DON'T CHECK UP ON PEOPLE WHO HURT YOU
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- Опубліковано 8 вер 2016
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"They do not deserve space, rent free, in your brain."
That hit me like a ton of bricks. Thank you, ALB.
Yep, that's what really really helped me. Why do they deserve even a second of my thoughts? And why on earth do they deserve several minutes of my time while I search them online? They don't, they aren't worthy of that.
"I can garantee you they are not checking up on you, they do not care how you're doing" Right in the feels... damn.
alternatively, if you're a kinda petty person like i am (yikes!) and they're doing badly and you're like "haha :)", you're still not allowing yourself to heal. you're still picking at the wound. you deserve healing. i'm making this promise with my best friend tonight, because both of us have been really hurt, and we have the ability to heal and we should. and you can too.
You go girl :) You will heal, and you will be stronger than before
:) not a girl, but thank you! i just read your comment too and it hit pretty close to home for me.
I'm in the same exact boat! I am a really petty person and seeing that my ex was having a bad day made me "feel good" for a moment but then you're still thinking about them! And opening wounds! It was a break up really similar to ALB's for me so it's super nice to come to a place where everyone is encouraging healing. Best of luck to you :)
Salem von Wolf Sorry! Whatever pronouns you prefer :D
Same. I've seen an ex was going through some shit and thought "Yes! karma still exists!" but then I realise the fact that I'm happy about that is because they still have some control or hold of me and I still haven't moved past the pain they've caused me
not in a romantic context, but i had a friendship break apart due to shitty reasons and this was a super good reminder for me
*hugs* I'm going through the same situation. It still hurts so much and we started falling apart in July
friendship breakups are the worst :( I have had SO MANY of those and its so hard to get over it :(
I needed to hear this. I'm going through a nasty divorce. My husband cheated on me with my friend and now they are having a baby...something we had been trying to do for 10 years. I've made a rule that no one is to "fill me in" on ANYTHING going on with the two of them. It's made everything easier.
I am so sorry! That is a horrible thing and I can't imagine how that has hurt you.
You rock for sticking to not knowing anything! I know it was really hard for me to tell people to stop telling me about my ex but that's amazing. You go girl! I hope you find someone who truly cares about you very soon!
Thank you. I appreciate that! it's hard...and therapy has 100% helped.
Heidi Noles Wow you absolutely did not deserve to have that happen to you. But out with the bad, now you can go do better things with your time and your life. Sending you light and love :)
Ohhhhh screw him!!! You poor thing. 😭😭😭 I wish you the best and I hope you find someone who treats you right!! Xx
For me, the best way to stop myself checking up on people who hurt me is to keep track of how long it's been since I last checked up on them, and try not to break the streak? For example it's been months since I last checked up on the people who hurt me, and I had the urge to check up on them the other day, but I didn't BECAUSE it had been so long and I didn't wanna break my winning streak, so to speak. So that's not useful in the beginning because I didn't care about breaking a streak of a couple of days, but the longer you keep it up the better it works! Hope this helps. :)
This exact method has worked for me too!! It's like, you've done so well for so long, do you really wanna ditch all that success? And that in itself encourages me to not check. :D
albinwonderland I'm glad it's worked for you as well! :)
Yes! This is the exact method I used to quit smoking - I haven't had one in this long, so why would I now? I don't want to break my streak! And it worked!
that works for me too!
Right now, I'm keeping a chart of squares that I color in as each day goes. It's been 53 days (almost 8 weeks), the longest I've gone without checking up on them (this is NOT my first attempt). I love to color stuff in, so I know that if I check up on them, I can't color stuff in anymore. I use a rainbow color scheme. Also, ALB your concealer is on point!
"They aren't checking up on you" was painful but I needed to hear it. Thank you Ang ❤️
This... is such good advice.
And I am very much guilty of this. I guess I needed this video. Next time I want to check up on old friends who hurt me I will try and remember this video, your voice telling me not to. Thank you for that. ♥
you know what sucks is having dreams about someone who hurt me years ago, i can't really control what i dream about and i wake up with all these horrible feelings and it can really ruin my day. makes me feel like shit for obviously not having fully let go of it... like fuck, how do you not dream about someone anymore if it's always kind of haunted you
I've had that too, it's a very crappy feeling
Emma I've been having this problem as well! For the past few weeks its like almost every night! someone who has caused me hurt appears in my dream and it's such a terrible way to start the day! I tried to find a way to stop it but there really isn't one! 😖
And on top of that, a big reason people check up on someone from their past is in hopes that their life is terrible. But nobody makes their life look terrible on social media. Everybody makes themselves look happy and perfect and like their life is fantastic on social media, so you'll never be happy with what you find.
The Internet gives us waaayy too much access to things that we would be so much better off not seeing. It can be really hard to not check up on former significant others or friends. There's a part of my that wants to look at my ex's pictures and be like "look at that douchebag being all.. douchey..." but of course that doesn't make me feel better. It just makes it worse.
GUILTY. Not really with a break up, but I've done this with so many friends that I've cut off ties with. Thank you mama Ang. ♥
you could also get a website blocking extension and block their social media so it will redirect you to the website of your choice (maybe this video even!) whenever you try to check on them. i did this after my first abusive relationship and since i knew i wouldn't get anywhere unless i went to the effort of finding the extension and disabling it i stopped checking up on her.
I feel like this video was destiny, just last week one of the closest people to me who I loved hurt me.
I'll stop stalking them now, thank you
honestly if i check up on someone who did me dirt ( i wouldnt tho ) and theyre doing shitty? man i am poppin bottles that night!!!!
same.
occasionally a friend of mine let's me know how My ex was doing. (i went to college out of state, so he and my friend where at the same school)
everyone is hating him...I felt really good.
TehMomo
that is fabulous news and i drink to that
cuz sometimes ppl do us wrong and its on a different scale so to know someone is getting some kind of punishment proves karma is in motion and i love that
Jane Doe *Clinks glass*
I Love seeing Karma in Action.
At first I might gloat too, but then I feel like a shitty person. It's just not right to be happy about others suffering, even if they are an asshat. It's stooping to their level. I stopped checking a long time ago and it has only made me happier. :)
nekhmet
its contextual tbh, ive had friends who have been assaulted and its nice to see the ppl who perpetrated that get their come uppin's. i dont really see it as that person suffering so much as them getting taught a very valuable lesson
This video was so timely. I actually had a panic attack today because i was so conflicted about reaching out to my ex who seemed really down. I know he's not doing well, but you're right, he probably doesnt think/care about me. He does not deserve my concern, he does not deserve me caring about him. Thanks ALB!
This is really good advice... but if they're doing badly, it makes me totally happy that they're not doing any better than me. Is that just me?
No, it's normal but it's a good way to check in with yourself about it because it's a form of Contempt and you can ask yourself if you want feeling pleased with yourself for what is essentially pettiness, to be a part of your own character, you know? Like, not everything that feels good, *is* good ;)
Not just you, I totally do that. But then I realise that I'm happy for their suffering because I haven't moved on from my own otherwise I would be indifferent to what they are going through
I'm constantly checking up on someone who really hurt me. Like REALLY messed me up. This video came along at the best time, I really needed it. Everytime I check him, all I do is get mad or get more hurt. And then I end up drinking and lashing out at him on facebook. And he still doesn't understand how badly he treated me, he just can't fathom it. I don't want to lash out at him, but he knows I'm depressed and has never been patient with me. But yeah anyway, this video was perfect. THANK YOU.
I could not agree more. After every break-up I've had I used to not remove them from my facebook because that was 'strong' of me to do. But in reality it made me so unhappy that I always came to a point where I HAD to block them just to stay sane. Only later I realized how silly that was. And now, if someone's presence on my social media feed is hurting me, I block them rightaway. Because that's what I need to do for me.
My girlfriend broke up with me on Monday -- two days before the first day of Senior year. It's been weird after talking to someone almost daily, to basically becoming total strangers in the space of around 72 hours. It's been really hard, and I've been so confused, since not too long ago, the future seemed somewhat solid, and the world seemed alright. I guess not though, hit me with a truck, please, and thank you. Also, this is the first video I've ever watched of yours, thank you, it has helped.
I was guilty of this recently and I ended up having nightmares. A bad plan all around!! Thank you for this.
"They are not checking up on you, and they do not care how you're doing." As soon as you said those words, I realize it's time to move on
Came back to watch this video, because I made a Twitter account, and the list of "people to follow" had someone who hurt me. It made me so afraid, and I was going to immediately block them, but I couldn't help myself. I checked their account, and put myself in a bad mood. The whole time I heard your voice and felt guilty. So I came back to watch this.
Best advice ever! Not only don't look them up. Don't comment or message again either.
Mother Ang always giving us wonderful advice thank u mom
Yaasss Angelina, this is something I wish someone had told me when I was younger. I feel like it's so normal to creep your ex-partners and ex-friends and such.
I just wanted to mention that my little sister attended Fan Expo this year and I didn't so I had her get one of your pieces signed to my son Morgan and I. Thank you SO MUCH for doing that! We love it and we love you! I hope you had a really great summer. 💖
"Guardian Angel...ina" 4:33 I must admit, I smiled really hard at that. Thank you so much.
I needed this, thank you! I always have this paranoid thought "omg what if they posted something bad about me, or what if they regret what they've done to me, I need to check", which is never the case, obviously, and I just always end up being sad.
Your phrase "stop checking up on them because they don't care about you" did it for me. Very effective. I finally see it now. Thanks alb!
I'm one of those people who checks up on the people who hurt me. I almost checked up on one of the most hurtful to me people today. I almost unblocked her. But then I kinda remembered this? And suddenly I stopped. I closed the tab and I'm feeling happy that I didn't check up on her. Thank you so much for doing this. I rewatched this for the tenth time and I made a promise to one of my friends I won't check up on her anymore. Thank you. Just thank you.
"They do not deserve space, rent free in your brain. They don't deserve that." really needed to hear that! thank you 😔 as someone who suffers from a mental illness I often obsess over people or things that have hurt me and it honestly just causes nothing but grief so it was good to hear that.
Very good advice! I'm the type of person who checks out immediately when a relationship or friendship goes sour. I go into denial mode and pretend that the relationship didn't happen and didn't impact me at all. I figure that acting like that person didn't exist or didn't even matter helps forget them. I don't check up on people simply because once they stop caring about me, I stop giving even the tiniest shit about them in return.
Man, I can relate to this video. I recently saw a person I used to be friends with. As I got older and we grew apart, I realized how bad of a friend she'd been to me sometimes. So I see her after like 5 years in my hometown at the grocery store and we're chatting and I mentioned how I studied in Toronto and for some reason I started to feel bad? Because she had dreams to go to a big city and be an actress and instead was now doing a completely different job in a small town and it was a little depressing to me? And I wondered after if she resented me for doing what she couldn't. But at the end of the day, I need to remind myself that she was the one who broke all ties with me. She was the one who sometimes made me feel like garbage when we were friends. It isn't worth it to think about her in any way, and it's kind of a hard realization, but a freeing one too.
I watch this video every so often as a reminder to myself not to check up on my abusive, shitty ex. And it always helps. Cause even though we've been broken up for a few years, I always want to check on her. But no more of that.
A suggestion I would make is to write a letter of forgiveness to the ones who hurt, but *don't send it*. Forgive them for *you*, not necessarily for them. Since I wrote a letter of forgiveness to the people who hurt me, I feel like I've turned a new leaf and the urge to check up on them hasn't been as strong, though it's still there (and is now if I'm being honest). This is coming from someone who is usually unforgiving af and struggles with holding grudges to this day. It was honestly one of the best things I've done, recently.
This is honestly one of the best advice concepts because it stretches across so many topics, it's unreal. I find myself making a random comment on a public page(on a comment, not my own; ie: no notification), and constantly going back to check up on all the salty, negative, asinine comments. It puts me off of facebook a lot of the time. Mainly because people are fucking ignorant and like being ignorant or holding very tight to their ignorant ideas of what they feel is right based on some dogmatic bullshit, and not always relating to religion.
I'm about three months lurk-free now and I'm SO with you on this, Ang. I was already experiencing so much anxiety in my life, and checking up on people who'd hurt me was eating away at me further. A religious promise ended up doing the trick for me (it was SO hard and tbh I still struggle, but lying to a higher power...not gonna happen). But I also have a great support system in my friends, so I really appreciate your emphasizing that as well!
Also: I had someone checking up on me DAILY and it made me incredibly uncomfortable and made my paranoia more active than ever before...which in turn made me realize how my actions might have been affecting others. It was a hard lesson to learn, but I'm incredibly glad I did.
Yes!! My life motto is delete and move on! ❤❤❤ Love you!
This couldn't have come at a better time. I just quit my job working for a really good friend. He got super passive aggressive and arrogant and I was having anxiety every time I had to go to work. I told him how I was feeling and he didn't really care so I walked out of the job. I've already looked at his social media and hated myself for it. So thank you. 💕
I really needed this. The first person I truly fell in love with broke my heart at the very beginning of this year a couple weeks into January and he was officially out of my life by the end of a February as we decided to stay friends up until then which is a load of bull crap, never stay friends with ex's, omg. I checked up on him for a solid 2 ish months, maybe a lil under (even tho he had blocked me, yes, creepy, desperate and way over the top I know but you're an absolute mess when you go through a breakup and I found ways to see his stuff). In early April I saw a post that actually broke my heart. It was basically him explaining how wonderful his new partner is, he got with her two weeks after ending it with me (early February, it's a big long story but hey ho) and it was the most horrifying and heartbreaking thing to read him say such lovely, sweet things he once said about me and even stuff I've never even heard him say before. That was the day I officially went "no, I am only hurting myself over someone who clearly never loved me (he cared for me but admitted he never love loved me) and OBVIOUSLY wants nothing to do with me. I was causing myself so much pain, I would feel physically sick and anxious every time I checked his social media. I almost craved to go on his social media when I hadn't for a while, like it would be the only thing on my mind like a smoker would crave a cigarette. I am so proud of myself for stopping. The other day (maybe about a week or two ago) his friend who still follows me on Twitter liked one of my tweets and she is friends with his current gf so I looked on my ex's gf's Twitter and just as I thought I was doing really well with getting over him, I saw a picture of them. They looked so happy and I got a lil angry almost because I'm still suffering and hurting. I've been thinking about him a lot lately, I hadn't seen anything to do with him in months and months so having that new bit of material to think about honestly broke my heart all over again. It'll take me a while to heal from this person. I loved him so much, he was my best friend. But just telling yourself you do not deserve to make yourself feel crappy over some person and saying you are better than that and realising how much it was damaging me by checking up on him helped me so much and I know eventually I will be okay and I will be happy, with or without a partner. Thank you for this video ALB 💖
Thank you for making this!! I've been guilty of this for the past THREE YEARS after realizing my relationship with my "best friend" of 10 years was extremely toxic. Admittedly it's happened less frequently over time, but I'm still guilty of it and it still makes me feel shitty every time. Having your voice in my head telling me stop is going to be a huge help in and of itself. Thank you, gorgeous.
"Guardian Angel.......ina"
I SEE YOU ANG
YES. So true. When I was in a bad place with some folks, I muted/unfollowed them online because it just made me feel so bad to see their stuff come up on my feed, especially unexpectedly.
I'm not sure how many there are like me, but as a 32-year-old dude, I have found this channel, and this video in particular so so helpful in dealing with the emotional storms my life can produce. The idea is so simple, but in practice it is so hard to actually cut people out of your life. I haven't lurked since I first saw this video, and I just gotta thank Angelina. I dunno why, but it's stuck, and it's amazing how UA-cam can actually impact and help people. You're a beautiful person and your channels are awesomely helpful. Thank you : D
Thank you so much for this! I was literally struggling with this today. Someone who'd hurt me popped up in my "you may know" section on Facebook yesterday and I didn't have the strength to resist the temptation of looking at their profile, but today I was able to dismiss them from my "you may know"s so I won't see them and want to look. Thank you so much for making this video. It has really encouraged me and is a great reminder that I don't have to cause myself that kind of pain.
Needed this! Been trying to stop the "Every now and then" habit of doing this. But asking myself, "What do you want from it?" 😔 The person I check up on bullied me and part of me is "Hehe" when something happens or I know they're doing bad, but then I'm still angry about their actions, so it didn't make me feel any better. I'm going to try and move on from the pain and anger because I don't deserve to feel this way.
I totally agree. Cutting off social media stalking is so helpful (haven't completely mastered it yet, but I'm getting there). However, I do find that a small, reconciling conversation can be a good thing - after a certain period of time, of course. About 3 months after we broke up, I texted my ex just to say hello and let him know I was doing well. It was a very short conversation, but it was all we needed. We haven't spoken since, but it's nice to have peace between us. The last thing I wanted was for us to not speak for a long time and then run into each other at a friend gathering and not know what to do with ourselves. Balance is key. :)
When I got out of a toxic friendship I checked up on the constantly for the first month because man the curiosity killed me and it always left me miserable. Not to mention if they tried to contact me it left me anxious so I blocked them on all social media sites and deleted their number and I haven't really thought about them, let alone check up on them since. I feel so much better and less burdened
Thank you for this positive, supportive video! Hopefully more people will follow your advice!!
I am 100% guilty of doing this. Kept on checking on an abusive ex. It meant that for years after the dust had settled on that relationship I wasn't able to heal and move on. I didn't realize that was what I was doing but this video speaks to that struggle. Thanks for being so wonderfully self aware and able to share.
Yessss girl thank you so much! I needed to hear this. I have a girl who used to be my best friend that hurt me so terribly so many times over the years and finally about 4 years ago I cut her out of my life. and recently she has been trying so hard to get me to notice her; she comments on everything that I comment on for mutual friends, likes all my old Facebook comments from years ago so her name is on my notifications every day, and posts old pictures of when we were friends and has people I'm still friends with share them and she tries so hard to talk to me but I can never be around her again after the things she did to me. and I have fallen for it and checked on her and looked at all of her stuff and felt so nostalgic and sad but you are so right; I need to just block her and be done. I have forgiven her, but that does not mean I have to go back and do it over again, and that's just such a hard lesson :/ but so many people need to hear this! so thanks for saying it
I've definitely done this before... with exes and with friends who aren't really friends anymore. Once I finally told myself to block or unfollow on whatever social media it was, it got easier not to look and eventually I stopped altogether. But I still get that little bit of curiosity sometimes, and I just have to remind myself it's not worth it. This type of thinking can sometimes seem a little harsh, but if something is harmful or toxic to you in any capacity, then you don't need it in your life.
I love your hair when it's this bright pink Ange. And thank you so much for posting this, because I would say you don't even need to do breakup video, because I think the biggest part of getting over someone is refusing to allow them rent free space In your brain. Checking up, texting, thinking about....the moment you can forgive and choose to move forward, the faster you'll get over someone. And yeah, easier said than done.
I really needed this. I lost my whole friend group last year because they had stared treating me like I didn't matter at all to them and I was also terrified to come out to them because their boyfriends had said violent queerphobic things multiple times. So I dropped them from my life and I was heartbroken for months. I deleted them from all my social media but I still check on them every once in awhile. It always hurts me whenever I do. This was a good wake up call to stop once and for all
This past weekend I finally stopped contacting a friend who I had lots of issues with and it has been the best thing I've done! Getting rid of that toxic friendship has made me feel a lot better!
Thanks for this advice, it really is very important!
i watch this video every time i wanna check up on my ex tbh
You're back to bright pink and it's so lovely! 😍 I wish someone had given me this advice a few years ago... since then, I've kind of come to the conclusion on my own or with the help of others, but I wish I'd known it sooner. Like you said, you always end up feeling bad. I think having a friend or relative to hold you accountable is a great idea. Great video!
It's not fun to check on someone and see that they've moved on ! It's quite painful. Great video topic! I struggled with this .
You have no idea how much I needed to hear this. It is so hard to fight temptation, but ultimately, letting go and moving on from someone who hurt you (whether they did it intentionally or not) is what allows us to heal. Thank you.
Yessss this is such good advice. I blocked an ex when I realised things were finally completely over and honestly it was the biggest relief because not only did I know I never had to see updates from him again which would upset me, but I knew as well that he wouldn't be able to weedle his way back into my life either. It was v liberating and a huge relief tbh.
this video is so important!!!!! i'd drive myself crazy on checking up on people from my past to the point it'd be multiple times a day. until finally i just cleared my history and told myself to STOP for good. i also used the fact that maybe there's a slight possibility they know how often i look at their pages via some obscure program haha, which would be embarrassing... unrealistic threat to myself but it worked. it gets better as the time goes on. i haven't looked for years and it never crosses my mind anymore to check their pages. i don't care what's going on with them now man. creeping on people isn't healthy for anyone! we're all better than this~
Wow. I actually needed this so much right now. I just broke up with my boyfriend of two years on Thursday. He was an abusive alcoholic and I know what I did was best for me but I still love him so much and it's so difficult right now. I've been checking his social media since then and you're right. I always ended up feeling crappy. Like why does he get to just move on with his life while I'm barely hanging on? This video could not have come at a better time. Thank you so much for this. It actually feels like someone understands. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
I rewatch this every time I go through an emotional loss. this is an important message. Thank you.
Thank you for this video ❤️ I used to check up on this girl I used to be good friends with who really hurt me, and I haven't for quite a while, but you're completely right. Either way, it was making me feel bad. And she probably wasn't checking up on me, nor cared how I was doing. Well she wouldn't have either way seeing as though she did hurt me to begin with... But it was absolutely pointless because she never even deserved my attention or to be on my mind. People who hurt you just aren't worth it. Even if you are curious, they really just aren't worth it.
This. The most healthy thing I've done is stayed "friends" with someone on Facebook to prevent further drama, but blocked them from ever showing up in my feed. Out of sight, out of mind. :)
Holy crap. This helps with my situation, I just ended things with a guy and he got a girlfriend 3 days later. I needed to hear this, checking up on ex's or ex friends just spreads negativity. I'm so happy to have someone like you to give me advice. I really do appreciate you and everything you do. ❤️
Wow ... I really needed this . I "broke up" with my best friend last month and have been struggling with how to deal with it . There's no best friend breakup manual and most people don't even feel bad for you when you tell them . But the truth is it sucks and it's hard losing someone you cared about especially when said person really hurt you in the end but your totally right , checking up on him hasn't made me feel any better and honestly nothing is going to right now . I just have to get through this without torturing myself about it by looking him up . Thank you so much alb ❤️🌸
The problem of course with this advice is that sometimes you can't help when you accidentally recieve information about that person who hurt you. In my experience, I've had vivid dreams about people who have hurt me and then that makes me feel aweful and makes me relive my pain. And also even when I've blocked people or been cut out of someone's life I've been able to see what they're up to through people who were still my friends on social media. Sometimes the reminders just happen. But the advice "stop [purposefully] checking up on your exes" is a good, healthy start.
soooooo guilty of this in the past. tysm for this video, it really was needed.
thanks for this advice. It's a really bad habit of mine to check on those that have hurt me. I guess it's because part of me still misses them. I've suffered a lot this past few months because of a friendship that ended really badly and you've made me realise that it's really time for me to stop checking on their social media in order for me to really move on and continue living my life. Life is too short and I'm gonna start living!!! Thank u for this advice ~
Guardian Angelina 😭😂❤️
You have no idea how much I needed this video right now. This is so spookily well timed and I love you so much for making this. It also makes me feel less crappy about the fact that I've been checking up on people who have hurt me, knowing that others go through the same struggle. This is the push I needed. Honestly watching this felt like you were just talking to me, and being the friend I really needed right now. Keep doing what you do guardian Ang-el, you're awesome
I needed this...pretty badly. It has become so hard and you are 100% right: it causes nothing but pain. I have done this for exes, ex close friends, people I get 'nostalgic' for. Its not good and I have to remember this whole video. You always have something to say that resonates with me.
This is really such good advice. Thank you . I ve spent a lot of time over the last few years checking up on so many people who have hurt me , insulted and bullied and took advantage of me and it has done nothing but got immense pain . Thank you for the video . I have decided that whenever I feel like going online and checking on all these people , I am instead going to come and watch your videos . Love both your channels and have found it just yesterday and I have been watching your videos non stop .
Thank you in general, but also thank you for just saying "people" and suggesting you tell a best friend and not mentioning family. Because family can be the ones that hurt you too. And it doesn't matter that my therapist says I shouldn't flatter my family with my attention, when the world says they are always the good guys and you are the asshole. So thank you for giving good advice for everyone in any situation. I know it makes me feel a little better
Like 4 months ago my ex best friend stopped talking to me because I chose not to work with her on a work team in college, she was a huge snake through our friendship and would be petty and horrid and lie to everyone to their faces, I loved her so much I ignored it all to be her bf, going to (psychoanalytic) therapy I realized how awful she was to me and how I did not need them in my life and I would not heal if I kept trying to mend things or kept trying to find out how she was doing or whatnot, it took me a bit, but I feel so happy now, truer words have never been spoken Alb! How they are, good or bad, is not going to help yourself heal and be happy.I highly suggest going to therapy to say whatever it is you're holding on to and work on your hurt!
For realsies though, with my mental health stuff sometimes I get this strong feeling that these people weren't even real, it was just one long shitty dream. It kinda nags at me until I just see that yes, in fact, they are physical people. Then I feel shitty for 10 minutes and after that, I'm swell. I think it's a weird dissociative thing, maybe?
P.S. your hair is looking like perfection embodied!
I wanted to cry the whole time I watched this cause it really hits close to home for me. I've come to realize and understand that I struggle with accepting to move on from relationships. This really meant a lot to me and I hope I can implement this into my life as soon as possible. Thank you.
Yes yes yes!
I feel like I learned that particular lesson pretty early, but the thing I'm guilty of is I will check on people who are no longer in my life for whatever reason (like, people from highschool) and compare my life to theirs. And start thinking "they are doing so much better than me. Why can't I be that successful? Why can't I find my path in life as easily as them?" and I know this kind of thinking is leading me nowhere! Everyone must follow their own path, I don't know why I'm doing this to myself >
this is the most impactful youtube video i have watched in such a long time. i am sobbing over the message in this. thank you so much. i needed this.
This could not come at a better time. I have been really struggling with this lately. Thank you, Angelina.
Thank you. I really needed something like this right now. I needed that little push, that sign to make an effort to heal and get over things. Thank you so, so much.
Thank you thank you thank you for making this! this is EXACTLY what I needed to hear! My first love and I split up over a year ago and we have both moved on, but I still have a habit of being too curious and checking up on him, through friends and social media. It brings up so much pain. But thank you for making this and putting this into words! Ily
Thanks, Alb. I've been through my own path of a bad relationship, and so this is something I learned on my own in the past. Hearing you talk about it is such a powerful reinforcement and it just feels great~
I remember one guy that hurt me in high school and I think I checked up on him once?? And I don't even remember what he was up to but I remember it made me really upset. And that's when I basically told myself, "You know what? You don't need that. You have wonderful, amazing people in your life and that dude seriously doesn't matter." So I just surrounded myself with things and people that I love and I just don't let toxic people back in like that because I deserve better.
Thank you very much for this video, I needed someone who would tell me that I need to stop checking up on such people. Even if sometimes I handle it well, I laugh about their cringy posts or comments, my wound is still there although years are passing by. I still talk about them with my friends, they're still somewhere in my head. I need to make them disappear and stop even thinking about them. You really inspired me, ALB, you're such a wise and wonderful person~
Thank you so so much for this video! Recently come out of a friendship that started off great, but the past two months really wore me down emotionally, because the person took issue with my confidence (her words) and other trivial things. In the end I blocked her on everything because she was so bad for my mental health, but I still find myself checking her tumblr from time to time. Now that someone has actually told me to get my act together, I think I can put her out of my properly :D
Thank you so much for this video. The timing of this being uploaded was pretty spot on for me. It doesn't exactly apply to me in the sense of people who have hurt me in the past, but more so people that were involved in my boyfriend's past and comparing myself to them and feeling really insecure. I still think this is really solid advice for my situation too, though. Hearing you say, "stop" really opened my eyes and made me realize how unhealthy this behavior has been. Your videos are always incredible and your advice is extremely valuable. I really look up to you. Thank you again for sharing, Ang.
I am going through a break up and I was with him for almost 4 years, and he was extremely mentally abusive. I was having a hard time this morning, wanting to send him a msg but then I seen this video in my sub box. YOU ARE LITERALLY MY SAVIOUR OMG
Hi ALB,
I've watched your videos for years and you are one of my favorite youtubers. I think this is the first time I've ever commented on one of your videos, but I wanted to say thank you. This video has been very helpful to me lately. I used to lurk on my ex's social media, as well as ex friends who really used to hurt me. I knew I should have stopped but this video really put things into perceptive. Since watching this video, I have not looked at anyone I used to check up on. It's felt really good.
But also within the past week, I've had some cyber bully instances from anonymous forums. I kept checking the posts to see if anything else is written about me and all it did was make me feel bad. And now that it's a few days later, this video has sneaked back into my mind that I just shouldn't look, no matter how bad I want to.
This video has really helped me with something that I've been struggling with for a long time now. Thank you
thank you so so much for this. ive been having a really rough time lately, actually today especially, because someone who i was & still am in love with, someone who made me feel the happiest i'd felt in years, completely turned on me 3 weeks ago and stopped responding to anything i sent him. he's still talking to others, he's doing just fine as far as i can tell, but he won't say a single word to me or our mutual friend group. i've been checking up on him like crazy, and still writing him every few days hoping something will change. ive had my good days and ive had my bad, but i think your advice was the push i needed to really step away & move on from him.
LITERALLY I have been struggling with this for a decade. Thank you so much!
I had a flagged page n my journal of bad stuff that happened when we were together and when I wanted to talk to that person or reach out I would glance at that page and then start a new one of what has changed since we were together (how i've grown, new hobbies stuff like that). I'm not saying it was the healthiest thing because you're bringing up all that stuff, which can be triggering, but it definitely always provided me with a much needed wake up call.
Love the video and you!
I'm saving this video to send to friends who go through break ups. So clear and perfect!
This ! entire ! video ! Everything you said in this video is so relevant for so many people (including myself at one point). One thing I've learned throughout the years is that people tend to put their best face online, and peering into someone's life through the internet is essentially allowing yourself to ( mostly) the high points of someone's life. Unfortunately, it doesn't yield validation or self healing. Again, amazing vid Ang
When I found this video I was really going through a difficult phase and I cannot tell you how strongly I believe that you truly are a guardian angel and how I always come back to this video when I go back to old ways . Thank you for making this video and for being the awesome person you are
social media makes it so hard to move on from a break up! I'm going through an awful break up now and there have been a few times I found myself feeling envious of couples who broke up in the 60s/70s/80s/90s just because after breaking up they never had to think of each other again hahaha....ugh!! It's frustrating! But anyway, thanks for this video. I really need it right now!!!
Just had a sad dream about the person last night, and I know it's because I keep looking them up on social media. Thank you so much, I really needed to hear this. You're such a wonderful person!
That last bit at the end was definitely much needed. Thank you. 💝
i needed to hear this, and it's not even like it's something i didn't already know.. but as you said, it's just soooo hard to put it into practice. i'm still lost somewhere in some unidentifiable stage of grief, lol. happy new year!
THIS IS SO ME!!!! honestly it becomes like an addiction. my newer friends tell me that its's not good for me to be obsessing over my ex - bestie (things ended badly) but it's so hard to break and often end up messaging her when i've had a drink or two