When she wasn't able to control me anymore she began the discard phase. I've been studying narcissism now for almost 7 years because I didn't understand how a human being could be so evil
The problem I had was...I didn't know I was talking to a covert narcissist. We even had conversations about narcissism, and my reply was, "I'm not a mental health expert". I responded that way, because I really didn't know what narcissism was, or how to spot it. Now, after watching COUNTLESS videos on the subject, it is painfully clear. So, while hindsight has me feeling pretty dumb, I am actually very educated now...and will NEVER fall for this again.
Same. She couldn't control me anymore and discarded me. After the relationship is over, I'm ruminating on her contradictions, mind games, and manipulation. My mind & heart are still stuck in the past. It's been 3 months and I'm struggling.
There are children of God and children of the devil. The devil's children take after their father and they come to kill steal and destroy. So be wise, get over your poor choice and be wiser the next time.
@@clintonnagy1662 it takes time. Try to live in the presence. Sometimes you have to be able to catch yourself when thinking of the past by saying'here and now' to snap back into the presence. The rest will fade away eventually. Stay strong. I was with one for 3 years Now at 32, hard to find a decent partner
Best one yet. Two years out, I stopped watching narc videos a year ago but come back sometimes for a reminder, and this was so spot on. Thank you for the healthy reminder
It is incredible how they get into your mind, possess you, so you are not able to notice anything else but them. After discard, you are like a newborn baby - helpless but full of potential.
Wow. So true. My situation went from bad to worse. I divorced my wife for the narc ( but I was already separated ), After the discard, I got a DUI, ( wrecked car )and battled alcoholism. We ( covert narc ) got back together and 3 months later I got fired from my job then discarded again by her. Try recovering from a heartbreak, DUI ( can't drive) NO car, father is ill, jobloss ( unemployment) being stuck in an apartment alone with NOTHING to do and NOWHERE to go while she dates someone new. Talk about having mental illness issues. Then no one wants to reach out and see how your doing. I can't believe how shitty life can be and how insensitive people really are.
Brother, in this wocked web, we tend to forget that we are strong, we can get our shit together and be the best of ourselves. Stay strong mate and all the best. Salutes
I just deleted all of our photos and was reminded of all of the good times. I was really sad and started crying and missing her a lot, so I came to your channel to watch a video since that worked so well last time and once again every point you made was my relationship exactly. This was what I needed to be stronger. Thank you again.
I'm at that point. I haven't had the courage to delete all the pictures and videos of the 2 year relationship. After watching the footage I realized hours before the videos were made we always fought. Every single time. She would cancel plans hours before, then silent treatment and then text me an hour before the date and want to go out. I would fall for it everytime. I already threw out her gifts or burned them...but someday soon I'm gonna delete the pictures. I can't keep them because they are lies and misinterpretations of the truth. The whole relationship was toxic except for the sex. I didn't want to admit it, but she used me for good sex supply. After the discard she ran back to her " F- buddy Mark". It's sick and twisted So why wouldn't I want to delete those pictures? I guess I still don't want to except she is a toxic person?
@@clintonnagy1662 brother, delete them. DELETE THEM. My ex would do something similar where I would plan dates and then she would start a fight right before we went out and then get more mad when I cancelled the date because I didn't have the energy to pretend like we didn't just fight for hrs. Got to the point where if I wanted us to have a date I'd have to surprise her with it so she didn't have time to pick a fight. Also, similarly, when I ended things finally back in July she had another guy before I was fully moved out. I went to pack up things when she wasn't home and there was some other guys toiletries in the bathroom. She doesn't love you. She never really did. They aren't capable of it, we are just something to squeeze the life out of until there's nothing left. The longer you torture yourself with the photos, the longer she still has hold. Delete the photos my friend. You are not weak, your brains just been scrambled by this sorry excuse for a woman.
Dont rush it. Im 5 months out of a 9 year relationship. Married for 6 years. Lots of evil narcissistic stuff thst even touched on demonic stuff..Harder than hard. Yet some days are easy. I have deleted photos but still need to brunch my wedding ring and the stone necklace she made me i used to wear every day. It's hard man but they're really evil and we are making g the right choice even though it doesn't feel like it. That's cognitive dissonance. @clintonnagy1662
1. Love was conditional (it was fake) 2. You discover their Lies, deceptions, manipulations. 3. You will be replaced quickly. 4. You probably didn't understand narcissism before this relationship. 5. Narcissist don't change. Personality traits, lack of empathy 6. They will mess with your mind long after the relationship is over of you let them. Don't follow them. 7. You were gas lit. Invalidated, not recognized, you value was not recognized. 8. You will learn about yourself and your dark side. Deep introspection and self worth issues. 9. You will do a ton of research about Narcissism 10. Learn the need to have strong boundries to protect your self. Decide what you will do if boundries are not respected. Don't accept love bombing. Yes yes yes. All the above. Lise just read my mind knows my story and what I've been through without ever meeting or talking to me.
Was recently struggling with being discarded and replaced so quickly until I started watching these videos. My covert Narc was my wife. These videos are spot on. I’m still uncovering her deceit.
mine discarded me after 7 years. Rebounded after 2 weeks(probably he was in the picture long before). But reading the comments here, I am happy that I didn't marry her. I beat myself up for that, for months. But now I realize, it wouldn't have changed nothing. The communication problems, the lack of empathy and the devaluing... I dodged a bullet, but the trauma bond is strong
Mines a similar story, discarded after 9 years, she was in a relationship before I was dropped, he moved in 4 weeks later, they bought a house together and were married inside of a year. All she banged on about was having/wanting a child with me but I wouldn't because of her cheating & lying, I used to send her txt's when we were together, just repeating her words...i want, I want, I want. its unbelievable what 'Love' can blind you to. Its been a long tough journey to come to terms with, now 3 years on. I recently blocked her number because she keeps trying to contact me with pics & the odd txt, I didn't want to do it but you have to, for your own sanity! People ask, does 'Kharma' really get them??...well the guy she's married, cannot have children, so he's on a short stay, she even had the nerve to ask me for a 'Reference' so she could be able to 'Foster'....no chance!!!.....shouldn't be allowed anywhere near Kids!! good luck with your recovery>
I was in a similar situation but after 8 years her mask came off and made my life a living hell. I dodged a bullet too. She convinced me I was perfect for her and I was going to marry her. A year after she left I'm starting to really know why I had the gut feeling about her. Unfortunately I ignored it. I have a friend that was formerly a private investigator that showed me how I can find out things she was up to. I was shocked! My eyes were open to so much. The lying, cheating stealing, devaluing and after it ended, the smear campaign was viscous against me. I also can't thank Lise Leblanc enough for sharing all these videos that really educated me as to what I had been dealing with. Before that I had really no idea what a female covert narcissist was. Stay strong, stay no contact and work on improving yourself. I wish you the best!
Mine rebound a month after our 8yr relationship and said she hasn't liked someone so much since her ex before me but she wants us to be friends moving forward....I started therapy and have been no contact.
Yes trauma bund is real and it takes time to get over it, she cheated on me with 7 different man over 3 years until she was ready to discard me, but i got wind and ended the relationship, she did all she can to get me back, showed up at my work making drama, terror telephone, tryed to commit suicide 3 times, there i still didnt know what is a narc, i took her back only to find out she is cheating again 1.5 year later on the road… stay away from those people, the trauma is big and im now 4 months in the healing process and still fill like i have no worth and it is my fault
I just ended things with the narc i was dating a few days ago. He tried to triangulate me with another woman, and when I wasn’t having it, he caused a fight, gave me the silent treatment and when i wouldn’t capitulate, he blocked me, and then used that as an excuse to talk to the other woman. Now, this isn’t about hating the other woman, but in my opinion she had so little to offer compared to what I did and all we had built together. But that’s when I realized how easy it is to be replaced - he didn’t care about the things that made me unique, how much I loved him, or that I would have moved heaven and earth for him. He just needed another woman with a pulse to be supply, that was it.
I'm sorry too...I'm 3 months away from her and she replaced me in hours. I thought I was special but realize I was not. It hurts knowing how fast these people move on. It's not in my nature to remain silent when I'm being controlled, and manipulated. Hence the reason the relationship ended in September. She got scared because I was standing my ground and refused to be blamed for her poor behavior. No accountability, No apology on her part to make amends. 2 year relationship over without closure. The worst part is she paints me the villian. No changing that narrative now.
I like your point about " coming to terms with your own negative traits after a narcissist relationship". These people can bring out the worst in you through constant stress that they put on you.
Before I became awakened, I fell miserably with her Love Bombing! The damage extended for 50 years now, but past 10 years, I am finding my way out....still don't feel it too late !!
Once again you nailed it: I literally see my past relationship sail before my eyes. It is good to be reminded of the manipulations we've been subjected to and how our deepest love has been used to one's own benefits. The road is still long. Thanks again for the support.
I was accused of being a narcissist.. I came To these videos only to find out she is 1000% the narcissist, the videos are helping me but the trauma bond is so strong ..
Trauma bond is strong, sure. But NO CONTACT. Dont let pride get you. Take your ego out, set is aside. Her behavior is not about you. It never was!!! . Go no contact snd DO NOT ENGAGE EVER! Go get counseling if you need it. Whatever you got to do. Just don't ENGAGE. She'll make you more crazy the 2cnd time around
I was accused of that too. And being selfish, proud, an ‘abuser’, no empathy, on and on. With all I’ve learned, and writing it down, analyzing back, wow she was definitely trying to confuse and shame and control me. I seemed to be wrong all the time, but her almost never, which didn’t seem fair or possible. Mind games.
This video was the perfect start to my new year. I spent 15 years of my life trying and failing to find happiness with my NPD ex-wife. A year ago I didn’t know what NPD was now after 7 months I’m on a very long and challenging journey to retake my life and self back. Not only for children but most importantly for me. I’m not going to be done with this long journey tomorrow, but tomorrow is not the day I will be giving up. As long as I keep striving to make the next right choice I will make it. Thank you for all the amazing work you are doing!
Thanks you, Lise. Mine was BPD but jeez she was harsh on me, no wait, horrendous to me when I think about it. I had to leave her, she moved on fast! She was randomly abusive then randomly idealising me. Crazy making. I had to do deep work.
I recently experienced the final discard from an undiagnosed BPD(the opinion of my therapist) we’re gone through several break ups that she would initiate over seemingly small in fractions the way I would look at her, I’m not giving her enough attention. With this one on Saturday, she’s telling me how amazing I am and she’s telling over friends about how she wants a future with me and grow old with me….. Sunday she tells me that I’m not giving her what she needs and once and she can’t see a future with me. Monday she says she never wants to see me again that she doesn’t know if she ever really loved me and that she wants to be alone… the roller coaster is impossible to predict or deal with when you’re on the receiving end
@@dave8396 Even in a relationship with someone without any personality disorder, there's always the risk of being "discarded". Which only makes things more confusing...
That is such a key point Number 8 , about being confronted with our Shadow. The impulse to insult , to denigrate, to level the score, can make us feel ( because WE have conscience and can be self critical ) that we are '' just as bad '' as the narcissist.
You seem very authentic. No facade. And your voice, delivery and pacing. Are soothing. I enjoy your videos. Thank you for making content that is both informative and healing.
Wow this PERFECTLY addresses everything I am going through following a relationship discard by a highly narcissistic covert. The cruel way she left me (as if I had wronged her) was the final confirmation of her full blown narcissism. This is the woman who laid down the law for me early on - “no cheating.” So imagine my surprise to discover that she cheated on me and lied repeatedly to cover it up! No empathy for me and my pain when I finally worked it out - just fixated on her own shame and anger; upset that she was exposed, her reputation tarnished etc. I really needed this video and just subscribed! Thank you! 🙏
I've been two months no contact and she's been smear campaigning me since then. I haven't responded to any of it (since I legitimately have no idea what's being said). But, I guess she started pulling more people into it and they're rejecting her narratives. Hopefully, this will sort itself out. I wasn't a great lover but, I was kind and caring. Either way, here's to tomorrow. Keep your chins up, homies.
My BPD wife discarded everyone in her life when she ended hers. One final dagger to the heart of everyone that just tried to love her in all her difficulty. She could not cope with the idea that a lot of the pain and suffering in our family was brought on by her. I don't know how she couldn't see it for so long. Delusion is a powerful thing, I suppose. Will I ever be able to trust someone again? Dunno. I'm not giving up on it just yet though.
10 Key Lessons After Being Discarded by A Narcissist 1-the narc's love was transactional and conditional 2-their lies and deceptions distorted reality 3-you are easy to replace 4-you'll learn about narcissism 5-narcissists don't change (limited capacity of change because structural and brain differences, deeply engrained personality traits, lack of empathy, resistance to acknowledging and addressing flaws in meaningful and sustained ways) 6-they will mess with your mind 7-you'll be subjected to a lot of gaslighting 8-you'll learn a lot about yourself 9-you'll do a lot of research about narcissism 10-you'll learn the importance of strong boundaries in my lived experience with narcs, i look at: 1-do they get upset if i treat the EXACTLY the same way they treat me 2-how they react when i challenge them with a criticism, or not going along with what they want 3-how they take accountability for their actions 4-how they deal with conflict 5-jealousy/envy - are they happy when you or others are happy/achieving success cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Exactly correct. You can observe a pattern difference between how a normal person behaves and how a narc behaves. At the very sight of conflict, a narc just runs away. They can't handle criticism. They never take accountability. If you treat them the same way they treat you, they will never talk to you again and ignore you. They can't stand others being happy or successful. They don't know to appreciate other people. It's just I Me Myself. They lack empathy but survive by learning to act empathetic by looking at how people react with empathy. They have a confused expression when you grieve a person's death and when you express how sorry you are for the family. They can mess up with your head big time. If you see these signs, just run. Some narcs also cast love spells to control their supplies. Demons I should say.
No one gets to stay young and attractive forever. We all make our own beds and will have to eventually sleep in them. So I have no worries. Karma doesn't discriminate.
Dude. You completely don't get it. NPD = narcissistic PERSONALITY DISORDER. There's no cure. No meds. No point where Karma, Age, reality will magically change the person. I have an aunt who just turned 75. Woman tries to act like she's still 19. Not only does it cause riff within our family but it's also caused significant tension with her partner whose tried counseling whose sought church intervention, literally everything. She's broken up with him about 50x over the course of 10yrs.
My marriage to female covert narcissist just ended. I’m a man. I feel totally lost, confused, much shame, inferior, incredibly sad, misunderstood, I used to have interests, friends, activities. I ended up isolated and alone and lost.
@@MarkFlanagan-h1oLess than 5% of churches are able to assist in any positive way whatsoever when it comes to cluster b disorders. Most churches are breeding grounds for codependent and narcissistic individuals and relationships.
As far I understand they are evils they robbed our love out of our hearts, they drained our energy used us only to their advantage and bring negative energy into our lives, it’s nearly one year from discarded I still bleeding . It is not about you , it is not your fault The narcissist lives inside her mind and react only to her internal dynamics she is out of touch with reality You were chosen by the narcissist because her need and fantasy not because who you are The narcissist was compelled to devalue and discard you in order to exorcise her inner demons You couldn’t done nothing to prevent it neither could the narcissist.
after surviving an overt narcissist, I found myself doing insane amounts of research, initially I didn't know my ex was a narcissist, that discovery came with researching her behaviours, patterns and traits and discovered she is an overt narcissist that's developing into a dangerous malignant narcissist(yes she's still trying to destroy me from afar with her smear campaign). I also rediscovered my old self, I found me again! I'm no longer on any anti-depressants or any other medication which she drove me towards during the relationship, and now I'm doing what you are doing Lise LeBlanc! I've started my own channel helping others who are victims of narcissistic abuse and educating others about narcissism within a relationship. So, I'm now free, single, happy and healthy and embarking on my own UA-cam/TikTok career so I can give up doing my day job and help others!
@ about mid way through the 18 years she was with me, i ended up on anti-depressants and other meds for anxiety etc, i never could figure out what the trigger was or why i was feeling so low, until she left me, then it dawned on me, it was her, she was the trigger. now of course im not on any meds at all! its sad i still miss her, even though i miss the person she pretended to be and not who she really was and still miss her even though shes done the classic narc discard and smear campaign and false allegations. i miss my boys the most, not seen or heard from them since.
@apersonontheinternet-p6y really sorry to hear about that mate, cannot imagine how hurtful this must be. Please stay strong and all the best in building up your life, I am sure you can do it. A person who gone through this and still can speak this way is surely a very strong one 💪 Salutes
Every time I watch one of Ms. Leblanc's videos, I feel like she is telling my story. It's uncanny and profoundly disturbing. I can attest that what she describes is absolutely accurate. I've lived through it. It's been two years since I split from my covert narcissist wife of 15 years, and I'm still trying to piece my life back together. I don't trust anyone now enough to get involved romantically, least of all myself.
Once again, every single point is absolutely spot on. It seems we all go through similar experiences when dealing with marcissistic people. Thank you for everything you do.
On point as always. 9 months later and things still kick me in the gut. It takes time to come to terms with the fact that it was all a lie - well the good parts, if they can even be called that - because nothing was genuine.
One I suspect had covert BPD said, « I’ve done favors for you ». Yes. She was a pathological liar and extremely manipulative. It’s dangerous and scary.
I was married to a covert narcissist and everything you just said on here is spot on. Be under no illusion what they do to people is nothing short of evil. She nearly ended me then during our divorce she messed me about in the courts…fought in the family court for years. Once the court case was over the judge said to us we were adult enough to share the holidays, weekend etc but when the case was finished she started Messing me about again. I’m an ex soldier and suffer with ptsd from my time in Iraq and Sierra Leone but I get that sone of it is unresolved childhood trauma too. I’m supposed to have a support worker in place but everything so broken since covid there’s just no support… like you said while it was going o. I had no idea what was happening. It was ok like battle ground in the family home… felt like I was losing my mind. Once the divorce was I arranged we cracked on with that at various courts up down the uk.she used my kids against me and even though I have court rights to see my step daughter and my daughter it’s been years of heart ache n disappoint. Years After, as I was healing. I started Looking into the disorder. 😅 found lots of therapists that’ are survivors themselves, that’s how I found you channel… one thing I learnt was their tactics of trying to make you believe that you” are the narcissit. I thought I was losing my mind. It made me poorly. It was like I was in hell, nothing was good enough yet she proposed to me, which was a shock . I can’t really explain how horrible her behaviour was… want, want, want, … take, take, take, when she was pregnant she physically attacked me on a few occasions… she was violent and I was just supposed to put up withit …take it , get on with. Well when it came for me to return home. From Iraq and it was a living nightmare… miserable. I was thrown straight back to work driving personnel to and from The RAF airports. The adds wanna was my mother n father in law were always I’n our marred quarter. Putting me on the spot as they wanted to see more of my step daughter. Put us under undue pressure…(we hadn’t even had a hineymooI’d been married a month, then went to Iraq for 7 months. O honey just grief from here at every opportunity. I got back after a park h uk army rough tour Making me feel guilty as they wanted to see more of their first grand child as my baby was o.still not born, but the most awful thing that haloed was we as a physicaly but host home were she attacked me, I restrained her on several occasions. Under extreme provocation, we had a terrible argument… one time I lost my temper when she attacked me for having an opinion attacked me viscously and irrationally that I did retaliate with a slap and ended grab her by the neck and threw her out. I’ve learnt that her parents are the enablers, constantly throwing money at any problems…I look back and I’m so grateful I was strong enough to do everything the court asked me. I found that the management course was such a help so after the court sanctioned course I volunteered another year. She makes it hard to my children but they’re getting. Older and I have faith they’ll come one day. Thanks for sharing your knowledge it really helps 🤗🙏🏽 the only saving Grace is that these people do get the karma… eventually somewhere down the line they pay for what they do 🤗
Thank you so so much for speaking up for us men!! My partner is a venerable narcissist - she is definitely an avoidant but the way she stone walls, silent treatment, defensiveness w anger, the Lieing and the that has really hurt me the most is ' Future Faking' - The Future Faking is hard to process and come to terms w those lies she has told!!!
I remember not long after we got together I realised I had this anxiety about her, I should have given myself space but it wasn't possible. She also Sat me down and explained ro me that I was a defensive person and needed to work on not being so our relationship could work. At the time it was news to me but I trusted her. I now know this was one of the first deflecting moves she used on me. It was a confession cos she was ultra defensive and unable to be wrong, far too fragile to admit fault.
The first argument my ex and I had was a huge red flag I completely ignored. The fight just came out of nowhere. I was so confused and the look in her eyes was just... different. I remember thinking to myself that she was volitile but I just ignored it thinking everyone is a little fucked up. What a collosal mistake.
@northernsoul13 absolutely same for me, I even remember what it was about!! I bought the wrong tiger loaf!?? Her disappointment didn't make sense! I should have said "fuck this" and left. Mind blowing.
Same for me! She was having an anxiety breakdown, withdrawing, depressed, in bed. I ran to her rescue, went out and bought her a "self help book" on overcoming these issues. She exploded into an argument, screaming "that i brought her what I THOUGHT SHE NEEDED, RATHER THAN WHAT SHE REALLY NEEDED, which was just to be held and stroked. And that i wasted time going out to find that book rather than giving her what she needed..." W... T... F... That trauma bond took a long time to break. Now, 10 years in my rear view Mirror.... Thank God.
I have just finished a 3 month stint with a narc and if it wasn't for days off to get away and clear my head and do some research I'd still be in it. I was in the middle of discard so I'm glad I found all this out . I don't ever want to see or talk to her again .
I'm so glad I found your channel 18 months ago. Your videos gave me the "aha moment" I needed exactly when I needed it. Your channel along with 1 on 1 therapy, group therapy, many hours of videos, podcasts and audio books plus a lot of reading have helped me get farther down the path of healing than I otherwise would be and in all likelihood, your videos saved my life. I can't thank you enough.
Thank you So Very Much For Sharing This Helped Me Tremendously After Spending Yrs Wanting Acceptance From the Narcissit. I'm Finally Learning To Detach This Really Helped Me
Absolutely spot on. One of the best videos on this sick subject I've seen. And I've seen hours upon hours of these videos. I've subscribed to numerous channels. I swapped my addiction to my ex for this sick disease. Everything you have said in the order you delivered is my experience. For those who are still unsure and recently discarded. Yes, it's wrong to diagnose, but it's what they do after discard that really let's you know. DARVO is one of their most spiteful tools. You may think it's finally over, but just keep your wits about you. Great video, thank you 👌🏻💙
Nice video, I'm still struggling with the end of my 7-year relationship. My significant other, who I considered to be the love of my life, left me a month ago, and I can't seem to shake the constant thoughts of him. Despite my efforts to bring him back into my life, nothing has worked, and I feel frustrated and hopeless. I've tried to move on, but my heart still longs for her, and I don't see myself with anyone else. I apologize for sharing this here, but I just can't seem to stop missing him.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
Two year relationship for me. Just ending it because I've had enough. She was good about playing on my kind & good side. I thought I could fix the things in her life but found I couldn't do it. I see her on social media still, trying to influence all these other guys. I've confronted her about it several times but she simply pretends I didn't write/say anything. She's been doing this for two years. I just happen to stand out. She saw me coming. She's always telling me how much she 'loves me' but I simply don't believe her. I've even told her so. No effect. I was fool in love with love. I need to take care of myself. She doesn't care. Reality sucks and It happens because we need to grow, protect ourselves and finally meet the one that is for us, if ever. Best of luck to you. Things will get better.
Just fight through it, You do not want an abuser in your life. 1 Month is very soon. You are going through heartbreak and addiction withdrawal. They call it Trauma Bond. Do your best to fight every urgh to contact them and block all your socials and phone number from them. It is really going to be difficult but with time you will find it becomes easier. Try hang out with your friends and family and avoid talking about your ex as much as possible. Trust me it gets better after some time, just believe that it will. You got this! You are stronger than you think.
You seem to have so much insight. I.e., don’t really know if the lady I’ve been going out with.. I thought more than friends with …could be called NPD. However, after four years of on/ off, been blocked, unblocked, et cetera, et cetera as you described, I have always come back happily, but to my surprise, something was said to me about my character That caused me to switch off and all you say about the introspection and the research is all true, just as you describe.
Thank you, I've been researching on this topic for 5 years now. I always seem to end up renting from a narcissistic woman. You explain this in a way I can understand a little better. Thank you for making these videos
My narc sister has been poking me for weeks. She's been trying to get a reaction out of me, but I'm keeping my boundaries as tight as possible. Her ex husband finally got away, and I'm so happy for him. She put him through the ringer. Thank you for your invaluable knowledge!! ❤
Wow! Again, this was spot on! The cryptic messages thing was interesting. My ex seemed to weave cryptic messages into her chats with me -- it was as if she was giving me clues to her lies. Sinister. The part about gaslighting was so, so accurate -- her gaslighting was really, really bad; I just can't believe that she had the cheek to do that yet expect complete honesty from me. "You'll never lie to me, will you?" was a favourite line of hers. And then, of course, there was her colossal controlling behaviour, which was largely connected to her massive paranoia over other women -- it just goes on and on! I don't regret learning all of this info, though; it's helped me unravel a tremendous amount of stuff, and so now I know almost exactly what's going on -- family patterns and all that. I wish that I'd known it all back when I was in my late teens. Thank you so much, Lise; your content is excellent. ❤💯
Yes, Lise, Before this video I was thinking grandiose narcissist. This covert narcissist reeled me in hook line and sinker. It was a whole new game dealing with a vunerable narc. Unfortunately, I didnt know the games being played. Something felt " off " but she was beautiful and a guy like me doesnt attract women of her caliper. I was flattered she wanted me. It was hard to say NO.
Thank you for your video's! She was just absolutely awful especially towards the end.. I can't believe I allowed myself to tolerate her bad treatment towards me..I found your video's while I was researching my experience.. I appreciate your knowledge on this subject..
OMG! Thank you! Where were you (I heard 25 years) 26 years ago when my experience started? The men have been ignored and you speak to them, and me. Thank you. You routinely bring validation. The road still leads on....
Thank you. Your videos have been very helpful in my current phase. I just found out a week earlier that she is already back with her ex and also found she might have gotten back with her ex the next day after the breakup.
I haven't even been dating but I have been talking to others who are.. A lot of the lessons that you said in this video apply to people in general.. I will try to take what I like and leave the rest..
My god, this is 100% accurate. Sad that we appear like lambs to the slaughter for these people. 4.5 years for me down the toilet. I’m ashamed of myself for being scammed. My only saving grace is that in the final year I gave her her own medicine and reached into myself to fight back with my own inner narc qualities. I learned the art of NO and I hinted I was about to walk away and that made her dump me The laughable part was that she said the reason she was dumping me was we argue to much and it’s unhealthy. No shit Sherlock 😅
1. Their love was conditional on what you could provide for them. 2. You will learn about their lies and deception. 3. You are easy to replace. 4. You’ll learn about narcissism. 5. They don’t change. 6. They will mess with your mind if you allow them to. 7. You will be gaslighted. 8. You will learn about yourself. 9. You will learn a lot about how you were manipulated. 10. You’ll learn that you need boundaries.
I am literally the strongest, most confident, most certainly, and most competent version of myself post narc relationship. Not slowing down either. Keep going my friends. 💪
*The silver lining* In the absence of True Love -- the heartbreak of the *discard* was mollified by the lack of contrast between her "love" -- and the removal of it. 'Can't miss what you never had -- but you can still long for it. Actually I'm calling it a supernatural miracle that my heart has been shielded from her demon. I do bleed for those bleed -- I know that all too well.
Their pathological lying is brutal. I ended the "relationship" then endured the hoovering and it ranged from fake pregnancy to self delete to the most recent one being her claiming she has terminal cancer. I am in therapy now due to her. Evil evil twisted wrecks is all they are.
I got love bombed 6 months ago. She slept with me on the first night. She told me that she loved me in the first month. A few weeks ago she woke up randomly screaming crying at 5am because she said I didn't care about her chrones disease blood infusion even though I took a day off from work to take her to the hospital and to stay with her while she was weak from the infusion. It was my second time doing such a thing amongst other sacrifices like driving to see her when she lives 60 miles away multiple times a week. She never ever asked me questions about my life or my family or my childhood. I wish I found this channel a year ago. 😢🎉
Thank you Lise for the video and for the hints for further life, the hints that I 100% agree, but anyway it is good to hear that, to be conscious about them and to be ready and able to apply them in the life. Thanks a lot!!
Unfortunately for me, I have young kids with her, so I have to communicate with her. I wish I could go no contact, but unable to. She will definitely use the kids to manipulate me in some way. Shes always up to something
I discovered: he was already married and had a child, he was talking bad things about me to his friends, he was cheating, lying and telling everybody he was just using me to gain something.
Very Spot on, How to move on from Narcissist? Any relationship after is not as exciting as with her. She feels like a forbidden fruit. How to get rid of this thought addiction? Please help.
I can't just believe, before i get love bombed... actually came up on suggestion on my TikTok.. about narcissist video.. before getting on relationship with them... it's really like they make us we always think about them... doubt whether they think about us or not.. It's really feel stuck you know, they won't let you go easily as i currently facing...when something fights happen, next day would be normal like nothing happens.. oh damn.. always end with no answers... it's really scary.. it's better leave them rather live with them.. emotionally draining...
Thank you! You could think about changing out "love bombing" to "love leveraging" .. Could be a better fit and help ppl get unstuck sooner. (Credit to R. Grannon) Much love
Hello! Thank you so much for your videos, its really helping me to understand what was happening! Could you please share what to do if I have broken up with a narcissist and we have a child? Of course, she hasn't shown me the child for over 6 months now.
Question, all these signs are very familiar to me , spot on, but the weird thing is , she claims I do all these things, are they really that good to confuse the hell out you , to not know what is up or down. I've been with this woman 45 years and now see someone I don't recognize. I'm still obsessed with research on narcissist because she still has me confused after being separated 3 years, in the divorce process now. Thanks so much for video
I have to say this…if you were discarded you are damaged. You chose to stay until you were given the boot. Otherwise you would still be in that mess. Fix yourself or your life will be hell on earth based on your lack of self reflection and accountability for your own life and repairing the damage of your past or childhood.
First time they give you silent treatment; take that opportunity to pack your bags, or theirs. Their using it as pretense to pursue other supply. Get out NOW! Dont even argue. Dont allow any explanation. I'm giving you the explanation. This is your closure! Block them. Ghost them. Whatever. Just NEVER talk to them again .
Change impossible. 10 yrs with diagnosed borderline, me believing change was possible led to much unneeded suffering. Now I know. Miserable people, selfish to core, yet they hate themselves and take it out on you.
Funny how it comes in all shapes and forms....18yr happy ....then bosh! ......14yr of WTF! ....free now ...thanks for info and understanding of this trap ❤
Five years ago, my narcissistic friend traumabonded me in order to make me become his brother in law. He traumabonded me with the help of mesmerism. Final discard took place one year ago. And after the happening of that(final discard), I have learnt a lot about narcissism and narcissistic abuse.
My narcissist ex of 5 years decided to tell me she hadnt loved me for 2 years and had been using me and when i called her out on her narcissism, decided to take me to court.
Same i got discarded after 6 years and after putting thousands of hours and dollars in renovations into a house we bought. She went and got an appraisal that way over valued the house, i got my own and still had to pay her out 70k. Never thought she’d do that to me in a million years.
@@thatdudecaSadly as they say, the woman that divorced you isn't the same woman you married. That's probably the only true explanation for how vicious some become on the way out of the marriage. Just my 2cents!
@@histreasure3189although most aint willing to actually get trapped by the legal responsibilities of marriage -- not that they would tell you that while there is most manipulation to be gained .. then they act like their interest in pursuing you for marriage was just bullsh*t just like them having any loyalty commitment or compassion
When she wasn't able to control me anymore she began the discard phase. I've been studying narcissism now for almost 7 years because I didn't understand how a human being could be so evil
The problem I had was...I didn't know I was talking to a covert narcissist. We even had conversations about narcissism, and my reply was, "I'm not a mental health expert". I responded that way, because I really didn't know what narcissism was, or how to spot it. Now, after watching COUNTLESS videos on the subject, it is painfully clear. So, while hindsight has me feeling pretty dumb, I am actually very educated now...and will NEVER fall for this again.
Same. She couldn't control me anymore and discarded me. After the relationship is over, I'm ruminating on her contradictions, mind games, and manipulation. My mind & heart are still stuck in the past. It's been 3 months and I'm struggling.
Any good books or anything else you can suggest @joshslaton8604
There are children of God and children of the devil. The devil's children take after their father and they come to kill steal and destroy. So be wise, get over your poor choice and be wiser the next time.
@@clintonnagy1662 it takes time. Try to live in the presence. Sometimes you have to be able to catch yourself when thinking of the past by saying'here and now' to snap back into the presence. The rest will fade away eventually. Stay strong. I was with one for 3 years
Now at 32, hard to find a decent partner
Best one yet. Two years out, I stopped watching narc videos a year ago but come back sometimes for a reminder, and this was so spot on. Thank you for the healthy reminder
Spot on. Reminders are the best and helps to show how much you have learned and healed from to be able to recognize these type of people. 💯
I do the same thing…
It is incredible how they get into your mind, possess you, so you are not able to notice anything else but them.
After discard, you are like a newborn baby - helpless but full of potential.
Wow. So true. My situation went from bad to worse. I divorced my wife for the narc ( but I was already separated ), After the discard, I got a DUI, ( wrecked car )and battled alcoholism. We ( covert narc ) got back together and 3 months later I got fired from my job then discarded again by her. Try recovering from a heartbreak, DUI ( can't drive) NO car, father is ill, jobloss ( unemployment) being stuck in an apartment alone with NOTHING to do and NOWHERE to go while she dates someone new. Talk about having mental illness issues. Then no one wants to reach out and see how your doing. I can't believe how shitty life can be and how insensitive people really are.
Brother, in this wocked web, we tend to forget that we are strong, we can get our shit together and be the best of ourselves. Stay strong mate and all the best. Salutes
I just deleted all of our photos and was reminded of all of the good times. I was really sad and started crying and missing her a lot, so I came to your channel to watch a video since that worked so well last time and once again every point you made was my relationship exactly. This was what I needed to be stronger. Thank you again.
I'm at that point. I haven't had the courage to delete all the pictures and videos of the 2 year relationship. After watching the footage I realized hours before the videos were made we always fought. Every single time. She would cancel plans hours before, then silent treatment and then text me an hour before the date and want to go out. I would fall for it everytime. I already threw out her gifts or burned them...but someday soon I'm gonna delete the pictures. I can't keep them because they are lies and misinterpretations of the truth. The whole relationship was toxic except for the sex. I didn't want to admit it, but she used me for good sex supply. After the discard she ran back to her
" F- buddy Mark". It's sick and twisted So why wouldn't I want to delete those pictures? I guess I still don't want to except she is a toxic person?
@@clintonnagy1662 brother, delete them. DELETE THEM. My ex would do something similar where I would plan dates and then she would start a fight right before we went out and then get more mad when I cancelled the date because I didn't have the energy to pretend like we didn't just fight for hrs. Got to the point where if I wanted us to have a date I'd have to surprise her with it so she didn't have time to pick a fight. Also, similarly, when I ended things finally back in July she had another guy before I was fully moved out. I went to pack up things when she wasn't home and there was some other guys toiletries in the bathroom. She doesn't love you. She never really did. They aren't capable of it, we are just something to squeeze the life out of until there's nothing left.
The longer you torture yourself with the photos, the longer she still has hold. Delete the photos my friend. You are not weak, your brains just been scrambled by this sorry excuse for a woman.
@@clintonnagy1662Maybe you have trauma bond personality?
Self Love you deserve better GOD has a better person for you
Dont rush it. Im 5 months out of a 9 year relationship. Married for 6 years. Lots of evil narcissistic stuff thst even touched on demonic stuff..Harder than hard. Yet some days are easy. I have deleted photos but still need to brunch my wedding ring and the stone necklace she made me i used to wear every day. It's hard man but they're really evil and we are making g the right choice even though it doesn't feel like it. That's cognitive dissonance. @clintonnagy1662
1. Love was conditional (it was fake)
2. You discover their Lies, deceptions, manipulations.
3. You will be replaced quickly.
4. You probably didn't understand narcissism before this relationship.
5. Narcissist don't change. Personality traits, lack of empathy
6. They will mess with your mind long after the relationship is over of you let them. Don't follow them.
7. You were gas lit. Invalidated, not recognized, you value was not recognized.
8. You will learn about yourself and your dark side. Deep introspection and self worth issues.
9. You will do a ton of research about Narcissism
10. Learn the need to have strong boundries to protect your self. Decide what you will do if boundries are not respected. Don't accept love bombing.
Yes yes yes. All the above. Lise just read my mind knows my story and what I've been through without ever meeting or talking to me.
you took the words out of my mouth my friend
Was recently struggling with being discarded and replaced so quickly until I started watching these videos. My covert Narc was my wife. These videos are spot on. I’m still uncovering her deceit.
mine discarded me after 7 years. Rebounded after 2 weeks(probably he was in the picture long before). But reading the comments here, I am happy that I didn't marry her. I beat myself up for that, for months. But now I realize, it wouldn't have changed nothing. The communication problems, the lack of empathy and the devaluing...
I dodged a bullet, but the trauma bond is strong
Mines a similar story, discarded after 9 years, she was in a relationship before I was dropped, he moved in 4 weeks later, they bought a house together and were married inside of a year. All she banged on about was having/wanting a child with me but I wouldn't because of her cheating & lying, I used to send her txt's when we were together, just repeating her words...i want, I want, I want. its unbelievable what 'Love' can blind you to. Its been a long tough journey to come to terms with, now 3 years on. I recently blocked her number because she keeps trying to contact me with pics & the odd txt, I didn't want to do it but you have to, for your own sanity! People ask, does 'Kharma' really get them??...well the guy she's married, cannot have children, so he's on a short stay, she even had the nerve to ask me for a 'Reference' so she could be able to 'Foster'....no chance!!!.....shouldn't be allowed anywhere near Kids!! good luck with your recovery>
I was in a similar situation but after 8 years her mask came off and made my life a living hell. I dodged a bullet too. She convinced me I was perfect for her and I was going to marry her. A year after she left I'm starting to really know why I had the gut feeling about her. Unfortunately I ignored it. I have a friend that was formerly a private investigator that showed me how I can find out things she was up to. I was shocked! My eyes were open to so much. The lying, cheating stealing, devaluing and after it ended, the smear campaign was viscous against me. I also can't thank Lise Leblanc enough for sharing all these videos that really educated me as to what I had been dealing with. Before that I had really no idea what a female covert narcissist was. Stay strong, stay no contact and work on improving yourself. I wish you the best!
Mine rebound a month after our 8yr relationship and said she hasn't liked someone so much since her ex before me but she wants us to be friends moving forward....I started therapy and have been no contact.
Yes trauma bund is real and it takes time to get over it, she cheated on me with 7 different man over 3 years until she was ready to discard me, but i got wind and ended the relationship, she did all she can to get me back, showed up at my work making drama, terror telephone, tryed to commit suicide 3 times, there i still didnt know what is a narc, i took her back only to find out she is cheating again 1.5 year later on the road… stay away from those people, the trauma is big and im now 4 months in the healing process and still fill like i have no worth and it is my fault
Then you didn’t dodge that bullet, you learned to take a hit.
I just ended things with the narc i was dating a few days ago. He tried to triangulate me with another woman, and when I wasn’t having it, he caused a fight, gave me the silent treatment and when i wouldn’t capitulate, he blocked me, and then used that as an excuse to talk to the other woman.
Now, this isn’t about hating the other woman, but in my opinion she had so little to offer compared to what I did and all we had built together. But that’s when I realized how easy it is to be replaced - he didn’t care about the things that made me unique, how much I loved him, or that I would have moved heaven and earth for him. He just needed another woman with a pulse to be supply, that was it.
I’m so sorry. I’m 3 weeks into this. Can you update us on your healing journey?
I'm sorry too...I'm 3 months away from her and she replaced me in hours. I thought I was special but realize I was not. It hurts knowing how fast these people move on. It's not in my nature to remain silent when I'm being controlled, and manipulated. Hence the reason the relationship ended in September. She got scared because I was standing my ground and refused to be blamed for her poor behavior.
No accountability, No apology on her part to make amends. 2 year relationship over without closure. The worst part is she paints me the villian. No changing that narrative now.
I like your point about " coming to terms with your own negative traits after a narcissist relationship". These people can bring out the worst in you through constant stress that they put on you.
i noticed that the interaction with them makes you unpleasant person for others.
Omg, I thought I was the only one. Thats crazy tbh. Thats its that common. Ive never imagined I will get this low, so disgusting.
"Never accept someone's 'Love Bombing'"!
I fell for it a few times, with her, she was so calculating and manipulative, but no more, I've finally walked away , feel such a fool !
Absolutely not. First STAGE of abuse. Stay Educated AND Dedicated.. ❤
Before I became awakened, I fell miserably with her Love Bombing! The damage extended for 50 years now, but past 10 years, I am finding my way out....still don't feel it too late !!
Yea but easier said than done though. This should be her vid
@@andrewrees8749 yeah me too, but the most important thing is also not to blame yourself! be glad you walked away from them.
Once again you nailed it: I literally see my past relationship sail before my eyes. It is good to be reminded of the manipulations we've been subjected to and how our deepest love has been used to one's own benefits. The road is still long. Thanks again for the support.
I was accused of being a narcissist.. I came To these videos only to find out she is 1000% the narcissist, the videos are helping me but the trauma bond is so strong ..
Trauma bond is strong, sure. But NO CONTACT. Dont let pride get you. Take your ego out, set is aside. Her behavior is not about you. It never was!!! .
Go no contact snd DO NOT ENGAGE EVER! Go get counseling if you need it. Whatever you got to do. Just don't ENGAGE. She'll make you more crazy the 2cnd time around
I was accused of that too. And being selfish, proud, an ‘abuser’, no empathy, on and on.
With all I’ve learned, and writing it down, analyzing back, wow she was definitely trying to confuse and shame and control me.
I seemed to be wrong all the time, but her almost never, which didn’t seem fair or possible. Mind games.
1000% same here. I’m like huh?
The trauma bond is brutal im going through the withdrawals now and its brutal
This video was the perfect start to my new year. I spent 15 years of my life trying and failing to find happiness with my NPD ex-wife. A year ago I didn’t know what NPD was now after 7 months I’m on a very long and challenging journey to retake my life and self back. Not only for children but most importantly for me. I’m not going to be done with this long journey tomorrow, but tomorrow is not the day I will be giving up. As long as I keep striving to make the next right choice I will make it. Thank you for all the amazing work you are doing!
Thanks you, Lise. Mine was BPD but jeez she was harsh on me, no wait, horrendous to me when I think about it. I had to leave her, she moved on fast! She was randomly abusive then randomly idealising me. Crazy making. I had to do deep work.
I recently experienced the final discard from an undiagnosed BPD(the opinion of my therapist) we’re gone through several break ups that she would initiate over seemingly small in fractions the way I would look at her, I’m not giving her enough attention. With this one on Saturday, she’s telling me how amazing I am and she’s telling over friends about how she wants a future with me and grow old with me….. Sunday she tells me that I’m not giving her what she needs and once and she can’t see a future with me. Monday she says she never wants to see me again that she doesn’t know if she ever really loved me and that she wants to be alone… the roller coaster is impossible to predict or deal with when you’re on the receiving end
@@dave8396😢...that's a rollercoaster.
@@dave8396 Even in a relationship with someone without any personality disorder, there's always the risk of being "discarded". Which only makes things more confusing...
BPD = COVERT NARCISSIST.
All these asshat armchair psychologist saying bdp and npd are the same need to have their commenting privileges revoked.
Absolutely. Strong boundaries are critical. If boundaries are not respected, run. It will save you a lot of trouble and may even save your life.
That is such a key point Number 8 , about being confronted with our Shadow. The impulse to insult , to denigrate, to level the score, can make us feel ( because WE have conscience and can be self critical ) that we are '' just as bad '' as the narcissist.
Oh believe me I have cried myself a many times at 68 you never think that another can attack you emotionally so deep! I feel for you
Self Love is the ultimate form of wealth its her loss be excited about your future with someone who is better
You seem very authentic. No facade. And your voice, delivery and pacing. Are soothing. I enjoy your videos. Thank you for making content that is both informative and healing.
I agree. 🤍
Lise is the best.
Wow this PERFECTLY addresses everything I am going through following a relationship discard by a highly narcissistic covert. The cruel way she left me (as if I had wronged her) was the final confirmation of her full blown narcissism. This is the woman who laid down the law for me early on - “no cheating.” So imagine my surprise to discover that she cheated on me and lied repeatedly to cover it up! No empathy for me and my pain when I finally worked it out - just fixated on her own shame and anger; upset that she was exposed, her reputation tarnished etc. I really needed this video and just subscribed! Thank you! 🙏
I've been two months no contact and she's been smear campaigning me since then. I haven't responded to any of it (since I legitimately have no idea what's being said). But, I guess she started pulling more people into it and they're rejecting her narratives. Hopefully, this will sort itself out. I wasn't a great lover but, I was kind and caring. Either way, here's to tomorrow. Keep your chins up, homies.
Great lovers are a dime a dozen. Kind and caring is much more rare.
Happy for you man, stay strong 😊
My BPD wife discarded everyone in her life when she ended hers. One final dagger to the heart of everyone that just tried to love her in all her difficulty.
She could not cope with the idea that a lot of the pain and suffering in our family was brought on by her. I don't know how she couldn't see it for so long. Delusion is a powerful thing, I suppose.
Will I ever be able to trust someone again? Dunno. I'm not giving up on it just yet though.
Stay strong mate, all the best
10 Key Lessons After Being Discarded by A Narcissist
1-the narc's love was transactional and conditional
2-their lies and deceptions distorted reality
3-you are easy to replace
4-you'll learn about narcissism
5-narcissists don't change (limited capacity of change because structural and brain differences, deeply engrained personality traits, lack of empathy, resistance to acknowledging and addressing flaws in meaningful and sustained ways)
6-they will mess with your mind
7-you'll be subjected to a lot of gaslighting
8-you'll learn a lot about yourself
9-you'll do a lot of research about narcissism
10-you'll learn the importance of strong boundaries
in my lived experience with narcs, i look at:
1-do they get upset if i treat the EXACTLY the same way they treat me
2-how they react when i challenge them with a criticism, or not going along with what they want
3-how they take accountability for their actions
4-how they deal with conflict
5-jealousy/envy - are they happy when you or others are happy/achieving success
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Thanks
Exactly correct. You can observe a pattern difference between how a normal person behaves and how a narc behaves. At the very sight of conflict, a narc just runs away. They can't handle criticism. They never take accountability. If you treat them the same way they treat you, they will never talk to you again and ignore you. They can't stand others being happy or successful. They don't know to appreciate other people. It's just I Me Myself. They lack empathy but survive by learning to act empathetic by looking at how people react with empathy. They have a confused expression when you grieve a person's death and when you express how sorry you are for the family. They can mess up with your head big time. If you see these signs, just run. Some narcs also cast love spells to control their supplies. Demons I should say.
No one gets to stay young and attractive forever. We all make our own beds and will have to eventually sleep in them. So I have no worries. Karma doesn't discriminate.
BRAVO ! Well said ...🙏
Dude. You completely don't get it. NPD = narcissistic PERSONALITY DISORDER. There's no cure. No meds. No point where Karma, Age, reality will magically change the person.
I have an aunt who just turned 75. Woman tries to act like she's still 19. Not only does it cause riff within our family but it's also caused significant tension with her partner whose tried counseling whose sought church intervention, literally everything.
She's broken up with him about 50x over the course of 10yrs.
Karma doesn't work like that, feeling will keep you thinking that tho
@@kenamoe86I agree. Unfortunately there are A LOT of awful people who deserve some bad karma but it never seems to happen.
@@OriginalGrasshopperEveryone does eventually.
My marriage to female covert narcissist just ended. I’m a man. I feel totally lost, confused, much shame, inferior, incredibly sad, misunderstood, I used to have interests, friends, activities. I ended up isolated and alone and lost.
It's a spiritual attack. Treat it as such. Find a Church, seek out counseling and put it behind you. His grace is sufficient for you.
@@MarkFlanagan-h1oLess than 5% of churches are able to assist in any positive way whatsoever when it comes to cluster b disorders. Most churches are breeding grounds for codependent and narcissistic individuals and relationships.
As far I understand they are evils they robbed our love out of our hearts, they drained our energy used us only to their advantage and bring negative energy into our lives, it’s nearly one year from discarded I still bleeding .
It is not about you , it is not your fault
The narcissist lives inside her mind and react only to her internal dynamics she is out of touch with reality
You were chosen by the narcissist because her need and fantasy not because who you are
The narcissist was compelled to devalue and discard you in order to exorcise her inner demons
You couldn’t done nothing to prevent it neither could the narcissist.
What that is me right now 🤯
NO contact to protect your sanity.
You are an angel thank you for your knowledge and sharing it with others
after surviving an overt narcissist, I found myself doing insane amounts of research, initially I didn't know my ex was a narcissist, that discovery came with researching her behaviours, patterns and traits and discovered she is an overt narcissist that's developing into a dangerous malignant narcissist(yes she's still trying to destroy me from afar with her smear campaign). I also rediscovered my old self, I found me again! I'm no longer on any anti-depressants or any other medication which she drove me towards during the relationship, and now I'm doing what you are doing Lise LeBlanc! I've started my own channel helping others who are victims of narcissistic abuse and educating others about narcissism within a relationship. So, I'm now free, single, happy and healthy and embarking on my own UA-cam/TikTok career so I can give up doing my day job and help others!
Hahaha, last two weeks, she told me I need to get medication to be better, relieved and be less stressful. Crazy!
@ about mid way through the 18 years she was with me, i ended up on anti-depressants and other meds for anxiety etc, i never could figure out what the trigger was or why i was feeling so low, until she left me, then it dawned on me, it was her, she was the trigger. now of course im not on any meds at all! its sad i still miss her, even though i miss the person she pretended to be and not who she really was and still miss her even though shes done the classic narc discard and smear campaign and false allegations. i miss my boys the most, not seen or heard from them since.
@apersonontheinternet-p6y really sorry to hear about that mate, cannot imagine how hurtful this must be. Please stay strong and all the best in building up your life, I am sure you can do it. A person who gone through this and still can speak this way is surely a very strong one 💪 Salutes
yes and an experience i could have done without - but on the plus side i see the truth and she dont get to beat me up anymore.
I guess the silver lining is that you decide to totally invest in authentic people and to divest in narcissists / low quality people.
Every time I watch one of Ms. Leblanc's videos, I feel like she is telling my story. It's uncanny and profoundly disturbing. I can attest that what she describes is absolutely accurate. I've lived through it. It's been two years since I split from my covert narcissist wife of 15 years, and I'm still trying to piece my life back together. I don't trust anyone now enough to get involved romantically, least of all myself.
Once again, every single point is absolutely spot on. It seems we all go through similar experiences when dealing with marcissistic people.
Thank you for everything you do.
All Truth!! You have no idea how much you’ve helped me, last year still today
Thank you so much Lise.
I like the part about self-examination. Why did you tango with evil? For myself, I know I ignored/denied things, things I shouldn't have.
If you can manage to hold yourself on a pedestal, you will easily cut off any hint of shenanigans from your presence.
On point as always.
9 months later and things still kick me in the gut. It takes time to come to terms with the fact that it was all a lie - well the good parts, if they can even be called that - because nothing was genuine.
One I suspect had covert BPD said, « I’ve done favors for you ». Yes. She was a pathological liar and extremely manipulative. It’s dangerous and scary.
@@OSTARAEB4 sounds like a sociopath as well (dupers delight )
🧛🏿🧛🏿🧛🏿 they’re emotion, confidence suckers
I was married to a covert narcissist and everything you just said on here is spot on. Be under no illusion what they do to people is nothing short of evil. She nearly ended me then during our divorce she messed me about in the courts…fought in the family court for years. Once the court case was over the judge said to us we were adult enough to share the holidays, weekend etc but when the case was finished she started
Messing me about again. I’m an ex soldier and suffer with ptsd from my time in Iraq and Sierra Leone but I get that sone of it is unresolved childhood trauma too. I’m supposed to have a support worker in place but everything so broken since covid there’s just no support… like you said while it was going o. I had no idea what was happening. It was ok like battle ground in the family home… felt like I was losing my mind. Once the divorce was I arranged we cracked on with that at various courts up down the uk.she used my kids against me and even though I have court rights to see my step daughter and my daughter it’s been years of heart ache n disappoint. Years After, as I was healing. I started Looking into the disorder. 😅 found lots of therapists that’ are survivors themselves, that’s how I found you channel… one thing I learnt was their tactics of trying to make you believe that you” are the narcissit. I thought I was losing my mind. It
made me poorly. It was like I was in hell, nothing was good enough yet she proposed to me, which was a shock . I can’t really explain how horrible her behaviour was… want, want, want, … take, take, take, when she was pregnant she physically attacked me on a few occasions… she was violent and I was just supposed to put up withit …take it , get on with. Well when it came for me to return home. From Iraq and it was a living nightmare… miserable. I was thrown straight back to work driving personnel to and from
The RAF airports. The adds wanna was my mother n father in law were always I’n our marred quarter. Putting me on the spot as they wanted to see more of my step daughter. Put us under undue pressure…(we hadn’t even had a hineymooI’d been married a month, then went to Iraq for 7 months. O honey just grief from here at every opportunity. I got back after a park h uk army rough tour Making me feel guilty as they wanted to see more of their first grand child as my baby was o.still not born, but the most awful thing that haloed was we as a physicaly but host home were she attacked me, I restrained her on several occasions. Under extreme provocation, we had a terrible argument… one time I lost my temper when she attacked me for having an opinion attacked me viscously and irrationally that I did retaliate with a slap and ended grab her by the neck and threw her out. I’ve learnt that her parents are the enablers, constantly throwing money at any problems…I look back and I’m so grateful I was strong enough to do everything the court asked me. I found that the management course was such a help so after the court sanctioned course I volunteered another year. She makes it hard to my children but they’re getting. Older and I have faith they’ll come one day. Thanks for sharing your knowledge it really helps 🤗🙏🏽 the only saving Grace is that these people do get the karma… eventually somewhere down the line they pay for what they do 🤗
Thank you so so much for speaking up for us men!!
My partner is a venerable narcissist - she is definitely an avoidant but the way she stone walls, silent treatment, defensiveness w anger, the Lieing and the that has really hurt me the most is ' Future Faking' - The Future Faking is hard to process and come to terms w those lies she has told!!!
I remember not long after we got together I realised I had this anxiety about her, I should have given myself space but it wasn't possible. She also Sat me down and explained ro me that I was a defensive person and needed to work on not being so our relationship could work. At the time it was news to me but I trusted her. I now know this was one of the first deflecting moves she used on me. It was a confession cos she was ultra defensive and unable to be wrong, far too fragile to admit fault.
The first argument my ex and I had was a huge red flag I completely ignored. The fight just came out of nowhere. I was so confused and the look in her eyes was just... different. I remember thinking to myself that she was volitile but I just ignored it thinking everyone is a little fucked up. What a collosal mistake.
@northernsoul13 absolutely same for me, I even remember what it was about!! I bought the wrong tiger loaf!?? Her disappointment didn't make sense! I should have said "fuck this" and left. Mind blowing.
Same for me!
She was having an anxiety breakdown, withdrawing, depressed, in bed.
I ran to her rescue, went out and bought her a "self help book" on overcoming these issues.
She exploded into an argument, screaming "that i brought her what I THOUGHT SHE NEEDED, RATHER THAN WHAT SHE REALLY NEEDED, which was just to be held and stroked. And that i wasted time going out to find that book rather than giving her what she needed..."
W... T... F...
That trauma bond took a long time to break.
Now, 10 years in my rear view Mirror.... Thank God.
@Kmack840 those confusing mind games make them impossible to please. We can't win, cos they prefer the chaos. Glad you're free of it.
I have just finished a 3 month stint with a narc and if it wasn't for days off to get away and clear my head and do some research I'd still be in it. I was in the middle of discard so I'm glad I found all this out . I don't ever want to see or talk to her again .
The truth about point 5 is nuts. Incredible that they don’t have a capacity to change. Bless them.
Bravo (and thank you). As always : very smart, authentic and useful/helpful content,dear Lise.
I'm so glad I found your channel 18 months ago. Your videos gave me the "aha moment" I needed exactly when I needed it. Your channel along with 1 on 1 therapy, group therapy, many hours of videos, podcasts and audio books plus a lot of reading have helped me get farther down the path of healing than I otherwise would be and in all likelihood, your videos saved my life. I can't thank you enough.
Hahahahahah, discover the videos last week, and I kept "AHAING" since then 😅
Thank you So Very Much For Sharing This Helped Me Tremendously After Spending Yrs Wanting Acceptance From the Narcissit. I'm Finally Learning To Detach This Really Helped Me
Absolutely spot on.
One of the best videos on this sick subject I've seen. And I've seen hours upon hours of these videos. I've subscribed to numerous channels. I swapped my addiction to my ex for this sick disease.
Everything you have said in the order you delivered is my experience.
For those who are still unsure and recently discarded. Yes, it's wrong to diagnose, but it's what they do after discard that really let's you know. DARVO is one of their most spiteful tools. You may think it's finally over, but just keep your wits about you.
Great video, thank you 👌🏻💙
Exactly my experience...thanks for the many videos you have made I have watched and found very helpful!
Nice video, I'm still struggling with the end of my 7-year relationship. My significant other, who I considered to be the love of my life, left me a month ago, and I can't seem to shake the constant thoughts of him. Despite my efforts to bring him back into my life, nothing has worked, and I feel frustrated and hopeless. I've tried to move on, but my heart still longs for her, and I don't see myself with anyone else. I apologize for sharing this here, but I just can't seem to stop missing him.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
Two year relationship for me. Just ending it because I've had enough. She was good about playing on my kind & good side. I thought I could fix the things in her life but found I couldn't do it. I see her on social media still, trying to influence all these other guys. I've confronted her about it several times but she simply pretends I didn't write/say anything. She's been doing this for two years. I just happen to stand out. She saw me coming. She's always telling me how much she 'loves me' but I simply don't believe her. I've even told her so. No effect. I was fool in love with love.
I need to take care of myself. She doesn't care. Reality sucks and It happens because we need to grow, protect ourselves and finally meet the one that is for us, if ever.
Best of luck to you. Things will get better.
Just fight through it, You do not want an abuser in your life. 1 Month is very soon. You are going through heartbreak and addiction withdrawal. They call it Trauma Bond. Do your best to fight every urgh to contact them and block all your socials and phone number from them. It is really going to be difficult but with time you will find it becomes easier. Try hang out with your friends and family and avoid talking about your ex as much as possible. Trust me it gets better after some time, just believe that it will. You got this! You are stronger than you think.
Her or him?
You seem to have so much insight. I.e., don’t really know if the lady I’ve been going out with.. I thought more than friends with …could be called NPD. However, after four years of on/ off, been blocked, unblocked, et cetera, et cetera as you described, I have always come back happily, but to my surprise, something was said to me about my character That caused me to switch off and all you say about the introspection and the research is all true, just as you describe.
Thank you, I've been researching on this topic for 5 years now. I always seem to end up renting from a narcissistic woman. You explain this in a way I can understand a little better. Thank you for making these videos
Excellent as always Lise. You said it all here. Thank you so much for all you do!
My narc sister has been poking me for weeks. She's been trying to get a reaction out of me, but I'm keeping my boundaries as tight as possible.
Her ex husband finally got away, and I'm so happy for him. She put him through the ringer. Thank you for your invaluable knowledge!! ❤
😂@ the ex-husband finally getting away.
@@histreasure3189that got me too! 😂
Wow! Again, this was spot on! The cryptic messages thing was interesting. My ex seemed to weave cryptic messages into her chats with me -- it was as if she was giving me clues to her lies. Sinister. The part about gaslighting was so, so accurate -- her gaslighting was really, really bad; I just can't believe that she had the cheek to do that yet expect complete honesty from me. "You'll never lie to me, will you?" was a favourite line of hers. And then, of course, there was her colossal controlling behaviour, which was largely connected to her massive paranoia over other women -- it just goes on and on! I don't regret learning all of this info, though; it's helped me unravel a tremendous amount of stuff, and so now I know almost exactly what's going on -- family patterns and all that. I wish that I'd known it all back when I was in my late teens.
Thank you so much, Lise; your content is excellent. ❤💯
Once again, Lise, many thanks for your excellent video re post-Discard. Most enlightening!
That the smear campaign had been going on for months while she still said she loved me.
Yes, Lise, Before this video I was thinking grandiose narcissist. This covert narcissist reeled me in hook line and sinker. It was a whole new game dealing with a vunerable narc. Unfortunately, I didnt know the games being played. Something felt " off " but she was beautiful and a guy like me doesnt attract women of her caliper. I was flattered she wanted me. It was hard to say NO.
Thank you for your video's! She was just absolutely awful especially towards the end.. I can't believe I allowed myself to tolerate her bad treatment towards me..I found your video's while I was researching my experience.. I appreciate your knowledge on this subject..
Lise is truly Excellent! thank you.
Clarity comes with hindsight unfortunately 😢. Sadder, older and wiser- but much healthier. Thank you Lise and community
Quite profound . Thank you so very much for this clarity ! 🙏
Thank you for making these videos. They are greatly appreciated!
OMG! Thank you! Where were you (I heard 25 years) 26 years ago when my experience started? The men have been ignored and you speak to them, and me. Thank you. You routinely bring validation. The road still leads on....
Love your channel, thanks for being awesome 👌🏻
So well
Done ! Excellent content
Thank you. Your videos have been very helpful in my current phase. I just found out a week earlier that she is already back with her ex and also found she might have gotten back with her ex the next day after the breakup.
Smooth and flawless as usual. Thank you 😊
Thank you!
You just described the last 20 years of my life.
I haven't even been dating but I have been talking to others who are.. A lot of the lessons that you said in this video apply to people in general.. I will try to take what I like and leave the rest..
SELF LOVE is the ultimate form of wealth.
Incredibly helpful thank you
This relates to close friendships too. Not just romantic relationship. My narcissist was great teacher. i learned a lot about myself.
My god, this is 100% accurate. Sad that we appear like lambs to the slaughter for these people. 4.5 years for me down the toilet. I’m ashamed of myself for being scammed. My only saving grace is that in the final year I gave her her own medicine and reached into myself to fight back with my own inner narc qualities. I learned the art of NO and I hinted I was about to walk away and that made her dump me
The laughable part was that she said the reason she was dumping me was we argue to much and it’s unhealthy. No shit Sherlock 😅
1. Their love was conditional on what you could provide for them.
2. You will learn about their lies and deception.
3. You are easy to replace.
4. You’ll learn about narcissism.
5. They don’t change.
6. They will mess with your mind if you allow them to.
7. You will be gaslighted.
8. You will learn about yourself.
9. You will learn a lot about how you were manipulated.
10. You’ll learn that you need boundaries.
I am literally the strongest, most confident, most certainly, and most competent version of myself post narc relationship. Not slowing down either. Keep going my friends. 💪
*The silver lining* In the absence of True Love -- the heartbreak of the *discard* was mollified by the lack of contrast between her "love" -- and the removal of it. 'Can't miss what you never had -- but you can still long for it. Actually I'm calling it a supernatural miracle that my heart has been shielded from her demon. I do bleed for those bleed -- I know that all too well.
Their pathological lying is brutal. I ended the "relationship" then endured the hoovering and it ranged from fake pregnancy to self delete to the most recent one being her claiming she has terminal cancer. I am in therapy now due to her. Evil evil twisted wrecks is all they are.
I got love bombed 6 months ago. She slept with me on the first night. She told me that she loved me in the first month. A few weeks ago she woke up randomly screaming crying at 5am because she said I didn't care about her chrones disease blood infusion even though I took a day off from work to take her to the hospital and to stay with her while she was weak from the infusion. It was my second time doing such a thing amongst other sacrifices like driving to see her when she lives 60 miles away multiple times a week. She never ever asked me questions about my life or my family or my childhood. I wish I found this channel a year ago. 😢🎉
Thank you Lise for the video and for the hints for further life, the hints that I 100% agree, but anyway it is good to hear that, to be conscious about them and to be ready and able to apply them in the life. Thanks a lot!!
Thank you for your positive feedback!
Unfortunately for me, I have young kids with her, so I have to communicate with her. I wish I could go no contact, but unable to. She will definitely use the kids to manipulate me in some way. Shes always up to something
I discovered: he was already married and had a child, he was talking bad things about me to his friends, he was cheating, lying and telling everybody he was just using me to gain something.
Very Spot on, How to move on from Narcissist? Any relationship after is not as exciting as with her. She feels like a forbidden fruit. How to get rid of this thought addiction? Please help.
Can you make the same video but about borderline? It would be so helpful. Especially about key differences what to learn after a borderline breakup
its pretty much the same.
So many of these items or issues makes me question if I am.also a narcissist? How to tell?
I can't just believe, before i get love bombed... actually came up on suggestion on my TikTok.. about narcissist video.. before getting on relationship with them... it's really like they make us we always think about them... doubt whether they think about us or not..
It's really feel stuck you know, they won't let you go easily as i currently facing...when something fights happen, next day would be normal like nothing happens.. oh damn.. always end with no answers... it's really scary.. it's better leave them rather live with them.. emotionally draining...
Thank you! You could think about changing out "love bombing" to "love leveraging" .. Could be a better fit and help ppl get unstuck sooner. (Credit to R. Grannon) Much love
I was getting walked on so I tried to instil fair boundaries. Got discarded.
Hello! Thank you so much for your videos, its really helping me to understand what was happening!
Could you please share what to do if I have broken up with a narcissist and we have a child? Of course, she hasn't shown me the child for over 6 months now.
Spot on. Thankyou.
At the end of the relationship, I learned that my female covert narcissist illegally charged on my credit card now she’s facing credit card fraud
#8 is the silver lining
Merci Lise! Ça m'éclair beaucoup.
@@sylvaind9086 Bienvenue, c’est avec plaisir!
Question, all these signs are very familiar to me , spot on, but the weird thing is , she claims I do all these things, are they really that good to confuse the hell out you , to not know what is up or down. I've been with this woman 45 years and now see someone I don't recognize.
I'm still obsessed with research on narcissist because she still has me confused after being separated 3 years, in the divorce process now. Thanks so much for video
I have to say this…if you were discarded you are damaged. You chose to stay until you were given the boot. Otherwise you would still be in that mess. Fix yourself or your life will be hell on earth based on your lack of self reflection and accountability for your own life and repairing the damage of your past or childhood.
First time they give you silent treatment; take that opportunity to pack your bags, or theirs. Their using it as pretense to pursue other supply. Get out NOW! Dont even argue. Dont allow any explanation. I'm giving you the explanation. This is your closure! Block them. Ghost them. Whatever. Just NEVER talk to them again .
Addiction really is accurate.
Thanks Lisa
Change impossible. 10 yrs with diagnosed borderline, me believing change was possible led to much unneeded suffering. Now I know. Miserable people, selfish to core, yet they hate themselves and take it out on you.
Thank you, Lise
Funny how it comes in all shapes and forms....18yr happy ....then bosh! ......14yr of WTF! ....free now ...thanks for info and understanding of this trap ❤
Five years ago, my narcissistic friend traumabonded me in order to make me become his brother in law. He traumabonded me with the help of mesmerism. Final discard took place one year ago. And after the happening of that(final discard), I have learnt a lot about narcissism and narcissistic abuse.
U nailed it for me
Thanks for the videos ❤
My narcissist ex of 5 years decided to tell me she hadnt loved me for 2 years and had been using me and when i called her out on her narcissism, decided to take me to court.
Same i got discarded after 6 years and after putting thousands of hours and dollars in renovations into a house we bought. She went and got an appraisal that way over valued the house, i got my own and still had to pay her out 70k. Never thought she’d do that to me in a million years.
@@thatdudecaSadly as they say, the woman that divorced you isn't the same woman you married. That's probably the only true explanation for how vicious some become on the way out of the marriage. Just my 2cents!
@@histreasure3189although most aint willing to actually get trapped by the legal responsibilities of marriage -- not that they would tell you that while there is most manipulation to be gained .. then they act like their interest in pursuing you for marriage was just bullsh*t just like them having any loyalty commitment or compassion
Interesting, I've seen a ton of videos and reading all the comments, 25 years seems to be an average longest length, just thought that interesting