the groin response to stimuli that you talked about in the ((content warning)) part of the video is also super relevant to intrusive thoughts! sometimes bodies respond to intrusive thoughts with groin responses which can make people think horrible things about themselves especially when the thoughts get into paraphilias
I 1000% thought I was the only one. My body regularly says yes but my brain almost always says no (mostly because I have depression). This made me feel way less crazy. Most of the time if I ever try to explain this to people, they kind of make me feel like I’m crazy! Thank you so so much for making this video, it’s brought me so much peace :)
YES, DR. JAMIE RAINES. This is so fascinating! An interesting chronic mental illness crossover: In the psycho-education I've received about how OCD works, we talk a lot about how a hallmark of obsessions is that they're ego-dystonic, or out of sync with what our values are and who we know ourselves to be. A big part of the distress/frustration that these obsessions cause is knowing that their content is antithetical to who we are, but nevertheless being unable to stop ourselves from having a very real (and sometimes all-consuming) physical and mental response to them. Leaning to have compassion for when our brains/bodies are just Doing a Thing without assigning value to it (the real dream) is also a big part of the day-to-day management of this super fun brain phenomenon.
I have OCD and while this is not one of my OCD’s themes, it was a very interesting read when I was learning about my disorder. It put things into perspective for me, that we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves for things we can’t control. I really feel for those with POCD (obsessions/worries about being a pedo). No matter how bad my own is, my brain isn’t trying to make me think I’m a sexual predator to kids or anything.
@@nostressjustcress-fr1uv I had/have what would be considered POCD for a really long time before knowing what OCD was. (I say this cause I'm not diagnosed with OCD) I talked to my therapist about it, and it turns out having intrusive thoughts or worries about feeling and relationships is a very normal occurrence especially growing up. Genital non-concordance doesn't just affect people with OCD (Obviously) but at least half the western population, that's half the population that probably doesn't what's going on with their body's and could very easily end up in dangerous or uncomfortable situation because of it. Sex-Education is important. (I'm assuming the studies were done with in Europe/USA, but correct be if I'm wrong.)
Does anyone know whether the non-concordance was only studied with p*rn / visual stimuli or if there were also studies using e.g. auditory stimuli or maybe written materials? I was wondering if the 10% rate in cis-het women could be partially explained by the p*rn used in the studies just not being very arousing to them?
good point. I'm much better with written material, or even old school still photography, than modern porn. I also have a much stronger reaction to "turn-offs" than "turn-ons" that would be hard to overcome, even if the new stimulus was arousing
I've heard of the study before and looked into it and I think it was only done with porn. I think that once again the patriarchy has made it so visual stimuli turning you on is the norm because so many men get aroused by it. However, so many women or AFAB people get turned on by auditory or written materials instead. I know I thought there was something wrong with me for years that I didn't find porn appealing but reading certain books was appealing to me. They should definitely do other studies!
As someone who is asexual I definitely am aware of this. I enjoy consuming sexual content without involving myself. I can feel my body respond, without any need to do anything about it; I sort of just enjoy existing in the feeling itself. I've also noticed that I prefer consuming mlm content, not because I myself wish I had the same genitals nor that I'm gay, but because I can feel comfortably distanced from the action and because gay love much more often is a balanced relationship, with 2 strong people who bring the same amount to the table, they rely on each other equally etc.
I'm similar, being asexual, and the content I get aroused by is not sexual in nature, it's more kinky things, or stuff I just find visually or sensually pleasing. Like my stroking someone's head and feeling their hair texture, certain types of clothing, and certain body types I find arousing, but I don't want to do anything about it most of the time, except usually when hug my partner. It's like there's always a disconnect, and I'm wondering if that will change when we move in together, as we'll have more time to be together, relax, and not have to worry about having to do something else or go somewhere.
I enjoy mlm content because it's much more wholesome. Guys kiss even during hardcore scenes, and overall act like they're actually in love with each other or at least care about each other, checking in with their partner to make sure he's alright, etc. It's just sweet af. Same with amateur hetero stuff, although it's not always the case. Meanwhile mainstream hetero porn is mostly just mechanical, soulless grinding. It's often made to seem like outright abuse, which really bothers me and makes me wonder if the actresses are doing alright. Gross and tasteless. Sex is only hot when it's consensual and the consent is clear. Period. I want to see that consent included in the content I watch.
Still partway through the video but I wonder if the large difference between the non-concordance of cis men vs cis women is because they used pornographic videos as the erotic stimulus. I’m a transgender woman and I find pornographic video much less stimulating now than I did pre transition (pre hormones especially). Because we live in a patriarchy, the study was likely designed or at least influenced by what men find erotic. In a different world, the default form of erotic stimuli would vary. Maybe the participants would have read erotic stories or been massaged in a variety of ways and the results would have found that women experience more concordance than men.
i think that's totally true, same thought pattern, more data around the whole thing would be amazing, more forms of stimuly, more sub-groups, more situations etc...^^
I'd be interested in a study where people were able to chose their own type of media. To go with their kink, their preference, their favourite medium (like audio, visual, etc). I know some people find ASMR arousing, but I find it creepy, for example.
@@hannahwitton Perhaps instead of pornographic videos, the kind of eroticas introduced in the Netflix show Principles of Pleasure (also featuring Emily!) might be more appropriate in the future, or maybe provide choices of stimuli for the participants to choose!
Absolutely loved this video. I didn't know that Jamie did that research as part of his PhD. So cool! Thanks for making sex ed content like this. I would love to see research into nonbinary individuals and just continue to break down trends, and get some bigger sample sizes. It would be super interesting to see this across cultures/countries and maybe survey people's value systems and see overlap there.
Genital non concordance can be so infuriating, my ADHD brain really struggles to stay present so I often have issues getting mentally aroused even though my body is ready to go. I have learned the hard way that going ahead and having sex even though I am not into it mentally can leave the experience feeling hollow or lacking in depth and connection.
It's called being a "slut" or "slutmaker." The reason why you have problems is because you are most likely having sex with someone you are probably not married to, let alone in love with. You should repent and ask God for guidance to better your life. Life is more meaningful than sex. Good luck to you.
@@joelwilliams8887 You know nothing about their life and are making a lot of assumptions. For all you know, they could be a married devout Christian. I'm not saying they are, but it really is a bit much to be telling someone to repent for something you've no idea if they've done or not. Also, they've said their problem is ADHD, which can very much affect married people just as much as anyone else.
@@conlon4332, everyone should repent, including myself. It's not "a bit much" to offer some solid advice. My speculations are based off her words and the content she is referring to. You try to school me with your own thought on the matter, but you are turning around and doing the same thing. You don't make much sense. In fact, I would argue to say, you are just like the first part of your name implies, a "Con..."
As a demisexual who is going through something similar right now with my partner, I appreciate you posting on this subject. I've only come out recently and still coming to understand the extra nuances that come with periods of sex indifference while having a high libido.
Was slightly confused as to why the algorithm brought me here until I saw Jamie’s section. Will definitely be checking out more of this channel’s offerings!
Yay I am so happy and excited that we get to hear from Jamie on this XD you guys are brilliant. Hannah and Jamie coming in with all the good nerdy sex info. Love it :)
yooo surprise jamie cameo :DD I am so happy that you always make sure to be inclusive in your language and i was very excited when you announced the doc (hehe) to tell us more
Was thinking about non concordance and Emily Nagoski’s artcile for The Cut the other day! So glad you made this video in time to feed my curiosity. Didn’t know that was what Jamie’s Phd was about (for some reason I thought it was in geography??) , that’s so cool!
This is only somewhat related to the video, but so many people seem so worried about having less sex after being in a relationship for a long time. Like, that it's a huge problem with their relationship if they don't want to have sex with each other very often. And like, it's only a problem if you're discontented with it, it's not inherently a bad thing. Sex is not the be-all and end-all of a healthy relationship, and there's nothing wrong with not doing it if you don't want to.
This video is very informative, I have often wondered as a straight woman if genital response to images videos of women is a result of the fact that women are far more sexualised in the media and so from a young age a sexy picture of woman has been associated with sex and that's now created a physical reaction when viewing those images/videos
This was very interesting and insightful information! It just goes to show we have a lot to learn that gets obscured away the more we rely on unchecked assumptions about sexuality.
So interesting! Thanks for this video and for including Jaime and his research. I would also love to learn about any research on sexual non-concordance for non-binary people. As an NB myself, I find the issues you raise to be confusing for me, and it’s difficult to find the language to know how to speak about it.
Ah, the age old battle between expectations and reality. If you seek lasting happiness, drop all expectations and embrace the reality of your situation and understanding. And the only way to know those things is to experiment and experience what works and what doesn't. The hang ups culture has on what men and women should and shouldn't do does not make them happy. Find and plot ways for you to succeed in life, and find others who are willing to join you on your journey. Stay curious!
wonder how much lag there is between porn clips, b/c it seems like your physical response can take a bit (particularly if any post-menopausal women were included). the clip that started the blood flow may be gone by the time it is measurable. also wonder if cis women's results are more impacted by overcoming any arousal barriers introduced by the clinical environment
The whole consent thing is a tiny bit more complicated though. Yes, you can't just draw conclusions from the state of someone's genitals. But "Just ask them" is not always enough, there is context to the answer. If you are at all aware of your partner's tendency to people-please, any history where No wasn't an option, ... Yes, we all have a responsibility to learn to stand up for ourselves, but it's easier said than done. I am now 31 and still struggling with it. Got a lot better, but the amount of sex I had even though I didn't want to AFTER I WAS ASKED. Hmpf.
Yes I agree. I am very careful with this with my partner, espeically if she isn't showing the signs she normally does when she's excited and wants things. I remind her we don't have to do anything, that we can just cuddle or do something else, and that the most important thing to me is that she's happy and comfortable, that I have no interest in doing anything she doesn't completely want. Sometimes it genuinely is that she does want to have sex mentally and emotionally and it's her body that wasn't responding, but it's important to be careful about these things and make sure you're asking in a way that makes it as easy as possible for the other person to express discomfort or ask for something else.
In all honesty, when I saw the title of this video I thought it discussing where gender dysphoria comes from, but still well worth the watch. Although come to think of it I guess there are people for whom the reason their brain and genitals are out of sync is that their brain feels like they've not got genitals which are right for them. All that said, I wonder if "guilt over arousal" might factor into this kind of discordance, speaking as an autistic person I've often noticed a difference between me and other people; I've noticed a lot of the people around me are often nudged to find a girlfriend (AMAB)/ boyfriend (AFAB), to settle down, get married and have children, by contrast the social expectation for me is very much that I don't do that (I guess it's easier to notice how everyone around you is expected to reproduce when you yourself are expected not to reproduce). Point being that if someone is pressured to feel bad over being aroused or that such feelings are shameful or disgusting or lowers their value as a human being (none of which are true and one thing both my priest and therapist have been helping me accept that it's okay for me to have needs and that wanting to be with somebody is a perfectly good thing and not to feel bad about it) is that if someone has social pressure this can form emotional baggage that might cause the discordance of the brain and genitals being out of sync, granted I'm not a doctor so I don't know but it was something I was wondering about.
Such a a great and interesting video! Howeveeeeer... I do have some thoughts on the reasearch you've mentioned. Firstly, some people in the comments have already mentioned that, but since they only used p0rn, the visual stimuli might have been more relevant to the man participating in the study. But secondly, something I kept thinking about all the time and am surprised no one else mentioned: they measured women's response using those funky tampons and only that, so what comes to my mind is - wouldn't the results be different if we were to use a clitoral measure? I mean... it's the penis and the clit that are biological equivalents. Not the penis and the vagina. The clit gets bigger and juicier when aroused. So... has no one really thought it would be a better choice? I'm curious about what other people's experiences are, but personally I feel my clit get aroused waaay before my vag, takes way less time. And also, now that I think about it, I definitely experience less non-concordance with my clit than with my vagina (so she'll get wet even if I'm not feeling it mentally, but my clit will respond only when I'm subjectively in the mood).
yes I was thinking that too. I wonder how possible it would be to measure bloodflow and shape changes in the clitoris or labia. It would be very interesting to measure both and see which is more concordant.
Entirely possible. The vagina and clitoris are very close together so perhaps the researchers felt that an increase in blood flow in general would be enough to show arousal and would be detected for both. I'm not sure how the blood flow works in that region but I'd be surprised if they were totally isolated from each other (meaning one could get more blood flow and the other be unaffected). It should be looked into.
7:11 so I’ve heard about some studies about this kind of thing but it was specifically to do with CNC/rape fantasy porn They found cis men who didn’t like it wouldn’t get a genital response but cis women who didn’t like it would So my hypothesis is that for that specific thing it’s a defense mechanism The vulvar and vaginal sexual responses has a lot to do with preventing pain and damage
Having heard all the information about the different studies done in cluding Trans men makes me wonder if hormones have a large part to play in sexual nonconcordance. Especially with how much I have learned through my pregnancy about how hormones run that whole show and can severely change the normal goings on in a cis woman's body.
Being nerodivergent also affects this alot! Catiosaurous, ( I probably spelt that wrong) both on UA-cam and tiktok, has a few videos on this and how adhd affects it
Hannah you're conflating two different expressions: SEXUAL non-concordance --when psychological and physical responses to sexual stimuli do not match--is NOT related to the concept of GENITAL non-concordance--when there is a mismatch between an individual's external genitalia and their internal reproductive anatomy ie, intersex individuals. The concept of SEXUAL non-concordance was first introduced by researchers Masters and Johnson in the 1960s as a way to describe the variability of sexual response in both men and women. Sexual non-concordance can be influenced by a variety of factors, including psychological, hormonal, and interpersonal factors. It's important to note that sexual non-concordance is a normal and common phenomenon, and it does not necessarily indicate a problem or dysfunction. SEXUAL non-concordance is a relatively new concept in the field of sexual health and research, and it is still an area of ongoing study and exploration. While there have been studies examining sexual response and arousal in both men and women, these studies typically focus on small, selected samples rather than large, randomized populations. Some examples of studies related to sexual non-concordance, listed by year of publication, along with their main conclusions: 1.Chivers, M.L., Seto, M.C., Lalumière, M.L., Laan, E., & Grimbos, T. (2010). This meta-analysis of studies found that men and women may experience non-concordance between their genital and subjective measures of sexual arousal. However, the degree of non-concordance varied widely between individuals. 2.Chivers, M.L., & Timmers, A.D. (2012). This study found that the content of audio narratives describing sexual events can influence the degree of non-concordance between genital and subjective measures of sexual arousal in both men and women. Specifically, the use of emotionally arousing words was associated with greater non-concordance. 3.Carvalho, J., Nobre, P.J., & Ventura, T. (2013). This study found that there is a moderate correlation between women's subjective sexual desire and their physiological sexual response (measured by vaginal photoplethysmography), but that the correlation was weaker for women who reported low sexual desire. 4.Rullo, J.E., Faubion, S.S., Kuhle, C.L., & Frohmader, K.S. (2019). This review article concluded that non-concordance between genital and subjective measures of sexual response is a common phenomenon, particularly in women. The authors suggested that this may reflect the complex interplay of psychological, physiological, and interpersonal factors that influence sexual arousal and desire. 5.Carvalho, J., & Nobre, P. (2014). Concordance between physiological and subjective sexual response. Current Sexual Health Reports, 6(2), 84-90. This review article concluded that while there is often a positive correlation between physiological and subjective measures of sexual response, there can also be substantial individual variation, and that some people may experience sexual non-concordance. 6.Janssen, E., McBride, K.R., Yarber, W.L., Hill, B.J., & Butler, S.M. (2015). Factors that influence sexual arousal in men: A focus group study. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 44(2), 411-424. This study explored men's subjective experiences of sexual arousal, and found that the factors that contribute to arousal can vary widely between individuals, leading to non-concordance between subjective and physiological measures of sexual response. 7.Rullo, J.E., Faubion, S.S., & Frohmader, K.S. (2017). Sexual concordance and discordance in women: Associations with sexual difficulties and quality of life. Sexual Medicine, 5(4), e217-e225. This study found that women who experience sexual non-concordance (i.e. discrepancies between their subjective and physiological measures of sexual response) may be more likely to report sexual difficulties and reduced quality of life. 8.Sánchez-Fuentes, M.M., Santos-Iglesias, P., Sierra, J.C., & Fernández-Santaella, M.C. (2018). Sexual concordance and satisfaction in sexual and romantic relationships. The Journal of Sex Research, 55(1), 96-107. This study found that couples who were sexually concordant (i.e. showed high levels of agreement between their subjective and physiological measures of sexual response) were more likely to report sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction than those who were sexually non-concordant. 9.Overall, these studies suggest that sexual non-concordance is a complex and multidimensional phenomenon that may be influenced by a variety of factors, including individual differences in physiology, psychology, and social context. While further research is needed to fully understand the causes and consequences of non-concordance, these studies highlight the importance of considering both subjective and physiological aspects of sexual response in clinical and research settings.
12:23 Some women go through *cognitive dissonance* during & after they've been raped. "Should I have liked it, because my body obviously did. AArrgggghh!"
Omg I had such a mismatch with my bits when I started testosterone! Body was like 'i need sex' and brain was like 'i'm tired, no'. So many problems because the physical horn was INSANE.
I LOVE this kind of nerdy videos but as a single woman I always wonder if there is some research done around genital non concordance during masturbation. This is something lots of folks with anxiety or depression face everyday and it feels even taboo to talk about because it just happens between you and your somehow dysfunctional brain. Any clues on that, please?
+1 all sexual response studies need to be redone with stimuli that is not visual porn. I am cis, bi, and like/watch porn, but I absolutely have more response to talk/touch or reading erotica than watching porn. I am bi, but I don't usually go into my porn looking for people I'm sexually attracted to- I often just want to self-insert. I like reading erotica that includes things I would absolutely never want to experience in real life, too.
Great to see Dr Jamie Raines talking. He has a book coming out later this year. When you were talking about genital non-concordance a question came to mind, does it tend to bias one way or is it evenly split? By that I mean, given that a person is in a genital non-concordant state is it more likely that they will have a genital response but not be subjectively aroused or that they are subjectively aroused but their genitals are not responding? Or is it fairly even? I recall reading that often a person’s tastes in pornography, and fantasies, will include a significant level of material that in reality they consider ‘deviant’ and transgressive. Dr Nancy Friday, in particular, reported that many of the people who contributed to her research reported fantasies that they would never want to actually happen, if they did would be a criminal offence and in some cases would be physically impossible. This might be cis-het men fantasising about sex with another man or being a cis-woman having sex with a man, someone fantasising about being spanked with no desire to actually experience it, living in a society where one’s sexual expression is curtailed, someone fantasising about being forced to have non/compelled-consensual sex (I.e. being raped), fantasising about being a sex-worker or slave, or of being a child in a sexual encounter. If you look at a lot of mainstream romance novels aimed at adult women they often involve thinly veiled non-consensual or compelled consent sexual encounters. Regency Noir, written primarily from the female lead’s point of view, puts the reader in the position of being both sexually curtailed but also under compulsion to consent.
No way I am also subscribed to Jamie and watch some of his videos but I had no idea he was a Dr. and had studied this. It was so interesting! My first assumption was that testosterone was probably the reason for the discrepancy especially when also trans men were showing the same patterns but it's so cool that this was not true! I love data!
Explains why I can get off to things I wouldn't want in real life. I am lesbian but get off too straight sex and being penetrated by a guy. I asked this question on a forum wondering why I suppose and some people made good comments like how its normal but got accused of being bisexual and high jacking the lesbian label for my own means. When I know I am not attracted to men and always have felt uncomfortable in real life situations.
Somewhen long ago, I read somewhere that it does have brain cells somewhere down there, so it has its own mind and doing things without talking with your upper brain. (including brain cells found on stomach)
Most of the time, I am in a completely non-sexual space. It just doesn't interest me. I'm not thinking about it. I feel nothing. I go through the motions to please a partner. On those rare occasions when I am thinking and feeling something sexual, it's rare that anyone around me is synced up with me. I figure, it happens when and if it happens; and if it doesn't, no loss.
So, what about people whose genitals never sync up? I'm a woman and my body responds and works normally, except I can't feel sex at all. It's like being poked with a finger, no different. But, I'm not anorgasmic. I don't fit into any of the dysfunction categories and every doctor I've ever asked including the reddit list doctors, have told me they have never heard of anything like it. I cannot find a female sexual dysfunction study or doctor even willing to listen to me! I'm not numb I feel pain and have very limited sensation but it does exist. However more interesting to me is I've been having dream peaks for about a year now, totally new. If that's what sex and orgasms are supposed to feel like, I want that! I would love to be studied because something is wrong
I had an ex shame me once for needing lube cause he “never had sec with someone that needed it” I only used it a handful of times over three years we dated 🙄
With regards to watching porn, I personally prefer watching 2+ women being sexual rather than both genders. I wonder if this is because I'm paralysed from the waist down and therefore I have no feeling in my genitals so a mans penis isn't any kind of stimuli for me but watching women touch themselves all over rather than just getting on with the main event.
I'm wondering whether the disconnect of cis women is because they are more likely to have sort of "learned" to be disconnected and sex happening on the mens terms and preferred pace, and the woman being a passive participant. Lesbians and bi women are more likely to have experiences of more balanced dynamics and of partners that are likely to understand them and their bodies better. Also women are grown to experience shame with their sexuality.
11:45 oh god not I’m having flashbacks to a fucking SVU episode Orgasm is just a physical response to physical stimuli I’m not surprised a lot of people orgasm during SA cuz even though SA is one of the worst things that can happen the assailant is still somehow stimulating them and so their body is just responding to that Just like how if you cut yourself your body will respond with sending pain signals to the brain and bleeding
Hannah, do you have any tips for discussing using lube with a male partner? In my experience, men tend to get offended that women need lube because they don't understand everything you just said. It's frustrating and stops me from suggesting lube.
I think maybe the best way is to incorporate it into foreplay first? Maybe making it part of the ritual if you see what I mean. Don't feel like you need to ask, just have it to hand and use it. If a guy is still that insecure after that idk whether he's really worth the trouble lol. My partner was the first to suggest it when I was having issues at the start of our relationship 🤷
Maybe get a stimulating lube and say that it enhances your pleasure? But I'd not sleep with a little boy who cannot deal with the anatomy of a woman. Educate them, if they don't want to be educated, save yourself the disappointment and search for someone who wants to make you feel good.
Fascinating stuff... I wonder whether the research controlled/measured for cis-hetero women and birth control. I imagine that would possibly contribute to the huge non-concordance 🤔
Good morning Hannah hope you have a great day xoxo 😚 💖🖤❤️❤️💙💚💙❤️🖤🤎💜💓💓❣️🤍❣️💛💛💚❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🖤🖤🤎🤍❣️💜💓🧡💗💘💛💚❤️❤️❤️🖤🖤🖤🤎🤎🤍🤎🤎💘💘💚💙💙❤️❤️💖🖤🤎🤍🤍🤍🤎💜🧡💗💕💘💛💚💙❤️❤️❤️🖤🤎🤎🤍🤍🤍🧡💗💕💘💛💙💙❤️❤️❤️🖤🤎🤎🤍🤍💓💗💕💛💚💙💙💙💖
Jamie's research was SO INTERESTING ! Thank you for bringing him to your video !
So cool to hear Jamie talk about his research! Also, he needs to be introduced/ introduce himself as Dr Jamie Raines more. 😁 Tis peak!
the groin response to stimuli that you talked about in the ((content warning)) part of the video is also super relevant to intrusive thoughts! sometimes bodies respond to intrusive thoughts with groin responses which can make people think horrible things about themselves especially when the thoughts get into paraphilias
I 1000% thought I was the only one. My body regularly says yes but my brain almost always says no (mostly because I have depression). This made me feel way less crazy. Most of the time if I ever try to explain this to people, they kind of make me feel like I’m crazy! Thank you so so much for making this video, it’s brought me so much peace :)
YES, DR. JAMIE RAINES. This is so fascinating!
An interesting chronic mental illness crossover: In the psycho-education I've received about how OCD works, we talk a lot about how a hallmark of obsessions is that they're ego-dystonic, or out of sync with what our values are and who we know ourselves to be. A big part of the distress/frustration that these obsessions cause is knowing that their content is antithetical to who we are, but nevertheless being unable to stop ourselves from having a very real (and sometimes all-consuming) physical and mental response to them. Leaning to have compassion for when our brains/bodies are just Doing a Thing without assigning value to it (the real dream) is also a big part of the day-to-day management of this super fun brain phenomenon.
I have OCD and while this is not one of my OCD’s themes, it was a very interesting read when I was learning about my disorder. It put things into perspective for me, that we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves for things we can’t control. I really feel for those with POCD (obsessions/worries about being a pedo). No matter how bad my own is, my brain isn’t trying to make me think I’m a sexual predator to kids or anything.
@@nostressjustcress-fr1uv I had/have what would be considered POCD for a really long time before knowing what OCD was. (I say this cause I'm not diagnosed with OCD)
I talked to my therapist about it, and it turns out having intrusive thoughts or worries about feeling and relationships is a very normal occurrence especially growing up.
Genital non-concordance doesn't just affect people with OCD (Obviously) but at least half the western population, that's half the population that probably doesn't what's going on with their body's and could very easily end up in dangerous or uncomfortable situation because of it.
Sex-Education is important.
(I'm assuming the studies were done with in Europe/USA, but correct be if I'm wrong.)
Does anyone know whether the non-concordance was only studied with p*rn / visual stimuli or if there were also studies using e.g. auditory stimuli or maybe written materials? I was wondering if the 10% rate in cis-het women could be partially explained by the p*rn used in the studies just not being very arousing to them?
good point. I'm much better with written material, or even old school still photography, than modern porn. I also have a much stronger reaction to "turn-offs" than "turn-ons" that would be hard to overcome, even if the new stimulus was arousing
@@jessicastevens5782 yeah i know a lot more women who are into erotica rather than hardcore male gaze-y porn
I've heard of the study before and looked into it and I think it was only done with porn. I think that once again the patriarchy has made it so visual stimuli turning you on is the norm because so many men get aroused by it. However, so many women or AFAB people get turned on by auditory or written materials instead. I know I thought there was something wrong with me for years that I didn't find porn appealing but reading certain books was appealing to me. They should definitely do other studies!
As someone who is asexual I definitely am aware of this. I enjoy consuming sexual content without involving myself. I can feel my body respond, without any need to do anything about it; I sort of just enjoy existing in the feeling itself. I've also noticed that I prefer consuming mlm content, not because I myself wish I had the same genitals nor that I'm gay, but because I can feel comfortably distanced from the action and because gay love much more often is a balanced relationship, with 2 strong people who bring the same amount to the table, they rely on each other equally etc.
I’m not asexual but I can definitely relate to what you said about just existing in the feeling and not needing to do anything about it.
When you say "consuming mlm content", I assume you are not talking about Multi-level Marketing? What is mlm in this context?
@@ghyslainabel This person probably means men loving men content, not multi-level marketing content
I'm similar, being asexual, and the content I get aroused by is not sexual in nature, it's more kinky things, or stuff I just find visually or sensually pleasing. Like my stroking someone's head and feeling their hair texture, certain types of clothing, and certain body types I find arousing, but I don't want to do anything about it most of the time, except usually when hug my partner. It's like there's always a disconnect, and I'm wondering if that will change when we move in together, as we'll have more time to be together, relax, and not have to worry about having to do something else or go somewhere.
I enjoy mlm content because it's much more wholesome. Guys kiss even during hardcore scenes, and overall act like they're actually in love with each other or at least care about each other, checking in with their partner to make sure he's alright, etc. It's just sweet af. Same with amateur hetero stuff, although it's not always the case.
Meanwhile mainstream hetero porn is mostly just mechanical, soulless grinding. It's often made to seem like outright abuse, which really bothers me and makes me wonder if the actresses are doing alright. Gross and tasteless.
Sex is only hot when it's consensual and the consent is clear. Period. I want to see that consent included in the content I watch.
Still partway through the video but I wonder if the large difference between the non-concordance of cis men vs cis women is because they used pornographic videos as the erotic stimulus. I’m a transgender woman and I find pornographic video much less stimulating now than I did pre transition (pre hormones especially). Because we live in a patriarchy, the study was likely designed or at least influenced by what men find erotic. In a different world, the default form of erotic stimuli would vary. Maybe the participants would have read erotic stories or been massaged in a variety of ways and the results would have found that women experience more concordance than men.
I think that’s a super valid point! I’ve not heard of any research done using different kinds of stimuli but they should do it!
i think that's totally true, same thought pattern, more data around the whole thing would be amazing, more forms of stimuly, more sub-groups, more situations etc...^^
That's such a good point!
I'd be interested in a study where people were able to chose their own type of media. To go with their kink, their preference, their favourite medium (like audio, visual, etc). I know some people find ASMR arousing, but I find it creepy, for example.
@@hannahwitton Perhaps instead of pornographic videos, the kind of eroticas introduced in the Netflix show Principles of Pleasure (also featuring Emily!) might be more appropriate in the future, or maybe provide choices of stimuli for the participants to choose!
Absolutely loved this video. I didn't know that Jamie did that research as part of his PhD. So cool! Thanks for making sex ed content like this. I would love to see research into nonbinary individuals and just continue to break down trends, and get some bigger sample sizes. It would be super interesting to see this across cultures/countries and maybe survey people's value systems and see overlap there.
Hannag this is SO INTERESTING!!! I feel that a lot more people experience this discordance than is talked about.
Thank you for making this video.
I struggled for years with how my body responded when I was sexually assaulted, and this made me feel so much better
Jamie killed it in this vid!! Love to see the great work he’s doing. Great collaboration, a really informative and interesting topic.
It would be so interesting to know the results of trans women too!
Indeed ! Someone needs to do that study if it doesn’t exist already
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I thought that too! Definitely would be interesting to see!
i really appreciate that you specifically say CIS-men/women !!
Genital non concordance can be so infuriating, my ADHD brain really struggles to stay present so I often have issues getting mentally aroused even though my body is ready to go. I have learned the hard way that going ahead and having sex even though I am not into it mentally can leave the experience feeling hollow or lacking in depth and connection.
Same here
It's called being a "slut" or "slutmaker." The reason why you have problems is because you are most likely having sex with someone you are probably not married to, let alone in love with. You should repent and ask God for guidance to better your life. Life is more meaningful than sex. Good luck to you.
@@joelwilliams8887 You know nothing about their life and are making a lot of assumptions. For all you know, they could be a married devout Christian. I'm not saying they are, but it really is a bit much to be telling someone to repent for something you've no idea if they've done or not. Also, they've said their problem is ADHD, which can very much affect married people just as much as anyone else.
@@conlon4332, everyone should repent, including myself. It's not "a bit much" to offer some solid advice. My speculations are based off her words and the content she is referring to. You try to school me with your own thought on the matter, but you are turning around and doing the same thing. You don't make much sense. In fact, I would argue to say, you are just like the first part of your name implies, a "Con..."
12:25 Thank you. "To avoid injury" is what I've been thinking about since the 10% stat you mentioned.
Comment for the algorithm. This is a very important video and the information should be known by everyone. Big fan of Hannahs videos
This video was so interesting! Thank you Hannah and Jamie for explaining this topic 👏
I love watching Jaimie talk about his research, it is so interesting! Great video once again Hannah
As a demisexual who is going through something similar right now with my partner, I appreciate you posting on this subject. I've only come out recently and still coming to understand the extra nuances that come with periods of sex indifference while having a high libido.
Was slightly confused as to why the algorithm brought me here until I saw Jamie’s section. Will definitely be checking out more of this channel’s offerings!
Yay I am so happy and excited that we get to hear from Jamie on this XD you guys are brilliant.
Hannah and Jamie coming in with all the good nerdy sex info. Love it :)
Jamie's research is incredibly interesting and incredibly cool. Thank you for sharing that.
yooo surprise jamie cameo :DD I am so happy that you always make sure to be inclusive in your language and i was very excited when you announced the doc (hehe) to tell us more
Was thinking about non concordance and Emily Nagoski’s artcile for The Cut the other day! So glad you made this video in time to feed my curiosity.
Didn’t know that was what Jamie’s Phd was about (for some reason I thought it was in geography??) , that’s so cool!
This is only somewhat related to the video, but so many people seem so worried about having less sex after being in a relationship for a long time. Like, that it's a huge problem with their relationship if they don't want to have sex with each other very often. And like, it's only a problem if you're discontented with it, it's not inherently a bad thing. Sex is not the be-all and end-all of a healthy relationship, and there's nothing wrong with not doing it if you don't want to.
So cool to hear Jamie talk about his research!
This video is very informative, I have often wondered as a straight woman if genital response to images videos of women is a result of the fact that women are far more sexualised in the media and so from a young age a sexy picture of woman has been associated with sex and that's now created a physical reaction when viewing those images/videos
This was very interesting and insightful information! It just goes to show we have a lot to learn that gets obscured away the more we rely on unchecked assumptions about sexuality.
Jamie's research was soooo interesting to hear😍
So interesting! Thanks for this video and for including Jaime and his research. I would also love to learn about any research on sexual non-concordance for non-binary people. As an NB myself, I find the issues you raise to be confusing for me, and it’s difficult to find the language to know how to speak about it.
Loved how proud Hannah sounded when she introduced Doctor Jamie❤
That’s so thoughtful of you Mariana, Thanks for your positive review,How are you and how’s the weather over there
Loved hearing about Jamie's research!
Jamie's research findings are amazing! Learned something new!
aaaah, dr. Jamie!! first of all, congrats on the phd., second of all, that research is soooo cool. And thanks Hannah for the video! Wow, a must watch.
This was such a well-thought-out and interesting video👏👏👏
Ah, the age old battle between expectations and reality. If you seek lasting happiness, drop all expectations and embrace the reality of your situation and understanding. And the only way to know those things is to experiment and experience what works and what doesn't. The hang ups culture has on what men and women should and shouldn't do does not make them happy. Find and plot ways for you to succeed in life, and find others who are willing to join you on your journey. Stay curious!
This was a fascinating learning experience and I'm glad to now have the language to describe this when it happens to me!
16:32 honestly I’m wondering how much of it is just hormonal
This video is so important!! Thank you so much for what you do❤
I love your videos, and Jamie's input was fascinating!
wonder how much lag there is between porn clips, b/c it seems like your physical response can take a bit (particularly if any post-menopausal women were included). the clip that started the blood flow may be gone by the time it is measurable. also wonder if cis women's results are more impacted by overcoming any arousal barriers introduced by the clinical environment
The whole consent thing is a tiny bit more complicated though. Yes, you can't just draw conclusions from the state of someone's genitals. But "Just ask them" is not always enough, there is context to the answer. If you are at all aware of your partner's tendency to people-please, any history where No wasn't an option, ... Yes, we all have a responsibility to learn to stand up for ourselves, but it's easier said than done. I am now 31 and still struggling with it. Got a lot better, but the amount of sex I had even though I didn't want to AFTER I WAS ASKED. Hmpf.
Yes I agree. I am very careful with this with my partner, espeically if she isn't showing the signs she normally does when she's excited and wants things. I remind her we don't have to do anything, that we can just cuddle or do something else, and that the most important thing to me is that she's happy and comfortable, that I have no interest in doing anything she doesn't completely want. Sometimes it genuinely is that she does want to have sex mentally and emotionally and it's her body that wasn't responding, but it's important to be careful about these things and make sure you're asking in a way that makes it as easy as possible for the other person to express discomfort or ask for something else.
Thank you for this video so much! Super important, I wish I heard it sooner.
In all honesty, when I saw the title of this video I thought it discussing where gender dysphoria comes from, but still well worth the watch.
Although come to think of it I guess there are people for whom the reason their brain and genitals are out of sync is that their brain feels like they've not got genitals which are right for them.
All that said, I wonder if "guilt over arousal" might factor into this kind of discordance, speaking as an autistic person I've often noticed a difference between me and other people; I've noticed a lot of the people around me are often nudged to find a girlfriend (AMAB)/ boyfriend (AFAB), to settle down, get married and have children, by contrast the social expectation for me is very much that I don't do that (I guess it's easier to notice how everyone around you is expected to reproduce when you yourself are expected not to reproduce). Point being that if someone is pressured to feel bad over being aroused or that such feelings are shameful or disgusting or lowers their value as a human being (none of which are true and one thing both my priest and therapist have been helping me accept that it's okay for me to have needs and that wanting to be with somebody is a perfectly good thing and not to feel bad about it) is that if someone has social pressure this can form emotional baggage that might cause the discordance of the brain and genitals being out of sync, granted I'm not a doctor so I don't know but it was something I was wondering about.
Thank you, Hannah and Jamie! Brilliant video!
Such a a great and interesting video!
Howeveeeeer... I do have some thoughts on the reasearch you've mentioned. Firstly, some people in the comments have already mentioned that, but since they only used p0rn, the visual stimuli might have been more relevant to the man participating in the study. But secondly, something I kept thinking about all the time and am surprised no one else mentioned: they measured women's response using those funky tampons and only that, so what comes to my mind is - wouldn't the results be different if we were to use a clitoral measure? I mean... it's the penis and the clit that are biological equivalents. Not the penis and the vagina. The clit gets bigger and juicier when aroused. So... has no one really thought it would be a better choice?
I'm curious about what other people's experiences are, but personally I feel my clit get aroused waaay before my vag, takes way less time. And also, now that I think about it, I definitely experience less non-concordance with my clit than with my vagina (so she'll get wet even if I'm not feeling it mentally, but my clit will respond only when I'm subjectively in the mood).
I guess but most of the clit is internal, so measuring from the inside of the vagina might give a better blood flow gage.
yes I was thinking that too. I wonder how possible it would be to measure bloodflow and shape changes in the clitoris or labia. It would be very interesting to measure both and see which is more concordant.
Entirely possible. The vagina and clitoris are very close together so perhaps the researchers felt that an increase in blood flow in general would be enough to show arousal and would be detected for both. I'm not sure how the blood flow works in that region but I'd be surprised if they were totally isolated from each other (meaning one could get more blood flow and the other be unaffected). It should be looked into.
Multa sănătate și fericire și tot ce îți dorești !!🌹🌹🌹
7:11 so I’ve heard about some studies about this kind of thing but it was specifically to do with CNC/rape fantasy porn
They found cis men who didn’t like it wouldn’t get a genital response but cis women who didn’t like it would
So my hypothesis is that for that specific thing it’s a defense mechanism
The vulvar and vaginal sexual responses has a lot to do with preventing pain and damage
Again, thank you soo much for your educational videos, they're amazing!
What a great video, Hannah!
That’s so thoughtful of you Sofia, Thanks for your positive review,How are you and how’s the weather over there?
Everytime Jamie's real surname is mentioned I'm very confused for a hot minute because I'm convinced it should be "Dodger"
Yasss this! I tell my clients about the bonobos so often ! I'd be so curious if there is a external clit gauge as well as the internal vaginal ?
I forgot Jamie is a doctor. It's fun how this dude from funny videos is an expert researcher. Great. I love him.
You are the perfect type of energy I need for sexual education.
Thank you for doing what you do!
Having heard all the information about the different studies done in cluding Trans men makes me wonder if hormones have a large part to play in sexual nonconcordance. Especially with how much I have learned through my pregnancy about how hormones run that whole show and can severely change the normal goings on in a cis woman's body.
Such a good video!! Thank you for sharing so much information.
Being nerodivergent also affects this alot!
Catiosaurous, ( I probably spelt that wrong) both on UA-cam and tiktok, has a few videos on this and how adhd affects it
This video, it was so needed!
When Hannah mentioned that she knew someone who had done research, I was like "Jamie! Its Jamie".
Hannah you're conflating two different expressions: SEXUAL non-concordance --when psychological and physical responses to sexual stimuli do not match--is NOT related to the concept of GENITAL non-concordance--when there is a mismatch between an individual's external genitalia and their internal reproductive anatomy ie, intersex individuals.
The concept of SEXUAL non-concordance was first introduced by researchers Masters and Johnson in the 1960s as a way to describe the variability of sexual response in both men and women. Sexual non-concordance can be influenced by a variety of factors, including psychological, hormonal, and interpersonal factors.
It's important to note that sexual non-concordance is a normal and common phenomenon, and it does not necessarily indicate a problem or dysfunction.
SEXUAL non-concordance is a relatively new concept in the field of sexual health and research, and it is still an area of ongoing study and exploration. While there have been studies examining sexual response and arousal in both men and women, these studies typically focus on small, selected samples rather than large, randomized populations.
Some examples of studies related to sexual non-concordance, listed by year of publication, along with their main conclusions:
1.Chivers, M.L., Seto, M.C., Lalumière, M.L., Laan, E., & Grimbos, T. (2010). This meta-analysis of studies found that men and women may experience non-concordance between their genital and subjective measures of sexual arousal. However, the degree of non-concordance varied widely between individuals.
2.Chivers, M.L., & Timmers, A.D. (2012). This study found that the content of audio narratives describing sexual events can influence the degree of non-concordance between genital and subjective measures of sexual arousal in both men and women. Specifically, the use of emotionally arousing words was associated with greater non-concordance.
3.Carvalho, J., Nobre, P.J., & Ventura, T. (2013). This study found that there is a moderate correlation between women's subjective sexual desire and their physiological sexual response (measured by vaginal photoplethysmography), but that the correlation was weaker for women who reported low sexual desire.
4.Rullo, J.E., Faubion, S.S., Kuhle, C.L., & Frohmader, K.S. (2019). This review article concluded that non-concordance between genital and subjective measures of sexual response is a common phenomenon, particularly in women. The authors suggested that this may reflect the complex interplay of psychological, physiological, and interpersonal factors that influence sexual arousal and desire.
5.Carvalho, J., & Nobre, P. (2014). Concordance between physiological and subjective sexual response. Current Sexual Health Reports, 6(2), 84-90. This review article concluded that while there is often a positive correlation between physiological and subjective measures of sexual response, there can also be substantial individual variation, and that some people may experience sexual non-concordance.
6.Janssen, E., McBride, K.R., Yarber, W.L., Hill, B.J., & Butler, S.M. (2015). Factors that influence sexual arousal in men: A focus group study. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 44(2), 411-424. This study explored men's subjective experiences of sexual arousal, and found that the factors that contribute to arousal can vary widely between individuals, leading to non-concordance between subjective and physiological measures of sexual response.
7.Rullo, J.E., Faubion, S.S., & Frohmader, K.S. (2017). Sexual concordance and discordance in women: Associations with sexual difficulties and quality of life. Sexual Medicine, 5(4), e217-e225. This study found that women who experience sexual non-concordance (i.e. discrepancies between their subjective and physiological measures of sexual response) may be more likely to report sexual difficulties and reduced quality of life.
8.Sánchez-Fuentes, M.M., Santos-Iglesias, P., Sierra, J.C., & Fernández-Santaella, M.C. (2018). Sexual concordance and satisfaction in sexual and romantic relationships. The Journal of Sex Research, 55(1), 96-107. This study found that couples who were sexually concordant (i.e. showed high levels of agreement between their subjective and physiological measures of sexual response) were more likely to report sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction than those who were sexually non-concordant.
9.Overall, these studies suggest that sexual non-concordance is a complex and multidimensional phenomenon that may be influenced by a variety of factors, including individual differences in physiology, psychology, and social context. While further research is needed to fully understand the causes and consequences of non-concordance, these studies highlight the importance of considering both subjective and physiological aspects of sexual response in clinical and research settings.
So cool to have some bonus Jamie in here!
12:23 Some women go through *cognitive dissonance* during & after they've been raped. "Should I have liked it, because my body obviously did. AArrgggghh!"
Omg I had such a mismatch with my bits when I started testosterone! Body was like 'i need sex' and brain was like 'i'm tired, no'. So many problems because the physical horn was INSANE.
I LOVE this kind of nerdy videos but as a single woman I always wonder if there is some research done around genital non concordance during masturbation. This is something lots of folks with anxiety or depression face everyday and it feels even taboo to talk about because it just happens between you and your somehow dysfunctional brain. Any clues on that, please?
That’s so thoughtful of you irene, Thanks for your positive review,How are you and how’s the weather over there?
+1 all sexual response studies need to be redone with stimuli that is not visual porn. I am cis, bi, and like/watch porn, but I absolutely have more response to talk/touch or reading erotica than watching porn. I am bi, but I don't usually go into my porn looking for people I'm sexually attracted to- I often just want to self-insert. I like reading erotica that includes things I would absolutely never want to experience in real life, too.
Am I the only one who wants the numbers on people who recorded overlap in arousal and sexual relevance for the Attenborough clips?
12:35 avoiding genital injury yes that’s been my hypothesis on it
Great to see Dr Jamie Raines talking. He has a book coming out later this year.
When you were talking about genital non-concordance a question came to mind, does it tend to bias one way or is it evenly split? By that I mean, given that a person is in a genital non-concordant state is it more likely that they will have a genital response but not be subjectively aroused or that they are subjectively aroused but their genitals are not responding? Or is it fairly even?
I recall reading that often a person’s tastes in pornography, and fantasies, will include a significant level of material that in reality they consider ‘deviant’ and transgressive. Dr Nancy Friday, in particular, reported that many of the people who contributed to her research reported fantasies that they would never want to actually happen, if they did would be a criminal offence and in some cases would be physically impossible. This might be cis-het men fantasising about sex with another man or being a cis-woman having sex with a man, someone fantasising about being spanked with no desire to actually experience it, living in a society where one’s sexual expression is curtailed, someone fantasising about being forced to have non/compelled-consensual sex (I.e. being raped), fantasising about being a sex-worker or slave, or of being a child in a sexual encounter. If you look at a lot of mainstream romance novels aimed at adult women they often involve thinly veiled non-consensual or compelled consent sexual encounters. Regency Noir, written primarily from the female lead’s point of view, puts the reader in the position of being both sexually curtailed but also under compulsion to consent.
Good to see Jamie!
I can see a glaring error in the arousal research Jammie presented: What about the folks who find David Attenborough's voice sultry and titillating 😆
Please make a whole video about sensate focus! ❤
Thanks for another great video, Hannah! Your channel is a treasure
Really loved this video! Especially how you included the trans research :D
Wonderful video! Well done!!
No way I am also subscribed to Jamie and watch some of his videos but I had no idea he was a Dr. and had studied this. It was so interesting! My first assumption was that testosterone was probably the reason for the discrepancy especially when also trans men were showing the same patterns but it's so cool that this was not true! I love data!
Explains why I can get off to things I wouldn't want in real life. I am lesbian but get off too straight sex and being penetrated by a guy. I asked this question on a forum wondering why I suppose and some people made good comments like how its normal but got accused of being bisexual and high jacking the lesbian label for my own means. When I know I am not attracted to men and always have felt uncomfortable in real life situations.
I learned SO much, Thank you !!
Somewhen long ago, I read somewhere that it does have brain cells somewhere down there, so it has its own mind and doing things without talking with your upper brain. (including brain cells found on stomach)
Most of the time, I am in a completely non-sexual space. It just doesn't interest me. I'm not thinking about it. I feel nothing. I go through the motions to please a partner. On those rare occasions when I am thinking and feeling something sexual, it's rare that anyone around me is synced up with me. I figure, it happens when and if it happens; and if it doesn't, no loss.
So, what about people whose genitals never sync up? I'm a woman and my body responds and works normally, except I can't feel sex at all. It's like being poked with a finger, no different. But, I'm not anorgasmic. I don't fit into any of the dysfunction categories and every doctor I've ever asked including the reddit list doctors, have told me they have never heard of anything like it. I cannot find a female sexual dysfunction study or doctor even willing to listen to me! I'm not numb I feel pain and have very limited sensation but it does exist. However more interesting to me is I've been having dream peaks for about a year now, totally new. If that's what sex and orgasms are supposed to feel like, I want that! I would love to be studied because something is wrong
Now I'm wondering what would happen if anyone was aroused by the David Attenborough nature documentaries, haha!
I had an ex shame me once for needing lube cause he “never had sec with someone that needed it” I only used it a handful of times over three years we dated 🙄
With regards to watching porn, I personally prefer watching 2+ women being sexual rather than both genders. I wonder if this is because I'm paralysed from the waist down and therefore I have no feeling in my genitals so a mans penis isn't any kind of stimuli for me but watching women touch themselves all over rather than just getting on with the main event.
I'm wondering whether the disconnect of cis women is because they are more likely to have sort of "learned" to be disconnected and sex happening on the mens terms and preferred pace, and the woman being a passive participant. Lesbians and bi women are more likely to have experiences of more balanced dynamics and of partners that are likely to understand them and their bodies better.
Also women are grown to experience shame with their sexuality.
Yes. I love this info. Thanks!
Holy bananas, Jamie has a PHD? WILD I love it
Great video, I learned :)
11:45 oh god not I’m having flashbacks to a fucking SVU episode
Orgasm is just a physical response to physical stimuli
I’m not surprised a lot of people orgasm during SA cuz even though SA is one of the worst things that can happen the assailant is still somehow stimulating them and so their body is just responding to that
Just like how if you cut yourself your body will respond with sending pain signals to the brain and bleeding
Hannah, do you have any tips for discussing using lube with a male partner? In my experience, men tend to get offended that women need lube because they don't understand everything you just said. It's frustrating and stops me from suggesting lube.
I think maybe the best way is to incorporate it into foreplay first? Maybe making it part of the ritual if you see what I mean. Don't feel like you need to ask, just have it to hand and use it. If a guy is still that insecure after that idk whether he's really worth the trouble lol. My partner was the first to suggest it when I was having issues at the start of our relationship 🤷
Maybe get a stimulating lube and say that it enhances your pleasure? But I'd not sleep with a little boy who cannot deal with the anatomy of a woman.
Educate them, if they don't want to be educated, save yourself the disappointment and search for someone who wants to make you feel good.
Fascinating stuff...
I wonder whether the research controlled/measured for cis-hetero women and birth control. I imagine that would possibly contribute to the huge non-concordance 🤔
15:18 I DIDNT KNOW HE HAD A PHD ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS IVE BEEN SUBBED TO HIM FOR SEVEN OR EIGHT YEARS
Thanks
Good morning Hannah hope you have a great day xoxo 😚 💖🖤❤️❤️💙💚💙❤️🖤🤎💜💓💓❣️🤍❣️💛💛💚❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🖤🖤🤎🤍❣️💜💓🧡💗💘💛💚❤️❤️❤️🖤🖤🖤🤎🤎🤍🤎🤎💘💘💚💙💙❤️❤️💖🖤🤎🤍🤍🤍🤎💜🧡💗💕💘💛💚💙❤️❤️❤️🖤🤎🤎🤍🤍🤍🧡💗💕💘💛💙💙❤️❤️❤️🖤🤎🤎🤍🤍💓💗💕💛💚💙💙💙💖
DOCTOR JAIMIE RAINES YESSSSSSS I love him so much
Leaving a comment for the algorithm
I had to look up "WAP"! (protip: in this context it *doesn't* mean Wireless Application Protocol...)
😅😅
thinking about penis shaped clouds now
Would asexuallity be essentially permanent non-concirdence.
DOCTOR JAIMIE RAINES! 😃