DO YOU DEPRIVE YOURSELF? (SELF NEGLECT AND ABANDONMENT)
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- Опубліковано 12 лип 2023
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I really procrastinate when it comes to self care, bathing, brushing teeth, exercise.
All the time I felt so guilty putting myself first I found my worth in doing for others at the expense of myself
Oh my I can relate so much to this! It’s always doing for everyone but not myself, I’m 63 now and waking up to this awareness!
Same❤ I became ill and bedridden a few years back 😔
I work as a cleaner. Yesterday I spent five and a half hours cleaning a house that should have taken two and a half hours to clean. I worked long and I worked hard. I ended up with a back so sore that I could hardly walk. I slept on the floor all night to relieve the pain. And all so that my employer would get a nice surprise and go 'Wow, the house is so clean!' So that they would be happy. I consider myself to have no value whatsoever, that I exist to please others and that gives me a sense of peace and joy. I know this is all because my mother believes that I hold less value than my siblings. That she openly disliked me. That she failed to recognise that I have needs. And that I responded by firstly agreeing with this and secondly by trying to make her happy.
'It's hard to be a human.' Very true for all, even more true for those who went through trauma.
Absolutely my life. I'm 65 now and I've been alone and isolated my entire life. I'd like to tell younger people that they will pay a very heavy price for not at least trying to fix this. No friends, no spouse, no kids, no good jobs and no money. It ends very badly and even though it feels safer and comfortable to stay in your own little cocoon, at some point you will realize that you will die alone and penniless and your anger about how you got here and everything you never had and how cheated you've been and who did this to you will continue to grow and eat at the years that are left. But never give up.
It's almost impossible to make new & lasting friends after the age of 40.
I felt the fact unrealized the a😭t a deeper level. I acknowledge ur wisdom.the love u gave others
im crying.... im 21 and this is me now 😭😭
@@petergrassl8815 I just wanted to say that I hope you’re doing better. I know how this feels but I’m much older than you and I hope you found a way to the other side and have a full and rich life.
It’s good to have
Understanding of behavior
My struggle is having the funds to care for myself. So it turns into deprivation.
After 48 years I am finally taking steps to put myself first without guilt. I’m standing my ground but others think I’m being mean but I don’t care what they think of me. I’ve done that for far to long and I’m stepping up and out!!
Explaining to them may help like "I'm changing cuz I've not been taking care of my own needs you may still be in my life like xyz but I matter and I need to take care of my health now and that involves me doing what I am doing now and not always tending to you, x, y, z."
I don't know if this will help, but I figured out that it doesn't matter what people think.
If you do stuff for yourself, people will think you're being selfish. If you do things people want you to do, then you're a doormat. People don't like you much if you have a little & people can be jealous if you have a lot.
The words of my dad, "You can't please all the people all the time." "Be yourself & take care of yourself because no one else will."
You don't need to explain yourself to everyone...all the time...and of course have balance in your life.❤
I’m trying so hard to do this for myself, but it hasn’t been easy. I’m not at all use to putting me first.
You go girllll💜
This really hits home for me. It's gotten to the point where I don't even brush my teeth anymore, and I didn't know why, until this video. It makes perfect sense now. Thank you for the wonderful insights you provide!!
You're welcome, and I'm sending love and support your way today:)
Thanks for this reminder, I hadn't brushed my teeth today yet and need to.
Same i don't even want to wake up sometimes, i have been abused and now the abuser can't so i'm the new abuser 😨
@@captaincool6268 I hope you find a way to exorcise your past abuser and not take on and continue that persons treatment towards you. Try not to look back. You’re not going that way, you’re going forward. And if you can shed that person in that behavior like a snake does with the skin you can begin to heal and love yourself again so you are able to have a new beginning that doesn’t include abuse ever again. I am sending you would like, love and strength. ❤
@@ChooseCompassion Thank you for your words im in the process but with no constance at all , is hard to find a solution but harder to have it and no use it , because i keep sabotage d by myself i hope to recover someday and thanks for your kind words , hope you success n_n
"You play small"... What a great description for us co-dependents. This is my biggest foible and why I have nothing... If I ever want to get my $hit together than I have to get past this...
Yes, we really do hold ourselves back and it is truly difficult - but you can work on moving past it!:)
One of the curiosities I've had about myself has been my lifetime of self neglectful behavior. At 62, I've also spent a lot of my life in self isolation.
I just figured it was my personality. But with the encouragement and increased self awareness of creators such as yourself on UA-cam, I've begun to change this. So, ty for your efforts.
It no one’s “personality”
… best of luck to you. ❤️
I’ve been alone for 60+ years, I’ve always lived to make others happy, I have no idea if I even want anything anymore…
Same, except that fpr 60+ years I had no idea why I was alive.
Me too. I'm the only adult in my family who failed to build a life. No relationships, no career, no home of my own, and no kids.
This year has been crazy for me and kinda traumatic. I’ve gone no contact with my “dad” and his wife and all his side of my family. I’ve moved states alone by plane with my cat, leaving behind my best friend and boyfriend. I got broken up with. I’ve had bad tooth pain that needs to be fixed. My chronic pain has gotten worse and so has my ARFID and my depression. I’ve been isolating so hard and I feel so empty. I was heavily neglected in childhood so now I feel I deserve to be neglected and that I don’t matter. I’m working on putting myself first and being able to rewrite the sentence before. I wanna start taking classes soon and get a career. I appreciate this video so incredibly much. It makes me feel less alone, and I really need that right now. Thank you❤️
I've been denying myself for others in unhealthy ways for so long, it's sad because I taught people that they matter more than I do.
Thank you for this. I can literally sit and deprive myself of food that is in the next room due to unconscious unrecognised feelings. I've never related it to my childhood trauma. I starved as a child. It's like a mood comes over me and I feel comfortable in that state. It's feeding somekind of feeling. I do it with all sorts of things I feel I'm not entitled to. I'm going to work on this now.
Wow. Your comment is so helpful. I stop eating when I’m stressed. I would do that from a very early age. My sister was the only one who was concerned when I stopped eating. She would pretend to be a waiter to make me eat. It all makes so much more sense now.
@@shaylasanchez100 It's an amazing realisation of what's right infront of us. And bless your sister. My ex husband used to feed me when I did this but now I'm on my own. I've been working on snapping out of it. It's really helped. Hope you can overcome your self denial too ❤
Thank you so much for highlighting this. I find it such a chore to take care of myself. I am a great care giver to others but not to myself. I probably shower once every 2 months, i do wash obviously but the shower is just too much for me. I don't know why. I used to be a workaholic, my therapist ask me who I am? Minus work and others?. I said i am nobody!! This was a turning point for me, i realised how much i neglect myself since then. I try everyday now to be my own carer. I now work part time, i find since realising this, i need more time to myself now. 3 years ago I left a DV relationship and now my body feels the pain, i cannot ignore it any longer. I am in isolation mode at the moment but hopeful that I will get back out there someday.
I came to the realization that I am not prioritizing my well being this week and that I think its cause of fawning. I was doing inner child work and realized I am not a safe person for my inner child. I deprive myself from health improving gear cause of shame and fear that I won't get better. I have so many projects that are not working because I can't prioritize properly, I strugle taking my medication. This video helped me see how treating myself like this is worst than I tought because I did almost all of the things on the list
As a therapist I often negligent myself because i have a "giving" attitude , just last year i realize how many overweight i have, because i was so focus on giving extra time to my patients, not anymore, i am fisrt and above them all, thats a healthy attitude it is not selfishness, please take care of yourselves, at the end nobody its going to retribute the effort you have made.
You have no idea what this validation means to so many of us ❤
For sure ❤
This is me all my life. I made my relationship with Christ my priority, this is what saved my life. Very few people in my life has ever cared. 61 years old now. Christ has been my best friend. It's been a journey to find out that I am autistic, changing my diet to carnivore, and Christ has helped me take a look at my childhood trauma and work on my issues. Not to mention that I have a narcissistic husband. Thank you for your videos ❤
There ya go...same here. If someone new what my life was Like they wouldn't even believe the Stuff I've gone through. But because of His HEALING power, I'm okay in my 80s now.😊
I think alot of us women deprive ourselves unfortunately...we have to deal with everyone else...
This resonates so much with me and it’s really only been the last month or so (in my late 40’s now) that I started to denounce self deprivation. The people who love me are literally cheering when I say I’m done with it. Leaving on a solo trip tomorrow 🎉🥰 Thank you for all the videos you make!
I deprive myself of peace and happiness. Deep down inside, I believe I don't deserve it.
This past year I made a habit of taking an early morning nature walk, never far, but along a few familiar pathways. The goal is to notice a small difference, e.g., the way new leaves are emerging on a favorite tree, and pause to appreciate it. I then get coffee and play a word game. Taking that time for myself has made a big difference in my life.
Creating on schedule is exhausting. I don’t know how you keep up the pace. It is an extraordinary gift you have - the ability to explore new ideas and package them in ways that are meaningful and helpful to so many people. For creative people, balancing the need to express oneself with the demands of doing the work can be difficult. Easy to put off self care for the perceived greater good of creating.
Perhaps limiting your focus to one area that truly excites you, limiting the number of releases and adding in occasional updates on your progress in incorporating self care would make this all feel more do-able. Free advice - can’t claim to have figured out the right approach after nearly 70 years of practice, but I can say that it is advice I myself would consider given the background you’ve shared. Take care.
Completely. I do and always have put everyone first and denied myself. It's very sad to see that it was all for nothing. No one appreciated it and in fact my ex calls me selfish. I am not at all selfish...
You really are wise and observant. Thank you for articulating these things that never get spoken. Most therapists have no idea. It’s so helpful for you to make list specific beliefs and allow us to identify them in ourselves. I, for example didn’t know that this way of being was deprivation. I have never been able to identify my more personal ( I do eat and sleep, care for my health, try to always move forward because I value that) needs and when I do I feel very intimidated to ask for help or advocate for myself. I grew a personality around being name called, humiliated and no one even acknowledging that my unique needs mattered. As for creating relationships that don’t hurt I’m at a loss. I’ve tried, it’s just people always let me down. I know my perspective is wrong. Most people are good and kind. I just don’t know how to get form where I am to where I want to be with others. I don’t know what I do t know.
🌟 💯 Thank you Dr. Kim!! Everyone please understand that you are definitely NOT ALONE in this!! Thank you for sharing with us and giving us tools to try in our lives!!
👋 PEOPLE PLEASER
👋 HYPERVIGILANT
👋 FAWNING
👋 FIGHT/FLIGHT
👋 PTSD & CPTSD
👋 BPD
👋 MDD
👋 ADHD
👋 IMPULSIVITY
and the list goes on.. after VSG at 47, my brain went so much more haywire!! I could not "eat my feelings" anymore, so i took the steps and asked for help! Food is my love language. I found a psychiatrist. She did the genesight test on me, and it showed that the antidepressants I had been on for the past 30ish years were not good for me! She also referred me to a trauma therapist who is an absolute ANGEL on earth! Starting DBT next week followed by EMDR. Im very nervous, but I know I'm heading in the right direction! People, PLEASE dont be afraid to ask your Dr for HELP! There is absolutely NO SHAME IN IT! Much love from one beautiful broken soul to another 💜💜💜
How are you doing?
i have never seen a video on youtube that talked about self neglect or abandonment so well, I can fully see myself in there. I do extrreme people pleasing in my human relationships, it is something my mother did, and also there was no way to survive my father than to walk on eggshells around him and act the way it was expected, otherwise we faced harsh consequences. I stopped dating because i wanted to improve myself, but i see friendships have the same dynamic...i am happy when a friend gives me breadcrumbs of love the same way i did in my romantic relationships. I have been having autoimmun issues the past 4 years, getting worse every year, noone knows why. I am pretty sure my emotional life has a big impact on it. Recently I have been pushing back in my friendships, saying out loud what disturbed me, and i have been labelled depressed with an extreme behavior, it was really hurtful, but I also understood that those people have never seen me, and they dont understand me at all. I have cut them out, but now I am pretty much alone with very very few friends and I do feel like i need that connection but again and again i am disappointed in human relationships. But I know my brain is wired to people pleasing so i find people with whom this works, so I am working on that part already.
Thank you for putting into words what I could not - your message resonates with me deeply.
Dunno whether to ugly cry or cry tears of joy...but one thing I do know is, it'd be great to have a friend like you irl. Not to trauma dump but to be free to express ourselves without hindrance and unfair games being played to complicate things. It's hard when you enter into a period of unintentional isolation by way of standing up for yourself but this is where I'm residing too. It's nice here. Kinda peaceful ✌🏾
Keep being good to yourself. You and this video made my day.
I think it's important to understand that people are going to disappoint us: to part of life. Depending on the severity of their behavior, we get to decide how we respond. We have to be willing to see the grey to have people in our lives. Ultimately it's our choice to give it in to them or not. No body is perfect.
"You're so selfish," Narc PD mother would spit at me, often and unprovoked. I find it hard to take care of myself without feeling deep shame, although my logical mind knows I am not selfish or uncaring. Quite the opposite; I'd say a good 50 years was devoted to trying to placate my mother. (If someone else told me this, I'd feel deeply sad for them.)
It is not your job to heal her. Seems like she does not want help she wants to stay like this. So you waste your precious energy on her. You need your energy for you. 💜
I feel the same. 44 years spent trying to please her. I’m trying very hard to get over it
I'm still an ingrate at 67 years, from 2nd grade elementary.
I didn't embrace that as self defining, but, it has affected me.😢
This is soo correct. as an adult it doesnt work well. you get into some bad situations or relationships where youre depriving yourself while actually not showing your true self to whoever youre seeing. its a lose lose scenerio. Thank you for a little more insight.
Be aware of neglecting yourself, just observe for 5 or 10 minutes similar to a meditation but be only aware even if ideas are around. Then neglecting yourself resolves 🤭😋🥰. You are not your emotions or stories. You are only the observer of this live experience.
Thats spiritual bypassing and does not heal the nervous system.
An amazing video Dr. Sage! This has been me for almost 30 years. I'm only now really accepting that this is how I've been living my life and totally neglecting my self over and over. I guess I noticed it before, but never really cared to believe it. I'm ready to finally care for myself. Thank you for this very informative video
I am not depressed ,I have been there.
Now I just go through the motions I have all I need but no friends because that gets hard. So just waiting to die feel a bit sad for my kids and grand kids but my day to day life is just meh.
Lucky i have a dog to care for.
I have the best bed now with latex topper and latex pillow that is becoming my happy place. People cause me pain.
Autistic adult woman.
I really needed this, thank you. I was raised by very depriving abusive parents and while I’ve been in recovery for 15 years I still have to unearth some really deep programming!
I get so depressed, wondering if I’ll ever be able to prioritize my own well being instead of people pleasing.
I own my business because I hated pouring into someone else’s success and getting peanuts. But I still feel so compelled to get gung ho for others and abandon my own best interests.
I even make myself sick with anxiety and insomnia to avoid claiming my life!!!!!
I have a massive self-sabotage & lack of self-worth block. A part of me wants to help myself but the other won’t let me 😬
I feel this so much, probably most often unconciously too.
I ask myself how I'd feel and advice id give to a loved one, stranger, child, me as a child, etc and that "part" that says "no" to me sure is silent and still for rhe wants, needs,desirez of others. Others are more important to that part. Much like how I was raised and how the adults catered to self and others but treated me in the opposite. That "part" couldn't have needs and never learned it could. But, apparently it knows how to tend to others. Maybe u have similar issues and maybe recognizing that u weren't taught how to care for your aside from pushing them to the furthest back burner. But, I imagine u know, logically, u can have needs and you're not in that situation of caregivers neglecting your needs. You are your caregiver and u are now responsible for making sure your needs are met. Yoy can five yourself that permission. That part sabatoging just isn't yet up to speed that you're gonna handle it and you're going to make sure that wounded part gets all the love and care and compassion it is owed
Thank you so much for this video. I’ve been searching for the advice on exactly this but couldn’t find it - I didn’t even think of my self-neglect as self-depravation.
Can you please talk more about how to work through that feeling of owing it to others to do for them at your own expense and overvaluing their issues wiggle neglecting your own well-being? I understand on the intellectual level that we are all equally important but having grown up with 2 narcissistic parents, I don’t know how to make myself believe that my needs can come first, especially when an elderly parent demands something.
How do I differentiate my feelings from theirs and when others are upset or suffering, how do I allow myself to keep being ok and not suffering with them?
It’s sounds like you are psychologically enmeshed with your parents
Working with your inner child to change the beliefs around self care. Codependency.
When I had kids, I did it for them, planned things.
You are so right.
Hope you enjoyed Paris. 🦋🌺🌲
A local parisian said to me you take your journal and go and walk along the Seine, find a bridge you love and go and write. I hope your trip was amazing!
That would be so amazing...I just cried on my last day lol while walking along the Seine- but I was saying to myself "you need to release her, and this pain she's brought to your life in your favorite place - because where is there a better place? I can't say it removed all of my pain or anywhere close, but there was something very relieving about trying to surrender there:). Sending love!
Maybe think of the tears as a tribute to the Seine- releasing a part of your old self and allowing for new growth? Hugs right back at ya. Thank you for the wonderful videos and kind words.
It took going to the hosptial with afib with rvr to get me to realize that I can't keep going the way I am. Finally got some help, and I am not seeking a psychologist to help me push through the things I can't do on my own anymore. It's scary, but I realized while I laid in the hospital bed that I wanted more, I didn't want to die, and I was going to take my life back and live the life I always dreamed of. It's a slow start, but once the decision is made the action is easy. It's hard when you think that you can only rely on yourself and you have to do it alone, but you can't and don't have to. We're not meant to.
Best of luck to everyone on this journey. We're all stronger than we realize and sometimes the strongest thing we can do is push forward. You've got this.
oh boy... this looks like its for me...
I have so much trouble doing things for myself. Everything you said was spot on and for me, add ADHD and a history of being punished, and punishing myself, for impulse buys.
Two years after my marriage ended and I had to start over from scratch, I’m still in an apartment with no wall art, no Knick-knacks or throw blankets or pillows, no collections on the walls or shelves…hell, no shelves or furniture that isn’t “essential.”
I just can’t seem to justify it. I can’t get over the fear that being nice to myself is in and of itself self sabotage, and can’t even bring myself to buy so much as a $10 poster.
I so understand and even our fear of survival can get attached to this too....I can tell you that the other thing I realized (which I am going to talk about) was that I have been living in my home for the last 5 years like I was going to be moving soon..no real attachment because of my moving and trauma history. There weren't even family photos up...like I couldn't let myself attach. But I came back, repainted my bedroom and a bathroom alone, ordered some cheap prints off the web, went to home goods and even bought something for my living room that I would never have done before. I feel so good and connected to myself...so maybe just a little something, maybe setting a small budget at Home Goods etc with a soft blanket or a marked down pillow...it's not the things, but that the things can reflect back a sense of who we are, and who we are is worthy of love too. Either way, sending love to you today!
@@DrKimSage This is so familiar to me! I've never claimed my own space, be it a work cubicle, a bedroom in a shared flat or even my own home. I'm working on it and it's getting better (slowly) but it's something I've carried with me my whole life. I feel the push/pull of a longing to inhabit my own space while feeling a deep hesitancy (or block) in creating something that expresses who I am. I look forward to your video on this topic!
@@DrKimSage This really hits home for me. Thank you.
I have always fallen into the same pattern. Still nothing on my walls. I have one shirt, one jeans, one shorts. I have enough money, but I just don’t fix it. I need to. And soon.
@@ts3063be kind to yourself
Thank you Dr Sage!! This was very interesting and precious to me. Too bad I had to wait all those years without internet in our lives, it would've made a huge difference had I had all these information and advices in those days. Let's say I am very thankful we have social media today.
This was so relatable it was actually painful. Even though I know all of this, i still retreat in that uncomfortable comfort. However I stopped people pleasing and always being available for others after my last birthday, when nobody made the effort to show up. It's really hard work to set boundaries and look for new people in your 40s. I feel like i should have it all figured out by now.
Thank you for that info , You have just put into words what very few can people understand . Including my psychologist . I have been trying to understand why it is so difficult to de sensitize your self from the result of early childhood trauma and abandonment . I now have to catch myself trying to disguising new forms of self defeating behavior . Those comments on " not moving in properly" also resonates with me . I never thought of it like that . Thank you .
I’m not sure that “very few people understand” this. Perhaps you didn’t understand it and maybe consider a therapist that does bring this to the table.
Awww 🤗❤️ I can relate to you, you are not alone anymore.. I may seem virtual but I am real. I'm 67, and living in Switzerland. There's so much to say... Stay strong, I send you my warmest best thoughts and much sisterly love 💙💛💚🧡💜
Kim, thanks for being so genuine with us. I is reassuring to know that I am not alone going through what I do. It is a pity such a beautiful and caring woman is a lone, but now I have more insight as to why. I once went to Paris alone as well. I was supposed to meet a girl there, but she had visa problems so I experienced the most romantic city in the world alone. The memory of it now is like a fairy tale.
Very good in depth discussion. Thank you. I want to break the cycle
This is 100% accurate ❤ thank you
Yes, im feeling this one, thank you. For me i feel like I'm unsafe if i do things for me, lots of guilt, it's safer to be in the box where I'm expected to stay. Definitely feels like a nervous system state and I've been wondering about this lately. Now i can see it more clearly as a wounded part of me and not who i really am, thank you. 🌿
Thank you so much Dr Kim. I appreciate you more than words can say. Many blessings and love to you
Thank you , I like how unscripted your videos are, seem more like a real conversation. Im an unparented child, neither have been in my life for, one 6 years and the other 13 years, which doesnt mean much when they werent parents to begin with , and the oppposit of what the normal reaction to having no parents is , is that , life is less stressful now I am free. Its a real process huh! I'm 36 and feel privileged to have had the smoke and mirrors lifted about 7 years ago, regarding my mothers behaviour. I relate to so much of what you are saying but in different degrees of serverity. I think one thing is for certain, that surviors of this experience are so often adament truth tellers , we are natural seekers for understanding which is a beautiful trait. I also beleive we can see each other, we know who has had a similar path just by being in each others presence, sometimes. I have all the awful aftermath of this childhood within my personality, I like to amuse myself by considering the positive traits.
We have a saying in Yorkshire (UK) 'character building' which has a dismissive undertone too it, I do beleive the childhood trauma is somewhat of an epidemic here, if not the world over. Wouldnt it be fascinating to see some accurate satistics on how many people score highly on an ACE test.
Thanks! I see this now.
Unconditional positive regard for ourselves : signs of self-deprivation
Chronic mental/physical health issues
Didn’t express needs and boundaries
Isolating
Feel undeserving
Don’t trust others
Don’t let yourself risk/dream
Afraid, so play small
Chronic hopelessness- bare minimum is enough, a life without hope is just how it is
Compulsive caretake/please
Deprivation pleases others
Resentment, blame, anger - inner and outer critic
Listening to your channel and others, I get that I'm doing dumb things against myself and am not doing the good things for myself I could be doing, and I have to wonder why, I have no real answer other than I must take my conditioning to be the whole of life's possibilities.
Brilliant! Thanks so so much for this 💚
i really appreciated this. thank you
Thank you.
This resonates so much ❤. I actually had a last minute night away alone when things got too much last week. It felt so strange and unusual but also amazing and like I'd allowed myself to attend to my needs first, even if just for a day. My therapist said I should be planning such things ahead of time more often. It was sort of a revelation to me, which I realise is quite sad. It sounds like your trip has been so insightful for you Dr Sage ❤
It's so good that you did have a little bit of time and it really can feel so foreign to us...maybe holding that feeling inside more so you can remember to care for yourself more, because your heart absolutely deserves it. Sending love today! Thank for being here with me - I appreciate you:)
@@DrKimSage It feels uncomfortable, indulgent almost but we must ❤️❤️
Spot on, thanks 👌
Thank you for this video 🙏🏾
Thank you!!
I can identify fully with this, Kim! A lifelong struggle. I'll try your advice here, thank you!
Thanks for your video! You are very brave and inspiring to embrace your family background and your childhood experience. I am struggling to do the same.
All of this. I've nailed the trips away on my own and they really do make me feel good, are more rewarding every time and are increasingly planned,. The doctor/dentist thing is definitely a work in progress and a sense of having to put others first a constant struggle, like a sense of service. I'm so glad you did the things you love in Paris and had time for you,.
It really is a constant struggle - I love that you are working on it and aware of it. Sending love to you!
WOW.
WOAH.
YIKES.
…..And yet… I’m recognizing all of that from *this side* of it - praise God!! ✨✊😭✨
Thank you so much for the work that you do … for the awesomeness you’re unearthing and sharing with all of us through your channel. ❤️❤️❤️
Dr Kim! You are terrific and so relatable. Thank you for such great content.
Wow. That is spot on.
So so inciteful... I can see myself in many of these areas. I'll be taking your challenge of going back through this video to write down those areas that I do relate to and write them down and figure out what action I need to take to reverse that area. Thank you so much for all you do for us!
You do you Dr Kim
Well said
thank you!!
Dr Kim, please look after yourself and go on vacation more often 😊
You have such a calming voice. I just wanted to know that I listen to you throughout the week in between my weekly therapy sessions. You’re such a calm voice and way of explaining things. We appreciate you!
Thank you Dr. Kim for this great insight, one of the best I have ever watched, keep up the good work.
👍 My journey presently is self love. It’s a process ✨
I needed to hear this video today. UGH.
Your videos are very good!! Very, very helpful 😍
Unfortunately Yes, all my life
Kim, let me say that we are so grateful you are sharing ur journey with us especially with your given knowledge and experience. It helps a lot. I hope u know that you are helping us heal from a place of relatability by talking about these taboo topics in an experiential way that feels personal and we see ourselves reflected back in ur experience. ♥️ Thanks a lot
Once again you have described me to a T. Dr Sage! I can't tell you how grateful I am for your videos. I'm looking forward to sharing your journey into female autism. I think I have ADD (not hyperactive) which I believe comes under the autism spectrum. Combined with an undiagnosed BPD mother and absent father life has left me very broken too.
Thank you for sharing.
Love that you took a trip on your own and such a beautiful place. And you were able to to have self reflection. You are a beautiful person 💕💕💕. We all are human… we all have deep deep pain. This is beautiful- so real. Thank you for you honesty! You are amazing 🙏💕
Hi dr, thanks for another great video. I always look forward to your videos.
Thank you and I so appreciate you being here:)
This is spot on, Dr. Sage! Now we need 18 videos with strategies to overcome this…when you’re ready…please! 🪷
I just discovered your videos. Very informative and validating.
Nice one Kim 🙏
Pink sang a song called it hurts to be human and that's so true when you have cptsd I was starved as a child if I said or done anything wrong we was told kids should be seen and not heard and speak when your spoken to I was to scared to speak at times got hit with a belt or slipper had my eyebrow cut open on a fire guard because they was copying wrestling that was on TV at the time always told myself as a child I was stronger than them they're both dead I'm angry with myself that I didn't get to have a serious conversation with them why me .
I haven't done anything for myself I felt I didn't deserve it and disabled I couldn't afford it and put myself in frozen state I couldn't even dream with no education and not feeling I could do it I've messed myself up
I've been isolating for decades, but had times where gatherings were fun. I find I can't initiate without thinking I'm bringing something, helping or whatever. I definitely deprive myself. My situation won't improve because it's hopeless. I did get great therapy from around mid 2017-early 2020. It did help, and I see. It's that I see and, it's hopeless.
Maybe just knowing that you are NOT alone, can help somehow. Just knowing that I don't suffer this by myself helps a little. I can't even explain any of this to my siblings. They don't or can't want to try to understand and their attitude would probably be that it's my choice and I should pull myself out of this. Exasperation is what they feel. They went through the same childhood, but they weren't me. You can't explain your weirdness to yourself, so how do you explain it to someone else? BTW..my older sibling has his own family related weirdness, but he'd never admit that.
It can be stagnant. And it can be resolution-less. And circumstances can create prisons and feelings based on a reality showing you complete despair. But you are not hopeless in and of yourself/itself…because that, I really believe, on a rational and biological and scientific basis is an impossibility. Even the fact that you are here watching this video speaks to a higher purpose in your spirit because you are seeking. The fact that you are still living -even if it’s fck’ed - sometimes that can be enough. In nature they say “survival is the best measure of success.” So you are a success. Period. That can be enough too.
Think most women can relate to the title if not most mother and caretaker
So true....
Wow! I’ve discovered you only recently. I was in Paris in May for a child’s graduation. Her father was there-the source of most of my cptsd. Many excellent moments and many dark moments. I had many thoughts about deprivation, too, and have returned with a vow to pay more attention to myself. I have tons to do, but I went to the pool yesterday 🎉
Hi Karen, how's your day going with you?
Wow this is so me 😢😢
Wow. Growing up I never felt safe and just realized that is not normal. Doesn't everyone constantly have the fear that one parent wants to kill them and the other one wants to hush up and go along with it?
I can’t set goals. Whenever I did as a child, there would always be something more important that needed to be taken care of first. So I would wait. At the age of 67 I’m still waiting.
I love this video It just showed me how much I have changed this last year. Because I do put myself first now I don't worry about others needs like I use to. Now I have ti admit that most of that with me had been with spouses and family that I love is where my fawning in and care taking come in . I have been numbing myself which I never knew I feel like some of the numbing is just getting through living in a home where my mom and husband both lived and they have passed away last year. I feel like whe I'm over buried I go to play free cell or solitaire for hours or a couple days. The I get it together and realize what I'm doing and make a change I've made so many changed for the good in Thai last month I honestly think I'm out of the shock of their deaths Being the only one to handle their remains finances etc. It was hard thing to walk through in life. This video in. So many ways shows me I'm not this or that way I'm moving forward. Yes your right you've said it time and time It takes time to heal and this is so true when your healing your inner child your lifetime and grieving 2 deaths I feel just keeping myself upright and moving and going in life is a plus. I think the best part o learning this and putting one foot I. Front of the other Is watching a video to learn by and realizing how much you have already learned and are doing in a daily basis. I have you to thank for my well being as you have taught me more about me and where I need to improve the. Anything I've read or watched So thank you so much Like Lisa says about codependency You can't fix what you don't know If the joke is in the wall and you've never seen it you can't fix it. Once you see it you can fi it. I believe my Heavenly Father has taken these people out of my life to help me heal a me!! I pray never run into a NPD or ever put myself in a back burner for no one ever again. I think when we start learning true self care and true self love is when this gets easier Fir whe we respect ourselves no one will ever be allowed to disrespect I'm not your normal situation in this matter My hardest healing if it all has been not taking care of others I can see this was taught to me at a very young age and when I took care of my Mom things were in my eyes I was being loved I know that was not love it was just me keeping her at bay that's all. If I want real love I know I have to love myself the way my Heavenly Father loves me It's what we put out that attracts the Love we want. Thanks for all your videos I'm constantly
Re-teaching myself everyday of who I want to be nit who I was trained to be. I will say when your not taking care of them it's so much easier to see what you need If your caring more for them than you then I suggest no contact I shouldn't have done that years ago Nut I believed Di into others as you would have done unto you This does not apply with these types of people they take everything you give and they give nothing in return this is not what we need. Take Care everyone God Bless you all
Hi Kim just found your video and I really relate to what your talking about its hard to get any mental health help in the uk I struggle daily I spend money I don't have I feel worthless and lost you are a inspiration
The next time I start a new job I want to not bow down to everyone as soon as I meet them for fear they won't like me and will want me fired. I was miswired that way growing up with an evil step dad who hated me and abused me and convinced my mom to go along with it and pretend that I was crazy.
I love listening to you, but my PTSD triggers are going off like popcorn. Ok, I will try some more.
This was a hard truth..
Part of you remind me of me. I am a scientist and do things for myself like gardening etc but it seems everything is in the framework of my career.
Thanks Kim. This is useful. . . . Fifty-five? . . . Well done!
That’s totally me although I didn’t realize it til having kids. I’m constantly giving up what’s important to me to take care of others. It’s really hard to carve out that time.