Marriage Tips 20 Years In | Self Love | Lessons Learned
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- Опубліковано 10 тра 2021
- #maritaladvice #relationshipadvice #selflove
This advice is aimed to help develop self-love, healthy relationships, and to share my experience and lessons within my own marriage. I hope by sharing my perspective that this message is helpful and relative. See you in the comments.
xoxo,
Rachelle
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Hey Everyone! I just posted part 2 of this video here=> ua-cam.com/video/EykjzCPLKas/v-deo.html Check it out and I hope you enjoy!
@borderhammer, let’s chat! Boy do I have some things to share and understand, lol! Been married since I was 19. Now, 40. Thanks for the advice!!!
Lol, I know the feeling about counting the time. I wish I could be that girl. I see women who know the anniversary of dating , I applaud them.
Congratulations on 20 years girl, 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉😊😊
Borderhammer can you please make a update video of your hair
34 years married. Still happy.
28 years and I co-sign on all of this! You also have to know that people change and grow you have to be prepared to get to know them as their new selves.
Hello
How are you doing?
OMG! You are the epitome of "black don't crack!" How you been married that long when you don't look a day older than 25?!
I was thinking the same thing! She looks great! 😍
She looks good!
I am actually confused. She is stunning?
*!!!
See the glow when ur happy in ur marriage? She looks lovely. I’m 18 years in and still have a lot to learn. Finally something positive on UA-cam. 🙂
When I see you...i remember when UA-cam was UA-cam...luv u girl!!!
Yaaaasssss!!!!
Me too
I agree, you're so right I was thinking the best same thing.
Yesssssss 😪😪😪😪😪😪
Yes so true
What you talked about in the beginning is called “parenting your inner child” and it’s extremely helpful.
WoW this is quite interesting. Maybe this is what I need, I'm 10 years in. Thanks for the tip.
Yes , so true
Most people enter into marriage without realising this .... and then they have to parent the hubs and the 5 children...the home....and keep their jobs..... no way.
My husband is an incredible man who has put up with my crazy ass for over 23 years 🤪..I am blessed! 💖
And you know you crazy!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂
Lol, I’m crazy too 🤪
Amen! 😂😂
The UA-cam algorithm came through with another timely recommendation 🙌🏾 🔥
Yes..me too! I am happy i clicked on it as well. Definitely subscribed to this channel
Whaaaatttt? I screamed because I’ve been watching you for years and I had no idea you were above 30. Wow 20yrs married! I’m impressed, thank God we still have people like you. 😍😘🥰💃🏾
My parents 52 years this coming August. :) I'm not married myself (and their only child). But yes, you barely see that anymore. Used to be people chose one another and stuck together through thick and thin! Especially out of respect for the children. Nowadays? I don't know *what* is going on! :(
@@amixeblu Yeah but I also think that woman back then stayed married because they had to. I know my grandparents where married 50+ years but my grandfather was abusive. My grandmother did leave but they were legally still married. I think alot of younger couples don't even have great examples of a marriage sadly..oh and Hey Marleen!!!
@@annettemint Yes, provided you have a pretty good marriage to begin with. I totally get it! :) Hey you, Viv! I'll be over for one of your vids pretty soon, it's been hectic, what with us getting to go get vaccinated and all. Real life has been a "chore". I will be back soon, I'll see what I can do, but man, time constraints! :)
Right I looked at the title like did she get married out the womb!
MsLexpeacenlove 😂😂😂same
I agree! been married over 30 years and it is a lot of work! Love, respect and commitment. No name calling and deal with issues as they arise! Don't keep bringing up the past.
Love this! I’m 12yrs in know each other for 18yrs. I love my hubby so dearly but the name calling, abandonment(no partnership, letting me handle household things alone(not bills) is beginning to affect me badly to the point that I kind of feel like giving up. How can I stop myself from remembering/bringing up the past?
@@TheDELE1960 you need to do less talking, level up and change your looks/wardrobe. Lots of self pampering. Don't force him to do anything, do what you can and relax, don't try to do everything at once. If you can get someone to do the major cleaning once in a while do it. Focus more on yourself, Complain less. Your husband still loves you but might have taken you for granted. Don't scream, yell or raise your voice, master emotional control. Lastly do lots of praying. It worked for me. Good luck
@@hdiamond7365 Thank you kindly for your advise!!! I’m going to implement this. I forgot to mention that he has raised his hands on me as well in the past and recently. Should this recommendation still apply? We once separated for 6 months and reunited to work on our marriage again but it seems like I love him more than he does. Should this still apply? My 6 years old recently asked me “mommy why can’t you just choose someone else who doesn’t shout” I was shocked! I didn’t know what else to say to her as it took me by shock but I said “ I’m married now perhaps if I was still dating then I would go for someone else. Not the best but that was what I was able to come up with at that moment. I’m praying for God’s will and confirmation as well. I love good, healthy marriage and LOVE as I was raised in a lovely home.
@@TheDELE1960 physical abuse is a no no. When he says he is going to hit you or threaten you. Look him deep in the eyes do not flinch or frown just deep stare with a straight face and say this with a cool calm voice "The next time you raise your hands at me or threaten me again will be the last thing you ever do". Then walk away and continue like nothing happened. The problem is that he is not scared to loose you. That is what you need to work on sis. Love yourself more. Pay him less attention, There are several level up and self love tips on UA-cam.
@@hdiamond7365 oh sis!!! You just nailed it. HE IS NOT SCARED TO LOOSE ME. Imagine me an ex-super model. It’s well. Thank you very much🙏🏾
I’m 1 year in. Married at 40. I watched this video twice already. I’ll probably keep watching every time I wanna run 😂
Girl I married late too. One year in as-well and I’m 39. We can’t run yet😂
@@sherine202 🤦🏽♀️😂
😂😂😂You just can't run! It's a forever task🙏
What about when he runs?
I'm 40 and just been married a couple months in and whew! Something led me here...
Being in love is not enough to be married. That’s a word right there!
Thanks for this conversation.
Fact
OG UA-camr! Glad to see this video from you.
Right??? I'm always so excited when I see a video from her 😂
@@TheResetWithEmi Amy!!!!!!!!!
@@SisiYemmieTV Sisi mi ooo 🤗🤗🤗🤗
Definitely an OG
Subscribed to u just now
Married for 13 together for 15 yes ma'am, everything you said is true. Partner ship, value, honesty...... My husband supports me and is sooo patient with me and I took it for granted. Be willing to go through the ups and downs..
Those expressions are on point as a sister. She haven’t changed after all these years. Gotta love her.
This helped me.... Love yourself, have patience, respect is important, don't lose yourself
The part about giving the person room to grow was on point I needed that
Thankyou for this video 💕 I’m 21 yrs old married for 2 yrs now.. love is definitely NOT like the media shows it. Much more real than that .. love is hard. But I love my man & I kno he loves me so the trials & tribulations couldn’t even compare to the love/joy we have being married to one another
I'm more of a conservative/classy/sophisticated type of woman and I still attract red men who aren't good for me whether they're attractive, unattractive, Christian or not, have kids or no kids. I realized that I settled in the past but I know what I want now and I'm not budging. My family made me feel like my standards were too high yet GOD showed me they were just right and to never lower them. I'm learning to put myself first and not care about what others think and that it's okay to be selfish when it comes to self love.
This is so my life now. Thank you for sharing. God confirms and validates our personality strengths through predestined gifts he's birthed us with. The world will rather have us shrink ourselves and settle for less than. I thank God for being awakened and standing up for self-love
Don't listen to people because when u cry in your marriage they won't be there. I went with God's standard and trust me the challenges life have presented me with required me to go through it with a good husband. I am thankful to God
found your account today, you're officially my auntie for life.
1st: I missed seeing your videos!
2nd: I’ve been watching you from the very beginning. Because of you, I gained the confidence to quit my job and start my business 7 years ago. Best decision ever!Now I’m newly married and we are experiencing the “first year” 😳. So this video was EVERYTHING to me! Thank you for always being open and sharing. I feel like you are my virtual big sister ❤️
You are so welcome! I’m here anytime and congratulations you got this!! ❤️
Good advice my husband and I been together 22 years and married 20 years our birthdays are 2 days apart making us both Virgos. He was very flashy when it came to clothes and had no patience. When I had more patience but flashy when it came to my personality. We have grown so much together over the years with the good, bad and ugly but I love him and he loves me and we make it work thank god lol.
This is the first time I'm seeing a vid from you. I am married 9 years and I love to watch vids where people speak about marriage that are in it for a while (longer than me), I am all about learning and improving my marriage. Thank you for sharing.
My first impression of the title was, how’s a young twenty year old something going to share tips on being married 20+ years. Damn sis look damn good 👌🏾👌🏾
If you're a woman seeking marriage relationship advice, the best place to get it is from the woman in your circle who know you and are in long successful marriages. If you don't have those people, this is a good place to begin. You definitely don't need to be humiliated by a male UA-camrs who hasn't modeled this success.
It sounds like so much work! We should be okay being single and not feel pressured to be in a relationship. If it comes, let it come naturally! You sound so real by the way! Thank you for sharing! :)
"they're not going to be perfect, just because you showed up" a word. Jill scott says that alot in her podcast. That were people and have layers and stuff. We have to give people space to be people. Love this. Thank you.
Absolutely true! Marriage is the hardest but you have want your marriage to work and put in work!
14 years and counting 🤗
I think self love becomes more important when you in a relationship. Having that good, solid circle around you of friends and family becomes MORE important when you in a relationship. So that person doesn't become your everything. Because relationships test you like nothing else and you gonna need that support and that life outside outside of that other person. You got to be an individual first. whole and fulfilled.
I am single but I pray that I have a 20+ year marriage. Thank you for this video.
Me too
It's such a great moment when the OG's show up. 👋🏾
Wow you look like you're not a day over 25. I would never have guessed that you would have been married for so long Congratulations 👏.
You have such a beautiful spirit. It radiates though the screen! God bless.
Needed this 29 years old turning 30 in a few months and just out of a 6 year relationship
This too shall pass ❤️
The best is yet to come sis. Glad you focused on the best project which is you
Omg yes SAME. Just turned 31 in may and ended 6 year relationship as well. Best decision EVER
Same dear!
This is one beautiful woman. My face when you said you have days when you don’t feel pretty 🧐🥸😳
“Let them be them too not just yours...”
I'm single, no kids, never married. This is the realist I've ever heard about marriage. I'm a realist myself, this was music to my ears. Thank you💕 I'm preparing to meet my spouse.
You should listen to Devon Franklin and Rabbi Daniel Lappin ...same message👌👌👌👌
Hi Tara, thanks for sharing
How are you doing?
I’ve been married 18 yrs, been together about 25 also. Have had ups and downs, have only one child and she’s about to be three in October. No other baby mamas or baby daddies. Yes look for the signs very important. Great video and advice.
God bless you sis! Any signs you think are big ones... x
Agree, Agree, Agree! Will be celebrating 5 years in August. I always say that if you aren't sure about who you are, a relationship can really mess u up. I love myself & I love my husband. There are times of up & downs..We have/had communication issues at times because different ppl understand things differently. It requires work. There are days that he makes me so sick & others where I can't stop thinking about how much I love him...it is crazy but that is what happens when you are in love for the long haul.
Yep yep!! You have to love yourself because if you don’t you are looking to your mate to fulfill a good that they sometimes they can’t and that can cause all kinds of problems..
Self Love is so very important!
These feel like universal life messages. Relationships and soul.
This talk/lesson/opinions should be broadcasted on every form of social media. So many need to hear this truth!!!
Hi, thanks for sharing
How are you doing?
Been married for 20years? Girl I'm subbing for the beauty tips. Clearly you've found the fountain of youth. 😍
Lol🤣🤣🤣🤣 camping for the fountain of youth too🥰
10 years in and I can co-sign all that is said here - definitely 80-20 depending on what it is
I love when you pop back up. My heart fills.
🤣🤣🤣🤣💯 Postively Agreed
This Video Made MY Day.
You are on point! I’ve been blessed to be married for 24 years and enjoy having a life partner. You said it, when you’re in it for life the concept of years isn’t as relevant. Most importantly, know your worth! Knowing effects your the choices you make! 💖
You are EVERYTHING!!! Advise like this is NOT often found!
Everything you said💯
Continue working & loving on yourself the same way you did while you were single. Many people expect their partner to love them and reassure them constantly but that's not your partner's job its your job. A relationship should be the merging of equals.
THANK YOU QUEEN I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 28 YEARS AND TOGETHER FOR 32 YEARS; AND YOU TAUGHT ME A LOT TODAY 🤣🤣🤣 GOD SENT YOU TO TEACH ME OL G SOMETHINGS!! GOD BLESS YOU. YALL HUMBLE YOURSELF AND LEARN.🙏🏾😁💕
Thanks for this, I’m engaged and it’s always so useful getting insightful real conversations from people who’ve walked the path.
Congratulations!!
Saaame, I feel you girl.
Me too
The most honest marital advice!!!
I’ve missed you. I agree with everything you’ve said…some of it will be a hard pill to swallow, but if you can get over the shock of it and process the meaning and how it relates to you, you’ll “get it”. You’re speaking TRUTH and some of it is contrary to what’s popular and “feel good”. Marriage is beautiful at its core, but it takes two mature people willing to work through life together. Individually and as a team. It’s not like once you sign that piece of paper your individuality melts away lol! Me - you - us. Spirituality, morals, values, goals, etc keeps you tethered, but both parties are still experiencing life’s struggles according to their own story too. I hope that makes sense. I’ve been married 3 years, but we’ve been together 7…it’s a beautiful and challenging process with new things to learn every day.
You speak life all the time! I still send people your video on playing the game at work. That was a classic video! About marriage, someone told me that it is not a 50-50 partnership. It is a 100-100 partnership. Sometimes you bring more to the table when your partner is going through things. Sometimes vice versa. It is not about keeping scores and drawing hard lines about what you do versus the other person. We both bring 100% to that table everytime
My wife and I have been married for 12 years, and we have 3 beautiful children. I definitely agree that you have to love yourself. Having a family is hard work, especially when you are trying to build a legacy, and I’m glad I found the right one to do it with. Commitment is important too, and we actually started a podcast series on commitment in marriage.
Great advice. The only thing I will add is, whether you are in a relationship or not, it is never too late to start doing your work. I never intended to be in a my relationship as long as I have and in the beginning I didn’t have a good relationship with myself. However, over the years I have done the work to see, get to know, accept, and love myself and overall it has helped my relationship. It has also helped me to understand where folk got me messed up LOL!!
Hi Titny, thanks for sharing
How are you doing?
"I'm good enough." 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾I felt that!!!
First of all, where has UA-cam been hiding you. I ain’t seen a notification in YEARS!! LOL!!! When I saw you I got so excited, then my mind instantly went back to the waterbug video and I cracked all the way up. But yes, 22 years in and this ain’t no picnic. Beautiful experience but it is work.
I felt that when you said 1st, Love yourself! 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣 (for the people in the back too....inserts self ☺️)
You are stunning. That’s a blessing to be together for a long time.
I agree. My husband likes when I wear sweats and my hair is in a bun but when it’s time to go out I gotta be extra fly! We’re only been married a few years so thanks for the advice. My parents have been married 20 plus years too and I love listening to their advice and love story over and over and over again!
Parents married 36 years and in laws married 30 years. Their advice is similar. But my husband and I, we are young and want to do our own thing. Only to crash and come back doing it how they told us in the first place 🤣...
@@f.-j.j.5738 😅🤣😆🤪Lol...so funny! M happy u both decided to do it the "proven" ways u had been told. Praying for many more years of wedded bliss for you. I have been married for over 26years
When I started watching this I said out loud, "I like this lady. I'm taking notes." and got up to grab my pen and little notebook.
Came across this video and I must agree as a married woman and me and my husband have been together almost 20 years as well and listen it’s no cake walk you are constantly learning and evolving and choosing to love and stay together. That part opposites❤️
Blessings Queen.
I got this; I tell myself every day since my therapist told me the same things you said, hug and love yourself. It's a must-do.
You are dropping knowledge. Best video I’ve seen in awhile. Thank you for always being authentic and loving. I’ve been subscribed for years.
Something about you, the lighting and this video is sooo warm & comforting! 💕
Always loved your videos. This one fell into my lap exactly when I need it. 💗 Blessing to you and your husband!
Thank you for sharing your transparency. So glad you're back. ❤️
Girl I love your personality! You are so down to earth!
Very refreshing perspective. Thanks for sharing! Great to see you💕
So glad I found your channel today. You’re so genuine; It’s truly refreshing!
14 years this month. I completely agree sis! Good to see you! 👑🖤
"I can fix it. I'm autonomous." Love that. Self-love really helps you decide what you actually need from another person because you'll find you can satisfy a lot within yourself without someone else. Such sound and practical advice. Thank you for sharing, Rachelle! I legit thought you were in your 20s🥺😌 You're beautiful.
You spoke the ABSOLUTE TRUTH in this video! Loved every minute of it
This conversation is EVERYTHING!! ❤️
I so agree! You must have a deep love of self to make better relationship choices!!
This video was so good. I’ve been a subscriber for years and will continue to be. Too many people out here looking at these social media relationships that are only highlight reels (and some are fake highlights). This is why people are so quick to be out..... I appreciated your message.
I'm so glad to have found you again. Thank you for this, we as women need self-love so we can heal and manifest better for ourselves. Blessings Sis.
“I’m not keeping no D*mn body, we chose this together ”
Thank you for this video! I needed to hear this!!’
I'm in the same club. My husband and I got married young and it will be 23 yrs together and 20 yrs married September 15. ☺🤚🏽
YASSS 20+ together and going on 18 yr marriage this yr here too. I get the feeling we are rare but I never understood why. "It's not your partners responsibility to make you happy; it's yours." Is a biggie with us too. This is so true!
This video deserves more than a like it deserves a ❤️!!!! Especially when you said the 80/20. So true. Been married 9 years known each other 15 & I wish I had known about the self love portion before. But wouldn’t change a thing because I learned & he was very patient when I went through it.
Thank you for keeping it so real, transparent and open. Self love is more important than being in a relationship just because or just for love.
Right on time! I love this message ❤ thank you.
I've missed you. I haven't seen your vids in years and this popped up. I love how genuine you are. 13:03 - 15:28, you broke that down beautifully. I've often reflected on that and given relationship advice to others trying to convey that same message.
I am so glad I found your channel! Very helpful info. Love love love!
You spoke. the. TRUTH. 18 years for my husband and me and this is spot on! I have to say one of my favorite videos of yours from years ago was a q&a, maybe a tag or whatever was on YT at the time with your husband. I laughed so hard! The commitment, love and respect that you have for one anther was radiant!
My Absolute Fav!!! I missed you so much, glad to have you back
Your candour makes you so beautiful, so alluring, so poised, so magnetic! Already adore you. Thank you for beng so authentic and humble and generous
I have been married for nearly 27 years. This is great advice. Thanks for sharing your wisdom.
With all due respect to you and your husband, you look gorgeous! You look so youthful! Keep up whatever you’re doing!
Wow. Thank you. You had me leaning into the screen...I needed this. Thank you. Continue to be Blessed.
OMG! girl I'm not even half way through this video and you are so on POINT! I'm 15yr's in and my husband is 7yrs younger than me on top of that and hunny! 🤦♀️🙏🙏 4 me chile
Love your first tip already!!!!!!!! So important ❤️❤️❤️
I’m 17 min in.... and I’m locked in on these jewels. Don’t know how I “stumbled” upon your page... but THANK YOU!!! Divine alignment on their beautiful Wednesday. Blessings 🦋✨🦋
1st tip. I know exactly what you talking about. Self love is addicting once you have it
This was a very beautiful message. Thank you 🙏🏽
Thanks so much for these tips they mean a lot especially in the world today. Often times in this internet world, life, and fake dating coaches we are bombarded with negative messages. Rarely do people give marriage advice and tips, not our family members, no one. This was needed and trust me it will change lives even myself. I enjoyed this a lot!
So glad that you are back!
You may be opposites, but the core is the same. All these gems! 🙌🏾
Thank you for these tips. I took everything in. One thing was clear to me. When you said “ don’t get too familiar” that is strong.
Married for 8 years so far and everything you've said is absolutely true!