It was extremely difficult to leave the narcissist because when it was good, it was unbelievable. But, when her dark side emerged it was debilitating and it sucked the life out of me. I now have a simple 3 stage test: 1. Trust. If I cannot trust her, I'm done. 2. Consistency. I will not accommodate, off the chart, mood or behavioral swings and will not walk on egg shells for anyone. 3. Overt disrespect. Boom, I will deep six and ghost her immediately. Life is too short to accept this. This took years of building my own self confidence and strong sense of self in order to evolve to this state of self preservation.
Excellent set of criteria! Those are my standards as well. And whenever I may doubt them, I ask myself if I would ever inflict those behaviors on someone else. The answer is "no"!
Wedding was great, 6 months later at our delayed honeymoon, we did not see the inside of the room as honeymooners should. 35 years later, I figured it out and called it off. She was so surprised. 3 Hoovers later, the divorce was finalized. I can breathe!
as an experienced survivor of narcissist abuse from family and friends. here's my two cents - the only regrets that newbies to narcissism should have are: -that you did the best you could at the given time with what you knew. -that you were a good person giving care and empathy to the wrong person. -that once you know who and what you are dealing with, spending a single minute longer than you have to with them. be unapologetic and ruthless with boundaries and live your best life. let karma take care of the narcissists, because eventually, all rotten fruits will fall off the tree. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
I was involved with a female covert narcissist who initially presented herself as caring and charming. However, as time went on, her true nature revealed itself through her passive-aggressive comments and hypersensitivity to minor issues. She consistently displayed a lack of empathy towards me, and her behavior was contradictory to my emotional state - my happiness seemed to infuriate her, while my unhappiness seemed to satisfy her. Her actions and reactions were draining and toxic, and I eventually realized that the best way was to extricate myself from the relationship to protect my own well-being.
Everything seems to be a zero-sum game with these people. If you are winning, their primitive brain physiology thinks that they are losing. No empathy = no ability to self soothe. Their only option to feel safe is to nullify the perceived threat.
Same for me. I knew I was in trouble for some time and then she tried to pull some crazy strategic & planned way to isolate me from my family. Then I knew for sure she was unfixable & damaging my mental health. She wasn't expecting me to extract her form my life. The rage I experienced from her then was insane. More proof that I was correct. Get out as soon as you can!
Another factor is that they always seem to get away with what they do. This is particularly glaring when dealing with the sadistic cruelty of a malignant narcissist. They always have an endless supply of enablers and naive sycophants that allow them to happily carry on with their lives while your left picking up the pieces of your self esteem. You're left asking yourself how they manage to pull it off. Professionally they tend to do quite well but their personal lives are often dysfunctional. Their children often either grow up to be the same and the cycle repeats itself or they end up resenting them.
Totally agree, my now ex-husband's daughter is just like him.he would laugh about her being a little him ! I would tell him. That no man will put up. With her fireworks blow ups and temper .when she got arrested for busing her son father car window out, they laughed and said she got it honest 😢 as he bonded her out of jail
I’m a psychiatrist and treat victims of narcissistic abuse. What Lise says is correct. If you need treatment, reach out to therapists and psychiatrists. You cannot truly heal from just watching videos. Narcissistic abuse is very serious. It should be criminalized. I wanted to also mention. I’m a trained psychiatrist in this area and recently got duped by a covert narcissist I met at a meditation center and I can tell you the emotional damage she caused me has been extremely difficult to get over and I fully understand Cluster B pathology and treat patients with this daily. I truly don’t believe the average person can heal from this trauma without help. If it is hard for therapists to overcome the abuse, I can’t imagine the degree of destruction they have on others. They cause severe structural damage and to ignore treatment is not a good idea. It’s worse if you are healthy, have secure attachment or have never personally experienced the (covert) depth of such pathological behavior. Today more and more people are being damaged by narcissists because social media and improper parenting is breeding more of them. You don’t want their trauma to you to damage every aspect of your future or future relationships. It will creep up in ways you won’t have any awareness of and that’s why it’s important to talk to professionals licensed in the field. Please find medical providers in your area for treatment.
What she did has set me all the way back to my childhood. I can't tell anyone what she did, such is the level of shame and disgust I have about it. I can no longer function.
If you make yourself a victim you give away your control to make things better. Take responsibility and do something about it. The only person holding you back is yourself
@@mikeyblaze Thank you. I am a survivor, not a victim, just as I am not a victim of the previously healed trauma which she knew about and re-inflicted upon me.
@@magikjoe3789friend - you are not alone. You WILL heal. It WILL take time. This experience and confusion is a measure of just how much love and empathy you tried to pour into a relationship that was always destined to fail. Forgive yourself. Be gentle with yourself. And never, ever, *ever* go back. Forwards only. One beautiful step at a time.
I hope you read this. I'm not any sort of therapist or psychologist but I completely understand you. And no longer functioning....that was me. I couldn't go to work for four months. She MADE you feel like this. It was HER. It isn't and never was you. And I'm ashamed and disgusted because she abused me. A lot. I did tell people. Honestly it helped. I still cry every night and day and I haven't seen her since October. But I'm trying. Because I want to fight this demon.
Its true and they can even take you back to infancy where a baby needs to bond at all costs even if it is being mistreated. Its a survival instinct and is truly tragic for a baby we of course are grown and are capable of employing better strategies but that doesn’t mean we don’t feel the effects of this original strategy for survival
I feel like my life lacks purpose after my narcissistic relationship ended. My sole purpose for months and years became to make my partner proud of me, to please my partner, to get on their "good" side, because maybe then they'd treat me right. Ever since I got out, I find myself feeling a lack of purpose towards anything. Life seems dull and lacking excitement, and everything seems pointless.
I understand your feelings . I felt the same way for some months after my relationship ended . I been single for 9 months but still miss her at times . Its been a long road it seems but its really just 9 months . Its got easier but still my mind will go back to the good times and i start thinking to much . Just certain things trigger memories and I start getting sad . I have to tell myself to move on its over . Quit thinking about it . Then try to get her out of my mind . I usually watch funny things or occupy my time with something . I am hoping eventually she will stop visiting my thoughts . But im doing better as time passes .
I'm going through the process right now I loved her so much and she was a narcissistic girl She gave me everything and took everything . I hope I find someone who deserves my love.
I just wanted to add that in the absence of what is essentially a demon possessing your life through the most horribly negative ways imaginable, you will blossom like a rose. 🌹
7 years lost and now i avoid being attached to anyone. Even if it is someone who i am interested in I have self doubt/hatred and end up avoid that person until they loose interest.
I can't stop myself from trying to make sense of it. I can't stop excusing his behaviour "maybe he's stressed", "maybe he's depressed" and even feeling sorry for him being this way "he just needs someone who will love him unconditionally and will help him through this". I just can't believe that this is true, even though I know it is. I am devastated.
One of the problems I had with my gf, a covert narcissist, was her inconsistency on all things, major and minor. Monday's rules didn't apply to Tuesday and Tuesday's rules were scrapped if the wind changed. Then there were the "wild cards". I never could match her insults. I never saw the upside to being that cruel or going public with that kind of verbal haranguing. Fighting fair came second to winning at all costs.
I broke up with my covert narcissist girlfriend 2 weeks ago after five years of a relationship that was nothing short of an emotional rollercoaster filled with endless manufactured drama, fights for no reason, and extreme jealousy. I'm glad I finally made it out. Luckily, I educated myself on these topics, making it easier to spot the red flags. She showed traits of both BPD and Covert Narcissism. It took me almost an entire year to mentally check out of the relationship while learning about dark triad traits and manipulation in general to understand the thought process of these kinds of people and how to deal with their nonsense. I broke up with her and blocked her on everything. She has tried to hoover me back, but I am far too gone from this child's play, and her attempts are futile. In the end, my regret is, as some might imagine, not breaking up sooner.
I am on the same boat, my ex was diagnosed with BDP and showed covert narcissist traits, you described exactly what I went through, glad you woke up from the nightmare
@mezcalito3147 Yea it was an unnecessarily long and drawn-out process, but I am glad to finally have made it out safe and sound, albeit with tons of learning and experience. I had to read and learn skills that are pretty much lifelong. I’ll never be the same person again; this toxic relationship prompted me to educate myself on dark triad-related topics and manipulation to understand how these individuals manipulate and sabotage others' mental health. I still regret not breaking up sooner, but I’ve vowed not to fall into self-blame. Being realistic, I can’t regret breaking up sooner because back then I didn’t know what I have learned half a decade later. Otherwise, if I had known how to spot the red flags, I would have run for the hills far sooner.
I m just the first week of it…it’s the hardest part I guess to start,also I can’t go back and felt guilty that I had sex with a person she knows yet she was dating another guy…crazy why would even feel guilty that’s what everyone told me
Been a challenge. Discarded 6mos ago. Ended 8.5yrs together. She monkeybranched to some simp. Been strict NC. No hoovers. It gets better i promise yall. Focus self. Level up. Do your bucket list. Pray. Youll get free 🦅
Thank You So Very Much For Sharing This My Reasons It Was So Very Hard To Leave The Narcissist 1/ I Was So Convinced I Could Change The Narcissist 2/ I Was So Manipulated 3/ I Had No Identify Outside The Relationship 4/ Fear Of Retaliation 5/ I Became Addicted To The Narcissist 6/ Severely Trauma Bonded 7/ Low Self Worth 8/ The Fear Of Being Alone 9/. Emotional Attachment 10/ Struggling With Going No Contact Narcissistic Abuse Is Brutal..
Wow, that’s a very honest thing to say, that watching videos even like your own, can become your next addiction and can keep you tethered mentally to your abuser. Kudos to you for this honesty and integrity.
There is hope. After time you will miss them less. I'm past 3 months and I even quite drinking and smoking weed. Was I a mess to start with? After 33 years you bet I was a complete basket case. However now I even got over bipolar-ism. So if I can heal so can you. Good luck folks. I wish you the best.
I’m sure I’m not the first person to suggest this but totally deactivating social media during the recovery process is crucial. I remember years ago I had a breakup and my ex totally blocked me on all social media at the time. I was angry about it then but looking back she did me a tremendous favor..
I feel in love with her at first sight I was screwed from the start. I can’t see myself with anyone else or can see anyone as beautiful as her. The worst is she’s gotten away with it. It’s too the point I’ve had to get on antidepressants I’ve completely lost my mind, and myself I can’t do anything to get her out of my soul 😭😭😭
I don't watch your videos often. But when I begin to doubt my resolve or consider breaking my no-contact, you remind me of all I overcame. As years go by, I am better and happier, and I regain my values. I advise anyone just starting their recovery to seek help. You will literally save yourself years of struggle. And no, you are not wrong... everything she said in this video is true. They literally believe this is appropriate behavior and will suck you back in a heartbeat. Beware.
I remember about 4 years in, her daughter, after witnessing me being on the end of a tirade, asked why i stayed with her mum. Making excuses i said shes stressed and will go back to how she was at the beginning soon. Her daughter laughed and said no she wont, she does this to all men, she hates men. I wish id listened instead of waiting years for that act to reappear.
My ex girlfriend has BPD/NPD and hates men. She has alot of mental disorders that need treatment. OCD, BPD, NPD, & germ issues. Talk about a relationship without hope...yeah, I'm a lousy son of a b**ch. I walked from that relationship.
Thank you so very much. Literally everything you are saying is like your saying it directly to me and my situation. I am hurting so bad. I was betrayed by my narcissistic wife of ten years. This is exactly it. And our couples counselor even sees it.
What is most striking to me is that, no matter how long the relationship, at the beginning the intensity and the illusion that it is built is so strong that leaves so much damage afterwards. I'm at stage 7, she texted me me out of the blue after few months of no contact, just to say nothing, with pathetic excuses just to start a conversation, pretending that nothing happened after she dumped me like a piece of trash ahah. I made the mistake of replying to that text, and she asked to meet. I genuinely believe she just wants to know that she still have control over me, that's just about it, and I kind of feel pity for her..I wouldn't really be in her shoes TBH. Guys, burn all bridges and turn the page FOREVER, I know it's difficult, but you'll be better off in the long run. Remember that the dark side of the Force in the end never wins ;)
I swear I cannot thank you enough. I have twins with a narcissistic, and I thought I finally sounded someone great for me and my boys again, but it's almost an exact replicata of my ex You have gave my strength back to walk back in. The door and I have no fear of loss anymore. Thank you over and over...
It's just nuts. She satisfied every romantic dream that I had and I was addicted. I hoped for her to miss me and wanted to have these feeling again. I was so depressed, and nothing made me happy. I tried different things to distract my thoughts. Nothing worked. I wanted to be the person that she wanted me to be. Researched on seduction and heartbreak. She was my hobby, I was obsessed. One day, I decided to run. I never played any sports or ran in my whole life other than to q buffet line. It was hard. I ran and when I stopped, all the endorphins kicked in. I do know the hardship of heartbreak and know why Forrest Gump started running. I decided to run a 5k in all 50 states and I did 24 of them. In short, it was a horrible and painful relationship, but at the end, I found me. It's still hard, and I learned a lot about myself. All those who are living with pain, please take care of yourself
Thank you Lise. You summed up many years in just eleven minutes here. I don't think you left anything out. Thank you for all you do. This is a MUST LISTEN for anyone questioning their spouse or partner or for anyone in recovery or even for one as myself, long past the narc abuse and free...Thank you Lise! Keep up the great work!
I remember my children's mother/ex said to me. "You're doing it to yourself." From that moment on I just stopped trying to fight for my family. She enjoyed seeing me gravel at her feet and be in pain of having no control over our children. I'm so happy and balanced now that I've come to accept that I don't have control over my children's life any longer.
I have lost faith in humanity, due to a narcissist. If you have, too, it may be worth going to Thailand. The kindness and grace of the Thai people may be able to restore some of it. Or, at the least, it may be worth being in a place where people are friendly and kind and emotionally generous.
This is the most perfect explanation about this matter in particular! It is 100% the truth!🤦🏻♂️ Every detail I’ve been through and I am still healing ❤️🩹 Thank you so much 🙏🏼Lise👍🏻🙋🏻♂️
I didn't even realise that I had basically cut off the narc supply. I just withdrew & after a while, got the discard. After a few weeks of 💩 thinking , I now know it was a blessing in disguise. A new life awaits & I'm excited. Nervous system healing up & energy levels are returning slowly but surely 😊
Such great content. I was with a woman for 6 years who was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder with Histrionic and Antisocial features. I now suspect I’m in a relationship with another Narcissist. I know I need to figure out what is wrong me that I attract or am drawn to this type because aside from the love bombing it’s really horrible.
Thank you, this video is helpful. I wish I had seen it and understood this much sooner in life. Live and learn, oh well. So many comments on here that could’ve written by me, amazing how often things like this happen…
It’s nice to see men supporting each other in the comments. I’m close to a year since I dumped the narcissistic Bpd ex, dealing with the intrusive memories of the good times has been a daily struggle, and even tho I’ve dated other beautiful women since, my mind keeps going back to that creature who emotionally, physically hurt me, and ruined my reputation after. It’s surreal what a trauma bond does to your mind, I’ve come to terms that it’ll take time to fully heal. One day at a time.
Healing is hard when the covert narcissist is your ex wife and still have to remain in contact since we have young kids. But I am positive and accepting of what happened, and educating myself to not fall for her again, or anyone in the future.
I am struggling to get rid of her and divorce...I promise I will get over her in days..in fact, I have got over her a few years ago...it is just dragging on ...thank you ,
I'm not sure where you got the information from, but you could have been a fly on my wall for the past 30 years . So accurate, she discarded me and left me with 2 lovely boys. 😢
I wanna thank you for putting out these vids. It’s been several years, and I’ve moved on, but from time to time I think back and it sometimes gets to me. You are incredibly spot-on with your descriptions. It’s like a operating manual of these people. After viewing a few of your vids, I realize my ex was on the darker side of things and that I let myself be mentally abused way too hard for way too long. Still, as you so correctly say, there were moments and things that were astonishingly good, and those things make it all confusing. Anyways, thank you!
Yes I look fwd to learning why they cant form secure long lasting relationships/bonds..& please if you will..LOTS More on Sociopathy in male & felmals.
This is a painfully accurate description of every relationship aspect of the last seven years in my life. We got a kid and I tried to keep everything together as good as I could and more of it until she left me. However, there’s no fight about custody so maybe she isn’t a narcissist after all.
I cant believe that after 10 years of marriage, raising her autistic sin as my own, I was discarded, asked to leave and have had zero contact after one year separated. Not one word about, my just turned 18 year old step son, how are you, I apologize about being rude, mean , discarded, nothing ! Who is the woman and what happened to the beautiful woman I married?
Unfortunately you were just there until her son turned 18. Similar thing happened to me. I was married for 9 years. I went no contact with my mother and my narc said “Well your mother is just going to cut you out of the “will”. Evidently my mother was my narc’s retirement plan. So she left me to lay claim to her parent’s estate. She now lives in a camper on her parent’s property waiting for them to pass.
A great video, everything makes so much sense in my healing taking so much time. Even though I have gone strict full no contact, blocked her on social media, phone and emails etc I'm Still getting hoovered every few months 5 plus years later through a particular channel of my professional life which I cannot stop, I don't react but it feels like she just doesn't want me to forget her, I feel her hoovering is from a deep sense/fear of abandonment or maybe she just has no primary source of supply & does this to her other past partners also.
My narcissist who I haven’t spoken with live and in person since October, texts random emoji’s hoping that I’ll ask _what was this for/about?_ I haven’t responded- but it has _not_ been easy since I miss the good times (90% of the time). Your videos have given me strength to stand strong for myself. Thanks. ❤
They want to set the rules but don't follow their own. It's all about them and their need for control. My ex Melissa discarded me because I would retaliate against her poor behavior. She is very hypocritical. She would compare, bread crumb, criticise, blame shift, gas light and belittle me until I would lash out and defend myself. I'm embarrassed for my behavior, and hardly had an issue before I met her, so I know its something about her triggering how I react. Hot & cold emotional mix of behaviors threw me off balance, and it's taking me months to level out. I've dated narcissists before but she really turned me upside down. I'm still obsessed with missing the good moments of intimacy, wineries, family gatherings & walks in town. Her disrespect by contradicting herself & criticizing me really hit deep. She needs professional help.
Thank you Lord Jesus Christ and Lise Leblanc's videos to help set me free from an 18 yr back and forth with a sick narc woman. *I AM FREE* And i hope others break free as well
Narcissism in movies “House of Gucci” & “Bullet Train” book & movie. And my sister marrying into a “connected” traditional family who “tracked” me since grammar school. No paranoia needed. Also the feeling that narcissists have an intrinsic relationship with apparent & hidden reality. (No not “Gucci” astrology)That their inflated self is justified by way of intellect and repeated good “luck” or “fate” like in Bullet Train. The BT book dealt with a Japanese HS kid & future mob boss who couldn’t believe & also expected good luck. The movie had a Brit female whose father was a “White Death” Russian crime boss. (The words “father” and “Carver” became interchangeable in the movie) Which used NPD BPD therapy-speak humor to break from the extreme ultra violence.
I married a narcissist who never exhibited a huge come on - as is typically predicted - but there was an unplanned pregnancy and I approached the narcissist who was the legit father so he could choose what he wanted to do about it. He was uncertain but eventually opted to marry. Whereas during the dating stage he could be charming but erratic, after the marriage he fairly quickly “dropped the mask” and his alcoholism and emotional irresponsibility became apparent. I was naive when I married and totally unprepared emotionally for what I faced and I had to race to keep up with his acting out. I stayed with him until he died which was my bad and much of these years were wasted parts of my life to a great degree. I take responsibility for staying and have been healing ever since and have developed a far healthier sense of self.
I gave up all nicotine without cravings and urges, I gave up weed without cravings and urges, I don't like to drink, and I have given up on porn and masturbation without any issues. But after nearly 4 years I am still hooked emotionally to my ex who I believe is a Narcissist. I broke up with her for the way she was treating me and I just have not been able to move on. Even after DBT and 3 years of therapy. This sucks. I have become completely avoidant after I had a narc like roommate as well. I just want peace and to be loved without being torn to pieces.
It seems like such a simple thing to ask for, I asked for those things from my ex narc, from the start. All I wanted was peace, and to be loved. In the end it was everything but that. I took the reverse discard route after some disgusting behavior on her behalf. No contact for 7 months. Close to being healed, although I do still miss what she made herself out to be in the beginning. I’ve never felt like that about anyone in my life. Worse, I’m afraid to allow myself to feel that way about anyone again, but want to so bad I can’t stand it. Recovery isn’t easy.
Get out and live. Do what makes you happy. Change your picker. That requires a lot of inside work. Then God hands you what you need. No more Narcs. You are a vet. You will spot them now.
1. Ask about her relationship with her father. If she starts poisoning the well with awful stories of her father in the beginning, gtfo. 2. Does she have a significant other "guy friend?" If yes, gtfo.
Is it possible that I have been with a narcissist for 10 years? I find that this information is very similar to my wife's behaviours I never understood and felt confused about them. 3 years ago she had an affair, which she blamed me for. I tried to fix our relationship, but she didn't help to do so, only when I gave her everything so she just had to do something. Right now I am going through devorce with her and feel a lot of things you talked about in a video. I decided to have a devorce and we agreed to do it fair, but one day I saw her with another man and threw her stuff out my apartment, she gone to live with him, which is killing me right now... How do I stop my thoughts about her and the relationship we had?
Nope, not this time. My eyes were more open to her shenanigans this time around, I wasn't too emotionally attached and watching these videos helped me understand her behaviour. When the discard came, I just laughed, waited an appropriate amount of time then blocked her on all forums.
That's exactly where I'm at now stuck in the anger also I resent that I had a panic attack when I saw her the other day cuz I haven't had them in years. I didn't even have a relationship with her really and I got that attached just as a friend. Cuz I wasn't really that important to her and especially after I gave her a piece of my mind finally after holding my tongue for a year set a long text
I'm over my narc except I still live with her and we just got denied a divorce by the judge, totally devastating because I do not put up with her nonsense anymore and she doesn't annoy me because I don't give her any fuel, my two grown up daughters are on her side due to the years of trauma bonding etc, but I have no problem moving in once she leaves my house
It was extremely difficult to leave the narcissist because when it was good, it was unbelievable. But, when her dark side emerged it was debilitating and it sucked the life out of me. I now have a simple 3 stage test: 1. Trust. If I cannot trust her, I'm done. 2. Consistency. I will not accommodate, off the chart, mood or behavioral swings and will not walk on egg shells for anyone. 3. Overt disrespect. Boom, I will deep six and ghost her immediately. Life is too short to accept this. This took years of building my own self confidence and strong sense of self in order to evolve to this state of self preservation.
Excellent set of criteria! Those are my standards as well. And whenever I may doubt them, I ask myself if I would ever inflict those behaviors on someone else. The answer is "no"!
I'm with you man. I completely agree. Much strength to you.
Amen, Ed. 💯
That a wise and healthy set of criteria
Wedding was great, 6 months later at our delayed honeymoon, we did not see the inside of the room as honeymooners should. 35 years later, I figured it out and called it off. She was so surprised. 3 Hoovers later, the divorce was finalized. I can breathe!
as an experienced survivor of narcissist abuse from family and friends.
here's my two cents - the only regrets that newbies to narcissism should have are:
-that you did the best you could at the given time with what you knew.
-that you were a good person giving care and empathy to the wrong person.
-that once you know who and what you are dealing with, spending a single minute longer than you have to with them.
be unapologetic and ruthless with boundaries and live your best life.
let karma take care of the narcissists, because eventually, all rotten fruits will fall off the tree.
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
"because eventually, all rotten fruits will fall off the tree." Love this expression, well said!
Absolutely 1000% correct - this is what every NPD survivor NEEDS to be told the second they seek help…
I was involved with a female covert narcissist who initially presented herself as caring and charming. However, as time went on, her true nature revealed itself through her passive-aggressive comments and hypersensitivity to minor issues. She consistently displayed a lack of empathy towards me, and her behavior was contradictory to my emotional state - my happiness seemed to infuriate her, while my unhappiness seemed to satisfy her. Her actions and reactions were draining and toxic, and I eventually realized that the best way was to extricate myself from the relationship to protect my own well-being.
Everything seems to be a zero-sum game with these people.
If you are winning, their primitive brain physiology thinks that they are losing.
No empathy = no ability to self soothe.
Their only option to feel safe is to nullify the perceived threat.
Same exactly
F yeah man
Same here, brother.
Same for me. I knew I was in trouble for some time and then she tried to pull some crazy strategic & planned way to isolate me from my family. Then I knew for sure she was unfixable & damaging my mental health. She wasn't expecting me to extract her form my life. The rage I experienced from her then was insane. More proof that I was correct. Get out as soon as you can!
Another factor is that they always seem to get away with what they do. This is particularly glaring when dealing with the sadistic cruelty of a malignant narcissist. They always have an endless supply of enablers and naive sycophants that allow them to happily carry on with their lives while your left picking up the pieces of your self esteem. You're left asking yourself how they manage to pull it off. Professionally they tend to do quite well but their personal lives are often dysfunctional. Their children often either grow up to be the same and the cycle repeats itself or they end up resenting them.
But Karma does not miss a doorstep. These turds do get theirs.
That is so true about narcissistic people, their professional lives they are very successful in. But their relationship is messed up with dysfunction.
Totally agree, my now ex-husband's daughter is just like him.he would laugh about her being a little him ! I would tell him. That no man will put up. With her fireworks blow ups and temper .when she got arrested for busing her son father car window out, they laughed and said she got it honest 😢 as he bonded her out of jail
I relate to this
I’m a psychiatrist and treat victims of narcissistic abuse. What Lise says is correct. If you need treatment, reach out to therapists and psychiatrists. You cannot truly heal from just watching videos. Narcissistic abuse is very serious. It should be criminalized. I wanted to also mention. I’m a trained psychiatrist in this area and recently got duped by a covert narcissist I met at a meditation center and I can tell you the emotional damage she caused me has been extremely difficult to get over and I fully understand Cluster B pathology and treat patients with this daily. I truly don’t believe the average person can heal from this trauma without help. If it is hard for therapists to overcome the abuse, I can’t imagine the degree of destruction they have on others. They cause severe structural damage and to ignore treatment is not a good idea. It’s worse if you are healthy, have secure attachment or have never personally experienced the (covert) depth of such pathological behavior. Today more and more people are being damaged by narcissists because social media and improper parenting is breeding more of them. You don’t want their trauma to you to damage every aspect of your future or future relationships. It will creep up in ways you won’t have any awareness of and that’s why it’s important to talk to professionals licensed in the field. Please find medical providers in your area for treatment.
It takes time but you will get through this and I understand it is difficult to believe at this moment. Stay strong!
I dealt with a covert narcisst. It was a friend in my case. Even if it's a friend. It's probably worse withdrawls than xanax.
What she did has set me all the way back to my childhood. I can't tell anyone what she did, such is the level of shame and disgust I have about it. I can no longer function.
If you make yourself a victim you give away your control to make things better. Take responsibility and do something about it. The only person holding you back is yourself
@@mikeyblaze Thank you. I am a survivor, not a victim, just as I am not a victim of the previously healed trauma which she knew about and re-inflicted upon me.
@@magikjoe3789friend - you are not alone. You WILL heal. It WILL take time. This experience and confusion is a measure of just how much love and empathy you tried to pour into a relationship that was always destined to fail. Forgive yourself. Be gentle with yourself. And never, ever, *ever* go back. Forwards only. One beautiful step at a time.
I hope you read this. I'm not any sort of therapist or psychologist but I completely understand you. And no longer functioning....that was me. I couldn't go to work for four months.
She MADE you feel like this. It was HER. It isn't and never was you. And I'm ashamed and disgusted because she abused me. A lot. I did tell people. Honestly it helped. I still cry every night and day and I haven't seen her since October. But I'm trying. Because I want to fight this demon.
Its true and they can even take you back to infancy where a baby needs to bond at all costs even if it is being mistreated. Its a survival instinct and is truly tragic for a baby we of course are grown and are capable of employing better strategies but that doesn’t mean we don’t feel the effects of this original strategy for survival
I feel like my life lacks purpose after my narcissistic relationship ended. My sole purpose for months and years became to make my partner proud of me, to please my partner, to get on their "good" side, because maybe then they'd treat me right. Ever since I got out, I find myself feeling a lack of purpose towards anything. Life seems dull and lacking excitement, and everything seems pointless.
I understand your feelings . I felt the same way for some months after my relationship ended . I been single for 9 months but still miss her at times . Its been a long road it seems but its really just 9 months . Its got easier but still my mind will go back to the good times and i start thinking to much . Just certain things trigger memories and I start getting sad . I have to tell myself to move on its over . Quit thinking about it . Then try to get her out of my mind . I usually watch funny things or occupy my time with something . I am hoping eventually she will stop visiting my thoughts . But im doing better as time passes .
Same for me.
@@eugenebrooks4035 thanks for your comment. It makes me feel sad that others are suffering too, but theres a bit of strength in knowing i’m not alone.
Same for me and as a man society doesn’t let me feel or address these things due to cultural stereotypes but I’m trying my best.
Get a dog or a pet of your choice...seriously...I recommend dog, since it makes you leave your house at least once a day and walk...
I'm going through the process right now
I loved her so much and she was a narcissistic girl
She gave me everything and took everything .
I hope I find someone who deserves my love.
Never have I watched something so spot on to my experience.
Literally like she was watching the relationship with binoculars haha
I just wanted to add that in the absence of what is essentially a demon possessing your life through the most horribly negative ways imaginable, you will blossom like a rose. 🌹
7 years lost and now i avoid being attached to anyone. Even if it is someone who i am interested in I have self doubt/hatred and end up avoid that person until they loose interest.
I can't stop myself from trying to make sense of it. I can't stop excusing his behaviour "maybe he's stressed", "maybe he's depressed" and even feeling sorry for him being this way "he just needs someone who will love him unconditionally and will help him through this". I just can't believe that this is true, even though I know it is. I am devastated.
The way Lise described it is to vividly accurate: "...gripped by nostalgia, longing to go back to that perfect illusion..."
One of the problems I had with my gf, a covert narcissist, was her inconsistency on all things, major and minor. Monday's rules didn't apply to Tuesday and Tuesday's rules were scrapped if the wind changed. Then there were the "wild cards". I never could match her insults. I never saw the upside to being that cruel or going public with that kind of verbal haranguing. Fighting fair came second to winning at all costs.
I broke up with my covert narcissist girlfriend 2 weeks ago after five years of a relationship that was nothing short of an emotional rollercoaster filled with endless manufactured drama, fights for no reason, and extreme jealousy. I'm glad I finally made it out. Luckily, I educated myself on these topics, making it easier to spot the red flags. She showed traits of both BPD and Covert Narcissism.
It took me almost an entire year to mentally check out of the relationship while learning about dark triad traits and manipulation in general to understand the thought process of these kinds of people and how to deal with their nonsense. I broke up with her and blocked her on everything. She has tried to hoover me back, but I am far too gone from this child's play, and her attempts are futile. In the end, my regret is, as some might imagine, not breaking up sooner.
I am on the same boat, my ex was diagnosed with BDP and showed covert narcissist traits, you described exactly what I went through, glad you woke up from the nightmare
@mezcalito3147 Yea it was an unnecessarily long and drawn-out process, but I am glad to finally have made it out safe and sound, albeit with tons of learning and experience. I had to read and learn skills that are pretty much lifelong. I’ll never be the same person again; this toxic relationship prompted me to educate myself on dark triad-related topics and manipulation to understand how these individuals manipulate and sabotage others' mental health.
I still regret not breaking up sooner, but I’ve vowed not to fall into self-blame. Being realistic, I can’t regret breaking up sooner because back then I didn’t know what I have learned half a decade later. Otherwise, if I had known how to spot the red flags, I would have run for the hills far sooner.
I m just the first week of it…it’s the hardest part I guess to start,also I can’t go back and felt guilty that I had sex with a person she knows yet she was dating another guy…crazy why would even feel guilty that’s what everyone told me
Been a challenge. Discarded 6mos ago. Ended 8.5yrs together. She monkeybranched to some simp. Been strict NC. No hoovers. It gets better i promise yall. Focus self. Level up. Do your bucket list. Pray. Youll get free 🦅
Thank You So Very Much For Sharing This
My Reasons It Was So Very Hard To Leave The Narcissist
1/ I Was So Convinced I Could Change The Narcissist
2/ I Was So Manipulated
3/ I Had No Identify Outside The Relationship
4/ Fear Of Retaliation
5/ I Became Addicted To The Narcissist
6/ Severely Trauma Bonded
7/ Low Self Worth
8/ The Fear Of Being Alone
9/. Emotional Attachment
10/ Struggling With Going No Contact
Narcissistic Abuse Is Brutal..
So true!
Wow, that’s a very honest thing to say, that watching videos even like your own, can become your next addiction and can keep you tethered mentally to your abuser. Kudos to you for this honesty and integrity.
There is hope. After time you will miss them less. I'm past 3 months and I even quite drinking and smoking weed. Was I a mess to start with? After 33 years you bet I was a complete basket case. However now I even got over bipolar-ism. So if I can heal so can you. Good luck folks. I wish you the best.
I’m sure I’m not the first person to suggest this but totally deactivating social media during the recovery process is crucial. I remember years ago I had a breakup and my ex totally blocked me on all social media at the time. I was angry about it then but looking back she did me a tremendous favor..
I've never been treated worse by a woman.
Never had my heart broken worse.
I feel in love with her at first sight I was screwed from the start. I can’t see myself with anyone else or can see anyone as beautiful as her. The worst is she’s gotten away with it. It’s too the point I’ve had to get on antidepressants I’ve completely lost my mind, and myself I can’t do anything to get her out of my soul 😭😭😭
I don't watch your videos often. But when I begin to doubt my resolve or consider breaking my no-contact, you remind me of all I overcame. As years go by, I am better and happier, and I regain my values. I advise anyone just starting their recovery to seek help. You will literally save yourself years of struggle. And no, you are not wrong... everything she said in this video is true. They literally believe this is appropriate behavior and will suck you back in a heartbeat. Beware.
It is shocking how accurately this video describes my nightmare relationship over three years. And helps make some sense of the mess.
I remember about 4 years in, her daughter, after witnessing me being on the end of a tirade, asked why i stayed with her mum. Making excuses i said shes stressed and will go back to how she was at the beginning soon. Her daughter laughed and said no she wont, she does this to all men, she hates men. I wish id listened instead of waiting years for that act to reappear.
My ex girlfriend has BPD/NPD and hates men. She has alot of mental disorders that need treatment. OCD, BPD, NPD, & germ issues. Talk about a relationship without hope...yeah, I'm a lousy son of a b**ch. I walked from that relationship.
@clintonnagy1662 sounds familiar, you have to walk away to save yourself, wish I had. It's not our job to fix others.
Her daughter knows exactly what mom is.
Get out and live life and enjoy.
The daughter knows exactly what her mother is.
Get out and enjoy life.
@kevinowens6010 you're absolutely right. I did eventually. Her daughter doesn't speak to her mother currently. Not surprising.
You’re one of the realest most awesome coaches on YT. 🙏🏻thank you
This explains EVERYTHING I had been going through for the past 6 months. EVERYTHING!!
Thank you so very much. Literally everything you are saying is like your saying it directly to me and my situation. I am hurting so bad. I was betrayed by my narcissistic wife of ten years. This is exactly it. And our couples counselor even sees it.
It’s stuff I’ve known for years, but nice to hear someone explain it aloud so I can understand what I’ve been through properly ❤️
You know Lise? You’re the only psicologist to understand in such detail all the process. Always thank you and bravo in cience 👌
Your content is so accurate, I would love to see more BPD videos too.
Spot on! In therapy and trying to move forward. It is hard but needed to watch this video for my own sake.
They were just so wonderful in the begining ~ where did that person go???
YEP ✅. I am waking up from a Bad Dream🎯. But I am healing and moving on💯💯💯.
What is most striking to me is that, no matter how long the relationship, at the beginning the intensity and the illusion that it is built is so strong that leaves so much damage afterwards. I'm at stage 7, she texted me me out of the blue after few months of no contact, just to say nothing, with pathetic excuses just to start a conversation, pretending that nothing happened after she dumped me like a piece of trash ahah. I made the mistake of replying to that text, and she asked to meet. I genuinely believe she just wants to know that she still have control over me, that's just about it, and I kind of feel pity for her..I wouldn't really be in her shoes TBH. Guys, burn all bridges and turn the page FOREVER, I know it's difficult, but you'll be better off in the long run. Remember that the dark side of the Force in the end never wins ;)
I swear I cannot thank you enough. I have twins with a narcissistic, and I thought I finally sounded someone great for me and my boys again, but it's almost an exact replicata of my ex
You have gave my strength back to walk back in. The door and I have no fear of loss anymore. Thank you over and over...
This is way too accurate. Everything you said is so true, literally given up on life now
It's just nuts. She satisfied every romantic dream that I had and I was addicted. I hoped for her to miss me and wanted to have these feeling again. I was so depressed, and nothing made me happy. I tried different things to distract my thoughts. Nothing worked. I wanted to be the person that she wanted me to be. Researched on seduction and heartbreak. She was my hobby, I was obsessed. One day, I decided to run. I never played any sports or ran in my whole life other than to q buffet line. It was hard. I ran and when I stopped, all the endorphins kicked in. I do know the hardship of heartbreak and know why Forrest Gump started running. I decided to run a 5k in all 50 states and I did 24 of them. In short, it was a horrible and painful relationship, but at the end, I found me. It's still hard, and I learned a lot about myself. All those who are living with pain, please take care of yourself
Thank you Lise. You summed up many years in just eleven minutes here. I don't think you left anything out. Thank you for all you do. This is a MUST LISTEN for anyone questioning their spouse or partner or for anyone in recovery or even for one as myself, long past the narc abuse and free...Thank you Lise! Keep up the great work!
Well, I loved mine for three decades. I REALLY loved her. I’ll NEVER be completely over her.
That's okay to still love her in a way. You don´t have to get 100% over her
Number 3 is a complete smack to the face of brutal honesty!!!!
Yessss. I had to stop saying to myself, “I can’t believe she’s doing this to me, to our children, to our family.” 🤦♂️
Thank you - This explains so much of why I still feel the way I do +35 years after the relationship ended.
Another fact of narcissistic people, their professional lives they are very successful in. But their relationship is messed up with dysfunction.
That’s a high functioning narc babe, trust me there is straight losers I promise you. They don’t all function at a high level.
Not all narcissists are successful professionally or career wise
@@dastanrasulmine was an average nanny for years... She got fired a couple times actually.
I remember my children's mother/ex said to me. "You're doing it to yourself." From that moment on I just stopped trying to fight for my family.
She enjoyed seeing me gravel at her feet and be in pain of having no control over our children.
I'm so happy and balanced now that I've come to accept that I don't have control over my children's life any longer.
I struggled for six and a half years, and then I did it. I left. They never change. Ever
I really just want to move on but I cannot 😢. It has began to affect my health 😪
I have lost faith in humanity, due to a narcissist. If you have, too, it may be worth going to Thailand. The kindness and grace of the Thai people may be able to restore some of it.
Or, at the least, it may be worth being in a place where people are friendly and kind and emotionally generous.
Great idea
This is the most perfect explanation about this matter in particular! It is 100% the truth!🤦🏻♂️ Every detail I’ve been through and I am still healing ❤️🩹 Thank you so much 🙏🏼Lise👍🏻🙋🏻♂️
Most of what I know about narcissistic relationships is because of you. I really appreciate your work.
I didn't even realise that I had basically cut off the narc supply.
I just withdrew & after a while, got the discard.
After a few weeks of 💩 thinking , I now know it was a blessing in disguise.
A new life awaits & I'm excited. Nervous system healing up & energy levels are returning slowly but surely 😊
Such great content. I was with a woman for 6 years who was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder with Histrionic and Antisocial features. I now suspect I’m in a relationship with another Narcissist. I know I need to figure out what is wrong me that I attract or am drawn to this type because aside from the love bombing it’s really horrible.
Thank you, this video is helpful. I wish I had seen it and understood this much sooner in life. Live and learn, oh well. So many comments on here that could’ve written by me, amazing how often things like this happen…
Every word of this is true.
It’s nice to see men supporting each other in the comments. I’m close to a year since I dumped the narcissistic Bpd ex, dealing with the intrusive memories of the good times has been a daily struggle, and even tho I’ve dated other beautiful women since, my mind keeps going back to that creature who emotionally, physically hurt me, and ruined my reputation after. It’s surreal what a trauma bond does to your mind, I’ve come to terms that it’ll take time to fully heal. One day at a time.
So needed to hear this
Healing is hard when the covert narcissist is your ex wife and still have to remain in contact since we have young kids. But I am positive and accepting of what happened, and educating myself to not fall for her again, or anyone in the future.
I am struggling to get rid of her and divorce...I promise I will get over her in days..in fact, I have got over her a few years ago...it is just dragging on ...thank you ,
JUST the video I NEEDED! Everything you said in this video is 100% accurate just like all your other videos.
This was Me , hard lesson learned in life.
Never again
Your information is always appreciated
Lise, Thank you so much
You've help me a lot. I deeply thank you
Good work Ms Leblanc
3 years in recovery, all of what you describe applies. Thankfully, it gets better over time. Loved your « last tether » bit! Thanks
I'm not sure where you got the information from, but you could have been a fly on my wall for the past 30 years . So accurate, she discarded me and left me with 2 lovely boys. 😢
Just wow!! Literally what I'm going thru now and excalty how I'm feeling
You're spot on with everything you said! Excellent podcast.
This is so true !!! OMG!!!!please help me 😢I'm an emotional anxious wreck ! All this is true !!
I wanna thank you for putting out these vids. It’s been several years, and I’ve moved on, but from time to time I think back and it sometimes gets to me. You are incredibly spot-on with your descriptions. It’s like a operating manual of these people. After viewing a few of your vids, I realize my ex was on the darker side of things and that I let myself be mentally abused way too hard for way too long. Still, as you so correctly say, there were moments and things that were astonishingly good, and those things make it all confusing. Anyways, thank you!
Lisa thank you once again. That is spot on again,
100% on point
Lise you are awesome. I love how you brought out a very good side of me after such a relationship.
Yes I look fwd to learning why they cant form secure long lasting relationships/bonds..& please if you will..LOTS More on Sociopathy in male & felmals.
This is a painfully accurate description of every relationship aspect of the last seven years in my life. We got a kid and I tried to keep everything together as good as I could and more of it until she left me. However, there’s no fight about custody so maybe she isn’t a narcissist after all.
I cant believe that after 10 years of marriage, raising her autistic sin as my own, I was discarded, asked to leave and have had zero contact after one year separated. Not one word about, my just turned 18 year old step son, how are you, I apologize about being rude, mean , discarded, nothing ! Who is the woman and what happened to the beautiful woman I married?
Unfortunately you were just there until her son turned 18. Similar thing happened to me. I was married for 9 years. I went no contact with my mother and my narc said “Well your mother is just going to cut you out of the “will”. Evidently my mother was my narc’s retirement plan. So she left me to lay claim to her parent’s estate. She now lives in a camper on her parent’s property waiting for them to pass.
A great video, everything makes so much sense in my healing taking so much time. Even though I have gone strict full no contact, blocked her on social media, phone and emails etc I'm Still getting hoovered every few months 5 plus years later through a particular channel of my professional life which I cannot stop, I don't react but it feels like she just doesn't want me to forget her, I feel her hoovering is from a deep sense/fear of abandonment or maybe she just has no primary source of supply & does this to her other past partners also.
Very informative video.
Thanks for this video, covers a lot of things that give clarity.
My narcissist who I haven’t spoken with live and in person since October, texts random emoji’s hoping that I’ll ask _what was this for/about?_ I haven’t responded- but it has _not_ been easy since I miss the good times (90% of the time). Your videos have given me strength to stand strong for myself. Thanks. ❤
101 days NC
Keep up the good work 💪.
Good job. Keep doin the deal. 🫵
Kudos. Keep at it.👏
WOW! THANK YOU!!🙏 So accurate I really appreciate this video New subscriber.👍👏❤️🩹
SO ON POINT 💯💯💯💯💥💥!!!!
They want to set the rules but don't follow their own. It's all about them and their need for control. My ex Melissa discarded me because I would retaliate against her poor behavior. She is very hypocritical. She would compare, bread crumb, criticise, blame shift, gas light and belittle me until I would lash out and defend myself. I'm embarrassed for my behavior, and hardly had an issue before I met her, so I know its something about her triggering how I react. Hot & cold emotional mix of behaviors threw me off balance, and it's taking me months to level out. I've dated narcissists before but she really turned me upside down. I'm still obsessed with missing the good moments of intimacy, wineries, family gatherings & walks in town. Her disrespect by contradicting herself & criticizing me really hit deep. She needs professional help.
I just feel so disgusted by educating on this stuff and then I feel very sad for myself. I was so trapped thank you for the videos.
Thank you Lord Jesus Christ and Lise Leblanc's videos to help set me free from an 18 yr back and forth with a sick narc woman. *I AM FREE*
And i hope others break free as well
Thanks Lise
Lise is a superhero ❤
Wow. This explains so, so much. Why didn’t my therapists just freaking tell me about this in the past?? 😟😩🤯
Thank you for the information. ❤
Narcissism in movies “House of Gucci” & “Bullet Train” book & movie. And my sister marrying into a “connected” traditional family who “tracked” me since grammar school. No paranoia needed. Also the feeling that narcissists have an intrinsic relationship with apparent & hidden reality. (No not “Gucci” astrology)That their inflated self is justified by way of intellect and repeated good “luck” or “fate” like in Bullet Train.
The BT book dealt with a Japanese HS kid & future mob boss who couldn’t believe & also expected good luck. The movie had a Brit female whose father was a “White Death” Russian crime boss. (The words “father” and “Carver” became interchangeable in the movie) Which used NPD BPD therapy-speak humor to break from the extreme ultra violence.
3:13 do you think they really “know” this or is this subconscious? It sounds so evil that there harming me on purpose.
Thank you.
I had 11 years of narcissist abuse there evil and arrogant people
Im stuck at the moment but working on moving on you have to or the devil Narc wins 😢
This speaks volumes about the type of women I choose
I married a narcissist who never exhibited a huge come on - as is typically predicted - but there was an unplanned pregnancy and I approached the narcissist who was the legit father so he could choose what he wanted to do about it. He was uncertain but eventually opted to marry. Whereas during the dating stage he could be charming but erratic, after the marriage he fairly quickly “dropped the mask” and his alcoholism and emotional irresponsibility became apparent. I was naive when I married and totally unprepared emotionally for what I faced and I had to race to keep up with his acting out. I stayed with him until he died which was my bad and much of these years were wasted parts of my life to a great degree. I take responsibility for staying and have been healing ever since and have developed a far healthier sense of self.
I gave up all nicotine without cravings and urges, I gave up weed without cravings and urges, I don't like to drink, and I have given up on porn and masturbation without any issues. But after nearly 4 years I am still hooked emotionally to my ex who I believe is a Narcissist. I broke up with her for the way she was treating me and I just have not been able to move on. Even after DBT and 3 years of therapy. This sucks. I have become completely avoidant after I had a narc like roommate as well. I just want peace and to be loved without being torn to pieces.
It seems like such a simple thing to ask for, I asked for those things from my ex narc, from the start. All I wanted was peace, and to be loved. In the end it was everything but that. I took the reverse discard route after some disgusting behavior on her behalf. No contact for 7 months. Close to being healed, although I do still miss what she made herself out to be in the beginning. I’ve never felt like that about anyone in my life. Worse, I’m afraid to allow myself to feel that way about anyone again, but want to so bad I can’t stand it. Recovery isn’t easy.
Get out and live.
Do what makes you happy.
Change your picker. That requires a lot of inside work.
Then God hands you what you need.
No more Narcs. You are a vet. You will spot them now.
Best vid yet......
1. Ask about her relationship with her father. If she starts poisoning the well with awful stories of her father in the beginning, gtfo.
2. Does she have a significant other "guy friend?" If yes, gtfo.
1. I'd say anything like that not just father, someone at church, an uncle etc etc.
Oh Lord, help me.
Is it possible that I have been with a narcissist for 10 years? I find that this information is very similar to my wife's behaviours I never understood and felt confused about them. 3 years ago she had an affair, which she blamed me for. I tried to fix our relationship, but she didn't help to do so, only when I gave her everything so she just had to do something. Right now I am going through devorce with her and feel a lot of things you talked about in a video. I decided to have a devorce and we agreed to do it fair, but one day I saw her with another man and threw her stuff out my apartment, she gone to live with him, which is killing me right now... How do I stop my thoughts about her and the relationship we had?
Nope, not this time. My eyes were more open to her shenanigans this time around, I wasn't too emotionally attached and watching these videos helped me understand her behaviour. When the discard came, I just laughed, waited an appropriate amount of time then blocked her on all forums.
That's exactly where I'm at now stuck in the anger also I resent that I had a panic attack when I saw her the other day cuz I haven't had them in years. I didn't even have a relationship with her really and I got that attached just as a friend. Cuz I wasn't really that important to her and especially after I gave her a piece of my mind finally after holding my tongue for a year set a long text
I'm over my narc except I still live with her and we just got denied a divorce by the judge, totally devastating because I do not put up with her nonsense anymore and she doesn't annoy me because I don't give her any fuel, my two grown up daughters are on her side due to the years of trauma bonding etc, but I have no problem moving in once she leaves my house