Well that’s the hardest part. Not playing victim but being sympathetic to own insecurities. If that is my normal attitude to myself, than other people can mirror calm and positive attitude to me since I show them this example. But once there is any issue, any struggle - it becomes a matter of surviving to not expose myself to the part of opening up. Unfortunately I am not good at either approaches, so I just feel lonely and isolated.
@@kv_andy “I’m such a weirdo, I don’t know when to stop talking, I’m so annoying” bad. “I struggle with anxiety, I hope to find a sense of peace soon.” Good. It’s how you frame it. If people act like dicks at your most vulnerable moments then they’re not worth your time. Be with those who appreciate and love you.
@@MarioGrecoI agree. I don't like the example they gave. Yours is better. Also, confidence (not cocky about being less good at certain things) is important because if you speak about it like you have a disease, they'll treat you like you have something bad and leave.
Yes, this happened to me, I opened up and was very clear I understand I seem a bit weird and crazy, and they took it as a gift to just blame me and couldn't see their own behaviours. Glad to be Free at least, sad, I really liked them at first, but no self-awerness to be found.
I know plenty of people that dislike self aware people, but that’s simply because they aren’t good people & want someone they can manipulate & control.
That indeed is true! Maybe this is why i often time am good at discerning people's intentions, if they are good or not and simply what type of people they are in the first interaction with them..of course i do not let the first impression lead the way i interact with people, because that would be a big mistake on my part but i do keep it in mind.
Eh. I try to be aware that others have different motives than I do, so I tend to give others more of a pass if they might be having a bad day. So I tend to get a bit more burned even if I may keep them a little farther than a more trusted person. I think I'm pretty self aware. I don't do it entirely out of nice-ness. I also want others to be fair minded of me when I'm cranky or uncharacteristically rude.
This reminds me of an experience I had when I was 17. I was at a house party and had been eyeing up this really gorgeous girl all evening. Eventually she approached me and we started awkwardly chatting. I cant remember details of the conversation, but after a few minutes she said "youre a bit weird arent you" I replied "yes of course" and she said "youre not supposed to agree with me" and walked away. That was almost 20 years ago. When I was younger it was a mortifying thing to remember. One of those memories of interpersonal interaction that make you cringe when you remember it. Now Im 35 and I'm proud of how I dealt with that situation. Fuck her. If people make you feel you have to be someone other than the person you are, theyre not worth your time.
My grain of sand to your story and, more generally, to the opinions expressed in the clip: I'm not sure everyone reacts in the same way when someone else shares with them their "craziness/vulnerabilities". From my experience, there were those who felt directly threatened, while others were genuinely surprised, and some were even concerned and a bit cautious. I don't think I ever met anyone who was pleased or amused by it😅. Obviously it also depends on the degree or kind of craziness we have and decide to share..😊
I LITERALLY was hella moody when I went out on a date with this guy yesterday and I told him I can't explain why I'm so thrown off but I'm sorry I'm being so moody and I kept mentioning it all throughout our date and he literally replied telling me that the fact that I have so much self awareness is what's important because if I wasn't aware of it, that's when it would be a problem 💕. This just feels like divine confirmation.
You know, it could also be a reaction you had to this guy. The fact that your body and mind is feeling out of place/irritated when you're around him, could be your intuition trying to tell you something about him. And It's important to pay attention what signs your body is sending you, especially when you're on a date. 💕
Interestingly I’ve found it also to be true for people who tend to avoid self-awareness and accountability to often unawarely distance themselves from self-aware people.
@@somethingbambi875 I fully agree but I also want to add that these people usually tend to deny and or ignore flaws in relationship. Flaws are natural, we learn from and work on them. But they won’t go away by looking away.
My self-professed ‘avoidant’ husband is very awarely distancing himself from me - and he seems to be edging further and further the more I discover and deal with my own childhood trauma, hang ups, and addictions. He has no interest in working on himself ……………………..
Mostly they aren’t ready for the accountability that comes with self awareness or they’re toxic & want someone that isn’t self aware making them easy to manipulate and control.
I think this makes sense. I'm not pretty nor socially gifted, but I have always had people around me who genuinely like me...by being kind and unapologetically myself.
The right person won't need to work hard to like you, just like you won't need to work hard to like them. We should not change who we are to attract someone because those meant to love us will love us for who we are. Living authentically and true to who you are will make you attract people who value the real you. In the same way, we must observe the people around us with respect and attention to love them as they are, and not from the perspective of what we want them to be.
What if both people like each other a lot but there is a problem that needs to be worked on for example someone being closed off or not being able to communicate their feelings clearly? Is it foolish to try to fix it together, or should they be left alone to fix it themselves?
@@TheGreatWasian_ I'm no expert on the matter, so I'm just sharing my thought on this. I think it first starts by asking some questions (rather to oneself, or to the other person, depending on the goal). 1) Is the person aware they're being closed off and unable to communicate their feelings? Do they wanna work on it? 2) If the person is unaware, did you tackle the subject? What was their reaction? Open or closed to acknowledgment? Based on that, I'd say: if the person is aware and has expressed a will to work on it, showing support and wilingness to go through that process with them can go a long way. All while giving them some space when they need it. And yeah, this might be tricky, as they're specifically unable to communicate their feelings.. ^^" I think it could help if, when noticing signs of discomfort, you express something like "I see/feel you're uncomfortable.. Do you want me to leave you alone for a while?" It could be the first step for them toward expressing their feelings. And, if they're unable to request being left alone, maybe say something like: "I see you're uneasy. Maybe you want time alone, but find it hard to tell me..? If so, it's ok. I'll be in the kitchen, ok? You can come find me whenever you want, be it in 2 seconds or 2 hours. Love you." - allowing them alone time on their own terms, all while still being supportive and showing you care. Showing that you respect their boundaries can be a step towards being able to communicate feelings that can be hard to put into words. Of course, self-reflection is important. And if the person expresses that they prefer to go through this alone, it's important that you respect their request, all while making sure they know you're there if they ever need you: being a crutch they can lean on, not an escalator. If that makes sense.. ^^" If the person is unaware and/or unwilling to work on themselves, there's nothing much more you can do.. beside showing over and over again that being honest and vulnerable around you is safe. I'm saying this, because, how I see it, is that someone won't express their feelings now because expressing their feelings in the past has lead to bad consequences. Staying distant and silent was the "safest" option, so the nervous system has to adapt to a new reality, with time and consistence. Another reason might be that they themselves have a hard time identifying and understanding their emotions. This is called "alexithymia", if you wanna look it up. All this being said, I hope all goes well for you both in the long term! It's also important that you stay aware of how this situation and dynamic affects you personally. It's important that you respect your own boundaries as well. Be a support, not a pillar. I wish you all the best!
@@julsstay74 that advice seems so incredibly relevant and specific to my scenario. Almost like it’s God-sent. Seriously, thank you so much. I’m going to read this over and over a few times and make sure I can internalize this so I can properly be there for this girl in the way that she needs me to. Thank you.
@@julsstay74 it seems like you have gone through something similar. It does seem like a good idea to give her space when she needs it and to be able to pinpoint space whenever it seems like she needs it. My issue is that if I saw something was wrong I would try to ask her directly what is wrong and she just wouldn’t tell me and it would cause a lot of stress on both ends.
Everyone is crazy but in different ways. Crazy is an umbrella term and covers a wide range so yes everyone can be uniquely crazy. It's like saying everyone is hungry so no one is hungry. Sounds good but everyone really is hungry, just at different times.
My father used to tell me that I’m the worst possible pair for any men. And in the shroom trip I saw the one who told me I’m perfectly enough for him. I guess it was my animus. Excited to meet him in real life.
I'm sorry to hear your dad said that too you. It must feel hurtful. Try to reparent yourself. My mom used to put me down. I am now reparenting myself and tell myself "You are my favorite!", "It's okay!", "We got this and you got me!"
This is true. After disappointing someone by cancelling plans with them (because I put my needs first even if it makes people dislike me. I apologized and rescheduled and made a joke about it) I was later told by them that it was mature and sexy.
What this is ommiting is that the other person might still be under the illusion that perfection exists, and run away when they hear about flaws. Personally I've interpreted this as "they are on their journey, but are not just yet ready for a real relationship". Be prepraed to meet people who don't find self awareness that attractive, but when you do, don't dismiss the advice in this video is bad.
Lol this is exactly how my ex manipulated me. I did not like him, but I liked his honesty and awareness of himself saying "Sorry I am so needy and jealous." Well yeah, turned out to be a narcissistic control freak and pathological liar with a heart made from stone. He also enjoys abusing others. He is self aware. But he doesn't care.
All the normal rules don’t apply when dealing with a narcissist. By their nature they stomp on boundaries, and flip the social contract on its head. It doesn’t matter how genuine and authentic you are, the narcissist is not meeting you in a genuine or authentic way. They’re in a competition with you, in a game you didn’t even know you were playing in the first place. Any “weakness” you share with them, will be tucked away to be used against you at a later time. They’re playing 4D chess when you just thought you were on a coffee date. They literally have an injured brain, it can never be healed, your empathy will be used to hurt you. It’s like you’re in the room with a demon, you better never turn your back on.
True narcissists aren't typically self-aware, but they are pretty good at pretending to be as a manipulation tactic. They can even portray themselves as empathetic & selflessly caring for others (esp on social media), but they treat their partner like crap. It's all part of the game in creating a façade for the attention & flying monkeys.
It's definitely important to demonstrate self awareness. I told my boss being on time is a challenge for me (it's an anxiety/ptsd thing.) Anyway, I was very honest and I asked her to say my start time was earlier than than it actually was so i would be on time no matter what. She agreed. She understood the situation and gave me an opportunity to fix my s**t when i believed i didn't even deserve a job. I'm so grateful for her. Introspection and honesty goes a long way in many situations, but you gotta be accepting of the fact that not everyone can or should put up with whatever our personal crazy is.
Being self aware means that you actually have to know yourself and accept who you are (including all the flaws). Often times people can’t even accept who they are
Nothing is better than being yourself with all the perfect imperfections and about what attracts someone to another is hard to say you can have 2 people with the same personality or qualities but you will feel the attraction with one that you can’t explain it .
It's not a bad advice though, I always feel a connection whenever I know someone telling me their imperfections. It's easy to misunderstand the term here. This is a one minute video, the message can be quite incomplete in terms of where and when to apply.
@@Ducatorwhere and when to apply and also, how to communicate those bad sides of us? What if we are currently going to therapy or going through a process or a change, how can we communicate that to someone?
Peoples' subconscious is smart. Don't think that you can easily trick healthy people into thinking you're something you're not: things like "Cool" "smart" "effortlessly hot" "kind". People may not know, but they will feel something off about you if you try to fake these things. You must BECOME what you want to be and then simply be yourself. This is attractive
When people do this, it’s usually a HUGE RED FLAG that they’re trying to create a defense for their toxic future behavior - “What did you expect? I told you I was crazy.” Even if it’s not a flag, a guy’s self awareness isn’t going to make most people more attracted to someone they’re not attracted too. A guy telling me he’s crazy will help me know if his looks, body, and/or personality are all worth his crazy but revealing his challenges will not make me more attracted to him.
You don't get the point, self awareness is important because it let's you know that the person can grow with you. If you and your significant other start living together, they will be able to see what traits you have that clash, and how to make them not clash, how to work together, how to exploit both of your strong suits and protect the others weak points. And ofc this goes both ways, so I suggest you start learning how to be self aware
@@yesyesyesyesyesyes2021 I didn’t comment that self-awareness was bad. I commented that it doesn’t add to anyone’s attractiveness and that anyone who tells people all of their crap as soon as they meet them is setting them up for more crap. In addition people should know someone’s issues and challenges long before deciding to live with them. Learn. To. Read.
@@serenityjewel you heavily implied that self awareness isn't a desirable trait, so I told you to learn how to be self aware bc of all the benefits I said in the last one. And yes before you start living with someone you should know their downsides, but that is learned in the dating stage when you two learn each other, not told from the get go
@@yesyesyesyesyesyes2021 Nope. I did not. You read that into my comment, which is completely separate from me implying it. My comment is in response to the video telling people to lead with their challenges in relationships. My experience, which is the first thing I stated, is that people who begin relationships telling people everything that’s wrong with them are generally unhealthy and not trying to get better. Like you said, we learn about people’s downsides in the dating stage, not by having them told to us from the get go. I never implied self awareness was negative because I don’t believe that it is. Self awareness, combined with action, is the difference between living a mediocre life of disappointment and struggle and living a great life of satisfaction, happiness, and joy.
Self awareness is great long term. But doesnt do good for getting the attention. Also self awareness doesnt do much if the person dont want to work on themselves. You can know you have self destructive behaviors but if you dont work on it. And just keep hurting yourself and others. Doesnt do much of anything.
Self-awareness is a never ending project. The type of person you are describing believes they have a little book inside them and they just need to read all the pages, and then they know their flaws and wonders and will forever and ever be completely known. They proclaim, “I have issues”, or tell you their issues quite readily as some kind of armor without doing more work and call themselves self-aware. This is akin to having a leak in your bathroom and shouting, “There’s a leak!” and expecting that to be the end of it. Perhaps the video (though it was a short) should have made the distinction that it’s the people who endeavour to continue mining themselves, accepting what they find, and showing compassion to themselves and others through the process, with some humor to boot, that are truly self-aware. But people who just repeatedly tell themselves they are “self-aware” or seek confirmation from others they are self-aware by unabashedly dumping their problems on to any passing soul are, usually in my experience, not very self-aware. Another poster displayed this quality talking about being on a date and unfortunately feeling quite moody, but not knowing why. They explained it, and luckily the date found it “mature and sexy”. Not everyone will, but it worked out. The poster seems like the type of person who doesn’t just label themselves “self-aware” but goes about the journey expecting a lifelong discovery of mountains and valleys.
Also- be aware, the people going about boasting to anyone that they’re so crazy- they usually are! They’re often disorganized and will do a bad job at anything you ask of them, and they’ll make it your fault for trusting them, bc you should have known- they’re so crazy!! Ugh. Just be genuine. Don’t apologize for who you are, and don’t make light of mental illness. Dudes.
Attractiveness is pretty important to attraction. I'm stunned this needs to be said. There's no easy secret cheat to bypass it. Put in the work, learn what about you is beautiful.
my bf told me that hes grateful to have me bc how patient i am and the things i say. i even told him about how frustrated i was bc one time we didnt spent that much together for few weeks but i trust him but im just an anxious person in general so i said “sorry for being a bit passive aggressive bc i wasnt in the mood. i love you, i wasnt trying to blame u or ur work when things got busy. i just need to work on and deal with my feelings on my own sometimes”. we havent had a big fight throughout our relationship but from the things he has said to me, he loves me bc im not trying to put a mask and said pretty stuff all the time and hes called mature me about things that happened in my life. he said being with me makes him feel at ease and happy
I’ve always been open and vulnerable and have been rejected by everyone What’s the difference between dumping and being vulnerable and self-aware? I teach yoga both mat & chair everyday In breath and light, Camille
I have this tendency too. I've never been rejected too bad until this year. It isn't bad rejection but it still is... I'm starting to wonder if true friendships exist. What do you think?
I personally think that whoever coined the term trauma dumping has a serious empathy deficit and most likely can't handle the impact of their own ill actions on other's lives. Now, if the person or people to whom the trauma is disclosed gently state that they're low on energy or bandwidth that day due to other circumstances, that's completely fine and understandable.
The difference is you don't have to tell people your weaknesses when you just meet them. You work on your weakness on your own/with close friends or family, if you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, obviously they will become someone you share all of your weaknesses and strengths with, but they aren't on that level before you even start dating
being self aware and vulnerable is like “i know im like this” when the time and place are appropriate and you are BOTH willing to engage in that conversation. dumping would be when the other person isnt comfortable enough to listen (bc theyre tired or have a lot going on too) and you haven’t talked to them “before” that you have a lot to unpack at that very moment. i used to get a lot of this (not trauma dumping but kinda feeling the same) from my aunt who struggled from schizophrenia. it was a lot to take especially when i got home and feeling exhausted after school. i dont think its appropriate to tell people your trauma and everything few days after you met them. just let it gradually flow. ive had my own trauma, but imagine if you tell that to the person who has never experienced such things before on your first date
Hiding yourself never really works in the long run. I'm so introspective, it drives people crazy. I'm not sure if being Self Aware is attractive to everyone but I do think, there are people who will appreciate someone who is self aware or know and accept who they are
It’s crazy seeing this because some time ago me and my partner asked each other once ‘What made you fall in love with me?’ And I got the somewhat expected answers (beauty, creative etc) but then he said ‘you’re very self aware. You are the person you think you are’ and it caught me off guard because had never ever heard that before nor was it something I’d ever thought about. So this is actually true!
My partner said his two favorite things about me, that he also considers rare in people, are that I'm extremely adventurous and happy to try basically anything, and that I will be completely honest about my thoughts and opinions with no sugar coating. Some people find the latter off putting, and I'll admit it's gotten me into trouble many times with other folks, but he appreciates it because he knows I'm never going to lie and he can trust what I say.
Chilling. I had a quarrel with her. Coz she isn’t ready but felt pressured by me. It was intense but a heart felt quarrel. I did not mean to pressure but thought we had a connection. And the quietness sometimes terrifies me. I got trust issues. So, I admitted that how I got my broken parts, why they need healing and how I’m working on it. I thought I was being too real but she stopped being angry. I highly doubt we can forget each other. If you are right… she will reach out again.
Self-awareness and self-development are separate things. I think what's _really_ attractive is being able to work on your development. Not only being aware of your flaws and apologizing for them.
Well....I've spent years in therapy to overcome abuse and one thing repeated by several counsellors was how self aware I am. Still single and no friends.....but I'm aware of it. :)
This is very funny because I spent almost my entire first date with this one guy explaining why I’m just way too crazy to date and then if I were his friend I would be bringing at red flags and we have our 30 year anniversary this month :)❤❤❤
counterpoint: my therapist told me i'm one of the most self-aware people he's ever met, and every girl i've asked out in the last 5 years has turned me down.
I'm very self-aware and tried to show my genuine self in front of my ex-crush, but it doesn't change anything. Sometimes people are not meant to be with us and we gotta be ok with that. We are still gonna live our lives to the fullest anyways.
My mom’s coming back from being overseas for a while. I’m sick with anxiety already. I just know it’s going to be drama. I’ve been praying and meditating on keeping her toxic energy at bay when she returns. I’ve worked hard to put structures and habits in place to keep me on track bc she won’t leave me alone. Of course it’s a hard no, and I do read her when necessary. But inside I’m sick w anxiety.
Just a reminder that being “self-aware” doesn’t mean vocally putting yourself down and assuming you can’t improve nor be helped.
Well that’s the hardest part. Not playing victim but being sympathetic to own insecurities. If that is my normal attitude to myself, than other people can mirror calm and positive attitude to me since I show them this example. But once there is any issue, any struggle - it becomes a matter of surviving to not expose myself to the part of opening up. Unfortunately I am not good at either approaches, so I just feel lonely and isolated.
@@kv_andy “I’m such a weirdo, I don’t know when to stop talking, I’m so annoying” bad.
“I struggle with anxiety, I hope to find a sense of peace soon.” Good.
It’s how you frame it. If people act like dicks at your most vulnerable moments then they’re not worth your time. Be with those who appreciate and love you.
Yes, absolute truth! Owning it without criticizing yourself. Thanks for the reminder!
Yes! Self-aware vs self-conscious, I think it can be a tricky transition but an important one to make
@@MarioGrecoI agree. I don't like the example they gave. Yours is better.
Also, confidence (not cocky about being less good at certain things) is important because if you speak about it like you have a disease, they'll treat you like you have something bad and leave.
So basically you can be genuine and honest to be attractive, not pretentious or trying to be someone else.
I must be super attractive then...i'm super aware of my crazy and don't hide it haha I do give fair warning
No. That’s not the gist.
The gist is know your imperfections and be honest about them.
Lol. This has not been my experience. I am crazy self-aware and fairly open. I have had almost zero success with women.
@@joeleek9976Cheap, broke, stingy? Self awareness is essential but not enough!
@@joeleek9976Same 🫤
True. People who are self aware can clearly and immediately see who is and isn’t also self aware, and nobody likes someone who isn’t self aware.
Yes, this happened to me, I opened up and was very clear I understand I seem a bit weird and crazy, and they took it as a gift to just blame me and couldn't see their own behaviours. Glad to be Free at least, sad, I really liked them at first, but no self-awerness to be found.
I know plenty of people that dislike self aware people, but that’s simply because they aren’t good people & want someone they can manipulate & control.
the majority of people aren’t self aware. and plenty of people like them.
That indeed is true! Maybe this is why i often time am good at discerning people's intentions, if they are good or not and simply what type of people they are in the first interaction with them..of course i do not let the first impression lead the way i interact with people, because that would be a big mistake on my part but i do keep it in mind.
Eh. I try to be aware that others have different motives than I do, so I tend to give others more of a pass if they might be having a bad day. So I tend to get a bit more burned even if I may keep them a little farther than a more trusted person.
I think I'm pretty self aware. I don't do it entirely out of nice-ness. I also want others to be fair minded of me when I'm cranky or uncharacteristically rude.
This reminds me of an experience I had when I was 17. I was at a house party and had been eyeing up this really gorgeous girl all evening. Eventually she approached me and we started awkwardly chatting. I cant remember details of the conversation, but after a few minutes she said "youre a bit weird arent you" I replied "yes of course" and she said "youre not supposed to agree with me" and walked away. That was almost 20 years ago. When I was younger it was a mortifying thing to remember. One of those memories of interpersonal interaction that make you cringe when you remember it. Now Im 35 and I'm proud of how I dealt with that situation. Fuck her. If people make you feel you have to be someone other than the person you are, theyre not worth your time.
Sounds to me like you dodged a bullet.
Trueee!
I love this!! Good on you! 😊
Yeah but you were only weird according to her. What if her perception of your weirdness is actually awesome to you and others like you.
My grain of sand to your story and, more generally, to the opinions expressed in the clip: I'm not sure everyone reacts in the same way when someone else shares with them their "craziness/vulnerabilities". From my experience, there were those who felt directly threatened, while others were genuinely surprised, and some were even concerned and a bit cautious. I don't think I ever met anyone who was pleased or amused by it😅. Obviously it also depends on the degree or kind of craziness we have and decide to share..😊
I LITERALLY was hella moody when I went out on a date with this guy yesterday and I told him I can't explain why I'm so thrown off but I'm sorry I'm being so moody and I kept mentioning it all throughout our date and he literally replied telling me that the fact that I have so much self awareness is what's important because if I wasn't aware of it, that's when it would be a problem 💕. This just feels like divine confirmation.
Hell yeah 🖤 honesty is very sexy
Did he ever call you again? Hope so.
Google listening in on your date 👀
So you finally found your match..congrats
You know, it could also be a reaction you had to this guy. The fact that your body and mind is feeling out of place/irritated when you're around him, could be your intuition trying to tell you something about him. And It's important to pay attention what signs your body is sending you, especially when you're on a date. 💕
Your imperfections are what make you perfect for me
I know what you mean. 🥰
😮😊
Interestingly I’ve found it also to be true for people who tend to avoid self-awareness and accountability to often unawarely distance themselves from self-aware people.
I agree
Yes! Because I also saw their flaws, and they were shocked. The difference is I accepted them, but they could not. Sad
@@somethingbambi875 I fully agree but I also want to add that these people usually tend to deny and or ignore flaws in relationship. Flaws are natural, we learn from and work on them. But they won’t go away by looking away.
My self-professed ‘avoidant’ husband is very awarely distancing himself from me - and he seems to be edging further and further the more I discover and deal with my own childhood trauma, hang ups, and addictions.
He has no interest in working on himself ……………………..
Mostly they aren’t ready for the accountability that comes with self awareness or they’re toxic & want someone that isn’t self aware making them easy to manipulate and control.
I think this makes sense. I'm not pretty nor socially gifted, but I have always had people around me who genuinely like me...by being kind and unapologetically myself.
Be yourself apologetically 🤬🤬🤬
@@yesyesyesyesyesyes2021 Why?
Being unapologetically yourself IS being socially gifted.
The right person won't need to work hard to like you, just like you won't need to work hard to like them. We should not change who we are to attract someone because those meant to love us will love us for who we are. Living authentically and true to who you are will make you attract people who value the real you. In the same way, we must observe the people around us with respect and attention to love them as they are, and not from the perspective of what we want them to be.
What if both people like each other a lot but there is a problem that needs to be worked on for example someone being closed off or not being able to communicate their feelings clearly? Is it foolish to try to fix it together, or should they be left alone to fix it themselves?
@@TheGreatWasian_ I'm no expert on the matter, so I'm just sharing my thought on this. I think it first starts by asking some questions (rather to oneself, or to the other person, depending on the goal).
1) Is the person aware they're being closed off and unable to communicate their feelings? Do they wanna work on it?
2) If the person is unaware, did you tackle the subject? What was their reaction? Open or closed to acknowledgment?
Based on that, I'd say: if the person is aware and has expressed a will to work on it, showing support and wilingness to go through that process with them can go a long way. All while giving them some space when they need it. And yeah, this might be tricky, as they're specifically unable to communicate their feelings.. ^^" I think it could help if, when noticing signs of discomfort, you express something like "I see/feel you're uncomfortable.. Do you want me to leave you alone for a while?" It could be the first step for them toward expressing their feelings. And, if they're unable to request being left alone, maybe say something like: "I see you're uneasy. Maybe you want time alone, but find it hard to tell me..? If so, it's ok. I'll be in the kitchen, ok? You can come find me whenever you want, be it in 2 seconds or 2 hours. Love you." - allowing them alone time on their own terms, all while still being supportive and showing you care. Showing that you respect their boundaries can be a step towards being able to communicate feelings that can be hard to put into words.
Of course, self-reflection is important. And if the person expresses that they prefer to go through this alone, it's important that you respect their request, all while making sure they know you're there if they ever need you: being a crutch they can lean on, not an escalator. If that makes sense.. ^^"
If the person is unaware and/or unwilling to work on themselves, there's nothing much more you can do.. beside showing over and over again that being honest and vulnerable around you is safe. I'm saying this, because, how I see it, is that someone won't express their feelings now because expressing their feelings in the past has lead to bad consequences. Staying distant and silent was the "safest" option, so the nervous system has to adapt to a new reality, with time and consistence.
Another reason might be that they themselves have a hard time identifying and understanding their emotions. This is called "alexithymia", if you wanna look it up.
All this being said, I hope all goes well for you both in the long term! It's also important that you stay aware of how this situation and dynamic affects you personally. It's important that you respect your own boundaries as well. Be a support, not a pillar. I wish you all the best!
@@julsstay74 that advice seems so incredibly relevant and specific to my scenario. Almost like it’s God-sent. Seriously, thank you so much. I’m going to read this over and over a few times and make sure I can internalize this so I can properly be there for this girl in the way that she needs me to. Thank you.
@@julsstay74 it seems like you have gone through something similar. It does seem like a good idea to give her space when she needs it and to be able to pinpoint space whenever it seems like she needs it. My issue is that if I saw something was wrong I would try to ask her directly what is wrong and she just wouldn’t tell me and it would cause a lot of stress on both ends.
This should be top comment
Just because it is better to be self-aware than not doesn’t mean that quality will make someone “very attractive.”
if everyone is crazy nobody is. there is a difference between being self-aware and self deprecating
Everyone is crazy but in different ways. Crazy is an umbrella term and covers a wide range so yes everyone can be uniquely crazy. It's like saying everyone is hungry so no one is hungry. Sounds good but everyone really is hungry, just at different times.
@@currentlynoname7499 still doesn't make sense to say sorry then for being crazy/hungry
My father used to tell me that I’m the worst possible pair for any men. And in the shroom trip I saw the one who told me I’m perfectly enough for him. I guess it was my animus. Excited to meet him in real life.
I'm sorry to hear your dad said that too you. It must feel hurtful. Try to reparent yourself. My mom used to put me down. I am now reparenting myself and tell myself "You are my favorite!", "It's okay!", "We got this and you got me!"
@@caseywun390 thank you
don't listen to your dad I'm sure you are kenough ♥
This is true. After disappointing someone by cancelling plans with them (because I put my needs first even if it makes people dislike me. I apologized and rescheduled and made a joke about it) I was later told by them that it was mature and sexy.
What was the joke? Lol
@@DanniBby I said something like "don't be mad at me papa" in a flirty way
@@Morale_Booster that is funny
username checks out
I don’t find that sexy, admitting you care only for yourself?
What this is ommiting is that the other person might still be under the illusion that perfection exists, and run away when they hear about flaws. Personally I've interpreted this as "they are on their journey, but are not just yet ready for a real relationship". Be prepraed to meet people who don't find self awareness that attractive, but when you do, don't dismiss the advice in this video is bad.
It sounds like a great way to weed out superficial idealists
Lol this is exactly how my ex manipulated me. I did not like him, but I liked his honesty and awareness of himself saying "Sorry I am so needy and jealous."
Well yeah, turned out to be a narcissistic control freak and pathological liar with a heart made from stone. He also enjoys abusing others. He is self aware. But he doesn't care.
All the normal rules don’t apply when dealing with a narcissist. By their nature they stomp on boundaries, and flip the social contract on its head. It doesn’t matter how genuine and authentic you are, the narcissist is not meeting you in a genuine or authentic way. They’re in a competition with you, in a game you didn’t even know you were playing in the first place. Any “weakness” you share with them, will be tucked away to be used against you at a later time. They’re playing 4D chess when you just thought you were on a coffee date. They literally have an injured brain, it can never be healed, your empathy will be used to hurt you. It’s like you’re in the room with a demon, you better never turn your back on.
True narcissists aren't typically self-aware, but they are pretty good at pretending to be as a manipulation tactic. They can even portray themselves as empathetic & selflessly caring for others (esp on social media), but they treat their partner like crap. It's all part of the game in creating a façade for the attention & flying monkeys.
@@sighthoundlady15Jesus Christ heals, if we allow Him❤
Brilliant!! I love what you share with us, Alan, and the way you share it! ❤
That's what I was thinking; the worst thing you can say to a narcissist. You are telling them you can gaslight yourself.
It's definitely important to demonstrate self awareness. I told my boss being on time is a challenge for me (it's an anxiety/ptsd thing.) Anyway, I was very honest and I asked her to say my start time was earlier than than it actually was so i would be on time no matter what. She agreed. She understood the situation and gave me an opportunity to fix my s**t when i believed i didn't even deserve a job. I'm so grateful for her. Introspection and honesty goes a long way in many situations, but you gotta be accepting of the fact that not everyone can or should put up with whatever our personal crazy is.
Being self aware means that you actually have to know yourself and accept who you are (including all the flaws). Often times people can’t even accept who they are
Nothing is better than being yourself with all the perfect imperfections and about what attracts someone to another is hard to say you can have 2 people with the same personality or qualities but you will feel the attraction with one that you can’t explain it .
Knowing yourself and being open. Is a good way to connect
True, I always ask him to self reflect before he apologizes. Hurting and saying sorry later doesn't help a relationship no matter what he earns.
Great advice. Everybody try this out. Go on a date and ramble on about your bad sides for 2 hours. See how that goes
It's not a bad advice though, I always feel a connection whenever I know someone telling me their imperfections. It's easy to misunderstand the term here.
This is a one minute video, the message can be quite incomplete in terms of where and when to apply.
@@Ducatorwhere and when to apply and also, how to communicate those bad sides of us? What if we are currently going to therapy or going through a process or a change, how can we communicate that to someone?
It’s just a matter of finding that crazy you want, and you get how much of it you can handle. (And vice-versa) 🥰
Being self aware is attractive sure but good looks, hygiene, status, etc are definitely factors of attractiveness.
SELF-AWARE!.
What an adorable animation! ❤
Agree
We don't need people to be perfect!
Peoples' subconscious is smart. Don't think that you can easily trick healthy people into thinking you're something you're not: things like "Cool" "smart" "effortlessly hot" "kind". People may not know, but they will feel something off about you if you try to fake these things. You must BECOME what you want to be and then simply be yourself. This is attractive
Completely agree
When people do this, it’s usually a HUGE RED FLAG that they’re trying to create a defense for their toxic future behavior - “What did you expect? I told you I was crazy.”
Even if it’s not a flag, a guy’s self awareness isn’t going to make most people more attracted to someone they’re not attracted too. A guy telling me he’s crazy will help me know if his looks, body, and/or personality are all worth his crazy but revealing his challenges will not make me more attracted to him.
You don't get the point, self awareness is important because it let's you know that the person can grow with you. If you and your significant other start living together, they will be able to see what traits you have that clash, and how to make them not clash, how to work together, how to exploit both of your strong suits and protect the others weak points. And ofc this goes both ways, so I suggest you start learning how to be self aware
@@yesyesyesyesyesyes2021 I didn’t comment that self-awareness was bad. I commented that it doesn’t add to anyone’s attractiveness and that anyone who tells people all of their crap as soon as they meet them is setting them up for more crap. In addition people should know someone’s issues and challenges long before deciding to live with them. Learn. To. Read.
@@serenityjewel you heavily implied that self awareness isn't a desirable trait, so I told you to learn how to be self aware bc of all the benefits I said in the last one. And yes before you start living with someone you should know their downsides, but that is learned in the dating stage when you two learn each other, not told from the get go
@@yesyesyesyesyesyes2021 Nope. I did not. You read that into my comment, which is completely separate from me implying it. My comment is in response to the video telling people to lead with their challenges in relationships. My experience, which is the first thing I stated, is that people who begin relationships telling people everything that’s wrong with them are generally unhealthy and not trying to get better. Like you said, we learn about people’s downsides in the dating stage, not by having them told to us from the get go. I never implied self awareness was negative because I don’t believe that it is. Self awareness, combined with action, is the difference between living a mediocre life of disappointment and struggle and living a great life of satisfaction, happiness, and joy.
@@serenityjewel ok 👍
Best short so far today 🙌
Totally agree about the importance of self awareness, but the "I'm sorry I'm so crazy" made me think about the pesto girl
Self awareness is great long term. But doesnt do good for getting the attention. Also self awareness doesnt do much if the person dont want to work on themselves. You can know you have self destructive behaviors but if you dont work on it. And just keep hurting yourself and others. Doesnt do much of anything.
Fair enough. But it seems a moot point. Why would anyone (who isn't self-destructive themselves) aim to attract such a person?
@@MaryDunfordit just happens sometimes. People don’t think about the bad things in someone when they like them. They find out about them later.
Self-awareness is a never ending project. The type of person you are describing believes they have a little book inside them and they just need to read all the pages, and then they know their flaws and wonders and will forever and ever be completely known. They proclaim, “I have issues”, or tell you their issues quite readily as some kind of armor without doing more work and call themselves self-aware. This is akin to having a leak in your bathroom and shouting, “There’s a leak!” and expecting that to be the end of it.
Perhaps the video (though it was a short) should have made the distinction that it’s the people who endeavour to continue mining themselves, accepting what they find, and showing compassion to themselves and others through the process, with some humor to boot, that are truly self-aware. But people who just repeatedly tell themselves they are “self-aware” or seek confirmation from others they are self-aware by unabashedly dumping their problems on to any passing soul are, usually in my experience, not very self-aware.
Another poster displayed this quality talking about being on a date and unfortunately feeling quite moody, but not knowing why. They explained it, and luckily the date found it “mature and sexy”. Not everyone will, but it worked out. The poster seems like the type of person who doesn’t just label themselves “self-aware” but goes about the journey expecting a lifelong discovery of mountains and valleys.
This was very comforting thank you
So it just boils down to "just be yourself "
Also- be aware, the people going about boasting to anyone that they’re so crazy- they usually are! They’re often disorganized and will do a bad job at anything you ask of them, and they’ll make it your fault for trusting them, bc you should have known- they’re so crazy!!
Ugh. Just be genuine. Don’t apologize for who you are, and don’t make light of mental illness. Dudes.
Attractiveness is pretty important to attraction.
I'm stunned this needs to be said.
There's no easy secret cheat to bypass it.
Put in the work, learn what about you is beautiful.
my bf told me that hes grateful to have me bc how patient i am and the things i say. i even told him about how frustrated i was bc one time we didnt spent that much together for few weeks but i trust him but im just an anxious person in general so i said “sorry for being a bit passive aggressive bc i wasnt in the mood. i love you, i wasnt trying to blame u or ur work when things got busy. i just need to work on and deal with my feelings on my own sometimes”. we havent had a big fight throughout our relationship but from the things he has said to me, he loves me bc im not trying to put a mask and said pretty stuff all the time and hes called mature me about things that happened in my life. he said being with me makes him feel at ease and happy
To know your imperfections and flaws is one thing, to share those to others is a whole different thing
His honestly and weirdness was what drew me in. I miss him so much 🍁
Finallyyyy shortsssssss❤❤❤❤❤❤ and also the amazingg topiccc❤❤ I likeeeee itttt
"Has nothing to do with looks." -Said no man ever. 😂
Exactly
Looks get a man on a date. But this is how to keep them
Women beat themselves of for looks, not men. Men dont even look so detailed at your looks, its yourself.
Yeah women are saints who don't go for looks or bank balance right? 🤣
or every woman on a dating app
I’ve always been open and vulnerable and have been rejected by everyone
What’s the difference between dumping and being vulnerable and self-aware?
I teach yoga both mat & chair everyday
In breath and light,
Camille
I have this tendency too. I've never been rejected too bad until this year. It isn't bad rejection but it still is... I'm starting to wonder if true friendships exist. What do you think?
I personally think that whoever coined the term trauma dumping has a serious empathy deficit and most likely can't handle the impact of their own ill actions on other's lives. Now, if the person or people to whom the trauma is disclosed gently state that they're low on energy or bandwidth that day due to other circumstances, that's completely fine and understandable.
The difference is you don't have to tell people your weaknesses when you just meet them. You work on your weakness on your own/with close friends or family, if you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, obviously they will become someone you share all of your weaknesses and strengths with, but they aren't on that level before you even start dating
being self aware and vulnerable is like “i know im like this” when the time and place are appropriate and you are BOTH willing to engage in that conversation.
dumping would be when the other person isnt comfortable enough to listen (bc theyre tired or have a lot going on too) and you haven’t talked to them “before” that you have a lot to unpack at that very moment.
i used to get a lot of this (not trauma dumping but kinda feeling the same) from my aunt who struggled from schizophrenia. it was a lot to take especially when i got home and feeling exhausted after school.
i dont think its appropriate to tell people your trauma and everything few days after you met them. just let it gradually flow. ive had my own trauma, but imagine if you tell that to the person who has never experienced such things before on your first date
Hiding yourself never really works in the long run. I'm so introspective, it drives people crazy. I'm not sure if being Self Aware is attractive to everyone but I do think, there are people who will appreciate someone who is self aware or know and accept who they are
so true. And such a nice illustration style of the video!
How insightful!
Honesty is the key.
It's also the fastest way to get people running away.
Those people running away would have run away at some point anyway, if they can't stand your true self the first time they meet you.
@@julsstay74 I totally agree but this mindset got me lonely
It’s crazy seeing this because some time ago me and my partner asked each other once ‘What made you fall in love with me?’ And I got the somewhat expected answers (beauty, creative etc) but then he said ‘you’re very self aware. You are the person you think you are’ and it caught me off guard because had never ever heard that before nor was it something I’d ever thought about. So this is actually true!
Amen! This is my prayer every day- myself about my ASD issues -and for anyone I’m with…
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the ‘crazy’ animation of this vid.
¡Great job!
"Honest and open “
I love your videos...
My partner said his two favorite things about me, that he also considers rare in people, are that I'm extremely adventurous and happy to try basically anything, and that I will be completely honest about my thoughts and opinions with no sugar coating. Some people find the latter off putting, and I'll admit it's gotten me into trouble many times with other folks, but he appreciates it because he knows I'm never going to lie and he can trust what I say.
this was sooooo cool & interesting to watch, thank you so much for sharing your process!!!!
Love this
Brooooooooooo, I've been single for 19 years, I am as self aware as you can possibly be about everything I do ,_,
Man look at her big ol self awareness
Thanks for the message 🙂
U basically described me and i never loved my self so much im so happy 😊
Self-awareness is beautiful
Self-awareness doesn't absolve anybody of anything.
Yes, it's true!
These essays never miss for me ❤️
I didn't know about self aware for so so so long. Now i take my steps carefully. I know what's gonna make me crazy, angry, sad and tensed
'I'm sorry, I'm so crazy'. Took the words right out of my mouth 😅.
Chilling.
I had a quarrel with her. Coz she isn’t ready but felt pressured by me. It was intense but a heart felt quarrel.
I did not mean to pressure but thought we had a connection. And the quietness sometimes terrifies me. I got trust issues.
So, I admitted that how I got my broken parts, why they need healing and how I’m working on it. I thought I was being too real but she stopped being angry.
I highly doubt we can forget each other. If you are right… she will reach out again.
And here i am, lonely with no friends let alone a partner cuz I am too weird and no one even understands when I talk about my interests.
I feel you.
If you be yourself, you are eventually going to find your 'tribe' 💖 Maybe you search in wrong places :)
Same here. Thought I finally met like minded people, but they run away when I opened up my heart to them 😢
May I ask what are your interests? got me very intrigued. Sorry for the weird question 😅
self-awareness is like medicine. if you're sick, you need it. if you're well, it could actually make you sick
Self-awareness and self-development are separate things. I think what's _really_ attractive is being able to work on your development. Not only being aware of your flaws and apologizing for them.
Yeah, great advice... That’s why my ex is my ex! Apparently, he was not a fan of honesty!
be self aware and be authentic
Important side note: this probably isn't the best thing to say to someone you're meeting for the first time, unless you like getting arrested.
Well....I've spent years in therapy to overcome abuse and one thing repeated by several counsellors was how self aware I am. Still single and no friends.....but I'm aware of it. :)
This only works if someone already likes you and is willing to accept who you are, even with all your flaws.
This is very funny because I spent almost my entire first date with this one guy explaining why I’m just way too crazy to date and then if I were his friend I would be bringing at red flags and we have our 30 year anniversary this month :)❤❤❤
a wonderful simple message. thank you
counterpoint: my therapist told me i'm one of the most self-aware people he's ever met, and every girl i've asked out in the last 5 years has turned me down.
Good point
Hello, could you share any experience of yours while dating with one of the girls that turned you down?
it's your flaws that make you unique... distinctness is desirable
I love this so much ❤
I'm very self-aware and tried to show my genuine self in front of my ex-crush, but it doesn't change anything. Sometimes people are not meant to be with us and we gotta be ok with that. We are still gonna live our lives to the fullest anyways.
I want to show my true self to people. It would be fun
Self aware is just a subset of confident, youre more likely to be confident if you accept your own faults and flaws
Depends on who you ask
I love this❤
Favorite site 😊
Great advice but based off of experience, it doesn’t really work as well as it should.
Well, maybe you can work on how you 'serve' the info to the other person?;)
Wow so true!
Honesty
So true that!
I was once adored coz of being unintentionally genuinely weird, only later he preferred someone perfect to him....
If you’re actually attractive to the person physically the personally doesn’t matter much tbh most people mostly care about looks
Listen , I love ur voice.
This is so accurate
Soooo true
My mom’s coming back from being overseas for a while. I’m sick with anxiety already. I just know it’s going to be drama. I’ve been praying and meditating on keeping her toxic energy at bay when she returns. I’ve worked hard to put structures and habits in place to keep me on track bc she won’t leave me alone. Of course it’s a hard no, and I do read her when necessary. But inside I’m sick w anxiety.
We are all this way
Thank you! ❤
Self aware ❤
If someone told me ‘’sorry I’m so crazy’’ it would give me the ick
Self-awareness... yeah...
%80 Untrue words on modern conditions