Did your relationship just lose romance or are you being devalued?
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- Опубліковано 7 вер 2024
- Dr. Ramani explores how to tell if your relationship is losing its spark or if you're being devalued.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
I can’t afford therapy so doing my research and watching Dr. Ramani’s videos have been life changing. I realize now the fantasy of true love is what blinded me from seeing who my partner actually was. They never lied. Like Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time.” I now see who I am as well and I’m way too good for this person to have my heart any longer. I’m worth more than this. Love yourself first. It’s never too late.
Even after a couple of narcs i still have that fantasy😅😖
True love is real. Just not with a narcissist. Choose empathy for yourself first. Choose love for yourself first. Keep doing the research, radical acceptance is rough but so necessary.
@@mariehughey5390 Thank you
@@mariehughey5390 Radical acceptance allowed me to calm my anxiety and anger about my spouse's vulnerable narc behavior.
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.
You wont regret it
There's no spark left it's only burdened with unpredictable roller coaster emotions.
Back in 1986, I went on a cross-country (U.S.) bicycle tour with my boyfriend. We left the San Francisco Bay Area, rode through Nevada, Utah, Colorado, and into Iowa. I flew back from Des Moines to California, since I had to return to my job. When I picked him up from SFO that summer, he gave me a blank look, no hug and "so glad to see you again." He went on to to east coast. I should have paid attention, but I came from a toxic family that criticized me and devalued me from the start. We married in 1988. We divorced last year in 2023. I spent our marriage caring for him and pushing though his small business concepts, dealing with leases and landlords, websites and social media promotions, events, permits and getting patents for new ideas and inventions. Years later, I started paying attention to my feelings and inspirations. He couldn't stand me writing novels and listening to music I loved. He insisted that we split, and we did, me handling all of the paperwork in a DIY divorce. Bottom line, pay attention to your feelings and visions for the future. Maya Angelou is correct. Believe them the first time they show you who they are by how they treat you.
Dr Ramani changed everything for me.
Leave these people they will ruin your life. I left after 7 months of planning you can do it. Rich or poor, constrained or free to make your own decisions. Be bold. I was scared, too.
Welp. If there was any shred of a doubt that my relationship was a narcissistic relationship, it's gone now.
This is 100 percent my experience with my partner of 15 years, now my ex of 1 year.
I tried so hard with him.
If only I felt resourced then like I do now.
From what I see: so few people in fact need that “life time marriage” but so many stay cause scared of changes.
Thank you for this. I have been going through a tough time unpacking how my relationship (which ended almost a year ago) devolved. I don't think I'll have any way of knowing if my ex is a narcissicst, but this really described what happened in my relationship. I WAS devalued, I was confused, I was questioning if it was just the end of the honeymoon period, but now I am realizing that it was devaluation. And these feelings are really tough to feel and sort through.
Narcissistic “love” stays in a Peter Pan first date phase until they know they got you then the devalue phase kicks in until discard.
Genuine love will mature over time into something deeper and stronger than occasional chocolates and flowers.
Beautifully said.
For years I believed that I was the problem. My confidence and physical health have suffered. Now I understand that it was manipulation so that she could feel better.
At this point, I'm better off divorcing and going to live in a cave. 😆
Imo, if you're no longer seen and heard it's gone bad. You're not listened to, there is no communication, get the hell out or you'll spend years trying and wondering what's wrong. You'll exhaust yourself until your completely frazzled ✌
❤
You are the best on this topic Dr. Ramani! Thank you so much for all your help and clarity!❤
What happens in a long term marriage when addiction becomes the ‘other person’ in the marriage? Addiction takes many forms, but in my case it’s gambling, in different forms. Sports betting, day trading, etc. my 51 years with this person feels like a life sentence.
Hollywood fuels the misconception that every romance has a fairy tale ending, even with the sequels.
For every fictionalized love story that ends with "You had me at 'hello,'" you wonder how many in real life end with "See ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya!"
100%!
This channel is such a game changer. I often feel worst after listening to Sadghuru or Jay Shetty as I seek what’s the missing pieces to the puzzle that I’m encountering. This helps my healing process considerably. Thank you Dr. Ramani!!!
Lovebombing takes a lot of effort and they just can’t keep it up. They get lazy and the mask slips and reveals something awful and you’re desperately wanting that dream person back but it never existed in the first place.
In my observations behind that mask is Pure Hatred…
Good morning,
Dr. Ramani
Wishing you an awesome day ☮️
It's so painful, yet oh so necessary to hear because it's all relatable!!
Thank you So much, doctor Ramani for helping many of us and offering these for free!!! I think you are awesome.
And some of your recent video subjects have been very timely to what I've been going through/ considering.
Thank You! I just got this video on perfect timing! ❤
I'm only of value to him if I listen to his stories, his day, clean his house and cook his meals, I call it the June Cleaver .
Dr Ramani u got to look into this video on the net titled ESTRANGED PARENTS .Its about the mom grieving her only daughter left her .I hope my comment gets Dr.Ramani 's attention.
Who is the creator? That’s my exact circumstance, and I would love to watch it.
@@Byebandit50 ua-cam.com/video/T-cEsAT4HCo/v-deo.htmlsi=MoOaKp4zEOTIxcTi
@@Byebandit50 ua-cam.com/video/T-cEsAT4HCo/v-deo.htmlsi=sSTgZFKJzQGM5oeE
@@Byebandit50 sent u the link
I’ll have to check this out called parental alienation.
If your someone looking for a relationship after being with a narcissist, something that helps is to take feeling out of the scenario, and see a new relationship within logic and reasoning and once those two align sit back and enjoy your new relationship, and bask in the joy that comes from a mutual caring and understanding. When true companionship and devotion are the basis there's nothing more enjoyable. Build the foundation in real value and you'll automatically rule out anyone toxic. They would get bored. Lol
So well explained. A few years after a relationship with a narcissist and just starting to see someone new and I feel very uncertain about what to expect. What is normal and what is not.
Brilliant. Excellent, relatable, and usable explanations and comparisons. The difference feels very clear after this video. You are so good at this, Dr. Ramani. Thank you!
This is a great message. And I'm at a point in my life and relationship where I really needed to hear this. Thank you, Doctor.
People make show for the relatives and for the church community to keep the connections. While living with a partner they no longer know what they are doing with. If ever did. But pleasing the relatives and the church community is a thing.
To realize that passionate love fades into something ordinary just shows how rare and fleeting true romance is. Pretty much everything will eventually become dull and unfulfilling.
Passionate love fades because it's foundation is hormones. Healthy relationships require conscious effort.
@@David-bc4rhdesire to grow and learn new things together is sexy too.
I don't see it that way. The initial phase of things where I have to gauge and observe patterns to figure out whether the other person is truly as authentic as their claims are brings me a level of discomfort. I find the comfort of a functional daily life to be something I value and crave, because at the end of the day if me and my partner really prioritize each other we find new things to be excited about together. That's actually the fulfilling part to me, not the anxiety-butterflies phase. The "passionate" phase is the part I may even resent down the line if I had to adjust a lot of my schedule and goals just for the relationship to not work out.
The fling-y, disjointed nature of the start of things is the part I have to figure out if there's a lot of projection or veils before moving forward and that sort of energy gives me FOMO for the other goals in my life.
After so much learning about myself and victim society of narcs, one point clearly proves that grey divorces are most common in narc relationship as we tend to take time in identifying those red flags 🚩🚩and think beyond gaslighting, devaluation, manipulation etc
Ok so, today is a 1yr NONiversary OR my 19th Anniversary of a marriage that is DEAD (and i am GRATEFUL for the poacher, Mr. No Contact, who has legally enabled my and my child's freedom!). LOVED this message, Dr. Ramani! Thank you!! 🙏💙❣️
I like this! Congratulations!
I find that in an honest, loving, long-term relationship, the quirks or "foibles" of the other person make them that more endearing...
...BUT there's always a limit. Example: cheating, manipulative and abusive behavior are more than foibles, at least in my book.
My dear Doctor Ramani Durvasula, PhD I tell everyone one I know about the healing and life changing gifts were are blessed to get through your countless videos, book, and group meets. When is the next live group therapeutic session or in- person live meetup? Come to New Jersey we have people and venues to support you❤❤❤❤
Relationship with the narcissit beoke me because all he does is want from me then he devalue me over and over again dont need them in my life anymore i am at peace with myself now
its really great that other people understand.
I wondered this as the critically negative coments became more and more common.
I discovered the channel last week and I'm binge-watching everything, so much makes more sense now. I think my mom was a narcissist. I was watching all the "narcissist parent" stuff, but, as a only child, I felt I was somehow all the roles depending on the moment? It is possible to have a video talking about being the only child of a narcissist parent?
stable is lovely.
Thank you.
Devaluating me as a wife started years ago. Stayed in the relation for the sake of family.
Relationships don't either they often burn......you find out all
Well explained Dr Ramani!
The first time gas is passed 😂😊❤ I love DrRamani’s references 😊
Are you feeling … ?
- STABLE
- SAFE
- SEEN
That’s how you know 😊🎉
The day I broke up with my latest ex he hadn’t responded to me all day, which would have been fine if he hadn’t been responding to other people online in his discord dms before and during work. I felt so invisible…
Sadly both but we did try
Thank you Doctor! Are you familiar with Asperger syndrome? Is it part of the puzzle?
Last video was exposing core of most destructive abuse tactics. Why was it taken down?
Hey 👋🏻
B I N G O !
I never understood how to be romantic? Is it just a sexual thing with a shoe shine. I have intimacy issues myself. Say most friends and lovers were. Narcissist. Though out of this mess I had a dear friend pass away in 2002. We would sit out on his patio till late afternoon to dusk.. a bottle of wine and conversing. Maybe that was romantic idk lol
34th, 30 July 2024
Dr. R, is there any research on HOW narcissists develop/form their personalities?
Channel @Prof.Sam Vaknin
What romance? I have endured lots of public commentary and no private interaction
What happened to the last video on narcissist parents exploiting their children?
Neither. I believe I have been falsely judged by religious abusers for something I never did. He left a year after I was thrown out of the cult. I believe they think they are doing this to me:
In short, it is reported that there is fornication among you; fornication such as this which is not even named among the pagans: As far as a son that would take his father's wife. 2And you are inflated and have not rather sat in mourning, that whoever has committed this crime would be taken out from your midst. 1 Cor. 5:1,2 Aramaic
And you shall deliver this one to Satan for the destruction of his body, that he may live in The Spirit in the day of our Lord Yeshua The Messiah. 1 Cor. 5:5 Aramaic
Devalization
All I know is that I am being watched and told that a specific person is behind it. I have no idea if that is true or not. I refuse to "lead" a group of people who had to capture me and I refuse to listen to a professional that is making content about it
A man I've been seeing says he's waiting on the Holy Spirit.. for a month and a half now, we're still "just friends" - how long do you think I should wait around to see if he likes me? i'm 35 >,
@Victoria_Loves_Jesus
Don't wait for him to wake up & smell the coffee. He sounds flaky & not able to make decisions or be accountable for himself - huge red flag! Remember YOU are the catch & treat yourself like you are. You need to like you first and not look to any man to validate who you are. YOU are the prize, not him so go out there & make it happen.🌻
You have been waiting for a month and a half too long already!
It was for you to make a decision if he was worth you on the very first date!
Move on girl, don't waste your life waiting for someone to validate your very own self 🌹
Dr. Ramani has been plagiarizing the work of Prof. Sam Vaknin for years and never gave him credit.
Neither. I believe I have been falsely judged by religious abusers for something I never did. He left a year after I was thrown out of the cult. I believe they think they are doing this to me:
In short, it is reported that there is fornication among you; fornication such as this which is not even named among the pagans: As far as a son that would take his father's wife. 2And you are inflated and have not rather sat in mourning, that whoever has committed this crime would be taken out from your midst. 1 Cor. 5:1,2 Aramaic
And you shall deliver this one to Satan for the destruction of his body, that he may live in The Spirit in the day of our Lord Yeshua The Messiah. 1 Cor. 5:5 Aramaic