she was having a panic attack.. Yes, she meant it but shaking is one of the most common symptoms when you're having a panic attack. Anxiety Disorder does weird things.
Lisanne de Boer When i had a panic attack i was hyperventilating and repeating the same words over and over again. My hands, face and whole body went numb and tingly. Is that normal?
@@maxxoxo9646 Could be yea! When I hava a panic attack I start shaking and get heart palpitations. Then I start hyperventilating and then I start feeling like my surroundings are disappearing (i believe thats a form of dissociation). I sometimes also stutter and can't make proper sentences
"I am sleepwalking on an ocean of happiness I cannot baptize myself in." I gasped when she said that. Most accurate thing I've ever heard about depression.
@@vic__5378 it means you want to be happy but you just can't feel happy. It's referring to being baptized so you go underwater to prove/show you believe in God or something
@@vic__5378 To me it is seeing happiness in the eyes of everyone you love, living in a world where happiness is peddled like a cartoon drug. walking through a world that makes you feel like a ghost because as much as you want to be apart of it you are only a "careless tourist" as she said. you can never experience it yourself. The sleepwalking bit is just going through the motions unconsciously because its become too exhausting to even try, knowing it will never come. I think she mentions baptism because they are submerged under water, so if happiness is an ocean then she can't really swim in it. it was a powerful sentence that I really felt.
*where did anxiety come from* *I am a party that I don't want to be at* *happy is a decision* *I am afraid of living* *Mom, I am lonely* *but my depression always drags me back to bed* That hit hard.
Yes its so damn true every word every feeling as she describes it and yes like her i dont understand it either. But i know the feelings and how dark the thoughts can be. That dark starts of scarry then it becomes comforting. And that is freightening as well
"I learned how to turn the anger into lonely, the lonely into busy, so when I tell you I've been super busy lately"... I almost had to pause it at this moment. That hit hard.
Sometimes I don't even have the strenght to say that...my friends would notice that I'm lying....and I don't want to be a burden....have a nice day and stay safe...the world is an evil place.
@@karmatita7575 aww thank you . I'm ok....I guess. No forget it I'm horrible but I have happy times. When I'm with my friends or text with my gf. But I feel horrible, because I 'm so fucked up and I think it's unfair for her. But please stay safe too. I hope you are good. Please stay safe, you are such a nice person. You deserve all the luck in the world. Your comment litterly made my day. If you need somone to talk I'm here. Have a greate night and thank you
Why is this me everyday At school I have alexity attack why I type this one is forming and every min every hour every sec I have one I JUST WISH I COULD CONTROL IT LIKE OVER PPL CAN I CAN I JUST CAnt. Do it no more the self harming getting worst the thoughts are coming back
Ya I just heard it. Way to give people a bad trip in the middle of the dance floor. This is certainly a powerful and important monologue, but NOT for the party imho.
crazymafia leader I think we just have to wait and see what'll happen next plz don't end ur life things do get better if u wanna talk just let me know I'll give u my email and we can talk ❤️
I was in pain, and you did not comfort me!! I was lonely, and you did not come to me!! I was afraid, and you would not hold me!! I was weak, and you did not strengthen me!! I fell down, and you would not raise me!! My precious child, I've been waiting for you to trust Me. I've been waiting for you to run to Me. I've been waiting for you to surrender to Me. Your time has come. Reach out to Me. I am your answer. -Your Savior Jesus
+TØP TRASH Actually, there's a difference. I asked my psychiatrist some time ago. Anxiety attacks make you feel extremely uneasy, you might cry, you might feel something bad happening. Panic attacks are when your fight-or-flight instincts go in full force. As someone who suffers from both, there's a difference. Anxiety attacks are unpleasant and hard, but panic attacks are completely paralyzing and terrifying. Some people confuse them with heart attacks.
@@fayedouglass6804 I heard this at a friend's recently. Mom is 72, I'll be 52 in a week and my only child will be 17 in December. I told him WE ALL NEED THIS POSTER SIZE ON THE CEILING ABOVE THE BED
That. Was. Powerful. Started crying from start but “I’m not scared of dying, I’m scared of living” BROKE ME. Puddle of tears. Incredibly sad and moving.
It broke me when she said why don't u try going to actual parties see ur friends. But then I realise no one wants to be my friend cause I've been ditched and bitched behind my back
she re-lived all she has gone through, because trying to explain in such depth and honesty such a situation, takes a deep plunge to what you had to live through.Also, even when you have managed to come out winner from depression, it leaves residues in your life and it takes a lot of time and personal changes in your life choices that will give you the strenth to start building yourself up again piece by piece, until it stops influencing you in a negative way, and remains just what it is just supposed to remain: a life-lesson
“You see mom each night insomnia sweeps me up in his arms, dips me in the kitchen in the small glow of the stove light. Insomnia has this romantic way of making the moon feel like perfect company.” “Reminding me I am sleep walking on an ocean of happiness I cannot baptize myself in” Wow. How this hurts. Those lines are the most relatable for me.
The first time I watched this, before knowing what she would say, I screamed out "I am afraid of living" with her. It involuntarily came out. I don't think I've ever witnessed something so close to me. I wish everyone understood.
I seriously wish this would be one of the videos that gets featured on the front page of UA-cam. It's so powerful and honest. Just telling people that I'm depressed can be embarrassing and challenging. Yet she went all out. You can tell she's scared and upset and in so much pain. Her courage is amazing.
SayAnything8 I found it on facebook :) Unfortunatually the comment section was the worst. I loved getting sucked in her emotion even tho I cannot really relate, while most people hated the way she delivered it :l this comment section on the other hand is understandig gladly :) I'm stunned!
I wish I could send this to my parents but I still don't think they would understand, I literally burst in to tears every time I see this video, her emotion is to raw, to real, and so relatable on so many levels. I hope she is doing good and each time I see this video I just want to give her a big hug knowing that she did this while having a panic attack
I feel you cz I can't even send this to my mother too because she's the only reason I feel depressed . She always hurt me thinking she's protecting me. Ohhh my poor mom 😔. I feel you and I really do 😐
Zoe M same. it verbalizes everything that I feel but cannot bring myself to say. it's hard explaining to someone else how you are feeling when you don't even understand yourself why your crying or so depressed. 💚
same.... it's our family who really needs to listen to this....that it's not just anything that will be okey! it's a disease..... that need medical treatment!!! my mom told am just overthinking, I don't have anything to think abt but idek myself why am I like this!!! but my will never understand me!
Treading forward, one tiny step at a time,…even if you have to build hand rails from the dreams you might never realise but that you should never forget, is all you need to do…All you CAN do, sometimes…every day Stay strong in your own heart and your own desires 🙏🏼❤️
I am 14 year old girl who has a dwindling relationship with my mother because she doesn't understand my depression along with other things. This made me feel so deeply understood, and I am trying to get the courage to send this to her. But taking control of your own happiness is often the hardest part.
well when u get babtized you get water splashed on u that cleans all the bad things youve done and she is saying that she cant be splashed with the happy water so she cant be happy
Perfectly explains what it's like to "just go out and try to have fun". Yes, I'm present in the fun and happy situation, with my friends, maybe even almost laughing at some points but just because I'm taking part in this thing that should represent happiness, just because I went out into the beautiful life that's going on outside of myself and my depression, doesn't mean that I'm happy and having fun - i.e. i can not baptize myself in the ocean of happiness. That's how I view the line anyway.
i showed this to my mom to try to help her understand my depression when it was over and she said “is this what you sit around watching, because if i watched this all the time i’d be depressed too.”
You don't have to make her understand..If she doesn't want to sit down with you and figure out how to help you through depression, then that's her problem. You can grow to be an amazing human, and maybe even help other people with their mental health. I hope you find a way into having a beautiful life and making it your own :) and remember, if there are 7 billion people in this world, at least one human loves and appreciates you 💗
@@unknownhuman1979 People need support and if the one person who should support you doesnt, its like a blow the the head. It hurts and it causes damage. Yes she could be great and be ok but if she goes home to a negative atmosphere like that then thats not good
It's her talent that let's her explain those things. But it's not the talent that speaks out of it. What speaks out of it ist the truth. And the truth isn't really beautiful. Just the ways that she describes it.. depression is something nobody really wants to talk about, especially when you have it. But it's brave that she showed how it in such a beautiful way. If you know what I mean XD I'm really bad at explaining.
I found this video via a clickbait website, and, i'm kinda sad I discovered it this way. Because everyday I keep coming back here to watch this, this is such a powerful video.. I've rarely seen that much emotions in so little time.
Friends? What are thoses i don't thing i have any or any one my mom nope because im trans and bi so i can't talk to her she homophobic and my brother will just tell my mom and the "friends" think im lying and they say "YOUR FINE! GOSH" and then brush it off so =/
I only hope she’s doing better now, such a talented and brave woman! She was having an anxiety attack in the middle of this, still she did it amazingly!
I’ve never been so proud of a person before. To watch her shake and look on the verge of tears made my heart ache because I could feel every word she spoke and I’ve never seen anyone put so many hard and confusing feelings into words before
I feel every word, every emotion, her anxiety, her panic attack, her pain, the point to shout laud and cry louder, feeling to get help but afraid of putting heart out, judging society. 😔 I feel u. I do.
She is shaking She put our feelings into a poem She wants a happy life But all she wants is for her mother to understand but some times that can’t happen I hope her mother saw this is thought “ that’s my child suffering I’m proud of her doing this and letting her felling out!” She is like me Alone Heartbroken from a family member leaving She put my feelings into a poem She put HER OWN FEELINGS AND WORDS INTO A POEM she is how we feel in the dark hoping that the light would come and take us away to a perfect life in a nice island She made this to spread what Depression Feels like I said every word with her hoping my mom or dad would hear I love how she did this from bravery
"Besides Mom, I'm not afraid of the dark, perhaps that's part of the problem." It took me at least five listens before I finally clicked with this line and realised what it was about. I find this so amazing, as typically, when my own depression acts up, I don't resist it, because I'm no longer afraid of what it does to me, and I find more comfort in my numbness than I do when I'm somewhat. Sometimes, you can get so used to the numbness and the brokeness, that that is what you become.
@@vanessanaglovska5471 the dark represents the negativity and such and when ur depressed, it's sort of like u don't care anymore. Like it's something ur so used to it doesn't even bother u anymore. That's the best way I can explain it, sorry if u still don't understand
I see my depression as a friend. It understands that the world is a horrible place, and gives me the hope that it is okay to leave everything behind, and tells me that everyone doesn't get me, and it's right. All of my family thinks that I don't love myself, but what I don't love is living. Im not sad because I'm not perfect, I'm sad because the world isn't perfect. It's the world that makes me want to die
Crystal Shard I hope you know that even if this world is a shitty place, there is still some good in it, and there are things worth living for. I hope you find yours like I found mine.
Not once have I heard anything come even close to describing depression and anxiety as this - and especially not in such a short amount of time. I am a 28yr old man and I have not cried this hard for as long as I can remember. Reading these comments, and working through addiction myself, I am hopeful that bright days are ahead so long as we take care of ourselves. I love you all
When you try to talk to someone about it and they tell you to get over it cause its all in my head. Of course its all in my head. Where else would my demons live? :)
+Dale White Of course it's in your head, that's where your brain is. Your brain is an organ and part of your body, so it can get sick just like the rest of them. When someone tells you to get over it, get over them. Find someone who does care, they are out there. Be well.
And they tell you, its your perspective and that "happy is a decision". Its just annoying. With their perfect lives and "happiness" they think they're some sort of experts at living life. Its sad
Or when they say "there are people that are dying.. People who have it worst" and trust me I get that but why isn't my pain just as valid? I get they are different kinds of pain and I'm sorry if that it makes me selfish but my pain shouldn't be invalidated just cause you can't see what it does to me.
xXNoOneImportantXx Sometimes, when I say I'm fine, I want someone to hug me and say, "I know you're not." But then again, I don't want to bug people with my problems.....
My mom is actually the one that sent me this. I am very thankful to have a mom that understands that I can’t put it into words, but her words, for the first time in a long time, made me feel like I’m not the defect on this earth. Thank you.
I wasn't bitching. I was saying I can relate. And you clearly are an ignorant person. It's possible that I don't have a computer or a phone. They have these things called libraries where people can go and use computers for free. Also, clinical depression isn't about your life being better than most people or having everything you need. Just by living in the U.S. where I live, makes one far better off than most of the world but that doesn't matter. Sometimes life is still crap and sometimes, especially with clinical depression, there's absolutely no circumstantial reason to feel that way. It's just a chemical thing. Until you wake up one day and it takes everything inside of you to take just one more breath, I suggest you shut the hell up about depression because you have no idea what it's like.
Agreed. No one can understand unless they themselves have it. It's not "whining," it's a chemical imbalance thing in the brain that makes you feel deeply sad for no reason, with little to no ways out of it. It gets tough. But like I say.....just because you can't relate to something or don't have experience with it....doesn't mean it doesn't exist, and that other people don't experience it.
+NCR TROOPER Despite the year passing, I had to comment given that ignorant comment. Let's be clear. Depression doesn't skip over people just because they have a computer, a TV, a house, a phone, or whatever. Depression doesn't care about the balance in your bank account. Everyone has their own problems. You have it or you don't. Now-a-days, people get sad one day and call it depression, discrediting the ones who actually have it. It has become a "trend" and something romanticized in books (just look at some of the God awful books on Wattpad). But make no mistake, there are people who actually have this insidious thing and God bless them if/when they see it through.
My daughter just sent me this. I am glad she can convey how she feels - as I know that’s important to her. It made me cry but knowing that she has been able to express herself through another person - then made me smile. I am very proud of her 🌸🌺
Thank you for the comment - This showed me that out there are parents who actually care. Who actually respect the feelings of their children and believe them when they say they need HELP
"I am sleep walking on an ocean of happiness I cannot baptize myself in." is something that really hit home for me. Finally moved to my best friend who literally has saved my life, had a child together & its taken me 2 years after birth to feel actual happiness, and I always felt I should have been happier sooner. Struggling with depression, anxiety & ptsd & then ppd was a brutal horrible time for me. But it was a fight I wasn't going to lose. Taken me 28 years to finally feel at peace inside my own head, inside my own home, and I still struggle at some points, but I'm glad everything is working out and I'm with the person who means the most to me, & who would never hurt me. Love this video, I wish my mother understood more.
I'm sorry for not being more eloquent but THAT IS SO. FUCKING. STUPID!!! You can't just switch it off so you can do your homework! If you could NO ONE WOULD EVER SWITCH IT BACK ON AGAIN!!
UGGGHHHH THAT HURTS ME TO THE CORE. Honestly, if you need a friend or someone to talk to, just hit me up :-) message me or something and we'll figure something out
I've been watching this since I was 14 years old but everytime I finish the video, it's a new experience. edit: i'm 20 now and it still hits different everytime
Anxiety and Depression haven't always had a voice.... this strong woman is a voice that has been needed for so long.... Praying she inspires hope and more voices!
She is sooo brave to have completed this...I can see her anxiety screaming at her to walk of stage...but she didn't ...she finished this. I only hope I can be as brave as her one day
When you're afraid of your parents watching this, and making the connections as to why their son prefers to play video games instead of trying to go outside.
I remember sending this to my mom 8-10 years ago when I first saw it because I was unable to get her to understand what my depression does to me. I’m 35 now and because she wrote this I’m still alive; because when the one person I needed to understand what their words kept doing to me was able to finally understand what I couldn’t say they changed. My mom changed. She still has a long way to go and so do I but she changed in all the ways I needed her too before I found a permanent solution to what still feels like a permanent problem.
This is exactly how it feels like. People all around me don't understand. They will tell me "be happy". Like if it was an easy choice. Like of it was something I can turn on and off. They send me messages to stop acting like a victim, to rise above, that I'm just looking for attention. The sad thing is when I stop talking about it and pretending that I'm happy, nobody notices how much I hurt inside still. How many days are so hard. How many times I've thought of being brave enough to end my life. But then I think, what will that solve? Life becomes so complicated out of nothing. People tell me I can't be sad because others have it worse. Do they see all the people I've lost because depression makes them uncomfortable to tolerate me? When people don't have the patience to deal with you because they have enough issues to deal with. When you become a bother and you just shut everybody out. When you feel lonely and you can't even keep a job because it has become so out of control. And still they dare to tell you that it's all in your head and that you just have to be positive and you will be alright. If it were that easy. I would be ok but it's not.
Most people don't seem to comprehend how dark, twisted and soul wrenching depression can be. It's hard to find the right words to explain what it does to you. People say stuff like, 'It's in your hands. Decide to be happy and you'll be' 'Other people have it worse. What are you even complaining about?' 'You need a hobby' This is not how it works, this just isn't how it works. You cannot *snap out* of it, you cannot *ignore it* till it goes away. Because it doesn't, it's lurks behind you, constantly. You start to feel like a liability, a burden. It feels like you don't deserve the space you occupy in this world. You know what's happening, but you can't stop it and your depression is just a downward spiral of destruction, and you're on a collision course with it. You're going down with it and you have absolutely no control. I wish people didn't tell us what to do when they don't know that this weighs you down into nothingness. I have been depressed, I quit school because of it. I know what it's like and if i had a penny for each time someone asked me to 'just be happy because it's all in my hands', I could buy an island somewhere. It's dark. It's painful. No, we don't want sympathy. We aren't being dramatic for the attention. I wish people didn't say stuff for the heck of saying it, it just makes things worse.
+Akshita Prasad Amen. I completely understand. I have isolated myself from people everytime I hear them say that I have the power to be happy and make it go away. That if I just wanted to be happy, I can. If they only understood what it really feels like and that by saying all of that isn't gonna make it any better. If they could only live inside for a day and see how changing my attitude about it still isn't going to make it change. I have had to pretend to be happy because people tell me I bring them down. How can a person who seems so happy and silly have depression? Why do you have to take everything so personal? Why is everything so negative to you? Why don't you believe in yourself? I wish I had the power to change it. I really wish I did. I can't force myself to be who I can't be just to make them comfortable. I just can't. They will never understand.
+Malin Pink I have lost almost all of my friends because of this. If people think we had the *power* to just be happy, wouldn't we just do that? Wouldn't we just *decide* to be happy and keep this from killing us? I don't think this is something people understand until they actually feel what living through this is like.
+Akshita Prasad exactly. But hey. Those who are with us through it are the ones who matter. Those who judge us and don't make it easier then they just don't deserve to be a part of our lives. It doesn't get any easier especially when you have people hating and judging you along the way. We need support not people putting us down.
The emotion that pours out of her as she's reading this is both painful and beautiful. Painful because I don't like seeing people suffer in any way, yet beautiful because this young woman has the courage to speak about her experience with a topic that isn't discussed as often as it should be. I don't know her, so it probably doesn't mean much, but I'm extremely proud of her.
I felt that too at that exact word! I played it over a few times. I'm pretty sure I've screamed it like that before, it's like exasperation mixed with simple basic need.
They might not understand Depression but they love us. They want nothing bad to happen to us. Your mom might have said that line out of confusion and her inability to understand your emotions but you have to make her understand what you feel. She loves you. She will always love you. She wants all the happiness in the world for you. So never be sad. Everything will eventually work out. You just need to have trust in yourself. Believe in yourself!
Same. I always have to fake illnesses (because according to my mother, depression is not a valid illness) in order to stay in bed. I got to college now and once my mom found out that I skipped my two morning classes and she asked me why. I had to make up a lie that I took some medication for my chronic back pain and it caused me to oversleep. I wanted to tell her "I could not bring myself to get out of bed." but I know she would have said "You're in college. You're an honors student. That is no excuse." I hate that.
Amanda Dorothy Anderson It's sad that we're at 2015 and there are still people in the civilised world who pick and choose what medically certified conditions they 'believe' in. Having someone there to provoke you into engaging in the world is a good thing, however diminishing a person's problems and reducing the pain of depression down to a personality flaw is fucking poisonous... and sadly all too common. It's a shame that adults (parents in particular) take such offense when people try to educate them on certain matters, otherwise I would suggest looking up online resources about the facts of clinical depression and printing some stuff off to just leave her to read. You're not alone though. Try not to get into the habit of lying too much. It is always tempting to make excuses, cover up and disengage instead of looking them in the eye and insisting that what you feel is a real thing. Getting an official diagnosis can help shut their worst behaviors down though, if at all possible. Hang in there!
100% AGREE. I get physically and emotionally tired quite easily from the simplest of things, but my mum thinks that because I am younger and dance that I should be able to endure things more. She always calls me lazy and screams at me for being lazy. I told her that I had depression last month and all she said was ''How the hell do you have depression?''. She's the only person I've told but I feel that she doesn't believe me and thinks I'm making excuses for my 'laziness'. I will never get over how powerful this was, I sat completely still whilst watching it in awe, It felt like everything I needed to say was finally said. Perfectly.
This gave me chills. My mom suffers with depression but doesn't understand why I used to self harm. I was molested by another girl, one of my closest friends when I was eight years old. My anxiety controls me, and when I have a panic attack, IM the one who ends up apologizing for the fact that I'm broken and my panic attack is a cry for help. Please, don't leave me by myself, for I am my own worst enemy.
It was time I came back to this. I stumbled across this video back in 2018 when I was severely depressed. Am I healed now? No, but I am getting there. I related to this a lot. Watched this while I cried and to this day it touches something broken inside me, that only depressed people seem to understand
"My mom asks if I am afraid of dying, no, I am afraid of living."
Tim Belger can you not?
@Tim Belger i thought it was funny
That is the realist thing that I have heard all day
Im afraid of reality
Mom , I’m lonely 😩
“It’s just not that much fun having fun when you don’t wanna have fun mom”
This literally hits so deep, and she meant every word...
That hits so deep....
This is so relatable for me
I swear she is a legend
This hits different
She was shaking, she meant every word she said.
she was having a panic attack..
Yes, she meant it but shaking is one of the most common symptoms when you're having a panic attack. Anxiety Disorder does weird things.
Lisanne de Boer When i had a panic attack i was hyperventilating and repeating the same words over and over again. My hands, face and whole body went numb and tingly. Is that normal?
@@maxxoxo9646 Could be yea! When I hava a panic attack I start shaking and get heart palpitations. Then I start hyperventilating and then I start feeling like my surroundings are disappearing (i believe thats a form of dissociation). I sometimes also stutter and can't make proper sentences
No she was having a Panic Attack
she was having a panic attack
It's been 7 years and I still can't find a better way to describe depression
I come back to this video so often!! Because same!!! It helps me understand my feelings when they go numb 🥲
My first time watching this and it really did resonate with me. The way I have been feeling recently.
Ben Howard - Small Things
Read the power of now book by Ekhart tolle, it will be the guide to the road out of hill for you.
Same
"I am sleepwalking on an ocean of happiness I cannot baptize myself in." I gasped when she said that. Most accurate thing I've ever heard about depression.
But what does that mean tho
@@vic__5378 it means you want to be happy but you just can't feel happy. It's referring to being baptized so you go underwater to prove/show you believe in God or something
@@vic__5378 To me it is seeing happiness in the eyes of everyone you love, living in a world where happiness is peddled like a cartoon drug. walking through a world that makes you feel like a ghost because as much as you want to be apart of it you are only a "careless tourist" as she said. you can never experience it yourself. The sleepwalking bit is just going through the motions unconsciously because its become too exhausting to even try, knowing it will never come. I think she mentions baptism because they are submerged under water, so if happiness is an ocean then she can't really swim in it. it was a powerful sentence that I really felt.
Shuffling Fate you analyzed this perfectly
But I just wish I could just fall in....
The way she moves and speaks..
You can tell shes putting everything she has into each word,each letter,each sentence.
She was having a literal panic attack during this
She was having a panic attack, she came to my high school. And she confirmed that
Lord Paradox id love to have her come to my high school
@@emmawinton8575 i hope she gets to, she is incredible.
She is not a human well she is. But shes basiclly everybodys feelings some times.....
"I make plans, but I don't want to go. I make plans because I know, I should want to go."
This is so true.
It's just not fun having fun if u dont need a fun :)))
That is exactly how I feel and it really sucks
I'm making plans to move to a standalone small cabin to avoid neighbors and people in general.
actually,I don't have a person with I can make that plans
HalfAStar I know right
It has been my comfort poem for 5 years now. Whenever I feel low I just listen to it , relate to it and cry as hard as I can. Feels good after
Me too
Same❤
What I’m currently doing. This has been my go to poem for years
@@Jsailsman7 I hope you are doing okay
@@githala_manisha I’m better. Crying always helps. Thank you sweetie
She actually put it into words.....
Ikr wtf
Incredible how we all feel but she explained it perfectly.
For so long I couldn't put it in words
Slythercorn 59 yeah and it’s hella relatable but I could never say this to my parents
Slythercorn 59 I didn’t think anyone could do that. I can’t even do that, it’s so hard to explain depression, and she did it.
*All parents should watch this*
They still wouldn't understand
My parents still wouldn't understand
They won't understand at all... even if your mom is a therapist...
Leslie Abreu they won’t understand. They’ll just look past it and say that it’s your job, school, or family
*where did anxiety come from*
*I am a party that I don't want to be at*
*happy is a decision*
*I am afraid of living*
*Mom, I am lonely*
*but my depression always drags me back to bed*
That hit hard.
"I am afraid of living. I am lonely."
This. Hits me hard.
It's hurt so bad. 😭😭
Dhia Syuhada yeah
Dhia Syuhada me too
Yes its so damn true every word every feeling as she describes it and yes like her i dont understand it either. But i know the feelings and how dark the thoughts can be. That dark starts of scarry then it becomes comforting. And that is freightening as well
I'm not scared of dying"
Dhia Syuhada yeah I really did
"I learned how to turn the anger into lonely, the lonely into busy, so when I tell you I've been super busy lately"... I almost had to pause it at this moment. That hit hard.
Same here. Instant tears I'm like omg that's me 😭
just amazing
It’s too real to hear someone else say
"Anger is a gift"
(Rage against the Machine)
It's so true I'm not afraid of dying I'm afraid of living.
me too and my mom was just like this write me if you want to tracy.barnett17@gmail.com
I'm afraid of both. I don't want to die but I don't want to live
I'm mostly afraid of living as if I'm dead.
I'm not afraid to die. I crave death. I'm afraid of wanting to die.
;tired of living and scared of dying
She yells out how she feels while the only thing we can whisper is “I’m fine”
I'm fine =D
Sometimes I don't even have the strenght to say that...my friends would notice that I'm lying....and I don't want to be a burden....have a nice day and stay safe...the world is an evil place.
@@juliju2844 i hope your doing okay! please take good care of yourself and stay safe whoever reads this. nice day love:)
True
@@karmatita7575 aww thank you . I'm ok....I guess. No forget it I'm horrible but I have happy times. When I'm with my friends or text with my gf. But I feel horrible, because I 'm so fucked up and I think it's unfair for her.
But please stay safe too. I hope you are good. Please stay safe, you are such a nice person. You deserve all the luck in the world. Your comment litterly made my day. If you need somone to talk I'm here.
Have a greate night and thank you
She's shaking so bad. She's having an anxiety attack in front of thousands of people and still she continues.... I wish I Was that strong
me 2
Why is this me everyday At school I have alexity attack why I type this one is forming and every min every hour every sec I have one I JUST WISH I COULD CONTROL IT LIKE OVER PPL CAN I CAN I JUST CAnt. Do it no more the self harming getting worst the thoughts are coming back
I only unliked this so it would have 666 likes but same
SomeKindMetalhead ikr
SomeKindMetalhead I have anxiety attacks talking to waitresses, I can't imagine thousands of people
Fred Again included this poem in his new song and I’m so glad he did. This is powerfully executed
that one live version he did of this... so fucking beautiful
what song?
@@mmmmaia sabrina
@@mmmmaia This song. Fred Again.. - Sabrina (i am a party) ua-cam.com/video/t6G70kb7pOk/v-deo.html
Ya I just heard it. Way to give people a bad trip in the middle of the dance floor. This is certainly a powerful and important monologue, but NOT for the party imho.
The pure pain on her face and the shaking of her body kills me everytime
Me too... She has some new videos on button poetry and she looks so much happier. It's absolutely amazing
Same....
sameeeee
you are seeing fear and courage
she had anxiety attack on stage
Depression: kill ur self
Anxiety; but what if u died??
Me: wtf should I do now! God please end this pain.
I don't wanna Be here I know right! What am I supposed to do?
crazymafia leader I think we just have to wait and see what'll happen next plz don't end ur life things do get better if u wanna talk just let me know I'll give u my email and we can talk ❤️
I don't wanna Be here of course as long as you do the same
crazymafia leader of course! (Luna.busally@gmail.com) ❤️ stay save.
It tells you to kill yourself but once you do it you can’t take it back..The People that love you will be crushed...
"I am afraid of living!"
That-
That hurt.
Badly.
I can't stop crying
Can I hug this girl?
I want to hug her too, along with everyone posting here. Never lose hope.
i cant stop too
Same💔
Huhuhuhuhuhu
I was in pain, and you did not comfort me!!
I was lonely, and you did not come to me!!
I was afraid, and you would not hold me!!
I was weak, and you did not strengthen me!!
I fell down, and you would not raise me!!
My precious child,
I've been waiting for you to trust Me.
I've been waiting for you to run to Me.
I've been waiting for you to surrender to Me.
Your time has come. Reach out to Me.
I am your answer.
-Your Savior Jesus
Sobbing. Every word, every breath, every tremble: truth.
*_Depression can't be explained_*
This video: *Exists*
I like your profile name/pic
Gaara Kazakage Ty!
This video explains it rather well!
Corny ash 😭😭😭😭😭
@ also old ash leave me alone cuh😭
She looks so shaken & anxious yet she's brave enough to continue inspiring others with her poem
she was actually in the middle of a full blown anxiety attack
*panic
+A. Steele technically the same thing, you were fine the first time
I thought she was bringing the poem to life. Some of that stuff resonated with me.
+TØP TRASH Actually, there's a difference. I asked my psychiatrist some time ago. Anxiety attacks make you feel extremely uneasy, you might cry, you might feel something bad happening. Panic attacks are when your fight-or-flight instincts go in full force. As someone who suffers from both, there's a difference. Anxiety attacks are unpleasant and hard, but panic attacks are completely paralyzing and terrifying. Some people confuse them with heart attacks.
'I am sleepwalking on an ocean of happiness I cannot baptise myself in' WOW
Grace Platt I love her use of metaphors
I don't understand that metaphor
@Patchy It's a metaphor for suicide.
Grace Platt tha'ts my favorite part ❤️
Grace Platt what does it mean?
“Mom still doesn’t understand. Mom, can’t you see? That neither can I” and I’m balling.
@@fayedouglass6804 I heard this at a friend's recently. Mom is 72, I'll be 52 in a week and my only child will be 17 in December.
I told him WE ALL NEED THIS POSTER SIZE ON THE CEILING ABOVE THE BED
She’s screaming what everyone else is afraid to whisper...
TJ Rollins you forgot to add the “inspired (COPIED) comment” at the bottom of your comment.
@@mercury4409 lol i was thinking the same thing!
Uhm, the other one copied him/her...this comment is older lol
@@mercury4409easy man... This is older comment
those words describe everything perfectly.
That. Was. Powerful. Started crying from start but “I’m not scared of dying, I’m scared of living” BROKE ME. Puddle of tears. Incredibly sad and moving.
Why did you cry
@@xink3r_au727 you'll understand one day in your life but I hope you don't go through it
It broke me when she said why don't u try going to actual parties see ur friends. But then I realise no one wants to be my friend cause I've been ditched and bitched behind my back
started crying halfway though... never realized how much I related to this
I’m scared of both...
i always find myself coming back to this poem. it really spoke to me.
same
Same
Same
spoke or speaks?
+korisx i meant in the past, so spoke aha
I am proud of her that she shouted everything while we are even afraid of whispering it!
And the way she tries to stop her tears to fall.
" i am afraid of living " that literally made me break into tears 😞
Same here. Every time. And i have watched this many Times.
Best Explanation of Depression i have ever seen.
Maya Sirine yes
Yup
Me too
Maya Sirine tkfh
she was actually having an anxiety attack while doing this, hence why her face turns all red. she is a brave amazing woman.
she is amazing i agree
You can absolutely tell she is struggling but I'm so glad she shared this with us
she re-lived all she has gone through, because trying to explain in such depth and honesty such a situation, takes a deep plunge to what you had to live through.Also, even when you have managed to come out winner from depression, it leaves residues in your life and it takes a lot of time and personal changes in your life choices that will give you the strenth to start building yourself up again piece by piece, until it stops influencing you in a negative way, and remains just what it is just supposed to remain: a life-lesson
She was literally shaking l.. Respect. I could never
She was also shaking so much
"Anxiety is the cousin visiting from out of town that depression felt obligated to bring to the party" 👏🏼🙌🏼 thank you for writing this!
My own family is the reason I'm so.. Depressed. (I use this word lightly.)
Teh Flooper omg same
“You see mom each night insomnia sweeps me up in his arms, dips me in the kitchen in the small glow of the stove light. Insomnia has this romantic way of making the moon feel like perfect company.”
“Reminding me I am sleep walking on an ocean of happiness I cannot baptize myself in”
Wow. How this hurts. Those lines are the most relatable for me.
'It's not much fun, having fun when you don't wanna have fun' THAT hit me HARD
Agreed
The first time I watched this, before knowing what she would say, I screamed out "I am afraid of living" with her. It involuntarily came out. I don't think I've ever witnessed something so close to me.
I wish everyone understood.
i did the same thing :(
+Kay J Me, too. Wow...
same. I couldn't help but say it with her.
I do understand, I did the same thing (I even said a whole speel like this to my mother two years before I saw this)
me too I have depression all I do is sleep and write poetry and my mom doesn't undetstsnd
I seriously wish this would be one of the videos that gets featured on the front page of UA-cam. It's so powerful and honest. Just telling people that I'm depressed can be embarrassing and challenging. Yet she went all out. You can tell she's scared and upset and in so much pain. Her courage is amazing.
contact youtube and let em know! i might do the same too, n not just cuz Sab is a friend
Never be embarrassed. Instead be proud of your strength.
SayAnything8 I found it on facebook :) Unfortunatually the comment section was the worst. I loved getting sucked in her emotion even tho I cannot really relate, while most people hated the way she delivered it :l this comment section on the other hand is understandig gladly :) I'm stunned!
I wish I could send this to my parents but I still don't think they would understand, I literally burst in to tears every time I see this video, her emotion is to raw, to real, and so relatable on so many levels. I hope she is doing good and each time I see this video I just want to give her a big hug knowing that she did this while having a panic attack
she was having a panic attack?!
I feel you cz I can't even send this to my mother too because she's the only reason I feel depressed .
She always hurt me thinking she's protecting me.
Ohhh my poor mom 😔.
I feel you and I really do 😐
Yeeeep.
I’ve listened to this so many times I can lip sync it word for word.
Same, its a good feeling
Zoe M same. it verbalizes everything that I feel but cannot bring myself to say. it's hard explaining to someone else how you are feeling when you don't even understand yourself why your crying or so depressed. 💚
Same
Zoe M same
Ikr
"She asked if I am afraid of dying; no I am afraid of living" that gave me chills.
Liana Mark same
That line and the one of being super busy brought me to tears
Liana Mark same
I Cried After I Hear it , just because it's so me
That describes my life
“Mom still doesn’t understand. Mom! Can’t you see that neither can I” is way too real for me
same.... it's our family who really needs to listen to this....that it's not just anything that will be okey! it's a disease..... that need medical treatment!!! my mom told am just overthinking, I don't have anything to think abt but idek myself why am I like this!!! but my will never understand me!
Same
Literally I was hoping someone wrote this part .
This hit me the hardest
Treading forward, one tiny step at a time,…even if you have to build hand rails from the dreams you might never realise but that you should never forget, is all you need to do…All you CAN do, sometimes…every day
Stay strong in your own heart and your own desires 🙏🏼❤️
I am 14 year old girl who has a dwindling relationship with my mother because she doesn't understand my depression along with other things. This made me feel so deeply understood, and I am trying to get the courage to send this to her. But taking control of your own happiness is often the hardest part.
Thank you for sharing! I promise you that others have sent this poem to their mothers!
"I'm sleepwalking in an ocean of happiness i can not baptize myself in" wow
hidden what does that part mean?
well when u get babtized you get water splashed on u that cleans all the bad things youve done and she is saying that she cant be splashed with the happy water so she cant be happy
This line. Every single time. Beautifully written by Sabrina.
"I'm sleepwalking On a ocean of happiness I can not baptize myself in"
Perfectly explains what it's like to "just go out and try to have fun". Yes, I'm present in the fun and happy situation, with my friends, maybe even almost laughing at some points but just because I'm taking part in this thing that should represent happiness, just because I went out into the beautiful life that's going on outside of myself and my depression, doesn't mean that I'm happy and having fun - i.e. i can not baptize myself in the ocean of happiness. That's how I view the line anyway.
Mom: "Are you afraid of dying?!?"
Her: "No I'm afraid of living!"
This stopped my heart. For her to say this means a lot.
She is a strong women.
She mean’t every word she said. She was having panic attack
Same...
Same here 😔
i got and still have shivers just from reading that
I feel that
I cannot stop crying. "Mom, I am the party, only I am a party I don't wan't to be at." damn...she's translating my feelings into words
She has diary and she has laxidav and she is ugly
Michal Erenburg
What?
Michal Erenburg Have you looked in the mirror lately?
“It’s not that much fun when you don’t want to have fun” this entire thing was great!
i got chills at least 10 times while watching this.
Hey, if you like spoken word you may like my stuff. Check it out and let me know what you think! :)
Me too
Molly Kinsella same
Molly Kinsella same
It just started for me and I didn't notice when it stopped
i showed this to my mom to try to help her understand my depression when it was over and she said “is this what you sit around watching, because if i watched this all the time i’d be depressed too.”
im afraid to tell her now
wow.. I'm so sorry.
You don't have to make her understand..If she doesn't want to sit down with you and figure out how to help you through depression, then that's her problem. You can grow to be an amazing human, and maybe even help other people with their mental health. I hope you find a way into having a beautiful life and making it your own :) and remember, if there are 7 billion people in this world, at least one human loves and appreciates you 💗
Ouch, thats accurate
@@unknownhuman1979
People need support and if the one person who should support you doesnt, its like a blow the the head. It hurts and it causes damage. Yes she could be great and be ok but if she goes home to a negative atmosphere like that then thats not good
This woman is talented
It's not talent. It's called *explaining words*
Marwa Naser I'm your 333 like 👍 good job
It's her talent that let's her explain those things. But it's not the talent that speaks out of it. What speaks out of it ist the truth. And the truth isn't really beautiful. Just the ways that she describes it.. depression is something nobody really wants to talk about, especially when you have it. But it's brave that she showed how it in such a beautiful way. If you know what I mean XD I'm really bad at explaining.
Alakdan ?how
@@kimiantumblod7654 survive depression first, and then we talk.
Someone, anyone, tell her that she just made the world come back to it’s senses. Tell her she changed something inside of each and every human alive.
Pls watch our video.. If u like it pls subscribe our channel....
This is amazing. You can tell by the tears in her eyes and the shaking of her body that she feels the emotion that she is speaking.
Agreed, seems raw, an outlet for her.
You can see how much it costs her to talk about it, especially to so many people, and it's just amazing.
I found this video via a clickbait website, and, i'm kinda sad I discovered it this way. Because everyday I keep coming back here to watch this, this is such a powerful video.. I've rarely seen that much emotions in so little time.
i didnt get that feeling , she was just acting
ash86marie Empathy comes easier to some people.
“Why don’t you go to actual parties see your friends”.......
*Bold of you to assume I have friends-*
Me me me me
Me me me
Me me
*_M E_*
Me in a nutshell
That is what i said while i was watching this
Friends? What are thoses i don't thing i have any or any one my mom nope because im trans and bi so i can't talk to her she homophobic and my brother will just tell my mom and the "friends" think im lying and they say "YOUR FINE! GOSH" and then brush it off so =/
Big mood i am super super super “busy”
My mother just watched this and texted to say she understands now. I am 51 years old.
Well, at least she understands now.
Damn
Wow ur mother's trendy
Laila Hardy damn honey
Poor soul..
I only hope she’s doing better now, such a talented and brave woman! She was having an anxiety attack in the middle of this, still she did it amazingly!
She's having a full blown panic attack here yet she fought out the message and done what she needed to do. Amazing
She's shaking but i doubt she is having a panic attack
she tweeted confirming she was?
plus from personal experience myself you can easily read the signs
Oh I'm sorry I don't follow her on twitter.
okay well calm the fuck down dude lol
I’ve never been so proud of a person before. To watch her shake and look on the verge of tears made my heart ache because I could feel every word she spoke and I’ve never seen anyone put so many hard and confusing feelings into words before
Mom says: "Try counting sheep"
"But my mind is counting reasons to stay awake"
That line hit hard......
same... everynight..
Paula Belecciu,
I understand same with me...
This whole thing hit hard...
@@geoxxde yeah...
That's been me lately staying up very late not because I want to and waking up early
I feel every word, every emotion, her anxiety, her panic attack, her pain, the point to shout laud and cry louder, feeling to get help but afraid of putting heart out, judging society. 😔 I feel u. I do.
she spoke words I could never courage to say to my parents.
you shold try, or at least show it to your parents :)
Hah, if I did tell my parents they'd tell me to piss off and go tell someone who does care
Jay Ade same
😔
She is shaking
She put our feelings into a poem
She wants a happy life
But all she wants is for her mother to understand but some times that can’t happen I hope her mother saw this is thought
“ that’s my child suffering I’m proud of her doing this and letting her felling out!”
She is like me
Alone
Heartbroken from a family member leaving
She put my feelings into a poem
She put HER OWN FEELINGS AND WORDS INTO A POEM
she is how we feel in the dark hoping that the light would come and take us away to a perfect life in a nice island
She made this to spread what Depression Feels like
I said every word with her hoping my mom or dad would hear
I love how she did this from bravery
I literally started to cry when I read your comment.. Very true! Thank you.
this isnt a comment you just made a poem
"Besides Mom, I'm not afraid of the dark, perhaps that's part of the problem."
It took me at least five listens before I finally clicked with this line and realised what it was about. I find this so amazing, as typically, when my own depression acts up, I don't resist it, because I'm no longer afraid of what it does to me, and I find more comfort in my numbness than I do when I'm somewhat. Sometimes, you can get so used to the numbness and the brokeness, that that is what you become.
I still don’t understand wat that sentence means tho
@@vanessanaglovska5471 the dark represents the negativity and such and when ur depressed, it's sort of like u don't care anymore. Like it's something ur so used to it doesn't even bother u anymore. That's the best way I can explain it, sorry if u still don't understand
I see my depression as a friend. It understands that the world is a horrible place, and gives me the hope that it is okay to leave everything behind, and tells me that everyone doesn't get me, and it's right. All of my family thinks that I don't love myself, but what I don't love is living. Im not sad because I'm not perfect, I'm sad because the world isn't perfect. It's the world that makes me want to die
Crystal Shard I hope you know that even if this world is a shitty place, there is still some good in it, and there are things worth living for. I hope you find yours like I found mine.
@@stefanymaes Im sorry, but I haven't. And typed out words from a stranger won't help me.
That was beautiful. The next generation seems to be getting better and better at articulating their pain.
Because we worked hard enough to give them free time to think about thoughts. Your welcome.
@@danielbreedlove7522 you’re such a hero. Really deserve a medal 🤮
She explained it so perfectly. I'm shaking and I can't stop crying
Same. When she said,
"Flat asks me if I'm afraid of dying." "No, mom, I'm afraid of living!"
iFinally broke. :|
same. i couldn't handle it
TheyCallMeJoey This is so accurate I can't
I know, this hits so hard
TheyCallMeJoey same
"i am the party, only i am the party i don't want to be at"
this is too real
I cried watching this. No one has ever described depression better.
I've watched this so many times and cry each time.
I no right
Not once have I heard anything come even close to describing depression and anxiety as this - and especially not in such a short amount of time. I am a 28yr old man and I have not cried this hard for as long as I can remember. Reading these comments, and working through addiction myself, I am hopeful that bright days are ahead so long as we take care of ourselves. I love you all
Wish you power and strength! You're loved as well
When you try to talk to someone about it and they tell you to get over it cause its all in my head. Of course its all in my head. Where else would my demons live? :)
+Dale White Of course it's in your head, that's where your brain is. Your brain is an organ and part of your body, so it can get sick just like the rest of them. When someone tells you to get over it, get over them. Find someone who does care, they are out there. Be well.
And they tell you, its your perspective and that "happy is a decision". Its just annoying. With their perfect lives and "happiness" they think they're some sort of experts at living life. Its sad
+vansh puri haha the funniest thing is when a few months later they're in the same shit and depressed af and come and cry to you 😂
Or when they say "there are people that are dying.. People who have it worst" and trust me I get that but why isn't my pain just as valid? I get they are different kinds of pain and I'm sorry if that it makes me selfish but my pain shouldn't be invalidated just cause you can't see what it does to me.
+Sandra Armenteros **worse
If i showed this to my mom she would get mad at me for “blaming her”.
same with my mom
Tried explaining and yup, that happened, so no need for me to try and show this video 🤷🏻♀️
Don't! It's a bad idea.. I tried.. And all they did is.. Beat me up
Same
@@hemamendon6614 you what???? That is fucking cruel!! Are you okay?!
Sometimes, all I want is for someone to ask if I'm okay.
xXNoOneImportantXx Are you Okay?
TheOverratedDarkness Haha, yeah, thanks though. I wish more people would have asked me that when I was growing up.
xXNoOneImportantXx Are you okay?
***** True. Very true. Talking about everything that's troubling you can be very difficult.
xXNoOneImportantXx Sometimes, when I say I'm fine, I want someone to hug me and say, "I know you're not."
But then again, I don't want to bug people with my problems.....
My mom is actually the one that sent me this. I am very thankful to have a mom that understands that I can’t put it into words, but her words, for the first time in a long time, made me feel like I’m not the defect on this earth. Thank you.
"mom asks if im afraid of dying,.... No I'm afraid of living!" her book is amazing i highly recommend it
Book? Can you tell me what it is please?
Typical Artist She has a book called Depression & Other Magic Tricks
she put it into words...
+Alisha Vanderveer (pupom) Same reaction here...
+Alisha Vanderveer (pupom) EXACTLY!
+Alisha Vanderveer (pupom) I cried...because I could clearly see myself in her words, it was so true... .
+ClickDi Clack I watched this video at least 10 times and I cried every single time. I guess even during the 100th time I'll cry
In my opinion, this is the only video that shows how depression truly is, not that tumblr thing that some people think it is.
Jessica Boor amen sister. I love this so much because it shows imagry of depression without romanticising it.
Jessica Boor This video was beautiful in its truth.
Agreed.
So true
finally someone says it
"I am sleep walking on an ocean of happiness I cannot baptise myself in" makes me cry. I always come back to this when I'm stuck in bed
One of the greatest poems I’ve ever heard.
I'm Sarah agreed
A lot of this hits a little too close to home, especially the line "I'm afraid of living".
+zwithgol same
I wasn't bitching. I was saying I can relate. And you clearly are an ignorant person. It's possible that I don't have a computer or a phone. They have these things called libraries where people can go and use computers for free. Also, clinical depression isn't about your life being better than most people or having everything you need. Just by living in the U.S. where I live, makes one far better off than most of the world but that doesn't matter. Sometimes life is still crap and sometimes, especially with clinical depression, there's absolutely no circumstantial reason to feel that way. It's just a chemical thing. Until you wake up one day and it takes everything inside of you to take just one more breath, I suggest you shut the hell up about depression because you have no idea what it's like.
Agreed. No one can understand unless they themselves have it. It's not "whining," it's a chemical imbalance thing in the brain that makes you feel deeply sad for no reason, with little to no ways out of it. It gets tough. But like I say.....just because you can't relate to something or don't have experience with it....doesn't mean it doesn't exist, and that other people don't experience it.
***** By that reasoning you can't be happy because other have it better....
+NCR TROOPER Despite the year passing, I had to comment given that ignorant comment. Let's be clear. Depression doesn't skip over people just because they have a computer, a TV, a house, a phone, or whatever. Depression doesn't care about the balance in your bank account. Everyone has their own problems. You have it or you don't. Now-a-days, people get sad one day and call it depression, discrediting the ones who actually have it. It has become a "trend" and something romanticized in books (just look at some of the God awful books on Wattpad). But make no mistake, there are people who actually have this insidious thing and God bless them if/when they see it through.
My daughter just sent me this. I am glad she can convey how she feels - as I know that’s important to her. It made me cry but knowing that she has been able to express herself through another person - then made me smile. I am very proud of her 🌸🌺
Thank you for the comment - This showed me that out there are parents who actually care. Who actually respect the feelings of their children and believe them when they say they need HELP
A part of me is very seriously thinking that this is a troll account for some reason. And that just makes me more sad. 🙃
I'm happy to know that you understand your daughter.. My mom doesn't give a shit about ms
Me*
pls be easy on her during this online school time
"I am sleep walking on an ocean of happiness I cannot baptize myself in." is something that really hit home for me. Finally moved to my best friend who literally has saved my life, had a child together & its taken me 2 years after birth to feel actual happiness, and I always felt I should have been happier sooner. Struggling with depression, anxiety & ptsd & then ppd was a brutal horrible time for me. But it was a fight I wasn't going to lose. Taken me 28 years to finally feel at peace inside my own head, inside my own home, and I still struggle at some points, but I'm glad everything is working out and I'm with the person who means the most to me, & who would never hurt me. Love this video, I wish my mother understood more.
"I AM AFRAID OF LIVING!" that struck into my heart and i broke in tears jesus christ
I showed my mom this, all she said was: "I understand you have depression, but your schoolwork comes first"
I just was someone to understand...
+kayla chan I do. I'm a mom. I'm sorry I can't explain it to yours. You are not alone.
I relate. You're not alone. My mother is the same way. I wouldn't even attempt to show her this. You're brave for trying.
+Laura Olivares
same
I'm sorry for not being more eloquent but THAT IS SO. FUCKING. STUPID!!! You can't just switch it off so you can do your homework! If you could NO ONE WOULD EVER SWITCH IT BACK ON AGAIN!!
UGGGHHHH THAT HURTS ME TO THE CORE. Honestly, if you need a friend or someone to talk to, just hit me up :-) message me or something and we'll figure something out
I've been watching this since I was 14 years old but everytime I finish the video, it's a new experience.
edit: i'm 20 now and it still hits different everytime
And I'm 14 now. Guess it's my turn
ME TOO AND I'M 17 RN
@@amaris61 same here
Same.
I'm 14 now, how old r u?
Anxiety and Depression haven't always had a voice.... this strong woman is a voice that has been needed for so long.... Praying she inspires hope and more voices!
I've seen this a hundred times and I'll watch it a hundred times more...
+Joelle Seiden why ?
+fabian lightangel Because it's beautiful.
I watch it at least once a week. Literally
+Joelle Seiden same i watch it during school sometimes.
I've seen it once and I feel like that's all I can handle...
She is sooo brave to have completed this...I can see her anxiety screaming at her to walk of stage...but she didn't ...she finished this. I only hope I can be as brave as her one day
My mind can only count reasons to stay awake...
Yah Yah it's so true for me
Ray Ray Read this at the exact time she said it
Ray Ray same
Fred Again brought me here and i thank him for it, His remix involving this absolutely amazing.
His live version is even better. Highly recommend seeing him perform it live.
I often have a feeling, wanting to shout like she does, telling everyone how i feel, but i remain silent
Me too. I will make so many plans to confront my parents or tell them how I feel but when the time comes, I just stay quiet.
Most people feel the same, but stay silent. For the most part, that's what we call anxiety. iTs sO mUcH fUn
Same
Maybe it's a little late to say that, but you could just send them this video ?
@@bushcarrot1289 Maybe it's a little late to say that, but you could just send them this video ?
When you're afraid of your parents watching this, and making the connections as to why their son prefers to play video games instead of trying to go outside.
+watsyurdeal Same here
+watsyurdeal i wish i didn't relate to this damn
+watsyurdeal i wish i didnt relate to this and that i didn't know my brother related to this too
This is me right now, and I'm terrified.
+phan ! Who is that in your profile picture by the way. I think I know, I just don't want to get too excited.
Anytime my depression gets worse I come back to this and it makes me feel less alone. I'm so glad she did this.
Christina Henderson same here
Christina Henderson that's what I was just doing
Christina Henderson glad I'm not the only one
same
Same
I remember sending this to my mom 8-10 years ago when I first saw it because I was unable to get her to understand what my depression does to me. I’m 35 now and because she wrote this I’m still alive; because when the one person I needed to understand what their words kept doing to me was able to finally understand what I couldn’t say they changed. My mom changed. She still has a long way to go and so do I but she changed in all the ways I needed her too before I found a permanent solution to what still feels like a permanent problem.
This is exactly how it feels like. People all around me don't understand. They will tell me "be happy". Like if it was an easy choice. Like of it was something I can turn on and off. They send me messages to stop acting like a victim, to rise above, that I'm just looking for attention. The sad thing is when I stop talking about it and pretending that I'm happy, nobody notices how much I hurt inside still. How many days are so hard. How many times I've thought of being brave enough to end my life. But then I think, what will that solve? Life becomes so complicated out of nothing. People tell me I can't be sad because others have it worse. Do they see all the people I've lost because depression makes them uncomfortable to tolerate me? When people don't have the patience to deal with you because they have enough issues to deal with. When you become a bother and you just shut everybody out. When you feel lonely and you can't even keep a job because it has become so out of control. And still they dare to tell you that it's all in your head and that you just have to be positive and you will be alright. If it were that easy. I would be ok but it's not.
Most people don't seem to comprehend how dark, twisted and soul wrenching depression can be. It's hard to find the right words to explain what it does to you.
People say stuff like,
'It's in your hands. Decide to be happy and you'll be'
'Other people have it worse. What are you even complaining about?'
'You need a hobby'
This is not how it works, this just isn't how it works. You cannot *snap out* of it, you cannot *ignore it* till it goes away. Because it doesn't, it's lurks behind you, constantly.
You start to feel like a liability, a burden. It feels like you don't deserve the space you occupy in this world. You know what's happening, but you can't stop it and your depression is just a downward spiral of destruction, and you're on a collision course with it. You're going down with it and you have absolutely no control.
I wish people didn't tell us what to do when they don't know that this weighs you down into nothingness.
I have been depressed, I quit school because of it. I know what it's like and if i had a penny for each time someone asked me to 'just be happy because it's all in my hands', I could buy an island somewhere.
It's dark. It's painful.
No, we don't want sympathy. We aren't being dramatic for the attention. I wish people didn't say stuff for the heck of saying it, it just makes things worse.
+Akshita Prasad Amen. I completely understand. I have isolated myself from people everytime I hear them say that I have the power to be happy and make it go away. That if I just wanted to be happy, I can. If they only understood what it really feels like and that by saying all of that isn't gonna make it any better. If they could only live inside for a day and see how changing my attitude about it still isn't going to make it change. I have had to pretend to be happy because people tell me I bring them down. How can a person who seems so happy and silly have depression? Why do you have to take everything so personal? Why is everything so negative to you? Why don't you believe in yourself? I wish I had the power to change it. I really wish I did. I can't force myself to be who I can't be just to make them comfortable. I just can't. They will never understand.
+Malin Pink I have lost almost all of my friends because of this. If people think we had the *power* to just be happy, wouldn't we just do that? Wouldn't we just *decide* to be happy and keep this from killing us?
I don't think this is something people understand until they actually feel what living through this is like.
+Akshita Prasad exactly. But hey. Those who are with us through it are the ones who matter. Those who judge us and don't make it easier then they just don't deserve to be a part of our lives. It doesn't get any easier especially when you have people hating and judging you along the way. We need support not people putting us down.
+Malin Pink amen!so true
The emotion that pours out of her as she's reading this is both painful and beautiful. Painful because I don't like seeing people suffer in any way, yet beautiful because this young woman has the courage to speak about her experience with a topic that isn't discussed as often as it should be. I don't know her, so it probably doesn't mean much, but I'm extremely proud of her.
a poem ive never heard before but i know it so well
3:10 the way she says mom makes me genuinely start to cry. this is probably one of my favorite poems and favorite performances ever.
I felt that too at that exact word! I played it over a few times. I'm pretty sure I've screamed it like that before, it's like exasperation mixed with simple basic need.
She's fighting anxiety here to get this message out. Truly profound. *stands to give standing ovation*
I relate to this so much.
“ then flat out asks me if I’m afraid of dying , No! I am afraid of living!” This is so powerful😻😭
My mom told me that she thinks I like having depression
Parents don’t always say the right things
i have nothing to say except, godfuckingdamnit.
Parent are morons
They might not understand Depression but they love us. They want nothing bad to happen to us.
Your mom might have said that line out of confusion and her inability to understand your emotions but you have to make her understand what you feel.
She loves you. She will always love you. She wants all the happiness in the world for you. So never be sad. Everything will eventually work out. You just need to have trust in yourself. Believe in yourself!
I've had depression and anxiety for so long it's all I know
I come back to this video about once a year. It is still just as powerful as it was 9 years ago.
after listening to this all i could do was sit in silence because it made me feel so many things
My mom doesn't understand my depression. I physically can't get out of bed and she says "stop being lazy". I'm not lazy, I just always feel exhausted.
Same here....
Same. I always have to fake illnesses (because according to my mother, depression is not a valid illness) in order to stay in bed. I got to college now and once my mom found out that I skipped my two morning classes and she asked me why. I had to make up a lie that I took some medication for my chronic back pain and it caused me to oversleep. I wanted to tell her "I could not bring myself to get out of bed." but I know she would have said "You're in college. You're an honors student. That is no excuse." I hate that.
I agree. It's tiring when you can't get out of bed because of those hideous automatic thoughts that just won't shut the hell up.
Amanda Dorothy Anderson It's sad that we're at 2015 and there are still people in the civilised world who pick and choose what medically certified conditions they 'believe' in. Having someone there to provoke you into engaging in the world is a good thing, however diminishing a person's problems and reducing the pain of depression down to a personality flaw is fucking poisonous... and sadly all too common. It's a shame that adults (parents in particular) take such offense when people try to educate them on certain matters, otherwise I would suggest looking up online resources about the facts of clinical depression and printing some stuff off to just leave her to read.
You're not alone though. Try not to get into the habit of lying too much. It is always tempting to make excuses, cover up and disengage instead of looking them in the eye and insisting that what you feel is a real thing. Getting an official diagnosis can help shut their worst behaviors down though, if at all possible.
Hang in there!
100% AGREE. I get physically and emotionally tired quite easily from the simplest of things, but my mum thinks that because I am younger and dance that I should be able to endure things more. She always calls me lazy and screams at me for being lazy. I told her that I had depression last month and all she said was ''How the hell do you have depression?''. She's the only person I've told but I feel that she doesn't believe me and thinks I'm making excuses for my 'laziness'. I will never get over how powerful this was, I sat completely still whilst watching it in awe, It felt like everything I needed to say was finally said. Perfectly.
This gave me chills. My mom suffers with depression but doesn't understand why I used to self harm. I was molested by another girl, one of my closest friends when I was eight years old. My anxiety controls me, and when I have a panic attack, IM the one who ends up apologizing for the fact that I'm broken and my panic attack is a cry for help. Please, don't leave me by myself, for I am my own worst enemy.
Sorry
+Leah Richards do you have kik then maybe ? :D I won't leave you by yourself :D
+Leah Richards I'm sending my strength to you
Then get help, if u need help
Leah, I can feel you, and you should know that you don't deserve to feel this way. Reach out for help. I hope it gets better for you
It was time I came back to this. I stumbled across this video back in 2018 when I was severely depressed. Am I healed now? No, but I am getting there. I related to this a lot. Watched this while I cried and to this day it touches something broken inside me, that only depressed people seem to understand
You got this!