@@TurboTrooper378 Same here. Completely addicted and going through withdrawal. I hope you are doing ok. I'm only at the 3 week mark and it's been a s t show. Going no contact as of now.
Great advice. Narcissist like to play on your "hope" that they have realized what they did was wrong but no. It is a disorder and there is no hope only if you stay away from the sick toxic individual.
Hot Stuff You’re exactly right. I think it’s funny how desperate they act when their supply gets yanked away from them for good, and we’re not chasing after them.
After the discard there is no way that I let him come back in my life. I blocked him at social media. Its been a week since the discard. He is silent...me too.No contact at all! Healing is more important for me. 💕 great video David✊✊✊
David I have not seen my ex soon to be ex husband for six months now. Never accepted to meet with him because I do not trust him. Blocked him everywhere and when he started texting me from other phones I changed my number. I do not see myself talking or looking at someone who has abused me. Hell no. His time is up. Wish him well..far far away from me. Thanks him for the lesson. It is none of my business what he does or if he is with someone else... Who cares. For me it's over. Just thinking about me makes me want to throw up. No..I don't want him near me.
Cognitive dissonance : The stress created between knowing what's best for yourself & still wanting to figuratively choke the living shit out of someone that tortured you. That said, this is an awesome vlog. Truths. Much appreciated.
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend My birthday is coming up on the 19th, and of course Christmas and NYE are right after. To be honest I am equally terrified that he'll hoover as much as if he doesn't hoover. Also, 12/25 is my 6 month NC date. It was hell to get here. Thank you for this video, I never thought I'd be in this crazy situation.
No contact means no contact . No talking , meeting , texting , or emailing or calling . If they text or email , delete do not read . They call and leave a message , delete .
Don’t take their bait - live life on your terms. They do not decide, you do. Go forward & Never ever look back. If they call, breathe, then hit resume (no contact) - you control you. Give yourself a chance. He/she is no more. Stop the pathology - you hold the power - keep & sustain it! Peace & love to all 💙
(Tejas) I did a screen capture of your pic. I changed Narc's name to LIAR CHEATER. AND YOUR face (it's a very stern look/eye,roll) comes up every time he calls or texts (cannot go full NC yet) Your eye roll/stern look as "his pic" SPEAKS VOLUMES. EVEN going back and reading his BS with your face next to it ...is as if you're like "DO NOT RESPOND. I know it's funny and sounds crazy but I swear it serves an amazing reminder. Thank you for being "here" as I survive the final stretch of having to deal with him. THANK YOU, DAVID.
HAHA!! That's hilarious. I programmed my exes # as DO NOT ANSWER !! It was MINDFUCK before that. A picture of a pig or beer can would be perfect for mine!
Spiltzville Adious you HAVE to realize he HATES you and wants to destroy your life, why is that so hard to understand. LIFE IS TOUGH AND YOU HAVE GET RID OF THIS PIECE OF GARBAGE
Narcs are already miserable, always have been, always will, but theyll never show us, so just be happy that you have the choice not to be miserable...they dont!! Great video David - wa state US
Thank you! I agree 💯. I'm so sick and tired of people trying to make excuses for why they would even want to continue dealing with these type of people. With all of the information going around, sometimes it's not enough to help people who don't want to be helped. You need to love yourself. Don't expect anyone, ESPECIALLY the Narcissistic, to love you which they never will, if you can't love yourself enough to help yourself.
I moved out of State to get out of the area completely. Since I was made out to be the problem I’m going to be the problem solver. I ended up grey rocking and stonewalling before I left and the narcissist that I was romantically involved with I pushed for the discard that happened several months ago and that was the end of that. Everything you’re saying is on point, thank you for being straight forward David. Hugs 🤗 and love ❤️ coming your way 😊
Yes... I have been nc for going on 6 years now...recently I was told of the hardship the person I broke contact with was enduring...I felt nothing....absolutely nothing. A few years ago I would have been so happy to see her life crumb, now it simply does not matter to me....she no longer matters. The first step to healing your emotional and mental pain is to break contact completely... that does mean not allowing them into your head with new information about their life ...by any means including checking on them yourself on the down low. Normally I don't let anyone speak to me about the person either, but the person blurted the information before I could stop them, after it was said, I stopped the conversation from going in that direction. What I found was once I broke contact physically, I started breaking contact with them emotionally and mentally by reclaiming my sense of self and who I am for real as opposed to who they tried to make me into. This can never happen if a person stays connected in any way...it's like being poisoned , recovering only to take sips of poison from time to time... eventually it'll kill your soul. Lastly, if you can't see what they say on social media, it can't hurt your heart more... do not help them harm you more by visiting their page after going NC...trust me, they will be saying things they have conjured up to cause you more harm. The only thing they miss about you is the way they could raise you up and drop you down and the way your pain made them feel so good.
Exactly. Go no contact. Let them fall into that hole they dug for themselves... don’t fall in it along with them by contacting or associating with them. That is revenge in itself.
jen m hello friend I hope you don't feel suicidal anymore. This makes me sad. Please know everyone here understands how you feel and has been thru same stuff. Please keep watching David. I do it's my survival tactic. Bless you. Take care. Merry Christmas my friend.
Venus Allegra Yerkovich thank you so much what saved my ass is having David to talk to he is super super supportive in the counseling he does and I'm so grateful. Yes it's been 3 months post no contact and he's tried to contact me 3x during Thanksgiving and I have been processing so much. The first month n a half I could not sleep at night my head was spinning I was in the darkness, his darkness I don't feel it anymore but I will always know it's there. Yes my body and brain wanted me to kill it I was under so much stress and pain from a year of stalking on and off the internet I'm ok now. I'm guarding myself. Planning in case I see him etc just what David is saying.
jen m good on you. AWESOME I'm proud of you. David is our genuine hero. I'm glad your ok. You have taken great steps toward your healing. Keep going. You will heal and be free of narc shit.
I have been running from no contact for a loooooooong time. The thought of giving up my "drug" was TERRIFYING! I would "plug my ears" and "hum loudly" any time the phrase "no contact" was brought up. I was in denial and refused to accept that no contact was something I needed to do. I forced myself to watch lots of 'no contact' videos. THIS is by far the best one I've found. Honest, frank, challenging, and no sugar coating. I needed this and believe I'm finally in a place to embrace the message. Thank you so much!! ❤ Learning to "love myself FIRST".
David your words give me strength on days when I feel floored. Today I feel floored and so much pain in my heart, but your direct, frank and honest approach makes me realise so many things. Thank you for your approach. It helps me pick myself up and start thinking positively. I look forward to the day that the pain goes away.
Been no contact for almost 30 days... feeling much better every single. That demon has been leaving message after message. I will never respond or answer as long as I walk this earth... thanks for your videos
You are absolutely right ! there is no point of communicating with a manipulative person, he/she will find a way to suck you up to the same hole because they have no feeling or sympathy for you! Going no contact can be really hard at the beginning, but it's the best thing you can do to your self, you deserve a better life. Thanks David !
Noooooooooooo Contact. Just like an ex drug addict going no contact with a drug. It will suck you back in and hinder your recovery. Get away and go find yourself again.
I've gone No contact from my Ex abuser since 12/02/2016 That's exactly 2yr. and 6 months ! I've come a long way to Recover from the Trap of Abuse forevermore! I know myself better in what I will Tolerate and the things I wont put up with . I am a totally different person . Inspit of the fact that I owe Lawyers fees to the Bank from barrowing money to get myself back up , I see my life in a different way now , being ALONE became less of a condemnation for me and more of a transformation. and inspiration . INSTEAD , I welcome ALONESS as Grace giving me another chance for my future . SALITTUDE is safer and being alone is an all weather companion. I realize also that loneliness is just one of those Human conditions at its natural state. By this I have come to terms that no one can rescue me from the uncomfortable painful feelings that come with being alone and I realize I have a choice either give up and Escape or turn inward to harvest my own worthiness and Pursuits in this way a lonely person can begin their Journey back to self .. I believe that I have the strenghth to succeed further within my Life in going Foreward without being bashed ever again❤💚💛💜💙💟💓💞💜🖤💛
Yess, I am a day of no contact with someone who I thought was a good friend to me. I made the mistake on several occasions of mending the fence with him, being I to be the one initiating the contact and conciliation .... only to be manipulated to believe that it is entirely my fault. As hard as it it listening to the truth. I’m praying that I keep steadfast on cutting him out of my life for my own well-being. One day at a time. 🤞
After the last time I was hoovered back in, put through spin cycle, and I finally walked away for good...it became clear to me that contacting/responding to her about us (we have kids together), that I would be showing a huge lack of respect for myself. This made it so much easier to walk away from our relationship and never look back. Another great message David!
Thank you for this channel. Your advice is spot on. I’m a 54 year old daughter of a narcissistic mother who hooked up with a sociopath who served time in prison for my attempted murder twice, and sexually abused my brother. Despite what he did she took him back into our home and the abuse continued. She used him to hurt her children and once he was out of the picture when she met a younger man that was a meal ticket for her to exploit, her narcissistic abuse doubled with her new partner in crime. It became so extreme it devastated my life. We didn’t have UA-cam and people like you to help us 40 years ago and although I gave serious thought to cutting them both off completely, I didn’t. It was the biggest mistake of my life and I can’t cut them off completely now, because I have an son who loves who he thinks of as his ‘grandad’. The physical violence from her sociopathic first partner was nothing in comparison to the emotional abuse I experienced from them, and it resulted in me over committing myself to a 23 year marriage to who a man I now recognize as very abusive and controlling. There have been other unhealthy relationships too. The most recent one being with a covert narcissist, who I still have nightmares about 8 months after ending the relationship and going no contact. After 40 years of not recognizing love for what it is, and allowing myself to be abused without recognizing it as such, when you finally hear and learn about narcissism and identity it as what’s been happening to you, this realization is overwhelming as traumatic. I’m in recovery now after self isolating for 6 months and just taking time to work on healing and developing healthy boundaries, and I’ve developed an acute sense of feeling and spitting early warning signs of narcissism in others. As you say there are so many people on UA-cam giving you advice based on not being heathy themselves and it’s a mine field. They are setting you up to being vulnerable to further abuse and that’s not only irresponsible but dangerous. I need to protect myself at all costs now. I come first rather than last, and I’m not even considering any form of relationship with anyone. I found your video on BPD very helpful too. I don’t care about the cause of what makes any person abusive and won’t accept it as an excuse, even when they say they’ve been victims of childhood narcissistic abuse themselves. If a friend or at anybody new I may come across shows signs of push/disrespecting my boundaries, or exhibits other covert manipulative behavior, I’m gone. Thank you so much for this channel and your work. I’ve found it invaluable!
Just started to watch your videos. Keep it up!!!2nd discard for me I am NO CONTACT. Running with my FREEDOM. You are amazing to be honest & courageous!
David, as always you pull no punches, which is awesome. I’m guilty of recently looking at his Facebook, which set me back and resulted in unnecessary pain. They usually are posting shit to damage their most recent victim anyway, and absolutely no good can come from looking. Thanks again for your videos, really good stuff.
Susan Hughes Thank you Susan. You are better than this, make better choices to step out of this life with these people. I hope you're working with someone that's helping you.
No contact I did instinctively but then I found all these uploads and I thought wow! It really is the holy grail to getting your life and confidence back - its the best move ever but listening to these vids is amazing - it is the only way after a narcissistic relationship/encounter - I did this months ago and ive never looked back xx
Thank you David!!!! Your the only one on UA-cam that is direct and at the same time is supportive to everyone out there who has come into contact with these monsters!!!!!!
Dude - thank you so much for this message. It’s tough love. It’s accurate. Most importantly, it’s vital to survival and recovery. My emotional abuser did things to me that now seem beyond comprehension for any decent human to do. I’d keep her out of my life for months at a time ... only to let her back in when I was “better.” I was never “better” because I was letting her back in! The cycle of abuse does not stop. It doesn’t. Its intervals just change. And I swear to God, every time I went back the abuse was more insidious and damaging. 😳 Keep in mind I was also in therapy through all this, so by no means was I without resources to get better. I chose not to. As someone who is now 4 months no contact, I KNOW the key to happiness, recovery and hope is a complete expulsion of them from our lives. That’s it. The second I understood and truly accepted that, things got SO MUCH BETTER. In many avenues of my life. I’m still healing, of course, but I’m whole again. All because of (true) no contact. She’s blocked, unfollowed, unfriended, and so are all of her “groupies.” Listen to him, kids! He speaks the truth! There’s no other way with these people. None. You can feel like yourself again, I swear. No contact, period. 💪🏻
Listen to this man. He speaks the truth. I made a mistake by looking at his media. It hurts like hell to read about his life with another person. We do not speak. But even seeing his comments kills your soul. I am strong. And actually made a point about learning it the hard way. It is my research now. My new job. I would not recommend it to anyone. Only for professionals. Just stay away.
No contact is the only way!!! It gives you a chance to see what is actually going on and why. It gives you time to process where you've been and decide what you want for you. I AGREE WITH YOU.
David, your speeches gave me the empowerment and motivation I was so afraid that I will never get back. Thank you for your time and for sharing all this experience and knowledge with us.
My loser narc is hoovering me because my birthday is in 5 days. I still suffer from cognitive dissonance because after no contact I have responded to texts even though to refuse hangouts and talking (his number is blocked) but I do agree everytime it sets me back because it brings up memories of all the bullshit he put me through. Its such a roller coaster
When my narcissistic husband discarded me after 27 years of marriage, he told me in the same breath that he wanted to be friends. Yeah not a chance. I’ve had to have contact and realize it’s not only not healthy but it’s absolutely pointless. About a year into my healing, I thought I could have a reasonable conversation with him about one of our kids expenses but he tried to lure me right back in and I fell for it so I’m in deep with healing again and it’s actually triggering me all over again
Great Video, David. Thanks. Talking to them is like talking to the devil. There's no match when it comes to the devil. These people have been taken over by Evil and that's the Truth.
Been no contact for one month. Feels good and ppl are proud of me. But I'm also tempted to break it. It's hard! I just keep reminding myself of the painful times, and that helps.
I just want to say thank you. I am just days in with no contact with my narc and it feels like hell but I know that it is necessary and it must be done. I need tough love videos like these to keep me on track! Keep on giving it to us straight no chaser so the healing can begin!
You can’t co parent with a narc ex. It’s just not possible. I tried and tried and tried. You’re still a source of fuel for their madness. I had to go no contact and as a result my health improved dramatically. It’s hard to do but so empowering. Everything goes through solicitors. The longer you go no contact the better perspective you get your life back. It’s the best advice you’ll ever get. Thanks so much Dave. You’ve helped me more than I can possibly say. 👍👊
Thank you so much for this insightful channel David, which I've just discovered. What's unbelievable about these people is that whatever age they are and wherever they are in the world, they all follow the exact same script.
Great Video David. After months of going no contact I found myself looking at her social media sites again. I thought I was okay, but it was like being re victimized. You’re so right. Unhealthy. Bad choices. Ironically I can’t even tell if the social media imaginary life she’s painting is even for me anymore. I think there’s been another victim since. These people feed in the fuel of simply knowing that you’re looking and that they can still get to you. No contact means life block. Thanks Man. Needed that.
I have been total no contact for over a year. However, my ex sister in law msg me every few months to ask how I am. She is a good hearted person, but I keep thinking she may be giving the narc info. I have just gone no contact with her too. Life is so much more peaceful when you cut all connections with them and their family and friends, and any other toxic person you encounter. After going through 40 years of his crap, I have an inbuilt narc alert!
Dave your advice is so right on. My ex alcoholic borderline girlfriend used to leave drunk vm messages. Responding was so wrong. I learned the hard way by doing it.
These type of videos help me so much David! I know you probably feel like you are repeating yourself by doing them, but reminders are important for us I think! We easily forget how they can effect us because we get stronger without them around, we have to stay on top of it!
I did no contact/discard and he took it out on his new supply so badly she shaved her head bald, he evicted her and now she's in jail. I kinda felt bad but she didn't care when she screwed him behind my back in my own bed. Screw her and him they deserve each other.
Noel Hoffmann So.. if someone from the Narcissists previous relationship discards the Narc First & stays No Contact... they will take all there anger out on the New Supply ..?
Thank you. I read the book "Boundries" by dr. Cloud and dr.Townsend…. they discuss various forms of boundries... including geographical boundries. I believe that with real pathological narcissists it is necessary to construct strong geographical boundries - my father probably has NPD. He divorced mom years ago but she stayed living in the same town as he for years after that and her schizofrenia was really unstable they were in contact, when he wanted it. After I learned about pathological narcisissim and its forms and the way they treat people and obtain narcissistic supply, and when I finally got the energy and time to deal with that situation, I moved mom to another city... the huge wave of narcissistic rage that came my way did not surprise me (for moving mom closer to her psychiatrist, closer to her social worker and closer to the day care center pro people with psychosis). It was a great decision for her situation, yet most of my dysfunctional family of origin attacked me for it. Moving her has helped me too, because I no longer have to deal with other toxic people, when I want to see or help mom. Moving somewhere else helps. Ideally move at least 200-400 miles away, if possible. I think it is best to apply good geographical boundries from the pathological narcissist... helps with maintaining no contact or minimal detached contact.
All of this is true. My ex lead me on for 2 months claiming she "Didnt want to commit". After an Email breakup. Narcs HATE face to face communication. lso, she kept sending out group snapchat messages including me. I was watching her score go up with each message, keeping me wondering who else was getting them. I knew if I asked I would be called a stalker. VERY unhealthy behavior on my part. I finally blocked her on all forms of communication 2 days ago. These videos have helped so much. Its important, more than anything to go NO CONTACT AT ALL!!!!!
I love that you’re a no nonsense person who tells it like it fucking is. More ppl in this community need that. They need your strength when they feel they lost theirs. We don’t need anymore cookie cutter channels in Narc Abuse to tell us anything more or less than how you put it!
Great advice as always! I love your channel and I am so grateful that I found you. I’ve learned a lot from you. I will be making a donation in the future when I am financially able to do so! Sending love and light your way 🙏🙌
Same as the advice in AA groups given to newbies (pigeons) from members and sponsors. AA assumes that anyone with an alcoholic will become codependent and the alcoholic will go back to their primary addiction. All addicts of any kind are at least one of the big three : WIERD, WILD, or WORRIED. Take heart fellow wounded : you're also wonderful! Great insight David , thankyou for being a real a real helper.
it is not okay to be in contact with abusers, but there are many who just have no choice, they are dependent on the job or depend on the financial support of the abusing family member
i have been no contact since november I love watching your videos you have helped me out while going through this experience I never knew what a narc was until after the discard.
David, thank you. I discarded my narc Nov. 16th 2019, but none the less I'm new to the whole narc issue. So I started at the beginning of ur videos. Ur a very knowledgeable man. I'm still weak and I want her back. Ur videos help me to focus and see reality. Thank u.
.. hi david ... greetings from Berlin/ Germany ... i thank you very very much for your ..NO CONTACT... you are my help... you are so authentic ... and I got a lot of power from your engergetic video.... so ill be happy that people like you exist ..... many thanks and all the best to you ...
All you have to do is be, and not respond ever. Your ‘no contact’ will gain momentum and you will have calm once again. This is imperative. You are doing this to protect & love yourself - Never doubt: you are completely worth it! Life will turn around for the better - a bit of time and patience while implementing no contact gives you the space & serenity to build your best life. Do it for yourself. Down the road, you’ll be so glad you did. Kindness & care to you all!!!!
Carol Duncan thank you. Part of me feels that blocking him is ‘weakness’ and that it signals him that I care too much. But i learned the hard way that each time he messages me - i respond despite swearing to myself that I wont, and the scenario repeats itself. I just read what I wrote and realised how silly is my first sentence) 100% block!
Your videos have been very helpful in my process, even though he has not appeared in my life after discarding me, it is important to keep in mind that being aware of the life of someone who has treated you so badly in the end is insane. Thank you.
If you don't go no contact, you're inviting abuse back into your life. When they reach out to you, they will pull off the superficial charm, extreme admiration, love-bombing, etc. Because guess what? Give it two to three months tops, and they will bring back the splitting, devaluing, and rage right back in.
First I know what it is like to have hope for the narcissist.... You will give up when you are ready too... Unfortunately some have to hit the bottom and then dig deeper and jump in.... If it was easy to listen to someone saying no contact think how easy this would be.... The break up with a narcissist ROTFLMAO The game that the narcissist is playing from the get-go is directly for the benefit of the discard and the Hoover... So the whole reason of why so many people Fight 2 get out even when they know they need to they still don't and that is because of the work along the way that got you to that point. It was the narcs game because they knew it was going to end this way that is why the relationship is set up as is.
Finally did it, split happened in October 2017. Was in a state of limbo for the best part of a year convinced that they were going to come back and there would be closure. It didnt happen, just bait and ghost style texts, provocative posts on Facebook etc. Got up this morning and blocked her from all forms of contact. Been building up to this for months have had talking therapy which was helpful, but I have to say its UA-camrs David Demars and Kim Wilson TV and a few others have helped me get to this point more than anyone else. I know its early days but I'm feeling so much better, just want to move on.
No contact is a difficult and dire step in recovering from abuse. The problem is that we have to learn this often by on the job training. Its like an alcoholic going no contact with alchohol and the relationship is the booze. Many of us fall off of the wagon, feel ashamed and then have to get back up and continue. Maybe by that time we have blabbed to everyone about the no contact and we feel like we need to hide it, so we will lie or become isolated, which is the goal of the abuser. Then when we break down and disclose it to our friends, and our friends become angry with us for not being able to keep our committment. Then we often are abandoned by them and turn more to our abuser for support, which usually works because the relation is in the hearts and flowers stage. So we may have to go back a few times (in my case 17)before it is effective. The pain of leaving the co dependency of being with an abuser is real and intense. We must treat ourselves like a patient recovering from surgery. The lonliness is staggering. But tears or not, it is crucial. Support from alanon helped me. I also called domestic abuse hot line. Try not to reach out to family becsuse they are too familiar and may have even been recruited by the abuser. The important thing to remember is that each time a victim of abuse leaves and goes back and leaves it is a success. They are learning. I had to learn patience and how set boundaries. I became obsessed with learning how to heal and it was a long long road. It took more time than i wanted it too, but i finally suceeded in finding out why i was being involved and accepted that i had a problem.
The day before I kicked him out, a voice came to me and said, HE DOESN'T MATTER. Basically, that anything having to do with him has no consequence to MY life. I was strong enough to not check his FB for two weeks. Until I saw him in my friends list, felt disgusted and blocked him! I'm here today because I feel like I lost the love of my life (the lovebomber) and am having a bad no-contact day...
No contact means exorcising them from your entire life.
They trigger brain chemistry that mimics addiction. Treat it like an addiction.
highwayrockstar1 absolutely!
And this is the most bizarre thing I have ever experienced! Addicted to another human being. Man it’s gonna take a LOT to get myself right after this.
@@TurboTrooper378 Same here. Completely addicted and going through withdrawal. I hope you are doing ok. I'm only at the 3 week mark and it's been a s t show. Going no contact as of now.
I was wondering about that.
@@thataintnomoonsucka how is it now ..
It's not okay to be in contact with them. You will always fall right back into their trap. BLOCK!!!!!
Great advice. Narcissist like to play on your "hope" that they have realized what they did was wrong but no. It is a disorder and there is no hope only if you stay away from the sick toxic individual.
Hot Stuff Thank you Hot Stuff!!
Hot Stuff give up hope, abandon all hope
Hot Stuff You’re exactly right. I think it’s funny how desperate they act when their supply gets yanked away from them for good, and we’re not chasing after them.
After the discard there is no way that I let him come back in my life. I blocked him at social media. Its been a week since the discard. He is silent...me too.No contact at all! Healing is more important for me. 💕 great video David✊✊✊
David I have not seen my ex soon to be ex husband for six months now. Never accepted to meet with him because I do not trust him. Blocked him everywhere and when he started texting me from other phones I changed my number. I do not see myself talking or looking at someone who has abused me. Hell no. His time is up. Wish him well..far far away from me. Thanks him for the lesson. It is none of my business what he does or if he is with someone else... Who cares. For me it's over. Just thinking about me makes me want to throw up. No..I don't want him near me.
The best revenge is to make healthier choices and replacing them with better people. Great video David. Many Thanks!!
Cognitive dissonance : The stress created between knowing what's best for yourself & still wanting to figuratively choke the living shit out of someone that tortured you.
That said, this is an awesome vlog. Truths. Much appreciated.
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In regards to Facebook "Don't look at it. Laugh at it. If you can't laugh at it, don't look at it" - David DeMars. Wise, wise words.
Amanda Godfrey Ha! Good quote lol.... thank you!
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend My birthday is coming up on the 19th, and of course Christmas and NYE are right after. To be honest I am equally terrified that he'll hoover as much as if he doesn't hoover. Also, 12/25 is my 6 month NC date. It was hell to get here. Thank you for this video, I never thought I'd be in this crazy situation.
Why look at a FB wall you know is fabricated happiness?
No contact means no contact . No talking , meeting , texting , or emailing or calling . If they text or email , delete do not read . They call and leave a message , delete .
No contact 1.5 month and my life is wonderful ❤
Help yourself, don’t hurt yourself - no contact of any kind. Be emotionally safe & still.
Best to all, you can do this!
Don’t take their bait - live life on your terms.
They do not decide, you do. Go forward & Never ever look back. If they call, breathe, then hit resume (no contact) - you control you. Give yourself a chance. He/she is no more. Stop the pathology - you hold the power - keep & sustain it! Peace & love to all 💙
Completely Agree! NO CONTACT IS NO CONTACT It feels great to be free of her.
(Tejas) I did a screen capture of your pic. I changed Narc's name to LIAR CHEATER. AND YOUR face (it's a very stern look/eye,roll) comes up every time he calls or texts (cannot go full NC yet) Your eye roll/stern look as "his pic" SPEAKS VOLUMES. EVEN going back and reading his BS with your face next to it ...is as if you're like "DO NOT RESPOND. I know it's funny and sounds crazy but I swear it serves an amazing reminder. Thank you for being "here" as I survive the final stretch of having to deal with him. THANK YOU, DAVID.
Splitsville Adious. I love this! made me laugh so hard. Perfect!! 😁 Very clever motivation!
HAHA!! That's hilarious. I programmed my exes # as DO NOT ANSWER !! It was MINDFUCK before that.
A picture of a pig or beer can would be perfect for mine!
Spiltzville Adious you HAVE to realize he HATES you and wants to destroy your life, why is that so hard to understand. LIFE IS TOUGH AND YOU HAVE GET RID OF THIS PIECE OF GARBAGE
Spiltzville Adious That is awesome!
This Is Not Happening Wow! That is a great idea!!!
No contact is completely, completely out of the abuser’s life.
Narcs are already miserable, always have been, always will, but theyll never show us, so just be happy that you have the choice not to be miserable...they dont!! Great video David - wa state US
Yes!! great point!
David I'm so fricking grateful for you addressing this. I needed this
jen m Goid, thank you Jen!
Thank you! I agree 💯. I'm so sick and tired of people trying to make excuses for why they would even want to continue dealing with these type of people. With all of the information going around, sometimes it's not enough to help people who don't want to be helped. You need to love yourself. Don't expect anyone, ESPECIALLY the Narcissistic, to love you which they never will, if you can't love yourself enough to help yourself.
You are so right David about the no contact. It's like throwing out the trash removing toxic people from your life. And that's the way to go!!
I moved out of State to get out of the area completely. Since I was made out to be the problem I’m going to be the problem solver. I ended up grey rocking and stonewalling before I left and the narcissist that I was romantically involved with I pushed for the discard that happened several months ago and that was the end of that. Everything you’re saying is on point, thank you for being straight forward David. Hugs 🤗 and love ❤️ coming your way 😊
Yes... I have been nc for going on 6 years now...recently I was told of the hardship the person I broke contact with was enduring...I felt nothing....absolutely nothing. A few years ago I would have been so happy to see her life crumb, now it simply does not matter to me....she no longer matters. The first step to healing your emotional and mental pain is to break contact completely... that does mean not allowing them into your head with new information about their life ...by any means including checking on them yourself on the down low. Normally I don't let anyone speak to me about the person either, but the person blurted the information before I could stop them, after it was said, I stopped the conversation from going in that direction. What I found was once I broke contact physically, I started breaking contact with them emotionally and mentally by reclaiming my sense of self and who I am for real as opposed to who they tried to make me into. This can never happen if a person stays connected in any way...it's like being poisoned , recovering only to take sips of poison from time to time... eventually it'll kill your soul. Lastly, if you can't see what they say on social media, it can't hurt your heart more... do not help them harm you more by visiting their page after going NC...trust me, they will be saying things they have conjured up to cause you more harm. The only thing they miss about you is the way they could raise you up and drop you down and the way your pain made them feel so good.
Random Person awesome! Sometimes random people have really deep thoughts, even in life. You dug down deep, you found more.. blessings
Exactly. Go no contact. Let them fall into that hole they dug for themselves... don’t fall in it along with them by contacting or associating with them. That is revenge in itself.
Thank you again I don't want to feel suicidal like I did back in September.
jen m hello friend I hope you don't feel suicidal anymore. This makes me sad. Please know everyone here understands how you feel and has been thru same stuff. Please keep watching David. I do it's my survival tactic. Bless you. Take care. Merry Christmas my friend.
Venus Allegra Yerkovich thank you so much what saved my ass is having David to talk to he is super super supportive in the counseling he does and I'm so grateful. Yes it's been 3 months post no contact and he's tried to contact me 3x during Thanksgiving and I have been processing so much. The first month n a half I could not sleep at night my head was spinning I was in the darkness, his darkness I don't feel it anymore but I will always know it's there. Yes my body and brain wanted me to kill it I was under so much stress and pain from a year of stalking on and off the internet I'm ok now. I'm guarding myself. Planning in case I see him etc just what David is saying.
Venus Allegra Yerkovich thank you for having so much compassion for me it makes me want to cry too.
jen m good on you. AWESOME I'm proud of you. David is our genuine hero. I'm glad your ok. You have taken great steps toward your healing. Keep going. You will heal and be free of narc shit.
jen m please keep being happy. This is great news. Your a true champion. Some people don't ever regain their life. You go girl you deserve happiness.
I have been running from no contact for a loooooooong time. The thought of giving up my "drug" was TERRIFYING! I would "plug my ears" and "hum loudly" any time the phrase "no contact" was brought up. I was in denial and refused to accept that no contact was something I needed to do. I forced myself to watch lots of 'no contact' videos. THIS is by far the best one I've found. Honest, frank, challenging, and no sugar coating. I needed this and believe I'm finally in a place to embrace the message. Thank you so much!! ❤ Learning to "love myself FIRST".
David your words give me strength on days when I feel floored. Today I feel floored and so much pain in my heart, but your direct, frank and honest approach makes me realise so many things. Thank you for your approach. It helps me pick myself up and start thinking positively. I look forward to the day that the pain goes away.
No contact lol act like they died
I see no contact with a disordered person like playing dead with a bear. If they won't die in our minds, we must die in theirs.
Lucky Lele exactly . non existence
Lucky Lele 🎯
I know right 😆
Yep sad but true
It’s a death rip now
I'm on my third day and 3000 miles apart with no contact! I'm starting to breath and feel sooooo much better. I will NEVER make contact again!
Been no contact for almost 30 days... feeling much better every single. That demon has been leaving message after message. I will never respond or answer as long as I walk this earth... thanks for your videos
You are absolutely right !
there is no point of communicating with a manipulative person, he/she will find a way to suck you up to the same hole because they have no feeling or sympathy for you!
Going no contact can be really hard at the beginning, but it's the best thing you can do to your self, you deserve a better life.
Thanks David !
Noooooooooooo Contact. Just like an ex drug addict going no contact with a drug. It will suck you back in and hinder your recovery. Get away and go find yourself again.
I've gone No contact from my Ex abuser since 12/02/2016 That's exactly 2yr. and 6 months ! I've come a long way to Recover from the Trap of Abuse forevermore! I know myself better in what I will Tolerate and the things I wont put up with . I am a totally different person . Inspit of the fact that I owe Lawyers fees to the Bank from barrowing money to get myself back up , I see my life in a different way now , being ALONE became less of a condemnation for me and more of a transformation. and inspiration . INSTEAD , I welcome ALONESS as Grace giving me another chance for my future . SALITTUDE is safer and being alone is an all weather companion. I realize also that loneliness is just one of those Human conditions at its natural state. By this I have come to terms that no one can rescue me from the uncomfortable painful feelings that come with being alone and I realize I have a choice either give up and Escape or turn inward to harvest my own worthiness and Pursuits in this way a lonely person can begin their Journey back to self .. I believe that I have the strenghth to succeed further within my Life in going Foreward without being bashed ever again❤💚💛💜💙💟💓💞💜🖤💛
I needed this video right at this very moment.
Yess, I am a day of no contact with someone who I thought was a good friend to me. I made the mistake on several occasions of mending the fence with him, being I to be the one initiating the contact and conciliation .... only to be manipulated to believe that it is entirely my fault.
As hard as it it listening to the truth. I’m praying that I keep steadfast on cutting him out of my life for my own well-being. One day at a time. 🤞
After the last time I was hoovered back in, put through spin cycle, and I finally walked away for good...it became clear to me that contacting/responding to her about us (we have kids together), that I would be showing a huge lack of respect for myself. This made it so much easier to walk away from our relationship and never look back. Another great message David!
Kevin Davis Thank you Kevin!
DeMars Coaching how do I contact you for advise please, thank you so much.
Thank you for this channel. Your advice is spot on. I’m a 54 year old daughter of a narcissistic mother who hooked up with a sociopath who served time in prison for my attempted murder twice, and sexually abused my brother. Despite what he did she took him back into our home and the abuse continued. She used him to hurt her children and once he was out of the picture when she met a younger man that was a meal ticket for her to exploit, her narcissistic abuse doubled with her new partner in crime. It became so extreme it devastated my life. We didn’t have UA-cam and people like you to help us 40 years ago and although I gave serious thought to cutting them both off completely, I didn’t. It was the biggest mistake of my life and I can’t cut them off completely now, because I have an son who loves who he thinks of as his ‘grandad’. The physical violence from her sociopathic first partner was nothing in comparison to the emotional abuse I experienced from them, and it resulted in me over committing myself to a 23 year marriage to who a man I now recognize as very abusive and controlling. There have been other unhealthy relationships too. The most recent one being with a covert narcissist, who I still have nightmares about 8 months after ending the relationship and going no contact. After 40 years of not recognizing love for what it is, and allowing myself to be abused without recognizing it as such, when you finally hear and learn about narcissism and identity it as what’s been happening to you, this realization is overwhelming as traumatic. I’m in recovery now after self isolating for 6 months and just taking time to work on healing and developing healthy boundaries, and I’ve developed an acute sense of feeling and spitting early warning signs of narcissism in others. As you say there are so many people on UA-cam giving you advice based on not being heathy themselves and it’s a mine field. They are setting you up to being vulnerable to further abuse and that’s not only irresponsible but dangerous. I need to protect myself at all costs now. I come first rather than last, and I’m not even considering any form of relationship with anyone. I found your video on BPD very helpful too. I don’t care about the cause of what makes any person abusive and won’t accept it as an excuse, even when they say they’ve been victims of childhood narcissistic abuse themselves. If a friend or at anybody new I may come across shows signs of push/disrespecting my boundaries, or exhibits other covert manipulative behavior, I’m gone. Thank you so much for this channel and your work. I’ve found it invaluable!
Just have to say it... This video really spoke to me. And I salute you. Today is day one for me. I wish everybody out there a narc-free life.
So much better without these narcissists- so much calmer, happier, more productive- drama is over
I needed this I was still looking at he's Facebook .
Thank you
Just started to watch your videos. Keep it up!!!2nd discard for me I am NO CONTACT. Running with my FREEDOM. You are amazing to be honest & courageous!
David, as always you pull no punches, which is awesome. I’m guilty of recently looking at his Facebook, which set me back and resulted in unnecessary pain. They usually are posting shit to damage their most recent victim anyway, and absolutely no good can come from looking. Thanks again for your videos, really good stuff.
Susan Hughes Thank you Susan. You are better than this, make better choices to step out of this life with these people. I hope you're working with someone that's helping you.
Coach is 100% correct. I made the mistake of letting narcissist visit our child in my home, which resulted in her robbing my house.
No contact I did instinctively but then I found all these uploads and I thought wow! It really is the holy grail to getting your life and confidence back - its the best move ever but listening to these vids is amazing - it is the only way after a narcissistic relationship/encounter - I did this months ago and ive never looked back xx
Thank you David!!!!
Your the only one on UA-cam that is direct and at the same time is supportive to everyone out there who has come into contact with these monsters!!!!!!
Dude - thank you so much for this message. It’s tough love. It’s accurate. Most importantly, it’s vital to survival and recovery.
My emotional abuser did things to me that now seem beyond comprehension for any decent human to do. I’d keep her out of my life for months at a time ... only to let her back in when I was “better.” I was never “better” because I was letting her back in! The cycle of abuse does not stop. It doesn’t. Its intervals just change. And I swear to God, every time I went back the abuse was more insidious and damaging. 😳 Keep in mind I was also in therapy through all this, so by no means was I without resources to get better. I chose not to.
As someone who is now 4 months no contact, I KNOW the key to happiness, recovery and hope is a complete expulsion of them from our lives. That’s it. The second I understood and truly accepted that, things got SO MUCH BETTER. In many avenues of my life. I’m still healing, of course, but I’m whole again. All because of (true) no contact. She’s blocked, unfollowed, unfriended, and so are all of her “groupies.”
Listen to him, kids! He speaks the truth! There’s no other way with these people. None. You can feel like yourself again, I swear. No contact, period. 💪🏻
FallOutGirl86 Thank you for the message!
Listen to this man.
He speaks the truth.
I made a mistake by looking at his media. It hurts like hell to read about his life with another person.
We do not speak. But even seeing his comments kills your soul.
I am strong. And actually made a point about learning it the hard way. It is my research now. My new job. I would not recommend it to anyone. Only for professionals.
Just stay away.
I watched hundreds of videos maybe more but you are the best! You are so direct and say all the truth to our face without any hesitation. So good!
No contact is the only way!!! It gives you a chance to see what is actually going on and why. It gives you time to process where you've been and decide what you want for you.
I AGREE WITH YOU.
Unfriend and blocked her today, a nightmare. NO CONTACT ! FREEDOM
David, your speeches gave me the empowerment and motivation I was so afraid that I will never get back. Thank you for your time and for sharing all this experience and knowledge with us.
Daniela Ionita You are so welcome Daniela and thank you very much!
My loser narc is hoovering me because my birthday is in 5 days. I still suffer from cognitive dissonance because after no contact I have responded to texts even though to refuse hangouts and talking (his number is blocked) but I do agree everytime it sets me back because it brings up memories of all the bullshit he put me through. Its such a roller coaster
When my narcissistic husband discarded me after 27 years of marriage, he told me in the same breath that he wanted to be friends. Yeah not a chance. I’ve had to have contact and realize it’s not only not healthy but it’s absolutely pointless. About a year into my healing, I thought I could have a reasonable conversation with him about one of our kids expenses but he tried to lure me right back in and I fell for it so I’m in deep with healing again and it’s actually triggering me all over again
Hey David my hero. The healthiest choice I made this year is watching and learning from you. God bless you David. Thank you for saving me .
Venus Allegra Yerkovich Loves Venus!❤
Great Video, David. Thanks.
Talking to them is like talking to the devil. There's no match when it comes to the devil. These people have been taken over by Evil and that's the Truth.
Best video ever on getting out of toxic relationships! Not how, but WHY to break the cycle!!! Awesome! Thank you!!!
Been no contact for one month. Feels good and ppl are proud of me. But I'm also tempted to break it. It's hard! I just keep reminding myself of the painful times, and that helps.
For real who wants to be close to an abuser? People you have to use your dicernment
I just want to say thank you. I am just days in with no contact with my narc and it feels like hell but I know that it is necessary and it must be done. I need tough love videos like these to keep me on track! Keep on giving it to us straight no chaser so the healing can begin!
You can’t co parent with a narc ex. It’s just not possible. I tried and tried and tried. You’re still a source of fuel for their madness. I had to go no contact and as a result my health improved dramatically. It’s hard to do but so empowering. Everything goes through solicitors. The longer you go no contact the better perspective you get your life back. It’s the best advice you’ll ever get. Thanks so much Dave. You’ve helped me more than I can possibly say. 👍👊
Thank you so much for this insightful channel David, which I've just discovered. What's unbelievable about these people is that whatever age they are and wherever they are in the world, they all follow the exact same script.
So True..Just One Contact and You Are Right Back Where U Started...🙄
David, you're not being mean by saying this. They need to get the message.
Jessica S Thank you Jessica, I hope you're well❤
Great Video David. After months of going no contact I found myself looking at her social media sites again. I thought I was okay, but it was like being re victimized. You’re so right. Unhealthy. Bad choices. Ironically I can’t even tell if the social media imaginary life she’s painting is even for me anymore. I think there’s been another victim since. These people feed in the fuel of simply knowing that you’re looking and that they can still get to you. No contact means life block. Thanks Man. Needed that.
I have been total no contact for over a year.
However, my ex sister in law msg me every few months to ask how I am. She is a good hearted person, but I keep thinking she may be giving the narc info. I have just gone no contact with her too.
Life is so much more peaceful when you cut all connections with them and their family and friends, and any other toxic person you encounter.
After going through 40 years of his crap, I have an inbuilt narc alert!
Dave your advice is so right on. My ex alcoholic borderline girlfriend used to leave drunk vm messages. Responding was so wrong. I learned the hard way by doing it.
Les Smith Definitely not an easy lesson, thank You!
You're a loving father to me that I don't have. Thanks for the advice.
Mayai Daud Thank you Mayai❤
These type of videos help me so much David! I know you probably feel like you are repeating yourself by doing them, but reminders are important for us I think! We easily forget how they can effect us because we get stronger without them around, we have to stay on top of it!
Jennifer Thank you Jennifer!
I love how you approach healing! Thank-you for keeping us strong!
There are only two people I watch quite frequently when it comes to Narcissist abuse you are now the second. I love your bluntness.
I did no contact/discard and he took it out on his new supply so badly she shaved her head bald, he evicted her and now she's in jail. I kinda felt bad but she didn't care when she screwed him behind my back in my own bed. Screw her and him they deserve each other.
Noel Hoffmann So.. if someone from the Narcissists previous relationship discards the Narc First & stays No Contact... they will take all there anger out on the New Supply ..?
Holly molly
Thank you. I read the book "Boundries" by dr. Cloud and dr.Townsend…. they discuss various forms of boundries... including geographical boundries. I believe that with real pathological narcissists it is necessary to construct strong geographical boundries - my father probably has NPD. He divorced mom years ago but she stayed living in the same town as he for years after that and her schizofrenia was really unstable they were in contact, when he wanted it. After I learned about pathological narcisissim and its forms and the way they treat people and obtain narcissistic supply, and when I finally got the energy and time to deal with that situation, I moved mom to another city... the huge wave of narcissistic rage that came my way did not surprise me (for moving mom closer to her psychiatrist, closer to her social worker and closer to the day care center pro people with psychosis). It was a great decision for her situation, yet most of my dysfunctional family of origin attacked me for it. Moving her has helped me too, because I no longer have to deal with other toxic people, when I want to see or help mom. Moving somewhere else helps. Ideally move at least 200-400 miles away, if possible. I think it is best to apply good geographical boundries from the pathological narcissist... helps with maintaining no contact or minimal detached contact.
All of this is true. My ex lead me on for 2 months claiming she "Didnt want to commit". After an Email breakup. Narcs HATE face to face communication. lso, she kept sending out group snapchat messages including me. I was watching her score go up with each message, keeping me wondering who else was getting them. I knew if I asked I would be called a stalker. VERY unhealthy behavior on my part. I finally blocked her on all forms of communication 2 days ago. These videos have helped so much. Its important, more than anything to go NO CONTACT AT ALL!!!!!
Ive seen some narc abuse videos that straight scared me. The people making them were no where near healthy
Nick Bloem OMG you're not kidding. I know of Narcissists and Borderlines in this community acting like victims.
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend seen that too. Sick little fuckers
I love that you’re a no nonsense person who tells it like it fucking is. More ppl in this community need that. They need your strength when they feel they lost theirs. We don’t need anymore cookie cutter channels in Narc Abuse to tell us anything more or less than how you put it!
I couldnt agree with you more. No contact is a must!! My daughters came to that conclusion on their own. They dont regret it at all.
Great advice as always! I love your channel and I am so grateful that I found you. I’ve learned a lot from you. I will be making a donation in the future when I am financially able to do so! Sending love and light your way 🙏🙌
Nina Novara Youre beautiful Nina, thank you!
Great Video David! It's the ONLY way to move forward with your life.
Janice Thank you Janice!
Janice, Yeah 🤙
Its like an addict hanging out with a drug dealer.
Same as the advice in AA groups given to newbies (pigeons) from members and sponsors. AA assumes that anyone with an alcoholic will become codependent and the alcoholic will go back to their primary addiction. All addicts of any kind are at least one of the big three : WIERD, WILD, or WORRIED. Take heart fellow wounded : you're also wonderful! Great insight David , thankyou for being a real a real helper.
you have to implement a psychological restraining order if you cannot obtain a real one!
You are so right... No contact is the key, but with kids seems pretty hard 😢
David, I like your shirt 😻
But what I absolutely love is the wisdom in your words...Thank you so much 🙏
Powerfully touching!!! Thanks David... food for thought 😉👊🏻
it is not okay to be in contact with abusers, but there are many who just have no choice, they are dependent on the job or depend on the financial support of the abusing family member
i have been no contact since november I love watching your videos you have helped me out while going through this experience I never knew what a narc was until after the discard.
David, thank you. I discarded my narc Nov. 16th 2019, but none the less I'm new to the whole narc issue. So I started at the beginning of ur videos. Ur a very knowledgeable man. I'm still weak and I want her back. Ur videos help me to focus and see reality. Thank u.
100% right, and the setback is real..listen to this man again and again till you get every little bit of information.
.. hi david ... greetings from Berlin/ Germany ... i thank you very very much for your ..NO CONTACT... you are my help... you are so authentic ... and I got a lot of power from your engergetic video.... so ill be happy that people like you exist ..... many thanks and all the best to you ...
You will respond and then they ghost you or silent treatment you - then you’re backwards again. TRUE!
All you have to do is be, and not respond ever.
Your ‘no contact’ will gain momentum and you will have calm once again. This is imperative. You are doing this to protect & love yourself - Never doubt: you are completely worth it! Life will turn around for the better - a bit of time and patience while implementing no contact gives you the space & serenity to build your best life. Do it for yourself. Down the road, you’ll be so glad you did. Kindness & care to you all!!!!
Carol Duncan thank you. Part of me feels that blocking him is ‘weakness’ and that it signals him that I care too much. But i learned the hard way that each time he messages me - i respond despite swearing to myself that I wont, and the scenario repeats itself. I just read what I wrote and realised how silly is my first sentence) 100% block!
Thank you, I broke the no contact by allowing him to text me, and it tore my wound all over again!💔🤯
Your videos have been very helpful in my process, even though he has not appeared in my life after discarding me, it is important to keep in mind that being aware of the life of someone who has treated you so badly in the end is insane. Thank you.
Lorena Martinez Good Lorena, thank you.
Been their david no contact is a must
If you don't go no contact, you're inviting abuse back into your life. When they reach out to you, they will pull off the superficial charm, extreme admiration, love-bombing, etc. Because guess what? Give it two to three months tops, and they will bring back the splitting, devaluing, and rage right back in.
Yes we are angry for defiling ourselves... giving our treasure to these evil abusers !
First I know what it is like to have hope for the narcissist.... You will give up when you are ready too... Unfortunately some have to hit the bottom and then dig deeper and jump in.... If it was easy to listen to someone saying no contact think how easy this would be.... The break up with a narcissist ROTFLMAO
The game that the narcissist is playing from the get-go is directly for the benefit of the discard and the Hoover... So the whole reason of why so many people Fight 2 get out even when they know they need to they still don't and that is because of the work along the way that got you to that point. It was the narcs game because they knew it was going to end this way that is why the relationship is set up as is.
Liza M Great comment, thank you Liza.
Thank you for being honest. I needed this video and am trying so hard to do no contact.
Laurie Moore Thank you.
Finally did it, split happened in October 2017. Was in a state of limbo for the best part of a year convinced that they were going to come back and there would be closure. It didnt happen, just bait and ghost style texts, provocative posts on Facebook etc. Got up this morning and blocked her from all forms of contact. Been building up to this for months have had talking therapy which was helpful, but I have to say its UA-camrs David Demars and Kim Wilson TV and a few others have helped me get to this point more than anyone else. I know its early days but I'm feeling so much better, just want to move on.
Your amazing! Straight shooting that’s what I need..... a reality check! Thank you xxxxx
No contact is a difficult and dire step in recovering from abuse. The problem is that we have to learn this often by on the job training. Its like an alcoholic going no contact with alchohol and the relationship is the booze. Many of us fall off of the wagon, feel ashamed and then have to get back up and continue.
Maybe by that time we have blabbed to everyone about the no contact and we feel like we need to hide it, so we will lie or become isolated, which is the goal of the abuser. Then when we break down and disclose it to our friends, and our friends become angry with us for not being able to keep our committment. Then we often are abandoned by them and turn more to our abuser for support, which usually works because the relation is in the hearts and flowers stage. So we may have to go back a few times (in my case 17)before it is effective. The pain of leaving the co dependency of being with an abuser is real and intense. We must treat ourselves like a patient recovering from surgery. The lonliness is staggering.
But tears or not, it is crucial.
Support from alanon helped me. I also called domestic abuse hot line.
Try not to reach out to family becsuse they are too familiar and may have even been recruited by the abuser.
The important thing to remember is that each time a victim of abuse leaves and goes back and leaves it is a success. They are learning. I had to learn patience and how set boundaries.
I became obsessed with learning how to heal and it was a long long road. It took more time than i wanted it too, but i finally suceeded in finding out why i was being involved and accepted that i had a problem.
The day before I kicked him out, a voice came to me and said, HE DOESN'T MATTER. Basically, that anything having to do with him has no consequence to MY life.
I was strong enough to not check his FB for two weeks. Until I saw him in my friends list, felt disgusted and blocked him!
I'm here today because I feel like I lost the love of my life (the lovebomber) and am having a bad no-contact day...