They Say They’re Not Ready for a Relationship...
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- Опубліковано 3 лип 2024
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When we’re stuck in a situationship with someone who doesn’t know what they want, it’s incredibly frustrating. As soon as we like someone and hear the words “I’m not ready for a relationship right now,” it feels like we’re suddenly back to square one!
If you’re tired of not knowing where you stand, you’ve come to the right place. In this video, I share 5 signs that can reveal if someone is ready for a relationship, plus a key question you can ask yourself and use anytime you feel stuck or confused.
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▼ Chapters ▼
0:00 - 1:31 - The Logic We Feed Ourselves
1:31 - 3:26 - #1 Is This Situation Really Equal?
3:26 - 5:21 - #2 Being Honest About the Risk
5:21 - 6:33 - Investing in Someone Who Chooses Another Person
6:33 - 8:39 - #3 They Have to Be Present to See You
8:39 - 10:17 - When They’re Dating Multiple People
10:17 - 12:00 - When Exclusivity Comes Into the Picture
12:00 - 14:51 - #4 The Best Chance of Them Seeing Your Value
14:51 - 18:13 - #5 “Is This What I’ve Held Out for?”
18:13 - 18:59 - The 3 Relationships
I walked away from a situation like this last month. After three months dating, I finally had the courage to ask him what direction we were heading into and the answer was “we’re living different moments”. I agreed with him and said goodbye. My time and energy must be not wasted in vain. I prefer staying single and keeping looking for someone who’s right about me.
Preach girl. I had the same exact situation but he told me he had no idea what he feels about me. Neither get involved nor go separate ways... it wasn't worth the pain anyway.
Very similar situation I had with a woman a few weeks ago. She had a lot of things going on in her life, also involving an ex-husband who was trying to rekindle apparently. After four months of dating, I asked the question and also clearly reminded her of my needs & boundaries, since she was pulling away lately. She said she was confused and her life was a mess right now, so I made it easier for her and me by walking away.
No hard feelings, I do feel for her and my decision was backed up with a lot of compassion. She was just not emotionally available right now, and that's okay at the end of the day. Few years ago, I would have probably stayed around and "wait" but luckily life teaches its lessons.
Something similar here- he said after almost 3 months that we have different personalities and not feeling/ being in the moment and sharing with each other. The truth is I was being a bit closed off but we started casually and I think none of expected the posiibjlity of it turning into more. I don’t even know myself anymore…. 😢 I responded to him that we can catch up as friends one day that’s it. But to this day I don’t know if should have explored this conversation after what he has expressed… instead of just running
You're really serious I loved
that’s why guys don’t chase girls anymore
No. They don't like you. They just want you when it's convenient for them or they want attention. Have self respect and don't be someone's back-up plan.
Ready for sex but not ready for a relationship. If you are not on the same page, you must tell him you're not a match because of that.
:D You are looking at it from a woman's perspective. Women are wired in the way that they tie love and sex together. In order to have sex with a man a relationship must be established first and therefor you must like him first.
Men however are not wired this way. Nature made them so that they want to spread their seed as much as possible to their capabilities. They release millions upon millions of it per ejaculation and they can have a few of them on a day. That means they can impregnate multiple women at the same time basically. But a woman only releases 1 egg a month and it's precious for her. She can't have hundreds of babies from different men every other week or so.
So that means men are wired to separate love from sex, or at least more than women. They can "sportf..k" new women every single day for their entire lifes without feeling any sort of attachment to any of them, even if one is the hottest and best. They can even lower their standards depending on their urge, meaning they will try to sleep with a girl who's far below his level in looks.
They are simply out for variety, for as much as they can get just like nature intended with flowers. Even promiscuous women who "try to be like a man" can't keep this up. They eventually will cling onto somebody they slept with and are devastated if he leaves. He'll always be on her mind.
A man chooses when and if he ties love and sex together. But most of it comes through other ways.
In my opinion if you’re not ready for a relationship, then you’re not ready to have sex with someone. Sex - It’s an act that not only comes with risk but also intimacy and connection.. if you don’t want to have relationship, you don’t deserve intimacy or connection and you definitely aren’t worth the risk.
I’ve seen couples in long term “serious” relationships, with the female waiting for the man to be ready to marry. After years the guy meets a girl and breaks off with his long term fun girl to instantly live and marry the girl they recently met. If they aren’t ready for a serious relationship it means you aren’t the one for them. They are enjoying what you give while they are still looking and waiting for better. Never throw yourself away like this
The man might not even let this gf now that she is only a placeholder, while he is waiting for someone better.
You are right...he is just a bastard playing you around nd using, enjoying you..while secretly wating for better opportunitie..
That’s shit honestly - bordering on abusive.
@@Lunaof1991 Your comment doesn’t make any sense as you are using a pronoun “that’s” without anyone knowing what you are referring to.
@@user-dz1xu8ru5c do you not understand English? It wasn’t very complex and most definitely makes sense 😂.
Whether you’re a man or woman or whatever sexual orientation you should never ever wait for anyone’s feelings to change. It’s hard but necessary to walk away and and putting your needs first. Attraction isn’t a choice. A person likes you or they don’t it’s simple logic. A person who wants you makes it easy and effortless and those who don’t make it hard and mess you around. Be with those who celebrate your presence as opposed to those who barely tolerate. Don’t waste time waiting for someone’s feelings to change you could waste a whole lifetime.
I’m a guy and I agree 100%
No. Don't wait. Run before you get more attached.
🎯
Just did it, so sweetly. Even told him ive been seeing someone, even though i sit alone between 4 walls. Better alone than with narcissistic bastard who comes and go the last 8 months with the story u r the best women ive met,( like i dont know that) but i cant commit. U get it baby:)
@@insomniacK90 how can they live with themselves really? How can they lay their head on a pillow at night knowing they hurt a good person.. who was nothing but good to them
"I'm not looking for anything serious." = "I'm into you, I'm just not THAT into you." Brilliant advice as usual, Matt. Especially those last 3 insights. In French there's a phrase: "Tu me fuis, je te suis. Tu me suis, je te fuis." ("You leave me, and I'll follow you. You follow me, and I'll leave you."). Nothing sends a stronger signal to a guy than leaving. It's a real litmus test. That's when they usually wake up and decide to either leave their comfort zone or stay in it. You benefit either way! IMHO a lot of this hoping and settling comes from being scared to be alone. The minute you take up hobbies, interests, and get BUSY, and appreciating the life you're creating for YOURself, BAM! someone cool and perfect for you enters your life. Love the background, BTW, with the books and the plants, very warm, it really works.
I’m a man and I just ended things with a woman who wasn’t ready for anything serious. I made the mistake of over investing and really giving her all I had the first two or three months we were together. That made it really hard to walk away because I kept hoping she would come around. Even after I ended things I felt like if I waited that she might come around in a few months and be open to a relationship. This video helped me realize that I just need to move on and let her go.
She said she wasn’t ready for a relationship and a month later she’s seeing someone, I never believed her anyway. What a horrible disgusting thing to do to someone
Honest question: would you have liked it better if she said you weren't the one she wanted a relationship with?
@@Lily_and_River Yes actually, then I could have blocked her and moved on, not hope for all these things she promised me
@@TheSnoozeFox okay yeah makes sense, I'm sorry she gave you false hope. You didn't block her and moved on anyway when she said she wasn't ready? Or do you mean she could've said it earlier on?
Sorry you got stung, but "I'm not ready for a relationship" honestly means "I'm not interested in a relationship with you". Sorry if that stings, but I've said it several times over the years and every time I've said it, it meant the latter. I liked the person but not enough to make something serious with them. In future, save yourself the time and grief and thank them for their honesty. It frees you up to find someone on the same page as you.
To much horrible 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
I cannot believe this video came to me when i was in this situation 2 days ago.
It’s AI / the algorithm. It reads your other apps and activity. That’s why.
Not hard to hit us… narcissistic ppl r all around us
Also, leaving someone who is keeping you on a string gives yiu the opportunity to build strength and self-worth. Because you’ve made a choice that prioritizes yourself. This in itself prepares you to be valued in a relationship. Paying the cost of sacrificing someone to you love who isn’t loving you back, pays off in significant boost in self esteem and confidence. I left the guy who strung me along for years and it was SO HARD…but I made the choice to treat myself with the kindness I deserved and left him in the belief that someone better who would love me was out there. It took 3 years but I met my now-husband, and I was READY for that love when he came into my life in large part because of the strength in my self that I developed through leaving the string-along guy. It was WORTH IT. ❤
Thank you for sharing. I really needed to read this, I've been waiting 10 years for someone who plays with my heart then throws me away. I'm like his personal yo-yo at this point. I'm destroyed inside. I've no self-worth anymore. I'm fighting a battle to try and get well and it's the battle of my life.
So proud of you!
Yes meeting your own needs genuinely sets you free, plus I was already used to isolation but the difference is now I can enjoy it with nothing worrying me in the back of my head.
this was the best video to give me the strength I needed. It confirmed my decision to say bye, bye, bye to the one who didn't make me a priority in his life
Life’s fleeting. Don’t settle. Don’t breadcrumb. It’s taken me many (painful, ouch) years to get to this point. And whilst I’m not a relic, I’ve roamed the earth longer than some 😂 Mindset is everything x
When a man honestly tells as woman, he is not ready for a relationship, she must believe him. If she wants to be in a relationship, but he doesn't, she should tell him: 'It's not a match then', and she should find someone who is ready for a relationship.
Or a woman…
The answer is No. This does not mean they are bad for not being ready or you are bad for not wanting to wait. It only means you are both at different spots in your journeys and have different needs. Trying to force or put up with the situation will leave one person feeling pressured and boundaries disrespected and the other will feel hollow and unwanted. Go your separate ways and seek out those who align with your spot in life right now and for the near future.
I’m so glad I left! Every mindset you gave resonated with the situation I was in. We give ourselves that false hope but “leaving is your best shot at finding something better.”
Thank you for this!
This made me realize that I need to stop WAITING for him to make the decision of, IF he really wants a relationship with me or not! He’s giving me NOTHING and I’m still sitting here giving him a chance and it’s only been 2 months!
Found and fell in love with the exact girl I have been looking for my whole life, just for it to end with her saying that she doesn’t think being in a relationship right now is the best thing for her. She was previously married and divorced her husband for running around on her and just being a terrible person. We got together after their divorce was final and things were literally perfect from the start.. until she decided to “guard her heart” and distance herself from me, in fear of being hurt again and not totally healed from her broken marriage. I done all that I could for 6 months, and now we’re no longer together. Been through many breakups before, but nothing remotely close to this magnitude of hurt. Praying and hoping that she comes back after some time apart and she realizes that she’s meant for more than being ran around on. To say that I am devastated would be an incredible understatement. Don’t know what to do or where I go from here. My prayer is that God will provide me the strength to carry on without her until she comes back, or I find someone new.
I feel for you. I wish you the very best.
Those may likely just be nice ways of breaking it off. That’s what all women do, be polite give excuses. She probably just doesn’t feel you are her match. She knows herself, trust her. Don’t love the wrong person. Move on. Your a sadness and mourning is just not accepting reality that she isn’t your match. Ask God who is your match, & if you are ready to meet your match. Put your energy into finding your match not fretting over you wanting someone to be your match that just isn’t.
Women aren’t going to tell you why you aren’t a match. It’s often private.
If you love God you would trust Him and want His will. You would be happy to leave this person because they are not your match. Listen to her ! Listen to God. Trust them. So you don’t get your way. She may prefer someone that trusts God more , that doesn’t have depression over not getting their way. That respects her more and her opinion vs contradicting her and assuming she is wrong. If I were her I’d move in too. Sorry! Perhaps you aren’t ready to meet someone. Work on your faith first. People of faith are joyful
When they say that crap it's usually after they have gotten you to sleep with you. Ask them b4 you sleep with them and once they tell you, bounce bcus THEY DON'T WANT YOU!
you meant: to sleep with THEM
Well, (mostly men) will tell you whatever they think you want to hear and when shit gets real, the truth comes out
@@zacpdx that too but, I'm not saying ask immediately upon meeting. You should be spending time outside of cars hotels each other's homes no friends homes either. I'm not saying you can't attend a function at these places, I saying don't overstay your welcome and NEVER EVER stay overnight or for hours alone.
Next while these jackals may tell you what you want to hear, they can't keep up the masquerade and who he is will surface.
Lastly, as women don't date these makes blindly you should have a plan and use the dating time as a vetting process.
Not really sleeping with you but not being open to anything 😢
LOVE THIS TOPIC MATTHEW. I was in this situation for 7 months and decided to cut them off because they said they are not ready to commit. Don't know what the hell does that mean but it definitely hurts!
Believe them when they say it. I’ve been through this twice. Actually WASTED some prime years age 27-35 waiting on the same guy to commit to our relationship. Very sad! Looking back. I wish I could go back and change all that. This time it only took me one week to change the story in my head. Said he is not ready right now. And I’m in full acceptance. Thank God! We stopped communicating early. True blessing! To all the Women out there.
Made me think I don't have the time to wait on a question mark. I am in the last chapter of my life
That is a good sentence.. waiting on a question mark. Thanks
Best thing I ever did was walk away from a using, time waster. I held on for far too long waiting and waiting for change. One year on? Best thing I've ever done. Calm life with zero worry or stress. You just don't see it at the time and think there's no other future. Walk. You will thank yourself so much in the future. That's a guarantee.
Summary
1. INEQUALITY: Is the situation really equal? Both people can date other people. But the problem is one of you doesn't want to. And the other one does.
2. RISKS: There are risks. Risk of lost time. Risk of not meeting more people. Risk of never moving on and finding someone better. You could also wait for someone for a year and they could meet someone 3 weeks in their life and be with them instead. How will you know you will be chosen in the end?
3. PRESENCE: They won’t truly see your worth if they’re dating many people at the same time. They won’t know you for who you are because there would be many others. They have to be truly present to really see you.
4. LEAVE: This person may not change their mind. Even if they do change their mind, it may not be in the way you want it. Leaving opens yourself to every other possible eligible person. Even if you truly want it to be this one person, the best chance you have at them seeing your worth is leaving. They see your value by missing you and seeing you have standards regardless of how attractive they are.
"This is what I held out for?" Cant get this question out of my mind. It is one of those lessons that you never forget. Thank you!!🙏
Thanks for this video.. this one hit me a bit hard. I’m in this exact situation, but I’m proud to say that I ended things after the first month. This is growth for me, as I have been in these situations before and not ended it, and been miserable.
Waited 2 years for my husband to come around. At the end of the day the choices I made during that time were for both of us. She called and told me he had been cheating with her. Bought her a wedding ring as he was trying to fix it with me. Don't wait. Do what is best for you. This story is different than what is presented but you don't know why or what is going on. Just take care of yourself. Big hugs to everyone. We are all going through something. Be brave and make the tough choices I wish I would have.
This sounds like a bucket of 💩 sorry for those who need a soft delivery but it sounds like they don’t see your value and we are giving them too much importance in these situations. It’s seems like we have to examine our admiration for people and notice it doesn’t mean they are “the one”. Admiration is tricky when most interpersonal relationships are networking, family or romantic love, it’s so rare to feel love for a friend or stranger and not be confused for something romantic (with a gender we are attracted to). Someone who is meant for us will also choose us but based on experience it might just be you’re not happy enough. & showing unconditional love somehow makes people entitled to mistreat you. Winning the game of them choosing us, after they said they aren’t interested in a relationship, is needing validation to feel good enough or the missing piece to be “happy enough”. The secret is moving on to something healthy instead of playing these games that don’t add value to us if we win over the guy.
It kind of sounds backwards because guys win women over, because women made it a challenge, but when guys are the challenge, it brings down our self esteem and gives them the control over our point of view about ourselves.
In other words as women maybe we shouldn’t be seeking for a challenge but someone who readily is interested in us in a healthy way. Walk away from the hot guy with attractive muscles when he treats you with disrespect. The gift wrapping looks good on the outside, but there’s 💩 inside.
So cut throat, but I love it, I needed this for my healing and growth 😂. Beautifully said, the divorced man I was seeing for 8 months told me he couldn't be in a relationship because of his new job and freshly divorced ( which is the part I understand) but it opened my eyes and I walked away. Now that I'm trying to move on is when he's now pursuing me and I don't want him anymore😅, now I'm just irritated 😅😅
Matthew said it perfectly and it’s something I’ve always followed. I NEVER date someone or date multiple people. You can’t be present and it a lot of the times turns into a contest. Slow your roll. You can pass something truly important if you’re not paying attention.
I’m in a non-relationship with a man that I really like. He’s emotionally closed off, but he’s very good to me, and I value his friendship even though I’d like more. Your last question got my attention. Yes, this is what I want. He’s not dating other people and definitely shows a preference for me when other women are around. BTW, we’re both in our 70s. He’s a widow and I’ve been alone most of my life. So, yeah, I am willing to settle for this.
You said something key - you value his friendship. So you’ve made a choice to accept what it is and what it ain’t. I don’t think that’s the same as “settling”, that’s choosing to define the relationship in a new way that actually works for BOTH of you. I think that’s mature. …As long as you’re GENUINELY ok with it staying a friendship for the long-term.
May the Lord give you the desires of your hearts sooner than you expect! 🙏🏽
God bless! 🦋
Oh yes, I know this scenario inside out! I'm in my late 60's. There just don't seem to be any single guys around, not my age anyway, or if they are, they want much younger women, tho I look much better than many my age, mainly due to daily exercise, with my own home, a modest pension, highly educated, enjoy a wide range of cultural pursuits ... WTF are they looking for? And, yes, I'm friendly with a widower who I'd actually crossed off my Christmas card list, after I asked would he ever think of re-partnering & he said No. Later, he said he hadn't meant that & he WAS interested, but then he acted very ambivalently & wouldn't acknowledge what he was doing. I find it impossible to read him. We share a lot of the same interests, so avoiding him is really hard work. I did meet an older guy, also a widower, for coffee for a while, but he was very dull & constantly replayed his happy marriage, & never organised a proper date for the weekend, so I stopped taking his calls.
Hopefully, he doesn’t find the one and leave you heartbroken. It’s fine right now until he meets the one that he does prefer over you. If you’re happy settling, that’s all that matters…good luck!
@@Jenjenn1111 this is such a key point when as a woman you've mistakenly settled for second best. It becomes a serious painful thing the moment he finds one he is actually into for real.
This is a great comment. I am 60 and I am a widow. I have had children. I don't see the need to be constantly with someone. I don't think it's who I am now. So saying I don't want a relationship doesn't mean I just want to use you. It is a statement about where we are at this stage in our lives. I want a connection, a friendship but I am not convinced about more than this.
I love the last mindset explanation - we should have standards and stick to them after all the experiences we have had. Thank you!
You're right. It took me two years to leave. I was being so used because I allowed myself to fall in love with him. Back out looking for my person. Thx for your book. I did get it.❤
The power of goodbye
I have to see him everyday but we dont speak since two weeks, he ignores me. He became cold and distant. I found out about his girlfriend today, she works in the same company. Im crying because it got to me he was lying.❤
I would never intentionally involve myself with another woman's man. I feel deeply betrayed and disappointed on so many levels. It's been over a month since I found out, so the extreme pain has eased somewhat
The genius of Matthew's method is that it speaks to the healthy part of you that knows you should move on because there is no (well nothing is certain but there js little hope) hope but also to the unheathy part that wants the other person to come around. The behavior is the same! And behavior/action is what matters, not mindset. So even on bad days when you feel yourself backsliding and losing strength you know you're doing the right thing even when the goal is getting them backm
Brilliant comment and so spot on !
Brilliant comment and so spot on !
Last week he broke up with me after 2 years. He always told me he's not ready for a relationship. I was waiting patiently. I told him I can give him as much time as he needs. I've never loved someone as much as him. I did everything to be the best version of myself for him. And he just left me when I didn't expect it. He wanted to be friends and stay in contact but I refused. It's so hard for me to avoid texting or calling him. I still have hope that he will miss me and understand his mistake. But I feel so stupid and naive.
Thank you, it’s exactly what I needed to hear so I don’t waste a moment more in hoping for someone I like to see that I’m boyfriend material, they say they’re not ready and that’s fine but I’m not gonna sit around and wait for them, I gotta keep living my life and I will find the right person for a relationship based on kindness and respect.
This was poignant. I SO regret I didn't know about situationships and this type of stuff two years ago since it would have saved me a tremendous amount of heartbreak. Thrown-under-the-bus life lessons are still being learned but the silver lining is I'm being forced to fundamentally change in positive ways to be happier for the rest of my life. I'm "growing into gratitude" for my mistakes, and for his mistakes...slowly but surely.
I believe the five mindset shifts in the video are spot-on but to be perfectly honest, I don't know if I would have acted on them since I was so deeply smitten with this man and I lacked the ability to understand my needs, set boundaries, and stick with them. But now, after experiencing all this pain, I probably would.
"Not ready" means "Not that into you".
Why does this video appeared just on time. Currently I'm close to a man. But he said he doesn't want to be in a relationship. I was so heart broken. I cared for him, I send him many presents only to get nothing in return. I feel like an idiot. He is my first love. He ticks all the quality I want in a man. We are still in contact and next month will count as a year since we've known each other. He still regards me as a friend. Slowly my heart starts to move on. If he come to love me back when I'm not anymore, then that's his loss.
Me too😢
i was in this he told me he needs time, that he doesn´t want a relationship yet, but if he changed his mind he would tell me he also gave me assurance by saying he won´t meet or date other people. fast forward a year later and I found out that he was dating another girl for about 5 months now and has feelings for her and he dropped me like garbage
I'm sorry hun.
'Are you looking for something casual or serious?' - ask him before you go on a date with him. If he says: 'casual', you should say: 'It's a shame. I like you but we are not on the same page on that, so I don't think we're a match'. If he says: 'serious', from then on she should let him prove it: start initiating communications, organising dates and winning her over to become his wife.
I would like to see a living example of someone who sticked around , invested more and ultimately got in a relationship. Probably as likely as winning a lottery
Kate Middleton aka the future queen
To the person who said kate Middleton… we don’t know the state of her relationship behind closed doors and whether she actually won the prize she deserved romantically. Bless her though and hope she recovers. ❤
Done this for 4 and half years off and on. Waited wanted this situation to turn around. And waiting. But I know now time is valuable. I don't want to put another year into this. I need to move on. My absence just needs to be there for him to completely feel it that I am completely gone. I don't want to be on rotation, etc. It is unfulfilled and lonely.
I had a blast with him. But also I paid for the price too as well. With heartbreak 💔
Thank you for this video. If you had told me to watch this a year ago or two years ago, I would just scroll by.
But this spoke to ME. I love the man like crazy. I always will. But I can't do this anymore.i value Me and my Peace
I walked away after 10 years waiting for someone to be on my page …. I went through a lot of hurt and pain ….. however we have stayed friends and I need to cut the chord but cannot ….. for him it’s great as he still gets alll my good qualities (without sex) plus new girlfriend… why am i so needy of this ridiculous connection!!!!!
Thank you so much from deep of my heart🙏
I let go a man who was dating me parallel,
I saw the red flags after 3 weeks,
I am very proud of myself
as I feel my growth of self-respect, self- worth+ self-love...
The 5. Mindset shift hit me the most:
I love myself, am able to set healthy boundaries more and more, and have been through much pain, that is why I am looking for my romantic love of my life💫💜💫
I have been so beartroken recently when a guy I had a soul mate connection with changed his mind about going out together. I met him at work and it seemed like we both fancy each other. Today I found out about his girlfriend of many years and I was only a side option for him.😢
Had that happen recently, too. It's the worst😢
That’s terrible…it happened to me too. Like, who do you think I am? It is NOT ok to use me while you work through your problems with your girlfriend. I felt so used and betrayed…but I’m healing.
@Jenjenn1111 I don't think they have problems, he just wanted to have sex outside relationships. All married men I know at work cheat on their wives.
@Jenjenn1111 he and girlfriend don't have problems.he just wants to have sex 😏
I really enjoyed the advice and started tearing up at #5. I will come back to this video when I feel down, it really helped changing perspectives and not giving up. Thank you, Matthew & Team!
Matthew, you’re genius! I just nodded to all of your questions you giving us at the end of the video. Please make more of this topic. Love it!
You are genius my brother. It happened to me. She said she wasn’t ready for a serious relationship and marriage. I totally understood and sticked around for 6 months to see if i would get any progress. She knew me very well and knew how much good person I’m. We had a great chemistry together. After 6 months she said still I’m not ready and i left. I had to respect myself and told her i understand, i will take a step back because I’m ready for more than that. I deserve more than love. Maybe it will work if she will make up her mind again and calls me, just maybe… if I’m still available for her.
I don’t regret the wasted months, we always learn from our mistakes. My advice for men, and women also, if your crush said I’m not ready for a relationship, just leave politely and find the one who deserves you 🌹
Thank you for reading.
If he says that to me I assume he is just not that in to me and he never will be and I leave. Simple. The heart goes where it goes. No amount of waiting or tugging is going to get it to move in your direction if it is not willing. What’s the point. I think if it this way - I see a shoe I love and it goes well with my outfits and my lifestyle etc. I try it on and it’s not quite a good fit. And the longer I am wearing it the more uncomfortable I feel. So I give it back and go look for a shoe that fits and makes me feel like a queen❤
I love this analogy.
@@Jenjenn1111 thank you ❤️
thank you Matthew for every video, sharing your advice
Thank you for this message.
I am so grateful for you @Matthew Hussey!
Most of them don't tell you the truth. 😮
So right
Thank you for sharing these mindset shifts. It helps so much to ask myself the question, "Is THIS what I've worked so hard and held out for?" to determine whether someone is worth my time.❤ I'm loving "Love Life", still reading. 😊 I only wish I had all this valuable information years ago! Thank you so much for the work you're doing.
Great advice thanks man for the high quality content
I have been doing just that. Everything that you are talking about on here, is exactly what I have been doing, & have done in my past.
Loved this video Matthew! It hit home with me bc my bf was love bombing me at the beginning, then wanted me to move where he is but I said let’s wait and see how things go in this LDR then he said he wasn’t ready to move in together but then said he didn’t want to wait more than 2 years for us to live together but as I was thinking about our potential future together and moving my life where he is he went out and bought a condo without telling me when he suggested we buy a house together next year. When I found out about this condo he then said he was struggling right now and needing a break and I said let’s just breakup and so we did. This was a years worth of mixed messages and I just got tired of it. So glad we ended things before I moved my whole life there when he wasn’t even sure about me.
Thanks Matthew. You’ve articulated this in such clever and compassionate way. Really needed this today
Brilliant as always, Matt! 🙌🏼
Number 5 spoke most to me. Thank you!
Best advice. I needed this. Straight to the point.
Wow, stunned. That hit home. I will save this video!! Thank you
Man , I can't thank you enough 🥺🥺❣️❣️
In this situation right now. I really needed this wake up call, thank you! The last one really got me 👏
Thanks for this video, Matthew, I REALLY needed to hear all of this 🙏
Thank you, I needed to watch this today. It was the reassurance I needed that I made the right decision by walking away from my ex who would keep telling me this after six months of no contact. Thank you Matthew, I appreciate this.
Love your work and content so much! Have followed you for years and have watched so many of your videos and interviews (& of course I’ve read your books including ‘Love Life’!). I love your relatability and the compassion with which you share your knowledge. Such good work! Thank you - for the constant reminder of ‘is this what I’m going to settle for? No!’ I’ve been holding out for so long for more than abuse, inconsistency, being unsure about me, & breadcrumbing! I’m on the list of people that through your videos got out of an abusive relationship and more recently an unsatisfactory situationship. Still haven’t found my person to settle on and in the meantime learning to not settle for something that’s not worthy of me, my time, & energy!
Thank you. It was a useful video
The last one is the one that spoke to me the most! I’ll wait….for the right person!
Good advice.
The last one is really great! 😊❤
Thank you so much for this video
No.5 hits hard in a good way
I’ve been talking to this guy flat out 7 months- last week well a couple weeks ago I said I’m going away Monday for 5 nights with my mother ! Last week I said remember I’m going away and completely turned on me and now blocked me all because I’m going away .. kept saying you’ll meet other people… I feel he’s got insecurities issues or something major than that - I was hurt for a couple days … I’m still a little bit hurt I’ve never experienced this in my life before I was in 15 year relationship before this been single 4 years ..
This was GOLD
Your videos always save my life and i decided to buy your book
Thank you!
Matthew, I repeated the last bit to myself and honestly this is not the thing that I’m going through will stop me from walking on the path that I created for myself after so much hardwork.
Thank you Matthew
Thank you Mathew. Hugs from Chile :)
you are so sincere, thank you so much!
Hi Matthew, your video helps a lot. Thank you 🙏
Thank you so much for your great content. I really needed to watch this particular video which is very very helpful.
#3 is so real. I actually said the exact same thing to this guy I was in a situationship with for almost 6 months, and he just shrugged it off, not responding to it in any way. Probably because he knew for himself that that was true, and he just didn't like to acknowledge it.
I think I know who inspired this video :) thank you, you are the absolute best!
I’m in this exact situation right now and this has really helped thank you.
I always enjoy listening to you and your advices for life. You are a huge help for all of us ❤ thanks Matthew to help me to think wisely
Amazing vedio. Every time I watch Mathhew, he has my mind and heart, for I align so well with what he shares.
Thank you for the perspective! I am grateful!
This is exactly what’s happening to me right now so I feel like this video is a god send. I was meant to watch this. I ended things with him after a month so no longer in this confusing vortex.
Thank you Matt for this video! This really put things into perspective for me. I just got through listening to your book "Love Life" and it is awesome! Great advice as always! Take care!
I was told "I'm not looking for a relationship...just sex right now." Heads up... If we aren't in a relationship, then that means we're officially just friends. And you know what? Friends don't have sex, at least, this one doesn't. Don't walk, run. The chances of him changing his mind is slim to none.
Ended a situationship but didn't walk away. We enjoy each other's company and I like having the friendship. I'm less obsessive bc we ended things and he needs to work on himself so much but if he did and tried to rekindle I would try. So maybe I'm giving away power there bc maybe he knows I am holding him on the backburner but how we feel is how we feel... :(
Oh, oh, I'm in exactly same situation!
But today I decided I cannot stay friends, it's simply too painful and the few messages we exchange every now and then now are a far, far cry from our hours-long conversations. So what's the point in keeping in touch, does it add anything of value to his or my life? And we cannot speak deeply and openly, because we would get involved again (and he doesn't want it) and while I do (because of the way I feel about him), I KNOW deep down it wouldn't work for practical reasons. So there :( I'm about to have this conversation soon when I tell him this, that we need to cut ties :( it breaks my heart but it hurts so much, these little crumbs of affection and shallow communication where we used to enjoy a hearty meal of both, and more.
What is a 'situationship' BTW? I think I've been gone from the US for too long (30 years in Europe)
@@franchic9565 When the relationship isn't going anywhere, but you keep it going in hopes of something happening, it's a multitude of things and is different for everyone
I so badly needed to hear this Matt!! That was perfect timing!!
No I did not go through 30 years of dating holding out for THIS!
I’m out ✌️
Thank you❤
Helpful to hear about mindset of watching the many movies at one time to make the idea of rejection diminish … as in the person didn’t really even get to know me to even truly reject me
The last part of the video bro was exceptional....though the entire video was amazing🧡thanku so much bro 😇
Thank you so much Matthew
For everything 🙏
I'm reading your book LOVE LIFE nowadays and I'm loving it... Thanks for your letters 💌
I look forward to hearing from you every time you send that letter...
And yes I enjoy every video you put out to help us all in our dating life...
Thanks for being there for all of us 🙏
Sending you lots of love and positive vibes 🙌🤞🥰
Stay blessed ❤❤❤