How to Heal Attachment Trauma - It Depends
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- Опубліковано 26 сер 2024
- Hello. Thanks for checking out my UA-cam channel.
In my videos, I like to talk about Psychology, Healing Attachment Trauma, Relationship Repair, Inner Child Self-Re-Parenting, Love Addiction, Codependency, Grieving Break Ups, Family Programming, Fantasy Relationships, The Romantic Narrative, Primal Panic, Trauma Bonding, Double-Binds, Attachment Styles, Couples Counseling, Better Boundaries, Shame and Self-love, CPTSD Breakthroughs, Emotional Availability, and Body-Focused Psychotherapy for Healing Trauma..
☑️ Heal Your Relationships = #relationships
☑️ Trust Your Intuition = #selfcare
☑️ Repair w/ Counseling = #psychology
Subscribe to my channel to be notified every time I upload a new video.
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Alan Robarge, LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor,
Attachment-Focused, Trauma-Informed,
Psychotherapist and Relationship Educator
Emotional Connections Matter!
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How to Heal Attachment Trauma - It Depends
In this video, I talk about "How do we heal?" This is a conversation on maturing and how to mature. There is no quick-fix recipe. The question becomes about giving ourselves the attention, time, and nurturing we need for ourselves to grow.
Questions to answer in the comments section:
What is one thing you learned from listening to this video?
What is one takeaway you can apply to your personal healing process?
Remember to leave a comment. What is your takeaway from this video?
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☑️ Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz:
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☑️ Learn about The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course: www.healingatt...
☑️ Learn about Improve Your Relationships Community:
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☑️ Learn about Grieving and Pet Loss Course: Coming Soon
www.healingatt...
☑️ Learn about Healing Heartbreak Course: Coming Soon
☑️ Learn about my new book: Coming Soon
☑️ Follow me on Instagram:
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☑️ Check out my website:
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☑️ Want to learn more about relationships? Then, sign up for the Everyday Relating Questionnaire.
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How to Heal Attachment Trauma - It Depends
![АЛАУДИНОВ у Скабеевой: эти их ВСУ нас НЕ ДОГОНЯТ 😁 [Пародия]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/an0anqU4WGQ/mqdefault.jpg)
Hello Subscribers:
Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing.
One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating.
Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning!
As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on UA-cam. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through.
I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly.
That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on UA-cam. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos.
If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions
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Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses.
Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships.
The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met.
While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response.
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
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I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives.
When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work.
You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive.
Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community
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Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution.
Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate
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Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos.
And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!”
Best regards,
Alan Robarge
Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist
www.alanrobarge.com/
I cant believe we get all this information for free.
Thank you Alan
Shhhh dont let the cat out the bag love lol☺
You are literally saving my life.
You and me both.
Mine as well. I was almost suiciding
Nana Botelho Glad you’re still here and fighting! This sh*t is painful but hats off to us for being strong 💪
@@nanarts , a must read is Drama of the Gifted Child, by Alice Miller. After 49 years, I am finally able to address questions that I have had my whole life!
@@sP-tp2gh thanks for the recommendation, I'll download it right now
There's no need to apologize for the length of the video, Alan. The fact that it's available in video format means that we can watch it over and over, and in small digestible bits. It's good that you've put all this information in one place.
Absolutely the best on UA-cam hands down undisputed heavy weight king of trauma videos 👑
Yes!
You are an earth angel. To be so selfless and to give so freely your authentic desire to help those suffering is beyond appreciated. In just one week of rewriting my story, your videos have propelled into a new dimension of understanding. So much love and gratitude to you and for the guidance you give.
16:00 13 things healing depends on
39:00 How to heal
47:15 Book recommendations
Peter Levine - somatic experiencing
Sensory motor psychotherapy - Pat Ogden
Attachment focused EMDR
Hakomi therapy & bodywork
Gestalt therapy
Dan siegel
John Briere
Babbitt Rothschild
Bessel Van Der Kolk
Thank you so much!! My anxiety almost made me jump out the window because he should of time stamped where to start 😢
I think I'm healing by talking to a therapist who is helping me to quit putting others at the center of my existence and center myself. I'm doing conscious contact and weaning myself away by exercising my muscle of focusing on here, now, and being glad for what I have.
Wow
🎉🎉🎉 you’re absolutely crushing it!
I have attachment issues, and every time I fall in love, I experience a huge trauma. Even if the girl loves me back, I always love her so much more that it is creepy and weird. I hate this.
aminozuur Maybe you could consider the term “codependency” or anxious-attachment style. This has helped me a bunch in my relationships.
Ugh! I’m the same way. The anxiety that comes with this sort of obsession tendency is the worst. I have always clung. And I’ve ruined some good things doing this pattern.
That sounds like Love Addiction. You’re trying to fill a hole in yourself. I get it. A book that’s helped me a lot is called Facing Love Addiction by Pia Melody.
Crappy Childhood Fairy is a game changer. On UA-cam and her site is great. She and Alan are saving my life!
aminozuur bro just know your not by yourself, and through these vids I understand it’s all a response from childhood, and even if you do something different consciously, you still gotta retrain the subconscious, but there’s hope!!! YOUR NOT ALONE
Alan, what your are sharing in these videos offers a lifeline to people, like me, who feel they are drowning in solitude and sadness. "May all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering." (Buddhist teaching) May your life be blessed, Alan, as your life blesses others.
Tashi Longthorp nam myo ho range kyo
After giving my heart and soul to a man for five years, he literally left me. Gave me so many reasons why, i'm sitting here in pain, i can't move, eat , breath. The person that i thought was my best friend, is now my worst enemy. I've got to learn to breath, and detach and heal. this is the hardest thing i have ever experienced.
S Z I’m so sorry this has happened to you!! You are deserving of love , warmth and care . Give yourself grace and take everything slowly. I’m glad you’re here listening to this as I am. I just discovered him a few days ago and he’s definitely helping! I feel for you and I hope you’re finding strength and seeking help. This is waaaay to hard to go at alone. Best wishes !
You'll heal soon,it takes time.Trust God's process💕
@@going-easy How long it take for you?
@@petronipov The worst part 6 month but together probably 2y
Have you been able to recover now? I am going through similar phase ryt now. It's tough but not impossible
Take notes, people. Take notes.
Awesome. I am now going to my 5th therapist. None of them explained this to me. I think this helps me understand, why I get some of my emotions.
None of them knew this. They were probably broken
He’s exactly right: It’s about ‘becoming’ a whole person, having missed primary attachment, basic needs, developmental platforms and so on.
This is my experience and, as an adult, having to work to develop an emotional and psychological structure which lay fallow due to early neglect.
1 hour and not one boring minute.
I am very thankful for this. Complex thoughts can‘t be compressed in 20 min. Still, you delivered the complex information in an easily understandable way.
This is incredible, one just can't get bored with his videos
How do you compress these thoughts? I’ve been stuck for 2 months obsessing over her…
I’ve been surrounded by toxic people my entire life. I cannot wait to start my new life without them.
I’m really proud of myself because I’ve figure a lot of this out on my own, that is being presented. It also leaves me with the understanding that change is a choice. I chose to seek information to improve and those who came before me had the same opportunity. I will not make excuses for anyone.
If I had found these videos 20 + years ago I could of cut my losses. So glad to know Excited and grateful to begin healing.
I have dealt with this trauma so long that my immune system have been compromised and i am now 35 and on dialysis. So im grateful for this channel
Sorry for that. May you find your healing Now
30 years ago, I saw a therapist thinking that a few sessions would do it and that I could move on to the next girlfriend.
The joke was on me
in the end, you find out that no relationship can give it to you if you haven't found it in yourself. At best, the relationship acts as a mirror for your unfinished business and hidden beliefs.
I Am, prior to all qualifications which are merely judgments or points of view.
I'm really glad that i found this video. i want to say thank you very much for making this video. It took me 6/7 years to realise I have attachment trauma. I've been living without my family since i was 15. All this years, I thought I am an independent person and I've been doing fine without love of my family. In past, I've projected my issues to my ex gfs, partners. This video made me realise I need to work on myself a lot more. Thank you.
Did your relationships work.out after leaving family usually it dosent if attachment style was traumatic
Some of us are so exhausted by trying to figure ourselves out over the years (I'm talking major research, watching videos, reading, etc) that it's hard to concentrate. We look for comments for others that go through the same thing, so reading comments can also be distracting. Also, sadness can be distracting. I'm thankful for when you slowed down and explained what we're feeling so we can relate, and talk to us like friends, and making it simpler to process. I've read more psych research than I care to admit and it's so tiring. So many of the videos are therapists being interviewed about disorders that they lack major understanding of and they're parroting the same crap we can find from Google. You're doing it the right way by giving us examples of what we actually FEEL. Thank you for your excellent work.
I hear you. Many of us can relate with trying to figure ourselves out for years. It is exhausting. Thank you for letting me know this video was helpful and thank you for valuing my effort.
If this video is helpful then you may also be interested in the Relationship Quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma thank you! I have checked out your website. I'll sign up when extra funds are available. Times are tough right now.
I think this is the most down to earth, human channel of psychotherapy I found on youtube until now. I watched a lot of videos regarding the same topics on various channels and I can honestly say most of them did more harm than good for me. This one it's literally giving perspective and useful, applicable advice. The inner child talk video really calmed down a lot of my anxiety. Thank you so much for the help!
You start by being willing to sit with the pain and feel it, then doing what has to be done if anything, and being true as best you can.
This is extremely accurate and up to date with current advances in neurology in relation to psychology.
I'm 49 years old... And the ending to this video has me in tears... I've keep myself so isolated for so long.
Never too late to heal, I hope you are doing well
I once helped someone out of her dysfunction by simply encouraging her to be true to herself over and over and over again.
I have to pause your video and Express to you how blown away i am in your profound ability to articulate the nature of my ailment...suspending my unbearable pain for a moment, so that I may try to absorb with every bit of my intellectual ability what you are saying ...my. life depends on it ...while my life experience has shown that I can endure a level of suffering from EXACTLY what you so beautifully articulating in a way that is almost cathartic as I have never been able to do so, I really am reaching the point where may need for the pain to end ...and thus far drawing closer to the realization that it may be terminal and I may have no other recourse but to take matters into my hands and self terminate ...i want to thank you already from the bottom of my heart for the help ..the tremendous help of lighting a path which I had no reference for as it feels as it would be like a child lost in the woods, perpetually nighttime with mo guide or hell to find his way out...I look forward to putting into action ANYTHING you may reveal.....
Most gratefully
WILLIAM
Dear William, I am glad that my words seem to help you understand some parts of yourself that need healing and vision.
I see you were very engaged in the material by what you wrote.
There are many people, just like you, who are interested in a deeper conversation about this material. I created the online Improve Your Relationships 8-week program with to address how we can begin to change the reoccurring patterns that show up with attachment distress.
The invitation is to engage throughout the week with resources I provide and through sharing our stories in the community and more importantly through offering support and encouragement to others. These are the ways I offer others to feel connected in this work and deepen how we are changing old relationship habits.
The various Worksheets and Handouts I provide in the community are designed also to invite self-reflection and hone in on what specific areas we need to change in order to not be so hooked into attachment distress. The videos in the video library as well as all the daily memes and also the daily encouragement videos reinforce this bigger design of the program.
Each item in this program was purposefully designed and chosen to work together and fit together as a complementary system. If members choose to engage the instructions and fully participate on a regular basis, then they will see how this is a holistic approach to Self Directed Healing.
Please consider joining us!
www.alanrobarge.com/community
Now, Just Here
In this body,
Feeling and sensing
Not running after
Not running away
Just Being
Aware
Nothing to know,
Nothing to do
Nothing to fix
I am at peace.
You are amazing...this helps so much, I'm hopeful that I can finally get over the trauma living most of my life with the abuse from two persons with narcissistic personality disorder.
Thank you Alan. I've been researching into my own mind, since 2003. Most of the things on your list, I have touched on & have become familiar with, but, you're the only person who has put in concisely & clearly on UA-cam for all the world to see. It's a long journey, & thank you again.
Alan,you are a treasure.I cried through the whole video because it was like you were talking to me. I had been searching for this answer for so long.I'm stuck at shame. However I try to love and be empathetic to myself,I feel a lot of shame for simple mistakes and past failures.Can you please talk about letting go of shame? I know it comes from attachement trauma from my narcissistic mother and being shamed unnecessarily.My life would be so much better if I could let go of the shame.Please consider giving your perspective on shame.God bless you for giving out this wonderful information.
Alan has posted quite a few videos already that deal with the subject of shame - why not look through the uploads on this channel? My favorite is the one that tells you that there is nothing wrong with you.
Hjk Uio :: Me too!!
Deb Harris Alan said there is nothing wrong with us having unloving feelings and attitudes of unworthiness are ours to own, embrace them and that begins to lighten how badly we feel about ourselves. Above all else to thine own self be true.
Big hug to your inner child..
I totally relate! This is my situation as well. I would love a video on the same thing.
Excellent!! It’s like you are reading my mind. I am almost 51 and w/ my family medical history, there’s not much time left. 😱 I want so much to learn 📚, wake up 👀, grow ⬆️, mature 👵🏻, evolve 🌌 and heal. As a self diagnosed Attachment Trauma-
ed SLDD ADD GAD Co-Dependent, no matter what I do, I feel
🚫**stuck**🚫 ... when I try to get outside help = denied!! Doesn’t help being indigent. Will check my local library for more resources.
♥️ Love your free videos!! ♥️
Your channel is and has been such a resource for me over the years, I cannot even explain it. I feel that I always have this safe place on the internet to come when my abandonment wound is inflamed. Much gratitude to you Alan!
I appreciate the kind words. Glad to hear you are finding benefit from this content. Thanks for valuing my work.
This is good advice that counters all of the "no contact" advice from other purported relationship therapists on UA-cam. Like you said, everyone 's life experience isn't the same, so naturally the solutions to their unique situations will be individualized and not a "step one, step two" fix. There can also be degrees of attachment. A person can be mostly preoccupied anxious but slightly fearful avoidant.
Thanks for sharing, it is a really painful process. You are literally saving my life.
Wonderful analogy of parenting your children!! That really made sense to me. As a parent of 2 children myself, I do my best to put into place all that I can to mitigate harm/suffering and to foster good wellbeing. Then I stay flexible and respond to each novel situation with the most care and consideration I can muster, to attend to their needs and of course I do this with depth and compassion. I will apply this to myself from now on. 🙏🏻❤️
Alan, you are truly one of the best out there. Bless you.
I recently have tapped into my childhood attachment wound. Oddly, I accidentally cut myself with a knife...it really hurt. Somehow, I realized that I never allowed myself to feel my suffering in childhood. The pain is still there after all these years and it took the blade of a knife to give myself permission to feel sad for myself. I just wanted to share this with you and others who might benefit from the odd ways we can tap into very old trauma. This video found me just at the right time, so I could pull these feeling and memories together.
Dear Alan, this video was really reassuring for me that I am on the right path in healing. Two years ago I made a serious commitment, and from that moment, I was doing it continously, although the first year was hell... but I learned that when so much pain comes up, it is good in a sense that it can manifest, it has time to really show itself, and I have the opportunity to understand it. I made a lot of bad decisions, but ultimatley I am now at a stage to really get myself, my needs. I recently have a dream about meeting my child self, and I felt a loving, caring kindness and gratitude towards this gentle creature, I can still remember her eyes. I am still facing some scary moments of handling money, and also I still get really scared and nervous when it comes to romantic interest, but I have strategies now to deal with that. The world really needs to become a more self-consious space... and you gave me a really good idea to my contact improvisation workshop I am about to give. Thanks! :)
I love you so much. My therapist is on vacation for a month and I'm learning SO MUCH while she's gone lol.
Thank you so very much for your healing info ❣️It feels like I'm being filled with safety. I can move on from so much abuse my heart is literally healing with every video of yours I watch.
All of this info has been relevant to my healing journey. Alan knows specifics and says them like none else! My biggest challenge was my family and my cousins. They don't know anything else but to treat me badly.
As a Associate MFT this video was amazing! Yes, overwhelming, but is designed to address one piece at a time and to keep coming back to. I love that you put it all out there though. You are a gifted teacher, indeed!
wow, thank you for the kind, supportive feedback. I'm glad to hear you're receiving benefit from my videos. Thank you for valuing my work. If you'd like to learn how to engage more or support the continuation of my videos check out the options below:
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz
www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Check out the Community, Improve Your Relationships
www.alanrobarge.com/community
Make a direct donation
www.alanrobarge.com/donate
Thanks again for letting me know the videos are helpful.
Coming here 6 years after it was posted! Really happy I found this video!
Glad to hear this video is still helpful lol. Thanks for valuing my work.
If you like this video then you may also like the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It includes talking about all types of relationships. You're welcome to join us: www.alanrobarge.com/community
I am getting more out of your videos then years of therapy. I am very very grateful for your videos
He does this from the soul and u can tell. Thank you for sharing this information w us.
Dayany thank you for this kind reflection. I appreciate you letting me know my videos are of value for you. We talk more about self-directed healing in the community I created, Improve Your Relationships. There's a new 8-Week cycle of the program starting Monday 5/3. You're invited to come check it out: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Also, since you liked this video you might also be interested in taking The Four Attachment Distress quiz to find out your response to relationship stress: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Thanks again for your support.
You have said some things I have never heard before...WOW! I"ll be sharing your links and videos. Thank you for all your work.
I turned on notifications. You're amazing.
Whoa! You’re right! That’s a LOT. And your ability to articulate the process from point of entry is helping me focus where to begin.
I appreciate the feedback and I'm glad this video was helpful and it brought you a starting point. Thank you for the supportive comment and kind donation.
Alan you are so good ..
Way better than my therapist.
I really need to start my healing journey of self love and worth .
My spirit and soul got so much out of this.
Thank you please don't stop teaching others how to cope and use techniques on how to grow , mature and heal .
Life's too short not to learn from your mistakes .
God Bless you and all your work.
SEZ, thank you for your comment. I’m glad this material resonates with you. If the information I offer is of benefit, then consider joining us in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. You’re invited to join us. Here is a link for more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Best information yet. I don’t have anyone I trust to work on it with. Do the best I can with what I have
I have just found you and your channel, I like your style, I am recovering from a traumatic relationship but now I understand how most of the suffering is within me and due to my past. I am 63 but it's never too late to learn. Thank you.
Thank you for valuing my content Rachel. Good to know the videos and posts are helpful. I am glad you benefit from the effort and time investment it takes to offer quality content. Please consider joining us in the membership community to show your support and/or becoming a sustaining supporter with a donation. Making a contribution supports the continuation of more quality content. FYI/ www.alanrobarge.com/community and/or www.alanrobarge.com/donate
I would not be capable of working through this break up without these videos. I am in pysical pain from this anxiety. I was hurt. I am a senaitive empath and want deeper intimacy. She was avoidant and distant. I was in love and she didnt care.
He’s very good.
It’s all individual.
One has to ‘grow one’s self up’, which means re-parenting, discussed in ‘Adult Children of Alcoholics’ and elsewhere.
Developing the structure, discipline and continuity of a spiritual practice adds an immense amount.
Meet developmental needs: emotional, psychological, social ...
Join a community where, over some duration of time, others get to know you.
Individuate (this is where I am at present).
Take risks.
Slough off the shame and so forth, and pursue an attachment (ultimately, a primary bond) with a partner.
Grieve one’s losses with the partner.
Move forward in life.
*** this is all quite do-able with counseling, ever-increasing awareness, deliberate and methodical choices and by doing the work.
I unwittingly began this process 14 years ago, and cannot believe the system I came from and where I began, contrasted with where I am at present, and where I am headed.
I may be the most fortunate person I know.
🙏
Alan, your videos on attachment trauma are so very insightful. Thank you
This is probably the greatest thing ive ever seen or heard. It explained soo much!!!! I have a path now, hope, in control. Thank you.
This video was incredibly informative, thank you so much
Fabulous Alan. You are SUCH a blessing. Have been in and out of therapy for many years but this is an area I need to do some VERY focused work on. Thank you from the bottom of my heart x
When people say on here that you are saving their life, they mean it. I am having a lot of suicidal feelings at the end of a relationship that I don't want to be over, and what I realise is that it isn't just about this relationship. It is bringing up so much old trauma stuff. Right now I just don't want to feel anymore
How are you now? Hope you're on the right road.
Hello - writing in the middle of the night while going through it myself, how are you? are you ok?
Hey, I had to take the time to drop you a comment and just say to you how incredibly powerful and helpful these videos are.. I can’t believe I’ve found this - and right at the time I most needed them. Thank you so much
Wow! I needed this information a long time ago. Most information on this subject gives you the same narrative with some differences. This I get and understand why I have barely moved forward. Yep as someone has already said "you have saved my life" and has not cost me an arm and a leg! Bless you!
Thank you for valuing my content Ann. Good to know the videos and posts are helpful. I am glad you benefit from the effort and time investment it takes to offer quality content. Please consider joining us in the membership community to show your support and/or becoming a sustaining supporter with a donation. Making a contribution supports the continuation of more quality content. FYI/ www.alanrobarge.com/community and/or www.alanrobarge.com/donate
Amazing information Allan. I’ve spent years studying but still lack a safe person to confide in, so I’m missing the co-regulation piece and even learning how to communicate my emotions well. I often make the assumption that no one wants to know my inner world, like it is irrelevant.
Amazing overview of a lot of college classes and field training. I work in the field, and yes it is daunting at times. Gotta say, you help encapsulate a lot in an easy to grab and go way. Refreshing refresher!
i want to thank you so much for helping me to heal!! You are so right on!! You are my friend and i wish one day we could meet:)))))
Thank you so much. Growing up with a certain type of attachment style, this is guiding me.
Jess, I’m glad this material resonates with you. If the information I offer is of benefit, then consider joining us in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. You’re invited to join us. Here is a link for more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Excellent information!! I am grateful that you took the time to put this video together! ❤️
So well organized. Hits the nail on the head everytime. I really enjoyed the part about limbic resonance. I've been in therapy a long time. I have very few close relationships, but I believe it's because I only want healthy people close to me. And I know we all have issues, but I only invest my mental energy into people that are not dysfunctional and with whom I feel that attunement. Thank you
Thank you so much! Also, thank you for the references to other materials to help set us free! BLESS YOU!!!
This is a really fabulous video. I can appreciate all the work you put into condensing so much truth into an hour! It's really commendable. Thank you so very much!
Thank you for valuing my content Paula. Good to know the videos and posts are helpful. I am glad you benefit from the effort and time investment it takes to offer quality content. Please consider joining us in the membership community to show your support and/or becoming a sustaining supporter with a donation. Making a contribution supports the continuation of more quality content. FYI/ www.alanrobarge.com/community and/or www.alanrobarge.com/donate
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma fyi: did so under a different last name (legal). Keep on making great vids! 🌞
Thank you Paula.
I was able to have an experience that allowed me to see the core of my attachment trauma and be able to let go of it...even knowing this...I feel like my healing really can begin!
Alan you are a very good person. Thank you for taking so much time to help others. You are saving lives and relieving so much pain for us.
I cannot express how much the latter part of this video has helped me. I was deep in my grief today and I couldn't find a way out--even coming back to the present wasn't helping. This is counter-intuitive but it was as if part of my brain was in the present and another part was attached to my trauma. The discussion of limbic resonance and emotional attunement has really set me on a path to follow up on. I realize that my ex uses these things not only for sex but also continually in his business dealings (he's crippled so he has built in sympathy and knows how to get what he wants from others). I'll definitely be that much stronger the next time I'm able to get out on the field.
Wow, you are both very skilled and very generous! Thank you so much.
Best explenation Ive hear on this topic. Im a curious armature that want and need to learn more. Very professional of you to also share more valuable sourses. Ill be intuned. Keep up the good work🙏🏻🌞
You are fabulous. Your descriptive skills help so much to understand what’s going on. Keep that, these issues can’t be decribed too clearly.
Please do more specific self-help videos with suggestions. Even if every story is individual, many elements will be comparable or even the same.
I have bpd and Alan's videos have been a life saver for me!!
It's been 4 years since I split with my partner and got a divorce. I left him because I couldn't cope anymore with his cheating. However I've still not moved on. I was very close to getting myself into another bad relationship even though I knew it was wrong. I have no idea how to get over my previous relationship but this has helped so much thankyou
So sorry you’re still going through this pain! I hope you weren’t married for too long and your kids are ok. Try to ask yourself why you can’t get over him - do you really still love him or is it the pain and humiliation of being betrayed? Are you maybe just lonely? If you really want him back have you both discussed this and did you set boundaries? If you could trust him now why not give him another chance? Alan talks a lot about acknowledging your own feelings and then self parenting yourself. I think the first step to healing is understanding why you’re still emotionally stuck in this relationship. Your feelings will guide you. Good luck!
Lauren, Many of us can relate to this desire to move on and be done with it. We explore this idea and learn more about it in depth in the community of Improve Your Relationships. Answering the "how to" is complex and rooted in many things we do on a daily basis. With the Self-Directed Healing approach I developed, you are in charge of how you engage the material of "how to". Consider joining in the conversation: www.alanrobarge.com/community
@@mariama337 thank you for your message, it was very kind of you, the thing is i asked for a divorce and hes literally never spoken to me since. So i wouldn't even begin to know were to start with a conversation with him. Also i tried contacting him 2 years ago and he just blocked me. So theres my answer. Theres not a day that goes by we're i don't miss him. But what's done is done. I geniunely wish i could let go x
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma thank you so much for your reply and help alan i will have a look x
-Mom and dad were sometimes available but usually unavailable
-& I assumed caretaker role of mom many times I did it out of guilt and fear.
Thank you watched every minute of it!
I can empathize with what you shared. I hope it's helpful noticing this. Glad you were engaged with this content.
This was the absolute best video I’ve ever seen. So helpful thank you
Stephanie, Thank you for valuing my material. I’m glad this one resonates with you. If the information I offer is of benefit, then consider joining us in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. You’re invited to join us. Here is a link for more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community
I'm shocked, I thought avoiding relationships was the answer! I will be following your advice. Thankyou
Glad this video spoke to you. Thanks for valuing my effort.
If this video is helpful, then you're also invited to take part in our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Thankyou so much for having this information readily available for all, but also providing a safe space to do intense healing with your online sessions. It is so hard to seek professional help in this day and age, unless you are in a crisis situation or have a large disposable income. Help is often hard to come by.
I appreciate the kind feedback. Thank you for valuing my work. And I hear you. Many can relate with having this challenge.
I'm reminded of how it can be helpful to have options. Since this content is helpful then you may also like the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're welcome to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
I have such a hard time with greif, this is where I'm blocked and unable to heal these attachment traumas. I really need help with greif.
Renee Leigh Love that you’re able to recognize where you need focusing. I have a feeling you’re going to be well on your way to a better you. Best wishes!
You know what? I just wish I had found you earlier. You are so knowledgable & that’s how you are able to support patients: because you know all the variants.
Thank you for shedding so much clarity into my life!
I appreciate the comment. Thank you for valuing my work and efforts. Glad it delivers benefits.
This is the core concept of the Improve Your Relationships Community Program. Members are encouraged to identify their own, specific path. You're welcome to join us. Learn more here: www.alanrobarge.com/community
God bless you for this work!!! You really know your stuff. You have probably heard it before but thank God that you are doing this work!!! I have searched and searched for a therapeutic intervention that met my needs. THIS IS IT! WOW!! THANK YOU 😂
Your words resonated and add further light to my dysfunctional family and why I am the way that I am.The path of my searching is becoming clearer and clearer.I appreciate that this is ground breaking. I've been looking for the 'final destination', for everything, and now I 'get it' intrinsically.I'm the product of a narcissistic mother, and identify clearly with what my personality and behaviors have been about from childhood to now.Thank You
The Limbic system! How fantastic that you have mentioned this. This was so helpful. Thank you very much. Yes, it's really hard to find such supportive people who you can trust. But thank you for those suggestions. Really helpful. Just listening to your videos causes my anxiety levels to drop. ❤️🙏
Excellent information as to the limbic healing modalities for attachment trauma, interesting about the biological effects of abuse. Thank-you Alan for your highly attuned and deeply empathetic heart!
Also, I wanted to add; about how the limbic shuts down...reminds me of deers who can die from shock in midflight...humans are this sensitive in a similar way?
Thank you for an insightful video filled with quality content. Please keep on sharing, you are making a huge difference to many lives.
This is so helpful and informative that there are no words to describe it. Also, you passion for what you do does arrive to the heart of who is listening. Thank you.
I appreciate the kind words. Glad this video spoke to you. Thank you for valuing my effort. It has taken me years of study and healing process to uncover and share these concepts. Glad it brings benefit.
If you haven't already heard about it, this also comes up in conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. I welcome you joining us: www.alanrobarge.com/community
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma I am also a colleague and in an endless path of healing, that's why i noticed! Well done, inspiring. I will look at it Alan! :)
This is solid!
I can add to this and it describes me perfectly. I was conceived during my parents’ separation and they reconciled and I was born and I became a secret elephant in the room along with the father I know constantly asking me who my father was and no one protecting me from him. I have a long list of how this affects me and I’m now 56 and just now trying to deal.😢
Hey, you are awesome, and its time.. Im your age, and its time to reap some peace from all the experiences of making it this far. Its always been difficult, lots of bullshit and carrying shame for others that had no shame.. Lots of times, didnt want to be here, sometimes seems futile, but I claim every day I've been here..lol
Im 55. Me too.
I understand all that you say. My son was conceived during my divorce. I went through trauma myself. I hurt my kids without knowing. But your sharing will change all my approach. At the end, they are all my "for granted" relationship. Very vulnerable also. This is how we cause generations of suffering when we pass our trauma to them. I am guilty too. YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOUR PARENTS TELL YOU TO BE. You are own individual self. You always been and you come from your own universe. You can be the father, the lover, the professional you want to be. This elephant is so small as a molecule. You only give it the power of elephant. This elephant is an electric impulse you can direct consciously just like everyone else. Others had the ideal of nurturing relationships. We did not . IT IS NOT OUR FAULT! But we have the same brain capacity as others to say yet or No to emotions.
He is so good at what he does. Clear in his presentation, thoughtful enough to ensure those with pea brains will be able comprehend and encouraging. Fantastic teacher who knows his stuff because he has lived it and is on the other side. Saying thank you in no way articulates the gratitude welling up inside of myself.
Thank you so much for your video. You are amazing! You are such a gift from the Universe to us for educating us on this type of healing! Many blessings to you.
Thank you a thousand times, Alan! 💝🙏. This is golden information!!!! Thank you so much for posting this video!
Can say how thankful I am for this information... God bless!
Of Course Tina Marie! Thank you for your kind response. Please consider joining us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
I like the term “limbic resonance” ! There’s a reaction meme on here called “emotional damage” and now I’m saying “emotional mirroring” in the same cadence. Great content as always, thanks for the upload!
Thank you so much Alan. Your video is helping me immensely. My mother was a pathological narcissist. Now that she has passed away, I am finally ready to grieve my attachment trauma. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Very clear direct validating clarifying information!!!
Thank you.
This is the very very BEST collection of bullet points on this subject I have found! Thank you for this work. Thank you for evety moment of preparation and development in producing it!!!
Gianna, thank you for your supportive comment. I'm glad to hear this video was helpful. Thanks for acknowledging the preparation and for valuing my work. If you'd like to learn how to engage more or support the continuation of my videos check out the options below:
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz
www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Check out the Community, Improve Your Relationships
www.alanrobarge.com/community
Make a direct donation
www.alanrobarge.com/donate
Thanks again for letting me know my video was helpful.
OMG, perfect analogy!!! I used to say, when asked how to parent a child "Trial & Error". you try something, it doesn't work, you rapidly toss it out and try something else
Thanks for the kind words. Glad the analogy and video spoke to you.
I know when this came up in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. If you're not familiar, take the quiz to learn more about the Community. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
this is awesome....thank you soooo much for sharing your knowledge......i went to counseling a week ago and you educated me more in this free video.....i have alot of work to do and because of you i feel like there is hope.....seriously, THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH
Hey I really want to thank you for these videos. I’ve been going through grief from a really nasty break up and I’ve been trying find peace in it. Uve really hit home for a lot of things and it’s really changed my perspective on how I’ve been dealing with every relationship I’ve had without hating anyone I’ve thought about while listening. Uve helped me figure out what questions to ask and what route to take for something I’ve been looking for for years. Thank you.