I Answer Your Questions! 1st Q&A Session Part 2
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- Опубліковано 8 вер 2024
- Here's part 2 of the first Q&A session! Thank you for your support and I hope you enjoy it!
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You're a sweetheart. If you were my son I would be SO proud.
Isn't he? Ah! And so cute!
You were my lifeline along with Dana 1 year ago !! I left my narc last Dec 8th. That first week I began looking at UA-cam videos trying to figure out what it happened and oh my God the pieces of the puzzle all fit perfectly together and everything made perfect sense. My nightmare for six years I have validation for everything I have gone through thanks to you guys thank you so much keep making these videos are helping tons of people.
"Everything about them is difficult, nothing is productive and they help no one". That is exactly what i would end up thinking after an idiotic situation. So i would leave for days in an effort to restore my spirit. This parasite drained my energy. I am forever grateful to my instinct that told me to escape. It could have been SO much worse. I take this opportunity to send healing vibes to those recovering from these fiends, to remind you are beautiful, loving and perfect as you are.
Love to all of you.
they can't turn you into an actual narc of course but they can harden your heart and make you behave abusively towards them and then your ability to love becomes suppressed even towards others, and you become numb and this is what you do not want. it's hard to come out of.
What an excellent Q & A! Your answers where right on. Very interesting.
I learned today about the "altruistic narc". That over reactive self righteous behavior follows giving with the expectation to control you and belittle you to think you are ungrateful and play victim. It's the worst kind as far as I see it. It may be a good video inspiration:) it's pure hell and thank you have been a wonderful inspiration and a great blessing! And yes, BPD and Narcs go hand and hand, the bipolar is a very self centered illness as well.
My mother is JUST like this. She will go out of her way to do "favours" for you (that you didn't ask her to do), and then when you point that out, she'll make you feel ungrateful and play the victim. She's very good at it and has manipulated me for YEARS--but no more. No Contact for over a year now!
Dearest Scott -
I found your channel several months ago and immediately subscribed - your compassion and honesty has been such a comfort - so validating and enlightening. I watch UA-cam on my low end - "smart tv" which is convenient and accessible but I can't like or respond unless I'm on my laptop. So, let me say now - what a great service you are providing this community of survivors. I was very young and vulnerable and as a result it has taken me a very long time to understand the extent of the mind warping manipulation I have undergone. But finally now, as you so often say, through many experiences, I see the individual and their disorder with its pathetic predictability and prison like boundaries of the self.
Your answer DOES clarify certain things and it helps me feel more confident in my impressions of when I think he was genuiune and when I feel he was pretending and being an actor towards me. Thank you so much!
I could listen to these all day- they are so helpful. Thank you.
I shall end it all tonight.I love you all.
This UA-cam community is saving my life
Love the Q and A's! Thanks Scott. :)
you explain exactly what I'm feeling and have no way of explaining... thank you.
And yes the recovery is a grinding slow process 😣
Hi UN, Great Q&A, & Thank you so much for sharing this information with all off us. Much appreciated. Take care.
I've been watching your videos for a while; excellent work, thank you. I rarely comment on youtube or anywhere for that matter, but I was so impressed by this video from the 12:30 point. I've also watched a lot of Vaknin and Richard Grannon, but I have rarely heard such a concise summary of the origins of co-dependency and then later the structure of the N itself in such a short time. You know this disorder so well. The NPD 'shutdown' under pressure of analysis, then subsequent 'reboot' is something i have witnessed multiple times. I suspect that what might be happening at a biological level is an amygdala overload. Another aspect to the depth of the guilt in the 'caregiver' which i believe should be mentioned is the evolutionary biological aspect; the N acts as a young child does and so triggers the parental reflex which is deep within our genetic programming. I've heard you talk about your father in previous videos; I'm sorry for your experience, but thank you so much for creating such valuable work out of it.
Thank you for all the time and energy you put into helping people face the challenges of coping with toxic relationships. I have gone through the process with my narc and have had to confront some pretty harsh truths about myself. i realized that when all the dusts settles my pain was self inflicted. I realized that the story i told myself about who thought my narc was, based on the mirroring, was not aligned in anyway with the reality that was unfolding in front of me on a daily basis, and my unwillingness to admit i was wrong kept me futily hoping she would change making me either suffer more by propping up my illusion or letting it shatter, taking the pain on in full until i am realize that all i was looking for from not only my narc, but every relationship for that matter i had in me all along. the only pain i feel now is the pity i feel for my narc because i believe that on a profound level she knows that tje universe is not subjective and will respond in kind to all the negative energy emitted by her lies and duplicity. also that she , like every narc has wedged herself between the abyss that is her unkown self and the relative safety of her illusions she has projected to everyone. I can see how the "tight quarters" can induce one furious well of anxiety that is locked and loaded to fire at all times.
thank you very much for all your genuine information. U.
Absolutely awesome, clear & consise. You should definitely keep doing these should you want to, very helpful xxx
You are the man! Thank you for all you do!
A narc is defined by their underlying motivations, which you can determine by observing their patterns of behavior and nonverbal queues. It's not always easy, it takes practice, and most people aren't very good at it. Many psychologists are actually quite bad at it. Beware that diagnosing a narc is not as simple as going through a checklist of behaviors - that will only get you partway there. Narc or not, the bottom line is that if someone is abusing you, don't put up with it.
I agree, the label doesn't matter as much as the actions. Whether they're Narcissistic, Histrionic, Borderline....it doesn't really matter--no contact is the best solution.
I also agree - often you cant see what kind of toxic animal it is. You only can identifay some toxic behavior so you see you are deal with a abuser, a human predator.
So get the hell aut of there.
Run, bath quaietly - sneak out.
TMI - if you meet new people, dont shere to much information - no mather what they say to you.
Time is your friend - to know somebody it needs time.
I learn this the hard way.
I wish I knew this canal yars earlyer.
When they go into full on rage mode they are totally out of control. They definitely modulate their anger, which is definitely real anger, to what they think will be most effective. But when they flip into narcissistic rage they are out of control and it is very dangerous. I honestly thought my ex might kill me a couple times.
I'd like to hear more on the "child abuse part" of narcissistic abuse. From what I have read, one quarter of scapegoats of narcissistic abusive parents commit suicide. What kind of public policy would you like to see, and what can a "normal" parent do, what can schools do, to end the tide of child abuse, and particularly narcissistic abuse of children? Shouldn't this be the biggest red flag, the major topic of narcissistic abuse, the thing that needs policy, for all of us who have lived through it?
Thank you for your videos. Yours are one of my favorites -- I see them all.
Hello! Appreciate these Q&As. I do have a suggestion that might be helpful. Depending on how many questions you get (I expect there are a LOT) you could maybe group them based on certain themes and base each Q&A video on that theme. So the result would be like one of your normal videos, sort of focusing on an idea you want to emphasize for the time being, grouping questions together that you feel address that particular problem.
I guess there could be pros and cons to this method.
Pros: When someone sees that their question is similar to other people's questions, it can reinforce the point that they are not alone in this particular problem. And it could help them even more to unpack or untangle all the crap that they get from their experience, and break down the package into different manageable bits.
Cons: It might take some of the spontaneity away because of the preparation taken to group the questions and prepare the video. Also, I guess some people who are new to recovery might get the idea that their problems with narcissists are more simple than they really are, or that they can just focus on one thing and it will solve the whole package, so you'd need to emphasize that's not the case.
could you please do a video about the silent treatment?
If you think you might be a narc from spending time with a narc, read narcsite.com, and you'll know you're not a narc.
Read Manipulated by HG Tudor (same writer) on Kindle. Holy crap, you will have a headache and know for sure, that you are not a narc. You'll also pick up some great tips to protect yourself. Edit: actually, it was his book 'Fuel' which gave me a headache. Your head will spin at how their minds really work.
Actually, H.G. Tudor has a blog now: Understanding the Narcissist. It's really him speaking. It's CREEPY!
Amerye K. That's what the link is, honey.
A psychopath is genetically born without the capacity for empathy. No circuitry activity in frontal lobe. A sociopath is made in later years, like war vet's killing people, then coming home and breaking down from killing, then therapy and they're fine. 'They can be healed back to normal.
Then you have the Narcissist born with full faculties but because of trauma at the ages of 2-6 when the conscious is being formed understanding wings off butterflies is wrong but when trauma occurs things change. The trauma either a one time hit or over multiple occasions supposedly causes the toddler to bury love probably due to the perpetration being a mom or dad sexual abusing would cause the toddler to hide, and get a new persona that would REPLACE LOVE WITH POWER AND CONTROL AND SINCE LOVE IS WEAK, THEY ARE ENTITLED . .
I would call it an eye for an eye.
Thank you for such amazing informative video
The narcissist sister-in-law told me she had one session with a therapist and she reported the therapist told her she's never seen anyone so healthy and well adjusted as her! Oh god I'll never forget that moment, I almost vomited in my mouth. What a smart therapist, she no doubt thought to herself; "what can I say so that this crazy loon never returns." Or more likely, it was a complete lie and she never had the session.
Sister Sinestra haha! That made me laugh.
Sister Sinestra complete fabrication.
Sister Sinestra : I had to chuckle too. So typical. What an "A".
You absolutly wrightt - narc sister in law pathalogical liar lying her ass out. There is nowhere on this earth a therapiest who can give a clear diagnosis after one session.
Maybe she's been there and he thold her the oposit...
OH, that's called MIRRORING! ...when they copy u. I know bc I'm a Survivor of an abusive narc relationship!
I have a question. Is it possible to have a sincere conversation with a narc? Like, can you get them to you the whole truth, what's really going on in their minds? Apparently while my exnarc was drunk he had trouble keeping up the mask and would say some honest statements, not enough for me to get to really know him though
What of symptoms have toxic influences of a narcissist? Headache, nausea, trembling hands, eating disorders, or burn out, and feeling very tired, stockholmsyndrome, and trauma bonding after the relationship is over.
We tried family therapy after we split, with the intention of helping my son adjust. He manipulated the therapist, got her on his side, and made everything out to be my fault, they ganged up on my son, and the last time I let him take him to her, they made my son cry.
It have many therapiest they dont get it. Unfortunetly lot of them dont ghet it.
Maybe a therapiest who is familiar with domestic voilence understsnd the covert manipulation of a narcissistic person and not gona be fooled.
Do narcissists have different body language/mannerisms/expressions? I have always noticed and been bothered by some of the ways my mom (narcissist) does things. For example, excessively, unnecessarily, and loudly clearing her throat at times when nothing is going on or being said. I also notice the her strut and posture is unlike anything else I have ever seen. These things to me feel unnatural, I am curious if anyone has noticed something similar? Thank you.
Me psychopathic narcisstic father do exatly the same. He do thos to disturb the others or to breake the silence because he get bored inminietly. He cant stand puait or 5 minits whitout some aktion.
I think she will provoke a reaction. She disturbing. All have to notice her and she meybe bored at the moment.
my female narc would always say things like "my friend told me.so and so happens when
....
."
She would use things I told her and then try and throw them back at me to make herself look good when in actual fact I was the one telling her these things all along
a mother cuz I'm a child so much for riffic pain and hurt her so bad the ultimate pain for and suffering for
(bouncing my own words back) My N does that, I call it mirroring, I hear my own words months weeks years old come back at me usually during stress events / narcissistic supply moments, its unnerving, scary as realize they have cataloged and kept everything for later use.
jb14392 jb14392 they're like robots. I told my sister and mum they're like robots wuth a catalogue of pressure determined words/phrases/sentenced and the computer knows which response will get which reaction
narcissism is an ongoing unwaivering mental disorder that never stops. it is the core personality that drives behavior. it is who they are. bi polar disorder is different. it is characteristically different, in that... bi polar is a mood disorder that wanes between extremes of high/ manic behavior and extreme Lows of depression. my Ex Brad was diagnosed and put on medication as a child. he is a classic one of the worst narcs ever. oh my gosh. he is so ill. I have come to in the last several months, wondered if he was initially misdiagnosed as bi polar, and his behavior as a child was not recognized as the actual narcissism. I have done much research and reading studying, the two disorders can over lap as well.
Bi-polar individuals feel badly if they hurt someone, narcissists don't care, and actually enjoy hurting others.
2:30 projection is the only way for them 3:40 unproductive all the time 12:30 slave mentality
Are psychopaths and Narcs "totally different"? In an Italian sample low Honesty-Humility and antagonistic tendencies were found to be overlapping traits of pathological narcissism and psychopathy On that basis, one would surmise that psychopaths and Narcs are devious (dishonest) and aggressive (antagonistic and competitive) people, that they are similar in this regard. I suspect they may be different outwardly in that psychopaths are more hostile and aggressive or antisocial, but the basic makeup is probably the same or very similar - at least with regard to dominance motivation.
See "Are pathological narcissism and psychopathy different constructs or different names for the same thing? " authors = Fossati et al (2014)
scholar.google.com/citations?user=sdEzcbwAAAAJ&hl=en&oi=sra
,
I see also this overlapping. I think its a question of the spectrum. Higher on the spectrum is a narcisstic person more clouse tu the psychopath - all psycho are narcisstic bath not all narcissist are a psychopath. A psychopath is more impulsiv and more likly get voilent. Psychopath not nessesary need the suply, he or she feed of power over other people and the possibelity to can hurt them. That is the smal diference i can see. Maybe I dont understand it well. I curios, what other people think abaut it.
I want to hear YOUR STORY...what happened to you and who was the Narc to you?
I believe his mother is a narcissist
part deux.
They will take an idea or a business idea and take credit for your idea as if they thought of it! Sick.....
You asked for comments on how this series can be improved. I don't see any need for improvement in the actual videos, but I do think it would be helpful to have some kind of summary of topics/ list of topics or maybe just a descriptive subtitle below the video
and to be clear, I am talking about the Q&A videos-- the other videos already have something like that.
Do they hate everyone?
Is there a type of narcissist that never really gets angry?
Maple Hill not in my experience. Only variable is how slow or quick to anger. Just sharing.
+smoothandchunky1 Thanks for your reply :-)
Hi functioning cerebral narcissist can be quite good at avoiding outward displays of anger, but every so often it surfaces. To me these individuals can be more scary than your garden variety angry narcissist.
+wisdaniel Exactly. They are so scary. Kind of like the main character in the movie American Psycho.
Maple Hill the cerebral narc I was married to, got angry often. It was his way of controlling and intimidating. I saw it so much, to others and about others, and to me. It was the straw that broke the camels back for me!
Is gashlighting a consiouseness disorder? Because someone has had too much pressure and has had to do many things to do at the same time make details overcrowding overlooked. i also knew a so called astrologer who denied that what he has written, and with important information. Their words can not be assighned because they are empty and hollow, can not be given a meaning and superficial without added value and content. . They act if they were care for you and like they are good for you but they zo not think so. I know every detail but they do not know about it in a short while when it comes to important information. Sugarcoated word like I love you and you are mine and I am doing the best for you. Like you"re a property thing or matter or such an object. It is hollow without feeling value. I felt haunted and bewitched. The flying monkeys surrender you to the narcissist without understanding the issue. they say flying monkeys have no spine. .
How do I submit a question ?
Why do covert narcs seem to get worse with age ??
They are losing their looks, they are burning bridges, people aren't tolerating them anymore, they lose everything, they are being defeated, etc
Why do you demonize narcissists so much? That's my only question. I understand that we can be bad in certain aspects but they're not just evil creatures that seek to destroy everyone they come across. We deal with the npd and suffer much more than those around us I assure you
How do you suffer?
Probably because they have no heart & soul; they don't care about the people they use & abuse; only evil & demonic people search & destroy; and they like their disorder & unwilling to change for the better, and there's more...