One of the biggest red flag and most selfish and weirdest thing she told me, was that "all the holidays belong to her mother". I responded, "WHAT? SMH, I have parents too. We have to compromise and share the holidays".
Oh my gosh, did you ever nail this one. My ex would never take up for me against his narcissistic parents. He didn't see why any snarky remark his mom made about me (I was beneath them) should bother me. I finally got kicked to the curb 27 years in. Best thing my ex ever did. I've been healing for almost 10 years now, and I finally feel like I am regaining my bearings.
And now I get it! I was struggling with double abuse and manipulation because they defended each other and justified every unhealthy behavior because he was used to being treated like a prince, but was not loved from his mother! To keep this dynamic going on he had to always accept what she wanted and allowed her invasive entitlement at our home.😨 And I was double gaslightet!!
broke my family up..now, I know what it's called..I have been asking myself "why"..now, I get it..thank you..please talk about communal narcissism too..
The overvaluation of sons is spot on, Dr. Ramani. And when the overvalued son is an *only* child of parents who have made that child the center of their world, the stakes are even higher. I know of a situation like this. The son tried to put physical distance between him and his wealthy parents by moving 100 miles away, but 5 years later, the parents moved within a couple of miles of him. They also control him with money. The son has a live-in girlfriend. I feel sorry for both of them. They will never have any peace until the parents are dead and gone. ~ Ladies, I'm telling you....if you find yourself dating a man where these dynamics are present, run for the hills!
I finally said enough when my ex-husband, whilst pushing his fingers in my face, demanded I took the entire blame for the stress of our marriage. Absolving himself and his family
The golden child was spoiled in childhood. Many golden children turn into narcissists. I was the golden child until I was around 12/13 and then I became the scapegoat, once I moved in with my narcissistic father. Maybe that saved me from becoming a narcissist myself - who knows? But golden children can be very difficult to deal with. Many of them are perfectionists and obsessive compulsive.
Thank you for talking about the possible narcissism of the golden child, and not just the narcissistic abuse meted out to the spouse of a golden child.
It's hard to say. I think it depends on the personality type. Some people are predisposed. My scapegoated sister was the one who became the narcissist.
Yep my ex was a golden child narcissist. Mother in Law and Step mother in Law was narcissist too. Got the abuse from all sides. Thank you NarcSurvivor for mentioning this. Stay strong. You are not alone. 💕💪I pray for God heals you completely from your recent heart attack in Jesus name I pray.🙏
What you describe is exactly what happened to me. It is taking time to get over. The family I married into used their religious belief system to gaslight me and blame me for everything that went wrong and plenty went wrong! They found hundreds of ways to let me know I was inferior to them and did not deserve their golden child. I am gradually pulling myself up by my boot straps. Thank you for being here for us, Dr. Ramani!
Wow…feels like she’s telling my story. I always thought I should have fought harder; but after the math, I realized it’s the best decision I’ve ever made for myself. No matter what or how much you do, you will not satisfy them. There’s always somethings pops up in their head just to hate us.
I believe my husband is the golden child and I’ve been dealing with issues with my mother-in-law over the last few years. We went on a family trip and that’s when things unravelled. She said some mean things out of the ear shot of my husband and then she said she didn’t mean it that way, and he bought into her manipulations. My husband then saw some further passive aggressive actions from her that’s when he started to notice her behavior. However, my husband and I are implementing boundaries which has been very difficult because of course she doesn’t want to follow boundaries. I went and sat down with her at a counseling session and went over boundaries with her with the counselor so we’ll see how it goes. The situation is still very much a challenge and it’s causing conflict in my marriage. My husband is seeing her covert narcissism but also says he won’t cut all contact with his mom. We are low-contact at this point.
100%! Accurate! Joining that family was like walking into a coven of vampires. 🧛 My ex narc MIL went so far as to get involved with my ex’s affair partner and groomed and promoted her to current love, while the family disrespected, devalued and discarded me (12 years of marriage). I had no idea. It was the best thing they ever could’ve done for me because i’ve been free of that psychotic family for a few years now and the transformation of my mental and physical health is dramatically better.
Very helpful for my healing process! My Ex was not only the golden child from 4 kids, but also a covert N himself! He was from the type that "didn't get it" as I tried to make clear that the inlaws broak all boundaries and could walk in the house whenever they wanted and use him every time! His younger brother was the scapegoat and could get away from the whole toxicity and admitted that the only way possible to live a healthy life was to move to another country with wife and kids. Once again dear Dr.R. your insights are excellent!👏🏼✨️
This is great, very informative and spot on! And, sometimes the GC becomes a narcissist themselves. Will you also do one about being married to the Scapegoat?
my MIL didnt fully show her communal narcissism until i had kids. she is the most covert narc ive ever seen. my hubby is a very loving man that has come a long way but ive almost left many times. he has some of her traits but i believe he chose to be as different from her as he could. he definately decided to marry a woman completely different from his mom. we are finally a team but it is still veryyyyyy hard for him to see what i see. i think he knows more than shares because so painful. he feels guilty for his siblings. the triangulation is something she did all the time but cant anymore now that we're a team. but she does that to everyone else's marriage, even her clients (she's a therapist!!). she knows i know what she is and will never stop trying to violate boundaries and gaslight. shes a compulsive liar as well. she gossips about my FIL to their kids and it is disgusting. her new golden child is my husband's youngest brother who is sadly a complete narc and probably sociopath.
This is not an informative video, THIS IS A TOOL. Best video ever!! ...and I have watched all of Dr Ramani's videos. Many of them more than 3 times. ❤🎉 For my fellow anxious humans reading this, if you want to start healing and you don't know where to start... this is it. You'll understand all the different flavors of narcissism in one painful lesson. Whether you save your relationship or not, you'll never trip with the same stone again. Big win. I was supposed to be "healed" when I bumped into my now ex husband 😅, but I didn't learn this until we where married. I had all the clues before and didn't put them together 😢 because his love bombing lasted 6 years 🤷♀️ After we got married he just "went back to the pack", I guess.
This video is a God send! It explains my situation perfectly as my spouse is the golden child. Unfortunately he only understands everything to an extent but I keep praying hard he sees the full truth more and more. He does stand up for me here and there and understands I come first but at the same time tries to play both sides. My MIL has emotionally and psychologically abused me for years and it definitely got worse after having kids. My MIL also wore a similar white dress to my wedding. I just hope there's light at the end of this what seems like an impossible situation.
Geez Dr. Ramani, you hit the nail on the head again. Thank you! My in-laws viewed my wife, the only child and golden child (Scapegoat when needed too), as a baby making machine. Her mom wanted her to be a single mom, dependent on her mom (the Narcissistic leader) and just produce grandchildren for her. Her mom even used words to beat around the bush from saying this directly.
doctor ramani i just wanted to tell you how thankful i am for your videos. if it wasn‘t for them i would‘ve never left my abusive relationship and i still would‘ve prolly suffered to this day. please keep making these videos, you‘re an angel❤️ thank you for being the voice for people who are afraid to speak up
You look absolutely gorgeous today . That sweater that color looks so beautiful on you! Thank you for your videos! My mom was a narcissist and it really affected me so much. I have been to lots of therapy which has helped me understand, but your videos have helped me go deeper and are so helpful❤
.. stole the golden goose vibe is so accurate and heartbreaking, they were trapped in a hurricane of foolishness like a tragic sitcom. Unrelenting and menacing 💯😮😬 Thanks for these so informative, I will need to buy & read the book 🙏🏾
...the thing in any toxic or narcissistic relationships/dynamics is either their unique way or the highway and the survivor/victim has to continually maneuvering, updating and getting used to radical acceptance...any kind of talk or discussion ends into a blame game and gaslighting and silent treatment...although it might start with love bombing...the victim/survivor's dreams don't really matter...this psycho-education is so important that it should be a part of school/academic curricula and how I always wish I had this education before leaving school but past becomes history and missed opportunities, on a positive note - better late than never, and put up one's best in the unique circumstance/s and let go/apply wisdom and not ruminating but heal🤷♀️at the same time, I do wish nobody should miss out this education and become vulnerable, isn't it🤔many thanks Dr. Ramani as always🙏🌷🕊💝🤗
Amazing how poorly the 90s sitcoms have aged, eh? 😂 Back then her awful MIL was hilarious and the abuse went right over everyone's heads. (That said, I did find it very clever that in the much less toxic sitcom _The Middle,_ Doris Roberts once again played a woman who hated Patricia Heaton's character. I thought it was a nice Easter egg for "those in the know"😄)
It's such a surreal feeling to have an entire extended family join forces to grind you into the dirt. I didn't understand what was happening till I heard an interview about a book on golden children.
Throughout my 39 years of life, my narcissistic father has assigned me different roles based on his moods, my achievements/failure, and how obedient or rebellious I was toward him. At different times, I have been the golden child, the scapegoat, and the invisible child. Despite this, and despite the fact that for the past three years I have adopted gray rocking and then no contact strategies, my husband has been experiencing all these complexities from my parents. He has been accused of stealing me away from my family, of being unworthy of me and my family, of preventing me from having a relationship with my family, of being stingy, of having parents who are not respectable people, of coming from a family of beggars, and of marrying me out of greed. At every opportunity he has had, my father has made such remarks about my husband and his family, and he continues to do so. My husband and I saw no choice but to completely cut ties with my family and avoid becoming entangled in my father’s psychological manipulations.
Dr Ramani, As always I learned so much! Your Expertise is unparalleled: You cover Every Scenario, Talk at a pace to cover Miles in one Session in such a way that I can understand & Grasp Easily! You are such a Great Blessing! Thank You, ever Kindly! 🙏🏻 Blessings! ☀️💕🕊🍃
It's very difficult to prioritize our own wellbeing while navigating such in-laws. Add loneliness to this while being in the relationship. They're never there for you.
Wow. Yeah. I was made to believe I was the problem for having boundaries with my inn laws. I refused family together with them for ten years. They insisted I was controlling even though I always encouraged my partner to go with them -- I just wasn't go to subject myself to it. My partner had glimpses but never stood to them for me. Ultimately our relationship ended ...
Yeah, I would imagine so. Thankfully, the trauma bond is broken. There is no love left. However, it can get complicated with these family systems because of the nature of what they are.
My narcissistic mother hated all my partners. There is no one good enough for her golden child. She thinks she owns me and that I should be living with her, and doing everything she wants. I'm 42 and I'm so tired.
My narcissistic golden child brother got married to a sweet, meek woman. I've been no contact for 8 years with all of them, but I still feel bad for her. I often wonder if she would trust me or believe me if I reached out to check up on her, but being the scapegoated adult child I think she's already been told a lot of untrue stuff about me. So I just let it be. It's hard to watch good people get vampirized away by these empty, cruel sadists. PS: Love the new set up! Just a thought, is it just me or the audio tends to be only on the left speaker? It wasn't like that before, but it felt like that the last couple of vids.
I have also just sat and watched the inevitable happen to a lovely women who became a member of my in-laws family. She unfortunately went down all the rabbit holes, tolerated alcohol abuse and tried to fix the marriage by having kids. So VERY sad to watch all this play out exactly as you know it would!
Dr. Ramani can i ask you something, what if you realize after 20+ year of marriage that your husband was a golden child and himself a narcissist. You and some other people here on the you tube has given me strength to recognize, accept and break away. Trying to break away, long way to go and an extremely painful one as children are involved. You all are saviors❤
My ex was the golden boy of his whole family (and, surprise! turned out to be a raging narcissist himself), but especially his insanely narcissistic grandfather. I met his grandpa when I was in college and it felt like a job interview meets police interrogation. The man grilled me about my resume and family history and earning potential and religion. Despite me having better grades and family stability than my ex, his grandpa told him to dump me because I would hold him back and was probably going to get pregnant to “lock him down and steal his family name” 😆Thank God that relationship didn’t last.
I love that you left the 20:24 outtake/fumbled read in the video. :-) It made me smile. All of your videos are fantastic- great information that has helped me greatly. Two thumbs up!
My goldenchild sister and her husband always treated me as a liar and disrespectull against my narcisstic mom,when I understood eveything.I went no contact
With one right now!! BUT!! he has set boundaries with his family, especially his parents!! I told him about my concerns regarding his overbearing mother and other red flags. I let him know, I'm not puttinf up with none of it! He gets it!! He even confided in me that his mother makes him sick. So we limit our time with them!! We don't disclose anything personally to them regarding our lives..we just tell them we are busy working!!!! We protect each other and are each other's safe place. He is sept 14 , i am sept 12, virgos, both givers, former ppl pleasers and givers..now we choose to put ourselves amd each other FIRST and won't let extended families on either end mess up what we got going. We protect our relationship as if it's a new born baby!! I told him, I'm not marrying into his mother's family, I'm getting together with him for us to start our own family!!! I'm not under nobody in your family!! We decide how they can be involved in our lives, not the other way around.
I married the scapegoat and saw the golden child's marriage be destroyed by a nasty and jealous MiL who I suspected of having Jocasta complex. I've ceased all contact with the MiL because of the way she treated my husband and myself and also encouraging my husband's brother to treat him like the poor relation. Fortunately my husband is fine with it because he sees what I see.
Going through this now. Been married almost 20 years to a covert narcissist and I identified the manipulative/abusive behaviors in his mom first. Playing the victim, ignoring boundaries, faux apologies, etc. It wasn’t until 4 years ago that I realized he did the same things except it’s more insidious. I’ve never felt supported by him when it comes to his family. He pretended to set boundaries with them but he was always way too soft. He always takes credit for any gifts, cards, etc. I send them for holidays so he looks like the good guy while simultaneously excluding me/preventing me from building a relationship. Now that the mask is off, he all of a sudden wants to build a relationship with his parents and takes our kids to visit them, against my wishes, as passive aggressive punishment to me.
Oh yes, I married the narcissistic golden child of a narcissist family. Mother in law was a kind empath but very easily manipulated by her narcissistic daughter (my sister in law). That woman (sister in law) has caused me unbelievable pain over the years until my husband finally agreed to go no contact with said sister in law. This was only after my dear mother in law died. My mother had tried to warn me about that family 😢
Years ago when I watched the movie _Monster-in-Law,_ I thought it was ridiculously unrealistic that the son be so BLIND to his mother's toxic craziness. He was written as this ditzy handsome guy who just wrote his mother off as "a little difficult," completely dismissing the hell she was putting his fiancee through (spoiler: at one point she even does severe bodily harm to the daughter-in-law). This video made me think back to that romcom and realise that he was her Golden Child! Her little blue-eyed boy, forever Mummy's. As you alluded to, Dr Ramani, in the movie of course it all ends well. But IRL the marriage would have been an absolute mess from the get-go. Maybe I'll go watch that again just for fun, lol.
Try being the golden child (now scape goat for not doing with my life what I was told) of a malignant narcissist mother, married to a covert narcisist. My life was hell for the 10 years my relationship lasted. During my divorce, I saw a video of Dr Ramani and finally understood what I was going trough. Life is still hard. But at least now, at the age of 42, I know what I'm facing.
Dang - yup I married a first born son who is a golden child , played a very strong leadership role in his family It’s been a long, slog. They pretty much didn’t even acknowledge me when visiting our place even after making food and coffee. My hubs didn’t notice Now I don’t care any more and just try to work the days he goes to Visit for holidays. It’s been a slog For sure . All you talked about happened
As expected, another insightful video, Dr. Ramani, thank you. In addition to Dr. Ramani’s book, I recommend The Emotional Incest Syndrome by Patricia Love and When He’s Married to Mom by Kenneth Adams.
Through experience, I had to endure with my ex’s narcissistic mother. I wanted to marry my ex. However, when they were together, I would be treated like I wasn’t even there. It’s like my ex had a mask on with me but when the mom is present another mask is present. My ex discard me but tried to return. I realized that the cycle of her and her mother will always continue. I came at peace with her decision. She wasn’t the golden child but she was the youngest one. In my opinion, is the worse to be in a relationship that has a narcissist mother.
I grew up as golden child because I diligently applied all my talents. Opera, dancing, acting, arts. My sister the scapegoat because she did meth. When I converted to Hinduism I immediately became the scapegoat at age 29 and my sister the golden child. I had to move 500-1000 miles away from the dynamic. I’m also the truth teller and had begun therapy at age 20 on my own to cope with my family even as a golden child. Both parents narcs and my sister admits to being a malignant. I was celibate for 14 years and my Guru has no idea how I came from a family like mine. I high tailed it out. Applied my discipline of the arts to sadhana and had samadhi at 22 with it a guru and again at 30 with a guru. Nirvikalpi then Savikalpi. Narcissism isn’t in my nature. My guru knows this. Both parents gone now and my sister killed my mom. She hated her but played golden child for 20 years to get inheritance. Talk about messed up. I will have nothing to do with her. I live pretty much alone. I tend to get romantically involved with covert male narcs who only show overt cruelty at the end and then I’m deeply heartbroken and go back to celibacy often time for years.
My older sister is the golden child for our mother and our mother treats my sister’s husband like the golden child as well. He is very manipulative person and (their kids are the golden children as well ). I was and am the scapegoat child always and our mother treats me, my kids and husband very badly. When I understand their behavior, I put my kids and husband first. I still love my mother but the way she treats me is beyond bad. Some people if questioned if she is my biological mother😢.
Well my first boyfriends mum was awful to me only son me first girlfriend...a lit of stuff I was called the obnoxious being....she wud say what has she got that I havnt when he hugged me. ...I showed a Xmas gift I'd got him n she got the same n gave it first. But her childhood was dire .....when I got pregnant she ,tho catholic wanted her Dr to give her something to end my baby's life.however once born she changed.but so did the son and wow that was rape control he was older than me.we kept in touch a bit they saw my son had him to stay .never accepted their sons failings but still.....I feel sorry for them now they are dead...it must have been hard she had no friends her son was her everything.
I almost didn't listen because i am/was the golden child, but I'm single. But i was gratified to learn that it will be better now that i am aware of my narcissist parent... But then i remembered that i just came out to them as gay, and when i marry I'm pretty sure i will be planted firmly in the scapegoat camp so i won't have to worry about this 😅 #silverlinings lol
I feel silly asking this, but my sister has referred to me on many occasions as the golden child. I take this as a negative, demeaning comment. She categorically says it’s a positive and uplifting label. I completely disagree. Am I wrong to think this?? A few side notes. I believe my sister is 100% a narcissist and She was always jealous of me, but will NEVER admit it. There is a significant age gap between us. In no way do I think either one of my parents was a narcissist.
I don't think their was a golden child, unless each were. They created competitors for the top. He wasn't caught up in that, but since they passed away I can't say what has happened. He is at some war with himself. I guess his resistance could have been competition.
Can that sort of thing work in reverse … that the not golden child lives forever trying to get their attention or is at the beck @ call of his family trying to be “ the one” even if he has to takes sides between spouse & his family. ??
I find that u, dr Ramani, put all of those experiences so well into words and clear breakdowns, something I've tried so often, but I think the confusion , denial and guilt, kind of pulled me away from expressing this clearly. So, again, your podcasts are a daily cup of coffee .are of protection narcissism 🫘 beans. Thank u for your good work.
One of the biggest red flag and most selfish and weirdest thing she told me, was that "all the holidays belong to her mother". I responded, "WHAT? SMH, I have parents too. We have to compromise and share the holidays".
Oh my gosh, did you ever nail this one. My ex would never take up for me against his narcissistic parents. He didn't see why any snarky remark his mom made about me (I was beneath them) should bother me. I finally got kicked to the curb 27 years in. Best thing my ex ever did. I've been healing for almost 10 years now, and I finally feel like I am regaining my bearings.
And now I get it! I was struggling with double abuse and manipulation because they defended each other and justified every unhealthy behavior because he was used to being treated like a prince, but was not loved from his mother! To keep this dynamic going on he had to always accept what she wanted and allowed her invasive entitlement at our home.😨 And I was double gaslightet!!
I radically accepted that I'm not good enough for some in-laws. It's not my problem to fix their stuff. I just move along.
broke my family up..now, I know what it's called..I have been asking myself "why"..now, I get it..thank you..please talk about communal narcissism too..
The overvaluation of sons is spot on, Dr. Ramani. And when the overvalued son is an *only* child of parents who have made that child the center of their world, the stakes are even higher. I know of a situation like this. The son tried to put physical distance between him and his wealthy parents by moving 100 miles away, but 5 years later, the parents moved within a couple of miles of him. They also control him with money. The son has a live-in girlfriend. I feel sorry for both of them. They will never have any peace until the parents are dead and gone. ~ Ladies, I'm telling you....if you find yourself dating a man where these dynamics are present, run for the hills!
Sometimes the golden child joins the parents and talks about the spouse with them.
💯 facts
🎯
I finally said enough when my ex-husband, whilst pushing his fingers in my face, demanded I took the entire blame for the stress of our marriage. Absolving himself and his family
The golden child was spoiled in childhood. Many golden children turn into narcissists. I was the golden child until I was around 12/13 and then I became the scapegoat, once I moved in with my narcissistic father. Maybe that saved me from becoming a narcissist myself - who knows? But golden children can be very difficult to deal with. Many of them are perfectionists and obsessive compulsive.
Thank you for talking about the possible narcissism of the golden child, and not just the narcissistic abuse meted out to the spouse of a golden child.
It's hard to say. I think it depends on the personality type. Some people are predisposed. My scapegoated sister was the one who became the narcissist.
golden child-covert religious narc sil
toxic bully antagonist mil
Yep my ex was a golden child narcissist. Mother in Law and Step mother in Law was narcissist too. Got the abuse from all sides. Thank you NarcSurvivor for mentioning this. Stay strong. You are not alone. 💕💪I pray for God heals you completely from your recent heart attack in Jesus name I pray.🙏
What you describe is exactly what happened to me. It is taking time to get over. The family I married into used their religious belief system to gaslight me and blame me for everything that went wrong and plenty went wrong! They found hundreds of ways to let me know I was inferior to them and did not deserve their golden child. I am gradually pulling myself up by my boot straps. Thank you for being here for us, Dr. Ramani!
Thank you Dr Ramani for all that you do!
My goodness: that was my former fiancé’s mother. I am so thankful that relationship went south.
Thank you for this insight.
The weird mother's enmeshment.
The smear campaign
The triangulation
Wow…feels like she’s telling my story. I always thought I should have fought harder; but after the math, I realized it’s the best decision I’ve ever made for myself. No matter what or how much you do, you will not satisfy them. There’s always somethings pops up in their head just to hate us.
I believe my husband is the golden child and I’ve been dealing with issues with my mother-in-law over the last few years. We went on a family trip and that’s when things unravelled. She said some mean things out of the ear shot of my husband and then she said she didn’t mean it that way, and he bought into her manipulations. My husband then saw some further passive aggressive actions from her that’s when he started to notice her behavior. However, my husband and I are implementing boundaries which has been very difficult because of course she doesn’t want to follow boundaries. I went and sat down with her at a counseling session and went over boundaries with her with the counselor so we’ll see how it goes. The situation is still very much a challenge and it’s causing conflict in my marriage. My husband is seeing her covert narcissism but also says he won’t cut all contact with his mom. We are low-contact at this point.
You'll never have a good life with The "Golden Child" unless they cut the proverbial umbilical cord that's attached to the narcissist.
Or their narcissistic friends.
100%! Accurate! Joining that family was like walking into a coven of vampires. 🧛 My ex narc MIL went so far as to get involved with my ex’s affair partner and groomed and promoted her to current love, while the family disrespected, devalued and discarded me (12 years of marriage). I had no idea. It was the best thing they ever could’ve done for me because i’ve been free of that psychotic family for a few years now and the transformation of my mental and physical health is dramatically better.
Very helpful for my healing process! My Ex was not only the golden child from 4 kids, but also a covert N himself! He was from the type that "didn't get it" as I tried to make clear that the inlaws broak all boundaries and could walk in the house whenever they wanted and use him every time! His younger brother was the scapegoat and could get away from the whole toxicity and admitted that the only way possible to live a healthy life was to move to another country with wife and kids. Once again dear Dr.R. your insights are excellent!👏🏼✨️
Lord have Mercy I am so finished.
Dr.Ramani Many Thanks!!
This is great, very informative and spot on! And, sometimes the GC becomes a narcissist themselves. Will you also do one about being married to the Scapegoat?
my MIL didnt fully show her communal narcissism until i had kids. she is the most covert narc ive ever seen. my hubby is a very loving man that has come a long way but ive almost left many times. he has some of her traits but i believe he chose to be as different from her as he could. he definately decided to marry a woman completely different from his mom. we are finally a team but it is still veryyyyyy hard for him to see what i see. i think he knows more than shares because so painful. he feels guilty for his siblings. the triangulation is something she did all the time but cant anymore now that we're a team. but she does that to everyone else's marriage, even her clients (she's a therapist!!). she knows i know what she is and will never stop trying to violate boundaries and gaslight. shes a compulsive liar as well. she gossips about my FIL to their kids and it is disgusting. her new golden child is my husband's youngest brother who is sadly a complete narc and probably sociopath.
This is not an informative video, THIS IS A TOOL.
Best video ever!! ...and I have watched all of Dr Ramani's videos. Many of them more than 3 times.
❤🎉 For my fellow anxious humans reading this, if you want to start healing and you don't know where to start... this is it. You'll understand all the different flavors of narcissism in one painful lesson. Whether you save your relationship or not, you'll never trip with the same stone again. Big win.
I was supposed to be "healed" when I bumped into my now ex husband 😅, but I didn't learn this until we where married. I had all the clues before and didn't put them together 😢 because his love bombing lasted 6 years 🤷♀️
After we got married he just "went back to the pack", I guess.
Thank you, @DoctorRamani !! This video filled-in a missing gap that I didn't understand about my situation.
This video is a God send! It explains my situation perfectly as my spouse is the golden child. Unfortunately he only understands everything to an extent but I keep praying hard he sees the full truth more and more. He does stand up for me here and there and understands I come first but at the same time tries to play both sides. My MIL has emotionally and psychologically abused me for years and it definitely got worse after having kids. My MIL also wore a similar white dress to my wedding. I just hope there's light at the end of this what seems like an impossible situation.
Geez Dr. Ramani, you hit the nail on the head again. Thank you! My in-laws viewed my wife, the only child and golden child (Scapegoat when needed too), as a baby making machine. Her mom wanted her to be a single mom, dependent on her mom (the Narcissistic leader) and just produce grandchildren for her.
Her mom even used words to beat around the bush from saying this directly.
Yes!!! It's like they want them to fail and need to move home with mommy!!!!
This blue is definitely your colour😍
Years of sheer hell. I hope I can heal.
doctor ramani i just wanted to tell you how thankful i am for your videos. if it wasn‘t for them i would‘ve never left my abusive relationship and i still would‘ve prolly suffered to this day. please keep making these videos, you‘re an angel❤️ thank you for being the voice for people who are afraid to speak up
You look absolutely gorgeous today
. That sweater that color looks so beautiful on you! Thank you for your videos! My mom was a narcissist and it really affected me so much. I have been to lots of therapy which has helped me understand, but your videos have helped me go deeper and are so helpful❤
.. stole the golden goose vibe is so accurate and heartbreaking, they were trapped in a hurricane of foolishness like a tragic sitcom. Unrelenting and menacing 💯😮😬
Thanks for these so informative, I will need to buy & read the book 🙏🏾
...the thing in any toxic or narcissistic relationships/dynamics is either their unique way or the highway and the survivor/victim has to continually maneuvering, updating and getting used to radical acceptance...any kind of talk or discussion ends into a blame game and gaslighting and silent treatment...although it might start with love bombing...the victim/survivor's dreams don't really matter...this psycho-education is so important that it should be a part of school/academic curricula and how I always wish I had this education before leaving school but past becomes history and missed opportunities, on a positive note - better late than never, and put up one's best in the unique circumstance/s and let go/apply wisdom and not ruminating but heal🤷♀️at the same time, I do wish nobody should miss out this education and become vulnerable, isn't it🤔many thanks Dr. Ramani as always🙏🌷🕊💝🤗
So this what Debra suffered through with her husband and in-laws on Everybody Loves Raymond. It's also on I Love a Mama's Boy.
Amazing how poorly the 90s sitcoms have aged, eh? 😂
Back then her awful MIL was hilarious and the abuse went right over everyone's heads. (That said, I did find it very clever that in the much less toxic sitcom _The Middle,_ Doris Roberts once again played a woman who hated Patricia Heaton's character. I thought it was a nice Easter egg for "those in the know"😄)
It's such a surreal feeling to have an entire extended family join forces to grind you into the dirt. I didn't understand what was happening till I heard an interview about a book on golden children.
Oh yeah, it was always in private with no witnesses.
Also keep in mind that golden child could be playing clueless when they actually know exactly what's happening
Oh man being married to the golden child was the WORST. He was a narcissist too. So very glad I left, life is really really good now 5 years later.
0:14 Good luck and we're done 😂..
I love your sense of humour that comes out of a very good understanding of the situation, as painful as it may be...
This is my story. The validation hurts and heals at the same time
Throughout my 39 years of life, my narcissistic father has assigned me different roles based on his moods, my achievements/failure, and how obedient or rebellious I was toward him. At different times, I have been the golden child, the scapegoat, and the invisible child.
Despite this, and despite the fact that for the past three years I have adopted gray rocking and then no contact strategies, my husband has been experiencing all these complexities from my parents.
He has been accused of stealing me away from my family, of being unworthy of me and my family, of preventing me from having a relationship with my family, of being stingy, of having parents who are not respectable people, of coming from a family of beggars, and of marrying me out of greed.
At every opportunity he has had, my father has made such remarks about my husband and his family, and he continues to do so. My husband and I saw no choice but to completely cut ties with my family and avoid becoming entangled in my father’s psychological manipulations.
Dr Ramani, As always I learned so much! Your Expertise is unparalleled: You cover Every Scenario, Talk at a pace to cover Miles in one Session in such a way that I can understand & Grasp Easily! You are such a Great Blessing! Thank You, ever Kindly! 🙏🏻 Blessings! ☀️💕🕊🍃
It's very difficult to prioritize our own wellbeing while navigating such in-laws. Add loneliness to this while being in the relationship. They're never there for you.
Wow. Yeah. I was made to believe I was the problem for having boundaries with my inn laws. I refused family together with them for ten years. They insisted I was controlling even though I always encouraged my partner to go with them -- I just wasn't go to subject myself to it. My partner had glimpses but never stood to them for me. Ultimately our relationship ended ...
Mine ended too I did the same never went
Yeah, I would imagine so. Thankfully, the trauma bond is broken. There is no love left. However, it can get complicated with these family systems because of the nature of what they are.
A lot of personal stuff here. One is not just marrying a person, but a tribe . . .
In this case a cult.
@@nopereradicator Yes! A _cult_ is so spot on when you look at that weird incestuous vibe and the toxic loyalty.
You are the best Dr Ramani! I’m learning from you every day ❤
My narcissistic mother hated all my partners. There is no one good enough for her golden child. She thinks she owns me and that I should be living with her, and doing everything she wants. I'm 42 and I'm so tired.
My narcissistic golden child brother got married to a sweet, meek woman. I've been no contact for 8 years with all of them, but I still feel bad for her. I often wonder if she would trust me or believe me if I reached out to check up on her, but being the scapegoated adult child I think she's already been told a lot of untrue stuff about me. So I just let it be. It's hard to watch good people get vampirized away by these empty, cruel sadists.
PS: Love the new set up! Just a thought, is it just me or the audio tends to be only on the left speaker? It wasn't like that before, but it felt like that the last couple of vids.
I have also just sat and watched the inevitable happen to a lovely women who became a member of my in-laws family. She unfortunately went down all the rabbit holes, tolerated alcohol abuse and tried to fix the marriage by having kids. So VERY sad to watch all this play out exactly as you know it would!
Dr. Ramani can i ask you something, what if you realize after 20+ year of marriage that your husband was a golden child and himself a narcissist. You and some other people here on the you tube has given me strength to recognize, accept and break away. Trying to break away, long way to go and an extremely painful one as children are involved. You all are saviors❤
Can you do a video on after you have children With the golden child and toxic in laws pleeease.
My ex was the golden boy of his whole family (and, surprise! turned out to be a raging narcissist himself), but especially his insanely narcissistic grandfather. I met his grandpa when I was in college and it felt like a job interview meets police interrogation. The man grilled me about my resume and family history and earning potential and religion. Despite me having better grades and family stability than my ex, his grandpa told him to dump me because I would hold him back and was probably going to get pregnant to “lock him down and steal his family name” 😆Thank God that relationship didn’t last.
Doesn’t the golden child have some degree of Narcissism? They must have to engage with and still benefit from the family dynamics.
I love that you left the 20:24 outtake/fumbled read in the video. :-) It made me smile. All of your videos are fantastic- great information that has helped me greatly. Two thumbs up!
My goldenchild sister and her husband always treated me as a liar and disrespectull against my narcisstic mom,when I understood eveything.I went no contact
With one right now!! BUT!! he has set boundaries with his family, especially his parents!! I told him about my concerns regarding his overbearing mother and other red flags. I let him know, I'm not puttinf up with none of it! He gets it!! He even confided in me that his mother makes him sick. So we limit our time with them!! We don't disclose anything personally to them regarding our lives..we just tell them we are busy working!!!! We protect each other and are each other's safe place. He is sept 14 , i am sept 12, virgos, both givers, former ppl pleasers and givers..now we choose to put ourselves amd each other FIRST and won't let extended families on either end mess up what we got going. We protect our relationship as if it's a new born baby!! I told him, I'm not marrying into his mother's family, I'm getting together with him for us to start our own family!!! I'm not under nobody in your family!! We decide how they can be involved in our lives, not the other way around.
Me. I clicked so fast! Thank you Dr. Ramani.
Thank you for covering this topic. More of this please please please
I married the scapegoat and saw the golden child's marriage be destroyed by a nasty and jealous MiL who I suspected of having Jocasta complex. I've ceased all contact with the MiL because of the way she treated my husband and myself and also encouraging my husband's brother to treat him like the poor relation. Fortunately my husband is fine with it because he sees what I see.
Going through this now. Been married almost 20 years to a covert narcissist and I identified the manipulative/abusive behaviors in his mom first. Playing the victim, ignoring boundaries, faux apologies, etc. It wasn’t until 4 years ago that I realized he did the same things except it’s more insidious. I’ve never felt supported by him when it comes to his family. He pretended to set boundaries with them but he was always way too soft. He always takes credit for any gifts, cards, etc. I send them for holidays so he looks like the good guy while simultaneously excluding me/preventing me from building a relationship. Now that the mask is off, he all of a sudden wants to build a relationship with his parents and takes our kids to visit them, against my wishes, as passive aggressive punishment to me.
Oh yes, I married the narcissistic golden child of a narcissist family. Mother in law was a kind empath but very easily manipulated by her narcissistic daughter (my sister in law). That woman (sister in law) has caused me unbelievable pain over the years until my husband finally agreed to go no contact with said sister in law. This was only after my dear mother in law died.
My mother had tried to warn me about that family 😢
Years ago when I watched the movie _Monster-in-Law,_ I thought it was ridiculously unrealistic that the son be so BLIND to his mother's toxic craziness. He was written as this ditzy handsome guy who just wrote his mother off as "a little difficult," completely dismissing the hell she was putting his fiancee through (spoiler: at one point she even does severe bodily harm to the daughter-in-law).
This video made me think back to that romcom and realise that he was her Golden Child! Her little blue-eyed boy, forever Mummy's. As you alluded to, Dr Ramani, in the movie of course it all ends well. But IRL the marriage would have been an absolute mess from the get-go.
Maybe I'll go watch that again just for fun, lol.
In my case the golden child my ex is a covert narcassist just like her mother.
Concentration has been off. I didn't say thank you at the end of the Dr Ramani Network soon enough. Goodnight. Hope you enjoy where you're visiting.
Dr. Ramani, God bless you. Power Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️🤲🤲🤲
Try being the golden child (now scape goat for not doing with my life what I was told) of a malignant narcissist mother, married to a covert narcisist. My life was hell for the 10 years my relationship lasted. During my divorce, I saw a video of Dr Ramani and finally understood what I was going trough. Life is still hard. But at least now, at the age of 42, I know what I'm facing.
Dang - yup I married a first born son who is a golden child , played a very strong leadership role in his family
It’s been a long, slog. They pretty much didn’t even acknowledge me when visiting our place even after making food and coffee. My hubs didn’t notice
Now I don’t care any more and just try to work the days he goes to
Visit for holidays. It’s been a slog
For sure . All you talked about happened
As the invisible child, which was pretty damaging, I think it would be worse to be the golden child. At least it was easier for me to escape.
No
20:25 👍😎 nice way of implying that you can't go back, only forward. I don't even care if I misinterpreted this Easter egg.😊
What about if the golden child is also a covert narcissist?
As expected, another insightful video, Dr. Ramani, thank you. In addition to Dr. Ramani’s book, I recommend The Emotional Incest Syndrome by Patricia Love and When He’s Married to Mom by Kenneth Adams.
Great movie for this one is 'Ready or Not' 😎🍿
I just commented about _Monster-in-Law,_ I'll add this one to my watch list too!
Through experience, I had to endure with my ex’s narcissistic mother. I wanted to marry my ex. However, when they were together, I would be treated like I wasn’t even there. It’s like my ex had a mask on with me but when the mom is present another mask is present. My ex discard me but tried to return. I realized that the cycle of her and her mother will always continue. I came at peace with her decision. She wasn’t the golden child but she was the youngest one. In my opinion, is the worse to be in a relationship that has a narcissist mother.
Thanks, Dr. R! ❤
Wow, I finally get why even if my marriage is at stake, my husband will cave to my sister-in-law.
I grew up as golden child because I diligently applied all my talents. Opera, dancing, acting, arts. My sister the scapegoat because she did meth. When I converted to
Hinduism I immediately became the scapegoat at age 29 and my sister the golden child. I had to move 500-1000 miles away from the dynamic. I’m also the truth teller and had begun therapy at age 20 on my own to cope with my family even as a golden child. Both parents narcs and my sister admits to being a malignant. I was celibate for 14 years and my Guru has no idea how I came from a family like mine. I high tailed it out. Applied my discipline of the arts to sadhana and had samadhi at 22 with it a guru and again at 30 with a guru. Nirvikalpi then Savikalpi. Narcissism isn’t in my nature. My guru knows this.
Both parents gone now and my sister killed my mom. She hated her but played golden child for 20 years to get inheritance. Talk about messed up.
I will have nothing to do with her. I live pretty much alone. I tend to get romantically involved with covert male narcs who only show overt cruelty at the end and then I’m deeply heartbroken and go back to celibacy often time for years.
Thanks good topic
After 16 yrs married to a golden child, and 9 years divorced but still co-parenting, this is too triggering to watch (yet)
Thank you ❤ you are helping me understand so much.
Get the 📚
Here I thought when we had kids it would bring our families closer 😬
11 years so far married to the golden son .. it's hard 😅 really hard, some times
My older sister is the golden child for our mother and our mother treats my sister’s husband like the golden child as well. He is very manipulative person and (their kids are the golden children as well ). I was and am the scapegoat child always and our mother treats me, my kids and husband very badly. When I understand their behavior, I put my kids and husband first. I still love my mother but the way she treats me is beyond bad. Some people if questioned if she is my biological mother😢.
It can be very complicated. ☹️
Well my first boyfriends mum was awful to me only son me first girlfriend...a lit of stuff I was called the obnoxious being....she wud say what has she got that I havnt when he hugged me. ...I showed a Xmas gift I'd got him n she got the same n gave it first. But her childhood was dire .....when I got pregnant she ,tho catholic wanted her Dr to give her something to end my baby's life.however once born she changed.but so did the son and wow that was rape control he was older than me.we kept in touch a bit they saw my son had him to stay .never accepted their sons failings but still.....I feel sorry for them now they are dead...it must have been hard she had no friends her son was her everything.
No, but I fell in love with the narcissistic scape-goat child.
Good luck & NEVER expect to be accepted. 😂😊
I almost didn't listen because i am/was the golden child, but I'm single. But i was gratified to learn that it will be better now that i am aware of my narcissist parent... But then i remembered that i just came out to them as gay, and when i marry I'm pretty sure i will be planted firmly in the scapegoat camp so i won't have to worry about this 😅 #silverlinings lol
I feel silly asking this, but my sister has referred to me on many occasions as the golden child. I take this as a negative, demeaning comment. She categorically says it’s a positive and uplifting label. I completely disagree. Am I wrong to think this??
A few side notes. I believe my sister is 100% a narcissist and She was always jealous of me, but will NEVER admit it. There is a significant age gap between us. In no way do I think either one of my parents was a narcissist.
Dumpster 🔥
I don't think their was a golden child, unless each were. They created competitors for the top.
He wasn't caught up in that, but since they passed away I can't say what has happened. He is at some war with himself.
I guess his resistance could have been competition.
And if your partner is also a narcissist, just tap out asap 😂
Can that sort of thing work in reverse … that the not golden child lives forever trying to get their attention or is at the beck @ call of his family trying to be “ the one” even if he has to takes sides between spouse & his family. ??
I married the golden child 😬
22nd, 21 November 2024
❤
Hair salon? Go Dr ❤
I find that u, dr Ramani, put all of those experiences so well into words and clear breakdowns, something I've tried so often, but I think the confusion , denial and guilt, kind of pulled me away from expressing this clearly.
So, again, your podcasts are a daily cup of coffee .are of protection narcissism 🫘 beans.
Thank u for your good work.
❤