I do think it's possible. My husband and I are together for 12 years this month and know each other even longer. We never had a fight, we do have misunderstandings sometimes, but it never lead to arguing or anger. We communicate A LOT about our thoughts and feelings though. He's always been my best friend and we often act so lovey-dovey and flirty, that our kids think it's embarrassing 😅 We already knew our darkest sides and saw each other at our lowest points before we started dating. I fell in love with all of this.
The last couple of sentences stuck out to me. Just cus my lady told me one time, “I love you even with all your baggage”. And when you have someone like that. I hope I don’t let that go.
Still haven’t had an argument with my boyfriend after about a year and a half. So much trust, good communication, understanding, and honesty! I didn’t know a relationship like that could exist until I met him😍
@@kowotie_e Not necessarily. But it can be. It fucking hurts so much when it seems like you could change it by the tiniest change of mindset, and yet, somehow, you just can't quite grasp it.
@@njux1871 you can just respond to a text? Not just one letter or word but a real response? You cant just not take somebody for granted? You cant just respect somebody whos done nothing to lose it except your a little bored and unsatisfied for reasons you cant explain?
What i learned from my long distance relationship (running on 2 years tomorrow) 1. Have patience 2. Communication 3. Be kind 4. Be in their shoes 5. Take care of yourself 6. Give space to you and to them
I did all that. But still lost in the end. Mine was about 4 1/2 years, it ended in the middle of December 2020 recently. I guess she couldnt wait for me even though I planned to move where she was which in the beginning she was happy about. I understood she had needs when we talked hard in 2018, I was ok with her having a fwb until I got there. But because shes young she didnt know the rules of fwb. So she ended it with me to be her gorgeous fwb. She thinks its love when I know from experience that its not, only lust. And lust hits hard at first but dies when reality sets in. So just from my experience, be careful friend. Make a effort to visit your special someone as much as possible so then you wont lose them like how I lost mine. Much good luck to you.
@@biancafelton6087 It was hard to. I went through some hardships, lost a job of 7 years & had to find another one. Took about 9 months to get another job. Then once I did I started saving up so I can move out of state. Adult shit you know.
I hope you find someone that matches with you, because that is the most important. My boyfriend matches with me because we agree on the important things but are opposites who fulfill each other on other things 🙂
It's great that you're watching videos to learn about what a healthy loving relationship could look like. It will make it easier to find a good partner and understand when a relationship won't work.
You can ABSOLUTELY stay in the honeymoon phase forever. I have been with my SO for 10 years, married for 7 with 2 kids, and we "fight" (more like disagree) regularly, and everyday we are EXCITED to see each other and are very physically affectionate, much to the embarrassment of our children. We have also been together everyday since we first started dating. It does take work, in the beginning, but then it's just effortless. We don't idealized each other. We are just ourselves loving each other, everyday.
I have become very fearful of love. When I was a kid, I used to think that when people fall in love with each other, they stay in love forever. But then I got older and I realized that people can be madly in love one year and feel completely different the next year. And the pain of heartbreak is so bad it makes me wonder if falling in love is even worth it anymore.
I feel you. However here everybody needs to decide for themselves whether they are going to live in their comfort zone without taking risks (which is not bad i think) or take that risk and experience beautiful love but also pain that goes with it :) totally up to personal preference, however i believe that humans are meant to love and be loved and it is the pain and uncomfortable that makes us grow the most unfortunately
I'm divorced and while it hurt to end my marriage it doesn't change the good times I had with her. Good memories can stay good memories if you let them. You just have to accept that people are not possessions and if relationships end it's ok and for a reason. I'll also add that it really helps to have a good life one your own before finding someone to add to it. So focus on that first. You'll be less fearful of losing the relationship.
I agree when you said not all couples need to fight... I guess if you can overcome the argument it's good for the relationship but if you are both good at communicating and respecting each other there's no need to argue in the first place.
@@ethereallune3992 Thank you, I'm always confused about this aspect because I've had disagreements with my partner but we end up understanding the other better after it. But I wasn't sure if you could just call that having an argument. Because I'm not happy when it happens but thankfully we've grown a lot together because of it. Our relationship is much better and fulfilling now than when we first started dating because we've had these discussions. I guess it matters how you "argue", as in getting better at discussing these problems when they come up without the yelling and hurtful remarks.
Had lunch at a friend’s and a couple was there… maybe married 15+ yrs. It was subtle, but when she got up to take care of her kid, the way she touched her husband was very revealing. Hope I find a way to make that.
1. keep distance (distance makes the heart grow fonder) 2. don’t get complacent (fear you can lose them) 3. keep trying to court them (random acts of kindness) 4. avoid arguments (sugarcoat, don’t raise voice, i-statements, validate) 5. idealize the image of your partner 6. always keep working on yourself
I agree with everything except 4, sugarcoating problems can be a way of avoiding conflict leading to resentment. I agree yelling should be avoided but not at the cost of not talking about problems.
@@elizabeth4689 although "sugarcoating" may not technically be the right word to accurately convey what she truly meant, i believe what she is trying to tell us is that we should phrase things nicely / in a better way. it hurts A LOT when your partner is blunt and uses harsh words. Until know I remember clearly the mean words my ex used at me while arguing even though he apologised later and communicated the issue in a less emotionally charged, nicer manner. 😞
@@ssummerdew yeah I agree with this, I think a lot of people misunderstand "be honest" as "be brutally honest". It's best to convey the information you need to convey, but in the kindest way possible. This still upholds honesty but with compassion so it avoids evoking resentment
1.5 years in and we still haven't had a fight. After going through toxic relationships prior we know what we don't want in a relationship and understanding that taking space apart is okay.
honeymoon phase is kinda overrated, i think a couple can be happy while being pure and stable rather than being all lovey-dovey. But still, the honeymoon phase is very cute. I can't deny
I agree.. I don’t feel like the relationship has really started until it ends and both people are able to see and accept each other as they really are without the rose tinted glasses.
The distance thing is so true. When i dont see my girlfriend after a week i get butterflies still and i can tell she does too. Its a bit of happy awkwardness for the first hour or so.
My boyfriend and I fight but it’s because we communicate differently. However our fights do help us understand how sometimes there was just miscommunication. So our fights aren’t necessarily frivolous because we learn something about what we misunderstood. And I like it. I’d rather fight over something like that than to be passive and let things suppressed build up in a negative way
Yeah exactly. I've also noticed that some couples that don't fight (not all obv, it depends on the couple) especially if they used to fight... basically realize they don't fight anymore because they don't really care/bother about the relationship anymore.
@@jordandixon5424 not true at all, me and my bf used to argue all the time, we rarely argue now and when we do it's less of an argument and more of a deep discussion, there is no 1 size fits all and just because they argue doesn't mean they don't love eachother, I'd argue its the opposite most of the time
@@jessica5470 it depends what type of argument you to have if its petty simple argument then its different if it's real arguments when both of you keep breaking up or get really mad at each that's because one of you is cheating or dont love each other and forcing it to work people argue because lack of communication and because both there angry aren't together but then again it depends on the argument if you to argue and get happy 2 minutes later than its different
My husband and I did long distance for a year while we were dating. It was actually nice. We built trust and it was so special when we saw each other. We then moved in together and it is great!
That’s what Im doing also with my bf! We are long distance for over a year i didn’t even realize It went so fast but how are you doing now living together !?
I’m long distance with my boyfriend too! We got reunited this May, and we were together but lost contact for another three months until August. 6 months but in contact 3 months! I am hoping that soon, I will be able to see him and be with him physically (;
My boyfriend and I don’t really fight! It really is possible and we are very happy together. It helps that both of us can talk about things without getting offended for the most part! We have also NEVER disrespected one another in a disagreement.
i agree! we’ve never raised our voices at each other, we definitely argue from time to time but it never interferes with us in the long term. weve been together nearly two years
That's the key to a stable relationship. Nothing will get you cheated on faster than disrespecting your man, we would rather you respect us than love us.
@@Scotta1atgmaildotcom omg 🙄 you really just implied that it would be the woman’s fault if she was cheated on because the man didn’t feel he was respected enough? Give me a break. There’s no excuse for cheating and it’s never the other partner’s fault. If the man does not feel respected, then end the relationship before doing anything with another woman. That solves his perceived disrespect problem and there’s no cheating involved.
In long distance relationship for 3 years now and I have never been happier. In 6 months we are finally moving in together and I can't explain how exited we both are. The honeymoon phase is every day stronger. Good luck!😊
It is absolutely not "sad that you have to say this" mental health issues are real, and as someone in that field, you should know the impact of mental health decline, ESPECIALLY when you were talking about a time during the height of the pandemic
My self worth was absolutely destroyed after my last relationship, never met someone who at one point says they love you and then out of no where absolutely hate you when you disagree. I drew the line when I had an anxiety attack and was sent to the hospital and she began fighting with me on a call regarding not giving her tips for call of duty. It was more of a harsh and angry interrogation and really spiked my heart again. I don't know why I'm typing this here, I really did like her but couldn't take the fact that she turned so mean when angry, it was making me spiteful. I have a few dates soon since a few girls have suddenly confessed, I'm afraid I've turned a lil numb in regards with affection and vulnerability after my ex will work on it
i’m not gonna lie, i read the title n thought this was ab lana del rey n i was like sweetie i loved honeymoon too but were like two eras past it. as iconic as it was, it’s time to let go
Thank you for mentioning the issue of fighting. I have always hated when people say you have to fight to have a good relationship. Nothing gets accomplished when you're yelling and screaming at each other. I'd much rather remove myself from the room for a few minutes to compose myself and come back to talk things out. Disagreements happen, but they don't have to become fights. And if you need a "good fight" to have passion in your relationship, then you've got a problem!
I think “you have to fight to have a good relationship” may not have been worded properly. It’s more like, you need conflict to make a strong relationship. And conflict doesnt equal fighting. Conflict is necessary, fighting is not. There’s constructive conflict, and destructive conflict. Constructive conflict makes you feel good at the end of it, destructive conflict leaves either both party and one of you frustrated, angry, sad etc. How you handle conflict (or how you fight as some have put it) will make or break your rship. The language that you choose to use is very important, be it verbal or body language. Dont come off attacking your partner for sth they do/ insinuate that theyre a bad person/ that they dont care about you etc etc because if you attack, they’ll get defensive and suddenly it becomes a YOU VS ME instead of US VS THE ISSUE. And at the end of it, always show appreciation. “I love you. Thank you for listening to me/ for trying to understand where im coming from” etc to show that you’re not taking them for granted.
Ive heard a couples therapist say that fighting isnt rlly the problem. A couple that fights a lot even with screaming and more but then after that have longer phases of pure euphoria together have better chances of staying together than a couple that never fights but their happy moments are always just ok or good
@@missanthropocene6308 that would be the case only if after the screaming and yelling, the problem actually gets resolved. Then yes, a resolved problem definitely leads to a happy couple. But usually people wouldn’t scream and yell if its the first time a problem arises. Usually its due to pent up frustration which suggests that either it’s a reoccurring problem or there were other prior build up of issues. There’s also the case where both parties are just really emotional. But definitely agree with the statement that there are some couples who fight (aka have conflict, even destructive ones occasionally) who are happier than couples who have ZERO conflict. Also another really important factor is that even if couples fight badly, as long as they have more good, positive, happy incidences to compensate for the negative incident, then it’s fine. I think Ana has a video on that too that speaks of the golden ratio.
@@its_rayray9398 Yeah, now that I think about it all the times I had argued with my boyfriend it wasn’t really fighting it was just conflict and more so misunderstanding and we would always work it out ASAP. There was no cursing at each other because that’s completely unnecessary and I don’t recall either of us ever speaking to each other that way but anyways we would talk it out, be understanding with one another in order to resolve the issue, otherwise if we didn’t it would bother me for the rest of the day, as for him too.
i’ve been dating my bf for almost 4 years now, and we don’t fight at all. we were also long distance the first 4-5 months of our relationship, and we’re still in the honeymoon phase tbh. i personally think not living together and being thoughtful are the two things have kept us happy so long. time away from each other is essential, and ensuring the time we do spend together is quality time :)
I think another important part of creating distance is when you and your partner are reunited, there are so many stories to tell and it ignites great conversation
Wow, this came right on time! I just got into a relationship (literally not even a week in yet) and let me tell youu, that passion is no joke! Wanting to spend every moment with them, missing them when you're apart for even a day... yeah, it's kind of like a drug! I'll definitely be taking these tips into account even if I'm barely a week in. Thanks, Ana! (:
An argument is just an exchange of opposite views. It's healthy. Problem is when we decide to be right at all cost and forget to be courteous in the process, explain our way calmly, allow space for the other person to express theirs and listen to the underlying need of both persons behind. If all that is respected then the argument can turn into a beautiful and peaceful resolution and make the relationship stronger. Both will trust the other. Trust is love. Healthy communication is key.
My ex and I started fighting really early on. He was always really angry or annoyed, every single day, over the smallest things. He had the most ridiculously high standards. He would even get annoyed with me if I accidentally tripped while walking. It was a mess. Eventually he cheated and tried to blame me. I left, of course lol. Now I’m in a relationship with my best friend (of 9 years before we even had any clue we liked each other) and I’m incredibly happy. We speak the same love languages and communicate so easily about everything. He’s patient, kind, and understanding. We’re still in our honeymoon phase and I’m incredibly thankful ♥️
The guy you get attracted cheated on you, and you give the almost a decade best friend dude a chance. And, and, your friend and you liked each other long ago, but neither of you knew it. This testimony a summary of why lying always messes up everything.
23 :) i think that's okay. far too many people ik have been in toxic relationships since their teen yrs and all i can say is...i'm glad i saved myself the heartbreaks ^_^
@@dinakolevska2581 both sides yield very toxic traits leading to a toxic relationship. Wouldn’t put one above the other unless we were being specific of what those traits are, also there are other coupling besides straight ones
As long as you don't call them out on their bullshit and allow yourself to get trampled on, maybe. When they reveal that side of themselves I would call it the hell phase though, not the honeymoon phase.
All of these are great points, no doubt! Very helpful.. but if you have to bite your tongue often with a person about your treatment, etc., they aren’t for you. You shouldn’t have to sugar coat things often.
The first few months of our relationship (we’ve had a year of backstory before actually being bf and gf) we fought CONSTANTLY at least once a month but tbh it brought us closer together....at the end of every argument we had big discussions on how we were feeling and why and what we could do to change the issue. The arguments REALLLYYY tested us early on but NOW at 1 year we never argue and we’ve actually grown fonder of each other as time goes on. I’d say our honeymoon phase started at 8 months haha but now we’re just so happy and more in love than ever before:)
@@shutupidiott no no no ahahah omg no 😂 my dad 100% safe our fam safe, my mom is perfectly sane 😭👍🏻 it’s alright guys, now i feel bad to my mom cuz making ppl misunderstood about her 😂
"You have to kind of maintin a little bit of that fear that they can always leave you, because the second you get complacent, it becomes a possibility." With all due respect, that sounds like really bad advice, especially if heard by neurotic people in a relationship. A good relationship needs respect, trust and security/emotional and physical safety. "Maintaining a little bit of that fear" that your partner "can always leave you" goes against both trust and security. Of course bad things can happen - your partner could be killed in an accident tomorrow. But that doesn't mean it is healthy to live with the fear of them abandoning you "the second you get complacent". After all, you are trying to build a shared life with them. Having said all this, I do understand the sentiment behind what you said: don't take your partner for granted, always appreciate them and if possible, do small gestures for them daily. Still, the phrasing of your message goes beyond this, encouraging fear and uncertainty in the long run.
My uncle and his wife never left the honeymoon phase after 25 years. I think what it really comes down to is playfulness/laughter, travel/fresh experiences together, keeping your individuality while in the relationship.
2 months into marriage here, 3 months into living with one another. I’m loving marriage, so much fun! Just wanna keep this love going. Thank you. I seriously commend you for sharing this wisdom!
Check out The Roommates Podcast here on YT. It helps men level up so they can eventually get the woman you desire. I’m a woman and I still enjoy watching it.
My last gf and I lived together over 5 years and have been intimate for a long time before moving in and longer after she moved away. We never fought. Biggest disagreement was how we'd hypothetically spend the big lotto. LOL I yelled at her once when she was crossing the street not looking with a car about to hit her. I yelled her name and she stopped which was good because the car didn't. I've never fought with 3 of my 4 nieces and nephews. Yet my brother/sister and my uncle growing up?!? Yeah...We fought, so I'm a fighter but there are those who don't make you want to fight. (Power Struggle/Control) For me...and I'm making this very inclusive because there are all kinds of relationships, but all have 'honeymoon' =) 1) Do the little things that you did in the beginning of the relationship. 2) Patience and Compromise. It's a 'relationship' not a 'me,me,me ship' as that's a lonely ship stuck at sea. 3) Do not INTENTIONALLY do things to 'hurt' the other person. People get hurt but we're not all the same so being open, honest and communicate your needs and desires. Sometimes that 'talk' actually solves things without needing to take action elsewhere. (especially good when dating hyper sexual (me) open, unavailable, kink/fet and poly relationships) I've been around and experienced a LOT. Would end things before expressing my desires and when given permission found the desire was more of a FEAR of losing self/freedom. Also would have been willing to 'try' things that made me uncomfortable if partner was willing to put up with growing pains. 4) Uplift each other. Support ones dreams, even if it means it might lead to the relationship ending. I've only had one 'bad' breakup and that was ending a many year 'relations' with a married woman because I'd met someone great who deserved my undivided attention. All my other relationships we were friends for a while after because we're good people who grew in different directions, which in time let us drift apart as friends. I think on Tinder they call it GGG? Intent is EVERYTHING and people can change their minds and GROWING is ALWAYS a good thing. If it's growing apart be happy for the time you shared together and be happy that someone you loved/cared for is happy. I know I'm wired weird (Tantra?) but I've learned to enjoy the tears because there can only be tears when one has experienced so much happiness. =)
I’m in a long distance relationship, PLEASE DO A VIDEO ON LONG LASTING LONH DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS, We’ve been together for 8 months and we have to be long distance for another year and a half , I could really use some advice
Xyelah Cajucom she already has one, look up her name and long distance relationship ship, can I ask how you get through arguments in your relationship, I’ve been in one for 9 months but out biggest struggle is how we handle arguments
Make an effort to visit this person as much as possible. I know right now because of this "SuperFlu" it sounds impossible but, you gotta think how much do you really care about this person? Yes a video chat could help but, its much better when you can actually see each other in person, face to face. Close or physical communication is very important in a relationship as well. Hope that this helps, much luck to you friend.
If a person wants the honeymoon phase or passion to last forever, they are in a relationship for the wrong reasons. The purpose is not to satisfy your feelings or desires; the purpose is to start a family. A relationship is almost certain to fail if you are in it for your own sake, or for their sake. There is supposed to be a common goal that is above you both. It is also absurd to suggest that not having an argument is feasible or normal. There WILL be arguments because there will be challenges and you won't always agree on the solution to those challenges. Try having a few children and encountering more strife then come back and tell us you've never had an argument.
You are a goddess of wisdom. I wish I had you in my life as a companion earlier on. Went through a cataclysmic rift from my significant other during covid, and I haven't been the same. We were in a LDR for 7 years, and I lost myself. Been seeing therapy, and I wish you were my therapist earlier. Keep doing what you do Ana. You're awesome.
Is it normal now my bf wants us to pay 50% 50%. Usually he always paid for me, but well sometimea ofcourse i pay for him too. Last week he said that now we had to share paying everything. Yet he is still spending money for poker. Im still a student with no job, he is far older than me but no job. Idk what should i do
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I love this. I often think about how me n my boyfriend have many disagreements n it makes me doubt our relationship... but they are never yelling arguments, we just talk it out to understand each other...do u think that theres a such thing as too many disagreements?
@@katjean7270 i dont believe so if they are new or different discussions. Discussions are communication and communication is paramount to a healthy relationship. If you have eacalating discussions about the same situation that dont seem to be resolving then i think that can lead to unresolved tension.
@@meganh4532 Thank u for answering :) Yeah, I try to tell myself that. I wonder if society has painted the picture like disagreements are bad and that relationships arent supposed to have fights...?
I suggest to my clients that they date their potential partner thru a cycle of seasons prior to making a commitment! (Winter, Spring, Summer, Fal and Autumn)
Ana, I'm getting my bachelor's in psychology and I look up to you so much! Hearing you speak and explain your thoughts makes me want to study. Thank you for the motivation :)
Okay, I want to include my input here. If you believe that your partner could become more likely to have “wondering eyes” if you two aren’t as infatuated with each other as before, then your standards of a relationship are not high enough. There are no circumstances where it is excusable or expected for either partner to be more likely to cheat, to have the mentality that you must avoid something in order to avoid increasing those chances is simply unhealthy. Infatuation or idealization is meant to dissipate, its required in order to feel the true and most genuine level of love in a relationship. Its not when you’re feeling the thrill of it at all times that is true love, its more of when you feel a sense of calm and peace. Its not a bad thing for the honeymoon phase to fade, it by no means damages the relationship. If attraction and actual romantic feelings end up fading away as well, then the person you’re with is no longer the right one for you, and that’s okay. It can be painful, but its simply one of life’s functions. As for “arguments”, I just want to make it clear that there are healthy ways to discuss disagreements that do not entail a full blown argument where the people in the relationship are yelling and preventing from progress to be made in finding a common ground. Arguments that involve yelling and such are not good forms of communication and should certainly be worked on. Now to refer to “arguments” as general disputes, you’re allowed to disagree with them as they are with you. And you’re both allowed to have downs in the relationship, this is an inevitable factor. It is in these downs that compatibility is tested and this is where your bond can become even stronger. Being able to communicate and try to understand each other’s feelings is incredibly crucial. To never experience those downs in a relationship (whether it be from between you and your partner or from outside sources) can end up placing your relationship in a stasis where nothing actually grows. Not to say that zero lows or disagreements or disputes mean its not a good relationship, I mean that it is in these times where you get the best opportunity to strengthen communication and intimacy as you both overcome those lows and feel closer and stronger. Do not sugar coat your thoughts and feelings in that you hide aspects that can deepen their understanding of you or the situation. Strong communication involves honesty. This doesn’t mean to say “you pissed me off today”, it means to thoroughly communicate something that upset you and why it did. Not everyone is good with doing that, but trying to do so to the best of your ability is extremely important. You want to feel like nothing can get in between, that you’ll be loved and supported when you may need it most. When you hit a low, you know they will be there for you. To wish for those aspects of early stages to last forever where there’s no disputes and such is unhealthy and misguided. For example, to truly love a movie is not in the feeling when you watch it for the first time, its when you appreciate it deeply after a hundred times of watching it. Its when you’re always with the person you love and know everything about them that your love is true. You can of course keep doing things that are respectful and polite, there is no problem in that. But you don’t need to uphold such standards at all times in order to keep a strong relationship. Considerate gestures are always something to keep in mind as well, this is something that are ideally present in the relationship in its entirety. Please rethink what it is that you seek in a relationship, while some of what you say is generally agreeable and standard, much of what you speak of can spread an unhealthy perception of relationships.
Been married for a year now and only dated him for less than a year lol we do have heated moments sometimes but it’s mostly bc of me and he’s very understanding 😩 I just know it’s only getting better!
What an amazingly honest and self-aware statement! Good that you recognize your "heated moments" and his understanding. I hope he continues to be understanding and that you become more secure in your own ability for understanding. I hope it does keep getting better and better!
My boyfriend and me are working on things and we haven’t fighted in over a year :3 i love him so much Yea sometimes i have insecurites.... and start doubting us,, both things and i get signs that we are meant for each otherw
Im not in a relationship but I am reflecting a lot on why I am the way I am. I take responsibility for why my romantic relationships didnt work out. I wasn't perfect either. So now I want to improve myself so I can be a healthy partner for my next man. I appreciate your videos! I'm learning tons!
@@jamiegowers5671 Hey! Yes absolutely I know that my growth is a lifelong commitment and there are a few things that I am still working but now I feel even more ready for a relationship when it comes my way. The most major change is I don’t feel as selfish as I did in the past I am a lot more open and expressive with my feelings.
I loved this video!! It’s perfect! I sent it to my boyfriend :) we were actually talking about this a while ago! We were wondering why it felt like we went into a different honeymoon phase, and your video explains everything perfectly!💗
My parents' fights prove that you don't need to fight to resolve problems or differences. They were fighting to demonstrate power and to hurt the other and never to resolve problems. My father was always so rude and I remember as a small child thinking: wow, he would never talk that rude way to anyone he knows or at a shop or in any situation, only to my mother and his children.
Kinda feel a little bit more inlove with you everytime I watch your videos 😂 nohomo but girrrl you're amazing and wise and just absolutely BEAUTIFUL! 🌺💕 Thank you for this channel 😁
@@AnaPsychology - I wanna be myself It’s like my personality changes talking to different people and inside I’m so fake and I just wanna go away from them this is for everyone except with my siblings - I want to be nice genuinely I just act nice but I want to truly be nice to people and love them but I don’t I hate being near people they make me uncomfortable
@@OoWtf-sf6ns not OP, but sounds like you are a struggling introvert or someone who needs time to first know people for much longer before getting comfortable with them enough to truly care. I don't think you need a personality change but instead, I think you need boundaries to the type of people you put up with and spend more time nurturing your inner self and defining the positive qualities you DO have.
Emphasize the gratitude - look for all the good things - concentrate on those good things you are thankful for AND let your partner know every day that you are grateful for each of those wonderful things. Every. Day.
If "fighting" means you attack verbally or physically then fighting isn't ever healthy. Doesn't matter if it's common. It's not healthy. Arguing without fighting is an essential skill. You should expect arguments because you should expect disagreements.
Like in the Eric Clapton song: with you every day will be like a holiday! Me and my boyfriend never argue. I think it's a horrible pop culture misunderstanding that a couple should argue now and then. It's like that idea that you could train your hair by letting it get oily. Not true lol. Me and my boyfriend have some difficult talks but we don't "fight". That is what shows that we match really well. And no he isn't perfect and neither am I. But we communicate and we are also tolerant. I sometimes act weak or sleep in my makeup. He never mentions it. He farts a lot and has a dirty bathroom sink lol. Whatever!
I would have liked the video but I end up really sad… hearing “those are really basic things, it’s kinda sad that I have to say this” put on us, ADHDs a lot of shame. Like we are not being lazy and we know hygiene is important, but we simply can’t keep that.
i have known my boyfriend for a year and we havent had an argument yet. we disagree on things and there are aspects about him that really annoy me, but arguing and being angry is extremely unnecessary. just talk like adults lol
I personally think the fighting point is a little unrealistic and it depends more on how you handle resolving fights. my partner and i had most of arguments in the first year and a half of our relationship, but because we established certain boundaries, cool-down periods, and made it a point to always respectfully communicate how we're feeling and what our problems are. in these last few years we rarely ever fight. it makes more sense to have arguments in the beginning of your relationship, when you're still trying to get to know each other's ticks and are building a rhythm and are learning to read each other better. once you get over those first few humps you should be able to avoid arguments better because you're able to read each other and understand each other's point of view better.
What was rough for me with my ex is that I never knew when an argument or fight had started. We'd be discussing something, nothing would get heated, then she'd suddenly tell me to lower my voice or that I was yelling at her, but I hadn't raised it at all and thought we were just having a conversation.
For me it's the "apart" of quarantine that is making things go weird..any tips for long distance or quarantine type communication and honesty and affection?
For me, I'd say developing mystery is one the biggest factors. Saying and oversharing even the most basic of things with your partner can be an immediate turn off. I personally wouldn't really want to know what your friend did today or what you ate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Do more, say less (which is easier said than done honestly) but silence and mystery is something you can maintain years into a relationship if you keep a certain standard up, like you said about hygiene, chivalry, and overall healthy distance.
I dated someone for about 4 months, I was always nice to her, never raised my voice, focused on my career and her and nothing else, always complicated her, in return she always snapped at me for any reason she could find, she always called me old and bald our age difference was like 8 years so not too big of a gap, I am 37 she is 29, I thought being kind to her would make her improve herself and her attitude but nop! at the end she decided that she was way too attractive to be with me so she ended things! that’s exactly what she told me!
There's nothing you can do. It takes both partners to be into each other fully, unconditionally. Both involved must want the other in every way all day, every day. The moment you or your partner thinks about another or declines intimacy that relationship is over. There's no saving it. You can't make your partner want you again. The problem is that 💯 of the population settles and then you have, "professionals" trying to tell you that relationships are hard work, go to counseling, etc. This is false. The reality is that you should have never been with someone else's person to begin with but as we continue to have one bad relationship after another, as our parents, such as our children the trend will continue. People can't just be alone, they need someone. If you're really trying to find someone then be honest about everything and I mean everything. What you want out of your partner, for your life, in the bedroom, etc. The problem is that most start with a lie and then they live with these lies until their relationship ends. I've been single for going on 5 years and that's because I am honest and no one can handle it past the first conversation because I give them everything I expect. One day I'll perhaps find the other half but until then I'm content with myself.
I agree with you that couples shouldn't argue all the time. The ones that argue a lot, especially in the beginning, never last. So many times I've seen people try to normalize "constantly fighting," but it's not normal. I do disagree that the honeymoon phase ends after the first argument. We've had 3 arguments in 2 years and I feel like we're still in the honeymoon phase.
My dream is to find a man who is willing to go to couples therapy and generally heal with me. Someone who actively chooses to make an effort to show me how much he loves me instead of just going with the wind. Many people forget that love is a CHOICE, not just a feeling. I plan on being the same to my parner.
You can keep your relationship in the honeymoon phase forever I've seen my an Uncle & Aunt do it (but 1st I have to say Ana you are very beautiful and intelligent im a sapiosexual that's a big turn on) its my 1st time on your channel. How Uncle and Aunt have kept the relationship in the honeymoon phase is they treat each other with utmost respect and kindness constantly & always using manners always looking into each other's eyes when they talk holding hands when they talk sitting at the table being flirty while eating together like a date it has to do with Always being present and giving your attention and that creates quality time.
I always try to remember that quote "it's not me versus you, it's us versus a problem"... it helps 🌸
Wish my ex thought that
Love this
My boyfriend promised to always do this to me when we first got together. We never really fight. 🌸
LOL this doesnt work in a long term relationship.
@@realityhits3022 Still works for me.
I do think it's possible. My husband and I are together for 12 years this month and know each other even longer. We never had a fight, we do have misunderstandings sometimes, but it never lead to arguing or anger. We communicate A LOT about our thoughts and feelings though. He's always been my best friend and we often act so lovey-dovey and flirty, that our kids think it's embarrassing 😅 We already knew our darkest sides and saw each other at our lowest points before we started dating. I fell in love with all of this.
May I ask your Venus / Moon /Mercury signs ?
The last couple of sentences stuck out to me. Just cus my lady told me one time, “I love you even with all your baggage”. And when you have someone like that. I hope I don’t let that go.
You are beyond blessed. Keep doing what you're doing! ♥🙏🏾
Arguing is a normal part of a relationship/ marriage. Conflict is not always bad.
@@monkey3397 be ashamed
Still haven’t had an argument with my boyfriend after about a year and a half. So much trust, good communication, understanding, and honesty! I didn’t know a relationship like that could exist until I met him😍
That is so wonderful for you! ❤❤❤
Touchwood!
So lucky👍
Happy for you girl
What do you mean by argument? This doesn't sound the best in my eyes
The don’t get lazy or complacent is the most important tip in my experience. It’s so easy to fall into and it quickly kills feelings.
I agree. Timing definitely plays a part too. It’s unfortunately too late once the feelings are lost :/
@@kowotie_e Not necessarily. But it can be. It fucking hurts so much when it seems like you could change it by the tiniest change of mindset, and yet, somehow, you just can't quite grasp it.
@@njux1871 you can just respond to a text? Not just one letter or word but a real response? You cant just not take somebody for granted? You cant just respect somebody whos done nothing to lose it except your a little bored and unsatisfied for reasons you cant explain?
What i learned from my long distance relationship (running on 2 years tomorrow)
1. Have patience
2. Communication
3. Be kind
4. Be in their shoes
5. Take care of yourself
6. Give space to you and to them
I did all that. But still lost in the end. Mine was about 4 1/2 years, it ended in the middle of December 2020 recently. I guess she couldnt wait for me even though I planned to move where she was which in the beginning she was happy about. I understood she had needs when we talked hard in 2018, I was ok with her having a fwb until I got there. But because shes young she didnt know the rules of fwb. So she ended it with me to be her gorgeous fwb. She thinks its love when I know from experience that its not, only lust. And lust hits hard at first but dies when reality sets in.
So just from my experience, be careful friend. Make a effort to visit your special someone as much as possible so then you wont lose them like how I lost mine. Much good luck to you.
@@hexxed13 she lost you 🙂
@@JMK719 I guess in a way, yeah
@@hexxed13 so in those four years u never visited her once?
@@biancafelton6087 It was hard to. I went through some hardships, lost a job of 7 years & had to find another one. Took about 9 months to get another job. Then once I did I started saving up so I can move out of state. Adult shit you know.
I wish I could marry male version of me
😂😂
My girl best friend tells me that I m her copy 💀 trust me that never works
I mean who doesn't ?
I hope you find someone that matches with you, because that is the most important. My boyfriend matches with me because we agree on the important things but are opposites who fulfill each other on other things 🙂
Dont let narcissism get the best of you.
Great reminder, I’m getting married tomorrow!! 😁
Awwwee
Congrats!!
Congrats!
Congratulations!!
Wowieeeee
Me watching this and taking notes WHIle being ✨single af✨ 👁👄👁
It's great that you're watching videos to learn about what a healthy loving relationship could look like. It will make it easier to find a good partner and understand when a relationship won't work.
samee i’m tryna mature myself before i start dating again
Passion:
- Keep some distance
- Keep impressing your partner
- Be courteous, please/thank you
- Appreciate them
- Switch things up
- Make them laugh
You can ABSOLUTELY stay in the honeymoon phase forever. I have been with my SO for 10 years, married for 7 with 2 kids, and we "fight" (more like disagree) regularly, and everyday we are EXCITED to see each other and are very physically affectionate, much to the embarrassment of our children. We have also been together everyday since we first started dating. It does take work, in the beginning, but then it's just effortless. We don't idealized each other. We are just ourselves loving each other, everyday.
How did u attract such an beautiful connection
this sounds more like codependence than the honeymoon stage
@@user-bk8qv4lv6o ok
@@user-bk8qv4lv6o what’s your longest relationship?
@@kris12385 💀
I have become very fearful of love. When I was a kid, I used to think that when people fall in love with each other, they stay in love forever. But then I got older and I realized that people can be madly in love one year and feel completely different the next year. And the pain of heartbreak is so bad it makes me wonder if falling in love is even worth it anymore.
Easy Tiger - Billy Raffoul beautifully explains this.
i feel u
I feel you. However here everybody needs to decide for themselves whether they are going to live in their comfort zone without taking risks (which is not bad i think) or take that risk and experience beautiful love but also pain that goes with it :) totally up to personal preference, however i believe that humans are meant to love and be loved and it is the pain and uncomfortable that makes us grow the most unfortunately
I'm divorced and while it hurt to end my marriage it doesn't change the good times I had with her. Good memories can stay good memories if you let them. You just have to accept that people are not possessions and if relationships end it's ok and for a reason. I'll also add that it really helps to have a good life one your own before finding someone to add to it. So focus on that first. You'll be less fearful of losing the relationship.
@@clinton4161 yes sir I couldn't agree more with the last part of your writing, sorry it didn't work out though
I agree when you said not all couples need to fight... I guess if you can overcome the argument it's good for the relationship but if you are both good at communicating and respecting each other there's no need to argue in the first place.
exactly! why does it ever need to be a fight when you can discuss things maturely?
@@ethereallune3992 well put
@@ethereallune3992 Thank you, I'm always confused about this aspect because I've had disagreements with my partner but we end up understanding the other better after it. But I wasn't sure if you could just call that having an argument. Because I'm not happy when it happens but thankfully we've grown a lot together because of it. Our relationship is much better and fulfilling now than when we first started dating because we've had these discussions. I guess it matters how you "argue", as in getting better at discussing these problems when they come up without the yelling and hurtful remarks.
I like hour name tho
Married 18 years. It's possible! Great tips/ideas to help couples stay there as much as possible.
Whoop! Us millennials need ALL the help we can get! I love hearing of couples that have stayed happy for many years, gives me hope it's possible!
@@cassr6965 Me too, that's a dream !
@@cassr6965 yes!! i hope it happens for me lol
This gives me hope!!! That's wonderful
Had lunch at a friend’s and a couple was there… maybe married 15+ yrs. It was subtle, but when she got up to take care of her kid, the way she touched her husband was very revealing. Hope I find a way to make that.
THAT COLOR IS STUNNING ON YOU
foreal
1. keep distance (distance makes the heart grow fonder)
2. don’t get complacent (fear you can lose them)
3. keep trying to court them (random acts of kindness)
4. avoid arguments (sugarcoat, don’t raise voice, i-statements, validate)
5. idealize the image of your partner
6. always keep working on yourself
I agree with everything except 4, sugarcoating problems can be a way of avoiding conflict leading to resentment. I agree yelling should be avoided but not at the cost of not talking about problems.
@@elizabeth4689 although "sugarcoating" may not technically be the right word to accurately convey what she truly meant, i believe what she is trying to tell us is that we should phrase things nicely / in a better way. it hurts A LOT when your partner is blunt and uses harsh words.
Until know I remember clearly the mean words my ex used at me while arguing even though he apologised later and communicated the issue in a less emotionally charged, nicer manner. 😞
@@ssummerdew yeah I agree with this, I think a lot of people misunderstand "be honest" as "be brutally honest". It's best to convey the information you need to convey, but in the kindest way possible. This still upholds honesty but with compassion so it avoids evoking resentment
or get a boring stable relationship instead
A lot of these are reallly bad advice
"Do you wanna be like everyone with an average relationship or do you wanna have a great relationship?" 💀
me eager to watch this even tho I’ve been a single pringle since birth 😃
😂same!!!
@@josjesuscreepers3684 sameee 23 and I know I’m not ugly since I get both guys and girls attention but no one sticks around lol
Just means you’ll be a lot better once you do find someone
1.5 years in and we still haven't had a fight. After going through toxic relationships prior we know what we don't want in a relationship and understanding that taking space apart is okay.
Hows it going?
yeah how's it going?
Well? How's it going?
Give us an update
Same! After meeting several narcs I am so thankful with my normal partner! I am so tolerant!
honeymoon phase is kinda overrated, i think a couple can be happy while being pure and stable rather than being all lovey-dovey. But still, the honeymoon phase is very cute. I can't deny
Hahah.. This!
No you
I agree.. I don’t feel like the relationship has really started until it ends and both people are able to see and accept each other as they really are without the rose tinted glasses.
@@kaje01 agree.
Yes, this is the one
Long story short, don’t be boring and too predictable
I don’t have a relationship but I really find important to have this acknowledge in mind! ❤️
I thought it was just me that feels this information helps you become better person
same
Same!
The distance thing is so true. When i dont see my girlfriend after a week i get butterflies still and i can tell she does too. Its a bit of happy awkwardness for the first hour or so.
My boyfriend and I fight but it’s because we communicate differently. However our fights do help us understand how sometimes there was just miscommunication. So our fights aren’t necessarily frivolous because we learn something about what we misunderstood. And I like it. I’d rather fight over something like that than to be passive and let things suppressed build up in a negative way
Ahh i see
You Argue with your man they way he shouldn't argue with you if you too are arguinThat's a sign that you 2 don't love each other anymore
Yeah exactly. I've also noticed that some couples that don't fight (not all obv, it depends on the couple) especially if they used to fight... basically realize they don't fight anymore because they don't really care/bother about the relationship anymore.
@@jordandixon5424 not true at all, me and my bf used to argue all the time, we rarely argue now and when we do it's less of an argument and more of a deep discussion, there is no 1 size fits all and just because they argue doesn't mean they don't love eachother, I'd argue its the opposite most of the time
@@jessica5470 it depends what type of argument you to have if its petty simple argument then its different if it's real arguments when both of you keep breaking up or get really mad at each that's because one of you is cheating or dont love each other and forcing it to work people argue because lack of communication and because both there angry aren't together but then again it depends on the argument if you to argue and get happy 2 minutes later than its different
I don't even want a relationship, but this was really informative.
Šemso je dovoljan sam sebi haha
@@kristinacosic1329 hahah, baš tako!!
My husband and I did long distance for a year while we were dating. It was actually nice. We built trust and it was so special when we saw each other. We then moved in together and it is great!
That’s what Im doing also with my bf! We are long distance for over a year i didn’t even realize It went so fast but how are you doing now living together !?
I’m long distance with my boyfriend too! We got reunited this May, and we were together but lost contact for another three months until August. 6 months but in contact 3 months!
I am hoping that soon, I will be able to see him and be with him physically (;
I didn't know a man in a relationship could hold off sex for a whole entire year.
How long until you moved in together, if you don’t mind me asking? :)
I’m in a long distance relationship too of 5 years and I got to see him again a week ago. I’m hoping to move in with him sometime next year
I never had the idealization phase, I liked my boyfriend and found him attractive but I didn't think he could "do no wrong" and I could see his flaws.
Same, I saw my husbands flaws the first three months of dating. And I was fine with it, nobody’s perfect
My boyfriend and I don’t really fight! It really is possible and we are very happy together. It helps that both of us can talk about things without getting offended for the most part! We have also NEVER disrespected one another in a disagreement.
I wish
i agree! we’ve never raised our voices at each other, we definitely argue from time to time but it never interferes with us in the long term. weve been together nearly two years
kill me
That's the key to a stable relationship. Nothing will get you cheated on faster than disrespecting your man, we would rather you respect us than love us.
@@Scotta1atgmaildotcom omg 🙄 you really just implied that it would be the woman’s fault if she was cheated on because the man didn’t feel he was respected enough? Give me a break. There’s no excuse for cheating and it’s never the other partner’s fault. If the man does not feel respected, then end the relationship before doing anything with another woman. That solves his perceived disrespect problem and there’s no cheating involved.
My grandmother used to say "marriage is not 50% her and 50% him, its 100% her and 100% him" .
I’m about to be 10 months apart from my partner and I’m hoping distance will truly help the heart to grow fonder with this instance 🙏🏽
Good luck!!🍀
@@josephmusabyimana3557 dude tf is wrong with u
@@josephmusabyimana3557 miss keisha behave yourself
In long distance relationship for 3 years now and I have never been happier. In 6 months we are finally moving in together and I can't explain how exited we both are. The honeymoon phase is every day stronger. Good luck!😊
It is absolutely not "sad that you have to say this" mental health issues are real, and as someone in that field, you should know the impact of mental health decline, ESPECIALLY when you were talking about a time during the height of the pandemic
my bf and i have been dating for 8 years and i love him more every day☺️
My self worth was absolutely destroyed after my last relationship, never met someone who at one point says they love you and then out of no where absolutely hate you when you disagree. I drew the line when I had an anxiety attack and was sent to the hospital and she began fighting with me on a call regarding not giving her tips for call of duty. It was more of a harsh and angry interrogation and really spiked my heart again. I don't know why I'm typing this here, I really did like her but couldn't take the fact that she turned so mean when angry, it was making me spiteful. I have a few dates soon since a few girls have suddenly confessed, I'm afraid I've turned a lil numb in regards with affection and vulnerability after my ex will work on it
I hope you are doing better now! Please, take care of yourself! The world needs ylu
@@olgacherkasova3522 Hey there Olga thanks for your kind words. I surely will take care
@Hi Hello yeah will take it slow now
i’m not gonna lie, i read the title n thought this was ab lana del rey n i was like sweetie i loved honeymoon too but were like two eras past it. as iconic as it was, it’s time to let go
NOOOO HAHAHA
Thank you for mentioning the issue of fighting. I have always hated when people say you have to fight to have a good relationship. Nothing gets accomplished when you're yelling and screaming at each other. I'd much rather remove myself from the room for a few minutes to compose myself and come back to talk things out. Disagreements happen, but they don't have to become fights. And if you need a "good fight" to have passion in your relationship, then you've got a problem!
I think “you have to fight to have a good relationship” may not have been worded properly.
It’s more like, you need conflict to make a strong relationship. And conflict doesnt equal fighting. Conflict is necessary, fighting is not.
There’s constructive conflict, and destructive conflict.
Constructive conflict makes you feel good at the end of it, destructive conflict leaves either both party and one of you frustrated, angry, sad etc.
How you handle conflict (or how you fight as some have put it) will make or break your rship.
The language that you choose to use is very important, be it verbal or body language. Dont come off attacking your partner for sth they do/ insinuate that theyre a bad person/ that they dont care about you etc etc because if you attack, they’ll get defensive and suddenly it becomes a YOU VS ME instead of US VS THE ISSUE.
And at the end of it, always show appreciation. “I love you. Thank you for listening to me/ for trying to understand where im coming from” etc to show that you’re not taking them for granted.
Ive heard a couples therapist say that fighting isnt rlly the problem. A couple that fights a lot even with screaming and more but then after that have longer phases of pure euphoria together have better chances of staying together than a couple that never fights but their happy moments are always just ok or good
@@missanthropocene6308 that would be the case only if after the screaming and yelling, the problem actually gets resolved. Then yes, a resolved problem definitely leads to a happy couple. But usually people wouldn’t scream and yell if its the first time a problem arises. Usually its due to pent up frustration which suggests that either it’s a reoccurring problem or there were other prior build up of issues. There’s also the case where both parties are just really emotional. But definitely agree with the statement that there are some couples who fight (aka have conflict, even destructive ones occasionally) who are happier than couples who have ZERO conflict.
Also another really important factor is that even if couples fight badly, as long as they have more good, positive, happy incidences to compensate for the negative incident, then it’s fine. I think Ana has a video on that too that speaks of the golden ratio.
@@its_rayray9398 Yeah, now that I think about it all the times I had argued with my boyfriend it wasn’t really fighting it was just conflict and more so misunderstanding and we would always work it out ASAP. There was no cursing at each other because that’s completely unnecessary and I don’t recall either of us ever speaking to each other that way but anyways we would talk it out, be understanding with one another in order to resolve the issue, otherwise if we didn’t it would bother me for the rest of the day, as for him too.
You can fight without yelling or screaming
i’ve been dating my bf for almost 4 years now, and we don’t fight at all. we were also long distance the first 4-5 months of our relationship, and we’re still in the honeymoon phase tbh. i personally think not living together and being thoughtful are the two things have kept us happy so long. time away from each other is essential, and ensuring the time we do spend together is quality time :)
I think another important part of creating distance is when you and your partner are reunited, there are so many stories to tell and it ignites great conversation
Wow, this came right on time! I just got into a relationship (literally not even a week in yet) and let me tell youu, that passion is no joke! Wanting to spend every moment with them, missing them when you're apart for even a day... yeah, it's kind of like a drug! I'll definitely be taking these tips into account even if I'm barely a week in. Thanks, Ana! (:
Good luck on your relationship!
Yeah girl same! But I gotta keep these tips too. Im glad I have distance with my new boyfriend so we’re forced to not see each other a lot haha
@@virtualgamers9022 aw thank you! (:
I've been with my bf for a year and a half, and I still miss him as soon as we part haha
are yall still together?
An argument is just an exchange of opposite views. It's healthy. Problem is when we decide to be right at all cost and forget to be courteous in the process, explain our way calmly, allow space for the other person to express theirs and listen to the underlying need of both persons behind. If all that is respected then the argument can turn into a beautiful and peaceful resolution and make the relationship stronger. Both will trust the other. Trust is love. Healthy communication is key.
My ex and I started fighting really early on. He was always really angry or annoyed, every single day, over the smallest things. He had the most ridiculously high standards. He would even get annoyed with me if I accidentally tripped while walking. It was a mess. Eventually he cheated and tried to blame me. I left, of course lol.
Now I’m in a relationship with my best friend (of 9 years before we even had any clue we liked each other) and I’m incredibly happy. We speak the same love languages and communicate so easily about everything. He’s patient, kind, and understanding. We’re still in our honeymoon phase and I’m incredibly thankful ♥️
Seriously second love is possible. I'm trying my best but I'm not involved those type of emotions with his 🥺
The guy you get attracted cheated on you, and you give the almost a decade best friend dude a chance. And, and, your friend and you liked each other long ago, but neither of you knew it.
This testimony a summary of why lying always messes up everything.
@@franj8224 👏👏👏
never been in a relationship before even though i'm nearly 21, but i always make sure to watch all your videos!
Im 21 and never been in a relationship too :)
23 :) i think that's okay. far too many people ik have been in toxic relationships since their teen yrs and all i can say is...i'm glad i saved myself the heartbreaks ^_^
If you are be in a toxic relationship, u can be in a honeymoon phase forever.
Yikes...this made me think
Yes but it's not real love nor healthy. Many women manipulate their partner in that way. Try to make him jealous.
@@dinakolevska2581 men manipulate too
@@dinakolevska2581 both sides yield very toxic traits leading to a toxic relationship. Wouldn’t put one above the other unless we were being specific of what those traits are, also there are other coupling besides straight ones
As long as you don't call them out on their bullshit and allow yourself to get trampled on, maybe. When they reveal that side of themselves I would call it the hell phase though, not the honeymoon phase.
All of these are great points, no doubt! Very helpful.. but if you have to bite your tongue often with a person about your treatment, etc., they aren’t for you. You shouldn’t have to sugar coat things often.
The first few months of our relationship (we’ve had a year of backstory before actually being bf and gf) we fought CONSTANTLY at least once a month but tbh it brought us closer together....at the end of every argument we had big discussions on how we were feeling and why and what we could do to change the issue. The arguments REALLLYYY tested us early on but NOW at 1 year we never argue and we’ve actually grown fonder of each other as time goes on. I’d say our honeymoon phase started at 8 months haha but now we’re just so happy and more in love than ever before:)
omg you live in Chicago?? my bf & I are long distance rn and I'm visiting him here/plan to move later hahaha
My parents have been together for 20 years and my mom can't stop yelling at my dad EVERY DAY 😂😂
LMAO same here 😂✋🏻
Toxic and your Dad needs to grow some balls and stand up for him. If you start yelling at your partner, you may think it is normal behaviour.
@@J0sho495 maybe that’s the way she shows that she loves my dad. Bcs my dad usually laugh and smile when mom yell.
@@sabang.cahayatonjong7084 does your mom beat your dad? I'm scared of your dad i think he's not safe.i hope I'm wrong.
@@shutupidiott no no no ahahah omg no 😂 my dad 100% safe our fam safe, my mom is perfectly sane 😭👍🏻 it’s alright guys, now i feel bad to my mom cuz making ppl misunderstood about her 😂
"You have to kind of maintin a little bit of that fear that they can always leave you, because the second you get complacent, it becomes a possibility." With all due respect, that sounds like really bad advice, especially if heard by neurotic people in a relationship.
A good relationship needs respect, trust and security/emotional and physical safety. "Maintaining a little bit of that fear" that your partner "can always leave you" goes against both trust and security. Of course bad things can happen - your partner could be killed in an accident tomorrow. But that doesn't mean it is healthy to live with the fear of them abandoning you "the second you get complacent". After all, you are trying to build a shared life with them.
Having said all this, I do understand the sentiment behind what you said: don't take your partner for granted, always appreciate them and if possible, do small gestures for them daily. Still, the phrasing of your message goes beyond this, encouraging fear and uncertainty in the long run.
My uncle and his wife never left the honeymoon phase after 25 years. I think what it really comes down to is playfulness/laughter, travel/fresh experiences together, keeping your individuality while in the relationship.
Always be completely honest about how youre feeling and what youre thinking.
Non-cohabitation is the ultimate extender of the honeymoon phase
2 months into marriage here, 3 months into living with one another.
I’m loving marriage, so much fun! Just wanna keep this love going.
Thank you. I seriously commend you for sharing this wisdom!
Wowww so you guys are married after a few months :0!
Goodluck in the marriage brother
Ain’t no way boi
I have never been in a relationship with no fighting. I couldn’t even imagine what that’s like.
Then maybe you are the problem. You can try going to therapy to understand yourself, it worked for me!
It’s boring
It's not about whether or not you fight, it's about *how* you fight. A couple that claims to never fight is no more healthy than any other couple.
@beyone queen you’re right. “Fighting” means different things to different people. I think “conflict” might best describe what I meant.
@@devoringdemonsoulq9086 no It’s not ... but every person has their own wanr
Me: tying to find a girlfriend.
UA-cam: Watch this video about honeymoon.
Check out The Roommates Podcast here on YT. It helps men level up so they can eventually get the woman you desire. I’m a woman and I still enjoy watching it.
Check out Rollo Tomasi he's real good
My last gf and I lived together over 5 years and have been intimate for a long time before moving in and longer after she moved away. We never fought. Biggest disagreement was how we'd hypothetically spend the big lotto. LOL I yelled at her once when she was crossing the street not looking with a car about to hit her. I yelled her name and she stopped which was good because the car didn't. I've never fought with 3 of my 4 nieces and nephews. Yet my brother/sister and my uncle growing up?!? Yeah...We fought, so I'm a fighter but there are those who don't make you want to fight. (Power Struggle/Control)
For me...and I'm making this very inclusive because there are all kinds of relationships, but all have 'honeymoon' =)
1) Do the little things that you did in the beginning of the relationship.
2) Patience and Compromise. It's a 'relationship' not a 'me,me,me ship' as that's a lonely ship stuck at sea.
3) Do not INTENTIONALLY do things to 'hurt' the other person. People get hurt but we're not all the same so being open, honest and communicate your needs and desires. Sometimes that 'talk' actually solves things without needing to take action elsewhere. (especially good when dating hyper sexual (me) open, unavailable, kink/fet and poly relationships) I've been around and experienced a LOT. Would end things before expressing my desires and when given permission found the desire was more of a FEAR of losing self/freedom. Also would have been willing to 'try' things that made me uncomfortable if partner was willing to put up with growing pains.
4) Uplift each other. Support ones dreams, even if it means it might lead to the relationship ending. I've only had one 'bad' breakup and that was ending a many year 'relations' with a married woman because I'd met someone great who deserved my undivided attention. All my other relationships we were friends for a while after because we're good people who grew in different directions, which in time let us drift apart as friends. I think on Tinder they call it GGG? Intent is EVERYTHING and people can change their minds and GROWING is ALWAYS a good thing. If it's growing apart be happy for the time you shared together and be happy that someone you loved/cared for is happy. I know I'm wired weird (Tantra?) but I've learned to enjoy the tears because there can only be tears when one has experienced so much happiness. =)
I love your perspective
It was “put a hand on them ..well not aggressively “ 😭😭
I’m in a long distance relationship, PLEASE DO A VIDEO ON LONG LASTING LONH DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS, We’ve been together for 8 months and we have to be long distance for another year and a half , I could really use some advice
I have a video on that :)
Hello girl same its been a year and a half for me in a LDR. Its quite tough but absolutely worth waiting. We’ll appreciate a video for this! ❤️
Xyelah Cajucom she already has one, look up her name and long distance relationship ship, can I ask how you get through arguments in your relationship, I’ve been in one for 9 months but out biggest struggle is how we handle arguments
Make an effort to visit this person as much as possible. I know right now because of this "SuperFlu" it sounds impossible but, you gotta think how much do you really care about this person? Yes a video chat could help but, its much better when you can actually see each other in person, face to face. Close or physical communication is very important in a relationship as well. Hope that this helps, much luck to you friend.
Vincent Malloy yea lol we broke up but that would’ve been hard since we lived 17 hrs away😬😂 but i think it would’ve been better if we lived closer
It is so important to understand why you are upset so that you can explain why you are feeling that way instead of just snapping and arguing at them.
If a person wants the honeymoon phase or passion to last forever, they are in a relationship for the wrong reasons.
The purpose is not to satisfy your feelings or desires; the purpose is to start a family.
A relationship is almost certain to fail if you are in it for your own sake, or for their sake. There is supposed to be a common goal that is above you both.
It is also absurd to suggest that not having an argument is feasible or normal. There WILL be arguments because there will be challenges and you won't always agree on the solution to those challenges.
Try having a few children and encountering more strife then come back and tell us you've never had an argument.
You are a goddess of wisdom. I wish I had you in my life as a companion earlier on. Went through a cataclysmic rift from my significant other during covid, and I haven't been the same. We were in a LDR for 7 years, and I lost myself. Been seeing therapy, and I wish you were my therapist earlier. Keep doing what you do Ana. You're awesome.
I need this I broke up with my bf because of quarantine because we couldn't see each other now were back together
Same!!
Except we aren’t back together officially quite yet...just texting again
I’m glad I’m not the only one who went through this
@@angelavortiz Good for you! (:
If your relationship isn't strong enough to withstand a quarantine that is a huge red flag.
@@GiaTheSweetPotato agreed
Happy to say
I have started dating someone else !
Girl you are going places. I love your videos and I wish you much abundance in the new year. You deserve it!
Thank you so much, happy new year to you too!
Is it normal now my bf wants us to pay 50% 50%. Usually he always paid for me, but well sometimea ofcourse i pay for him too. Last week he said that now we had to share paying everything. Yet he is still spending money for poker. Im still a student with no job, he is far older than me but no job. Idk what should i do
Hello there do you need help to bring back your ex manifest your s.p to be with your partner love 💕 permently know if you are with your soulmate within 48hours inbox father right away
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4 years into my relationship and 1 month into our marriage. We have never fought, we always discuss.
I love this. I often think about how me n my boyfriend have many disagreements n it makes me doubt our relationship... but they are never yelling arguments, we just talk it out to understand each other...do u think that theres a such thing as too many disagreements?
@@katjean7270 i dont believe so if they are new or different discussions. Discussions are communication and communication is paramount to a healthy relationship. If you have eacalating discussions about the same situation that dont seem to be resolving then i think that can lead to unresolved tension.
@@meganh4532 Thank u for answering :) Yeah, I try to tell myself that. I wonder if society has painted the picture like disagreements are bad and that relationships arent supposed to have fights...?
@@katjean7270 i agree with that, its as if its where the "passion" the make up stuff. But lemme tell you we gots lots of passion without fighting lol
@@meganh4532 lol !!! good for u girl that's awesome. passion should be there either way of course
I suggest to my clients that they date their potential partner thru a cycle of seasons prior to making a commitment! (Winter, Spring, Summer, Fal and Autumn)
Ana, I'm getting my bachelor's in psychology and I look up to you so much! Hearing you speak and explain your thoughts makes me want to study. Thank you for the motivation :)
Okay, I want to include my input here. If you believe that your partner could become more likely to have “wondering eyes” if you two aren’t as infatuated with each other as before, then your standards of a relationship are not high enough. There are no circumstances where it is excusable or expected for either partner to be more likely to cheat, to have the mentality that you must avoid something in order to avoid increasing those chances is simply unhealthy. Infatuation or idealization is meant to dissipate, its required in order to feel the true and most genuine level of love in a relationship. Its not when you’re feeling the thrill of it at all times that is true love, its more of when you feel a sense of calm and peace. Its not a bad thing for the honeymoon phase to fade, it by no means damages the relationship. If attraction and actual romantic feelings end up fading away as well, then the person you’re with is no longer the right one for you, and that’s okay. It can be painful, but its simply one of life’s functions. As for “arguments”, I just want to make it clear that there are healthy ways to discuss disagreements that do not entail a full blown argument where the people in the relationship are yelling and preventing from progress to be made in finding a common ground. Arguments that involve yelling and such are not good forms of communication and should certainly be worked on. Now to refer to “arguments” as general disputes, you’re allowed to disagree with them as they are with you. And you’re both allowed to have downs in the relationship, this is an inevitable factor. It is in these downs that compatibility is tested and this is where your bond can become even stronger. Being able to communicate and try to understand each other’s feelings is incredibly crucial. To never experience those downs in a relationship (whether it be from between you and your partner or from outside sources) can end up placing your relationship in a stasis where nothing actually grows. Not to say that zero lows or disagreements or disputes mean its not a good relationship, I mean that it is in these times where you get the best opportunity to strengthen communication and intimacy as you both overcome those lows and feel closer and stronger. Do not sugar coat your thoughts and feelings in that you hide aspects that can deepen their understanding of you or the situation. Strong communication involves honesty. This doesn’t mean to say “you pissed me off today”, it means to thoroughly communicate something that upset you and why it did. Not everyone is good with doing that, but trying to do so to the best of your ability is extremely important.
You want to feel like nothing can get in between, that you’ll be loved and supported when you may need it most. When you hit a low, you know they will be there for you. To wish for those aspects of early stages to last forever where there’s no disputes and such is unhealthy and misguided. For example, to truly love a movie is not in the feeling when you watch it for the first time, its when you appreciate it deeply after a hundred times of watching it. Its when you’re always with the person you love and know everything about them that your love is true.
You can of course keep doing things that are respectful and polite, there is no problem in that. But you don’t need to uphold such standards at all times in order to keep a strong relationship. Considerate gestures are always something to keep in mind as well, this is something that are ideally present in the relationship in its entirety. Please rethink what it is that you seek in a relationship, while some of what you say is generally agreeable and standard, much of what you speak of can spread an unhealthy perception of relationships.
Holy shit
Been married for a year now and only dated him for less than a year lol we do have heated moments sometimes but it’s mostly bc of me and he’s very understanding 😩 I just know it’s only getting better!
Same😂
What an amazingly honest and self-aware statement! Good that you recognize your "heated moments" and his understanding. I hope he continues to be understanding and that you become more secure in your own ability for understanding. I hope it does keep getting better and better!
This makes me feel so good about my relationship🥺 almost 11 months with him and it just keeps getting better
Great video! I feel like these are things we should educate people on more often so we can all have happy lasting relationships.
Communication is key…happy house happy spouse
My boyfriend and me are working on things and we haven’t fighted in over a year :3 i love him so much Yea sometimes i have insecurites.... and start doubting us,, both things and i get signs that we are meant for each otherw
Im not in a relationship but I am reflecting a lot on why I am the way I am. I take responsibility for why my romantic relationships didnt work out. I wasn't perfect either. So now I want to improve myself so I can be a healthy partner for my next man. I appreciate your videos! I'm learning tons!
I'm in a similar situation now, it's been a month, is there any sense of progress that you've gotten beyond improving yourself?
@@jamiegowers5671 Hey! Yes absolutely I know that my growth is a lifelong commitment and there are a few things that I am still working but now I feel even more ready for a relationship when it comes my way. The most major change is I don’t feel as selfish as I did in the past I am a lot more open and expressive with my feelings.
That wall huh?
Ùk
I loved this video!! It’s perfect! I sent it to my boyfriend :) we were actually talking about this a while ago! We were wondering why it felt like we went into a different honeymoon phase, and your video explains everything perfectly!💗
My parents' fights prove that you don't need to fight to resolve problems or differences. They were fighting to demonstrate power and to hurt the other and never to resolve problems.
My father was always so rude and I remember as a small child thinking: wow, he would never talk that rude way to anyone he knows or at a shop or in any situation, only to my mother and his children.
Kinda feel a little bit more inlove with you everytime I watch your videos 😂 nohomo but girrrl you're amazing and wise and just absolutely BEAUTIFUL! 🌺💕 Thank you for this channel 😁
Can you please make a video about how we can change our personality ?
Ooh sounds like a tough one but a good one. What about personality do you specifically want to know how to change?
@@AnaPsychology
- I wanna be myself It’s like my personality changes talking to different people and inside I’m so fake and I just wanna go away from them this is for everyone except with my siblings
- I want to be nice genuinely I just act nice but I want to truly be nice to people and love them but I don’t I hate being near people they make me uncomfortable
@@OoWtf-sf6ns not OP, but sounds like you are a struggling introvert or someone who needs time to first know people for much longer before getting comfortable with them enough to truly care. I don't think you need a personality change but instead, I think you need boundaries to the type of people you put up with and spend more time nurturing your inner self and defining the positive qualities you DO have.
You cant. Its genetic.
Emphasize the gratitude - look for all the good things - concentrate on those good things you are thankful for AND let your partner know every day that you are grateful for each of those wonderful things. Every. Day.
I'm single af, but I watched this anyway 🤣 I learned some good tips that I'll apply towards a future relationship. Thank you!
Haha me rn
Step 1: be able to have a stable relationship for more than 6 months
:)
If "fighting" means you attack verbally or physically then fighting isn't ever healthy. Doesn't matter if it's common. It's not healthy.
Arguing without fighting is an essential skill.
You should expect arguments because you should expect disagreements.
damn.. just realised I've been in that phase for almost 2 years
Like in the Eric Clapton song: with you every day will be like a holiday! Me and my boyfriend never argue. I think it's a horrible pop culture misunderstanding that a couple should argue now and then. It's like that idea that you could train your hair by letting it get oily. Not true lol. Me and my boyfriend have some difficult talks but we don't "fight". That is what shows that we match really well. And no he isn't perfect and neither am I. But we communicate and we are also tolerant. I sometimes act weak or sleep in my makeup. He never mentions it. He farts a lot and has a dirty bathroom sink lol. Whatever!
The "so far both parties or however many parties there are" part got me😂
I would have liked the video but I end up really sad… hearing “those are really basic things, it’s kinda sad that I have to say this” put on us, ADHDs a lot of shame. Like we are not being lazy and we know hygiene is important, but we simply can’t keep that.
I just got married; saw this video and thought there’s never enough good advice, and I wasn’t wrong. Very good advices!
i have known my boyfriend for a year and we havent had an argument yet. we disagree on things and there are aspects about him that really annoy me, but arguing and being angry is extremely unnecessary. just talk like adults lol
I personally think the fighting point is a little unrealistic and it depends more on how you handle resolving fights. my partner and i had most of arguments in the first year and a half of our relationship, but because we established certain boundaries, cool-down periods, and made it a point to always respectfully communicate how we're feeling and what our problems are. in these last few years we rarely ever fight. it makes more sense to have arguments in the beginning of your relationship, when you're still trying to get to know each other's ticks and are building a rhythm and are learning to read each other better. once you get over those first few humps you should be able to avoid arguments better because you're able to read each other and understand each other's point of view better.
What was rough for me with my ex is that I never knew when an argument or fight had started. We'd be discussing something, nothing would get heated, then she'd suddenly tell me to lower my voice or that I was yelling at her, but I hadn't raised it at all and thought we were just having a conversation.
For me it's the "apart" of quarantine that is making things go weird..any tips for long distance or quarantine type communication and honesty and affection?
I do have a video on LDRs :)
I agree. People don’t have to fight. Some people need that confrontation to have passion. I fear those people.
For me, I'd say developing mystery is one the biggest factors. Saying and oversharing even the most basic of things with your partner can be an immediate turn off. I personally wouldn't really want to know what your friend did today or what you ate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Do more, say less (which is easier said than done honestly) but silence and mystery is something you can maintain years into a relationship if you keep a certain standard up, like you said about hygiene, chivalry, and overall healthy distance.
I love the idea of touching them while you're arguing to remind them that you care about them, I feel like thats something I need for sure
I dated someone for about 4 months, I was always nice to her, never raised my voice, focused on my career and her and nothing else, always complicated her, in return she always snapped at me for any reason she could find, she always called me old and bald our age difference was like 8 years so not too big of a gap, I am 37 she is 29, I thought being kind to her would make her improve herself and her attitude but nop! at the end she decided that she was way too attractive to be with me so she ended things! that’s exactly what she told me!
Bruh, you dodged a bullet.
That's they act when they don't genuinely desire you
There's nothing you can do. It takes both partners to be into each other fully, unconditionally. Both involved must want the other in every way all day, every day. The moment you or your partner thinks about another or declines intimacy that relationship is over. There's no saving it. You can't make your partner want you again. The problem is that 💯 of the population settles and then you have, "professionals" trying to tell you that relationships are hard work, go to counseling, etc. This is false. The reality is that you should have never been with someone else's person to begin with but as we continue to have one bad relationship after another, as our parents, such as our children the trend will continue. People can't just be alone, they need someone.
If you're really trying to find someone then be honest about everything and I mean everything. What you want out of your partner, for your life, in the bedroom, etc. The problem is that most start with a lie and then they live with these lies until their relationship ends.
I've been single for going on 5 years and that's because I am honest and no one can handle it past the first conversation because I give them everything I expect. One day I'll perhaps find the other half but until then I'm content with myself.
I agree with you that couples shouldn't argue all the time. The ones that argue a lot, especially in the beginning, never last. So many times I've seen people try to normalize "constantly fighting," but it's not normal. I do disagree that the honeymoon phase ends after the first argument. We've had 3 arguments in 2 years and I feel like we're still in the honeymoon phase.
My dream is to find a man who is willing to go to couples therapy and generally heal with me. Someone who actively chooses to make an effort to show me how much he loves me instead of just going with the wind. Many people forget that love is a CHOICE, not just a feeling. I plan on being the same to my parner.
You can keep your relationship in the honeymoon phase forever I've seen my an Uncle & Aunt do it (but 1st I have to say Ana you are very beautiful and intelligent im a sapiosexual that's a big turn on) its my 1st time on your channel.
How Uncle and Aunt have kept the relationship in the honeymoon phase is they treat each other with utmost respect and kindness constantly & always using manners always looking into each other's eyes when they talk holding hands when they talk sitting at the table being flirty while eating together like a date it has to do with Always being present and giving your attention and that creates quality time.
1) Be a psycho
2) Believe psychotic stuff
3) Enjoy eternal honeymoon
I’d like to know how to get into the honeymoon phase first
Lmao it's usually busy automatically like that 😂 maybe you've been dating the wrong ppl from the start?
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Will you do a video on the psychology of crushes? Why we feel infatuated with certain individuals?