I mean not really people say to end things even when the situation isn’t that serious and can be worked on. Divorce is very normalized today that it’s why people don’t think deeply about marriage.
@AnthonyWilliams-bp5mn As a therapist, that really is a huge deal. We dont press our personal beliefs on clients it's unethical. Dr. John's analysis of why they would have told her that was spot on. Otherwise, we keep our mouths shut and let the client lead on terms of goals and therapy objectives. Just sayin, 🤷🏾♀️ But I also agree that divorce is too normalized. In this case, he gave up, and you can't force someone to love you no matter what they promised you.
@@rofrankie947 question, as a therapist why do you think relationships especially marriages fail? For example you can say communication issues or trust issues etc. I just want to know your opinion as a therapist.
@AnthonyWilliams-bp5mn Well, to name a few; inflated ego, lack of effective communication skills, failure to remain committed to promises and responsibilities, faulty perceptions, and not being ready to make the relationship sacrifices (reciprocity) needed to succeed, etc.
Therapist are horrible. They don’t fix people or they would go out of business. They program you to start more problems by becoming narcissistic and blaming other people for your choices
My ex did the same thing but you get to the point when you do not care. He can tell his people what ever he wants. I know why our marriage ended and so does God and the people who love me. So I couldn't care less what lies he tells. She needs to have some hard conversations with herself. She will come out the other side just fine.
“We just celebrated 18 years…well, we didn’t really celebrate because he didn’t acknowledge it.” It’s terrifying that there are people actually living in marriages like this, treating their spouses like trash and their spouse just puts up with it passively for years as though they have no choice. It’s over, ma’am.
All that is well, however there has to be more context. Men, even if they cheat, they always have energy for sex so they will cater for the wife too. When they don't then there are either medical issues (e.g. diabetes etc.) or psychological ones. For example, I had heard a similar case (from my irl environment) of a man whose wife complained to her female friends that he did not touch her anymore. Guess what : in the end it came out that she actually had cheated on him in the past, he had not found out in time, she ended her affair and resolved to stick to the marriage thinking her husband had not detected anything, but then someone told the man that his wife "most probably cheated", he connected the dots for the given period, and hence he pondered divorcing her, finally deciding that he did not want to lose house and kids and hence stuck with her. But not wishing to have sex with her again as she disgusted him, he started visiting prostitutes... and the sex was so good that he could just not go back to having sex with his wife even if he was willing to forgive her, and he was of course not at all willing. When men don't sleep with their wives, it is thus either a medical issue (I count in there the rare but existing case of homosexuality as well) or a psychological one, usually based on grievances, often very valid ones.
@@ptuliplet me give you a man’s perspective, he’s 1000000% sleeping with the other woman and doesn’t want to file for divorce and lose half of everything he has to the wife.
He along with most men sadly, has Madonna Whore Complex. They want to have their domestic slave at home and a side piece for their sexual relations. Selfish, hellbound pricks!
Women think giving vague hints is communicating. They're seldom direct, and most of the time, women divorce to go chase Chad or due to bad advice from single/divorced friends.
thats why 85% of divorces are initiated by women. And most men point at this as a reason to blame women, yet men play this stupid mind game of acting out until the woman leaves because they dont want to lose the unpaid labor and 1/2 the marital assets... they see marital assets as "Theirs" failing to put ANY worth on a woman who did everything they claimed they wanted, stayed home, gave up career, had their children and raised them cooked, kept a home and supported his career, took care of him when sick and yet he sees no value in those things...because its not a PAID EMPLOYMENT.....
Thanks for the laws which will give 50% from everything in addition to tons of child support for woman and when you will ask her to sign prenup to protect yourself she refuse because she plans to take everything
If someone leaves, they leave. I wouldn't fight for anyone. I'd just say, "ok. Bye!" Then I'd never speak to them again. Never beg someone to stay with you.
After some long experiences with women close to me who were in the state she is in, I now view them differently. I no longer believe they're any better than the men they prioritize and vicariously gain self esteem from.
@@temposhop8739 What are you talking about? “Vicariously gain self-esteem”? If you don’t gain self-esteem from your intimate relationships, then you haven’t been in intimate relationships. But there’s nothing vicious about that. And what did this woman do that comes anywhere close to shutting off intimacy with his wife and finding it with another woman?
@@greenAbbot I have healthy intimate relationships and have also had front row seats to what it looks like when people (women, in my case, since I am one an most of my close friends are also) have no self worth and prop themselves up with being attached to a man who doesn't care about her. Much like addicts like to say "my substance is medicine" or "it expands my consciousness." It takes a level of delusion to justify that their reliance makes them a better person. You seem deeply upset by my comment to have interpreted it as blaming the woman for her man cheating. How asinine.
@@temposhop8739 I interpret this as you saying the woman needs to take accountability for accepting known situations like this, and also as a woman I agree. He shouldn't cheat on her for sure, but we also need to know when to leave or else we'll be stuck in a victimized state. It's definitely hard to realize this, but once I did it became easier to not tolerate certain men and leave when necessary.
My heart is broken for her, he has clearly took everything from her including her self worth. Please caller leave. You are on your own anyway. Leave and feel love again ❤
This resonates with me bc after 17 years of marriage ended the ONLY thing he sees that he should've done different is to say hello to me when he gets home from work. And years prior our marriage counselor told me in our private session..." I can keep taking your money, but until you realize who you're married to, I can't help you!" And it took me SEVEN more miserable lonely years to finally say I'm done.
1. You guys just celebrated 18 years, but he didn’t acknowledge it 🚩🚩🚩 2. He never say good night to you, but he says good morning and good night to the “lady friend” 🚩🚩🚩 3. She told her that he cherish her 🚩🚩🚩 4. He comes home two hours late from work and ignores you 🚩🚩🚩 5. Telling you to be friends with someone he knowns you are uncomfortable with 🚩🚩🚩 6. Two therapist told you to get a divorce 🚩🚩🚩 Lady love yourself and get out of this crappy marriage. He is emotionally abusing you and making you feel like you are the crazy!!
So true!!! 7. Reading texts from co-worker's friend that she's going to be HEARTBROKEN if he doesn't attend BBQ 🚩🚩🚩 8. Storming off during therapy bc he called out for not doing the bare minimum 🚩🚩🚩 9. Telling this co-worker everything going on in his marriage 🚩🚩🚩 10. No sex for a year, coincidentally around the time he's becoming besties with female coworker 🚩🚩🚩 There was nothing in that call that gave me the impression that this man wanted to keep his marriage. He wants her to stay out of convenience for him but he does not care about her as a human being. It's beyond disgusting and she deserves so much more than that. Love yourself enough to leave this situation.
If he stopped having sex with her, he is getting it elsewhere. Even worse, he feels more faithful to that other woman and being with his lawful wife feels like cheating. I feel so bad for this woman, she sounds very decent.
Not necessarily but in this case, probably. Or it's just an emotional affair and he has no intention of changing that because he's getting what he needs. It's not all about sex, it's about feeling wanted and needed and happy. Sex is just one part and men can live without it too.
@@adnanorochi3761 Really? Cause i'm pretty sure I do and so do millions of men who are married. Been 6-7 years for me. You learn to cope and become more productive in every other aspect of your life.
When I hear that women file the large majority of divorces, I have to wonder how many are doing so because of a situation like this - the husband is happy as a clam having an affair with another woman, and the wife acting as maid at home. He's certainly not going to file as he's perfectly happy with the status quo - filing is on her, just another task that's been dumped on her, and when she does file it'll add to the statistic of women filing divorce.
When you remove men from the equation divorce actually goes up. Lesbians have the highest rate of divorce, followed by straight couples, and gay men are least likely to divorce
I can't imagine living a single day knowing my husband has a female "friend" that he turns to in confidence when he won't even greet me when he comes home?!? Oh, sweetheart....they've been more than friends for a loooong time. He's _"her person"?!?!?_ Are you kidding me?! I'd be on her front porch faster than she could blink her eyes! I'd be DEMANDING a face to face conversation with her AND her husband to see if he's also aware of their _special bond!_ Sounds like he's been checked out too long to save this sinking ship. But before I walked out that door, I'd do EVERYTHING I could to tear apart her world as well. That "friend" knows exactly what she's been doing to this woman's marriage!
@@ineedhoezeither way though she knows better. Stay out of someone's marriage. She may not be the reason for the breaking but she's not doing anything to help it either. She needs to butt out!
@@ScottishTerrorsInLA Yes. Husband is an abuser of women. They're all the same to him -- commodities and objects. He's the one with the real problem here.
She needs to get a private detective to find the proof he is cheating. Then confront him with the truth. He is staying to avoid financial loss, not because he vowed “until death do us part.” He is a total coward!
If the investigator proves cheating, she doesn't need to confront him. She needs to serve him with divorce papers and have the proof of him cheating presented in court.
My dad just did the same thing to my mom after 37 years of marriage. Forced my mom to move into a new place, so I went with her. I cut off my relationship with my dad. He moved the new lady in the day after my mom moved out. Leave this coward with your dignity and respect intact!
I know that sucks and I truly feel for you, and it sucks you feel you have to choose sides. Did you want your dad to just continue to suffer and waste his life away? Or did he set the example to you that's even when it's hard it's up to you to take control of your life and find your happiness
@@kwill215 I’m getting engaged in 2 weeks and he hasn’t once reached out to meet my to be fiancee or even care about what’s going on in my life. So I respectfully will continue to live my life that way. He sent me a text the night before we moved (I am with my mom rn to save for a house/wedding) and called me names/slander. So it showed me the example of the man I looked up to growing up completely destroying himself and not caring. So I won’t do that for my wife and future children.
@@kwill215 but I have an absolute rockstar of a mom who loves my fiancee and supports us working the baby steps to be debt free when we get married to start our future off right.
@@kwill215This is such a twisted and presumptuous way to look at this situation. Marriage is a commitment. If you can't commit yourself to your spouse and need outside validation when your spouse is willing to deliver it, don't get married. In the situation given in the video, he can't even offer reason why he isn't satisfied. Happiness is 90% about perspective. If you aren't willing to foster a genuine connection to your spouse and are looking for the instant gratification of an affair instead, that is a character deficit.
I lived in a sexless marriage for awhile-he pretended like that’s just how he was; that he had a low sex drive or maybe even low testosterone issues. But after his Mom passed away (she had Alzheimer’s, & required a lot of visits & work) he divorced me for someone else. That was 24 years ago, and I’m STILL angry & hurt if I think about it too much.
I feel so bad for this woman. 18 years and she thought him saying just hello 2 days a week was things going well while hes texting another woman to begin and end his day. You are worth so much more. Please find happiness ❤ You deserve it.
What is she doing to deserve it? If she is so fat her husband won't have sex with her....she is bigger than the average American soldier in wwii and some nfl wide receivers
@@FreePickCapperthen why can’t he agree to the divorce. he’s obviously content staying legally married to her, she takes care of the house while he goes out whenever and wherever he wants with whoever he wants with no repercussions.
This makes me sad because I see my past self in this lady. I spent 12 years begging my husband to love me, hug me, give me the human decency of a hello, goodmorning, anything. I hope she left and is learning to love herself. Sending her so much love. She’s going to be truly happy once she loves herself❤
@@TC-yx1qt you know what, you are absolutely true. He never changed, he showed me who he was from the beginning and I stupidly thought he would change and see and appreciate me at some point but he never did.
This is the same guy who crawls into comment sections later seething that "Women initiate divorce 70% of the time!" and "She divorced me out of nowhere!" and "She used me for my money!" Big yuck.
Husband is absolutely cheating. Even if it’s through text. The relationship that he is having on the side is not a friendship. This is definitely an affair.
i just never got the meaning of man/woman friendship. It NEVER happens, I have been married 52 years and I never had a male friend, any males that I considered "friends" are my husband's friends NEVER mine. I have a few female friends and again they are primarily mine, not his.
Trust me, they're having sex. Men are not that evolved or that deep and I love them, think they're awesome and so glad that God created them. 'IF', they're not having sex, he needs to come out, maybe she does too or has the lowest self- esteem and is so desperate or she's trying to make her spouse chase her because she's in the wife's situation too, or getting revenge on her husband for cheating on her. ☝🏾🤷🏾♀💯
@@westaussieeggs8867so true. Even if you try to be normal friends with the opposite sex sooner or later at least one of you will catch feelings for the other and it's not longer a friendship or someone gets hurt
After being in a dead bedroom situation, I don’t think I can ever be convinced it’s not a form of emotional abuse. Honesty is always the best option. Always.
Definitely not every time, my husband also had his problems when he was in a bad place emotionally and job wise. But he communicated it. Cutting all ties emotionally and physically is so much worse though! I hope you’re being treated better now!
Sexless marriage and then he said I don’t know why I just don’t know why I am like this. 20 years of this. I am emotionally broken. I have depression and anxiety. He is in therapy and saying he is now addressing all his traumas. All of them with EMDR Well I feel traumatized, neglected like a shell of myself. I don’t know what to do. I have two children with him. I wish with this therapy we could have a miracle. I pray everyday for a miracle. We were so in love when we first met and sex was not an issue then.
@@VanessaSimon26I’m going through this with my wife of 20 years. She swears it isn’t me as far as why she doesn’t want it anymore but I’m not getting there as far as believing it. It’s so hard and I don’t understand why it’s so difficult to be intimate at least once a week 🤷♂️.
@@VanessaSimon26 Not in a place to give advice but just asking you to think about yourself. Just ask yourself if you need him to be who you are or to feel good or to be the person you dreamed to become... If all the answers are: I really don't need him to be me: leave. If the answers are: I need him to be me: find a therapist. You need to focus on yourself at this point. You need some internal structure, to find your backbone, to find the real you, to out on your own skin and be yourself again. Stop deflecting to him and his needs, and his wants and his feelings and his problems... This is no way to live. You're in a battle ground fighting yourself, and fighting ghosts of the past and of the future, completely ignoring the present. I really, really hope you can find yourself again.💜
the minute you stop having sex is the moment when it all comes crumbling down. not necessarily because sex is crucial to a relationship but because a lot of the time one or both partners rely on sex to shrink the gap of intimacy, and once that is gone they realize they've been using that as a crutch to avoid doing the hard work of non-sexual intimacy necessary in a marriage
Run. He literally said if she left he wouldn't fight for her. He's having an emotional affair. His behavior won't stop. I completely understand her, and I hate that I do.
I can’t imagine giving another woman something my wife said she needed from me. I also would be devastated if my wife considered me saying hi to be “putting in work”
He is cheating, I don't have a single doubt about that. My ex went through the exact same shift in behaviors. She would come home from work late and then go right to bed. Wouldn't cuddle. Wouldn't talk to me. Got to a point I felt like a roomate. Turned out she was going on secret dates with a male coworker and hooked up with him in our house when I wasn't home. My bet is both therapists see it clear as day and are hoping she figures it out through their talks vs confronting her with the truth head on.
Not always the case. I have a coworker who treats his wife like this. He texts back and forth with himself and his wife thinks it’s a female friend (it’s the google voice # and fake email). She even wastes money hiring a PI to follow him, but he pretends to be unaware. He doesn’t cheat, he jokingly admits that he uses a lot of lotion to take care of himself. He still respect her, does speak ill of her, he no longer wants to be intimate with her. He doesn’t sleep with her on purpose because he wants her to cheat on him, fall out of love him and leave him for someone else. He found out via video evidence that she slept with her ex 6 days before they got married. They’ve been married 13 years and he doesn’t look at her the same. He has not touched her since he watched the video. He says she’s even wearing the engagement ring and he watched her ex take of a dress her brought her 2 weeks before they married and they didn’t use protection. He says he will never confront her about it since she already knows it happened and she didn’t tell him so he prefers she continues to believe he doesn’t know. He forgives her and he’ll never throw it in her face, he just prefers her to dislike and fall out of love with him moving forward. Things aren’t always what they seem and * some people move in weird ways and do things differently.*
@@standground7956 Why go through all that work? Just divorce her or have Christ enter his heart and forgive her and move on. I don’t focus on my husbands mind games, indiscretions, lies or cheating (no proof, only him hinting at it and acting weird). I focus on what I am grateful for and what I love about him. He has been acting like a roommate since we got married. Going on two years. He wore a mask dating and engagement and slowly pulled it off after marriage here and there. Spiritual warfare is real. People need to make moves and not be cowards forcing others to act. Shaking head*
@@devadii24 Simp? I don’t think you understand the timeline. He dated his wife for three years, they got engaged and then married. So they’re happily married for 13years. If you saw them they still looked like they were dating, having fun, flirting and pretty cool couple to be around. The jealous ex recently sent him the video (3 months ago), so he was unaware she cheated on him. He forgives her but he says if he can dislike him, fall out of love with him, grow to hate his guts, then dump him then he’ll know for sure that she settled and never truly wanted him. Does that make sense?
She is settling for so little, it’s heartbreaking. John isn’t being hard on her, he is trying to make her see that her husband is not man and human enough to be upfront and do the right thing. He is being cruel indeed, he is gaslighting her and treating her like a child, telling her that nothing is going on with the other woman. He is not leaving her because it serves him, he is having his way and completely disregards the fact that his wife is drowning and torturing herself. He is a disgusting human being and she will be so much better off without him.
@@menak8870 Please don't 't be hard on yourself because of your abuse and trauma. I, often think that the majority of relationships have some form and level of it. Also, the lockdown added a whole other onion to everything...Some people who left, should have stayed and some who stayed, should have left. Life is difficult to navigate, if you're not perfect. 🤷🏾♀I send you prayer, cheer, love and peace. 🙏🏾💐💞 PS. You are awesome for realizing, acknowledging and admitting publicly, that you are a hypocrite...There is blessing in doing so. Most of us stay stuck on realization. I, don't know you, but I love you, and I am rooting for you.
Oh honey, C'mon. He just doesn't want to pay spousal support, or gave finances split. He's cheating. He's been cheating. And, it's not like he's cheating & still loves her, he DOESN'T love her. Just file for divorce already. Let go and find someone to love, that loves you back.
Casey, cut your losses and leave, sweetie. I was in this kind of marriage for 14 years. It won't change. He wants a maid and someone to take care of him without the obligation of you. You are a human being, you deserve love, affection, intimacy on every level, someone who delights in you and looks at you with stars in their eyes!! THIS is NOT IT. HE _IS_ UNSAFE!!!! Him neglecting you is silently KILLING you, safe my batootie. It's emotional MURDER. Stop kidding yourself!
It IS emotional AND physiological murder because the level of rejection and neglect she is experiencing is also increasing her cortisol levels, causing daily stress which affects a human being on a cellular level and causes reduction in her health, elevates risk factors for cancer and that can end her life so it IS murder!!!!! I lived this with this toxic person I have been legally married to for almost 10 years. Why am I telling you this? I was very healthy, but in 10 years with this emotionally withholding man, I am “legally married to, I have had lost my youngest daughter (we have no children together) because he was negligent in securing his gun. (Bullet in chamber, left on top of laundry to be folded on the bed, I had my thyroid removed due to cancer….. kept going forward but he would lecture me like a parent everyday (yelling and instructing and I am educated and he just went to high school) then I was diagnosed with bone marrow cancer which is terminal…… and finally told him that I needed to fight a battle for my life and I am unwilling to have my children (all grown 40’s and 50’s) grieve another member of their family by losing me as well as their sister because of this one man, a retired cop who, now I realize that part of his personal “retirement” plan was grifting me to enhance his living situation at my house. Fortunately I owned my home, so I managed to get him to move out. He yelled and screamed like a child for a full 48 hours (LOUDLY) preceeding the day he moved out. This is a retired cop! I am now in remission because I at 70 finally learned to establish boundaries, consciously decided to take my heart back for myself, and although “terminal”, my self confidence is back to being me and not what a man thinks I should be or do. My Creator God loves me with an undying love and my confidence is found in God alone! The marriage? That’s difficult at now 74, but I’m working on that one next. I live with purpose without him…….I see a man with no purpose who lives a life of coverup and avoidance and never smiles unless he gets attention. It is very toxic. Don’t let this cause you to be silently “murdered” every day because it results in loss of your own life.
@@nly4607 aha. So he has no balls to stay a truthful husband and your Argument for not divorcing is the money? You know that in that case her worries about money are the least, also he is actually owing her emotional injury compensation, if he is lying and gaslighting her.
@MiaMizuno "emotional injury compensation" I would agree with this argument for children but adults don't owe other adults because they hurt their feelings....lol that is a child's idea. If you are arguing that women should have the legal status of children that is another matter entirely
I had a relationship like this.. he liked a married coworker, I was a live in maid.. i also work from home, split the bills, made dinner, cleaned etc. I feel like I will always have trust issues and never want to get married now. It’s time to accept the truth and let it all go.
He is carrying on a full fledged relationship in front of her face and she refuses to recognize it or be honest with herself about it. My question would be is this her first adult relationship and has she every asked him why he is no longer attracted to her? She needs to walk away. He is emotionally attached to his co-worker. Its over.
@@wolvezy quite possible. She really didn't share what she may have done to contribute to what's happening in her marriage. I have a sneaking suspicion that when her dad was going through his medical emergency she withdrew from the marriage due to the stress of it all (which is totally normal) and her husband did not try to remain in the sanctity of the relationship and sought comfort elsewhere.
It does sound like she just doesn't have enough relationship experience to tell the difference between your partner losing attraction to you versus simply not liking you as a person in a fundamental sort of way.
Yep! John was on point when he said it's not 'hope' it's a 'wish'. She needs to live in reality, not wishes because the wishing will only bring her more misery.
@@wolvezymaybe but not likely if she's doing well she can to try to make it better, and asked him what she could possibly do. Regardless it's on him that he's moved outside the marriage for all these things thwn claiming he's still in it and she's the one who has to end it if she wants to. She should end it, but he's already been on infidelity for a long time in so many ways.
Sometimes I feel like John makes excuses for these men. This man isn't exhausted. He's gaslighting this woman and emotionally abusing her. And she's so determined to be married she's just ignoring it. He's already checked out of the marriage and she keeps hanging on.
I think he does that sometimes to validate the caller's view and open them up to listen to him - and only then telling them the actual truth so they can properly process it. But that's my guess, since I do agree with you.
No, John is 100% right she's putting everything on her husband she's even waiting for him to call for a divorce, this lady is not taking care of herself at all and I wouldn't be surprised if that was a huge problem in this marriage
SHE initiated comms re issues, she accepts HIS dishonest/stone walling replies, SHE initiated therapy, SHE is the 1 working on their marriage,AND keeping house/feeding and maintaining HIS 'adult' existence, why aren't you faulting him for HIS lack of self responsibility?Also, MAYBe if he was honouring any of their marriage vows, SHE'd have heaps of time, energy, interest to "self care".At worst, this poor lady is/has become anxiously attached,and is extringently motivated, & lost her own individuality/sense of self.Surprise, it's a 18year! marriage, close to half marriages end in divorce?You know what the other half 'end up' in? codependency.She thought she was in a (loving/comitted) long marriage! I think 1-3years of cognitive dissonnance,PLUS husbands' contradiction of therapists/gaslighting is understandable. She has been betrayed. Also, HIS behaviour with another woman is appalling,adds to his emotional neglect/abuse of his WIFE.Forget 'love', where is the 'honour' here?! @bambuco2
This husband is a complete coward using his wife as his maid. He does not have the integrity nor balls to divorce her because his mistress is also still married/taken, so he uses his wife until she is completely broken to simply fix his needs of basic caretaking in the household. For him saying he does not want to divorce her on top of that makes me say he is downright abusive and does not see his wife as a human being deserving of respect.
He won't divorce, he's making her do the big step. She has no life at all let alone in her marriage. He benefits if she gave him the papers, but she would be happier if she did
She did not need anyone to confirm it. This poor sap has given 18 years of her life. Its almost a jail sentence she has served. Choose to spend your precious future on yourself. Your worse than alone right now. I am so sorry. Time to face facts. Just cold turkey it. Take your dignity back. May God give you and everyone who needs or will need it strength.
Jeesh I’m so heartbroken for her.. You need to love yourself enough to know you deserve more than this. I hope she finds the strength to do what he’s not manly enough to do, leave.
Why are so many commenters so rude toward the woman? This is a crappy situation, and she is struggling to accept it, but being rude to her reflects very poorly on the people who are being rude.
He is not committed to a divorce because the other lady he is with is not leaving her man for him as of yet. Divorces are expensive and messy and he's not trying to go through all that if he doesn't have roll. He's using you!
If he’s not sleeping with the wife, he’s sleeping with someone else. It’s great to hear that she wants intimacy from her husband. But he doesn’t want anything from her.
Not always the case. I have a coworker who treats his wife like this. He texts back and forth with himself and his wife thinks it’s a female friend (it’s the google voice # and fake email). She even wastes money hiring a PI to follow him, but he pretends to be unaware. He doesn’t cheat, he jokingly admits that he uses a lot of lotion to take care of himself. He still respect her, does speak ill of her, he no longer wants to be intimate with her. He doesn’t sleep with her on purpose because he wants her to cheat on him, fall out of love him and leave him for someone else. He found out via video evidence that she slept with her ex 6 days before they got married. They’ve been married 13 years and he doesn’t look at her the same. He has not touched her since he watched the video. He says she’s even wearing the engagement ring and he watched her ex take of a dress her brought her 2 weeks before they married and they didn’t use protection. He says he will never confront her about it since she already knows it happened and she didn’t tell him so he prefers she continues to believe he doesn’t know. He forgives her and he’ll never throw it in her face, he just prefers her to dislike and fall out of love with him moving forward. Things aren’t always what they seem and * some people move in weird ways and do things differently.*
Except for her to do all that she continues to do and take the blame for falling marriage. He wants that from her and she's still giving it. Been there, it's horrific. My hope is she leaves and heals and regains self worth and confidence and gets what she deserves, someone who cherishes her.
Even if there was a universe where he wasn’t cheating (although it is most certainly, at the very least, an emotional affair), the fact is that he’s willing to say “hello,” “good morning/night,” and “I cherish you” to a friend over text but not to the woman he shares a life and home with. If that doesn’t scream that he doesn’t care one iota about her, I don’t know what does.
My heart breaks for her - I could have been her 7 years ago. I'm on the other side of unwinding 30 years with my college sweetheart. Took a good 4 years of recovering but I am SO SO SO happy on the other side. You got this sister!
LEsbian relationships have the highest level of divorce out of any type of relationship, 200% higher 2x as high as divorce rates in hetero relationships. TBH, women need to do better. You've gotten far too entitled for your own good.
In a similar situation, told my husband, I don't need you, but I still want you. I don't want a room mate, I want a husband. If you still want to give it a try, ok, if not, we get a divorce, no drama. We were 30 years married then. It was painful and difficult, we've been married 37 years now.
@@chris-gx7rs no it means: although it wouldn’t be her 1st choice, she can & could manage all by herself, but she would prefer not, because she loves him, but cannot stay in less than a loving marriage. That is very different than just not living or even caring…
I feel for her, I was in a relationship like this, in that he quit. He fell out of love with me after almost 10 years, just stopped trying, and actively avoided intimacy. It went on for at least a year, maybe more, with me getting progressively more frantic. I was holding on to him tighter and tighter, while he grew more and more distant from me. I was desperate to not see it. I loved him so much, and I didn't want to admit to myself that it was over. Finally, he got to the point that he asked me to leave. I was utterly devastated. Still cry if I think about him too much, still heartbroken over it 2 years later. He was the love of my life, but being alone is FAR better than that hellacious limbo of not knowing, of not wanting to see. Of being the only one of a pair, trying to work on a relationship that the other half had already washed their hands of. I wish her the very best, and I hope she can find the courage to stop waiting for him to man up and be open and honest with her about where he stands in the relationship. She's going to have to be the one to walk away.
She sounds so sweet, listening and non judgmental. Like the issue with the family figure really affected her and her husband couldn’t ever be emotional support through it. This absolutely breaks my heart. She deserves so much better. Do we have an update????
This happened to my father in law and mother in law. He couldn’t understand why she wanted a divorce-he provided a roof over her head and all of the necessities. I felt so bad for her, but she is happily remarried and is having a wonderful life!
Tell that to my ex. Too many stories. One less serious incident that really hurts me to this day is when he got back from work one day and I asked how was work, he said it was fine. I said did anything happen, good or bad? He snapped at me and said "it was just work, what do you expect?". Later that night, I saw him texting a female coworker and he said "I miss talking to you about work, how come we don't talk anymore?" She proceeded to say it was because she thought I didn't like her. I never said that. I felt terrible. He wanted to talk to her about work but not me.
She just doesn't want to get divorced. She doesn’t want to be alone. It's not about him being the love of her life. People get divorced and move on with their life.
My exact thoughts--he wants to have his cake and eat it too! My guess is that Casey probably makes good money, pays bills and does the housework. If her husband's getting his physical desires met on the side, and Casey is putting up with this treatment, of course he's not going to just kick her to the curb when he can have it all.
@@mayLibertyprevail1a Right! This is why women file the majority of divorces, sooo many guys don't want divorced, they want their cake and eat it, too, they think they can have it all and see no point in divorce. Whereas women have morals and actually file... once they hit their breaking point.
Yep! Plus this co-worker is married too so even if he's single, doesn't mean his affair partner will leave her marriage. He has no incentive whatsoever to leave his marriage because he's having his cake with this situation
This is heart breaking. So many red flags! Time to pack your bags and leave lady. For your own sanity and peace of mind. Better to be on your own and be happy. HE HAS CHECKED OUT!!!
He made a promise to that other woman that he never touches you, only her and he sticks to that promise. He’s using you and now 3 professionals have said it. He doesn’t want to be the one to initiate the divorce. I would get out as soon as possible and try to prove that he’s having an affair this way you can take him for everything.
This > I know of someone who has an affair with a married man . She says the married man tells her “he only haves sex with her , he doesn’t even touch his wife “ just sad bro smh
There's no such thing as a perfect marriage or relationship; they're all different. What makes one person happy might not make another person happy. But I've realized that there's always a way to solve problems. Five years back, my wife and I were on the verge of divorce because we had problems in our marriage, but we found a way to fix things. It was difficult, but we managed to overcome it
I get why what you're saying is important, and I honestly want to be happy as well. I'm in a relationship, and even though we're apart, I can't think of life without her; my love for her is deep. I really hope she comes back, and I'm fully committed to making it work. We've tried different methods, like therapy, to fix things.
Parting with someone you love is always a challenging process, but in my experience, I had the guidance of a spiritual guide who prevented my marriage from collapsing. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
Your advice is valued. I'll promptly look her up online. Thank you. I'm optimistic that pursuing this method will also lead to favorable outcomes for me; I deeply yearn for her.
One of my wife’s best friends just passed away. This is legitimately, almost to the T, what she went through. The only difference is, he brought the woman around and, because she was in a bit of a fog with the medication she was taking, convinced her that they should all be friends. She needs to leave. Divorce sucks. But when your spouse is already gone… and doesn’t want to come back, leave.
I just want to hug you girl,I know the feeling too well.Please know that you aren't alone,we women go through so much but when we rise,we are risen!! I send my love to you,things don't remain the same forever,get up,cry and walk away.I hope you find peace,love comes right after ❤
You are wasting your physical and emotional energy on a man who is no longer invested in the marriage. He wont even greet you. Please don’t waste your time on him anymore.
If somebody wants to leave let them go. You will be better off in the long run. Why do you want to be with somebody who clearly does not want to be with you anymore
This was me at 25 years old .I got a divorce but, it was very hard raising two kids by myself. He made it very clear he didn't want me. Thirty Years latter I dodged a big bullet.He got on drugs had many girlfriends and a couple more wifes. He passed away alone by himself.
Hopefully more people have found out that your brain doesn’t fully develop till 25-30 so realistically having children and getting married before then is ridiculous.
He sounds like my ex. When I talked to him about how I felt he said, "move out then." And I when I told him I was moving out he just smiled...then he told me it was my decision and he told his mother and sister than I left him for another man when it was him cheating on me and neglecting me. He acted like I didn't exist so he didn't even say hi.
@@Lala89856 I'm so sorry. That's awful and similar to mine, but he did talk to me, acted like everything was fine and expected me to as well. Not after years of infidelity and lack of any real investment in relationship. They want their cake and eat it too.
She's literally asking for the bare minimum, just some acknowledgement in the morning or night and he won't even do that. I think that tells you everything you need to know about him. I hope she leaves him. She deserves so much better.
She seems sweet but she defaults to saying “it’s so hard,” …. what’s harder? Being in a one way marriage or moving forward and doing what Dr John said? If he’s not All In, than sign the papers and set yourself free to find your true love. Unrequited love is hurtful yes, so be good to yourself and do what the Dr said. Good luck and God bless❤️
I think a lot of couples think not EVER ‘fighting’ is a good thing. In actuality, having verbal disagreements (not abuse, btw) is healthy. but bottling it up for the sake of not ‘fighting’ is very unhealthy. Couples need to have that deep connection. This is a sign of a relationship that’s not working at the basic level. Of couples therapy is not working, you have to make that choice. And often, it’s separation
Not condoning his actions, but my guess he's not emotionally comfortable with his wife. It might be to a point were he derives the most peace by interacting with her as little as possible. "Just say hello." "Say hello and potentially give her the green light to use me as an emotional tampon for the next lord knows how long? No thanks." "My office friend is much better. No pressure, no emotional tention, and I don't have to listen to her problems day in day out and console her." "I've derived a system where I can survive this very less than ideal marriage. Wait, that makes her unhappy? What else is new? She's always unhappy." "When I care, she's unhappy. When I don't care, she's just as unhappy." Again, shitty thing he's doing, but if my guess to his motives are correct. I can sympathise with him, but not Condone his action. It sucks all around.
I don't fault her therapist, she said they have told her to leave her husband. I'm pretty sure they advised why. This lady is just in full denial and is seeking someone to tell her otherwise. That's why she said "several therapist". That already tells you, that she is not ready to face reality. She's going to speak with someone else after this call, bc she does not believe anyone but her cheating husband.
‘What do i have to do to get my husband to love me?’ It should be, what does he have to do to get me to trust and love him? Also i know us non-therapists shouldn’t use this word and diagnose, however, i feel he is a Narcissist. Which means his ego and strength in his childhood must’ve been beaten down real bad.
He doesn't wanna fix it at all. He just wants to use the "I'm married" blanket when the husband of the other woman is asking questions. He has chosen to just be roommates with his wife. He is in love with the woman he always wants to talk to. And that is something that is hard to accept but you need to and stop overly understanding and dreaming. You are asking for the bear minimum and he is telling you he has reserved that for the other woman because it is something he can only do out of love. He is gone and the therapists saw that he wasn't willing to change anything. Take the time to prepare for an exit, mentally, emotionally and financially be prepared for a change.
He's in limerence with this other woman. It's not love. He will get what's coming to him eventually because limerence usually ends in a ball of fire. I hope the caller leaves him ASAP because limerence feeds on obstacles and she's the one in the way that's making them feel like Romeo and Juliet. Once she leaves, they'll eventually have to deal with reality and it's not going to be this great romantic relationship they think it is.
I have a coworker who treats his wife like this. He texts back and forth with himself and his wife thinks it’s a female friend (it’s the google voice # and fake email). She even wastes money hiring a PI to follow him, but he pretends to be unaware. He doesn’t cheat, he jokingly admits that he uses a lot of lotion to take care of himself. He still respect her, does speak ill of her, he no longer wants to be intimate with her. He doesn’t sleep with her on purpose because he wants her to cheat on him, fall out of love him and leave him for someone else. He found out via video evidence that she slept with her ex 6 days before they got married. They’ve been married 13 years and he doesn’t look at her the same. He has not touched her since he watched the video. He says she’s even wearing the engagement ring and he watched her ex take of a dress her brought her 2 weeks before they married and they didn’t use protection. He says he will never confront her about it since she already knows it happened and she didn’t tell him so he prefers she continues to believe he doesn’t know. He forgives her and he’ll never throw it in her face, he just prefers her to dislike and fall out of love with him moving forward. Things aren’t always what they seem and *some people move in weird ways and do things differently.*
The husband reminder that they agrees in the beginning of their marriage to never get a divorce but he forgets that he vowed to love her, honor her and protect her yet he has left her in the most painful way.
So she leaves, he gets married to this person he’s infatuated with and they get to the point they take each other for granted…. He meets a fresh, new woman that makes him feel good. He leaves and marries her until they are past the infatuation phase. He meets another person, she makes him feel great…. We can’t always be in the honeymoon phase!
For even one therapist to recommend divorce is big, but 2 separate therapists recommending divorce is crazy 😳
I mean not really people say to end things even when the situation isn’t that serious and can be worked on. Divorce is very normalized today that it’s why people don’t think deeply about marriage.
@AnthonyWilliams-bp5mn As a therapist, that really is a huge deal. We dont press our personal beliefs on clients it's unethical. Dr. John's analysis of why they would have told her that was spot on. Otherwise, we keep our mouths shut and let the client lead on terms of goals and therapy objectives. Just sayin, 🤷🏾♀️
But I also agree that divorce is too normalized. In this case, he gave up, and you can't force someone to love you no matter what they promised you.
@@rofrankie947 question, as a therapist why do you think relationships especially marriages fail? For example you can say communication issues or trust issues etc. I just want to know your opinion as a therapist.
@AnthonyWilliams-bp5mn Well, to name a few; inflated ego, lack of effective communication skills, failure to remain committed to promises and responsibilities, faulty perceptions, and not being ready to make the relationship sacrifices (reciprocity) needed to succeed, etc.
Therapist are horrible. They don’t fix people or they would go out of business. They program you to start more problems by becoming narcissistic and blaming other people for your choices
Of course he doesn't want a divorce. He's got a live in maid that helps him pay bills.
Nope he doesn’t want to get divorce graped to kingdom come. Reason why most men don’t want to marry
And a married woman as a side chick so he’ll never have to be responsible for the second woman either.
I’m sure she also takes care of all appointments, children birthdays and school trips, any interactions with relatives and their problems etc
Maid? Pay bills? Have you ever lived with a woman. Modern women do none of these.
@@Nastasyashanti Right. If she leaves now she won't have to put up with this MoFo for the rest of her life.
"He's dangling you off the roof and blaming you for letting go." INCREDIBLE analogy! Seriously, feel so terrible for her.
My ex did the same thing but you get to the point when you do not care. He can tell his people what ever he wants. I know why our marriage ended and so does God and the people who love me. So I couldn't care less what lies he tells. She needs to have some hard conversations with herself. She will come out the other side just fine.
Yep.... he's a narcissist..... no cure for them.
WOW TRUE !!!
@@madster-ti8je yes
I feel for her ..bet when they divorce it won’t last long with the other one..
“We just celebrated 18 years…well, we didn’t really celebrate because he didn’t acknowledge it.” It’s terrifying that there are people actually living in marriages like this, treating their spouses like trash and their spouse just puts up with it passively for years as though they have no choice. It’s over, ma’am.
@@blas8866 I feel sorry for your friend.😢😢
@@blas8866That’s awful 😢
All that is well, however there has to be more context. Men, even if they cheat, they always have energy for sex so they will cater for the wife too. When they don't then there are either medical issues (e.g. diabetes etc.) or psychological ones. For example, I had heard a similar case (from my irl environment) of a man whose wife complained to her female friends that he did not touch her anymore. Guess what : in the end it came out that she actually had cheated on him in the past, he had not found out in time, she ended her affair and resolved to stick to the marriage thinking her husband had not detected anything, but then someone told the man that his wife "most probably cheated", he connected the dots for the given period, and hence he pondered divorcing her, finally deciding that he did not want to lose house and kids and hence stuck with her. But not wishing to have sex with her again as she disgusted him, he started visiting prostitutes... and the sex was so good that he could just not go back to having sex with his wife even if he was willing to forgive her, and he was of course not at all willing.
When men don't sleep with their wives, it is thus either a medical issue (I count in there the rare but existing case of homosexuality as well) or a psychological one, usually based on grievances, often very valid ones.
That’s person is my mom. It’s sad to see it so many years
@@Fokas-n8t Or guilt.
She's not ready to face that fact that her husband is having an affair with this other woman. I feel for her.
He may not be sleeping with her, but he's checked out 100%.
Emotional affairs are equally destructive. Unless you've lived that hell, you don't understand the excruciating devastation of it all.
i think he already fell in love with the other girl...
Yep sounds like she’s dependent on him
@@ptuliplet me give you a man’s perspective, he’s 1000000% sleeping with the other woman and doesn’t want to file for divorce and lose half of everything he has to the wife.
"Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be."
-Clementine Paddleford
Great quote.. ❤
That’s deep
Wow, I love that!!! 🤩
That is an awesome saying! Truly inspired. I love the Lord , that saying should be in his Psalms😮✝️✡️🛐!!!
That is an awesome quote. Really makes one think. Thanks for sharing!
He's in the "cheaper to keep her" mode.
That may be the case, also the lady that he is having an affair with is still married . So that may be a factor as well.
Yup. Understand where he’s at.
This is emotional abuse
But what other mode is there... When we save life... There's no clause in there that says cheaper to keep her ?
@gossipandgrigio7200 what percent of divorce would you call "financial abuse"? Lol
Of course he doesn't want a divorce. You clean his house, wash his clothes cook his meals. I wouldn't want you to leave either
...pay his bills, too.
She gets way more freedom to clean after herself in her own home than with him who doesn't even enjoy being there with her. Alot of work for "hope"
He along with most men sadly, has Madonna Whore Complex. They want to have their domestic slave at home and a side piece for their sexual relations. Selfish, hellbound pricks!
Exactly! He just doesn't want to let his mommy nr. 2 leave
…and also believe his girlfriend is just a friend. He doesn’t have to lose half of his assets. 🤷♂️
When a man says “I don’t know why she left” I say “That’s why she left.”
Exactly! 🎯
Yes, that's because of the lack of communication most times.
💯
100% blindsided? You mean you didn't listen to her? I see.
Women think giving vague hints is communicating. They're seldom direct, and most of the time, women divorce to go chase Chad or due to bad advice from single/divorced friends.
He’s just gaslighting her so that she divorces him first. He wants to be the victim. I’m so sorry for her this is terrible
thats why 85% of divorces are initiated by women. And most men point at this as a reason to blame women, yet men play this stupid mind game of acting out until the woman leaves because they dont want to lose the unpaid labor and 1/2 the marital assets... they see marital assets as "Theirs" failing to put ANY worth on a woman who did everything they claimed they wanted, stayed home, gave up career, had their children and raised them cooked, kept a home and supported his career, took care of him when sick and yet he sees no value in those things...because its not a PAID EMPLOYMENT.....
He doesnt fancy her, maybe she has put on a ton of weight or let herself go
Thanks for the laws which will give 50% from everything in addition to tons of child support for woman and when you will ask her to sign prenup to protect yourself she refuse because she plans to take everything
That’s what women do. Nobody is going to see the guy as the victim anyhow.
Yes, some men don't want to be the ones to file. It sounds crazy but it's true.
"He's already left you." 😢
Exactly!!
Yes, emotionally he deserted her a year ago.
Such a sad and true statement 😢
Her husband and his "friend" have been planking each other for quite some time.
Exactly he’s been gone,and she might be playing the victim here,when he probably let her know I don’t love you anymore,i want out!!!!
I gasper when I heard he told her if she leaves, he won't fight for her to stay. My heart aches for her. It feels horrible
If someone leaves, they leave. I wouldn't fight for anyone. I'd just say, "ok. Bye!" Then I'd never speak to them again. Never beg someone to stay with you.
Poor lady take your things go ..
Oh boyyy......
All she needed to say is that her husband started a "friendship" with a coworker.........🧐🙄 You're in denial lady!!!!
Casey can't run away from this guy fast enough.
After some long experiences with women close to me who were in the state she is in, I now view them differently. I no longer believe they're any better than the men they prioritize and vicariously gain self esteem from.
@@temposhop8739 What are you talking about? “Vicariously gain self-esteem”? If you don’t gain self-esteem from your intimate relationships, then you haven’t been in intimate relationships. But there’s nothing vicious about that. And what did this woman do that comes anywhere close to shutting off intimacy with his wife and finding it with another woman?
@@greenAbbot I have healthy intimate relationships and have also had front row seats to what it looks like when people (women, in my case, since I am one an most of my close friends are also) have no self worth and prop themselves up with being attached to a man who doesn't care about her. Much like addicts like to say "my substance is medicine" or "it expands my consciousness."
It takes a level of delusion to justify that their reliance makes them a better person.
You seem deeply upset by my comment to have interpreted it as blaming the woman for her man cheating. How asinine.
@@temposhop8739 I interpret this as you saying the woman needs to take accountability for accepting known situations like this, and also as a woman I agree. He shouldn't cheat on her for sure, but we also need to know when to leave or else we'll be stuck in a victimized state. It's definitely hard to realize this, but once I did it became easier to not tolerate certain men and leave when necessary.
This is the first call that was actually frustrating for me to listen too. 18 years and your asking for a "hello".
Those dudes will tell you they need loyalty and support.
He doesn't even respect her.
Dude, saying hello to your wife is work. Absolute LOSER!!!!!
My heart is broken for her, he has clearly took everything from her including her self worth. Please caller leave. You are on your own anyway. Leave and feel love again ❤
It saddens me that she thinks it's what she deserves. My hope is that she heals her wounds and finally finds someone who loves/appreciates her
This resonates with me bc after 17 years of marriage ended the ONLY thing he sees that he should've done different is to say hello to me when he gets home from work.
And years prior our marriage counselor told me in our private session..." I can keep taking your money, but until you realize who you're married to, I can't help you!"
And it took me SEVEN more miserable lonely years to finally say I'm done.
I get so frustrated listening to a person listing, in detail, 50 million red flags and STILL wishing.
He’s having an affair and no balls to divorce his wife.
My Ex wouldn't say it either. Then he decided a loaded pu pu needed to be pointed a my chest. She needs to be careful.
A cowardly Cheat
It's not "no balls." He's abusing her and reaping the benefits of the home she maintains for him.
💯
The other woman is married too. How weird and hurtful this all is.
1. You guys just celebrated 18 years, but he didn’t acknowledge it 🚩🚩🚩
2. He never say good night to you, but he says good morning and good night to the “lady friend” 🚩🚩🚩
3. She told her that he cherish her 🚩🚩🚩
4. He comes home two hours late from work and ignores you 🚩🚩🚩
5. Telling you to be friends with someone he knowns you are uncomfortable with 🚩🚩🚩
6. Two therapist told you to get a divorce 🚩🚩🚩
Lady love yourself and get out of this crappy marriage. He is emotionally abusing you and making you feel like you are the crazy!!
@@randybobandy9828triggered by the truth, huh?
I don't know what she's waiting for?🤔
@@knowthyself8233 there is no truth to it lmao. Not saying goodnight isn't emotional abuse 🤣🤣🤣
🎯🎯🎯
So true!!!
7. Reading texts from co-worker's friend that she's going to be HEARTBROKEN if he doesn't attend BBQ 🚩🚩🚩
8. Storming off during therapy bc he called out for not doing the bare minimum 🚩🚩🚩
9. Telling this co-worker everything going on in his marriage 🚩🚩🚩
10. No sex for a year, coincidentally around the time he's becoming besties with female coworker 🚩🚩🚩
There was nothing in that call that gave me the impression that this man wanted to keep his marriage. He wants her to stay out of convenience for him but he does not care about her as a human being. It's beyond disgusting and she deserves so much more than that. Love yourself enough to leave this situation.
If he stopped having sex with her, he is getting it elsewhere. Even worse, he feels more faithful to that other woman and being with his lawful wife feels like cheating. I feel so bad for this woman, she sounds very decent.
Not necessarily but in this case, probably. Or it's just an emotional affair and he has no intention of changing that because he's getting what he needs. It's not all about sex, it's about feeling wanted and needed and happy. Sex is just one part and men can live without it too.
@@ElimEx1 Men can live without sex? ☝🏾Ok. 🙄But, they won't. 🤷🏾♀
@@ElimEx1Nope, they can't.
@@adnanorochi3761 Really? Cause i'm pretty sure I do and so do millions of men who are married. Been 6-7 years for me. You learn to cope and become more productive in every other aspect of your life.
@@ElimEx1Which is....sad
The way she’s rationalizing her mistreatment is insane ❤
Most women do this for their entire lives.
She's been emotionally abused and gaslit.
Get out, girl. He's having an affair. Cut your losses and move forward without him.
When I hear that women file the large majority of divorces, I have to wonder how many are doing so because of a situation like this - the husband is happy as a clam having an affair with another woman, and the wife acting as maid at home. He's certainly not going to file as he's perfectly happy with the status quo - filing is on her, just another task that's been dumped on her, and when she does file it'll add to the statistic of women filing divorce.
When you remove men from the equation divorce actually goes up. Lesbians have the highest rate of divorce, followed by straight couples, and gay men are least likely to divorce
BINGO.
🎯
Exactly. "Cheaper to keep her". They have a built in maid and childcare.
Exactly. Women get the blame for filing for divorce more but the reasons why are somehow never investigated.
I can't imagine living a single day knowing my husband has a female "friend" that he turns to in confidence when he won't even greet me when he comes home?!? Oh, sweetheart....they've been more than friends for a loooong time. He's _"her person"?!?!?_ Are you kidding me?! I'd be on her front porch faster than she could blink her eyes! I'd be DEMANDING a face to face conversation with her AND her husband to see if he's also aware of their _special bond!_ Sounds like he's been checked out too long to save this sinking ship. But before I walked out that door, I'd do EVERYTHING I could to tear apart her world as well. That "friend" knows exactly what she's been doing to this woman's marriage!
Exactly! Couldnt agree more!
Didnt she say this person is married too? Id be talking to that huaband too.
I agree. This woman even told her to get a divorce. Homewrecker. 😢 Sometimes it’s not just the man but the two in the affair that SUCK. ❤😢
To be fair... The friend didn't do anything to that marriage.
@@ineedhoezeither way though she knows better. Stay out of someone's marriage. She may not be the reason for the breaking but she's not doing anything to help it either. She needs to butt out!
What’s worse is that her husband is actually capable of being decent just not for her. 😢 I pray she heals.
He’ll do the same thing to the next one. And the next one.
@@ScottishTerrorsInLAmost likely yes
This part 💔💔💔
@@ScottishTerrorsInLA Yes. Husband is an abuser of women. They're all the same to him -- commodities and objects. He's the one with the real problem here.
oh it’s just temporary with the new women too.
She needs to get a private detective to find the proof he is cheating. Then confront him with the truth. He is staying to avoid financial loss, not because he vowed “until death do us part.” He is a total coward!
Wasted money- the signs and evidence is too apparent.
I think he is staying because the mistress is married and not leaving her husband.
Spot on. If the gf was single, hed have left in a heattbeat.@Valerielopez2002
If the investigator proves cheating, she doesn't need to confront him. She needs to serve him with divorce papers and have the proof of him cheating presented in court.
An emotional affair is still an affair.
“He already left you.” That was such a raw, crushing, sentence of truth.
He's trying to save face. He's playing passive-aggressive in getting her to divorce him.
RIGHT!!! And then he'll join the chorus of men whining "Women file the majority of divorces! Us men are VICTIMS!" 🤨
@@SENSEF this guy is the outlier. What you said in a sarcastic tone though, unfortunately, is absolutely the truth.
@@michaelallen1154statistically, for millenia, he's not an outlier. Sadly
@@michaelallen1154there's really no way to know for sure either way if he is indeed an outlier so it's best if we don't even make the claim
Yeah he wants out but he doesn't want to look like the bad guy. He wants her to be the one to file for the divorce.
My dad just did the same thing to my mom after 37 years of marriage. Forced my mom to move into a new place, so I went with her. I cut off my relationship with my dad. He moved the new lady in the day after my mom moved out. Leave this coward with your dignity and respect intact!
I know that sucks and I truly feel for you, and it sucks you feel you have to choose sides. Did you want your dad to just continue to suffer and waste his life away? Or did he set the example to you that's even when it's hard it's up to you to take control of your life and find your happiness
@@kwill215 I’m getting engaged in 2 weeks and he hasn’t once reached out to meet my to be fiancee or even care about what’s going on in my life. So I respectfully will continue to live my life that way. He sent me a text the night before we moved (I am with my mom rn to save for a house/wedding) and called me names/slander. So it showed me the example of the man I looked up to growing up completely destroying himself and not caring. So I won’t do that for my wife and future children.
@@kwill215 but I have an absolute rockstar of a mom who loves my fiancee and supports us working the baby steps to be debt free when we get married to start our future off right.
@@kwill215This is such a twisted and presumptuous way to look at this situation. Marriage is a commitment. If you can't commit yourself to your spouse and need outside validation when your spouse is willing to deliver it, don't get married. In the situation given in the video, he can't even offer reason why he isn't satisfied. Happiness is 90% about perspective. If you aren't willing to foster a genuine connection to your spouse and are looking for the instant gratification of an affair instead, that is a character deficit.
@@kwill215that is a disgusting take on that heartbreaking story. Just "wow", man. Some people are so sick, it's unreal.
I lived in a sexless marriage for awhile-he pretended like that’s just how he was; that he had a low sex drive or maybe even low testosterone issues. But after his Mom passed away (she had Alzheimer’s, & required a lot of visits & work) he divorced me for someone else. That was 24 years ago, and I’m STILL angry & hurt if I think about it too much.
Just so you know- he is the same way in his next/current relationship. It wasn't about you!
Did you end up finding someone new? How old are you?
You need to speak to a therapist
I feel so bad for this woman. 18 years and she thought him saying just hello 2 days a week was things going well while hes texting another woman to begin and end his day. You are worth so much more. Please find happiness ❤ You deserve it.
What is she doing to deserve it? If she is so fat her husband won't have sex with her....she is bigger than the average American soldier in wwii and some nfl wide receivers
You don’t know his side, she sounds like a nightmare
@@FreePickCapper then he should divorce her to save himself.
@@FreePickCapperthen why can’t he agree to the divorce. he’s obviously content staying legally married to her, she takes care of the house while he goes out whenever and wherever he wants with whoever he wants with no repercussions.
I don't know the other side of the story so I can't say.
To me this sounds like the relationship became a chore not a passion.
He. Doesn't. Care. Divorce. Him.
This makes me sad because I see my past self in this lady. I spent 12 years begging my husband to love me, hug me, give me the human decency of a hello, goodmorning, anything. I hope she left and is learning to love herself. Sending her so much love. She’s going to be truly happy once she loves herself❤
Men should never hug there wife's
And men should never love there women cause women don't love there husbands unconditionally or for real why should men
Did you end up finding someone to give that to you?
And what did you do wrong for him to not do any of those things anymore? Nagging? Bad attitude? Gained weight? Men don't change for no reason
@@TC-yx1qt you know what, you are absolutely true. He never changed, he showed me who he was from the beginning and I stupidly thought he would change and see and appreciate me at some point but he never did.
This is the same guy who crawls into comment sections later seething that "Women initiate divorce 70% of the time!" and "She divorced me out of nowhere!" and "She used me for my money!" Big yuck.
Yep. There's a big responsibility problem with men these days. Not all, but they can be so selfish and emotionally abusive for real it's crazy.
Yep. He is probably saying "What did I do"? LOL
Yup. “ I never saw it coming “
No that’s a different situation. More women cheat and break up marriages
@Femtoisbackandbetter I support a culture of life, my friend. You're barking up the wrong tree here
Husband is absolutely cheating. Even if it’s through text.
The relationship that he is having on the side is not a friendship. This is definitely an affair.
i just never got the meaning of man/woman friendship. It NEVER happens, I have been married 52 years and I never had a male friend, any males that I considered "friends" are my husband's friends NEVER mine. I have a few female friends and again they are primarily mine, not his.
Trust me, they're having sex. Men are not that evolved or that deep and I love them, think they're awesome and so glad that God created them. 'IF', they're not having sex, he needs to come out, maybe she does too or has the lowest self- esteem and is so desperate or she's trying to make her spouse chase her because she's in the wife's situation too, or getting revenge on her husband for cheating on her. ☝🏾🤷🏾♀💯
@@westaussieeggs8867so true. Even if you try to be normal friends with the opposite sex sooner or later at least one of you will catch feelings for the other and it's not longer a friendship or someone gets hurt
@@westaussieeggs8867 I don't agree with you at all. I have had amazing male friends and it absolutely was platonic. I've been married for 20 years.
@@westaussieeggs8867wrong I have married women friends at work, that's all it is period. They are amazing women.
Dear girl. Love yourself. That’s the only change you need to make. Fall in love with your absolutely authentic and unchanged self 💯
I needed to hear this as well.. thank you for this comment.
@@NickeyVamp You got it, babe! 💐♥️😘
So this had nothing to do with lack of sex, not really. It’s more about the fact this guy has already just left and has found his new woman already.
Yeah one clicks this video expecting a mess but its a tornado after a tsunami
Precisely. The lack of sex is a more complex issue, often related to trauma/autism, but this is the story of an ended marriage
but the other woman is married
After being in a dead bedroom situation, I don’t think I can ever be convinced it’s not a form of emotional abuse. Honesty is always the best option. Always.
Definitely not every time, my husband also had his problems when he was in a bad place emotionally and job wise. But he communicated it.
Cutting all ties emotionally and physically is so much worse though! I hope you’re being treated better now!
I agree! Sex is used as a manipulation on both ends- to give and withhold. I was married to a man who did this frequently.
Sexless marriage and then he said I don’t know why I just don’t know why I am like this. 20 years of this. I am emotionally broken. I have depression and anxiety. He is in therapy and saying he is now addressing all his traumas. All of them with EMDR
Well I feel traumatized, neglected like a shell of myself. I don’t know what to do. I have two children with him. I wish with this therapy we could have a miracle. I pray everyday for a miracle. We were so in love when we first met and sex was not an issue then.
@@VanessaSimon26I’m going through this with my wife of 20 years. She swears it isn’t me as far as why she doesn’t want it anymore but I’m not getting there as far as believing it. It’s so hard and I don’t understand why it’s so difficult to be intimate at least once a week 🤷♂️.
@@VanessaSimon26 Not in a place to give advice but just asking you to think about yourself. Just ask yourself if you need him to be who you are or to feel good or to be the person you dreamed to become... If all the answers are: I really don't need him to be me: leave.
If the answers are: I need him to be me: find a therapist.
You need to focus on yourself at this point. You need some internal structure, to find your backbone, to find the real you, to out on your own skin and be yourself again. Stop deflecting to him and his needs, and his wants and his feelings and his problems...
This is no way to live. You're in a battle ground fighting yourself, and fighting ghosts of the past and of the future, completely ignoring the present.
I really, really hope you can find yourself again.💜
the minute you stop having sex is the moment when it all comes crumbling down. not necessarily because sex is crucial to a relationship but because a lot of the time one or both partners rely on sex to shrink the gap of intimacy, and once that is gone they realize they've been using that as a crutch to avoid doing the hard work of non-sexual intimacy necessary in a marriage
Agreed with that assessment. I’m glad my husband and I are friends first.
Run.
He literally said if she left he wouldn't fight for her.
He's having an emotional affair.
His behavior won't stop.
I completely understand her, and I hate that I do.
Yeah I agree it sounds more like an affair affair.
He comes home 2 hours late from work and is not intimate with his wife anymore... Yeah, it's a full fledged physical affair.
❤❤😢
I can’t imagine giving another woman something my wife said she needed from me. I also would be devastated if my wife considered me saying hi to be “putting in work”
Absolutely.. same with a wife you give your love and devotion to the other person not anyone else.
There are two types of pain in this world. pain that hurts you and pain that changes you maybe it's time for a change.
He is cheating, I don't have a single doubt about that. My ex went through the exact same shift in behaviors. She would come home from work late and then go right to bed. Wouldn't cuddle. Wouldn't talk to me. Got to a point I felt like a roomate. Turned out she was going on secret dates with a male coworker and hooked up with him in our house when I wasn't home. My bet is both therapists see it clear as day and are hoping she figures it out through their talks vs confronting her with the truth head on.
The therapists should have just laid it out, they are not helping by ‘being polite’
Not always the case. I have a coworker who treats his wife like this. He texts back and forth with himself and his wife thinks it’s a female friend (it’s the google voice # and fake email). She even wastes money hiring a PI to follow him, but he pretends to be unaware. He doesn’t cheat, he jokingly admits that he uses a lot of lotion to take care of himself. He still respect her, does speak ill of her, he no longer wants to be intimate with her. He doesn’t sleep with her on purpose because he wants her to cheat on him, fall out of love him and leave him for someone else.
He found out via video evidence that she slept with her ex 6 days before they got married. They’ve been married 13 years and he doesn’t look at her the same. He has not touched her since he watched the video. He says she’s even wearing the engagement ring and he watched her ex take of a dress her brought her 2 weeks before they married and they didn’t use protection. He says he will never confront her about it since she already knows it happened and she didn’t tell him so he prefers she continues to believe he doesn’t know. He forgives her and he’ll never throw it in her face, he just prefers her to dislike and fall out of love with him moving forward. Things aren’t always what they seem and * some people move in weird ways and do things differently.*
@@standground7956 Why go through all that work? Just divorce her or have Christ enter his heart and forgive her and move on. I don’t focus on my husbands mind games, indiscretions, lies or cheating (no proof, only him hinting at it and acting weird). I focus on what I am grateful for and what I love about him. He has been acting like a roommate since we got married. Going on two years. He wore a mask dating and engagement and slowly pulled it off after marriage here and there. Spiritual warfare is real. People need to make moves and not be cowards forcing others to act. Shaking head*
@@standground7956 He’s a simp… why did he stay 13 years with her? He should dump her…
@@devadii24 Simp? I don’t think you understand the timeline. He dated his wife for three years, they got engaged and then married. So they’re happily married for 13years. If you saw them they still looked like they were dating, having fun, flirting and pretty cool couple to be around. The jealous ex recently sent him the video (3 months ago), so he was unaware she cheated on him. He forgives her but he says if he can dislike him, fall out of love with him, grow to hate his guts, then dump him then he’ll know for sure that she settled and never truly wanted him. Does that make sense?
She is settling for so little, it’s heartbreaking. John isn’t being hard on her, he is trying to make her see that her husband is not man and human enough to be upfront and do the right thing. He is being cruel indeed, he is gaslighting her and treating her like a child, telling her that nothing is going on with the other woman. He is not leaving her because it serves him, he is having his way and completely disregards the fact that his wife is drowning and torturing herself. He is a disgusting human being and she will be so much better off without him.
🎯
Amen
I agree but I'm a hypocrite because I'm in the exact same situation 🫠😭
So sad
@@menak8870 Please don't 't be hard on yourself because of your abuse and trauma. I, often think that the majority of relationships have some form and level of it. Also, the lockdown added a whole other onion to everything...Some people who left, should have stayed and some who stayed, should have left. Life is difficult to navigate, if you're not perfect. 🤷🏾♀I send you prayer, cheer, love and peace. 🙏🏾💐💞
PS. You are awesome for realizing, acknowledging and admitting publicly, that you are a hypocrite...There is blessing in doing so. Most of us stay stuck on realization. I, don't know you, but I love you, and I am rooting for you.
Oh honey, C'mon. He just doesn't want to pay spousal support, or gave finances split. He's cheating. He's been cheating. And, it's not like he's cheating & still loves her, he DOESN'T love her. Just file for divorce already. Let go and find someone to love, that loves you back.
Casey, cut your losses and leave, sweetie. I was in this kind of marriage for 14 years. It won't change. He wants a maid and someone to take care of him without the obligation of you. You are a human being, you deserve love, affection, intimacy on every level, someone who delights in you and looks at you with stars in their eyes!! THIS is NOT IT.
HE _IS_ UNSAFE!!!! Him neglecting you is silently KILLING you, safe my batootie. It's emotional MURDER. Stop kidding yourself!
It IS emotional AND physiological murder because the level of rejection and neglect she is experiencing is also increasing her cortisol levels, causing daily stress which affects a human being on a cellular level and causes reduction in her health, elevates risk factors for cancer and that can end her life so it IS murder!!!!! I lived this with this toxic person I have been legally married to for almost 10 years. Why am I telling you this? I was very healthy, but in 10 years with this emotionally withholding man, I am “legally married to, I have had lost my youngest daughter (we have no children together) because he was negligent in securing his gun. (Bullet in chamber, left on top of laundry to be folded on the bed, I had my thyroid removed due to cancer….. kept going forward but he would lecture me like a parent everyday (yelling and instructing and I am educated and he just went to high school) then I was diagnosed with bone marrow cancer which is terminal…… and finally told him that I needed to fight a battle for my life and I am unwilling to have my children (all grown 40’s and 50’s) grieve another member of their family by losing me as well as their sister because of this one man, a retired cop who, now I realize that part of his personal “retirement” plan was grifting me to enhance his living situation at my house. Fortunately I owned my home, so I managed to get him to move out. He yelled and screamed like a child for a full 48 hours (LOUDLY) preceeding the day he moved out. This is a retired cop! I am now in remission because I at 70 finally learned to establish boundaries, consciously decided to take my heart back for myself, and although “terminal”, my self confidence is back to being me and not what a man thinks I should be or do. My Creator God loves me with an undying love and my confidence is found in God alone! The marriage? That’s difficult at now 74, but I’m working on that one next. I live with purpose without him…….I see a man with no purpose who lives a life of coverup and avoidance and never smiles unless he gets attention. It is very toxic. Don’t let this cause you to be silently “murdered” every day because it results in loss of your own life.
I am feeling the same thing..I am getting rejected so many times as well and I am just done.
If you are not happy in your marriage, have the courage and decency to end it instead of cheating on your spouse.
Totally agree.
@@howmoon67if women didn't clay for every penny and try to destroy the man in a divorce more men would lol
Men need side chicks
@@nly4607 aha. So he has no balls to stay a truthful husband and your Argument for not divorcing is the money?
You know that in that case her worries about money are the least, also he is actually owing her emotional injury compensation, if he is lying and gaslighting her.
@MiaMizuno "emotional injury compensation"
I would agree with this argument for children but adults don't owe other adults because they hurt their feelings....lol that is a child's idea.
If you are arguing that women should have the legal status of children that is another matter entirely
He doesn’t want you to change. He doesn’t want you at all.
I do feel bad for the caller. She sounds like she still loves him, but he doesn’t love her at all.
She sounds naive
@@Bunny11344 she sounds fat and therefore lazy and worthless
😞 just sad
Don’t stay with
Anyone who doesn’t want to be with you or respects you. Being lonely is not the same as being alone. Love is an inside job .
@@marilyndalen3197 the fastest growing homeless demographic in america is women
Let it go lady. He's just not into you. Divorce him and move on with your life.
She did not mention kids. If there are not kids, there is no reason to stay with him.
It's a hard road. Easy to say but difficult to actually do.
"he's just not into you" is an extremely childish oversimplification. Must be speaking from experience
Your comment failed to stick the landing
I had a relationship like this.. he liked a married coworker, I was a live in maid.. i also work from home, split the bills, made dinner, cleaned etc.
I feel like I will always have trust issues and never want to get married now. It’s time to accept the truth and let it all go.
He is carrying on a full fledged relationship in front of her face and she refuses to recognize it or be honest with herself about it. My question would be is this her first adult relationship and has she every asked him why he is no longer attracted to her? She needs to walk away. He is emotionally attached to his co-worker. Its over.
Maybe she's let herself go ? Lots of women stop trying to look nice once they've found a partner they let themselves go
@@wolvezy quite possible. She really didn't share what she may have done to contribute to what's happening in her marriage. I have a sneaking suspicion that when her dad was going through his medical emergency she withdrew from the marriage due to the stress of it all (which is totally normal) and her husband did not try to remain in the sanctity of the relationship and sought comfort elsewhere.
It does sound like she just doesn't have enough relationship experience to tell the difference between your partner losing attraction to you versus simply not liking you as a person in a fundamental sort of way.
Yep! John was on point when he said it's not 'hope' it's a 'wish'. She needs to live in reality, not wishes because the wishing will only bring her more misery.
@@wolvezymaybe but not likely if she's doing well she can to try to make it better, and asked him what she could possibly do. Regardless it's on him that he's moved outside the marriage for all these things thwn claiming he's still in it and she's the one who has to end it if she wants to. She should end it, but he's already been on infidelity for a long time in so many ways.
His girl “friend” is his love interest. Case closed. Get divorced. Find someone who cherishes YOU.
Wow, you can hear her world coming down on her. I wish her so much luck and love in her future 🧡
Sometimes I feel like John makes excuses for these men. This man isn't exhausted. He's gaslighting this woman and emotionally abusing her. And she's so determined to be married she's just ignoring it. He's already checked out of the marriage and she keeps hanging on.
He’s spot on at 17:20
I think he does that sometimes to validate the caller's view and open them up to listen to him - and only then telling them the actual truth so they can properly process it. But that's my guess, since I do agree with you.
Did we watch the same video?
No, John is 100% right she's putting everything on her husband she's even waiting for him to call for a divorce, this lady is not taking care of herself at all and I wouldn't be surprised if that was a huge problem in this marriage
SHE initiated comms re issues, she accepts HIS dishonest/stone walling replies, SHE initiated therapy, SHE is the 1 working on their marriage,AND keeping house/feeding and maintaining HIS 'adult' existence, why aren't you faulting him for HIS lack of self responsibility?Also, MAYBe if he was honouring any of their marriage vows, SHE'd have heaps of time, energy, interest to "self care".At worst, this poor lady is/has become anxiously attached,and is extringently motivated, & lost her own individuality/sense of self.Surprise, it's a 18year! marriage, close to half marriages end in divorce?You know what the other half 'end up' in? codependency.She thought she was in a (loving/comitted) long marriage! I think 1-3years of cognitive dissonnance,PLUS husbands' contradiction of therapists/gaslighting is understandable. She has been betrayed. Also, HIS behaviour with another woman is appalling,adds to his emotional neglect/abuse of his WIFE.Forget 'love', where is the 'honour' here?! @bambuco2
This husband is a complete coward using his wife as his maid. He does not have the integrity nor balls to divorce her because his mistress is also still married/taken, so he uses his wife until she is completely broken to simply fix his needs of basic caretaking in the household. For him saying he does not want to divorce her on top of that makes me say he is downright abusive and does not see his wife as a human being deserving of respect.
Dr. Delony is that person everyone needs in their life! Straight shooter! Honest! May sound harsh but you need to hear it! 🙌🏼
Leave him and glow up! You deserve to be happy.
This is what I am working on.. loving myself for my children. ❤
@@NickeyVamp you got this ❤️
She knew, she needed someone to confirm it.
How many confirmation she needs
She already had 2 professionals confirm it before the call
He won't divorce, he's making her do the big step. She has no life at all let alone in her marriage. He benefits if she gave him the papers, but she would be happier if she did
She’s just so lost and has been brought down emotionally, sometimes people need someone or multiples to tell them…it’s so hard to leave :(
She did not need anyone to confirm it. This poor sap has given 18 years of her life. Its almost a jail sentence she has served. Choose to spend your precious future on yourself. Your worse than alone right now. I am so sorry. Time to face facts. Just cold turkey it. Take your dignity back. May God give you and everyone who needs or will need it strength.
Coming from a male perspective, she is in denial. My wife would have left me as soon as she found out I was texting another girl goodnight.
The therapist was right. He's checked out and cheating on you. Get your head out of the sand. He's done with you.
No he isn't. He's squeezing out the last drop of blood.
Jeesh I’m so heartbroken for her.. You need to love yourself enough to know you deserve more than this. I hope she finds the strength to do what he’s not manly enough to do, leave.
You decide to devorce when the pain of staying is worse then the fear of leaving.
This comment is great.. absolutely true.
Truth
I love this.
Why are so many commenters so rude toward the woman? This is a crappy situation, and she is struggling to accept it, but being rude to her reflects very poorly on the people who are being rude.
Haven't seen any rude comments towards her. "Husband" is C word.
I agree - this isn’t easy for anyone involved - easier said than done
Who’s being rude? Telling her she needs to move on isn’t being rude.
Being rude is what she needs she doesn’t have anybody to yank her into reality
He is not committed to a divorce because the other lady he is with is not leaving her man for him as of yet. Divorces are expensive and messy and he's not trying to go through all that if he doesn't have roll. He's using you!
This ! Right here. Bingo!
Exactly. Bingo!
Him getting upset with her, and their therapist…..major red flag. 🚩 😢
🚨 AFFAIR 🚨
If he’s not sleeping with the wife, he’s sleeping with someone else. It’s great to hear that she wants intimacy from her husband. But he doesn’t want anything from her.
Exactly. He has totally checked out of this relationship. I hope she realizes that and gets out.
That's not necessarily true but in this case, it propable is.
@@ElimEx1 How is it not necessarily true ?
Not always the case. I have a coworker who treats his wife like this. He texts back and forth with himself and his wife thinks it’s a female friend (it’s the google voice # and fake email). She even wastes money hiring a PI to follow him, but he pretends to be unaware. He doesn’t cheat, he jokingly admits that he uses a lot of lotion to take care of himself. He still respect her, does speak ill of her, he no longer wants to be intimate with her. He doesn’t sleep with her on purpose because he wants her to cheat on him, fall out of love him and leave him for someone else.
He found out via video evidence that she slept with her ex 6 days before they got married. They’ve been married 13 years and he doesn’t look at her the same. He has not touched her since he watched the video. He says she’s even wearing the engagement ring and he watched her ex take of a dress her brought her 2 weeks before they married and they didn’t use protection. He says he will never confront her about it since she already knows it happened and she didn’t tell him so he prefers she continues to believe he doesn’t know. He forgives her and he’ll never throw it in her face, he just prefers her to dislike and fall out of love with him moving forward. Things aren’t always what they seem and * some people move in weird ways and do things differently.*
Except for her to do all that she continues to do and take the blame for falling marriage. He wants that from her and she's still giving it. Been there, it's horrific. My hope is she leaves and heals and regains self worth and confidence and gets what she deserves, someone who cherishes her.
Even if there was a universe where he wasn’t cheating (although it is most certainly, at the very least, an emotional affair), the fact is that he’s willing to say “hello,” “good morning/night,” and “I cherish you” to a friend over text but not to the woman he shares a life and home with. If that doesn’t scream that he doesn’t care one iota about her, I don’t know what does.
Yeh it's the contempt
My heart breaks for her - I could have been her 7 years ago. I'm on the other side of unwinding 30 years with my college sweetheart. Took a good 4 years of recovering but I am SO SO SO happy on the other side. You got this sister!
Amazing comment.. I am greatful for this comment it gives me hope for happiness.
He’s in love with his coworker but he’s cowardly and is afraid of hurting your feelings. You gotta ask him for a divorce.
This is heartbreaking. I wonder if anything has changed for her. I hope it has. 💚😔
It’s men like this who make make women’s lives miserable then blame women for the divorce
YEP! Drove her to it then will cry "victim" and "blindsided" by it. 🤨
Yes and they are ok with that.
Do you know how she treated him for the last 5, 10 or 20 years?
@@mniks8860 no idea, but what I do know is he needs to leave or do better.
If she filed for divorce than yes the blame is on her, it's called personal responsibility. Women have no accountability and all the excuses.
Mistreat their wives then blame them saying women break homes and women initiate divorce.
There are two sides to every story. This is her version
Exactly. Then all of a sudden, they're the victim. Major gaslighting.
@@juliannoble6 lol if the therapist is telling her to “get outta there” you know he is a horrible husband
LEsbian relationships have the highest level of divorce out of any type of relationship, 200% higher 2x as high as divorce rates in hetero relationships. TBH, women need to do better. You've gotten far too entitled for your own good.
@@jasonm7684 ofcoz they will have high divorce rates because they’re not meant to happen in the first place lol
In a similar situation, told my husband, I don't need you, but I still want you. I don't want a room mate, I want a husband. If you still want to give it a try, ok, if not, we get a divorce, no drama. We were 30 years married then.
It was painful and difficult, we've been married 37 years now.
Well if you say you don't need your husband that means you don't love him unconditionally or for real
@@chris-gx7rs no it means: although it wouldn’t be her 1st choice, she can & could manage all by herself, but she would prefer not, because she loves him, but cannot stay in less than a loving marriage. That is very different than just not living or even caring…
@@chris-gx7rsshe does. Needing is not love. It's an attachment. Wanting is the real thing.
@@chris-gx7rs Context, it's so important, before you give your opinion on someone else.
@@chris-gx7rs We have been together for almost 40 years...
She isn't ready to let go and it's so sad! I hope she finds the courage to leave and work on building back her self-esteem.
I feel for her, I was in a relationship like this, in that he quit. He fell out of love with me after almost 10 years, just stopped trying, and actively avoided intimacy. It went on for at least a year, maybe more, with me getting progressively more frantic. I was holding on to him tighter and tighter, while he grew more and more distant from me.
I was desperate to not see it. I loved him so much, and I didn't want to admit to myself that it was over. Finally, he got to the point that he asked me to leave. I was utterly devastated. Still cry if I think about him too much, still heartbroken over it 2 years later.
He was the love of my life, but being alone is FAR better than that hellacious limbo of not knowing, of not wanting to see. Of being the only one of a pair, trying to work on a relationship that the other half had already washed their hands of.
I wish her the very best, and I hope she can find the courage to stop waiting for him to man up and be open and honest with her about where he stands in the relationship. She's going to have to be the one to walk away.
What ? He asked you to leave ? You should’ve said YOU LEAVE ASSHOLE
Women don't love there men for real or unconditionally cause women don't truly love there husbands
Well women withhold sex from there men all the time men should do the same
@@chris-gx7rs What does that even mean 😂??
@@chris-gx7rs I would say you could do better than that, but apparently Not
She sounds so sweet, listening and non judgmental. Like the issue with the family figure really affected her and her husband couldn’t ever be emotional support through it. This absolutely breaks my heart. She deserves so much better. Do we have an update????
This happened to my father in law and mother in law. He couldn’t understand why she wanted a divorce-he provided a roof over her head and all of the necessities. I felt so bad for her, but she is happily remarried and is having a wonderful life!
A married man being this friendly with another woman is not normal. She needs to leave this guy asap he’s a poor excuse for a husband.
Tell that to my ex. Too many stories. One less serious incident that really hurts me to this day is when he got back from work one day and I asked how was work, he said it was fine. I said did anything happen, good or bad? He snapped at me and said "it was just work, what do you expect?". Later that night, I saw him texting a female coworker and he said "I miss talking to you about work, how come we don't talk anymore?" She proceeded to say it was because she thought I didn't like her. I never said that. I felt terrible. He wanted to talk to her about work but not me.
@@UltraGalacticSuperFantasticglad he’s an ex
She just doesn't want to get divorced. She doesn’t want to be alone. It's not about him being the love of her life. People get divorced and move on with their life.
Seems like this guy wants his cake and eat it too. He want's the financial security of his marriage and the outcome of the new person = cake.
My exact thoughts--he wants to have his cake and eat it too! My guess is that Casey probably makes good money, pays bills and does the housework. If her husband's getting his physical desires met on the side, and Casey is putting up with this treatment, of course he's not going to just kick her to the curb when he can have it all.
@@mayLibertyprevail1a Right! This is why women file the majority of divorces, sooo many guys don't want divorced, they want their cake and eat it, too, they think they can have it all and see no point in divorce. Whereas women have morals and actually file... once they hit their breaking point.
Yep! Plus this co-worker is married too so even if he's single, doesn't mean his affair partner will leave her marriage. He has no incentive whatsoever to leave his marriage because he's having his cake with this situation
@thornyrose1235 the wife also has no reason to leave being old, fat, and undesired
This is heart breaking. So many red flags! Time to pack your bags and leave lady. For your own sanity and peace of mind. Better to be on your own and be happy. HE HAS CHECKED OUT!!!
He made a promise to that other woman that he never touches you, only her and he sticks to that promise. He’s using you and now 3 professionals have said it. He doesn’t want to be the one to initiate the divorce. I would get out as soon as possible and try to prove that he’s having an affair this way you can take him for everything.
This >
I know of someone who has an affair with a married man . She says the married man tells her “he only haves sex with her , he doesn’t even touch his wife “
just sad bro smh
Only has sex*
There's no such thing as a perfect marriage or relationship; they're all different. What makes one person happy might not make another person happy. But I've realized that there's always a way to solve problems. Five years back, my wife and I were on the verge of divorce because we had problems in our marriage, but we found a way to fix things. It was difficult, but we managed to overcome it
I get why what you're saying is important, and I honestly want to be happy as well. I'm in a relationship, and even though we're apart, I can't think of life without her; my love for her is deep. I really hope she comes back, and I'm fully committed to making it work. We've tried different methods, like therapy, to fix things.
Parting with someone you love is always a challenging process, but in my experience, I had the guidance of a spiritual guide who prevented my marriage from collapsing. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
Your advice is valued. I'll promptly look her up online. Thank you. I'm optimistic that pursuing this method will also lead to favorable outcomes for me; I deeply yearn for her.
you will not regret it
Spam
I'm so sorry. I know the ending....this was my ex husband's playbook. He married 11 months after our divorce.
Mine waited a whole 2 months, same thing, same playbook.
I'm so sorry, both 🙏🏿❤️
One of my wife’s best friends just passed away. This is legitimately, almost to the T, what she went through. The only difference is, he brought the woman around and, because she was in a bit of a fog with the medication she was taking, convinced her that they should all be friends.
She needs to leave. Divorce sucks. But when your spouse is already gone… and doesn’t want to come back, leave.
I just want to hug you girl,I know the feeling too well.Please know that you aren't alone,we women go through so much but when we rise,we are risen!! I send my love to you,things don't remain the same forever,get up,cry and walk away.I hope you find peace,love comes right after ❤
You are wasting your physical and emotional energy on a man who is no longer invested in the marriage. He wont even greet you. Please don’t waste your time on him anymore.
husband is 1000% having an affair.
Sounds like he doesn't want the guilt of breaking the promise. Even though he's already checked out.
Yup. He's a coward and wants HER to end the marriage so he can play the victim.
If somebody wants to leave let them go. You will be better off in the long run. Why do you want to be with somebody who clearly does not want to be with you anymore
This was me at 25 years old .I got a divorce but, it was very hard raising two kids by myself. He made it very clear he didn't want me. Thirty Years latter I dodged a big bullet.He got on drugs had many girlfriends and a couple more wifes. He passed away alone by himself.
Hopefully more people have found out that your brain doesn’t fully develop till 25-30 so realistically having children and getting married before then is ridiculous.
The husband is a spineless coward.
Absolutely
No, he's been emasculated.
AND a psychologically abusive jerk.
He sounds like my ex. When I talked to him about how I felt he said, "move out then." And I when I told him I was moving out he just smiled...then he told me it was my decision and he told his mother and sister than I left him for another man when it was him cheating on me and neglecting me. He acted like I didn't exist so he didn't even say hi.
@@Lala89856 I'm so sorry. That's awful and similar to mine, but he did talk to me, acted like everything was fine and expected me to as well. Not after years of infidelity and lack of any real investment in relationship. They want their cake and eat it too.
She's literally asking for the bare minimum, just some acknowledgement in the morning or night and he won't even do that. I think that tells you everything you need to know about him. I hope she leaves him. She deserves so much better.
She seems sweet but she defaults to saying “it’s so hard,” …. what’s harder? Being in a one way marriage or moving forward and doing what Dr John said? If he’s not All In, than sign the papers and set yourself free to find your true love. Unrequited love is hurtful yes, so be good to yourself and do what the Dr said. Good luck and God bless❤️
I think a lot of couples think not EVER ‘fighting’ is a good thing. In actuality, having verbal disagreements (not abuse, btw) is healthy. but bottling it up for the sake of not ‘fighting’ is very unhealthy. Couples need to have that deep connection. This is a sign of a relationship that’s not working at the basic level. Of couples therapy is not working, you have to make that choice. And often, it’s separation
Not condoning his actions, but my guess he's not emotionally comfortable with his wife.
It might be to a point were he derives the most peace by interacting with her as little as possible.
"Just say hello."
"Say hello and potentially give her the green light to use me as an emotional tampon for the next lord knows how long? No thanks."
"My office friend is much better. No pressure, no emotional tention, and I don't have to listen to her problems day in day out and console her."
"I've derived a system where I can survive this very less than ideal marriage. Wait, that makes her unhappy? What else is new? She's always unhappy."
"When I care, she's unhappy. When I don't care, she's just as unhappy."
Again, shitty thing he's doing, but if my guess to his motives are correct. I can sympathise with him, but not Condone his action.
It sucks all around.
I don't fault her therapist, she said they have told her to leave her husband. I'm pretty sure they advised why. This lady is just in full denial and is seeking someone to tell her otherwise. That's why she said "several therapist". That already tells you, that she is not ready to face reality. She's going to speak with someone else after this call, bc she does not believe anyone but her cheating husband.
‘What do i have to do to get my husband to love me?’
It should be, what does he have to do to get me to trust and love him?
Also i know us non-therapists shouldn’t use this word and diagnose, however, i feel he is a Narcissist. Which means his ego and strength in his childhood must’ve been beaten down real bad.
He doesn't wanna fix it at all. He just wants to use the "I'm married" blanket when the husband of the other woman is asking questions. He has chosen to just be roommates with his wife. He is in love with the woman he always wants to talk to. And that is something that is hard to accept but you need to and stop overly understanding and dreaming.
You are asking for the bear minimum and he is telling you he has reserved that for the other woman because it is something he can only do out of love. He is gone and the therapists saw that he wasn't willing to change anything.
Take the time to prepare for an exit, mentally, emotionally and financially be prepared for a change.
He's in limerence with this other woman. It's not love. He will get what's coming to him eventually because limerence usually ends in a ball of fire. I hope the caller leaves him ASAP because limerence feeds on obstacles and she's the one in the way that's making them feel like Romeo and Juliet. Once she leaves, they'll eventually have to deal with reality and it's not going to be this great romantic relationship they think it is.
I have a coworker who treats his wife like this. He texts back and forth with himself and his wife thinks it’s a female friend (it’s the google voice # and fake email). She even wastes money hiring a PI to follow him, but he pretends to be unaware. He doesn’t cheat, he jokingly admits that he uses a lot of lotion to take care of himself. He still respect her, does speak ill of her, he no longer wants to be intimate with her. He doesn’t sleep with her on purpose because he wants her to cheat on him, fall out of love him and leave him for someone else.
He found out via video evidence that she slept with her ex 6 days before they got married. They’ve been married 13 years and he doesn’t look at her the same. He has not touched her since he watched the video. He says she’s even wearing the engagement ring and he watched her ex take of a dress her brought her 2 weeks before they married and they didn’t use protection. He says he will never confront her about it since she already knows it happened and she didn’t tell him so he prefers she continues to believe he doesn’t know. He forgives her and he’ll never throw it in her face, he just prefers her to dislike and fall out of love with him moving forward. Things aren’t always what they seem and *some people move in weird ways and do things differently.*
The husband reminder that they agrees in the beginning of their marriage to never get a divorce but he forgets that he vowed to love her, honor her and protect her yet he has left her in the most painful way.
Sad
So she leaves, he gets married to this person he’s infatuated with and they get to the point they take each other for granted…. He meets a fresh, new woman that makes him feel good. He leaves and marries her until they are past the infatuation phase. He meets another person, she makes him feel great…. We can’t always be in the honeymoon phase!
It's even sadder that this "other woman" will never divorce her husband to be with the caller's husband.
He's living in a fool's paradise.
...exactly...
-Him "my wife divorced me so now you can leave your husband and we can be together"
-Her "are you insane?"