Trauma Is a Multiplier for Isolation & Loneliness: Here's What to Do
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- Опубліковано 30 лип 2024
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In the post-pandemic age of the internet, more people than every are isolated and LONELY. People who have lived through trauma, especially in childhood, may have suffered neurological changes that make connecting even harder -- until you learn to heal. In this video I teach about trauma-driven loneliness -- what causes it, how to heal it, and how healthy solitude can be part of your healing.
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Thanks for addressing this very serious and important topic of loneliness. It's certainly something I have struggled with all my life. My love to anyone else feeling lonely ❤ 🤗
Who is Louis? This is Yvonne replying to Louis or is it Louise?
❤
Thank you. Just reading your post made me less lonely today. Sweet. ❤🩹
Thank you friend!❤
@@maytemmz25 🤗
Wow, I have a library of rationalizations in my head. The one i use most frequently is telling myself that I’ve been on this “road to recovery” alone, and no one I meet will ever truly understand my journey. Isolation and solitude can be soooo comfortable because being around “normies” can get annoying very quickly. I know everyone isn’t bad, but, it just feels as if no one truly understands.
I hear that called, "terminal uniqueness" as well. We all have that core belief we are alone and won't get the help we need. But this Daily Practice help a lot :) bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Cara@TeamFairy
People are annoying. I just focus on the things a can change.
I read people who make small talk at the grocery store, coffee shop or wherever, these people are happier and don’t feel as lonely. I have started it myself and it’s working, plus workers want to know they are seen, just like we want to be seen! It’s a small start or first step into going into a party or group settings.
Great idea - we all need to love and be loved, no matter how small the interaction❤
Thank you for that practical and really useful suggestion!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I'm a complete pro with strangers, but lack the ongoing friendships :(
My partner says I talk to anyone 😂😂😂 I should stop
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Fx
I also think that I'm accepting myself even if others don't! I'm happy to be alive and breathing today. I am just appreciating the small things like coffee in the morning and a sunny day. Also, to think that we aren't here for a long time, just enjoy it and enjoy conversations with any human being from the shopkeeper to family members. I'm going to walk away from toxicity. I'm not wasting my time anymore.
Really well said! Enjoy your coffee,:)
Wow, what a inspirational comment. Thank you 🤍
I think the real issue of the loneliness epidemic is societal, that there is no place and very few situations where people meet face to face anymore. In the UK, pub culture was a huge thing for most of my life. People sometimes think that is all about drinking, but like many people, I don't drink that much. Pubs were a place where people met up after work and socialised, you saw friends and colleagues, people of lots of different generations were all in one place. Pubs were struggling before the lockdowns but the pandemic was the last nail in the coffin. Post Offices, another place people would meet up in the community, have closed down en masse and are pretty rare except in big towns now. People suggest doing evening classes as a way to meet people, but that again is not realistic unless you live in a big urban area... the last decade "Friendship" has been demoted to likes on a facebook post... chances to make or even sustain friendships face to face are rare now. How do we fix that???
It's a real challenge and something we often have to create for or actively seek out ourselves. Thanks for chiming in!
-Cara@TeamFairy
You're right. I thought I had one friend but she started giving me a hard time about always wanting to go to events or out to lunch/coffee. She lives a half hour away and she likes to hike alone, so what else is there to do?? Like, do you call someone and see if they want to 'hang out' somewhere? I thank God I have social contact in my part time job.
Thank you for your comment. It was very well said. I was just thinking about this this morning. I hate to "beat the dead horse," but I think all of the over-stimulation of modern society has created a pursuit of "entertainment" which literally causes people to be less interested, stimulated, and able to focus in "normal" social interactions or on their present environment. If the person in front of us is not "entertaining" enough (activating dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, et.), which is more difficult the more these chemicals are over-produced by artificial means, we can lose interest/focus, creating disconnection. All of that combined with it just feeling "easier" or "safer" to escape into our TVs or phones than to "deal" with people can (and I think does) create a damaging, vicious cycle. Maybe it's the difficulties of reality that cause us to seek the virtual, but the best things in life can come from those dark times, and they make the good times even better, and IMO the best virtual entertainment could never compare to purely good moments in reality. 💛
I live in the UK too and completely relate to your comment. I also live in a rural area and on my own. One thing has really helped me is going to a yoga class twice a week with a lovely teacher, honestly has made a big difference. Keep looking in your area because there will be something you can join x
I've attended a Wesleyan church for 25 years and we have lots of things to do. My 27 yr old daughter is in a Dungeons and Dragons group. I work part time fortunately so I have time to go to a social activity or stay home and do a puzzle. Keep searching for activities. Even going to a square dance at a senior citizen center can be quite fun.
I have struggled with cptsd but it's getting better or I'm getting better at ignoring things that used to trigger me. Maybe I'm just better at avoiding the trigger situations
I'm pleased to be alone after 28 years of being in difficult situations. Actually, it's been a lifetime of difficulties 58 years! Many good times too, but I'm tired and pleased to have a rest now.
Same here such a big and complex life
Good and bad
58 years
Happy to have peace and quiet
@2 black catz I'm happy with my five cats! They are loyal, affectionate, wise, and kind. I've had many relationships it's been a wild ride. I actually cried yesterday as I sat on my balcony. No stresses after 58 years. It was heaven.
I've been in a big solitude kick for a year. Just too traumatized by fake friends and terrible relationships with avoidants that I've now become one. It doesn't help that my mother is a narcissist, so I don't have family either. Recently I got an opportunity to go back working from home and took it. Perfect. This is a comfort zone, but it's a perfect ICU for my wounds. I can take really good care of my health and not be exposed to more damage. I don't really miss people - sometimes I miss good people, but these are hard to find.
I’m an only child of a single parent covert narcissist. I too have narcissistic traits, but only to heal, and eventually have a happy childhood.
Small steps, our membership community has daily opportunities to meet up on zoom. Maybe that will help! crappychildhoodfairy.com/lp/membership
-Cara@TeamFairy
I can totally relate! Since Covid the loneliness has never ended. I am self-employed and was closed for a year I lost everything had to move out of one state to another and with my sister I’ve been here 2 1/2 years. I am an outgoing extrovert, and I still have not met any friends it’s as if nobody wants to be near anybody anymore everyone is living in fear, my church closed down and then merged with another one that I could not relate to at all, so what was “my family was also now gone. I’m now in search of a fresh start a new beginning but at 60 it’s not easy. But the one good thing is I discovered UA-cam in a bigger way and found you. I also found Rumble and some amazing programs and I woke up to what is actually happening in our world so I’m grateful for those things.
Yes. And lost my family, as well. Difficult times
Yep, lost my family too. You're not alone in that.
Masking is extremely exhausting. Especially when you wear that mask around every person in your life. Only take it off when completely alone.
I do this 😕
I relate to this so much. I’m currently watching this video sat in a field in the sun as I had enough of people today so went for a solo nature walk 😂 only place I can take off the mask is in the middle of nowhere
@@Maria7Maria Totally understand this. Work, social engagements, at home, etc... Ya just get too tired to keep it up after so long.
@@janelmiller5935 I think way more people do this than we think. So we are actually made to believe that it's normal.
I have a series of pat topics, responses, joke's and most people seem to like it and it makes Masking easier but I'll still cut them off if they go beyond the shallow (and preferably quick). It's actually an improvement on my previous conversational skills where they got either almost nothing or the occasional weird gush of talking, which attracted Narcissists as they sensed the wounded animal in the herd.
😢 Everything you've said just hit the mark and rocked me to my very soul. I've never heard anyone read me like a book. Childhood trauma, and other trauma has ruled my life. Then 8yrs ago, I got Complex Regional Pain Syndrome type 2 full body with some organ involvement, and it's made my life so unbearable and leaves me feeling helpless, hopeless and completely defeated. I am grateful for your channel. I'll continue to watch and try to help myself heal those things that I am able to. Thank you.
Bless your heart. I relate to you dear. I'm 55 and all the emotional/psychic pain has finally caught up with my body, widespread arthritis, irritable bowel, ... trapped trauma most definitely affects every aspect of our being. I appreciate your comment, I feel less alone. ❤
May God bless and cure you ❤
@Kimberly Trent Thank you. I really hope you find the answers you need to heal. Both physically and psychologically. It's been a long tough road. I am 51 and keep thinking things will get easier.... how wrong I am. Blessings and gentle hugs.
@@aannwwsalam Thank you. 🙏
Go to Anthony Williams Medical Medium UA-cam to heal your body. Go to his website. Millions of people heal
I really second what you said about alcohol. I wasn't an alcoholic but I used it to connect. I quit for 10 months and felt balanced. I drank paddies day and I have honestly suffered really limerent thoughts since. It's made me realise how much it doesn't serve me!
A Reminder: It's NOT selfish to have Self-awareness, Self-control, and Self-compassion ❤ if we hold ourselves accountable, then the mess is easier to navigate out of: only Self-accountablility is truly enforceable. We cannot force others to choose to do the same, just do our best to accept and respect the choices of others.
Dear Anna,
Mom who cut you out of the Mom's Group was feeling threatened and insecure in reality. Her husband had a handful of brief direct askings of you without him going through her. You a single mom at that time, you were a potential threat to her marraige in her own mind.
"It takes proactive intention to heal this kind of trauma." 💡🌤❤
Critically important subject and insight. Thank you! All I've seen of sustained isolation is that it's destructive. My parents, like so many other elderly people, shrunk their lives down to not socializing at all. They told themselves "no one wants to talk to a boring old disabled person." Which then became a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm seeing my brother head down this same path, and he's still able-bodied. I'm taking classes, dancing, volunteering, doing regular and online dating. I talk to people when we're stuck in line, waiting. I intend for my life to expand.
Yes, fight the trauma driven urge to disconnect!
-Cara@TeamFairy
This is great stuff. I would like to add to the conversation that I have written a book, "Smartphones Don't Give Hugs." I am not a mental health professional, but as a dentist and father of three teenagers, I was acutely aware of what was going one because of the overuse of technology and all of it compounded by the Covid related restrictions. Loneliness is now an epidemic. I liken loneliness to be a light on an emotional fuel gauge for our need for social energy, but as much as we should be aware of the light going off it is a matter of doing things to keep the needle as far to the right as possible. I see myself as being a facilatator of a much needed conversation, as no one is going to "unlonely" us. It is not the emotion itself, but what we do to manage it. Thank you
I’m so grateful for your Channel and this topic. I’m 54 and separated for 4 years now living in a foreign country for 21 years hearing your experience as a mom really hit a nerve. You are a great gift to me and I’m sure many others ❤
I'm so happy to hear that! I'll make sure Anna reads this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I had mixed feelings about the isolation of the pandemic.... Sometimes I hated cancelling events I had scheduled but I also found a strange comfort in the isolation as well ..
"Starved for support by people who understood"
Unfortunately, these people aren't available, and I'm not sure they even exist. It's been a weird set of Life experiences and I'm yet to find anyone who gets it.
And being told by a Vietnam Vet that I'm the only civilian he's ever met who gets it, doesn't help 😅
There's a reason why my autobiography would be called "Fantastical Tales of Childhood and Even More Unbelievable Real Stories of Adulthood"
Dr Ingred Clayton’s book “Believing Me” really helped me realize so much ~ my 2 years of isolation has broken open and all the work I’ve been doing via all my UA-cam angels ~ Thank you Anna you have helped so much on my journey 💕
A year ago I never dreamed id be where I am today - hang in there!
Really!
Sending big hugs to all of us on this trail 🌻
I really am thankful I found you. I was introduced to you when Patrick Teahan had you on.
You are kind and show concern because you know what it's like to be from a crappy childhood.
I just felt compelled to show appreciation for all you do.
I am 63 and in recovery after raising my 6 kids and filling my heart with all the love I didn't receive as a child. ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you for your kind words. We are glad to have you here. Jack@TeamFairy
Thank you Anna. It seems life is using your videos to tell me the most important issues I need to address right now. No matter how socially skilled we are, C-ptsd and new trauma waves can make us live in a chronic freeze condition that seem to attract exactly the kind of people and life situations that trigger and re-traumatize us in an endless circle of suffering and loneliness. Therefore, the darkest spot of the tunnel forecast the end of it and the nearness of Light.
That's the thing, so many people are in their head. I meet people and it's just a waiting to talk type of conversation, actually listening is an art form few possess.
Oh boy. Covert avoidance! Procrastination, not taking care of myself-the list goes on. 🤦🏼♀️
It's all solve-able :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
This video could not have come at a more perfect time, I have been struggling with loneliness during an intense C-PTSD episode I have been having for a couple of weeks but this video has helped shed light on issues I want to work on so I can have healthier more meaningful connections with people I know care about me but I tend to push away when I am not doing well internally. Thank you for your channel and videos!! Sending you much love ❤
Thanks so much for your support of the Channel!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you for this video. The past three years have been a time of using the pandemic as an excuse to get the peace I needed in my life. However, I'm lonely, awkward and depressed. I'm a new Crappy Childhood member and using your methods to "get back out there"....
Sending you a big hug 🤗
I'm so glad you've joined us!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I remember when I first found the cc fairy. So helpful. Life changing. I'm also awkward and spend loads of time alone. Glad you're here. Keep coming back. Anna is awesome and so is the community here ❤️
@@C.S.99 You are so sweet 🥰. Thank you for the welcome.
I felt that! I’m feeling better knowing I’m not as alone as I thought.😊
I wish I had heard this 10 years ago. 😭 But you know what they say: the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is today. So, thank you so much for putting it out and making it possible for us to hear it 🙏🙏
It's never too late to heal. Jack@TeamFairy
Yes, this really resonated with me. I am feeling so alone right now. The people I talk to (mums at school) just aren’t into the same things I am. I am a spiritual person. I know there are like-minded souls out there, I just haven’t found them yet. I’ve got a lot going on in my life at the moment, mum in a nursing home with dementia, dad in nursing home with schizophrenia and bladder cancer, I’m recovering from brain cancer and I’ve got two small children (7 & 9). I had a good friend of many years that I used to talk to but even she’s drifted away now. She said it’s nothing I’ve done she’s just busy homeschooling her two ASD kids which I can’t imagine how hard that would be. My husband and I are not on the same page at all re my spiritual beliefs, he is a die hard atheist 😂😂 anyway, basically I’m just feeling really lonely and I know some of you can relate. I just want to say, you are not alone. I am one of them. We will get through this. Big hugs and Blessings 🙏💖
I personally like being alone..... I like walking alone, shopping alone... and being with my dogs alone...I just don't like people that much. I also raised a difficult child with special needs where I had caregivers infiltrating my life and home for years..... so alone is the best for me.
Wow. I feel called out! I do all of these bad loneliness things. I remember being a kid and watching other kids, thinking, “they will never understand me and what I’ve been through.” I had so many ticks against me growing up. It made me avoid everything and everyone, or freeze and fawn. I’m still like that to a degree, but I love my job so that helps me open up when necessary. But I didn’t want to start new friendships because, although I didn’t realize what it was, I knew they would overstep a boundary and I didn’t know how to push back. I was afraid of that moment coming. Smh.
That's exactly what happens to so many of us. I'm glad you're here!
your videos are so so healing and i can listen to you all day!
thanks so much anna
I dropped out of the membership program because the first course was the relationship one. When I had to make a list of people to connect with, I just couldn’t dredge up any desire to do it; part of me wants to, but the effort required is exhausting. Your experience with the “mean girls” brings back a lot of unpleasant memories. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, Anna. 😔
There is a ton of real connection in membership too. Daily opportunities to meet up via zoom with other members. Some of them choose to do courses together.
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you, Cara. I never thought of that being a connection opportunity as well. 👍
This is pure gold. Thank you, Anna, for sharing one of your experiences that was so difficult. I know I've taken inspiration from what you've said it started out as anger at those wretched people in your old neighbourhood but I shifted it). I think those of us who struggle with too much isolation can reach out to other people who are similar & help each other out...a little cup of coffee or walk around the block. I've started doing this. I joined a local meditation group, I go to some dance classes - these aren't close friends I'm with, but I have the opportunity to talk about what we're doing, so it helps a lot! The biggest thing for me is to keep the plans I make manageable - if I invite people for a meal, I might do brunch if my work life is chaotic & I can't handle a big fancy dinner (or I don't want to serve alcohol). I try to only make simple plans with people I really like & then...& this is key...I make myself go. I don't let myself cancel because I want to hide. Continued growth & healing to all of us.
You have a wonderful understanding of the experience of trauma, and isolation. It's scary how well you understand me. What you've said has helped me because I really need to sort my head out, thank you! ❤😊
I love this video because of the practical advise about how to engage in conversation with others. I grew up with a single parent who lacked empathy and therefore did not have a model to mimic and observe. I think a lot of viewers would appreciate more videos with practical advice about engaging in conversation, navigating relationships, and practicing empathy like in this video. THANK YOU SO MUCH ANNA FOR ALL THAT YOU DO! I LIKE EVERY VIDEO AND CONTRIBUTE IN AS MANY WAYS AS I CAN TO GIVE BACK.
I am covert avoidant. I feel like an imposter in my own life, STILL! Perhaps that’s why I’m so comfortable in my chosen profession of nude art model-
I’m present and the focus of the room while I’m working, but I have NO obligation to socialize on breaks or before and after the session/class and my space is usually very respected.😅
Wow, what a timely and relevant message for me today, thank you.
You described my husband - "in the bubble". It's embarrassing at times and leaves me feeling so alone/lonely.
Boy Anna, you are such an amazing women! I respect and admire your courage and commitment to your healing AND OTHERS! THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!
I have been wearing out your videos 😂for a couple years now…I’m ACTUALLY healing so much now. I’m still a work in progress but through Faith in my Lord and your shared wisdom and practical steps and a few other things I’m getting through to some nice places. So I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Some friends have actually commented on my progress and I’ve shared your channel and the free daily practice with them as well! I don’t know if they followed through but that’s not my business really😂 but I thought it was cool that they are noticing I’m changing for the better!
I just wanted you to know this and be encouraged!
Your so brave! I just love your transparency and courage to come out with your real life stories to help us all know that it’s possible to heal and what it looks like going through it, ❤
I’m trying to save up for your courses because I know that if your free course has helped me this much then your full courses will be absolutely priceless!
I’m just on an extremely fixed income due to a disability. But I’m getting closer! Yippee!
Looking so forward to seeing you on the other side (as you say,😂 in the courses). God bless❤
I don’t really know what to do about loneliness because I truly have no concept of how I can build a close relationship ship with anyone as a “friend”. It feels like the Wild West. I have no concept of what to do or if I’m doing it right, and I don’t have any reason to believe I can trust anyone to be a friend
1:57 edit: feral! That is the word I use too lol
Edit again: I feel like I ought to take notes during the video and wait to comment lol but I get anxious/excited and don’t wait 😂
I think it's harder to connect with people today than it ever was in the past. People really don't want to talk in person or on the phone, as in using the phone for the original purpose. Everything is "likes & dislikes" and emails & text messages. You're not alone in these circumstances.
You're such a unique, important voice! You and Rebecca Mandeville are doing great work!
Anna, u have no idea how much I needed u...... I've been in / out of therapy for years!. I just said to somebody, I need to go forward and learn how to live. Instead of going backwards it gave me nightmares!!!!. Or,, just when I'd get done telling alllll. They would leave or, get fired....... ( Most.) Of them were ok!? ?!. I have learned sooooo much from watching your videos. U, get to the root of it alllll. Thank you. & Please,, don't stop now...... Your kind, your caring. Your not. Honey or, fake. U have lived it. Sooooo, u have a great understanding. Thank you again. Blessings always🙏
Anna. I am so sorry you went thru that! Youve been such a gift to me, I cant imagine these horrid people treating you like that
Unfortunately, I am Isolated to where I am in my head, in my own bubble.
It is so fascinating to me how many of these experiences are so common! Great topic. Also wanted to add, you can socialize online if you need to. I have chronic health issues and can’t always do in person things. There are many vibrant supportive communities like this one online. 😊
Thank you for watching. If you enroll in the daily practice there are calls on zoom with Anna for Q&A and doing the daily practice as a group. Jack@TeamFairy bit.ly/DailyPractice_Calls
I'd rather be alone than to deal with people! Especially family.
You are SO helpful. It helps that you are so humble by speaking from a place of personal experience. Just love you❤ It helps to imitate your ownership of your stuff.
Aw, what a nice thing to say. Thank you.
I can make friends, but over time it doesn't last. I realized recently that I keep making friends with drinkers (I'm not much of a drinker, it just doesn't agree with me). I felt more comfortable with intoxicated people, they are less discriminating, they don't notice my social deficits. Sober people are scary to me in social situations, now I've actually given up drinking entirely, this is helping a lot with healing my nervous system. I've pretty much given up on the idea of ever having many friends. Not sure it will ever happen for me.
You are such a blessing. Thank you
Great episode. Alot of what you are explaining in this video resonates with me. Thanks
I appreciate hearing your off the cuff kind of personal stories of being ostracized by that group of mothers. It was nice to hear that sometimes, we just haven't found "our people," if you will. I never had a problem, especially professionally, making friends, but it just is harder to make adult female friends, especially being divorced and single when even past close friends are married and have children which naturally should dominate their lives. Learning about C-PTSD, vs just the PTSD I've BEEN diagnosed with, has helped me to learn where I CAN potentially find some of "my people," hopefully, through groups and such; although I am not one to return to 12-step organizations, just personally. So, thank you for what you do, and for acknowledging that while everyone does have their own journey of work to do - really to keep growing until our last breath, if we want our best lives, whether that journey is awkward or not (which mine sure is oftentimes) - it ISN'T ALWAYS just "OUR" own faults for everything. I've found this with my mostly very nice apt/floor neighbors, but in my building and neighborhood it's just not been at ALL a place I could fit in or even, frankly end up physically safe. So, I'm moving, bad credit post-divorce and lied to about a bankruptcy I was put in and all...and I have hope of finding MY people, as cheesy as I feel it sounds, in my humble opinion, again. I hope everyone here finds what and whom they are looking for in their lives and we don't have to live in the agreement I too have been finding that so many people only want small talk and look at me as if I have 4 heads if I so much as ask if someone would like to get a coffee some time (just other female neighbors, etc. who I've talked w/ and gotten along w/ several times). It's definitely no fun to keep doing, and even when I truly feel like I "know" I just couldn't have even had the time to "screw up" the situation, the lack of fruition on attempts becomes more rejections, as well. Thanks for listening, and best wishes to everyone dealing with all of what we go through every day; I have nothing but the most respect for people who hate small talk and want to bond, yes appropriately, but still taking that chance in connecting with another person. That is true courage during these times, I think.
I’ve been recovering from some crazy complex trauma, and this was super helpful. The part that had the ah-ha for me was when you mentioned perception. I often have been over-reliant on logic as a coping mechanism. Still, the part I don’t think I fully understood is that if my perception is false or broken, the logic will cause loneliness, isolation, disconnection, and many other not-so-fun experiences. This video was so helpful explaining why i struggle (perception anxiety) being my quirky colorful self out in public or why I feel like people may or may not avoid me etc.
I was just looking for a video like this.. ❤
I resonate with every word you have said here, I appreciate your helpful videos. There is a lot of work to do to become more self aware, and to try out some of these techniques etc. I am sorry you had such a hard time in the past.
Thank you for your support!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Anna, your Halloween story broke my heart. Thank you for kindly sharing❤
Thanks for listening, glad you are here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
OMG, so glad i found this channel. TY Anna.
You are so welcome!
-Cara@TeamFairy
My biggest reason for isolation is that I’m so scared I’ll wake up and someone has convinced me to do something I don’t want to do. I find it hard to apply my boundaries early and firmly. I’m still making them in anger and frustration. Finished all the courses. Not sure what works anymore
Looking at my comment from a year ago. I’ve gotten clear on my values. I’ve started to hold my boundaries early with existing friends and they didn’t leave me. Learning to communicate kindly and early has been an asset. Not using my perfectionism to keep people at bay 😊. Emotional regulation tools have been a godsend. Thank you Anna for always being here in this long healing journey. I so wish I can extend this to romantic relationships. Hopefully this time next year I’ll have good news to report.
So very sorry to hear about that negative experience you went through with your neighbors. I wish I could've been there for you to stand up for you. We must stand up to the strong, when they are in the wrong! Thank you for sharing, and all that you are, and all that you do.💝
Thank you. I wish I'd had you, and my friends here too!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy On the bright side of things with what happened, at least you can hold your head up high knowing you were not what those neighbors painted you out to be. And I'd be happy to have those kind of people out of your life. Consider it a blessing from the universe. 😊
Yes, Its ME 😂🥹
THANK YOU FOR YOUR POSTS - LOVE THEM
listening to you is so soothing. Thank you very much
I appreciate your honesty and using your experiences as examples, this topic resonates with me. I will use this advice and tools to help me get out of my comfort zone.
My 7 year old and I just moved to a new area, a year ago. I was so sad for her (and me) when we had to go trick or treating alone.
Thank you for saying that more nuance is a good thing
Dear People, keep on going. You can heal. It took a while, but I found a loving friend who I could argue with without having the relationship end. We could always talk things out and come back to being friends. Keep on going, keep looking, work on yourself and have hope. (Anna, sorry about your peformer tty neighbors.) ❤
Thank you for sharing some success in healing!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Because I was maliciously Stalked and harassed throughout my adult life, and virtually zero emotional connection to my parents and family, I was driven to live mobile, in a tiny mountain community, where I am now being stolen from and even my family (Hubby and friends), are now losing faith in me and my ability to accomplish anything, I am on the verge of just grabbing some things and walking away from my life.
I have had enough.
I am down to a zero purpose life.
I just can’t take any more.
Your arguments against news media are very insightful, I can think of 50 reasons not to watch it, but I never thought of those ones.
Thanks!
I am so sorry to hear that you receive around 100 letters per week from people expressing profound loneliness and isolation/disconnectedness. It is such a terrible state that I, too, know too well. Thank you for speaking to this, hitting the mark, and identifying so many aspects.
I've been listening to your videos and shocked myself this week. Met one friend for coffee, had another over for a movie, and talked to a neighbor. We ended up exchanging numbers, and she might become a new friend. What? 😂 I'm a hermit crab! Or maybe not. Thank you, Anna. I don't delude myself that I'm fixed, but seeing that I could do this was amazing. 🎉🎉
You got this! -Calista@TeamFairy
It feels good to know that I’m on the right path. Prior to Covid, I had make a lot of progress in healing. For the first time in years my weight was under control & I felt both physically & mentally healthier.
Lots of personal loses in the past two years put me in a spiral. The turnaround was changes in a friend that I found disturbing. This was an unhappily married person that found an old love online. He was down the rabbit hole with person that instantlywas spending large amounts of money on him. He left his marriage (wife was pleased as punch) & moved back to his childhood hometown. I told him it will bite you in the butt.
Normally, I’d probably stick my nose in like the true damaged detective that I am, but nah, I’m good.
I write out my feelings & decide if the situation should take up space in my head. Point is, I’m not stuffing my feelings down so much & happily have been dropping those pounds again.
Im still a major work in progress.😊
Thank you so much for all the info you provide us. Can you please talk more about covert avoidance?
“I’m not doing people anymore.” 😂🤣🙋🏻♀️. It’s ok. It’ll pass one day.
Your story about the neighborhood campaign against you based on the other woman's husbands behavior (apparently he never fessed up?) is exactly why I dont seek out close relationships. I feel that that behavior (of the neighbors) is more the norm today. But I totally agree about the 12 step fellowship. One of the other good things about the meetings is that they are structured and last about an hour. It is a safe place to get started. Thank you as always for your insights.
Well said, I wholeheartedly agree!
-Cara@TeamFairy
~This was a really good one!!!~There were many great, new things you said that were super helpful!!!~♡~
I'm so glad! Thank you for taking the time to comment :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I feel bad that those other parents were so ignorant to you.
I don’t believe I can bring myself to trust people, and I will never mourn that. I find my purpose elsewhere.
Thank you for your videos! They have been a great comfort 👍
Thank you for watching!
Nika@TeamFairy
If your lonely your missing a connection with yourself. Get a hobby, reconnect with yourself. I have PTSD and have done my whole life and will do for the rest of my life. I get lost and come back by using the steps. I do artu sculpture is good. Goodville is a game that you can check your mental health and gives you advice and health tips. Hobbies get you in a group in environment that you all can relate to and enjoy. I also paint just for fun. It also gives you another topic to talk about and makes you interesting. It locks out the rest of the world.
Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you Anna. ❤
Thank you for taking the time to comment! Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Aw Anna, how sad . Glad you are away from that neighborhood!
This brings up a very important topic imo; that we can run the relay of the midbrain's addictive tendencies with negativity. Such stimuli will inevitably cause awareness and trigger repeates bahvioral patterns of presented in this manner. This is how we get addicted to negative emotional reactions in O.C.D., intrusive thinking, etc.
Problem is not just to connect but to keep a long term friend because that's where assumptions break relationships and triggers can be activated
Thank you Anna for sharing those wisedoms and story's about isolation and what it does to us.
I would love to be part of the connection Bootcamp. I have to save money for it so i will give myself some time for this project.
One question hovers through my head. I know it will sabotage my saving plan. I will write it down and hope to get the informations to decide.... When i want to start and this isn't holding me back.
Do i need friends or people that are friend material contacts while doing the connection Bootcamp? I never had friends, have been cut out of classes and bullied my whole schooltime. And my mom have been in fear to connect so she didn't. My dad have been alcoholic and my mom ... No shaming had some strange contacts that she i felt never trusted. So I couldn't learn socializing. One time i remember she said it's not worth the effort. People fall into your back so contacts and friendships are not important. A waste of time and energy. Boundary's and emotions had to be pushed down to be not recognize able to have a lonely but ... Mostly peaceful time at home. Not triggering my mom.
Because: Shame shifting (it's your fault kid that you experience...this and that, to let me alone with that painful experience. Her way to deal with not having a solution. Or right foreward. It's your fault. Sometimes i want to develope you back to abort you.
At least once before speach developement something knocked me right into shutdown. What left me in a funktional freeze mode ever since) Being seen as a needy adult that asked for way too much, parentification teached me to only allow contact with high guards and not bothered friendly mask on. To descide stuff on my own without rounding the edges in a social get-together.
The undertone of fear is my everytime guest. I think of me I'm such a plaque, why bother and hurt others? Not conscious but it's one part of my pull back and feel bad after connecting with others reflex.
I don't have people to train with. Do i need them upfront? Or does the pool of people to connect with develop while doing the connection bootcamp?
All of the course are set up in such a way you do not require any people on hand or any type of relationship with family or otherwise. Strongly advise you to start Daily Practice now, it will lessen some of the fears that arise during the Connection Bootcamp course bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Cara@TeamFairy
I lived that exact scenario with the neighborhood parents, just one of my sources of ptsd and self imposed isolation I’m working so hard on now… ❤
Thank you! I feel like I'm being forced into isolation from lack of work.
Isolation does make you rusty at normal things...
Thanks for this topic.
Glad you enjoyed :) -Calista@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy it's important for those of us affected to such a degree that we understand what is happening when we get overwhelmed...that is : emotional dysregulation. It helps to write. Thanks for the content of today's talk.
lots of people are living with loneliness, and they are fine and they survive, we have our work.
I also love Charisma on Command! 😄
I’m scared of getting close to others now!
That can heal :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
"...people can be very triggering for us." What you then said was not what I was anticipating. I am easily triggered by people because I am hyper-alert to lack of ethics, to bad manners, to self-delusion, to being inconsiderate, to false statements (i.e., when actions speak louder than words), to hypocrisy, to bigotry, to egocentrism, to illogic, to ignorance… It's a choice of withdrawal or do the smile-and-nod-smile-and-nod thing.
ANNA! your a master therapist, an amazing psychologist and an excellent life coach :)
Thank you! 😊
Please do a vid on ostracization. For dome of us that's our middle name
it is so harsh to be around people who are not your family that loves you, and if your family does not love you then you can be lone.
I have this issue of not being able to control my anger (emotions). I've been on anxiety meds for several years and it has been working well. I'm single and I like being single. But sometimes I'm lonely. If I could control my emotions, I would be less lonely because I would have more people around.
We understand and have found the tools on the channel really helpful! bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Cara@TeamFairy
As someone who self isolates, 2020 was daily utopian paradise!
Edit:
Sorry you experienced that Anna.
Your boundaries can easily become walls too.. sad 😢 ...
This hits home. I have childhood trauma but did not realized I had it until after I had my own child. How can I heal my child who I raised the way I was raised by my shitty parents? :(
I find it very concerning that people focus so much on the negativity in the world and are constantly enraged....
Social media and search engines only show you things that they anticipate you will like. It creates the illusion that the rest of the world feels and thinks just like you do. It can become very reinforcing sometimes.
What a horrible situation with the neighbors when the children were small. Daughter has had a hurtful neighborhood experience during COVID and re:vaccinations, etc. ❤️
Loneliness for me has never had a thing to do with who or how many people were around. It got so bad
that people were actually no longer
even real; simply touching some-
one was only an illusion or dream.
It took years for me to learn that
my own loneliness could never
have anything to do with the kind
or number of those around me,
it was my own company that was
so difficult to get to know.
Sending ❤ to all.xx