: "You're not going to take away what's rightfully mine!" A Narcissist wants to take away your Peace of Mind, your groundedness, and your resolve. They picked you because you are skilled and capable and get things done, and they want to leave you a broken and empty shell. You don't reason with a crazy person. Be kind to yourself and get as healthy as you can while and after you leave. You must leave.
I love the way u pause while talking so I can digest this deeper thoughts, u nailed my ex husband of 22 yrs.
it's true they want to exploit you and also destroy you when they're done. twice the fun!
Absolutely draining. Even without uttering a word. In MY space. They chill while I get sucked dry, on every level. I cant do anything. Nothing physical. Yet, its exhausting.
msmay although there seems like nothing but no contact, when I quiet my mind and bring stillness into my body around them I sense a bit of psychic energy protection, if you will. Eckhart Tolle videos really are a great example and have helped me tons.
Caroline thanks for that. Ill check it out. ;)
Caroline I checked him out. Very interesting thank you.
So true
I know this feeling
Very nicely described, thank you.
“Even if you choose to spend a lot of time just sitting around, it’s still your time and it’s still valuable” Thank you!
My narc girlfriend would facetime me and not say anything but just stare at me waiting for a reaction from me. She wanted to analyze if I was in a good or bad mood so she could then proceed on the best approach to drain me.
HOW I OVERCAME IT: I had to generare more energy and become a diffrent person. Thry have an image of you in their head that doesn't change to serve them. You have to become a stronger and more driven person on en energetic level and it'll intimidate them. You have to engage in activities that will boost your mental and physical energy and they'll sense it. Workout and achieve things that have nothing to do with them everyday that gives off the energetic vibe that you are capable of achieving and feeling achievement. That energy scares them and that's the LEAD I believe he is trying to convey. It's like a muscle, you have to work at it everyday. Achieving things physically and mentally that they can't have or hold or even see. You generate your own energy through SELF LEADERSHIP by living your life and becoming a better you that doesn't involve them in your energy generating growth. They need other people's energy...You don't. The old you is dead and gone and this new person you must work into becoming will change the game. Whether you do this before or after you leave them it won't matter. They attached themselves to you because they saw what you were capable of without them. Now that you're gone, your doing better anyway and they're still miserable.
The energy factor is pivotal to their survival, it's so tricky to elude and dodge the vampiric drainage. I run away a lot. Everytime I'm assertive they become passive aggressive.
Hours of wasted time that you can not get back and accomplishes nothing....I understand this one well. I have changed my schedule, my eating habits (raw vegan and gluten free...interesting side affect, no more headaches!), my interests, the way I dress, etc. Do I do these things everyday? Do I stay on my diet always? Do I stress myself about any of my changes? No, but the narc does not know that. Changing anything seems to really screw with their playbook and not eating what they eat really freaks them out because they can't control your food and when you eat it. It doesn't matter what changes you make, just keep making them because they don't adjust quickly which gives you more time to yourself. Also, when they try to get your attention back due to some "crisis" they need you for, stop think about it and say "So, you have this "crisis" (state it in a motherly way). Let me stop what I need to be doing right now and talk about how you plan on solving your problem." "Let me hear the solutions you have thought of so far" hmmmm no solutions yet, I'll just finish what I was doing while you are thinking it over.", said so sweetly, and with the greatest concern for their problem. Yep, the narc just looks puzzled and walks away. This way you aren't telling them no, but not surrendering your time either. Hope this helps someone and thank you Scott. Peace to all...
Brilliant!!!!
Shelley hope how has your raw vegan journey been I’m transitioning into it
Just being vegan us so strengthening, isn't it? The animals love me💞
Mine has resorted to other measures now and that's blocking my path to get by. Then if I move around (small area because she's a hoarder) she says I'm being aggressive and then her flying monkey gets an earful from her and now I have two to deal with. She sets out and enjoys making me late.
Shelley hope Those are all great. I can picture the situation vividly.
When you're the only one in the family who knows a certain soul draining family member is a narc.-the pressure can me overwhelming to "forgive" and get past their so called minor offences. It's amazing the abuse people will take from bullies.
BTW, one of the most important videos you've done. Thank you
No need to forgive them, if you told your best friend that you didn't wanna go somewhere because there's someone else there that you don't like, wouldn't you prefer having them say "well I know you don't like so and so, so let's plan something else that won't include that person."? Basically if you talk to your family and they don't side with you just leave when/if you have the opportunity.
I would say that narcs are very good time wasters. Unfortunately you will find them in professions like social care and health care.
Very true, an industry with lots and lots of free supply of everything really, NARC Supply, drugs, money, fear, sadness, control overy the helpless, pity.
Also "fast" food lol
Shabnam Rafique what’s social care mean?
They're really big in the drug and alcohol rehab field. It's the only respected job ex felons can get!
@@glitterboxglitterbox1939 I don't know what it's called where you live; but social care is like anything to do with the care of "vulnerable people" in society.
When talking to them try crossing your legs and arms or clasping your hands together to close your energy field "circuit". This will keep you from feeling so tired after interacting with them. You can do this in a subtle way so they won't notice.
This is absolutely important, even without narcissists. Just...most energy vampires tend to have narcissistic traits, in the least.
One of the very best "tools" I have are these really huge headphones.
Think 1980's.
Can't miss them and when they are on my head, narc knows I am mentally doing something that does not involve waiting on his special moment of speaking to me.
I don't have to have anything playing, and most of the time, I don't.
When NH wants to speak to me, he has to wait for me to take them off before I might be able to hear him.
With the headphones on, sometimes I won't even "notice" he is talking to me, so he has to walk almost up to my desk before I acknowledge him.
Usually I make him repeat his words, having just removed the headphones, which gives me a few more moments to get my own mind ready to deal with him.
All of this gives me that extra moment to be ready to either be too busy to do whatever he wants to throw on my plate, or arrange myself to pretend to be interested in his latest "show and tell".
Most importantly, I am learning to say no.
My time is valuable and if he needs something bad enough, he can put on his big boy pants and do it himself.
When he decides to have a rage melt down, I simply put my headphones back on and return to whatever I was doing.
The key (the way I lead) is to stay 1-2 steps in front of him at all times, which is extremely draining.
The headphones allow me some breathing space and I don't have to be as alert as I once was.
I should mention that my back is to the wall, and I am facing the doorway, so I have intentionally positioned myself in such a manner that I can see when he is three rooms away and heading towards me.
If it is of any help, I have also realized that I can change the topic and completely change the conversation and if he is intending to start something, he completely forgets this.
I do it best when I ask something about him...some great task he has preformed.
I don't know why, but he cannot stay focused on attacking me when I shift the focus.
His mind can only hold one thought at a time.
As he does not like to engage in too much conversation with me, when I ask pointed questions about him, he usually leaves pretty quickly.
Being with a narcissist is being in a film noire movie. They are the villain. I found it hard to believe that my life partner would actually be plotting schemes, but she was. Day after day they suck energy from you. I include sleep deprivation in this. When you are functioning with lower energy, you don't think well, you are more inclined to just go along and take the easy path. Your body feels like you have to drag and push it along. Always being on your guard and pre-emptive is exhausting, especially with people who supposedly love you and have your back.
Narcissist are stressful. They use drama, aggravation, and all kinds of shenanigans that wear out your adrenals glands. They can do this because a normal person is not aware of people acting out strangely for no "apparent" reason. Only the narcissist is aware of the "real story" in his/her mind. Its like trying to figure out what a person is saying in a language you can't understand.
You described it exactly. My adrenals were shot. I have a neice whose ex husband was a malignant narc. He tried to get custody of the kids, would be cursing at her on the phone. After a night of him screaming at her she went into adrenal failure. That same night her narc ex husband died from a heart attack. He was 45. Now she willhave peace away from him forever.
@@barbj9785 She is one of the lucky ones. Thank God that he didn't kill her with the terrible health side effects of his narcissism. A victim making it to the other side is always good news. As for his death. I'm pretty sure NOBODY that really knows him actually gives a real shit. That is nobody's fault but his own.
"Energy management," as far as any narcissist is concerned, is to have NO expectations.
Yep. Zero. As soon as they know you trust anything they said they'd do, they'll pull the rug out from under you. If you start doing something they said they'd do weeks ago, suddenly they were going to do it too. Or they're in your way.
Just stand up for yourself w your actions, w out being aggressive. It's healthy, and dysfunction cant handle it.
The best way I've found to beat a narcissist (assuming you think that they're not capable of violence) is to confront them. Flip the script. Be extremely forceful, don't back down, and beat them into submission with the truth. Bonus points if you do this in front of people they care about seeing how they look, but don't realize their true nature: employer, outside family, their friends/parents. It's actually funny how cowardly they act, if you calmly call them out in public, and profess the truth. It denigrates them, while empowering you.
Yes it does! Nip it in the bud immediately
There’s a narc in my life that when he uses my bathroom, always leaves a smell that makes me virtually just pass out. These episodes often keep me from accomplishing even small things. So, when they are not themselves sapping the life energy, they: (this one) are routinely leaving something that will. Then: to get unstuck in life with them and there flying monkeys, is another whole task, altogether. So - yes - you are right: a narc will keep you from making planned-use of your own time. They will waste it in all sorts of ways, even. Thank for pointing this out
It's because they leave you in a state of stress. It's like a mild form of PTSD. You dread being around them prior to even having to be around them. Before you figure out what's going on you find yourself in a kind of endless feedback loop in your head. You run through the pointless exercise of trying to make sense of it all, "What if I did this, or that, or that.... and playing it out in your head to try and see if that might work". But it's all for not and is part of what ends up sucking the life out of you.. Because no matter what you do it will be wrong to them. Their joy seems to be in making you feel like you're crazy... or gas lighting you. The only way to win is to limit or remove contact, because nothing will make them wake up, change, apologize or the like. They'll play nice to you for a couple weeks, then find a way to lay into you. You make the mistake of thinking things might be okay until you find a knife in your back again. It just never ends, and is one of the most abusive mind fucks anyone can imagine.... it's like some kind of attempt at brainwashing you. I would have preferred to be physically hit instead of what I had to get through. At some point I could have fought back as I got older and physically big enough to hit back..... but that's not how it worked out. So I limit contact or have tried, and am currently seeking a way to put a few hundred miles, then a few thousand miles between them and I. To any of you going through this shit hang in there. You're not crazy! What you think "should" be the right thing to do is in fact right. You just have to believe in that over what someone else tells you which no doubt takes time as you break the mind fuck programming you've had to tolerate.
The energy drain feels a vampire has drained my life force . Now I understand the reason for the chronic fatigue I can start to replenish my energy . Your videos are such a help . Thank you .
I got completely sick being around one for about three month!
I even completely forgot to do my taxes! I don’t do things like that!
Never again I pray and hope!
I always wondered where my husband got his nacissistic ways. His mother and father were so sweet throughout our marriage and they never gave me any problems. It was when we moved into my MIL's home to help care for her after my FIL died that I realized she was a full-on covert narc. I did hear through the grape-vine that you don't know her until you live with her. Thank goodness for this channel and others I was ahead of the game a little!
I hold my ground, not letting her make me feel less than her or incapable. I rarely lose my composure because when I do, I know she will have the upper hand. It came to a breaking point when I decided to start eating dinner before she came to the table. I could feel her anger when she walked in the room yet I didn't look up. She walked towards me with her walker in an intimidating way, I still didn't look up and continued eating. She walked away and my husband went after her and "convinced" her to come to the table. I did look at her when she sat down and her eyes were pure black, and I could tell she was beside herself yet could not say anything or she would give herself up. It has gone that way ever since and it is letting up. I have to give myself a pep talk and remind myself I am an adult. I eat healthy and do some yoga. Luckily I love my job and I get validity there.
She is not always "naughty" as I think of it. She is very nice when we have company or when she knows she won't get the best of me. She has learned to give me my space. She is 93 and I know this won't last forever (we are getting the house when she passes so I feel it will be worth it.) The world is full of narcissists so this has given me skills to deal with them. : )
Krystal Lioness I'd get that in writing, if I were you.
Yes those black eyes...so disturbing! I see them often.
Don't be a 🐕 puppy. Control them with boundaries. Got it!
Her energy is in those walls of the house! I wouldn’t even live there
What he is saying is so true. Don’t listen to every word!!! Politely act as if you are busy… REMEMBER that They want you UPSET.
You have to really get tired of them. I mean absolutely sick and tired of them and their tantrums/drama/shenanigans. When you get to that point, you won’t have any energy to give to them. You will be so depleted that you won’t have any energy to even give them. They won’t like it. They will unravel. But it’s not something you can just switch on. It will happen naturally after being so drained of their poor behavior that you have nothing left to give to them.
Thank you, Scott ... Concerning a narc ... run away ... never look back ... and you'll breath a new life for yourself ... physically and mentally you will feel newly refreshed ... and at peace.
Scott, you are hands down the best at describing narcs.
Boundaries, Boundaries and MORE Boundaries.. Lead By Your Boundaries and they will move on Really Quickly.
Yesterday I asked him if he could go out and get milk (so we could have coffee) and he came in and dropped the bag in the middle of the kitchen. I was cleaning the fridge and in the middle of needing the sink because I was washing the shelves, he threw a tantrum and kicked the bag to the other end of the kitchen and said ,"great! you couldn't even put the milk away!"when ever I ask him to do something, he reacts with hostility. If I ask him to clean the liter box, he gets angry while doing it that he dumps the cat litter on the floor. Or with kicking the milk, it happened because I asked him to put his dirty glass in the dishwasher. In public he starts telling me what to do and I tell him to control himself because there are people waiting to eat and we have to wait, so he walks off and gives me the middle finger and tells me to "f" off in front of other people's children. He once drove around a city for 2 hours because he didn't want to pay for parking and when he finally gave in to parking somewhere, he kicked the machine where you have to pay and started screaming at it. I've been dealing with this for 10 years and I just can't do this anymore. He makes me miserable with his selfish behavior. Things have escalated to the point where I just can't do this anymore. I have confronted his aggression and hostility. He is terrorizing me (telling me that he hates my stuff and is going to throw it in the garbage, or that he will kill the dog, then he says I should kill myself or the last resort, that he should kill himself He is addicted to fighting and escalation because his mother is bi-polar and that's how they interact. They say horrible things and react horribly and then pretend after the explosion, that everything is normal and they go back to being normal. She's an instigator and creates scenes. I can't with the crazy stuff - words hurt and they kill. He wants that type of relationship with me and I just can't be that way. It's very sad to live like this and as you said, it's incredibly draining. I am getting stronger, using the techniques you mentioned and it really works. I wish I could have all of my energy and vitality back. The more I am autonomous, and less dependent on being regulated by him, the more jealous and hateful he becomes towards me. I can't say we have a relationship anymore - as he's full of contempt with me. And it's full on silent treatment, cold shoulder, no eye contact passive aggressive behaviors. The worst situation is that in the last time I spent time with his parents, his mom and him ganged up on me and he tried to blame and accuse me for things I did not do (that I misplaced a bottle of juice in the lady's refrigerator and she knocked it over and it broke because it was my fault that I moved it in refrigerator and that I left the freezer open at my own home all weekend) he decided that it was the perfect time to show his parents his full hatred and contempt toward me and began to loudly yell at me in anger. His dad just sat there in his chair as he tried to see his son lay the law down, and his mom was adding fuel to the fire by agreeing with him that there are roles and kept agreeing with him. It was embarrassing and mortifying and I felt that or the first time in my life, I was going to get in that car and never want to see those people ever again. That's how awful it was!!! I didn't give them what they wanted: yelling, an outburst or reactive anger, accepting blame, looking crazy, crying, or fear and submission. And the reason k didn't give them what they wanted was because he was yelling at me! I wasn't going to be yelled at that way by anyone. And I'm not going to let anyone talk to me that way, I walked off and got in my car and drove the 6 hours alone back to my house. The lady has the Gaul to send me a text message telling me she had a wonderful weekend and that it was nice to be together. (Honestly, it was the worst, most frightening confrontation I have ever had with other human beings in my entire life. It has completely solidified my feelings that they are dangerous and that I need to stay away from them because they are only looking for fights.) if this is grounds for divorce I don't really know what else is! It's sad to know that he is a disloyal, backstabbing, unfaithful and unreliable person. The lady just kept saying it was such a nice weekend being together and trying to get me to affirm that it was and I would not say it. I would not lie to myself. Can you imagine that if that was "so nice being together again and want to see you again soon" would mean the next time? It seems to mean that these behaviors are "normal" and "acceptable" and encouraged and that they are just priming and conditioning me to accept abusive behaviors and to be bullied and threatened by them. Wow, they are on a whole different playing field! I don't know if I can take more surprises like this, love doesn't behave this way. It would have been a wonderful weekend if I wasn't being blamed and accused for the things I didn't do. It was sneaky and vile being forced to accept their lies. And to be yelled at, as if it was their last resort to conform and to comply to their standards of how things are done there. As I guest in their house, I've never been made to feel worst and awful about myself! Who does that to guests?!!! Oh, I guess I'm forced to see their dirty laundry because I'm the daughter in law. And the husband has the right to openly criticize and devalue me in front of them. The exchanges are draining! I just can't even want to go there again. I get panic attacks just thinking I have to confront these things. I never let them get me upset and I never show it because I'm trying to be civilized, but it's now become an intolerable level for me to even manage civility with these people. They just keep pushing buttons to instigate. I think the mother was abused codependent and the father is the narcissist who regulates his family with anger. His son is trying to assert his position (pecking order) and demonstrate to them his authority over me, and I'm not letting them have it, so it's shaking the whole structure to the core. I wanted to love them, and I had accepted and tolerated them and I was willing to deal with them and respectfully tolerate them if they treated me well. But it looks like I may have to suddenly do the disappearing act because this is just getting too confrontational for me.😱 I think the entire family is narcissistic - each one has the disorder and on their form. And I see that my husband prefers those addictive relationships over a peaceful, calm and simple life. It's not fair what they are doing to me - basically they need me to change, accept what I am not meant to, tolerate the scapegoating, and they will forever be restless unless they can have their way with me to conform to their dynamic. .
+Amajor Seven
Know that you are not alone in witnessing this type of madness.
This is their shame, not yours.
They do prefer the intense drama as it is the only way they can function.
I don't know if your location will legally allow it, but if you can, start recording the outbursts, the melt down, the temper tantrums, all of it.
I don't think you need any reason to divorce a person these days, but it would make a major difference if you can prove his mental and emotional abuse.
Find yourself, find that inner strength and start planning your escape.
Be well and stay safe.
The Empathic Supernova thank you so much! 💝
Amajor Seven you deserve better. Please don't deal with their bs any longer and work on an exit strategy. It's not normal or healthy to created Doomsday all the time and then go on like nothing at all happened. They may do that for the rest of their lives but without you okay?
They are stuck in childhood reactions. My mom is the same way. She reacts like a child when things don't go her way.
Look up what causes it, I've read it starts in childhood from dysfunctional homes. She definitely had that and she won't face her traumatic past so she drinks on top of her narcissism.
I'm an ACOA because of being raised by her and have my own childlike reactions to work on. I don't wish this fate on anyone!
I hope you have gotten away from him and are healing. Narcissists don't get better or change - they get worse over time.
I love this particular video, because it really made me realise how I allowed narcissistic people take my energy... Just recently one of them, who I had a 'crush' on had relieved me from their presence. I won't describe details, but I can confirm that the person dropped me from their life as soon I stopped delivering adoration, ego massage (including other parts massage). Thank you UN for on-going videos - they really helped me realise what was happening!
I can confirm that within minutes after the person said, they are not interested in me, I got a HUGE surge of energy: I felt ellated! All of a sudden I wanted to tidy up my flat, call my old friends, who I had neglected for ages, started looking at my personal art projects. I showed up at work next day with full enthusiasm, bright as a penny with a bushy tail.
It is almost spooky, how the world also responded to me instantly with rewards: I received messages from people I didn't even contact, I got a promotion at work!
All that energy I wasted by allowing the narcissistic person to occupy my thoughts is back... UN is right! Don't blame the narc - take control, start leading. They will run and GOOD RIDDANCE!
Thank you UN!
I think I have done this method in the past with several of the narcissists in my life without realising it, it worked for me so I was fortunate enough.
Even with that said, the damage was already done but it could have been so much worse.
The best thing to do is to get the hell away from them, the sooner the better.
Excellent points! Narc will fight in ridiculous ways to stop you from doing things that are beneficial to you. The more I have been acknowledging their rages but kinda switch to a different subject afterwards like their screaming was a kinda their quirk but didn't mean much anymore, the more it just started fading away. Finally! Also you're beautiful and I love you so much. :D
I was married to a narc who absolutely thought his time and goals were the only thing that mattered in the WORLD! That is not much of an exaggeration!! Yes, talk about time, and LIFE wasters!! They top them all!! It is really good to have this form of validation that you express, video after video. Even though I have been away from him a few years, and he is deceased, as you spoke, I remembered all those hours that he felt he had a right to govern other people's time and energy. And, I let him! I thought at that time, I did not have the choice. But I know differently now. I actually have my own life that my Creator gave ME to use appropriately. Thanks again, Scott.
hope46sf
He's deceased? At this very moment I envy you.
Susanne C .Yes. Abuse is abuse. I left 4 years before he died.
you are right. I don't argue anymore. I say my truth, I let him escalate, and the ensuing vacation, I mean silent treatment... I enjoy. I'm really comfortable with his absence. It's a long distance relationship anyway, so he oscillates between knowing he can't guide my day to day, although he tries. he told me to do something the other day regarding my work...and I straight told him, "No, I am not going to do that". he was furious. it was great. it's less exhausting to speak my truth. if he gets mad, he can go on a self imposed time out. I'm going on with my life.
They will create such an urge to grieve and be angry, and then take even that from you, leaving you in the negatives.
Dear Scott, my Mother and sister both narcissists. My sister was the golden child an I was the scape goat. I am 65 years old and have felt with this pain my entire life, until recently. My Mother is in her last stage of dementia. Even during her early stages her and my sister both ganged up against me. When I was little the called me crazy over and over. I believed them. In my first marriage I married a man who would physically beat me and mentally abuse me. Due to my past, I believed I was such a bad person that, that was the best I deserved. I would love to write a book. My sister has lost our Mother due to her dementia. So now it is a one to one, no longer two to one against me. I have listened and read hundreds of articles and articles about narcissism, but have never found anything near as beneficial and precise as your UA-cam’s. I don’t know if you have studied narcissism if you have a degree in psychology or if this is merely from your first hand experiences, but you are awesome. You are a genius. There are no lectures, UA-cam’s, articles, books that cover this subject as realistic as you. I can relate to every single word you speak. I tend to believe you have got to be a victim. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom with the public. Again, you are unbelievably fantastic! You best any counselor session which I have gone to and believe me there have been many. I will be watching all of your UA-cam tapes. Thank you, thank you, and thank you!!
Ha! "They want to stretch you out".... yes, we are like Gumby dolls to Narcs. They bend us, twisting, knotting.
This is soooo true! He was stong and intimidating to others but I was able to be stronger emotionally than him. I did have to be totally focused and on guard but I was able to preempt all interactions. I did it in a way to make him feel ok about himself while following my lead. It seemed if I treated him like a child but with respect he would respond positively. But I am relieved he has gone...he finally got frustrated with my emotional strength and he ended up running. I let him run...he supposed I would chase him but I removed myself further.I did not call or look for him. Such a great video! So right on!
Never tell the Narc what you are up to in regards to them. If you do, you are giving away your power.
"Loopholes in their psychology" thank you so much for bringing this to light - this is exactly what I've been trying to figure out.
One thing that makes them go away for me-not reacting. Complete neutrality.
I've been away from the narc well over a year now, but I've noticed that I have, an abnormal emotional reaction in dealing with stress and tedious situations. I believe that , there must be some residue left over from the narc. Man it was hell, but Thank God it is over!!!
You might be suffering from C-PTSD. The C stands for Complex..meaning more than one trauma. I suffer with this. Any loud, sudden sounds freak me out more so than what it should. I scare easily. Emotional trauma is as damaging as physical.
Thank You so much, I do have ptsd, and I see many videos on here about C-PTSD. I will now take the time to study up on it. I also have trouble with sudden sounds, and loud sounds such as car alarms, ect. piss me off much more now, than before I met the Narc. thanx again and god bless!!!
@@jofish420 I thought scaring easily at sudden loud noises is normal, isn't it?
You sometimes bring up points that no one else seems to touch upon. For six years I had to (daily) defend myself as I worked from home. I never understood why I wasn't allowed the time and space I needed to work, since it was my income that not only supported our family, but gave him the freedom to not work and pursue his interests during those same six years. I'm relieved to finally hear someone else touch on the subject. xo
I really wish you would add additional videos. You are really easy to understand and so on point. I have watched all your videos twice and bought the course. I would love to hear about the recovery process once its over. Im fresh out and trust No one and feel completely traumatized. like the battle is over, Im still hurt and mad but want to move forward
I could listen to you a week straight, with no breaks in between. You are truly the very best, my favorite!!!
Most effective is what you said: time limit AND leading exchanges with the narc. Works well and YES is empowering to me
What will truly unlock you is finding a place to get away and somehow go to that place they are keeping your from, that feeling and emotion that pain you need to express either with music or some way of getting your emotion system back to life. Take your anger and focus it on healthy steps forward. Speak little about your plans, find anything little thing you can thank God for or celebrate. Your new shoes, your car, your lunch, a good weather day...pump this joy and gratitude non stop even on the smallest of blessings...think of it as a healthy program running on a computer. Run it all day everyday as a thought process in your mind and it will change your thought patterns. God bless...and take this seriously because it can destroy your life.
God Bless you, Phil, you may have just saved my sanity. 🙏 Bonus pts for the computer reference.. ☺️🙃. Thank you.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@@sarah_b_555 bless you too ☺
Energy debt and emotional cloud are both very good terms.
Very interesting, and original thinking and dissection of the narcissist and how the effects of their interactions play out! Thank you for this and I'm going to listen to it a couple of times just to absorb it.
We are talking Boundaries? My time is valuable even if I'm relaxing... Its my choice!
Changing my schedule without notice & Narc adding to it with their unplanned insertions is not an option.
Meditation works to increase your confidence and energy levels.
As I understand it, we are repetitive about the roads we think might lead to solutions when we use our conscious mind while, if we can cut off for a while our normal routes to finding solutions then other parts of our brain and experience are brought to bare on the subject that worries us.
Meditation makes us shut off our normal ways of reacting or arguing things on our most conscious level by asking us to concentrate on something so boring that we are kept too busy trying returning our mind to the dot that we are trying to hold our attention to, to let us think about our normal worries.
There are types of meditation which do other things than merely keeping you busy, such as imagining you are breathing in green air and out green air which is meant to be relaxing, so you are stopping your repetitive worries and thinking of a calming colour.
Appreciate your work man ! Stay up !
Doing Hurricane Irma work for a Narc contractor. My 1st day work i'm the best worker ever - 2nd day i'm the best but need guidance 3rd day i'm the incompetent 4th day doesn't know why he hired me... He started to have a negetive comment every time he passed me on the job. "put this there not there". "Dont go this way go that way" "did you do xyz " ... Thank god I SAW the sh*t from a mile away .... NO CONTACT !
AquanautSt1 : Ask him if he has children. Then tell him you are not afraid to die. That death does not scare you. Look him dead cold in the eyes. Let him know he is the one that is scared. He won't ever fuck with you.
Does ANYBODY actually ENJOY being around these people? I took a live in job with one. It seems like he’s intolerable to anyone in his orbit. He’s especially rude to women he’s not interested in. It’s appalling! Thank you for your videos.
I think ppl who are in a relationship with a narc will totally get it. Thank you!
You had it the first time! Being present (which I've learned from Eckhart Tolle) has given me that state of mind or lack of it I should say to remain solid. It is definitely something to practice at but it's a great shield because from my experience it has allowed me to be less reactionary.
You are so Spot-On with this subject I can't believe it. It's like you know the exact same person I'm dealing with! You articulate everything so well and so effective. I have watched many of your videos and they are all excellent. In this one, I especially liked how you described the ending or leaving the relationship as a somewhat "lengthy process" as opposed to simply cutting off and going No Contact! Going "No Contact" can enrage them as was my experience while being sucked back in! You are doing an incredible service to your listening audience. I intend to support your worthy cause and hope others will be moved to do the same. Thank You!!!
Taking the lead definitely works I love seeing all the different faces after each test lol
Managing energy rather than time--I think that's exactly right! Thank you!
Thanks dude...it's like you're my secret little brother now...l will follow your advice of how to reverse the power...you are very intelligent and your heart 💓 is pure 🙏
Be the parent is the most important part of this -- the point.
So so accurate and insightful. Thank you for naming these obscure things that are so hard to separate and define. So glad I found your channel!
Great info as always. Thankyou you've answered a question ive pondered on for a few years.
Thank you, just the message and validation I needed.
Thank you very much. This is so timely and right on the heel of a realization of the title of your video.
Thank you Scott!!!☺️🙏🌸
Thank you very helpful. You answered a lot of my questions in your video 👍
Narcs are total energy vampires! Thank you Scott for this, very hard to explain. I just divorced the Narc in my life after 23 years of marriage. Now I understand why I was “down” all the time. You have to get away from them, it’s no way to live. This helps bring awareness to what is going on and to Scott’s point, it is a short term solution.
12:25 absolutely dead on. I really appreciate you going into depth on this subject. It put a lot of things in focus for me. Just what I needed to hear. thank you
Thank you for all you do and trust me you do so much for so many
Yes this is exactly what has worked for me. You communicated it very well. Thank you.
Precious, accurate, insightful...THANK YOU!
Scott....unbelievable this video is....ty
You defiantly are talking to me, your so on point!
I’ve been in 3 arguments today and 3 apologies I’m so tired stressing . I’m tired of fighting physically I can’t wait to get out.
Scott you did a good job I understood the concept and how I got a patch up the holes because he is draining my energy I’m talking about him all the time I’m angry and I thank you because when I do listen to you you encourage me and you give me that that motivation that I need to heal!!!
have a good day
You are so right on as you are in every video I've watched. Thank you. These videos help me keep me sanity. Both if my parents are narcs. I need this to remind me.
PS thank u so much for your inspirational & supportive videos. They really make me (& everyone here I'd guess) feel like I'm not the only one.
Very good video. I wished I had found this one while I was in still in contact with my covert narcissistic mother. KEEP THIS VIDEO UP. I was looking for videos just like this before I went "no contact" because she was becoming too much as I pulled away from her. She intensified and I didn't know how to handle it. Thanks for your videos. I'm watching a few each day.
This is breaking some new ground...this is righteous, brother. Thank you for effectively communicating the dead serious nature of this entanglement. I reckon your information regarding the murky, basically uncharted territory of "combat strategy" is cutting edge.
Great advice this guy is spot on!!
This is worth gold. So much here. Loved the bit about their schedules, etc all this movement around them. Important work about being in authority role. Thank you and have a wonderful day!
I'm experiencing a narc coworker and all she does is try to make me look bad, talk bad about other co-workers and talk, talk, talk to me. Its as if she is trying to implant something inside my head as a form of control. It is draining! This video is speaking to me. Thank you for sharing and I love you videos!
Speechless you’re so smart. I understand everything
Love your videos. They helped me so much. I feel now is time for me to help you. When I don’t feel good, I tend to put on weight. All I hope is that you are in control of your inner being. Good luck. I am your friend.
Thx for describing this,
as you spoke, several
situations came to mind --
wow - learned about how
the fatigue can lead to
hopeless & a fix is to
value your time ... thx
This video is excellent! Wish you still making more videos.
I was with a Narcissist for nearly three years and i'm only just coming to the understanding of how Narcissistic he really was. At first I thought he was just a bit of a Rogue, always smiling with this charasmatic 'Aura' that made him Mr Popular with people in his circle, and complete strangers. We both had our own personalities to start with, that's where the attraction was. I'm a Free Spirit and it wasn't long before I started noticing the little signs. Trying to control me, trying to change me, putting me down, playing with my feelings and emotions. He classed himself an Alpha Male, a 'Caveman'. I'm in charge, I'm the Man you're the Woman, you do as I say. It was always about Control with him. I saw these signs early on in the Relationship, expressed my concerns, addressed the problems, but my feelings were merely 'Rubbish' to him. He didn't do 'emotion' as he was a Caveman. This set Alarm Bells off with me because he was actually a well evolved, intelligent man, so by knowing that he could use him being a Primitive Primate as an excuse, was just a cop out for him, because he knew exactly what he was doing. He made it clear that he would always be in control of the relationship and no way was he going to have a 50/50 relationship. I gave and he took. The more I gave, the more he took. Monetary and emotionally. I've been trying to walk away from this relationship for almost two years now, but he always ended up turning on the 'sweet talk' when he thought that there may be a chance of me walking away finally. This is that time. I haven't been spiritually happy for most of this relationship, it's been a struggle to stay focused. You look tired. Get some rest. And thank you for your insight. It's very much appreciated 😊
Just read this... I hope you left and never returned! Please tell me that's what happened.
@@NB-2020 Its been just over 3 years of 'No Contact' for me now. Never looked back.
@@eyesopen6797 I am VERY PROUD OF YOU!!
@@NB-2020 Thank You 😚
Scott you’re totally nailing it and nailing down a great plan. Richard Grannon talked about toxic passivityI and how the inertia and learned /taught helplessness is part of the way we( the partners of narcissists contribute torte situation and via our passivity we strengthen their control) I really appreciate your work and thought to life improvement-planning.
I loved this video! I watched before and is one of those videos I would repeat when felt I need reinforcement. I got it all completely. Almost felt like I could have a conversation with you on this. DRAINING they ARE! Even if not recognized as a narcissist... ( right away if such), I could see a few friends that fit in here... all about them,,, they pull you into that trap where you did not expect to go! Next thing you are involved in whatever is going on in their current plans... not even planned with you ... but by a distraction they got going on in their head that they need to finish before moving on to the actual plan you thought you were there for. Its like they orchestrate this, as they go along, to get attention by you in case they need your feedback.
You hit it on the head to talk about this topic of Energy Management ... because it is hard to describe, how a narcissist can unbelievably reel you into their agenda,, even on small sh*t that don't matter or doesn't need addressing at the moment.
i have lived with the same narc and also recent addict of 12 yrs. now. He knows he is both but refuses to tell his own therepaist either. You are all right . He foud me at 26 yrs old i had suffered 42 rapes , my Dads suicide, kidnapping, more trauma the 20 woman could handle. He told me he would move me away from all the pain and be the hero the father i never had (creepy but i needed that) A friend to depend on and a husband. We have been together 19 yrs. He took me away from my family, and slowly, groomed me,took notes all these yrs on the sad things that has happenend to me. Not so he can help so he can play games with my head have me put in instituitions, thinking it was for stress when the sress was from him and him hitting me. I got a order of protection moved out a couple of times but always came back. These vidios help so much because i doubted myself in so many ways . He makes large decisions seem like they were mine before i even have a chance to decide the decision is made, and i didnt really want to do it but its to late. THese decisions are such as buying a house with him @ yrs ago. i never wanted too ever yet thousands of dollars later and so many tears later i must walk away from this beautiful dream . I was fulling myself thinking he was ever going to change in both aspects, and now i have to cut my losses and loose my house why?????? Ive been Threw so much why does that man get to have the house also . He threatened to kill me last time i left so i must be carefull he is threatenened by my family who all deal with him because of me but not one of them really like him because they saw what i didnt the cruelty.I was so used to being treated like a slave with my rapist into adult hood i obyied, untill one da, 7 yrs ago god woke me up gave me all the light to see, all my streghth back and i became over night a different person. I will stop argueing with him , he always wins, and i know my psyc. back of hand but he uses family what hurts me most mentally ,gaslights the shit out of me.so no engaging just on paper or texting till i leave. I dont want to die but hes to smug to kill me hed look bad he wont look bad to others. This whole town knows hes not write they seeit he thinks its me telling them . Hes starting to get sloppy. It will all crumble. I believe in pergatory and whatever and however he made otheres feel he will suffer there for however long it takes and feel every emotion we all felt that he put us threw deeply suffer. Since he cannot feel it on this earth he will feel it in the next. I am beyond hurt and pain i cry everday, but i try to hide it from him now orlett him think im defeated when im not. im strong. With my family so far he knows all i have is him and he did that on purpose thankyou for listening
please reply I NEED ALOT OF FEED BACK PLEASE HELP ME>>>>>>>???????
i just read something look at anything else but him. Hes 64 yrs old i am 45. Hes going to kill me im making plans right as we speak i need support so bad first time i have ever spoke on line i go to vera house
You Tube ... " Discerning the Jezebel spirit."
Thank you Scott. I always take away a nugget of brilliant, insightful and helpful wisdom from each of your videos. Healing from narcissistic abuse feels like it's been a long journey for me, but definitely a journey worth taking. When I look back at where I was emotionally a few years ago to now, my gut tells me I've come a long way. "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." Lao Tzu ... Thank you Scott for always taking us one step closer.
Man you're a life saver.. God bless you..
You've got a hard edge in this video, like something pissed you off and you got the idea to make the video. Me likey.
You are a saint...very helpful & truthful advice...thanks a lot!