Childhood Neglect And The Feeling That You Can Never Belong
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- Опубліковано 5 лют 2025
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Childhood PTSD is, in essence, an injury to the ability to connect with other people. So it's no surprise that abuse and neglect in your childhood may have left you with a feeling that no matter what you do, you never quite belong in groups. In this "best of" compilation, I share videos that will help you understand that the feeling of being an outside is not a quirk of yours, or a failing. It's a feeling (and an experience) that is common for traumatized people, and with practice, it can be healed.
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“I lived well today”. This is so helpful, as is this entire video. I feel like you are talking directly to me! At age 58, I am finally discovering strategies to get myself going. I don’t always use the use strategies - I’m new at this - but knowing I have them, and knowing that what I have been experiencing all these years is real and valid, has been an enormous help.
We’re the same age, and I’m still struggling to figure it out.
Same here, feeling like I need a "do-over" at times, so trying to find healthy ways to "re-invent" my life, within my limits, but where I can enjoy myself and still challenge myself. Learning now to NOT stay in the victim mentality. This channel has been huge for that too! Blessings to all on here! 🙏✌️💪❤
54 and just found Anna 6mos ago... what a wonderful A-Ha!
Same age, same general stuff... Discovering Anna in 2020 was a huge shift in the right direction. 🥰👍
@@gobears6487 I’m still trying to figure out how to get from self loathing to self acceptance. I hope that she has some videos on that. I don’t blame anyone but myself for any of it, mind you.
It's like watching others play the game of life while you are the only one not knowing the rules.
That's exactly it well said thanks 👍👍👍👍
That's how I felt as kid every single day.
Bingo. Well said! My whole life. My insides cave in and I go blank and disregulated.
This!!
At a class reunion I told some people this exact thing and they were all surprised. Even from a young age I somehow knew that if I acted like I knew what I was doing, people would assume I knew what I was doing. But, I’ve been winging it my entire life because I thought everyone else DID know what they were doing. 💁🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
Im 80 and still feeling alone and dont belong anywhere. Im listening to this, now I get answers WHY my life got like this.
It's one hell of a realisation later in life to suddenly understand why we feel so shut out and always have.
Thank you for sharing ❤ i have wondered my whole life if this feeling ever goes away or not and only now have I started to accept that maybe it won’t… and that’s ok too. I’m learning to manage/ cope - I don’t need to remain victim to my past; maybe it’s the secret sauce to help others :) you are not alone - here’s to healing ❤️🩹
Ps. I’d love to send you a Christmas card, wimsa :) thinking of you this holiday season ❤
That is very sad. Happy Christmas and Happy New year.
Wimsa I just want to wish you a Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year 🎉🎊🎈
Thank you so much @@boogiemcsploogie
I went to a meetup this saturday where we were supposed to be authentic and vulnerable, I told them that I was on the autism spectrum and almost everyone in the group started making jokes about autistic people. It triggered me a lot and I ended up going out alone drinking that night, there was a guy from that group who was trying to hook up with me which is not what I'm looking for right now in my life. In order to get away from him, I went to the dancefloor and was dancing alone for hours. I could hear people laughing at me from a distance, another girl started dancing with her friend and I could swear they were mocking me. I may be overly sensitive, but this is the kind of stuff that happens when I decide to put myself out there. It usually makes me go back into isolation - but I am refusing to continue to live in isolation. I probably shouldn't drink anymore but I left that experience and cried for two hours about how alone I feel, how different I feel from everyone and that I never seem to fit in. Even me trying 'stand alone and be myself' makes me sad. I don't actually want to be a lone wolf but people-ing has never been my strong suit.
I'm sorry your experience last Saturday was so frustrating. It's pretty insensitive for people to make jokes like that. I'm glad you are here with us in our little UA-cam community. Julie@TeamFairy
Hi friend, you are not alone. I go through the same thing, it took a long time to realize that I'm not the right fit for certain people and situations. Sometimes it's not you. I'm on the spectrum too in a third world country. I did the DBT thing to learn how to 'people'.....they still can sense that I'm different. It begins to feel dangerous to be around people, you never know what people will do with the perceived power difference (most typically take advantage).
I can't guarantee that you'll find your tribe, however you are not alone in your experience, there are people that understand.
Really not very nice for a group where you are supposed to be authentic and vulnerable, for them to start making fun of you. I would - and this is just me - avoid that group in the future. I would never attend that group again. But definitely still attend other events. You don't want one bad experience to keep you from meeting new people.
@@fetchtheswitch5465 🤍🤍
@@fetchtheswitch5465 Sending you love. I definitely don’t want people’s bad vibes to pollute my energy, I have a lot of love to share. I wish you the best!!! I think there are a lot of good people out there who would understand us, but of course if we’re watching these videos we’ve been through trauma, so leeches tend to be around us LOL
I'm 40. I have known about CPTSD for quite some time now, healed some. But just today I realized how awkward I am around 'normal decent' people and just a few hours ago I realized I can speak freely only with 'problematic' people. It's got so bad I'm alone most of the time. And boom, here's this video. Thank you!
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Me too. I basically socialise with the people who stand on the tracks rather than on the other side of the tracks, because those people scare me... well normal or anyone scares me. I've been self soothing isolating for 47+ish years. But NORMAL every 9 to 5 person with or without the 2.5 kids and career or religion (religion was my abuser) I can't go ANYWHERE near them and I would rather run to the other side of the tracks for help, than the got it together person. Weird.
It’s hard because there is FEAR involved. Fear of not being good enough, fear of not getting it right, fear of failure, fear of criticism, fear of success, fear of more responsibility when I’m already struggling … and the anxiety that creates. That’s what causes my procrastination. Turning that voice off is challenging. I try to just start on a task to get momentum. And I try not to beat myself up for not being perfect.
Bingo!
Ditto.
I recently saw a video of the 5-second rule with Mel Robbins. I’m starting to use it to break out of my procrastination.
So insightful, helpful, and right on the mark. Knowing is half the battle. Take care.
What John wrote really struck a chord with me. I can also relate to the fear of not being good enough, the fear of being judged, the fear of being rejected. It wasn't improved by a psychiatrist telling me when I was in my early 20s that 'No man will ever marry you because no real man would ever want another man's leftovers'. I was a victim of incest (from the age of 3) and for Roman Catholics, like this psychiatrist, a woman's virginity is her greatest treasure.
This is why she created the Daily Practice thing. Really does help
I heard a quote recently that went something like this: "we all grew up in the same household, but not the same family." Makes sense. My experience was way different than my siblings.
Every child is treated differently by parents
Also the time of your childhood were your parents in a good relationship finances good a lot of joy in environment
This may be true for one sibling during their time with parents and this differs in all siblings
Environment while mom pregnant and support during it
100% this.
Yes! Every child grows up in a different family. The oldest has just the parents. The 2nd oldest also has a big brother. The next has 3 big siblings. And on it goes. Each sibling is treated differently by each one of the parents, due to time, timing, money, circumstances, and how much they each like each one. And each sibling treats each younger sibling differently. My 4 older siblings have no idea what my life was like as kids, or is now.
I find im most comfortable with people who had a crappy childhood, but have done our best to do better, treat people better, leave the world a better place, try harder, and keep trying.
People who've been through it are the only ones who understand.
I can totally relate to this. People that grew up with "normal" functioning families have no idea what it's like to have had such dysfunctional parents, no brothers or sisters or any other family members to go to for help.
Thank you so much, Ms. Anna, for just being you!
We completely understand. Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I have thought about the kids in High School who had it together. They dressed well and drove nice cars to school. I noticed at sports events they had parents that came to see them play. It wasn't until 50 years later that I realized my parents never came to one game. It didn't bother me at the time because I was already emotionally distant from them because that's how they rolled. They made the rules, so although they are dead, it's on them!
It's even worse being an only child growing up with selfish and negligent parents. We are stuck with our thoughts and feelings in isolation
that was my reality my life allways been very dark as a result
You sure do market human slaves a lot. Do you think that your comment factually describes anything outside of fiction?
I had a brutal crush on a football player from another school. I never told him. I wanted to go to prom with him, but I felt so bad about myself I didn't think he would ever do it, much less want to. After prom a mutual acquaintance told him and he told him, "why didn't she say something I would have taken her." This is the true price of doing nothing. You miss out on the life you could have had.
We do yes, or we did. But there's comfort in not pushing, There's more comfort than taking that chance and not having comfort, if this makes any sense.
Ah oh 😮, but did that guy went with someone during prom?
Fear of rejection!! Plagued me for 46 years…. I’m 46 btw!
Yes!😞
I can relate to this 100%. Procrastination and avoidance has always been my thing. When I was growing up, TV was my safe place. I could retreat into the world of my favorite TV characters and just live vicariously through them. I didn't have many friends and family in my real life I could trust, so those TV characters became my friends. As an adult, I find myself doing the same when I am stressed with the real world and need to escape. I know I use it as an excuse to not get anything done and delay taking action toward anything that would better myself and my life. It always seems like "too much work" and too much effort to actually take any steps toward any goals. I think about it, and it immediately becomes overwhelming... so I end up not doing anything.
Yes! I relate!😢
I can also relate!
Thanks for sharing. I am a huge procrastinator too. You are not really alone with the things you mention here.
Definately me too 😊
Me too! Now I read, make short films, or hide and play Steam Deck safely in my room.
My new affirmation is "I deserve to be cared for and treated with compassion".
It’s rare to find decent people that share my values of treating all living things with civility and respect.
Thank you for watching! You may like Connection Bootcamp -- a course Anna developed -- provides a structured way to start working on friendships and social life. bit.ly/CCF_Connection
Nika@TeamFairy
It's Iike being frozen. When I get Iike this (and this cycle has lasted a few years) when given two choices, I will aIways make the worst choice, then ruminate on it ceaseIessIy. I've isoIated myself, so have no one to call, no one to talk to. I don't even know where to begin. Here, I guess.
Thank You so much for these videos.
I end up in tears after each video realizing just how dysfunctional my childhood was and am amazed that I've been able to achieve as much as I have given the lack of tools I had to work with. I shared one of your videos with my daughter and apologized for the dysfunction I created in her life, like my mother created in mine, in hopes that we can both break the chain of trauma, FINALLY! Thank You!
Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
I understand you totally…had this conversation with my daughter too. Feel so sorry for what she had to go through. Wish I had the tools I have today when I had her.
I always knew what my mother was like so I made sure I didn't do the same to my child,
My life
Thank you for reminding me that I don't need to let life kick my ass, I need to kick ass in life😊
Quite obvious now that you have stated it so clearly😂
@@denasharpe2393I pity you.
I read about chronic loneliness from not bonding with parents. The chronic loneliness will cause feelings of not belonging or feeling left out. Can lead to trauma bonding to those that also were neglected causing the narcissist/codependency cycle.
This is me. How do you know me without actually knowing me?
Exactly, its like you never learn how to attach to others in a balanced way. Cant assess others intentions, cant invest the correct amt of emotional energy to get reciprocation, always feel youre the backup plan. No ones first choice for friend or partner.
Its funny bc I understand now, as I try to talk to my mom as an adult. She doesnt listen to anything! Talks over you any time u try to converse! No wonder id never learn how to relate to others and assume theres nothing I have to say thats interesting. Was alone with my single mom for 6 years before she got married to my step, and I think yes, thats a big part of my lifelong loneliness.
between not bonding, and not being protected when abused by a sibling who was manipulative and golden
@@jeepnj2502same. My mom left when I was 3 and is a classic narcissist. I always feel alone and feel like I don’t fit in.
I thought I was going to be forever alone. I was so happy when I finally found someone, now we're forever alone together!
I know what you mean. I had just started going to high school and was invited for a sleepover at a friends house I met. I cant remember if they came to fetch me at my house. It was such a nice middle class to upper class house with this nicest family. I felt so awkward. But I remember they dropped me off at home the Sunday. And the look of sheer horror and pity on that mothers face was palatable. Needless to say I saw her very little from then at school and she found another friend group. I always still feel like the outsider. Like I am never part of anything. Like I am an extra in a movie. I think there is a part of me that is broken that will always leave a hole. A space where I should have been loved.
What was there to be scared of, or to have an horror face, when the mother dropped you off?
I don’t understand
If it’s cause your house is not an upper middle class house, that’s classism being snob and judging friends by their parents ‘ s money (that is not even an indicator of the success of the kids that still goes to school)
You should be proud of everything your parents managed to give you! It’s not an easy world not an easy time for economy. Parents are humans with flaws and it’s so difficult nowadays.
If one is more fortunate it’s not ok to look down upon other families that simply are not successful economically and have modest houses or something
@@FoundSheep-ANyes but a lot of people have an image, appearance to keep up. We can be judged by the friends we keep. But people are basically fools. A lot of horrid people who are fraudsters live in cosy mansions and are pretenders. I would sooner a person in a dump with their own home and love in the home than other bad foibles.
Yes, same thing happened to me. I had a best friend in 5th grade who lived in typical middle class home with parents and each sibling had their own room. We would visit each other all the time...then her father came to pick her up one day. Friendshio over. We lived in poor neighborhood where it was mostly single moms and kids. It took me years to figure out what happened. BUT life has a way of balancing things out and by high school I had my life together and for some reason ny former friend's life was falling apart. So life is weird sometimes but I just go with flow and hang on!
When I was a kid and started making a new friend from a better social class, it would go well for a while the parents seemed nice , then on one occasion we would be sitting around talking and the mother would ask, Where do your parents work at? I would say my dad works at a factory and my mom at the grocery store, Then the mother would say Oh I see, then ask what do you want to do once you get out of school? I would say I'm not sure yet, I really don't know, The mother would then stop asking questions but was still polite, Then the next time I would visit I picked up a bit of a negative vibe from the mom and she was not quite as friendly, I would say to my friend, I don't think your mother likes me! the friend would dismiss my fears as not true and make excuses for the mother like she is always like that! Then the new friend was also a bit aloof saying they didn't want to go anywhere today or stop calling me as much or sometimes I would call and the mother would say The new friend wasn't home or something like that , then I might see the new friend with some other kids of their social class and If I approached the group my friend did seem to anxious to see me and I would get the feeling of not being wanted then the friendship died as we talked less and less, I didn't understand it as a kid, but now that I'm older The harmless questions the mother is asking is like a job interview , she is thinking my parents are losers and I am a loser with no goals in life either and I don't want my child hanging around with this negative influence, So the mother will steer her child away from friendships with people she sees as harmful , probably saying don't be hanging around with that person they are no good!
@@bluemouse5039 I'm sorry she treated you like that. I wish some parents were less snobbish and class conscience. You were probably a lovely child and could have been a great friend to her daughter but she couldn't see past the working class background of your parents. It's too bad. You didn't deserve to be treated that way. Hopefully her daughter decided to be more genuine as an adult and will choose to judge people on their characters and hearts and not necessarily their occupations or family background.
I walk alone each night when the light fails.
I live in a small city in the UK where there are restaurants and other establishments.
I feel empty inside when gazing into venue windows, where families & friends are gathered; laughing, at ease, connected.
Aside from a brief moment in time, way back, I have always felt this way.
Through habituation and time, this feeling is now foundational to my being and I am an alien in this world.
I was later in life diagnosed as autistic, albeit on the higher functioning spectrum, so that feeds the disconnect.
However, the core perception of me vs. the world was a by-product of a harsh & then abandoning mother and then an abandoning father.
My journey is one of being empty much of the time with transitory periods of acute pain, then depression.
None of us contracted prior to birth for this life imposed and the tragedy is, many of us are fated through circumstance, to walk this life alone.
I'm so sorry you have been through all this, and still not yet connected. I have been in your shoes; many here have too. I invite you to come be part of our group. If you haven't yet, try the free course Daily Practice, and come to the calls I lead. If you enjoy it, you could join the membership and be part of a group of people all working to heal trauma symptoms together. It's a good group. Members have many different stories and circumstances -- some are on the spectrum too. Sometimes our healing comes later in life, and all who have had some healing can tell you it's worth it!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy
I'll sub to your channel and see where it leads.
Thank-you for the message.
I believe anyone can become connected. I know what you're tyry but all I can say is ,please don't give up! I do not believe anyone is fated to be alone in this life. I believe belonging and love is out there for everyone, it may just take a long time to find it.
Sometimes it just takes a little reaching out. Please keep trying! We've all felt very alone at times. I still do from time to time but I push through it.
You don't need a thousand connections in your life, you just need a few good ones. A few good friends or a good partner is all you need to live a life of fulfillment and joy because you have those in your life that truly love you.
You can start small, like CCF suggests. You can start online. You can find other reasons in your community to seek out opportunities to connect. You can move at your own pace. I know sometimes it can seem difficult or impossible but trust me, it's not - sometimes the hardest obstacle is taking the first step.
Consider it! It will get a little easier the more you do it. If you have the time there are many ways to take an opportunity to attempt a positive social connection with others. Consider joining a positive or open-minded church group, or possibly some volunteering or taking a community education class will need a group. The possibilities are truly endless.
I don't think you're any less normal than anyone else you just need and deserve a respectful group of people or someone who loves and respects you for you!
There are so many people that feel exactly like you in this way, all over the world. And In these threads too.
At 47 years old, I am still struggling but only with my family. I was born out of rape and my mother's side of the family raised me and was abused until 18. My mom was institutionalized because she was blind. She died when I was 11. I still get triggered by my aunt because at times I wish she could be my mother, I never had parental love or hugs. So Facebook triggers me because she posts about her kids and grandkids and I feel left out. I feel like an alien like I was dropped in the middle of nowhere with these people. I needed this video, right on time. Thank you so much Anna
My husband gives me silent treatment when he gets mad at me
😢😢😢 I can’t have children and knew since a child. (God spoke to me in a voiceless voice. It was a knowing.) I’m sharing this because if you were my child and I passed I would wish you the best life and not worry about family, instead use nature, music, and animals to help you belong to help you feel joy and peace.
Sorry to hear you struggle because of others who have let you down.
People will always disappoint you because everyone has their own struggles. But I bet you are a wonderful person in spite of those who don't appreciate you. Hang in there. Many of us feel your pain.
I know that I am so loved by Christ and He is coming for me at death or the rapture. I pray that you will lean on Him and not on your own understanding. John 3.3 Romans 10.9 to 10.10
U need God w him your never alone ppl even family will let u down
I have a brother that is very condescending. The best thing I can do is keep my distance.
I started listening to this instead of feeding the chickens lol. Okay, I'll listen to it WHILE feeding the chickens 😅🐥🐔🐓
😄
Good job!!!!
I miss my chickens, coyotes got them. Had them for about 4 years. I treated them like pets, because they were. Each having a personality of their own. So sweet to watch and learn their ways. They are far more intelligent than people will give them credit for.
hi fellow traumatized chicken person! I'm also listening to this, about to feed my chickens LOL
Another chicken owner/survivor of family scapegoat abuse - I’ve got six hens, all beloved pets. I often listen while tending to them. They are just sweet, smart and present.
Hearing your 'prom story' made me cry because I experienced that fear, that terror of people seeing inside my childhood life. I still experience that and move mountains to keep everyone from coming inside my house. There's no reason anymore. None. Still the shame exists.
.
I can relate to this! I’m the same way. My anxiety skyrockets with the prospect of someone coming into my home. Even when it’s perfectly fine. I hate that this has carried over into my adulthood. Hoping I can change this need for everything having to be perfect before I can let anyone in.
I can relate to this as well. I grew up in an old farmhouse and was ridiculed as a child by other kids at school. I’ve always hated having people in my house to this day. I have a nice house now but can’t get past that feeling of being less than others.
People do judge you by the house you live in. I saw a post by a “friend” On someone else’s Facebook post about “ You know you’ve made it in life when you live in THIS subdivision”. 😒AS IF that’s what makes you a good and decent , and successful person???
Oh I could have wrote this! Biggest thing you know if oh.. you live in a trailer.. in a trailer park.. like hey it’s a roof over my head and what’s wrong with that? But yes I still feel very insecure about that. The childhood really messes with you.
I’m drawn towards the failures too, but not just romantically. I also feel soooo inferior to “normal”, successful achievers. They scare me and I avoid. I feel less inferior to people who are a mess in some way, so I feel more comfortable and able to interact.
OMG maybe that is my story. If they are a mess, maybe my mess won't be so obvious.
I had emotionally unavailable parents. I bat zero with relationships. Two bad marriages and a bunch of unrequited crushes. Sometimes I feel like I'm not there when I need me. Fortunately, I have no children.
I love my job but sometimes I make unforced errors and sabotage myself.
I bathe dogs. A very meaningful job. I'm lucky to work with good people with their own issues. We are a family of misfit toys.. I am in my 4th year.
No man is worth my time these days. I'm better off alone.
I grew up poor in motels in Fresno, California on Motel Drive.
Dad drank and mom was suffer from schizophrenia.
We were surrounded by drug addiction, alcoholism, prostitution, daily hunger and poverty.
I met a guy who was 17 and I was 15 he said he loved me and I became a teen mom.
There is lot more, but you all get the gist.
I have always felt like a child looking through a window of a family’s Christmas dinner and celebration. I am a nobody, never welcome and never er feel like ai belong.
Thank you for this information
You are a somebody. You are somebody who was brave enough to post about their experience in order to help others feel less alone. Society values perfection and glamour and yet humans bond most where the cracked edges of one person's soul meets another. I understand (and relate to) your grief over not having a happy family but I hope you can look forward to the future with hope and Californian sunshine in your heart
...the scene in Home Alone. I cried way too hard over that scene (Christmas dinner)...it's relatable
You are somebody! Please try to give yourself the self-love you deserve that your parents never gave to you. It's never too late to create the family that we want. Start NOW with any children you might have today. YOUR PAST DOES NOT DETERMINE YOUR FUTURE!
You can learn to love yourself today even if you've never been able to do before. Start now! Seek therapy if you need to but determined to start today! YOU are worth it!!! All happiness and joy starts with self love. And forgiveness!! 😊
Please remember that! And please come back here at any time when you need support because we are all here for you!
"When you're loved by people who relate to you, you have a lot more capacity to be friends with the people who don't relate to that part of you." THIS
To heal yourself, give unto others the love you were denied.
This is soul draining though when love is never returned to you.
@@hailey8941 totally agree with you it's not worth it when love is not returned.
unless your giving became an addiction - to tell an empath nurse of abuse from childhood to adulthood, my drug and my healing was in helping others....it's not a substitite for working o n your own stuff. Nope. That was taking from me when I died on duty and still rebuilding myself, though no one is around.
@oliviasimpson4396 not only not worth it, it can be catastrophic....
I never felt like I belonged anywhere. I know im not "the relevant member" of friend groups, its easy to see when people find it so easy to organise things without you, but avoid doing it if someone else in the group isnt available at the time. In my whole life I have met one friend I can truly relate to, and im scared to hell of losing her, especially with struggling with a depressive episode for so long now. I was ok with it for a good while finding joy in my work and interests, but now with my depressive episode coming in I can absolutely feel the "i dont deserve to spend time with healthy people" or "healthy people want nothing to do with me" line of feeling.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. CPTSD can make a person feel like an outsider. One way to work on this is with Anna’s course Connection Bootcamp. bit.ly/CCF_Connection
Nika@TeamFairy
I’m 80 yrs plus now and just realised through looking at your talks that I’m not mad and that my childhood experiences were in reality abuse. There is hope of redemption and ending this excruciating helpless pain. When the student is ready the teacher will appear! In Spirit of Light- gratefully. A.M🌹
Procrastination = Fear. I needed to hear that! Thank you Anna! ❤
Just finished reading ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ and it really opened my eyes to some new ways of guiding my kids in their faith. Highly recommend it if you’re looking to strenghten your family’s spiritual life
You described my life…😢It impacts everything. I am so stuck…
Me too.
Same here
Surrounded by it. Enveloped by it. The damn phone (internet) doesn't help.
Same! I’m sending each one of you my love and compassion so when you are struggling to afford yourself those 2 things I hope you can accept mine and give yourself a break because you deserve it and you are worthy of it! Moment by moment, day by day, week by week, any action, no matter how small, is a WIN! Big gets things done but so do small! It’s ALL valuable and worthy of celebration and praise! The road ahead is overwhelming and is hard but you have been so incredibly strong with all you’ve survived to be here today, weak people can’t do all you’ve done to make it here today! You are amazing and you WILL rise up with that strength to meet your challenges and overcome them. Remember to be kind to yourself! I know that you’ve got this and doesn’t matter how you get there or how long it takes, as long as you get there! Trust yourself! ❤️
Me too ...
My mum loved using the silent treatment or just ignoring us kids, like we were air in the room....and dad drank, always thought he was the issue but now I understand my mum was the master manipulator who made everyone believe he was the bad one, when she was sooooo mean and used cutting words, remarks and looked down on people.....she goaded him, and when he drank all his suppressed anger came out and we had to listen to it.....I was always tired as a kid, we all had a hard time getting up in the mornings after such sessions, to this day I have hard time falling asleep and if I wake up, thats it, cannot go back to sleep.....My dad died when I was young as well but never got to even say goodby, he was really a good man even though he inadvertently caused us grief...Can relate to so much to all this. Thank you Anna for sharing. x
I am sitting here with my mouth open 😮 I have never been able to articulate what goes on in me, and thank you
I feel the same! I see me in so much of these videos I have always felt like I’m not really meant to be here and I don’t think I have a soul, which is why things have been so hard to be here😢 I hope these videos help you because I hate to know others feel like me. Take care Susette I wish you well and I will ask my brother to pray for you x
Well, in all seriousness, I was a Navy kid with an invalid mother. We moved every 2yrs until I was 11. I learned that, after I made friends, we moved away. I was a painfully shy and withdrawn child, just anyway, and my sister was a bully to me. I just wanted to fade into the background and still pretty much do. Mom tried but she could only do so much.
Now I'm 67, I live alone with my critters at the end of the road at the top of a mountain (there IS a convenience store a mile away). Even when I lived in town I didn't have friends or a support system. My daughter lives 40 miles away and that's it all the family close by. I think people think I'm weird even still, but I've learned not to care and found that, if they take the time to know me, they usually like me.
The bottom line is, no: I don't, "fit in." I'm also bipolar as well as c-adhd.
But, not fitting in means I'm free to be different because I'm never going to fit in no matter how hard I try. I've learned that if I'm content in myself, others accept me better. Of course, I'm retired now so I don't have to go to a job or see people if I don't want to. When I do go out in public -- with close friends or shopping -- it depletes me, so I've finally accepted that and plan accordingly.
This is actually what’s stopping me from creating a retirement schedule! Can’t get out of my own way. Didn’t know it until now. Thank you for enlightening me!
Your videos have given me confidence and validation of my pain. I was sexually abused as a child, my mother beat me and as an adult she stabbed me 16x trying to kill me. I’ve been angry for so long. I’m 53 years old and living in China. I ran….I still couldn’t run from the devastation of my childhood, life memories and forgiveness. The stabbing happened in 2015. I was trying to forgive my mother for a horrific childhood. I thought because she was older she was kind.
I finally got my comprehensive psych results back from many sessions and it explains why my career resembles a train wreck, as a 52yo male it makes sense why I could not fit in AND perform well at work or any jobs. My diagnosis is: 1) CPTSD, 2) Clinical Anxiety, 3) Specific Learning Disability, and of course, 4) ADHD. What really annoys me is that you need to be on benefits (Centrelink Social Security in Aust) to receive any kind of support in finding workplaces that cater for disabilities.
This year has been painfully difficult, not only in becoming jobless, but also feeling completely useless and unproductive. However, I have promised myself to take up training at the gym, with is good therapy for me. Anyone else going through this just remember to look after yourself and keep watching videos from Crappy Childhood Fairy.
What a relief it must be to have a name for the struggle. It's not your fault! I like your plan to go to the gym. Here's wishing you the best as you move forward with new awareness of the reasons for difficulties, and what you can do to change your life now.
You don’t have to believe in that diagnosis
A lot of psychological diagnosis are fake … made up by therapists
Also to sell you a bunch of pills
It’s not like you have a broken leg and there are X-rays that shows that
Just try to be your best and get money through your job …
I have just had my diagnosis of CPTSD and just DID. It was osdd but now its been upgtaded due to full blown disociative episode. I'm 56 and feel mybroad is really long. I am still being assessed for disability. It's really confronting but yes you're right. It's the only way to be able to access jobs that support mental health to this degree. I'm really not sure what I'm going to do. Specialised therapy for this is expensive.
Youre a slave. Careers are fictional. Are other slaves forcing you to continue to lie?
Try picking up a racket sport, like tennis or pickleball! It literally saved me from digging deeper in the dark hole I was in!
I think my first memory was going with my mother to some sort of pre-school that was offered in our town. I think I was around 4, the moms were all accompanying their children. We walked in together with another mom & child & stood in the doorway. My mom was holding my hand & I stood there with that anxious, weak, almost paranoid feeling of being different & defenseless. It always amazes me that I felt that at such a young age.
I appreciate that you're in the trenches with us - and that you are willing to say "it's still hard, it still takes a ton of work, and sometimes I don't feel like doing it." I appreciate the hours and hours of energy you've put forth to help so many millions of people.
Thanks for your kind words! Julie@TeamFairy
You have just vocalised my life ,I'm creative and talented but I sabotage myself .No one validated me just denigrated me so that voice paralyses me .
Thank you for watching. Glad you're here. One good tool to help with getting regulated is the Daily Practice. You can try it in the free course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
Thank you for unraveling the continual procrastination that invades my life! I have so many dreams…😊
Try Daily Practice! Then when you get the hang of it, add the optional "intentions" part. It has worked to help me procrastinate less. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Julie@TeamFairy
This is amazing. My life of little trust, my multiple failed relationships, my anger issues, isolation, never knowing what I wanted to be when I grew up. Not believing in magic/ religion did not help with the isolation. Thank you for doing this. Now I’m 61 a lot more mellow and understand more everyday.
You are in the right place. Thank you for your comment!
Nika@TeamFairy
This is been my life I learned this finally took me 62 year's to learn had a very toxic early childhood and my 1st husband l had two kids with he was a explosive temper he bet me and had affairs etc. Your channel has helped been to therapy many times it wasn't effective to talk about it. Thanks for everything you do for us ❤
❤
I agree! Sometimes to keep talking about something it doesn't make it go away
I understand I’m 67 and my childhood was difficult
Thank you for speaking up your not alone💕💕
Therapy is fictional. Do you think your comment factually describes anything outside of fiction?
Thanks for sharing your early childhood story. This shame you felt as a teenager about your parents‘ house is the shame I have been feeling for a long time as an adult. I don’t invite anyone into my 1-bed room apartment anymore because I don’t want people to pity me or look down on me. The reason I believe this? A man who I had been dating for two years wanted to visit me at home. A friend had encouraged me that if he was the one for me, he wouldn’t mind that I don’t live in a large fancy apartment. Truth be told, he looked uncomfortable, faked an urgent call and mentioned that he wouldn’t stay over as planned but take a hotel room. I threw him out and later cried my eyes out. I had never felt so humiliated and ashamed of my home and little money. Ever since I don’t invite people over and live quite isolated. I understand this kind of shame and all means to hide it. 😔
This is incredibly validating, yet a kick in the ass at the same time. Thank you!
I have CPTSD and ADHD and I’ve been trying to avoid stress for the past three years.. it’s becoming very problematic and I don’t do much anymore.. I’m trying to get out of that habit and stop procrastinating.. it’s so hard, and I need to just do it anyway.
Try DP, it has helped me with my procrastination, for real. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Julie@TeamFairy
@ecueto395
It's as if I wrote your exact words!
Before I go to sleep at night I tell myself
'Fresh start tomorrow '
When I wake up I tell myself
'You get a do over'
Some days it works
I keep trying
Peace be with you.
@@SisterShirley after she said the thing about brushing our teeth, I went to actually brush my teeth for the first time in a few days…
I have to stop putting things off. I finally set a goal for myself to start trying for a baby in 2025 because I want to be a mother and I don’t wanna have to wait to find my person. So from now until then, I will be working really hard on my healing to get ready. It’s still extremely difficult, though even knowing that I have that goal.
I feel like I found my mind doppelgänger because this has been my reality for 3 years. I also have physical injuries that further complicate progress. ❤
I just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone. I know no one else like me so you made me feel seen... the world feels like An over-complicated redundancy. Thank you.
@@pogofuzz my fibromyalgia and CFS kinda made what little sense of motivation I still had leave me.. having physical impairments on top of the CPTSD makes it incredibly difficult to carry on in a productive way so I completely understand! I’m sorry that you’re dealing with that too!
Being alone is a gift, you do your best thinking! Looking at others to make u happy will always fail!
Some of us do love a solitary life style❗❤️
First I would like to tell you what a Phenomenal woman you are. I want to thank you soooo much for the content you put out. At 65 I can relate to everything you've gone through. I'm sure thousands of people can relate how we're unaware that we go through life making these mistakes because of our PTSD. We keep on repeating these patterns over and over until we awake. And at 65 years old I am finally awake. Awake to the manipulation by my family members, awake to the red flags of dating. Not loving myself enough. And it's sad how blind I was for 65 years almost losing some of the best years of my life due to Other Peoples Chaos!!!! In my childhood being raised by a Narcissistic Rageaholic who could care less about me as a person. To poor choices in unavailable partners, marrying an Alcoholic who influenced his children to be Alcoholics. Constantly rescuing people when I was the one that needed to be rescued. And at 65 getting into a 12 step program reading a lot of books and therapy, knowing what real self-love is I finally got it. And I'm now ready for the best years of my life.
Love you Anna ⚘ Big Hugs 🥰
Thank you for taking the time to comment, Anna will want to see this :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I love the term "crap fitting"! After ending a highly abusive live in relationship where non of my goals were being supported, at 36 committed to never dating again and living the life of a single person. I have lived a peaceful and contented life. I am now retired and feel I need to develop friendships and hopefully a romantic partner whom enriches my life. I will not crap fit anymore.
You deserve to do that! We're all sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
The magic thing about self-care is connecting honestly with your own compassionate heart. Sometimes its really painful to feel what we are really feeling. And bravo! To all of us who choose, and keep choosing, to love.
My best friend and I come from similar horrible homes as children. We rarely talk about it, but we both just know that the other one understands.
How coincidental. I was just talking to my mom about procrastination and avoidance today. We are both afflicted but I’ve learned that the solution is to just get going and do something.
Feelings of never being loved by anyone. So if someone loves and tells they do. You will never really believe them.
That’s me! I’m 75 and I make good friends, but after a while I feel not good enough to be part of the group and I pull away. I just end up feeling like I’m not good enough.
I'm 69 years old. Every word of this video [and many of your others] describes my life. On the one hand, it's affirming to know that I'm not crazy and that others have experienced similar things in their lives. On the other it's disheartening to know that all of my life decisions and choices have been made with my number one priority being to avoid the stress of dealing with what I perceived to be a judgemental and unfriendly world, because that was my experience growing up. When I retired seven years ago, I took back my life and time with a vengeance. I focused soley on doing what I wanted to do, spend time with my children and grandchildren or whatever moved me at the moment. I promptly eliminate situations or people that feel judgemental or, sadly, evoke those feelings because they were part of my childhood scenario. I'm in my senior years now. It doesn't seem realistic that one could change a lifetime of bad baggage, and at this point I'm not sure I want to. Yes, I want to help make the world a better place and eliminate need where I find it. But it must be done from the safety of my basically anonymous life.
Childhood neglect
Many paralyzing problems I still am trying to overcome
It’s hard
I feel like discernment and decisions are very hard for me
I have CPTSD for sure, and I also deal with depression. I also have some kind of undiagnosed mental disorder - possibly ADHD.
Watching this and other mental health videos have given me some clarity. Thank you. Hopefully I get my issues worked out. This is definitely helping.
I have the same problems as you, and have been watching Anna for about 6-8 months now. Slowly I'm learning new ways to look at my life and making small steps towards change. Medication helps for me but change in outlook and behavior is making a difference.
@@elipotter369 yes, I have been doing better since losing weight through a low carb diet. When I eat a lot of carbs, especially junk food, I feel a lot more moody and agitated. I started taking medication for ADD at age 60 along with meds for anxiety and depression. Had a lot of physical health problems in that time period but have been getting better and trying to incorporate a little physical movent every day. It all helps.
Why need labels?
@@bmbutler2🤦🏼♀️
You cant have fictional things. You did learn how to lie about slaves, their behavior and where they are in [school] didnt you?
I feel like I cry through everyone of these videos because I feel so seen.. The feelings I don’t know how to put into words are finally explained. Thank you. So very much.
When I was a child, I patiently waited for adulthood, and for the opportunity to get away from my abusive family. Confidently, I believed things would be different. As I got older, I realized the same things that were happening behind closed doors were only a fraction of similar sicknesses engulfing the rest of the world. I was so deeply disappointed! No matter what I have hoped for, I keep getting the same crap. My grandfather was my best friend, as I knew friendship to be. He died when I was 12, I have not experienced love since, but not for the lack of hoping.
I took the CPTSD quiz and answered 'yes' to each question. It hurts to see successful people because I feel like I've failed in life so far.
You're in the right place and we're so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Anna, I woke up during the night thinking about why you looked at road workers in the past with a feeling of them having a sense of purpose and achievement at the end of their day ( paraphrasing) and it ocurred to me that it was not a random thing that you associated this particularly with road workers.
When you consider this 'road' or journey that we are all on, maybe we are a bit like those road workers to some degree. There is the section of the road that we have already built - the past - and for people with childhood PTSD, we can spend a large proportion of our lives travelling up and down this familiar stretch of road because we know the terrain even when it constantly leads back to trauma and terrible suffering but we are all deeply attached to the past and the familiar..
BUT there is always that part of the road where our 'inner road worker' is waiting to construct a new section of road that goes in a totally different direction and is always moving forward - the future. When faced with the possibility of going back down the old highway, it often seems easiest when we are already in pain compared to facing the unknown and having to put in the effort and energy and emotional upheaval required to lay down the foundations for a new and infinitely better route. However, it is at this crossroads that we often discover that the 'road worker' that resides within all of us is stronger and more powerful than we could have possibly imagined and his/her other name is 'healing'.
I know this is a kind of simplistic metaphor Anna and not enough to have jarred me out of sleep but it did and I kind of like the notion that we are the architects or engineers in this case, of how we want the course of our future pathways to look. Thank you for everything. You are helping me to change the course of my own life one minute at a time.
You are an amazing writer! This is not an awesome metaphor!
I was just going over this in my head today. Watching my eldery mom sink deeper into alzheimers daily. And remembering my childhood and how she was. So narcissist it's unbelievable. I just keep telling myself it could've been worse...
That must have been very difficult. You're in the right place and we're all here to support you :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
Alzheimers is fictional. If youre participating in torturing and killing someone, why lie/tell of it in story?
Even though I don't agree with you on everything, I love you, Anna, because you make me feel I am not alone in my struggles
I went through a similar childhood and was diagnosed with PTSD. I went through therapy then I went to college and got a degree in psychology just for myself to understand what I had been through. I had always been attracted to the wrong people and I've been married and divorced 3 times. Now I'm finally waiting on the right person and I have boundaries. It is important to heal yourself.
Very interesting.
Wow I’ve actually been thinking about doing a degree in psychology to understand myself. Did it help you? I was doing a degree in computer science but my anxiety was too bad so had to leave my second year 💜
With being attracted to emotionally unavailable or self destructive relationships is because it’s familiar but it’s because they get what you’ve gone through and you understand them.
I dated a man from a normal family and eventually I left after 12 years we got married and I felt weird around his family it felt strange. But I’ve always felt like the odd one out except when I’m around people who have walked similar paths.
I’ve been on dates with people from normal families and I have nothing in common I can only relate to those who have walked similar paths.
This is normal for us. I’m the same way. I grew up with two drug-addicted parents, was a single mom at 18, my parents and brother were in and out of jail-you can imagine all else that goes with that kind of upbringing. Fast forward, I get my degree, rise thru the ranks and ended up being a director for a large corporation. I never fit into these circles; I always felt like I was very different; I have no family, etc etc. I realized I had to leave that environment bc it was constantly triggering me. I now work for a hospital and while I still don’t feel 100% like I fit in, I work from home full time so I don’t have to “mix” with so many other people. Thus has been a constant struggle for me all my life-in my intimate relationships too. 😞 I sense my past BFs who come from more or less normal families have judged me for “being born into” mine… it feels awful.
I was mesmerized by this. I definitely have the trauma from childhood. We lived in a converted chicken coop, made into apartments, abusive mother, absent father….dated older to escape. This channel felt like an epiphany…..I can’t believe there are people like me. I wasn’t expected to be anything and I did, albeit maybe out of spite. Still struggle but becoming a mother helped me be the person I wished I had. Not on social media but love that I found your channel. Comments/advise helps….even at 50, it’s refreshing to have this lesson plan in life. Be good to yourself and others…..in case you need it, I love you. You can be happy, there are good people out there.
Thank you.
This showed up on the very day that I needed to hear this. I recently found out, at the age of 53, that I had been adopted as a child and was never told. Every day has subsequently become an enormous struggle and this talk has helped enormously in explaining, and dealing with some of my default behaviours. I cannot thank you enough for this today.
Me, too. Grew up poor, deserted by our mom, dad was emotionally distant, we grew up like latchkey kids. I didn't fit in w the other kids at school, hardly had any friends , didn't feel worthy of goin to any proms so I didn't. All my life even to now don't "fit in". Always been a loner. It don't bother me anymore (am age 62 now). I'd rather relax w my hobbies and pets. What has always bothered me the most is being betrayed by my mother. She betrayed me in many ways, used me all the years as an adult when I tried to please her and have a relationship w her. I just didn't matter to her, and that's a hard pill to swaller.
That sounds incredibly hard. You're in the right place and we're all here to support you :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you for the work you do. Every time I feel like I'm regressing, I just imagine what you would say to me in those moments and it helps me keep going
Think of procrastination as a fear response you are frozen for a second…. Anxiety is a loss of control reaction… the depression you feel stuck & ewwww… now think of the most logical way to combat it… face it & fight it or feel like caca
You've given me more break throughs in 5 min than years of therapy has done for me. I wasn't aware that every friendship and every relationship has been affected by my childhood trauma. It's gotten in the way of making new and meaningful friendships. That's just one example. Thank you for putting into words what I experience and making sense of it. ❤
Thank you so much! So glad you are here. -Frida@TeamFairy
I was going to join a procrastinator's support group but they havent organised a meeting yet! 😅
Seriously though, the more I'm learning about CPTSD the more I understand why I was so messed up in my younger years.
Thanks a million times for your videos and for sharing your thoughts and experiences! ❤
Mee too❤
Wow, your childhood is almost exactly like mine! Dad left, mom alcoholic, living in a dumpy apartment, really poor etc. So yeah, I grew up fast, was drawn to the bad boy. I was always hanging out at my friends houses. Sober parents in a clean house, and they included me at dinner time. I am now so grateful for the influence they had on my life❤
I am 54 and I am tired of trying to find anyone. I never had a friend group or something and nobody loved me my entire life. Now I reached the end
I’m close to your same age and feel the same
No not the end.. . the fact that you are here is a hopeful sign❤️
I just turned 65 and I am amazed at how accurately you have described my personality and early life experiences through your videos. I could always accept being diagnosed ADHD and Depression and probably wouldn’t have considered CPTSD before but I can accept it 100% since reentering therapy and watching your videos. I hope I am not too old to heal now.
My oldest son was severely abused by his father and exposed to a lot of evil. I always wondered why he is choosing people who make poor life decisions and disrespect him … thank you for helping me understand.
Lord please heal my son, help him solve his life problems and get wiser, and help him make wise choices and bring great friends into his life and help him choose to be friends with people who make wise choices. Lord please remove his shame and give him confidence. Amen 🙏🏻❤️
Then as a mom what did you do?
@@loombandz6722 Most importantly I prayed and prayed and prayed. I got him involved in a lot of church activities and Christian schools and went to church with him every Sunday. I kept him busy with lots of sports (which he loved) even coaching some. I loved him unconditionally and encouraged him. I tried to get Christian male mentors for him. We were separated for 3 years but the kids were really damaged by this so I made sure his father wouldn’t ever have him alone as the abuse would have been way worse, maybe even sexual or worse. And I know his father would have alienated me from him and I probably would never had contact with my son. I got help for myself so I could help him heal and tried to get help for my son many times.
Instead of praying to your imaginary friend to help your son, maybe YOU should do something - especially since you clearly didn’t do your job as a mother and protect him while he was growing up.
I just realised I feel and live an IMMENSE sense of abandonment having people in my life who know what the predators have done and yet continue to associate with them while remaining my friend. Even if I witness the behaviour to another person and I'm not the victim, I have nothing to do with that person. A friend's boyfriend once drove her and I apart, not because he hated me or anything because I didn't want to be around and watch her be abuse, cheated on, or stepped on. I know what it is now, I feel like even though they're still in my life... they've abandoned me. This must be how wives feel or vice versa or whatever when their significant other doesn't stand up for them. Staying SETTLED in that disassociates me!!! NO WONDER I feel unsafe all the damn time!! I can't be who I truly am because people stay with these abusers. I know that it's not their fault because they are maybe going through something... I need to clear up some of my friends and take care of myself. OMG! Listen from around 38:00 for this info!
I am so happy you felt close to your dad. I always wanted that. How hurtful it must have been to see him go through the stages of ALS.
Yes. I still miss him after all these years.
I found your videos yesterday after I had a huge melt down after f*cking up the good terms that i still have with my ex who's my favourite person ever.. I went on and talked when I was in an intense state of disregulation and got him super mad at me and not wanting anything to do with me anymore
I felt like I always feel in my life..i came in late or i understood late and now I can't explain to that person that i now understand how bad i behaved and it's always a feeling i have that I'm late and uninvited and feel super self hatred driven person.. I hope i can feel better by watching more or your videos
I often experienced bouts of displacement activity when I was on a writing deadline. Never was my flat so clean! But having finally got into the right frame mind, where the words were flowing, when I was the conduit and the writing was knitting together beautifully, it felt euphoric. That pay off - being in the creative zone - far outweighs the stress of finally getting the first sentence down and defeating the internal saboteur. Surrendering to starting something, one thing. Your videos are wonderful Anna and those of us who watch regularly know the care and effort it takes. I’ve learnt so much from you and feel better for it. Thank you. ☺️✨
Thanks for your wonderful comment. The "flow state" of creativity is one of the best feelings on earth. "Displacement activity" is such a great phrase, too.
Julie@TeamFairy
Not long after going no contact with my toxic family in August of this year, I discovered this wonderful channel and I started doing the daily practice. Thank you again, Anna, for sharing this information so generously. I can honestly say that this is the wildest ride of my life. The changes are remarkable and so welcome after years of dysregulation. The writing really does the trick, and it was very helpful knowing that CPTSD is essentially brain damage as a result of trauma. I love it that I can tear up the paper after filling it with crazy fears and resentments, and some not so crazy. No one has to know anything about what I write. It's a mess in there in my brain, and getting it out on paper seems to reduce the power of those fears to cause pain to me or to others, should I act out on any of it. I've never been so hopeful about my future, and my dear husband is making the same journey. Our love life is really nice now.
Yay! It’s so good to hear success stories like this!
Nika@TeamFairy
Procrastinating is my biggest block😢
Thank you for this video! While watching, I GOT DRESSED. I PUT MY SHOES ON. I GAVE MYSELF A MINI-FACIAL (with warm filtered water and a heavy duty paper towel). I feel soothed and invigorated; just be doing self-care!
Great job!
Your story made me tear up. I can totally relate. Look how far you've come!
Hello. I am a 53 year old man. I can relate to 100% of everything you are saying. It’s incredible because I’ve never heard anyone else talk about I. I can relate to you and I’m sure you and I would be friends.
You are amazing. A gift to the world. I bet your dad is so proud of you from the other side. Many thanks from NZ. 💜
Hmm she had childhood neglect
@@elhollins5988 her mom took her away. Her dad loved her but he died when she was young. She talked about it in this video.
I found your channel recently and am resonating with you being one of the first people to describe what it's like to be me. Thank you for your work!
You are so helpful for me. I had an alcoholic dad and a mom who struggled with life
So did I.
I am watching this right now because my sister has been giving me the silent treatment for over a month now, during Christmas. I've been watching stuff to try to help me regulate my emotions because its been making me so miserable and bringing up so much of my past trauma. I'm glad you mentioned it because I was feeling really bad for "letting" this get to me so much.
WOW. This is the #1 thing that has been puzzling me for the past few years but it's been especially excruciating within the last 10 months because I've been trying to fulfill my career goals and finish college, yet I have been very hot and cold when it comes to my productivity and I've let so many things slip. Life has been falling apart. I spend more time thinking about doing things than actually doing them. And of course, beating myself up for being this way. I was thinking about it all day today and then I came across your video in my feed, and I feel so fortunate that you created this just in time for the new semester. I didn't even know that this was something that stems from my C-PTSD. Thank you for validating me and giving me a compass to navigate this.
Anna,
i hope you know how thankful we are for you and the hard work you do to help us.
you are such a big help to so many of us. thank you
Thank you for your support!
-Cara@TeamFairy
That childhood life experience of your prom is heartbreaking. I am 60 years old and have always thought my childhood was bad but this video has made me realize that I am wrong, maybe I dealt with some dysfunction or parenting ignorance but nothing like your story. Education is the tool that can fix what’s broken. Putting yourself out there for people is courageous and loving. Something that I’ve learned about life and people is our life experiences shape who we are, so remove yourself from people who don’t contribute positive energy and thoughts to you and your world. Your an angel
I feel like depression has caused me to procrastinate doing self care things for myself. It's to the point where I've had to start back on antidepressants. I'm so glad i found your channel.
I'm so glad you're here. We're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
It always amazes me that even as a young child I knew which family member really loved me. They never gave me any material things but the one thing they always gave me was their time and they always listened to me no matter what. Unfortunately, it was the other family with their abuse and neglect that in the end were the exact same people I gravitated to as an adult and I am now to the point that I avoid people because I know the people, I gravitate to in the end will destroy me inside out.
It’s a self-sabotage when I don’t feel like I’m worthy. You are absolutely right…action leads to more action and momentum leads to better self esteem. When I get busy, the better I feel.
You described my childhood when you were talking about your childhood. I don’t know how it’s possible
I'm getting more from your videos than I did in counseling 😮 😊 thanks for making this channel!
My struggle is constantly feeling overwhelmed. Everything feels like a priority even when it’s not. My brain sees every detail. I get things done but it’s hard to feel the satisfaction because I still feel behind on other things. That’s when I want to procrastinate because it feels like my effort is never enough.
As a young adult I didn't think I had a particularly bad childhood, but I exhibit a lot of this limerant and panicky attachment in my relationships that looking back were absolutely terrible fits. After talking about it with my sisters who are significantly older than me, they told me about remembering our parents constantly fighting and threatening divorce, leaving for days at a time, and finally just kind of settling into a pattern of working all the time to avoid each other. I was apparently very young while all this was going on, 4 at the oldest, but it's crazy to me how this pattern of emotional abuse towards each other and abandonment echoes through to me and my sisters into our 30's and 40's. Thank you for helping me identify and name so many of these issues so I could explore them and work through them.
Great insight and I'm so glad you were able to talk to your sister about it and learn more. Not always, but often, the eldest will get the first unfiltered view of the parents at their worst and most immature or dysregulated. Ask me how I know, ha. So glad you're here and learning with us. Julie@TeamFairy
Same, my parents always fought and wasn’t around as much from working. I’m the oldest and I remember taking care of my sister who is 9 years younger than me. I always felt awkward around other people and only have a couple of close friends. I’ve always enjoyed being my myself more than having company. Also attaching myself to lovers who are not good for me too.
I am 66 and continue to work through the abusive neglectful childhood I survived! It’s a lifelong process!
You are in the right place. Hope you will find help here.
Nika@TeamFairy
Strange to hear you describe the sensation like a toxic chemical was running through your bloodstream. So familiar. Had nine years of therapy and was free of that sort of feeling for some time, but, at 77 have felt triggered again. Helpful to have you describe it and gain further insight