I was married to a narcissist for 3 years, am emotionally and spiritually destroyed since the divorce. Marrying her is one of the mistakes I regret most in my life......am afraid to love again. I once contemplated suicide am telling you this shit is exhausting I need your prayers guys.
That's the reason sooo many men dont wanna get marry at all , because of this chaotic and narcissistic people that existed in this universe including me biblically speaking!!!!!!! I wish you good luck dude !!! I hope you feel better now
Hang in there. Be strong and be good to yourself. Inner Integration is an excellent resource. I can relate to your experience. I'm divorcing my son's mother, after over 15 years of marriage, and after having been in a toxic relationship with her for over 17 years. Meredith Miller was so right all along. I wish I would've found her resources sooner. Not until I was in a situation with helpful and kind co-workers did I begin to see the toxicity and, then, I began to build up my self-esteem. That was circa 2015. Once I started sketching out some semblance of healthy boundaries, I was discarded circa 2017. She filed for divorce. But within a matter of months, she hoovered me back. I wanted to have faith that things would, somehow, change for the better. But I was wrong. She ended up kicking me out within a year, as I wasn't on that lease. But, then, she persuaded me to call off the divorce for the second time, this time promising to attend marriage counseling. I was naive and foolishly chose to believe her. She forced me out of my own house with her abusiveness, now that we actually bought a house together. Now, this is our third time starting up the divorce process. I have finally learned my lesson----to respect myself and not allow disrespect or abuse from anyone. Solidarity. Equanimity.
As soon as I did put that label on my ex, it was like a light went on - I fe;t like I finally woke up. As soon as i could I left, just packed up and left. Our divorce will be final soon. Its amazing how much you stop doubting yourself, as soon as that label is clear to you.
Dawn Mc42 ...I'm in the beginning stages. Husband has been away for a week +, voicing a need to talk about next steps, wanting to come home for financial reasons tho. Do you share children?
True once I was able to label him I had an awakening. I seen him for who he was. I was no longer afraid of him. I took my power back and cut off anyone including family who allowed him to still come in their space after the physical and mental abuse
I love your generation. Pulling off the blinders, tearing back the curtain to see the Fake Wizard of OZ. Articulating it to set people free. This generation rocks! Glad I gave birth to three of them, they, like you, are pretty amazing. Thank you Meredith for setting yourself free and helping others in the process.
Abuse amnesia is so self destructive for a narc victim. Journal every time. ..I didn't but wish I had. I went back 14 times to a narc psychopath. Thank you to Meredith to give me the insight, courage and perception to move on xx
I recorderd my ex insulting me and every time he tried to manipulate me I listen to the insults and then I remember everything he did and y can move on
I took a picture of his phone history, with all the porn I had found AGAIN- Three days ago. I am leaving, but I have a 9 year old and three year old and a three week old baby. And he is now blaming me for the break up because I yelled at him last night. Calling me crazy and what not. I know things will get better, but right now- I a emotional limbo on top of all of the hormonal postpartum crap... this really feels like torture and feel like he is getting off on the fact that he gets to say o am crazy for losing my temper ...I’ll stop before I ramble. Bit this video was good.
Some people seem to believe that physical abuse is easier than emotional abuse. What on earth can make anyone say that? No one deserves abuse of any sort. I was verbally and physically abused and I still get flashbacks. After 13 years of both, I finally divorced him. A few years later, during an xray by my chiropractor, I got a shock. The Chiropractor asked me, " have you been in an abusive relationship?" I said, " yes, why?". He said, " I see fingerprints around your windpipe." Both types of abusive treatment can have the same outcome.....your death.
You must decide for yourself. People cannot help you unless it is by Professionals. There are resources available for women like us. Determine in your own mind and heart what is vital for you and your child… too many innocent people die @ the hands of vicious family members. I married a second time. Never saw it coming.......same method even making death threats. I ran to a safe place and executed a restraining order. Then I left the State where he and I had lived. It is so true, these narcissistic people get angry when their supply figures them out. After the Police escorted him, they informed me that they dropped him off at another woman's house. He had another source. Good riddance.
Debbie D my ex said the same thing on multiple occasions and my answer was always the same as your's. I had been in an abusive marriage and got out after 15 years with my kids to a Womens Aid refuge. This was roughly 17 years ago. I don't know why he kept saying it, but now I'm here, I do.
Hi Family. I'm Rodney C Burris. I wrote a book about breaking cycles, and just wanted to share it here. I hope it confirms some things in your life as you keep going! (I share my own story of why this book was important to me, right on my channel -- [that video is called "An Intimate Moment", right on my homepage] --- I hope it touches your heart the same way it touched Mine): www.amazon.com/Get-Off-Cycle-Rodney-Burris/dp/1717179398/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1527290686&sr=8-1&keywords=Rodney+c+burris&dpID=51Oq%252Biw%252BG3L&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch
The best thing I ever did for my escape from this was to finally set down and look at the label that was put upon me. I soon realized I was not this person they claimed me to be. My evaluation of self told me it was time I start caring for me and to STOP taking care of the responsibilities and obligations that didn’t belong to me. I took away there blame they had over me and by caring for myself my anger towards them ended. Though this wasn’t the end of there attacks on me, it was however, the end of the strings they’d attached to me. It was all my fault. To go along with this for sooo long, thinking, I could ever please them by taking care of there every request of me when the only thing I had to do was to take care of my own responsibilities to SELF. I learned, this is not selfish, it is selfless. When you stop loving yourself, you stop loving everything and everyone near you. Love yourself, this is the only label you should be thinking of. Then, maybe you can love your neighbor with the love they deserve. Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
It's not just about seeing who the initial abuser us; it's also about realising that your initial injury occurred when you were a vulnerable child and now you are a resourceful intelligent adult. The trauma bond is to do with survival strategies and the solipsistic nature if young children but once you become an adult those strategies are destructive and stop you growing up into a self actualized adult
I'm so grateful that when I made my ex of 36 years leave he reacted not with love bombing me but by punishing me......I know that he already had other sources in place.......and I now know EXACTLY what he is......took awhile to implement full no contact....:like a freaking year......yes part of me still was hoping for him to love bomb me,so instead of allowing him to spew toxic shit at me i'm taking that pathetic creature to court.
I'm in 17 years with 2 boys (13&11) financially is so unstable paying rent a month is a feat. God bless you ladies! Any advice on first steps to get out asap I'm grateful for!! ❤️💓❤️💓
20 years, 3 boys. Absolutely crazy when you realize what you are married to and all the energy and time wasted. Scary to move on financially but my health requires ir
You are so right on the back and forth. I go from seeing him for who he is - maybe my bad behaviours made him turn on me the way he did. I’m working hard to break the trauma bond. Cause if I don’t I feel like I will go crazy.
Abuse amnesia. Thank you for giving me the term. You have no clue how much self-doubt my inability to remember is causing me. There’s some mental screen that rolls down whenEVER I try to recall specific incidents. But over a decade? I’m destroyed emotionally, plagued with sadness and memories of why I stayed-but so little that would validate my choice to leave for good this time. It’s torturous wondering if I made it up, exaggerated or wasn’t committed enough. Loving enough. Forgiving enough. Woman enough. Especially now that he remarried months later (divorce wasn’t finalized, still isn’t). This feels impossible.
My husband did to me what he wanted to do to his abusive stepmother for 38 years.This video is probably the best I have watched regarding this issue.Excellent work and thank you.
I refused to live with my husband's grown children because of denying, lying and stealing. So every September he would run me off as he said he needed to move one of his ex wife's daughters in to help them get on their feet. I would not hear from him until the next March and I always went back for 9 years. We had a great time til September rolled around and then I was out again. This March I did not go back, kept my apartment and we had a great time together until September and of course he was moving in another adult daughter as he said. No contact with him, no nothing until Thanksgiving and there he was on Facebook with another woman. And he was totally against anyone putting his picture on social media so I don't think he knew that the new one posted the picture and that I would see it. I did something I should not have done and sent the new one a message that he is married. Then his step daughter sent me pictures of him and her and told me, "leave my dad alone he is in love." Wow, then pictures of him and other women came flooding in. I would block a number and then another one would come. It was the worse three days of horrible messages, calls cussing me, hanging up on me and smearing me on Social media. I blocked everyone associated with him and got my phone number changed. It was hurtful, evil and cruel but made me see it is time to divorce and move on with my life
I'm so thankful that I've found your videos. I had to create a private email and identity to comment here. I'm fearful. I left my husband after 25 years of marriage. It's been the hardest thing I've ever done. When we met, he charmed me, acted like my prince charming and I moved 2000 miles away from my family, career, and friends to be with him. I became isolated. I stayed in the marriage because of my kids. I knew something was wrong! He checked the mileage on the car. Kept a strict spending allowance. Kept me away from friendships. He was ALWAYS right, obnoxious, and never apologized for his behavior. We lost friends because of his condescending, know-it-all attitude and I stood beside him. He had so many rules and I could do nothing right. Now I'm on my own and he has turned many people against me. I'm thankful that I have a few friends that have helped me. I have had to trust myself and my intuition. I've had to just listen to that inner voice to help me navigate this new world after living for so long in a controlled environment. I am ok, but I need help and I'm not sure where to turn. I'm afraid that people will think that I'm crazy and will never understand who he was and what I endured. No one does.
This advice spoke directly to me. My soon to be ex and his mob family are as you described them I have always felt isolated and alone doubting my self my sanity. He plays the victim role while I'm the evil one it gets old, he won't leave. He tells me he can have any woman he wants in fact he has them throwing themselves on him. He is constantly accusing me of cheating which is so devastating and depressing. Why won't he just leave me alone?
" Everyone's competing over the Shmuck over here". That was perfect and explains the awful triangulation that narcissists do to their partners (whether its with another partner or with his mother, against his wife, to enjoy the war and competition for his Holy Shmuckness).
Thank You, for the clarity. After the physical abuse of the narcissist I was told by him that I don’t understand loyalty. Even if I am abused I need to figure it out indoors without the police, He was one of them. I too journal and I needed to remember. I became numb, but remember him spitting ion in front of my sin. We went no contact and now finally my son and I are divorcing him. I have trauma and triggers but we are doing better
Oh my god Meredith, it's like this video was made about me!! If I'm to describe what has happened to me with my narc and his abusive narcissistic parents last year I would exactly describe it like this. Besides, I have reached my priceless realizations about this chaotic turbulent cycle of abuse and kinda witnessed my trauma bonding shatter before my eyes. I became able to give the right names to all the mind games and manipulative tactics after I started to doubt myself and think I'm the crazy one. It literally started to mess with my head. But now I've come to light and see through the fog and willing to heal although I'm still with him since we have kids and it's very hard to break the marriage.
What helped me break my 12 years marriage was realizing that I'm not the one breaking it... and realizing that my kids needed a haven: dad's place. You can protect them even better by giving them an oasis, an alternative to your spouse's environment.
Hi Family. I'm Rodney C Burris. I wrote a book about breaking cycles, and just wanted to share it here. I hope it confirms some things in your life as you keep going! (I share my own story of why this book was important to me, right on my channel -- [that video is called "An Intimate Moment", right on my homepage] --- I hope it touches your heart the same way it touched Mine): www.amazon.com/Get-Off-Cycle-Rodney-Burris/dp/1717179398/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1527290686&sr=8-1&keywords=Rodney+c+burris&dpID=51Oq%252Biw%252BG3L&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch
I'm feeling a great deal of emotions right now . Guilt is something I feel ... Im extremely empathic... I feel everything from others ... its draining . My husband of 15 years was physically abusive to me for the first 8 years of our marriage . We have 4 great kids and they are getting older . The physical abuse has stopped completely. The controlling has not . I am completely dependent on him financially. I want my freedom and want my children in a happy healthy environment. This is so very toxic. And I am scared he will take my children. He is very very system savvy and people just like him . I am questioning myself of what to do . I have no family or friends left .
Thanks. Journaling is good advice. I did it for multiple reasons. Therapy, documentation against possible threats, tracking my own self. I put things down knowing it's only for me now. Still helps
Hi Family. I'm Rodney C Burris. I wrote a book about breaking cycles, and just wanted to share it here. I hope it confirms some things in your life as you keep going! (I share my own story of why this book was important to me, right on my channel -- [that video is called "An Intimate Moment", right on my homepage] --- I hope it touches your heart the same way it touched Mine): www.amazon.com/Get-Off-Cycle-Rodney-Burris/dp/1717179398/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1527290686&sr=8-1&keywords=Rodney+c+burris&dpID=51Oq%252Biw%252BG3L&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch
To all the narc survivors, I have recently watch the movie "Dangerous liesons" - 1988 with Glen Close, John Malkovitch and so on and Omg it is soooooo outspoken about narcs and how they plan to destroy and conquer through seduction. Please watch it. Is so educative and eye opening. I have recognised aaaaaal the patterns of a narc behaviour from the love bombing to triangulation to discard. The movie is after a famous French novel. A true gem! Hugs to you all!
My soon to be ex mother in law told me she suffered in a 20 yr marriage to a narc/ sociopathic relationship w my spouses father Between what may have been inherently learned or inherited by genetic engineering the emotional damage was more then I could handle. The lack of empathy is beyond anything I’ve ever seen. So sad , so empty
It is bizarre because I thought in the beginning my husband was just the kindest man and after I met his mother and he looked and acted just like her that she was where his kindest originated. Every holiday was hers...I could cook but we were to be at his moms at 4. She always forgot my birthday (for 21 years) but celebrated everyone else’s by family Italian dinner. She would visit our home and comment on everything I had decorated with...”my Johnny’s home is so beautiful” If there was an argument and he hit me she’d say “What did you do to make my Johnny so mad” Her Johnny took over my finances and would not give me access, use my checks and accounts...I would only see my balance when I used the ATM. I’m still here after 26 years and I feel depleted. Thank you for your channel, I never knew he was narcissistic...I thought it was ethnic.
Meredith, I've watched this video for about the sixth time. Triangulation. Thank you. I keep realizing new things. Discarded for the 5th time a month ago. I'm ready to see truth. Thank you.
may 7,2018 divorcing narc husband. I feel relief ten years of abuse I have no desire I want out not another moment with him. its a shame the next woman will be fooled like I was these people do not realize the narc that is, thier some people that will snap mentally and kill the narc.
I totally agree! I have read Kim Saeed's book twice. I think it is a MUST read to help understand 'no contact' - the how and why's of it. I got mine on my Kindle and for a few $ more, got the audio version. I like the reader's expression and found that helpful, as well.
I like the word assessment over judgement. I believe it's more accurate and more or less using your head rather than your heart and emotions. Much safer. Very good advise!
I am so pleased that males are recognizing that none of us are really different. We are just people suffering similar acts of abuse. Evil has no color or gender. What resides in a person's heart, motives and actions just tells what type of person they are. To be able to meditate and plan how to hurt anyone is just plan evil. Like a lion it stalks its prey, watches everything until the opportune time. Then the lion attacks. The death of the lions prey is quick and part of what is normal jungle life. The human being who has intelligence far above the animal kingdom has dropped to a level lower than an animal when he/ she preys on another person. The most important thing I have learned is that male or female, we have to pay close attention to anyone who is overly kind, helpful , etc. Be careful. Watch for those red flags. And get away FAST if anything makes you uncomfortable.
I love this video. I love how you explain it and this video is what made me move on ! I finally put a label on my EX as a predator and also other toxic people in my life and took them out of my life. I love you and so glad I found you on you tube. I moved on and healed from you. He now repulses me and I think he is a evil soul and has the devil in him.
I was asked to write a book, on this, a few years ago. To talk about my life. She said, It's depressing, but it could help others how you handle it. I was journaling, for years & going to start journaling again, but on a more positive note. I finally started my book a few days ago. It will talk about negativity, but mostly inspiring .When life throws curb balls, simply throw them back. I have been watching these videos for months. I thank you all, because you are the reason why I'm where I'm at today. it isn't all peaches & cream, but I'm on my way to recovery. A way to go, BUT, at least, I'm getting there!! Thanks to all these caring informative coaches!!
He told our pastor that I had assaulted him! Omg! In 30 years I have never touched him! I was abused as a child, and By 2 previous husbands, (physically) so I would never be physical with anyone. My Husband has been physical with me 5 times in 30 years, and 4 of those my children saw him....So I had to ask my pastor what he said I did......he says I came in guest room (where he slept prior to our daughter coming, ) and totally UNPROVOKED , says I sat on him while be was asleep I guess and grabbed his hair and started banging his head on the bed! (By the way I am 5' 1 and weigh 90 lbs......he is 6'2 260 lbs) I also had PTSD years ago from my own abuse and am TERRIFIED of any kind of physical abuse!!! Although I am finding psychological abuse is even worse! The worst! When I confronted him , saying I heard the latest lie he has told on me, that he's saying I attacked him , he said,....get this......"What? You don't REMEMBER????? ". that my friends is what you call GASLIGHTING! I just call it cruel, and Evil! It really hurts!!
I already did that checked out her profile pic on fb and yes it didn’t make me feel better...it made feel like I could get him back easy...so needed to hear this what a waste of time. Unfortunately I can’t go completely no contact as we have 5 children together but I have limited the contact
I had to call the police for something else & my husband came up. The officer was just fine, so he pretended. I called him up again to update the situation. He was totally different & not at all helpful. A crime was committed & that is what I was reporting. This is the second time, our police lied to me & told me it wasn't a crime. How do you divorce, when you have proof & people who do believe you, including doctors, but the police refuse to cooperate?
The Lion analogy is the most powerful visualisation metihor I have ever heard with this context Ty Ty so very much for the image.. it will stay with me and help me judge what it is.. if the cap fits. 🙋💖🌸💯👍👊
Iv been in this relationship for nearly 10 years in last 2 years Iv been trying to leave , even a few days ago he had a put burst and I told him I am done I leaving then he followed me around the house in this sorry self and he was the one who told me to leave then when I told him I am leaving he said that he’s the one that told me it’s over and get out but he didn’t want me to pack my stuff up and leave he is not letting me leave and now he doing the love bombing omg I just want to leave this dissent cogognese it driving me crazy I want out so much I am done with him
Hey another person married simultaneously to two narcissists. My wife and mother-in-law are both ones. Not a healthy situation to find one’s self at all. I got caught in a spider web of no escape. 30 years of questioning reality and my sanity. Trauma-bonds are destructive and escaping practically becomes impossible. I’m amazed at how many professional therapist keep a person stuck with an unhealthy relationship. Best descriptor of my life story is the following: I got ran over by a train, then a tank and then thrown off the cliff into a volcano, only to fall back on the train track again.
my relatives (I would never call them family) are all abusers I always wondered why I had to walk on eggshells around them If I didn't talk to them a certain way or do what they say they wanted to fight me I hope one day I'm strong enough to get away from them that's all I can do
Wow.. Just wow.. I am awakening.. Its so profound!! I thought it was just my mother in law who was the narc. My husband is of 22 years! I started seeing and hearing things in the past few days and I am just astounded! Eyes wide open now! Thank you!!! Xxoo.. The mother son thing!! Everything you said is my life!! I am getting it!! Did you know my mother in law too? Lol! Hugs
I'm in the beginning stages of ending my 19 yr old marriage after finding proof of multiple sources of supply last week. One for your years now, sigh. As I lie here, thinking about everything, my question now is, was I a narc too when he pursued me 21 yrs ago? I know I stood at the alter with no secrets, full of hope for a beautiful life together. Yet, early on, after we moved across country, I discovered his addiction to porn and lovingly confronted him. After all, we met in church, dated for 2 yrs/no sex, etc...I thought we both wanted to live honest lives before God. Yet. I've never experienced a *consistently happy* marriage; just kept hoping and praying and...So, maybe honesty is my strength, unlike him. But, being fairly new to understanding narcissism has me wondering if I'm one.
omg the label is necessary ugh hey someone liked my comment so i watched this video again ..... obviously the truth must be spoken and revealed and faced to stop the delusion once i see that someone flat out refuses to talk about the reality of the issues that exist, then i realize that there is no hope for any decent communication thus there is no hope for an actual relationship......
I'm so accustomed to hearing your perfect Spanish on the other videos that now I didn't realize you were speaking in English until minute five and a half! Haha! Thanks for sharing your knowledge!
To be honest, the description of your former relationship doesn't seem so much like a case of narcissism; rather it seems like a case of cultural difference. Narcissistic tendencies can come from both partners sometimes. It's just a heightened state of fear. We may need to label the other person, but we also have to self reflect enough to see what it is that we could've done differently. Otherwise we are doomed to repeat the cycle. Some good advice on journaling though no doubt.
Great video. How does one go about this when kids are involved though? I was the one that had to leave. The kids are mostly with my wife at the moment. This last month of me being gone has been so hard on the kids. I just hate it.
1 million thumbs up from me about this video. The lion analogy was brilliant. My ex used to show me predator videos from facebook! For real!! I think he was preparing me to start running or be eaten alive.
I went no contact on 3/26/18 & he went ghosting ever since. All I got to say is good riddance to bad garbage!! Healing has begun & I'm getting somewhere, but still very depressed about how someone could do this demonic behavior to another?? Haven't left isolation yet & sometimes I actually like it, because I keep busy.
Imagine a laughing hyena.. That is more appropriate, because a Lion is STRONG and these narcs are cowards, they need a pack(mob) to back them. A Lion does not. I admire lions and abhor laughing hyenas. Just my personal preference.lol
Have to say from the start your insights and perspective has been helpful. Sure this is heartbreaking 💔 absolutely. On my end never married anyone nor had children. My ex & I were always operating in a Grey zone. Knew we were more roommates and the friendship aspect was also Grey as there was domestic violence. I'd lash out not physically more verbally to shaking as physically he'd get very angry aggressive. Financially was in no place to really go anywhere. Would I ever marry him or go back to those dynamics? Absolutely not. The compassion is very real on my end as our situation yes, survival wasn't thriving had an extra scientific aspect layer to it. Making a business to cut the cycle when I started the process knew had to be very honest as much as possible even my own survival style in the process. As the parasocial aspect of opening up being vulnerable really didn't understand that part ending up to be so daunting and dangerous. On my end saw narcissistic abuses in business structures like MLMs for example in bullnomics all different companies structures I investigated over my time and their psychology behind money has been a nuclear holocaust currently now everyone has been in an inherited system unsustainable toxic matrix of stupid wires choking us all out. Reality. Slightly observation some lions have no idea they are predators as they've never been in the wild forced everyday to hunt for their meals. In zoos often those animals are abused. Many drugged terrorized for a paycheck others amusement which certainly isn't conservation at all. That's been how homospains, globally have been treated as well. For a very long time not all just many. Western culture brought George Westinghouse for example someone I've greatly admired for his intelligence and kindness both who pulled Nikola Tesla out of a ditch after he was subjected to horrible narcissistic abuse by many the gaslighting. Both greatly cared about developing an electrical delivery system that was FREE as electricity is free and abundant from the universe. Unfortunately, many narcissistic abusers intervened. These interventions set of further slavery violence wars. All unsustainable toxic hurting countless others, globally the entire planet. On this end of the screen as I'm not in the war business don't see enemies I just don't think that way. Wiretapping is very frustrating and dangerous. Has been watch the movie 'The Snake Pit' also a book. Gaslighting started terrorism slavery when gas natural gas started being used and all the toxic mining practices especially in coal industry. You, Meredith are a canary in a coal mine. Which is not an easy task or job. The psychology behind money has been a problem for a long time. Just earning a paycheck alone was never enough at all. That's not thriving it's truly many species to this planet I'm deeply in love with less so homospains decent people (not perfect) are a very different type love them. The planet is what I'm so deeply in love with as it's so beautiful. Those gaslighting publicly while being blackmailed just aren't living in reality truth it's their truth just not mine. Why the Hollywood lifestyle holds no appeal whosoever. Prefer a God path where you are welcomed able to flush out slavery corruption as much as possible. I've recorded my inner voice who was a jerk in moments condescending to hear it out loud Journaling this which was annoying hated hearing that voice out loud yet, helps flush that out call it a mind cleaner. And the reasonable more balanced voice on with compassion that one I love. And I've looked into just how dangerous taking medication 💊 is. Sure with the right guidance can be helpful only temporary not long-term sustainable solution. On my end my exs mother is a psychiatrist. Saw many perspectives meanwhile her own family was suffering. Greatly. I took medication blaming myself fully. It led to horrible thoughts non stop of suicide and death. Pure hell on Earth. Terrorized here in this version of America. Awful. Had to cut ✂️ all that off. Was very difficult too as no doctors were very helpful around at the time did it alone. I ended up yes, we ended our confusing relationship living situation I moved had problems Financially as those flashbacks are HORRIBLE oh my God omg terrible. More trauma happened. Moved out of state and had serious housing issues. It's been crazy dry with bad soil erosion. Anyhow, yes learned a lot have two beautiful rabbits in my life now amazing souls looking for a more stable housing environment which is for me getting euthanized in Belgium as they've passed that law. Being a medical burden few want to be around that let alone myself. Outpriced from living basically. The medical records won't be accurate for many due to fraudulent coding practices for a paycheck from major insurance companies. Huge issue here faced that. Did you know rabbits smell cancer? Amazing hearing and they also like just being loved. Gentle kindness. Their poop is amazing for gardening too. Bunny gold and rabbits dislike bullnomics bullies. Sweethearts so glad they are in my life and would love to have them in my life until the very end when I'm taking my last breath here. Been a tough journey. Was OK going at it alone knew it wasn't going to be easy to address those unhealthy neuropath ways that developed. Debt slavery is a huge issue. We shouldn't have to sell our images on screen to make livable wages. Our marketplace is full of gaslighting tactics very dangerous products polluting. Set out to address that aspect. It's been so dangerous, dark and challenging every step of the way. Never see it as I own the world 🌎 as it owns itself, Earth 🌎
So is it only men who are bad? My ex wife calls me a narcissist. But thru our whole marriage we did what she wanted. Move to a different state to be by her family. I’m super sensitive she would play on my my emotions when I did something wrong, Use to get what she wanted. She asked for the divorce and tore the family apart. I’m finally able to stand my ground when she says “if you really loved me” you let me have the kids all the time. Or what ever she wants at the time. All the responses are from women so whether or not it just hurt to watch this. Why is it so hard to move on!! Especially when my 3 boys are so awesome.
My mother in law told me the problem in my marriage was all my fault because I was always angry with her son. He was having an affair while I was nursing her with terminal cancer.
Hi I'm currently returned to the UK after living Ruth a narcissistic woman in America. We have a one year old child who lives with her in Denver Colorado. I have to apply for a divorce and have no idea what to expect..can you help?
I would recommend you find legal counsel in Colorado for divorce and family court. Look at reviews online and listen to your gut when you choose attorneys to interview. You need to know what your rights and responsibilities are and have someone sharp fighting on your behalf.
Oh my god! I am doing this right now! I know who he is. I know it’s wrong but I can’t stop try to connect with him. Want call him and text him. Even it’s angry texts. I don’t know why I cling towards my abuser! What hell ?! I read and read lot of narcissist abuse recovery! I am so naive ! It’s like kiss death 💀 I know it’s poison but I still move my foot towards him and curious what he is doing, what he thinks! I feel crazy !
I felt exactly like you did with my ex ( wife) and I am happy I maintained my self respect and dignity by being maintaining NC , she had quietly taken out all money and still emailed me to pay for her education and I did not as my lawyers had advised. While I was working hard she was busy getting her new source of supply. It wasn't long until I realized that I have been used and abused. I am focusing on my mental and physical health and taking out time for myself . Do not devalue yourself but realise that this is the last century on this earth, focus on yourself and remember you are never alone. Infact we all men and woman who have been through this should unite and reach other as one family.
What about when you are the liar, predator, manipulator, sociopath and you realize AFTER divorce papers have been handed to you that you screwed up BIG TIME? What about when you wish you could go back in time and NOT lie and deceive her about porn/sexual addiction? Well, that's me. I was handed divorce papers nearly 3 weeks ago and it wasn't until then that I came to the realization of how serious my actions were (I was verbally and emotionally abusive) and how I destroyed the greatest treasure ever given to me. Now, I'm left picking up the pieces of life and missing her and our two beautiful daughters like crazy. The kind of sorrow and remorse I've felt these past 3 weeks has been more than anyone should bear. Of course, I put her through 14 years of marital hell...so my petty 3 weeks is really nothing. I do love her, I'm just so screwed up and didn't know how to maintain a relationship. Honestly, I don't think I'll ever be able to get past this and I have to live with it for the rest of my life. She's an amazing woman and I'm thankful for the years I had with her, but I am learning what an absolute FOOL I have been and all I want now is to have a right relationship with God first and a restored relationship with her IF that is ever even a possibility. Go ahead and blast me in the comments for being such a monster. I get it. I can handle it...and I deserve it! I'm hoping some of you may have some good encouragement though instead of tearing me down. Trust me, I'm feeling terrible enough as it is (and no this is NOT manipulation. This is truly how I feel)
Oh my God the inclusion of the mother-in-law sounded all too familiar. In retrospect I suspect that her mother-in-law is the queen bee narcissist that raise these children. I can totally relate to the mobbing and ganging up on she even did it with her ex-husband and his wife allowing him to verbally assault me. I believe that might be a prime example of triangulation and the use of flying monkeys?
My question is can a narc actually get help? I don’t believe it’s curable. But if a narc did finally go seek help with therapy is there any potential? I’m newer to the concept (someone close to me was labeled a narc) so trying to understand it more and understanding how to handle it.
HelwaNorah Only if he sees the flaws in himself, especially if it takes a therapist to point them out .. he may resist the very idea that the ‘problem’ is himself. The real question is why are you in admiration of him?
They are lost soulless people who have no emotionally maturity and will never have . If they do not get what they want they move on to next source . They are very unhappy from within even though they pretend to be happy hence remember they might try to seek you out once again knowing you are an empath later in their lives be it your ex husband ,wife ,gf ...you will see a "pattern " , hence love yourself and make new friends and go out explore the world with yourself or your friends
I would be very cautious Norah. Very cautious. This is some evil stuff. Once your sucked in your trapped until you realize what’s going on. Then you have to gain strength. Mine has gone to therapy and nothing has worked so far. I am drained. Trying to get out of this
I just started watching your videos and realize you are very wise. It explains my situation to the tee! Hey, were you watching my life? 😁 Your information let's me know I'm on the right track and mindset. Do me a favor, I am a male and there are men that are caught in the same tenticles of these narcsassists just like you females. Not all men are the perpetrators! Just sayin'!
I dont have anything But god !! And my husband knows this !! Waite I have a job !! The second job is leave !! This narcissistic !! I’m tiered!! His family come from another country 2-3 months at a time , I see them more than I see my real son whom stay in the city of chicago !!! First the brother then the mother who I give love and kindness !! Just to get jealousy and evil !! I do believe this how my husband pick this up Narcissistic because she is on his mother !!! I didn’t no what Narcissistic was until I went to get help counseling !! Wow!! I pray to God I get out of this marriage alive and I do mean this in every way !! Now his family member want to have a child here in the United States 🇺🇸!! Now I believe this was planned to !! Wow! Oh wow!! I’m finally getting over the hurt , now I’m getting over the betrayal !! Now I believe this husband didn’t love me !! You now you kinda feel it but I was blind by all kinds of lies !! Wow help me dear god so I can help my self !!! Thank you for this help and knowledge Grateful
Why do they want full custody of the children is it so they can use the child or teenager as a loyal flying monkey to spy on you for them report it back also to continue the abuse to you through them? This is happening to me I think from all the various experience when having my daughter over. He let's her come over all the time while he does partying with others basically he doesn't really have her unless it school then she wanna be here and it's very different and exhausting type relationship with her and then random blindsided drama will arise incl law stuff loose of money work lots of different stuff and she seem report every little thing useless info I imagine yet it lead up to eventually drama and bull. I really don't know what to do. I almost want quit allowing her over in order to completely recover from the 20 years he abuse me I can't seem to find a rythum with her where it's safe for us to quietly normal like mom daughter relationship any advice??
Hi Meredith your sincerity and genuineness just exude through your videos I really feel good after watching every video of yours. I would like to connect with you and wondering if I could email you aometime? What's your email address? I'd greatly appreciate it.
I was married to a narcissist for 3 years, am emotionally and spiritually destroyed since the divorce. Marrying her is one of the mistakes I regret most in my life......am afraid to love again. I once contemplated suicide am telling you this shit is exhausting I need your prayers guys.
Hang in there bro, you will get there
May God heal your body, mind and soul. Use the crap in your life as fertilizer to grow and help others.
That's the reason sooo many men dont wanna get marry at all , because of this chaotic and narcissistic people that existed in this universe including me biblically speaking!!!!!!! I wish you good luck dude !!! I hope you feel better now
I pray for you 🙏💗🙏 I am getting over an 8 year relationship I know how hard it is.
Hang in there. Be strong and be good to yourself. Inner Integration is an excellent resource.
I can relate to your experience. I'm divorcing my son's mother, after over 15 years of marriage, and after having been in a toxic relationship with her for over 17 years.
Meredith Miller was so right all along. I wish I would've found her resources sooner.
Not until I was in a situation with helpful and kind co-workers did I begin to see the toxicity and, then, I began to build up my self-esteem. That was circa 2015.
Once I started sketching out some semblance of healthy boundaries, I was discarded circa 2017. She filed for divorce. But within a matter of months, she hoovered me back.
I wanted to have faith that things would, somehow, change for the better. But I was wrong.
She ended up kicking me out within a year, as I wasn't on that lease. But, then, she persuaded me to call off the divorce for the second time, this time promising to attend marriage counseling. I was naive and foolishly chose to believe her. She forced me out of my own house with her abusiveness, now that we actually bought a house together.
Now, this is our third time starting up the divorce process. I have finally learned my lesson----to respect myself and not allow disrespect or abuse from anyone.
Solidarity. Equanimity.
7:30 - They play the victim and the hero at the same time.
Yes, sometimes they do!
kidsmoked They ALWAYS get exposed though and end up ALONE
As soon as I did put that label on my ex, it was like a light went on - I fe;t like I finally woke up. As soon as i could I left, just packed up and left. Our divorce will be final soon. Its amazing how much you stop doubting yourself, as soon as that label is clear to you.
Dawn Mc42 ...I'm in the beginning stages. Husband has been away for a week +, voicing a need to talk about next steps, wanting to come home for financial reasons tho. Do you share children?
Totally agree!
You must not of had kid or a house together
True once I was able to label him I had an awakening. I seen him for who he was. I was no longer afraid of him. I took my power back and cut off anyone including family who allowed him to still come in their space after the physical and mental abuse
I love your generation. Pulling off the blinders, tearing back the curtain to see the Fake Wizard of OZ. Articulating it to set people free. This generation rocks! Glad I gave birth to three of them, they, like you, are pretty amazing. Thank you Meredith for setting yourself free and helping others in the process.
Abuse amnesia is so self destructive for a narc victim. Journal every time. ..I didn't but wish I had. I went back 14 times to a narc psychopath. Thank you to Meredith to give me the insight, courage and perception to move on xx
This is so true, while going through 28k text messages for the divorce I relived all the things I suppressed.
I recorderd my ex insulting me and every time he tried to manipulate me I listen to the insults and then I remember everything he did and y can move on
Carolina Santana yes!!! I did this too just to prove to family and friends how bad he truly was...They are beyond evil
I took a picture of his phone history, with all the porn I had found AGAIN-
Three days ago.
I am leaving, but I have a 9 year old and three year old and a three week old baby.
And he is now blaming me for the break up because I yelled at him last night.
Calling me crazy and what not.
I know things will get better, but right now- I a emotional limbo on top of all of the hormonal postpartum crap...
this really feels like torture and feel like he is getting off on the fact that he gets to say o am crazy for losing my temper ...I’ll stop before I ramble. Bit this video was good.
I recorded our conversations or rather arguments, and all I have to do is listen to them if I happen upon a weak moment.
"but that lion will have you for dinner!!!"... so true.
Some people seem to believe that physical abuse is easier than emotional abuse. What on earth can make anyone say that? No one deserves abuse of any sort. I was verbally and physically abused and I still get flashbacks. After 13 years of both, I finally divorced him. A few years later, during an xray by my chiropractor, I got a shock. The Chiropractor asked me, " have you been in an abusive relationship?" I said, " yes, why?". He said, " I see fingerprints around your windpipe."
Both types of abusive treatment can have the same outcome.....your death.
You must decide for yourself. People cannot help you unless it is by Professionals. There are resources available for women like us. Determine in your own mind and heart what is vital for you and your child… too many innocent people die @ the hands of vicious family members. I married a second time. Never saw it coming.......same method even making death threats. I ran to a safe place and executed a restraining order. Then I left the State where he and I had lived. It is so true, these narcissistic people get angry when their supply figures them out. After the Police escorted him, they informed me that they dropped him off at another woman's house. He had another source. Good riddance.
Debbie D my ex said the same thing on multiple occasions and my answer was always the same as your's. I had been in an abusive marriage and got out after 15 years with my kids to a Womens Aid refuge. This was roughly 17 years ago. I don't know why he kept saying it, but now I'm here, I do.
Hi Family. I'm Rodney C Burris. I wrote a book about breaking cycles, and just wanted to share it here. I hope it confirms some things in your life as you keep going! (I share my own story of why this book was important to me, right on my channel -- [that video is called "An Intimate Moment", right on my homepage] --- I hope it touches your heart the same way it touched Mine): www.amazon.com/Get-Off-Cycle-Rodney-Burris/dp/1717179398/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1527290686&sr=8-1&keywords=Rodney+c+burris&dpID=51Oq%252Biw%252BG3L&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch
I am sorry.
The best thing I ever did for my escape from this was to finally set down and look at the label that was put upon me.
I soon realized I was not this person they claimed me to be.
My evaluation of self told me it was time I start caring for me and to STOP taking care of the responsibilities and obligations that didn’t belong to me.
I took away there blame they had over me and by caring for myself my anger towards them ended.
Though this wasn’t the end of there attacks on me, it was however, the end of the strings they’d attached to me.
It was all my fault. To go along with this for sooo long, thinking, I could ever please them by taking care of there every request of me when the only thing I had to do was to take care of my own responsibilities to SELF.
I learned, this is not selfish, it is selfless. When you stop loving yourself, you stop loving everything and everyone near you.
Love yourself, this is the only label you should be thinking of. Then, maybe you can love your neighbor with the love they deserve.
Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
It's not just about seeing who the initial abuser us; it's also about realising that your initial injury occurred when you were a vulnerable child and now you are a resourceful intelligent adult. The trauma bond is to do with survival strategies and the solipsistic nature if young children but once you become an adult those strategies are destructive and stop you growing up into a self actualized adult
I'm so grateful that when I made my ex of 36 years leave he reacted not with love bombing me but by punishing me......I know that he already had other sources in place.......and I now know EXACTLY what he is......took awhile to implement full no contact....:like a freaking year......yes part of me still was hoping for him to love bomb me,so instead of allowing him to spew toxic shit at me i'm taking that pathetic creature to court.
Lydia Morai I divorced my ex after 35 years of marriage. Good to know I’m not alone.
Divorcing my narc after 34 years.. His new supply 20 years younger than him.
I'm in 17 years with 2 boys (13&11) financially is so unstable paying rent a month is a feat. God bless you ladies! Any advice on first steps to get out asap I'm grateful for!! ❤️💓❤️💓
20 years, 3 boys. Absolutely crazy when you realize what you are married to and all the energy and time wasted. Scary to move on financially but my health requires ir
You are so right on the back and forth. I go from seeing him for who he is - maybe my bad behaviours made him turn on me the way he did. I’m working hard to break the trauma bond. Cause if I don’t I feel like I will go crazy.
Abuse amnesia. Thank you for giving me the term. You have no clue how much self-doubt my inability to remember is causing me. There’s some mental screen that rolls down whenEVER I try to recall specific incidents. But over a decade? I’m destroyed emotionally, plagued with sadness and memories of why I stayed-but so little that would validate my choice to leave for good this time. It’s torturous wondering if I made it up, exaggerated or wasn’t committed enough. Loving enough. Forgiving enough. Woman enough. Especially now that he remarried months later (divorce wasn’t finalized, still isn’t). This feels impossible.
My husband did to me what he wanted to do to his abusive stepmother for 38 years.This video is probably the best I have watched regarding this issue.Excellent work and thank you.
I refused to live with my husband's grown children because of denying, lying and stealing. So every September he would run me off as he said he needed to move one of his ex wife's daughters in to help them get on their feet. I would not hear from him until the next March and I always went back for 9 years. We had a great time til September rolled around and then I was out again. This March I did not go back, kept my apartment and we had a great time together until September and of course he was moving in another adult daughter as he said. No contact with him, no nothing until Thanksgiving and there he was on Facebook with another woman. And he was totally against anyone putting his picture on social media so I don't think he knew that the new one posted the picture and that I would see it. I did something I should not have done and sent the new one a message that he is married. Then his step daughter sent me pictures of him and her and told me, "leave my dad alone he is in love." Wow, then pictures of him and other women came flooding in. I would block a number and then another one would come. It was the worse three days of horrible messages, calls cussing me, hanging up on me and smearing me on Social media. I blocked everyone associated with him and got my phone number changed. It was hurtful, evil and cruel but made me see it is time to divorce and move on with my life
You have been sent by God to help us heal and resist. Going back. Endless blessings on you.
Totally agree!!!
I'm so thankful that I've found your videos. I had to create a private email and identity to comment here. I'm fearful. I left my husband after 25 years of marriage. It's been the hardest thing I've ever done. When we met, he charmed me, acted like my prince charming and I moved 2000 miles away from my family, career, and friends to be with him. I became isolated. I stayed in the marriage because of my kids. I knew something was wrong! He checked the mileage on the car. Kept a strict spending allowance. Kept me away from friendships. He was ALWAYS right, obnoxious, and never apologized for his behavior. We lost friends because of his condescending, know-it-all attitude and I stood beside him. He had so many rules and I could do nothing right. Now I'm on my own and he has turned many people against me. I'm thankful that I have a few friends that have helped me. I have had to trust myself and my intuition. I've had to just listen to that inner voice to help me navigate this new world after living for so long in a controlled environment. I am ok, but I need help and I'm not sure where to turn. I'm afraid that people will think that I'm crazy and will never understand who he was and what I endured. No one does.
This advice spoke directly to me. My soon to be ex and his mob family are as you described them I have always felt isolated and alone doubting my self my sanity. He plays the victim role while I'm the evil one it gets old, he won't leave. He tells me he can have any woman he wants in fact he has them throwing themselves on him. He is constantly accusing me of cheating which is so devastating and depressing. Why won't he just leave me alone?
" Everyone's competing over the Shmuck over here". That was perfect and explains the awful triangulation that narcissists do to their partners (whether its with another partner or with his mother, against his wife, to enjoy the war and competition for his Holy Shmuckness).
Thank You, for the clarity. After the physical abuse of the narcissist I was told by him that I don’t understand loyalty. Even if I am abused I need to figure it out indoors without the police,
He was one of them. I too journal and I needed to remember. I became numb, but remember him spitting ion in front of my sin. We went no contact and now finally my son and I are divorcing him. I have trauma and triggers but we are doing better
Oh my god Meredith, it's like this video was made about me!! If I'm to describe what has happened to me with my narc and his abusive narcissistic parents last year I would exactly describe it like this. Besides, I have reached my priceless realizations about this chaotic turbulent cycle of abuse and kinda witnessed my trauma bonding shatter before my eyes. I became able to give the right names to all the mind games and manipulative tactics after I started to doubt myself and think I'm the crazy one. It literally started to mess with my head. But now I've come to light and see through the fog and willing to heal although I'm still with him since we have kids and it's very hard to break the marriage.
What helped me break my 12 years marriage was realizing that I'm not the one breaking it... and realizing that my kids needed a haven: dad's place. You can protect them even better by giving them an oasis, an alternative to your spouse's environment.
Hi Family. I'm Rodney C Burris. I wrote a book about breaking cycles, and just wanted to share it here. I hope it confirms some things in your life as you keep going! (I share my own story of why this book was important to me, right on my channel -- [that video is called "An Intimate Moment", right on my homepage] --- I hope it touches your heart the same way it touched Mine): www.amazon.com/Get-Off-Cycle-Rodney-Burris/dp/1717179398/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1527290686&sr=8-1&keywords=Rodney+c+burris&dpID=51Oq%252Biw%252BG3L&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch
I'm feeling a great deal of emotions right now .
Guilt is something I feel ...
Im extremely empathic... I feel everything from others ... its draining .
My husband of 15 years was physically abusive to me for the first 8 years of our marriage .
We have 4 great kids and they are getting older .
The physical abuse has stopped completely.
The controlling has not .
I am completely dependent on him financially.
I want my freedom and want my children in a happy healthy environment.
This is so very toxic. And I am scared he will take my children. He is very very system savvy and people just like him .
I am questioning myself of what to do . I have no family or friends left .
Isn't it absolutely insane how they destroy your family relationships? Leaving you alone is their goal
Thanks. Journaling is good advice. I did it for multiple reasons. Therapy, documentation against possible threats, tracking my own self. I put things down knowing it's only for me now. Still helps
The worst part of having many narcs around you is not knowing which one is attacking you
Your advice is of tremendous value. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! ❤️
Hi Family. I'm Rodney C Burris. I wrote a book about breaking cycles, and just wanted to share it here. I hope it confirms some things in your life as you keep going! (I share my own story of why this book was important to me, right on my channel -- [that video is called "An Intimate Moment", right on my homepage] --- I hope it touches your heart the same way it touched Mine): www.amazon.com/Get-Off-Cycle-Rodney-Burris/dp/1717179398/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1527290686&sr=8-1&keywords=Rodney+c+burris&dpID=51Oq%252Biw%252BG3L&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch
To all the narc survivors, I have recently watch the movie "Dangerous liesons" - 1988 with Glen Close, John Malkovitch and so on and Omg it is soooooo outspoken about narcs and how they plan to destroy and conquer through seduction. Please watch it. Is so educative and eye opening. I have recognised aaaaaal the patterns of a narc behaviour from the love bombing to triangulation to discard. The movie is after a famous French novel. A true gem! Hugs to you all!
My soon to be ex mother in law told me she suffered in a 20 yr marriage to a narc/ sociopathic relationship w my spouses father
Between what may have been inherently learned or inherited by genetic engineering the emotional damage was more then I could handle. The lack of empathy is beyond anything I’ve ever seen.
So sad , so empty
That should have been a red flag along with the many many many other flags I chose to ignore. 8 yrs wasted
Dang!!!!! Same!! Idk how to speak with respect anymore
It is bizarre because I thought in the beginning my husband was just the kindest man and after I met his mother and he looked and acted just like her that she was where his kindest originated. Every holiday was hers...I could cook but we were to be at his moms at 4. She always forgot my birthday (for 21 years) but celebrated everyone else’s by family Italian dinner. She would visit our home and comment on everything I had decorated with...”my Johnny’s home is so beautiful” If there was an argument and he hit me she’d say “What did you do to make my Johnny so mad” Her Johnny took over my finances and would not give me access, use my checks and accounts...I would only see my balance when I used the ATM. I’m still here after 26 years and I feel depleted. Thank you for your channel, I never knew he was narcissistic...I thought it was ethnic.
Yes..my mother in law gave me advice as to how to deal with her son: "you might want to lower your expectations" HA!!
Same. And she was not the only one!
Meredith, I've watched this video for about the sixth time. Triangulation. Thank you. I keep realizing new things. Discarded for the 5th time a month ago. I'm ready to see truth. Thank you.
may 7,2018 divorcing narc husband. I feel relief ten years of abuse I have no desire I want out not another moment with him. its a shame the next woman will be fooled like I was these people do not realize the narc that is, thier some people that will snap mentally and kill the narc.
I totally agree! I have read Kim Saeed's book twice. I think it is a MUST read to help understand 'no contact' - the how and why's of it. I got mine on my Kindle and for a few $ more, got the audio version. I like the reader's expression and found that helpful, as well.
These cheater, thief, looser, liars are not worth a moment of my thoughts.
I like the word assessment over judgement. I believe it's more accurate and more or less using your head rather than your heart and emotions. Much safer. Very good advise!
I am so pleased that males are recognizing that none of us are really different. We are just people suffering similar acts of abuse. Evil has no color or gender. What resides in a person's heart, motives and actions just tells what type of person they are. To be able to meditate and plan how to hurt anyone is just plan evil. Like a lion it stalks its prey, watches everything until the opportune time. Then the lion attacks. The death of the lions prey is quick and part of what is normal jungle life. The human being who has intelligence far above the animal kingdom has dropped to a level lower than an animal when he/ she preys on another person. The most important thing I have learned is that male or female, we have to pay close attention to anyone who is overly kind, helpful , etc. Be careful. Watch for those red flags. And get away FAST if anything makes you uncomfortable.
I love this video. I love how you explain it and this video is what made me move on ! I finally put a label on my EX as a predator and also other toxic people in my life and took them out of my life. I love you and so glad I found you on you tube. I moved on and healed from you. He now repulses me and I think he is a evil soul and has the devil in him.
My covert wife fooled me for almost 22 years! Everyone seen it but me. Working on getting out now!!
Same, 18 years for me
Divorcing now. 25 yrs. it gets better, they never stop, exhausting but freedom on the horizon.
the mobbing..and the mother analogy..sadly accurate
Yep that's how you got to do it "put a label on them" you are so correct. Thanks for this video 🤓
I was asked to write a book, on this, a few years ago. To talk about my life. She said, It's depressing, but it could help others how you handle it. I was journaling, for years & going to start journaling again, but on a more positive note. I finally started my book a few days ago. It will talk about negativity, but mostly inspiring .When life throws curb balls, simply throw them back. I have been watching these videos for months. I thank you all, because you are the reason why I'm where I'm at today. it isn't all peaches & cream, but I'm on my way to recovery. A way to go, BUT, at least, I'm getting there!! Thanks to all these caring informative coaches!!
I love the lion analogy.
He told our pastor that I had assaulted him! Omg! In 30 years I have never touched him! I was abused as a child, and By 2 previous husbands, (physically) so I would never be physical with anyone. My Husband has been physical with me 5 times in 30 years, and 4 of those my children saw him....So I had to ask my pastor what he said I did......he says I came in guest room (where he slept prior to our daughter coming, ) and totally UNPROVOKED , says I sat on him while be was asleep I guess and grabbed his hair and started banging his head on the bed! (By the way I am 5' 1 and weigh 90 lbs......he is 6'2 260 lbs) I also had PTSD years ago from my own abuse and am TERRIFIED of any kind of physical abuse!!! Although I am finding psychological abuse is even worse! The worst!
When I confronted him , saying I heard the latest lie he has told on me, that he's saying I attacked him , he said,....get this......"What? You don't REMEMBER????? ". that my friends is what you call GASLIGHTING! I just call it cruel, and Evil! It really hurts!!
I really wonder who the demons are that dislike these wonderful videos!
Narcissists
Narcs
Thank you so much for this video! It really hit home and helped me so much!
Wow these videos are so very needed today.
I already did that checked out her profile pic on fb and yes it didn’t make me feel better...it made feel like I could get him back easy...so needed to hear this what a waste of time. Unfortunately I can’t go completely no contact as we have 5 children together but I have limited the contact
Wow, this is exactly my situation. Thank you
I'm happy it's helpful!
I had to call the police for something else & my husband came up. The officer was just fine, so he pretended. I called him up again to update the situation. He was totally different & not at all helpful. A crime was committed & that is what I was reporting. This is the second time, our police lied to me & told me it wasn't a crime. How do you divorce, when you have proof & people who do believe you, including doctors, but the police refuse to cooperate?
The Lion analogy is the most powerful visualisation metihor I have ever heard with this context
Ty Ty so very much for the image.. it will stay with me and help me judge what it is.. if the cap fits. 🙋💖🌸💯👍👊
Iv been in this relationship for nearly 10 years in last 2 years Iv been trying to leave , even a few days ago he had a put burst and I told him I am done I leaving then he followed me around the house in this sorry self and he was the one who told me to leave then when I told him I am leaving he said that he’s the one that told me it’s over and get out but he didn’t want me to pack my stuff up and leave he is not letting me leave and now he doing the love bombing omg I just want to leave this dissent cogognese it driving me crazy I want out so much I am done with him
Hey another person married simultaneously to two narcissists. My wife and mother-in-law are both ones. Not a healthy situation to find one’s self at all.
I got caught in a spider web of no escape. 30 years of questioning reality and my sanity.
Trauma-bonds are destructive and escaping practically becomes impossible.
I’m amazed at how many professional therapist keep a person stuck with an unhealthy relationship.
Best descriptor of my life story is the following:
I got ran over by a train, then a tank and then thrown off the cliff into a volcano, only to fall back on the train track again.
Priceless
That's the first narc joke ever .Thanks
my relatives (I would never call them family) are all abusers I always wondered why I had to walk on eggshells around them If I didn't talk to them a certain way or do what they say they wanted to fight me I hope one day I'm strong enough to get away from them that's all I can do
Amazing! I loved everything about what you had to say. Excellent video. Sending you lots of love. Thank you so much. God bless you always xxx
I love your work Meredith but this doesn’t really have any pertinent info on divorcing a narcissist
Wow.. Just wow.. I am awakening.. Its so profound!! I thought it was just my mother in law who was the narc. My husband is of 22 years! I started seeing and hearing things in the past few days and I am just astounded! Eyes wide open now! Thank you!!! Xxoo.. The mother son thing!! Everything you said is my life!! I am getting it!! Did you know my mother in law too? Lol! Hugs
I'm in the beginning stages of ending my 19 yr old marriage after finding proof of multiple sources of supply last week. One for your years now, sigh. As I lie here, thinking about everything, my question now is, was I a narc too when he pursued me 21 yrs ago? I know I stood at the alter with no secrets, full of hope for a beautiful life together. Yet, early on, after we moved across country, I discovered his addiction to porn and lovingly confronted him. After all, we met in church, dated for 2 yrs/no sex, etc...I thought we both wanted to live honest lives before God. Yet. I've never experienced a *consistently happy* marriage; just kept hoping and praying and...So, maybe honesty is my strength, unlike him. But, being fairly new to understanding narcissism has me wondering if I'm one.
omg the label is necessary ugh
hey someone liked my comment so i watched this video again .....
obviously the truth must be spoken and revealed and faced to stop the delusion
once i see that someone flat out refuses to talk about the reality of the issues that exist, then i realize that there is no hope for any decent communication thus there is no hope for an actual relationship......
I'm so accustomed to hearing your perfect Spanish on the other videos that now I didn't realize you were speaking in English until minute five and a half! Haha! Thanks for sharing your knowledge!
Excellent talk. Thank you. So, so true X
Great video! Thank you for coping strategies.
Big hug!
To be honest, the description of your former relationship doesn't seem so much like a case of narcissism; rather it seems like a case of cultural difference. Narcissistic tendencies can come from both partners sometimes. It's just a heightened state of fear. We may need to label the other person, but we also have to self reflect enough to see what it is that we could've done differently. Otherwise we are doomed to repeat the cycle.
Some good advice on journaling though no doubt.
Great video. How does one go about this when kids are involved though? I was the one that had to leave. The kids are mostly with my wife at the moment. This last month of me being gone has been so hard on the kids. I just hate it.
Your advice is awesome!!
1 million thumbs up from me about this video. The lion analogy was brilliant. My ex used to show me predator videos from facebook! For real!! I think he was preparing me to start running or be eaten alive.
I went no contact on 3/26/18 & he went ghosting ever since. All I got to say is good riddance to bad garbage!! Healing has begun & I'm getting somewhere, but still very depressed about how someone could do this demonic behavior to another?? Haven't left isolation yet & sometimes I actually like it, because I keep busy.
How do i do nocontact with a three year old son that i need to be apart of his life, and be able to host a safe space for him.
Imagine a laughing hyena.. That is more appropriate, because a Lion is STRONG and these narcs are cowards, they need a pack(mob) to back them. A Lion does not. I admire lions and abhor laughing hyenas. Just my personal preference.lol
Have to say from the start your insights and perspective has been helpful. Sure this is heartbreaking 💔 absolutely.
On my end never married anyone nor had children. My ex & I were always operating in a Grey zone. Knew we were more roommates and the friendship aspect was also Grey as there was domestic violence. I'd lash out not physically more verbally to shaking as physically he'd get very angry aggressive.
Financially was in no place to really go anywhere. Would I ever marry him or go back to those dynamics? Absolutely not. The compassion is very real on my end as our situation yes, survival wasn't thriving had an extra scientific aspect layer to it. Making a business to cut the cycle when I started the process knew had to be very honest as much as possible even my own survival style in the process.
As the parasocial aspect of opening up being vulnerable really didn't understand that part ending up to be so daunting and dangerous. On my end saw narcissistic abuses in business structures like MLMs for example in bullnomics all different companies structures I investigated over my time and their psychology behind money has been a nuclear holocaust currently now everyone has been in an inherited system unsustainable toxic matrix of stupid wires choking us all out.
Reality. Slightly observation some lions have no idea they are predators as they've never been in the wild forced everyday to hunt for their meals. In zoos often those animals are abused. Many drugged terrorized for a paycheck others amusement which certainly isn't conservation at all. That's been how homospains, globally have been treated as well. For a very long time not all just many.
Western culture brought George Westinghouse for example someone I've greatly admired for his intelligence and kindness both who pulled Nikola Tesla out of a ditch after he was subjected to horrible narcissistic abuse by many the gaslighting. Both greatly cared about developing an electrical delivery system that was FREE as electricity is free and abundant from the universe. Unfortunately, many narcissistic abusers intervened. These interventions set of further slavery violence wars. All unsustainable toxic hurting countless others, globally the entire planet.
On this end of the screen as I'm not in the war business don't see enemies I just don't think that way. Wiretapping is very frustrating and dangerous. Has been watch the movie 'The Snake Pit' also a book. Gaslighting started terrorism slavery when gas natural gas started being used and all the toxic mining practices especially in coal industry. You, Meredith are a canary in a coal mine.
Which is not an easy task or job. The psychology behind money has been a problem for a long time. Just earning a paycheck alone was never enough at all. That's not thriving it's truly many species to this planet I'm deeply in love with less so homospains decent people (not perfect) are a very different type love them. The planet is what I'm so deeply in love with as it's so beautiful. Those gaslighting publicly while being blackmailed just aren't living in reality truth it's their truth just not mine. Why the Hollywood lifestyle holds no appeal whosoever. Prefer a God path where you are welcomed able to flush out slavery corruption as much as possible.
I've recorded my inner voice who was a jerk in moments condescending to hear it out loud Journaling this which was annoying hated hearing that voice out loud yet, helps flush that out call it a mind cleaner. And the reasonable more balanced voice on with compassion that one I love.
And I've looked into just how dangerous taking medication 💊 is. Sure with the right guidance can be helpful only temporary not long-term sustainable solution. On my end my exs mother is a psychiatrist. Saw many perspectives meanwhile her own family was suffering. Greatly.
I took medication blaming myself fully. It led to horrible thoughts non stop of suicide and death. Pure hell on Earth. Terrorized here in this version of America. Awful. Had to cut ✂️ all that off. Was very difficult too as no doctors were very helpful around at the time did it alone.
I ended up yes, we ended our confusing relationship living situation I moved had problems Financially as those flashbacks are HORRIBLE oh my God omg terrible. More trauma happened. Moved out of state and had serious housing issues. It's been crazy dry with bad soil erosion. Anyhow, yes learned a lot have two beautiful rabbits in my life now amazing souls looking for a more stable housing environment which is for me getting euthanized in Belgium as they've passed that law.
Being a medical burden few want to be around that let alone myself. Outpriced from living basically. The medical records won't be accurate for many due to fraudulent coding practices for a paycheck from major insurance companies. Huge issue here faced that.
Did you know rabbits smell cancer? Amazing hearing and they also like just being loved. Gentle kindness. Their poop is amazing for gardening too. Bunny gold and rabbits dislike bullnomics bullies. Sweethearts so glad they are in my life and would love to have them in my life until the very end when I'm taking my last breath here.
Been a tough journey. Was OK going at it alone knew it wasn't going to be easy to address those unhealthy neuropath ways that developed. Debt slavery is a huge issue. We shouldn't have to sell our images on screen to make livable wages. Our marketplace is full of gaslighting tactics very dangerous products polluting. Set out to address that aspect. It's been so dangerous, dark and challenging every step of the way. Never see it as I own the world 🌎 as it owns itself, Earth 🌎
So is it only men who are bad? My ex wife calls me a narcissist. But thru our whole marriage we did what she wanted. Move to a different state to be by her family. I’m super sensitive she would play on my my emotions when I did something wrong, Use to get what she wanted. She asked for the divorce and tore the family apart. I’m finally able to stand my ground when she says “if you really loved me” you let me have the kids all the time. Or what ever she wants at the time. All the responses are from women so whether or not it just hurt to watch this. Why is it so hard to move on!! Especially when my 3 boys are so awesome.
5:29 thanks for the break thru, super great video! 😎
Oh my goodness, this changed my life...
Yes changed my life too! Thank you so very much!
Thank you Thank you Thank you!!! Best advice!
My mother in law told me the problem in my marriage was all my fault because I was always angry with her son. He was having an affair while I was nursing her with terminal cancer.
He's someone else's problem now. My ex husband the narc has gotten his mistress pregnant. Good riddens!
Double R Holy crap, mine did too! WTF?
Mine did too!
teresa Klein smh sounds common for the weirdos
very helpful. Thank you so much. I need to hear
Just describe my like in 14 minuets!! Great video
Thank you so much for this
Woww, you are so amazing! Thank you xo
Good point about abuse amnesia.
I do journal I will be reading the as a reminder
Hi I'm currently returned to the UK after living Ruth a narcissistic woman in America. We have a one year old child who lives with her in Denver Colorado. I have to apply for a divorce and have no idea what to expect..can you help?
I would recommend you find legal counsel in Colorado for divorce and family court. Look at reviews online and listen to your gut when you choose attorneys to interview. You need to know what your rights and responsibilities are and have someone sharp fighting on your behalf.
I'm interested in a strategy session, how can I contact you?
Great video! Thank you for sharing 😉
You are so spot on.
Oh my god! I am doing this right now! I know who he is. I know it’s wrong but I can’t stop try to connect with him. Want call him and text him. Even it’s angry texts. I don’t know why I cling towards my abuser! What hell ?! I read and read lot of narcissist abuse recovery! I am so naive ! It’s like kiss death 💀 I know it’s poison but I still move my foot towards him and curious what he is doing, what he thinks! I feel crazy !
I felt exactly like you did with my ex ( wife) and I am happy I maintained my self respect and dignity by being maintaining NC , she had quietly taken out all money and still emailed me to pay for her education and I did not as my lawyers had advised. While I was working hard she was busy getting her new source of supply. It wasn't long until I realized that I have been used and abused. I am focusing on my mental and physical health and taking out time for myself . Do not devalue yourself but realise that this is the last century on this earth, focus on yourself and remember you are never alone. Infact we all men and woman who have been through this should unite and reach other as one family.
Read up on Trauma narcissism bonding
What about when you are the liar, predator, manipulator, sociopath and you realize AFTER divorce papers have been handed to you that you screwed up BIG TIME? What about when you wish you could go back in time and NOT lie and deceive her about porn/sexual addiction? Well, that's me. I was handed divorce papers nearly 3 weeks ago and it wasn't until then that I came to the realization of how serious my actions were (I was verbally and emotionally abusive) and how I destroyed the greatest treasure ever given to me. Now, I'm left picking up the pieces of life and missing her and our two beautiful daughters like crazy. The kind of sorrow and remorse I've felt these past 3 weeks has been more than anyone should bear. Of course, I put her through 14 years of marital hell...so my petty 3 weeks is really nothing. I do love her, I'm just so screwed up and didn't know how to maintain a relationship. Honestly, I don't think I'll ever be able to get past this and I have to live with it for the rest of my life. She's an amazing woman and I'm thankful for the years I had with her, but I am learning what an absolute FOOL I have been and all I want now is to have a right relationship with God first and a restored relationship with her IF that is ever even a possibility. Go ahead and blast me in the comments for being such a monster. I get it. I can handle it...and I deserve it! I'm hoping some of you may have some good encouragement though instead of tearing me down. Trust me, I'm feeling terrible enough as it is (and no this is NOT manipulation. This is truly how I feel)
:D great the comparison with the lion...
My question is..... is a narcissist born like that or turned like that? Cause where do they learn to be so dang crafty and manipulating??
Oh my God the inclusion of the mother-in-law sounded all too familiar.
In retrospect I suspect that her mother-in-law is the queen bee narcissist that raise these children.
I can totally relate to the mobbing and ganging up on she even did it with her ex-husband and his wife allowing him to verbally assault me.
I believe that might be a prime example of triangulation and the use of flying monkeys?
Why are we moving the garbage around?
My MIL didn’t side with my spouse
My question is can a narc actually get help? I don’t believe it’s curable. But if a narc did finally go seek help with therapy is there any potential? I’m newer to the concept (someone close to me was labeled a narc) so trying to understand it more and understanding how to handle it.
HelwaNorah
Only if he sees the flaws in himself, especially if it takes a therapist to point them out .. he may resist the very idea that the ‘problem’ is himself. The real question is why are you in admiration of him?
They are lost soulless people who have no emotionally maturity and will never have . If they do not get what they want they move on to next source . They are very unhappy from within even though they pretend to be happy hence remember they might try to seek you out once again knowing you are an empath later in their lives be it your ex husband ,wife ,gf ...you will see a "pattern " , hence love yourself and make new friends and go out explore the world with yourself or your friends
I would be very cautious Norah. Very cautious. This is some evil stuff. Once your sucked in your trapped until you realize what’s going on. Then you have to gain strength. Mine has gone to therapy and nothing has worked so far. I am drained. Trying to get out of this
I just started watching your videos and realize you are very wise. It explains my situation to the tee! Hey, were you watching my life? 😁 Your information let's me know I'm on the right track and mindset. Do me a favor, I am a male and there are men that are caught in the same tenticles of these narcsassists just like you females. Not all men are the perpetrators! Just sayin'!
Excellent..I'm living it
Thank u so much
I dont have anything But god !! And my husband knows this !! Waite I have a job !! The second job is leave !! This narcissistic !! I’m tiered!! His family come from another country 2-3 months at a time , I see them more than I see my real son whom stay in the city of chicago !!! First the brother then the mother who I give love and kindness !! Just to get jealousy and evil !! I do believe this how my husband pick this up Narcissistic because she is on his mother !!! I didn’t no what Narcissistic was until I went to get help counseling !! Wow!! I pray to God I get out of this marriage alive and I do mean this in every way !! Now his family member want to have a child here in the United States 🇺🇸!! Now I believe this was planned to !! Wow! Oh wow!! I’m finally getting over the hurt , now I’m getting over the betrayal !! Now I believe this husband didn’t love me !! You now you kinda feel it but I was blind by all kinds of lies !! Wow help me dear god so I can help my self !!! Thank you for this help and knowledge Grateful
Oh geez mommy...I had the same problem...great vid...Preditor...manipulator baby...let mommy change diaper!
Why do they want full custody of the children is it so they can use the child or teenager as a loyal flying monkey to spy on you for them report it back also to continue the abuse to you through them? This is happening to me I think from all the various experience when having my daughter over. He let's her come over all the time while he does partying with others basically he doesn't really have her unless it school then she wanna be here and it's very different and exhausting type relationship with her and then random blindsided drama will arise incl law stuff loose of money work lots of different stuff and she seem report every little thing useless info I imagine yet it lead up to eventually drama and bull. I really don't know what to do. I almost want quit allowing her over in order to completely recover from the 20 years he abuse me I can't seem to find a rythum with her where it's safe for us to quietly normal like mom daughter relationship any advice??
Let her have him! Do yourself a favor!
Hi Meredith your sincerity and genuineness just exude through your videos I really feel good after watching every video of yours. I would like to connect with you and wondering if I could email you aometime? What's your email address? I'd greatly appreciate it.