Chasing fireflys I understand. Being with a narcissist is extremely lonely. I’m happy to hear you have a plan. Stick to it! It’s SO worth it in the end!
I felt your pain when you said how alone you felt. I would go in my bathroom and cry, but I'd lean against the wall, the wall was almost like being hugged.
OMG 😳 I actually hugged the walls. I seemed a hug some comfort but there was no hug in sight. Both my parents are narcissists and they both talk with him and take his side. I cling to God and hope for a way out
Those who do not understand will retraumatize you if you try to explain what is happening. It adds another layer of pain when you are already in agony. Usually these people are narcissistic themselves. The divorce process is hellish, but totally worth the feeling of freedom and regaining your sense of self at the end. So glad I am free of this person who sought to destroy me even as he claimed to love me, the pathological liar. So grateful for UA-camrs like you. The mental health professionals did not know anything about cluster B's and most either joined him in abusing me, or helped him learn new vulnerabilities to use against me. Just ridiculous and unnecessary. Which is a pretty good description of the "man" himself.
My mom possibly. I tried to explain to her soo many times what it was like being with my ex, that he was yelling names into my ear in a rapid machine-gun like pace and volume. He was dismissive, disrespectful, arrogant, jealous, possessive, angry, and on and on. The tiptoeing to avoid the daily arguments. She did not blink or question it , or thought it was wrong. He helped renovate my house , in her eyes that makes it all okay again. I've been thinking my mom may be a narc , but it's so uncertain. She doesn't call me names, but every time I start talking about something that affects me , she turns around and makes it about her, how this is affecting her. Every single time. Mostly it's when I talk about how I feel that my 10 year old son lives in another country :(
Wow. I was you. I stayed for the kids, and for the promises that turned out to be empty. I'm finally bailing out at the age of 56, the kids are grown and doing their own thing. Since we have a grandson & our daughter does the family dinners at her home most of the time, we'll still run into each other. But I'm on the healing journey already, and by the time we hit the holidays, I will be strong enough to deal in a sting and balanced way. I've finally done it. Wish I had t been so scared or duped to do it years ago. But the lessons, growth, and experiences along the way were necessary, so it's all good in the end. I'm on my way!
I too am 56. It's been 34 years. I've been denying the need to end it since 2012. Now to untangle the financial mess and finally do it. I fear it damaged my children. 4 daughters. One estranged now, who is dealing with her own struggles and blames me apparently. I love them all and tried so hard, and yet my dream of a happy family isn't to be. I pray my oldest overcomes her own struggles before it infects her young family as well. Such an awful, toxic demon. So painful and destructive. Your points of having someone that actually cares about you. A soulmate and best friend/lover. I think I used to know what that felt like. I read about it and daydream of the actuality. Isn't it odd how they could almost fake such in the beginning? Like something, somewhere inside them knows how it's supposed to be. They know enough that they have to play act it in the beginning of a relationship to hook you, but apparently also know on some level that they are expected to behave a certain way, but can't honestly do it. Can't muster the actual emotions and caring. And they grow to resent us for wanting it. I'm slowly getting to the point of healing, even though I'm still here and he's still here, syphoning the financial life out of me. I pity him. The poor soul will never truly experience the depth of human love and emotion. How very sad for him. I pray for his soul. He also completely faked the whole 'faith, family and church' thing for a few years. He never has come to know Christ. Just went through the motions. I am ever so thankful that we as a family attended church together and my girls know the Lord. But the fate of his soul worries me. As much anger and pain as he has caused me, I would never wish for his eternal separation from Christ. I hate this demon.
I’m 59 and tragically while we were trying to help our narc we took our eye off the ball and my beautiful son took his own life. Selfish does not describe the narc. No support in our loss man child only thinks of himself.
I left a marriage of almost 26 years 7 weeks ago and I am regrouping and figuring out how i am going to support myself. My husband happens to be an attorney and has used scare tactics for years. Telling me he knows the law and i won't come out of this as good as i think. I have come to the conclusion that God/the universe does not intend for someone to have to live in this! Stepping out sober minded in faith trusting the path to rise up to meet me.
You are absolutely right! God did not put us on this earth to be someone's doormat. He gave us all unique gifts to share with the world. It's impossible to do that when a narcissist has you held captative in an emotional prison!
I'm still too scared to make public posts, but similar to you, Ginna. Married 26 years and left the marriage seven weeks ago. Homeschooling housewife here.
Hopefully you found an excellent attorney who knows how to empower you and he/she will get you a judge who is fair and an advocate for children, if any minors are still in the home. Be strong.
I truly hope that the man you met that treats you so well ,continued to do so. I found that we keep attracting narcissists over and over again until we are healed. So many “ nice” “ wonderful” “ caring” guys turned out to be narcissists.The beginning they hook you by pretending to be what you need/ want ,then once they have you the mask falls off and the abuse starts.
You can tell a genuine person when they truly listen to what you say and respond with good humor or something actually related, rather than a rehearsed and empty canned statement. My bf would just sigh and say, “you’re so smart” or great, or whatever- but he lacked humor. He wasn’t able to keep a conversation going, he wanted me to shut up & stay put so that he could begin talking and lecturing me.
@Daisy Lane I know exactly how you feel,I trust no one and spend most of my time alone..I’ve also had the same problem with whom I considered male friends always crossing the line. I wish I could find a straight female friend that’s not a narcissist too .One can only wish/ hope.
I've been married for almost 30 years and I feel so lonely. You just described my life. Even the reasons I am still on this relationship. Last couple of months I started ignoring him. I only speak what's needed. I love my space and really enjoy journaling. I see he's trying not to loose his temper, but I can tell he is loosing his patience. I don't care anymore. He's getting at the edge because he lost control over me. This week he lost his temper just because I mentioned for us to take our son out to dinner since it was his birthday. Before I used to feel down and very anxious. This time I didn't give a damn about him. I was calm. That's when I realized that I am on the right path. However, his presence makes me uncomfortable. He carries a cloud of negative energy. Always complaining. Hopefully my light is strong enough to push that cloud away lol
You've not only discovered what the problem is, you've come to accept that it won't change and you have to guard yourself and your heart. Do not underestimate how HUGE those strides are and how far you've come. What you do going forward is up to you, but you are armed to handle a battle with a narcissist! Good Luck!!! ~ N
38 years for me and I am just learning what all this is. Stayed for the kids and was able to be a stay at home Mom. Now it's radical acceptance. Just trying to get through each day ignoring each other.
Promises Promises I remember it well. I heard those shallow promises over and over , oh and the gaslighting made me feel like I as going mad. As one supportive friend said " he was a feeder, fed off your goodness until he left you a shell of who you were, and then sources another to feed on". So true.
My narcissist ex-husband used to say 'no man will put up with you '. So much of what you say resonates with me because someone married to a narcissist experiences things on a different level. And your personality seems somewhat like mine. I too realized my dad had tendencies of narcissism which led to my thought process.
They want you to feel like no one else will want you so you dont leave and continue to be supply for them! Fat chance! I finally walked away from that loser!!!!
My current narcissistic husband tells me whenever I wanna leave or want a way out of this marriage always tells me the same thing no one is gonna put up with my BS like he does or loves me like he does ..I have 3 kids with him and he makes it so difficult for me to leave he threatens me and tells me he’s gonna take away the kids as he doesn’t lose anything or would lose in court either and that’s scares the hell out of me I don’t wanna lose my children as they hate him and don’t wanna be with him at all
This is my mom right now. I’m her 15 year old daughter and always see her act happy for me. I know the situation now and what her in laws have done to her. She is the most just person in the world and doesn’t teach me and my two siblings to hate him or anything, and she is fully aware of her situation as well. And what my father has done. I wanna work so hard to get her out of this.
@Kiwana Hawkins YOU'RE on your way.......Stay STRONG and SAFE..... DON'T BACK DOWN, especially as he will TRY to keep you under his "SPELL".....Wishing YOU all the BEST 👍💪🤞❤️
I can relate so much! I’m trying to figure out how to leave. Married 48 years, he has knocked out any self esteem I had, my family and friends don’t know how he is, they only see the charismatic man, eloquent speaking, wit. I stayed for my kids as well, now I just feel spent.
It’s never too late to leave and find the peace you deserve. Don’t worry about what others think. Your happiness and sanity are what matters. Go to your kids if nothing else. They probably know as well as you do who he is behind closed doors. Sending prayers and hugs your way💖 ~ N
I am sorry you have been going through this for so long. It makes me sad that so many of us are going through this. My only true solace is that EVERYONE AROUND ME notices how he is. His own parents tell him not to treat me the way he does (though they don’t truly understand the extent of his verbal abuse). He tries to tell our kids that I am the problem because I do x, y, z. My children know. They have asked me why I stay. Thank goodness they are older and are completely aware because he treats them the same way. Thank you for this video. I will be watching it again and taking notes when he is not around and I am fearing that he will grab my device to read what I am writing! I am so done. I wish things were different.
Being married to a narc is like living in hell on earth and the devil is your husband..so thankful I scraped up the energy from somewhere to leave and get far away..people don't understand unless they have been through it..my only advice is leave and never look back and don't let them near your kids..
I’m dealing with it now.. hardest thing I’ve in my life I’ve ever been through, going through major health problems by myself.. listening to this had my crying my eyes out
I'm so sorry to hear this. When we are in that weakened state, it takes very little to bring us to tears. Once we recognize the situation, it's painful. You're not alone, there is hope and healing once you leave. Wishing you the best ~ N
I left a week ago. In the days that followed I received dozens of texts and calls every day. My only response was to tell him I was blocking him. Then he switched to email. 65 per day. But now we are on day 8 and only 1 message. It gets better. I’m already feeling so much better. Freedom is a beautiful thing. Just realized I need to change my profile picture!
After 27 years I finally made him leave today. I had no idea for so long that this was what was going on. I had convinced myself (with his help of course) that I needed to love him more, be kinder, not voice my opinions as much, etc., etc., etc. I hit my lowest point about a month ago where I actually thought I couldnt make it another day and started searching for answers. I have no idea what I am going to do and I feel like I'm in a free fall. He made me quit working 4 years ago and has made me feel like the craziest, dumbest, ugliest person to ever breathe. It hasn't even been a full day and he has already started trying to turn my kids against me (which they have lived through it all the same as me and know what to expect). The guilt I feel because they lived this mess with me is overwhelming right now. And I am so confused by the empathy I feel for him. WHY? I just need some peace and maybe a glimmer of happiness.
2 years ago I left my narcissist of 30 years. In addition to being a narc he was/us an alcoholic. Everything you are saying is spot on. I just found you and I’m so glad I did. I’m going to watch all If your videos. Thank you.
I can’t live like this anymore but I can’t seem to leave! Afraid of what it will do to my kids, I would be literally starting over since I work in the home running a daycare! Help
It's a life long learning and healing process for you and the children for sure and some may even sadly become the same :( just in that sad realization now..
I felt exactly that way about my kids! And they were 19 and 22 and were hardly at home. I didn’t want to break up the family. It’s still hurting and I feel guilt like I should’ve stayed because 28 years is a long time I didn’t know anything else. I left 3 years ago. Had a nervous breakdown. He didn’t make it easier with flying monkeys gaslighting etc.
Take a deep breath my friend. Take it slow. You’ll know what and when to do what you should. It’s not easy I know believe me. 28 years for me and I stayed mostly for the kids. I’ll be praying for you. ☺️
I honestly don't know if this so-called man is a narcissist but the signs that I have read he fits it to the T. It has gotten to a point in my marriage to where I hate him to death. I have a plan as well, but I don't care if he knows are not. About 7 years ago he was physically abusive why I didn't leave then I don't know, but now I understand that it was I was afraid that no one would want me because I'm plus size and I started believing all this shit he kept telling me and all the while he was lying, cheating, and even had a whole baby on me. I'm fed up and now I have to go. He's selfish and only cares about him he needs to be by himself or with someone other than me. I'm gone. Thank you group for listening.
You deserve so much more! No one has the right to make you feel like less of a person! I hope you find the strength to leave and be the beautiful, happy woman you should be...away from him! Hugs ~N🌸
i have to wait for my daughter to finish 6th form before i can leave .. im going throught complete slander he degrades me constantly attacks and tells people im an alcoholic that im bad tempered .. he tells my daughter i will die on a life support machine and she'll have to watch ..so she better respect him if she wants to live with him .. i have developed chronic thyroid issues which i cant come to grips with because of the stress . i have no parents no friends as we have been together 28yrs .. we met when i was 15. by the way i dont have a bad temper im very placid , if a react finally to his extreme torcher usually by bursting in to tears his reaction to this is i have anger issues .. i have a bottle of wine occasionally as he is a muslim he sees this as im an alcoholic.. hypocrisy bites as he drinks his bottles of beer when he feels like it . i used to think i was the problem as i had quite a damaged childhood . but i now no i have a future waiting for me .
Hello ladies i am experiencing this now and grew up with narc parents...the best solution is to listen to your inner voice and cover all tracks when leaving these bastards because they will smear your name to make them look good and i don't have any family either just me and my kids and yes they will try to isolate you for further abuse...but its best to do grey rock method with him and make moves while their working and go no contact if possible...see with mines when i went no contact he would text asking about our kid which he really could care less about...but if you knkw anything about magic or having it done i suggest that as well cause i did that and it revealed all the hidden bs he was doing behind my back it all came to light...stay strong ladies we hold the power and all we have to do is cut their asses short...peace and blessings to you all...karma never loses an address and yes these narcs will get what they deserve.
Thank you so much for this video. I have watched hundreds of Narc videos but, I find you really relatable. I was married for 23 years and I am just starting down this yellow brick road.
I just broke contact with my ex husband. It was really hard, but I'm glad I did it. Now I truly can begin healing. I was no angel in the relationship either, but he pushed me to the point of doing all the things i did.
For anyone who feels surprised that they aren’t receiving support from their so-called friends, rest in the assurance that new friends are out there. I believe I had three friends when I was leaving, and we’re still friends.
Thank you for the video. I have been in a 14 year marriage with a woman who has now separated from me because of my narcissistic tendencies. I did a lot throughout the years to try to make up for my shortcomings. There were apologies and acts of kindness and of giving. But in the end, the overall dark cloud I carried with me and the manipulation I was bearing down on her were too much. Now we live together (because of finances) caring for our two children, but are emotionally separated with no physical contact. It's strictly business (the children, finances, etc). Every once in a while we can laugh about something together, but it's hit and miss, so I just appreciate when I'm afforded those moments. I have learned a lot about myself in this process and I'm thankful to her for allowing me to see it. I believe some people with narcissistic tendencies can change. Perhaps there are some or maybe most who can not. But I have committed myself to learning about this disorder (disease?) of the mind, which is why I'm here watching your videos and have been scouring the internet and bookstores about the topic. I am ashamed of the way I have behaved in the past and what it has done to my marriage and my family. Thankfully, I'm learning to put aside whatever degree of narcissism I have and live with my family for the time being and making the most of this time by not acting as I have in the past. Somedays are better than others. Sometimes I have to catch myself when making a comment and try to understand how that comment will be perceived given the context. I have come to accept that my spouse will at some point ask me to move out and I am prepared for that moment. I understand why. I am willing to give her whatever is needed to somehow salvage her emotional stability. It is as if I have woken up from a drinking binge and now have to own up to the damage I've done. Hearing your stories only furthers my resolve to right whatever I can.
Exactly how my husband and I lived, except we are older than you both. He died September 29th of throat cancer because of smoking and alcoholism. I'm glad I stayed and was able to be there through his diagnosis, treatments, hospitalizations and eventual death. It was a lonely life but now I still have years to live life the way I choose. He is now free and in a better place! (I came to the conclusion as well that he was a narcissist, the pattern was there.)
Dear Sir, thank you for sharing this. I have asked my still legal husband to divorce me quietly and live under the same roof for the sake of the kids, but no sex and intimacy. He (the narcissist) said no. 20 year relationship. Youngest child is seven. I don't want to break the hearts of our children
I am so impressed at your ability to change and see things for how they truly are. This is the first time i've seen a narcissist that has woken up. It is very rare. Keep up the good work, there is so much hope for you!
Narcissistic personality disorder involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. Others often describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding.
We’re going on 17 years. I don’t know what else to do anymore. I’ve tried everything. This video made my cry, as if you were telling my life story and explaining what I’ve been going through/ feeling. I’ve voiced I want out and all I hear is that things will change and he spoils me for like a week or two then back to the same old things of constant lying and distances. He has cheated on me in the past but somehow feeling so alone in a relationship is the worst and and the thought of being alone away from him and not having to worry, stress, anxiety, waiting for things to get better feels so good and like a dream come true. I really appreciate your UA-cam channel for so long I felt like this was normal and just my life and the only one going through it. It’s nice to hear that I’m not and hear others experiences. I’m beyond grateful. This is not easy to just talk about. Thank you.
He’s tormenting me he’s been tormenting me for 31 years almost 32 years a week after I met him it began but I thought I was dealing with a stubborn hardheaded man I thought we could work together it’s a living hell I keep asking God for divine intervention I am so confused about everything it’s a good thing I took documentation of what he’s done to me but it’s caused me to have triggers an emotional pain in the past year and a half or more
I am planning on leaving my husband after 25 years. I finally got a realization from my therapist that he was a covert narcissist. I knew it before. But for som reason I needed to hear it. It has been effecting my children and I know I have to change. And get out. I am isolated and I don’t know how to get support.
Kelli Brooks continue seeing your therapist or one who understands emotional abuse. Have a consultation with an attorney (or 2) and find out what you’re entitled to according to your state. Feel free to email me. nmarie350@gmail.com. 🌸
sounds like my whole life story. I filed for divorce from my narc husband of 8 years. Thank God for strength to be able to get out of this situation. Knowing who I am dealing with I realized why this went on for so long. They're takers not givers!!
You have helped me it was not until I saw your video to know there was a name for what I lived thru with my ex husband for 20 years. If I could I would hug you and let you know how grateful I stumbled upon this video. Thank you Thank you thank you
I’m dealing with a covert narcissist so he pretends to care which has made it hard to understand what was happening to me throughout my 9 year marriage. I’ve seen him slaughter others and spread lies in order to gain control and manipulate others to do and think what he says. Thank you for sharing your view of your experience with the world. Your story helps us not feel so alone.
Oh my. Commenting again! You said that you had this fear that someone was going to say, "Pack your bags...time to go back". Wow. I have had that fear a few times...like I am just on vacation and will have to go back. Also, I used to say ALL the time, I should just be alone because I am alone anyway. It was so so so lonely and painful to watch other couples interacting and relating normally, especially since I was married, but did not have that myself. So lonely. I can relate to your videos so much.
Thank you for these videos! In my case, he controls my relationship with my children (he incites their hatred toward me, and turns down the hatred volume when I behave the way he wants). I don't know how to explain it, but this is perhaps the most heart breaking part of it. My children are my life, and I do not know how to live without them, but staying is destroying me.
Thank you for that video. I am going through a narcissistic marriage and we have three kids together. I just try grey rocking or stone walling, whatever it is called. But I am not too neutral we still joke, but then sometimes he pushes the boundaries and says or does something very inappropriate.
I know exactly what you’re going through. It will take a permanent change for you to be free of the toxicity. I hope you have a counselor or therapist to help you navigate. Don’t go through this alone. For you and your children. Hugs and healing ❤️🩹 ~ N
@@oscarwilliamson1264 thank you so much. That photo was taken on the airplane, taking my then 13 year old daughter to Paris, a dream I had before she was born. So I was pretty happy 🤣🥰
I have been in contact with three apartment complexes and filled out the paperwork. I have transferred money from my savings/investments. Now I'm crying because I have to leave my big house in a beautiful neighborhood, leave my cats and dogs, leave my car out in a parking lot every night. I'm going to have to work more hours (from home, thank God) and worry about finances. My entire life will change. What I will be gaining is peace. I was looking forward to having my teenagers out of the house, only to find one 78-year-old smart ass still here forever. I consider this to be AN ESCAPE!
Thank you for sharing your journey. I was married to a narcissist for 10 years and didn't know it until I saw a psychologist during our divorce. 10 years later and I still get triggered by some painful memory but am so thankful to have my family and friends to lean on.
I'm happy for you! Having people who love you in your life, makes all the difference. Thank you so much for sharing. Those of us who are healing need to know, not only are we not alone, this process does not happen overnight. Thank you again!
@@NarcissistsSchmarcissists omg I am totally fan girling right now! I am so thankful that I found your channel as it has been very therapeutic for me. Every thing you say is spot on! These narcs are a devil in disguise. They are so charming all while turning your whole world into a dark cave you don't ever think you will escape. I love hearing you speak of your father (my sincere condolences for your loss). My father is also my rock and is in his 70s now and has health issues. For me it started in high school. I worked nights so my ex narc would come see me at work and leave poems and roses on my car and eventually I saw my best friends less and less. A month after high school graduation he wanted to get married and I said no b/c we were 19 and my parents would not be happy. He said who cares what your parents think and I said I CARE! Some how he charmed me into the idea of getting married. I remember bawling when telling my parents b/c its not what I wanted. I wanted to go to college and see the world but instead got married and moved to his small town where he grew up next to his parents. Two months after we married he showed rage and nearly whipped me with a clothes hanger and was screamed at. That was the first red flag for me. I told him I do not deserve to be treated that way and my father would be very disappointed that he gave me away on our wedding day to a man that treats his daughter like this. I also told him I wanted a divorce. My ex narc then wrote me a charming poem and apologized to me for calling me horrible names and I forgave b/c I was young and wanted to prove everyone wrong that getting married young wasn't a mistake and that we could work it out so I stayed. Couple years went by and then his range came out again and my new name was bitch, cunt, fat, ugly. My name was no longer Jessica. My brain and heart began the phase of survival mode and then my heart was numb to the point that those god awful names were the new normal. I was depressed and in a fog and was too embarrassed to tell anyone so went to work each day with a big smile as though everything was perfect. Behind closed doors was not the case. Not even close. He joined the army in 2000 and was called up a year after we married and came back about a year later. He was different he said he saw bad things but it didn't affect him. I gave him time. He then started to see his army friends and one was a girl he needed to look at her furnace and brought clean clothes in case he got dirty he says. I was so naive. He never really came back to me as he had an affair when in Iraq but never told me and we even went on to have one daughter together and when she was 1 yr old is when he began abusing our dogs. Strangling them against the garage and throwing them againat the wall and putting a glove on to punch them as I screamed for him to stop but he threatened to divorce me and we had a daughter so I kept my mouth shut. I told myself if he ever hit our daughter or myself then that would be the breaking point and I would leave. By this time he was sexually, mentally, verbally abusing me. The physical abuse finally started. He would take a dull butter knife and jab me in the stomach. I would say ouch stop it and he said relax I'm joking. I knew it wasn't right but I was deep in that fear fog that he had over me. His mom brought him to behavioral health one night and she told me that he was having issues with his parents divorce when he was a boy. I believed her and didnt question it. I found out later thru my lawyer during our divorce that he was there due to extreme thoughts of wanting to stab me. My lawyer couldnt believe that I was just finding out. I sat in front of my lawyer and bawled and ran out and called my parents and told them my narc ex was thinking of stabbing me and we cried together for a long time. My ex got the most expensive lawyer where we live and he asked for a home study expert be hired to evaluate each of us. The results came back in court and the judge and home study expert concluded that I put my daughter above everything in my life and her dad did not (during divorce/custody hearing it was revealed he had an affair and his girlfriend was pregnant). I was awarded primary physical custody and he had supervised visitation and was charged with adultery and was forced to seak professional counseling for his narcissisiscm. I was in shock and sobbed uncontrollably as I felt the weight of a narc lifted off of me. During our year long divorce I was seeing a psychologist and she diagnosed me with battered women's syndrome. Like you say just because you don't see bruises doesn't mean we are not being abused. After the divorce was over, my daughter and I moved on and it was great! I thought all men were evil and never wanted to be married again. Couple years later I met my now husband and I still remember when he called me by my name... Jessica. I was confused and I told him my journey and that I was called horrid names and now I know what a real man is like. My daughter is now 13 yrs old and my now husband and I gave her two little brothers. Some days are hard when triggers happen and put you right back into those horrible memories but I am so lucky to have survived and am living in the light now. Sorry this got so long. That is my journey and I wished I would have screamed it loud that I was being abused but no one thinks your abused until you have a black eye or a bloody lip so I was silenced for years. Love the awareness you are spreading. Much love to you and your family 💞
Mine wrote me a letter for me to give to my next husband. In that letter he stated about "I was never happy" "I was controlling" "ungrateful" "doesn't matter what you do, it's never enough" "no one will ever love her the way I do" "she needs a pussy-husband" " one day you will take the pink glasses off & see the truth" "you can't handle the truth" later I discovered that he was "projecting" who he was and had been in the relationship, he also accused me of "cheating" later it was confirmed that all my suspicions, gut feelings and intuition was correct, he was the one cheating and no for one moth, year, etc. We were together for 20 years and married for 17. You are 100% correct, we live in a false la, la, la land filled with false promises and lies, so many lies that healing that false perception of reality becomes the biggest struggle of the move on process. There is a term that defines what hold us on for many years "Malignant optimism" - when they say "No one will love you the way I do" pray for that to be the truth because I rather be unloved by someone that be loved that way ever again. Thank you for sharing your story, I feel like as I find testimonies like yours, I can find the voice to share and help others as well.
Im there... So many of your comments reflect in my life, even my situation with my boys. When I was told I had cancer I was alone, every check-up I was alone. My DR. became upset one day and asked where the hell my wife was and if she was gonna be at my surgery? When I told her she went 1 check up and took me when I had surgery. Not for me but to save face. I'm am also a diabetic and she shops for food I can't or shouldn't eat which hurts. My 3 boys are nearly all grown. I'm 53 and have been married 24 years. I feel used up and.burnt out but thankfully for.my kids and dogs am grounded in loving and being loved. I also know I deserve to feel loved by another but that's for later - I'm a mess and will be going to therapy. Thanks for the video.
Please dont give up. I am still there with a auto immune disease caused by trauma and stress. You HAVE to be the master of your mind and healing will start. Do for you. So you can give to your boys. It takes time but it works. Your hapiness soley relies on what u think. Prayers. Hugs and peace upon your body and soul.
My children were 6 and 10. HE got the children!!!! By the time I had the strength to leave, I didn't fight. He told me EVERY time I said I was done, that I would NEVER get custody. This went on for 9 years. I was happy to get out with my life. But never forgave myself. My eldest became his supply. She was damaged so badly. Even before I left. From being part of the toxicity. From my mental illness as a result of the abuse. Raised by a narcissist.
Sad, that THESE DEADBEATS, use kids as targets......I hope 1 day, our son sees right THROUGH him, just like his sister does......How low can you go, to "USE" the children??🤞🤞
I cry constantly in private due to the fact he tells me something is wrong with me if I cry in front of him. We have 5 children. He has always told me he pays the bills and I won't make with out him. Or that there is no one else out there like him. I'm dead inside.
Wanted to thank you so much for your videos and your courage! Being with a Narcissist husband for 30 long years because like you”! My children; they’re grown now my son just turned 21 and he’s the one who clarify to me about his father being a Narcissist and to educate myself more about, I finally left him and I know everyone says leave but it’s very difficult when you don’t have anybody and not even the support of your own family and on top of that your Mom and even my own daughter being Narcissist themselves 😔
I have just discovered your channel. Patricia Evans wrote the primer on verbal and emotional abuse. Hope your followers can pick up her books. Echoes what you are saying. Thank you for sharing your story. It’s been mine too. Except we don’t have kids together. Doubly heartbreaking since we were together when we were kids, had 30 yrs apart, and then reunited. It was so romantic. He was everything I dreamed of! Unfortunately- he is a nightmare.
OMG! yes every word, Im going thtough now. mine is a 15yr relationship, 8yrs of disturbed marriage! I dtill at time can't believe I didn't see it, I was so head over heels in love with? I know now in love with myself... hr asked me I told him what I wanted. and what made it worse, from the 1st year he was in an affair for 7yrs. how stupid and blind I was and still am. the only thing thats helping is listening to people like you, thank you so much, I have a ways to go, I know I'll be ok one day. Because he piece by piece tore and distroyed me & my life. There's not much left, he humiliated me with he's next supply, abandon me with no support, was out with health & medical issues. his verbal abuse drove me to call police, his threats on my life. he says that justified why he left. I could go on but Im sure you know what's going to happen before I do. I'll continue to follow, Im sure it will help me get through the rest. thank you. LUCIA
My god, are we sisters?! Pretty much same story!! Been married to a narc for 23 years! I can’t take it anymore! Of 5 kids, the baby is 16. It is time to get out! Thanks for sharing!
Me too... from February 17th to 23rd being 49 years married... Thank you for you report of the journey, I realize (NOW) that was what I was dealing with. But it is still so sad to watch him Self emplode. Still love all his family, and getting to know mine again. While I was in the hospital nearly dieing, he ridiculed them so they wouldn't come to visit ever again...just now after 15 years he'd done that to them. Hurt and lies, nothing but hurt and lies... I don't remember how to be who I was, but slowly finding out... Pray for me that I have time to make it thru this journey as I had a heart attack due to the stress of dealing with him. Thank you for showing me your journey , so I might find my way through mine... and that I was and am ok... now. Thank you
Sending you hugs, prayers and strength for a full recovery...emotionally and physically. You will find yourself again, slowly but surely. The peace you deserve will be yours. ~ N
It’s not just women that go through this. I am a guy and in a bad marriage. There is NO ONE to talk to about it. Not even counselors. I have been promised change that never comes. Promised this, that and the other and never see it come to fruition. I’d rather be alone. Unfortunately, I am NOT the bread winner and feel trapped financially. Feel like I am losing my mind.
PTPOP I’m sorry to hear this. My Facebook page has a private group with men and women who know this situation all too well. We all need to vent and share. Not everyone understands this. The page is the same name as my channel
I'm so sorry for you, 9 months and I was done with confusion, 0 contact is the must, no and if or buts with no contact because I got hoovered many times. no contact at all people if you want freedom. They will never love or change. HURT is all they do on nice souls so keep your loving soul and give the next real person a real chance, love still exist.
I feel your pain. I was married to a covert narcissist for 18 years. Then met an overt narcissist. Therapy has helped me, also working out a lot to release endorphins. But also self positive affirmations all day. I also use an acronym that helps me. HALT, when I’m Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. So, I either eat, meditate take a deep breathe, call a friend or sleep. I sleep a lot… It helps me heal. Good luck everyone. It is TRULY exhausting dealing with these assholes. ❤️❤️❤️😘😘😘
The best way to exit any toxic relationship/marriage is to exit it within far earlier than physically and practically leaving it behind. The uncertainty about exiting is mostly created by the narcissist’s gaslighting and the repetitive various ways of constantly being demeaned and belittled.
Also married 24 years to a narcissist. Just completely blocked him on every contact path. He's going ballistic, of course. I'm researching restraining orders. Our older son has already blocked him. Meanwhile he's bleeding our younger son dry.
18 years for my 4 kids and me now. Me and my 2 oldest sons already plan our physical runaway to another city, waiting for 2021 when my 2 youngest graduate school. Do wish us luck. I used to worry that if we leave, this covert yet malignant narc might try and commit suicide. But now.. I realize I have 4 other lives who need my attention more than he does. He can do what he wants to himself.
I've been going through this type of relationship for 8 yrs. I lost my husband & thought this was the next relationship God had planned for me. It wasn't God...I've been so manipulated...I am so sad and embarrassed...how could I let this happen? I was not looking up anything on narcissism tonight but ur 1st video showed up. I see that now that it was 6yrs ago...but had such an impact on me. Um still in the middle of it & so depressed but thank you for your testimony.
Congratulations, my dear. I'd still be pretty if I had the awareness and strength to leave 22 years ago. 11 years with the first one, 6 months with a live in, and now 35 years with this one.
@@lioydwilliams1850 I do, don't I? Thank you for your kind words. I'm starting to surround myself with better vibe people. It's helping. I know I'll get out. And I'm starting to believe that I will.... BEFORE I go insane or get cancer again.
I just got married 3 months ago 😢 crying hearing this. Together for 5 years with a 3 year old. He used his dad as an excuse to leave us. I was willing to stay for our daughter but I don’t know if I’ll be able to deal with his narcissist ways. He tells everyone I kicked him out His own dad says he’s damaged goods
Im 27 years with a man who was always aloof, indifferent then constantly sick. I felt my duty was to stay. He was disabled but never could get through to a stonewalling, cold man. Im so shocked. As I discarded the smear campaign started..im just devastated both emotionally and financially...i felt alone most of the time.... Mine would do the same breadcrumbs along the way......
Connie W I’m sorry to hear this. It gets worse before it gets better. You will heal, given the time and space away from the toxic environment. Hugs ~ Nora 🌸
I was also 24 years in a narcissistic marriage. I started watching you when I was planning to leave. Now I am finally free and I am with a loving man but I realize now trust no-one. This is so unfair to him, when will I ever learn to trust again.
I’m so happy to hear you are no longer in an abusive, lonely relationship! I applaud your bravery for leaving. I understand your feelings all too well. It is unfair to a loving partner to be subjected to our fears when they are innocent of those actions. I hope you have a professional to talk to to help you through those feelings. I myself am once again seeing a therapist and it’s working wonders for where I am in my healing. Hugs and healing to you ❤️🩹 ~ Nora
That’s what I’m going through right now. I tried leaving twice and he always finds a way back and promises he’ll change and try and I always believe hell I still do. I try to build the strength to leave but I just can’t
Hi good morning Gabbie mother of 5 from California was married 17 years we have 4 kids together ages 14,12,10,8 my bipolar narcissist husband walked out on me I was devastated at first how dare you leave he wants no contact with me nor my kids. In the beginning I was lost I felt like drug withdrawals. I started school and when I depended on his help he ghosted me and my kids learning to educate myself it’s been 3 months he left 10/2019 and little by little yes with counseling we are better without him
You are so beautiful! Im glad you got away my sister. Im in a marriage now. We have a 7 year old little girl. Im here cause of her. But im trying to get out! I cant stand to be around him anymore! I just dont want him to keep hurting her mentally.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate you messaging me back. Ive watched quite a few of your videos and I know that you had to deal with it as a child also. Ill start making a plan. And thank you so so much!
I'm 6 years in with 2 little girls. I wish I had seen this years ago. I am a victim. Looking back I saw the signs before we were married. I have to leave. I want to be happy again. My husband is a very negative person but also very complimentary at the same time.
I know how u felt. I didnt even know what a narcissist meant even while living with one. A huge part of me is dead today. I dont remember what it means to be happy and alive anymore. I just pretend to the world like iam fine. Narcissists are such good actors showing the world how great they are. He made sure i have no friends. Everyone i know for over 20 yrs are all his friends. I have kids and i have nowhere to go. I have decided to stay till they are grown up and out of the house. Eagerly waiting to live in peace someday.
Trying to leave. He’s a horrible person. How do you leave when he controls everything?? I cant go no contact, we have kids, been married 18 years, i have no support. No friends, no family to go to. I live in another country where im not allowed to work. I cannot escape.
😢 i don't know how i got myself here?! 7 years into a HORRIBLE relationship. The prime example of a narcisse, yet I'm still here!! I've said for years "I'm leaving!" Yet, not a step closer to being out. I'm at the point where I'm too ashamed to tell people what's going on, cause im STILL HERE!! I always feel like an idiot! It seems so simple.. if you're not happy, leave.. well.. I'd say the same, but its not that easy! Even my own mom stayed in an abusive relationship for 21 years! God please, not me!! "Make me into a bird, so i can fly far, far, far away from here"
Don't be ashamed to tell someone you trust. A friend or family member. They may not understand but they may be willing to help you leave a relationship that is making you miserable. There is no shame in this. Please share with someone. You're not an idiot and you're not alone. Hugs ~ N
You’re not the only one to feel like that and let me assure you that you are not an idiot. You have had the misfortune of entering a relationship, in good faith, with a very damaged human being. Narcissists are just plain nasty, they thrive on hurting you and esp messing with your head. You are not the problem. If it’s too difficult for you to leave atm, try to at least detach emotionally/psychologically ( if not already done ) and try to no react and stay calm when provoked. Easier said than done but practice helps. Be good to yourself.
You're right, it's not easy. Not cut and dry the way outsiders think it is. I hope you have a counselor or someone you can talk to. That will help you tremendously!
@@Booboonancy This is EXCELLENT advice for anyone still in a relationship with a narcissist. I, fortunately am not. Thank you so much for sharing this! Many people will read it and I pray it helps them!
TRUST your BEST FRIEND...... THEY'LL HELP YOU, NO MATTER what..........Mine did, and I have been "FREE for 4and 1/2 yrs........ THANKS to her, I MADE IT!!!!👍❤️💪🤗
Can't go no contact when you have 4 kids with him. I'm terrified to leave because he goes mini psycho if I just go out for the night. But I'm still trying to ...can't wait to be on the other side of this... anxious all the time. I'm 15 yrs in. I have 1 foot out the door. He knows he's losing his power with me and he is not happy about it.
I still had one in high school and a daughter going off to college. I knew I had to hang on so they got what they needed. I stayed in it for them. In my heart and mind it was over 6 or 7 years before I finally walked out
+Narcissists Schmarcissists wow honestly I applaud you. People will say if mama ain't happy nobody's happy but I think u did the right thing cuz kids are too self absorbed, sadly, to know we're miserable. U can live freely now knowing u gave 110%!!! My parents waited to divorce till I was 18 & honestly I'm grateful
Hi from a foreign country... I saw many others videos, but yours spoke to my hurt because you described exactly the position I'm right now. I'm trying to leave a 25 years marriage, with two adults boys, 20 and 18 years old. I'm getting therapy but I want to hear it from you. Please tell me about the reactions of your children. Did they understand you? How your ex narc reacted? I feel stucked in the situation. I know that my future will be brighter without him but I'm afraid for my children and the manipulative tactics that he is going to use upon them. He realised that i'm not intrested on him anymore and he is offering them money and the attention that never had for them all these years. I know that all these are not true but they don't. Please give me an answer.
ΕΛΕΝΗ ΜΟΡΕΛΟΥ your future will be brighter without him! It’s a series of highs and lows. High at first. Then, the divorce process starts and they are unbearable! It gets easier and in the end it is all worth it!! Your kids, after all is said and done, will understand. He will do his best to manipulate them. Prepare yourself...he might win. There’s a lot of healing you and your kids need to go through once you leave him. It all takes time. Prayers to you and your family 🌸
Narcissists Schmarcissists Thanks for your reply. I'm praying to God every day to help me and my kids get through this difficult situation . Thank you again.
I’m going on one month of the silent treatment from him. Yet he tries to wake me up all night. I’m so done but a housewife for 21 years. Need financial independence badly
If you feel finances are dictating your situation, perhaps you could see an attorney to find out what you’d be entitled to in a divorce? Most attorneys will give you a free consultation. I understand how difficult this is and seeing an attorney is a huge step. Feel free to reach out. nmarie350@gmail.com
@@NarcissistsSchmarcissists oh Tysm I will reach out to you! I just have a senior and a sophomore and idk if I should move forward with it rn when my senior is trying to learn calculus from his bedroom! But I am beyond miserable! Tysm for your stories. Xx
I was looking up if it was possible for two people to actually love eachother after 3 yrs... i am brainwashed, there can be a man out there who isnt a crazy and love me, im ok.
When i heard the part about the partner not wanting to know, or caring to know, short answers, not wanting to be involved... These are the same actions a person does when they find out they are with a Narcissist because they will be looked at like the bad guy. Also these actions are done when the respect is lost for the partner in response to an unforgivable or unjustifiable act that caused a wound never closed. Not calling you a Narcissist but ive been with a Narcissist that played victim and researched Narcissism and tried to say I was one.. But when asked Was i one i stated i think i may have narcissistic traits. When they were asked they were 100% sure they are not. AND thats the difference for a Narcissist refuses to be seen in a negative light and wont admit but for an adult, being self aware and taking self accountability for damage you may have cause is a way of evolution and growing. Something Narcissist cannot do.
I think I follow what you are conveying. It's not uncommon for a 'victim' or target, to take on some of their traits as a defense mechanism. However, we are not our true selves, when we are with a narcissist. They bring out the worst in us.
be married and living under the same roof is the loneliness place a women can be. its so dark. I have a plan to leave. but he can't know.
Chasing fireflys I understand. Being with a narcissist is extremely lonely. I’m happy to hear you have a plan. Stick to it! It’s SO worth it in the end!
I will, thank you.
Im also having a plan for myself. But im weak to walk and drop 15yrs of marriage. 5yrs a housewife.
Praying for you sister.
It is so true. I am in the same situation.
He told me that I’d miss him...I told him I will not miss the put downs, the lies, the manipulation or the no empathy!
Like a dog misses fleas!!! LOL
@@NarcissistsSchmarcissists
Mine told me I could never get over him.
Waaa go cry me a river twat
Mine told me I wouldn't be able to survive without him
Jaja 🤣🤣🤣 that's what they want us to believe!!!! Love your answer
I felt your pain when you said how alone you felt. I would go in my bathroom and cry, but I'd lean against the wall, the wall was almost like being hugged.
Being with a narcissist is lonelier than simply being alone. I hope you are free of that pain and misery!
I feel this so much 🥺
☹️☹️😭
OMG 😳 I actually hugged the walls. I seemed a hug some comfort but there was no hug in sight. Both my parents are narcissists and they both talk with him and take his side. I cling to God and hope for a way out
This made me cry because I understand
Just ended my 19 years of marriage. Dealt with emotional abuse the entire time. Thank you for sharing:)
Those who do not understand will retraumatize you if you try to explain what is happening. It adds another layer of pain when you are already in agony. Usually these people are narcissistic themselves. The divorce process is hellish, but totally worth the feeling of freedom and regaining your sense of self at the end. So glad I am free of this person who sought to destroy me even as he claimed to love me, the pathological liar. So grateful for UA-camrs like you. The mental health professionals did not know anything about cluster B's and most either joined him in abusing me, or helped him learn new vulnerabilities to use against me. Just ridiculous and unnecessary. Which is a pretty good description of the "man" himself.
Thank you for sharing :)
@R.A. What are cluster B's?
My mom possibly. I tried to explain to her soo many times what it was like being with my ex, that he was yelling names into my ear in a rapid machine-gun like pace and volume. He was dismissive, disrespectful, arrogant, jealous, possessive, angry, and on and on. The tiptoeing to avoid the daily arguments. She did not blink or question it , or thought it was wrong. He helped renovate my house , in her eyes that makes it all okay again. I've been thinking my mom may be a narc , but it's so uncertain. She doesn't call me names, but every time I start talking about something that affects me , she turns around and makes it about her, how this is affecting her. Every single time. Mostly it's when I talk about how I feel that my 10 year old son lives in another country :(
@@lucialuciferion6720 she doesnt wanna see it.
I also stayed in my 30yr marriage bcz of my 2 son's but now I'm out.. In a different country & NO CONTACT!!
This will be me some day. No matter how long it takes I'll be free one day. Thank you so much for sharing.❤
What did your two sons say when you finally separated? how did they take it?
Wow. I was you. I stayed for the kids, and for the promises that turned out to be empty. I'm finally bailing out at the age of 56, the kids are grown and doing their own thing. Since we have a grandson & our daughter does the family dinners at her home most of the time, we'll still run into each other. But I'm on the healing journey already, and by the time we hit the holidays, I will be strong enough to deal in a sting and balanced way. I've finally done it. Wish I had t been so scared or duped to do it years ago. But the lessons, growth, and experiences along the way were necessary, so it's all good in the end. I'm on my way!
Good for you. It's never too late.
I too am 56. It's been 34 years. I've been denying the need to end it since 2012. Now to untangle the financial mess and finally do it. I fear it damaged my children. 4 daughters. One estranged now, who is dealing with her own struggles and blames me apparently. I love them all and tried so hard, and yet my dream of a happy family isn't to be. I pray my oldest overcomes her own struggles before it infects her young family as well. Such an awful, toxic demon. So painful and destructive.
Your points of having someone that actually cares about you. A soulmate and best friend/lover. I think I used to know what that felt like. I read about it and daydream of the actuality. Isn't it odd how they could almost fake such in the beginning? Like something, somewhere inside them knows how it's supposed to be. They know enough that they have to play act it in the beginning of a relationship to hook you, but apparently also know on some level that they are expected to behave a certain way, but can't honestly do it. Can't muster the actual emotions and caring. And they grow to resent us for wanting it. I'm slowly getting to the point of healing, even though I'm still here and he's still here, syphoning the financial life out of me. I pity him. The poor soul will never truly experience the depth of human love and emotion. How very sad for him. I pray for his soul. He also completely faked the whole 'faith, family and church' thing for a few years. He never has come to know Christ. Just went through the motions. I am ever so thankful that we as a family attended church together and my girls know the Lord. But the fate of his soul worries me. As much anger and pain as he has caused me, I would never wish for his eternal separation from Christ. I hate this demon.
I’m 59 and tragically while we were trying to help our narc we took our eye off the ball and my beautiful son took his own life. Selfish does not describe the narc. No support in our loss man child only thinks of himself.
I left a marriage of almost 26 years 7 weeks ago and I am regrouping and figuring out how i am going to support myself. My husband happens to be an attorney and has used scare tactics for years. Telling me he knows the law and i won't come out of this as good as i think. I have come to the conclusion that God/the universe does not intend for someone to have to live in this! Stepping out sober minded in faith trusting the path to rise up to meet me.
You are absolutely right! God did not put us on this earth to be someone's doormat. He gave us all unique gifts to share with the world. It's impossible to do that when a narcissist has you held captative in an emotional prison!
I'm still too scared to make public posts, but similar to you, Ginna. Married 26 years and left the marriage seven weeks ago. Homeschooling housewife here.
Hopefully you found an excellent attorney who knows how to empower you and he/she will get you a judge who is fair and an advocate for children, if any minors are still in the home. Be strong.
same sames😢
I truly hope that the man you met that treats you so well ,continued to do so. I found that we keep attracting narcissists over and over again until we are healed. So many “ nice” “ wonderful” “ caring” guys turned out to be narcissists.The beginning they hook you by pretending to be what you need/ want ,then once they have you the mask falls off and the abuse starts.
You actually took the words out of my mouth. This could just be love bombing stage before the devalue stage commences.
You can tell a genuine person when they truly listen to what you say and respond with good humor or something actually related, rather than a rehearsed and empty canned statement. My bf would just sigh and say, “you’re so smart” or great, or whatever- but he lacked humor. He wasn’t able to keep a conversation going, he wanted me to shut up & stay put so that he could begin talking and lecturing me.
Yes...the lovebombing. So attentive and caring...in the beginning.
@Daisy Lane I know exactly how you feel,I trust no one and spend most of my time alone..I’ve also had the same problem with whom I considered male friends always crossing the line. I wish I could find a straight female friend that’s not a narcissist too .One can only wish/ hope.
I've been married for almost 30 years and I feel so lonely. You just described my life. Even the reasons I am still on this relationship. Last couple of months I started ignoring him. I only speak what's needed. I love my space and really enjoy journaling. I see he's trying not to loose his temper, but I can tell he is loosing his patience. I don't care anymore. He's getting at the edge because he lost control over me. This week he lost his temper just because I mentioned for us to take our son out to dinner since it was his birthday. Before I used to feel down and very anxious. This time I didn't give a damn about him. I was calm. That's when I realized that I am on the right path. However, his presence makes me uncomfortable. He carries a cloud of negative energy. Always complaining. Hopefully my light is strong enough to push that cloud away lol
You've not only discovered what the problem is, you've come to accept that it won't change and you have to guard yourself and your heart. Do not underestimate how HUGE those strides are and how far you've come. What you do going forward is up to you, but you are armed to handle a battle with a narcissist! Good Luck!!! ~ N
38 years for me and I am just learning what all this is. Stayed for the kids and was able to be a stay at home Mom. Now it's radical acceptance. Just trying to get through each day ignoring each other.
@@NarcissistsSchmarcissists 2
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Promises Promises I remember it well. I heard those shallow promises over and over , oh and the gaslighting made me feel like I as going mad. As one supportive friend said " he was a feeder, fed off your goodness until he left you a shell of who you were, and then sources another to feed on". So true.
My narcissist ex-husband used to say 'no man will put up with you '. So much of what you say resonates with me because someone married to a narcissist experiences things on a different level. And your personality seems somewhat like mine. I too realized my dad had tendencies of narcissism which led to my thought process.
They want you to feel like no one else will want you so you dont leave and continue to be supply for them! Fat chance! I finally walked away from that loser!!!!
Mine would say men that would want me would only want to use me for sex.
My current narcissistic husband tells me whenever I wanna leave or want a way out of this marriage always tells me the same thing no one is gonna put up with my BS like he does or loves me like he does ..I have 3 kids with him and he makes it so difficult for me to leave he threatens me and tells me he’s gonna take away the kids as he doesn’t lose anything or would lose in court either and that’s scares the hell out of me I don’t wanna lose my children as they hate him and don’t wanna be with him at all
Same thing he said to me.
@@nichellehowell I came here to comment the same thing! I eventually realized that, no, that is how HE saw me.
This is my mom right now. I’m her 15 year old daughter and always see her act happy for me. I know the situation now and what her in laws have done to her. She is the most just person in the world and doesn’t teach me and my two siblings to hate him or anything, and she is fully aware of her situation as well. And what my father has done. I wanna work so hard to get her out of this.
Thank you for this message. I am trying to get my courage to leave. I want to be happy.
We all deserve happiness. Be brave, things will get better. You've made up your mind you just need to put a plan in place to find your happiness.
@Kiwana Hawkins YOU'RE on your way.......Stay STRONG and SAFE..... DON'T BACK DOWN, especially as he will TRY to keep you under his "SPELL".....Wishing YOU all the BEST 👍💪🤞❤️
I can relate so much! I’m trying to figure out how to leave. Married 48 years, he has knocked out any self esteem I had, my family and friends don’t know how he is, they only see the charismatic man, eloquent speaking, wit. I stayed for my kids as well, now I just feel spent.
It’s never too late to leave and find the peace you deserve. Don’t worry about what others think. Your happiness and sanity are what matters. Go to your kids if nothing else. They probably know as well as you do who he is behind closed doors. Sending prayers and hugs your way💖 ~ N
I am sorry you have been going through this for so long. It makes me sad that so many of us are going through this. My only true solace is that EVERYONE AROUND ME notices how he is. His own parents tell him not to treat me the way he does (though they don’t truly understand the extent of his verbal abuse). He tries to tell our kids that I am the problem because I do x, y, z. My children know. They have asked me why I stay. Thank goodness they are older and are completely aware because he treats them the same way. Thank you for this video. I will be watching it again and taking notes when he is not around and I am fearing that he will grab my device to read what I am writing! I am so done. I wish things were different.
Oh wow!! I am totally going through the same thing! I'm so glad I found your youtube channel!
Yumi Wilson, you deserve better
Yumi Wilson,You don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!
Being married to a narc is like living in hell on earth and the devil is your husband..so thankful I scraped up the energy from somewhere to leave and get far away..people don't understand unless they have been through it..my only advice is leave and never look back and don't let them near your kids..
Hilary Herrington,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!
I’m dealing with it now.. hardest thing I’ve in my life I’ve ever been through, going through major health problems by myself.. listening to this had my crying my eyes out
I'm so sorry to hear this. When we are in that weakened state, it takes very little to bring us to tears. Once we recognize the situation, it's painful. You're not alone, there is hope and healing once you leave. Wishing you the best ~ N
u r in my thoughts and prayers ❤
@@lollybananasGOD BLESS YOU BE ENCOURAGED YOU’RE NEVER ALONE♥️
I left a week ago. In the days that followed I received dozens of texts and calls every day. My only response was to tell him I was blocking him. Then he switched to email. 65 per day. But now we are on day 8 and only 1 message. It gets better. I’m already feeling so much better. Freedom is a beautiful thing. Just realized I need to change my profile picture!
After 27 years I finally made him leave today. I had no idea for so long that this was what was going on. I had convinced myself (with his help of course) that I needed to love him more, be kinder, not voice my opinions as much, etc., etc., etc. I hit my lowest point about a month ago where I actually thought I couldnt make it another day and started searching for answers. I have no idea what I am going to do and I feel like I'm in a free fall. He made me quit working 4 years ago and has made me feel like the craziest, dumbest, ugliest person to ever breathe. It hasn't even been a full day and he has already started trying to turn my kids against me (which they have lived through it all the same as me and know what to expect). The guilt I feel because they lived this mess with me is overwhelming right now. And I am so confused by the empathy I feel for him. WHY? I just need some peace and maybe a glimmer of happiness.
2 years ago I left my narcissist of 30 years. In addition to being a narc he was/us an alcoholic. Everything you are saying is spot on. I just found you and I’m so glad I did. I’m going to watch all
If your videos. Thank you.
Sending you hugs and healing ~ N
@@NarcissistsSchmarcissists thank you for responding.
Kay.. I am in that same position now. My husband is a narcissist and an alcoholic. It is a very sad life.
I can’t live like this anymore but I can’t seem to leave! Afraid of what it will do to my kids, I would be literally starting over since I work in the home running a daycare! Help
@Sandi how are you doing ?
It's a life long learning and healing process for you and the children for sure and some may even sadly become the same :(
just in that sad realization now..
I felt exactly that way about my kids! And they were 19 and 22 and were hardly at home. I didn’t want to break up the family. It’s still hurting and I feel guilt like I should’ve stayed because 28 years is a long time I didn’t know anything else. I left 3 years ago. Had a nervous breakdown. He didn’t make it easier with flying monkeys gaslighting etc.
I understand 110%
Take a deep breath my friend. Take it slow. You’ll know what and when to do what you should. It’s not easy I know believe me. 28 years for me and I stayed mostly for the kids. I’ll be praying for you. ☺️
I honestly don't know if this so-called man is a narcissist but the signs that I have read he fits it to the T. It has gotten to a point in my marriage to where I hate him to death. I have a plan as well, but I don't care if he knows are not. About 7 years ago he was physically abusive why I didn't leave then I don't know, but now I understand that it was I was afraid that no one would want me because I'm plus size and I started believing all this shit he kept telling me and all the while he was lying, cheating, and even had a whole baby on me. I'm fed up and now I have to go. He's selfish and only cares about him he needs to be by himself or with someone other than me. I'm gone. Thank you group for listening.
You deserve so much more! No one has the right to make you feel like less of a person! I hope you find the strength to leave and be the beautiful, happy woman you should be...away from him! Hugs ~N🌸
Just found this page and it’s a relief knowing that there are others going through this and I’m not crazy.
i have to wait for my daughter to finish 6th form before i can leave .. im going throught complete slander he degrades me constantly attacks and tells people im an alcoholic that im bad tempered .. he tells my daughter i will die on a life support machine and she'll have to watch ..so she better respect him if she wants to live with him .. i have developed chronic thyroid issues which i cant come to grips with because of the stress . i have no parents no friends as we have been together 28yrs .. we met when i was 15. by the way i dont have a bad temper im very placid , if a react finally to his extreme torcher usually by bursting in to tears his reaction to this is i have anger issues .. i have a bottle of wine occasionally as he is a muslim he sees this as im an alcoholic.. hypocrisy bites as he drinks his bottles of beer when he feels like it . i used to think i was the problem as i had quite a damaged childhood . but i now no i have a future waiting for me .
You do have a future waiting for you. Don't stay in that situation any longer than you have to!
Hello ladies i am experiencing this now and grew up with narc parents...the best solution is to listen to your inner voice and cover all tracks when leaving these bastards because they will smear your name to make them look good and i don't have any family either just me and my kids and yes they will try to isolate you for further abuse...but its best to do grey rock method with him and make moves while their working and go no contact if possible...see with mines when i went no contact he would text asking about our kid which he really could care less about...but if you knkw anything about magic or having it done i suggest that as well cause i did that and it revealed all the hidden bs he was doing behind my back it all came to light...stay strong ladies we hold the power and all we have to do is cut their asses short...peace and blessings to you all...karma never loses an address and yes these narcs will get what they deserve.
Hey. How are you and your daughter now?
Yes So good for you!! You will have a future, god doesn't want women in abusive relationships
He needs to watch not without my daughter ughhhhh yuck! You can do whatever the hell you want. Your a grown a** woman! These narcs are something else
Thank you so much for this video. I have watched hundreds of Narc videos but, I find you really relatable. I was married for 23 years and I am just starting down this yellow brick road.
Pam Demic,you don't deserve to be with a narcissist!
I just broke contact with my ex husband. It was really hard, but I'm glad I did it. Now I truly can begin healing. I was no angel in the relationship either, but he pushed me to the point of doing all the things i did.
They make us feel like we were to blame.
For anyone who feels surprised that they aren’t receiving support from their so-called friends, rest in the assurance that new friends are out there. I believe I had three friends when I was leaving, and we’re still friends.
Thank you for the video. I have been in a 14 year marriage with a woman who has now separated from me because of my narcissistic tendencies. I did a lot throughout the years to try to make up for my shortcomings. There were apologies and acts of kindness and of giving. But in the end, the overall dark cloud I carried with me and the manipulation I was bearing down on her were too much. Now we live together (because of finances) caring for our two children, but are emotionally separated with no physical contact. It's strictly business (the children, finances, etc). Every once in a while we can laugh about something together, but it's hit and miss, so I just appreciate when I'm afforded those moments. I have learned a lot about myself in this process and I'm thankful to her for allowing me to see it. I believe some people with narcissistic tendencies can change. Perhaps there are some or maybe most who can not. But I have committed myself to learning about this disorder (disease?) of the mind, which is why I'm here watching your videos and have been scouring the internet and bookstores about the topic. I am ashamed of the way I have behaved in the past and what it has done to my marriage and my family. Thankfully, I'm learning to put aside whatever degree of narcissism I have and live with my family for the time being and making the most of this time by not acting as I have in the past. Somedays are better than others. Sometimes I have to catch myself when making a comment and try to understand how that comment will be perceived given the context. I have come to accept that my spouse will at some point ask me to move out and I am prepared for that moment. I understand why. I am willing to give her whatever is needed to somehow salvage her emotional stability. It is as if I have woken up from a drinking binge and now have to own up to the damage I've done. Hearing your stories only furthers my resolve to right whatever I can.
Exactly how my husband and I lived, except we are older than you both. He died September 29th of throat cancer because of smoking and alcoholism. I'm glad I stayed and was able to be there through his diagnosis, treatments, hospitalizations and eventual death. It was a lonely life but now I still have years to live life the way I choose. He is now free and in a better place! (I came to the conclusion as well that he was a narcissist, the pattern was there.)
Dear Sir, thank you for sharing this. I have asked my still legal husband to divorce me quietly and live under the same roof for the sake of the kids, but no sex and intimacy. He (the narcissist) said no. 20 year relationship. Youngest child is seven. I don't want to break the hearts of our children
I am so impressed at your ability to change and see things for how they truly are. This is the first time i've seen a narcissist that has woken up. It is very rare. Keep up the good work, there is so much hope for you!
Narcissistic personality disorder involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. Others often describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding.
It exactly the way u describe it...its unreal the mirage others see
We’re going on 17 years. I don’t know what else to do anymore. I’ve tried everything. This video made my cry, as if you were telling my life story and explaining what I’ve been going through/ feeling. I’ve voiced I want out and all I hear is that things will change and he spoils me for like a week or two then back to the same old things of constant lying and distances. He has cheated on me in the past but somehow feeling so alone in a relationship is the worst and and the thought of being alone away from him and not having to worry, stress, anxiety, waiting for things to get better feels so good and like a dream come true. I really appreciate your UA-cam channel for so long I felt like this was normal and just my life and the only one going through it. It’s nice to hear that I’m not and hear others experiences. I’m beyond grateful. This is not easy to just talk about. Thank you.
It’s ptsd,,triggering flashbacks, sounds , smell, touch,,sights...Keep God in your thoughts and ask to remove all this,, it honestly will ease up.
He’s tormenting me he’s been tormenting me for 31 years almost 32 years a week after I met him it began but I thought I was dealing with a stubborn hardheaded man I thought we could work together it’s a living hell I keep asking God for divine intervention I am so confused about everything it’s a good thing I took documentation of what he’s done to me but it’s caused me to have triggers an emotional pain in the past year and a half or more
I am planning on leaving my husband after 25 years. I finally got a realization from my therapist that he was a covert narcissist. I knew it before. But for som reason I needed to hear it. It has been effecting my children and I know I have to change. And get out. I am isolated and I don’t know how to get support.
Kelli Brooks continue seeing your therapist or one who understands emotional abuse. Have a consultation with an attorney (or 2) and find out what you’re entitled to according to your state. Feel free to email me. nmarie350@gmail.com. 🌸
I am happy you are now in a healthy relationship. I am trying to find an exit plan. I will check out your book.
Knowing you need a plan is your first step! You are on your way! Reach out any time!
Soon as I say anything or confront him about how he talks to me or treats me. He blames me for misinterpreting what he said. Shuts me down in a flash.
Not all narcissists are the same. Mine would ask how I was. He still was cruel, lied, gaslit me and a narcissist.
sounds like my whole life story. I filed for divorce from my narc husband of 8 years. Thank God for strength to be able to get out of this situation. Knowing who I am dealing with I realized why this went on for so long. They're takers not givers!!
They only give headaches and heartaches!
Thank you ! I love your honesty u r a beautiful lady inside & out your ex must be hating himself for screwing up & not going for counseling
You are telling my story! As I listened the first time, I said almost every phrase exactly nanoseconds ahead of your story. Thank you for sharing!!
You have helped me it was not until I saw your video to know there was a name for what I lived thru with my ex husband for 20 years. If I could I would hug you and let you know how grateful I stumbled upon this video. Thank you Thank you thank you
I would hug you right back❤️🩹
I’m dealing with a covert narcissist so he pretends to care which has made it hard to understand what was happening to me throughout my 9 year marriage. I’ve seen him slaughter others and spread lies in order to gain control and manipulate others to do and think what he says.
Thank you for sharing your view of your experience with the world. Your story helps us not feel so alone.
Oh my. Commenting again! You said that you had this fear that someone was going to say, "Pack your bags...time to go back". Wow. I have had that fear a few times...like I am just on vacation and will have to go back. Also, I used to say ALL the time, I should just be alone because I am alone anyway. It was so so so lonely and painful to watch other couples interacting and relating normally, especially since I was married, but did not have that myself. So lonely. I can relate to your videos so much.
Thank you for these videos! In my case, he controls my relationship with my children (he incites their hatred toward me, and turns down the hatred volume when I behave the way he wants). I don't know how to explain it, but this is perhaps the most heart breaking part of it. My children are my life, and I do not know how to live without them, but staying is destroying me.
Thank you for that video. I am going through a narcissistic marriage and we have three kids together. I just try grey rocking or stone walling, whatever it is called. But I am not too neutral we still joke, but then sometimes he pushes the boundaries and says or does something very inappropriate.
I know exactly what you’re going through. It will take a permanent change for you to be free of the toxicity. I hope you have a counselor or therapist to help you navigate. Don’t go through this alone. For you and your children.
Hugs and healing ❤️🩹 ~ N
Thanks for your honesty! It helps to hear others have tough times too. Not that I’d wish it on you or anyone!!! But we all go through it. Thank you!!!
weisabunny,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news
@@oscarwilliamson1264 thank you so much. That photo was taken on the airplane, taking my then 13 year old daughter to Paris, a dream I had before she was born. So I was pretty happy 🤣🥰
Just found your channel and I'm glad I did!
You are so beautiful!
Thank you for sharing your story!
💜❤💙
Much love to you, all the way from Germany!
TheMetamorphosisOfGipsy
Sending love all the way back to Germany! Thank you for watching
🌸🇩🇪😉❤️
It is a daily walk to healing. I walk with my lord jesus.
Thank you for your videos. You have no idea how much you are helping others out there. Thank you and God bless you. Have a great life!!!👍
Thank you 💕
I have been in contact with three apartment complexes and filled out the paperwork. I have transferred money from my savings/investments. Now I'm crying because I have to leave my big house in a beautiful neighborhood, leave my cats and dogs, leave my car out in a parking lot every night. I'm going to have to work more hours (from home, thank God) and worry about finances. My entire life will change. What I will be gaining is peace. I was looking forward to having my teenagers out of the house, only to find one 78-year-old smart ass still here forever. I consider this to be AN ESCAPE!
Thank you for sharing your journey. I was married to a narcissist for 10 years and didn't know it until I saw a psychologist during our divorce. 10 years later and I still get triggered by some painful memory but am so thankful to have my family and friends to lean on.
I'm happy for you! Having people who love you in your life, makes all the difference. Thank you so much for sharing. Those of us who are healing need to know, not only are we not alone, this process does not happen overnight. Thank you again!
@@NarcissistsSchmarcissists omg I am totally fan girling right now! I am so thankful that I found your channel as it has been very therapeutic for me. Every thing you say is spot on! These narcs are a devil in disguise. They are so charming all while turning your whole world into a dark cave you don't ever think you will escape. I love hearing you speak of your father (my sincere condolences for your loss). My father is also my rock and is in his 70s now and has health issues. For me it started in high school. I worked nights so my ex narc would come see me at work and leave poems and roses on my car and eventually I saw my best friends less and less. A month after high school graduation he wanted to get married and I said no b/c we were 19 and my parents would not be happy. He said who cares what your parents think and I said I CARE! Some how he charmed me into the idea of getting married. I remember bawling when telling my parents b/c its not what I wanted. I wanted to go to college and see the world but instead got married and moved to his small town where he grew up next to his parents. Two months after we married he showed rage and nearly whipped me with a clothes hanger and was screamed at. That was the first red flag for me. I told him I do not deserve to be treated that way and my father would be very disappointed that he gave me away on our wedding day to a man that treats his daughter like this. I also told him I wanted a divorce. My ex narc then wrote me a charming poem and apologized to me for calling me horrible names and I forgave b/c I was young and wanted to prove everyone wrong that getting married young wasn't a mistake and that we could work it out so I stayed. Couple years went by and then his range came out again and my new name was bitch, cunt, fat, ugly. My name was no longer Jessica. My brain and heart began the phase of survival mode and then my heart was numb to the point that those god awful names were the new normal. I was depressed and in a fog and was too embarrassed to tell anyone so went to work each day with a big smile as though everything was perfect. Behind closed doors was not the case. Not even close. He joined the army in 2000 and was called up a year after we married and came back about a year later. He was different he said he saw bad things but it didn't affect him. I gave him time. He then started to see his army friends and one was a girl he needed to look at her furnace and brought clean clothes in case he got dirty he says. I was so naive. He never really came back to me as he had an affair when in Iraq but never told me and we even went on to have one daughter together and when she was 1 yr old is when he began abusing our dogs. Strangling them against the garage and throwing them againat the wall and putting a glove on to punch them as I screamed for him to stop but he threatened to divorce me and we had a daughter so I kept my mouth shut. I told myself if he ever hit our daughter or myself then that would be the breaking point and I would leave. By this time he was sexually, mentally, verbally abusing me. The physical abuse finally started. He would take a dull butter knife and jab me in the stomach. I would say ouch stop it and he said relax I'm joking. I knew it wasn't right but I was deep in that fear fog that he had over me. His mom brought him to behavioral health one night and she told me that he was having issues with his parents divorce when he was a boy. I believed her and didnt question it. I found out later thru my lawyer during our divorce that he was there due to extreme thoughts of wanting to stab me. My lawyer couldnt believe that I was just finding out. I sat in front of my lawyer and bawled and ran out and called my parents and told them my narc ex was thinking of stabbing me and we cried together for a long time. My ex got the most expensive lawyer where we live and he asked for a home study expert be hired to evaluate each of us. The results came back in court and the judge and home study expert concluded that I put my daughter above everything in my life and her dad did not (during divorce/custody hearing it was revealed he had an affair and his girlfriend was pregnant). I was awarded primary physical custody and he had supervised visitation and was charged with adultery and was forced to seak professional counseling for his narcissisiscm. I was in shock and sobbed uncontrollably as I felt the weight of a narc lifted off of me. During our year long divorce I was seeing a psychologist and she diagnosed me with battered women's syndrome. Like you say just because you don't see bruises doesn't mean we are not being abused. After the divorce was over, my daughter and I moved on and it was great! I thought all men were evil and never wanted to be married again. Couple years later I met my now husband and I still remember when he called me by my name... Jessica. I was confused and I told him my journey and that I was called horrid names and now I know what a real man is like. My daughter is now 13 yrs old and my now husband and I gave her two little brothers. Some days are hard when triggers happen and put you right back into those horrible memories but I am so lucky to have survived and am living in the light now. Sorry this got so long. That is my journey and I wished I would have screamed it loud that I was being abused but no one thinks your abused until you have a black eye or a bloody lip so I was silenced for years. Love the awareness you are spreading. Much love to you and your family 💞
Mine wrote me a letter for me to give to my next husband. In that letter he stated about "I was never happy" "I was controlling" "ungrateful" "doesn't matter what you do, it's never enough" "no one will ever love her the way I do" "she needs a pussy-husband"
" one day you will take the pink glasses off & see the truth" "you can't handle the truth" later I discovered that he was "projecting" who he was and had been in the relationship, he also accused me of "cheating" later it was confirmed that all my suspicions, gut feelings and intuition was correct, he was the one cheating and no for one moth, year, etc. We were together for 20 years and married for 17. You are 100% correct, we live in a false la, la, la land filled with false promises and lies, so many lies that healing that false perception of reality becomes the biggest struggle of the move on process. There is a term that defines what hold us on for many years "Malignant optimism" - when they say "No one will love you the way I do" pray for that to be the truth because I rather be unloved by someone that be loved that way ever again. Thank you for sharing your story, I feel like as I find testimonies like yours, I can find the voice to share and help others as well.
Im there... So many of your comments reflect in my life, even my situation with my boys. When I was told I had cancer I was alone, every check-up I was alone. My DR. became upset one day and asked where the hell my wife was and if she was gonna be at my surgery? When I told her she went 1 check up and took me when I had surgery. Not for me but to save face. I'm am also a diabetic and she shops for food I can't or shouldn't eat which hurts. My 3 boys are nearly all grown. I'm 53 and have been married 24 years. I feel used up and.burnt out but thankfully for.my kids and dogs am grounded in loving and being loved. I also know I deserve to feel loved by another but that's for later - I'm a mess and will be going to therapy. Thanks for the video.
Sending prayers, hugs and healing 💕
Please dont give up. I am still there with a auto immune disease caused by trauma and stress. You HAVE to be the master of your mind and healing will start. Do for you. So you can give to your boys. It takes time but it works. Your hapiness soley relies on what u think. Prayers. Hugs and peace upon your body and soul.
Thank you so much for this video you don’t know how much I needed to hear this 🙏🏽😭
brownnie77 Fischer,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌷,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!
My children were 6 and 10. HE got the children!!!! By the time I had the strength to leave, I didn't fight. He told me EVERY time I said I was done, that I would NEVER get custody. This went on for 9 years. I was happy to get out with my life. But never forgave myself. My eldest became his supply. She was damaged so badly. Even before I left. From being part of the toxicity. From my mental illness as a result of the abuse. Raised by a narcissist.
Sad, that THESE DEADBEATS, use kids as targets......I hope 1 day, our son sees right THROUGH him, just like his sister does......How low can you go, to "USE" the children??🤞🤞
I cry constantly in private due to the fact he tells me something is wrong with me if I cry in front of him. We have 5 children. He has always told me he pays the bills and I won't make with out him. Or that there is no one else out there like him. I'm dead inside.
Wanted to thank you so much for your videos and your courage! Being with a Narcissist husband for 30 long years because like you”! My children; they’re grown now my son just turned 21 and he’s the one who clarify to me about his father being a Narcissist and to educate myself more about, I finally left him and I know everyone says leave but it’s very difficult when you don’t have anybody and not even the support of your own family and on top of that your Mom and even my own daughter being Narcissist themselves 😔
I have just discovered your channel. Patricia Evans wrote the primer on verbal and emotional abuse. Hope your followers can pick up her books. Echoes what you are saying. Thank you for sharing your story. It’s been mine too. Except we don’t have kids together. Doubly heartbreaking since we were together when we were kids, had 30 yrs apart, and then reunited. It was so romantic. He was everything I dreamed of! Unfortunately- he is a nightmare.
Thank you for sharing. I hope your nightmare has ended 🤍
OMG! yes every word, Im going thtough now. mine is a 15yr relationship, 8yrs of disturbed marriage! I dtill at time can't believe I didn't see it, I was so head over heels in love with? I know now in love with myself... hr asked me I told him what I wanted. and what made it worse, from the 1st year he was in an affair for 7yrs. how stupid and blind I was and still am. the only thing thats helping is listening to people like you, thank you so much, I have a ways to go, I know I'll be ok one day. Because he piece by piece tore and distroyed me & my life. There's not much left, he humiliated me with he's next supply, abandon me with no support, was out with health & medical issues. his verbal abuse drove me to call police, his threats on my life. he says that justified why he left. I could go on but Im sure you know what's going to happen before I do.
I'll continue to follow, Im sure it will help me get through the rest.
thank you.
LUCIA
Louise Solizmana,You deserve better 🙏🙏🤙
My god, are we sisters?! Pretty much same story!! Been married to a narc for 23 years! I can’t take it anymore! Of 5 kids, the baby is 16. It is time to get out! Thanks for sharing!
My daughter's senior year! Finally
Me too... from February 17th to 23rd being 49 years married...
Thank you for you report of the journey, I realize (NOW) that was what I was dealing with.
But it is still so sad to watch him
Self emplode.
Still love all his family, and getting to know mine again. While I was in the hospital nearly dieing, he ridiculed them so they wouldn't come to visit ever again...just now after 15 years he'd done that to them. Hurt and lies, nothing but hurt and lies...
I don't remember how to be who I was, but slowly finding out...
Pray for me that I have time to make it thru this journey as I had a heart attack due to the stress of dealing with him.
Thank you for showing me your journey , so I might find my way through mine... and that I was and am ok... now. Thank you
Sending you hugs, prayers and strength for a full recovery...emotionally and physically. You will find yourself again, slowly but surely. The peace you deserve will be yours. ~ N
@@NarcissistsSchmarcissists thank you, I hope so.
It’s not just women that go through this. I am a guy and in a bad marriage. There is NO ONE to talk to about it. Not even counselors. I have been promised change that never comes. Promised this, that and the other and never see it come to fruition. I’d rather be alone. Unfortunately, I am NOT the bread winner and feel trapped financially. Feel like I am losing my mind.
PTPOP I’m sorry to hear this. My Facebook page has a private group with men and women who know this situation all too well. We all need to vent and share. Not everyone understands this. The page is the same name as my channel
I'm so sorry for you, 9 months and I was done with confusion, 0 contact is the must, no and if or buts with no contact because I got hoovered many times. no contact at all people if you want freedom. They will never love or change. HURT is all they do on nice souls so keep your loving soul and give the next real person a real chance, love still exist.
I feel your pain. I was married to a covert narcissist for 18 years. Then met an overt narcissist. Therapy has helped me, also working out a lot to release endorphins. But also self positive affirmations all day. I also use an acronym that helps me. HALT, when I’m Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. So, I either eat, meditate take a deep breathe, call a friend or sleep. I sleep a lot… It helps me heal. Good luck everyone. It is TRULY exhausting dealing with these assholes. ❤️❤️❤️😘😘😘
for comfort see Kim Wilson TV she's very entertaining tells her story and holds no will she hold nothing back to put it that way
Your story is MY story. I’m so glad I found you. ❤thank you 🙏🏼
The best way to exit any toxic relationship/marriage is to exit it within far earlier than physically and practically leaving it behind.
The uncertainty about exiting is mostly created by the narcissist’s gaslighting and the repetitive various ways of constantly being demeaned and belittled.
Also married 24 years to a narcissist. Just completely blocked him on every contact path. He's going ballistic, of course. I'm researching restraining orders. Our older son has already blocked him. Meanwhile he's bleeding our younger son dry.
18 years for my 4 kids and me now. Me and my 2 oldest sons already plan our physical runaway to another city, waiting for 2021 when my 2 youngest graduate school. Do wish us luck. I used to worry that if we leave, this covert yet malignant narc might try and commit suicide. But now.. I realize I have 4 other lives who need my attention more than he does. He can do what he wants to himself.
I am wishing you SO much luck and sending hugs and prayers your way! You are so brave! Please send and update when you can. Hugs ~ N
Luv u and your channel so much! I have a narc Mother and son! I understand everything you are saying! Thank u so much for all you share
I've been going through this type of relationship for 8 yrs. I lost my husband & thought this was the next relationship God had planned for me. It wasn't God...I've been so manipulated...I am so sad and embarrassed...how could I let this happen? I was not looking up anything on narcissism tonight but ur 1st video showed up. I see that now that it was 6yrs ago...but had such an impact on me. Um still in the middle of it & so depressed but thank you for your testimony.
I just found your channel a few days earlier. Thank you very much for sharing your experience!!
Thank you for sharing and watching!
Congratulations, my dear. I'd still be pretty if I had the awareness and strength to leave 22 years ago. 11 years with the first one, 6 months with a live in, and now 35 years with this one.
Sally Jenkins Cunliffe, you deserve better
@@lioydwilliams1850 I do, don't I? Thank you for your kind words. I'm starting to surround myself with better vibe people. It's helping. I know I'll get out. And I'm starting to believe that I will.... BEFORE I go insane or get cancer again.
@@sallyjenkinscunliffe3877 you are welcome my dear.I am Lioyd from the States.You?
@@lioydwilliams1850 the States, yes
@@sallyjenkinscunliffe3877 Wow!,are you on hangouts or Gmail so we can always talk?
I just got married 3 months ago 😢 crying hearing this. Together for 5 years with a 3 year old. He used his dad as an excuse to leave us. I was willing to stay for our daughter but I don’t know if I’ll be able to deal with his narcissist ways. He tells everyone I kicked him out
His own dad says he’s damaged goods
Im 27 years with a man who was always aloof, indifferent then constantly sick. I felt my duty was to stay. He was disabled but never could get through to a stonewalling, cold man. Im so shocked. As I discarded the smear campaign started..im just devastated both emotionally and financially...i felt alone most of the time.... Mine would do the same breadcrumbs along the way......
Connie W I’m sorry to hear this. It gets worse before it gets better. You will heal, given the time and space away from the toxic environment.
Hugs ~ Nora 🌸
@@NarcissistsSchmarcissists thank you
Same here 27 years of hell
To those out there going through this, listen to the song “Over” by Baby Rose ❤ We are strong enough to make it.
I was also 24 years in a narcissistic marriage. I started watching you when I was planning to leave. Now I am finally free and I am with a loving man but I realize now trust no-one. This is so unfair to him, when will I ever learn to trust again.
I’m so happy to hear you are no longer in an abusive, lonely relationship! I applaud your bravery for leaving. I understand your feelings all too well. It is unfair to a loving partner to be subjected to our fears when they are innocent of those actions. I hope you have a professional to talk to to help you through those feelings. I myself am once again seeing a therapist and it’s working wonders for where I am in my healing.
Hugs and healing to you ❤️🩹 ~ Nora
You are so beautiful. That smile in the beginning of video. 😊🙌🏼
That’s what I’m going through right now. I tried leaving twice and he always finds a way back and promises he’ll change and try and I always believe hell I still do. I try to build the strength to leave but I just can’t
It is like an addiction. You must get counseling and leave. Be strong!
Hi good morning Gabbie mother of 5 from California was married 17 years we have 4 kids together ages 14,12,10,8 my bipolar narcissist husband walked out on me I was devastated at first how dare you leave he wants no contact with me nor my kids. In the beginning I was lost I felt like drug withdrawals. I started school and when I depended on his help he ghosted me and my kids learning to educate myself it’s been 3 months he left 10/2019 and little by little yes with counseling we are better without him
Short story. Even 8years later no marriage proposal. We have been married 4years. 3kids under 4years.
I'm done. Time to move on.
You are so beautiful! Im glad you got away my sister. Im in a marriage now. We have a 7 year old little girl. Im here cause of her. But im trying to get out! I cant stand to be around him anymore! I just dont want him to keep hurting her mentally.
I understand but really, you need to leave FOR her. They cause our children so much trauma and distress. Good luck ~ N
Thank you so much! I really appreciate you messaging me back. Ive watched quite a few of your videos and I know that you had to deal with it as a child also. Ill start making a plan. And thank you so so much!
I'm 6 years in with 2 little girls. I wish I had seen this years ago. I am a victim. Looking back I saw the signs before we were married. I have to leave. I want to be happy again.
My husband is a very negative person but also very complimentary at the same time.
I know how u felt. I didnt even know what a narcissist meant even while living with one. A huge part of me is dead today. I dont remember what it means to be happy and alive anymore. I just pretend to the world like iam fine. Narcissists are such good actors showing the world how great they are. He made sure i have no friends. Everyone i know for over 20 yrs are all his friends. I have kids and i have nowhere to go. I have decided to stay till they are grown up and out of the house. Eagerly waiting to live in peace someday.
Trying to leave. He’s a horrible person. How do you leave when he controls everything?? I cant go no contact, we have kids, been married 18 years, i have no support. No friends, no family to go to. I live in another country where im not allowed to work. I cannot escape.
😢 i don't know how i got myself here?! 7 years into a HORRIBLE relationship. The prime example of a narcisse, yet I'm still here!! I've said for years "I'm leaving!" Yet, not a step closer to being out. I'm at the point where I'm too ashamed to tell people what's going on, cause im STILL HERE!! I always feel like an idiot! It seems so simple.. if you're not happy, leave.. well.. I'd say the same, but its not that easy! Even my own mom stayed in an abusive relationship for 21 years! God please, not me!! "Make me into a bird, so i can fly far, far, far away from here"
Don't be ashamed to tell someone you trust. A friend or family member. They may not understand but they may be willing to help you leave a relationship that is making you miserable. There is no shame in this. Please share with someone. You're not an idiot and you're not alone. Hugs ~ N
You’re not the only one to feel like that and let me assure you that you are not an idiot. You have had the misfortune of entering a relationship, in good faith, with a very damaged human being. Narcissists are just plain nasty, they thrive on hurting you and esp messing with your head. You are not the problem. If it’s too difficult for you to leave atm, try to at least detach emotionally/psychologically ( if not already done ) and try to no react and stay calm when provoked. Easier said than done but practice helps. Be good to yourself.
You're right, it's not easy. Not cut and dry the way outsiders think it is. I hope you have a counselor or someone you can talk to. That will help you tremendously!
@@Booboonancy This is EXCELLENT advice for anyone still in a relationship with a narcissist. I, fortunately am not. Thank you so much for sharing this! Many people will read it and I pray it helps them!
TRUST your BEST FRIEND...... THEY'LL HELP YOU, NO MATTER what..........Mine did, and I have been "FREE for 4and 1/2 yrs........ THANKS to her, I MADE IT!!!!👍❤️💪🤗
you are beautiful ;)
You look great congratulations on your healing you’ll get there I did
You are a blessing to lots of people in similar situations. 🤗
Can't go no contact when you have 4 kids with him. I'm terrified to leave because he goes mini psycho if I just go out for the night. But I'm still trying to ...can't wait to be on the other side of this... anxious all the time. I'm 15 yrs in. I have 1 foot out the door. He knows he's losing his power with me and he is not happy about it.
u gave me hope thank u for your video 💓
You are so very welcome. Please keep watching and sending questions and comments. Nora :)
Wow if u give them an inch....so TRUE!!! how old were the kids when u knew in your mind I'm getting out soon
I still had one in high school and a daughter going off to college. I knew I had to hang on so they got what they needed. I stayed in it for them. In my heart and mind it was over 6 or 7 years before I finally walked out
+Narcissists Schmarcissists wow honestly I applaud you. People will say if mama ain't happy nobody's happy but I think u did the right thing cuz kids are too self absorbed, sadly, to know we're miserable. U can live freely now knowing u gave 110%!!! My parents waited to divorce till I was 18 & honestly I'm grateful
God bless you.
My mom went through the same thing.
I've seen it since I was 2 - but it was still impossible to get away for so long.
Hi from a foreign country... I saw many others videos, but yours spoke to my hurt because you described exactly the position I'm right now. I'm trying to leave a 25 years marriage, with two adults boys, 20 and 18 years old. I'm getting therapy but I want to hear it from you. Please tell me about the reactions of your children. Did they understand you? How your ex narc reacted? I feel stucked in the situation. I know that my future will be brighter without him but I'm afraid for my children and the manipulative tactics that he is going to use upon them. He realised that i'm not intrested on him anymore and he is offering them money and the attention that never had for them all these years. I know that all these are not true but they don't. Please give me an answer.
ΕΛΕΝΗ ΜΟΡΕΛΟΥ your future will be brighter without him! It’s a series of highs and lows. High at first. Then, the divorce process starts and they are unbearable! It gets easier and in the end it is all worth it!! Your kids, after all is said and done, will understand. He will do his best to manipulate them. Prepare yourself...he might win. There’s a lot of healing you and your kids need to go through once you leave him. It all takes time. Prayers to you and your family 🌸
Narcissists Schmarcissists Thanks for your reply. I'm praying to God every day to help me and my kids get through this difficult situation . Thank you again.
I’m going on one month of the silent treatment from him. Yet he tries to wake me up all night. I’m so done but a housewife for 21 years. Need financial independence badly
If you feel finances are dictating your situation, perhaps you could see an attorney to find out what you’d be entitled to in a divorce? Most attorneys will give you a free consultation. I understand how difficult this is and seeing an attorney is a huge step. Feel free to reach out. nmarie350@gmail.com
@@NarcissistsSchmarcissists oh Tysm I will reach out to you! I just have a senior and a sophomore and idk if I should move forward with it rn when my senior is trying to learn calculus from his bedroom! But I am beyond miserable! Tysm for your stories. Xx
@@JensJubilee123 I look forward to hearing from you. I sympathize with you not wanting to disrupt the lives of your children.
@@NarcissistsSchmarcissists I sent you an email
You are on point, im goin thru separation with a Narcissists at this very moment… thanks for sharing your story
Good luck to you! Sending you strength and healing💖
They are like a robot no emotions.
I was looking up if it was possible for two people to actually love eachother after 3 yrs... i am brainwashed, there can be a man out there who isnt a crazy and love me, im ok.
also very comforting Dana Morningstar from thriving after abuse. also Teal Swan she was abused she's more of a spiritual catalyst.
When i heard the part about the partner not wanting to know, or caring to know, short answers, not wanting to be involved... These are the same actions a person does when they find out they are with a Narcissist because they will be looked at like the bad guy. Also these actions are done when the respect is lost for the partner in response to an unforgivable or unjustifiable act that caused a wound never closed. Not calling you a Narcissist but ive been with a Narcissist that played victim and researched Narcissism and tried to say I was one.. But when asked Was i one i stated i think i may have narcissistic traits. When they were asked they were 100% sure they are not. AND thats the difference for a Narcissist refuses to be seen in a negative light and wont admit but for an adult, being self aware and taking self accountability for damage you may have cause is a way of evolution and growing. Something Narcissist cannot do.
I think I follow what you are conveying. It's not uncommon for a 'victim' or target, to take on some of their traits as a defense mechanism. However, we are not our true selves, when we are with a narcissist. They bring out the worst in us.