"People who kill themselves are not upset, they're actually quite calm because they know the next step will bring them relief." Damn that gave me chills.
Facts. When one seeks answers there eventually be an inarguable solution. Reaching out and getting punished repeatedly for it teaches one to just stop trying.
I think if you commit suicide because the system failed you, you are far too programmed. There's other options like moving to a different country or even live of the grid. There's more to life than just the city. or so I think.
Mmm recognise part of that. My gf said she got scared when she saw me get stressed out and cry. But she also after that said she will do what she can to never let me end up like that again. Cause she wants me to be the big strong one in the relationship. So now i call her my girl in shining white armour XD
Truth. I Was at the edge, even holding the gun in my hand. The thought of finally ending my pain made me smile. Something made me stop myself obviously.
Yeah I agree, today was the absolute worst Father’s Day for my dad because a close friend to my dad died. My dad always pushed the “be a man” and “strong physically” statements on to me and my little brother and for the longest time that was all I saw my dad as. Today, more than ever, I saw my dad’s emotions as he put his phone down. My dad was pushed into that mindset because society portrayed men that way. It ran in the family too. I really do hope I got my message across since I just wanted to let something off my chest and Me and my dad relate to this heavily.
420 it sucks cause men are raised to avoid and suppress those emotions but in situations like this when it can be overwhelming we have no idea how to handle them because we are not used to them and really don’t understand them. Hope your dad can grow stronger from this
Wow, I’m so sorry that you were treated like that. There’s nothing wrong with you, but there is something wrong with her to judge you for crying at your own Father’s funeral. That’s insane.
Thanks to all of you for your thoughtful comments. I have read through them with great interest. As I mentioned in the talk, my aim is to raise awareness of a problem that many men experience but do not report because of social and cultural shame. Thus it is that many men are shamed twice: once by the abuse, and again by discussing it. This should not be. We need to respect the inner-lives of men enough to allow them to express their emotions freely without fear of being stigmatized. In fact, I almost didn't give this talk for that very reason. But I had to do it for the sake of my own recovery from an abusive relationship that hurt me greatly, and from which I am still recovering. It is not easy. My desire is for there to be enough of a social and cultural shift that will allow men to express themselves without fear of harsh reprisal or condemnation. Thank you again for all of your comments. I appreciate them.
A 6-7 year relationship down the toilet. We were both at fault, but I never considered myself the "victim", considering my father instilled the same principles that your father did, only my father was an abusive alcoholic that only was in my life for about 10 years. Needless to say, the words stuck with me. Probably because my eldest brother was such a man, a great man in my eyes, but now I see that all men are broken in some respect. Hearing the comparisons, this has happened in my previous relationship. Granted we were high school lovers, so we were young and naive, not knowing what was out there in the sea of humanity. Looking back at our relationship, it was toxic and repulsive in my eyes. We both were at fault, but I can't help to feel that she did pull me away from people. She wanted me to be alone and secluded, and now this is what I do on a regular basis. It is hard for me to maintain relationships at this point. It has been 3 years since I have had an intimate relationship with anyone, let alone intimacy, but I equate that to my fickle submissiveness grown from my previous relationship. I seldom contemplate even having a relationship altogether. My feelings towards my generation of women in my ethnic group and the same age, 24 Korean-American in SoCal, has grown to be grotesque and shallow, but this is only due to the fact that it is my own personal stigma towards these women from my previous relationship/friendships. I swear like 60% of them smoke cigarettes and drink alcohol just like my father, but I'm just complaining my hatred towards the pain of the past. Koreans have a problem with legal addictions. Asian in general in America are usually ignored and are not seen as "serious" in western media in my perspective. However this is me ranting now, for it is myself that has the problem, not a generalization of a generation of humans. Thank you for this talk, I appreciated it tremendously. You are a very strong individual. I guess I just needed someone to talk to, and you seem like a person that would not hurt a fellow man that was in the same situation as you were before. Thank you, this talk has helped me in one way or another.
Thank you so much, Tim. It was a very hard pill to swallow to admit to myself and my husband that I was an emotional abuser to to him. I am so grateful I opened up my eyes to see the hurt I was causing my husband and change. It was not extreme, but I will not give excuses- it was abusive and destructive.period. Although my eyes were opened some time back, I continue to learn and grow to this day and talks like yours keeps me doing just that. Thank you for your authentic and brave talk! You are helping many people and you ARE making a difference to bring change and awareness. Never give up on you. I wish you well on your journey of healing. May God continue to bless you.
I made a mistake in the post above and rather than edit it out, it's better to correct it with an addendum. Diane Langberg does have 45 years working with trauma victims and has a PhD. in Psychology, but the mistake I made is in saying she graduated from Seminary. Somehow, I thought that was correct. But no, she worked at a Seminary - and she is a pastor's wife. That actually makes more sense to me.
Aye, and sometimes they come back, twisted and unyielding, like something undead, something we fear. Its terrible to be afraid of ones self, not understand why, and to be alone with that. Never put those feelings off, they will never forget the times you turned your back on them, ie, your self...
It's difficult for men to express themselves, when the world around them doesn't give any sympathy or support in return. It's like complaining to your boss, and then he fires you.
I complained to my boss that all my coworkers told me to just clean and when I finished cleaning, they told me to just clean. The complaint didn't sit well and he fired me on the spot.
This is a very well spot on image, it helps me understand the risk men take when expressing themselves to their partner (or others), I'll keep it in mind when bonding, sharing thoughts or arguing with mine, thanks !
Men don't talk about the emotions because guaranteed, during the next argument you have with your partner, wife, whatever, she will bring it up and use it to hurt you. Any man who has ever been laughed at by a woman can tell you that talking to women about your fears or insecurities is just giving her ammunition for her to throw right back in your face at a later date. Most women think it's okay to emotionally abuse their partner because they think men don't feel.
Been there, lived through that. Not all women are the same and if that's what you are receiving... Then that's the warning bells ringing, trying to tell you to get out of that relationship. She's not the one for you, there's a wonderful woman out there who has been through exactly the same thing as you and you need to find her because she's also looking for you. I know this because like I said, I have been there and now I'm with the one that was also looking for me. 7 years now without a put down, comparison to someone else, in fact no verbal or physical abuse what so ever. To anyone reading this, I just want you to know that I found true happiness even though I had a lot of self doubt and low self esteem and you can do it to.
500% true. Talking to another man about it is a far better idea. Even talking to friends who are girls is risky as they tend to have more of a tendency to gossip and spread it (this is because while men use physical attributes and status to dominate and to gain power women tend to use social manipulation and social control to gain power hence why women gossip so much).
@@timharper4246 ...you want to see an actually unhealthy man, look at Chris Evans or Hugh Jackman during the movies they do. They're about a day away from organ failure due to dehydration. This guy could stand to lose some weight, but he's not the walking heart attack you claim.
Wife: You need to be more open. You need to talk about your emotions. You need to let things out. Also Wife : You can talk to me about anything. Husband : Opens up to wife about his emotions. Wife: Gets annoyed at the very idea that anything she does could be wrong, totally disregards and discards everything you say.
I use to date a girl who emotionally and psychologically abused me. I always tried to make excuses for her and it ruined my relationships with my friends and family. Than one day I found out she cheated on me, she begged me for one more chance (and sadly) I relented and she cheated on me again. I had enough at that point and dumped her, she continued harassing me and trying to get back with me. I had a serious urge to commit suicide rather than feel like I was useless and a worthless worm, but a very good friend of mine (who went on to be my wife) found out about what I had gone through and helped me out of my hole and made me feel like a person again. I am thankful that my wife was there and I'm glad I have the loving support of friends and fami,you to help me
The majority of women can't be human when it comes to a man suffering from a manipulative woman. They won't tell him the truth and in the end refer to him as weak. But if a man yells at a woman for something that's her fault, they consider him a monster no matter what damaged she caused.
The last time I cried in front of my mother she laughed at me and told me to “oh please (rolls eyes) stop it already...” Now. We had had an argument and she said something that cut me deep. And I cried, yes. As a 36 yo man. I am not a crier, in front of anyone, I do it alone. She has never apologized for knowing she hurt my feelings. I mean, I am her son. She will say “im sorry” if she sneezes too loud with the tv on but not if she hurts my soul and makes me bawl? I don’t understand. Never will.
LogicalFallacyinMyPants and such If she ain’t there for you, don’t be there for her, treat everyone how they treat you, give em the same vibe right back, usually that keeps em in place.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Some parents need to be given some space from their children before they realize what a privelege it is to have them in the first place. Parenthood is not superiority.
@@Jashan720 IMO this isn't likely to solve anything. A lot of the time it would just make them act like you were the only one doing anything wrong, and then they seek and get the help and support that you deserve, leaving you alone. That doesn't necessarily happen all of the time of course, but it's a legitimate worry for these kinds of things. I'm not saying to not stand up for yourself, but you have to be careful with these kinds of situations and there are certain lines you shouldn't cross. Also, I just feel like the method of returning abuse with abuse just keeps the cycle going. It's way too complicated of an issue with varying factors that change what the exact best answer would be to be able to just simply say what to do, but I feel like returning it back to them to "keep em in place" isn't likely to work out better.
WhiteNinja42 I never meant to return abuse with abuse. I’m saying dont open up to those who’ll obviously demean your vulnerability. If it’s a situation in which he has no choice but to be open with his mother (either maybe because he has no one else to open up to), I’d say it’s better to be alone and scream in front of the mirror rather than open up to someone who clearly won’t understand. If it’s abusive, change your vibe and get out of that situation is all I’m saying. It’s hard obviously I’m not denying that.
Only difference is that telling a woman that is considered to be backwards, and that‘s absolutely true. But if a man complains about how people treat him, he is seen as weak and that‘s what keeps men from telling the world how he feels. There‘s a reason why men have such higher suicide rates compared to women. And it doesn‘t even matter whether society does oppress men like that, it is enough when the man has just the impression that he wouldn‘t be taken seriously.
It's not the same. Telling a person to man up is encouraging them to focus their attention on the immediate situation at hand. Telling a woman to get back in the kitchen it's telling a woman her immediate focus should be the kitchen.
I always tell my husband how gorgeous I think he is. Men deserve to be treated just as well as Women are. Equal means the same. (By the same I mean, men and women should be treated the same, not that they are physically/actually the same).
If you physically attack a person, it's a crime. But, if you emotionally attack a person to the point where they are willing to kill themselves to avoid continued attacks, there's no crime.
it cant be a crime because while physical assaults hurt all people the same, words hurt different people in different ways, its subjective to the recipient as it is to the perpetrator.
It might not be able to get to court, but it's still definitely a crime, and a bigger crime in my opinion. I would much rather have the occasional smack in the face from deep down loving but imperfect parents than parents who physically take care of me but emotionally care less about me. Emotional pain can be much more painful and last much longer. Thankfully you can emotionally heal, but it takes some searching and change of thinking.
SerNoddicusTheGallant what about bullying ? Seriously if I could I will sentence bullies to death. They take the life of an innocent person with words and somehow they’re not punished ?!
It's is a crime, it's called harrassement. The problem is that contrary to physical abuse, it's way harder to prove. Plus for men you got to go against societal bias considering women as the primordial victim and men as the almighty oppressor... Which makes it harder for men to come up with such things on a court and even harder to convince a jury...
Men must perform! It is demanded of men to the best in sports, have the best paying job, be fantastic in bed.etc. And 'real men' must never cry. Men are discarded if they do not perform. And no one sees this as abusive?
I think you seriously need to look at the kind of women you are attracted to, if you think that's true. To a decent woman, a man should ideally have a job that pays at least the average wage (for your age group), not necessarily the best paying job. Sports I assume you mean in school? Women don't care about that, though it's a bonus if you're in good shape. And as far as being good in bed that's easy. Just listen to what she wants. Every woman is different and once you've been together a while you'll get to know what she likes. And if there's a good reason to cry then she will not judge you for it. Obviously no one wants someone who cries all the time LOL but that's also true for men. Sounds like you've been dating bitches. Try lowering your standards a little.
not specifically women, but society. You are taught since the beginning that you should pursue that, and you believe it. That is your purpose and not achieving it means failure.
@@cyrene7784 No true scotsman fallacy. Statistics show that women primarily date men who are equal or better than them in affluence whereas with men the majority of their partners have less powerful / wealth generating jobs.
@@jacobusderottmann1000 Ironically, anger is the only emotion that is told to courts with a divorce. They don't talk about how you would spend every waking minute taking care of them when they are sick, slaving away at multiple jobs to get her the life she wanted. No, the court only hears about how he would yell at the football game and one time threw a beer bottle at her (nevermind the fact that it wasn't a beer bottle, you didn't even throw it, you knocked it off the table and apologized immediately after, but facts don't matter).
It was easy to walk away. Anger is a brilliant emotion that lessens the burden of difficult decisions. Like motivation it doesn't last. I began second guessing myself and had to consistently go over everything that took place. Part of me always longs to reconnect, but the smarter aspect of me knows there's nothing worth connecting to. No matter what, you have pain following your decision. You simply have to decide which pain is most beneficial or least harmful. Don't allow her or anyone else to drag you down. Most importantly, don't drag yourself down trying to be free of her.
Buttermilk Pancakes I recently cut her off because of some shady things she did and it’s funny because when I did it I feel much better but like you said there’s the feeling that I may have made a mistake. How do you feel 9 years later? Was it the right decision?
@GG Jones no I believe in this case you can generalise, the majority of society does see gender based issues in this way. People, in general, just don't care about men.
"Son, the greatest lesson I can teach you is this: Don't tell your troubles to others. Because if you tell ten people of the problem you are having. Seven of them won't care, two of them will laugh at you behind your back. One of them will tell you to deal with yourself."
I was forced to write an essay on personal struggle and how i overcome them and my teacher legit told me to man up and stop being a wimp. Wonder why her kid O'D on heroine hmmm
we dont have jesus healing powers. kind of, or most of everything we've invented has been mostly a compensation for suffering, people can only do soo much, the one thing people can do i guess... is engaging in a hobby with others. tends to help i guess
I remember when I cried in my grade 8 class when I broke my finger. Every single girl laughed at me, and I was teased for months. Odd thing was my male peers, who I thought would make fun of me, comforted me. After some weeks of bullying by these girls I told the principal. They did not care.
Who's seen as weak if they cry? Men. Who has to put a smile on there face everyday in front of there children? Men. I've never seen my father cry in my entire life! Not once ever. But you know what I did see? I saw a man have a stroke then rufuse to take his pills thus having another stroke in front of his children because he was trying to kill himself. To end the pain of suffering in silence. My father is still alive but he's unwell and he'll never recover from the trauma he suffered from my very own mother. I love her but also despise her for the way she treated him. Constantly arguing for years on end and blaming all her Insecurities and problems on him but never taking the time to just look at the situation and try to find a solution with her husband. It's not always about you ladies. And dont start that b.s that you have it harder because everybody has it hard in this life.
Wow. I am so sorry to read your post. I can relate. My father just had his third stroke and it has left his right arm and leg affected. He and my mother have a long history of abuse. My father has been physically abusive toward her in his life but my mother has equally been emotionally and mentally abusive to him as well. My brothers place most of the blame on my father, excusing my mother because she's physically weaker than my father. Though it is true that a husband should not physically abuse a wife, because it's just not a fair fight. Men are generally physically stronger than women. It's just a fact. But it is also intellectually dishonest to not hold a wife accountable for her actions. My mother uses my father's past sins against him and she doesn't love him. She says she has forgiven him, but I don't think my father believes her. I have seen my mother and it's cheap lip service. She treats me the same way, dismissive, trying to manipulate me, but I enforce boundaries. My older sister too does not hold my my mother accountable. I fear for my father because he may have another stroke and die. My mother seems to be indifferent to it and I can see that if my father truly believed that my mother forgave him, if she cared to be around him, he would be motivated to get better, he senses that she does not truly sincerely care about him. He's always just been a workhorse for her and now that he's wheelchair bound, she makes not time for him. My siblings continue to blame my father and say that it's his responsibility to control his anger. And though yes, a person can choose to control his anger, it is also true that a wife's mockery, her cruelty toward her husband, especially during a time of suffering can also affect him. He suffers in silence. At best she's indifferent and dismissive of him and treats him like a child now that he's in a wheelchair and at worst she wishes he would die. I don't know my mother's heart, but I do see that her behvaior around my father now does not convince him that she loves him or ever did. She loved what she could get out of him. It seems like it was all just transactional for her. He can detect fakeness of sentiment and I don't think he believes her when she pretends to say she cares about him. Now that he can't do anything for her, he's become disposable to her.
I once was at a dinner, where a group of girls talked about how males needed to show emotion... One of em then continued the conversation by mocking a male she had been on date with, for mentioning that he found the dish they where eating too spicy... And how it turned her off. ... ...
Many times, growing up, I distinctly remember my mom saying something, that made me truly think, "does she not think men have emotions, at all?" Now, I realize how many women there are, that literally, don't think men have emotions at all.
@@A_Black_Sheep94 I wouldn't say children. More like mid teens. Wait! That makes perfect sense considering that women stop going through puberty on average at the age of 16.
10 years of addiction, suicidal tendencies and suffering in silence..Happy to say today I’m sober and happy and content..because I decided to open up and ask for help. Stay strong brothers
You "asked for help"? Really? Whom did you ask? Some anonymous voice over the phone? Some chat room "nobody"? There's only one person you can actually ask for help -- a friend. I mean a real friend. Not some acquaintance. Not some professional associate. A true friend. The last time I knew one of those, I was 9 years old. Since then, life has taught me that "friendship", for men at least, ends at adolescence. After that, you're damned well on your own, for the rest of your life. I can vouch for this. At almost 70 years of age, I can verify that this is absolutely true.
I've never let my wife or kids see me cry. Even when I was diagnosed with a life threatening illness I stopped myself from doing so (thankfully I recovered years ago and am fine now). I even kept the news about my illness from my children and they've never found out. But it was drilled into me at an early age that men don't cry and don't show emotion. One time as a child I did cry in the playground and I was ridiculed by everyone. I've not cried since. I used to be proud of not crying but now I realise it's not a good thing at all. Even though I know I should show my emotions more now, I can't seem to find the words after a lifetime of hiding them. Many people around me lean on me for emotional support, both at home and at work. Some have been through terrible times and I'm one of the first they turn to for help or advice. But I can only recall one person ever asking me if I was OK even when I was going through some horrible stresses in my life. Men are seen and not heard. I've just volunteered with an initiative in the UK to help prisoners re-integrate into society as I'm becoming acutely aware of just how little help there is for men.
Just cry when alone as much as you can, it helps tremendously I'm pretty sure you can cry for hours everyday for a month, our body remember every sad experience where we didn't cry
As a Victim Advocate for more than 18 years I have counseled thousands of victims of domestic violence, most of them women. It has been my experience that men are under served. I am hoping to change that by raising more awareness about the emotional (and physical) abuse of men. Thank you for sharing your story!
You know why men don't open up? I've confided in two women in just the past three months. One told me, it wasn't her job to "coddle me" and the other one just today asked me "But what did you do?" after I told her I was the victim of verbal/emotional abuse and cheating. We don't open up, because our vulnerability is used against us EVERY SINGLE TIME.
As a Black man, I especially appreciate this video. Even though men of all races go through emotional abuse, it felt good seeing and hearing a Black man share his experiences. We have that "don't air dirty laundry" thing among us...
While talking about this I've said to a few friends of mine, "If you want to know what it's like to be a man.... imagine having all the same emotions, fears and insecurities you do now but with the understanding that nobody cares about them and will laugh at you if you talk about them. That's what it's like to be a man"
I feel so much empathy for men these days, after seeing what they have to go through and put up with. My Father will always be my hero b/c no matter how life knocked him down and made him feel weak and worthless, he never gave up. He took some pretty degrading jobs in order to take care of my mom and me, and kept his dignity in the face of ridicule. Thanks, Daddy ❤
You're no different. All women can intellectually agree that they are crueler than men, but biologically you can't resist being the same woman. It's okay. Just shut up.
The best resource to turn to, when struggling emotionally as a man, is your best male friend. Because contrary to pop culture, which tirelessly portrays men as varieties of a (sometimes good looking) Homer Simpson, we actually do have a tremendous potential for empathy. You guys should try it out sometime! Peace!
There's Anton Chekhov's monologue scene "About harm of tobacco", where a man starts telling about tabacco's harm and unintentionally drifts away to talk about his life, how we's being abused by his wife for so many years. In the end of the scene there comes understanding that an abusive wife harms way more then any kind of tabacco. It's written in 1886. Just saying.
I wish I knew about this before. Good part of what made me chain smoking was my familiar problems, so I relate to this more than you can imagine. I belive I would have self harmed myself (more than I did) If i didn't smoke. (I think some people would argue that this form of chain smoking is a form of self abuse, though.)
@@davidk7529 Substance abuse is always an escape. Nobody uses substances for the fun of it. It may seem that way but the "fun" is actually just getting away from your problems.
I recently (less than a month ago) left my relationship with my ex fiancé. I had a wake up call. I felt like she was using me for an ATM, never cared too much about me. I could count on one hand how many times she’s checked up on me, whereas I, bent over backwards for her. She always told me i took the “easy way” in a career because i went to do auto body collision instead of going to a 4 year university and getting a college degree like herself. She said i let myself go after i moved 500 miles away from my family, to be with her. I left her now, i feel alone. But I no longer feel abused or neglected.
At the end of the day you're your best person when you have only yourself to rely on. Make your money with the little debt you collected compared to a 4yr degree. And fill yourself with things a female could never accomplish. Her entitlement isnt your standards!!
I remember my mom found me crying after a heart break at like 19-20 years old and got upset and told me to stop. In the sort of "man up" kind of way. Even if it was from a place of love, it sends the wrong message. Its seen as a sign of weakness from both men AND women. It's why men die earlier with stress related illnesses. We have to bottle it up and live in a slow burn of frustration, in silence.
This legitimately made me cry. The last five minutes I was bawling the eyes out more than I ever have been in my life. Now I am not in a abusive relationship, however this made me understand my dad much more than previously. The first time I saw my dad cry was a year ago on June 22. That year marked the 20th year since my granddad's death. He died on July 4th. We never celebrated July 4th as a family and as a young kid; I never understood why. You see, that day he went to Walmart to buy groceries and saw all the fire works out and that was a trigger. The rest of the day he was extremely irritable. Mom accused him of being drunk. Then while he was driving the car. He broke-- broke down crying. And the saddest thing is, the whole time he was crying --I must have heard it more than ten times-- he was apologizing to me that he was showing me his crying face. Now by this time the yelling between my parents, a daily occurrence, happened and surprisingly my dad chose not to drive. He pulled over and got into the back seat. This is also another first I've seen from my dad. My mom has extreme anxiety of driving and will never take the wheel from the car. I never meant to type this much. I an extremely thankful for your talk.
My second birthday is the 9th Jan., 2017 when I was hit by a speeding train, police says it was smth between 60 and 90 kmh. I was clean, so the only reason of this incident was just my spinecrashing emotional burden at the time. Luckily, not a single mark on my body.
Right at half of the women I've dated acted violently toward me. They would slap if I told an off-color joke. They would punch, bite, kick, one hit me with blunt objects, another spat food in my face. I absorbed most of it. I thought it was normal. I thought that was how women treated men. I didn't hit back, because men don't hit women. I allowed the women who told me they loved me to attack me because I thought that's just how they worked. I've spent most of the last ten years alone. No one hits me anymore.
I'm sorry to hear that you have been alone for the last 10 years. I recently separated from my wife where there was very subtle messages sent toward me from her that were hurtful. I'm not even sure if she realized it. I generally didn't say anything until about 17 years into the marriage I finally flat out told her I wanted out of the marriage. She was shocked and surprised. She had no realization that anything was wrong even though I had told her numerous times over the preceding 5+ years that I wasn't happy with the relationship. She asked us to give it another try and went to marriage counseling - things improved for about a month and then 11 more months of the same as before. I say all that because even though my marriage has ultimately failed, I still have hope that there is a woman out there who will love me for me. I hope there is one out there for you too and that you meet her and get to spend your life with her.
Going on 5 years in a relationship here, but I've gone silent because she has her own victim card ready every time I even attempt to mention my struggles as a man. At some point I could explode and say "either shut up and listen or leave", but I'm so accustomed to not giving up on things in my life no matter how deep the pain goes and always tend to give in to empathizing with the other person's side, so here I am........
Dudes, sometimes I cry, I am weak, I am needy of affection and have fears. That is okay. I am also deserving of love, kindness and gentleness and if I'm being mistreated I will say so! For all guys in dysfunctional relationships: It takes a lot energy but it is possible to push through and leave (been there)! Good luck and a lot of love for you
Thats so wholesome. I never hear about women being ok with men's emotions very much. I hope you get married with her, I wish you the absolute best with your relationship with her.
My ex is like that... But when we dated for 3 years, her true color was finally appeared... She called me a coward..... That was the last time I ever cry in front of people....
Theres 2 types on women 1. Those that love caring for others and get actual pleasure from helping others 2. Those that think they are the single most important thing in the world
That's not just women, that's people in general. Also, you're presenting two extremes, most people would fall in between completely selfless and narcissistic sociopaths.
I would stop calling these masculine framed girls "women" no REAL woman would behave in such a grotesque and manly fashion.. a woman creates from what a man gives her. Not from herself.
No one cares if your female or not, people treat it as if it is a crime to support the opposite group, so why say I'm a woman and I agree with this like you're not supposed to do
@@melonide0767 I care that she's a woman. It matters because not enough women acknowledge the truth she speaks. And I am deeply grateful for her willingness to set the record straight.
Random point, I'd like to hear other people's thoughts: Many women are willing to raise a boy that expresses his emotions, but these same women would never marry a man that behaves this way. Too many women reinforce double standards. But ultimately, broken women create broken relationships. Same for men tbh.
J Platter my fiancee has no problem when i cry. i cry watching movies, dog rescue videos, and when my feelings are hurt. she does not think any less of me, quite the opposite in fact.
THIS RIGHT HERE. I wanna do it with this girl I just started dating. I wanna show my soft side and give her all my time but man I can’t escape the thought that she gon lose attraction
I'm lying here, living apart from my abusive wife, crying as I read this because my heart goes out to him. The abuser really makes you feel like you absolutely can't stand up to her, whether because of fear, guilt or another reason. Abuse is horrible.
i went through it for 27 years. never standing up to her. in my mind i was trying to keep the home happy. she would always say "happy wife happy life". this is such a damaging approach to a marriage. it just gave her free reign to over my emotions
WOW! This very crazy and ridiculous. Hope all is well with you. Everyone has feelings and she shouldn,t have never said that to you if she cared anything about you from the begin with she would have considered your feelings at all times. Hope you are not still with this person it,s just going to get worse from here. By now hope you are okay.
There are GOOD men who are still in a relationship who are continuously being verbally and physically abused by their girlfriends or wives who are afraid to report this because of fear of no one believing them because most of the time the woman is usually the victim. I pray that the man being verbally and or physically abused end this relationship because it can cause psychological and physical health issues. Verbal abuse can escalate to physical abuse which can possibly end in prison time or murder. Please pray, report this abuse and end this relationship if you are a victim. A quick tempered, controlling, jealous and demanding woman is a dangerous woman who will also tell lies on that GOOD man !
I was with a girl for 4 years. 3 years into the relationship she saw me cry for the first time. From that point to the end of the relationship she not only lost all respect for me but would actively disrespect me in front of friends and family. She constantly spoke over me, disregarded everything I said, etc. All because I showed real emotion one time.
Thank God you did not go thru with it- that was very brave on your part it takes a lot of courage to call off an engagement- most people won’t do it- too much time invested so they’ll hump off the cliff anyway- you saved yourself from an even more painful abuse and an almost guaranteed divorce
I have a male family member that is currently going through an abusive situation. We are helping the best we can but there are almost no resources for male victims of domestic violence. He’s has felt discouraged and ashamed for helping himself. I’m going to show him this video to encourage him to see that his emotions are warranted.
I hope you’re ok bro. Men need to help eachother and be able to be the guy who another man can talk to when they are going through something. Women have all these support systems and men have nobody. I’ll talk to anyone I know how hard it is when you feel alone. We gotta help people that’s what we were put on earth to do. Help people.
Yep, he told my story too. My ex wife is a police officer who's been pulled up before her superiors over concerns about her love of inflicting violence. She wriggled out of it by telling them exactly what they wanted to hear. I never went to the police about my abuse because I'd be telling it to her colleagues - the very people she's filled with stories of being an innocent little flower who just wants to help the community. As she loves to tell everyone, the police protect their own. I've kept quiet and faired better than the father of her youngest child; a boy who now never sees his dad and who's told that his dad wants nothing to do with him.
I'd suggest you fight for some form of custody to see your child. If needed, check out the statics of fatherless children. They're scarey. You may also want to look into getting a private investigator. I say private because there may be more accuracy for you. I hope everything works out for you. Please try attempting to see your children. Fathers do matter :-)
Well I'm fortunate in that I've been able to maintain contact. When we split up I'd anticipated her moves so I took the kids passports with me. That was a good move as it turned out as her first thought was to leave the country with them. I also played her at her own game to increase the amount of time I get to spend with my kids. You see her appearance is very important to her and she hates the idea of not being seen as in control. I talked to the kids first about what they thought of living with me more of the time than they had been and they were quite enthusiastic about it. I then brought it up with her. The first thing she asked was "have you spoken to the kids about it?" and I of course got to say "yes". She couldn't say no to it because that would mean the kids would see her as the bad guy, so she had to say yes and then spin it as something she thought of! The father of her youngest is not so fortunate though and has had no contact for the best part of a year now. Even her neighbours have spoken to me about how odd it is that he used to be over there all the time to spend time with his boy and now he's never there at all. I've taken it upon myself to give the boy lots of attention since he doesn't get it from his mother, and now doesn't get it from his father either. He's got quite attached to me, to the point that he clings on to me constantly and cries when I leave. I don't know what his future will be, whether he'll get to reestablish a connection with his father or spend the rest of his life thinking he's unloved.
You know, when police are committing abuse, there are higher authorities to report them to than their own department. There are police for police: "internal agencies". I don't mean to put this on you. Just keep in mind in the future that you do have other options for police abuse in general. Edit: It is unlikely for these agencies to try to cover it up. Investigating it and responding properly legally protects the department from lawsuits and consequence and puts the responsibility on that individual officer instead, so it often is in their best interest.
Woman: you look depressed, you know you can tell me anything, even if it's something I've done. Man: I'm tired cuz you don't listen or let me finish a ... Woman: OH NO! Don't blame me! (Angry) Blah blah blah..(2 hours later).
Man: Can you please not get angry about this. I just want to talk about it Woman: I'M NOT EVEN ANGRY. I'M DISAPPOINTED. I don't know why you would even think I'm angry
The majority of the population are so detached from their own emotions, much less the emotions of others, they can't understand it or the do and it is immediately dismissed. Empathy is dying.
What destroyed me was my wife telling me "You're not a real man". I put in longer hours at work to provide better for our 5 kids. Traveled internationally for the company in order to advance. But it never left my head. She had compared me to our brother in law, a drug addict who had "gotten hurt", and was now collecting disability. I worked even more hours, paid for childcare while she went to school. In the end, she left with the kids, accused me of being abusive and unfaithful. Still hurts 2 years later.
Dear lord that’s horrific of her, I’m so sorry you had to endure this, have you reached any solace? Yanno I’m just some guy on the internet to you most likely but if it means anything, you most certainly are more than that brother in law guy, you sound a lot like my dad who put his whole life on hold just for the family, so nah you’re nothing short incredible as a dad, I hope you’re doing well
Sorry for the huge gap in an update; my daughters moved back with me . 2 are in college close to me, the youngest in high school. My oldest son moved out of his mother's place not long after they moved, but he's staying close by because the youngest son is still at his mother's. He makes sure he's not neglected while she's out partying. I've got really good kids I'm eternally proud of.
This was me in my past relationship, being told I was worthless, locked in a room and downstairs in the basement by a woman who later accused me of abuse simply to gain access to benefits and leave with our daughter.
Been in a relationship where my emotions were ignored and wants were mostly laughed at. "Man up!" I was told while they randomly left for 2 months at a time. "Don't be so dramatic", when I tried to explain myself. It made me confused, like the feelings I was feeling had no place in my life. So I started getting high, but that made it worse - I became angery and depressed. Those two are the worst combinations, I would get into fights almost everyday. I was considered a loose cannon. My mother would always sit me down and tell me to talk to a friend, but that mentality of emotions having no place, made ME laugh at the concept. Untill one day I became a literal monster. To the point I lost my identity. Not understanding my own emotions was the biggest mistake of my life that I have to live with for the rest of my life. Express yourself if you need to, and talk to someone who will listen. It can get WORSE than toxic.
Yes we don't have to become a monster. People will use that portrayal as a way to get get us. Instead become a happy peaceful man. That way you hral your hurt and develop your life to a great height. Becoming a better person can be the greatest way to heal and the biggest weapon against the abusers.
@Phoenix Das Ehrekulturkommt aber vom Arabischen Kulturkreis und das Wort Ehrenmann wird erst seid kurzem(etwa 8 Jahren) benutzt in deutschland. Das kam mit dem Arabischen Ehrenmann
@@ottonormalverbraucher7835 Wenn ich mich richtig besinne wurde Ehrenmann, oder zu damaligen Zeit Biedermann in der altdeutschen Literatur oftr benutzt. Ein Beispiel dafür wäre Schillers Meisterwerk Wilhelm Tell, indem durch ganze Drama das Wort "Biedermann" verstreut war.
@@astroboy1147 I’m one of those guys. And I’ve had the same thoughts of ending it all that he had. I rarely explain these thoughts to someone face to face and when I do it’s usually a stranger that I met at a gas station about 3 or 4 hours away from home.
@@astroboy1147 Yes and no. I think in average men tend to control their feelings better. I haven't cried for 5 years even in moments of sadness is like I have to force myself to tear up. And unfortunately society as taken advantage of this factor. Men don't cry Men don't smile Men don't do this do that like. Is like our mental state is barricade in a prison
I don't have anyone to talk to about the emotional abuse I deal with on an almost daily basis. I try talk tell my wife what her words and actions do to me, but see is completely blind to it. We have a boy/girl twin whom I love dearly but since they arrived it has basically ended our physical relationship. I just needed to get that off my chest. If you read this give me a like or a comment to know that I'm not alone.
I would say, try to take this time and see it as a chance of learning how to love yourself ( like you would be single and didn't have that physical touch). Daily think of the things that you like about yourself, things you are proud of and celebrate them. Think of something new you would like to learn or something you always liked to do but forgot in the daily routine and responsibilities. Learn how to connect to yourself more every day and make yourself a good company for yourself. Be a friend to yourself. From that place of learning how to be nice to you think about your partner. Think of her first as person and forget for a while the physical pleasure. Learn first about emotional pleasure what might make her happy that day? Learn about her. She gave a birth to two new human beings she might be a same person but with a very new views on the world in some ways. That can be very new to her and also challenging, her priorities might be very different now and she herself might be shocked. Give yourself the opportunity not to look at her as the reason of your deficiency. You experiencing lack of touch can be a special time for you to learn about your partner. Woman in general needs to feel firstly heard, supported and appreciated. She needs to connect emmotionaly to you she needs to know how you feel before she will be drowned to you physically. Give yourself a space and give the love to yourself first and then think how you could make her feel loved. After birth her ways of feeling loved might change. Learn what are her new ways. I wish you happy relationship where you constantly can learn and give the love yourself first so I can give it to each other.
I have been verbally and emotionally abused for months. And i have been blamed for each curse she gave me as if i am the one making myself curse. Man that hurts so bad. If i dont agree to her in arguments i have been threatened to be left alone . Ive been through more and more stuffs like this . You are not alone. Take care . We deserve love and support.
I can relate to the bottling up with my husband even though there is so abuse. I tell him every single day how much I love every aspect of him and how I appreciate him so much. We have a great relationship. He's the strong and silent pillar of strength of the relationship but even he had a breakdown a while ago. After a decade of military life, he was having such a hard time adjusting to civilian life that he was contemplating suicide. The scariest part was that he was reluctant to tell me because of this notion that men can't have emotions. With my persuasion, he saw a councilor for veterans and things are a lot better now, but I hate to think what would have happened if he hadn't told me. I can't imagine the pain he was in and the pain other men who don't have a supportive spouse go through. The point is MEN please, if it gets that bad, tell someone because they want to help and would miss you terribly if you left. You are human. You matter. You deserve help. You deserve life.
Veteran pains are a entirely different monster to tackle. I am glad you are there for him. He needs all the support he can get. Sometimes, it's the families that are the ones to suffer after the veteran returns from war. (Not saying the veteran has suffered, but it is entirely their choice to join the military and go off to war.) My brother is a veteran. None the less, as long as we can help them feel human once more, decrease their anxiety by a fraction, and share a smile with them, then that is enough in my opinion.
you know why we suffer in silence? We do want to reach out but society treats us as disposable working machines, women despise us if we show weakness they lash out at us for us males it's sink or swim.
Abuse of man is the same with horses. Nobody see or belive them. When man and horses defend themselfs, they get punished even more. Horses getting killed and man are put in jail. Both of them, scream for help... in silence...
I feel that as I get older I can just flat SEE the despondency behind the eyes of people. I no longer believe there's anyone who isn't really hurting or dealing with issues.
Snap-off yeah. That’s the world we live in. Precious few are those who’ve properly come to terms with their personal issues. I can’t really tell if someone is going through tough times, I’ve never really been perceptive in that regard. But I’m twenty, still have a lot to see, I suppose.
I'm 18 now, over the last few years of suffering in high school the scales have fallen from my eyes. What you said is true, almost every person above the age of 12 is suffering on the inside or have buried their true feelings so deep there is no genuine contentment left, only a barely-contained anxiety hiding just beneath the surface. I can see it in their eyes
I watched my man cry more than once - once I actually saw him sob - if anything, today (33 years after I first met him) I love and value him more than I did in the first throes of passion and romance. He's my other half and, if I'm very very lucky, he'll put up with me till the end.
You can't help or be productive with a crazy woman. All a man can do is leave because there is nothing he can do. Hopefully he doesn't have kids with her. If so, That's when the nightmare really begins.
Lauren Borrero I wish I had someone to talk about my abusive ex that lives with me and I am in a city I don't know and family lives about fifteen hundred miles from me am always sad started doing drugs to escape my anxiety and heart ach. What should I do?
Frank, listen to Diane Langberg here on the FOCLOnline channel. Though her comments are blocked, she understands the trauma caused by abuse. Also, there are many people dealing with those who have or have had an abusive partner or spouse right here at UA-cam. You can chat with them. It was likely your ex was abused herself, before you met her, and as a result, may have a developed a personality disorder. Maybe I can direct you to the right videos if you tell me a bit about her behavior. I feel your pain. I just moved 1,700 miles from my home, and bumped headlong into a man with some serious mental disorders, the result of childhood trauma. As such, I spent this last year studying mental disorders.
Frank and Lauren, all churches should have Men's Bible Studies. "Just as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." We have them for women, too. This is how we build a support system for each sex. Some churches have a men's group dealing with the big porn problem, and some have addiction programs. My former church, before I moved across country, also had a great singles fellowship. It was a larger church with lots of fellowship groups - like youth groups and young married classes. And a bunch of pastors in smaller rooms, preaching "through the word," one verse at a time - expository (explaining) preaching - the only real way to learn and allow the words of Jesus speak to you. I really miss that church. Yeah....not too many battered men's shelters around. But they do get battered. Thus, they suffer in silence. It should not be that way. The way it should be is to learn how to communicate and do relationships. That's precisely what you learn in the Bible. Since families are the bedrock of civilization itself, adults must get dating, marriage and sexuality right. The shortest scripture in the Bible is one that is most profound.... "Jesus wept." He understands a man's tears. No problem. He can handle it.
Anger is an emotion and that's the one men use. See my post above. If you knew the man I crossed paths with this past year, he'd tell you he can't handle any criticism - thus it's like walking on eggshells. Say the right thing in the wrong way is like pulling the pin on a grenade. He is a Sociopath, the result of severe child abuse. He has multiple mental disorders as a result, but the most prominent are Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Anti-Social Personality Disorder. Look up videos here on NPD -there are hundreds, if not thousands of them, posted mostly by their victims.
My dad is my hero who could fix anything and stood proud and strong, even when he was ill he never told me or his children he was in pain. My dad was told at a young age that big boys don't and how to be a man, my dad cried once in front of me and quickly wiped away the tear ashamed to be caught. With that image in my head and my heart if my brother cries then I will tell him to cry in front of me as it doesn't make you any less than a man, and I tell this to my nephews as well. Verbal abuse can affect anyone and leaves deeper scars than a cut.
Charisse George I was lucky to have had the dad I was given. My mother and father both expressed feelings with each other and us 5 girls. He cried in front of us women, and took care of all of us. It allowed me to make sure that my son had the same safe environment to express himself. My ex and his father was emotionally abusive to us both. He would tell my son “to stop crying”, but I would make sure, that my son knew it was all right and good for him to do that. My son is 34 and has a good woman to share his life with. It is a shame and so sad that so many men are abused. I pray that you and all who have been abused and repressed find what you are looking for, and heal. It’s hard, but worth it. I send love and peace 🕉
I now have realized I was in a emotionally abusive relationship - and she is psychologist herself. The jealousy was insane. The fights where I SCREAMED at her saying that she could do no wrong, and it seemed it was always me. The snod remarks. How she twisted everything around making me feel like I was the abuser. Thank God we broke up (she "discarded" me). Well, I posted a fairly lengthy, to the point of the 3+ years I was with her to support group. One reply really stuck out. The posting woman told me that it was a covert passive-aggresive narcissist. I dismissed it at first. Because I felt like a category 5 emotional hurricane. Until I started researching the topic. It read so many articles, other men's posts and found some very good youtube vids. And then I 'woke' up. But before I did all of this, the weeks after the 'discard', I actually conteplated suicide really. But, I found the help through the on line support group and that opened my eyes. It took me almost 3 days, I then felt all the hurt, anger just seemed to dissapate. I went from anger towards myself to having actual pity for her. I found an article called "Reactive Abuse" - Once I read that, man that changed my thoughts. But, since my ex is a psychology professor at a local college, I have the feeling she has confided in one and making me the bad guy. I am now in therapy myself. And, he thinks this is true. He said I am a 'empath' - go figure. Hang tight, you're not alone. I never thought this would happen to me. All the signs were there. Starting with "Love-bombing", the "Devaluation" and then "Discard". My story is long. For the 3+ years, I felt she had me at an "arms distance length" from her. I felt I never knew her. The remarks she made. Introducing me to her professional colleagues as her friend. Never partner. Her denials of any wrong doing. And, the big one - NEVER apologized for anything - only once.
@land otter1 I'm only just beginning to see the abuse I suffered. I always blamed external issues, like her friends, etc, but the core of the issue was her own neglect and devaluation of me. I was so blinded by loving her that I didn't see the real problem.
They're like cardboard cutouts of each other. You've described in some detail my ex as well. Same personality type, same behaviour all of it, and I mean all of it. My ex was an IT manager who would joke that they had no qualifications and yet managed teams of highly qualified network engineers and would earn 2-3 times what they would make. I'll never forget their face when I asked them "what do you think they would make of that if they were ever to find out?" The reason I asked such a provocitave question? firstly I'd had enough and the writing was already on the wall, secondly I am a network engineer....
Yeah even god cried when Jesus was crucified so it's ok to cry, every living being on this planet has the ability to cry,why should men be any different i always wondered .also crying is a sign that something is wrong,it's like an alarm and i feel an alarm's purpose is alart that something is wrong and should not be ignored.
When my dog that I had for 14 years, since childhood, had to be put down, my girlfriend at the time said, “are you serious? Why are you crying?” Inside, I’m still crying about it.
My dad, who is 65, is going through this as we speak. Having had to conceal his emotions around his father, work, and siblings, it finally got to him. As my mom and I, growing up, were often the target of his frustration . Verbal abuse was frequent in our household. And being around him was like walking on egg shells. He was just so angry all the time, and at the time , I didn't know what his deal was. When he lost his job in 2007, and then discovered his myriad of health problems, he finally opened about about his emotional pain growing up. How his father would lash out on him, verbally and physically. His sisters too, would verbally disrespect him, and as time went on, he's had to keep his feelings to himself. He is in therapy and is on medication, but the damage has already been done. My father wasn't a crier when I was growing up, and when he did cry , it was because of the loss his father to kidney failure. I remember he took my grand father's passing really hard. My dad often has nightmares about an altercation between him and his dad when he was a teen. And my grandfather never apologized to him about what he did. He took it took his grave and my dad is left feeling angry and sad because he felt his father didn't love him . He never got closure that he was seeking. As a 31 year old man, I learned greatly from my fathers lessons. Without getting preachy, I've learned this idea of being strong by disregarding your emotions, only sets you up later in life to be an emotionally ticking time bomb. I've learned to surround yourself with people who empower you to be the best version of yourself. Who you talk to about emotions , vent it out, then help bring you back up. Real adults, empower one another. Build each other up, not use fear base ideology to scare someone into a state of mind , so they will be accepted among their peers.
I appreciated hearing what Timothy shared. I have son so what ever I can learn from other men to share with him in his time of need I do it. That took a lot to share with us! Thank you Timothy!
It's extremely disheartening to see the massive amounts of men who have experienced something as awful as emotional abuse and the double standard behind it. I've been scrolling liking comments for over half and hour due to the fact that every single one of them is the truth. I was not oblivious to the matter before watching the video but this further solidifies my views on it. It's something that needs to die. Societal pressures. Double standards. The abuse. All of it. Men can cry just as women are allowed to. Men can be emotionally vulnerable as women are allowed to. Men can speak up about their insecurities as women are allowed to. You must be a total brick to think otherwise. Reading about those who've been taken advantage of and scorned day in and out by their gf has made me feel downright disgusted. How can you call yourself human after doing that? On a positive note, it's emotionally uplifting seeing how many of you support each other in the comments and replies. It really is. Don't be afraid to comment about your own experiences in this comment section as you will definitely be met with compassion and kindness from others. It might be the one thing you need right now.
Well I am going through the same thing and I have fell in this trap of always trying to fix things and take the blame for thins I did not do just to keep us as a family but since yesterday I am officially done, this was not the life I planned for myself.
You know woman can experience emotional abuse! Anyone can experience it! Not just men! Anyone can experience physical abuse too! All types of abuse, it is not specific to a gender although men don't talk about it enough but not do most women. You can't presume all women are abusers just like not all men are abusers.
I have given up sharing emotions and points of view with my wife. Somehow I am always putting her down. Before marriage I did not have depression or anxiety and now I cant sleep through the night without anxiety waking me up. I can say you have told my story and thank you for letting me know im not alone.
The horrifying part about it is that even years after the events, those thoughts come and go... like a haunting of some monster that will kill you... that also happens to be you.
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Those thoughts actually help me to fall asleep at night ... knowing I have a plan and I have the courage is calming.
It isn't exactly the same thing, but it helped my thoughts to set a definite uncompromisable date when to clock out in the far future (3 decades for me, my 60th birthday to be exact). Not in response to whatever immediate problems I was having, but just knowing the is a finish line and a eventual out helps me get through every day happier and more resolve. Otherwise I couldn't even get out of bed if I only dread yhe future with no hope of release.
@@victoriagates7960 I experienced it myself, you like just want to help them and it grows until the point you're not useful anymore that's pretty narcisstic and men do that aswell. Idk I am not a professional
Twenty years ago, for the first time depression slammed me to the ocean floor. With billons of gallons of water crushing me. Then the only man that didn't mind me crying in front of him was a Vietnam veteran. I think I'll go see him tomorrow and thank him.
Spot on. I too have suffered in silence. If it wasn't for the grace, mercy, and love Jesus has shown me when nobody else does...I'm not sure where I would be.
I spent years with my now ex-wife trying to get me diagnosed with Aspergers.... She was Air Force and I was the spouse... She almost had me believing it myself. Towards the end of the marriage she got worse. I stayed strong as long as possible... She saw me cry once towards the end... I’m glad it’s over now I got out...
I'd be willing to bet $1000 that she put demands on you that kept you from having/maintaining friendships and damaged your career path, probably demanded that you lie in social settings to make her look better... Ask me how I know...
This really rings true being in the process of leaving an abusive relationship. Thank you. I found I always accepted blame when innocent, or rather accepted blame that was hers and also spent all my energy worrying about keeping her happy. Sadly many women are toxic and society celebrates this these days
I remember the day I was told by my mother not to speak about the trauma of molestation, as I'd never experienced it. Little did she know how far from the truth that was, and how long I was told that I was far too emotional for no reason at all.
I was married for 30 years I hated every second. It was like being prison for something I didn't do. I have been single for 16 years and have loved every second I live by myself and have never been happier I don't want friends I don't need friends. I have always loved to learn new things. And now that's what I spend my time doing. There's only one person that can make you happy and there's only one that that will !!!
You blame your spouse for feeling like you were in prison?? I am sure from your comments it could not have been any picnic for her! I'll agree with your last sentence (minus the word "make"), but not out of petulance or spite as you seem to embody, rather because it is spiritually true. Sorry patriarchy served you a bad hand.
"People who kill themselves are not upset, they're actually quite calm because they know the next step will bring them relief."
Damn that gave me chills.
It's the cold hard truth.
Facts. When one seeks answers there eventually be an inarguable solution.
Reaching out and getting punished repeatedly for it teaches one to just stop trying.
A sad but true truth....we need to step up our game.
By peace how can he/she confirm?
I think if you commit suicide because the system failed you, you are far too programmed. There's other options like moving to a different country or even live of the grid. There's more to life than just the city. or so I think.
My wife has actually told me that me feeling sad is making her feel guilty and I should stop it. We're separated now.
NatchEvil that’s actually something my ex girlfriend did all the time that’s actually an eye opener
Glad you did it, hope life is doing fine for you.
Mmm recognise part of that. My gf said she got scared when she saw me get stressed out and cry. But she also after that said she will do what she can to never let me end up like that again. Cause she wants me to be the big strong one in the relationship. So now i call her my girl in shining white armour XD
Good job, take care of yourself.
Good
"thoughts of suicide no longer bothered him, but rather gave him peace" jesus dude you pin pointed it
@RonnyDonny13 get help my friend, whatever it is you are going through it is not worth your life.
Indeed...
Life is GOOD
@@pappouslp3596 This - no matter what you're going through there's always something to live for.
Truth. I Was at the edge, even holding the gun in my hand. The thought of finally ending my pain made me smile. Something made me stop myself obviously.
I was literally just thinking about this
“If Mom’s not happy nobody’s happy. If Dad’s unhappy well..don’t no one give a damn.”
@@yueffstueff6542 You are a remarkably good person. We need more like you.
Yeah I agree, today was the absolute worst Father’s Day for my dad because a close friend to my dad died. My dad always pushed the “be a man” and “strong physically” statements on to me and my little brother and for the longest time that was all I saw my dad as. Today, more than ever, I saw my dad’s emotions as he put his phone down. My dad was pushed into that mindset because society portrayed men that way. It ran in the family too. I really do hope I got my message across since I just wanted to let something off my chest and Me and my dad relate to this heavily.
420 it sucks cause men are raised to avoid and suppress those emotions but in situations like this when it can be overwhelming we have no idea how to handle them because we are not used to them and really don’t understand them. Hope your dad can grow stronger from this
Juan Torres Thanks man 🙏
Guess I am the demon huh🙃
I will never forget how embarrassed my X was that i cried at my fathers funeral.
Im glad shes now your ex. Mgtow brother
Simpin' Aint Easy ! Ray Cis MGTOW She was embarrassed because she is a selfish witch with no soul whatsoever!
What the heck, man?! That is the most messed up thing I ever heard. I'm glad you got out of that.
Wow, I’m so sorry that you were treated like that. There’s nothing wrong with you, but there is something wrong with her to judge you for crying at your own Father’s funeral. That’s insane.
Im glad she is you ex now
Thanks to all of you for your thoughtful comments. I have read through them with great interest. As I mentioned in the talk, my aim is to raise awareness of a problem that many men experience but do not report because of social and cultural shame. Thus it is that many men are shamed twice: once by the abuse, and again by discussing it. This should not be.
We need to respect the inner-lives of men enough to allow them to express their emotions freely without fear of being stigmatized. In fact, I almost didn't give this talk for that very reason. But I had to do it for the sake of my own recovery from an abusive relationship that hurt me greatly, and from which I am still recovering. It is not easy. My desire is for there to be enough of a social and cultural shift that will allow men to express themselves without fear of harsh reprisal or condemnation.
Thank you again for all of your comments. I appreciate them.
Yes, truth
A 6-7 year relationship down the toilet. We were both at fault, but I never considered myself the "victim", considering my father instilled the same principles that your father did, only my father was an abusive alcoholic that only was in my life for about 10 years.
Needless to say, the words stuck with me.
Probably because my eldest brother was such a man, a great man in my eyes, but now I see that all men are broken in some respect.
Hearing the comparisons, this has happened in my previous relationship. Granted we were high school lovers, so we were young and naive, not knowing what was out there in the sea of humanity. Looking back at our relationship, it was toxic and repulsive in my eyes.
We both were at fault, but I can't help to feel that she did pull me away from people. She wanted me to be alone and secluded, and now this is what I do on a regular basis. It is hard for me to maintain relationships at this point.
It has been 3 years since I have had an intimate relationship with anyone, let alone intimacy, but I equate that to my fickle submissiveness grown from my previous relationship.
I seldom contemplate even having a relationship altogether.
My feelings towards my generation of women in my ethnic group and the same age, 24 Korean-American in SoCal, has grown to be grotesque and shallow, but this is only due to the fact that it is my own personal stigma towards these women from my previous relationship/friendships. I swear like 60% of them smoke cigarettes and drink alcohol just like my father, but I'm just complaining my hatred towards the pain of the past. Koreans have a problem with legal addictions. Asian in general in America are usually ignored and are not seen as "serious" in western media in my perspective.
However this is me ranting now, for it is myself that has the problem, not a generalization of a generation of humans.
Thank you for this talk, I appreciated it tremendously. You are a very strong individual. I guess I just needed someone to talk to, and you seem like a person that would not hurt a fellow man that was in the same situation as you were before. Thank you, this talk has helped me in one way or another.
Thank you Tim. Thank you.
Thank you so much, Tim. It was a very hard pill to swallow to admit to myself and my husband that I was an emotional abuser to to him. I am so grateful I opened up my eyes to see the hurt I was causing my husband and change. It was not extreme, but I will not give excuses- it was abusive and destructive.period. Although my eyes were opened some time back, I continue to learn and grow to this day and talks like yours keeps me doing just that. Thank you for your authentic and brave talk! You are helping many people and you ARE making a difference to bring change and awareness. Never give up on you. I wish you well on your journey of healing. May God continue to bless you.
I made a mistake in the post above and rather than edit it out, it's better to correct it with an addendum. Diane Langberg does have 45 years working with trauma victims and has a PhD. in Psychology, but the mistake I made is in saying she graduated from Seminary. Somehow, I thought that was correct. But no, she worked at a Seminary - and she is a pastor's wife. That actually makes more sense to me.
And I don't wanna hear any Women saying "We have it worse!" This ain't about you right now sis. Please just listen...
From Indiana? Me too. Keep running, I wish I could!
Thank you
Thank you kindly Miss. I Really appreciate ur support. 🙏
Thank you...
Hoosier On The Run- Travel Vlog thank you
Emotions are never repressed. They’re buried alive
Accurate.
Talk About it Bro God Bless ...
Aye, and sometimes they come back, twisted and unyielding, like something undead, something we fear. Its terrible to be afraid of ones self, not understand why, and to be alone with that.
Never put those feelings off, they will never forget the times you turned your back on them, ie, your self...
Well said
Yes
It's difficult for men to express themselves, when the world around them doesn't give any sympathy or support in return. It's like complaining to your boss, and then he fires you.
100%.
I complained to my boss that all my coworkers told me to just clean and when I finished cleaning, they told me to just clean. The complaint didn't sit well and he fired me on the spot.
This is a very well spot on image, it helps me understand the risk men take when expressing themselves to their partner (or others), I'll keep it in mind when bonding, sharing thoughts or arguing with mine, thanks !
Respec
Facts
Men don't talk about the emotions because guaranteed, during the next argument you have with your partner, wife, whatever, she will bring it up and use it to hurt you.
Any man who has ever been laughed at by a woman can tell you that talking to women about your fears or insecurities is just giving her ammunition for her to throw right back in your face at a later date.
Most women think it's okay to emotionally abuse their partner because they think men don't feel.
Brother, this spoke volumes.
Been there, lived through that. Not all women are the same and if that's what you are receiving... Then that's the warning bells ringing, trying to tell you to get out of that relationship. She's not the one for you, there's a wonderful woman out there who has been through exactly the same thing as you and you need to find her because she's also looking for you. I know this because like I said, I have been there and now I'm with the one that was also looking for me. 7 years now without a put down, comparison to someone else, in fact no verbal or physical abuse what so ever. To anyone reading this, I just want you to know that I found true happiness even though I had a lot of self doubt and low self esteem and you can do it to.
500% true. Talking to another man about it is a far better idea. Even talking to friends who are girls is risky as they tend to have more of a tendency to gossip and spread it (this is because while men use physical attributes and status to dominate and to gain power women tend to use social manipulation and social control to gain power hence why women gossip so much).
A real, compassionate woman would not.....
a lot of man here that are hurt talking to each other and talking more about how they are hurt about woman.... maybe let's talk how we can move on?
Honestly, In my experience, women tend to punish men who show emotion; either through rejection or outright mockery.
Mine too
I would never but my soon to be ex-husband was the king of making you feel worthless
It's a cruel world we live in, all of us.
@@Brioli Wrong comment section. You already have more than enough opportunities to complain about men elsewhere.
@@Brioli that has nothing to do with what this comment is about... you clearly are a woman, and don't get it. MAN UP
The intense sweatting was a giveaway he's sharing himself. God bless him
Yes I understand that wad what thought aswell
same here brother
He's also a walking heart attack waiting to happen. For as smart as he is, he needs to quit neglecting his physical health.
@@timharper4246 ...you want to see an actually unhealthy man, look at Chris Evans or Hugh Jackman during the movies they do. They're about a day away from organ failure due to dehydration. This guy could stand to lose some weight, but he's not the walking heart attack you claim.
@@timharper4246 that’s what he was mentally abused for, the fact that your mentioning his weight or health is totally inappropriate, Shame on you
Wife: You need to be more open. You need to talk about your emotions. You need to let things out.
Also Wife : You can talk to me about anything.
Husband : Opens up to wife about his emotions.
Wife: Gets annoyed at the very idea that anything she does could be wrong, totally disregards and discards everything you say.
This! Why is nobody seeing this comment
Not to mention using anything you say as ammunition. Revoke womens rights.
@@A_Black_Sheep94 that's bit far.
Wife: How can you even THINK that!!??" Husband's feeling are not just unimportant, but irrelevant. Been there.
@@A_Black_Sheep94 You're insane lol
I use to date a girl who emotionally and psychologically abused me. I always tried to make excuses for her and it ruined my relationships with my friends and family. Than one day I found out she cheated on me, she begged me for one more chance (and sadly) I relented and she cheated on me again. I had enough at that point and dumped her, she continued harassing me and trying to get back with me. I had a serious urge to commit suicide rather than feel like I was useless and a worthless worm, but a very good friend of mine (who went on to be my wife) found out about what I had gone through and helped me out of my hole and made me feel like a person again. I am thankful that my wife was there and I'm glad I have the loving support of friends and fami,you to help me
Patriarchy has made everyone crazy!!
damn bro
Stephanie Jade HUH??!!!!!
Stephanie Jade typical feminists, blaming patriarchy while being completely blind to what a cancer to society they are.
The majority of women can't be human when it comes to a man suffering from a manipulative woman. They won't tell him the truth and in the end refer to him as weak. But if a man yells at a woman for something that's her fault, they consider him a monster no matter what damaged she caused.
The last time I cried in front of my mother she laughed at me and told me to “oh please (rolls eyes) stop it already...”
Now. We had had an argument and she said something that cut me deep. And I cried, yes. As a 36 yo man. I am not a crier, in front of anyone, I do it alone. She has never apologized for knowing she hurt my feelings. I mean, I am her son. She will say “im sorry” if she sneezes too loud with the tv on but not if she hurts my soul and makes me bawl?
I don’t understand. Never will.
LogicalFallacyinMyPants and such If she ain’t there for you, don’t be there for her, treat everyone how they treat you, give em the same vibe right back, usually that keeps em in place.
Marlon Quintana-Nieto Yeah but what if you can’t? What if you live with that person?
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Some parents need to be given some space from their children before they realize what a privelege it is to have them in the first place. Parenthood is not superiority.
@@Jashan720 IMO this isn't likely to solve anything. A lot of the time it would just make them act like you were the only one doing anything wrong, and then they seek and get the help and support that you deserve, leaving you alone. That doesn't necessarily happen all of the time of course, but it's a legitimate worry for these kinds of things.
I'm not saying to not stand up for yourself, but you have to be careful with these kinds of situations and there are certain lines you shouldn't cross.
Also, I just feel like the method of returning abuse with abuse just keeps the cycle going. It's way too complicated of an issue with varying factors that change what the exact best answer would be to be able to just simply say what to do, but I feel like returning it back to them to "keep em in place" isn't likely to work out better.
WhiteNinja42 I never meant to return abuse with abuse. I’m saying dont open up to those who’ll obviously demean your vulnerability. If it’s a situation in which he has no choice but to be open with his mother (either maybe because he has no one else to open up to), I’d say it’s better to be alone and scream in front of the mirror rather than open up to someone who clearly won’t understand. If it’s abusive, change your vibe and get out of that situation is all I’m saying. It’s hard obviously I’m not denying that.
To tell a man to “man up” is the same as telling a woman to “get back in the kitchen”.
Only difference is that telling a woman that is considered to be backwards, and that‘s absolutely true. But if a man complains about how people treat him, he is seen as weak and that‘s what keeps men from telling the world how he feels. There‘s a reason why men have such higher suicide rates compared to women. And it doesn‘t even matter whether society does oppress men like that, it is enough when the man has just the impression that he wouldn‘t be taken seriously.
Brilliant comment.
clap, clap, clap, clap Great comment!
It's not the same. Telling a person to man up is encouraging them to focus their attention on the immediate situation at hand. Telling a woman to get back in the kitchen it's telling a woman her immediate focus should be the kitchen.
Imma tell a woman to “woman up” n see what happens, wish me luck.
I always tell my husband how gorgeous I think he is. Men deserve to be treated just as well as Women are. Equal means the same. (By the same I mean, men and women should be treated the same, not that they are physically/actually the same).
Equal is the problem ...
That is a petty term ....
It means an eye for an eye !!!
Yeah it's easy to tell Chad how hot he is everyday
Nah men NEED to be treated better than women
Cuz, at this point they HAVE earned it
@@YashayahTheAlmighty that's the point.Whoever he is he DESERVES it
good for you, respect for that, you are a REAL women, and if you do that you deserve to be respected 100 times more
If you physically attack a person, it's a crime. But, if you emotionally attack a person to the point where they are willing to kill themselves to avoid continued attacks, there's no crime.
it cant be a crime because while physical assaults hurt all people the same, words hurt different people in different ways, its subjective to the recipient as it is to the perpetrator.
It might not be able to get to court, but it's still definitely a crime, and a bigger crime in my opinion. I would much rather have the occasional smack in the face from deep down loving but imperfect parents than parents who physically take care of me but emotionally care less about me. Emotional pain can be much more painful and last much longer. Thankfully you can emotionally heal, but it takes some searching and change of thinking.
The UK recently made this a crime but it is nigh on impossible to police/convict
SerNoddicusTheGallant what about bullying ?
Seriously if I could I will sentence bullies to death.
They take the life of an innocent person with words and somehow they’re not punished ?!
It's is a crime, it's called harrassement. The problem is that contrary to physical abuse, it's way harder to prove. Plus for men you got to go against societal bias considering women as the primordial victim and men as the almighty oppressor... Which makes it harder for men to come up with such things on a court and even harder to convince a jury...
Men must perform! It is demanded of men to the best in sports, have the best paying job, be fantastic in bed.etc. And 'real men' must never cry. Men are discarded if they do not perform. And no one sees this as abusive?
James Dale Very good point.
I think you seriously need to look at the kind of women you are attracted to, if you think that's true. To a decent woman, a man should ideally have a job that pays at least the average wage (for your age group), not necessarily the best paying job. Sports I assume you mean in school? Women don't care about that, though it's a bonus if you're in good shape. And as far as being good in bed that's easy. Just listen to what she wants. Every woman is different and once you've been together a while you'll get to know what she likes. And if there's a good reason to cry then she will not judge you for it. Obviously no one wants someone who cries all the time LOL but that's also true for men. Sounds like you've been dating bitches. Try lowering your standards a little.
not specifically women, but society. You are taught since the beginning that you should pursue that, and you believe it. That is your purpose and not achieving it means failure.
James Dale it’s reality, you have two choices, embrace victimhood or see an opportunity to become stronger.
@@cyrene7784 No true scotsman fallacy. Statistics show that women primarily date men who are equal or better than them in affluence whereas with men the majority of their partners have less powerful / wealth generating jobs.
Men can show emotions but only positive and contributive ones. Any sadness, pain, or sorrow and you're done for.
I like to think of it as a test, if I open up a bit and the reactions get a bit skewed, i know who to cut out of my life.
Don't forget the emotions of anger. We're instantly labeled as toxic when we barely raise our voice.
@@timharper4246 - true, and yet anger is the only one that doesn't get a man tagged as "weak" and sneered at.
@@alinalikesbooks3978 - I hope you're right. I really do.
@@jacobusderottmann1000 Ironically, anger is the only emotion that is told to courts with a divorce. They don't talk about how you would spend every waking minute taking care of them when they are sick, slaving away at multiple jobs to get her the life she wanted. No, the court only hears about how he would yell at the football game and one time threw a beer bottle at her (nevermind the fact that it wasn't a beer bottle, you didn't even throw it, you knocked it off the table and apologized immediately after, but facts don't matter).
My mother has done this to me my entire life. It is a very hard thing, to walk away from your mother, in order to save yourself.
Agreed.
Agreed. I walked away from my mother 9 years ago because of how she acted.
Buttermilk Pancakes how did that work for you? I’m in that same situation right now
It was easy to walk away. Anger is a brilliant emotion that lessens the burden of difficult decisions. Like motivation it doesn't last. I began second guessing myself and had to consistently go over everything that took place. Part of me always longs to reconnect, but the smarter aspect of me knows there's nothing worth connecting to. No matter what, you have pain following your decision. You simply have to decide which pain is most beneficial or least harmful. Don't allow her or anyone else to drag you down. Most importantly, don't drag yourself down trying to be free of her.
Buttermilk Pancakes I recently cut her off because of some shady things she did and it’s funny because when I did it I feel much better but like you said there’s the feeling that I may have made a mistake. How do you feel 9 years later? Was it the right decision?
Women: you know how hard it is to come out. There’s probably way more being abused then reported.
Men: wait you can come out?
Dougy Dozier I always hear women says this, while it’s near impossible for men to come out.
@GG Jones no I believe in this case you can generalise, the majority of society does see gender based issues in this way. People, in general, just don't care about men.
@@drdorito4242 its not near impossible, it IS impossible
@@drdorito4242 it is in fact possible for a man to come out as being abused.
What's impossible is to be heard and acknowledged.
@@aasman22 spot on. No one, especially women, care about men.
"Son, the greatest lesson I can teach you is this: Don't tell your troubles to others. Because if you tell ten people of the problem you are having. Seven of them won't care, two of them will laugh at you behind your back. One of them will tell you to deal with yourself."
Truth, mi now ex is probably laughing aloud about all those things I said, all my problems and my deppest thoughts, that's sadly how this world works.
@Nightsàbër then why is she still your girlfriend? Nobody deserves someone like her
I was forced to write an essay on personal struggle and how i overcome them and my teacher legit told me to man up and stop being a wimp. Wonder why her kid O'D on heroine hmmm
we dont have jesus healing powers. kind of, or most of everything we've invented has been mostly a compensation for suffering, people can only do soo much, the one thing people can do i guess... is engaging in a hobby with others. tends to help i guess
I am a woman and have similar experiences.
I remember when I cried in my grade 8 class when I broke my finger. Every single girl laughed at me, and I was teased for months. Odd thing was my male peers, who I thought would make fun of me, comforted me. After some weeks of bullying by these girls I told the principal. They did not care.
I've been there before. More than once
@@tyvillianheartthrob1856 thats tough bro i feel for u
Similar thing happened to me... I was abused all year for it... Being called names like 'Cry baby' and 'Mama's boy'...
Because nothing is expected of women!
I've learned over time that men are really misunderstood and women are generally devious and malicious creatures.
Who's seen as weak if they cry? Men. Who has to put a smile on there face everyday in front of there children? Men. I've never seen my father cry in my entire life! Not once ever. But you know what I did see? I saw a man have a stroke then rufuse to take his pills thus having another stroke in front of his children because he was trying to kill himself. To end the pain of suffering in silence. My father is still alive but he's unwell and he'll never recover from the trauma he suffered from my very own mother. I love her but also despise her for the way she treated him. Constantly arguing for years on end and blaming all her Insecurities and problems on him but never taking the time to just look at the situation and try to find a solution with her husband. It's not always about you ladies. And dont start that b.s that you have it harder because everybody has it hard in this life.
Do keep your father happy. He has nobody to give him happiness that he deserves. I hope your dad finds happiness.
Wow. I am so sorry to read your post. I can relate. My father just had his third stroke and it has left his right arm and leg affected. He and my mother have a long history of abuse. My father has been physically abusive toward her in his life but my mother has equally been emotionally and mentally abusive to him as well. My brothers place most of the blame on my father, excusing my mother because she's physically weaker than my father. Though it is true that a husband should not physically abuse a wife, because it's just not a fair fight. Men are generally physically stronger than women. It's just a fact. But it is also intellectually dishonest to not hold a wife accountable for her actions. My mother uses my father's past sins against him and she doesn't love him. She says she has forgiven him, but I don't think my father believes her. I have seen my mother and it's cheap lip service. She treats me the same way, dismissive, trying to manipulate me, but I enforce boundaries. My older sister too does not hold my my mother accountable. I fear for my father because he may have another stroke and die. My mother seems to be indifferent to it and I can see that if my father truly believed that my mother forgave him, if she cared to be around him, he would be motivated to get better, he senses that she does not truly sincerely care about him. He's always just been a workhorse for her and now that he's wheelchair bound, she makes not time for him. My siblings continue to blame my father and say that it's his responsibility to control his anger. And though yes, a person can choose to control his anger, it is also true that a wife's mockery, her cruelty toward her husband, especially during a time of suffering can also affect him. He suffers in silence. At best she's indifferent and dismissive of him and treats him like a child now that he's in a wheelchair and at worst she wishes he would die. I don't know my mother's heart, but I do see that her behvaior around my father now does not convince him that she loves him or ever did. She loved what she could get out of him. It seems like it was all just transactional for her. He can detect fakeness of sentiment and I don't think he believes her when she pretends to say she cares about him. Now that he can't do anything for her, he's become disposable to her.
How dare you talk about your mother like that. She birthed you and is a woman and can do no wrong ever.
@Raghav Varma it is lol
JoeyTooFly Thank god
I once was at a dinner, where a group of girls talked about how males needed to show emotion... One of em then continued the conversation by mocking a male she had been on date with, for mentioning that he found the dish they where eating too spicy... And how it turned her off. ... ...
Thee Temple
Oh no, my mouth is burning because the food is too spicy. I can’t tell my date or else she’ll dump me
Women: why don't men open up about there emotions? *drinks from Male Tears cup*
@@webzentertainment - Probably because it didn't actually happen. Not that there aren't women like that, just the way he presents it seems contrived.
@Arnab Chakraborty Not a woman.
@@webzentertainment I think its a Freudian slip.
Many times, growing up, I distinctly remember my mom saying something, that made me truly think, "does she not think men have emotions, at all?" Now, I realize how many women there are, that literally, don't think men have emotions at all.
@@A_Black_Sheep94
I second that ✋
@@A_Black_Sheep94 This guy knows whats up. Red pill awareness!
@@A_Black_Sheep94 I wouldn't say children. More like mid teens. Wait! That makes perfect sense considering that women stop going through puberty on average at the age of 16.
Sovereign Snorlax Chronicles of Judah 144 says that a lot lol
i agree
10 years of addiction, suicidal tendencies and suffering in silence..Happy to say today I’m sober and happy and content..because I decided to open up and ask for help. Stay strong brothers
Congrats on getting clean!!
Thanks guys! Still going strong 💪 celebrated my 1 year on April 1st this year!
@@gw593 That’s so cool!! Keep going man!
You "asked for help"? Really? Whom did you ask? Some anonymous voice over the phone? Some chat room "nobody"? There's only one person you can actually ask for help -- a friend. I mean a real friend. Not some acquaintance. Not some professional associate. A true friend. The last time I knew one of those, I was 9 years old. Since then, life has taught me that "friendship", for men at least, ends at adolescence. After that, you're damned well on your own, for the rest of your life. I can vouch for this. At almost 70 years of age, I can verify that this is absolutely true.
Where do I go for help?
I've never let my wife or kids see me cry. Even when I was diagnosed with a life threatening illness I stopped myself from doing so (thankfully I recovered years ago and am fine now). I even kept the news about my illness from my children and they've never found out. But it was drilled into me at an early age that men don't cry and don't show emotion. One time as a child I did cry in the playground and I was ridiculed by everyone. I've not cried since. I used to be proud of not crying but now I realise it's not a good thing at all. Even though I know I should show my emotions more now, I can't seem to find the words after a lifetime of hiding them.
Many people around me lean on me for emotional support, both at home and at work. Some have been through terrible times and I'm one of the first they turn to for help or advice. But I can only recall one person ever asking me if I was OK even when I was going through some horrible stresses in my life.
Men are seen and not heard.
I've just volunteered with an initiative in the UK to help prisoners re-integrate into society as I'm becoming acutely aware of just how little help there is for men.
Patriarchy is so messed up.
Stephanie Jade can u elaborate more on patriarchy being so messed up?
She is a troll or a person believing in magical sky wizards known as the patriarchy or some such nonsense. She makes a lot of these nonsensical posts.
BladeofSorrow7 yeah I assumed it. Preciate it my brotha
Just cry when alone as much as you can, it helps tremendously I'm pretty sure you can cry for hours everyday for a month, our body remember every sad experience where we didn't cry
As a Victim Advocate for more than 18 years I have counseled thousands of victims of domestic violence, most of them women. It has been my experience that men are under served. I am hoping to change that by raising more awareness about the emotional (and physical) abuse of men. Thank you for sharing your story!
Thank you.
Thank you for your work with women and your intentions to expand your work with men
God bless you, Michelle
I thank you...
Good idea
I just listened to a very brave man speak, thank you, you have helped me...
Looks like 46 feminists watched this video.
They're his former g/fs
You know why men don't open up? I've confided in two women in just the past three months. One told me, it wasn't her job to "coddle me" and the other one just today asked me "But what did you do?" after I told her I was the victim of verbal/emotional abuse and cheating. We don't open up, because our vulnerability is used against us EVERY SINGLE TIME.
Amen Brother.
Those are some abusive women tho! That’s just insensitive ! You don’t need those kind of people around, jeez Narcissistic lack of basic empathy?
Find better woman to have in your life
@@Imaghostgurl Or you can stop victim blaming and ask women to do better.
Yeah, women are taught to be cruel to men by society.
The phrase "be a man" is used to discredit male emotions
Earla Weese man up
classic example of a societal gaslighting phrase
To me "Be a man" means "do not give up"
Mohamed bm don’t give up means don’t give up, stop deviating from the fact.
The same woman that used to tell me that when I was younger now complain about the fact that I don’t show my emotions.
As a Black man, I especially appreciate this video. Even though men of all races go through emotional abuse, it felt good seeing and hearing a Black man share his experiences. We have that "don't air dirty laundry" thing among us...
This
What does the laundry thing mean? I'm genuinely confused.
@@the_katzy It means that problems of a community shouldn't be talked about, because others might see it.
As I white man, I also appreciate this video.
Just in case anyone cared
John Price
"Because others might see it?" Is it like a fear of reaction type of thing?
We talk about our emotions, but no-one is listening, or care.
wildlife T-shirts thats so true
I feel the same as a woman in my relationship.
Well, you are kinda replaceable, baby factories are the ones who needs to be kept happy.
Yes, I don't think it's gender specific and I would suspect that both genders suffer in different ways. I'm sorry that you're one of those people.
While talking about this I've said to a few friends of mine, "If you want to know what it's like to be a man.... imagine having all the same emotions, fears and insecurities you do now but with the understanding that nobody cares about them and will laugh at you if you talk about them. That's what it's like to be a man"
I feel so much empathy for men these days, after seeing what they have to go through and put up with. My Father will always be my hero b/c no matter how life knocked him down and made him feel weak and worthless, he never gave up. He took some pretty degrading jobs in order to take care of my mom and me, and kept his dignity in the face of ridicule. Thanks, Daddy ❤
Exactly, Barbara. Exactly... Heroes are made of tough stuff...
You're no different. All women can intellectually agree that they are crueler than men, but biologically you can't resist being the same woman. It's okay. Just shut up.
Same- you just described my own dad- he had a hard life and an unloving home but came thru for his own family
He is a champion
Maybe he didn't feel as much dignity while going through it as you think.
The best resource to turn to, when struggling emotionally as a man, is your best male friend. Because contrary to pop culture, which tirelessly portrays men as varieties of a (sometimes good looking) Homer Simpson, we actually do have a tremendous potential for empathy. You guys should try it out sometime!
Peace!
I think you're right. Our partners can't and shouldn't be everything to us.
Men ARE better at empathizing
@land otter1 Get better friends. If a male friend would "destroy" you for seeking a little empathy, they're a fair weather friend at best.
True. We just express it differently than women. We express our emotions differently and we support each other differently.
There's Anton Chekhov's monologue scene "About harm of tobacco", where a man starts telling about tabacco's harm and unintentionally drifts away to talk about his life, how we's being abused by his wife for so many years. In the end of the scene there comes understanding that an abusive wife harms way more then any kind of tabacco. It's written in 1886. Just saying.
Dude I heard that as an audiobook, it's absolutely stunning.
I wish I knew about this before. Good part of what made me chain smoking was my familiar problems, so I relate to this more than you can imagine. I belive I would have self harmed myself (more than I did) If i didn't smoke. (I think some people would argue that this form of chain smoking is a form of self abuse, though.)
Well no wonder so many men are hopelessly addicted to smoking and staying out late drinking.
@@davidk7529 Substance abuse is always an escape. Nobody uses substances for the fun of it. It may seem that way but the "fun" is actually just getting away from your problems.
darvinist87 oh sounds like Time to read that piece 🕵🏻♂️😊
I recently (less than a month ago) left my relationship with my ex fiancé.
I had a wake up call. I felt like she was using me for an ATM, never cared too much about me. I could count on one hand how many times she’s checked up on me, whereas I, bent over backwards for her.
She always told me i took the “easy way” in a career because i went to do auto body collision instead of going to a 4 year university and getting a college degree like herself.
She said i let myself go after i moved 500 miles away from my family, to be with her.
I left her now, i feel alone. But I no longer feel abused or neglected.
At the end of the day you're your best person when you have only yourself to rely on. Make your money with the little debt you collected compared to a 4yr degree. And fill yourself with things a female could never accomplish. Her entitlement isnt your standards!!
Mgtow
It will takes years of gradual improvement, but you will end up better than you had ever been. Best of luck in your endeavors, fellow.
You are not alone. I've been through something similar and I can attest to you and you can quote me "given time, things do get better"
what is atm?
I remember my mom found me crying after a heart break at like 19-20 years old and got upset and told me to stop. In the sort of "man up" kind of way. Even if it was from a place of love, it sends the wrong message. Its seen as a sign of weakness from both men AND women.
It's why men die earlier with stress related illnesses. We have to bottle it up and live in a slow burn of frustration, in silence.
Yea
I feel your pain
I'm going through it right now
Yeah it’s messed up. Both men and women got it bad in this life.
Same happen to me told me stop being a crybaby and to move in thats why now i just dont express any feeling everything is good at all times
This legitimately made me cry. The last five minutes I was bawling the eyes out more than I ever have been in my life. Now I am not in a abusive relationship, however this made me understand my dad much more than previously. The first time I saw my dad cry was a year ago on June 22. That year marked the 20th year since my granddad's death. He died on July 4th. We never celebrated July 4th as a family and as a young kid; I never understood why. You see, that day he went to Walmart to buy groceries and saw all the fire works out and that was a trigger. The rest of the day he was extremely irritable. Mom accused him of being drunk. Then while he was driving the car. He broke-- broke down crying. And the saddest thing is, the whole time he was crying --I must have heard it more than ten times-- he was apologizing to me that he was showing me his crying face. Now by this time the yelling between my parents, a daily occurrence, happened and surprisingly my dad chose not to drive. He pulled over and got into the back seat. This is also another first I've seen from my dad. My mom has extreme anxiety of driving and will never take the wheel from the car. I never meant to type this much. I an extremely thankful for your talk.
I’m glad I heard this maybe this will happen to me actually I hope it does I need some healing too!
This is my life basically. ALWAYS BE A MAN. Damn, don’t share feelings etc. Didn’t know until I broke down
i broke down once, never again bro!
dont forge to also sometimes be just a boy. Before all the weight manhood.
My second birthday is the 9th Jan., 2017 when I was hit by a speeding train, police says it was smth between 60 and 90 kmh. I was clean, so the only reason of this incident was just my spinecrashing emotional burden at the time. Luckily, not a single mark on my body.
i developed ;panic attacks because of just that reason and being abused by a woman
Right at half of the women I've dated acted violently toward me. They would slap if I told an off-color joke. They would punch, bite, kick, one hit me with blunt objects, another spat food in my face. I absorbed most of it. I thought it was normal. I thought that was how women treated men. I didn't hit back, because men don't hit women. I allowed the women who told me they loved me to attack me because I thought that's just how they worked. I've spent most of the last ten years alone. No one hits me anymore.
If you remove one-night stands, flings and friends with benefits, the number of hitters rises above half.
I'm sorry to hear that you have been alone for the last 10 years. I recently separated from my wife where there was very subtle messages sent toward me from her that were hurtful. I'm not even sure if she realized it.
I generally didn't say anything until about 17 years into the marriage I finally flat out told her I wanted out of the marriage. She was shocked and surprised. She had no realization that anything was wrong even though I had told her numerous times over the preceding 5+ years that I wasn't happy with the relationship.
She asked us to give it another try and went to marriage counseling - things improved for about a month and then 11 more months of the same as before.
I say all that because even though my marriage has ultimately failed, I still have hope that there is a woman out there who will love me for me. I hope there is one out there for you too and that you meet her and get to spend your life with her.
10 years for me too. No one ridicules me for having emotions now, and I haven't experienced depression since she left.
Going on 5 years in a relationship here, but I've gone silent because she has her own victim card ready every time I even attempt to mention my struggles as a man. At some point I could explode and say "either shut up and listen or leave", but I'm so accustomed to not giving up on things in my life no matter how deep the pain goes and always tend to give in to empathizing with the other person's side, so here I am........
@@saintjay1968 My dad would say, "The best way to get over one, is another one."
The reason men like me don't share emotions is not because of toxic masculinity. It is because I don't trust anyone
@@petrusxramulus564 it's not that easy man it really isn't
Yup , I do t trust anyone either .
@@petrusxramulus564 dude if it was that simple we no one would ever feel sadness ever again.
The speaker literally said what you mean, "being a man" and look how big the bomb thats gonna blow up
@@petrusxramulus564 There's a time and place for stoicism
Dudes, sometimes I cry, I am weak, I am needy of affection and have fears. That is okay.
I am also deserving of love, kindness and gentleness and if I'm being mistreated I will say so!
For all guys in dysfunctional relationships:
It takes a lot energy but it is possible to push through and leave (been there)! Good luck and a lot of love for you
"Only women, children and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved under the condition that he provide something." - Chris Rock
I can cry in front of my girlfriend without feeling guilty. She’s a keeper
Best thing is having such a good relationship with a girl
Indeed she's a keeper
Thats so wholesome. I never hear about women being ok with men's emotions very much. I hope you get married with her, I wish you the absolute best with your relationship with her.
My ex is like that... But when we dated for 3 years, her true color was finally appeared... She called me a coward..... That was the last time I ever cry in front of people....
wife material
Theres 2 types on women
1. Those that love caring for others and get actual pleasure from helping others
2. Those that think they are the single most important thing in the world
That's not just women, that's people in general. Also, you're presenting two extremes, most people would fall in between completely selfless and narcissistic sociopaths.
I would stop calling these masculine framed girls "women" no REAL woman would behave in such a grotesque and manly fashion.. a woman creates from what a man gives her. Not from herself.
Nailed it
makemeajmod are you referring to creating life as in having babies or in general
@@makemeajmod
Are you saying #2 is "manly"?
I'm a female and I completely agree in fact, I've been saying this for years. Great job on your entire presentation.
Thank you for understanding!
No one cares if your female or not, people treat it as if it is a crime to support the opposite group, so why say I'm a woman and I agree with this like you're not supposed to do
Thank you for your understanding
I bet you do Robin
@@melonide0767 I care that she's a woman. It matters because not enough women acknowledge the truth she speaks. And I am deeply grateful for her willingness to set the record straight.
I got an ad for female domestic abuse on this video, nice youtube nice
Random point, I'd like to hear other people's thoughts:
Many women are willing to raise a boy that expresses his emotions, but these same women would never marry a man that behaves this way.
Too many women reinforce double standards.
But ultimately, broken women create broken relationships. Same for men tbh.
It is but not as much as women!
The thing is women want men to express the emotion that they(women) want. And only when they say it's ok.
J Platter my fiancee has no problem when i cry. i cry watching movies, dog rescue videos, and when my feelings are hurt. she does not think any less of me, quite the opposite in fact.
@@louiscyfer6944 ok cool, that's actually a relief to learn! Thanks. :)
J Platter good women don't mind a man that is secure enough to cry. look at my profile pic, i am not exactly a girly man.
GF: You're so cold, open up, express your emotions!
Me: proceed to tell my fears and insecurities.
GF: *LOSES ATTRACTION*
So true
It do feel like that
it will never get better if you marry her, only worse.
THIS RIGHT HERE. I wanna do it with this girl I just started dating. I wanna show my soft side and give her all my time but man I can’t escape the thought that she gon lose attraction
@@samueldaco993 don't do it. Keep your feelings 4 yourself.
I'm lying here, living apart from my abusive wife, crying as I read this because my heart goes out to him. The abuser really makes you feel like you absolutely can't stand up to her, whether because of fear, guilt or another reason. Abuse is horrible.
How are you doing? I hope you are ok . I hope you are making some progress to come of this abusive relationship.
Have a nice day
i went through it for 27 years. never standing up to her. in my mind i was trying to keep the home happy. she would always say "happy wife happy life". this is such a damaging approach to a marriage. it just gave her free reign to over my emotions
@@stillgoing8578 toxic woman
I hear you brother
I'm at the point where checking out of life seems to be a solution.
I don't share my feelings. It's too dangerous.
Me too
Somehow, a few weeks ago, when I shared my feelings, the other person got offended. Now I'm confused and scared
@@webzentertainment no in that matter I trust nobody
Everyone on this specific comment needs to heed my advice and literally just spend time getting to trust people around you
@@cloversonthehill Trusting people is dangerous. You don't even have to be depressed or anything like that to know this.
This probably is the most hug-worthy man that has ever lived ...
Agreed.
I mean there is Jesus
I remember trying to talk to my ex about my feelings; her reply was ‘you don’t have any feelings’.
So, my ex.
Wtf.
And good its your ex now
WOW! This very crazy and ridiculous. Hope all is well with you. Everyone has feelings and she shouldn,t have never said that to you if she cared anything about you from the begin with she would have considered your feelings at all times. Hope you are not still with this person it,s just going to get worse from here. By now hope you are okay.
There are GOOD men who are still in a relationship who are continuously being verbally and physically abused by their girlfriends or wives who are afraid to report this because of fear of no one believing them because most of the time the woman is usually the victim. I pray that the man being verbally and or physically abused end this relationship because it can cause psychological and physical health issues. Verbal abuse can escalate to physical abuse which can possibly end in prison time or murder. Please pray, report this abuse and end this relationship if you are a victim. A quick tempered, controlling, jealous and demanding woman is a dangerous woman who will also tell lies on that GOOD man !
neonia hazelwood .... Correct. The last sentence sums up everything ...
Ive met two men in the last month who were VERY jealous of my divorced status, but afraid to run.
I love you
Thanks Sis
I was with a girl for 4 years. 3 years into the relationship she saw me cry for the first time. From that point to the end of the relationship she not only lost all respect for me but would actively disrespect me in front of friends and family. She constantly spoke over me, disregarded everything I said, etc. All because I showed real emotion one time.
Gosh I'm sorry
I called off my wedding last year because I was in an abusive relationship. This talk really hit home for me.
Good on you for doing the right thing, as unpopular as no doubt was to your familiars.
I wish I had the strength you did. 3 years in and a young child now, I’m so trapped.
Thank God you did not go thru with it- that was very brave on your part it takes a lot of courage to call off an engagement- most people won’t do it- too much time invested so they’ll hump off the cliff anyway- you saved yourself from an even more painful abuse and an almost guaranteed divorce
as a therapist, every abused person told me they did not want to go through with the wedding .. hurray to you and
may you be a lesson to others..😘
It was 8 weeks away at that point@@patricia-fz8et
I have a male family member that is currently going through an abusive situation. We are helping the best we can but there are almost no resources for male victims of domestic violence. He’s has felt discouraged and ashamed for helping himself. I’m going to show him this video to encourage him to see that his emotions are warranted.
A good psycologist
I hope he feels better now
I'd rather be physically beaten than emotionally abused trust me I've experienced both he's probably getting both.
I actually second that! Emotional abuse takes long to recover from. It's like it infiltrates ur entire nervous system.
So glad that man didn't end his life, he has a whole heap of immeasurable value to offer
For sure
there are plenty that do.
Bitchslap!
Cruel , demeaning words from the one you love can destroy a person's soul. No one has the right to break anothers spirit.
yet it happens every day and our socities do nothing to encourage better behaviour.
Women are gifted in this way.
Yup... Would rather fight Mike Tyson than have someone you love using your feelings to smash you into oblivion...
women do it a lot.I know i lived it
Break my back
Moral of the story: Just because we don't wear our hearts on our sleeves, doesn't mean we don't hurt too. Where's the equality? We need it.
Men don't cry because they're weak...
They cry because they've been strong too long
I cry because I'm human
May god bless your life
I hope you’re ok bro. Men need to help eachother and be able to be the guy who another man can talk to when they are going through something. Women have all these support systems and men have nobody. I’ll talk to anyone I know how hard it is when you feel alone. We gotta help people that’s what we were put on earth to do. Help people.
Damn, well said
Yep, he told my story too.
My ex wife is a police officer who's been pulled up before her superiors over concerns about her love of inflicting violence. She wriggled out of it by telling them exactly what they wanted to hear. I never went to the police about my abuse because I'd be telling it to her colleagues - the very people she's filled with stories of being an innocent little flower who just wants to help the community. As she loves to tell everyone, the police protect their own.
I've kept quiet and faired better than the father of her youngest child; a boy who now never sees his dad and who's told that his dad wants nothing to do with him.
I'd suggest you fight for some form of custody to see your child. If needed, check out the statics of fatherless children. They're scarey. You may also want to look into getting a private investigator. I say private because there may be more accuracy for you. I hope everything works out for you. Please try attempting to see your children. Fathers do matter :-)
Well I'm fortunate in that I've been able to maintain contact. When we split up I'd anticipated her moves so I took the kids passports with me. That was a good move as it turned out as her first thought was to leave the country with them. I also played her at her own game to increase the amount of time I get to spend with my kids. You see her appearance is very important to her and she hates the idea of not being seen as in control. I talked to the kids first about what they thought of living with me more of the time than they had been and they were quite enthusiastic about it. I then brought it up with her. The first thing she asked was "have you spoken to the kids about it?" and I of course got to say "yes". She couldn't say no to it because that would mean the kids would see her as the bad guy, so she had to say yes and then spin it as something she thought of!
The father of her youngest is not so fortunate though and has had no contact for the best part of a year now. Even her neighbours have spoken to me about how odd it is that he used to be over there all the time to spend time with his boy and now he's never there at all. I've taken it upon myself to give the boy lots of attention since he doesn't get it from his mother, and now doesn't get it from his father either. He's got quite attached to me, to the point that he clings on to me constantly and cries when I leave. I don't know what his future will be, whether he'll get to reestablish a connection with his father or spend the rest of his life thinking he's unloved.
2thinkcritically I cannot imagine being married to a policewoman. I don't want to think about it.
2thinkcritically this is so my story. Feel free to contact me.
You know, when police are committing abuse, there are higher authorities to report them to than their own department. There are police for police: "internal agencies".
I don't mean to put this on you. Just keep in mind in the future that you do have other options for police abuse in general.
Edit: It is unlikely for these agencies to try to cover it up. Investigating it and responding properly legally protects the department from lawsuits and consequence and puts the responsibility on that individual officer instead, so it often is in their best interest.
Woman: you look depressed, you know you can tell me anything, even if it's something I've done.
Man: I'm tired cuz you don't listen or let me finish a ...
Woman: OH NO! Don't blame me! (Angry) Blah blah blah..(2 hours later).
Pretty much
👍
Yes
Man: Can you please not get angry about this. I just want to talk about it
Woman: I'M NOT EVEN ANGRY. I'M DISAPPOINTED. I don't know why you would even think I'm angry
Yes
The audience is impossibly weak here. That man deserves a beautiful round of applause, but they seem not to buy his suffering and that's a shame.
He's a man what did you think would happen? I'm surprised he got to speak at all
@@joeytoofly5139 I thought the audience would be better, but you are correct that such a topic produces more surprise than anything.
The majority of the population are so detached from their own emotions, much less the emotions of others, they can't understand it or the do and it is immediately dismissed. Empathy is dying.
Proves his point even more.
@@Beer-can_full_of_toes I'm enjoying the imagery of your moniker. Well done.
What destroyed me was my wife telling me "You're not a real man". I put in longer hours at work to provide better for our 5 kids. Traveled internationally for the company in order to advance. But it never left my head. She had compared me to our brother in law, a drug addict who had "gotten hurt", and was now collecting disability. I worked even more hours, paid for childcare while she went to school. In the end, she left with the kids, accused me of being abusive and unfaithful. Still hurts 2 years later.
Dear lord that’s horrific of her, I’m so sorry you had to endure this, have you reached any solace? Yanno I’m just some guy on the internet to you most likely but if it means anything, you most certainly are more than that brother in law guy, you sound a lot like my dad who put his whole life on hold just for the family, so nah you’re nothing short incredible as a dad, I hope you’re doing well
8:39 so often, women tend to find it their responsibility to judge their men…but woe is he who judges the women….when in fact, neither are necessary….
then you shoudve said, then what is a real woman? etc
Don't let it hurt. Don't give her that power. Her loss. Build urself up and build a relationship with your kids
Sorry for the huge gap in an update; my daughters moved back with me . 2 are in college close to me, the youngest in high school. My oldest son moved out of his mother's place not long after they moved, but he's staying close by because the youngest son is still at his mother's. He makes sure he's not neglected while she's out partying. I've got really good kids I'm eternally proud of.
This was me in my past relationship, being told I was worthless, locked in a room and downstairs in the basement by a woman who later accused me of abuse simply to gain access to benefits and leave with our daughter.
*her daughter* in this society men can't have children due to the custody Laws.
I hope you managed to gain custody
My wife used my daughter against me in our divorce. I have notbseen her in 6 years.
MGTow anyone?
Damn....
Been in a relationship where my emotions were ignored and wants were mostly laughed at. "Man up!" I was told while they randomly left for 2 months at a time. "Don't be so dramatic", when I tried to explain myself. It made me confused, like the feelings I was feeling had no place in my life. So I started getting high, but that made it worse - I became angery and depressed. Those two are the worst combinations, I would get into fights almost everyday. I was considered a loose cannon.
My mother would always sit me down and tell me to talk to a friend, but that mentality of emotions having no place, made ME laugh at the concept.
Untill one day I became a literal monster. To the point I lost my identity.
Not understanding my own emotions was the biggest mistake of my life that I have to live with for the rest of my life.
Express yourself if you need to, and talk to someone who will listen.
It can get WORSE than toxic.
Yes we don't have to become a monster. People will use that portrayal as a way to get get us. Instead become a happy peaceful man. That way you hral your hurt and develop your life to a great height. Becoming a better person can be the greatest way to heal and the biggest weapon against the abusers.
In Germany we call people like him "Ehrenmann" (man of honor)
Edit: Man you have balls like coconuts. Respect.
Hey, würde mich freuen, wenn wir Kontakt aufnehemen könnten.
@Phoenix Das Ehrekulturkommt aber vom Arabischen Kulturkreis und das Wort Ehrenmann wird erst seid kurzem(etwa 8 Jahren) benutzt in deutschland. Das kam mit dem Arabischen Ehrenmann
Zum Teufel sagt ihr?
@@ottonormalverbraucher7835 Wenn ich mich richtig besinne wurde Ehrenmann, oder zu damaligen Zeit Biedermann in der altdeutschen Literatur oftr benutzt. Ein Beispiel dafür wäre Schillers Meisterwerk Wilhelm Tell, indem durch ganze Drama das Wort "Biedermann" verstreut war.
Phoenix like coconuts😂
It's my story....
Some guys kinda feel like they should keep their feelings inside
@@astroboy1147 I’m one of those guys. And I’ve had the same thoughts of ending it all that he had. I rarely explain these thoughts to someone face to face and when I do it’s usually a stranger that I met at a gas station about 3 or 4 hours away from home.
@@hilljackzack7284 yeah i dont really like venting to someone
@@astroboy1147 Yes and no.
I think in average men tend to control their feelings better.
I haven't cried for 5 years even in moments of sadness is like I have to force myself to tear up.
And unfortunately society as taken advantage of this factor.
Men don't cry
Men don't smile
Men don't do this do that like.
Is like our mental state is barricade in a prison
@@wrestlinganime4life288 I smile when street racing lol 🤣😂
I don't have anyone to talk to about the emotional abuse I deal with on an almost daily basis. I try talk tell my wife what her words and actions do to me, but see is completely blind to it. We have a boy/girl twin whom I love dearly but since they arrived it has basically ended our physical relationship. I just needed to get that off my chest. If you read this give me a like or a comment to know that I'm not alone.
I would say, try to take this time and see it as a chance of learning how to love yourself ( like you would be single and didn't have that physical touch). Daily think of the things that you like about yourself, things you are proud of and celebrate them. Think of something new you would like to learn or something you always liked to do but forgot in the daily routine and responsibilities. Learn how to connect to yourself more every day and make yourself a good company for yourself. Be a friend to yourself. From that place of learning how to be nice to you think about your partner. Think of her first as person and forget for a while the physical pleasure. Learn first about emotional pleasure what might make her happy that day? Learn about her. She gave a birth to two new human beings she might be a same person but with a very new views on the world in some ways. That can be very new to her and also challenging, her priorities might be very different now and she herself might be shocked. Give yourself the opportunity not to look at her as the reason of your deficiency. You experiencing lack of touch can be a special time for you to learn about your partner. Woman in general needs to feel firstly heard, supported and appreciated. She needs to connect emmotionaly to you she needs to know how you feel before she will be drowned to you physically. Give yourself a space and give the love to yourself first and then think how you could make her feel loved. After birth her ways of feeling loved might change. Learn what are her new ways. I wish you happy relationship where you constantly can learn and give the love yourself first so I can give it to each other.
I have been verbally and emotionally abused for months. And i have been blamed for each curse she gave me as if i am the one making myself curse. Man that hurts so bad. If i dont agree to her in arguments i have been threatened to be left alone . Ive been through more and more stuffs like this . You are not alone. Take care . We deserve love and support.
I can relate to the bottling up with my husband even though there is so abuse. I tell him every single day how much I love every aspect of him and how I appreciate him so much. We have a great relationship. He's the strong and silent pillar of strength of the relationship but even he had a breakdown a while ago. After a decade of military life, he was having such a hard time adjusting to civilian life that he was contemplating suicide. The scariest part was that he was reluctant to tell me because of this notion that men can't have emotions. With my persuasion, he saw a councilor for veterans and things are a lot better now, but I hate to think what would have happened if he hadn't told me. I can't imagine the pain he was in and the pain other men who don't have a supportive spouse go through.
The point is MEN please, if it gets that bad, tell someone because they want to help and would miss you terribly if you left. You are human. You matter. You deserve help. You deserve life.
Paula ohh.... so you are the women from american sniper....
Veteran pains are a entirely different monster to tackle. I am glad you are there for him. He needs all the support he can get. Sometimes, it's the families that are the ones to suffer after the veteran returns from war. (Not saying the veteran has suffered, but it is entirely their choice to join the military and go off to war.)
My brother is a veteran.
None the less, as long as we can help them feel human once more, decrease their anxiety by a fraction, and share a smile with them, then that is enough in my opinion.
Paula Thank You for loving him so much.
Great comment, Paula. Your husband is lucky to have you.
you know why we suffer in silence? We do want to reach out but society treats us as disposable working machines, women despise us if we show weakness they lash out at us for us males it's sink or swim.
Abuse of man is the same with horses. Nobody see or belive them. When man and horses defend themselfs, they get punished even more. Horses getting killed and man are put in jail. Both of them, scream for help... in silence...
I dont know anything ab horses but this makes sense. Now I want to adopt a rescue horse and just... love the guy/gal and make them happy
Welp they cant jail all of us. Charge!!
I feel that as I get older I can just flat SEE the despondency behind the eyes of people. I no longer believe there's anyone who isn't really hurting or dealing with issues.
Snap-off yeah. That’s the world we live in. Precious few are those who’ve properly come to terms with their personal issues. I can’t really tell if someone is going through tough times, I’ve never really been perceptive in that regard. But I’m twenty, still have a lot to see, I suppose.
I'm 18 now, over the last few years of suffering in high school the scales have fallen from my eyes. What you said is true, almost every person above the age of 12 is suffering on the inside or have buried their true feelings so deep there is no genuine contentment left, only a barely-contained anxiety hiding just beneath the surface. I can see it in their eyes
Most people don't care about men. Well I do. I care. I'm listening. I believe you. I'm here. Together we can change this.
This is an incredibly smart and well worded man. I wish I had someone like this when I was growing up, into a broken man.
Things ARE different now. Get some help. What do you have to lose?
The comments on here break my heart. :( I’m so sorry and your feelings are very valid and important.
I watched my man cry more than once - once I actually saw him sob - if anything, today (33 years after I first met him) I love and value him more than I did in the first throes of passion and romance. He's my other half and, if I'm very very lucky, he'll put up with me till the end.
You can't help or be productive with a crazy woman. All a man can do is leave because there is nothing he can do. Hopefully he doesn't have kids with her. If so, That's when the nightmare really begins.
R MAC mine began already and it is
You shouldnt even be with a crazy women...
R MAC that is honestly the the truth ive experienced that myself
R MAC - so much truth . Living it myself
💯💯💯💯
Strange that men aren´t allowed to talk about emotions or matters of that kind, allthough they have them...
Lauren Borrero I wish I had someone to talk about my abusive ex that lives with me and I am in a city I don't know and family lives about fifteen hundred miles from me am always sad started doing drugs to escape my anxiety and heart ach. What should I do?
Frank, listen to Diane Langberg here on the FOCLOnline channel. Though her comments are blocked, she understands the trauma caused by abuse.
Also, there are many people dealing with those who have or have had an abusive partner or spouse right here at UA-cam. You can chat with them. It was likely your ex was abused herself, before you met her, and as a result, may have a developed a personality disorder. Maybe I can direct you to the right videos if you tell me a bit about her behavior.
I feel your pain. I just moved 1,700 miles from my home, and bumped headlong into a man with some serious mental disorders, the result of childhood trauma. As such, I spent this last year studying mental disorders.
Frank and Lauren, all churches should have Men's Bible Studies. "Just as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." We have them for women, too. This is how we build a support system for each sex. Some churches have a men's group dealing with the big porn problem, and some have addiction programs. My former church, before I moved across country, also had a great singles fellowship. It was a larger church with lots of fellowship groups - like youth groups and young married classes. And a bunch of pastors in smaller rooms, preaching "through the word," one verse at a time - expository (explaining) preaching - the only real way to learn and allow the words of Jesus speak to you. I really miss that church.
Yeah....not too many battered men's shelters around. But they do get battered. Thus, they suffer in silence. It should not be that way. The way it should be is to learn how to communicate and do relationships. That's precisely what you learn in the Bible. Since families are the bedrock of civilization itself, adults must get dating, marriage and sexuality right.
The shortest scripture in the Bible is one that is most profound....
"Jesus wept."
He understands a man's tears. No problem. He can handle it.
It's because emotions are "feminine" and femininity is considered "weak" and bad for a man, sadly.
Anger is an emotion and that's the one men use. See my post above. If you knew the man I crossed paths with this past year, he'd tell you he can't handle any criticism - thus it's like walking on eggshells. Say the right thing in the wrong way is like pulling the pin on a grenade. He is a Sociopath, the result of severe child abuse. He has multiple mental disorders as a result, but the most prominent are Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Anti-Social Personality Disorder. Look up videos here on NPD -there are hundreds, if not thousands of them, posted mostly by their victims.
My dad is my hero who could fix anything and stood proud and strong, even when he was ill he never told me or his children he was in pain. My dad was told at a young age that big boys don't and how to be a man, my dad cried once in front of me and quickly wiped away the tear ashamed to be caught. With that image in my head and my heart if my brother cries then I will tell him to cry in front of me as it doesn't make you any less than a man, and I tell this to my nephews as well. Verbal abuse can affect anyone and leaves deeper scars than a cut.
Charisse George I was lucky to have had the dad I was given. My mother and father both expressed feelings with each other and us 5 girls. He cried in front of us women, and took care of all of us. It allowed me to make sure that my son had the same safe environment to express himself. My ex and his father was emotionally abusive to us both. He would tell my son “to stop crying”, but I would make sure, that my son knew it was all right and good for him to do that. My son is 34 and has a good woman to share his life with. It is a shame and so sad that so many men are abused. I pray that you and all who have been abused and repressed find what you are looking for, and heal. It’s hard, but worth it. I send love and peace 🕉
I now have realized I was in a emotionally abusive relationship - and she is psychologist herself. The jealousy was insane. The fights where I SCREAMED at her saying that she could do no wrong, and it seemed it was always me. The snod remarks. How she twisted everything around making me feel like I was the abuser. Thank God we broke up (she "discarded" me). Well, I posted a fairly lengthy, to the point of the 3+ years I was with her to support group. One reply really stuck out. The posting woman told me that it was a covert passive-aggresive narcissist. I dismissed it at first. Because I felt like a category 5 emotional hurricane. Until I started researching the topic. It read so many articles, other men's posts and found some very good youtube vids. And then I 'woke' up. But before I did all of this, the weeks after the 'discard', I actually conteplated suicide really. But, I found the help through the on line support group and that opened my eyes. It took me almost 3 days, I then felt all the hurt, anger just seemed to dissapate. I went from anger towards myself to having actual pity for her. I found an article called "Reactive Abuse" - Once I read that, man that changed my thoughts. But, since my ex is a psychology professor at a local college, I have the feeling she has confided in one and making me the bad guy. I am now in therapy myself. And, he thinks this is true. He said I am a 'empath' - go figure. Hang tight, you're not alone. I never thought this would happen to me. All the signs were there. Starting with "Love-bombing", the "Devaluation" and then "Discard". My story is long. For the 3+ years, I felt she had me at an "arms distance length" from her. I felt I never knew her. The remarks she made. Introducing me to her professional colleagues as her friend. Never partner. Her denials of any wrong doing. And, the big one - NEVER apologized for anything - only once.
@land otter1 I'm only just beginning to see the abuse I suffered. I always blamed external issues, like her friends, etc, but the core of the issue was her own neglect and devaluation of me. I was so blinded by loving her that I didn't see the real problem.
They're like cardboard cutouts of each other. You've described in some detail my ex as well. Same personality type, same behaviour all of it, and I mean all of it. My ex was an IT manager who would joke that they had no qualifications and yet managed teams of highly qualified network engineers and would earn 2-3 times what they would make.
I'll never forget their face when I asked them "what do you think they would make of that if they were ever to find out?" The reason I asked such a provocitave question? firstly I'd had enough and the writing was already on the wall, secondly I am a network engineer....
Cry if you want to, guys. God created tearducts. Jesus wept.
manic hairdo amen. 🙏
Yeah, and he was also crucified .
Yeah and he also rose from the dead
Yeah even god cried when Jesus was crucified so it's ok to cry, every living being on this planet has the ability to cry,why should men be any different i always wondered .also crying is a sign that something is wrong,it's like an alarm and i feel an alarm's purpose is alart that something is wrong and should not be ignored.
@@matthewlee9879 where does it say God cried? God can't cry.
When my dog that I had for 14 years, since childhood, had to be put down, my girlfriend at the time said, “are you serious? Why are you crying?”
Inside, I’m still crying about it.
You better kiss this girl goodby.
@@proclaimer2u left her not long after this ✌️
My dad, who is 65, is going through this as we speak. Having had to conceal his emotions around his father, work, and siblings, it finally got to him. As my mom and I, growing up, were often the target of his frustration . Verbal abuse was frequent in our household. And being around him was like walking on egg shells. He was just so angry all the time, and at the time , I didn't know what his deal was.
When he lost his job in 2007, and then discovered his myriad of health problems, he finally opened about about his emotional pain growing up. How his father would lash out on him, verbally and physically. His sisters too, would verbally disrespect him, and as time went on, he's had to keep his feelings to himself. He is in therapy and is on medication, but the damage has already been done. My father wasn't a crier when I was growing up, and when he did cry , it was because of the loss his father to kidney failure. I remember he took my grand father's passing really hard.
My dad often has nightmares about an altercation between him and his dad when he was a teen. And my grandfather never apologized to him about what he did. He took it took his grave and my dad is left feeling angry and sad because he felt his father didn't love him . He never got closure that he was seeking. As a 31 year old man, I learned greatly from my fathers lessons. Without getting preachy, I've learned this idea of being strong by disregarding your emotions, only sets you up later in life to be an emotionally ticking time bomb. I've learned to surround yourself with people who empower you to be the best version of yourself. Who you talk to about emotions , vent it out, then help bring you back up. Real adults, empower one another. Build each other up, not use fear base ideology to scare someone into a state of mind , so they will be accepted among their peers.
This is so true. Thank you for sharing this ❤
Thank you, Timothy. Yes, I listened. I work for homeless men in my town, and this story is many of their stories. And mine.
That is so tragic. I hope you are doing much better now
I appreciated hearing what Timothy shared. I have son so what ever I can learn from other men to share with him in his time of need I do it. That took a lot to share with us! Thank you Timothy!
It's extremely disheartening to see the massive amounts of men who have experienced something as awful as emotional abuse and the double standard behind it. I've been scrolling liking comments for over half and hour due to the fact that every single one of them is the truth. I was not oblivious to the matter before watching the video but this further solidifies my views on it. It's something that needs to die. Societal pressures. Double standards. The abuse. All of it. Men can cry just as women are allowed to. Men can be emotionally vulnerable as women are allowed to. Men can speak up about their insecurities as women are allowed to. You must be a total brick to think otherwise. Reading about those who've been taken advantage of and scorned day in and out by their gf has made me feel downright disgusted. How can you call yourself human after doing that?
On a positive note, it's emotionally uplifting seeing how many of you support each other in the comments and replies. It really is. Don't be afraid to comment about your own experiences in this comment section as you will definitely be met with compassion and kindness from others. It might be the one thing you need right now.
doing the same thing
Well I am going through the same thing and I have fell in this trap of always trying to fix things and take the blame for thins I did not do just to keep us as a family but since yesterday I am officially done, this was not the life I planned for myself.
Thank you for sharing this thought. I know a couple of guys I know that need to see this message right here.
You know woman can experience emotional abuse! Anyone can experience it! Not just men! Anyone can experience physical abuse too! All types of abuse, it is not specific to a gender although men don't talk about it enough but not do most women.
You can't presume all women are abusers just like not all men are abusers.
I have given up sharing emotions and points of view with my wife. Somehow I am always putting her down. Before marriage I did not have depression or anxiety and now I cant sleep through the night without anxiety waking me up. I can say you have told my story and thank you for letting me know im not alone.
Be honest dude, how long can you live like this. This is YOUR OWN LIFE.
"the thoughts of suicide no longer bothered him but rather gave him peace"
BIG same
The horrifying part about it is that even years after the events, those thoughts come and go... like a haunting of some monster that will kill you... that also happens to be you.
Those thoughts actually help me to fall asleep at night ... knowing I have a plan and I have the courage is calming.
💔💔💔🙏🙏🙏
It isn't exactly the same thing, but it helped my thoughts to set a definite uncompromisable date when to clock out in the far future (3 decades for me, my 60th birthday to be exact). Not in response to whatever immediate problems I was having, but just knowing the is a finish line and a eventual out helps me get through every day happier and more resolve. Otherwise I couldn't even get out of bed if I only dread yhe future with no hope of release.
Great ted talk ! You have a lot of courage, and you speak the truth ! Thank you !!!!
Women don't care about a man's feelings! I learned that the hard way 😔
That's not true! I care a ton!
@@victoriagates7960 you know that 70% suicides are from men?
So you may be 1 of 10000 but still so many girls or woman say exactly the same thing
@@fabianfomicev I really want to know from your knowledge on the issue what are the most common reasons for this with men. Breaks my heart.
@@victoriagates7960 I experienced it myself, you like just want to help them and it grows until the point you're not useful anymore that's pretty narcisstic and men do that aswell. Idk I am not a professional
@@fabianfomicev - It's actually 80% ... 4 to 1
Twenty years ago, for the first time depression slammed me to the ocean floor. With billons of gallons of water crushing me.
Then the only man that didn't mind me crying in front of him was a Vietnam veteran. I think I'll go see him tomorrow and thank him.
That's great bro, go talk to that man, that good hearted man
Spot on. I too have suffered in silence. If it wasn't for the grace, mercy, and love Jesus has shown me when nobody else does...I'm not sure where I would be.
I spent years with my now ex-wife trying to get me diagnosed with Aspergers.... She was Air Force and I was the spouse... She almost had me believing it myself. Towards the end of the marriage she got worse. I stayed strong as long as possible... She saw me cry once towards the end... I’m glad it’s over now I got out...
Yeah...can relate to that Aspergers story, my friend. Horrible thing to hear that from your partner...
I'd be willing to bet $1000 that she put demands on you that kept you from having/maintaining friendships and damaged your career path, probably demanded that you lie in social settings to make her look better... Ask me how I know...
@@briantracy1324 lol did you date my ex wife??
That sounds traumatizing Oml sorry
@@derwolf9670 Ditto.
This really rings true being in the process of leaving an abusive relationship. Thank you.
I found I always accepted blame when innocent, or rather accepted blame that was hers and also spent all my energy worrying about keeping her happy.
Sadly many women are toxic and society celebrates this these days
I remember the day I was told by my mother not to speak about the trauma of molestation, as I'd never experienced it. Little did she know how far from the truth that was, and how long I was told that I was far too emotional for no reason at all.
I was married for 30 years I hated every second. It was like being prison for something I didn't do. I have been single for 16 years and have loved every second I live by myself and have never been happier I don't want friends I don't need friends. I have always loved to learn new things. And now that's what I spend my time doing. There's only one person that can make you happy and there's only one that that will !!!
You blame your spouse for feeling like you were in prison?? I am sure from your comments it could not have been any picnic for her! I'll agree with your last sentence (minus the word "make"), but not out of petulance or spite as you seem to embody, rather because it is spiritually true. Sorry patriarchy served you a bad hand.
Patriarchal anything is unilateral, which we all know leads to running in a circle like a hamster wheel
the last wild one... the human being is not evolved to live without some form of love in your life...
Stephanie Jade i pray for the heart of the man whom you marry and break with your toxic self righteous feminism
@@stephaniejade7056 Why are you even here? Disrespect to the max.