People not to fall in love with: a checklist
Вставка
- Опубліковано 24 вер 2024
- Enjoying our UA-cam videos? Get full access to all our audio content, videos, and thousands of thought-provoking articles, conversation cards and more with The School of Life Subscription: www.theschoolo...
Learn, heal and grow. Get the best of The School of Life delivered straight to your inbox: www.theschoolo...
FURTHER READING
You can read more on this and other subjects in our articles, here:
MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE
Watch more films on SELF in our playlist:
bit.ly/TSOLself
SOCIAL MEDIA
Feel free to follow us at the links below:
X: x.com/TheSchoo...
Instagram: / theschooloflifelondon
LinkedIn: / the-school-of-life
TikTok: www.tiktok.com...
CREDITS
Produced in collaboration with:
Deanca Rensyta
www.deancarens...
Title animation produced in collaboration with
Graeme Probert
www.gpmotion.co.uk
We all have flaws . But someone who doesn’t want to acknowledge their flaws and unwilling to work on it …… well we can’t save them , love can’t save them .
A refreshing perspective development over the previous, 'You will marry the trauma you are most familiar with', and 'We are all crazy in some way, just put it on the table at the first date'.
Hahaha! That is an excellent observation! It was refreshing.
Summary: look out for name-calling, blaming, and shaming, all indicators of manipulation and lack of boundaries. Do your necessary work to become the type of person / partner you want to date
Those could be indicators of someone who's boundaries have been violated and they didn't know how to communicate. Itself an issue.
@kenamoe86 Does it count if I'm self-aware, but do nothing til someone points it out, and I unconsciously fix myself?
@@kenamoe86 1,000% and so many of us aren't even sure what our boundaries are, and how to tell when they are crossed! Excellent point
it appears 99.9% of people aren’t to be fallen in love with
Yup. That's why it's special.
I mean how many people do you want to fall in love with?
@glendino not really!
There is no perfect person.
Sometimes a partner doesn't have all features you want.
The most important thing is to look for their willingness to change. If someone deserves your love , it's way to notice.
Do they respect you as you respect them?
Do you share same values as them ?
Where do you see moving with her in the next 2, 5 or 10 years.
These and many other questions you can ask to assess if a partner is worth sacrificing your heart for.
So we all fit. It's about your willingness to change for the better.
just based on the percentage you give...it is perhaps more about you?
Out of 1000, we only need 1
My grandma used to say it's just as easy to fall in love with a bad man as it is to fall in love with a good man. (And this goes for all genders too) Meaning that if you meet someone who has major red flags or is it a bad person. Just distance yourself from them. It's not even worth it to give them a chance because it's just going to bring you pain. And it's going to be it's so much harder to cut them off after you've gotten attached to them. Don't let yourself fall in love with someone who's a bad person. You can't change them. And it's not fair of you to get into a relationship because you want to mold the person into someone you want.
Wise grandma
Wise grandma
This cuts deep.
You canynt change a bad person. Unfortunately this is almost everyone makes.
This cuts deep.
You canynt change a bad person. Unfortunately this is almost everyone makes.
I'd say it may be harder to fall in love with a good man, because they seem so out of the norm. Also, bad people has developed coping mechanisms to charm you, lure you in and make you trapped.
“People who refuse to do the necessary work” man it hits so hard because he was everything and the most incredible person I have ever met my entire life but he said that he doesn't like putting efforts in relationships which literally broke my heart and I had to let him go because of his indifference towards me when I got distant. It was a very painful lesson but now I'm good.
POV: We all check several of those points...
Being mutually delighted by one another sounds great, though. That's what I'm striving for.
Exactly.
People who don't understand nobody's perfect.
And even if this video is out there, nothing will stop us from continuing to make mistakes in the realm of love
AND, we can learn to make better mistakes, or at least not make the same ones by healing the wounds that drive our patterns. With the right "necessary work" and tools, of course.
@@hearttalkscoach I totally agree with you :)
I won't. I've learnt enough.
Us? No you … take accountability
@@MoneySoul Accountability is not the opposite of making mistakes; but a desirable consequence of it... lol.
The timing is impeccable
I'm doing all these things to my partner and feel awful, but realizing it may help me change
@@sageparis9495 Where there is a will, there is a way, and you can never change what you have no awareness of.
Now you are aware that something is not right, and you have the will to change.
Don't let this opportunity for growth go to waste!
Not only should you NOT pick them to love, they are also terrible neighbors, drivers, employees, board members, bosses, or political candidates.
Oh my... this!
You snuck that in there. I see you…
Yes, ….. is a horrible person.
So, basically, nobody? It feels like I haven't met a person that didn't have at least one of those "beautiful" traits.
Conclusion: do not fall in love, ever.
There must be something wrong with the title guys.
The only reason I clicked, lol
This describes perfectly my parents, therefore myself also.
That title took me a minute
Despite our awareness of the pitfalls and patterns in love, we still succumb to the same mistakes. It seems our emotions override our rationality, rendering emotional intelligence ineffective when we're in the throes of passion and love. We're inherently emotional beings, vulnerable to the whims of love.
Speak for yourself. Mature adults develop a deep self-awareness and self-control.
So this is why I'm still single. I'm one of the people on the list who also doesn't want to be with someone on the list.....
You seem already to know something, that most people on the list do not. I am sure, you can work yourself off the list one day. It will be hard work, but it will be worth it.
First of all we should check in with ourselves to see if we possess any of these traits - if so working on them,becoming better and healing is the right path to go
How else are we supposed to have a good,generous relationship not just a romantic one,but really any relationship if we are not the best,self-aware,versions of ourselves? If you want the best for yourself,a peace of mind and a healthy mindset,you gotta create that for yourself first
Checklist YT sounds like someone i would want to fall in love with
Ikr, Checklist YT is so easy to fall in love with🤣
Yeah, looks like a bug, eh?
If somebody is negative and judges you, then that person does not need to be in your life. The issue I see with men is that women don't accept you, yet you try to do things to gain acceptance.
Very informative list, thank you ❤
So, basically, avoid narcissists
Which means avoid everyone.
We all have asshole traits and are "toxic" from time to time. NPD is very, very rare.
@@coldshatterhandIs there a Thing as 'The One' or The Queen I am searching for ....
@@lavatr8322 What? :D
OMG! I'm all the persons just mentioned in one! 😢
Thank you!
Correct.
You can stop it?
Nope. The heart wants what the heart wants. However, your head should be in control and work to prevent your heart from making a terrible mistake. Listen to your head. It won’t lead you astray. Your heart is often foolish. Walk away from the people described in this video. Continue to search for the one that both your heart and head agree on.
Of course you can, just don't expect it to be easy.
Thank you
No human is a “good person” or a “bad person.” There’s good and bad in us all. To love, one must be able to forgive.
Forgiveness is wasted on the arrogant.
@@Michael-ArchonaeusFirst consider what made them arrogant in the first place. And never deny your own feelings,
So that’s like everyone including ourselves 😂 let’s just get rid of love lol
Let's learn and grow instead.
Complicated. Stay single until I'm ready. Hidup bukan tentang cinta saja😊
One find out what love is, when one learns what love is not.
🙏❤️🌍🌏🌎🌿🕊🎵🎶🎵💫✨️💫
Circular reasoning.
:D this leaves exactly no one at all!
One should marry a quiet person than ! Who doesn't respond in any situation 😂
Damn, I could never be with him ... Torturous.
yaa
wonderful, as usual
Watch what people do not what they say.
We broke up last night :(
I’m sorry
That’s awful. It takes time to heal but it does happen. Be patient with yourself. Do some introspection. Don’t date for a few months. Heal. Wishing you the best.
Resist the temptation to find someone new for at least a year.
If more people actively chose to follow The School of Life, many of us would be single right now.
And perhaps that would be a wonderful thing for the sake of humanity.
Is the title supposed to be like that?
You didn't format the title correctly that is sloppy
It is.
I feel like all this video did was describe me
What do you think? Could it be a person who, without any malice, use to be hurted for you telling a friend of both that "looks good today", or follow somone in social media even they are a friend of both and they are ina a reletionship and you don't flirt? Im very confuse now, I feel that I have the wrong perspective. I'm willing to improve and be more kind to her, but also feel that I have to care of everything I do minute by minute in order to not hurt her.
So it isn't worthy to fall in love with me , got it 😂
So why would “being angry at your parents but not knowing it” be bad for your romantic relationship?
@@aanelejj
Badummmn tsssss
because you will act out the anger and direct it at your partner instead of your parents. wrecks any relationship in no time 😉
Because you’re likely to subconsciously continue acting out the antagonism as you become closer to your partner.
The video is not well edited my man
So... everyone. 🙄
Che no se puede hacer nada loco
👍
So basically 'people' 😂
So basically everyone then 😂
Checklist YT? What was that, lol
Tick, tic, tick, tick, tick. OK so better luck next time then.
Many will not like this video...
seems there are a lot of the people we should be avoiding in the comments. If you feel attacked maybe its time to do some deep-diving into personal growth and awareness.. just a tip :)
Lord forgive me for I have sinned
Haven't we all? Just let it go and start fresh.
That checklist from a lot of women is what they carry and expect from us men. I do apologize but I am not a grocery list and unfortunately I am not anything they want on that list. I do want to be loved and have some affection but I am not anybody's unnecessary liability for instant gratification. This is not a 1 night stand.
First thing to lose is the victim mentality.
I want the knight to bring weed
@nathanieljohn2239, you near Arizona?
This really is the most pessimistic way of looking at love, you’re very pessimistic about life in general
Be careful not to BE this person either🥹
1:55 welp reminded again that i am in fact unlovable, but at least i am aware of this
No one is unlovable.
The people described to not love are my 60+yr old parents who grew up in the Regan era. They think nothing is wrong with them.
hahaha Yeah that's relatable. An off-topic question: Did you people from The School Of Life deleted your video on Trump? I have sincere curiosity over what critique might you do on his policies! Hmm.. I think it was something about closing the economy but anyhow.
I couldn't fall in love with the kind of person who could fall in love with me.
I hope this represents an ideal level of awareness about the tricky types we have a predisposition towards. Because if you turn the emphasis away from your awareness and measure the world literally, by these standards, "अकेले ही मरोगे फिर!" (you will die alone then!) :P
People are what they do. If you want to tall a bad from a good person, watch what they do. Who is your favorite "good guy" in a movie. How did you know they were good? And you knew it within maybe 10 minutes of meeting them onscreen. Do that with real people.
"People who refuse to do the necessary work" Absolutely🎉🎉
If you read this give me your thoughts:
So I’m in a one year relationship with my current partner, I feel like he doesn’t love me for who I am because he always points out my potential and advice me to do things, even tho I didn’t ask for advice, I feel like he sees me as a project trying to “fix” me, this happens mostly about my habits or how I view things. I communicated my feelings with him, said that I don’t feel loved when someone constantly loving me for who I could be and not who I really am. And he apologizes but continue the same behavior.
I believe in unconditional love and I don’t feel loved and admired by him. I have experienced man loving and admiring me unconditionally and I can’t accept that he sees I’m someone to “fix”. I’m not easily offended I can listen to someone advising me but it’s annoying when it’s advice about your principles and the way you think.
Idk what the solution for this??
Btw I myself do not give advice when I’m not asked for it and mostly it’s for close ones, I feel like I’m stepping on people’s boundaries if I do so.
I like the video, but the audio breaks are a bit distracting; usually these are more seamless.
Honestly, this video made me really sad. I“m an avoidant, and I know it. Im trying to change but fixing it is quite hard and I“m not sure if I can ever make it. This video is basically telling people to stay away from me. This really drives me down. Im not a bad person, I just cant help it.😢
I should've watched this 10 months ago
This is a telltale of me never finding love at all. 70% of these are 100% involuntary to me, so it's basically foolproof that I won't find love, no matter how much I want it. ;-;
This is me. My first and only relationship was when I was 21 until 24. I went on a couple of dates after that, fell in love once, but that was unfortunately unreciprocated. Now I'm 33, financially independent, mentally more mature, and emotionally available, but haven't found the right one yet, and I'm fine with that. I love my own company enough to be content with my status quo.
I find it so frustrating how un-self-aware people have relationships and feel connexions and affection, even if there's some toxicity, and the kind of people who watch The school of life are adviced to basically stay single cause there's bearly anyone out there who doesn't check these criterias.
"No interest in suffering." Buddha.
aight guys, it's facing the mirror time!
Did you interview my parents for this?
this was hard to watch I'm experiencing a lot those with a girl and my self
Why do we act as blind and deaf when we fall in love? Why does our brain and rational thinking leave the body? Please make a video about that.🙂
This is really just a description of various personality traits in narcissistic or emotionally avoidant people.
Seeing this after the breakup just shows how I had started to gaslight myself it wasn't what I thought it was, on both our sides
I am someone who knows they are not lovable, makes things easier if you know its not worth trying. Im on this list and thats ok
So almost everyone?
Dont fall in love with me😅
So... people.
Thanks!
💯
Two months ago I had to let go of a relationship with an amazing man, because he refused to take any accountability for his actions... Made me feel like I'm difficult to love, would constantly tell me I can't keep the peace in the relationship, when I could bring him my concerns wrapped in gold, and be dismissed all over... It's called dismissive avoidance for a reason, breaks my heart, because I know he won't find true joy, as he refused to go to therapy and work on his empathy and deep wounds he has. I know I deserve better.