Legit me looking back and forth at people's eyebrows! so they think I'm looking at their eyes. Learn this as a child because my mother hated when I didn't give her eye contact
I just wish people stopped pretending they know my needs better than I do. Every time I (or my former abuser) tell people I'm autistic they stop taking me seriously and act like I'm an unreliable narrator in my own life or 'just exaggerating (lying)'
Seriously this!! I've been accused of being an overdramatic and hysterical child since PRESCHOOL! Even my DOCTOR dismissed my sensory pain as an act for attention. And every attempt to make me "normal" or healthier by other people has only led to me becoming more disregulated. I am the healthiest I've ever been now that I actually listen to what my body tells me. I'm sick of people who know nothing about me or autism thinking they know better than me just because I'm autistic and they aren't.
@@sabba1365 Cassandra Syndrome (or Cassandra Phenomenon) is named after the mythological figure Cassandra, who was cursed to know the future but never be believed. In psychological terms, it often describes the experience of being repeatedly invalidated, disbelieved, or ignored, even when you’re speaking from your own experience or truth. It's commonly used in relationships where one partner, often neurodivergent or struggling with mental health, feels unheard or dismissed by their partner. This constant invalidation, whether intentional (like gaslighting) or unintentional, can lead to feelings of hopelessness, frustration, or isolation-eventually making the person feel like there's no point in trying to communicate anymore. ***sorry for the info dumping, but personally I was relieved when I learned the term for this frustration lol tis just par for the course, hold fast frens we got this
Worse is when they start talking to you like you're a five year old they're trying to corral. Like ma'am I am thirty years old, I pay taxes and vote and do adult things.
A useful trick I like to use is the "thoughtful look away" you can look them in the eye directly for a moment, then blink and as you are closing your eyes, look away and act like you're thinking extra hard like hmm yes the floor is indeed made of floor, and then you can glance back at them, again back to the eyes, and just alternate between direct, and "lost in thought musing" and I find that this strikes a good balance between not feeling like I'm staring into someones soul, and letting them feel like they're getting good eye contact. At this stage, I'd say I only have to make REAL eye contact like 10% of the time?
I would love for people to stop infantilising me when they find out I’m autistic. When I feel big emotions or talk about my interests people tend to treat me like a child.
I'm 35, and I literally cannot hold down a job unless my partner does ALL the at home stuff x__x ... food everything, laundry, cleaning, etc etc But I'm not so dysfunctional that I need to be in a home or something.... So yeah, it sucks. I hear you.
@@closbored I understand the part of being called a child as an autistic adult. I'm in my 20s, and I was still seen as a child in my grandmother's and step grandad's eyes.
I'm very sorry that people seem to treat you like a child a lot. That is an unfortunate reality of being autistic that many others experience as well. I am married to the most amazing woman in the world. She is autistic. She also gets treated like a child a lot and this is because she acts like one a lot. What I mean by this is that my wife is emotionally stunted in her development. She is 32 but emotionally she is stuck in her teens. This causes her to get treated like a child. The unadulterated truth is that people are going to treat you how you act. If you have meltdowns or you are an overly sensitive or overly emotional person you will get treated like the child you are acting like. This isn't done maliciously by most people. It is just natural for others to treat you like the age you behave like.
@lululemon-t3t 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 my wife would laugh you out of the room. She is a pampered and spoiled Princess. My wife does not have to work or worry about anything. I love my wife more than anything in the universe. We've been married for twelve years. Our relationship is incredibly strong because of my willingness to be honest with my wife and to treat her just like anyone else. My aknowledgment that being treated like a child is just an unfortunate reality of being autistic actually helped her to deal with this. She now understands why she has such a hard time getting taken seriously by her peers. But you are indeed allowed your opinion. And btw, your response to my comment reads and sounds like it was composed by a teenager.... You know, someone who is quick to anger, easily offended, and overly sensitive to truth simply because they are young and imature. The ability to hear and process undesirable facts is something that emotional maturity brings with it. It is these types of actions that get so many autistic people treated like kids in the first place and it is a perfectly normal and natural thing for those around you to do.
“I have a cousin with autism, you don’t look autistic” A magistrate in a court of law. Spoken to me. I’ll never forget the feeling of utter disappointment and frustration I felt when I had to explain to her that autistic is a spectrum 😢
Judges can be just as ignorant and cruel as anyone else. Just ask those who have been sentenced to electric shocks at the Judge Rotenberg Center by one. I’m deeply sorry for what you experienced in court.
@@GhostIntoTheFog That’s horrific. Oh my god. It surprised me how someone in a position of power could be so utterly unlearned like that. It definitely shattered my innocence regarding our justice system
Me when I was trying to help a coworker understand her mostly nonverbal autistic child with some issues they were having: *discusses sensory and asked if there was stacking stressors, etc.” Her: are you autistic Me: Yes Her: Are you diagnosed? Me: No, but I feel more at home in autistic communities than I ever have anywhere else and have the same exact issues and thoughts. Her: You don’t look autistic. Me: Autism comes with different skill levels. I was never diagnosed because I mask in public. Her: I don’t believe in self-diagnosis. People like you steal resources from my son. My Neuropsych after being diagnosed writes in my report: because of the extremely limited and nonexistent services for adults with autism. Her: *Blocked me at some point*
@@rachelann9362 So infuriating! How is an undiagnosed autistic stealing resources from their child when we can't get supports without a diagnosis? We spent our lives NOT receiving help we were entitled to. Gatekeeping 'autism parents' are the worst.
Yeah unfortunately, that's still an issue even now with BIPOC. Granted, I was initially diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome at age 4 but I'm just now getting a bit comfortable with telling friends that I'm autistic within this past year and I'm a 32 year old African-American man.
Really hoping that awareness and screening can improve for girls and POC (and any underrepresented groups). But that being said, I'm a white man and wasn't diagnosed until I was 21 because I found out I was autistic on my own (with a little help from friends) so I then had to save up money, find my own psychologist and pay for everything myself. So I know how much it sucks going undiagnosed.
Yeah, we need more focus on women, POC, people of different gender identity than the norm, but also high-masking people of any kind. I'm 52 and my biological birth gender is male, but my special interests etc fit much better with how many autistic women are, because I don't identify as a typical male.
I'm not black and I got diagnosed at 57. Was hospitalized at age 42 for 6 weeks after a suicide attempt and got diagnosed with major depressive disorder. It was all there, sensory sensitivity, food intolerance, they couldn't see it. I was in autistic burnout. I don't have major depressive disorder. They kept upping my anti depressants even though they weren't working. I started vomiting blood. It was a nightmare. I will never take pharmaceuticals again.
If you’re a parent who is informed that your child may have autism/audhd and you don’t want to get them assessed bc you don’t want them to be “different,” they are different. They will just be different with no coping strategies. I was told as a child that I likely have ADHD or some other “cognitive problem” (Dr’s words) and was never assessed for this reason. I’m 38 and I feel like I’m still struggling to understand basic things bc I never had any resources.
I had family try to tell me to not get my child diagnosed because they will be labeled and I told them that my child will be labeled regardless so I might as well get a professional assessment.
I was suppose to get tested for autism when I was 1-2 yrs old but my mom said no 😭 idek if I should bother at this point. At the very least I was able to get dx with adhd a few months ago but I just really wish the help came sooner…
Yeah, I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult but it was never even suspected when I was a kid. I remember telling my mom about the assessment and she said (genuinely meaning to be reassuring) that she didn't "think there is anything wrong with" me. Welp, I wasn't jumping through the hoops of an adult assessment - and being severely gaslight by a male psychiatrist who suggested I could resolve my issues by sleeping better despite me meeting the diagnostic criteria and providing a detailed history of my symptoms getting increasingly worse over the past 10+ years & their lack of improvement when I wasn't experiencing insomnia - because things were peachy. I wasn't scared I would find out something was "wrong", I knew something was wrong. I was scared I would never find out what it was or what I could do about it.
I was suicidal by 10, and attempted at 11, because my very NT mother never believed my sensory struggles. And never listened. I still struggle with trauma responses when I feel like I'm not being heard or understood because so much of my life was hell growing up. I was bullied at school, and bullied at home.
I'm so sorry that the adults in your life failed you. This is extremely hard to deal with as an adult, but heartbreaking as a child. I hope your life is much better now.
oh WOW, mama I see you and i too feel so seen. I think this explains what has always caused every therapist and doctor I've ever opened up to about my SI and SH behaviors literally always being part of living...even age 6 like....shit here i go crying again. I'm glad you're still here! and you freakin know whattttt for the first time I'm glad I AM still here too 🥲
I can relate so damn much. All my life I felt like I'm too sensitive and too weak and different from others. I don't trust people that aren't my friends because I'm a abuser-magnet. It sucks. All these experiences have crippled me to the point I can't go to work and be a useful member of society.
This made me tear up; my first major depressive episode was at 8 years old. Growing up neurodivergent is hard enough, but having one’s needs so unaddressed that it leads to even more extreme lows in itself becomes a trauma bc no one EVER responds well to those things in children. Being depressed and suicidal as an adult is hard enough; even worse as a teenager; but when you’re a child who hasn’t even reached puberty? The way people treat you is SO alienating.
I relate so strongly to this. My first ideation started around the age of 10, too, and not being listened to is a huge rage trigger for me to this day. We're still here and still fighting.
My son was diagnosed with Autism when he was 2.5 yrs old. We were referred to our local Progress Center to begin early intervention therapies. He had some serious deficits in regards to sensory processing. For example, not "feeling pain" and poor dexterity. His PTs focused all their "exercises " on strengthening the neuro connections in his brain related to touch, taste, fine motor skills, and spacial awareness. He had so much fun, and it looked like it felt good. They never pushed him and were respectful of his boundries. This service was only provided to children until the age of 3, but the PTs have me sooooooo many resources that I was able to continue on our own. A year later, my son was referred to an OT, and that sucked! It was a lot of "therapies " that the focus was on assimilation, eye contact, refraining from stimming,etc. We never went back. My son's 15 now and doing very well.
I am studying to work with learning difficulties and I also work as school aid for a teen in the spectrum. In my training I was taught NEVER to refrain someone from stimming. You need to teach new things so they can CHOOSE
@@anainesgonzalez8868 Yeah, like, if I could've had a few alternative non-harmful stims taught to me when I was little, to replace my skin-picking stim, it would have been life changing. Instead (since I was undiagnosed), I was repeatedly told to STOP doing the non-harmful, "distracting to others" stims I had, which made my skin-picking worse and as of now, ingrained. Therapies that are about making a child "fit in" or "less autistic" are some of the therapies I dislike the most, because they work against the autistic individual instead of with them. And, sorry not sorry, you'll never be able to take the autism out of the autistic person, because it isn't a disease, and we don't need to be cured. (Any "you"s I say in this are in the general sense, not actually you.)
@@thesaltycat9493I'm not sure if you know about these, but I bought my son a picky pad. They're kind of expensive, but it seems to soothe the skin picking need, and it's a good way to practice fine motor skills to boot.
The problem is they interpret all sensory differences as deficit. An hypo sensitive sense, like not feeling pain, makes sense to stimulate and develop. Doing the same thing to an hyper sensitive sense doesn't make sense, and actually makes things worse. A hyper developed sense gets stimulated to develop even more. The automatic assumption of deficit is extremely harmful to autistic people.
Thank you for saying that it's a neurological thing and not just a question of will. Whenever someone talks about "desensitizing" autistic people to sensory input, I ask them if they would let their child stay in the cold so they get "used to" that cold. Because one is child neglect and abuse, so is the other even if they think they are "helping".
In my personal experience, forcing "densesitization" to sensory issues has only, in fact, made them worse, actually. That's just me, but i can't imagine in alone in that
Folks have told me to 'go out more' and that I would get used to being around people and constantly having to communicate. I never did get used to it, in fact it traumatized me more😅
@@bottomofastairwell They do that because of the false assumption sensory differences are processing deficits. It's not about processing, but enhanced perceptual capacity that's incompatible with sensory processing capacity (which can be average or even higher). "Desensitization" actually develops perceptual capacity even more, worsening this incompatibility.
See I was.... Encouraged to tough through it or be seen as a weirdo. I didn't get tougher, I learned to compartmentalize and disassociate in varying degrees at all the time. After that failed i wish i could communicate that just because something is not aversive or amazing doesn't mean I don't feel acutly it's just in my window of tolerance which is different with every sensation and person.
mom forced me to go to an autism speaks event as an autistic kid, and the way the people spoke to me was so disgusting. the way they talked to me like a baby with a high pitched voice when i was around 14 made me so mad i was tempted to use as many big words i could in a rant to basically say "i know more about this than you, as someone who has autism."
@@THERMALSCOPES13So you're going to gaslight people that they don't experience invalidation for being autistic in other comments, and then in this reply gaslight the person by invalidating them? Ew. There's nothing to "cure" in this context except for your pro-eugenics mindset. The only possible reason you could think of Autism Speaks as a great organization is if you don't think autistic people are human or should be listened to in the context of their own experiences. Which is the problem, not people being autistic. Yikes.
the number one thing i would want people to know is that i am disabled. it’s taken me a while to fully accept that about myself but like. it is just a fact. autism is a disability and i am disabled by it. denying that just ostracises and minimises the struggles of the most vulnerable parts of our community, the people who need the most external support and i think rather than trying to split us up this way we should be focusing on uplifting each other. i didn’t phrase this exactly the way i wanted so sorry if it’s awkward or whatever
I feel the same way and you put it well. Those of us with good or better communication skills can be the best advocates for those of us that don't have them/don't have access to communication aids. We all have autism and by recognizing our similarities and supporting each other's struggles we can become a much stronger community. We already have neurotypical cultures (not all of them) demonizing and sensationalising us we don't have to do it for each other.
I would say the same as someone with a mental illness. I'm not just different or quirky with the same opportunities as everyone else. I suffer with a disability that makes my day to day challenging. I don't want to be defined by my disability, i.e. treated differently, but I also don't want to be judged as a failure for struggling with things others take for granted. I wish I wasn't disabled in this way, but I also think I have a great life and wouldn't trade it.
Right there with you!!! Admittedly, i do still find it difficult to embrace this new label i'll be given, but i think i heard on a social experiment asd video said "autism IS a disability, but it's an outward disability. I am not disabled on my own in nature, in my home, in my element...it's only until I am forced to fit into a society that was literally built for neurotypical or allistic people that I am disabled in any sense" and I CLAPPED OUT LOUD. maaan i really have to find that video to learn what the actual quote was cause...whew. no lies detected. We are simply disabled by society 😅
@@JudgePettyWAP understandable if that’s your experience!! i find that even in spaces i feel the most comfortable i am still disabled but of course it is a spectrum :))
@@JudgePettyWAP I mean im still disabled without that too. Like if im just at home by myself I still struggle with making sure I eat, with regulating myself, etc.
As a late diagnosed autistic person, I want an acceptance not compliance shirt . And yes to all the ASD videos. I would love and benefit from more info about ASD and dissociation.
Same! apparently there's a correlation there though that might just be a correlation with childhood trauma and not disassociation as a general cognitive phenomena.
Yes! I would also LOVE for Mickey to do much, much more autism content, and about this specific combination as well! I need to understand more about being autistic and dissociation!
I set up a Neurodivergent Book Club at my workplace, and this coming week will be our first meeting. I am super nervous, but also really excited as I have had 13 people sign up. I am super happy that it has been so well received.
I feel so torn about highlighting the gender differences in autism. On the on hand I think it's really important to draw attention to high masking autistic people, who are more likely to be afab, but on the other hand I see people like my cis male best friend who has all the signs of high masking autism, but no one takes it seriously and professionals wont even consider an autism assessment, because that's "female" autism. He also had a hard time getting his adhd diagnose because he has the variant more common in women. I like to treat this as two different issues, that I usually address together. High masking autism is a thing and autism is not exclusive to boys.
💯💯💯 I feel this so much. It's such a difficult nuanced line to balance too, because yeah, AFAB people ARE less likely to be diagnosed, but it really does seem like we now just have "boy autism" and "girl autism" and discriminate just as much, except now there's two categories. IMO I don't think "female autism" exists, I think that what we consider "female autism" is really just a coincidental subset of autistic people that by their position socioculturally are at a disadvantage of being diagnosed. Ie. Because boys are typically more likely to be affirmatively seen as autistic, there is a confirmation bias towards grouping the 'male autism' vs the 'female autism' when in reality, that's all it is, confirmation bias about the cause of the discrepancy, as opposed to what I would wager is a fairly standard distribution, but that is incentivized/conditioned to notice certain aspects, within certain demographics, without considering the broader, root causes of the variation.
I'm trans femme and learned am very high masking (my mirror affect response is reflexive, my friends joke I'm high charisma with disadvantage in insight) and didn't get diagnosed because of what people call "girl autism" and racism. Because masking is seen as pro social it doesn't stand out, if you're special interest are normative you're a odd duck but it's innocuous. I'm not getting formally diagnosed because of said racism and don't want to experience more medical gaslighting on top of everything but I do need an ADHD diagnosis and I'm worried because my autistic traits butt against ADHD hard and that might alter diagnosis on top of being a black women in a doctor's office. I'd hate for the clinician to just conclude I'm autistic (no shit) and do nothing for the attention regulation/dopamine concern because autism 😱🙄. Yeah yeah but i don't need treatment for that doc just disability justice , i do need dopamine regulation though. Very hard agree on the false attribution bias . My traits that had me labelled a freak, got called intelligent "articulate" (weee racist dog whistle) outside of elementary school and then seen as quirky and cute but not "real" when i came out (pre hrt mind so infantilizing is a pretty strong misogynistic effect if it heightened the moment i was known as a non-man) The obstufucation of misogyny is very strong on perception and i hate it.
I completely agree. Honestly, I think it's important to talk about, but the language that we discuss this topic with is deeply misleading and causes people to continue to believe autism has a genetic tie to gender. I think we need to stop saying things like "girl autism looks different than boy autism" and start saying things like "the way an autistic child is treated by their parents and society is going to alter the way their autism presents, which *can* lead to autism presenting differently in different demographics such as age, race, and gender."
Yes, my boyfriend has ADHD and wasn't diagnosed until 25 because he wasn't the typical adhd boy. Similarly I wasn't diagnosed until 21 probably because I was a woman and managed to be okay ish, but that doesn't mean he struggled any less bc he's a man.
i would add to the point about empathy and love - some of us do struggle with these things whether it’s feeling or recognising them. that’s not an excuse to dehumanise us. particularly affective empathy is not necessary to being a functioning or compassionate human being. as an autistic aromantic person with pretty bad anhedonia from my depression ive got like the triple threat of ‘you don’t feel things in a “normal” way, therefore you aren’t worthy of respect’. it’s not fair.
I think too much empathy esp affective can actually be detrimental to someone in need of "emotional care". Id rather have a friend feel for me than have them like, actually feel me if i know its gonna hurt them personally instead.
hard agree. this conflation of empathy sometimes being a useful tool and treating empathy as a requirement for coexistence is really frustrating. empathy is not an inherently morally good or positive trait. much harm can be done by people coming from an empathetic place. it's a way of feeling, but feelings do not always drive action and ability to change harmful behaviors. *edited some wording for clarity
@@mudlizardz my one friend w suspected autism/touch of the neurospicy told me she does "overtime" trying to sympathize with people bc empathy doesn't come naturally to her, and I'd take that over people that call themselves empaths every day 😅 I suspect those are just traumatized and therefore overly in tune with other people's emotions, so much they can't distinguish them from their own (been there for a while too) so yeah, empathy is not the end all be all of societal coexistence
I work with a colleague that has mentioned that she finds it a lot easier to talk to me as I like it when she is direct with me. It makes me super happy as we work together everyday. I really appreciate that she is so accepting of me. I started this job 6 months ago, and I was so nervous I was going to be treated badly, like I was in my previous one.
The unhealthy obsession of eye contact within the autistic community exists because the psychiatric institutions fixated on it for decades. It is the least relevant, least important and most superficial thing you could possibly focus on. It's one of the reasons autism research is decades behind.
Not just psych institutes, but the broader culture at large. That whole culture of "respect" that so many of us grew up with. How many of us got in trouble for unintentionally "rolling our eyes" or had our parents yell "look at me when I'm talking to you!" It's such a little thing, but it's been so drilled into so many of us that it's hard for us to let go and STOP managing it. And it's so dumb, coz eye contact doesn't even matter, but the whole culture of "not making eye contact =disrespect" really did a number on a lot of us
@@shicyn One of the things I learned as an animal shelter volunteer is that for a frightened dog, eye contact can actually be threatening - they might think you're staring them down.
i’ve been diagnosed with ocd for over half my life and this is the first time i’ve heard that it’s a neurodivergence not a mental illness. mind blowing! thank you for this whole video, extremely helpful and validating ❤️
The thing with those weird diets it's because some autistic people might be sensitive to certain foods but it's really a case by case basis. A gluten free diet won't cure anyone. But if the person feels better on a certain diet then that makes sense. All autistic shouldnt be on a gluten free diet. As an autistic personally gluten doesn't negatively affect me at all.
I'm autistic and negatively affected by gluten! ......... because i have celiac disease.💀 it's a damn correlation (and look, a lot of autistic ppl DO have issues with their gut so ofc some of us are going to have sensitivities to gluten. But like, if I'm honest, I feel more in touch with my autism than before I went glutenfree, so whoops.)
Totally, I eat a low FODMAP diet cause I react to so many of the foods that it is easier to stay on it. I have to explain that to different people because low FODMAP is usually a short term elimination diet to work out what foods you react to. I am also unusual in that I have had allergy tests and they all show up as really low grade allergies that the Dr at the time said shouldn't affect my life. I don't have to worry about anaphylaxis, but they do affect me digestively and since consistently eating like this I'm not anaemic for the first time since I was 16 and my other blood work has improved. To me that is worth the limited diet that I can eat. I am also fortunate that I am fine with eating the same thing every day for breakfast and quite often batch cook and eat the same thing for days in a row for dinner.
Yes exactly. My son has intense meltdowns after eating certain foods. Due to his difficulty with understanding his body, it took literally years to realise it was because he was in pain due to intolerances. He couldn't communicate it, and all we knew was he would randomly start violently attacking people. I changed all the sensory and external environment, the only thing that helped was a food based approach. I think the diet approach is given a bad rap - it's not that it cures the autism (I'm autistic and don't need curing), but because of the specific combination of difficulties that often come with autism the diet approach can help massively to remove factors that may be making other things worse.
First- I would argue that it isn't just acceptance of autistic people but respect for autistic people that's the goal. Let's respect people who have a different lived experience they didn't choose, even if we haven't experienced it ourselves, right? As an autistic who went without self-recognition and diagnosis for 48 years, it’s the misunderstanding of the spectrum that gets me. It’s NOT a spectrum of “more” or “less” autism “symptoms" or who is "more" or "less” autistic. You are either autistic, or you are not. The spectrum is how autism can present in people (I call it presentations) based on variations in their brain and nervous system. The spectrum identifies not only what presentations of autism a person might experience but also what needs may result. For example, there is a spectrum of ways that people with autism experience touch. Some people are super sensitive to touch, while others are just a little. Some people prefer soft textures, while others like harder textures. Some presentations of touch sensitivity require accommodations of less touch to feel comfort, while others might require more touch. Every autistic will have a different way the disorder presents in them and, therefore, different strategies to address it. That's the autism spectrum in action. The spectrum is not linear, pass it on. lololol Love you and the work you do, friend!!!
8:45 & 10:54 I can't say how much I appreciate this and the ADHD video. My kidlets have been diagnosed one as a very young child and the other just recently. I have had so many comments even from medical professionals that it is too early to diagnose or it is just normal hyperactivity or their behavior is because they are defiant or some bs. When my youngest was finally diagnosed and finally seen, I almost cried. They were able to get the IEP's and appropriate medication and don't get as frustrated or have the low self confidence they had where they had self harming thoughts.
I'm 26 and found out that I have ADHD a year and a half ago after spending a long time feeling like something was wrong with me. I've found that taking appropriate ADHD medications is very helpful because it allows me to turn down the volume on my inattention and hyperactivity. The first time I took meds, I realized that it was suddenly so much easier to focus on tasks and that I didn't need to get up and move all the time. Learning how to work with ADHD instead of against it is so important.
You are literally speaking to my own experience with my autistic kids! Already teens- boy/girl twins are autistic and my trans daughter is as well. The difficulties are numerous but they have a great med therapy and actual therapy as well. I'm glad I'm not the only one out there with an autistic fam! Good luck to you! ❤
I would love to see a video on tips to help regulate our nervous systems, and how to manage meltdowns and shutdowns. Also maybe how to ask for accommodations.
Please talk about ABA. We need more people talking about the harm it does while recognizing the helpful aspects of intervention. It's personally important to me as an autistic person and former behavior tech.
@@GhostIntoTheFog I understand why you feel so strongly, but people aren’t going to listen if you come at them with hatred. I don’t feel like I made terrible decisions because I did the best I could with the knowledge I had.
@bedhead-studio ABA practitioners don’t believe Autistic people deserve bodily or mental autonomy (or, in some cases, have convinced themselves that ABA doesn’t violate Autistic people’s autonomy). Why do you think such people deserve respect or politeness? You clearly haven’t shed the ableist ABA culture you were immersed in, because you’re still using your old title of behavior tech to establish some air of authority. That title is jargon made up to make unskilled high school and college kids look like qualified professionals to naive parents. You’re also still using words, like “intervention,” which implies both pathology and lack of autonomy. Autistic people (including kids) need appropriate accommodations and supports. People who are sick and unable to participate in their own plan of treatment require “interventions.” BTW, you can still admit becoming an ABA practitioner was a bad life decision even if you were fooled or coerced into it. If you won’t take responsibility for the harm you’ve already caused, it doesn’t matter if you’ve stopped doing that harm.
I agree. I'm an autistic BCBA. I fully acknowledge that there is some awful ABA out there, there are providers who do not practice abusive "compliance" training or any of. the other ableist bulls** that goes on in some clinics.
them: "but you always make good eye contact!" me: "I have no idea what you are saying to me because I am looking at your eyes, and also this room is very loud." I believe I have autism, but I can't afford to get an official diagnosis. I've spent the last 3 years learning all I can about it, and if I am neurodivergent, it explains so much of why my entire life I've struggled in various ways and perceived the world so differently from those around me. Like when I learned that most people cannot hear the lights buzzing in their room or hear their parents talking on the other side of the house, or see the three crumbs they left on the kitchen counter, etc. I struggle socially and with sensory overwhelm, and I have never had a real full time job that allowed me full independence because I always get burnt out by just having a part time job. Additionally, I was homeschooled, so I never had the outside support I should have had that would have probably encouraged my parents to get me tested when I was a kid. I just try my best to do what I can do and am constantly learning how to take care of myself better.
I purposely use the car as a place to have conversations with my autistic daughter. She spends so much of her time trying to fit in and appear to look people in the eyes that I want to give her time to stop masking. When I am driving, there is no reason for her to have to try. Honestly, I encourage her to mask as little as she feels ok with and set expectations with other people so they do not expect her to act neurotypical.
4:19 I was on a first date once and I’d mentioned that my daughter is autistic, (I am as well, but I don’t know if I missed that part or he did) and when he asked how the new school was going for her, and I said “Great! She made a best friend on the first day”. He replied, “Oh. I thought you said she was autistic? She must be pretty high functioning then.” 😒 The worst part, he’s a teacher 😑 Also dude, you’re on a date with me… clearly autistics are capable of forming friendships/relationships 🤨 10:31 this is exactly what I tell people. Like we just do things like asking each about scents, using smart lights, warning each other before making loud noises, using Loops, letting my kid pick her own clothes and then I cut the tags out, using plates with dividers so food doesn’t touch, etc. 19:50 I have a theory that part of why some autistics with ADHD aren’t diagnosed until later in life is that they both mask each other in some ways. Like, I would be so much more rigid if my ADHD didn’t throw a wrench in that constantly. I also can appear as super organized, but that’s because it’s my autism needing order and trying to prevent overwhelm.
Mickey, as a neurodivergent person I can't thank you enough for your channel. You have helped me in more ways than I can say. I would love to see more videos on autism. 💜
As a child therapist who works with a lot of ADHD/Autistic children, the sensory processing challenge is my #1 go to for reducing client distress. One big challenge comes when a child's sensory needs are more sensory seeking (e.g. needs bright lights and lots of chaotic sound) while one or more of the parents sensory needs are sensory avoidant (e.g. needs dim light and are overwhelmed by sound). That's been a tough challenge to work through with families, but it is doable!
My husband and I are flipped this way. I prefer the dark so when he leaves, I turn off the lights and then when he comes home, I have to turn them all back on again. He needs inputs, while I am avoidant. I hate loud sounds and sudden movement. I hate when people start chattering about nothing. He works a lot, so I tend to recover myself when he is gone, but I feel like I need a better solution than 1) leave him like others have said, 2) disassociate when it gets to be too much, or 3) wait it out then recover in his absence. It's a very cat and dog relationship. I love him very much, but the internet doesn't seem to respect that I want to make it work and any little pitfall I seek advice about gets the "leave him now" treatment. I want real advice and not to be told to give ultimatums or walk. Seeing you say it's doable gives me hope.
SOMETIMES ABA is not abusive SOMETIMES ABA is not cruel or hurtful SOMETIMES it IS THANK YOU! I moderate one of the largest autism communities on Reddit, and we explicitly have a rule about advocating for ABA explicitly because of the harm it has (and continues) to cause, but I still REGULARLY get ABA "therapists" who ignore the rule, and then get up in arms saying "that's not REAL ABA!" refusing to acknowledge the very real harm that has already been caused through ABA advocated practices. I always found it horrifically ironic how abusive these "therapists" became when I refused to budge on the rules.
@kezia8027 Haha yeah the "ABA isn't abusive anymore" then proceeds to ignore boundaries and harass random autistic people including ABA survivors while dismissing all critism. ABA when less abusive only gets that way when it moves away from the behaviorism- which is the core of what ABA is.
I didn’t appreciate their (or your) implication that ABA can be applied benignly or positively in some cases, regardless of their (and your) acknowledgement that abuse occurs. All ABA is abuse, just as all queer conversion therapy is abuse. If you don’t see those two fields as equivalent, then you’re buying into the false belief that being born queer is not a pathology, but being born autistic is. Don’t be a part of the problem. Giving even one inch to the ABA industry is equivalent to complete surrender. All ABA survivors matter, not just those you arbitrarily decide to care about.
@@GhostIntoTheFog Are you referring to the part of my comment directly quoting Mickey, from this video at 11:46? Because as mentioned, this is me, quoting Mickey directly, and not a declaration of the entirety of my stance on ABA. Can you please stop actively attacking people without even attempting to confirm the validity of your claims or engage in good faith, based on nothing but your own assumptions? Honestly, this is such a hostile response, and one that regardless of the accuracy/intent of your message, will only alienate your cause, and lead people to disengage from conversing/listening/engaging with you.
ABA is always bad bc its dog training humans to not be who they are for allistic society. Doesnt matter if they arent being ae abusive Like telling us to learn to mask or how to be allistic and not doing the same to allistics
I have heard many misunderstandings before. It can be really challenging for autistic people to go through the situations in a neurotypical world. I am black, also autistic, and have an ableist grandmother. She has been ableist towards me every since I mentioned the word autism to her . I didn't know anything about autism at all until I discovered it when I turned 21 years old. I discovered about the signs, symptoms, burnouts, meltdown, masking, and others in autism, and some of them sounded like something that I can relate to, especially when other autistic people explained about their similar experiences that I have. Everytime I mentioned autism to my grandmother, it ticks her off, and she became ableist. It had happened more than once, especially yesterday when I was having a job interview. My grandmother had a conversation with me at home about not telling the manager about my autism. She also told me that I better control it, when I tried to tell her about my struggles with eye contact. Lack of eye contact is one of my autism traits that I do struggled with. I always look down and look around the area. When me, my grandmother, and her husband was on our way to my job interview, they both told me to not tell the manager that I have autism, because they believed that she is not going to hire me if I told her. Her husband is also ableist, and he's deaf. They also believe that I don't need accommodations for my autism either, because it's not important, but to me, I do believe that accomodations for autistic people is really important, because I believe that it allows us to have something that we needed in order for us to keep working in a job without stressing out or burnt out. After the interview, they keep telling me the conversation of not saying anything about my autism to the manager. Then, my grandmother turned ableist to me again when she told me that she is going to slap me if I keep mentioning autism to her. I don't know why she would say something hurtful that way. I just don't understand about what it is about autism that just ticks her off. I started crying when we were on our way home. I then went to my room when I was upset about what she said to me. She then tried to apologize to me, but I was so mad at her that I wanted her to leave me alone. I felted like I was having a meltdown for crying so hard. She then turned ableist again by a second, by telling me to grow the F up, and look into reality. It's just that I don't see things the same way as her, because my experience is different from hers. The second time she came into my room, I was still crying, until she told me that autism is a disease, which is not. The third time, she guilt trips me about not telling her about my autism, when clearly, I have tried to tell her many times, but she continued to ignore me, and refuse to understand of what I was trying to tell her. I felted that she was more prideful and self righteous, because I felted that she thinks that she is never wrong. Whenever I tried to tell her the truth or something that happened, she would manipulate me by twisting my words that I said, and use them against me. Her husband was her bystander, because he allowed her to say abelist things to me, without trying to call her out on her behavior. It hurts that I have suffered from mental and verbal abuse from her, and now I have been a going through ableism from her. It was time for me to stand up and speak for myself, and that is what I am doing, because I have been hurt long enough. I believe that autistic people had every right to stand up for themselves, and speak against the abusers, who has done wrong to them. It is wrong, and it has to stop.
I feel you on that. My grandmother sucked, too. She told me that psych meds are "cheating at life, because you're just taking a pill to feel however you want." She treated me like a delusional drug addict. Your grandmother is an asshole and your experiences are valid.
I hope you find acceptance one day from your grandma. You may have to be patient and let her come around in her own time. When I first told my parents my dad's response was 'I don't believe you - I want a 2nd opinion'. Which is ironic because I think he is autistic too. Looking back I realise he accepts the traits in me he finds acceptable or 'normal' in himself. He was always okay with me going off to my room because he used to go take off when he was overwhelmed around other people. Other traits of mine he couldn't tolerate at all. He is more supportive now and even watched a documentary on autism with me. Hang in there. Sometimes all you can do is plant seeds and let love ones react in their own way, be patient with them and play the long game. They may never come around but sometimes, given enough time, they do. The stigma around autism is not as bad as it was so don't give up. Maybe your grandma is reactive because she is also autistic but had to hide it all her life.
@@tommytomlison8666 Thank you for your comment. I'm happy that you are building your relationship with your dad. I wish that I could do the same with my grandmother. It's just not always that easy, but I am trying.
I am just sat reading articles on autism, ADHD and dyslexia as part of a bid I am creating to try get funding to buy books on being neurodivergent at the library I work at. This is a pleasant surprise to find while I work.
More videos about autism please!! I’m one of those AFAB people who have fallen through the cracks and I’m working on getting a diagnosis. It’s very true that much of the distress in my life has always been caused by being neurodivergent and not having proper accommodations/understanding. The past few years I’ve been finding who I am when I’m not masking and it’s shocking that I spent so many years pretending. It’s left me with a skewed sense of who I really am and at times I’ve felt so alone. It’s a huge relief to finally learn what is really going on and finding other people who experience something similar.
The important thing to understand about ABA: it is based on research that thinks any behavior can be learned, but it doesn't consider the emotional state, instincts, what a personality is predisposed to, and what limitations it has. Basically no matter how you feel about being touched, we still gonna train you to accept touches. Oh, you don't like certain foods? Well, we gonna train you to accept it. And we are not gonna take into consideration your overstimulation and we gonna consider your meltdown as bad behavior that can be untrained.
4:15 I do want to note, though, that people with low empathy aren't inherently bad, either! Even if some autistic people *do* struggle with empathy (whether it's because of being autistic or another thing going on in their brains), that's okay! There are many low-empathy people who still wake up every day and choose to be kind. You don't have to *feel* somebody else's feelings to treat others well. I feel like, in trying to emphasize that autistic people can be empathetic (which is true), you accidentally implied that high empathy = inherently good, and low empathy = inherently bad. I also have complicated feelings about autism being classified as a "disorder" when, like you said, it's a kind of neurodivergence. As you acknowledged, it isn't something to be "cured" or "fixed." But its current classification as a disorder, I feel like it adds to the continued stigma around autistic people. Kind of like why so many of us prefer "autistic people" to "people with autism"--it's not a horrible disease we've been afflicted with. It's just a feature of our brains that we were born with, that doesn't make us worse than a neurotypical person. I'm not a person with shortness; I'm a short person. I'm not a person with autism; I'm an autistic person. I know it *is* a disability, but I feel icky about it being called a disorder. Idk, that's just my personal feelings on it. Unrelated: that hair color is so pretty! I love it.
I just want to say that I am about to start a job teaching music, and the school is specifically geared towards inclusive lessons for neurodivergent kids. As an autistic person myself, it's such a breath of fresh air to see neurodiverse needs being championed, and it makes me so much more comfortable knowing that my own needs will be respected and honoured by the other staff too
2:51 “autism isn’t caused by vaccines. For me, it was a gift from my father!” My favorite retort 🤣 17:33 thank you so so much! This was so fucking validating. I got my official diagnosis 2 weeks ago at the age of 31. I didn’t put two and two together until my child showed extreme sensory aversions from birth. It was like looking in a mirror. And it immediately crushed me. I wasn’t being dramatic. I wasn’t a complainer. I saw my child suffering and knew there was no way a 6 month old, a year old, a 2 year old was being dramatic or a complainer. My AuDHD went completely unaddressed despite family history and all the signs. My struggle was internalized. I had no “disruptive” behaviors. It has been a roller coaster accepting that I wasn’t lazy, a complainer, weak, or any other character flaw. It wasn’t my fault. I’ve shifted thinking that I just never lived up to my “potential” and slowly moved more towards being proud of how far I’ve come with zero support for my chronic illness and AuDHD. 3 disabilities and 0 supports is insane. For everyone reading this, you’re not alone. so many of us have been where you are and figuring out your support needs on your own as an adult SUCKS. But it gets better. 🫂
The shift in perspective from "not living up to your potential," something I've been told all my life, to "coming so far with no support and several challenges," really hit home for me. I've been trying to shift to that viewpoint, too. I am an adult diagnosed with ADHD, can't afford an ASD evaluation but have been told by both my counselor and psychiatrist they think I have it, have diagnosed C-PTSD and SAD, and was not only not supported but actively and relentlessly abused. Yeah, I've accomplished a lot without any support, and now that I have it am looking forward to seeing what else I can do. That was such an awesome comment. Made me tear up a little.
@@RowanRiven You and OP are feckin' _resilient_ and while you deserved so much better from the get-go, you both deserve recognition for pushing through everything despite having to outpace a treadmill determined to drag you backwards. I'm just an internet stranger and I don't know either of you, but I've seen other people in your 0-support situations and I know that it takes something special to refuse to give up on yourselves even against these sorts of odds. May the both of you keep flourishing despite adversity. signed, some dude who went through a similar realization and paradigm shift (and I'm not even being dramatic, it IS that monumental when the realization sinks in.)
@@neoqwerty Thank you for such a kind comment. Really made my day. I'm glad you were also able to reach your own paradigm shift. It doesn't sound at all dramatic to me. Turning such a huge corner is monumental and takes tons of work, way more than most will ever realize.
I'm an autistic RBT. I would love a video about ABA! I've been conflicted with practice for a long time, but I do want to help my community and hopefully make changes within. Or at the very least be taken through channels that can actually impact autistic individuals directly. I'm going to take a moment to infodump and "think outloud." I think that ABA can be used positively. My clinic focuses on early intervention (the most common type to be fair) and I do see value in teaching children their colors, numbers, and early reading. I do see value in helping children meet developmental milestones that are reasonably achievable when we consider the individual children's current skillsets. I do see value in teaching certain social skills like speech and accessible nonverbal communication or joint attention and cooperative play. All these things generally benefit the autistic individual. It's hard to discount the fact that a lot of clinics are moving away from certain methods within ABA. All four of the BCBAs I work with are trying to do a more "modern" method that really tries to be intune for the kids that they work with. I will be honest, I still disagree with a lot of the things that they deem necessary. Which brings me to the things I genuinely dislike about ABA and question why I work in this field. Some of the expectations are centered around conformity. School readiness is centered in most early intervention therapies. Which I would have thought would just be academically. It's not. It's behavioral aspects too. My clinic allows stims, but still wants them to sit in a chair for 15 minutes for circle time. We don't allow naps for more than 20 minutes because insurance doesn't let us bill for that time. Which kills me as a mom. I hate sleep depriving 3-4 year olds a developmentally appropriate rest. We also have to adhere to trial counts, which I understand to a degree, but 50% of their day doesn't need to be "do this, do that, what's this, who's that." It feels like we are barking orders too often and takes away from the legitimate emotional impact we can have with autistic individuals. I genuinely enjoy all of my clients. They are wonderful children with individual lives that I have the privilege of being a part of. I love watching them realize someone SEES them. I try to focus on what the field calls "pairing" (I call it giving a shit) and I have been told multiple times that I am good at it. I want these kids to have the best time with me that they can and see that I genuinely want to earn their attention and play. It's so hard because I see this as the most important thing missing from most people's lives. The joy of genuinely caring for someone heals me deeply and helps another know that someone cares for them. It seems impossible to inject this mindset into everyone. 😅 Well, if you made it this far, I appreciate being heard. I still am going to work in ABA for now, but would be super interested in someone else's perspective on the matter of ABA.
ABA is a huge can of worms tbh. One bit of advice I'll offer: autistic kids need someone/something they can co-regulate with, especially if they have a PDA profile. It can be a parent or friend they get on with, even a stim toy. It helps them avoid overwhelm and meltdowns and this is better than waiting until after a meltdown. Kids don't learn when traumatised and even verbal kids may not be able to communicate distress until it happens (they may have alexithymia or poor interoception). ABA can be inherently traumatising for autie kids even when done with the best practices and intentions. Also: listen to autistics who have been through ABA and want to tell their story. Some will be very angry and judgmental. They have every right to be. Many were broken by ABA. Don't dismiss their testimony. Listen to it and decide if you want to keep doing this kind of work. I'm not implying you shouldn't - maybe it's best you stick around and help improve the process. Because it doesn't look like it's going away any time soon, so more autistic kids are going to be put through it. My hope is we find better methods that don't rely on operant conditioning, which hasn't really changed since the time of Skinner et al. Even dog trainers don't use these methods anymore and there are better methodologies out there now. The issue is that the few alternatives that exist are not covered by insurance at the moment, while ABA is covered. IMO it's inherently unhealthy to try to turn us into carbon copies of neurotypicals. It backfires in the long run and we wind up masking all our lives until burnout with very little sense of who we really are.
You’re naive to think you can reform a system built on a foundation of ableist abuse. It can’t be reformed, only thrown out and replaced with something 100 percent new. By staying in the industry, you’re providing that industry with cover and actively participating in the harm of your fellow Autistics. Shame on you. BTW, RBTs are unskilled workers who do all the grunt work the BCBAs don’t have the time to do themselves if they want to take on dozens of clients and milk the system for millions of dollars a year. You have absolutely no industry influence or power as an RBT. Wake up.
Hi! I'm an autistic BCBA and have been in the field for a long time. I think the biggest lesson I've learned is to speak up. When you see an analyst programming for "eye contact" or for compliance or for anything that isn't fully necessary for them to live a happy and healthy life, call them out.
I’m an afab transman diagnosed late. Autism is a HUGE spectrum. I struggle with too much empathy and have issues coping when I feel like something is unjust. What’s funny is that my younger sister and father struggle with empathy and not coming off as jerks lol For a long time I assumed it was intentional/pathological UNTIL I got my diagnosis. And I think it’s not so much an issue with empathy (they do feel it) it’s recognizing like… when someone needs love and support vs advice and logic. And both of them tend empathize more when they’ve had the same/a similar experience to someone (which can be SUPER frustrating) so we aren’t cold and unfeeling even on the end of the spectrum where empathy is not processed like everyone else.
I feel you on a lot of this, but I do want to add: there's nothing inherently wrong with people who *do* lack empathy, either. It doesn't make someone an inherently bad person. Plenty of low-empathy people still wake up and choose kindness every day. It's a person's actions that matter, not whether or not they can feel another person's feelings.
Thanks for posting. ADHD at 35 (post-PhD) and now at 40 wondering again about autism. I usually say I don’t have it because I don’t have the healthcare complications, but, like, maybe I do…? TBH just having conventions where it’s ok to fidget or duck out, and maybe learning more about one’s nervous system in general could be helpful for all and inclusive for ND folks, regardless of whether they know they have a disorder.
I mean, a gluten free diet helped me tremendously, but that is because it treated the secondary chronic conditions of IBS, generalized anxiety disorder, depression, and cPTSD that resulted from unmet needs and inappropriate expectations I was subjected to as an undiagnosed AuDHDer. We can treat the mental and physical illnesses that develop as a result of living in a society which is, in its default state, inherently hostile to our sensitive nervous systems. We cannot (and should probably not try to) treat the autistic nervous system itself. (And while I agree that not all ABA is abusive, that type of ABA tends to be indistinguishable from a basic behavioral plan that can be done by getting all caregivers on the same page.)
ABA that isn’t abusive isn’t ABA. Do you think a queer conversion therapist could do what they do in a benign way? If not, why do you think ABA practitioners can? You can’t fix what is inherently broken. You can’t build an entirely new system on the foundation of a broken one.
My fiancé and I are both autistic and it’s been so great to have someone that gets me and to “swap tricks” on how we deal with certain situations. And our communication is great since we have to be direct!
This video explained my current situation to the T. I am AFAB, 23, black, and I just got diagnosed with Autism and OCD. Everything you said in the AFAB section has happened to me (people and clinicians saying I’m doing well in school so I can’t be autistic and people disregarding my intense interests growing up and claiming I was shy). This was incredibly validating because despite a therapist with a PHD confirming I am autistic, I’ve still felt shame about claiming the label despite it explaining everything about me. Thanks!! It’s also so wonderful to find out you’re also autistic! I’ve been watching your channel for a few months now and it’s really cool to see artistic, autistic, queer people doing cool stuff just like me! :)
I'd love, love, love an ABA video. We get so much conflicting information, with autistic people's stories of being traumatized and, conversely, parent's stories of how it made their kids "so much happier." There's also the component of insurance companies only covering ABA therapy, and to have it covered, it must be a certain number of hours per week, etc. I get so squicked out when my company works for an ABA provider, but it seems like that's the only therapy that's offered and the only therapy that is in demand nowadays. (It is not the therapy I received in the '90s, but I also didn't receive much support beyond PT and ST.)
Many parents love it because they’re conditioned to see neurodivergence as a tragedy and are happy when their kids are coerced into suppressing their autistic traits. It’s not a legitimate therapy. Better no support at all. BTW, you hit the nail on the head with the insurance comment; that’s why it’s often the only option. They lobbied for universal insurance coverage to the exclusion of legitimate therapies.
@@GhostIntoTheFog Oh, I for sure think these are "grievance parents" who see ABA as a tool to alleviate their "burden." (I almost used "grievance parent's" in my original comment. 😂) I want to hear them out in some respect, if not to get them to shut up about how we should "listen to their voices too," so I can at least develop counterarguments against them if I know their perspective. Overall, I hope Mickey makes a video that provides the whole picture so I can be well informed.
My workplace has this slogan thing that says “Customer Service is E.A.S.Y” and the FIRST THING on this list is Eye Contact. And I hate it. My own eye contact is probably wrong a lot of the time and I know there are people that eye contact is literally PAINful for them. The other ones are Acknowledge Smile and something else I can’t think of right now
im 5 minutes into the video and its already so relatable. my cousin was diagnosed with autism as a child and i assumed with the way ppl treated it he was dying. hes still alive and thriving. it surprises me what the general public doesnt know about autism because they dont have to
I have been having such a hard week with work, including having a meltdown as I was struggling to sit down and get work done. It is so reaffirming to watch this and remind myself that it is okay.
As an RBT, I would really love a full video on ABA. I love the families I have served over the years, and I'm always open to learning about ways in which I can better serve others. I feel like most practitioners are defensive in the face of criticism, but we can't improve our field without listening to those we serve, ya know?
You don’t serve anyone but the BCBA sitting in the back room counting the money. ABA thrives because of its captive audience. Don’t pretend you’re open to any kind of criticism or feedback. ABA is a cult, not a supportive therapy. Get out before you harm anyone else.
I’m a 36 y/o AFAB person who has discovered in the last year or so that I’m AuDHD. My whole life’s struggles suddenly make sense, and I’m so much happier now that I’ve started accommodating myself.
I would add that POC are highly underdiagnosed as well. Also, science shows that the higher variable the gene pool, the healthier the species. So ND people are a normal human variation not an aberration. For example in prehistory NTs might be best at reading an enemy's intentions but NDs planned ahead for what to do if the meeting went south. Human variation, in all its forms, is a healthy, natural and beautiful thing. 💜
Yes! there are several studies showing a link between autism and systemising talent. E.g. regions with a tech industry or families with people working in engineering/tech will have a higher incidence of autism. My family is the same and I feel lucky to have some of those genes, but actually having autism is a different story and a massive challenge.
I'm very happy that you're autistic too - I always connected to your content in a special way and I'm autistic! Also I'm happy to see autistic people succeed in a professional way and in romantic relationships! I'm a complete mess right now due to a lack of therapy and support. So it inspires me!!
I was diagnosed with high functioning, severe autism in my 20's, and many people have told me I "don't look autistic", and even had a doctor say I couldn't possibly be autistic because I was in a relationship. Nevermind that my partner was too, and grew up with autistic brothers so she was very understanding and accommodating in the right ways.
The no empathy thing is ridiculous. We lost a family cat a few weeks ago and my autistic 7 yr old has been talking about how much he misses her, he also makes get well cards when his friend next door is sick.
Your hair is always goals 🔥 "We shouldn't be striving to avoid as if it's a terminal condition" is SO real. From the anti-vax lens to just the general reception people in my life have when I say I have it, it's super damaging to have it dismissed as an inconvenience to THEM.
Yeah this bothered me, though I know some people prefer to say person with autism it always feels weird to me. I don't carry ASD around with me I'm simply an autistic person
I just wanted to remind everyone that all autistic people are different. So you can meet two autistic people are they can be completely opposite. For every struggle one autistic person has you will find another autistic person who doesn't struggle with that. Same thing with strengths. For instance you might find some autistic people who very good at math and other autistics who can't do math at all.
Very true, just like any other population, the autistic population is made up of individuals and we are all different. Sadly, I did not get the good at math autism. Sometimes I wish I had the strengths that would allow me to work from home coding all day or something similar, but alas. I have yet to find paid work that plays nice with my neurology so I can escape the chronic burnout cycles and emotional dysregulation. And I've been employed for close to 30 years. I'd like to say maybe I'll find it one day, but so much of that depends on employers being willing to recognize and accommodate needs, which is largely outside of my control. Precious few employers seem interested or motivated to actually include ND folks in DEI.
Thank you so much for this video! Yes please if you could cover autism more, that would be amazing. I went down the rabbit hole last year of how autism presents in afab people and realized I may have it. Was also misdiagnosed with bipolar as a teen and experienced significant harm going through medication trial for a diagnosis that ultimately baffled later mental health professionals and people in my personal life. But I’ve been very wary of going through the process of a legitimate diagnosis after my experiences with the healthcare industry generally. Anything I can learn about it would be so helpful.
My almost 5 year old is non speaking, high needs and was right before he was 3. I always felt like I knew he was, and it’s obviously been hard just cause his life is more difficult but he has opened me up to MYSELF - I was diagnosed with ADHD and now I’m thinking I am actually on the spectrum. I’m medicated for ADHD but I feel like it doesn’t even work… always felt like something was different with me and when I look back on my life, it makes the most sense. The city I live in sucks for resources but I’m so glad I have the internet, I’ve learned a lot about how to help him communicate and he’s started saying words out of nowhere, nothing super consistent yet - but it’s the most beautiful, rewarding thing to see him light up when he says what he wants. Also - my son is the sweetest, most loving and affectionate kid. He loves hard and shows it. I am the opposite and don’t love being touched but because of him, I’ve started to love the cuddles.
I'm a behavior therapist and with sensory issues and loved ones with autism. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all that you said! I struggle with families about trying to make their loved ones do to not embarrass them. It isn't fair to make someone stop stemming and comply.
first off I’m OBSESSED with your hair!! secondly, ty for this video!! I have adhd but still really related to a lot of what you said. I’d love to see videos from you about emotional regulation specifically for us neurospicy folks!! RSD or misophonia for example kick my butt and I’d love to hear your thoughts on how to handle these big emotions in a productive and helpful way (:
Thank you for this video! What screwed me up the most is that my teachers did see the signs, but when they told my parents, they responded with “Go f yourself.” Needless to say, it led to me hating school in a multitude of ways. I wish that the parents once informed, would be required by the state to get their child help and be supported by the system so you don’t have floundering adults like me wondering why the systems I made growing up don’t work in the “real world.”
I’d like to also add something else about AFAB people with autism, it’s not just the quiet person who was good at school. It can also look like the very high masking girl that tried desperately to be friends with everyone because she desperately needed to be understood and didn’t care at all about 99% of school because her hyper fixation was literature so she only did well in language arts 😂
I accidentally said to someone who was telling me about his autism that everybody has a bit of divergence BUT I DIDN'T MEAN THE WHOLE WORLD I just meant the people in our DND group, and as a way of validating his feelings, to say don't worry, you're with friends, and I said it the EXACT WRONG WAY. And I panicked about over explaining it so much that I didn't explaining it at all instead! And I'll live with that forever 😅
yes please make more videos like this! While I didn't personally find new information, it was very validating and affirming, and it is also great to have a resource to point to from a therapist that can help to educate people who are misinformed/uneducated/ignorant about autism/neurodivergence in general. Wish I could like this video more than once, but at hopefully the multiple comments at least help engagement in the algo!
Thank you so much for this, I was excited when I saw the title. Within these last couple years I have been unraveling my problems and have figured out that I'm autistic. Just through researching and really diving into the topic of autism I have been able to start to improve my environment and try to cope better now that I can understand some of my struggles that are linked with the disorder. I am grateful for anyone putting the most up to date info and trying to combat misinformation on the topic. I love your videos and finding your channel really did help me kickstart wanting to help myself feel better and figure out what is going on with my mental health. So thank you ❤
Thank you so much for making a video talking about this! I'm personally AuDHD, and I only realized ADHD was part of my neurodivergence about a year and a half ago. I have two chemistry degrees, and while working on my master's degree I spent a lot of time feeling like there was something wrong with me because I couldn't "grad student" correctly according to my department. I'm currently taking some time away from academics in between degrees to do some burnout recovery, and I've realized over the last few months that many of the things I struggled with as a grad student could have been alleviated by having proper communication and accommodations in place.
Yay I’m excited you’re audhd! I knew you were an ADHDer but didn’t know you were autistic like me until this video. I really like how you practice as a therapist. It’s very social justice informed and lived experience centered which all aligns with ND affirming care, my old specialty. I have a lot I’d love to share about autism but I’m too chronically ill now to really get my thoughts together and don’t want to overexert. This is a good video on stigma for afab and the pressure to mask. It’s also important to note some of us are low masking like me, and some autistic people can’t mask at all. Also there’s a difference between attempting to mask and being successful at masking, which is something often discussed in the higher support needs community. Also accommodating sensory differences can be rly hard ! I’m sensory averse and my partner is sensory seeking. So I have to wear headphones when I visit if he wants to play guitar or watch a UA-cam video or something. If it overwhelms me enough I have to take space so we both can get our sensory needs met, but I know he feels bad when it does overwhelm me that much. Also I think looking at how autistic people differ in presentation outside of the whole afab AMAB thing would be cool, especially since those labels erase autistic people who are intersex. For instance I am - HSP Profile autistic, low masking, hypersensitive interoception, and sensory averse. My partner is - alexithymia, high masking, hyposensitive interoception, and sensory seeking. I wrote a post a while ago about compatibility issues in neurodivergent people. It can happen a lot and it can even affect a ND person finding a ND identified / specialized therapist. Because sometimes due to our differences in needs for support / accommodations, we are unable to accommodate each other. Ok that was more than planned lol but yeah great video Mickey, thank you!
I’d only be interested in hearing more about ABA if they drop the pretense that it’s appropriate or helpful in certain cases. It’s not. No one deserves it, regardless of their traits or support needs. It’s a type of conversion therapy, full stop.
Your channel has been a great help to me over these past couple years. Thank you for sharing so much with us and having a strong message of acceptance and love.
When referencing me as a child: "She's just really emotional" (me having meltdowns every day because I struggled with the vague instructions in my homework, and socially at school), "She just has extreme social anxiety", "She's a great student, but she's a bit of a perfectionist" (I really relate to the notes thing you talked about. I could not learn while taking notes due to me trying to make them "right"), "She's really argumentative, she should be a lawyer" (in regards to me trying to explain myself and being misunderstood, so I would try and try to keep making my point in different ways so that my point would be understood, therefore I was argumentative). There are a lot more examples, but I was called all these things growing up or having negative character traits applied to me instead of someone stopping and wondering why I was struggling with all this. I'm now awaiting a diagnosis, and if it comes out that I've been Autistic this whole time (not slow, gullible, awkward, emotional, etc.), a huge part of me will heal knowing that I'm not broken, my brain just processes things differently, so people just struggled to understand me, and put labels on me that made more sense to them.
I had special interest as a kid, I had a teacher bring my parents in to talk about lack of eye contact, I was extremely shy, I had interesting eating habits that were noticeable enough for my mom to talk often about how weird they were, I had sensory issues, but alas my parents never even considered any diagnosis of anything for me. My mom did wonder about my brother though because he hid under his desk in class a few times. Both of us were never diagnosed or anything, we both became drug addicts. Obviously for many reasons, but I imagine having the support we needed as children/teens would have made a massive difference in how we coped with life, maybe we wouldn’t have turned to drugs. So yeah, “she’s fine, look at her succeeding” is bs. I looked fine for almost the entirety of my 10+ year addiction too.
Yes please! ❤ I have a 16 yr old AFAB. She was diagnosed about a year ago with autism. Have been in therapy and I feel we are finally on the right track. However, nobody explains it like you do! Love your videos! Thank you for having this channel!
All 5 of my kiddos are likely autistic (ages 17-27). I have ADHD. We have all been learning so much about being neurodivergent and working to making our home a safe and efficient space for the way all our brains work. 🥰
AFAB NB checking in. I'm so grateful that resources like your videos are so widely available. I think my life would have been significantly less stressful and isolating if my parents had had access to this. Watching videos like these have really helped me to process and understand a lot of things that I have been through. Thank you ❤
I grew up with an autistic younger brother. He's 35, now so this was during a time where autism was not well understood as a spectrum and my parents did not even really attempt to pursue medical or psychological counseling on his behaviors while he was young. Fast forward, and these days he has a lot of trauma, and continues to cause trauma to those around him because he's unable to regulate his behavior and emotions. He needs a full-time caretaker and more intensive therapy than SSI/Medicaid is able to provide. I wish I had a positive take on the situation, but really I'm trying to find some hope that this doesn't end in a very ugly way.
Are you familiar with the levels of autism. Level 1 is verbal and semi able to function in society with perhaps a few accomodations. Level 3 is non verbal and completely dependent on others. Which level would you say he might be? I also wonder if could be possible to switch his caretakers to fellow autistic people how things might improve? (I know it's not really possible, but we can dream) How much warning do they give when there's a routine change? How quiet are they? If there's a sensitive noise nearby like an ambulance siren going by, are the caretakers aware how this can make everything harder to process and more overwhelming? I always thought the number 1 most important thing for caring for autistic people is having a proper den set up to their liking, get a refrigerator box, pile pillows on it position chairs around it so he can see out just how he likes, and he'll feel safe enough to calm down and then be easier to work with. But the wrong carers might see him trying to crawl under a desk for that den feeling and think 'ugh, not this again, I'm on a schedule' and so they pull him out and he has a total meltdown because he was stopped from the activity that helps him regulate. Obviously, I made a lot of assumptions here, and I know you can't change the way services are provided. But I'm curious, if you have the emotional energy to answer.
@@steggopotamus I'm not sure how to classify his levels. He is verbal (quite articulate) but his inability to regulate himself makes it impossible to function in society. He cannot or will not do routine tasks like prepare his own meals, clean up, keep track of time, remember his appointments, use a phone, accept changes in routine, or ride the bus. He takes antipsychotic medications (needed) and then gets hig to compensate for the side effects. I personally believe that he has been enabled for decades and could learn to do many of these things. He has his own safe spaces and the whole house is centered around accommodating his sensitivities...again in my opinion to the detriment of everyone else living or visiting there. No effort has been made to help him with coping skills. My parents are scared to put him under even the slightest stress because he has tried to off himself many, many times. Personally I believe he would be far better off in a more secured environment with much more regular interaction with people who are trained and knowledgable. But there ain't shit for that in this country.
@mickeyatkins I was just at a Cari Ebert workshop and she made every one of these points. So great to hear you sharing this information to a wider audience.
Love this vid! Currently going through the process of being diagnosed and feeling the simultaneous invalidation of the medical system and the validation of autistic spaces and communities. In regards to the eye contact thing, I internalized that lesson pretty early (and over-applied it, as we do) to the point where I can remember playing games with myself where I was looking at the teacher for so long a reverse imprint of the image got temporarily zapped when I closed my eyes or looked away. So I was sure I was great at eye contact until a few months ago when I saw someone say that autistic people can overdo eye contact and I went “WAIT THATS POSSIBLE” and so now I’ve become hyper aware again. I thought it was a simple rule so I learned it, now you tell me it can be OVERDONE??? And now I notice when people break eye contact. I was not at all focused on that before bc i knew deep down it wasn’t a reflection of their attention. But now i know it might be a reflection of their discomfort with my excessive eye contact??? Aaaaaaaaa
Thank you so much, I’ve never felt so seen and heard. I literally cried. I hope it is ok I sent this to myself because it is helpful to myself and to be mindful out in the real world. Thank you for your insight and experience as well as professional insight(?) not sure that’s the word I am looking for but hopefully you will understand that your knowledge has helped me grow to be more understanding of others and myself. Truly pricelessly helpful. Sending well wishes to you and yours!
Learned early that nobody would defend me from the bullies so I joined the sparring team and made that my special interest. Too old to fight now, but those impulses are still there.
Hi Mickey, thanks for making this video! I really appreciate it, great information. I'm very close to an Autistic person who I love dearly. We have great communication and speak daily. Our conversations always end with I love you. That said; I'm 💯 down to continue to educate myself about autism, keep these educational videos coming!!!!
I've never been formally diagnosed but I'm 99% sure I'm on the autistic spectrum since I have the classic symptoms like obsessive interests, stimming, difficulty picking up social cues, and sensitivity to certain fabrics. I didn't seriously think I was autistic until about 6 years ago, when I was 40. It would be nice if more people knew about autism in my life early on.
Oh hey, thanks for that suggestion!! 21:00 "Autistic inclusive meets" I thought you were gonna mention the AWN/AWNN or the ASAN, but I hadn't ever heard about Autistic Inclusive Meets !! I gotta check them out! I need more supports or social stuff for sure
Mickey slayyyy I love this color on you - it’s so different from your usual warmer tones which are gorgeous too, but damn this suits you so nicely and the contrast against the background is stunning. Sorry I had to nerd out for a moment from my years working behind the chair and doing hair. Also I appreciate this video so much bc lo and behold figuring out I was misdiagnosed for over a decade with a cluster b type issue. And people really do not get it and while progress has been made and has a ways to go the misconceptions about autism and the way some people look at it as the worst thing possible (the anti vax stance like I didn’t realize you’d rather have a unalive child than an autistic child that is such a harmful rhetoric and so many don’t see it or why it is so harmful unlike idk smallpox or polio - that’s so damaging to people no matter how thick your skin is). Society wasn’t built for us and it’s very obvious, especially when a lot of our traits are considered wrong/bad/whatever and that we should just be able to move past that because autistic people are smart - I will never forget the time someone said that to me about that and my adhd. “You’re smarter than that” MAAM THIS IS LITERALLY HOW MY BRAIN IS WIRED AND COMPOSED??? The more people are educated about it the better we can do to make society more inclusive and it be a more accessible world for everyone autistic or allistic. Btw there’s a shirt on amazon I need to order bc it gave me such a laugh (even more so bc my autistic close friend is divorcing a neurotypical woman also named Karen I wish I was making that up 💀) but it says “WE CANT ALL BE NEUROTYPICAL KAREN” 😂😅💀
Love this Micky! Thank you for making this video! I’m an autistic adult woman, I was thankfully diagnosed as a baby, love your content, I also got a boyfriend that’s autistic as well so it’s nice that we can understand each other’s needs and emotions😊
I solve eye contact by looking at people's mouths. Literally cannot understand people if I can't see their mouths, if you're wearing a mask or on the phone I can't process what you're saying. COVID was hell. 💀
“but you’re so good at eye contact!”
me, laser focused on the bridge of their nose: 🙂 sure
Legit me looking back and forth at people's eyebrows! so they think I'm looking at their eyes. Learn this as a child because my mother hated when I didn't give her eye contact
For me, it’s the eyebrows. If someone has hairs between their brows, imma stare at those hairs the whole time we talk 😅
@@AyshaAnaleise And then I worry they'll think I'm staring at a flaw so then I don't know where to look.
Nose or lip reading!
i learned to look at eyebrows if someone forces me to look at their eyes. bridge of the nose is Also Scary
I just wish people stopped pretending they know my needs better than I do. Every time I (or my former abuser) tell people I'm autistic they stop taking me seriously and act like I'm an unreliable narrator in my own life or 'just exaggerating (lying)'
Seriously this!! I've been accused of being an overdramatic and hysterical child since PRESCHOOL! Even my DOCTOR dismissed my sensory pain as an act for attention. And every attempt to make me "normal" or healthier by other people has only led to me becoming more disregulated. I am the healthiest I've ever been now that I actually listen to what my body tells me. I'm sick of people who know nothing about me or autism thinking they know better than me just because I'm autistic and they aren't.
Why does this happen????????
@@sabba1365 Cassandra Syndrome (or Cassandra Phenomenon) is named after the mythological figure Cassandra, who was cursed to know the future but never be believed. In psychological terms, it often describes the experience of being repeatedly invalidated, disbelieved, or ignored, even when you’re speaking from your own experience or truth.
It's commonly used in relationships where one partner, often neurodivergent or struggling with mental health, feels unheard or dismissed by their partner. This constant invalidation, whether intentional (like gaslighting) or unintentional, can lead to feelings of hopelessness, frustration, or isolation-eventually making the person feel like there's no point in trying to communicate anymore.
***sorry for the info dumping, but personally I was relieved when I learned the term for this frustration lol tis just par for the course, hold fast frens we got this
Worse is when they start talking to you like you're a five year old they're trying to corral. Like ma'am I am thirty years old, I pay taxes and vote and do adult things.
THIS!
The eye contact thing is literally my internal monologue when talking to people.
Same...and also the constant internal dialogue about what I should do with my arms/hands.
when i learned the trick of looking at their nose my life changed
@@drewberriesandcreamYes! The nose trick was life-changing!
A useful trick I like to use is the "thoughtful look away" you can look them in the eye directly for a moment, then blink and as you are closing your eyes, look away and act like you're thinking extra hard like hmm yes the floor is indeed made of floor, and then you can glance back at them, again back to the eyes, and just alternate between direct, and "lost in thought musing" and I find that this strikes a good balance between not feeling like I'm staring into someones soul, and letting them feel like they're getting good eye contact. At this stage, I'd say I only have to make REAL eye contact like 10% of the time?
Me too, but I'm not autistic. Maybe it's the dyslexia.... strange man.
I would love for people to stop infantilising me when they find out I’m autistic. When I feel big emotions or talk about my interests people tend to treat me like a child.
I have people act like I'm a teenager. I'm 44...
I'm 35, and I literally cannot hold down a job unless my partner does ALL the at home stuff x__x ... food everything, laundry, cleaning, etc etc
But I'm not so dysfunctional that I need to be in a home or something....
So yeah, it sucks. I hear you.
@@closbored I understand the part of being called a child as an autistic adult. I'm in my 20s, and I was still seen as a child in my grandmother's and step grandad's eyes.
I'm very sorry that people seem to treat you like a child a lot. That is an unfortunate reality of being autistic that many others experience as well. I am married to the most amazing woman in the world. She is autistic. She also gets treated like a child a lot and this is because she acts like one a lot. What I mean by this is that my wife is emotionally stunted in her development. She is 32 but emotionally she is stuck in her teens. This causes her to get treated like a child. The unadulterated truth is that people are going to treat you how you act. If you have meltdowns or you are an overly sensitive or overly emotional person you will get treated like the child you are acting like. This isn't done maliciously by most people. It is just natural for others to treat you like the age you behave like.
@lululemon-t3t 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 my wife would laugh you out of the room. She is a pampered and spoiled Princess. My wife does not have to work or worry about anything. I love my wife more than anything in the universe. We've been married for twelve years. Our relationship is incredibly strong because of my willingness to be honest with my wife and to treat her just like anyone else. My aknowledgment that being treated like a child is just an unfortunate reality of being autistic actually helped her to deal with this. She now understands why she has such a hard time getting taken seriously by her peers. But you are indeed allowed your opinion. And btw, your response to my comment reads and sounds like it was composed by a teenager.... You know, someone who is quick to anger, easily offended, and overly sensitive to truth simply because they are young and imature. The ability to hear and process undesirable facts is something that emotional maturity brings with it. It is these types of actions that get so many autistic people treated like kids in the first place and it is a perfectly normal and natural thing for those around you to do.
“I have a cousin with autism, you don’t look autistic”
A magistrate in a court of law. Spoken to me. I’ll never forget the feeling of utter disappointment and frustration I felt when I had to explain to her that autistic is a spectrum 😢
Judges can be just as ignorant and cruel as anyone else. Just ask those who have been sentenced to electric shocks at the Judge Rotenberg Center by one. I’m deeply sorry for what you experienced in court.
@@GhostIntoTheFog That’s horrific. Oh my god.
It surprised me how someone in a position of power could be so utterly unlearned like that. It definitely shattered my innocence regarding our justice system
Me when I was trying to help a coworker understand her mostly nonverbal autistic child with some issues they were having: *discusses sensory and asked if there was stacking stressors, etc.”
Her: are you autistic
Me: Yes
Her: Are you diagnosed?
Me: No, but I feel more at home in autistic communities than I ever have anywhere else and have the same exact issues and thoughts.
Her: You don’t look autistic.
Me: Autism comes with different skill levels. I was never diagnosed because I mask in public.
Her: I don’t believe in self-diagnosis. People like you steal resources from my son.
My Neuropsych after being diagnosed writes in my report: because of the extremely limited and nonexistent services for adults with autism.
Her: *Blocked me at some point*
"I have a neurotypical cousin, you don't look neurotypical"
Where is the difference? 😭😭
@@rachelann9362 So infuriating! How is an undiagnosed autistic stealing resources from their child when we can't get supports without a diagnosis? We spent our lives NOT receiving help we were entitled to. Gatekeeping 'autism parents' are the worst.
Also very much underdiagnosed in POC. Me as a Black woman, no one caught me until my therapist all but told me I'm not neurotypical at age 34.
Yeah unfortunately, that's still an issue even now with BIPOC. Granted, I was initially diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome at age 4 but I'm just now getting a bit comfortable with telling friends that I'm autistic within this past year and I'm a 32 year old African-American man.
Really hoping that awareness and screening can improve for girls and POC (and any underrepresented groups). But that being said, I'm a white man and wasn't diagnosed until I was 21 because I found out I was autistic on my own (with a little help from friends) so I then had to save up money, find my own psychologist and pay for everything myself. So I know how much it sucks going undiagnosed.
Yeah, we need more focus on women, POC, people of different gender identity than the norm, but also high-masking people of any kind. I'm 52 and my biological birth gender is male, but my special interests etc fit much better with how many autistic women are, because I don't identify as a typical male.
I'm not black and I got diagnosed at 57. Was hospitalized at age 42 for 6 weeks after a suicide attempt and got diagnosed with major depressive disorder. It was all there, sensory sensitivity, food intolerance, they couldn't see it. I was in autistic burnout. I don't have major depressive disorder. They kept upping my anti depressants even though they weren't working. I started vomiting blood. It was a nightmare. I will never take pharmaceuticals again.
I'm so sorry you had to go three decades without diagnosis and treatment 🥺
If you’re a parent who is informed that your child may have autism/audhd and you don’t want to get them assessed bc you don’t want them to be “different,” they are different. They will just be different with no coping strategies. I was told as a child that I likely have ADHD or some other “cognitive problem” (Dr’s words) and was never assessed for this reason. I’m 38 and I feel like I’m still struggling to understand basic things bc I never had any resources.
I had family try to tell me to not get my child diagnosed because they will be labeled and I told them that my child will be labeled regardless so I might as well get a professional assessment.
I was suppose to get tested for autism when I was 1-2 yrs old but my mom said no 😭 idek if I should bother at this point. At the very least I was able to get dx with adhd a few months ago but I just really wish the help came sooner…
Yeah, I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult but it was never even suspected when I was a kid. I remember telling my mom about the assessment and she said (genuinely meaning to be reassuring) that she didn't "think there is anything wrong with" me.
Welp, I wasn't jumping through the hoops of an adult assessment - and being severely gaslight by a male psychiatrist who suggested I could resolve my issues by sleeping better despite me meeting the diagnostic criteria and providing a detailed history of my symptoms getting increasingly worse over the past 10+ years & their lack of improvement when I wasn't experiencing insomnia - because things were peachy. I wasn't scared I would find out something was "wrong", I knew something was wrong. I was scared I would never find out what it was or what I could do about it.
I was suicidal by 10, and attempted at 11, because my very NT mother never believed my sensory struggles. And never listened. I still struggle with trauma responses when I feel like I'm not being heard or understood because so much of my life was hell growing up. I was bullied at school, and bullied at home.
I'm so sorry that the adults in your life failed you. This is extremely hard to deal with as an adult, but heartbreaking as a child. I hope your life is much better now.
oh WOW, mama I see you and i too feel so seen. I think this explains what has always caused every therapist and doctor I've ever opened up to about my SI and SH behaviors literally always being part of living...even age 6 like....shit here i go crying again. I'm glad you're still here! and you freakin know whattttt for the first time I'm glad I AM still here too 🥲
I can relate so damn much. All my life I felt like I'm too sensitive and too weak and different from others. I don't trust people that aren't my friends because I'm a abuser-magnet. It sucks. All these experiences have crippled me to the point I can't go to work and be a useful member of society.
This made me tear up; my first major depressive episode was at 8 years old. Growing up neurodivergent is hard enough, but having one’s needs so unaddressed that it leads to even more extreme lows in itself becomes a trauma bc no one EVER responds well to those things in children. Being depressed and suicidal as an adult is hard enough; even worse as a teenager; but when you’re a child who hasn’t even reached puberty? The way people treat you is SO alienating.
I relate so strongly to this. My first ideation started around the age of 10, too, and not being listened to is a huge rage trigger for me to this day. We're still here and still fighting.
My son was diagnosed with Autism when he was 2.5 yrs old. We were referred to our local Progress Center to begin early intervention therapies. He had some serious deficits in regards to sensory processing. For example, not "feeling pain" and poor dexterity. His PTs focused all their "exercises " on strengthening the neuro connections in his brain related to touch, taste, fine motor skills, and spacial awareness. He had so much fun, and it looked like it felt good. They never pushed him and were respectful of his boundries. This service was only provided to children until the age of 3, but the PTs have me sooooooo many resources that I was able to continue on our own. A year later, my son was referred to an OT, and that sucked! It was a lot of "therapies " that the focus was on assimilation, eye contact, refraining from stimming,etc. We never went back. My son's 15 now and doing very well.
I am studying to work with learning difficulties and I also work as school aid for a teen in the spectrum. In my training I was taught NEVER to refrain someone from stimming. You need to teach new things so they can CHOOSE
@@anainesgonzalez8868 Yeah, like, if I could've had a few alternative non-harmful stims taught to me when I was little, to replace my skin-picking stim, it would have been life changing. Instead (since I was undiagnosed), I was repeatedly told to STOP doing the non-harmful, "distracting to others" stims I had, which made my skin-picking worse and as of now, ingrained. Therapies that are about making a child "fit in" or "less autistic" are some of the therapies I dislike the most, because they work against the autistic individual instead of with them. And, sorry not sorry, you'll never be able to take the autism out of the autistic person, because it isn't a disease, and we don't need to be cured.
(Any "you"s I say in this are in the general sense, not actually you.)
@@thesaltycat9493I'm not sure if you know about these, but I bought my son a picky pad. They're kind of expensive, but it seems to soothe the skin picking need, and it's a good way to practice fine motor skills to boot.
@@haleyzwaal4183 I've literally just started looking at them (about a week ago), and I'm so tempted to get one!
The problem is they interpret all sensory differences as deficit. An hypo sensitive sense, like not feeling pain, makes sense to stimulate and develop. Doing the same thing to an hyper sensitive sense doesn't make sense, and actually makes things worse. A hyper developed sense gets stimulated to develop even more. The automatic assumption of deficit is extremely harmful to autistic people.
Thank you for saying that it's a neurological thing and not just a question of will. Whenever someone talks about "desensitizing" autistic people to sensory input, I ask them if they would let their child stay in the cold so they get "used to" that cold. Because one is child neglect and abuse, so is the other even if they think they are "helping".
In my personal experience, forcing "densesitization" to sensory issues has only, in fact, made them worse, actually. That's just me, but i can't imagine in alone in that
Folks have told me to 'go out more' and that I would get used to being around people and constantly having to communicate. I never did get used to it, in fact it traumatized me more😅
@@bottomofastairwell They do that because of the false assumption sensory differences are processing deficits. It's not about processing, but enhanced perceptual capacity that's incompatible with sensory processing capacity (which can be average or even higher). "Desensitization" actually develops perceptual capacity even more, worsening this incompatibility.
I love this analogy!
See I was.... Encouraged to tough through it or be seen as a weirdo. I didn't get tougher, I learned to compartmentalize and disassociate in varying degrees at all the time. After that failed i wish i could communicate that just because something is not aversive or amazing doesn't mean I don't feel acutly it's just in my window of tolerance which is different with every sensation and person.
mom forced me to go to an autism speaks event as an autistic kid, and the way the people spoke to me was so disgusting. the way they talked to me like a baby with a high pitched voice when i was around 14 made me so mad i was tempted to use as many big words i could in a rant to basically say "i know more about this than you, as someone who has autism."
Hey little guy! Autism speaks is a great organization and is seeking to cure you. You should be grateful
Ngl I got mad just reading this. Getting talked to like a kindergartner is one of my biggest pet peeves of my lifetime.
@@kaedatiger Absolutely
@@THERMALSCOPES13So you're going to gaslight people that they don't experience invalidation for being autistic in other comments, and then in this reply gaslight the person by invalidating them? Ew. There's nothing to "cure" in this context except for your pro-eugenics mindset. The only possible reason you could think of Autism Speaks as a great organization is if you don't think autistic people are human or should be listened to in the context of their own experiences. Which is the problem, not people being autistic. Yikes.
the number one thing i would want people to know is that i am disabled. it’s taken me a while to fully accept that about myself but like. it is just a fact. autism is a disability and i am disabled by it. denying that just ostracises and minimises the struggles of the most vulnerable parts of our community, the people who need the most external support and i think rather than trying to split us up this way we should be focusing on uplifting each other. i didn’t phrase this exactly the way i wanted so sorry if it’s awkward or whatever
I feel the same way and you put it well. Those of us with good or better communication skills can be the best advocates for those of us that don't have them/don't have access to communication aids. We all have autism and by recognizing our similarities and supporting each other's struggles we can become a much stronger community. We already have neurotypical cultures (not all of them) demonizing and sensationalising us we don't have to do it for each other.
I would say the same as someone with a mental illness. I'm not just different or quirky with the same opportunities as everyone else. I suffer with a disability that makes my day to day challenging. I don't want to be defined by my disability, i.e. treated differently, but I also don't want to be judged as a failure for struggling with things others take for granted. I wish I wasn't disabled in this way, but I also think I have a great life and wouldn't trade it.
Right there with you!!! Admittedly, i do still find it difficult to embrace this new label i'll be given, but i think i heard on a social experiment asd video said "autism IS a disability, but it's an outward disability. I am not disabled on my own in nature, in my home, in my element...it's only until I am forced to fit into a society that was literally built for neurotypical or allistic people that I am disabled in any sense" and I CLAPPED OUT LOUD. maaan i really have to find that video to learn what the actual quote was cause...whew. no lies detected. We are simply disabled by society 😅
@@JudgePettyWAP understandable if that’s your experience!! i find that even in spaces i feel the most comfortable i am still disabled but of course it is a spectrum :))
@@JudgePettyWAP I mean im still disabled without that too. Like if im just at home by myself I still struggle with making sure I eat, with regulating myself, etc.
As a late diagnosed autistic person, I want an acceptance not compliance shirt . And yes to all the ASD videos. I would love and benefit from more info about ASD and dissociation.
Same! apparently there's a correlation there though that might just be a correlation with childhood trauma and not disassociation as a general cognitive phenomena.
Yes! I would also LOVE for Mickey to do much, much more autism content, and about this specific combination as well! I need to understand more about being autistic and dissociation!
I set up a Neurodivergent Book Club at my workplace, and this coming week will be our first meeting. I am super nervous, but also really excited as I have had 13 people sign up. I am super happy that it has been so well received.
how exciting!! rooting for you and hope you have fun 🩷🩷
Oh my gosh that’s so awesome!! Sounds like so much fun 😊🌸
Good for you! That sounds really cool
Oooh what book did you pick? :D
@@fayebeaumont The Curious Incident of the dog in the Night-time
THE HAIR IS FABULOUS
Seriouslyyyy straight up mermaid hair 😍
I feel so torn about highlighting the gender differences in autism. On the on hand I think it's really important to draw attention to high masking autistic people, who are more likely to be afab, but on the other hand I see people like my cis male best friend who has all the signs of high masking autism, but no one takes it seriously and professionals wont even consider an autism assessment, because that's "female" autism. He also had a hard time getting his adhd diagnose because he has the variant more common in women. I like to treat this as two different issues, that I usually address together. High masking autism is a thing and autism is not exclusive to boys.
💯💯💯 I feel this so much. It's such a difficult nuanced line to balance too, because yeah, AFAB people ARE less likely to be diagnosed, but it really does seem like we now just have "boy autism" and "girl autism" and discriminate just as much, except now there's two categories.
IMO I don't think "female autism" exists, I think that what we consider "female autism" is really just a coincidental subset of autistic people that by their position socioculturally are at a disadvantage of being diagnosed.
Ie. Because boys are typically more likely to be affirmatively seen as autistic, there is a confirmation bias towards grouping the 'male autism' vs the 'female autism' when in reality, that's all it is, confirmation bias about the cause of the discrepancy, as opposed to what I would wager is a fairly standard distribution, but that is incentivized/conditioned to notice certain aspects, within certain demographics, without considering the broader, root causes of the variation.
I'm trans femme and learned am very high masking (my mirror affect response is reflexive, my friends joke I'm high charisma with disadvantage in insight) and didn't get diagnosed because of what people call "girl autism" and racism. Because masking is seen as pro social it doesn't stand out, if you're special interest are normative you're a odd duck but it's innocuous. I'm not getting formally diagnosed because of said racism and don't want to experience more medical gaslighting on top of everything but I do need an ADHD diagnosis and I'm worried because my autistic traits butt against ADHD hard and that might alter diagnosis on top of being a black women in a doctor's office. I'd hate for the clinician to just conclude I'm autistic (no shit) and do nothing for the attention regulation/dopamine concern because autism 😱🙄. Yeah yeah but i don't need treatment for that doc just disability justice , i do need dopamine regulation though.
Very hard agree on the false attribution bias . My traits that had me labelled a freak, got called intelligent "articulate" (weee racist dog whistle) outside of elementary school and then seen as quirky and cute but not "real" when i came out (pre hrt mind so infantilizing is a pretty strong misogynistic effect if it heightened the moment i was known as a non-man)
The obstufucation of misogyny is very strong on perception and i hate it.
I completely agree. Honestly, I think it's important to talk about, but the language that we discuss this topic with is deeply misleading and causes people to continue to believe autism has a genetic tie to gender. I think we need to stop saying things like "girl autism looks different than boy autism" and start saying things like "the way an autistic child is treated by their parents and society is going to alter the way their autism presents, which *can* lead to autism presenting differently in different demographics such as age, race, and gender."
Yes, my boyfriend has ADHD and wasn't diagnosed until 25 because he wasn't the typical adhd boy. Similarly I wasn't diagnosed until 21 probably because I was a woman and managed to be okay ish, but that doesn't mean he struggled any less bc he's a man.
I’m in the same boat as your best friend, and it’s so hard. It’s nice to know that someone out there understands though.
i would add to the point about empathy and love - some of us do struggle with these things whether it’s feeling or recognising them. that’s not an excuse to dehumanise us. particularly affective empathy is not necessary to being a functioning or compassionate human being. as an autistic aromantic person with pretty bad anhedonia from my depression ive got like the triple threat of ‘you don’t feel things in a “normal” way, therefore you aren’t worthy of respect’. it’s not fair.
I think too much empathy esp affective can actually be detrimental to someone in need of "emotional care". Id rather have a friend feel for me than have them like, actually feel me if i know its gonna hurt them personally instead.
Also sorry you experience that, that sounds really tough! 🫤 Hope life will feel more normal in a bit 😊
You are right
hard agree. this conflation of empathy sometimes being a useful tool and treating empathy as a requirement for coexistence is really frustrating. empathy is not an inherently morally good or positive trait. much harm can be done by people coming from an empathetic place. it's a way of feeling, but feelings do not always drive action and ability to change harmful behaviors.
*edited some wording for clarity
@@mudlizardz my one friend w suspected autism/touch of the neurospicy told me she does "overtime" trying to sympathize with people bc empathy doesn't come naturally to her, and I'd take that over people that call themselves empaths every day 😅 I suspect those are just traumatized and therefore overly in tune with other people's emotions, so much they can't distinguish them from their own (been there for a while too) so yeah, empathy is not the end all be all of societal coexistence
I work with a colleague that has mentioned that she finds it a lot easier to talk to me as I like it when she is direct with me. It makes me super happy as we work together everyday. I really appreciate that she is so accepting of me. I started this job 6 months ago, and I was so nervous I was going to be treated badly, like I was in my previous one.
YES🎉❤❤❤
Autism on someone like me who suffered severe chronic child abuse makes autism look different on me so people tend to think I’m exaggerating or lying
THIS
Same. Its rough
I feel you😩😔
Exactly CPTSD Autism AND or adhd can mask each other.
What kind of abuse?
The unhealthy obsession of eye contact within the autistic community exists because the psychiatric institutions fixated on it for decades. It is the least relevant, least important and most superficial thing you could possibly focus on. It's one of the reasons autism research is decades behind.
Not just psych institutes, but the broader culture at large. That whole culture of "respect" that so many of us grew up with. How many of us got in trouble for unintentionally "rolling our eyes" or had our parents yell "look at me when I'm talking to you!"
It's such a little thing, but it's been so drilled into so many of us that it's hard for us to let go and STOP managing it.
And it's so dumb, coz eye contact doesn't even matter, but the whole culture of "not making eye contact =disrespect" really did a number on a lot of us
@@bottomofastairwellyep agreed
Its so dumb bc p sure eye contract is cultural not natural
@@bottomofastairwell you're absolutely right. I never thought of it like that before.
@@shicyn One of the things I learned as an animal shelter volunteer is that for a frightened dog, eye contact can actually be threatening - they might think you're staring them down.
i’ve been diagnosed with ocd for over half my life and this is the first time i’ve heard that it’s a neurodivergence not a mental illness. mind blowing! thank you for this whole video, extremely helpful and validating ❤️
The thing with those weird diets it's because some autistic people might be sensitive to certain foods but it's really a case by case basis. A gluten free diet won't cure anyone. But if the person feels better on a certain diet then that makes sense. All autistic shouldnt be on a gluten free diet. As an autistic personally gluten doesn't negatively affect me at all.
The sadness in my life without bread and noodles would definitely affect me 😂
I'm autistic and negatively affected by gluten! ......... because i have celiac disease.💀 it's a damn correlation (and look, a lot of autistic ppl DO have issues with their gut so ofc some of us are going to have sensitivities to gluten. But like, if I'm honest, I feel more in touch with my autism than before I went glutenfree, so whoops.)
Totally, I eat a low FODMAP diet cause I react to so many of the foods that it is easier to stay on it. I have to explain that to different people because low FODMAP is usually a short term elimination diet to work out what foods you react to.
I am also unusual in that I have had allergy tests and they all show up as really low grade allergies that the Dr at the time said shouldn't affect my life. I don't have to worry about anaphylaxis, but they do affect me digestively and since consistently eating like this I'm not anaemic for the first time since I was 16 and my other blood work has improved. To me that is worth the limited diet that I can eat.
I am also fortunate that I am fine with eating the same thing every day for breakfast and quite often batch cook and eat the same thing for days in a row for dinner.
Yes exactly. My son has intense meltdowns after eating certain foods. Due to his difficulty with understanding his body, it took literally years to realise it was because he was in pain due to intolerances. He couldn't communicate it, and all we knew was he would randomly start violently attacking people. I changed all the sensory and external environment, the only thing that helped was a food based approach.
I think the diet approach is given a bad rap - it's not that it cures the autism (I'm autistic and don't need curing), but because of the specific combination of difficulties that often come with autism the diet approach can help massively to remove factors that may be making other things worse.
My mom's an idiot
First- I would argue that it isn't just acceptance of autistic people but respect for autistic people that's the goal. Let's respect people who have a different lived experience they didn't choose, even if we haven't experienced it ourselves, right? As an autistic who went without self-recognition and diagnosis for 48 years, it’s the misunderstanding of the spectrum that gets me. It’s NOT a spectrum of “more” or “less” autism “symptoms" or who is "more" or "less” autistic. You are either autistic, or you are not. The spectrum is how autism can present in people (I call it presentations) based on variations in their brain and nervous system. The spectrum identifies not only what presentations of autism a person might experience but also what needs may result. For example, there is a spectrum of ways that people with autism experience touch. Some people are super sensitive to touch, while others are just a little. Some people prefer soft textures, while others like harder textures. Some presentations of touch sensitivity require accommodations of less touch to feel comfort, while others might require more touch. Every autistic will have a different way the disorder presents in them and, therefore, different strategies to address it. That's the autism spectrum in action. The spectrum is not linear, pass it on. lololol Love you and the work you do, friend!!!
8:45 & 10:54 I can't say how much I appreciate this and the ADHD video. My kidlets have been diagnosed one as a very young child and the other just recently. I have had so many comments even from medical professionals that it is too early to diagnose or it is just normal hyperactivity or their behavior is because they are defiant or some bs. When my youngest was finally diagnosed and finally seen, I almost cried. They were able to get the IEP's and appropriate medication and don't get as frustrated or have the low self confidence they had where they had self harming thoughts.
I'm 26 and found out that I have ADHD a year and a half ago after spending a long time feeling like something was wrong with me. I've found that taking appropriate ADHD medications is very helpful because it allows me to turn down the volume on my inattention and hyperactivity. The first time I took meds, I realized that it was suddenly so much easier to focus on tasks and that I didn't need to get up and move all the time. Learning how to work with ADHD instead of against it is so important.
You are literally speaking to my own experience with my autistic kids! Already teens- boy/girl twins are autistic and my trans daughter is as well. The difficulties are numerous but they have a great med therapy and actual therapy as well. I'm glad I'm not the only one out there with an autistic fam! Good luck to you! ❤
I would love to see a video on tips to help regulate our nervous systems, and how to manage meltdowns and shutdowns. Also maybe how to ask for accommodations.
Please talk about ABA. We need more people talking about the harm it does while recognizing the helpful aspects of intervention. It's personally important to me as an autistic person and former behavior tech.
You mean former conversion therapist. Own the terrible decisions you’ve made in your life and don’t try to sugarcoat them.
@@GhostIntoTheFog I understand why you feel so strongly, but people aren’t going to listen if you come at them with hatred. I don’t feel like I made terrible decisions because I did the best I could with the knowledge I had.
@bedhead-studio ABA practitioners don’t believe Autistic people deserve bodily or mental autonomy (or, in some cases, have convinced themselves that ABA doesn’t violate Autistic people’s autonomy). Why do you think such people deserve respect or politeness?
You clearly haven’t shed the ableist ABA culture you were immersed in, because you’re still using your old title of behavior tech to establish some air of authority. That title is jargon made up to make unskilled high school and college kids look like qualified professionals to naive parents.
You’re also still using words, like “intervention,” which implies both pathology and lack of autonomy. Autistic people (including kids) need appropriate accommodations and supports. People who are sick and unable to participate in their own plan of treatment require “interventions.”
BTW, you can still admit becoming an ABA practitioner was a bad life decision even if you were fooled or coerced into it. If you won’t take responsibility for the harm you’ve already caused, it doesn’t matter if you’ve stopped doing that harm.
I agree. I'm an autistic BCBA. I fully acknowledge that there is some awful ABA out there, there are providers who do not practice abusive "compliance" training or any of. the other ableist bulls** that goes on in some clinics.
them: "but you always make good eye contact!"
me: "I have no idea what you are saying to me because I am looking at your eyes, and also this room is very loud."
I believe I have autism, but I can't afford to get an official diagnosis. I've spent the last 3 years learning all I can about it, and if I am neurodivergent, it explains so much of why my entire life I've struggled in various ways and perceived the world so differently from those around me. Like when I learned that most people cannot hear the lights buzzing in their room or hear their parents talking on the other side of the house, or see the three crumbs they left on the kitchen counter, etc. I struggle socially and with sensory overwhelm, and I have never had a real full time job that allowed me full independence because I always get burnt out by just having a part time job. Additionally, I was homeschooled, so I never had the outside support I should have had that would have probably encouraged my parents to get me tested when I was a kid. I just try my best to do what I can do and am constantly learning how to take care of myself better.
Wow this sounds so much like me
I purposely use the car as a place to have conversations with my autistic daughter. She spends so much of her time trying to fit in and appear to look people in the eyes that I want to give her time to stop masking. When I am driving, there is no reason for her to have to try. Honestly, I encourage her to mask as little as she feels ok with and set expectations with other people so they do not expect her to act neurotypical.
4:19 I was on a first date once and I’d mentioned that my daughter is autistic, (I am as well, but I don’t know if I missed that part or he did) and when he asked how the new school was going for her, and I said “Great! She made a best friend on the first day”. He replied, “Oh. I thought you said she was autistic? She must be pretty high functioning then.” 😒
The worst part, he’s a teacher 😑
Also dude, you’re on a date with me… clearly autistics are capable of forming friendships/relationships 🤨
10:31 this is exactly what I tell people. Like we just do things like asking each about scents, using smart lights, warning each other before making loud noises, using Loops, letting my kid pick her own clothes and then I cut the tags out, using plates with dividers so food doesn’t touch, etc.
19:50 I have a theory that part of why some autistics with ADHD aren’t diagnosed until later in life is that they both mask each other in some ways. Like, I would be so much more rigid if my ADHD didn’t throw a wrench in that constantly. I also can appear as super organized, but that’s because it’s my autism needing order and trying to prevent overwhelm.
Mickey, as a neurodivergent person I can't thank you enough for your channel. You have helped me in more ways than I can say. I would love to see more videos on autism. 💜
As a child therapist who works with a lot of ADHD/Autistic children, the sensory processing challenge is my #1 go to for reducing client distress. One big challenge comes when a child's sensory needs are more sensory seeking (e.g. needs bright lights and lots of chaotic sound) while one or more of the parents sensory needs are sensory avoidant (e.g. needs dim light and are overwhelmed by sound). That's been a tough challenge to work through with families, but it is doable!
My husband and I are flipped this way. I prefer the dark so when he leaves, I turn off the lights and then when he comes home, I have to turn them all back on again. He needs inputs, while I am avoidant. I hate loud sounds and sudden movement. I hate when people start chattering about nothing. He works a lot, so I tend to recover myself when he is gone, but I feel like I need a better solution than 1) leave him like others have said, 2) disassociate when it gets to be too much, or 3) wait it out then recover in his absence. It's a very cat and dog relationship. I love him very much, but the internet doesn't seem to respect that I want to make it work and any little pitfall I seek advice about gets the "leave him now" treatment. I want real advice and not to be told to give ultimatums or walk. Seeing you say it's doable gives me hope.
SOMETIMES ABA is not abusive
SOMETIMES ABA is not cruel or hurtful
SOMETIMES it IS
THANK YOU! I moderate one of the largest autism communities on Reddit, and we explicitly have a rule about advocating for ABA explicitly because of the harm it has (and continues) to cause, but I still REGULARLY get ABA "therapists" who ignore the rule, and then get up in arms saying "that's not REAL ABA!" refusing to acknowledge the very real harm that has already been caused through ABA advocated practices.
I always found it horrifically ironic how abusive these "therapists" became when I refused to budge on the rules.
@kezia8027 Haha yeah the "ABA isn't abusive anymore" then proceeds to ignore boundaries and harass random autistic people including ABA survivors while dismissing all critism.
ABA when less abusive only gets that way when it moves away from the behaviorism- which is the core of what ABA is.
I didn’t appreciate their (or your) implication that ABA can be applied benignly or positively in some cases, regardless of their (and your) acknowledgement that abuse occurs. All ABA is abuse, just as all queer conversion therapy is abuse. If you don’t see those two fields as equivalent, then you’re buying into the false belief that being born queer is not a pathology, but being born autistic is. Don’t be a part of the problem. Giving even one inch to the ABA industry is equivalent to complete surrender. All ABA survivors matter, not just those you arbitrarily decide to care about.
@@GhostIntoTheFog Are you referring to the part of my comment directly quoting Mickey, from this video at 11:46?
Because as mentioned, this is me, quoting Mickey directly, and not a declaration of the entirety of my stance on ABA.
Can you please stop actively attacking people without even attempting to confirm the validity of your claims or engage in good faith, based on nothing but your own assumptions? Honestly, this is such a hostile response, and one that regardless of the accuracy/intent of your message, will only alienate your cause, and lead people to disengage from conversing/listening/engaging with you.
ABA is always bad bc its dog training humans to not be who they are for allistic society. Doesnt matter if they arent being ae abusive
Like telling us to learn to mask or how to be allistic and not doing the same to allistics
Not only that, but studies show it’s not teaching anything but masking and masking is the most detrimental thing for our mental health.
I have heard many misunderstandings before. It can be really challenging for autistic people to go through the situations in a neurotypical world. I am black, also autistic, and have an ableist grandmother. She has been ableist towards me every since I mentioned the word autism to her . I didn't know anything about autism at all until I discovered it when I turned 21 years old. I discovered about the signs, symptoms, burnouts, meltdown, masking, and others in autism, and some of them sounded like something that I can relate to, especially when other autistic people explained about their similar experiences that I have. Everytime I mentioned autism to my grandmother, it ticks her off, and she became ableist. It had happened more than once, especially yesterday when I was having a job interview. My grandmother had a conversation with me at home about not telling the manager about my autism. She also told me that I better control it, when I tried to tell her about my struggles with eye contact. Lack of eye contact is one of my autism traits that I do struggled with. I always look down and look around the area. When me, my grandmother, and her husband was on our way to my job interview, they both told me to not tell the manager that I have autism, because they believed that she is not going to hire me if I told her. Her husband is also ableist, and he's deaf. They also believe that I don't need accommodations for my autism either, because it's not important, but to me, I do believe that accomodations for autistic people is really important, because I believe that it allows us to have something that we needed in order for us to keep working in a job without stressing out or burnt out. After the interview, they keep telling me the conversation of not saying anything about my autism to the manager. Then, my grandmother turned ableist to me again when she told me that she is going to slap me if I keep mentioning autism to her. I don't know why she would say something hurtful that way. I just don't understand about what it is about autism that just ticks her off. I started crying when we were on our way home. I then went to my room when I was upset about what she said to me. She then tried to apologize to me, but I was so mad at her that I wanted her to leave me alone. I felted like I was having a meltdown for crying so hard. She then turned ableist again by a second, by telling me to grow the F up, and look into reality. It's just that I don't see things the same way as her, because my experience is different from hers. The second time she came into my room, I was still crying, until she told me that autism is a disease, which is not. The third time, she guilt trips me about not telling her about my autism, when clearly, I have tried to tell her many times, but she continued to ignore me, and refuse to understand of what I was trying to tell her. I felted that she was more prideful and self righteous, because I felted that she thinks that she is never wrong. Whenever I tried to tell her the truth or something that happened, she would manipulate me by twisting my words that I said, and use them against me. Her husband was her bystander, because he allowed her to say abelist things to me, without trying to call her out on her behavior. It hurts that I have suffered from mental and verbal abuse from her, and now I have been a going through ableism from her. It was time for me to stand up and speak for myself, and that is what I am doing, because I have been hurt long enough. I believe that autistic people had every right to stand up for themselves, and speak against the abusers, who has done wrong to them. It is wrong, and it has to stop.
I feel you on that. My grandmother sucked, too. She told me that psych meds are "cheating at life, because you're just taking a pill to feel however you want." She treated me like a delusional drug addict. Your grandmother is an asshole and your experiences are valid.
@@Zaphtiera Um Please. I don't think you should call her that. It's inappropriate.
I hope you find acceptance one day from your grandma. You may have to be patient and let her come around in her own time. When I first told my parents my dad's response was 'I don't believe you - I want a 2nd opinion'. Which is ironic because I think he is autistic too. Looking back I realise he accepts the traits in me he finds acceptable or 'normal' in himself. He was always okay with me going off to my room because he used to go take off when he was overwhelmed around other people. Other traits of mine he couldn't tolerate at all. He is more supportive now and even watched a documentary on autism with me. Hang in there. Sometimes all you can do is plant seeds and let love ones react in their own way, be patient with them and play the long game. They may never come around but sometimes, given enough time, they do. The stigma around autism is not as bad as it was so don't give up. Maybe your grandma is reactive because she is also autistic but had to hide it all her life.
@@tommytomlison8666 Thank you for your comment. I'm happy that you are building your relationship with your dad. I wish that I could do the same with my grandmother. It's just not always that easy, but I am trying.
I am just sat reading articles on autism, ADHD and dyslexia as part of a bid I am creating to try get funding to buy books on being neurodivergent at the library I work at. This is a pleasant surprise to find while I work.
MICKEY IS ONE OF US 😭😭😭💜💜💜 GIRL I SHOULDA KNOW YOU WERE AUDHD!!! I am SO hype for this video
Also unrelated but your hair looks GORGEOUS in this vid!
As an autistic twin … can confirm it’s both of us haha
Can you talk about your experience and journey with diagnosis?
More videos about autism please!! I’m one of those AFAB people who have fallen through the cracks and I’m working on getting a diagnosis. It’s very true that much of the distress in my life has always been caused by being neurodivergent and not having proper accommodations/understanding. The past few years I’ve been finding who I am when I’m not masking and it’s shocking that I spent so many years pretending. It’s left me with a skewed sense of who I really am and at times I’ve felt so alone. It’s a huge relief to finally learn what is really going on and finding other people who experience something similar.
The important thing to understand about ABA: it is based on research that thinks any behavior can be learned, but it doesn't consider the emotional state, instincts, what a personality is predisposed to, and what limitations it has. Basically no matter how you feel about being touched, we still gonna train you to accept touches. Oh, you don't like certain foods? Well, we gonna train you to accept it. And we are not gonna take into consideration your overstimulation and we gonna consider your meltdown as bad behavior that can be untrained.
💯
Well said. The foundation of ABA is rotten and nothing good can be built on top of it.
4:15 I do want to note, though, that people with low empathy aren't inherently bad, either! Even if some autistic people *do* struggle with empathy (whether it's because of being autistic or another thing going on in their brains), that's okay! There are many low-empathy people who still wake up every day and choose to be kind. You don't have to *feel* somebody else's feelings to treat others well. I feel like, in trying to emphasize that autistic people can be empathetic (which is true), you accidentally implied that high empathy = inherently good, and low empathy = inherently bad.
I also have complicated feelings about autism being classified as a "disorder" when, like you said, it's a kind of neurodivergence. As you acknowledged, it isn't something to be "cured" or "fixed." But its current classification as a disorder, I feel like it adds to the continued stigma around autistic people. Kind of like why so many of us prefer "autistic people" to "people with autism"--it's not a horrible disease we've been afflicted with. It's just a feature of our brains that we were born with, that doesn't make us worse than a neurotypical person. I'm not a person with shortness; I'm a short person. I'm not a person with autism; I'm an autistic person. I know it *is* a disability, but I feel icky about it being called a disorder. Idk, that's just my personal feelings on it.
Unrelated: that hair color is so pretty! I love it.
I just want to say that I am about to start a job teaching music, and the school is specifically geared towards inclusive lessons for neurodivergent kids. As an autistic person myself, it's such a breath of fresh air to see neurodiverse needs being championed, and it makes me so much more comfortable knowing that my own needs will be respected and honoured by the other staff too
2:51 “autism isn’t caused by vaccines. For me, it was a gift from my father!” My favorite retort 🤣
17:33 thank you so so much! This was so fucking validating. I got my official diagnosis 2 weeks ago at the age of 31. I didn’t put two and two together until my child showed extreme sensory aversions from birth. It was like looking in a mirror. And it immediately crushed me. I wasn’t being dramatic. I wasn’t a complainer. I saw my child suffering and knew there was no way a 6 month old, a year old, a 2 year old was being dramatic or a complainer. My AuDHD went completely unaddressed despite family history and all the signs. My struggle was internalized. I had no “disruptive” behaviors. It has been a roller coaster accepting that I wasn’t lazy, a complainer, weak, or any other character flaw. It wasn’t my fault. I’ve shifted thinking that I just never lived up to my “potential” and slowly moved more towards being proud of how far I’ve come with zero support for my chronic illness and AuDHD. 3 disabilities and 0 supports is insane. For everyone reading this, you’re not alone. so many of us have been where you are and figuring out your support needs on your own as an adult SUCKS. But it gets better. 🫂
The shift in perspective from "not living up to your potential," something I've been told all my life, to "coming so far with no support and several challenges," really hit home for me. I've been trying to shift to that viewpoint, too. I am an adult diagnosed with ADHD, can't afford an ASD evaluation but have been told by both my counselor and psychiatrist they think I have it, have diagnosed C-PTSD and SAD, and was not only not supported but actively and relentlessly abused. Yeah, I've accomplished a lot without any support, and now that I have it am looking forward to seeing what else I can do.
That was such an awesome comment. Made me tear up a little.
@@RowanRiven You and OP are feckin' _resilient_ and while you deserved so much better from the get-go, you both deserve recognition for pushing through everything despite having to outpace a treadmill determined to drag you backwards.
I'm just an internet stranger and I don't know either of you, but I've seen other people in your 0-support situations and I know that it takes something special to refuse to give up on yourselves even against these sorts of odds.
May the both of you keep flourishing despite adversity.
signed, some dude who went through a similar realization and paradigm shift (and I'm not even being dramatic, it IS that monumental when the realization sinks in.)
@@neoqwerty Thank you for such a kind comment. Really made my day. I'm glad you were also able to reach your own paradigm shift. It doesn't sound at all dramatic to me. Turning such a huge corner is monumental and takes tons of work, way more than most will ever realize.
I'm an autistic RBT. I would love a video about ABA! I've been conflicted with practice for a long time, but I do want to help my community and hopefully make changes within. Or at the very least be taken through channels that can actually impact autistic individuals directly.
I'm going to take a moment to infodump and "think outloud." I think that ABA can be used positively. My clinic focuses on early intervention (the most common type to be fair) and I do see value in teaching children their colors, numbers, and early reading. I do see value in helping children meet developmental milestones that are reasonably achievable when we consider the individual children's current skillsets. I do see value in teaching certain social skills like speech and accessible nonverbal communication or joint attention and cooperative play. All these things generally benefit the autistic individual. It's hard to discount the fact that a lot of clinics are moving away from certain methods within ABA. All four of the BCBAs I work with are trying to do a more "modern" method that really tries to be intune for the kids that they work with. I will be honest, I still disagree with a lot of the things that they deem necessary.
Which brings me to the things I genuinely dislike about ABA and question why I work in this field. Some of the expectations are centered around conformity. School readiness is centered in most early intervention therapies. Which I would have thought would just be academically. It's not. It's behavioral aspects too. My clinic allows stims, but still wants them to sit in a chair for 15 minutes for circle time. We don't allow naps for more than 20 minutes because insurance doesn't let us bill for that time. Which kills me as a mom. I hate sleep depriving 3-4 year olds a developmentally appropriate rest. We also have to adhere to trial counts, which I understand to a degree, but 50% of their day doesn't need to be "do this, do that, what's this, who's that." It feels like we are barking orders too often and takes away from the legitimate emotional impact we can have with autistic individuals.
I genuinely enjoy all of my clients. They are wonderful children with individual lives that I have the privilege of being a part of. I love watching them realize someone SEES them. I try to focus on what the field calls "pairing" (I call it giving a shit) and I have been told multiple times that I am good at it. I want these kids to have the best time with me that they can and see that I genuinely want to earn their attention and play. It's so hard because I see this as the most important thing missing from most people's lives. The joy of genuinely caring for someone heals me deeply and helps another know that someone cares for them. It seems impossible to inject this mindset into everyone. 😅
Well, if you made it this far, I appreciate being heard. I still am going to work in ABA for now, but would be super interested in someone else's perspective on the matter of ABA.
ABA is a huge can of worms tbh.
One bit of advice I'll offer: autistic kids need someone/something they can co-regulate with, especially if they have a PDA profile. It can be a parent or friend they get on with, even a stim toy. It helps them avoid overwhelm and meltdowns and this is better than waiting until after a meltdown. Kids don't learn when traumatised and even verbal kids may not be able to communicate distress until it happens (they may have alexithymia or poor interoception). ABA can be inherently traumatising for autie kids even when done with the best practices and intentions.
Also: listen to autistics who have been through ABA and want to tell their story. Some will be very angry and judgmental. They have every right to be. Many were broken by ABA. Don't dismiss their testimony. Listen to it and decide if you want to keep doing this kind of work.
I'm not implying you shouldn't - maybe it's best you stick around and help improve the process. Because it doesn't look like it's going away any time soon, so more autistic kids are going to be put through it.
My hope is we find better methods that don't rely on operant conditioning, which hasn't really changed since the time of Skinner et al. Even dog trainers don't use these methods anymore and there are better methodologies out there now. The issue is that the few alternatives that exist are not covered by insurance at the moment, while ABA is covered. IMO it's inherently unhealthy to try to turn us into carbon copies of neurotypicals. It backfires in the long run and we wind up masking all our lives until burnout with very little sense of who we really are.
You’re naive to think you can reform a system built on a foundation of ableist abuse. It can’t be reformed, only thrown out and replaced with something 100 percent new. By staying in the industry, you’re providing that industry with cover and actively participating in the harm of your fellow Autistics. Shame on you.
BTW, RBTs are unskilled workers who do all the grunt work the BCBAs don’t have the time to do themselves if they want to take on dozens of clients and milk the system for millions of dollars a year. You have absolutely no industry influence or power as an RBT. Wake up.
Hi! I'm an autistic BCBA and have been in the field for a long time. I think the biggest lesson I've learned is to speak up. When you see an analyst programming for "eye contact" or for compliance or for anything that isn't fully necessary for them to live a happy and healthy life, call them out.
I’m an afab transman diagnosed late. Autism is a HUGE spectrum. I struggle with too much empathy and have issues coping when I feel like something is unjust. What’s funny is that my younger sister and father struggle with empathy and not coming off as jerks lol For a long time I assumed it was intentional/pathological UNTIL I got my diagnosis. And I think it’s not so much an issue with empathy (they do feel it) it’s recognizing like… when someone needs love and support vs advice and logic. And both of them tend empathize more when they’ve had the same/a similar experience to someone (which can be SUPER frustrating) so we aren’t cold and unfeeling even on the end of the spectrum where empathy is not processed like everyone else.
I feel you on a lot of this, but I do want to add: there's nothing inherently wrong with people who *do* lack empathy, either. It doesn't make someone an inherently bad person. Plenty of low-empathy people still wake up and choose kindness every day. It's a person's actions that matter, not whether or not they can feel another person's feelings.
I'm with you on the hyper-empathy and coping with injustice! ❤
Thanks for posting. ADHD at 35 (post-PhD) and now at 40 wondering again about autism. I usually say I don’t have it because I don’t have the healthcare complications, but, like, maybe I do…? TBH just having conventions where it’s ok to fidget or duck out, and maybe learning more about one’s nervous system in general could be helpful for all and inclusive for ND folks, regardless of whether they know they have a disorder.
I mean, a gluten free diet helped me tremendously, but that is because it treated the secondary chronic conditions of IBS, generalized anxiety disorder, depression, and cPTSD that resulted from unmet needs and inappropriate expectations I was subjected to as an undiagnosed AuDHDer.
We can treat the mental and physical illnesses that develop as a result of living in a society which is, in its default state, inherently hostile to our sensitive nervous systems. We cannot (and should probably not try to) treat the autistic nervous system itself.
(And while I agree that not all ABA is abusive, that type of ABA tends to be indistinguishable from a basic behavioral plan that can be done by getting all caregivers on the same page.)
ABA that isn’t abusive isn’t ABA. Do you think a queer conversion therapist could do what they do in a benign way? If not, why do you think ABA practitioners can? You can’t fix what is inherently broken. You can’t build an entirely new system on the foundation of a broken one.
honestly ive compared "curing" autism to offering to replace the missing wheels on someones car ...when a boat isnt meant to be a car.
I love this!
My fiancé and I are both autistic and it’s been so great to have someone that gets me and to “swap tricks” on how we deal with certain situations. And our communication is great since we have to be direct!
This video explained my current situation to the T. I am AFAB, 23, black, and I just got diagnosed with Autism and OCD. Everything you said in the AFAB section has happened to me (people and clinicians saying I’m doing well in school so I can’t be autistic and people disregarding my intense interests growing up and claiming I was shy). This was incredibly validating because despite a therapist with a PHD confirming I am autistic, I’ve still felt shame about claiming the label despite it explaining everything about me. Thanks!! It’s also so wonderful to find out you’re also autistic! I’ve been watching your channel for a few months now and it’s really cool to see artistic, autistic, queer people doing cool stuff just like me! :)
I'd love, love, love an ABA video. We get so much conflicting information, with autistic people's stories of being traumatized and, conversely, parent's stories of how it made their kids "so much happier." There's also the component of insurance companies only covering ABA therapy, and to have it covered, it must be a certain number of hours per week, etc. I get so squicked out when my company works for an ABA provider, but it seems like that's the only therapy that's offered and the only therapy that is in demand nowadays. (It is not the therapy I received in the '90s, but I also didn't receive much support beyond PT and ST.)
Many parents love it because they’re conditioned to see neurodivergence as a tragedy and are happy when their kids are coerced into suppressing their autistic traits. It’s not a legitimate therapy. Better no support at all. BTW, you hit the nail on the head with the insurance comment; that’s why it’s often the only option. They lobbied for universal insurance coverage to the exclusion of legitimate therapies.
@@GhostIntoTheFog Oh, I for sure think these are "grievance parents" who see ABA as a tool to alleviate their "burden." (I almost used "grievance parent's" in my original comment. 😂) I want to hear them out in some respect, if not to get them to shut up about how we should "listen to their voices too," so I can at least develop counterarguments against them if I know their perspective. Overall, I hope Mickey makes a video that provides the whole picture so I can be well informed.
My workplace has this slogan thing that says “Customer Service is E.A.S.Y” and the FIRST THING on this list is Eye Contact. And I hate it. My own eye contact is probably wrong a lot of the time and I know there are people that eye contact is literally PAINful for them. The other ones are Acknowledge Smile and something else I can’t think of right now
my brain went "YEET" but I'm pretty sure that's wrong
IN HER MERMAID ERA! as a mermaid girl when i was a kid, i love ur hair rn. It looks so good!!! Okay, time to focus 🫡
im 5 minutes into the video and its already so relatable. my cousin was diagnosed with autism as a child and i assumed with the way ppl treated it he was dying. hes still alive and thriving. it surprises me what the general public doesnt know about autism because they dont have to
I have been having such a hard week with work, including having a meltdown as I was struggling to sit down and get work done. It is so reaffirming to watch this and remind myself that it is okay.
As an RBT, I would really love a full video on ABA. I love the families I have served over the years, and I'm always open to learning about ways in which I can better serve others. I feel like most practitioners are defensive in the face of criticism, but we can't improve our field without listening to those we serve, ya know?
You don’t serve anyone but the BCBA sitting in the back room counting the money. ABA thrives because of its captive audience. Don’t pretend you’re open to any kind of criticism or feedback. ABA is a cult, not a supportive therapy. Get out before you harm anyone else.
I’m a 36 y/o AFAB person who has discovered in the last year or so that I’m AuDHD. My whole life’s struggles suddenly make sense, and I’m so much happier now that I’ve started accommodating myself.
I would add that POC are highly underdiagnosed as well.
Also, science shows that the higher variable the gene pool, the healthier the species. So ND people are a normal human variation not an aberration. For example in prehistory NTs might be best at reading an enemy's intentions but NDs planned ahead for what to do if the meeting went south. Human variation, in all its forms, is a healthy, natural and beautiful thing. 💜
Yes! there are several studies showing a link between autism and systemising talent. E.g. regions with a tech industry or families with people working in engineering/tech will have a higher incidence of autism. My family is the same and I feel lucky to have some of those genes, but actually having autism is a different story and a massive challenge.
I'm very happy that you're autistic too - I always connected to your content in a special way and I'm autistic!
Also I'm happy to see autistic people succeed in a professional way and in romantic relationships! I'm a complete mess right now due to a lack of therapy and support. So it inspires me!!
I was diagnosed with high functioning, severe autism in my 20's, and many people have told me I "don't look autistic", and even had a doctor say I couldn't possibly be autistic because I was in a relationship. Nevermind that my partner was too, and grew up with autistic brothers so she was very understanding and accommodating in the right ways.
The no empathy thing is ridiculous. We lost a family cat a few weeks ago and my autistic 7 yr old has been talking about how much he misses her, he also makes get well cards when his friend next door is sick.
Some autistic people do lack empathy. The problem is that somewhere along the way people took "some" to mean "all".
Your hair is always goals 🔥
"We shouldn't be striving to avoid as if it's a terminal condition" is SO real. From the anti-vax lens to just the general reception people in my life have when I say I have it, it's super damaging to have it dismissed as an inconvenience to THEM.
you can also just say autistic! you don't have to say person with the disorder. a lot of us prefer the term disability instead of disorder.
Thank you so much for this
Yeah this bothered me, though I know some people prefer to say person with autism it always feels weird to me. I don't carry ASD around with me I'm simply an autistic person
I just wanted to remind everyone that all autistic people are different. So you can meet two autistic people are they can be completely opposite. For every struggle one autistic person has you will find another autistic person who doesn't struggle with that. Same thing with strengths. For instance you might find some autistic people who very good at math and other autistics who can't do math at all.
Very true, just like any other population, the autistic population is made up of individuals and we are all different.
Sadly, I did not get the good at math autism. Sometimes I wish I had the strengths that would allow me to work from home coding all day or something similar, but alas. I have yet to find paid work that plays nice with my neurology so I can escape the chronic burnout cycles and emotional dysregulation. And I've been employed for close to 30 years. I'd like to say maybe I'll find it one day, but so much of that depends on employers being willing to recognize and accommodate needs, which is largely outside of my control. Precious few employers seem interested or motivated to actually include ND folks in DEI.
That’s me! I can’t do math! I am hyperlexic, though, and that’s fun!
Thank you so much for this video! Yes please if you could cover autism more, that would be amazing. I went down the rabbit hole last year of how autism presents in afab people and realized I may have it. Was also misdiagnosed with bipolar as a teen and experienced significant harm going through medication trial for a diagnosis that ultimately baffled later mental health professionals and people in my personal life. But I’ve been very wary of going through the process of a legitimate diagnosis after my experiences with the healthcare industry generally. Anything I can learn about it would be so helpful.
My almost 5 year old is non speaking, high needs and was right before he was 3. I always felt like I knew he was, and it’s obviously been hard just cause his life is more difficult but he has opened me up to MYSELF - I was diagnosed with ADHD and now I’m thinking I am actually on the spectrum. I’m medicated for ADHD but I feel like it doesn’t even work… always felt like something was different with me and when I look back on my life, it makes the most sense. The city I live in sucks for resources but I’m so glad I have the internet, I’ve learned a lot about how to help him communicate and he’s started saying words out of nowhere, nothing super consistent yet - but it’s the most beautiful, rewarding thing to see him light up when he says what he wants.
Also - my son is the sweetest, most loving and affectionate kid. He loves hard and shows it. I am the opposite and don’t love being touched but because of him, I’ve started to love the cuddles.
I'm a behavior therapist and with sensory issues and loved ones with autism. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all that you said! I struggle with families about trying to make their loved ones do to not embarrass them. It isn't fair to make someone stop stemming and comply.
first off I’m OBSESSED with your hair!! secondly, ty for this video!! I have adhd but still really related to a lot of what you said. I’d love to see videos from you about emotional regulation specifically for us neurospicy folks!! RSD or misophonia for example kick my butt and I’d love to hear your thoughts on how to handle these big emotions in a productive and helpful way (:
Thank you for this video!
What screwed me up the most is that my teachers did see the signs, but when they told my parents, they responded with “Go f yourself.”
Needless to say, it led to me hating school in a multitude of ways. I wish that the parents once informed, would be required by the state to get their child help and be supported by the system so you don’t have floundering adults like me wondering why the systems I made growing up don’t work in the “real world.”
I’d like to also add something else about AFAB people with autism, it’s not just the quiet person who was good at school. It can also look like the very high masking girl that tried desperately to be friends with everyone because she desperately needed to be understood and didn’t care at all about 99% of school because her hyper fixation was literature so she only did well in language arts 😂
So true
I accidentally said to someone who was telling me about his autism that everybody has a bit of divergence BUT I DIDN'T MEAN THE WHOLE WORLD I just meant the people in our DND group, and as a way of validating his feelings, to say don't worry, you're with friends, and I said it the EXACT WRONG WAY. And I panicked about over explaining it so much that I didn't explaining it at all instead! And I'll live with that forever 😅
yes please make more videos like this! While I didn't personally find new information, it was very validating and affirming, and it is also great to have a resource to point to from a therapist that can help to educate people who are misinformed/uneducated/ignorant about autism/neurodivergence in general.
Wish I could like this video more than once, but at hopefully the multiple comments at least help engagement in the algo!
We can't agree on this. ABA is unforgivable.
Thank you so much for this, I was excited when I saw the title. Within these last couple years I have been unraveling my problems and have figured out that I'm autistic. Just through researching and really diving into the topic of autism I have been able to start to improve my environment and try to cope better now that I can understand some of my struggles that are linked with the disorder. I am grateful for anyone putting the most up to date info and trying to combat misinformation on the topic.
I love your videos and finding your channel really did help me kickstart wanting to help myself feel better and figure out what is going on with my mental health. So thank you ❤
Thank you so much for making a video talking about this! I'm personally AuDHD, and I only realized ADHD was part of my neurodivergence about a year and a half ago. I have two chemistry degrees, and while working on my master's degree I spent a lot of time feeling like there was something wrong with me because I couldn't "grad student" correctly according to my department. I'm currently taking some time away from academics in between degrees to do some burnout recovery, and I've realized over the last few months that many of the things I struggled with as a grad student could have been alleviated by having proper communication and accommodations in place.
Yay I’m excited you’re audhd! I knew you were an ADHDer but didn’t know you were autistic like me until this video.
I really like how you practice as a therapist. It’s very social justice informed and lived experience centered which all aligns with ND affirming care, my old specialty.
I have a lot I’d love to share about autism but I’m too chronically ill now to really get my thoughts together and don’t want to overexert.
This is a good video on stigma for afab and the pressure to mask. It’s also important to note some of us are low masking like me, and some autistic people can’t mask at all. Also there’s a difference between attempting to mask and being successful at masking, which is something often discussed in the higher support needs community.
Also accommodating sensory differences can be rly hard ! I’m sensory averse and my partner is sensory seeking. So I have to wear headphones when I visit if he wants to play guitar or watch a UA-cam video or something. If it overwhelms me enough I have to take space so we both can get our sensory needs met, but I know he feels bad when it does overwhelm me that much.
Also I think looking at how autistic people differ in presentation outside of the whole afab AMAB thing would be cool, especially since those labels erase autistic people who are intersex.
For instance I am - HSP Profile autistic, low masking, hypersensitive interoception, and sensory averse.
My partner is - alexithymia, high masking, hyposensitive interoception, and sensory seeking.
I wrote a post a while ago about compatibility issues in neurodivergent people. It can happen a lot and it can even affect a ND person finding a ND identified / specialized therapist. Because sometimes due to our differences in needs for support / accommodations, we are unable to accommodate each other.
Ok that was more than planned lol but yeah great video Mickey, thank you!
Please make more videos on the topic! Would love to hear your thoughts about AuDHD, PDA, the dangers of ABA, and how to regulate your nervous system.
I’d only be interested in hearing more about ABA if they drop the pretense that it’s appropriate or helpful in certain cases. It’s not. No one deserves it, regardless of their traits or support needs. It’s a type of conversion therapy, full stop.
Your channel has been a great help to me over these past couple years. Thank you for sharing so much with us and having a strong message of acceptance and love.
When referencing me as a child: "She's just really emotional" (me having meltdowns every day because I struggled with the vague instructions in my homework, and socially at school), "She just has extreme social anxiety", "She's a great student, but she's a bit of a perfectionist" (I really relate to the notes thing you talked about. I could not learn while taking notes due to me trying to make them "right"), "She's really argumentative, she should be a lawyer" (in regards to me trying to explain myself and being misunderstood, so I would try and try to keep making my point in different ways so that my point would be understood, therefore I was argumentative). There are a lot more examples, but I was called all these things growing up or having negative character traits applied to me instead of someone stopping and wondering why I was struggling with all this. I'm now awaiting a diagnosis, and if it comes out that I've been Autistic this whole time (not slow, gullible, awkward, emotional, etc.), a huge part of me will heal knowing that I'm not broken, my brain just processes things differently, so people just struggled to understand me, and put labels on me that made more sense to them.
please keep on posting videos like this
I had special interest as a kid, I had a teacher bring my parents in to talk about lack of eye contact, I was extremely shy, I had interesting eating habits that were noticeable enough for my mom to talk often about how weird they were, I had sensory issues, but alas my parents never even considered any diagnosis of anything for me. My mom did wonder about my brother though because he hid under his desk in class a few times.
Both of us were never diagnosed or anything, we both became drug addicts. Obviously for many reasons, but I imagine having the support we needed as children/teens would have made a massive difference in how we coped with life, maybe we wouldn’t have turned to drugs.
So yeah, “she’s fine, look at her succeeding” is bs. I looked fine for almost the entirety of my 10+ year addiction too.
Yes please! ❤ I have a 16 yr old AFAB. She was diagnosed about a year ago with autism. Have been in therapy and I feel we are finally on the right track. However, nobody explains it like you do! Love your videos! Thank you for having this channel!
All 5 of my kiddos are likely autistic (ages 17-27). I have ADHD. We have all been learning so much about being neurodivergent and working to making our home a safe and efficient space for the way all our brains work. 🥰
AFAB NB checking in. I'm so grateful that resources like your videos are so widely available. I think my life would have been significantly less stressful and isolating if my parents had had access to this. Watching videos like these have really helped me to process and understand a lot of things that I have been through. Thank you ❤
I grew up with an autistic younger brother. He's 35, now so this was during a time where autism was not well understood as a spectrum and my parents did not even really attempt to pursue medical or psychological counseling on his behaviors while he was young. Fast forward, and these days he has a lot of trauma, and continues to cause trauma to those around him because he's unable to regulate his behavior and emotions. He needs a full-time caretaker and more intensive therapy than SSI/Medicaid is able to provide. I wish I had a positive take on the situation, but really I'm trying to find some hope that this doesn't end in a very ugly way.
Are you familiar with the levels of autism. Level 1 is verbal and semi able to function in society with perhaps a few accomodations. Level 3 is non verbal and completely dependent on others. Which level would you say he might be?
I also wonder if could be possible to switch his caretakers to fellow autistic people how things might improve? (I know it's not really possible, but we can dream)
How much warning do they give when there's a routine change? How quiet are they? If there's a sensitive noise nearby like an ambulance siren going by, are the caretakers aware how this can make everything harder to process and more overwhelming?
I always thought the number 1 most important thing for caring for autistic people is having a proper den set up to their liking, get a refrigerator box, pile pillows on it position chairs around it so he can see out just how he likes, and he'll feel safe enough to calm down and then be easier to work with.
But the wrong carers might see him trying to crawl under a desk for that den feeling and think 'ugh, not this again, I'm on a schedule' and so they pull him out and he has a total meltdown because he was stopped from the activity that helps him regulate.
Obviously, I made a lot of assumptions here, and I know you can't change the way services are provided. But I'm curious, if you have the emotional energy to answer.
@@steggopotamus I'm not sure how to classify his levels. He is verbal (quite articulate) but his inability to regulate himself makes it impossible to function in society. He cannot or will not do routine tasks like prepare his own meals, clean up, keep track of time, remember his appointments, use a phone, accept changes in routine, or ride the bus. He takes antipsychotic medications (needed) and then gets hig to compensate for the side effects. I personally believe that he has been enabled for decades and could learn to do many of these things.
He has his own safe spaces and the whole house is centered around accommodating his sensitivities...again in my opinion to the detriment of everyone else living or visiting there. No effort has been made to help him with coping skills. My parents are scared to put him under even the slightest stress because he has tried to off himself many, many times. Personally I believe he would be far better off in a more secured environment with much more regular interaction with people who are trained and knowledgable. But there ain't shit for that in this country.
@mickeyatkins I was just at a Cari Ebert workshop and she made every one of these points. So great to hear you sharing this information to a wider audience.
Love this vid! Currently going through the process of being diagnosed and feeling the simultaneous invalidation of the medical system and the validation of autistic spaces and communities.
In regards to the eye contact thing, I internalized that lesson pretty early (and over-applied it, as we do) to the point where I can remember playing games with myself where I was looking at the teacher for so long a reverse imprint of the image got temporarily zapped when I closed my eyes or looked away.
So I was sure I was great at eye contact until a few months ago when I saw someone say that autistic people can overdo eye contact and I went “WAIT THATS POSSIBLE” and so now I’ve become hyper aware again. I thought it was a simple rule so I learned it, now you tell me it can be OVERDONE??? And now I notice when people break eye contact. I was not at all focused on that before bc i knew deep down it wasn’t a reflection of their attention. But now i know it might be a reflection of their discomfort with my excessive eye contact??? Aaaaaaaaa
I really appreciate the way you explain things. It’s so much easier for me to understand.
i love the new hair!!! (very unbiased from a person with green hair)
Thank you so much, I’ve never felt so seen and heard. I literally cried. I hope it is ok I sent this to myself because it is helpful to myself and to be mindful out in the real world. Thank you for your insight and experience as well as professional insight(?) not sure that’s the word I am looking for but hopefully you will understand that your knowledge has helped me grow to be more understanding of others and myself. Truly pricelessly helpful. Sending well wishes to you and yours!
MICKEY THE HAIR IS GIVING!!!!
Learned early that nobody would defend me from the bullies so I joined the sparring team and made that my special interest. Too old to fight now, but those impulses are still there.
The timing of this video couldn’t have been better for me ❤️ I feel SO seen here. Thank you!
please do more videos like this! i am not diagnosed, but "peer reviewed" and also scored 179 on the raads
Hi Mickey, thanks for making this video! I really appreciate it, great information. I'm very close to an Autistic person who I love dearly. We have great communication and speak daily. Our conversations always end with I love you.
That said; I'm 💯 down to continue to educate myself about autism, keep these educational videos coming!!!!
I've never been formally diagnosed but I'm 99% sure I'm on the autistic spectrum since I have the classic symptoms like obsessive interests, stimming, difficulty picking up social cues, and sensitivity to certain fabrics. I didn't seriously think I was autistic until about 6 years ago, when I was 40. It would be nice if more people knew about autism in my life early on.
Oh hey, thanks for that suggestion!! 21:00 "Autistic inclusive meets"
I thought you were gonna mention the AWN/AWNN or the ASAN, but I hadn't ever heard about Autistic Inclusive Meets !!
I gotta check them out! I need more supports or social stuff for sure
Mickey slayyyy I love this color on you - it’s so different from your usual warmer tones which are gorgeous too, but damn this suits you so nicely and the contrast against the background is stunning. Sorry I had to nerd out for a moment from my years working behind the chair and doing hair. Also I appreciate this video so much bc lo and behold figuring out I was misdiagnosed for over a decade with a cluster b type issue. And people really do not get it and while progress has been made and has a ways to go the misconceptions about autism and the way some people look at it as the worst thing possible (the anti vax stance like I didn’t realize you’d rather have a unalive child than an autistic child that is such a harmful rhetoric and so many don’t see it or why it is so harmful unlike idk smallpox or polio - that’s so damaging to people no matter how thick your skin is). Society wasn’t built for us and it’s very obvious, especially when a lot of our traits are considered wrong/bad/whatever and that we should just be able to move past that because autistic people are smart - I will never forget the time someone said that to me about that and my adhd. “You’re smarter than that” MAAM THIS IS LITERALLY HOW MY BRAIN IS WIRED AND COMPOSED??? The more people are educated about it the better we can do to make society more inclusive and it be a more accessible world for everyone autistic or allistic. Btw there’s a shirt on amazon I need to order bc it gave me such a laugh (even more so bc my autistic close friend is divorcing a neurotypical woman also named Karen I wish I was making that up 💀) but it says “WE CANT ALL BE NEUROTYPICAL KAREN” 😂😅💀
Yes definitely feel free to make more about this if you’re so inclined and have the energy for it!
I love “domicile” 😂
I’m not sure if you watched Breaking Bad, but I immediately thought of the Jesse classic “THIS IS MY OWN PRIVATE DOMICILE AND I WILL NOT BE HARASSED”
fancy 💅
Love this Micky! Thank you for making this video! I’m an autistic adult woman, I was thankfully diagnosed as a baby, love your content, I also got a boyfriend that’s autistic as well so it’s nice that we can understand each other’s needs and emotions😊
I solve eye contact by looking at people's mouths. Literally cannot understand people if I can't see their mouths, if you're wearing a mask or on the phone I can't process what you're saying. COVID was hell. 💀