I’m So Jealous When He’s Around Other Women
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- Опубліковано 30 кві 2023
- I’m So Jealous When He’s Around Other Women
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100% agree about a husband not working solo all day with a woman. Foolish. Inviting trouble.
Sounds like you are insecure also. Seek therapy.
Yes, even if she wasn't single and good looking, relationships pop out of nowhere when you're stuck together for 9 hours a day, 5 days a week, for months and years in end
Not when you have a solid foundation and strong intimacy at home.
Did you actually listen to the episode? Lol
@@NeuroSeasoned he literally said at the end, things may happen, don't be naive.... what are you on?
Ugh- I felt the anxiety rise up in me the second she described this situation.
Me too!
Me three, y’all!
Same. I was like,"Nooooo!". My husband cheated on me in a car and then started to fall for his coworker who was training him while they drove around in her car. Being is such a close proximity to somebody you could build an attraction to is a VERY BAD IDEA. Better to be safe than sorry on this one. The damage can be irreparable, whereas the prevention is easy. Just don't do it.
Yeah, I was married to the guy who would never in a million years cheat. Turns out we never know people as well as we think we do.🤦🏼♀️
The ones we least expect are the ones that do. Not that this is the callers case.
That's why I'd rather be alone. I grew up around cheating husbands, I am only now realizing the damages. I have never been able to have a relationship with a man.
@@alluringbliss4165 Enjoy life without men, they are a lot of work.
@@jet4415 You could say the same thing about women.
@@mark.daniel True! However women get left holding the “only difficult ones” in the media and men are the “angels of relationships”.
She's so anxious about this and yet she hired a pretty young girl to be around him all the time. Very counter intuitive
I think she did that to prove she's not insecure.
That's because she's trying to be the cool girl and she's not being honest about her insecurities when she did it.
@@pclare7477 the husband is unaware of this insecurity, so she's only trying to prove it to herself
Attractiveness is in the eye of beholder. Maybe he doesn't think she's all that attractive.
She has trauma and is self sabotaging. That’s not uncommon.
We had a neighbor who had 6 kids, been married forever and went to church every Sunday etc. He took a new job and traveled with a female colleague. It was barely 6 months before he committed adultery and his family and marriage was over.
Hes a weak man then.
@@williamhermann6635no., probably just very unhappy
We Catholics try to avoid "the near occasion of sin" which basically means don't put yourself in a position to be tempted...
Yes, exactly! Hello, fellow Catholic 😆
Yup agree with that! As a Muslim we have a similar teaching which discourages men and women from mixing in private "whenever a man is alone with a woman, the devil makes a third". Also, we are to remain completely professional with the opposite sex who are not closely related to us, in our dealings, so no unnecessary small talk etc. I feel like these types of preventative measures are so important and would help society in so many ways
I’m a Baptist and we do the same.
That is a very wise way to look at it. We as humans are capable of all kinds of sin. recognizing that and taking steps to keep yourself away from potential sin is a great idea.
You know that if you 100% avoid temptations, you will never know if you are really moral, right? It is like living in a sterile environment, you will never know if the defense of your body is strong enough to resist if necessary
I can't tell you how many men have hit on me at work that are married and all I did was say hello and have some surface-level conversation. It is sad. I have also witnessed married women do this.
Married folks be the most single
This!
YES!
Yep, I’m a welder & it makes me sad. But not all of them are like that.
Like John said it’s access that weakens us. Even the most strongest marriages can be broken. Literally my biggest fear
You do not hire a woman to work with your husband all day. And he is like her teacher. Trust me that is the worst combination.
True, but again, the woman is being punished based on the perceptions that both she and the guy have zero. Self control.
@@philwill0123 Yeah it sucks. This is a reason women find it difficult to break through in these fields, but it's also valid. I have done this myself. I once urged a company i worked for to hire a girl i liked and whith whom I had a sporadic friendly relationship, with the specific intent and reasonably confident hope that if we spent enough time together she would develop romantic feelings. I was a regular employee, not a manager, so I was ultimately unsuccessful in getting her hired in, but that was my intent and expectation.
@@philwill0123 that's too bad, but it's reality. You can't plan for the world you want, you gotta plan for the world we're in
I disagree. Hiring the best person for a particular job is what intelligent people do. Makes no difference if that person is a male or female. This mindset that men will cheat just because they are men is not based on facts but based on feelings and sterotyping. Who cares what other people *Might Say* ... *People are going to believe what they* *want to believe* .
Men love when they can teach a woman something
I believe this woman’s feelings are very valid. It’s not a matter of not trusting her hubby, it’s insecurities. However, they are playing a dangerous game by hiring a woman to work so closely with her husband day in and day out. I think her husband is a good guy but he’s only human and over time his feeling for this woman can develop into something.
@wordsalad It is insane for this woman to think she can have a man her age AND stay at the same attractiveness lol
Life is about choices she got a partner. She shared a lot of life experiences with she should be happy with that and not get delusional
@@wordsalad01 I totally agree. I was really hoping John would take a serious stand about this. I don’t think they should have hired a woman to begin with but now that they have she needs to realize how fears/concerns are very valid. I’m secretly hoping this woman they hired quits on her own accord and they never hire another woman again.
A woman who's formidable on the trades or blue collar work. And you enjoy being able to teach the skillet to her. My co worker who's a gear head took a look at my car that was having issues, she's looking at the engine and the wind came up, her hair started blowing in t eh wind, as she's teaching me about engine. Soo hot, a babe knowing her stuff. 😂
@Ivan Avila yeah idk any guys who want masculine women lol
Maybe that was a thing in the 70s or before Title IX
@@nly4607 that just sounds damn near silly with assigning it masculine when it's being knowledgeable in your skillets. I'm too busy enjoying the women for who they are. Guess I'll lean into my feminine as I go make her a sandwich right now as she's fixing the timing belt on my Honda, lol.
This has been a situation before with my husband. I asked him how he would react to me working so closely with the same man day in and day out. Woke him up to the reality of the situation real quick.
Bless you. People don't seem to grasp, even Jon, that proximity does not equal intimacy or sexuality for most women or men.
@@sherryd.3425 Proximity over time might………
@@dumfriesspearhead7398 Only for the intimately deprived and desperate. I am not at all belittling the men and women who experience that and need more. No judgment. As humans, both men and women, cannot emotionally survive in a void of no emotional or physical contact. We know from studies of all humans and all mammals that lack of contact leads to deviance and insanity. Humans are social and intrinsically dependent on contact with each other. Exile from society is worse than the death penalty. As humans, we can survive horrendous abuse and deprivation, if we are given the illusion that our pain ensures the life of a child. We have to love humanity who will suffer torture on the chance...that a child might be saved from pain. That is humanity. That is who so many of us are. Because when your baby is desperate and helpless, just point and ask for help. I don't care that you are racist or have made bad decisions. Just point, and I will cover that innocent body with my own. Because, like you, I was born to give and save life and not take it...without cause. If a child is lost or scared and grabs me, I am a full-on Mom until someone steps up with ID and a voice the child recognizes. That is how we protect our own. If I see a black woman holding my grandchild's hand in the grocery store, I don't think she is stealing him. I think, "Thank God she snagged him before he reached the door. I say thank you! Bless you! Baby, say thank you! Because now I don't have to verbally berate you for the next hour until I know that you know you are safe. Amen.
Except what is the husband supposed to do about her insecurity? Fire a solid employee over his wife's fear of infidelity? Even if he did, at this point she's shot herself in the foot by having a phone call live on national radio giving this woman an open and shut wrongful termination suit.
@@aeonnortune I don't think it's an open and shut wrongfully termination. I truly think we could improve our laws if that's the case because justice wouldn't be served. There is a genuine risk with a man and a woman alone for that long. Same reason why nowadays adults need to be in pairs to take care of children outside of the home. It's easy to use discrimination as an excuse to ignore the elephant in the room.
Wise words - number one reason affairs happen is access. Being in the same workplace makes this easier.
I trusted my husband until he also had access because of his work environment. Never felt insecure prior to his
"fantasy" relationship. I feel for this caller. Best they address this new employee. Playing with fire.
Men are as faithful as their options.
@Lynn Lakotich that's not true.Most ppl in general have options. Ease of access does make it easier to exercise options. Everything about their situation makes it easy to cheat and hard for his wife to know about it if it happens. I'm sure the husband had options before but never has it been so easy if he decided to.
@Crystal This is just objectively false lol. Women find less than 15% of men attractive some studies say as low as 5%.
While men will happily sleep with 60% of the female pop
Or having an annoying af wife at home
@@lynnlakotich6331 Same for women. In act, it's worse because an emotional connection can form first which might allow men she wouldn't have considered prior.
I so agree about not having hubby running around day in and day out with a single woman. Just asking for trouble. Or a married woman for that matter.
"Running around day in and day out" ummm mam do u mean WORKING?
@@MRkriegsmost affairs start in the workplace
@@fg6418yep, but what you going to do, pair her with other women? There's also a huge assumption she's attracted to him too.
@@philwill0123Thank you. Women. Always assume that their husbands are way more desirable than they really are. I get tired of it as a single woman. A lot of times we single women are sitting here wondering why the wives even want these men LOL. Like get over yourself ladies.
@@MRkriegs Both covered in poop from a broken sewer pipe.
💯 agree that it’s not a good idea for a single woman to be working ALONE all day with a married man. I thought that before John said it and I’m soooo glad he did.
I’m not buying her shpeel about “he never would”. I think somewhere deep down inside she knows it’s a possibility just from being together since 16. She’s thinking he’s probably curious about other women.
My husband and I met at 14 and only dated eachother. There is absolutely no part of me that thinks my husband would cheat. He comes home to me every night, tells me about his day. He's just not like that. Cheating is a series of choices. A person can choose to create healthy boundaries with the opposite sex, to talk about their spouse in a certain light around others so people know that person is in a committed relationship. Yes, yoy may question but then the next choice is what matters. Do you follow that curiosity or do you seek support from a counselor or talk with your spouse about it and make a game plan. Just because you've only been with one person doesn't mean you can't be satisfied and content
Her gut is telling her it was a bad idea to hire a woman to work day in and day out alone with her husband, however she is not sure she can trust it. Trust it! Like he said, no sets out to have an affair, and thats why you need boundaries. It may be fine, but it feels a little like playing with fire to me.
Boundries from what, herself?? She hired the woman! "I'm not comfortable with the situation I intentionally put you in." What?! 😅😅
@@stevenwallace773 Boundaries in their relationship of course! People make decisions all the time and then realise it was the wrong decision. You are allowed to change your mind! Thats called learning.
When you’re married you have a responsibility to consider your spouse in every aspect of your life, to be respectful of your spouse, and to not put yourself in a position where you could develop a close and intimate relationship with someone else which could elevate into an affair.
My father cheated on his first 2 wives, in both instances it was with women who just happened to be around him a lot, his kids babysitter and his secretary (yes my dad was a cliche lol).
Dr. John is 100% right, most instances of affairs aren’t where one person seeks out someone else, people are opportunistic cheaters for the most part, they cheat with people they’re around, a boss, a coworker, an employee, female (or male) friends, a neighbor, a spouses friend, a friends wife etc. So if your spouse values your marriage, he or she SHOULD prioritize making you feel secure in your relationship by not being around people he could cheat with, even if that means giving up friendships to save your marriage.
Yes but it was both of them who hired her.
The sad thing about this is, my wife works in a predominantly male dominated career; Army CRNA. At least it is mostly male where she is right now.
The all share an open air office and the other day, she over heard all the dudes talking about “would you cheat on your wife with a 10 that had a great personality” these are her coworkers. I am so delighted.
My ex was like this woman. He was so insecure & jealous, he ended up putting a tracker in my car, my phone, going through my phone, & stalking me at work & school. He repeatedly accused me of cheating with pretty much anyone/everyone. I was extremely in love with him, yet it was never enough after 7 yrs.
Ultimately if your husband is going to cheat, you can't stop him. If he cheats, leave! Stop stressing about things you can't control. If your husband doesn't respect his vows & gamble away his family for a pretty young thing, then why stay where you're not loved? God bless 🙏
There are so many people who are self-aware enough- and have empathy for their partner- not to do anything inappropriate like that and whose body experiences anxiety that feels out of their control. I've experienced this and have never done any of the above (in fact I've been on the other side of it). While nothing you've said is wrong, there's a huge difference between acting out like that and internalizing and owning your anxiety but not knowing how to fix it.
You’re supposed to protect your marriage. Working closely with an opposite sex is NOT protecting the marriage , period!!! It takes WORK to prevent affairs!!
Why tempt fate?
@@gabrielamartiniuc6322 most of us "work closely" with the opposite gender, it's called integration.
@@gabrielamartiniuc6322 Caller expressed she has let her appearance slip, not looking feminine & slim. It would make more sense to work on those issues before pointing the accusing finger at her husband or female worker. Caller also said she has always felt some level of jealousy around females, so firing this new employee for being female is not going to solve caller's issues. BTW, there are plenty of husbands on the down low, and that is much more difficult to detect.
I have heard Dave Ramsey say he won't even be in an elevator alone with a woman, a bit for liability.
I’m sorry is he sexy? Seems a bit drastic.
That seems a little unhealthy.
His following explains the majority of these comments
@@l-train7876 It is wise. All it takes is an accusation of inappropriate behavior and a man's life could be ruined.
@@eurekahope5310 I’m pretty sure the only elevators DR is walking into has cameras: his own office building, high-end hotels, any other reputable place.
Hiring a female to work side by side with the hubby is always always asking for trouble!!!!!
I work in a very male dominated field. Working with a man side by side invites trouble. Most men keep to themselves, but I have encountered ones who have not. It depends on 1. Husband and his morals and 2. This woman and her morals.
My career as a master tradeswoman has suffered tremendously by jealous wives when they never had anything to worry about with me. I commend her for working on this. She should think of herself as an ally to empowering other women, a hero in a sense, at least to this one woman electrician she is giving an opportunity to. Thank you on behalf of this old woman in the trades who never got such a golden opportunity.
Yes!!
She should not have to sacrifice her own feelings of secuirty to being an "ally". If youd like to empower other women, partner up with those in your field, not other womens husbands.
@@nicolcacola I don't understand ownership of women and women in trade by spouses. It's not legal.
@@nicolcacola genuinely curious how to realistically go about this in a male-dominated field
@M V I am wondering the same thing about office jobs, and women as a man, hummm.
So relieved you validated concerns about a husband working days in the company of only one single woman! While there is certainly the component of personal jealousy there are situations that are clearly unwise to place oneself in.
She hired the hot nanny!
I had a super jealous, insecure Ex and at first it was flattering but soon became exhausting. It killed the relationship.
super jealous is not flattering. its a warning sign.
Yeah. I did everything to make them secure. Practically became a mix between a monk and mother Teresa. It's never enough:( That's one reason I left. He got all jealous all randomly.
@blah blahblah you can't make anyone feel secure. Ladies and gents it's high time we all learm to recognize the signs of controlling behavior and avoid such persons. They may turn out to be controlling, deeply unhappy abusers.
It’s incredibly exhausting and SUCH a turn OFF.
@@melissam7067 Mate-guarding exists for a reason. People who argue nothing is gonna happen so a person shouldn't be concerned is naive.
I do _not_ like this situation. At. All.
Bad idea.
Good thing you have no influence over their decisions
not just "bad" - a horrible idea! I've seen similar and it led to suicide and fatherless kids
I agree with you. This is not a good idea. My father said men are easily led.
He's 34 probably making good money maybe workouts, he's in his prime and other women will come on to him regardless of the ring on his finger because some women don't care.
And he has a wife at home , a lot of women want that life. They are going to come for him and yep don’t care if he is married. I have known women who go after married men for all of the reasons above.
Cool, that's on him displaying self control or speaking up if He feels uncomfortable. He's in the position of power there
Married men are out here dating period.
This has nothing to do with jealousy. To call her jealous is an insult. Any wife who allows this is just stupid and would be inviting trouble. As a wife it would be a huge HELL NO!!!!
It's absolute jealousy. She was the one in favor of hiring her aswell because "she was the best candidate" everything else would not make sense.
@@FabriceLabako Well, then I guess you are right that it's jealousy. Yet, it's a self induced jealousy because she stupidly thought it was ok to hire a woman (maybe a very hot one?) to work along side of her husband Day in and day out. Maybe stopping at lunch time to get a couple of burgers and cokes (together of course). Maybe telling a few jokes and sharing mutual laughs (together of course). Maybe offering each other cigarettes on breaks. Complimenting each others perfumes and colognes. What could go wrong?
@@blitzkrieg6872 I mean I get that but then it means that your SO can only be loyal to you without temptations (which I actually do believe in most cases). The problem here is that attractive women will do have issues in hiring processes if everybody, who runs a family business will not hire women because of reasons like that.
It would have been a stupid business decision to hire a man, who is less qualified. Isn't that what feminists often complain about? And I'm by no means a feminist. I do believe in meriocraty and that's what happenend there.
@@FabriceLabako I appreciate your feedback! Everthing you have stated here makes sense and is perfectly logical. My perspective here is based on emotion and personal experience, only. I speak from the point of view of someone that has been cheated on in the past, more than once and how it forever creates trust issues. We women truly understand female nature and alot of us have trust issues when it comes to other women around our spouses and the danger that can happen if they are very attractive.
@@blitzkrieg6872 I mean sure I get that. But if it was me and I would want to step out, I wouldn't have sex with my employee. Because that's why too risky. But sure some people men and women are dumb and do have affairs at the workplace.
Can you imagine a man saying she was the best candidate but I didn't hire her because she is a woman. Shocked how many are saying they should not have hired a woman who was the best candidate. Valid point about access and working close with the opposite sex. However if they end up letting her go because of the wife's insecurities around or working around her husband she will be able to sue them and should for sex discrimination.
I agree
John didn’t say to fire her; he said to hire an additional employee.
Yup they can’t fire her now she screwed herself now
I agree. Poor woman is just trying to get work in the trade industry
@@vanmamawannabe6360
Like that would make a difference, if he (the boss) takes interest in the one employee; a dozen other employees around wouldn’t stop them 😂
Whoofta. Be very careful w this one. Have seen it up close and personal.....never would have thought either party would have messed around, but it happened.
Gosh for someone who has jealousy issues why would she choose a beautiful woman to he with her husband side by side everyday! No no no. Find someone else!
I’m going to go against the majority and say she hasn’t said anything to make me think her husband and the employee are doing anything inappropriate. This is a her thing. She needs to work on her insecurities. To be jealous when your husband is around other women is not normal. (Or vice versa). They can fire the employee, still doesn’t make her overall insecurities go away. Women are everywhere. She can’t keep him locked in the basement. Getting anxiety because of the opposite sex isn’t normal.
Yeah Deloney isnt on point with this one. The caller’s issues wont ever be quenched and now she has validation. Her mom was a narcissist - and Id bet some of those traits have carried on.. soo is the caller pushing the husband towards this situation? Deloney says to hire a 3rd person.. sound like that van is getting smaller by the minute. What if the new hire is a boy and the husband has deep seeded queer desires? lol there isnt any logic here. How about the husband finish training the new hire and provide a work vehicle and then let the employee perform the work that they were hires for. That might not be as kinky but it sounds like less of an EEO complaint.
I agree. You can't and shouldn't fire someone because they're a good looking woman.
I work with some women , should I get fired because I'm too handsome and it made a husband jealous? No!
I partially agree . Jealousy is a normal emotion . Doesn’t make it right .
I have a feeling she has cheated on her husband before, and is projecting right now.
@@sleepyjoeb.8726 Wow, I never thought of that!
6:31 nooooo.... my wanrning bells are going off here. No way would i be comfortable with my husband working with a woman this closely every day
😂 it’s 2024 equal opportunity remember? You guys fought for this 😂
Geez no wonder she feels this way! All the other stuff about her past aside, this working situation is all you need to know to say she most certainly should feel off about this 😬 I would be constantly worried too.
Her insecurities about her looks and appearance vs. the women around her is very likely from the source of having a narcissistic mother. My mother and grandmother very much did the same thing to me. I just don't care anymore but it took years of therapy and being okay with myself and not comparing myself to others obsessively for the fear of not being good enough. This poor woman doesn't feel good enough and her paranoia is doing damage in her relationship. I hope she can find the help she needs.
Very insightful.
This right here!
Hire a woman to work every day side by side with husband. What can go wrong 😑? 😂
Her feelings are valid but they are just that feelings. insecurities. Leave if they cheat. you can't control anything but yourself.
Yes she should leave to maybe find a man she doesn't love as much or who will probably also cheat lol
Ladies you can have a man other women want, a guy with money OR a guy who doesn't cheat.
Life is about choices
@@nly4607 get a cat 😹
@@aqua6613 you sound fat and black....are you an obese single mom like most African American women?
@@nly4607that’s an insane statement, plenty of dudes have money, other women want them, and don’t cheat. It’s only weak men who can’t control themselves
@As24531 lol there is a difference between turning down a flattering offer once every couple years and constantly women throwing themselves at you.
It is childish and egotistical to throw away a family because a man had a weak moment and slept with a women he doesn't care about because she came on really strongly.
100% agree with you John. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with my husband working side by side with a woman all day either.
This is a no no..in the truck all day no
Even if she knows her husband would never try anything with another woman, it's the optics of it all. Other people may look at the setup and make their own assumptions about her marriage/her husband, and they don't want to invite that upon themselves.
Yes, cheating is usually a crime of opportunity.
I disagree with John on this one. Im an union journeysperson electrician. Ive had my own service van and have had experience with training apprentices one on one. Im also married, and have been married for almost 6 years now. When im out in the field, and im over a customer's house, and we're charging them $100/hr to troubleshoot an issue, or put up a ceiling fan, or run a new circuit to the kitchen for their new appliance, the last thing im thinking about is how i can cheat on my wife. And im definitely not spending time checking out my apprentice. If im installing a hot tub, im making sure that i size the wire correctly to handle the load of that hot tub. I know what size wire to use based on table 310.16 in the 2020 NEC code book. I also know that my breaker needs to have GFCI protection based on article 680. I also have to follow the manufacturers instructions because article 110.3(C) tells me im required to follow what the manufacturer says. And meanwhile i have to make sure that im teaching my apprentice this knowledge also, while keeping in mind that the customer doesnt want me wasting time and racking up a large bill for them to pay. When we're out in the field time is money, and we have to make money so we can pay our bills. We also have to make sure we're doing the work safely and providing great customer service. This doesn't leave time for us to flirt with our apprentices. And i dont care if i have a guy or a lady apprentice. I want someone who wants to learn, who wants to be in this trade, and who is willing to work hard. And both a man or a woman are capable of doing this work.
Who are you trying to convince?
Right! Most people go to work to work. These comments are outrageous.
So how do affairs start in a work setting then? Even if there are hundreds of people together, let alone only two.
Its different if there are only two people together and alone most of the day
Let’s go caveman, may help you.
Women: born with every egg we will ever have.
Men: get millions of opportunities in one act and can have several times a day and a variety of women.
Cheating is opportunistic.
I find you a rookie in marriage, get to 3 or 4 seven year itches and then bring something wise to the conversation.
Of course people can not cheat, we are not monkeys….but having wifey at home and unresolved is bad for all.
@@vivianvandermerwe1380
When you cheat it is because you choose to do it it doesn’t happen by accident.
we had this problem too, so i asked how i could help her feel better about herself so she isnt insecure about herself
Aside from the middle school ruminations...this call was SPOT ON on so many points and levels. Good work Dr. Delony.
She was the best qualified? My husband wouldn't even consider hiring a woman in that scenario. Dangerous and looks bad to outsiders.
Great work Doc! I agree with you 💯. I love the fact that you point out what's obvious and all your advice is about protecting our marriages all the time. The devil will always try to ruin anything that is sacred. Love your channel!!
What he's talking about is attachment theory.
Also the close situation of men and women is dangerous for the reasons talked about in the book called Not just friends.
Can a man take fire in his bosom and his clothes not be burned? Proverbs 6:27. That's why you abstain from the very appearance of evil.
💯
UNDEROATH!! I still play their first two albums and listen to, "It's Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door" daily!
I agree with John, this is playing with fire.
The woman working there owns that business now. National radio call that shows “right or wrong” wrongful termination / discrimination in promotions down the road. If she finds this call, they should pay her 50k to leave the business at this point before the lawsuit happens 1 year or 5 years from now
This is a tough one. But theres an old saying, "once you open that door, theres no closing it. No matter what walks though"
This may work fine. But i tend to lean to the side of Risk Aversion.
So true! Great analogy!
affairs dont just happen. its a daily choice.
I have a husband who 💯 would not be unfaithful. Together, we set up communication and boundaries in this area. He is a former professional athlete. I modeled decades ago. If either one of us ever has the instinct to be unfaithful even emotionally, we both have agreed to leave the marriage. We rush to each other to share when we are in vulnerable situations. We both have found it so easy to get ourselves in vulnerable situations and this is what hurt our previous marriages & partners. It feels good to have this trust & stability established finally.
I can’t describe how helpful your videos have been. My partner has been inconsiderate about his attention towards attractive women, and while I don’t worry he’s cheating and he is very affectionate with me, I also think my values are being disrespected because his are slightly different. Personally I don’t think openly excessive porn consumption or commenting on pretty women frequently is ok. It just sews distrust in me and makes me concerned for our future. You have showed me that it doesn’t matter if other women are ok with their partner being so expressive about his attraction for others, I am not. I’ve had a past of being cheated on and even if there are no intentions and he is never secretive or overtly disrespectful, I can still feel uncomfortable and I don’t have to gaslight myself into not caring. I do care. Shallow lust is in my past, and I want to be with someone who can see that stuff, maybe feel into it for a moment but then move on. I watch porn occasionally, but not nearly as much as I used to because frankly, it’s often just grossly objectifying to women and I don’t like the views on sex that it encourages.
I think it's great you care and are recognizing and prioritizing your values! Rooting for you! 💕
I'm so glad you have accepted your discomfort and don't gaslight yourself to prove you're confident or that you trust your partner. I hate this idea being pressed on us, it's contrary to human nature and healthy marriages.
Any amount of porn consumption will eventually become toxic to your marriage. It rots the way you see sex and often effects the way you view your partner and yourself. Run from it.
This is why shared values are so important, even if someone loves you misery may still develop in the relationship if you don't see eye to eye on the same issues. Talking about values before marriage is very important.
I hate how porn expresses too
When men get married they know what the future holds and some still commit. If you’re all about wanting to sleep with an x number of women until you die, don’t marry anyone because you’ll just hurt them and that’s selfish as hell. Goes for women too. It’s not that complicated. Marriage is hard and if you want to leave because you want to sleep with a coworker, you may want to go to therapy. Be honest and upfront before you do, even if it’s going to hurt someone.
The future is divorce
It really is crazy for a women to marry a guy her age and be shocked there are more attractive fertile women he'd be happier with throwing themselves at him
Many men just want to cheat and not leave the marriage.
@Alluring Bliss exactly!
It isn't cheating for a man if he sleeps with some random it becomes cheating when he expends resources on the random that should go to the family ie housing the 304 or having kids with it
On the other hand, when women cheat it is 100% because she doesn't love her man anymore
The Dawson's Creek comment and theme song snippet made me laugh out loud😂😂😂
So funny when he sings! I love it!
“She’s not going to ‘Hand That Rocks The Cradle’ me” is a great line 😂😂😂
Video starts at 2:00 if you were curious.
Doing god’s work bro!
Thank you!
great advice Dr John! sensible decisions to reduce tempting fate.
The last thing I’m going to do with my young good money making husband is have him work alone with a hot girl all day. Even the good men get tempted I wouldn’t be the one putting him in the situation. 🤦🏻♀️
My input…Not a good idea to send your husband with a young girl all day long to work.
Any married Man would love to be working and driving around with young girl all day.
You are sending the sheep into a lion’s’ mouth.
People fall in love, when they spend time together.
This is SO true and i am a female.
And what of the assumption that the girl doesn't like this? You have now got an obsessive predator in a position of power and sent a girl there to deal with that, were her knowing if she complains about unwanted attention, she loses her job
Thank you, Dr John! I was like no no no no, that is not good. Even good ppl can be tempted and act on it. Never ever allow it, a partner to spend a lot of time with someone of the opposite sex by themselves day in and out. Protect your relationship all the time. It’s human nature. If your inner voice is shouting red flag, don’t talk yourself out it. Listen to it!
Oh, my heart is aching on this one. I hope it’s not too late.
I love this. Thank you for the insightful answer, Dr. John
DUDE YOU SAW UNDEROATH?!?!
LET'S GOO!!!! My favorite band of all time growing up in middle/high school. I saw them many times in the glory days.
Yup! I agree with what What Dr. Delony said at 11:34 It’s not a good situation and I wouldn’t want to be in it if I was her or her husband.
Dr. Delony is spot on....the number one reason people have an affair is access. Talk this over with your husband. That this scenario makes you uncomfortable should be enough for your husband to understand how you feel. Would he agree to hiring a single, attractive man to help you out with the business at home all day? Heck, no. She's got to go. She's not the only qualified candidate on the planet.
@wordsalad You can't fire someone for being an attractive woman lol
What does this lady expect she married a successful guy her age OBVIOUSLY there are going to be dozens of more attractive women he would be way happier with throwing themselves at him every year for decades...
@@nly4607 right… if this woman is fired now with a record of stellar performance and no disciplinary issues at work this just screams potential wrongful termination suit waiting to happen… not to mention there’s documented proof with this call… why did they hire this woman in the first place ?!
This is not accurate. The number one reason why people have affairs is because they feel dead inside.
@wordsalad The original poster advised firing which is terrible advice
Women only find 5-15% of men attractive. If women are around enough to get her jealous he aint ugly
@@olivias2836 Because she is personable, qualified, and was the best candidate. Totally questionable.
To accomplish stability through performance...my god those words ring in my brain like a bell.
Affairs don't "just happen". They are planned and strategically drawn out.
Ummm, no they’re not??
@@l-train7876 Oh so you're saying at no time did they think this was a bad idea? Really? lol
@@elainenilsson5472 I have no idea what you’re trying to deduce with those questions.
@@l-train7876 Do you pause long enough to think and deduce? Are you drinking? Or having dinner?
@@sherryd.3425 lol you sound very disturbed. Maybe this is a sensitive topic for you.
She and her Husband should have hired the best man to work with the Husband. The Husband may be totally trustworthy and the woman he hired may have character, but you really don’t know that person and if she does come on him in any way he’s going to be on edge all the time fighting advances or fighting lust , fighting rumors of people seeing your husband riding around with a woman all the time . Why take the chance . Hire a man to work with your husband and hire a woman to work with the wife when she gets involved with the business in the future .
HUGE mistake hiring that woman to ride along with your husband all day. Wife is right to be scared of him cheating. Need to cut that off asap, and the problem is that it's going to be a very very dicey issue at this point. She is going to feel stupid telling him she doesn't want him doing that now, and he is going to feel like she's overreacting and thinking badly of him - not a good scene.
Awesome advice, great example!
LMAO men do not care about women’s ambition. Women care about mens ambition NOT vice versa.
Ok at the risk of being the person who goes against the grain here, “she’s tall, she’s beautiful… they’re together all day etc” ( probably sharing meals together) there is a whole lot of gut feeling going off in this caller and by her own admission she hired against that. As great as her husband is, he’s not Superman. Even if she thinks she knows her husband, she doesn’t really know this woman ( not like hubby is going to get to) and she handed him over to her. Even if hubby is trustworthy to a point; if that other woman finds him attractive, she’ll move on it and now hubby is in the test of his life. If he fails, he has the perfect alibi, “ they’re just working together “. I’ve seen unexpected things happen in new couples as well as older long married couples. Don’t expect your husband to be Superman, look out for his best interest and don’t push him into temptation if you don’t have to. Every time I witnessed a situation go wrong I was completely surprised. The last time, it was a respectable, tall and beautiful gallery manager who fell for a union leader , she found him attractive and moved on him( working together on business), he had a respectable marriage for over 30 years, wife who had cancer, and the business lunches got longer and longer. Long story short, the wife is now the ex and the gallery manager is married to the union rep. Nothing wrong with putting up a few safeguard rules to help protect your marriage.
This is why it's so stupid for a woman to marry a man her age and expect him to stay with her.
It is just impossible for a successful guy not to have dozens of opportunities for happiness just throwing themselves at him for decades.
@makeapennycry - I completely agree with you. Her gut is probably telling her she has some reason to be worried and I hope for their family's sake that nothing has happened or will happen. Tricky situation, but she definitely shouldn't have hired this female just to prove a point to herself. Now she's in this mess.
I’m very blessed. My husband learned how my previous experiences made me feel (justifiably) insecure and devalued and traumatized. He ponied up and has lived decades demonstrating that there is no way possible that he will be unfaithful to me. When he makes me feel disrespected (bc he’s a human) he immediately apologizes. I don’t hold anything over him. I do share feelings with him. He is a confident and successful man in his own right. I also am supportive of him and acknowledge my actions when they are hurtful. It can work out. 31 years in and we’re both very happy in our life together.
Yeah I’d feel uncomfortable too. I’d definitely do some shadow work and get your energy to a higher vibration more consistently learning to love yourself, and let the old story fall away. It’s all inner work.
UnderOATH!!! Dr. John is awesome.
I wouldn’t be comfortable with this either. And I agree, everyone should be protected.
John, I'm 60 and I heard this from my female high school teachers. It's archaic. Being a mentor, teacher, supervisor, or administrator removes intimacy. Friendship and comradeship are fine. I've always been the overeducated, mentor boss in this situation from an early age. I have had both female and male employees who wanted to be my friend or establish intimacy. And yes, many of them were younger or older than I, and some of us had a genuinely possible mom/child, sister/brother, or life-long friend connection. It can't happen at work. Two years later...you can meet and laugh...ten years later...you can call and laugh. Yes, I still love you. We raised 45 difficult kids with love, compassion, humor, and professionalism..on pure guts and our personal dynamic alone. If that's not love and family, what is?
what the hell kind of story is this
family is BIOLOGICAL
@@janelleg597 Please clarify.
I have no idea what this comment means or how it’s related to the video.
@@l-train7876 Jon's ideas are archaic. Men and women in the same work environment do not lead to intimacy...unless there is unprofessionalism and intent. Police yourselves.
I disagree. Look how many people have fallen in love with their bosses. My grandmother married hers.
bro the fact he be like a preacher but throws down in the pit lmao. john be elbowin people
John you just earned extra brownie points in my book for being a Underoath fan! 🤘🏼
Wow ,, I grew up with a alcoholic father and a narcissistic mother 🙀
I'm still raising them. Their in their eighties and just won't die. I think they might be mellowing. When I say "Quiet time for 20 minutes." They comply and seem to appreciate it. Baby steps.
@ivans3778 She was simply connecting the dots in her own life. No need for douchery.
You accomplish stability through performance. Thats HUGE.
This is not good. The husband should have never agreed to hiring a single female. You would think he would have felt uncomfortable.
Can we stop rebranding working motherhood stay-at-home motherhood? She's a mom who works from home co-running his business. It might be part-time (and she may not directly earn a paycheck, which short changes her mightily if true). But stay-at-home moms don't hire workers and whatever else she does (scheduling, payroll, the books) for "our" business.
Bad news. Husband should not be training a woman--alone. Privacy in truck and bonding over shared work/goals. Recipe for disaster--even with a guy you'd never ever ever dream of falling into this. It's not your imagination to feel a check in your spirit.
This is gonna keep happening as she gets older and he peaks around 49
Idk what women expect when they marry a guy your age
Im a small business owner and i agree! This is gonna sound bad, but as a man its safer to hire an older and or ugly woman for this role
She literally built the worst possible situation for her husband. Making him a mentor being alone as a supervisor all the time with a beautiful woman . She is basically forcing him to cheat.
Things happen when you are put in such an extreme situation 40h/ week .We all have hormones. They will be friends at some point and sorry to say all men want to sleep with such a woman if she is beautiful.
Honestly this is idiocy at her part. First time I can say that if he has a fling with her thats at least as much on the wife.
Delony makes perfect sense!
Also uf she realizes that she doesn't take care of herself anymore well then jealousy is telling her to change that. It is not that hard to do.
What kind of a man drives around all day in a truck training a woman? Something is definitely off with this. Watch him throw a fit when you bring this up.
Exactly. It's unfortunate the caller likely won't update us on how things went, but oh... to be a fly on the wall when they have this conversation. 👀
I wouldn't be cool with that either. Sorry not sorry.
My husband and I established a rule for each other. The car can be the same as a bedroom (do I need to explain that?) so no driving together in the car with the opposite sex. No “work dinners” either. It feels like a date, no matter how evolved we are. Anything that you would do on a date, don’t do with other opposite sex people. Very simple. If you think you would NEVER cheat on your spouse, that’s when the trouble can happen. Because you’re not watching out and protecting your relationship.
Guys gonna find her attractive if she’s attractive doesn’t mean he will cheat
It doesn’t but being around an attractive woman all day who upkeeps herself is temptation for any man no matter how loyal you are
If she knows which perfume to use he will.
@@sdmoore89 Caller said upfront she has let herself go, put on weight & looking frumpy, but Deloney totally blew by that comment. There is more than just psychological confidence, there is also physical confidence, that is what caller is currently lacking and it is effecting her attitude towards her husband & marriage. Caller needs to talk with husband about setting some time aside so she can work out (gym maybe?) & have healthy meals for herself & family. Husband will love the results! Husband cannot read wife's mind, she must speak up.
My husband thinks it’s ok to dance with other women (two step, country swing, etc.) at the country western club. I hate this and don’t think it’s ok. He sneaks and does it when I’m out of town or we’re separated. Please someone tell me I’m not being crazy? We are Christian and I just think it’s dumb to touch another woman in the club when we put boundaries at church.
Ma'am, please know you are not crazy. Him doing this whenever you're not around is very telling. Please bring this up with your marriage ministry at church for accountability.
Your husband is doing you wrong by dancing with other women. Especially when you are out of town. I consider it cheating. It's just one step away.
I agree with the two other comments. This man is showing a lack of respect. Would he go crazy if the shoe were on the other foot? I bet he would be furious. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.
seems like the romance is gone, if the romance isnt there this insecurity pops up, when a couple has the romance your less inclined to have the need to look for it somewhere else
Dear ladies, we are not attracted to “ambition” in women. That’s a masculine trait. Just follow something you’re passionate about that doesn’t cost us exorbitant amounts of money to keep afloat. We don’t want to make your “business” an expensive hobby and a money pit. Just find something you care about and do that. I’ve never met a dude who said “man, she’s just soo ambitious. That’s what got me”. Any guy who says otherwise is just telling you what you want to hear. Pretty, kind, comforting, feminine. That’s it.
I agree with him 💯
If he has good moral standards then what is the problem? So men shouldn't be around attractive woman? Are we putting all men in a box where they cannot control themselves?Lady, get a gym subscription and work on your physical appearance if you are so insecure about it. Opportunity to cheat will ALWAYS present itself, it's up to the person; trust your husband who has never given you a reason to doubt him.
Facts.
@@ineedhoezYou're missing the point. It's about accountability and being above reproach. If couples actually took the advice that Jon is recommending, affairs wouldn't be so common. No one said that men shouldn't be around attractive women. But being alone all day with one is a disaster waiting to happen. The same goes for a woman being alone all day with an attractive guy.
@@todd2324 I get what you are saying but what does that do to a woman's career? If she is attractive, she cannot work with men? I am talking very generally, not this situation.
I think hot women have enough advantages in life. I say we all hire uggos to level the playing field. Equity!!!
@@todd2324 with all do respect many of us have careers that place us in" closed proximity " to men or having men as work partners. Many men are In the same position. Police officers, doctors who have female nurses working directly with them. Dental assistants, engineer ( which still is a made dominated field), construction, mechanics. It's a new world, everybody should do their job and go home, it's not rocket science. Spouses can only trust they married someone who's values aligned with theirs, which includes the santicity of marriage. The caller is insecure, insecurities that have nothing to do with her husband or the trainee. She's projecting and needs to work on herself. She has 3 children if one of them is a girl she might grow to be an attractive woman, how will she feel when her daughter starts getting fired because she's attractive?
My wife has always been jealous of my co workers.
Sorry, but this one is definitely asking for it! No way would I put my husband in up in that situation. We are human.
Dr. D nailed it. 👏🏻👏🏻
Totally agree with Dr J for once, lol. I usually do.