"I don't think the relationship is abusive." When his own little girl is saying "I don't want daddy driving me, he's scares me" at that young of an age, that is a huge red flag that should be taken seriously by everyone involved in that child's life. No child should have to worry about their parents scaring them like that. Driving drunk with a kid in the car, knowing you're not supposed to be driving at all, is abusive behavior towards that child. Willingly endangering a child's life, drunk or not, is child abuse. Abuse doesn't have to leave a mark for it to be considered abuse. No child should ever be fearing for their lives from their own parents. If he's fine with doing that to his own child, I can imagine what he thinks is okay to do to his wife. - Edit after Final Update - The niece is freaking out whenever she sees Tyler try to hug OP because she very likely witnessed Richard abuse Claire. Seeing one parent abusing the other is traumatic for a child and the fact that she's clinging to OP and reacting negatively towards Tyler shows how intense what she just witnessed must've been for her. I have no doubt that Richard abusing Claire that time resulting in her miscarrying.
Because for people like Claire, they will never hold the wrong doer accountable. Asking OP to forgive and forget is easier because it lets Claire keep her delusional picture of Richard being this misunderstood nice guy.
Abusers always want their victims to " Be the bigger person." Screw that! Allow abusers to experience the nature consequences of their decisions. You can forgive, if you want to get free, but never forget and never open the door again.
@@emilyh.kluver5615 its because Claire fears Richard more than she loves OP. That's why shes desperate to make excuses, since she will get beaten if she fails
OPs sister is delusional. The niece is literally in danger and the sister doesn't see to grasp this fact. I'm so sad that this turned out how we all anticipated. I hope the sister and niece can work things out without Richard involved. I'm grateful the niece has OP and her extended family.
Based on what we heard in the updates I highly doubt anyone could be that delusional, and if she where enough of a narcissist to not care then she wouldnt be mourning the fetus he killed. Sounds like SEVERE abuse was a regular occurence and I wouldn't be surprised if she believes that he'll kill her and her kid if she speaks up against him.
@@oliviabean8264 there's degrees of narcissism. Narcissists can feel bad about things that directly affect them (like say pregnancy loss), especially if they were going to get a golden child out of it.
S1: When people show you who they are, believe them. Claire should have dropped Richard long ago; can you imagine allowing your child to be with someone who constantly threatens their life?? I certainly would not see Claire until that happens.
Well she's probably been late teen when gotten together with Richard so it's already years of abuse and control and has tried to act like perfect family and now she cannot hide it anymore how bad it has been. I think people keep lying to everyone and themselves because only a f-ing idiot would marry and start family with AH like Richard and we rarely want to admit that we've been full blown idiots. I am sure family has been alarmed and warned about Richard before marriage but "she wanted to prove them wrong" Someone really should have asked "so you say good father drives drunk? Especially with his kid in the car?" I know this one woman (close to 60) and she's been telling about her marriages (first was alcoholic and second was narcissistic alcoholic..third guy was finally okay but he unfortunately got cancer and died) She's been explaining her stupidity in youth, delusional ideals about relationship, how two from shit household would "build wonderful life together because we know how not to do it". She really doesn't save herself from her stupid mistakes. She got finally to therapy when her 3rd husband (mental breakdown) died and I think she's finally been able to process 45 years of crap of her life.
Nobody ever WANTS to be in an abusive relationship and the answers and how "simple" it is to "just leave" is easier to come up with on the outside. Once the abuser has the upper hand whether it be financially, physically, or is able to keep their victim secluded or withdrawn or distrusting of support ...it is a hell that the victim can't see the exit to.
@@princess2none I understand that. I really do. But I also understand how much more vulnerable a small child is in this situation. If she could not at the least attempt to protect her child, it’s almost as is she values her own safety over her daughters. She would rather her husband drive her daughter drunk than risk angering him herself. Idk, fear is a hell of a thing.
@@princess2none As hard as it is, at some point Claire needs to grow a backbone and protect her child. OP should have called CPS with the reports of him wanting to (and potentially) drive with children in the car when drunk.
@@hilaryc3203 yea she does...but CLAIRE has to do it. Some ppl get out in months some years it's not as cut and dry as ppl on the outside think it is. Just because the family says they will be there for Claire doesn't means she can instantly believe that.There is a high probability that his alienating her from ppl with his behavior has given him the ability to convince her they WON'T.He gets phone calls and is probably still reminding her about all the times everyone else has let her down and how she needs to be there for him or have NOONE. It's never as cut and dry as you seem to minimize it to be
@@niyablake I came here to say the exact same thing. Claire is one of those people who will make excuses to the grave. As unfortunate as it may be, they are just going to have to let things happen as they will.
Her alcoholic husband almost certainly had a hand in killing the child that she was carrying. He either beat her until she lost the baby or caused so much stress that she miscarried.
I promise you - As a child of an alcoholic, he drives his kids around ALL the time tipsy/drunk. OP's sister is still lying to herself and wants her family to believe the narrative she is playing in her head to cope with her situation.
Yep. I have a friend who's father was a drunk and he would drive her around all the time when he was intoxicated. She now has a fear of riding in cars that are filthy, since she noticed that whenever he would drive her around drunk, the car was trashed.
I agree with your estimation that he probably gets tipsy regularly and tries to go through the motions of the day that way. This would most likely involve both driving alone and driving with others in his vehicle, like his daughters. Yes, the sister is currently a textbook partner who is severely gaslit and in denial. She knows there is something wrong with her situation, but he is pleasant enough to her drunk or sober that she can still rationalize it in her mind (ie: the good outweighing the bad). It's probably also a codependant relationship between Richard and the sister, so it's not easy to disentangle oneself from their partner. It looks very bad that she has neglected her daughter, but she can't even help herself right now. Richard and the sister also seem to function with a sense of entitlement from OP's perspective. Upset that they feel they are "owed" or should have because someone else has it (ie: the respect of the family), even if they don't do anything to warrant getting what they want. Then to blame anyone but themselves is texbook narcissism. They are going to have to start taking accountability for this family to heal. They all need so much therapy as a result of this situation. I sincerely hope Richard can get sober and stay sober for all involved, and that they can get all the therapy they need to heal from this ordeal.
I have a SIL who has ALWAYS had a snootful! I love her to pieces, but I have always been terrified for her to be drunk driving and wind up killing my nephews as well as herself.
@@emilyh.kluver5615 I mean, if she IS driving drunk, you should report her. That puts her kids at risk if she's got them in the car. If they aren't she's still risking the lives of whoever she passes, and herself.
My aunt used to say about my uncle "he's a good man when he's sober" and I just said "when is he ever sober" que her tears about how we don't understand him and I would say yeah we do he's a drunk there isn't a lot to understand. then she would storm out in anger because we don't respect her and her family🤣🤣🤣
Sadly that's also a lyric from the "Matchmaker" song from Fiddler. A tale as old as time. "You heard he has a temper. He'll beat you every night. But only when he's sober. So you're all right!"
@@HubiKoshi The entire song is a dark joke. It literally contains the line "playing with matches, a girl can get burned" (ie: don't be begging for the match maker - the matches are... questionable because we aren't rich we're going to have to potentially tolerate very old or abusive husbands". It's...not an endorsement. It's mocking the way matchmakers try to put a shine on a turd.
With years i became even more blunt. And once had the same question to someone because i was done with the excuse. I then told something that hit the rage of someone as i was about to go to fists: "only cowards storm off because they know is true and you don't want to deal with what it must be done". I swear everyone think the "bigger person crap" but i shout back: "THEN SOLVE IT! you will never solve any problem if you keep ignore it for the sake of FAMILY or some bullcrap". I was cathartic when i got the "he is right" stares.
"It's not _his_ fault, it's just the _alcohol."_ Claire is really out here acting like the alcohol sneaks up on Richard and jumps him rather than him actively seeking it out. Edit: I'll be honest, toxic relationship or not, if you'd rather blame or attack other people who have done literally nothing to you instead of taking a long, hard look at your relationship, than you're an AH. "It's a tough situation" _I don't care._ Those _kids_ are in a tough situation, not the parents. The dad is a piece of shit, and the mom sits around doing nothing about it other than attacking everyone who complains and blames them for it. They actively _choose_ to stay in this relationship, the kids didn't get that choice.
I read this book called prone to violence and this woman opened one of the first domestic abuse shelters in the world and the very first in the uk, she observed over a decade that there are basically two kinds of abuse victims either men or women, one type that had a good childhood and accidentally ended up in an abusive relationship and as soon as they get the chance they leave and don’t turn back and then there are those that are addicted to violence, either through childhood abuse or the mother being abused during pregnancy and though out the child’s babyhood so that they seek out violent partners because the high right before being hit is so good to them they’d rather stay even when they know they can end up killed. Also a lot of times people in abusing relationships have a lot of kids and that keeps the cycle going.
Even if it was "just the alcohol", as she claims, it doesn't mean that he's not a danger to other people. Anyone who gets into that many car accidents, and even attempts to drive with their kid in the car after drinking isn't entitled to any consideration.
The exit is "My ex will likely try or succeed in killing my family, my children, and myself. While I am putting myself in this abuse, it is not escalating as quickly, and he isn't trying to kill my family members." You talk like it's easy to put everyone you might possibly turn to in the line of fire when he loses control completely and does whatever to make her beg for his control over her. My family member is having to sneak out her stuff without her abusive hubby catching her so he doesn't kill her. That puts her 70s mother in the line of fire as stop one, two daughters (grandkids including an infant), a son (grandbaby), my parents, and myself as a further chain of possible landing spots to stalk. Likely my parents second since he is well aware she has always seen my dad (her uncle) more like a father figure since he lived with them the first six years of her life. Absolutely it is the victim's choice to leave. I left my verbally, emotionally abusive boyfriend. But he knew he couldn't beat me in a fight so hitting me was not something he was going to do. He admitted he wouldn't raise a hand to me because he wouldn't survive me to find out what the family would do to the guy who hit their daughter. He's even made an attempt to approach me in public in the last few years (apart for over 13 years) because he thinks I won't make a scene unless physically hurt. Leaving is never truly over. She will have to watch her back the rest of her life. Whoever has the kid will have to watch their backs as long as he is alive. It takes a lot to come to the realization that the higher risk option is the right one to make when physical abuse is an issue. Add in OP said sister lost the baby. If that seemed to be abuse or related (trauma to the area), the doctor can file a report too, but doesn't seem like they did. He committed a murder technically. Yet no one is thinking about that. Sister now needs to cope with it is partly her fault her baby was murdered, and she's likely thinking she deserves whatever he does to her now. Her living child is no longer as at risk as she is and has new guardians to protect her. Severe depression and grief are involved which means her choices won't be healthy ones. So another complication without a real support system because her family helped turn her away from them.
Claire is disgusting. She DARVO'ed and gaslit OP more than an oil refinery! And she abandoned her kid in the 2nd update. She's not much better than her husband. Being a victim doesn't give her a free pass.
Story 1 - Nobody turned their backs on Claire, she turned her back on the whole family. Tyler isn't a spiteful drunk. That's why he's leagues better than Richard. I hope time to herself will help her reflect on her thoughts and make her realize how much she threw away sticking up for this deadbeat.
Claire knows what Richard is. She's at least gone full sunk cost fallacy on this man for years. But he lovebombs her to keep her roped in, and as long as he can lash out at *other people* that aren't Claire, the situation is "manageable" for Claire. Claire herself seems to be a codependent and maybe even a covert narcissist herself what with image being everything; that she has the 'perfect famileeee' and it's everybody else's fault not Richard's. If she IS a narcissist, her behavior is even more reprehensible as it's akin to people who deliberately offer up other people for an abuser to abuse just so they don't get targeted for abuse.
@@brigidtheirish yeah, this is how enablers operate/are created. They have a stake in the status quo; that status quo is only maintained if the abusive partner has any other target but them. Periodic lovebombing probably keeps the cycle going.
"Tyler isn't a spiteful drunk. That's why he's leagues better than Richard." That is a very callus and judgemental statement. People addicted to substances are treated medically for a reason. Though, to someone who has not gone through a similar ordeal, it is easy to stand very far back while pointing fingers and making assumptions. I pray no one trying to recover from addiction ever has to sit next to you and listen to your inexperienced opinions on people in their disposition.
I think you’re deliberately missing the word “spiteful” and ignoring what people are really accusing him of. Calling him an “spiteful drunk” is neither callous nor judgmental, it’s accurate. Cause this man is spiteful and mean. Sure, people aren’t super-duper understanding of Richard’s substance abuse, but what they’re furious about is the violence, rage, malicious intent and him repeatedly, purposely putting his child in life or death situations. Commenters and OP are mostly angry about the spiteful part. And you can’t just blame that on addiction and call it a day. Substance abuse is a medical condition, yes. But it doesn’t give you a pass on being a shitty person. Just like having ptsd doesn’t make violent outbursts all good. Beating addiction is impressive, cause it’s incredibly hard. But part of pretty much all recovery programs is taking responsibility for what you’ve done, without blaming others. You seem kind, but don’t confuse being understanding of someone’s problems, with making excuses and enabling them to keep making them. That’s not actually helping.
"it was the booze he was wonderful all the other times" has the same energy as "he only beats me when he's stressed he's wonderful all the other times" If it truly was just the booze but he was a wonderful man he'd stop drinking because he knows alcohol turns him into a monster.
While ill say true alcaholism is genetic issue and is a actual adiction nit so wasu stop every frubk is diferbt Beibg drubk foesnt magicly make u violent it nakes u stupid and likely to do risks but it doesbt nagicly create donestic abusers , a drunk donestic abuser allreqdy had the nind set to be abusive before gettibg drunk
I've got Everclear's "Wonderful" going through my head every time sis defends her man. Yes, smile through the abuse, woman. Pretend it's not happening, even while your kid is seeing it and knows better (sarcasm intended). Do parents in these situations really not think their kids know what's going on? That kid should be priority, but that would implode sis' fantasy that their life is better than other people make it out to be. After all, she leaves her kid with others sometimes, that might mean they're right that the situation's dangerous. That little girl is gonna have major issues around men for years, and she's gonna be a teenager hating her own mother (if she doesn't end up doing the same thing when she pursues relationships).
Good luck Clare in fixing the unfixable Richard. How? He won't dry out. Is he apologizing to 50 guests for his wedding scene? How? Break free of your Stockholm Syndrome Claire.
Don’t let Claire and Richard get away with blaming the alcohol. People do and say when they’re drunk what they believe when they’re sober. The alcohol only removes the internal editor.
Also you can only blame the alcohol once and you drink again then it means you were ok with your past behaviour, most people get drunk again and again so they are never sorry for their past actions
It does completely alter some people's personalities. That's why all drugs are called consciousness changing substances. However this bloke has a serious issue,is endangering his own daughter and ruining his wife's family relationships. He needs rehab and strict aftercare. He won't do it thoroughly until he sees the problem clearly though.
I think the most telling thing for me about claire is that op never mentions that she has called to check how her daughter is. She knows her daughter witnessed dad beating mom and was histerical. I just dont think i could forgive her either even though she was a victim as well
I agree 100% she caused that poor baby so much pain with her spinlessness, it's inexcusable regardless of what she went through herself you know how terrible the child's mental health mist be if even a professional child psych expert cannot get her to open and the mere thought of sharing what she witnessed and experienced makes shut down so badly
@@lillypharaoh5945 Let’s not call abuse victims spineless please. Abusers make their victims feel like they are at fault, that when they get angry it’s to right the wrongs of the victim and that if the victim tries to be better they will have a better spouse. They are experts at exploiting and isolating their victims and making them feel unwanted and alone. Don’t call someone spineless because they chose to stay, regardless of why. Just be grateful that they escaped and that their children escaped too. It is no coincidence that Claire dropped her daughter off with OP two weeks after being given that speech. Claire saw an out and she took it. That alone takes strength and f you for turning that against her. It cost her a child, victims like her don’t need AHs like you demeaning them further than what their abusers already did.
@@drualasdove the mother stopped being a victim in my eyes the second she started victimizing her daughter and endangering her life I would've agreed with you if she had been alone but she actually argued that she wouldn't allow her daughter to go where her husband who almost got the girl killed before wasn't there......wtf?!! What a piece of work she is, and the mental abuse and gaslighting she did to her sister, no matter what her situation is nothing justifies her shitty actions as a mother and a sister, and the fact that she never asked about her daughter or even checked up on her what a fucking monster she is People like you who justify abuse with trauma are just as dangerous and disgusting as the abusers themselves, because so long as they belive someone will jump to their defense they'll keep hurting people in the name of being a victim who doesn't know any better
@@lillypharaoh5945 Holy hell. You are a piece of work if you can’t comprehend how abuse works. I’m not going to argue with a victim shamer because “a child was involved”. Claire might have been afraid leaving would hurt her daughter more. There’s a special place in hell for people like you.
The dress code boss was definitely trying to get OP to dress "feminine" and for the record, corporate female attire doesn't mean tight pencil skirt. It also means long black trousers with white shirt accordingly to the corporate handbook I got at three different companies. At least that's how it is where I am. Glad that OP took that literally and have the creepy boss' dream crushed lol. Yes, I'm the weirdo that reads the handbook.
S1: Richard really sounds like my father. And the only way to deal with that sort of person is to go no contact and stay no contact. I don’t know what to say about OPs sister in regards to her seeing the problem is her spouse. My paternal grandparents never believed my father was an abusive toxic drunk until they were forced to deal with it in person and see the actuality of it. However OPs sister has dealt with this a lot but still stays. Edit: Wow, sis is doing some spectacular mental gymnastics in that update to blame OP for something that her own husband did. Can we enter her in the mental olympics? Seems like she’d get a gold.
Richard needs to go away for a LOOOOONG time. He's clearly traumatized his daughter and there's no question he beat Claire. Hopefully they can have the niece sit with a therapist and just chat about unrelated things until she's comfortable enough to open up about what actually happened. Sad story over all.
You don't call CPS when the parent is driving the child drunk, you call the cops immediately. He is putting his child and other people in danger when driving drunk. I genuinely hate drunk drivers, there are *no* excuse to drive drunk. If you know you're gonna drink, make sure you arrange transportation beforehand. Someone said this before-if they're an arse, drunk or not, to everyone but you, they *are* an arsehole. There's no way to slice it differently. The only reason someone like that is nice is because they wanted something from the person they're nice to. My friends are all happy or sleepy drunks. They had never thrown verbal abuse or put people down when they're inibriated. They don't even pick a fight, they're just weirdly happy and start to compliment you. With the updates... OP and her husband should consider the possibility of adopting the niece if the sister kept defending Richard. That child doesn't deserve to suffer with an alcoholic of a father and an enabler of a mother. That is _if_ her sister kept by Richard's side. If she chose to testify against him, take steps to cut Richard out of her life and her children's life for endangering them, the family could try and support them if they wanted.
Richard has wrecked 3 vehicles. He broke hos leg in one accident. Has a DUI. In what state is this taking place and how does Richard have a license to still drive a bicycle much less a car ?
@@darkwolfe6286 No clue. I'm surprised his license is still valid if I'm honest. Where I am, driving drunk will get you a fine and suspended license for a minimum of five years. That is if you didn't kill someone.
Jono once said: what matters isn't that they can be good, it's what they are at their worse. His worse is endangering children and using medical conditions as amunition
@@fytrndm here you only get license suspended for few months. And fined of course. If you are caught like 30 times, you might lose you car. But usually "I need car to work" gets them keep the car.. and most likely license. 10 years ago there was case where 42 yr old woman drove drunk, hit 15yr old and 8yr old and younger one died. I think she got a year on probation. Her defense? It was short distance and she needs her license to get to work. Short distance. Still managed to run over two minors and kill one.
I know Claire is a victim of domestic abuse. But I feel like they are too lenient with her. She let her husband endanger her child and now she litteraly abandoned her kid. Nice of her to enjoy OP's meals while chilling at home but never even picking up the phone to say thanks or more importantly inform herself to her kid's whereabouts. Or to litteraly even speak to her daughter ?? I've known abused women who would never leave without their kids. And this women is just hiding home clearly more affected by the shame of what happened to her than about her own kid's wellbeing. She was a bad mother before the abuse and she still is a bad mother now.
Thank you. What happened was bad, but abuse or not, she is responsible for her own actions and multiple times, she has put her child into danger, the child is so mentally scarred that HUGGING HER SCARED HER. I feel no sympathy for that woman.
Yes they are absolutely being too lenient with Claire. The first update made me want to vomit, she's gaslighting OP more than an oil refinery! And she abandoned her kid in the second update. So what if she was abused, I have no sympathy for her.
Ok, I'm going to take an unpopular view here. I do have sympathy for Claire. True that she should have cared more about her daughter's safety. I can definitely agree to that. I've been around abused women to the point that I went to a seminar to find out WHY they stay in abusive relationships. I mean, it's obvious to us to leave, right? To oversimplify what I learned; Claire (and women like her) have been so mentally conditioned over a long period of time (it starts very subtly) they can't "see" what's happening to them. Brainwashed if you will. Niece is not the only one who needs therapy. Claire desperately needs help. I can only hope that her family hangs in there to get her to realize she needs it before her husband kills her. 😔
@@Lynn-kh5rs I do agree to a point, but she HAS family that are there- they are offering her a hand, her SISTER STATED THAT SHE'D HELP HER, she has been leaving meals, she has been reaching out, but you cannot expect her to reach out forever- eventually, she'll wash her hands of the situation.
If that was my sister with the drunk husband she would be permanently disowned. Period I wouldn’t even allow him to apologize. Why would you want the grovelling of a low life drunk who endangers his children and a woman who covers for him despite him endangering her children.
As much as I feel bad for Claire about what's going on, screw her for putting niece in so much danger and harm because she refuses to protect her. The niece has to pay for the consequences of her awful parents' actions. She's literally traumatized ffs and I wanna cry because poor baby I hope Tyler and OP can get niece away from these awful parents please
@@DrownedInExile I feel like a bad person for not really wanting to give Claire any sympathy because of the abuse, but the niece deserves so much better and these parents deserve true hell
@@jadedflames2809 To quote a line from the old Law & Order show: "You are not the victim here. The victim here was a little girl, too small to defend herself."
“I believe that CPS should be called when the father tries to drive his daughter home drunk” I wish more people thought that way. That niece would always know no one cared enough about her life to confront an addict in destruction mode.
Claire reminds me of my own sister. In a relationship with a crappy, abusive person and doesn't want to see it. Like I did with my own sister I'd let Claire live her life the way she wants to with whoever she wants to
I always find it incredibly sad, that some people would run their lives into the ground and/or risk a horrific fate, just so they can still live in their bubble of delusion and never have to accept the cruel truth. 😢 Your sister is no exception to that rule. But as you said, it's her life and it's up to her to make the right decision.
I’m in a situation of my sisters boyfriend being not good but not bad…but no one really likes him nor do we know much….and it’s been two years. She won’t listen though. I’ve had to learn that I’ll be a fountain because she’s so stubborn and has low self-esteem to see she deserves better.
S1: At this point, both Claire and Richard are far beyond redemption. Claire excused it because he's drunk, but overlooks the fact that, if he was aware and concerned about his behaviour when he's drunk, he would actively try to stay sober. But since she's desperate to hold this image that he is good, she ruined her children and herself. My sympathies to the poor niece. She's gonna be a mess for quite some time
@@OpaxVex Do you… hear yourself? Seriously? Gatekeeping… advice for people who are being abused because… people who aren't abused… can see the abuse clearer??? I know you mean that, as someone who isn't a victim I have no awareness of what she's going through, and I agree with that. The ridiculousness of your statement, however, is that only applies to *when people are encouraging the victim to re-enter a toxic situation, not when they are addressing the toxic situation to the victim so they aren't gaslit.* Also, please do research or enablers and their behaviours. That cousin is very clearly following that pattern and that's exactly why those children are doomed unless they can safely get away
@@OpaxVex Okay, I'm gonna stop you right here in case you're being genuine and not a troll. I know what this is like. I deal with it with a few people around me physically as well. One of my friend's aunts actively chose to ignore this type of behaviour herself. My own parent suffers from the same mentality the cousin does, where the blame is on the alcohol and not the person consuming it. I can assure you I fully understand what I mean when I say that this is enabling. This isn't a "Oh let's armchair therapy this" situation
I really don't feel sorry for OP's sister. She seems just as bad as Richard just in a different way. She chose her husband over her daughter, she's a delusional narcissist, and she's spoiled. I think people are being too nice to her. She's not a victim, she's the Bonnie to his Clyde.
I think that would count as “coaching” and have high potential to backfire. But Idk where I’m pulling that from, could just be a TV trope I picked up, 😅🤷♀️
Wow this first story went dark fast. From a simple being belligerence drunk to abuse. This is so sad for the sister. She was in a fog that she refused to ever see the true trouble.
Yeah. I always find it incredibly terrifying when I hear stories like this. 😰 It always breaks my heart that some people live in such denial that they don't even realize that they're allowing the abusive monsters destroy their lives. 😢
thank you for Saving your Sisters child from that Dangerous Situation. Sorry he wasn't arrested BEFORE the wedding. 17:16, Her in Fear of Closing the door seems like she HEARD some of the abuse your sister got, or likely RECIEVED some of the Physical abuse. You would Fear shutting doors to if it was a Sign of imminent PAIN for you or mommy. You would also likely Fear Hugs if the only time Daddy came at you with OPEN ARMS is if he was gonna Pick you up and Throw you, Strike you, or WORSE... These things will take time. keep her in therapy.
I think that niece is worried that OP’s husband is gonna beat her whenever he goes to hug her. Maybe her dad did it to Claire and that left her traumatized. Poor kid needs help badly. I hope she gets the help she needs and that sister eventually comes around and opens up. BIL sounds like a monster.
I didn't serve alcohol at my last wedding. We had punch, tea, coffee or soda. No alcohol and anyone at the door with a bottle was told it would not be opened and to go put it in their car. We had a lovely time. The ceremony and reception went off without a hitch. Nobody got drunk. No fights. Not even a serious spill. 10/10 would recommend alcohol free wedding.
The funny thing is, the sister thinks OP forgiving him will fix things. But like, nah. I don't care if my relative forgives someone for saying something like that. I'm still going to be angry it even left his mouth. If you say something to my friend/relative, nothing they respond with will make me change how I feel about the thing said. They forgive him? Great. Doesn't change a thing for me.
I absolutely love the way you sign off at the end of the video. Idk why but it feels like a friend signing off after telling a good story with commentary.
Two things about Forgiveness: 1) To even consider being worthy of forgiveness requires the 3 Rs: Responsibility, Repair, Repeat. The offender (Richard) has to take full personal Responsibility for his actions, do whatever is needed to Repair the damage (hard to know what he could do in this case) and ensure the action won't be repeated (stop drinking, go to AA, etc.) Without that, you don't deserve forgiveness. 2) Forgiveness is an emotional/spiritual thing, not a material thing. So you could forgive Richard but still not allow him around. When I was 20, a long-time friend stole the two or three things I owned of any value and pawned them. I eventually forgave him--as in, I have no hatred for him in my heart--but I still wouldn't let him in my house because he showed me he is a thief.
Jesus............OP's brother in law is one nasty piece of work! 😡 What a major scumbag! 😡 Totaled 3 cars, DUIs, and a nasty speech at the wedding? And on top of all that, his own daughter is terrified of him AND his wife had a miscarriage most likely because of him?! That's extremely horrifying! 😰😭 Her sister is/was clearly in a toxic and abusive relationship and is completely in the fog. OP was right to call the police and rescue her beloved niece. Claire really needs help, professional help to be exact. I really hope everyone is safe from that monstrous ogre! ❤️💖❤️
And Claire declaring that niece wasn't gonna be going anywhere Richard wasn't allowed, too? That part hit me the 2nd time I watched this, like "are you REALLY gonna use your own daughter as a pawn to get your husband back into the family fold?" That's when I knew no matter what OP said, someone would have to die or get beaten to a pulp before Claire budged an inch. She's standing by a man who'd stab her in the back if he ever felt the need to. Heaven only knows how much that kid saw and for how long, because even if what led to the miscarriage was traumatic as hell, it was probably a last straw for her psyche.
Tyvm LG. Classic DV. THE sister needs therapy, sad to say. Think how long he has been training her!. Her daughter was instrumental in getting him out of house. She brought her daughter to the aunts house to save her.Maybe this is the way to reach the mom,through the daughter. She loves her child so maybe have them do therapy together? I don't know but ,one day at a time!. Stay safe please, Peace.
Dude the most upsetting part of the first story is the whole entire idea of what the niece went through because of her dad and her mom like it's so upsetting to me because if somebody that is looking forward to being a dad like how do you just put your child in danger like that without any concern that knowing that you can kill them while driving drunk like how can somebody just think that's okay and shame on the sister too like I'm not going to lie like if I was in the shoes of somebody like the sister like I can't see myself staying in that situation I can't see myself letting my daughter go through that hell like there's so much about the way the nieces Behavior neither when it came to therapy or Op's husband trying to hug her says so much of what she saw and went through but I hope things get better for the niece and I hope she does help press charges against your dad hopefully
Sister is enabler. The forget and forgive is bs. She wants some else to pay for her and her husband bill, use God to defend her actions, and say it isn't rich fault for anything but everyone else. She going to be one of those women who believe I can't divorce because of god and husband is God of the house.
I started tearing up by the end of the last update of story one. The way that little girl is acting whenever OP's husband goes to hug OP or be alone in a room with her suggests whatever she saw her father do to her mother was unimaginably horrible, and possibly didn't happen just once. I just hope with time and patience she'll start to open up, if not to keep her father in prison for a long time, then so she can start getting the help she so desperately needs.
Claire was worse than Richard for ever staying with such a POS. He may be the AH but Claire knowingly enables his behavior which makes her even worse. Ditch them both. (And no one who can’t drink without getting drunk isn’t “wonderful” - that makes them pathetic.)
You hit the nail... Seriously, it'll be better if OP has permanent custody of her niece (or an able relative in her place if things don't work out) while she plays Bonnie to her darling husband.
1: In a way, OP's infertility puts her in the perfect position to adopt her niece. She has a lot of maternal love to give and one little girl in need of *all* of it. 2: OP didn't know why that request made her feel icky for years? And I thought *I* was naive at that age!
Before updates - not only should Richard be cut off, so should sister if she stays with him. Even without what he did at the wedding, his alcoholism is enough of a reason to leave him. Gods know what he does to her and their daughter behind closed doors. Any family that pushes for forgiveness / reconciliation should also be cut off. Anything other than going NC and losing his family will only tell him that being a drunken ass is ok with everyone. 1st update - yep, tell Claire she and Richard are no longer welcome, no contact at all. Tell the family what Claire tried to do, and let them know that not only will you not be around if Richard is at an event, you will not be there if Claire is also. Tell them that you're sorry, and will always be there to help her when she realizes that she has to get away from him, but until then you can't be around her as long as she blames you for his behavior. I'd also consider calling CPS. Nothing will be done, but it'll start a case file for later when things get worse and Claire needs to get custody. 2nd update - oh sweet shit. If Richard gets out, some good Samaritan needs to be waiting at his house with a baseball bat. How long has the abuse gone on to make that child shut down so completely that she can only be around OP?
Claire having custody? Um, no. Things are already worse and she's still in the land of denial. Unless she gets her act together and cuts Richard out completely and for all time, no. OP, grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins - all would be a better option for the little girl.
I bet that pos was abusing her the whole time. Mostly mentally at first. I hope Op does get custody of her niece. Her siter doesn't deserve her daughter.
Regarding the alcoholic brother in law, Richard: OPs sister should be encouraged to get therapy, because she convinced herself that enabling Richard was the best course of action, which draws her into his dysfunctional behavior. She needs to learn not to be that kind of enabler, and how to build a good relationship with a partner.
She denied Richard drinking at home a bit too strongly, plus the "I'm not in a bad situation!!" It was definitely denial at being in a bad relationship, her mind can't take the reality so she's lying to herself and gaslighting herself He probably helped do that too
Both. Also add embarrassment in front of her family and depression because she lost her baby. Poor woman. Hope she found the courage to send Richard to prison.
Sad stories. Sister needs trama therapy. It will take a very long time. You are on my favorite channels list. Thanks so much for taking the time for us. You are very much appreciated. 👏👏👏🥰
Sorry LG, I'm late today! ❤️ The first story, I know EXACTLY what she's going through.. I went through it for an entire year with my FIL, that's how he got when drinking and he drank EVERY SINGLE DAY... It hurts so much because when sober he is an amazing person.. He would tell me he wish I didn't marry his son, I'm a horrible person, I'm faking my illness, didn't matter, he came with it.. Wake up the next day, he's loving and sweet.. I couldn't go around him anymore and neither could my husband... The family would NOT let him around for years!! I always felt bad for my MIL, 44yrs married, and she is the sweetest person.. He passed away 3yrs this Thanksgiving... You have to walk and until he gets sober you won't forgive.... It's very difficult
I have very little sympathy for Claire because she put her daughter in continuous danger. Abusive relationships aren't easy to get out of, granted, but once you put your child in an abusive and unsafe environment then you need to pull your head out the sand and act.
I feel terrible for op and the niece. I feel bad to an extent for the sister. She shouldn't be abused by her husband but she definitely needs to leave that ass, press charges and do what's best for her child. I'd bet my life that OP and the rest of the family would do anything to protect the sis and niece, as long as he's out of the picture. I'm hoping for the best possible outcome for them.
Me too. This was a very tough story to read all the way through, but I think this needs to be shared because we always need to be reminded that abuse is real, REGARDLESS of who's doing it.
Richard being in prison is the best thing that could happen to him. I hope he gets at least a year and mandatory AA meetings during and after. We would have lost my little brother to alcoholism if not for 18 months in prison and AA. He had several diu and wrecks and the last wreck and charge ended his self-destructive drinking and driving and also cooled his anger issues. Richard has been given a chance to semi detox and hopefully all the time he has to be sober and reflective will scare him straight. Our family owes a lot to AA and prison for saving our brother.
S1: OP should tell her sister, that she lives her, and will see her without her husband. Tell her, she will always be there to talk and OP will listen without judgement. Tell her, she can come to OP and tell OP anything. Tell Clare , you want her to feel safe talking to OP, and will try to help her
My guess is there’s something going on with the sister and drugs that caused the police to bring the niece to OP. If they were arresting the jerko, and everything was on the up and up with the sis, they would have left the daughter in her care.
You need to go to the local police a sgt or someone and tell him husband is a drunk and he drives his daughter around. Give him the details on his car. They can keep an eye out. And just because you apologize doesn’t mean the family will let Richard go on vacation
The niece freaking out when OP's husband hugs OP says a lot about what was going on in her house. That child and OP's sister have been through a lot. I'm worried about OP's sister. Her refusal to see anybody has me concerned about what she might do.
My god.What a horrible,horrible situation.Who knows what that little girl has seen and experienced.If she's afraid of strangers...I can only hope that time will help her,her mother,and the family as a whole.And that if Richard doesn't have an epiphany and realize that he needs help as well,that he can rot in jail.
She shouldn't leave her sister all alone with her demons for too long. There is a difference between giving space and letting her isolate herself. People tend to do that when they want to flee reality. Without social contact and help it only tends to get worse. Either way, as I see it she isn't going to be a good mother in any foreseeable future. She was a terrible one this far. I think it cought up to her. And that poor niece. She lost a sibling before it even had a fighting chace and saw who knows what. Hope it was at least only something she witnessed and not had that pig laying a hand on her too.
I saw a comment that pointed this out and I can't find it, but it beats repeating: Richard got a 15-16 year old pregnant when he was 21-22 and then convinced her to marry him. Even if he wasn't an alcoholic, everyone should've been skeptical about this relationship from the start.
@@kitsumekat Given his abusive behavior and the way he seems to have her wrapped around his fingers, I'd say that it's very likely that he's a predator.
I can only imagine what that little girl witnessed. The fact she freaks out when she sees her uncle even hugging OP and won't let him touch her is heartbreaking.
Honestly ... if i was the groom, i would literally start to puch the guy on the face constantly, and if anyone interrupts then it will also get a punch, included the sister too as well. NOBODY DISRESPECT ME OR MY SO. Literally ... what is wrong with people not taking violence as the best approach to teach a-holes a lesson and make an example of "consequences" when you're an a-hole to other people. Its extreme, but we won't strike fear on a-holes too as it gives them more way to abuse too.
Maybe Im a bit old fashioned, but if someone said that, drunk or not, he'd need a feeding tube as he was "just so drunk he fell down the stairs and hit every one on the way down." 😉😉
I knew he was physically abusive from how much the sister was denying there was anything wrong and she was not in a "bad situation". It's terrible she lost the baby, but at least she finally came around enough to protect the child she still had. While I don't think she entirely blameless or at fault, I do feel pity that the sister finally realized her child needed to be away from her as she was incapable of protecting her daughter or even herself.
Am I the only one thinking that Richard had BEEN thinking that, and he purposely drank to give himself an ‘excuse’ for saying such vile things? Also, why did no one tackle him when he was spewing that garbage?? Why let him finish?! 😫
They should try giving that poor baby girl a journal to write down all her thoughts and feelings. Take it from someone who knows. Writing is very cathartic
I don't feel bad for Claire at all. She is a coward who instead of adulting, is allowing an abusive sack of crap to abuse her and her child. She can leave whenever she wants, but she will continue to make excuses. I feel bad for that child having a father and mother like that.
S1: I hate it when people blame bad behaviour by saying, "It's just the booze!". On the contrary - booze simply blocks the receptors that say, "This isn't a good idea, there will be consequences". Basically, people are at their most honest when they're drunk. They say what they're REALLY thinking. If he acts like an AH while drunk, he's a AH when he's sober but is able to mask it a little better.
1) OP absolutely did the right thing to protect her niece from the danger of her alcoholic father, it is too bad the child's own mother couldn't do as well to divorce this horrible, dangerous man. There is no way they should be having another child together. There is nothing OP can say or do to fix this situation, nor can her sister other than dumping this loser. There is no reasoning with this awful man, and he clearly has an issues that goes far deeper than his drinking. OP needs to cut him out of her life entirely. After comments: It's nice others saw this incident for what it was and offered sympathy to OP. There is no forgiving some things. I hope OP will report this kind of child endangerment to CPS and any time he is known to be driving after drinking the police need to be called. Sis is as bad as her husband because she enables him despite it endangering their child. After update: Sister is disgustingly deluded and it's good all the family is no longer willing to accommodate that or put up with her awful husband. After final update: So happy to hear OP has custody of the niece. Also happy that the awful husband is in jail, and sad to say, the loss of their baby is actually good news in this case. It would be good if sister would press charges for the abuse so her husband will receive a suitable sentence. I do hope OP gets full, permanent custody of the niece. 2) Good for OP for this malicious compliance ... well done.
"I don't think the relationship is abusive." When his own little girl is saying "I don't want daddy driving me, he's scares me" at that young of an age, that is a huge red flag that should be taken seriously by everyone involved in that child's life. No child should have to worry about their parents scaring them like that. Driving drunk with a kid in the car, knowing you're not supposed to be driving at all, is abusive behavior towards that child. Willingly endangering a child's life, drunk or not, is child abuse. Abuse doesn't have to leave a mark for it to be considered abuse. No child should ever be fearing for their lives from their own parents. If he's fine with doing that to his own child, I can imagine what he thinks is okay to do to his wife.
- Edit after Final Update -
The niece is freaking out whenever she sees Tyler try to hug OP because she very likely witnessed Richard abuse Claire. Seeing one parent abusing the other is traumatic for a child and the fact that she's clinging to OP and reacting negatively towards Tyler shows how intense what she just witnessed must've been for her. I have no doubt that Richard abusing Claire that time resulting in her miscarrying.
I think you are spot on!
Yup, pretty much. Poor kid!
My ex was abusive. I saw the red flags really quickly. And yes, crap driving is one way they control you.
First Story: you just can't forgive somebody who's not sorry.
Well, you *can.* In that case, it's more about letting go of resentment. Obviously, you should *never* trust that person *ever.*
I actually needed to hear this. Thank you
They are sorry though....sorry they got caught looking like the bad guy and people not taking their side.
why is it always the victim who is 'ruining the family' by not forgiving? the person to blame is Richard!
Because for people like Claire, they will never hold the wrong doer accountable. Asking OP to forgive and forget is easier because it lets Claire keep her delusional picture of Richard being this misunderstood nice guy.
It can't be dear Richards fault so it must be the other people in the dispute that are in the wrong.
I would cut Richard out of my life , just for what he said ,add to the fact he said it at my wedding..Hell Nah.
Abusers always want their victims to " Be the bigger person."
Screw that! Allow abusers to experience the nature consequences of their decisions. You can forgive, if you want to get free, but never forget and never open the door again.
@@emilyh.kluver5615 its because Claire fears Richard more than she loves OP. That's why shes desperate to make excuses, since she will get beaten if she fails
OPs sister is delusional. The niece is literally in danger and the sister doesn't see to grasp this fact. I'm so sad that this turned out how we all anticipated. I hope the sister and niece can work things out without Richard involved. I'm grateful the niece has OP and her extended family.
narcissists often have self-delusions about having the "perfect family" despite the contrary, yes.
Based on what we heard in the updates I highly doubt anyone could be that delusional, and if she where enough of a narcissist to not care then she wouldnt be mourning the fetus he killed. Sounds like SEVERE abuse was a regular occurence and I wouldn't be surprised if she believes that he'll kill her and her kid if she speaks up against him.
@@oliviabean8264 there's degrees of narcissism. Narcissists can feel bad about things that directly affect them (like say pregnancy loss), especially if they were going to get a golden child out of it.
@@shebakoby
Oh, sweety, this is not narcissism at all. You are way off on that one. That word get's thrown around too much.
@@animationdramanation5730 Everybody has narcissistic traits, it doesn't have to be full blown NPD. It's just to degrees.
S1: When people show you who they are, believe them. Claire should have dropped Richard long ago; can you imagine allowing your child to be with someone who constantly threatens their life?? I certainly would not see Claire until that happens.
Well she's probably been late teen when gotten together with Richard so it's already years of abuse and control and has tried to act like perfect family and now she cannot hide it anymore how bad it has been. I think people keep lying to everyone and themselves because only a f-ing idiot would marry and start family with AH like Richard and we rarely want to admit that we've been full blown idiots. I am sure family has been alarmed and warned about Richard before marriage but "she wanted to prove them wrong"
Someone really should have asked "so you say good father drives drunk? Especially with his kid in the car?"
I know this one woman (close to 60) and she's been telling about her marriages (first was alcoholic and second was narcissistic alcoholic..third guy was finally okay but he unfortunately got cancer and died)
She's been explaining her stupidity in youth, delusional ideals about relationship, how two from shit household would "build wonderful life together because we know how not to do it". She really doesn't save herself from her stupid mistakes. She got finally to therapy when her 3rd husband (mental breakdown) died and I think she's finally been able to process 45 years of crap of her life.
Nobody ever WANTS to be in an abusive relationship and the answers and how "simple" it is to "just leave" is easier to come up with on the outside. Once the abuser has the upper hand whether it be financially, physically, or is able to keep their victim secluded or withdrawn or distrusting of support ...it is a hell that the victim can't see the exit to.
@@princess2none I understand that. I really do. But I also understand how much more vulnerable a small child is in this situation. If she could not at the least attempt to protect her child, it’s almost as is she values her own safety over her daughters. She would rather her husband drive her daughter drunk than risk angering him herself. Idk, fear is a hell of a thing.
@@princess2none As hard as it is, at some point Claire needs to grow a backbone and protect her child. OP should have called CPS with the reports of him wanting to (and potentially) drive with children in the car when drunk.
@@hilaryc3203 yea she does...but CLAIRE has to do it. Some ppl get out in months some years it's not as cut and dry as ppl on the outside think it is. Just because the family says they will be there for Claire doesn't means she can instantly believe that.There is a high probability that his alienating her from ppl with his behavior has given him the ability to convince her they WON'T.He gets phone calls and is probably still reminding her about all the times everyone else has let her down and how she needs to be there for him or have NOONE.
It's never as cut and dry as you seem to minimize it to be
1st story, I wonder how Claire will feel about forgiveness if her child dies in a car accident caused by her alcoholic father?
She wont blame the drunk
@@niyablake I came here to say the exact same thing. Claire is one of those people who will make excuses to the grave. As unfortunate as it may be, they are just going to have to let things happen as they will.
She'll defend his actions until everyone cuts her off.
Her alcoholic husband almost certainly had a hand in killing the child that she was carrying. He either beat her until she lost the baby or caused so much stress that she miscarried.
She abandoned her own kid in the second update. What more is there to say?
I promise you - As a child of an alcoholic, he drives his kids around ALL the time tipsy/drunk.
OP's sister is still lying to herself and wants her family to believe the narrative she is playing in her head to cope with her situation.
Yep. I have a friend who's father was a drunk and he would drive her around all the time when he was intoxicated. She now has a fear of riding in cars that are filthy, since she noticed that whenever he would drive her around drunk, the car was trashed.
I agree with your estimation that he probably gets tipsy regularly and tries to go through the motions of the day that way. This would most likely involve both driving alone and driving with others in his vehicle, like his daughters.
Yes, the sister is currently a textbook partner who is severely gaslit and in denial. She knows there is something wrong with her situation, but he is pleasant enough to her drunk or sober that she can still rationalize it in her mind (ie: the good outweighing the bad). It's probably also a codependant relationship between Richard and the sister, so it's not easy to disentangle oneself from their partner.
It looks very bad that she has neglected her daughter, but she can't even help herself right now. Richard and the sister also seem to function with a sense of entitlement from OP's perspective. Upset that they feel they are "owed" or should have because someone else has it (ie: the respect of the family), even if they don't do anything to warrant getting what they want. Then to blame anyone but themselves is texbook narcissism. They are going to have to start taking accountability for this family to heal.
They all need so much therapy as a result of this situation. I sincerely hope Richard can get sober and stay sober for all involved, and that they can get all the therapy they need to heal from this ordeal.
Honestly, with the amount both my parents drove drunk, it's an actual miracle my sisters and I survived to this point.
I have a SIL who has ALWAYS had a snootful! I love her to pieces, but I have always been terrified for her to be drunk driving and wind up killing my nephews as well as herself.
@@emilyh.kluver5615 I mean, if she IS driving drunk, you should report her. That puts her kids at risk if she's got them in the car. If they aren't she's still risking the lives of whoever she passes, and herself.
My aunt used to say about my uncle "he's a good man when he's sober" and I just said "when is he ever sober" que her tears about how we don't understand him and I would say yeah we do he's a drunk there isn't a lot to understand. then she would storm out in anger because we don't respect her and her family🤣🤣🤣
Sadly that's also a lyric from the "Matchmaker" song from Fiddler. A tale as old as time. "You heard he has a temper. He'll beat you every night. But only when he's sober. So you're all right!"
@@petitmains What a man to have, abusive while sober but it's okay because he is constantly drunk.
@@HubiKoshi The entire song is a dark joke. It literally contains the line "playing with matches, a girl can get burned" (ie: don't be begging for the match maker - the matches are... questionable because we aren't rich we're going to have to potentially tolerate very old or abusive husbands". It's...not an endorsement. It's mocking the way matchmakers try to put a shine on a turd.
With years i became even more blunt. And once had the same question to someone because i was done with the excuse. I then told something that hit the rage of someone as i was about to go to fists: "only cowards storm off because they know is true and you don't want to deal with what it must be done".
I swear everyone think the "bigger person crap" but i shout back: "THEN SOLVE IT! you will never solve any problem if you keep ignore it for the sake of FAMILY or some bullcrap".
I was cathartic when i got the "he is right" stares.
"It's not _his_ fault, it's just the _alcohol."_
Claire is really out here acting like the alcohol sneaks up on Richard and jumps him rather than him actively seeking it out.
Edit: I'll be honest, toxic relationship or not, if you'd rather blame or attack other people who have done literally nothing to you instead of taking a long, hard look at your relationship, than you're an AH. "It's a tough situation" _I don't care._ Those _kids_ are in a tough situation, not the parents. The dad is a piece of shit, and the mom sits around doing nothing about it other than attacking everyone who complains and blames them for it. They actively _choose_ to stay in this relationship, the kids didn't get that choice.
I read this book called prone to violence and this woman opened one of the first domestic abuse shelters in the world and the very first in the uk, she observed over a decade that there are basically two kinds of abuse victims either men or women, one type that had a good childhood and accidentally ended up in an abusive relationship and as soon as they get the chance they leave and don’t turn back and then there are those that are addicted to violence, either through childhood abuse or the mother being abused during pregnancy and though out the child’s babyhood so that they seek out violent partners because the high right before being hit is so good to them they’d rather stay even when they know they can end up killed. Also a lot of times people in abusing relationships have a lot of kids and that keeps the cycle going.
Even if it was "just the alcohol", as she claims, it doesn't mean that he's not a danger to other people. Anyone who gets into that many car accidents, and even attempts to drive with their kid in the car after drinking isn't entitled to any consideration.
The exit is "My ex will likely try or succeed in killing my family, my children, and myself. While I am putting myself in this abuse, it is not escalating as quickly, and he isn't trying to kill my family members."
You talk like it's easy to put everyone you might possibly turn to in the line of fire when he loses control completely and does whatever to make her beg for his control over her. My family member is having to sneak out her stuff without her abusive hubby catching her so he doesn't kill her. That puts her 70s mother in the line of fire as stop one, two daughters (grandkids including an infant), a son (grandbaby), my parents, and myself as a further chain of possible landing spots to stalk. Likely my parents second since he is well aware she has always seen my dad (her uncle) more like a father figure since he lived with them the first six years of her life.
Absolutely it is the victim's choice to leave. I left my verbally, emotionally abusive boyfriend. But he knew he couldn't beat me in a fight so hitting me was not something he was going to do. He admitted he wouldn't raise a hand to me because he wouldn't survive me to find out what the family would do to the guy who hit their daughter. He's even made an attempt to approach me in public in the last few years (apart for over 13 years) because he thinks I won't make a scene unless physically hurt. Leaving is never truly over. She will have to watch her back the rest of her life. Whoever has the kid will have to watch their backs as long as he is alive. It takes a lot to come to the realization that the higher risk option is the right one to make when physical abuse is an issue.
Add in OP said sister lost the baby. If that seemed to be abuse or related (trauma to the area), the doctor can file a report too, but doesn't seem like they did. He committed a murder technically. Yet no one is thinking about that. Sister now needs to cope with it is partly her fault her baby was murdered, and she's likely thinking she deserves whatever he does to her now. Her living child is no longer as at risk as she is and has new guardians to protect her. Severe depression and grief are involved which means her choices won't be healthy ones. So another complication without a real support system because her family helped turn her away from them.
Claire is disgusting. She DARVO'ed and gaslit OP more than an oil refinery! And she abandoned her kid in the 2nd update. She's not much better than her husband. Being a victim doesn't give her a free pass.
Agreed, I hate victim blaming to, but if you let this shit happen, then you are just as bad.
Story 1: "He'S a GoOd MaN aNd a GoOd FaThEr." No the fuck he's NOT!
Story 1 - Nobody turned their backs on Claire, she turned her back on the whole family. Tyler isn't a spiteful drunk. That's why he's leagues better than Richard. I hope time to herself will help her reflect on her thoughts and make her realize how much she threw away sticking up for this deadbeat.
Claire knows what Richard is. She's at least gone full sunk cost fallacy on this man for years. But he lovebombs her to keep her roped in, and as long as he can lash out at *other people* that aren't Claire, the situation is "manageable" for Claire. Claire herself seems to be a codependent and maybe even a covert narcissist herself what with image being everything; that she has the 'perfect famileeee' and it's everybody else's fault not Richard's. If she IS a narcissist, her behavior is even more reprehensible as it's akin to people who deliberately offer up other people for an abuser to abuse just so they don't get targeted for abuse.
@@shebakoby Yep. Richard is abusive, Claire has been conditioned to the abuse *at best.*
@@brigidtheirish yeah, this is how enablers operate/are created. They have a stake in the status quo; that status quo is only maintained if the abusive partner has any other target but them. Periodic lovebombing probably keeps the cycle going.
"Tyler isn't a spiteful drunk. That's why he's leagues better than Richard."
That is a very callus and judgemental statement. People addicted to substances are treated medically for a reason. Though, to someone who has not gone through a similar ordeal, it is easy to stand very far back while pointing fingers and making assumptions. I pray no one trying to recover from addiction ever has to sit next to you and listen to your inexperienced opinions on people in their disposition.
I think you’re deliberately missing the word “spiteful” and ignoring what people are really accusing him of. Calling him an “spiteful drunk” is neither callous nor judgmental, it’s accurate. Cause this man is spiteful and mean. Sure, people aren’t super-duper understanding of Richard’s substance abuse, but what they’re furious about is the violence, rage, malicious intent and him repeatedly, purposely putting his child in life or death situations. Commenters and OP are mostly angry about the spiteful part. And you can’t just blame that on addiction and call it a day. Substance abuse is a medical condition, yes. But it doesn’t give you a pass on being a shitty person. Just like having ptsd doesn’t make violent outbursts all good.
Beating addiction is impressive, cause it’s incredibly hard. But part of pretty much all recovery programs is taking responsibility for what you’ve done, without blaming others. You seem kind, but don’t confuse being understanding of someone’s problems, with making excuses and enabling them to keep making them. That’s not actually helping.
"it was the booze he was wonderful all the other times" has the same energy as "he only beats me when he's stressed he's wonderful all the other times"
If it truly was just the booze but he was a wonderful man he'd stop drinking because he knows alcohol turns him into a monster.
While ill say true alcaholism is genetic issue and is a actual adiction nit so wasu stop every frubk is diferbt
Beibg drubk foesnt magicly make u violent it nakes u stupid and likely to do risks but it doesbt nagicly create donestic abusers , a drunk donestic abuser allreqdy had the nind set to be abusive before gettibg drunk
I've got Everclear's "Wonderful" going through my head every time sis defends her man.
Yes, smile through the abuse, woman. Pretend it's not happening, even while your kid is seeing it and knows better (sarcasm intended). Do parents in these situations really not think their kids know what's going on? That kid should be priority, but that would implode sis' fantasy that their life is better than other people make it out to be. After all, she leaves her kid with others sometimes, that might mean they're right that the situation's dangerous.
That little girl is gonna have major issues around men for years, and she's gonna be a teenager hating her own mother (if she doesn't end up doing the same thing when she pursues relationships).
"Claire wants to fix this." Best thing she could do is to divorce the AH. Get rid of the problem by getting rid of the problem.
Good luck Clare in fixing the unfixable Richard. How?
He won't dry out. Is he apologizing to 50 guests for his wedding scene? How?
Break free of your Stockholm Syndrome Claire.
Don’t let Claire and Richard get away with blaming the alcohol. People do and say when they’re drunk what they believe when they’re sober. The alcohol only removes the internal editor.
Also you can only blame the alcohol once and you drink again then it means you were ok with your past behaviour, most people get drunk again and again so they are never sorry for their past actions
It does completely alter some people's personalities. That's why all drugs are called consciousness changing substances. However this bloke has a serious issue,is endangering his own daughter and ruining his wife's family relationships. He needs rehab and strict aftercare. He won't do it thoroughly until he sees the problem clearly though.
I think the most telling thing for me about claire is that op never mentions that she has called to check how her daughter is. She knows her daughter witnessed dad beating mom and was histerical. I just dont think i could forgive her either even though she was a victim as well
Being a victim doesn't give Claire a free pass. She's almost as vile as her POS husband.
I agree 100% she caused that poor baby so much pain with her spinlessness, it's inexcusable regardless of what she went through herself you know how terrible the child's mental health mist be if even a professional child psych expert cannot get her to open and the mere thought of sharing what she witnessed and experienced makes shut down so badly
@@lillypharaoh5945 Let’s not call abuse victims spineless please. Abusers make their victims feel like they are at fault, that when they get angry it’s to right the wrongs of the victim and that if the victim tries to be better they will have a better spouse. They are experts at exploiting and isolating their victims and making them feel unwanted and alone. Don’t call someone spineless because they chose to stay, regardless of why. Just be grateful that they escaped and that their children escaped too. It is no coincidence that Claire dropped her daughter off with OP two weeks after being given that speech. Claire saw an out and she took it. That alone takes strength and f you for turning that against her. It cost her a child, victims like her don’t need AHs like you demeaning them further than what their abusers already did.
@@drualasdove the mother stopped being a victim in my eyes the second she started victimizing her daughter and endangering her life
I would've agreed with you if she had been alone but she actually argued that she wouldn't allow her daughter to go where her husband who almost got the girl killed before wasn't there......wtf?!! What a piece of work she is, and the mental abuse and gaslighting she did to her sister, no matter what her situation is nothing justifies her shitty actions as a mother and a sister, and the fact that she never asked about her daughter or even checked up on her what a fucking monster she is
People like you who justify abuse with trauma are just as dangerous and disgusting as the abusers themselves, because so long as they belive someone will jump to their defense they'll keep hurting people in the name of being a victim who doesn't know any better
@@lillypharaoh5945 Holy hell. You are a piece of work if you can’t comprehend how abuse works. I’m not going to argue with a victim shamer because “a child was involved”. Claire might have been afraid leaving would hurt her daughter more. There’s a special place in hell for people like you.
I hope the first couple get custody of the niece. Take her to as many ponds as you can find!!! Hugs to you all 🤗
The dress code boss was definitely trying to get OP to dress "feminine" and for the record, corporate female attire doesn't mean tight pencil skirt. It also means long black trousers with white shirt accordingly to the corporate handbook I got at three different companies. At least that's how it is where I am. Glad that OP took that literally and have the creepy boss' dream crushed lol.
Yes, I'm the weirdo that reads the handbook.
I am 68, male and I think that a pair of black, comfortably fitting slacks and a frilly white blouse are feminine. And sexy!
You can also wear a long, black skirt and a good tunic
I bet OP can absolutely rock the "old man jeans" look! LOL
Currently dealing with a female boss who wants us to wear dresses and skirts.
At a daycare.
Sister it's obsessed with alcoholic husband more than her own kids that's sad
S1: Richard really sounds like my father. And the only way to deal with that sort of person is to go no contact and stay no contact.
I don’t know what to say about OPs sister in regards to her seeing the problem is her spouse. My paternal grandparents never believed my father was an abusive toxic drunk until they were forced to deal with it in person and see the actuality of it. However OPs sister has dealt with this a lot but still stays.
Edit: Wow, sis is doing some spectacular mental gymnastics in that update to blame OP for something that her own husband did. Can we enter her in the mental olympics? Seems like she’d get a gold.
Richard needs to go away for a LOOOOONG time. He's clearly traumatized his daughter and there's no question he beat Claire. Hopefully they can have the niece sit with a therapist and just chat about unrelated things until she's comfortable enough to open up about what actually happened. Sad story over all.
Depending on the details of the miscarriage, I think he could be charged with homicide in some places.
I agree with you. This is just a tragic and terrible situation. Especially for the poor niece. 😢
@@erickpoorbaugh6728I hope he can get charged with that. That monster needs to be in prison for life! 😡
You don't call CPS when the parent is driving the child drunk, you call the cops immediately. He is putting his child and other people in danger when driving drunk. I genuinely hate drunk drivers, there are *no* excuse to drive drunk. If you know you're gonna drink, make sure you arrange transportation beforehand.
Someone said this before-if they're an arse, drunk or not, to everyone but you, they *are* an arsehole. There's no way to slice it differently. The only reason someone like that is nice is because they wanted something from the person they're nice to.
My friends are all happy or sleepy drunks. They had never thrown verbal abuse or put people down when they're inibriated. They don't even pick a fight, they're just weirdly happy and start to compliment you.
With the updates...
OP and her husband should consider the possibility of adopting the niece if the sister kept defending Richard. That child doesn't deserve to suffer with an alcoholic of a father and an enabler of a mother. That is _if_ her sister kept by Richard's side. If she chose to testify against him, take steps to cut Richard out of her life and her children's life for endangering them, the family could try and support them if they wanted.
Richard has wrecked 3 vehicles. He broke hos leg in one accident. Has a DUI. In what state is this taking place and how does Richard have a license to still drive a bicycle much less a car ?
@@darkwolfe6286 No clue. I'm surprised his license is still valid if I'm honest. Where I am, driving drunk will get you a fine and suspended license for a minimum of five years. That is if you didn't kill someone.
Jono once said: what matters isn't that they can be good, it's what they are at their worse. His worse is endangering children and using medical conditions as amunition
@@darkwolfe6286 unfortunately some states have a three strikes rule.
@@fytrndm here you only get license suspended for few months. And fined of course.
If you are caught like 30 times, you might lose you car. But usually "I need car to work" gets them keep the car.. and most likely license.
10 years ago there was case where 42 yr old woman drove drunk, hit 15yr old and 8yr old and younger one died. I think she got a year on probation. Her defense? It was short distance and she needs her license to get to work.
Short distance. Still managed to run over two minors and kill one.
A mother who thinks it's ok to let her children to be driven around with a drunk as a chauffeur should lose her privileges of being a mother.
I know Claire is a victim of domestic abuse.
But I feel like they are too lenient with her.
She let her husband endanger her child and now she litteraly abandoned her kid.
Nice of her to enjoy OP's meals while chilling at home but never even picking up the phone to say thanks or more importantly inform herself to her kid's whereabouts.
Or to litteraly even speak to her daughter ??
I've known abused women who would never leave without their kids.
And this women is just hiding home clearly more affected by the shame of what happened to her than about her own kid's wellbeing.
She was a bad mother before the abuse and she still is a bad mother now.
Thank you. What happened was bad, but abuse or not, she is responsible for her own actions and multiple times, she has put her child into danger, the child is so mentally scarred that HUGGING HER SCARED HER.
I feel no sympathy for that woman.
@@joemomma2189 And she abandon
the kid and still wants the drunk
Yes they are absolutely being too lenient with Claire. The first update made me want to vomit, she's gaslighting OP more than an oil refinery! And she abandoned her kid in the second update. So what if she was abused, I have no sympathy for her.
Ok, I'm going to take an unpopular view here. I do have sympathy for Claire. True that she should have cared more about her daughter's safety. I can definitely agree to that. I've been around abused women to the point that I went to a seminar to find out WHY they stay in abusive relationships. I mean, it's obvious to us to leave, right? To oversimplify what I learned; Claire (and women like her) have been so mentally conditioned over a long period of time (it starts very subtly) they can't "see" what's happening to them. Brainwashed if you will. Niece is not the only one who needs therapy. Claire desperately needs help. I can only hope that her family hangs in there to get her to realize she needs it before her husband kills her. 😔
@@Lynn-kh5rs I do agree to a point, but she HAS family that are there- they are offering her a hand, her SISTER STATED THAT SHE'D HELP HER, she has been leaving meals, she has been reaching out, but you cannot expect her to reach out forever- eventually, she'll wash her hands of the situation.
If that was my sister with the drunk husband she would be permanently disowned. Period I wouldn’t even allow him to apologize. Why would you want the grovelling of a low life drunk who endangers his children and a woman who covers for him despite him endangering her children.
As much as I feel bad for Claire about what's going on, screw her for putting niece in so much danger and harm because she refuses to protect her. The niece has to pay for the consequences of her awful parents' actions. She's literally traumatized ffs and I wanna cry because poor baby
I hope Tyler and OP can get niece away from these awful parents please
Claire DARVO'ed and gaslit OP, and abandoned her own kid. She's little better than her POS husband. Being a victim doesn't give her a free pass.
@@DrownedInExile I feel like a bad person for not really wanting to give Claire any sympathy because of the abuse, but the niece deserves so much better and these parents deserve true hell
@@jadedflames2809 To quote a line from the old Law & Order show: "You are not the victim here. The victim here was a little girl, too small to defend herself."
“I believe that CPS should be called when the father tries to drive his daughter home drunk”
I wish more people thought that way. That niece would always know no one cared enough about her life to confront an addict in destruction mode.
"This guy has a problem with alcohol, and he's an a-hole. Those things combined gives you Richard."
Lol, accurate Ouch, LG!
People always say they will call CPS for bull crap...BUT in this case CPS should be called ASAP
“You need to forgive Richard.”
You can’t forgive someone who refuses to apologize.
Claire reminds me of my own sister. In a relationship with a crappy, abusive person and doesn't want to see it. Like I did with my own sister I'd let Claire live her life the way she wants to with whoever she wants to
Sometimes there's nothing you can do. It's unfortunate. 😢
Your sister is her own worst enemy, like Claire.
I always find it incredibly sad, that some people would run their lives into the ground and/or risk a horrific fate, just so they can still live in their bubble of delusion and never have to accept the cruel truth. 😢 Your sister is no exception to that rule. But as you said, it's her life and it's up to her to make the right decision.
I’m in a situation of my sisters boyfriend being not good but not bad…but no one really likes him nor do we know much….and it’s been two years. She won’t listen though. I’ve had to learn that I’ll be a fountain because she’s so stubborn and has low self-esteem to see she deserves better.
If she admits he is a bad person then she needs to admit so much more and that she's choosing to put her child in danger.
S1: At this point, both Claire and Richard are far beyond redemption.
Claire excused it because he's drunk, but overlooks the fact that, if he was aware and concerned about his behaviour when he's drunk, he would actively try to stay sober. But since she's desperate to hold this image that he is good, she ruined her children and herself.
My sympathies to the poor niece. She's gonna be a mess for quite some time
Don't ever find yourself in an abusive situation. If you've never been through abuse you have no right to speak on it.
@@OpaxVex Do you… hear yourself? Seriously? Gatekeeping… advice for people who are being abused because… people who aren't abused… can see the abuse clearer???
I know you mean that, as someone who isn't a victim I have no awareness of what she's going through, and I agree with that. The ridiculousness of your statement, however, is that only applies to *when people are encouraging the victim to re-enter a toxic situation, not when they are addressing the toxic situation to the victim so they aren't gaslit.*
Also, please do research or enablers and their behaviours. That cousin is very clearly following that pattern and that's exactly why those children are doomed unless they can safely get away
@@scrivenerdenograde7661 ah did I find myself a barn witch? I stand by what I said. Seriously though educate yourself before you hurt more victims.
@@OpaxVex Okay, I'm gonna stop you right here in case you're being genuine and not a troll.
I know what this is like. I deal with it with a few people around me physically as well. One of my friend's aunts actively chose to ignore this type of behaviour herself. My own parent suffers from the same mentality the cousin does, where the blame is on the alcohol and not the person consuming it. I can assure you I fully understand what I mean when I say that this is enabling. This isn't a "Oh let's armchair therapy this" situation
Richard does not deserve forgiveness. Say that to his face.
I really don't feel sorry for OP's sister. She seems just as bad as Richard just in a different way. She chose her husband over her daughter, she's a delusional narcissist, and she's spoiled. I think people are being too nice to her. She's not a victim, she's the Bonnie to his Clyde.
Story 1 nta their is no forgiving him. Also yes please call cps. Please save those kids.
I think that would count as “coaching” and have high potential to backfire. But Idk where I’m pulling that from, could just be a TV trope I picked up, 😅🤷♀️
kid you mean, sister miscarried baby #2 because of the abuse
This is so heartbreaking. I wish there was an update about the niece. She is so traumatized.
Wow this first story went dark fast. From a simple being belligerence drunk to abuse. This is so sad for the sister. She was in a fog that she refused to ever see the true trouble.
Yeah. I always find it incredibly terrifying when I hear stories like this. 😰 It always breaks my heart that some people live in such denial that they don't even realize that they're allowing the abusive monsters destroy their lives. 😢
thank you for Saving your Sisters child from that Dangerous Situation. Sorry he wasn't arrested BEFORE the wedding.
17:16, Her in Fear of Closing the door seems like she HEARD some of the abuse your sister got, or likely RECIEVED some of the Physical abuse. You would Fear shutting doors to if it was a Sign of imminent PAIN for you or mommy. You would also likely Fear Hugs if the only time Daddy came at you with OPEN ARMS is if he was gonna Pick you up and Throw you, Strike you, or WORSE... These things will take time. keep her in therapy.
I think that niece is worried that OP’s husband is gonna beat her whenever he goes to hug her. Maybe her dad did it to Claire and that left her traumatized. Poor kid needs help badly. I hope she gets the help she needs and that sister eventually comes around and opens up. BIL sounds like a monster.
Richard is an example of the saying that I have seen on a T-Shirt that says "Instant Asshole. Just add alcohol."
I didn't serve alcohol at my last wedding.
We had punch, tea, coffee or soda. No alcohol and anyone at the door with a bottle was told it would not be opened and to go put it in their car.
We had a lovely time. The ceremony and reception went off without a hitch.
Nobody got drunk. No fights. Not even a serious spill.
10/10 would recommend alcohol free wedding.
Thanks, as always for your abuse advisories.Always helpful to be alerted.
I hope OP phrases that they need niece's help to make her dad go away where bad people go
Love the not really malicious compliance in the mood booster, well done!
Slipped down the stairs...yeah, right! He hit her!
Last story: good on your BF for recognizing what that creep was trying and helping you with the revenge!
Yeah, boyfriend/husband rules. 😊
The funny thing is, the sister thinks OP forgiving him will fix things. But like, nah. I don't care if my relative forgives someone for saying something like that. I'm still going to be angry it even left his mouth. If you say something to my friend/relative, nothing they respond with will make me change how I feel about the thing said. They forgive him? Great. Doesn't change a thing for me.
I absolutely love the way you sign off at the end of the video. Idk why but it feels like a friend signing off after telling a good story with commentary.
Two things about Forgiveness:
1) To even consider being worthy of forgiveness requires the 3 Rs: Responsibility, Repair, Repeat. The offender (Richard) has to take full personal Responsibility for his actions, do whatever is needed to Repair the damage (hard to know what he could do in this case) and ensure the action won't be repeated (stop drinking, go to AA, etc.) Without that, you don't deserve forgiveness.
2) Forgiveness is an emotional/spiritual thing, not a material thing. So you could forgive Richard but still not allow him around. When I was 20, a long-time friend stole the two or three things I owned of any value and pawned them. I eventually forgave him--as in, I have no hatred for him in my heart--but I still wouldn't let him in my house because he showed me he is a thief.
Jesus............OP's brother in law is one nasty piece of work! 😡 What a major scumbag! 😡 Totaled 3 cars, DUIs, and a nasty speech at the wedding? And on top of all that, his own daughter is terrified of him AND his wife had a miscarriage most likely because of him?! That's extremely horrifying! 😰😭 Her sister is/was clearly in a toxic and abusive relationship and is completely in the fog. OP was right to call the police and rescue her beloved niece. Claire really needs help, professional help to be exact. I really hope everyone is safe from that monstrous ogre! ❤️💖❤️
And Claire declaring that niece wasn't gonna be going anywhere Richard wasn't allowed, too? That part hit me the 2nd time I watched this, like "are you REALLY gonna use your own daughter as a pawn to get your husband back into the family fold?" That's when I knew no matter what OP said, someone would have to die or get beaten to a pulp before Claire budged an inch. She's standing by a man who'd stab her in the back if he ever felt the need to. Heaven only knows how much that kid saw and for how long, because even if what led to the miscarriage was traumatic as hell, it was probably a last straw for her psyche.
Tyvm LG. Classic DV. THE sister needs therapy, sad to say. Think how long he has been training her!. Her daughter was instrumental in getting him out of house. She brought her daughter to the aunts house to save her.Maybe this is the way to reach the mom,through the daughter. She loves her child so maybe have them do therapy together? I don't know but ,one day at a time!. Stay safe please, Peace.
Dude the most upsetting part of the first story is the whole entire idea of what the niece went through because of her dad and her mom like it's so upsetting to me because if somebody that is looking forward to being a dad like how do you just put your child in danger like that without any concern that knowing that you can kill them while driving drunk like how can somebody just think that's okay and shame on the sister too like I'm not going to lie like if I was in the shoes of somebody like the sister like I can't see myself staying in that situation I can't see myself letting my daughter go through that hell like there's so much about the way the nieces Behavior neither when it came to therapy or Op's husband trying to hug her says so much of what she saw and went through but I hope things get better for the niece and I hope she does help press charges against your dad hopefully
that poor kid. she has a very long road ahead of her...
Sister is enabler. The forget and forgive is bs. She wants some else to pay for her and her husband bill, use God to defend her actions, and say it isn't rich fault for anything but everyone else. She going to be one of those women who believe I can't divorce because of god and husband is God of the house.
Well even Gods can bleed. You just have to know the best way to make it happen.
@@BIGBLOCK5022006 Ok Batman.
1. Poor kid. Feel so bad for her.
Hoping her mother gets the help she needs. Glad you and your hubby are their to help.
I started tearing up by the end of the last update of story one. The way that little girl is acting whenever OP's husband goes to hug OP or be alone in a room with her suggests whatever she saw her father do to her mother was unimaginably horrible, and possibly didn't happen just once. I just hope with time and patience she'll start to open up, if not to keep her father in prison for a long time, then so she can start getting the help she so desperately needs.
Claire was worse than Richard for ever staying with such a POS. He may be the AH but Claire knowingly enables his behavior which makes her even worse. Ditch them both. (And no one who can’t drink without getting drunk isn’t “wonderful” - that makes them pathetic.)
We need to call out their behavior more, those that enable an abuser are just as bad as them
Wow, the abused is worse then the abuser? 🤔
I wouldn't go that far. But Claire abandoned her kid in the second update. She's almost as bad as her husband.
You hit the nail... Seriously, it'll be better if OP has permanent custody of her niece (or an able relative in her place if things don't work out) while she plays Bonnie to her darling husband.
@@Cnichal We mean an enabler.
And yes, while it seems ridiculous, it's true for some cases - and I'm speaking from personal experience.
Ok, I have to say this, I want to see another update to the main story. This is an important thing to know about once "Richard" has his court date.
1: In a way, OP's infertility puts her in the perfect position to adopt her niece. She has a lot of maternal love to give and one little girl in need of *all* of it.
2: OP didn't know why that request made her feel icky for years? And I thought *I* was naive at that age!
Before updates - not only should Richard be cut off, so should sister if she stays with him. Even without what he did at the wedding, his alcoholism is enough of a reason to leave him. Gods know what he does to her and their daughter behind closed doors. Any family that pushes for forgiveness / reconciliation should also be cut off. Anything other than going NC and losing his family will only tell him that being a drunken ass is ok with everyone.
1st update - yep, tell Claire she and Richard are no longer welcome, no contact at all. Tell the family what Claire tried to do, and let them know that not only will you not be around if Richard is at an event, you will not be there if Claire is also. Tell them that you're sorry, and will always be there to help her when she realizes that she has to get away from him, but until then you can't be around her as long as she blames you for his behavior. I'd also consider calling CPS. Nothing will be done, but it'll start a case file for later when things get worse and Claire needs to get custody.
2nd update - oh sweet shit. If Richard gets out, some good Samaritan needs to be waiting at his house with a baseball bat. How long has the abuse gone on to make that child shut down so completely that she can only be around OP?
Claire having custody? Um, no. Things are already worse and she's still in the land of denial. Unless she gets her act together and cuts Richard out completely and for all time, no. OP, grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins - all would be a better option for the little girl.
@@RudesMom - if you'll note, that was after the first update, before Claire went off the rails. Paying attention to context helps.
I bet that pos was abusing her the whole time. Mostly mentally at first. I hope Op does get custody of her niece. Her siter doesn't deserve her daughter.
Don't let the videographer delete anything! Keep everything for evidence and I'm sure it will come in handy sooner than later.
God, LG, how did you get through these stories? Kudos to you for being able to make a video out of it.
Regarding the alcoholic brother in law, Richard: OPs sister should be encouraged to get therapy, because she convinced herself that enabling Richard was the best course of action, which draws her into his dysfunctional behavior. She needs to learn not to be that kind of enabler, and how to build a good relationship with a partner.
Did the sister still staying with her husband because "Love" or "fear" tho ?
Maybe both
Bit of denial too
She denied Richard drinking at home a bit too strongly, plus the "I'm not in a bad situation!!"
It was definitely denial at being in a bad relationship, her mind can't take the reality so she's lying to herself and gaslighting herself
He probably helped do that too
Both. Also add embarrassment in front of her family and depression because she lost her baby. Poor woman. Hope she found the courage to send Richard to prison.
Does it matter? She DARVO'ed and gaslit OP, and then abandoned her own kid. She's almost as much a POS as her husband.
Sad stories. Sister needs trama therapy. It will take a very long time.
You are on my favorite channels list. Thanks so much for taking the time for us. You are very much appreciated. 👏👏👏🥰
Ugh. If Claire stays with Richard, I predict that she’ll be a future episode of Dateline.☹️
Sorry LG, I'm late today! ❤️
The first story, I know EXACTLY what she's going through.. I went through it for an entire year with my FIL, that's how he got when drinking and he drank EVERY SINGLE DAY... It hurts so much because when sober he is an amazing person.. He would tell me he wish I didn't marry his son, I'm a horrible person, I'm faking my illness, didn't matter, he came with it.. Wake up the next day, he's loving and sweet.. I couldn't go around him anymore and neither could my husband... The family would NOT let him around for years!! I always felt bad for my MIL, 44yrs married, and she is the sweetest person.. He passed away 3yrs this Thanksgiving... You have to walk and until he gets sober you won't forgive.... It's very difficult
I searched story 1 and she wrote all this 10 years ago! I hope her niece have grown-up with her aunt and is a happy teenager loved by everyone!
I have very little sympathy for Claire because she put her daughter in continuous danger. Abusive relationships aren't easy to get out of, granted, but once you put your child in an abusive and unsafe environment then you need to pull your head out the sand and act.
I feel terrible for op and the niece. I feel bad to an extent for the sister. She shouldn't be abused by her husband but she definitely needs to leave that ass, press charges and do what's best for her child. I'd bet my life that OP and the rest of the family would do anything to protect the sis and niece, as long as he's out of the picture. I'm hoping for the best possible outcome for them.
Me too. This was a very tough story to read all the way through, but I think this needs to be shared because we always need to be reminded that abuse is real, REGARDLESS of who's doing it.
Its not always easy to stand up to family and prevent tragedy's from happening.
That poor little girl. My heart goes out to her
Start making calls to the cops when he leaves the house drunk.
Richard being in prison is the best thing that could happen to him. I hope he gets at least a year and mandatory AA meetings during and after. We would have lost my little brother to alcoholism if not for 18 months in prison and AA. He had several diu and wrecks and the last wreck and charge ended his self-destructive drinking and driving and also cooled his anger issues. Richard has been given a chance to semi detox and hopefully all the time he has to be sober and reflective will scare him straight. Our family owes a lot to AA and prison for saving our brother.
S1: OP should tell her sister, that she lives her, and will see her without her husband. Tell her, she will always be there to talk and OP will listen without judgement. Tell her, she can come to OP and tell OP anything. Tell Clare , you want her to feel safe talking to OP, and will try to help her
My guess is there’s something going on with the sister and drugs that caused the police to bring the niece to OP. If they were arresting the jerko, and everything was on the up and up with the sis, they would have left the daughter in her care.
Story 1. The sister is in for a big surprise when her kids stop talking to her because of drunk of a husband.
Claire believed OP would just forgive him, bu Richard never apologized. He wasn't sorry for what he did.
You need to go to the local police a sgt or someone and tell him husband is a drunk and he drives his daughter around. Give him the details on his car. They can keep an eye out. And just because you apologize doesn’t mean the family will let Richard go on vacation
The niece freaking out when OP's husband hugs OP says a lot about what was going on in her house. That child and OP's sister have been through a lot. I'm worried about OP's sister. Her refusal to see anybody has me concerned about what she might do.
My god.What a horrible,horrible situation.Who knows what that little girl has seen and experienced.If she's afraid of strangers...I can only hope that time will help her,her mother,and the family as a whole.And that if Richard doesn't have an epiphany and realize that he needs help as well,that he can rot in jail.
She shouldn't leave her sister all alone with her demons for too long. There is a difference between giving space and letting her isolate herself. People tend to do that when they want to flee reality. Without social contact and help it only tends to get worse. Either way, as I see it she isn't going to be a good mother in any foreseeable future. She was a terrible one this far. I think it cought up to her.
And that poor niece. She lost a sibling before it even had a fighting chace and saw who knows what. Hope it was at least only something she witnessed and not had that pig laying a hand on her too.
I hate when there’s no update to stories like these
I saw a comment that pointed this out and I can't find it, but it beats repeating: Richard got a 15-16 year old pregnant when he was 21-22 and then convinced her to marry him.
Even if he wasn't an alcoholic, everyone should've been skeptical about this relationship from the start.
So, he was a predator?
@@kitsumekat Given his abusive behavior and the way he seems to have her wrapped around his fingers, I'd say that it's very likely that he's a predator.
@@andredunbar3773 I notice that she's been conditioned to accept his shit and get everyone else on it too.
Richard knows about his behaviour, but keeps on drinking, and that is as clear a case of disrespect as it comes.
I can only imagine what that little girl witnessed. The fact she freaks out when she sees her uncle even hugging OP and won't let him touch her is heartbreaking.
Honestly ... if i was the groom, i would literally start to puch the guy on the face constantly, and if anyone interrupts then it will also get a punch, included the sister too as well. NOBODY DISRESPECT ME OR MY SO. Literally ... what is wrong with people not taking violence as the best approach to teach a-holes a lesson and make an example of "consequences" when you're an a-hole to other people. Its extreme, but we won't strike fear on a-holes too as it gives them more way to abuse too.
I really enjoyed the stories tonight. Thank you! ⭐️ ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Maybe Im a bit old fashioned, but if someone said that, drunk or not, he'd need a feeding tube as he was "just so drunk he fell down the stairs and hit every one on the way down." 😉😉
I knew he was physically abusive from how much the sister was denying there was anything wrong and she was not in a "bad situation". It's terrible she lost the baby, but at least she finally came around enough to protect the child she still had.
While I don't think she entirely blameless or at fault, I do feel pity that the sister finally realized her child needed to be away from her as she was incapable of protecting her daughter or even herself.
Am I the only one thinking that Richard had BEEN thinking that, and he purposely drank to give himself an ‘excuse’ for saying such vile things? Also, why did no one tackle him when he was spewing that garbage?? Why let him finish?! 😫
Damn! I totally love the reverse dress code story LOL
Pure Tyler. It can’t be nice to have an innocent little girl think you’re a terrifying abuser like her father.
They should try giving that poor baby girl a journal to write down all her thoughts and feelings. Take it from someone who knows. Writing is very cathartic
I don't feel bad for Claire at all. She is a coward who instead of adulting, is allowing an abusive sack of crap to abuse her and her child. She can leave whenever she wants, but she will continue to make excuses. I feel bad for that child having a father and mother like that.
Nor should you. There isn't a mammal on this planet that wouldn't fight to the death for their young. Claire wouldn't even work up a decent sweat!
If a partner is an alcoholic, dump them.
Good Morning! Thanks for the video. Its great as always.
If “Richard” is his real name, his parents nailed it.
That poor niece was traumatized. I hope OP gets permanent custody.
OP should have listened to her husband. Claire isn't innocent. And she will NEVER understand.
S1: I hate it when people blame bad behaviour by saying, "It's just the booze!". On the contrary - booze simply blocks the receptors that say, "This isn't a good idea, there will be consequences". Basically, people are at their most honest when they're drunk. They say what they're REALLY thinking. If he acts like an AH while drunk, he's a AH when he's sober but is able to mask it a little better.
1) OP absolutely did the right thing to protect her niece from the danger of her alcoholic father, it is too bad the child's own mother couldn't do as well to divorce this horrible, dangerous man. There is no way they should be having another child together. There is nothing OP can say or do to fix this situation, nor can her sister other than dumping this loser. There is no reasoning with this awful man, and he clearly has an issues that goes far deeper than his drinking. OP needs to cut him out of her life entirely.
After comments: It's nice others saw this incident for what it was and offered sympathy to OP. There is no forgiving some things. I hope OP will report this kind of child endangerment to CPS and any time he is known to be driving after drinking the police need to be called. Sis is as bad as her husband because she enables him despite it endangering their child.
After update: Sister is disgustingly deluded and it's good all the family is no longer willing to accommodate that or put up with her awful husband.
After final update: So happy to hear OP has custody of the niece. Also happy that the awful husband is in jail, and sad to say, the loss of their baby is actually good news in this case. It would be good if sister would press charges for the abuse so her husband will receive a suitable sentence. I do hope OP gets full, permanent custody of the niece.
2) Good for OP for this malicious compliance ... well done.