RE: Shared Values. This is exactly why I never understood people who say "never talk about _______ on the first date/early in the relationship" because most of the time they're referring to topics that are considered shared values and I've always felt that those are huge things that SHOULD be talked about ASAP. I personally like to be upfront about those things to potential partners because I don't want to waste either of our time. For example, marriage isn't for me and I don't want kids. Marriage I can compromise on; if it's important to my partner, I'll do it no problem... but kids is something I'm not willing to change my mind on, so I always make sure to let them know that early on so that if they do want kids, we can just go our separate ways now. But people in my life have given me such a hard time for talking about religion politics, marriage, kids, etc. very early, they think it scares people off.... so its validating to hear that shared values should be taken into account for relationship longevity & success so I don't feel all that bad for my approach 😅 In my experience, it has always paid off to be upfront about these things.
it can be validating and come out as awkward. I am not sure, maybe you know better what they mean with the way they phrase it but i guess the idea is to let someone feel comfortable instead of scaring them right away. The way you will not let a kitten in a new place and act as if it has always lived there right a way. Instead you understand its need to explore slowly and get comfortable
Same. I’ve been in a 6-month relationship, and on the first date we covered stuff like politics, religion, marriage, kids, even sexual appetite! It worked out because we were both already on a similar level of maturity and our communication styles match. It sounds like we interviewed each other very coldly and calculatingly, but rather the attraction was there, we had a great flow and lots of fun walking around. It was just fairly natural for both of us to be upfront. I hope you find your match soon :)
Thank you! I went on a date with someone who explained the same point as you to me and I do want kids so it was a deal breaker. We ended up having great conversation anyway and remain great friends now. I definitely value the honesty and being upfront in communication.
Kids is definitely something that an individual should be flexible on. Just because you don't want kids at 22 doesn't mean you're going to have the same desires at 32. It's not a values thing, it's a biology thing.
@@StephensCrazyHour Absolutely right. So silly to hear young people write off parenthood like this. Like she even understands the weight of that ultimatum she’s putting on her date.
I remember watching your videos on couples about 1 year ago and applying all of your advices. I’ve been with the same guy now, 2.5 years strong and we have a full trip planned in Europe together in 8 months. Thank you so much for your videos, it really really helps :)
My bf is one the most relaxed laid back person as compared to me who is always trying to keep busy. I always thought that would be a deal breaker but surprisingly he calms me down to a point of relaxation I never experienced before and I some times Amp him up and encourage different things. The center of it all is the rest of your points. We're both so very compassionate to one another as well as others and even though we understand things differently, when we realized it, we agreed on communication immediately becoming our number one priority. We value our relationship and the positive aspects we bring to each other's lives.
I think the key thing is that you seem to be using your differences constructively to help each other out. With poor communication, it could go the other way -- you resent that he's not doing enough, he resents that you're pushing him to do more.
Just had an abrupt ending to a 2 year relationship where we had so many life interests and daily habits in common it was ridiculous. Unfortunately, she has a very avoidant style, is extremely emotionally withheld and uncomfortable with any sort of communication that brings up vulnerable emotions. I value over communication, until a deep level of mutually secure understanding gets fully rooted. She was more inclined to keep it light and sweep things under the rug until they explode in to a breakdown. No matter how much I talked about the importance of transparency and developing consistent emotional authenticity, she would continually resort to deactivation and distancing strategies with very little self awareness. I My thought has been that with so many interests in common, this relationship was very much worth working out. She has a very different mindset. For her, it was mostly all about how it felt from one day to the next. In my view, a very unstable value system. And ironic, given how resistant she would largely be to difficult emotions, and yet relied so heavily on how “it feels” to the detriment of our relationship. Reminds me of another value I hold- trauma needs to be actively recovered from in the day to day, ‘cause it’s going to effect our behavior, may as well make a conscious effort of it, rather than let it take the unconscious reigns.
This is so sad--I went through a very short relationship with an avoidant person and I don't understand why they would rather leave than work things out. What are they hoping to find? Did she ever tell you why she left? Do you still talk? Did you figure out her attachment style (fearful or dismissive avoidant)? I really thought this person was amazing and was excited that we were getting closer, and then they abruptly ended it.
I think it's really easy to over-value things like shared interests, because it's an area where it's really easy to see whether your're compatible, versus something like values or communications styles, which are deeper and take more digging to really understand. And in some cases, at least, people probably meet because of common interests, but it's a lot harder to meet by, say, communication style.
My girlfriend and I have been together almost 5 years now. When we first decided to start dating I laid everything on the table for her regarding what I want out of the relationship (long term, marriage, etc), and told her that if she doesn't want that to tell me now so we can go our separate ways while we still liked each other lol.
5yrs. So are you going to marry? Considering you mentioned long term etc. I am the same. I used to be shy but now i place the cards on the table. If in 1.5/2yrs theres no marriage, or we are not compatible then im out the door
@@etcwhatever I most certainly plan on marrying this woman. I'm taking the time to cultivate the relationship. My previous relationship lasted about four years, and gave me two beautiful sons. Then my previous partner decided she wanted to cheat. Now I have both my sons full time, and met a woman who respects me as well as gained another son and daughter (her bio kids that she has full time). We spoke and both agreed to take it slow.
@@northernnightmare7986 well i am glad u both agree. Thats is the most important. For me it needs to be faster but i dont have children and im catholic. Its essential for me to not have more than 2yrs as i dont want to live outside churches rules. If you know what i mean. All the best
Hello dear Are you having any difficult in your life ,relationship,save your relationship from divorce getting back your ex break any family course or do reading about you family or relationship
I'm trying hard to get my boyfriend to communicate more openly and don't let things bottle up but I'm kinda like that too, so i get where he's coming from but it's so frustrating when i try my absolute best to foster a positive communicative environment and it doesn't work, or at least not like how i want it too. Fortunately we are compatible on the other 3 traits!
I completely get that! On one hand it’s great to strive for the healthiest communication, and on the other hand it’s important to see where your partner’s communication style is coming from. I’m glad to hear you’re doing a combination of both, and it can definitely be frustrating to walk that fine line
It was always strange to me how I felt kind of lost and uneasy in my relationships although my boyfriends and I were compatible in every way - until I figured out I'm actually a lesbian 😂😂
@@Doe4053 jesus doesn't, repent! The bible even described the vaccines and what's coming next. His wrath will be released on you sinners who don't repent! Humble yourself and repent
Lmao did you date me? In high school I had a few great girlfriends except they never seemed to be able to get into the sexual end of romance...turns out they were queer. Not sure what this says about me, but it's funny nonetheless.
I'm hoping that at some point in my life, my values can be respected for once by someone who's mature enough to see and understand them. Values in friendships are one thing; I know when to walk away or to end things if something isn't working. It just feels as if it's going to take time for me to recognize the green flags and hold onto that healthy, long-term relationship/marriage.... living the single life can only bring me so much fulfillment some days.
I'm going to argue that a couple who are both passive aggressive are terrible together, based on personal experiences. They always end up being petty and horrible towards eachother
I asked why my ex can't treat me with respect, he just said he doesn't know how. Still makes me angry and confused. He just can't? Ok, this relationship was over before it started, because he just can't. Later he wrote a novel how it's my trust issues and I have impossible list of demands (like respect). Do I really? He never talked about his list of ideas what I should do, but judging his behavior: reading his mind, knowing everything he needs without saying, no communication about any issue because only bad people do that, i have to stop being too sensitive and take every bs in and keep it there, also I have to trust him even when he is obviously lying about everything. I think my list was pretty reasonable compared to his.
He's overtly unhealthy, if not abusive - saying this as the guy who was unhealthy if not emotionally abusive in my first relationship and didn't respect (or know how to respect) my partner. Understand - my not knowing how to treat people with respect absolved me of nothing, I still had an obligation to treat them and others in general with respect regardless. They finally cut off contact - and it forced me to learn to be a decent human being, though we definitely can never be together again. So I'm grateful they did it. Don't doubt yourself on this.
Hi Ana I know I’m late but I hope you know that the state of MA was never desegregated and it shows in the lives and behaviors of many. The south looks great to people in the north and the north looks like paradise to some in the south. The differences show up as covert or secret and honest or blatant racism. Picking poisons as fake allies vs clear enemy territory 🤷🏾♀️ There is peace to be found in knowing how to move around both Love your work!
Thank you for the amazing video! I am fully aware of the fact that long term high quality relationships always take a lot of work and always compromises, as no person on this world is tha same. What I struggle with often is one question: The lower the compatibility is based on values, everyday needs etc. the higher compromises are needed, right? So the more different my partner and I am, the more we both have to "sacrifice" our athentic self from time to time in order to get along well and connect. What is the point, where it is too much? when is the partner maybe just not the "right person" for me and when is it just a thing of working on the relationship? It would help me so much, if someone shares their experiences
I don’t think that communication is a fundamental incompatibility. The passive aggressive example isn’t great because passive aggression is a toxic behavior that someone can and should fix. No one is compatible with a passive aggressive person. And I think that most couples can learn to communicate effectively with each other. When I think incompatibility I think of root behaviours and characteristics that can not be changed
One thing that I've struggled with over and over again with my partner is our values. Not so much our contrasting values, but my lack of values. Perhaps you could consider not subscribing to any specific values at all to be a value within itself, but right now I can tell my boyfriend will get bothered by my seemingly aimless take on life. and it's true, I don't seem to have values of anything beyond basic survival/comfort. I'm not religious at all (he isn't either, but has his own ideas about god) but it really does feel like he has guidelines for his life while I have nothing. Anyone have any thoughts on this?
Hi Anna, as always great video. You had argued against hookup culture in your last video. For the sake of argument, let's assume that hookup culture gets shamed into oblivion. But what will replace it? Will it be like the old days where once two folks start dating, marriage is expected out of them by the medium term? Or will it be like the old-old days where marriages were looked in a utilitarian sense and thus were arranged(that practice still continues in south asia)? Will dating change in any non-trivial sense if the hookup culture were to die? I know these questions don't exactly fall into the realm of psychology but still do ponder over them and provide your thoughts on the matter.
Thank you for the thoughtful questions! I'm not sure whether hookup culture will disappear anytime soon (although I am noticing that some young women are acknowledging its negative repercussions and choosing to remove themselves). If hookup culture were to disappear, I imagine what would remain is more traditional dating, where people seek each other out for who they are as whole people, rather than only focusing on the physical. I don't expect we're going back to the utilitarian model anytime soon, since our conceptions of romance are quite different these days. What about you? What do you think? :)
Re: shared values, thank you! can't be stressed enough. My ex and I were polar opposites but I always said opposites attract so I ignored it. I loved to be out and about and travel and meet new people and he loved staying home and being cozy and with familiar people. We fought over it all the time, whether it was him not wanting me to go out so much or me forcing him to come to social events with me. It could have never worked out in the longrun even if I felt like we were soulmates. Now I'm with someone who values spontaneity and adventure and we have been on so many unexpected adventures together. Just like Ana says, you will just naturally gravitate towards people who share your values so this is not something you want to be opposites on
Opposites attract can work out it all comes down to respect, compromise and understanding. You and your ex didn't work out because of your opposite values but because you didn't have those 3 traits for each other.
There is 5th aspect to compatibility and the last one is Respect! all the points you mention spot on! you just can’t build anything unless you respect one another. Remember the way you start out is how your gonna finish. Overall, great vid just missed out on the respect part from my perspective 🌴
I just went through a breakup this week with someone who I have had many painful breakups with. I’m trying to let this time be the last time - sometimes two people simply are not compatible!! And it’s difficult to accept, especially when you both care about each other - but we do not share the same values or communication styles. Our relationship is full of miscommunication, distrust and pain. Thank you so much for your video, I will be using it to dig deep into this breakup.
Same, had to break up 3 weeks ago and it was hard because we care about each other and are attracted to each other but we just can't stand each other! We're too different in important levels mentioned in this video.... It just cannot be. Better be friends than end up hating the person
Same. I think it's sad that we both are stubborn. There were things I was willing to compromise for him but he wouldn't for me... and so I got tired compromising if it was only just gonna be me all the time. We like and care for each other but there's too much misunderstanding, miscommunication and hurt :/ we had been on and off .. idk when it's gonna truly stop.. it's become a cycle at this point, sadly.
1. Values (example: integrity isn’t their core value so behaviors will not align to integrity); Religion/culture alignment 2. Communication style (assertiveness, passive aggressive, are they sympathetic to your style or clashing, how much do you like to talk or leave things unspoken, how loudly or softly do you talk, how blunt you are or how understanding you are of your differences) 3. Long term goals (you don’t have to be aligned on every goal, but you do need to agree to compromise) lifestyle alignment 4. Everyday routine (sleep/wake cycle, need to complement each other) compatibility does not not equal differences; different diets, when they spend quality time together, hobbies, shared interests (more important than any other factor)
I am a musician and it's very important for me for my potential partner to have an artistically-minded brain. Most of my family/friends don't get why I need this. It's really hard to find people like this in my area...I think I need to move to a major city. :/
this is so true. i'm a huge nerd (literature and cinema in particular, but just live learning in general). i literally coudn't partner up with someone who doesn't read or is uninterested in intellectual stuff
I recently ended a situationship because he did not want to commit. Told me I was being negatively evaluated for my boundary of no sex outside a relationship. And told me that he didn't want to meet my family. He had to go.... That's too bad, I really liked the connection we had. But out values were clearly very different.
Communication style: passivity, aggressiveness, passive aggressiveness , assertiveness? During conflict management. How much or how little you want to talk? How loud or soft you talk? Blunt or sugarcoated? Similar communication style. Sympathetic and understanding of another communication style.
This is literally so interesting and eye opening!!! I literally sat down and asked myself these questions and realized I’ve never asked myself these before, yet had such clear answers, and it was so cool to realize and so important. I think more people should ask themselves these to be more self aware. Thank you so much, hope you have an amazing day!!
I’ve started dating someone recently. He’s much older than I am but that makes him super self aware and mature which I find so attractive. However, we have such different lifestyles and I think it’s largely due to the age gap. We share the same values, communication is on point but long term goals r something we should probably discuss soon. Idk... the lifestyle thing seems like it can work with compromise but I’m still not sure. Also, I’m not sure we’re sexually compatible which would be a big deal cuz I’m a very sexual person. I guess we have to just take it day by day and see. There’s so much potential here but I’m still not convinced it can really work. Ugh!!!
I know this is an "old" video (relative to internet terms) but here's a curve ball at you (precisely because you are competent): How do you communicate your values if you're stereotyped almost automatically by your surrounding environment (live in Neo-fascist Italy in this case) without ever being given the chance to transcend initial assumptions by conversing? One of the things that make me wish I lived in the US.
I think there are a few basic things a relationship needs to thrive. Cooperation, reciprocity, affection (in various degrees oc), fun, honesty... Anyone who is too stubborn to compromise on anything, anyone who disregards your attempts to connect, etc. They will not be good in relationships.
Hey Ana! Me again! Great video as always! The thing about values is very interesting. You have put safety and excitement (or let's say openness to new experiences, that are not necessarily always safe) on the same level, one being on the one side of the spectrum, and the other, on the other side. I've noticed in with working with clients (and in my own analysis), that once you've achieved basic safety (that being, safety that is innate, safety that is based on your own capacities to defend and regulate yourself emotionally) your start to explore more, and you start to get more open to new experiences. Even though in clinical literature these two terms are usually opposed, my experience so far has taught me that most people, once they went through therapy, and "achieved" certain levels, start to explore and push boundaries themselves. Maybe in the future, we'll look at these terms not as horizontally opposed, but rather vertically. Nevertheless, great video I really enjoy it! Big hi from Serbia! :)
That's a good point! I selected those two values at random, not because they necessarily seem polar opposites but rather because they seem to be somewhat in contradiction. I would agree that openness to new experiences can be fostered through a foundation of safety. Your comment raises a good question about which values are truly contradictory and which can coexist. In the long lists of values that I've looked over, many of them seemed to cluster around similar themes (e.g. "excitement," "fun," "new experiences" are similar; "integrity," "honesty," "loyalty" seem to go together, etc.). It would be an interesting exploration to see which ones are truly in contradiction with each other!
Ana, I thought I couldn’t love your channel more, but then you unveil this tshirt 🤣 one of my best friends has a tshirt with the “awkward Robert Pattinson” meme on it, but his skin is glittery and it says “this is the skin of a killer, bella” Iconic. 🤣
This was very helpful; I was getting worried about my compatibility as my partner doesn't like almost any of the same things as I do (she doesn't hate any of them but also doesn't have as much passion for them as me). She's sweet enough to watch me enjoy them though and maybe that's a sign they don't contradict her values
so glad I watched this, all my life, since my early twenties, I always felt more THAN ANYTHING I was with someone with the same values as me. So I was right! ok.. great! I think my current partner is not my best match. (I am widow thats why dating again)
Values are essentially the same. The rest is a story whether pertaining to Jesus or to Islam s Prophet . Key is human respect and appreciation of each other.
One or both of you are compromising your faith. God says not to be unequally yoked. How will you raise kids if this continues? Which holidays will you celebrate? Do you want them to convert? Be prepared for them to never convert and for you to attend your religious services alone.
I clicked on this video because my partner said they didn't think we were compatible. We often argue about how to get things done in the house or anything in general. It feels difficult to disagree w him, I told him that it seems like he only wants to hear yes from me. And that if thats what he expects of course he'll be unhappy. I told him that sometimes compromise is necessary but he doesn't seem to want to compromise at all... I want to show him that compromise doesn't have to be something negative but idk how
I just discovered your channel, but already you have a new subscriber. I was looking at the topics you talk about in the videos and you seem so intelligent and knowledgeable about things and it's amazing.
I was stubborn before, the earlier days of me and my partner's relationship. I am so glad I changed, not overnight though, or we would still be having arguments and such every other night.
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It's not stubbornness if two people are on career paths where the two-body problem cannot be solved to determine a common location. That is why in general it is not wise to pretend that there is a relationship if either partner's values are that their career takes priority in their lives, unless one agrees they will go where the other feels they need to go.
Kids is a really tough one to compromise on, especially if two people are on either sides of the spectrum i.e. one has always wanted kids, the other never wants kids. I don't know that it's possible to compromise in that situation and have everyone be happy. I'd be worried about my partner either missing out on a huge aspect of life or doing something they never wanted to do. Huge potential to be a big regret either way
Thinking about ending a relationship that is becoming very frustrating lately. She's a good person, but I don't think she can relate to me at all. I have expressed how I sometimes feel abandoned and how it seems our communication is just one sided. I do all the work and when I leave her to her own devices, she doesn't bother writing me at all. We almost had an understanding about how spending time proper with each could help us understand how we feel about each but she insists on bringing her work routine to it, one thing that actually was the cause of us not being able to meet the previous weekend. She doesn't seem to think it's a big deal. It's as if she disregards my feelings and the value of my time.
Hi ana, thanks for all the content, and maybe u can do a video on how to manage dating with a borderline. its a difficult time and i really love my couple but need help for coping
@@fakehorse2818 Hi, i'm sorry for bother but English is not my mother language, is Spanish, and I can do mistakes, don't take it personally. Of course I know that, I mean, the person that I love is wonderful. I'm really sorry, it wasn't my intention at all
Stubbornness 100%. My ex would have ideas in her head about what she wanted and then when she expressed them to me and I disagreed, she’d say that *i* had “shattered her hopes and dreams”. Like what? At first it was fine but as the relationship went on, it was so draining for me to feel like I had to fit into her little box or else she’d get extremely upset. I think she just didn’t want to compromise and eventually it led to me being unhappy and ending the relationship.
12:25, THIS PART!!! And this applies to EVERY relationships. Whether it’s at work, family, sports or anything else. This is definitely something I’ve been noticing in my life and plundering about lately.
I laughed so hard through this video. Me and my soon to be ex husband clash on all of these four points and one of his main characteristics (according to both me and himself) is that he is stubborn AF, and he knows it. Not really a shocker why this didn't work out between us...
Compromising for most relationships don't work. It's either or not IF SO THAN...that give and take falls in line with understanding, accept or don't accept.
I’ve been watching your videos for a few weeks as I’ve been attending an extensive outpatient group therapy program. Love to see your shirt right in the intro ❤ your videos have taught me so much!
My bf is considering working in Japan after his Bachelor's. He will do a year abroad there before that, and wants to gauge then if he can see himself working and living there. I have ties to Korea a bit to Japan but we both are based in Germany. My main goal is to make my own living and have a family and close people that care about me but I am not sure if I would want that or can have that outside of Germany. Worried that I will feel very disconnected when relocating to somewhere enteirely different. He does say that nothing is set in stone yet and that I am important to him, but I constantly wonder whether this will end up being a deal breaker or not and whether it is wise to keep waiting 1 or 2 years until it might turn out to be a deal breaker.
It's crazy that someone can graduate and have almost no experience working with people or in the field and think they should just go on youtube and start giving people advice. This girl is way too young to have enough real-world experience to be advising anyone.
What makes you feel sad, or angry? What do you deem unacceptable, or impossible to understand? What makes you feel awe, joy, pride, faith? What do you wish people/the world were like? What would you willingly put yourself in an uncomfortable situation for, to sustain/defend? What would you sacrifice, and what for?
@@erindabney2758 GOOD because they are values, and they aren't no brainers for all people. Pretty much all values derive from these. So maybe your problem isn't that you don't have values, but that you don't pay attention to them, or you haven't developed yourself in regards to living in coherence with them
really good points, could you also cover the so called chemistry and also why the other person might retreat when they realize someone they like is starting to have feelings for them?
Wow even #1 already makes me realize how differently I always thought about what constitutes "value". But it's true... My ex and I were together for 6,5 years but my very high Sensation Seeking (Zuckerman, 1965) wasn't the best fit with her borderline generalized anxiety. I guess I value new experiences while she values her comfort zone. ...and #3 killed our relationship in the end. She finally admitted (to herself, most importantly) that she probably will never want kids.
Why is attraction not one of the qualities? It feels like a deliberate statement suggesting that attraction is not important in a relationship to exclude it.
welp...that last part about stubbornness encapsulates my feelings about my relationship rn. I see our differences as opportunities for growth while she seems to be set in her ways and is not willing to accept the differences or be flexible to compromise in these important areas. It's sad because until people like her change this mindset, I feel like they won't find success in relationships.
Your posts are cool. However, in my profession it is illegal to call yourself a doctor without licensure. Shouldn’t something like that be true for you also?
I would be really interested in your opinion about the spiritual "leader" Teal Swan. Are her teachings potentially dangerous in your opinion? She comes off as quite narcissistic to me.
@@lizethc8239 i think so because i saw her videos. 🤣 sometimes creating your own reality stops being empowering and starts being "everything that happens to you is your fault". Also she has a very cold demeanor. Her eyes look dead and emotionless. I really do not like her vibes. Its a pitty because shes a stunning woman but i see no warmth. I prefer people like Anna and others who are trained in psychology. I watch also Sam Vaknin who is a psychologist who actually openly admits his diagnose of npd and he is very similar to Teal.
RE: Shared Values.
This is exactly why I never understood people who say "never talk about _______ on the first date/early in the relationship" because most of the time they're referring to topics that are considered shared values and I've always felt that those are huge things that SHOULD be talked about ASAP. I personally like to be upfront about those things to potential partners because I don't want to waste either of our time.
For example, marriage isn't for me and I don't want kids. Marriage I can compromise on; if it's important to my partner, I'll do it no problem... but kids is something I'm not willing to change my mind on, so I always make sure to let them know that early on so that if they do want kids, we can just go our separate ways now.
But people in my life have given me such a hard time for talking about religion politics, marriage, kids, etc. very early, they think it scares people off.... so its validating to hear that shared values should be taken into account for relationship longevity & success so I don't feel all that bad for my approach 😅 In my experience, it has always paid off to be upfront about these things.
it can be validating and come out as awkward. I am not sure, maybe you know better what they mean with the way they phrase it but i guess the idea is to let someone feel comfortable instead of scaring them right away. The way you will not let a kitten in a new place and act as if it has always lived there right a way. Instead you understand its need to explore slowly and get comfortable
Same. I’ve been in a 6-month relationship, and on the first date we covered stuff like politics, religion, marriage, kids, even sexual appetite! It worked out because we were both already on a similar level of maturity and our communication styles match. It sounds like we interviewed each other very coldly and calculatingly, but rather the attraction was there, we had a great flow and lots of fun walking around. It was just fairly natural for both of us to be upfront.
I hope you find your match soon :)
Thank you! I went on a date with someone who explained the same point as you to me and I do want kids so it was a deal breaker. We ended up having great conversation anyway and remain great friends now. I definitely value the honesty and being upfront in communication.
Kids is definitely something that an individual should be flexible on. Just because you don't want kids at 22 doesn't mean you're going to have the same desires at 32. It's not a values thing, it's a biology thing.
@@StephensCrazyHour Absolutely right. So silly to hear young people write off parenthood like this. Like she even understands the weight of that ultimatum she’s putting on her date.
I remember watching your videos on couples about 1 year ago and applying all of your advices. I’ve been with the same guy now, 2.5 years strong and we have a full trip planned in Europe together in 8 months. Thank you so much for your videos, it really really helps :)
I’m so happy to hear that!! Best of luck to you and your boyfriend😊❤️
@@AnaPsychology thank you so much
Go on a local vacation first so you know how to travel together. And congratulations 🎊🎈🍾
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My bf is one the most relaxed laid back person as compared to me who is always trying to keep busy. I always thought that would be a deal breaker but surprisingly he calms me down to a point of relaxation I never experienced before and I some times Amp him up and encourage different things. The center of it all is the rest of your points. We're both so very compassionate to one another as well as others and even though we understand things differently, when we realized it, we agreed on communication immediately becoming our number one priority. We value our relationship and the positive aspects we bring to each other's lives.
I think the key thing is that you seem to be using your differences constructively to help each other out. With poor communication, it could go the other way -- you resent that he's not doing enough, he resents that you're pushing him to do more.
Just had an abrupt ending to a 2 year relationship where we had so many life interests and daily habits in common it was ridiculous. Unfortunately, she has a very avoidant style, is extremely emotionally withheld and uncomfortable with any sort of communication that brings up vulnerable emotions. I value over communication, until a deep level of mutually secure understanding gets fully rooted. She was more inclined to keep it light and sweep things under the rug until they explode in to a breakdown. No matter how much I talked about the importance of transparency and developing consistent emotional authenticity, she would continually resort to deactivation and distancing strategies with very little self awareness. I
My thought has been that with so many interests in common, this relationship was very much worth working out. She has a very different mindset. For her, it was mostly all about how it felt from one day to the next. In my view, a very unstable value system. And ironic, given how resistant she would largely be to difficult emotions, and yet relied so heavily on how “it feels” to the detriment of our relationship. Reminds me of another value I hold- trauma needs to be actively recovered from in the day to day, ‘cause it’s going to effect our behavior, may as well make a conscious effort of it, rather than let it take the unconscious reigns.
This is so sad--I went through a very short relationship with an avoidant person and I don't understand why they would rather leave than work things out. What are they hoping to find? Did she ever tell you why she left? Do you still talk? Did you figure out her attachment style (fearful or dismissive avoidant)?
I really thought this person was amazing and was excited that we were getting closer, and then they abruptly ended it.
Your situation sounds exactly like mine, which also ended two weeks ago.
I been there too unfortunately
I totally relate to this as someone who’s very extroverted and loves talking to the people I love.
I think it's really easy to over-value things like shared interests, because it's an area where it's really easy to see whether your're compatible, versus something like values or communications styles, which are deeper and take more digging to really understand. And in some cases, at least, people probably meet because of common interests, but it's a lot harder to meet by, say, communication style.
My girlfriend and I have been together almost 5 years now. When we first decided to start dating I laid everything on the table for her regarding what I want out of the relationship (long term, marriage, etc), and told her that if she doesn't want that to tell me now so we can go our separate ways while we still liked each other lol.
5yrs. So are you going to marry? Considering you mentioned long term etc. I am the same. I used to be shy but now i place the cards on the table. If in 1.5/2yrs theres no marriage, or we are not compatible then im out the door
@@etcwhatever I most certainly plan on marrying this woman. I'm taking the time to cultivate the relationship. My previous relationship lasted about four years, and gave me two beautiful sons. Then my previous partner decided she wanted to cheat.
Now I have both my sons full time, and met a woman who respects me as well as gained another son and daughter (her bio kids that she has full time). We spoke and both agreed to take it slow.
@@northernnightmare7986 well i am glad u both agree. Thats is the most important. For me it needs to be faster but i dont have children and im catholic. Its essential for me to not have more than 2yrs as i dont want to live outside churches rules. If you know what i mean. All the best
@@etcwhatever I understand, all the best to you too!
Hello dear Are you having any difficult in your life ,relationship,save your relationship from divorce getting back your ex break any family course or do reading about you family or relationship
I'm trying hard to get my boyfriend to communicate more openly and don't let things bottle up but I'm kinda like that too, so i get where he's coming from but it's so frustrating when i try my absolute best to foster a positive communicative environment and it doesn't work, or at least not like how i want it too. Fortunately we are compatible on the other 3 traits!
I completely get that! On one hand it’s great to strive for the healthiest communication, and on the other hand it’s important to see where your partner’s communication style is coming from. I’m glad to hear you’re doing a combination of both, and it can definitely be frustrating to walk that fine line
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It was always strange to me how I felt kind of lost and uneasy in my relationships although my boyfriends and I were compatible in every way - until I figured out I'm actually a lesbian 😂😂
I love this 🤣
@@Doe4053 jesus doesn't, repent! The bible even described the vaccines and what's coming next. His wrath will be released on you sinners who don't repent! Humble yourself and repent
Lmao did you date me? In high school I had a few great girlfriends except they never seemed to be able to get into the sexual end of romance...turns out they were queer. Not sure what this says about me, but it's funny nonetheless.
oh damn
My ex becoming stubborn and never compromise on anything was the reason we broke up.
So that is a big deal.
*relationship anxiety intensfies*
… maybe I should just stay single.
Fantastic video, Ana! I agree with your point on stubbornness being the worst trait for compatibility 💗 it’s about compromise from both sides!!
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I've never heard anyone use Iranian/ Persian as an example. Thanks for including us 😭
Same 😢
I'm hoping that at some point in my life, my values can be respected for once by someone who's mature enough to see and understand them. Values in friendships are one thing; I know when to walk away or to end things if something isn't working. It just feels as if it's going to take time for me to recognize the green flags and hold onto that healthy, long-term relationship/marriage.... living the single life can only bring me so much fulfillment some days.
I'm going to argue that a couple who are both passive aggressive are terrible together, based on personal experiences. They always end up being petty and horrible towards eachother
Hi can you make a video on how we can identify our own values?
I asked why my ex can't treat me with respect, he just said he doesn't know how. Still makes me angry and confused. He just can't? Ok, this relationship was over before it started, because he just can't. Later he wrote a novel how it's my trust issues and I have impossible list of demands (like respect). Do I really? He never talked about his list of ideas what I should do, but judging his behavior: reading his mind, knowing everything he needs without saying, no communication about any issue because only bad people do that, i have to stop being too sensitive and take every bs in and keep it there, also I have to trust him even when he is obviously lying about everything. I think my list was pretty reasonable compared to his.
Good riddance :)
respect is a basic line for even friendship. If he really isn't respecting you, he is incompatible with EVERYONE
He's overtly unhealthy, if not abusive - saying this as the guy who was unhealthy if not emotionally abusive in my first relationship and didn't respect (or know how to respect) my partner. Understand - my not knowing how to treat people with respect absolved me of nothing, I still had an obligation to treat them and others in general with respect regardless. They finally cut off contact - and it forced me to learn to be a decent human being, though we definitely can never be together again. So I'm grateful they did it. Don't doubt yourself on this.
Great job
Hi Ana
I know I’m late but I hope you know that the state of MA was never desegregated and it shows in the lives and behaviors of many. The south looks great to people in the north and the north looks like paradise to some in the south.
The differences show up as covert or secret and honest or blatant racism.
Picking poisons as fake allies vs clear enemy territory 🤷🏾♀️
There is peace to be found in knowing how to move around both
Love your work!
Working totally different shifts can strain a relationship. When I started working nights (for more money) it was probably the reason we got divorced.
Thank you for the amazing video! I am fully aware of the fact that long term high quality relationships always take a lot of work and always compromises, as no person on this world is tha same. What I struggle with often is one question: The lower the compatibility is based on values, everyday needs etc. the higher compromises are needed, right? So the more different my partner and I am, the more we both have to "sacrifice" our athentic self from time to time in order to get along well and connect. What is the point, where it is too much? when is the partner maybe just not the "right person" for me and when is it just a thing of working on the relationship? It would help me so much, if someone shares their experiences
I don’t think that communication is a fundamental incompatibility. The passive aggressive example isn’t great because passive aggression is a toxic behavior that someone can and should fix. No one is compatible with a passive aggressive person. And I think that most couples can learn to communicate effectively with each other. When I think incompatibility I think of root behaviours and characteristics that can not be changed
Anything can be changed. But communication style is so hard to change that to expect that to workout immediately might be unrealistic
Did you listen to the rest of what she said?
if they lie about heir mental health issues or downplay them RUN
Persians ftw
One thing that I've struggled with over and over again with my partner is our values.
Not so much our contrasting values, but my lack of values.
Perhaps you could consider not subscribing to any specific values at all to be a value within itself, but right now I can tell my boyfriend will get bothered by my seemingly aimless take on life.
and it's true, I don't seem to have values of anything beyond basic survival/comfort.
I'm not religious at all (he isn't either, but has his own ideas about god) but it really does feel like he has guidelines for his life while I have nothing.
Anyone have any thoughts on this?
I have a serious question, if I like curvy girls and I'm losing weight and I take care my diet, is that an incompatibility?
Curvy doesn't necessarily mean fat.
No?
basically be balanced, pretty difficult with today's self centered people
Hi Anna, as always great video. You had argued against hookup culture in your last video.
For the sake of argument, let's assume that hookup culture gets shamed into oblivion. But what will replace it?
Will it be like the old days where once two folks start dating, marriage is expected out of them by the medium term?
Or will it be like the old-old days where marriages were looked in a utilitarian sense and thus were arranged(that practice still continues in south asia)?
Will dating change in any non-trivial sense if the hookup culture were to die?
I know these questions don't exactly fall into the realm of psychology but still do ponder over them and provide your thoughts on the matter.
Thank you for the thoughtful questions! I'm not sure whether hookup culture will disappear anytime soon (although I am noticing that some young women are acknowledging its negative repercussions and choosing to remove themselves). If hookup culture were to disappear, I imagine what would remain is more traditional dating, where people seek each other out for who they are as whole people, rather than only focusing on the physical. I don't expect we're going back to the utilitarian model anytime soon, since our conceptions of romance are quite different these days.
What about you? What do you think? :)
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Does everyday routine matter that much? I just wake up at 5 while my girlfriend works up at 9 but we still spent the afternoon together
Straight to the point like Romanians 😂
Ana, what is the US marriage failure rate?
50% iirc
why tf would you wanna live in massachusetts dawg
I don't have a life
Ähm. Yes. Children are definitiv. If you are not definitivly positive you want a child then you should not be having a child
Moral of the video: If you are ready to compromise then you are compatible.
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@@lovemillabell5891
Sir/ Ma’am you sound very desperate at the moment
"I hate the sun" lmfao
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I feel that too tho lbs
She is romanian
Re: shared values, thank you! can't be stressed enough. My ex and I were polar opposites but I always said opposites attract so I ignored it. I loved to be out and about and travel and meet new people and he loved staying home and being cozy and with familiar people. We fought over it all the time, whether it was him not wanting me to go out so much or me forcing him to come to social events with me. It could have never worked out in the longrun even if I felt like we were soulmates.
Now I'm with someone who values spontaneity and adventure and we have been on so many unexpected adventures together. Just like Ana says, you will just naturally gravitate towards people who share your values so this is not something you want to be opposites on
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Opposites attract can work out it all comes down to respect, compromise and understanding. You and your ex didn't work out because of your opposite values but because you didn't have those 3 traits for each other.
There is 5th aspect to compatibility and the last one is Respect! all the points you mention spot on! you just can’t build anything unless you respect one another. Remember the way you start out is how your gonna finish. Overall, great vid just missed out on the respect part from my perspective 🌴
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AGREED. Also politics wasn't mentioned in values. Maybe it doesn't matter to all, but I would struggle to even date a liberal, let alone a republican
I just went through a breakup this week with someone who I have had many painful breakups with. I’m trying to let this time be the last time - sometimes two people simply are not compatible!! And it’s difficult to accept, especially when you both care about each other - but we do not share the same values or communication styles. Our relationship is full of miscommunication, distrust and pain. Thank you so much for your video, I will be using it to dig deep into this breakup.
Same, had to break up 3 weeks ago and it was hard because we care about each other and are attracted to each other but we just can't stand each other! We're too different in important levels mentioned in this video.... It just cannot be. Better be friends than end up hating the person
Same. I think it's sad that we both are stubborn. There were things I was willing to compromise for him but he wouldn't for me... and so I got tired compromising if it was only just gonna be me all the time. We like and care for each other but there's too much misunderstanding, miscommunication and hurt :/ we had been on and off .. idk when it's gonna truly stop.. it's become a cycle at this point, sadly.
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1. Values (example: integrity isn’t their core value so behaviors will not align to integrity); Religion/culture alignment
2. Communication style (assertiveness, passive aggressive, are they sympathetic to your style or clashing, how much do you like to talk or leave things unspoken, how loudly or softly do you talk, how blunt you are or how understanding you are of your
differences)
3. Long term goals (you don’t have to be aligned on every goal, but you do need to agree to compromise) lifestyle alignment
4. Everyday routine (sleep/wake cycle, need to complement each other) compatibility does not not equal differences; different diets, when they spend quality time together, hobbies, shared interests (more important than any other factor)
"I hate the sun" vampire confirmed 🖤
😂😂
I am a musician and it's very important for me for my potential partner to have an artistically-minded brain. Most of my family/friends don't get why I need this. It's really hard to find people like this in my area...I think I need to move to a major city. :/
do it
this is so true. i'm a huge nerd (literature and cinema in particular, but just live learning in general). i literally coudn't partner up with someone who doesn't read or is uninterested in intellectual stuff
I'm not religious but I live in a country where 99% of people are muslim. I'm having a hard time to find someone like me who shares my values.
I recently ended a situationship because he did not want to commit. Told me I was being negatively evaluated for my boundary of no sex outside a relationship. And told me that he didn't want to meet my family.
He had to go.... That's too bad, I really liked the connection we had. But out values were clearly very different.
Communication style: passivity, aggressiveness, passive aggressiveness , assertiveness?
During conflict management.
How much or how little you want to talk?
How loud or soft you talk?
Blunt or sugarcoated?
Similar communication style.
Sympathetic and understanding of another communication style.
This is literally so interesting and eye opening!!! I literally sat down and asked myself these questions and realized I’ve never asked myself these before, yet had such clear answers, and it was so cool to realize and so important. I think more people should ask themselves these to be more self aware. Thank you so much, hope you have an amazing day!!
I’ve started dating someone recently. He’s much older than I am but that makes him super self aware and mature which I find so attractive. However, we have such different lifestyles and I think it’s largely due to the age gap. We share the same values, communication is on point but long term goals r something we should probably discuss soon. Idk... the lifestyle thing seems like it can work with compromise but I’m still not sure. Also, I’m not sure we’re sexually compatible which would be a big deal cuz I’m a very sexual person. I guess we have to just take it day by day and see. There’s so much potential here but I’m still not convinced it can really work. Ugh!!!
I know this is an "old" video (relative to internet terms) but here's a curve ball at you (precisely because you are competent):
How do you communicate your values if you're stereotyped almost automatically by your surrounding environment (live in Neo-fascist Italy in this case) without ever being given the chance to transcend initial assumptions by conversing? One of the things that make me wish I lived in the US.
I just want to point out, that, in the long-term goals subject, compromise can also be translated as negotiation.
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You should also check if you're on the same page as to what cheating truly is lol.. make sure you have the same definition 😂
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Why not send a message to the powerful man who used his power to help me get my ex back? 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇,❤❤❤❤
I think there are a few basic things a relationship needs to thrive. Cooperation, reciprocity, affection (in various degrees oc), fun, honesty... Anyone who is too stubborn to compromise on anything, anyone who disregards your attempts to connect, etc. They will not be good in relationships.
Hey Ana! Me again! Great video as always! The thing about values is very interesting. You have put safety and excitement (or let's say openness to new experiences, that are not necessarily always safe) on the same level, one being on the one side of the spectrum, and the other, on the other side. I've noticed in with working with clients (and in my own analysis), that once you've achieved basic safety (that being, safety that is innate, safety that is based on your own capacities to defend and regulate yourself emotionally) your start to explore more, and you start to get more open to new experiences.
Even though in clinical literature these two terms are usually opposed, my experience so far has taught me that most people, once they went through therapy, and "achieved" certain levels, start to explore and push boundaries themselves. Maybe in the future, we'll look at these terms not as horizontally opposed, but rather vertically.
Nevertheless, great video I really enjoy it! Big hi from Serbia! :)
That's a good point! I selected those two values at random, not because they necessarily seem polar opposites but rather because they seem to be somewhat in contradiction. I would agree that openness to new experiences can be fostered through a foundation of safety.
Your comment raises a good question about which values are truly contradictory and which can coexist. In the long lists of values that I've looked over, many of them seemed to cluster around similar themes (e.g. "excitement," "fun," "new experiences" are similar; "integrity," "honesty," "loyalty" seem to go together, etc.). It would be an interesting exploration to see which ones are truly in contradiction with each other!
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Ana, I thought I couldn’t love your channel more, but then you unveil this tshirt 🤣 one of my best friends has a tshirt with the “awkward Robert Pattinson” meme on it, but his skin is glittery and it says “this is the skin of a killer, bella” Iconic. 🤣
I ordered that one too!!🤣🤣 saving it for a video on Edward Cullen's emotional abuse
@@AnaPsychology OH MY GOD. I am now permanently living in suspense for that video 😍😍😍
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I have a wife Erika tham how protective of her husband Patrick
This was very helpful; I was getting worried about my compatibility as my partner doesn't like almost any of the same things as I do (she doesn't hate any of them but also doesn't have as much passion for them as me). She's sweet enough to watch me enjoy them though and maybe that's a sign they don't contradict her values
ANA YOUR SKIN LOOKS BEAUTIFUL
0:22 vampire confirmed
This video was very Informative. I hope my future wife "wherever she is" has a chance to see this.
🙃😎✌.
so glad I watched this, all my life, since my early twenties, I always felt more THAN ANYTHING I was with someone with the same values as me. So I was right! ok.. great! I think my current partner is not my best match. (I am widow thats why dating again)
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I’m a muslim dating a christian, we are still in our early 20’s and have no idea what is gonna happen in the future :”)
Haram lol
@@mirzakalamujic5460 Dont judge. They can respect each others religion. Its not easy but not impossible.
Values are essentially the same. The rest is a story whether pertaining to Jesus or to Islam s Prophet . Key is human respect and appreciation of each other.
One or both of you are compromising your faith. God says not to be unequally yoked. How will you raise kids if this continues? Which holidays will you celebrate? Do you want them to convert? Be prepared for them to never convert and for you to attend your religious services alone.
I used to be Christian, now non-dualistic. Both your beliefs are fingers pointing to the same moon. Hope it works out for you.
This is why normies are able to sustain relationships.
I clicked on this video because my partner said they didn't think we were compatible. We often argue about how to get things done in the house or anything in general. It feels difficult to disagree w him, I told him that it seems like he only wants to hear yes from me. And that if thats what he expects of course he'll be unhappy. I told him that sometimes compromise is necessary but he doesn't seem to want to compromise at all... I want to show him that compromise doesn't have to be something negative but idk how
At this rate I'm never going to find anyone lmao
I just discovered your channel, but already you have a new subscriber. I was looking at the topics you talk about in the videos and you seem so intelligent and knowledgeable about things and it's amazing.
I was stubborn before, the earlier days of me and my partner's relationship. I am so glad I changed, not overnight though, or we would still be having arguments and such every other night.
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He also help you do reading on future reference and about your relationship, marriage etc I was like this be'fore but he helped me recover My broken 💔 relationship contact him for help 🆘
You hate the sun but the sun loves you! You look so pretty. Your hair and your face are glowing! ☺️
It's not stubbornness if two people are on career paths where the two-body problem cannot be solved to determine a common location. That is why in general it is not wise to pretend that there is a relationship if either partner's values are that their career takes priority in their lives, unless one agrees they will go where the other feels they need to go.
Kids is a really tough one to compromise on, especially if two people are on either sides of the spectrum i.e. one has always wanted kids, the other never wants kids. I don't know that it's possible to compromise in that situation and have everyone be happy. I'd be worried about my partner either missing out on a huge aspect of life or doing something they never wanted to do. Huge potential to be a big regret either way
I agree. People who were co-erced into having kids are often abusive I’ve noticed.
Thinking about ending a relationship that is becoming very frustrating lately. She's a good person, but I don't think she can relate to me at all. I have expressed how I sometimes feel abandoned and how it seems our communication is just one sided. I do all the work and when I leave her to her own devices, she doesn't bother writing me at all. We almost had an understanding about how spending time proper with each could help us understand how we feel about each but she insists on bringing her work routine to it, one thing that actually was the cause of us not being able to meet the previous weekend. She doesn't seem to think it's a big deal. It's as if she disregards my feelings and the value of my time.
Hi ana, thanks for all the content, and maybe u can do a video on how to manage dating with a borderline. its a difficult time and i really love my couple but need help for coping
Noted!
Do you mean a person suffering with 'borderline personality disorder'. We are people
The language is a huge part of the stigma. The Internet has fucked people with this disorder, behave.
@@fakehorse2818 Hi, i'm sorry for bother but English is not my mother language, is Spanish, and I can do mistakes, don't take it personally. Of course I know that, I mean, the person that I love is wonderful. I'm really sorry, it wasn't my intention at all
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You can’t “compromise” on having kids.
Stubbornness 100%. My ex would have ideas in her head about what she wanted and then when she expressed them to me and I disagreed, she’d say that *i* had “shattered her hopes and dreams”. Like what? At first it was fine but as the relationship went on, it was so draining for me to feel like I had to fit into her little box or else she’d get extremely upset. I think she just didn’t want to compromise and eventually it led to me being unhappy and ending the relationship.
Communication style definintely matters. I once rejected a person because they'd get quite loud sometimes. Noise can be overstimulating for me
12:25, THIS PART!!! And this applies to EVERY relationships. Whether it’s at work, family, sports or anything else. This is definitely something I’ve been noticing in my life and plundering about lately.
My partner is a Filipina and catholic I'm English and a atheist, we get on amazingly well, we have quite a bit in common and never fight
I laughed so hard through this video. Me and my soon to be ex husband clash on all of these four points and one of his main characteristics (according to both me and himself) is that he is stubborn AF, and he knows it. Not really a shocker why this didn't work out between us...
the most important thing, if you re looking for compatibility, is Rh factor 🤣.
Compromising for most relationships don't work. It's either or not IF SO THAN...that give and take falls in line with understanding, accept or don't accept.
Well, I'm glad I'm not dating you
I’ve been watching your videos for a few weeks as I’ve been attending an extensive outpatient group therapy program. Love to see your shirt right in the intro ❤ your videos have taught me so much!
My bf is considering working in Japan after his Bachelor's. He will do a year abroad there before that, and wants to gauge then if he can see himself working and living there. I have ties to Korea a bit to Japan but we both are based in Germany. My main goal is to make my own living and have a family and close people that care about me but I am not sure if I would want that or can have that outside of Germany. Worried that I will feel very disconnected when relocating to somewhere enteirely different. He does say that nothing is set in stone yet and that I am important to him, but I constantly wonder whether this will end up being a deal breaker or not and whether it is wise to keep waiting 1 or 2 years until it might turn out to be a deal breaker.
±18188511842⏯️⏯️
Whats≥App him for all kinds of help 🥰
Why not send a message to the powerful man who used his power to help me get my ex back? 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇
How did everything turn out? I hope you're happy
It's crazy that someone can graduate and have almost no experience working with people or in the field and think they should just go on youtube and start giving people advice. This girl is way too young to have enough real-world experience to be advising anyone.
I’m just wondering who’s gonna go out and tell you they’re disloyal before your already in too deep
Thank you for this great information! Btw your skin and makeup look for gorgeous than ever! Would love to know your secret ❤❤❤❤
Also wonder coping stragidy... See a negative.. Find a positive to see somewhere..
Too many aspects to consider IMO.
People hide their true self then spring it on you .
After several years of therapy, I have zero clue what my values are. I guess that means I’m in compatible with everyone.
What makes you feel sad, or angry? What do you deem unacceptable, or impossible to understand?
What makes you feel awe, joy, pride, faith? What do you wish people/the world were like?
What would you willingly put yourself in an uncomfortable situation for, to sustain/defend? What would you sacrifice, and what for?
You wouldn't be compatible with me. Empathy and human rights are good values to start with.
@@No-ky3kb Empathy and human rights are no brainers for me. Of course they are important. This isn’t good enough.
@@erindabney2758 GOOD because they are values, and they aren't no brainers for all people. Pretty much all values derive from these. So maybe your problem isn't that you don't have values, but that you don't pay attention to them, or you haven't developed yourself in regards to living in coherence with them
Haha
My potential partner’s music taste matters to me because there are a lot of songs, artists, and genres that bother me or don’t put me in a good mood.
really good points, could you also cover the so called chemistry and also why the other person might retreat when they realize someone they like is starting to have feelings for them?
Good question!
You have forgotten Love Styles and the love languages. These two aspects should also match.
Wow even #1 already makes me realize how differently I always thought about what constitutes "value". But it's true... My ex and I were together for 6,5 years but my very high Sensation Seeking (Zuckerman, 1965) wasn't the best fit with her borderline generalized anxiety. I guess I value new experiences while she values her comfort zone.
...and #3 killed our relationship in the end. She finally admitted (to herself, most importantly) that she probably will never want kids.
I am so, so thankful for you channel, great stuff to keep in mind :)
I would say attachment style compatibility is one of the most important ones. Also sexual compatibility.
Why is attraction not one of the qualities? It feels like a deliberate statement suggesting that attraction is not important in a relationship to exclude it.
lol I think attraction is a given... Relationships generally don't start without it.
A bf that WANTS to live in the south almost feels like a red flag in itself
Cute 🌹 🇵🇭
welp...that last part about stubbornness encapsulates my feelings about my relationship rn. I see our differences as opportunities for growth while she seems to be set in her ways and is not willing to accept the differences or be flexible to compromise in these important areas. It's sad because until people like her change this mindset, I feel like they won't find success in relationships.
Compromise is a settling for a lose/lose situation.
And I do not like the sun 🧛🏻♀️ lol ❤️❤️
Your posts are cool. However, in my profession it is illegal to call yourself a doctor without licensure. Shouldn’t something like that be true for you also?
I have a doctorate in Clinical Psychology, which makes me a doctor. Hope that helps!
The shirt 🤣🤣🤣
And here's me thinking it was just if we were both water signs...
I would be really interested in your opinion about the spiritual "leader" Teal Swan. Are her teachings potentially dangerous in your opinion? She comes off as quite narcissistic to me.
Yes. She victim blames
@@etcwhatever Yes. I've also noticed that
@@etcwhatever I follow her but I'm curious, why do you think so?
@@lizethc8239 i think so because i saw her videos. 🤣 sometimes creating your own reality stops being empowering and starts being "everything that happens to you is your fault". Also she has a very cold demeanor. Her eyes look dead and emotionless. I really do not like her vibes. Its a pitty because shes a stunning woman but i see no warmth. I prefer people like Anna and others who are trained in psychology. I watch also Sam Vaknin who is a psychologist who actually openly admits his diagnose of npd and he is very similar to Teal.