After many many years I finally figured out NOT to share any feelings, good or bad, with my narc. Anything you share with them emotionally they will use against you later as a form of weaponry.
I am so so sorry you went through this hell. I'm getting out of a 17 year marriage to a narcissist myself so I can totally understand. They are the cruelest, most sadistic, non - human pieces of garbage you can imagine. Just evil really. I 'am extremely grateful that so many of us became fully awake and got out
Blessings and you know many of us know the pain some cause so casually. Soon your life will be your own again. You are a beautiful woman and obviously smart. Thank you for sharing your journey. You're in my prayers.
As crazy as this may sound but listening to this (and many other videos of yours) is SOOOOOOO therapeutic for me! I have dealt with my narcissist for 7 years. Never have i felt so unhappy, unloved, miserable, drained, confused, and like every day was a battle with someone that claimed to love me! Thank you for sharing your story! I didnt know exactly what type of person i was dealing with until YEARS into the relationship and I forever was trying to put out all these fires every single day. Thank you thank you THANK YOU!!!
It's time to quit the fire department and find a new job! I hope you have a plan in place to leave and heal. We all deserve so much more than the misery they bring! Hugs and healing ~N
I know your life with this man because this is my life. I have beautiful cards from my narc' but I know none of it means anything at all. It is all lies and BS. I am so proud of you for thriving after this crap. I'm 48 years in. I'm a fool and I know it now. I have only recently learned what I have been dealing with. I could never really work out what it was that made me feel so empty, so alone. Learning about narcissistic mirroring has been a revelation. I have been completely isolated from my friends and family (12,000 miles from my family). I hope I can get away.
He is ill and unable to change himself. You only need to focus on yourself and not ruin yourself further. You must love yourself so much that you forget all about him. ❤️🙏❤️
I remember something my ex did, and this video made me think of it. It was Christmas, and my ex just randomly got ready and left the house. She didn't say anything to me, and just figured she was going to a work party. We had not arguments or anything. I left the house, because I didn't want to be there by myself. She was ignoring my phone calls and text messages. She finally text me about two weeks later saying that I didn't deserve to be around anyone during the holidays. She had a habit of just leaving me without any explanation. She even wrote me a letter saying how I made her feel like a stranger in her own home. First she would say she didn't want to be intimate, and then I would have to beg. Basically everything revolved around her wants and needs. If I asked her for something she would claim I was using her for money, sex, and rides. If I told her how she made me feel she would tell me I was toxic, and emotionally abusive. She would tell me she couldn't do certain things, but then she would do them out of spite. She would promise to take me places, and I would get ready to go, and then she would tell me I couldn't go. I was so isolated and didn't even realize it. I thought it was me the entire time. She would lie to me about if she ate out anywhere, so I eventually just started cooking for myself, because she wouldn't eat with me. Then she wrote me another letter stating how I need to be industrious, pick up lint balls off the floor, and cook her meals. She was too cheap to purchase a new vacuum, and she would already eat somewhere else and brag about it, so what was the damn point. For the first time in my life I felt invisible, and that I was this unlovable person. NEVER AGAIN, and I can also write a book.
you should never have to work that hard for a relationship. Its like they make everything sound like an impossible feat so that you have to expend a ridiculous amount of energy on it, only to be disappointed again.
This is an older video.....OMGosh!!!! 26 years! SAME experience!!! Those responses!!! Exact same wording!! I’m speechless! I’m only a few minutes in..... Oh My Word!!
I used to say "I was stupid enough" to believe him -- but no. I am NOT stupid. I was conditioned. I am really very smart. He is not particularly smart, but he has a VERY good set of acting skills and the ability to appear like a real human being with real feelings even can mimic empathy if needed. Until you know about this personalty disorder, you will NEVER know what kind of soulless creatures are out there doing these manipulations. It is hard to imagine it even knowing..... Thank you for sharing your experiences. I know exactly who that feels. Been there. Subscribed.
I agree with you 100%!!! I'm not a genius on my best day but I'm not dumb like he (the narc) said I was. Conditioning is absolutely right. Years, of conditioning. Thanks for watching and sharing!!! Nora :)
nadia r they are like a drug that even the smartest person can become addicted now it time to detox to pray and put on the full armor of God and stand up and be warriors against this beast.we will beat them,,,,imagine standing before these Narcs in full battle gear with your sword drawn,,,standing next to God and his army behind you in the spiritual world that is already happening.lets be strong together.
Thank you for articulating my feelings and experience. We are not alone. We must encourage and support each other. We all have a story to tell. You are so real and help me tremendously.
I suffered from Insomnia throughout our 2 year 'relationship'. He would tell me that I can't sleep because of 'my infidelity' (of which there was none). Yes, he was always 'sick' with some or other ailments. I feel your teers. I have just gone through Final Discard. I am struggling with the fact that it was all a lie. I lived a lie for 2 years.
Awwww... as an empath, when you started to cry, I cried. You are so brave for getting out and speaking out!!!! He was absolute trash and you deserve so much - which I have seen in your future videos how you got what you deserve. Yay!!!! And it's truly amazing how you fought this!
They love to mess with our minds..it is so disgusting. I started getting physically sick as well. I feel your pain it is seems impossible sometimes to get through it. You called it right.."Damage" I said the exact same thing....left with the Damage.
Omg this is so relatable! Especially the hypochondriac part! He stressed me out so much I was always nauseous and couldn't eat that I lost 30 pounds within a few weeks.
Yeah, the narc dumped me and broke my heart and I reached out to him about it via text message, and he said to me that he didn't have the time and energy to comfort me and that he is sick, tired, exhausted. and overwhelmed. Yep. The "victim narcissist" (hg tudor's classification of this type of narcissist) seems to be the same with most or all romantic partners. It's so pathetic. I'm glad that you left him and I hope that the woman that my "ex" narc is with, leaves him, too. These narcs have to be alone. They deserve to be punished by everyone just leaving them because THEY are the ones who aren't WORTH OUR TIME AND ENERGY. Seriously.
You need to take everything every picture every card everything you ever had with him have a bonfire and burn every bit of it move on, keeping those things are only going to trigger your emotions and keep you in your own prison of pain.
Thank you for sharing this. It makes me feel less alone. I went through the same empty promises with narc husband of 20 yrs. Fake ass loving cards and presents while he was sleeping around with his supplies. What's most disgusting is one Valentine's day he sent me flowers and strawberries and he was screwing his latest supply What a sick disgusting excuse for a human being he was
Pitbulls Forever they really are miserable people. I'm sorry you experienced this as well. Its sad that they keep us blind for so long. Be grateful for the gift of 'sight' 😉
Oh, I wish I could just give you a hug!! Unbelievable how our stories are similar! My mother is the narcissist too, and yes, really hard accepting that and realizing how it affects all of this!
Omg...the lying part. I remember I called my ex a liar, and she tried to crash the car. I was telling her that she was lying to me about not being able to text or call me. She was talking to her ex, her family, and co-workers but she couldn't talk to me. Thanks for sharing, because really took me back. Glad you're healing.
When my kids were younger, my husband always made my children feel bad or yell at them for waning to be good. They were afraid of him. Just recently my now adult daughter had a conversation of something and he said but you asked to be born. I was like what the hell! She got so angry at him. She couldn’t believe he said that. That made me so upset. 😡
Wow, are you in my head?? I'm just starting to watch your videos from the beginning but this one hit the nail on the head. I loved my father and he walked on water in my eyes and that kills me to see that my girls will never get the chance to have a father daughter relationship like we did. The way these narcissists speak to us and to their own children, is just disgusting and it's so hard to watch and know it's not normal. How did you help your children understand this damage and help them realize how much they are loved and valued from their mothers? I don't know if there is any amount of therapy to help us and them. TY!!!
Oh my, your husband is exactly like mine... They are evil, yes I said it and I mean it, they are Satan's angels placed on earth to torment good people for a while.
Oh my yes, the "I have always been a good provider" bit! I have worked, other working my ass of raising kids, cleaning house, homeschool g or walking on egg shells, or I worked outside the home AND raised kids. Yeah, I didn't earn more than a quarter of what he earned; so he would criticize any efforts I did make toward making a home!
After 30 years we're finally separated and I just started the divorce process. Last week he gave me some of my stuff I had left behind in the home as well and there's also a little pile of cards and letters that I saved over the 30 years and I swear to you they mimic exactly what you shared. It's so sad. I can remember times being left at Walmart him walking out at restaurants just being a complete a****** and embarrassing me in every way he could why did we stay so long?
Are you sure you are not takking about my husband? I am here crying with you because i know exactly how you felf. I am glad ypu got out of it. 6 years for me and i am finally leaving
Ditto sounds like 20 years of my life. Now that you are out cherish what you have and keep moving forward and never look back. Thank God you are out, alive.....let the healing begin!!
I feel your pain!! I haven't deleted some of the emails my soon to be ex sent me. I see them and if I happen to read one I feel like such a fool. I wish we could get together and cry and get it all out! Not many people are willing to listen to the painful stories we have! I hope you are better! 💗
Love you and your willingness to be raw. This is so spot on what goes on inside of us and all the pain. You feel drained and like a little piece of you is lost every time you forgive, let it go, or just totally numb out.
Sounds exactly like my husband. Long term relationship/marriage. Been together since we were 13, so 25 years and married almost 18. When I try to explain how lonely I am, same excuse. He doesn't have time to think about being lonely. I also sleep without him and sleep like a baby. I need to end it. I'm scared.
Kelli Spaulding me too I don't know if you're familiar with Sam Vaknin but he is probably the foremost person who pioneered this whole thing by coming out as a narcissists and if you look at his videos gives you a lot of understanding as to why they behave the way they do more than anyone else. understanding is the first step even if you want to leave understanding and compassion will be easier then anger and hatred . also HG Tudor, knowing the narcissist,very entertaining also he is a narcissist want to hear of a really interesting thing everyone should hear? out of the box radio interview with a master narcissist this would be HD Tudor part 2 especially where he tells his story toward the end and also gives advice at the end
Is it that simple? I was hurt as a child...emotionally neglected and abused by a narc stepmom and enabling dad. I turned into a codependent. What is in a narcissists DNA that triggers them to become this way after childhood hurt? It must be pure hell to live in a narcs brain and body. To derive joy from other people's pain, people that loved you. Makes me feel sick to my stomach.
Yes I understand what you meant. What I'm trying to understand is that many of us are hurt in childhood, but what makes the narc turn out like they do...full of hatred, revenge, self loathing? There are other possible outcomes to their childhood history, what makes it swing in the direction of becoming a narc? Is it in their genes?
I don't know if it is in their genes. It is up to each individual to go the path they choose. They say npd is practically irreversable. i know that most people don't like to face their inner demons, let alone manage to get rid of them. I personally think we can all change our lives if we want to.
Thank You for validating what I have felt for many years. THANK YOU. I appreciate that you shard, I know it was hard. I am gong to review some of your other videos. Live life, you are still young and beautiful, (not that that is everything) I'm trying to encourage you to keep going!!!
Nora Your mom is my Mother. And I saw her abuse the same way. I miss my Dad. My hero my best friend my trusted one. The one who made it possible for me to continue to believe I could and had a right to be me. All the love and fairness in our family dynamic died when he did. I've never had a long term marriage. Hung my hat up on that after #2 ended. I am Grateful. To you. To me. Hugs Nora
Crying while remembering the past, which doesn’t exist anymore, shows that you are still connected/controlled to it or by it. The connection is the resentment you holding on to. Drop the resentment or you will never be free. No resentment equals no more connection/control.
I know what you went through. I believe the lies. I journaled when we separated after the third girl he cheated on me. Yes, I know I went back after that. I was stupid. He cheated on me again and we then divorced. He said things will be different each time we separated and I believed him. I have looked at the journal several times since we divorced and I was stupid! There are things I didn't see then that I see now.
We have a lot in common. My dad died when I was 16 and he NEVER EVER...said or ever did one thing to ever hurt me.my dad was very sweet, loved me unconditionally.
I've slept in a spare room for almost 2 years. I began it stating I had to wait early for school (my umpteenth attempt to leave) and didn't to wake him. Once covid hit, I fully switched the room to mine instead of just a sleeping one.
@@NarcissistsSchmarcissists You ever watch the HBO series "OZ"? The prisoners are all narcissists especially keller. My ex female narc is exactly like the psychopaths on OZ
Thank you so much for sharing. I left for the 3rd and final time less than 2 wks ago. Still dealing with up to 65 emails per day trying to get me back. I fell for it before but no more. Thank you for helping me stay strong
I understand how you feel; these videos are a good reminder for me as time passes by. Have you noticed how narcissists like to use adverbs. And did you noice how he turned it around on you. When people use adverbs it is a red flag to me. Adverbs describe a verb or another adverb. It explains how. Such as the phrase "love you deeply" Narcissists need you to believe them. So they seem to have an unconcsious way to get you to believe their words by including adverbs when it's not necessary.
I got chills when you said the thing about the bed. I got to where I could not sleep in the same bed as him due to the anxiety he gave me. I was so worried about moving or getting too close because he didn't like to be touched when it was time to sleep. Awful.
You are wonderfully raw and a trooper and a true honest to goodness good person. I can so relate to your pain. It’s real and yes they don’t change. Thank you for sharing.
Nora, There is so much integrity-"grity" in sharing your story and pain. I too went through a 2 year love affair with a psychopath. learning about this disorder helped me to understand that my own mother is also a covert narcissist. The video you did about the how Narcissists Ruining the holiday was so spot on. It finally helped me see the pattern very clearly. There is just no deny in it any longer. Be Bless my friend in your struggle to be free. God Bless
Onwards and upwards sweetie - you're doing great. You're right to let your emotions out then they are not 'inside' and can't fester. You have to deal with them sometime so why not now. You're really brave and are helping a lot of people with your honesty and authenticity. I really admire you.
Yes. So true. Me, 29 years with a narc. Just found out from youtube vids what I was up against. Just been diagnosed with cpsd AND fobromyalgia. These are the harvests of an extremely emotionally abusive and codependent relationship. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. So glad you are free of him and hope you are doing well now.Semding good thoughts to you. I have now to get myself free of this relationship. I am looking forward to my independence.
@@lindat.2868 So sorry you are having so much pain now. Please consider all anti inflammatory diet options amd get out in nature as much as you can. Best luck to you, Eva
@@lindat.2868 I can understand your frustration. Anger can be positive because it means you have hope and optimism that things could be different in your life. The anger is telling you what needs to change so embrace your anger, invite it in, make it nice hot cup of tea with honey amd milk and sit down and have a thoughtful discussion with your anger. Ask what it's been up to lately and what suggestions it may have for your future. You would be surprised at all the useful and accurate observations your anger has about you and your life if you give it a chance to speak to you.
As you probably can tell, I just found your videos and am in the process of watching every single one from the beginning. I used to get those sappy cards and notes too, sometimes pages and pages, always felt the need to over do it! Such hypocrisy!
I know I used to dream about him coming like in the movies to the door and saying oh I'm sorry dear I've been a fool all along like after one of our fights after saying something horrible or the silent treatment for 3 days, and this is really a temporary discard, but he would just keep going and be happy with someone else drinking buddies whatever sleeping soundly enjoying himself
Sis thank you for sharing , your story is so similar to mine Stay strong and keep been beautiful and they can't touch you.they don't change . From Australia.
I so understand everything you are saying. I think of the times he told me that I was a fraud, fake, liar, etc...because those are all the things he was feeling but projecting on me. I too have all those cards that have those nice words and yet I never felt it was sincere and therefore never kept them close to my heart. Here I thought I was the only one who could hold out for 23 years. I'm done.
Heather they have all the same trait. I was evil horrible and never done any good for anyone. I worked in healing and deliverence for over 20 years. They are sick in mind and body. A wolf in sheeps clothing. He was the perfect gentleman outside the demon in the home. He lied and lied to me and our children. I believe his karma will come to pass.
Why they hurt people? They feel empowered. When a person is hurt your strength isn’t up to snuff. The arguments we have were off the charts. He would start guzzling water. He’d get dry mouth. Dumping adrenaline I imagine. I don’t know. The amount of rage and the things coming from him. Unbelievable.
I am still 28 yrs married but have been separated for 2 months. Only in the last 3 yrs that I started learning the personality trait that I have been dealing with. This last year I have been calling him out on his BS because I know his motives now. I’m tired of being quiet, ignored, no opinion of my own ect…. I have pulled down his mask , and now I’m the emotional abusive person and he left our marital home. Honestly, it’s been really peaceful at home by myself, I always felt alone when he was here. Now I don’t have to hear his voice which would make me cringe
Soon you start seeing a narcissist around every corner. Then you get bored and learn to recognize narcissistic types (they tell you who they are in the first 5 mins - they tell you their kids were a mistake -- run). Then you learn to narc-proof yourself... its a process.
You channel came at a good time. I'm battling with blaming myself for the failed relationship after feeling like I moved on. Then my current bf said I deserved it and he can see why he didn't want to marry me. 😒 the coldness was so hard frequent after he moved in I believed romantic love and deep conversations didn't exist.
Those letters are gaslighting to the max. I’m so sorry you had to go through this… I also deal with a very self centered person in my mom. One thing I try to do is to keep in mind that these narcissists have been stunted at growth. I try to picture them as children in an adult body. The legal battles are horrific and as you go through it, ya gotta take really good care of your body, and mind. And use the acronym Q-tip. (Quit taking it personally). As you’ve e said in previous videos,
Sorry hit the wrong button… giving them power is not good. And by taking things personally from someone who is like a 5 yr old, you give them power. It’s hard as hell not to, but just keep doin what you are doing, purging, eat lots of protein, drink lots of water and exercise and sleep often. You’re gonna get through it. “John” seems awesome. He loves you. And maybe that’s all ya need.
Oh wow, your x husband sounds just like my husband... Everytime I express my feelings, my how lonely I feel, it always tiggers a fight, because I should be grateful he supports me, has no time for that.. Been married for 23 years and its been awful, very lonely, its always about him, Im so EXHAUSTED... He never let me work wanted me home with the kids.. But yet he always throws that in my face, especially when he goes out and parties... He's had a great life, has done whatever he wanted because "responsible me" was always there to take care of everything.. He feels paying the bills is all he has to do, that gives him the right to do whatever he wants... The worst part of it all is that noone recognizes everything that you've done, there is no prize for sacrificing your wants and needs to make everyone else happy... At the end of the day all your left with is an enormous amount of fustration sadness and loneliness... Its so amazing you were able leave... Good for you. 🥰
I remember how I used to feel at the end of the day. No one deserves that, not even a dog! Seek help. Talk to a counselor, an attorney, anyone who can guide you. You deserve more than you're getting. It's never too late!
I'm reading your book now and what sticks out to me is how many blessings you had in life while you were with him and how in spite of it, the stink of being in this relationship almost subsummed those many blessings. That is what they seem to do- they negate an otherwise bountiful garden until all you feel you are left with are weeds.
People will do whatever you let them do, We are taught we are supposed to FIX everything and waste our lives, society gives women a GOLD medal for putting up with trash, that makes us a GOOD GIRL, it’s all wrong ,no one should take being treated like trash, My mom taught me this , I-am no one so who do I think I am to want to be with good people and have nice things
My mom twisted my thinking and reality as well. I truly hope you no longer hear her voice or see her in your minds eye when you look at yourself. The day that stopped for me, it was life changing💕
everyone please don't forget Richard Grannon of Spartan life coach who specializes in complex post-traumatic stress disorder brought on by narcissistic abuse, as well as Sam Vaknin. Sam is a narcissist and probably the foremost authority on the subject. these people started this whole movement on UA-cam. and then don't miss HG Tudor also a narcissist "knowing the narcissist" amazing and entertaining. and don't forget the interview the radio interview you can hear on UA-cam "Interview with a master narcissist out of the box radio HG Tudor' he gives his story and also advice in part 2 toward the end
You will get over this it's been a long journey of living with narcs.this is a typical behaviour of narcs stay no contact and throw those cards out .I grew up with a narcs mother,married a narcs have gone no contact for thirty years have nothing to do with my narcs nibbling since then my life has gone well sending love and protection
I remember my ex wrote me a long letter shortly after I left him, begging me to come back and explaining why everything that had gone wrong in our relationship was actually my fault, and that he was the victim and I had "broken him". He had been physically, verbally and mentally abusive to me for 3 years straight, and he had screwed one of his colleagues, but some how in his warped mind, it was me who destroyed our relationship and ruined his life. He finished it off by saying that despite everything, he still loved me and wanted to be with me. Wow. Lucky me. Lol. According to him, he had only ever hit me because I had pushed him to that point. He had only ever screamed at me and called me disgusting names because my behavior had been aggravating. He only slept with the other woman because I had hurt him and driven him to it. The mental gymnastics he could perform was quite spectacular. But the theme was always the same. He was never wrong, he was never responsible for his own actions and he was always the victim.
I went through the same thing you went through..it made no sense, the constant neglect and feelings of loneliness, and they never seem to 'get it'...no matter how much you 'try to make everything better'....it's really about knowing the difference between healthy bonding versus attachment...I have had to educate myself, to come out of it alive, for I was unable to articulate what was going on for a long time, and then I learned about emotional abuse (book y Beverly Engel) and verbal abuse (Patricia Evans) and I began to realize that this was what was going on...he didn't know how to bond in a healthy way...he knew 'attachment' and what you really want is bonding, healthy bonding...sounds like this was what was needed in order for you to meet your new love, the one you are bonding with now, and have the love you really desired....sometimes we need to experience the opposite (attachment) to know the other (healthy bonding)...and I don't believe narcissists know the difference, they 'attach' and just what they 'attach' to, who the hell knows, but there is no bonding..no deep love or understanding, compassion, empathy, no real bond, and so that is why we feel alone when around them...I know how awful that is, and how you feel worthless and like your nothing, around them...but know that this is the reason, because they are attaching, and not bonding...I hope this offers some insight to heal your heart a little bit more....
That is wonderful news...it seems to be that this is how the world of opposites really functions, up/down, left/right, attachment/healthy bonding...we wouldn't know the real thing, unless we experience something that isn't...its heartbreaking to realize when it is happening..but unless the one that is doing the attaching, comes out of the attachment, and into bonding, the one that is bonding, will feel left out in the cold, because the heart is yearning for the bonding, in the heart...and nothing else will satisfy, no matter how much they say 'they are trying'...its something you either understand or you don't...relationships may start out in 'attachment' but they grow into healthy bonding...when one person in the relationship is 'stuck' in attachment, and the other is maturing into healthy bonding...this is the real 'gap' you feel going on, you feel pulled apart..because you are moving in one direction, when the other person is staying where they are 'in attachment'...healthy bonding and attachment are two different realities..this is the reason its impossible to be with someone who literally is in a different reality about 'love'...they may be fine with 'attachment'...because 'attachment' is all they know and understand...and most likely...what they learned and believe is the real thing...'attachment' is what they do for survival...I believe when you 'nudge' the other person to come out of attachment and into bonding, they fear for their own survival...because attachment to them is survival....its how they survive...hopefully these insights can help...as you transition...and perhaps feel the energy of the past that can feel very threatening...the person feels very threatened by your growth...because for them, having you as their attachment, was meeting their survival needs...but in reality, it was killing your heart and soul...you had to be in a relationship that was rooted in healthy bonding, for your own heart and soul to survive...I do believe, with all of my being, that it was your heart and soul that guided you to where you are now...for your own survival.... :)
You are a beautiful inside and out person I have shortly dated a narcissist and it was a living hell I just walked away .I'm 23 and it felt like forever being with him only a yrar
U r beautiful person. Its ok to cry. It means we are humans. Narcasissts, all they hav is their fake lies and fake image. That is why when you call them lies they attack you. Because you are showing them mirror and they don't want to accept how sick they are. So better, don't engage them directly. protect yourself first. You r beautiful.
"the narc is good for like a week". Yep I was witness to this. Seems like a person gets a dopamine rush for that week when they are 'decent, may even apologize for their recent behavior and then the narc pulls the rug out from under you and the cycle repeats. The other thing is as you mentioned in the video is frustration to how you could of been duped or involved with a person like this. Its hard to forgive yourself for this but your must.
Wow... mine would yell he is not obligated to take care of me. He did everything for me because he had health insurance on me. I worked but any contribution was not noticed. When I would explain much like you it was no accountability. When the abuse turned to my children I had to leave. I sit and I feel just like you in this video trying to find strength. Thankful for your video.
I found this so triggering. Glad things are better for you now. I found everything thing he said or wrote had a dual meaning. He thought he was required to write me an apology. I knew it was really an apology to his family of origin, cunningly disguised as an apology to me and the children.
Don’t every let him shame you for….you’re not enough. Your efforts to make him happy aren’t enough. The things you do to keep keep the peace violate your own moral code yet it’s still not enough. Face it-no matter what there will always be a reason you’ll fall short. Even if you have to put your things in a garbage bag and sneak out in the middle of the night, believe this -he is never going to be enough. You deserve better, and run like hell before he talks you out of it.
It's like a child who hasn't yet learned/developed things like insight, emotional connection, compassion, integrity... if you were to hold them accountable by taking their favorite toy away. They'll do/say whatever they think will get them the toy back, in that moment. Like the words on those cards.... someone else's needs/wants don't matter, only their own. In that moment, tho... they have to make it seem as if they do. Even if, looking back, it's clear they were even in general terms, never specific.. they'd say whatever it took... their manipulative ways to get their OWN wants/needs met, is all they know. "We've both done... THINGS... (never 'what' things.... ) I have no doubt you & I can fix WHAT'S broken (non-specific) .. dealing w/ the CARDS life has dealt (all objectified, not emotional... not 'connected emotionally') .... feel bad, the POSITION we are in, emotionally (he has NO clue what position, just knows there is one) Really messes w/ my head thinking, wow.. for someone SO smart, how the F... did I keep falling for & not see this BS for what it was?!?! Yup, 26 yrs & I have the sammmmme cards... same notes, same emails. We cannot fathom ever treating ANYONE so coldly, to be so self-centered & disconnected from someone we are supposed to love/care for...... so, I think, its that until ya know.... you can't imagine anyone treating US that way, either. Easier & made more sense, a lot more sense (esp considering the outcome... the way he & others would treat us...) that the problem, the issue... must have been.... me. All along tho, it was HIM... always HIM! =/ ((HUGS)) So hard, so fkd up... SOOOOO hard.
You're absolutely right! They objectify everything and everyone. It is very hard. You, are not alone in this. There are people who understand and relate. I wish you so much peace and healing! Hugs, N
Buy my book in paperback or Kindle here; www.amazon.com/dp/0578673517/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_eQILEbJF7VY9W
You are totally explaining me life. Everything you say I am living. It's like you are in my head. Yiu finally make me feel sane.
After many many years I finally figured out NOT to share any feelings, good or bad, with my narc. Anything you share with them emotionally they will use against you later as a form of weaponry.
100% accurate
I am so so sorry you went through this hell. I'm getting out of a 17 year marriage to a narcissist myself so I can totally understand. They are the cruelest, most sadistic, non - human pieces of garbage you can imagine. Just evil really. I 'am extremely grateful that so many of us became fully awake and got out
Prayers and hugs to you! None of it is easy but its worth it in the end!
Blessings and you know many of us know the pain some cause so casually. Soon your life will be your own again. You are a beautiful woman and obviously smart. Thank you for sharing your journey. You're in my prayers.
Never let a narcissist see that you are in pain they get off on it, It feeds them fuel that is something you do not want to do.
I had to sleep in spare room which always felt tranquil. The energy in the shared room always felt 'off'
I’m currently sleeping in our walk-in closet and it feels luxurious. Sad but true.
Third here 🤚🏽in the spare bedroom lol next step the front door
I understand and relate. Hugs and healing
As crazy as this may sound but listening to this (and many other videos of yours) is SOOOOOOO therapeutic for me! I have dealt with my narcissist for 7 years. Never have i felt so unhappy, unloved, miserable, drained, confused, and like every day was a battle with someone that claimed to love me! Thank you for sharing your story! I didnt know exactly what type of person i was dealing with until YEARS into the relationship and I forever was trying to put out all these fires every single day. Thank you thank you THANK YOU!!!
It's time to quit the fire department and find a new job! I hope you have a plan in place to leave and heal. We all deserve so much more than the misery they bring! Hugs and healing ~N
"I apologize for making you feel like you do"? WTF? That is not an apology. Notice how they write or say things that make your first thought, WTF?
Thank you. This is exactly how I feel when I get into "our" bed as well. Thank you for making me not feel so alone.
I know your life with this man because this is my life. I have beautiful cards from my narc' but I know none of it means anything at all. It is all lies and BS. I am so proud of you for thriving after this crap. I'm 48 years in. I'm a fool and I know it now. I have only recently learned what I have been dealing with. I could never really work out what it was that made me feel so empty, so alone. Learning about narcissistic mirroring has been a revelation. I have been completely isolated from my friends and family (12,000 miles from my family). I hope I can get away.
He is ill and unable to change himself. You only need to focus on yourself and not ruin yourself further. You must love yourself so much that you forget all about him. ❤️🙏❤️
Thank u I needed to hear this🙏
It is not a coincidence what he did, setting you up for the fall every time, they are sadistic, they enjoy your pain
I remember something my ex did, and this video made me think of it. It was Christmas, and my ex just randomly got ready and left the house. She didn't say anything to me, and just figured she was going to a work party. We had not arguments or anything. I left the house, because I didn't want to be there by myself. She was ignoring my phone calls and text messages. She finally text me about two weeks later saying that I didn't deserve to be around anyone during the holidays. She had a habit of just leaving me without any explanation. She even wrote me a letter saying how I made her feel like a stranger in her own home. First she would say she didn't want to be intimate, and then I would have to beg. Basically everything revolved around her wants and needs. If I asked her for something she would claim I was using her for money, sex, and rides. If I told her how she made me feel she would tell me I was toxic, and emotionally abusive. She would tell me she couldn't do certain things, but then she would do them out of spite. She would promise to take me places, and I would get ready to go, and then she would tell me I couldn't go. I was so isolated and didn't even realize it. I thought it was me the entire time. She would lie to me about if she ate out anywhere, so I eventually just started cooking for myself, because she wouldn't eat with me. Then she wrote me another letter stating how I need to be industrious, pick up lint balls off the floor, and cook her meals. She was too cheap to purchase a new vacuum, and she would already eat somewhere else and brag about it, so what was the damn point. For the first time in my life I felt invisible, and that I was this unlovable person.
NEVER AGAIN, and I can also write a book.
She sounds fun. Cat and mouse. I love it
you should never have to work that hard for a relationship. Its like they make everything sound like an impossible feat so that you have to expend a ridiculous amount of energy on it, only to be disappointed again.
This is an older video.....OMGosh!!!! 26 years! SAME experience!!! Those responses!!! Exact same wording!! I’m speechless! I’m only a few minutes in..... Oh My Word!!
Rose Campion they’re all the same. Useless liars
I used to say "I was stupid enough" to believe him -- but no. I am NOT stupid. I was conditioned. I am really very smart. He is not particularly smart, but he has a VERY good set of acting skills and the ability to appear like a real human being with real feelings even can mimic empathy if needed. Until you know about this personalty disorder, you will NEVER know what kind of soulless creatures are out there doing these manipulations. It is hard to imagine it even knowing..... Thank you for sharing your experiences. I know exactly who that feels. Been there. Subscribed.
I agree with you 100%!!! I'm not a genius on my best day but I'm not dumb like he (the narc) said I was. Conditioning is absolutely right. Years, of conditioning. Thanks for watching and sharing!!! Nora :)
nadia r they are like a drug that even the smartest person can become addicted now it time to detox to pray and put on the full armor of God and stand up and be warriors against this beast.we will beat them,,,,imagine standing before these Narcs in full battle gear with your sword drawn,,,standing next to God and his army behind you in the spiritual world that is already happening.lets be strong together.
Thank you for articulating my feelings and experience. We are not alone. We must encourage and support each other. We all have a story to tell. You are so real and help me tremendously.
Just found your channel God send 😭.This is my story. 20 years into it. 🙏God Bless You!
Wow! That really resonates with the sleeping in the bed next to them and you feel awful and then you felt better sleeping away from him. Crazy me too!
I suffered from Insomnia throughout our 2 year 'relationship'. He would tell me that I can't sleep because of 'my infidelity' (of which there was none). Yes, he was always 'sick' with some or other ailments. I feel your teers. I have just gone through Final Discard. I am struggling with the fact that it was all a lie. I lived a lie for 2 years.
Wow
Oh my gosh, yes!! As soon as I moved into the spare bedroom when we first separated last month, I've slept so much better!!
Awwww... as an empath, when you started to cry, I cried. You are so brave for getting out and speaking out!!!! He was absolute trash and you deserve so much - which I have seen in your future videos how you got what you deserve. Yay!!!! And it's truly amazing how you fought this!
They love to mess with our minds..it is so disgusting. I started getting physically sick as well. I feel your pain it is seems impossible sometimes to get through it. You called it right.."Damage" I said the exact same thing....left with the Damage.
They do the damage...we are left to the “clean up”.
Omg this is so relatable! Especially the hypochondriac part! He stressed me out so much I was always nauseous and couldn't eat that I lost 30 pounds within a few weeks.
I was always nauseous too. He has been gone since October 2013, and my stomach is soooooo much better..
Yeah, the crying yourself to sleep because the issues are never brought to closure.
Yeah, the narc dumped me and broke my heart and I reached out to him about it via text message, and he said to me that he didn't have the time and energy to comfort me and that he is sick, tired, exhausted. and overwhelmed. Yep. The "victim narcissist" (hg tudor's classification of this type of narcissist) seems to be the same with most or all romantic partners. It's so pathetic. I'm glad that you left him and I hope that the woman that my "ex" narc is with, leaves him, too. These narcs have to be alone. They deserve to be punished by everyone just leaving them because THEY are the ones who aren't WORTH OUR TIME AND ENERGY. Seriously.
You need to take everything every picture every card everything you ever had with him have a bonfire and burn every bit of it move on, keeping those things are only going to trigger your emotions and keep you in your own prison of pain.
Thank you for sharing this. It makes me feel less alone. I went through the same empty promises with narc husband of 20 yrs. Fake ass loving cards and presents while he was sleeping around with his supplies. What's most disgusting is one Valentine's day he sent me flowers and strawberries and he was screwing his latest supply What a sick disgusting excuse for a human being he was
Pitbulls Forever they really are miserable people. I'm sorry you experienced this as well. Its sad that they keep us blind for so long. Be grateful for the gift of 'sight' 😉
Oh, I wish I could just give you a hug!! Unbelievable how our stories are similar! My mother is the narcissist too, and yes, really hard accepting that and realizing how it affects all of this!
Rose Campion they destroy families, relationships and any potential of normalcy.
Omg...the lying part. I remember I called my ex a liar, and she tried to crash the car. I was telling her that she was lying to me about not being able to text or call me. She was talking to her ex, her family, and co-workers but she couldn't talk to me. Thanks for sharing, because really took me back. Glad you're healing.
I hope you are healing as well. They leave us in shreds but picking up the pieces only makes us stronger!!!!
When my kids were younger, my husband always made my children feel bad or yell at them for waning to be good. They were afraid of him. Just recently my now adult daughter had a conversation of something and he said but you asked to be born. I was like what the hell! She got so angry at him. She couldn’t believe he said that. That made me so upset. 😡
Wow, are you in my head?? I'm just starting to watch your videos from the beginning but this one hit the nail on the head. I loved my father and he walked on water in my eyes and that kills me to see that my girls will never get the chance to have a father daughter relationship like we did. The way these narcissists speak to us and to their own children, is just disgusting and it's so hard to watch and know it's not normal. How did you help your children understand this damage and help them realize how much they are loved and valued from their mothers? I don't know if there is any amount of therapy to help us and them. TY!!!
Oh my, your husband is exactly like mine... They are evil, yes I said it and I mean it, they are Satan's angels placed on earth to torment good people for a while.
Oh my yes, the "I have always been a good provider" bit! I have worked, other working my ass of raising kids, cleaning house, homeschool g or walking on egg shells, or I worked outside the home AND raised kids. Yeah, I didn't earn more than a quarter of what he earned; so he would criticize any efforts I did make toward making a home!
After 30 years we're finally separated and I just started the divorce process. Last week he gave me some of my stuff I had left behind in the home as well and there's also a little pile of cards and letters that I saved over the 30 years and I swear to you they mimic exactly what you shared. It's so sad. I can remember times being left at Walmart him walking out at restaurants just being a complete a****** and embarrassing me in every way he could why did we stay so long?
Are you sure you are not takking about my husband? I am here crying with you because i know exactly how you felf. I am glad ypu got out of it. 6 years for me and i am finally leaving
Ditto sounds like 20 years of my life. Now that you are out cherish what you have and keep moving forward and never look back. Thank God you are out, alive.....let the healing begin!!
I feel your pain!! I haven't deleted some of the emails my soon to be ex sent me. I see them and if I happen to read one I feel like such a fool. I wish we could get together and cry and get it all out! Not many people are willing to listen to the painful stories we have! I hope you are better! 💗
Love you and your willingness to be raw. This is so spot on what goes on inside of us and all the pain. You feel drained and like a little piece of you is lost every time you forgive, let it go, or just totally numb out.
Sounds exactly like my husband. Long term relationship/marriage. Been together since we were 13, so 25 years and married almost 18.
When I try to explain how lonely I am, same excuse. He doesn't have time to think about being lonely. I also sleep without him and sleep like a baby. I need to end it. I'm scared.
I'm so sorry to hear this. I know what it feels like. Think things through and proceed with a plan. We're all entitled to happiness.
Kelli Spaulding
me too I don't know if you're familiar with Sam Vaknin but he is probably the foremost person who pioneered this whole thing by coming out as a narcissists and if you look at his videos gives you a lot of understanding as to why they behave the way they do more than anyone else. understanding is the first step even if you want to leave understanding and compassion will be easier then anger and hatred . also HG Tudor, knowing the narcissist,very entertaining also he is a narcissist want to hear of a really interesting thing everyone should hear? out of the box radio interview with a master narcissist this would be HD Tudor part 2 especially where he tells his story toward the end and also gives advice at the end
I need to leave as well kelly. I've tried but I keep coming back like a fuckn loser.
In simple words: They got hurt as a chld and now they want to have revenge and hurt others
Is it that simple? I was hurt as a child...emotionally neglected and abused by a narc stepmom and enabling dad. I turned into a codependent. What is in a narcissists DNA that triggers them to become this way after childhood hurt? It must be pure hell to live in a narcs brain and body. To derive joy from other people's pain, people that loved you. Makes me feel sick to my stomach.
I was talking about the narc, they got hurt and want revenge, I was not talking about their victims.
Yes I understand what you meant. What I'm trying to understand is that many of us are hurt in childhood, but what makes the narc turn out like they do...full of hatred, revenge, self loathing? There are other possible outcomes to their childhood history, what makes it swing in the direction of becoming a narc? Is it in their genes?
I don't know if it is in their genes. It is up to each individual to go the path they choose. They say npd is practically irreversable. i know that most people don't like to face their inner demons, let alone manage to get rid of them. I personally think we can all change our lives if we want to.
You are so strong for being vulnerable in order to help others. You’re awesome!
Thank You for validating what I have felt for many years. THANK YOU. I appreciate that you shard, I know it was hard. I am gong to review some of your other videos. Live life, you are still young and beautiful, (not that that is everything) I'm trying to encourage you to keep going!!!
Nora
Your mom is my Mother.
And I saw her abuse the same way. I miss my Dad. My hero my best friend my trusted one. The one who made it possible for me to continue to believe I could and had a right to be me.
All the love and fairness in our family dynamic died when he did. I've never had a long term marriage. Hung my hat up on that after #2 ended.
I am Grateful. To you. To me.
Hugs Nora
Crying while remembering the past, which doesn’t exist anymore, shows that you are still connected/controlled to it or by it.
The connection is the resentment you holding on to.
Drop the resentment or you will never be free.
No resentment equals no more connection/control.
I know what you went through. I believe the lies. I journaled when we separated after the third girl he cheated on me. Yes, I know I went back after that. I was stupid. He cheated on me again and we then divorced. He said things will be different each time we separated and I believed him. I have looked at the journal several times since we divorced and I was stupid! There are things I didn't see then that I see now.
Jessica Dixon,You don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!
We have a lot in common. My dad died when I was 16 and he NEVER EVER...said or ever did one thing to ever hurt me.my dad was very sweet, loved me unconditionally.
I've slept in a spare room for almost 2 years. I began it stating I had to wait early for school (my umpteenth attempt to leave) and didn't to wake him. Once covid hit, I fully switched the room to mine instead of just a sleeping one.
you need to put on some candles and put these cards in a metal dish and burn them ,have a release party .
Willow Tree that's a fabulous idea!
@@NarcissistsSchmarcissists You ever watch the HBO series "OZ"? The prisoners are all narcissists especially keller. My ex female narc is exactly like the psychopaths on OZ
Gene Boris I’ve not seen that show but it seems they are being depicted more and more in the media and books.
Thank you so much for sharing. I left for the 3rd and final time less than 2 wks ago. Still dealing with up to 65 emails per day trying to get me back. I fell for it before but no more. Thank you for helping me stay strong
I understand how you feel; these videos are a good reminder for me as time passes by.
Have you noticed how narcissists like to use adverbs. And did you noice how he turned it around on you. When people use adverbs it is a red flag to me. Adverbs describe a verb or another adverb. It explains how. Such as the phrase "love you deeply" Narcissists need you to believe them. So they seem to have an unconcsious way to get you to believe their words by including adverbs when it's not necessary.
Erica Gilvin definitely! You wonder, is he trying to convince me, or himself?? Lol. Not anymore. I don’t even wonder if he’s alive 😂
Right! Don't ever dismiss his behavior. My mother was a narc, and an x-"boyfriend" is a narc. I feel your pain. 😢
Oh yeah, I'm a new subscriber. 💕
Good for you..stay strong. Only time will heal you. These people are demonic.
God bless you.
IT IS like looking into the Mirror for me..♥️♥️♥️♥️
Your definitely one of the fastest to recover from the abuse. Raises so many questions.
I love the shrinking and distance mentality it’s very hard but I’ll be happy when they don’t exist anymore in my ear and killing my soul and spirit
I got chills when you said the thing about the bed. I got to where I could not sleep in the same bed as him due to the anxiety he gave me. I was so worried about moving or getting too close because he didn't like to be touched when it was time to sleep. Awful.
You are wonderfully raw and a trooper and a true honest to goodness good person. I can so relate to your pain. It’s real and yes they don’t change. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing and watching ~N
you are much younger than I... you can still start over.
i am 60 and not physically able to keep up, i am
still married to the problem 40 years
The more time passes the more the pain will subside
Nora, There is so much integrity-"grity" in sharing your story and pain. I too went through a 2 year love affair with a psychopath. learning about this disorder helped me to understand that my own mother is also a covert narcissist.
The video you did about the how Narcissists Ruining the holiday was so spot on. It finally helped me see the pattern very clearly. There is just no deny in it any longer. Be Bless my friend in your struggle to be free. God Bless
Thank you for watching and sharing. Holidays with a narc are THE PITS!!!
It is so therapeutic watching your videos. Thank you for being so vulnerable. Be strong.
Onwards and upwards sweetie - you're doing great. You're right to let your emotions out then they are not 'inside' and can't fester. You have to deal with them sometime so why not now. You're really brave and are helping a lot of people with your honesty and authenticity. I really admire you.
Yes. So true. Me, 29 years with a narc. Just found out from youtube vids what I was up against. Just been diagnosed with cpsd AND fobromyalgia. These are the harvests of an extremely emotionally abusive and codependent relationship. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. So glad you are free of him and hope you are doing well now.Semding good thoughts to you. I have now to get myself free of this relationship. I am looking forward to my independence.
I have fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis and osteoarthritis. I’m 53 my body feels like 85. It’s all from stress of being with these bastards.
@@lindat.2868 So sorry you are having so much pain now. Please consider all anti inflammatory diet options amd get out in nature as much as you can. Best luck to you, Eva
@@elenhil5591 Thank you so much for the support Eva. I’m trying to change my diet but it’s so hard when you’re constantly angry.
@@lindat.2868 I can understand your frustration. Anger can be positive because it means you have hope and optimism that things could be different in your life. The anger is telling you what needs to change so embrace your anger, invite it in, make it nice hot cup of tea with honey amd milk and sit down and have a thoughtful discussion with your anger. Ask what it's been up to lately and what suggestions it may have for your future. You would be surprised at all the
useful and accurate observations your anger has about you and your life if you give it a chance to speak to you.
@@elenhil5591 Wow I like your response, a lot. Thank you I’ll try that.
40 years of cards letters, the primary source of affection is from cards.
As you probably can tell, I just found your videos and am in the process of watching every single one from the beginning. I used to get those sappy cards and notes too, sometimes pages and pages, always felt the need to over do it! Such hypocrisy!
God is using your testimony to heal others 🙏
Thank you for this. That is my hope!
That's the truth. There's always some excuse.
I know I used to dream about him coming like in the movies to the door and saying oh I'm sorry dear I've been a fool all along like after one of our fights after saying something horrible or the silent treatment for 3 days, and this is really a temporary discard, but he would just keep going and be happy with someone else drinking buddies whatever sleeping soundly enjoying himself
Sis thank you for sharing , your story is so similar to mine Stay strong and keep been beautiful and they can't touch you.they don't change . From Australia.
I so understand everything you are saying. I think of the times he told me that I was a fraud, fake, liar, etc...because those are all the things he was feeling but projecting on me. I too have all those cards that have those nice words and yet I never felt it was sincere and therefore never kept them close to my heart. Here I thought I was the only one who could hold out for 23 years. I'm done.
Heather they have all the same trait. I was evil horrible and never done any good for anyone. I worked in healing and deliverence for over 20 years. They are sick in mind and body. A wolf in sheeps clothing. He was the perfect gentleman outside the demon in the home. He lied and lied to me and our children. I believe his karma will come to pass.
heather harvard,You don't deserve to be with a narc 😈 in your life!!
About a month ago , I let my boyfriend go. Same situation as yours. I am working on me. Thank you for sharing. You are not alone.
Why they hurt people? They feel empowered. When a person is hurt your strength isn’t up to snuff.
The arguments we have were off the charts. He would start guzzling water. He’d get dry mouth. Dumping adrenaline I imagine. I don’t know. The amount of rage and the things coming from him. Unbelievable.
The one emotion they have no problem showing is rage 😒
I am still 28 yrs married but have been separated for 2 months. Only in the last 3 yrs that I started learning the personality trait that I have been dealing with. This last year I have been calling him out on his BS because I know his motives now. I’m tired of being quiet, ignored, no opinion of my own ect…. I have pulled down his mask , and now I’m the emotional abusive person and he left our marital home. Honestly, it’s been really peaceful at home by myself, I always felt alone when he was here. Now I don’t have to hear his voice which would make me cringe
THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO. I DON'T FEEL SO ALONE NOW
Shirley IAM,You look gorgeous 🌹🌹🌺,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
Soon you start seeing a narcissist around every corner. Then you get bored and learn to recognize narcissistic types (they tell you who they are in the first 5 mins - they tell you their kids were a mistake -- run). Then you learn to narc-proof yourself... its a process.
You channel came at a good time. I'm battling with blaming myself for the failed relationship after feeling like I moved on. Then my current bf said I deserved it and he can see why he didn't want to marry me. 😒 the coldness was so hard frequent after he moved in I believed romantic love and deep conversations didn't exist.
Those letters are gaslighting to the max. I’m so sorry you had to go through this… I also deal with a very self centered person in my mom. One thing I try to do is to keep in mind that these narcissists have been stunted at growth. I try to picture them as children in an adult body. The legal battles are horrific and as you go through it, ya gotta take really good care of your body, and mind. And use the acronym Q-tip. (Quit taking it personally). As you’ve e said in previous videos,
Sorry hit the wrong button… giving them power is not good. And by taking things personally from someone who is like a 5 yr old, you give them power. It’s hard as hell not to, but just keep doin what you are doing, purging, eat lots of protein, drink lots of water and exercise and sleep often. You’re gonna get through it. “John” seems awesome. He loves you. And maybe that’s all ya need.
Oh wow, your x husband sounds just like my husband... Everytime I express my feelings, my how lonely I feel, it always tiggers a fight, because I should be grateful he supports me, has no time for that.. Been married for 23 years and its been awful, very lonely, its always about him, Im so EXHAUSTED... He never let me work wanted me home with the kids.. But yet he always throws that in my face, especially when he goes out and parties... He's had a great life, has done whatever he wanted because "responsible me" was always there to take care of everything.. He feels paying the bills is all he has to do, that gives him the right to do whatever he wants... The worst part of it all is that noone recognizes everything that you've done, there is no prize for sacrificing your wants and needs to make everyone else happy... At the end of the day all your left with is an enormous amount of fustration sadness and loneliness... Its so amazing you were able leave... Good for you. 🥰
xx xxx yup left in dec 27 years get out or just get you yours forget him their entities
Ha mine and his 700 a month contribution nothing more bare minimum
I remember how I used to feel at the end of the day. No one deserves that, not even a dog! Seek help. Talk to a counselor, an attorney, anyone who can guide you. You deserve more than you're getting. It's never too late!
@@NarcissistsSchmarcissists thank you
Don't EVER let anybody (satan) steal your joy!!!! LIVE FOR YOU, CHILDREN, AND OTHERS.
You are a beautiful woman. I’m so proud of you. Jerks like this sob don’t deserve mercy.
Kalina Kalinai thank you! They really are the pits. He's getting a taste of his own medicine now😉
I'm reading your book now and what sticks out to me is how many blessings you had in life while you were with him and how in spite of it, the stink of being in this relationship almost subsummed those many blessings. That is what they seem to do- they negate an otherwise bountiful garden until all you feel you are left with are weeds.
People will do whatever you let them do,
We are taught we are supposed to FIX everything and waste our lives, society gives women a GOLD medal for putting up with trash, that makes us a GOOD GIRL, it’s all wrong ,no one should take being treated like trash,
My mom taught me this , I-am no one so who do I think I am to want to be with good people and have nice things
My mom twisted my thinking and reality as well. I truly hope you no longer hear her voice or see her in your minds eye when you look at yourself. The day that stopped for me, it was life changing💕
@@NarcissistsSchmarcissists my mom is the same way, our mothers ruined us
I wishing you strength to remove your connection from this monster
everyone please don't forget Richard Grannon of Spartan life coach who specializes in complex post-traumatic stress disorder brought on by narcissistic abuse, as well as Sam Vaknin. Sam is a narcissist and probably the foremost authority on the subject. these people started this whole movement on UA-cam. and then don't miss HG Tudor also a narcissist "knowing the narcissist" amazing and entertaining. and don't forget the interview the radio interview you can hear on UA-cam "Interview with a master narcissist out of the box radio HG Tudor' he gives his story and also advice in part 2 toward the end
You will get over this it's been a long journey of living with narcs.this is a typical behaviour of narcs stay no contact and throw those cards out .I grew up with a narcs mother,married a narcs have gone no contact for thirty years have nothing to do with my narcs nibbling since then my life has gone well sending love and protection
I feel you... i wonder how they can be so simillar.. like copying each other
Thank you!
I remember my ex wrote me a long letter shortly after I left him, begging me to come back and explaining why everything that had gone wrong in our relationship was actually my fault, and that he was the victim and I had "broken him". He had been physically, verbally and mentally abusive to me for 3 years straight, and he had screwed one of his colleagues, but some how in his warped mind, it was me who destroyed our relationship and ruined his life. He finished it off by saying that despite everything, he still loved me and wanted to be with me. Wow. Lucky me. Lol. According to him, he had only ever hit me because I had pushed him to that point. He had only ever screamed at me and called me disgusting names because my behavior had been aggravating. He only slept with the other woman because I had hurt him and driven him to it. The mental gymnastics he could perform was quite spectacular. But the theme was always the same. He was never wrong, he was never responsible for his own actions and he was always the victim.
I bought the lies as well,..it's wash,..rinse and repeat,..nothing changes,..
I went through the same thing you went through..it made no sense, the constant neglect and feelings of loneliness, and they never seem to 'get it'...no matter how much you 'try to make everything better'....it's really about knowing the difference between healthy bonding versus attachment...I have had to educate myself, to come out of it alive, for I was unable to articulate what was going on for a long time, and then I learned about emotional abuse (book y Beverly Engel) and verbal abuse (Patricia Evans) and I began to realize that this was what was going on...he didn't know how to bond in a healthy way...he knew 'attachment' and what you really want is bonding, healthy bonding...sounds like this was what was needed in order for you to meet your new love, the one you are bonding with now, and have the love you really desired....sometimes we need to experience the opposite (attachment) to know the other (healthy bonding)...and I don't believe narcissists know the difference, they 'attach' and just what they 'attach' to, who the hell knows, but there is no bonding..no deep love or understanding, compassion, empathy, no real bond, and so that is why we feel alone when around them...I know how awful that is, and how you feel worthless and like your nothing, around them...but know that this is the reason, because they are attaching, and not bonding...I hope this offers some insight to heal your heart a little bit more....
Thank you for sharing this. I cannot describe the loneliness. I start and end each day with nothing but gratitude for the love I have now
That is wonderful news...it seems to be that this is how the world of opposites really functions, up/down, left/right, attachment/healthy bonding...we wouldn't know the real thing, unless we experience something that isn't...its heartbreaking to realize when it is happening..but unless the one that is doing the attaching, comes out of the attachment, and into bonding, the one that is bonding, will feel left out in the cold, because the heart is yearning for the bonding, in the heart...and nothing else will satisfy, no matter how much they say 'they are trying'...its something you either understand or you don't...relationships may start out in 'attachment' but they grow into healthy bonding...when one person in the relationship is 'stuck' in attachment, and the other is maturing into healthy bonding...this is the real 'gap' you feel going on, you feel pulled apart..because you are moving in one direction, when the other person is staying where they are 'in attachment'...healthy bonding and attachment are two different realities..this is the reason its impossible to be with someone who literally is in a different reality about 'love'...they may be fine with 'attachment'...because 'attachment' is all they know and understand...and most likely...what they learned and believe is the real thing...'attachment' is what they do for survival...I believe when you 'nudge' the other person to come out of attachment and into bonding, they fear for their own survival...because attachment to them is survival....its how they survive...hopefully these insights can help...as you transition...and perhaps feel the energy of the past that can feel very threatening...the person feels very threatened by your growth...because for them, having you as their attachment, was meeting their survival needs...but in reality, it was killing your heart and soul...you had to be in a relationship that was rooted in healthy bonding, for your own heart and soul to survive...I do believe, with all of my being, that it was your heart and soul that guided you to where you are now...for your own survival.... :)
You are a beautiful inside and out person I have shortly dated a narcissist and it was a living hell I just walked away .I'm 23 and it felt like forever being with him only a yrar
Good for you for walking away! Dont look back and watch for those red flags in future relationships! ;)
U r beautiful person. Its ok to cry. It means we are humans. Narcasissts, all they hav is their fake lies and fake image. That is why when you call them lies they attack you. Because you are showing them mirror and they don't want to accept how sick they are. So better, don't engage them directly. protect yourself first. You r beautiful.
"the narc is good for like a week". Yep I was witness to this. Seems like a person gets a dopamine rush for that week when they are 'decent, may even apologize for their recent behavior and then the narc pulls the rug out from under you and the cycle repeats. The other thing is as you mentioned in the video is frustration to how you could of been duped or involved with a person like this. Its hard to forgive yourself for this but your must.
It is definitely a vicious cycle. Over time, we let go of the anger and frustration and simply thrive and bask in our happiness, peace and freedom 🤍
I'm so sorry he hurt you like that I hope you are healing thank you for sharing
I can relate and feel your pain. I was divorced this spring after almost 27 years. Hugs!
Wow... mine would yell he is not obligated to take care of me. He did everything for me because he had health insurance on me. I worked but any contribution was not noticed. When I would explain much like you it was no accountability. When the abuse turned to my children I had to leave. I sit and I feel just like you in this video trying to find strength. Thankful for your video.
I found this so triggering. Glad things are better for you now. I found everything thing he said or wrote had a dual meaning. He thought he was required to write me an apology. I knew it was really an apology to his family of origin, cunningly disguised as an apology to me and the children.
The apology was supposedly imposed as part of his legal consequences.
Don’t every let him shame you for….you’re not enough. Your efforts to make him happy aren’t enough. The things you do to keep keep the peace violate your own moral code yet it’s still not enough. Face it-no matter what there will always be a reason you’ll fall short. Even if you have to put your things in a garbage bag and sneak out in the middle of the night, believe this -he is never going to be enough. You deserve better, and run like hell before he talks you out of it.
Oh, my stars!! My husband says the exact same things. They are such creeps!! Mean emotionless jerks!!
13 years. Every day I went through this. Every damn day.
ive just started watching your vidios and they are so intune with my story . Im so sorry for your pain . x
It's like a child who hasn't yet learned/developed things like insight, emotional connection, compassion, integrity... if you were to hold them accountable by taking their favorite toy away. They'll do/say whatever they think will get them the toy back, in that moment. Like the words on those cards.... someone else's needs/wants don't matter, only their own. In that moment, tho... they have to make it seem as if they do. Even if, looking back, it's clear they were even in general terms, never specific.. they'd say whatever it took... their manipulative ways to get their OWN wants/needs met, is all they know. "We've both done... THINGS... (never 'what' things.... ) I have no doubt you & I can fix WHAT'S broken (non-specific) .. dealing w/ the CARDS life has dealt (all objectified, not emotional... not 'connected emotionally') .... feel bad, the POSITION we are in, emotionally (he has NO clue what position, just knows there is one) Really messes w/ my head thinking, wow.. for someone SO smart, how the F... did I keep falling for & not see this BS for what it was?!?! Yup, 26 yrs & I have the sammmmme cards... same notes, same emails. We cannot fathom ever treating ANYONE so coldly, to be so self-centered & disconnected from someone we are supposed to love/care for...... so, I think, its that until ya know.... you can't imagine anyone treating US that way, either. Easier & made more sense, a lot more sense (esp considering the outcome... the way he & others would treat us...) that the problem, the issue... must have been.... me. All along tho, it was HIM... always HIM! =/ ((HUGS)) So hard, so fkd up... SOOOOO hard.
You're absolutely right! They objectify everything and everyone. It is very hard. You, are not alone in this. There are people who understand and relate. I wish you so much peace and healing! Hugs, N