We try our hardest to explain how we feel to other people.... but people need to understand that we don’t exactly get it either.....we don’t have control over how we feel....
Mom, my depression is a shape shifter. One day it is as small as a firefly in the palm of a bear, The next, it’s the bear. On those days I play dead until the bear leaves me alone. I call the bad days: “the Dark Days.” Mom says, “Try lighting candles.” When I see a candle, I see the flesh of a church, the flicker of a flame, Sparks of a memory younger than noon. I am standing beside her open casket. It is the moment I learn every person I ever come to know will someday die. Besides Mom, I’m not afraid of the dark. Perhaps, that’s part of the problem. Mom says, “I thought the problem was that you can’t get out of bed.” I can’t. Anxiety holds me a hostage inside of my house, inside of my head. Mom says, “Where did anxiety come from?” Anxiety is the cousin visiting from out-of-town depression felt obligated to bring to the party. Mom, I am the party. Only I am a party I don’t want to be at. Mom says, “Why don’t you try going to actual parties, see your friends?” Sure, I make plans. I make plans but I don’t want to go. I make plans because I know I should want to go. I know sometimes I would have wanted to go. It’s just not that fun having fun when you don’t want to have fun, Mom. You see, Mom, each night insomnia sweeps me up in his arms dips me in the kitchen in the small glow of the stove-light. Insomnia has this romantic way of making the moon feel like perfect company. Mom says, “Try counting sheep.” But my mind can only count reasons to stay awake; So I go for walks; but my stuttering kneecaps clank like silver spoons held in strong arms with loose wrists. They ring in my ears like clumsy church bells reminding me I am sleepwalking on an ocean of happiness I cannot baptize myself in. Mom says, “Happy is a decision.” But my happy is as hollow as a pin pricked egg. My happy is a high fever that will break. Mom says I am so good at making something out of nothing and then flat-out asks me if I am afraid of dying. No. I am afraid of living. Mom, I am lonely. I think I learned that when Dad left how to turn the anger into lonely - The lonely into busy; So when I tell you, “I’ve been super busy lately,” I mean I’ve been falling asleep watching Sports Center on the couch To avoid confronting the empty side of my bed. But my depression always drags me back to my bed Until my bones are the forgotten fossils of a skeleton sunken city, My mouth a bone yard of teeth broken from biting down on themselves. The hollow auditorium of my chest swoons with echoes of a heartbeat, But I am a careless tourist here. I will never truly know everywhere I have been. Mom still doesn’t understand. Mom! Can’t you see that neither can I?
When I cry people think it’s me being over dramatic but it’s really because I haven’t cried in months and I cry for 10 minutes straight and I write down how I feel because after that time I suddenly stop crying, I go numb and I don’t remember how to feel. It gets harder to force a smile because I am slowly losing the people who make me really smile, it hurts to remember but it’s so damn hard to forget. WHY DOES IT HURT SO FUCKING MUCH? What’s the point of love when it always ends in pain? People say “ I’m looking for love so it will make me happy “ most of the time love ends in pain so you are really looking for pain. People ask “ how are you not crying?” or “ why are you smiling?” And even “ I wish I was as strong as you” YOU DONT SEE ME CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP EVERY DAMN NIGHT YOU DONT SEE ME BLAME MYSELF FOR ALL THE BED THINGS YOU DONT SEE THE PAIN I HIDE FROM EVERYONE! The people who do see my pain try to top my pain like it’s a competition, ITS NOT A FUCKING COMPETITION ITS MY FUCKING PAIN! I FELT SAFE ENOUGH TO TELL YOU MY PAIN AND TRAUMA AND YOU TRY TO TOP IT?!? HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF WHEN ONE DAY YOUR PARENTS DIED AND I SAID “ Oh WeLl I mIgHt NoT sEe My NaNa FoR 5-10 yEaRs “ NO I WOULD COMFORT YOU AND TRY TO HELP NOT MAKE IT A FUCKING COMPETITION! PEOPLE ASK WHY I DONT OPEN UP ITS BECAUSE WHEN I DID YOU DIDNT CARE! I FUCKING HATE IT! ITS TO MUCH! Why won’t the pain stop?
Yeah i Know there are to many people they didnt know/understand your feelings. But theyre Not rlly your Friends if they say things Like that and dont try to help you feeling a bit better
Only yourself will know your depression and even sometimes not even yourself will...but you don’t need them...find friends who listen and believe you! I wish you the best of luck..stay safe! ✨✨xx
This is how my conversation with my mother about my anxiety and depression would go 😔😔😔
"No, I am afraid of living. Mom, I am lonely"
and ask me if im afraid of dying NO IM AFRAID OF LIVING I DONT EVEN CARE FOR MYSELF ANYMORE!!!!!
.....
still makes me cry like a baby
We try our hardest to explain how we feel to other people.... but people need to understand that we don’t exactly get it either.....we don’t have control over how we feel....
While Listening to this I felt a knife on my wrist.....
are you ok ?
me too.
amy dunn.... no, not really.......
That’s me but with my dad 😔
I my case my dad has always been the best therapist for me but my mom...nahhh🤷🏻♀️
She says I’m OVER DRAMATIC.😔
Thank you to my mother
Omg melissa what am I going to do with you sorry everyone this was my lil sis
Sorry it was 3 weeks ago
Mom, my depression is a shape shifter.
One day it is as small as a firefly in the palm of a bear,
The next, it’s the bear.
On those days I play dead until the bear leaves me alone.
I call the bad days: “the Dark Days.”
Mom says, “Try lighting candles.”
When I see a candle, I see the flesh of a church, the flicker of a flame,
Sparks of a memory younger than noon.
I am standing beside her open casket.
It is the moment I learn every person I ever come to know will someday die.
Besides Mom, I’m not afraid of the dark.
Perhaps, that’s part of the problem.
Mom says, “I thought the problem was that you can’t get out of bed.”
I can’t.
Anxiety holds me a hostage inside of my house, inside of my head.
Mom says, “Where did anxiety come from?”
Anxiety is the cousin visiting from out-of-town depression felt obligated to bring to the party.
Mom, I am the party.
Only I am a party I don’t want to be at.
Mom says, “Why don’t you try going to actual parties, see your friends?”
Sure, I make plans. I make plans but I don’t want to go.
I make plans because I know I should want to go. I know sometimes I would have wanted to go.
It’s just not that fun having fun when you don’t want to have fun, Mom.
You see, Mom, each night insomnia sweeps me up in his arms dips me in the kitchen in the small glow of the stove-light.
Insomnia has this romantic way of making the moon feel like perfect company.
Mom says, “Try counting sheep.”
But my mind can only count reasons to stay awake;
So I go for walks; but my stuttering kneecaps clank like silver spoons held in strong arms with loose wrists.
They ring in my ears like clumsy church bells reminding me I am sleepwalking on an ocean of happiness I cannot baptize myself in.
Mom says, “Happy is a decision.”
But my happy is as hollow as a pin pricked egg.
My happy is a high fever that will break.
Mom says I am so good at making something out of nothing and then flat-out asks me if I am afraid of dying.
No.
I am afraid of living.
Mom, I am lonely.
I think I learned that when Dad left how to turn the anger into lonely -
The lonely into busy;
So when I tell you, “I’ve been super busy lately,” I mean I’ve been falling asleep watching Sports Center on the couch
To avoid confronting the empty side of my bed.
But my depression always drags me back to my bed
Until my bones are the forgotten fossils of a skeleton sunken city,
My mouth a bone yard of teeth broken from biting down on themselves.
The hollow auditorium of my chest swoons with echoes of a heartbeat,
But I am a careless tourist here.
I will never truly know everywhere I have been.
Mom still doesn’t understand.
Mom! Can’t you see that neither can I?
I find this relatable idk why tho -
When I cry people think it’s me being over dramatic but it’s really because I haven’t cried in months and I cry for 10 minutes straight and I write down how I feel because after that time I suddenly stop crying, I go numb and I don’t remember how to feel. It gets harder to force a smile because I am slowly losing the people who make me really smile, it hurts to remember but it’s so damn hard to forget. WHY DOES IT HURT SO FUCKING MUCH? What’s the point of love when it always ends in pain? People say “ I’m looking for love so it will make me happy “ most of the time love ends in pain so you are really looking for pain. People ask “ how are you not crying?” or “ why are you smiling?” And even “ I wish I was as strong as you” YOU DONT SEE ME CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP EVERY DAMN NIGHT YOU DONT SEE ME BLAME MYSELF FOR ALL THE BED THINGS YOU DONT SEE THE PAIN I HIDE FROM EVERYONE! The people who do see my pain try to top my pain like it’s a competition, ITS NOT A FUCKING COMPETITION ITS MY FUCKING PAIN! I FELT SAFE ENOUGH TO TELL YOU MY PAIN AND TRAUMA AND YOU TRY TO TOP IT?!? HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF WHEN ONE DAY YOUR PARENTS DIED AND I SAID “ Oh WeLl I mIgHt NoT sEe My NaNa FoR 5-10 yEaRs “ NO I WOULD COMFORT YOU AND TRY TO HELP NOT MAKE IT A FUCKING COMPETITION! PEOPLE ASK WHY I DONT OPEN UP ITS BECAUSE WHEN I DID YOU DIDNT CARE! I FUCKING HATE IT! ITS TO MUCH! Why won’t the pain stop?
↓↓↓ Those who felt every word of this beautiful speech
HELP I WAS GONNA SHOW MY MOM THIS LAST YEAR AND WAS GONNA MAKE A GACHA WITH THIS AHAHAHHAHAHHA
Please I need this on Spotify!!!🥺
Beautiful
how can i finnd the song?help me
I believe it's called So Cold by Ben Cocks
i try to explained my depression to my friends but they tell me to stop being dramatic.......
Yeah i Know there are to many people they didnt know/understand your feelings. But theyre Not rlly your Friends if they say things Like that and dont try to help you feeling a bit better
Only yourself will know your depression and even sometimes not even yourself will...but you don’t need them...find friends who listen and believe you! I wish you the best of luck..stay safe! ✨✨xx
@@harddoesnotmeanimpossible2461 thank you
@@creator200 thanks a lot
@@uyaachan_1411 ✨❤️✨❤️
Kannte das Lied garnicht aber is mega cool haha
My conversation with my mum
Borring das kannst du besser😂💞
Ja hat ja nur 2½ Stunden gedauert das zu machen 🙃
@@creator200 trotzdem deine anderen sind geiler😅
Sind ALLE TOLL, kein hate!!