CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend You're always using images of people popping pills in your videos... It contradicts your purpose. You should stop this 'habit' and create a more lighting and positive symbolism of freedom and enjoyment from narcs ... not defeat.
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend Hey I know what you were trying to do with the images... I was just suggesting a better way to convey it. If you can, I'd even suggest that you change the name of your channel as well and no longer give credit to thee "crazy narcissist ex girlfriend"... Good job with this video... You're one of the more precise & clear minded ones here on UA-cam ...
I had a long relationship with a covert that stopped the car we were riding in me during the "Love Bombing" stage. He stayed silent for a bit. Then, he said to me, "One day I'm going to fuck you up so bad I don't know if you'll recover." I was beyond shocked. It was in the middle of that stage where you think you have stumbled across the "One". I had no way of processing what he had just said. I just looked at him, and I said, "How can you possibly say something that horrible to me?" His reply, "Because that is what I do to women." Hindsight is 20/20, but this covert TOLD me who he was in the Love Bombing stage, and my mind couldn't conceive it being real. I was still in denial and couldn't process what had happened to me months after he left years later.
In the beginning my ex narc, future faked, love bombed, nonstop. I’m so happy that I researched the hell out of Narcissism, before our first date. I was doing the research for another, but the timing couldn’t have been better. (for me) He kept me on the phone 24/7, with calls & texts. He would tell me when to go to bed, and had to know exactly what I was doing throughout the day.. He asked my father if he could marry me, and then ghosted me for months.. My family is on my side, for they “weren’t” fooled by him. I’m free now!! They will eventually kill you, if you stay with them.
I can relate! My ex Narc used to get me go to bed with him at a certain time every night too. He would not go to bed unless I laid down with him. 24/7 texting all day long during the 1st stage too.
Jen Nelms same here. Looking back very strange behavior. If I didn't sleep when he did he would fit. Text and calls 24 7 & video chat to see me. Or see where I am.❤
YUP. The promise, the plans, the future, the constant love, texts, kind words etc... and it turns out it is NOTHING like that! but its your fault, once you bring up reality and what they are doing, the cant handle it.
Terra Tamblyn of course I know you shouldn't and thank you. It's different! lol She made it seem like she is so innocent and couldn't do anything wrong to anyone.
Terra Tamblyn I thought you may be replying to me but wasn't sure haha. Yea that's something I did out of goodness of my heart and we were on vacation and it broke down and her father wouldn't pay for it. So I did bc I wanted to bc I thought she was a decent person little did I know...I also gave her money ( she didn't ask) to help get her on her feet bc relationships, you help one another.. I was glad too. Not wanting it re paid back but again little did I know who she really was
I just stumbled across exactly what mine was. Altruistic covert narcissist. Crazy shit man. Your videos are my fall back everyday when I feel myself slipping. Keep up the great work David
Yes, you're so right about the serotonin and stress thing! I started getting headaches on and off. You know, you're the only one, I've found online, that's mentioned this aspect and it's so important for understanding what's going on for the victim.
Since the discard and since the divorce from the narc that I was with for eight years, I've been down on my knees and it's been half an year ago. The smear campaign is REAL, I have never been so lonely, he's been spreading absolute bullshit. I feel so bad, so hurt, so angry at myself for believing in that lie, I can't stop crying. Some days is so bad, I have to pull my car until I stop crying, because I literally can't see the road. Yet, I prefer to take a shower with a video like this, (out of the loneliness) because it makes sense. You cant make sense out of nonsense. Every time I see him with his new supply, I swear my soul is tearing up. You help me understand what happened and I am beyond thankful for you.
david i have to tell you that the most hard step in the" no contact" is when i remember his words,i mean he used powerful words stuck in my brain, beautiful words have never been said to me before, and this is my strugle with my brain ,i talk to my brain :this is not true , all of him is fake, the person who i fell love on him is Inexistent..!! like my brain has walls and i erase all words writen on,or making a brain wash,and it is usuful for me.it is an addiction , it's not love. now i have 5 months no cantact, im very proud of me ,i'm healing david i'm healing , i can fell it, such a good sansation like victory✌,im in a good way to be happy💕💕💕
Mina Amina Yes Mina, be proud of yourself. Good job! You're healing yourself because you are doing the work. I am so proud of you Mina. You encourage others to heal. Thank you so much..
Often it is a _new_ narcissist who makes us forget the former one. And that is a huge problem; they pave the way for eachother when it comes to us victims. Because they sniff out our special needyness. What we can do is to set up rules to avoid any more/new narcissists to try and date us again. Since five months back I do this. It weeds them out. I will use these rules until my very last day: *Text is only used for logistics and date time/place planning, when it comes to men who start flirting (to avoid lovebombing). I do not answer texts about personal/private/flirt issues. *They need to pick up the phone and call me. I do not call them (the first six months) *I only say yes to dates if i am asked out at least 3 days before. Wednesday is the absolute last day to ask me out for Saturday. Otherwise "Sorry, i have already made plans" They figure out my boundaries after a while, and treat me better and better. I do not tell any man what to do. I am calm and I smile. I just say yes/no to different suggestions. Always politely. *I never ask a guy to confirm a date "Are we still on for tomorrow?" Never. If he hasn't confirmed the night before the date, i make other plans. Again, i do not initiate contact/conversation with a man. (This way ghosting doesn't work that well on me) *If a guy asks if i want to be his girllfriend, i answer truthfully "Oh, it takes med about 15 - 20 dates to decide whether i want to be exclusive with a guy or not" This makes them serious and competing about being romantic. Bottom line: Time & Space to think, is what narcissists do not give us, I have established. They just booty-call, really. All the time. Everything is last-minute. Hence the rules above.
Cecilia Caller Great comment, thank you so much for sharing your personal safeguard and boundaries. Those are a great set of boundaries, I really appreciate you sharing them for others to see what is actually healthy. Anybody that doesn't respect these are unhealthy. They don't respect you and have selfish motives. So important! Thanks again Cecilia! I have been talking to some others in the comment sectuon of this video about the old days of romance.
Thanks! I hope you guys can also work out boundaries to establish whether a girl you are asking out has empathy. Does she give you space & time to think? Or does she go all black/white thinking and demands things right away? Great info videos btw.
Terra Tamblyn Well they're great and will keep you getting too close to toxic people. It's funny how they want people chasing them and I hate people chasing me. Good comment.
I have come off social media and moved to the Country. 4 years NC. I went back to my old Town yesterday to visit my Mother. I heard loud music blaring from a black car and it was the abuser. He was at traffic lights. I looked over and felt faint. He waved at me l looked ahead and kept walking. He had tried to Hoover before hence the move and deletion of all social media. I feel very disturbed hence l am back on your channel. Thankyou very much for your advise....l feel protected and supported. God Bless you.
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend I have a secret bank acct and a storage until full of furniture. I am waiting out the end of my lease because I can't get him out of my house and he is the type of fool who would destroy it, just to screw me. I'm prepared. hopefully, he will just get tired of my efff you attitude and he will leave himself. I feel better just making the decision to leave. Thank you!
I call it like I see it Good job, you're welcome and thank you for sharing. Please let me know if I can help with any advice, you can email me if you want. crazynarcissistxgirlfriend@gmail.com
5:19 ... "because you made me do it"... Removing your self from the source of toxic poison aka going no contact is the first, very important step. Remove yourself from toxic people and I would say: expect to experience huge pain (withdraw syndrome), loneliness , but every week, day, the pain becomes smaller than day before. Always is better be alone then abused. Thanks mate for the video, Cheers :)
Hi David, your videos and the videos of other people who've endured narcissistic abuse enlighten me. I've been through some of the same abuse, for over 15 years of my early life. I've met other narcissists later, at my jobs, in schools… It's so very common. But so little talked about. I'm glad more and more people are starting to piece the puzzle pieces together and talk about their experiences. Every man, of the few I've been in relationships with, has been either a full-fledged narcissist or had strong narcissistic tendencies. I've only ever been attracted to narcissistic men. And I didn't realize why, until now. I'd never had a relationship with a really compassionate person, except Platonic relationships with my late Grandmother and a few female friends. My late father abused me horribly. On the surface, to the world, he appeared as a "perfect" man, so generous, an exemplary employee, coworker, father, husband… But behind closed doors, it was a whole different story, and the horrible side of his real self showed when the mask slipped . When I was 20, he boxed me in my forehead and gave me a concussion, and when I, feeling very frightened, told him I hear a beeping noise in my head (as my brain was shaken), not knowing what was happening to me at the time, never having experienced a concussion before, instead of feeling sorry he hurt me so badly, he then remarked, very coldly, "Good. Now maybe I shoved some sense into your head" - feeling no remorse. He was abusing me in such cold-hearted, unfeeling ways since I was a little girl of 5, always putting me through seemingly sweet then viciously mean cycles. And it affected my life in profound ways. I wish I knew you in person, David. I wish I could talk with you. I would have so much to tell you about things I've discovered over the course of my search for truth - not just about this. But I live in Canada, probably far away from you. I've discovered so many things that I would love to share. I used to think that my own almost constant low energy was due to my poor eating habits (too many cookies, too much sugar…) or too little sleep… But now I think that both my low energy and my poor health habits, poor skills in taking care of myself, and the stressful job I work in, are all due to the emotional abuse I've endured for so long, since I was so little. I know so many woman and also some men who have been abused by people they loved, their parents, spouses, children, and who are now sick and crippled. One such woman is hooked to an oxygen tank. Can't go anywhere without it. Her husband abused her horribly for years, and she got out of that marriage too late, only after it completely destroyed her emanational and physical health. Another such woman equally abused by her husband can hardly walk now due to crippling arthritis in her knees and can no longer work and support her own self. I really don't wish to face the same fate as these unfortunate people, and be so crippled as they in my later years. But I am starting to think now that the root of most diseases lies first and foremost in our emotional health, even if these diseases express themselves in a myriad of physical ways. Even the bad disease-promoting habits so many people have are likewise rooted ultimately in their emotional pain. Thank you so much, David, for trying to help us wounded creatures cure ourselves. I've a long way to go, but… I've discovered some things… about fasting on juices or pure water alone… I fasted once for 49 days on lots of raw fruits and vegetable juices and spring water - it was the BEST experience of my life. My energy skyrocketed midway on that fast and stayed wonderfully high for the remainder of that fast. When I went back to cookies, my energy plummeted again. I also learnt about eating raw-food diets, which may help me regain my health and energy. I've witnessed such a therapy help shrink a tumour in a person, without any surgery, or radiation. I've read Rudolf Breuss' book, The Breuss Cancer Cure, in which he talks about the use of juice fasting for the shrinking of benign and malignant tumours. I've learnt things about the possibility that we are being lied to not only in the realm of medicine and healing, but also in astronomy and physics and the rest of science, on a daily basis. The earth may not be at all the way we are told it is since we are little impressionable school children. We are told it is round and spinning, but there is plenty of evidence to the contrary. I do not know what the earth is really like, David, for I have never seen it from high out in space with my own eyes. But I wouldn't be surprised one bit if it isn't at all the way we are told it is, if in school text books and on TV channels we are presented with an illusion of reality, by narcissistic controllers. Please check the videos: Simply Raw: Reversing Diabetes in 30 Days (by Gabriel Cousens, MD), The Gerson Therapy, Dying to Have Known (about healing of cancer the natural way), and Crepuscular Sun Rays: The Sun Is Close. All extremely interesting and educational.
This is exactly what my narcissist 'friend' did to me. When he learned that I had uncovered all his lies and that he was not the person he pretended to be (literally lying about his entire identity) he was sooo sweet! 'Oh Jessica, I wish I could give you a big hug right now. I care so much, blah blah blah...I worry about you....' Yet no apology whatsoever and still the line, upon my asking why he didn't just tell me the truth, 'I'm not going to tell you for your convenience.' I will never forget those words. THAT, is the covert narcissist right there.
Jessica S Aren't they incredible? They slither did you know that? Like a snake. I've seen one once. Slithering around on the ground sticking it's tongue out saying look at poor me with no arms or legs. So I squashed it and put it out of its misery.
Thank you for your kind healing videos Sir. You are sssooo absolutely true. I did experience this way for the last 29yrs! First, it was me & him against the whole world, and then it's him and world against me! Myyyy GOD, it's terrible living! Atlast, I'm out of this nerc but remain still in marriage, as I have detached emotionally so I go grey rock and stared living my life. I have made him realize that apart from doing basic things at home he can't expect any personal relationship with me. Absolutely zero communication, he minds his life and I mind my life, we don't tell each other what's happening in our lives, Since I have dghtrs from him I can't mess up their lives going through divorce. So I'm still in this horrible marriage. Trusting GOD. Good news is, I'm healed in an amazing way! Praise God. I'm blessed in abundance that I'm out of this addiction called nerc. Phewww! Great isn't it?!
The memory loss was crazy! Everything in this video hits hard. Thank you. I still question myself sometimes but I won’t after watching this. 3 months since I moved 2 hours away from him. No, children but I had to stay in touch up until a week ago. For three months, there was not much peace with all the texting and mind games. Trying to make me jealous and crazy! Pure Evil via text if you can imagine. Go no contact or your asking for it. He tried everything to get me to tell him the address where I moved. I played it cool bc he was so cruel it scared me but I never told him my address. 6 months ago, when I felt the chill of his smear campaign I blocked him and every mutual friend from social media and recently changed my phone number. Think I need to delete my email address too since you can’t really block anyone from google. Take care!!!
This thursday has been 2 months NC for me..My ex has BPD but things you said is exactly what happened to me..cant wait for the day she leaves my mind for good.
My Freddie is back knocking again .....no contact grey rock again......as you say David until one of us go to the other side it's never over.....I was such good supply.....the narc will always want to crawl in his belly back. No more I have healed. Love these old vids it's just my story I'm here again to remind myself how great we all are to be free......Thank you David 💜
This one was especially awesome. Love the in our face seriousness. I like the tough “love” I don’t even need to love, just the tough bc everyone’s videos on this are usually so sweet and caring. There’s a place and time for that, in the very beginning, but so many of us are stuck a year or more later and I think we NEED a heavy handed approach to wake the F UP ALREADY!! Again HUGE THANKS
You are God sent David! It was nine months of extreme emotions in my life. One moment it was heaven, the next day it was the lower basement of hell....and no transition. You just drop to hell
I love your honesty!! I was sucked back in, I didn't know he was a narcissist until the exact same discard all over again. I was completely over him when he came back. Happier than ever!!
One thing is I'm unsure if I need to talk to someone about this,I feel I need to go through the whole thing with someone,but then I wonder if my time would be much better spent working on me,loving myself again and forgetting all the hurtfull and confusing things this creature did to me,thank you for your response mate,you and your videos have been a great help in getting over this,keep up the amazing work your doing x
David. Thank you! Everything you have said is spot on!! The ex N was always bothered that I would not tell her I love her a thousand times a day and was always blowing up my phone...she sunk to a whole new level of insults and abuse over the weekend and really realized that getting her out of my life is no loss.........I really hope she stops contacting me for good. I will not respond. Thank you for reminding us of our strength-----the N's do not think of us as people we are merely objects of supply
stacy burnett Thank you Stacey. I would change everything, including phone number. It doesn't matter if she calls or not, you have to wonder all the time.
THIS was exactly what and mostly importantly EXACTLY HOW I NEEDED to heard this!!! So nicey nicey about, instead IN MY FUCKING FACE about how FUCKED up it is and what I need to to you get serious bc it is SERIOUS! I wish there where much more videos that coached us this harshly, firmly….whatever you call your style in this one bc it was awesome! Big thanks!
2 Hoover’s answered and worse each time. Involved the pastor last time... it was the worse crushing end . It happened in 3 days .. Insane ... the wedding anniversary is in 3 days. I’ve been trying to prepare how to stand firm .... Your frank statements about narc facts Have helped ... I know I need to absolutely not respond at all.
You do a great job with these videos. I have a Narc friend I've tried to shed for 25 years. I never knew he was a narc. until a year ago. Now that I know, its very obvious. It makes me sick to look back and see how many times I've been hovered and fell for it! Everything you've said in these video's applies to a Strait married man having a narc. male friend. It does not matter what the relationship demographics are. Everything you've said applies to being involved with any narc. I'm finally getting armed with this new information. Sam Vaknin does a great job, but hearing this from you really speaks to me in a more powerful way. Thanks again!
Dude I went through everything you've described and my heart goes out to you that you've experienced this, thanks for putting up these videos. It really is life or death for real.
I almost lost myself after being with a narc for four years. I don't have any idea. I searched about the behavior he showed all this years because Im so confuse. I just keep on understanding him in all he did. And that I found its called narcissism. Thank you to the internet and to all these videos. I hope I will heal.
Man, you scared the shit out of me with the content of this video! David everything you are saying I have been through and at the end of it. I am no contact 6 days now and she calls everyday. This woman has wrecked my belief in humanity and the reality she has been a complete lie to me since I moved her into my house 9/1/2014 and payed for everything for her and moved her horses on to my 110 acres beef farm. These people should be in jail or mental hospitals. 2 years and 10 months with a 51 year old covert malignant narcissist. She has the mindset of a 15 to 17 year old, no job, conning disability for 12 years with a 25 year old body and a pretty 65 year old face due to all the wrinkles. She is the most dangerous and evil woman I have ever met.
Thanks so much. You explain so clear about how the bond works. I was still wondering why I needed 4 years to separate from my covert narc boyfriend. We have to learn to spot that behavior as early as possible and most important: work on our self-esteem and self-love. Healthy people who are confident in their life and love themselves, never go into relationships with narcissists.
This helped.. thank you!!!!! Mine made me believe I was crazy too, he even almost convinced me I had schizophrenia. He tried to convince my family as well!! He would repeat things over and over again until I really did feel like I was losing my mind, because of him!!!!
YOU ARE AWESOME!! LOVE YOUR HONESTY!!! YOU WERE DEFINITLY GETTING SOME AMENS FROM ME! I WAS IN A NARC RELATIONSHIP. I ENDED IT! NO CONTACT!! I NOW HAVE A MALE FRIEND THAT'S IN A ABUSIVE NARC RELATIONSHIP. HE LIVES WITH THE NARC. HE WAS PLANNING TO LEAVE HER BY THE WAY IT WAS HER IDEA TO BREAK UP BUT SHE CONVINCED HIM TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT! HE HAS BEEN GOING THROUGH THIS FOR 3 YRS.!! OMG!! ALL I CAN DO NOW IS PRAY HE WAKES UP SOON!! HE HAS BEEN MANIPULATED SOO BAD BY HER HE DOESN'T KNOW WHICH WAY IS UP!!
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend Thank you! I know what you say is serious and very true! but you have me cracking up on the Delivery! Yes you are Southern so am I so I get it! lol.. Keep up the great work Suga!!
oh the big plans and then cheating... Hurts like hell. Especially because i was hesitant about the plans at first and then completely bought into them.
Mystic David fly on the wall again , spot on had it all only small difference is thought out the whole relationship start to end he was lying cheating and using me , spot the signs guys keep the videos up David you got this !
Your delivery is powerful. I love how blunt you are and accurate!! You are on point. I've been violently discarded by him & the state saw fit to bring felony charges against him so I will see him one LAST time in court. He's a cop so I hope he won't make good on the threat to kill me. He came close as my last beating was so severe he crippled me permanently. Life or death is not an understatement. I was with him over 2 decades ( he is 20 yrs my senior.) Im Now in process of trying to divorce him which has left me broke financially and homeless. How many narcs you think make it to prison? He's an undercover cop and covert narc and people just love him. He can work the system. I hope to break free one day. your vids are very helpful. Keep it up please. Sorry for your pain.....
Charlie Foxtrot Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry for everything. He has caused you a lot of pain. I understand how it feels when everybody loves your abuser. You said you hope to break free, it sounds like you have, I know your life will be better soon. You sound strong and wise. Please let me know how I can help. - David
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend thanks for your kind words. You give me hope honestly. I'm stuck in "the system" now. My shrink doesn't acknowledge NPD she says he "operates from a different moral code then me" and she's trying to keep me drugged (I refuse drugs so I lie about taking them) and she claims I have PTSD. Your vids are far more helpful. I have good days an bad days but today I think I will get through this. I have a serious question ...since my narc got me young and I looked up to him( think worship) could I have picked up some of his operating methods? I have guys interested in me, im not looking frankly, but it's nice to have "my own friends" but I did notice that I'm trying to control them ....i think I'm doing to them what was done to me. I'm wondering is this possible that after being with a narc so long the brainwashing is still strong and I don't know how to have an adult relationship? I'd appreciate your thoughts. Lemme know if you'd prefer to email direct. Thanks for your time
Charlie Foxtrot Thank you Charlie. I'm sorry you feel like you have to lie to your therapist, although I understand. Is what is going on is for some reason, for you to figure out, you didn't recieve the unconditional love and attention you needed at some point of your childhood. This makes it hard for you to be alerted to some red flags that this person may have shown. The real problem is these people can't love you and you loved a lie they told you. We didn't know these people existed. We just didn't know they didn't love us and we couldn't understand them because they're so different than us and nothing prepared us for this. They fool everybody everyday. Master manipulators, pathological liars, the best actors in the world. We would give but we never received. What we did recieve was fake and either too much or too traumatic. Keep watching more videos. Thank you for your comment and feel free to email me anytime. crazynarcissistxgirlfriend@gmail.com
Mine would say, if you want to join my hate club, go ahead, join them all. I had no idea what he was talking about...now I know. Thanks for your videos.
OMG Thank You!!!! I can't ever explain this to anyone because my heads a mess. All the videos I've listened to and this is 100% my life for 9 yrs. Unfortunately I can't break all contact because we have a 6 yr old. But I will prevail!!! This made me realize I'm not just over thinking everything. I'm so greatful for your voice!
Wow! So much I can relate to in this video. "You & them against the world." I have definitely been there! And I wasn't told I would remember their face forever, BUT a psychopath ex paid for my tattoo. Later he told me "You will never be able to forget me because you will always think of me when you look at that." He acted like it was a brand...
Thank you for helping me to realize that I’m not crazy. That there is a scientific/psychological reason for why I keep taking him back. I’m starting my reprogramming right NOW.
I miss him very much but at the same time the thought of being with him again scares me, terrifies me.......I only remember the good times but have to remind myself of the abuse when he screamed at me.
I actually thought about it when I talked to her. I had never felt such connection, I thought about how I really felt high when talking to her. then she made me go crazy for little things that I should feel ashamed of and confused by. a real roller coaster
she would and I would get real intimate. I've never opened up so much, and then she used that to make me feel confused and bad when she first thought it was a positive thing like I hadn't had sex in a really long time and she said that's good I don't like guys that fools around. later she didn't want to see me because I was only after her because I wanteed sex and have not had it in a long time. she put words in my mouth. even thoughts in in my mind like she knew how I felt and thought even know it wasn't true. you can't win. in the beginning everything you say is right and so accepted and later anything you say is wrong and twisted, although I haven't changed
Hi David. I've missed you. my WiFi was down. so good to be back. a other great video. thanks. I have been healing staying narc free. yes the narc is a piece of shit.
Venus Allegra Yerkovich VENUS!!! I have missed you! I'm so glad you're ok. I have given you a couple hellos on old comments of yours. Peace and love Venus!
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend ooh yes sorry I couldn't go on you tube. honestly first thing I did was watch your new videos just now lol. your awesome and happy new year my narc busting hero. your a blessing to me. peace and love to you and your doggie. love yourself first. xx
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend aww your the sweetest realist strongest man I know and your real handsome. thank you David keep being you cause you help me and the masses to heal. your a real good man.
once again thanks David! I keep encourage some of my friends to watch your videos...trust me, are much better than any therapist! I'm nearly 2 years no contact ( one sms last july) but still healing... I had a PTSD after he discarded me.. Wish I could have you as a private therapist. My apologies for any english mistaken, I'm in Rome / Italy. Thanks David!
Monica Fino Oh thank you so much for your kind words and support. I know the PTSD is bad. Watch my videos about stress and PTSD. There is information that can help you. Ask me anything. Thanks again Monica! - David
Morning David, Hope you're doing O.K. You have been through so much dealing with the "crazy" ex. Thank you for this "harsh," caring video. Don't apologize for it. Oftentimes co-dependents, like myself, need a serious push to have someone like you to reemphasize how detrimental to our physical/mental health it would be to return to them. Interesting topic about the hippo-campus how negatively it can affect us with memory loss, decrease in serotonin levels, etc. Having such stress in our lives also decreases the ability of our immune system to function properly. Sometimes when I'm feeling like I should talk to my ex. narc boyfriend, I have you to give me a reality check. After taking his mistreatment for many years, I know I would only be asking for the "same old" treatment if I returned. Unfortunately I have these thoughts occasionally to call him but most x's these feelings are nixed. Keep your true-to-life videos coming please!
Tigerprint79 Thank you so much. Don't be hard on yourself either, this is a very abnormal situation. Coverts make it extremely different. These aren't drug addicts sitting in the living room chair shooting heroin and beating you when you get home everyday. These are people who on the outside appear to be very nice, caring, sweet, giving, and understanding. Emotional abuse is not as evident as other forms of abuse. All of this is extremely difficult to be aware of.
Tigerprint79 Thank you so much. Don't be hard on yourself either, this is a very abnormal situation. Coverts make it extremely different. These aren't drug addicts sitting in the living room chair shooting heroin and beating you when you get home everyday. These are people who on the outside appear to be very nice, caring, sweet, giving, and understanding. Emotional abuse is not as evident as other forms of abuse. All of this is extremely difficult to be aware of
I just recently started watching your channel, David. Dead on- everything. Your channel has been a lifeline for me as I navigate my way thru NC (three weeks later) after discarding my Narc. Thank you. 🤙🏽
I'm sitting here trying to enjoy the sun, and all these great memories come flooding in of my ex and I. I nearly sent her a text msg to remind her of those beautiful memories only I have. So I quickly clicked on this video to wake my ass up
David i just got discarded by the narcissist because i caught him out with another woman it worries me because i have the trauma bond thank you david for all your videos❤❤❤
I very seldom post public comments, but i had to respond to this. I came to your channel because I was concerned my son is dating a narc, and after listening to many videos I realized my dad was a narc. I just thought he was an asshole druggie and alcoholic, but he was also a narc. It explains so much of the misery I went through as a kid, and why I had lingering attachment problems for years. The only thing worse than being in a romantic relationship with a narc is being the child of a narc - you are even more helpless. For the love of God - do not have a child with these people. BTW, Flying Monkey has been a joke with a friend of mine for ages. Never knew it was tied to people who defend narcs, but it is ironic that it has been my handle for over 20 years even though I can stand narcs and their pawns.
Nancy Monohon Hello Nancy, thank you for your support. I'm so sorry for your pain he caused, if you need more help, please visit my website www.daviddemars.com
the bond is something so strong its the hardest thing ever. everytime i break up and go no contact and my life is great , i forget the bad parts and im back to square one with my narc where things are so good and iv missed this connection but its addictive and yes toxic in the end. i fail myself everytime from sticking to no contact.
Dhriti Bhanushali And that's what they want. They want to give you time to forget what they've done to you and be happier so you're a better source of fuel again. Thank you for sharing.
wise words! why isnt there a place i can literally talk to someone like you who understands the situation so well. unfortunately friends who have not been with a narc never get it.
it's really sick, I know. I had never had a connection like that. she understood me, accepted me, talked to me, real empathic person, she had same experiences. and then, how and why, she pulled away. blaming me, saying "you're not what I thought", you just want his and that. NO, you are telling me how I feel and think, I feel like this and think this. "no". like she knew me better than myself. gave me a hard time because my history, my lifestyle, this and that. "you don't want to change". when I asked what do you mean exactly what I need o change? she had no answer. I guess it was control. and I still think of her even months after. our relationship was short but very intimate and intensive. it's like a poison since you started out on being on cloud seven and then they pulled you around in the dirt by making you feel shameful and responsible of the breakup even if you hadn't done anything wrong.
Thanks for the video. I am of victim of this type of abuse. It just so happens that I had a son by the person. But now that my son is 18, I have gone no contact. And blocked all of his number and social media accounts!! Everything! I hate him but still love him. I'm so confused and going through it! 😔 Your videos help me better understand so thanks!
You are great, man!:-) Seriously, I wish I had found your channel long ago to get rid of all my so "loving" friends who knew better than me what I should do in my life because they "cared" so much about me and enjoyed hurting me...Concerning sharing. Not that long ago I got hurt by sharing similar videos with a person whom I considered to be a friend and who could benefit from it too ...and it turned out that I shared it with a covert narcissist who realized that I'm on the brink of "waking up" and figuring out very soon WHOM I trusted...So the mask fell off right away...Of course first I felt, let us say, "confused", tried to apology though didn't know for what , got a silent treatment, but as I've already studied psychology for some time I maintained "no contact". Though theory is one thing and when it really happens to YOU it's a whole new ball game!...And now I'm free from this shit!:-) It's one of the best decisions in my life! I guess this person wanted to punish me...but instead it's liberation for me now!:-) So, sharing is great! You never know what toxic people you can lose because of it!:-) ...
So Frikin True!! I had a best friend of 15 years betray me after a huge assault, I just had a c-section, Then she hid him from the cops, I had no idea that they were smearing me behind my back While they all got together and hung out I was always at home taking care of the kids by myself They are all pieces of garbage!! All of them, And one day karma will happen to them I t always dose and in the mean time Im getting my life together and have a good life I did get something out of this tho I learned a hard lesson I will never let a Narc in my life again
If your stuck in a relationship with these people ( siblings, parents, children, relatives) best to let them hit rock bottom and dont let your emotions make your decisions but facts and logic should. Your basically dealing with arrested development children.
It doesn't matter if people dont understand why you had to go no contact, you were the one in the situation and not them. It is that serious. You will have to Avoid even your common /family friends if its been a long term relationship. Real talk.
Uhh so true!! Before I knew it he was living with me, and I can remember thinking this is a red flag, like it was so quick. Just like you dealt with her but you are so caught up in the love bombing stage like you don't listen to your intuition. Talking about marriage, kids, future plans like everything and then the bottom drops out. smh
Their BEST TRICK!! Hoovered back in, I have memory loss from the trauma bond, his excuse is I love you so much! then disappears! ALL TRUE!! GO NO contact!! FIND HELP!!
this video is so spot on. unfortunately I can't go full no contact cuz we.have a kid together but I do my best to only discuss our kid when having to deal with the ex. maybe a good topic for a future video would be how to best coparent with a covert narcissist? no easy task I can tell you from personal experience
Willie That is an excellent idea that I've planned on doing. Thank you Willie. I know it's extremely hard. Going thru courts is the best. Show no emotion. Don't let them make changes to arrangements but there is also a time to bite your lip. It's so difficult. You have to kind of let your child figure it out on their own. I feel for you and every parent that has to deal with this situation.
I know this vid is a year old but I'm so glad it's on. I never met anybody like my narcissist before. And hope not again. She is everything you are saying. She didn't get to implement the whole plan as the guy she started cheating on me with posted their relationship on her timeline on Facebook.She got it down fast but was too late I had already seen it. Then she blocked me. She tried to convince me was all blown up out of proportion.I wanted to believe her so bad. When she realized it wasn't going to work she went completely against me. Trying to convince people what a piece of shit I was. Too many people had seen what she had done so she blocked them too. Now she has her Facebook where I can see her timeline but can't comment. And makes digs at me that I were things between us but others don't get. I have a hard time not going and looking as I really loved who I thought she was. I feel so damn pathetic. Thanks again for your vids.
Tim T You must do what feels uncomfortable or impossible. You must stop looking. Looking is a form of self sabotage, you're abusing yourself by looking. Find support and look forward in life.
Break the bond by going no contact.
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend You're always using images of people popping pills in your videos... It contradicts your purpose. You should stop this 'habit' and create a more lighting and positive symbolism of freedom and enjoyment from narcs ... not defeat.
Miriam Vashti The pill has the channel name on it which refers to a dose of information. I appreciate the advice, thank you.
Miriam Vashti he's got the medicine to heal you.💙
Love Yah Luv ya, Love Yah!
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend Hey I know what you were trying to do with the images... I was just suggesting a better way to convey it. If you can, I'd even suggest that you change the name of your channel as well and no longer give credit to thee "crazy narcissist ex girlfriend"... Good job with this video... You're one of the more precise & clear minded ones here on UA-cam ...
I had a long relationship with a covert that stopped the car we were riding in me during the "Love Bombing" stage. He stayed silent for a bit. Then, he said to me, "One day I'm going to fuck you up so bad I don't know if you'll recover." I was beyond shocked. It was in the middle of that stage where you think you have stumbled across the "One". I had no way of processing what he had just said. I just looked at him, and I said, "How can you possibly say something that horrible to me?" His reply, "Because that is what I do to women." Hindsight is 20/20, but this covert TOLD me who he was in the Love Bombing stage, and my mind couldn't conceive it being real. I was still in denial and couldn't process what had happened to me months after he left years later.
annawalker2 That's horrible, I am so sorry for that experience. That is just sick.
In the beginning my ex narc, future faked, love bombed, nonstop. I’m so happy that I researched the hell out of Narcissism, before our first date. I was doing the research for another, but the timing couldn’t have been better. (for me) He kept me on the phone 24/7, with calls & texts. He would tell me when to go to bed, and had to know exactly what I was doing throughout the day.. He asked my father if he could marry me, and then ghosted me for months.. My family is on my side, for they “weren’t” fooled by him. I’m free now!! They will eventually kill you, if you stay with them.
I can relate! My ex Narc used to get me go to bed with him at a certain time every night too. He would not go to bed unless I laid down with him. 24/7 texting all day long during the 1st stage too.
Susan Peters sounds like you are telling my experience. 💔 I am free from it today. Wish you best!!!!❤
Jen Nelms same here. Looking back very strange behavior. If I didn't sleep when he did he would fit. Text and calls 24 7 & video chat to see me. Or see where I am.❤
Agree...❤
I WAS LUCKY DID NOT LIVE IN THE SAME CITY.
YUP. The promise, the plans, the future, the constant love, texts, kind words etc... and it turns out it is NOTHING like that! but its your fault, once you bring up reality and what they are doing, the cant handle it.
BPD/NPD gfexperience Just takeover every thought and suck all your energy. Thanks Mike.
Terra Tamblyn of course I know you shouldn't and thank you. It's different! lol
She made it seem like she is so innocent and couldn't do anything wrong to anyone.
Terra Tamblyn I thought you may be replying to me but wasn't sure haha. Yea that's something I did out of goodness of my heart and we were on vacation and it broke down and her father wouldn't pay for it. So I did bc I wanted to bc I thought she was a decent person little did I know...I also gave her money ( she didn't ask) to help get her on her feet bc relationships, you help one another.. I was glad too. Not wanting it re paid back but again little did I know who she really was
Nick Warren Amen I have no issues either if I'm respected and cared for but when she turned into an Evil selfish bitch I felt betrayed.
BPD/NPD gfexperience It is betrayal.
I just stumbled across exactly what mine was. Altruistic covert narcissist. Crazy shit man. Your videos are my fall back everyday when I feel myself slipping. Keep up the great work David
Bobby P Right on Bobby, thank you!
Yes, you're so right about the serotonin and stress thing! I started getting headaches on and off. You know, you're the only one, I've found online, that's mentioned this aspect and it's so important for understanding what's going on for the victim.
The bloody headaches were phenomenal !!!
@@conniethecactus5148 This is good to know! I get them all the time.
I used to have stress induced headaches too. It is really have a big impact on our mind.
Yep the memory loss!!! I still have huge gaps in my memory and it’s already been a few years.
Emma Walsh Concentration and memory problems are due to trauma. Healthy environment and focusing on and finishing projects help.
I know, speaking for myself, if I stay in it, I will not survive for real. She almost took me out once--------we do not deserve this!
stacy burnett You let them come back again, sign your own death warrant.
I experienced this after she discarded me.. my thoughts were clouded and I was confused on what just happened. Thankyou
Patrick Pepin Thank you Patrick, sounds like it's a little better.
Soooooo glad I found this!!! I needed this so badly right now. Such great understanding and I don't feel so alone in this.
Jewlz2178 You're not alone at all. Thank you and please ask me any questions in the Q&A videos!
Since the discard and since the divorce from the narc that I was with for eight years, I've been down on my knees and it's been half an year ago. The smear campaign is REAL, I have never been so lonely, he's been spreading absolute bullshit. I feel so bad, so hurt, so angry at myself for believing in that lie, I can't stop crying. Some days is so bad, I have to pull my car until I stop crying, because I literally can't see the road. Yet, I prefer to take a shower with a video like this, (out of the loneliness) because it makes sense. You cant make sense out of nonsense. Every time I see him with his new supply, I swear my soul is tearing up. You help me understand what happened and I am beyond thankful for you.
david i have to tell you that the most hard step in the" no contact" is when i remember his words,i mean he used powerful words stuck in my brain, beautiful words have never been said to me before, and this is my strugle with my brain ,i talk to my brain :this is not true , all of him is fake, the person who i fell love on him is Inexistent..!! like my brain has walls and i erase all words writen on,or making a brain wash,and it is usuful for me.it is an addiction , it's not love. now i have 5 months no cantact, im very proud of me ,i'm healing david i'm healing , i can fell it, such a good sansation like victory✌,im in a good way to be happy💕💕💕
Mina Amina Yes Mina, be proud of yourself. Good job! You're healing yourself because you are doing the work. I am so proud of you Mina. You encourage others to heal. Thank you so much..
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend thank you david, i progress with your videos.
Mina Amina That makes me so happy, thank you Mina!
Betrayal bond--I like that one!! So apt.
keldra alpine What about this one...
shame bonding
Often it is a _new_ narcissist who makes us forget the former one.
And that is a huge problem; they pave the way for eachother when it comes to us victims. Because they sniff out our special needyness.
What we can do is to set up rules to avoid any more/new narcissists to try and date us again. Since five months back I do this. It weeds them out. I will use these rules until my very last day:
*Text is only used for logistics and date time/place planning, when it comes to men who start flirting (to avoid lovebombing). I do not answer texts about personal/private/flirt issues.
*They need to pick up the phone and call me. I do not call them (the first six months)
*I only say yes to dates if i am asked out at least 3 days before.
Wednesday is the absolute last day to ask me out for Saturday.
Otherwise "Sorry, i have already made plans"
They figure out my boundaries after a while, and treat me better and better. I do not tell any man what to do. I am calm and I smile. I just say yes/no to different suggestions. Always politely.
*I never ask a guy to confirm a date "Are we still on for tomorrow?"
Never.
If he hasn't confirmed the night before the date, i make other plans.
Again, i do not initiate contact/conversation with a man.
(This way ghosting doesn't work that well on me)
*If a guy asks if i want to be his girllfriend, i answer truthfully
"Oh, it takes med about 15 - 20 dates to decide whether i want to be exclusive with a guy or not"
This makes them serious and competing about being romantic.
Bottom line: Time & Space to think,
is what narcissists do not give us, I have established.
They just booty-call, really. All the time. Everything is last-minute.
Hence the rules above.
Cecilia Caller Great comment, thank you so much for sharing your personal safeguard and boundaries.
Those are a great set of boundaries, I really appreciate you sharing them for others to see what is actually healthy.
Anybody that doesn't respect these are unhealthy.
They don't respect you and have selfish motives.
So important!
Thanks again Cecilia! I have been talking to some others in the comment sectuon of this video about the old days of romance.
Thanks!
I hope you guys can also work out boundaries to establish whether a girl you are asking out has empathy.
Does she give you space & time to think?
Or does she go all black/white thinking and demands things right away?
Great info videos btw.
Cecilia Caller Thank you again Cecilia. Good questions to ask. I really like the black and white thinking, it's about their way all the time.
Terra Tamblyn Well they're great and will keep you getting too close to toxic people. It's funny how they want people chasing them and I hate people chasing me. Good comment.
Terra Tamblyn Apparently we love them and trust them to run the country!?
I have come off social media and moved to the Country. 4 years NC. I went back to my old Town yesterday to visit my Mother. I heard loud music blaring from a black car and it was the abuser. He was at traffic lights. I looked over and felt faint. He waved at me l looked ahead and kept walking. He had tried to Hoover before hence the move and deletion of all social media. I feel very disturbed hence l am back on your channel. Thankyou very much for your advise....l feel protected and supported. God Bless you.
I'm almost out! hallelujah! your videos have helped me so much.
I call it like I see it Right on!! I'm so glad to hear that! It's not easy but the payoff is your life, it feels incredible!
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend I have a secret bank acct and a storage until full of furniture. I am waiting out the end of my lease because I can't get him out of my house and he is the type of fool who would destroy it, just to screw me. I'm prepared. hopefully, he will just get tired of my efff you attitude and he will leave himself. I feel better just making the decision to leave. Thank you!
I call it like I see it Good job, you're welcome and thank you for sharing. Please let me know if I can help with any advice, you can email me if you want.
crazynarcissistxgirlfriend@gmail.com
5:19 ... "because you made me do it"...
Removing your self from the source of toxic poison aka going no contact is the first, very important step. Remove yourself from toxic people and I would say: expect to experience huge pain (withdraw syndrome), loneliness , but every week, day, the pain becomes smaller than day before. Always is better be alone then abused. Thanks mate for the video, Cheers :)
Hi David, your videos and the videos of other people who've endured narcissistic abuse enlighten me. I've been through some of the same abuse, for over 15 years of my early life. I've met other narcissists later, at my jobs, in schools… It's so very common. But so little talked about. I'm glad more and more people are starting to piece the puzzle pieces together and talk about their experiences. Every man, of the few I've been in relationships with, has been either a full-fledged narcissist or had strong narcissistic tendencies. I've only ever been attracted to narcissistic men. And I didn't realize why, until now. I'd never had a relationship with a really compassionate person, except Platonic relationships with my late Grandmother and a few female friends. My late father abused me horribly. On the surface, to the world, he appeared as a "perfect" man, so generous, an exemplary employee, coworker, father, husband… But behind closed doors, it was a whole different story, and the horrible side of his real self showed when the mask slipped . When I was 20, he boxed me in my forehead and gave me a concussion, and when I, feeling very frightened, told him I hear a beeping noise in my head (as my brain was shaken), not knowing what was happening to me at the time, never having experienced a concussion before, instead of feeling sorry he hurt me so badly, he then remarked, very coldly, "Good. Now maybe I shoved some sense into your head" - feeling no remorse. He was abusing me in such cold-hearted, unfeeling ways since I was a little girl of 5, always putting me through seemingly sweet then viciously mean cycles. And it affected my life in profound ways. I wish I knew you in person, David. I wish I could talk with you. I would have so much to tell you about things I've discovered over the course of my search for truth - not just about this. But I live in Canada, probably far away from you. I've discovered so many things that I would love to share. I used to think that my own almost constant low energy was due to my poor eating habits (too many cookies, too much sugar…) or too little sleep… But now I think that both my low energy and my poor health habits, poor skills in taking care of myself, and the stressful job I work in, are all due to the emotional abuse I've endured for so long, since I was so little. I know so many woman and also some men who have been abused by people they loved, their parents, spouses, children, and who are now sick and crippled. One such woman is hooked to an oxygen tank. Can't go anywhere without it. Her husband abused her horribly for years, and she got out of that marriage too late, only after it completely destroyed her emanational and physical health. Another such woman equally abused by her husband can hardly walk now due to crippling arthritis in her knees and can no longer work and support her own self. I really don't wish to face the same fate as these unfortunate people, and be so crippled as they in my later years. But I am starting to think now that the root of most diseases lies first and foremost in our emotional health, even if these diseases express themselves in a myriad of physical ways. Even the bad disease-promoting habits so many people have are likewise rooted ultimately in their emotional pain. Thank you so much, David, for trying to help us wounded creatures cure ourselves. I've a long way to go, but… I've discovered some things… about fasting on juices or pure water alone… I fasted once for 49 days on lots of raw fruits and vegetable juices and spring water - it was the BEST experience of my life. My energy skyrocketed midway on that fast and stayed wonderfully high for the remainder of that fast. When I went back to cookies, my energy plummeted again. I also learnt about eating raw-food diets, which may help me regain my health and energy. I've witnessed such a therapy help shrink a tumour in a person, without any surgery, or radiation. I've read Rudolf Breuss' book, The Breuss Cancer Cure, in which he talks about the use of juice fasting for the shrinking of benign and malignant tumours. I've learnt things about the possibility that we are being lied to not only in the realm of medicine and healing, but also in astronomy and physics and the rest of science, on a daily basis. The earth may not be at all the way we are told it is since we are little impressionable school children. We are told it is round and spinning, but there is plenty of evidence to the contrary. I do not know what the earth is really like, David, for I have never seen it from high out in space with my own eyes. But I wouldn't be surprised one bit if it isn't at all the way we are told it is, if in school text books and on TV channels we are presented with an illusion of reality, by narcissistic controllers. Please check the videos: Simply Raw: Reversing Diabetes in 30 Days (by Gabriel Cousens, MD), The Gerson Therapy, Dying to Have Known (about healing of cancer the natural way), and Crepuscular Sun Rays: The Sun Is Close. All extremely interesting and educational.
So well said. This is 100% true.
Constantia de Gier Great thank you!
This is exactly what my narcissist 'friend' did to me. When he learned that I had uncovered all his lies and that he was not the person he pretended to be (literally lying about his entire identity) he was sooo sweet! 'Oh Jessica, I wish I could give you a big hug right now. I care so much, blah blah blah...I worry about you....'
Yet no apology whatsoever and still the line, upon my asking why he didn't just tell me the truth, 'I'm not going to tell you for your convenience.' I will never forget those words. THAT, is the covert narcissist right there.
Jessica S Aren't they incredible? They slither did you know that? Like a snake. I've seen one once. Slithering around on the ground sticking it's tongue out saying look at poor me with no arms or legs. So I squashed it and put it out of its misery.
Thank you for your kind healing videos Sir. You are sssooo absolutely true. I did experience this way for the last 29yrs! First, it was me & him against the whole world, and then it's him and world against me! Myyyy GOD, it's terrible living! Atlast, I'm out of this nerc but remain still in marriage, as I have detached emotionally so I go grey rock and stared living my life. I have made him realize that apart from doing basic things at home he can't expect any personal relationship with me. Absolutely zero communication, he minds his life and I mind my life, we don't tell each other what's happening in our lives, Since I have dghtrs from him I can't mess up their lives going through divorce. So I'm still in this horrible marriage. Trusting GOD. Good news is, I'm healed in an amazing way! Praise God. I'm blessed in abundance that I'm out of this addiction called nerc. Phewww! Great isn't it?!
This is probably my favorite video of yours
The memory loss was crazy! Everything in this video hits hard. Thank you. I still question myself sometimes but I won’t after watching this. 3 months since I moved 2 hours away from him. No, children but I had to stay in touch up until a week ago. For three months, there was not much peace with all the texting and mind games. Trying to make me jealous and crazy! Pure Evil via text if you can imagine. Go no contact or your asking for it. He tried everything to get me to tell him the address where I moved. I played it cool bc he was so cruel it scared me but I never told him my address. 6 months ago, when I felt the chill of his smear campaign I blocked him and every mutual friend from social media and recently changed my phone number. Think I need to delete my email address too since you can’t really block anyone from google. Take care!!!
This thursday has been 2 months NC for me..My ex has BPD but things you said is exactly what happened to me..cant wait for the day she leaves my mind for good.
My Freddie is back knocking again .....no contact grey rock again......as you say David until one of us go to the other side it's never over.....I was such good supply.....the narc will always want to crawl in his belly back. No more I have healed. Love these old vids it's just my story I'm here again to remind myself how great we all are to be free......Thank you David 💜
This one was especially awesome. Love the in our face seriousness. I like the tough “love” I don’t even need to love, just the tough bc everyone’s videos on this are usually so sweet and caring. There’s a place and time for that, in the very beginning, but so many of us are stuck a year or more later and I think we NEED a heavy handed approach to wake the F UP ALREADY!!
Again HUGE THANKS
You are God sent David! It was nine months of extreme emotions in my life. One moment it was heaven, the next day it was the lower basement of hell....and no transition. You just drop to hell
I love your honesty!! I was sucked back in, I didn't know he was a narcissist until the exact same discard all over again. I was completely over him when he came back. Happier than ever!!
Lisa, how did he suck you back in?? Did you go back into a relationship or did he ask you to be his friend? Mine came back but as a "friend".
absolutly right david..,every single word you've said is true..
Mina Amina Your awesome Mina, thank you.
One thing is I'm unsure if I need to talk to someone about this,I feel I need to go through the whole thing with someone,but then I wonder if my time would be much better spent working on me,loving myself again and forgetting all the hurtfull and confusing things this creature did to me,thank you for your response mate,you and your videos have been a great help in getting over this,keep up the amazing work your doing x
I watch this video every time I think I miss my crazy bitch ex-narc. Thanks for all the help David!
Brandon Lease Thank you Brandon, you're awesome!
David. Thank you! Everything you have said is spot on!! The ex N was always bothered that I would not tell her I love her a thousand times a day and was always blowing up my phone...she sunk to a whole new level of insults and abuse over the weekend and really realized that getting her out of my life is no loss.........I really hope she stops contacting me for good. I will not respond. Thank you for reminding us of our strength-----the N's do not think of us as people we are merely objects of supply
stacy burnett Thank you Stacey. I would change everything, including phone number. It doesn't matter if she calls or not, you have to wonder all the time.
like post traumatic stress disorder! You mentioned its what happens to soldiers at war....
Sara A Yes, in relationships, it's called Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
yes I have Cptsd from all the abuse.
THIS was exactly what and mostly importantly EXACTLY HOW I NEEDED to heard this!!! So nicey nicey about, instead IN MY FUCKING FACE about how FUCKED up it is and what I need to to you get serious bc it is SERIOUS!
I wish there where much more videos that coached us this harshly, firmly….whatever you call your style in this one bc it was awesome!
Big thanks!
2 Hoover’s answered and worse each time. Involved the pastor last time... it was the worse crushing end . It happened in 3 days .. Insane ... the wedding anniversary is in 3 days.
I’ve been trying to prepare how to stand firm .... Your frank statements about narc facts Have helped ... I know I need to absolutely not respond at all.
You do a great job with these videos. I have a Narc friend I've tried to shed for 25 years. I never knew he was a narc. until a year ago. Now that I know, its very obvious. It makes me sick to look back and see how many times I've been hovered and fell for it! Everything you've said in these video's applies to a Strait married man having a narc. male friend. It does not matter what the relationship demographics are. Everything you've said applies to being involved with any narc. I'm finally getting armed with this new information. Sam Vaknin does a great job, but hearing this from you really speaks to me in a more powerful way. Thanks again!
wheelstandr Thank you for sharing, get rid of the Narcissist!
Dude I went through everything you've described and my heart goes out to you that you've experienced this, thanks for putting up these videos. It really is life or death for real.
Elizabeth Davis Thank you so much Elizabeth. I'm sorry for everything you went through too. It gets better, I promise.
Thank you for how clear and direct this was
Tell it how it is DeMars! Honesty and the truth gives us more strength to discard and reject those Narcissist demons! Thank you 😊
I almost lost myself after being with a narc for four years. I don't have any idea. I searched about the behavior he showed all this years because Im so confuse. I just keep on understanding him in all he did. And that I found its called narcissism. Thank you to the internet and to all these videos. I hope I will heal.
Man, you scared the shit out of me with the content of this video! David everything you are saying I have been through and at the end of it. I am no contact 6 days now and she calls everyday. This woman has wrecked my belief in humanity and the reality she has been a complete lie to me since I moved her into my house 9/1/2014 and payed for everything for her and moved her horses on to my 110 acres beef farm. These people should be in jail or mental hospitals. 2 years and 10 months with a 51 year old covert malignant narcissist. She has the mindset of a 15 to 17 year old, no job, conning disability for 12 years with a 25 year old body and a pretty 65 year old face due to all the wrinkles. She is the most dangerous and evil woman I have ever met.
HeavyMetalPedal They're so textbook
Thanks so much. You explain so clear about how the bond works. I was still wondering why I needed 4 years to separate from my covert narc boyfriend. We have to learn to spot that behavior as early as possible and most important: work on our self-esteem and self-love. Healthy people who are confident in their life and love themselves, never go into relationships with narcissists.
Thank you! The war zone bombs of love, alternated w confusion, abandonment, and these messages of future "haunting"..thanks for the truth.
Stacey Love Thank you Stacey!
This helped.. thank you!!!!! Mine made me believe I was crazy too, he even almost convinced me I had schizophrenia. He tried to convince my family as well!! He would repeat things over and over again until I really did feel like I was losing my mind, because of him!!!!
YOU ARE AWESOME!! LOVE YOUR HONESTY!!! YOU WERE DEFINITLY GETTING SOME AMENS FROM ME! I WAS IN A NARC RELATIONSHIP. I ENDED IT! NO CONTACT!! I NOW HAVE A MALE FRIEND THAT'S IN A ABUSIVE NARC RELATIONSHIP. HE LIVES WITH THE NARC. HE WAS PLANNING TO LEAVE HER BY THE WAY IT WAS HER IDEA TO BREAK UP BUT SHE CONVINCED HIM TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT! HE HAS BEEN GOING THROUGH THIS FOR 3 YRS.!! OMG!! ALL I CAN DO NOW IS PRAY HE WAKES UP SOON!! HE HAS BEEN MANIPULATED SOO BAD BY HER HE DOESN'T KNOW WHICH WAY IS UP!!
Freida Martin Thank you so much, I love your self awareness!
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend Thank you! I know what you say is serious and very true! but you have me cracking up on the Delivery! Yes you are Southern so am I so I get it! lol.. Keep up the great work Suga!!
So many points... right on.... can’t even type in all the details.... so many exactly the way you describe.
oh the big plans and then cheating... Hurts like hell. Especially because i was hesitant about the plans at first and then completely bought into them.
Mystic David fly on the wall again , spot on had it all only small difference is thought out the whole relationship start to end he was lying cheating and using me , spot the signs guys keep the videos up David you got this !
Your delivery is powerful. I love how blunt you are and accurate!! You are on point. I've been violently discarded by him & the state saw fit to bring felony charges against him so I will see him one LAST time in court. He's a cop so I hope he won't make good on the threat to kill me. He came close as my last beating was so severe he crippled me permanently. Life or death is not an understatement. I was with him over 2 decades ( he is 20 yrs my senior.) Im Now in process of trying to divorce him which has left me broke financially and homeless. How many narcs you think make it to prison? He's an undercover cop and covert narc and people just love him. He can work the system. I hope to break free one day. your vids are very helpful. Keep it up please. Sorry for your pain.....
Charlie Foxtrot Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry for everything. He has caused you a lot of pain. I understand how it feels when everybody loves your abuser. You said you hope to break free, it sounds like you have, I know your life will be better soon. You sound strong and wise. Please let me know how I can help. - David
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend thanks for your kind words. You give me hope honestly. I'm stuck in "the system" now. My shrink doesn't acknowledge NPD she says he "operates from a different moral code then me" and she's trying to keep me drugged (I refuse drugs so I lie about taking them) and she claims I have PTSD. Your vids are far more helpful. I have good days an bad days but today I think I will get through this. I have a serious question ...since my narc got me young and I looked up to him( think worship) could I have picked up some of his operating methods? I have guys interested in me, im not looking frankly, but it's nice to have "my own friends" but I did notice that I'm trying to control them ....i think I'm doing to them what was done to me. I'm wondering is this possible that after being with a narc so long the brainwashing is still strong and I don't know how to have an adult relationship? I'd appreciate your thoughts. Lemme know if you'd prefer to email direct. Thanks for your time
Charlie Foxtrot Thank you Charlie. I'm sorry you feel like you have to lie to your therapist, although I understand.
Is what is going on is for some reason, for you to figure out, you didn't recieve the unconditional love and attention you needed at some point of your childhood.
This makes it hard for you to be alerted to some red flags that this person may have shown. The real problem is these people can't love you and you loved a lie they told you.
We didn't know these people existed. We just didn't know they didn't love us and we couldn't understand them because they're so different than us and nothing prepared us for this. They fool everybody everyday. Master manipulators, pathological liars, the best actors in the world.
We would give but we never received. What we did recieve was fake and either too much or too traumatic.
Keep watching more videos.
Thank you for your comment and feel free to email me anytime.
crazynarcissistxgirlfriend@gmail.com
Mine would say, if you want to join my hate club, go ahead, join them all. I had no idea what he was talking about...now I know. Thanks for your videos.
OMG Thank You!!!! I can't ever explain this to anyone because my heads a mess. All the videos I've listened to and this is 100% my life for 9 yrs. Unfortunately I can't break all contact because we have a 6 yr old. But I will prevail!!! This made me realize I'm not just over thinking everything. I'm so greatful for your voice!
No, you're not being harsh, buddy. You're telling the truth! I FEEL your sincerity & love & care!! Keep keeping it Real!
Wow! So much I can relate to in this video. "You & them against the world." I have definitely been there! And I wasn't told I would remember their face forever, BUT a psychopath ex paid for my tattoo. Later he told me "You will never be able to forget me because you will always think of me when you look at that." He acted like it was a brand...
Thank you for helping me to realize that I’m not crazy. That there is a scientific/psychological reason for why I keep taking him back. I’m starting my reprogramming right NOW.
I miss him very much but at the same time the thought of being with him again scares me, terrifies me.......I only remember the good times but have to remind myself of the abuse when he screamed at me.
You make me cry having to hear the truth but it's so healing at the same time. Thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Each day gets better because of these and other similar messages
stacy burnett Awesome, thank you!
Thank you David I am from Austria being abused since 10 years by an English narcissist he is exactly like you said.
I am scared like hell!
Heidi Berger I'm so sorry, you must get away from him Heidi.
You put it so well every word sinks in thanks
I actually thought about it when I talked to her. I had never felt such connection, I thought about how I really felt high when talking to her. then she made me go crazy for little things that I should feel ashamed of and confused by. a real roller coaster
Lilla Sked They want to know all about our shame, make us feel comfortable talking about it and then they use it against us. Shame baiters.
she would and I would get real intimate. I've never opened up so much, and then she used that to make me feel confused and bad when she first thought it was a positive thing like I hadn't had sex in a really long time and she said that's good I don't like guys that fools around. later she didn't want to see me because I was only after her because I wanteed sex and have not had it in a long time. she put words in my mouth. even thoughts in in my mind like she knew how I felt and thought even know it wasn't true. you can't win. in the beginning everything you say is right and so accepted and later anything you say is wrong and twisted, although I haven't changed
Lilla Sked Welcome to Narcissistic Personality Disorder! They need to be round up and branded.
so you think she might be a narcissist?
Hi David. I've missed you. my WiFi was down. so good to be back. a other great video. thanks. I have been healing staying narc free. yes the narc is a piece of shit.
Venus Allegra Yerkovich VENUS!!! I have missed you! I'm so glad you're ok. I have given you a couple hellos on old comments of yours.
Peace and love Venus!
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend ooh yes sorry I couldn't go on you tube. honestly first thing I did was watch your new videos just now lol. your awesome and happy new year my narc busting hero. your a blessing to me. peace and love to you and your doggie. love yourself first. xx
Venus Allegra Yerkovich You are so beautiful Venus, I'm so happy to know you!
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend aww your the sweetest realist strongest man I know and your real handsome. thank you David keep being you cause you help me and the masses to heal. your a real good man.
Venus Allegra Yerkovich Where are you Venus? I hope you're ok...
once again thanks David! I keep encourage some of my friends to watch your videos...trust me, are much better than any therapist! I'm nearly 2 years no contact ( one sms last july) but still healing... I had a PTSD after he discarded me.. Wish I could have you as a private therapist. My apologies for any english mistaken, I'm in Rome / Italy. Thanks David!
Monica Fino Oh thank you so much for your kind words and support. I know the PTSD is bad. Watch my videos about stress and PTSD. There is information that can help you. Ask me anything. Thanks again Monica!
- David
Morning David,
Hope you're doing O.K. You have been through so much dealing with the "crazy" ex. Thank you for this "harsh," caring video. Don't apologize for it. Oftentimes co-dependents, like myself, need a serious push to have someone like you to reemphasize how detrimental to our physical/mental health it would be to return to them.
Interesting topic about the hippo-campus how negatively it can affect us with memory loss, decrease in serotonin levels, etc. Having such stress in our lives also decreases the ability of our immune system to function properly.
Sometimes when I'm feeling like I should talk to my ex. narc boyfriend, I have you to give me a reality check. After taking his mistreatment for many years, I know I would only be asking for the "same old" treatment if I returned. Unfortunately I have these thoughts occasionally to call him but most x's these feelings are nixed.
Keep your true-to-life videos coming please!
Tigerprint79 Thank you so much. Don't be hard on yourself either, this is a very abnormal situation. Coverts make it extremely different.
These aren't drug addicts sitting in the living room chair shooting heroin and beating you when you get home everyday.
These are people who on the outside appear to be very nice, caring, sweet, giving, and understanding.
Emotional abuse is not as evident as other forms of abuse. All of this is extremely difficult to be aware of.
Tigerprint79 Thank you so much. Don't be hard on yourself either, this is a very abnormal situation. Coverts make it extremely different.
These aren't drug addicts sitting in the living room chair shooting heroin and beating you when you get home everyday.
These are people who on the outside appear to be very nice, caring, sweet, giving, and understanding.
Emotional abuse is not as evident as other forms of abuse. All of this is extremely difficult to be aware of
....to stay in a relationship like that....your life will be an unhappy one....leaving is saving your life!
I just recently started watching your channel, David. Dead on- everything. Your channel has been a lifeline for me as I navigate my way thru NC (three weeks later) after discarding my Narc. Thank you. 🤙🏽
Kimber Ray Thank you Kimber, ask me anything on the Q&A's and stay strong.
I wondered why my
Memory was blurred. Thank you 🙏
You are spot on! Well said. Well done. Saving all!
OMG. This is so spot on. The best explanation of the trauma I've heard.
I swear I started to have problems with my memory when I was with him...
Lol you are describing my past life. Needed to hear all this...
Thank you SO much. God bless you. You’re saving lives.
This is a great video! Thank you for the work you do every day!
I'm sitting here trying to enjoy the sun, and all these great memories come flooding in of my ex and I. I nearly sent her a text msg to remind her of those beautiful memories only I have. So I quickly clicked on this video to wake my ass up
artist quality That's great! wake up indeed!
David i just got discarded by the narcissist because i caught him out with another woman it worries me because i have the trauma bond thank you david for all your videos❤❤❤
I very seldom post public comments, but i had to respond to this. I came to your channel because I was concerned my son is dating a narc, and after listening to many videos I realized my dad was a narc. I just thought he was an asshole druggie and alcoholic, but he was also a narc. It explains so much of the misery I went through as a kid, and why I had lingering attachment problems for years. The only thing worse than being in a romantic relationship with a narc is being the child of a narc - you are even more helpless. For the love of God - do not have a child with these people.
BTW, Flying Monkey has been a joke with a friend of mine for ages. Never knew it was tied to people who defend narcs, but it is ironic that it has been my handle for over 20 years even though I can stand narcs and their pawns.
im trying to stay strong been doing on line therapy been married 21 yrs and trying to get my life together
Nancy Monohon Hello Nancy, thank you for your support. I'm so sorry for your pain he caused, if you need more help, please visit my website
www.daviddemars.com
Oh my gosh! Thank you! I love how much of a straight shooter you are!
Thanks for the videos. You've helped me to better understand why my ex wife behaves the way she does and how she so easily left.
I love how blunt you are- so true! Healing is key- you are the best!!! I love your style and how you get through to us!
the bond is something so strong its the hardest thing ever. everytime i break up and go no contact and my life is great , i forget the bad parts and im back to square one with my narc where things are so good and iv missed this connection but its addictive and yes toxic in the end. i fail myself everytime from sticking to no contact.
Dhriti Bhanushali And that's what they want. They want to give you time to forget what they've done to you and be happier so you're a better source of fuel again. Thank you for sharing.
wise words! why isnt there a place i can literally talk to someone like you who understands the situation so well. unfortunately friends who have not been with a narc never get it.
Dhriti Bhanushali I know how important it is to speak with someone that can understand.
it's really sick, I know. I had never had a connection like that. she understood me, accepted me, talked to me, real empathic person, she had same experiences. and then, how and why, she pulled away. blaming me, saying "you're not what I thought", you just want his and that. NO, you are telling me how I feel and think, I feel like this and think this. "no". like she knew me better than myself. gave me a hard time because my history, my lifestyle, this and that. "you don't want to change". when I asked what do you mean exactly what I need o change? she had no answer. I guess it was control. and I still think of her even months after. our relationship was short but very intimate and intensive. it's like a poison since you started out on being on cloud seven and then they pulled you around in the dirt by making you feel shameful and responsible of the breakup even if you hadn't done anything wrong.
Lilla Sked I can't stand another moment of that for the rest of my life. She almost sounds Borderline.
This is such a great video - thanks David.
Jack Pummell Thank you Jack!!
Thanks for the video. I am of victim of this type of abuse. It just so happens that I had a son by the person. But now that my son is 18, I have gone no contact. And blocked all of his number and social media accounts!! Everything! I hate him but still love him. I'm so confused and going through it! 😔 Your videos help me better understand so thanks!
You are great, man!:-) Seriously, I wish I had found your channel long ago to get rid of all my so "loving" friends who knew better than me what I should do in my life because they "cared" so much about me and enjoyed hurting me...Concerning sharing. Not that long ago I got hurt by sharing similar videos with a person whom I considered to be a friend and who could benefit from it too ...and it turned out that I shared it with a covert narcissist who realized that I'm on the brink of "waking up" and figuring out very soon WHOM I trusted...So the mask fell off right away...Of course first I felt, let us say, "confused", tried to apology though didn't know for what , got a silent treatment, but as I've already studied psychology for some time I maintained "no contact". Though theory is one thing and when it really happens to YOU it's a whole new ball game!...And now I'm free from this shit!:-) It's one of the best decisions in my life! I guess this person wanted to punish me...but instead it's liberation for me now!:-) So, sharing is great! You never know what toxic people you can lose because of it!:-) ...
That is so right !
Frankie g Thank you Frankie!
So Frikin True!! I had a best friend of 15 years betray me after a huge assault, I just had a c-section, Then she hid him from the cops, I had no idea that they were smearing me behind my back While they all got together and hung out I was always at home taking care of the kids by myself They are all pieces of garbage!! All of them, And one day karma will happen to them I t always dose and in the mean time Im getting my life together and have a good life I did get something out of this tho I learned a hard lesson I will never let a Narc in my life again
If your stuck in a relationship with these people ( siblings, parents, children, relatives) best to let them hit rock bottom and dont let your emotions make your decisions but facts and logic should. Your basically dealing with arrested development children.
It doesn't matter if people dont understand why you had to go no contact, you were the one in the situation and not them. It is that serious. You will have to Avoid even your common /family friends if its been a long term relationship. Real talk.
You’re great. Thankyou.
Fuck, you’ve opened my eyes.
I’ve never felt so strong in years .
Gratitude Dude
thank you for the info! intermittent reinforcement is STRONG! My ex is a covert too!
Awesome video I like your directness.
Matthew Miller Thank you Mathew, I appreciate you!
Uhh so true!! Before I knew it he was living with me, and I can remember thinking this is a red flag, like it was so quick. Just like you dealt with her but you are so caught up in the love bombing stage like you don't listen to your intuition. Talking about marriage, kids, future plans like everything and then the bottom drops out. smh
You're brilliant....every word. It helped very much
It's all true !!! Excellent presentation !!!! Lot of thanks :)
babis dupakos Thank you babis!
Their BEST TRICK!! Hoovered back in, I have memory loss from the trauma bond, his excuse is I love you so much! then disappears! ALL TRUE!! GO NO contact!! FIND HELP!!
this video is so spot on. unfortunately I can't go full no contact cuz we.have a kid together but I do my best to only discuss our kid when having to deal with the ex. maybe a good topic for a future video would be how to best coparent with a covert narcissist? no easy task I can tell you from personal experience
Willie That is an excellent idea that I've planned on doing. Thank you Willie. I know it's extremely hard. Going thru courts is the best. Show no emotion. Don't let them make changes to arrangements but there is also a time to bite your lip. It's so difficult.
You have to kind of let your child figure it out on their own. I feel for you and every parent that has to deal with this situation.
I know this vid is a year old but I'm so glad it's on. I never met anybody like my narcissist before. And hope not again. She is everything you are saying. She didn't get to implement the whole plan as the guy she started cheating on me with posted their relationship on her timeline on Facebook.She got it down fast but was too late I had already seen it. Then she blocked me. She tried to convince me was all blown up out of proportion.I wanted to believe her so bad. When she realized it wasn't going to work she went completely against me. Trying to convince people what a piece of shit I was. Too many people had seen what she had done so she blocked them too.
Now she has her Facebook where I can see her timeline but can't comment. And makes digs at me that I were things between us but others don't get. I have a hard time not going and looking as I really loved who I thought she was. I feel so damn pathetic. Thanks again for your vids.
Tim T You must do what feels uncomfortable or impossible. You must stop looking. Looking is a form of self sabotage, you're abusing yourself by looking. Find support and look forward in life.
Thank you.
Your videos have helped me so much. I want to thank you for sharing your knowledge. It’s raw and true - best way to hear this stuff.
David...write a book..people need to know this..from high school on to old age
so true...David..nails it...10000%%% exactly
Kick ass video!!! Thank you for your tough love and honesty.