Couples Therapy - (Showtime) #5 - Therapist Reaction

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  • Опубліковано 6 січ 2025

КОМЕНТАРІ • 135

  • @1stdaughter
    @1stdaughter 3 роки тому +333

    This is my favorite show that you react to!
    I'm a little surprised you don't do all the episodes the way you do with the 90 Day Fiance. These reactions are far more interesting. These are couples who are actually seeking help and then you get to react to another bonafide couple/family therapist as well.

    • @gpgp1841
      @gpgp1841 3 роки тому +4

      I totally agree with you!

    • @lilacrose5266
      @lilacrose5266 3 роки тому +3

      Yes!

    • @therabbithat
      @therabbithat 3 роки тому +12

      90df made his viewers skyrocket. Most people before that were psychology students who'd googled Bowen etc. Reacting to celebs let's him teach the whole world!

  • @s.melonita4454
    @s.melonita4454 3 роки тому +218

    If you could please do more of this show! This is so insightful and transformative to me! I mean my hubby was blown away when I showed him your reaction to this show and Mau. Something moved him and he hasn't been the same since!

  • @k.ambriz9789
    @k.ambriz9789 3 роки тому +116

    I’d love to hear more about how not re-traumatize people while discussing trauma. Thank you for reviewing this show!

    • @therabbithat
      @therabbithat 3 роки тому +6

      There's a Patreon episode about it. I'd like a full deep dive into everything trauma!

    • @badvegan2540
      @badvegan2540 3 роки тому +8

      Don’t do it with someone in the room who is dismissive.

  • @Keepcalmliveon5
    @Keepcalmliveon5 3 роки тому +71

    Why am I so invested in the chair story? I feel like I need a chair tour now

    • @maymayrays
      @maymayrays 3 роки тому +2

      💯🤣

    • @ana_lynn_w2959
      @ana_lynn_w2959 2 роки тому

      I feel the same way. Now Im going to watch a more recent episode and see if he still has it.

  • @trista_official
    @trista_official 3 роки тому +47

    I love these reactions the most out of any of the series. The relationship between them has been so fascinating to me since the first time I saw couples therapy. He says she threatens to leave and they disagree on so much yet their chemistry and the way they seem to love each other is undeniable.

  • @mm89533
    @mm89533 3 роки тому +87

    PLEASE do more of those! Way better than 90 day fiance

    • @gpgp1841
      @gpgp1841 3 роки тому +8

      I've been saying this forever now😆 but it just seems that it simply reaches different audiences so I guess both series have their own benefits...

  • @badvegan2540
    @badvegan2540 3 роки тому +88

    Gender analysis: M enters and “jokingly “ assumes the authority/physical space of the female therapist. (Any bets on whether he would do that to a male?) Wife pads her request with a big ego boost. Wife and female therapist attend to M’s ego throughout the session as the price of trying to move forward. M hears his wife’s feelings about him being dismissive and immediately dismisses them. M attends to himself and his own power throughout and makes it clear he isn’t going to accommodate his wife. Sheesh. No doubt M is covering up a sewer of emotional sheiss, but life is too short. This is a perfect example of the kinds of (not so micro)aggression women face regularly in their personal and professional lives. SMDH

    • @katie5737
      @katie5737 3 роки тому +10

      I would love to see Dr. Honda react to your comment! I was thinking the same thing that he immediately dismissed her answer to the question and that they may both be tending to his ego in order to move forward! You express well some daily frustrations we run into.

    • @therabbithat
      @therabbithat 3 роки тому +8

      I don't think they pad his ego. He's very scared and they are trying to reassure him he is safe and loved

    • @katie5737
      @katie5737 3 роки тому +13

      @@therabbithat I would agree that they’re saying this to show him care and support, but it’s just interesting to consider that it might also be slightly motivated by avoiding him talking over them to air his defenses. Obviously we don’t know what they’re thinking, but it’s something I’ve found myself doing before. When you learn that assertiveness doesn’t work to get your point across, one option that I tend to do is to say things the other person wants to hear (appease them) in order for them to hear anything i say. I feel like it’s all symptoms of our society, but also can reinforce the patriarchal forces

    • @ClaraBell3452
      @ClaraBell3452 Рік тому +6

      Yes. And for the women in that situation it's SO difficult to explain why you feel confused and unheard.

    • @nancyx5
      @nancyx5 Рік тому

      Thank you!!! Well said!

  • @yyaaii
    @yyaaii 3 роки тому +54

    Yes! Glad to see these again!! I binged the whole show after watching your first reactions. Will you be reacting to the other couples?? All very interesting as well.

  • @jasonrhodes5988
    @jasonrhodes5988 3 роки тому +43

    I do believe in couples therapy.. I wish all those people the best of luck I've been married for 26 wonderful years.. you can work through your differences.. please remember to show mutual respect for one another..

  • @mcwarhol17
    @mcwarhol17 3 роки тому +17

    More of these!! This is actual therapy that relates to you!

  • @vgmando
    @vgmando 3 роки тому +12

    So happy to see more of your reactions on couples therapy! Such great insights, I'm learning a lot. I really hope you will continue with your reactions to the series.
    Thank you!

  • @Indigobasil
    @Indigobasil 2 роки тому +9

    I think she’s a very good therapist. She has a gentle way of working with her clients

  • @Chromebiscuit
    @Chromebiscuit 3 роки тому +24

    KIRK if you were approached by the producers of this show, would you be the therapist in the next season? That would be the greatest crossover of all time

  • @LeandroVelez7
    @LeandroVelez7 3 роки тому +78

    I’ve never seen so many red flags in a person as I do when I watch Mau react to his wife.

    • @crimson3sky
      @crimson3sky 3 роки тому +27

      Right? He'd trigger the sh*t out of me if I was with him. I couldn't be with him. Actually I've been with someone similar to him now that I think about it and I've broken up with him after a few months. It was a very odd experience, it was like I could almost feel the walls he was putting up in front of me physically whenever we had a talk about anything that was emotional and he'd pretty much dismiss or deflect things I said with the same laid back "sprawled" attitude Mau displays and I was just so baffled because it felt like I was talking to an alien, I couldn't comprehend that level of lack of disconnect. It felt like one of the most foreign experiences I've had since then in romantic relationships. And a few months in while twisting myself in knots over it, it suddenly hit me "why am I doing this?". It was like a cold splash moment, I realized I'm here twisting myself over how to fix and improve a relationship with someone that is probably relaxing and completely not thinking about anything that has to do this right now at all. I'm sitting here all alone in a miserable problem that I could just not take part in at all. I could be having a glass of wine and enjoy my evening right now being single instead of doing this whatever tf this is. So I broke up with him. It was an important realization for my future relationships as well.

    • @therabbithat
      @therabbithat 3 роки тому +8

      His being willing to go to therapy makes me hopeful. I think the therapist is too embroiled in counter transference to be useful. Hopefully they will see another

    • @therabbithat
      @therabbithat 3 роки тому +2

      @@crimson3sky that seems like utterly the right decision! It sounds like you learned a lot and I hope your ex did too
      Mau seems like the least laid back person in the room to me. He seems terrified.

  • @Tyda777
    @Tyda777 3 роки тому +32

    More of Couples therapy and MAFS and less 90days mess. Please and thank you

  • @Amozon28
    @Amozon28 2 роки тому +3

    5:00 i remember my professor going over the importance of contract making with clients and how its important for the relationship going forward to have that clear boundary/consent from the client to discuss that part of their life. How it would more likely to be harmful to a client if they came wanting to talk about how stressfull their worklife is and instead the therapist latches on to the clients grief around a loved one passing. And while that might be something the client needs to work thru, if thats not what they are there for it can feel almost invasive to talk about sonething your not ready or wanting to talk about just because the therapist noticed it
    Edit: it might be later on that the client does want to talk more about other issues and that would be when a new contract conversation would be brought up to update

  • @oliae2898
    @oliae2898 3 роки тому +13

    glad you're reacting to it again.

  • @hahahahaahhahahaahah
    @hahahahaahhahahaahah 3 роки тому +14

    This is my favorite series!!!

    • @erizzy_
      @erizzy_ 3 роки тому

      Me too! I'm learning so much. I feel like one of Dr. Kirk's students.

  • @LadybugLaughter
    @LadybugLaughter 2 роки тому +2

    This is definitely my favorite reaction series you’ve done, Dr. Honda. I’m learning so much!

  • @MissSatsuji
    @MissSatsuji 3 роки тому +14

    I think the one saying "you cannot not communicate" was Paul Watzlawick and it was part of his 5 axioms of communication. Actually had that topic in my pedagogy class back in school, so that really rang a bell

  • @rethinkcps2116
    @rethinkcps2116 3 роки тому +19

    Love me some Orna. She is brilliant, direct, kind and patient. Would that we could all have a wise counselor like her .
    🦋

    • @ErebosGR
      @ErebosGR 3 роки тому +5

      More like passive-aggressive, self-centered, mean-spirited and sexist than anything else. Frankly, from the very first episode she seemed like a very bad therapist to me.
      Dr. Honda had even pointed out a number of times where her counter-transference and impatience could've had torpedoed their session.

  • @ClaraBell3452
    @ClaraBell3452 Рік тому +2

    I used to be a nanny on Mercer Island, have been to that store he's talking about, and this is taking me back

  • @charlize9341
    @charlize9341 2 роки тому +6

    Thanks for that bit on communication. I used to have a job that would *always* give me performance feedback that I was a poor communicator. It made me livid. That itself is an incredibly poor communication! What do they want me to communicate about? All I do is show up to work and communicate all day. Are there any instances of poor communication? What were we talking about? How? What was the consequence? What needed to be done better? Once I had something else lined up I gave my full and thorough thoughts in a performance review on this feedback after they gave it to me again. I ended with, "Does this sound like I'm a poor communicator to you?" After many frank conversations with co-workers I learned they said this to nearly all of us. It meant they wanted us to better hide any hint of disagreement with management. So even this dumb management tactic reflects your interpretation that "communication" is nearly always a stand-in for conflict reduction.

    • @JessMaccain
      @JessMaccain 2 роки тому +2

      Thanks for sharing your experience! Better not take them too seriously down the line.

  • @Metonymy1979
    @Metonymy1979 3 роки тому +12

    My most favorite reactions.

  • @keegankupcakes827
    @keegankupcakes827 3 роки тому +14

    Yay! I love your reactions to this show

  • @gcakes1
    @gcakes1 3 роки тому +9

    this is my fav series!!

  • @thisismyinferno
    @thisismyinferno 3 роки тому +5

    I love this show! She's so good at what she does! So excited for season 2. I haven't started it yet.

  • @danielkurmann3524
    @danielkurmann3524 Рік тому +2

    I wish you did some of the other couples from this show, your reviews are so valuable.

  • @misse7095
    @misse7095 11 місяців тому +9

    This couple confounds me. Mao seems infuriating but Annie calls him the best husband in the world except when he’s dismissive? Is she purposely downplaying the dynamics or is there more at play here that we aren’t seeing? I’ve watched the whole season twice and still don’t get them. 😂

  • @neverendingspiral
    @neverendingspiral 3 роки тому +12

    Yay! I’ve missed these

  • @nattyjuneart
    @nattyjuneart 3 роки тому +11

    i love the couples therapy reaction videos!!!! 🤩

  • @faithfunn7857
    @faithfunn7857 2 роки тому

    I have binge watched these reactions and as someone hoping to enter the field of therapy your input and reactions are so incredibly helpful.

  • @dropsomania8
    @dropsomania8 3 роки тому +12

    Please do more reactions on this show, I got so excited when another episode on it!

  • @ingobaby1
    @ingobaby1 3 роки тому +10

    I love when you react to this show!

  • @thedeans6247
    @thedeans6247 2 роки тому

    I love the Is This It vinyl in the background! Nothing like therapeutic advice from a dude with good music taste.

  • @marionaoliver4055
    @marionaoliver4055 3 роки тому +16

    Could you please do more on this show? I dont know why but I am getting a bit tired of 90 day fiance...thanks for all your interesting videos!!!

    • @tiaSilvaCtrly
      @tiaSilvaCtrly 2 роки тому +1

      Young couples get to be quickly annoying. I liked to hear this one due to more in depth analysis

  • @flonflonflon
    @flonflonflon 3 роки тому +8

    More of these please!

  • @XtinaLucia
    @XtinaLucia 3 роки тому +2

    YES YES YES!!!! I lOVE this show. One of my favorites.

  • @datchaanimalsheltermoldova1980
    @datchaanimalsheltermoldova1980 3 роки тому +11

    I was so enthusiastic to start therapy and after 4 sessions I stopped going, it wasn't going anywhere, my therapist kept asking what I want to accomplish and I could not reply to it

    • @lagomorph770
      @lagomorph770 3 роки тому +7

      The therapist should've helped you figure it out. There are so many sucky therapists out there it's sad.

    • @sarajane5306
      @sarajane5306 3 роки тому +1

      So why did you go in the first place? Just wanted someone to talk too ?

    • @datchaanimalsheltermoldova1980
      @datchaanimalsheltermoldova1980 3 роки тому +2

      @@sarajane5306 i went because I want to be happy, not to be a loser anymore, she would ask me to go into details about what would make me happy in the future and I could not figure out, all I saw in my future was pain and misery

    • @graceh9227
      @graceh9227 3 роки тому +3

      What I’m learning in therapy is that the client has to put in a lot of the effort to make it work. Maybe her therapeutic process wasn’t for you keep trying ❤️ you got this!

    • @lagomorph770
      @lagomorph770 3 роки тому +1

      @@graceh9227 there are a lot of crappy therapists out there too!

  • @institutionalized88
    @institutionalized88 3 роки тому +4

    Lol

  • @ChrysalisInvictus
    @ChrysalisInvictus 3 роки тому +7

    My psychiatrist casually brings up my childhood & sexual trauma. He seems to think being direct won't be triggering? He is completely unaware of who I am as a person. It is very bizarre

    • @blaqueknight
      @blaqueknight 3 роки тому +3

      I hope you told him or will eventually tell him that.

    • @tiaSilvaCtrly
      @tiaSilvaCtrly 2 роки тому

      I get a bad vibe from sexual trauma talk too. Some people do not have empathy and might consider less important due no sexual interaction, but for some issues group therapy has helped me overcome better together with prayers.

    • @tiaSilvaCtrly
      @tiaSilvaCtrly 2 роки тому

      Several years ago I went to meetings based on Family Foundations, by Craig Hills ministry. I look up now and saw there are online courses and books. The best is called Ancient Paths and was very helpful in a group.

  • @justkeepsinging6007
    @justkeepsinging6007 3 роки тому +13

    Sitting Indian Style, is that criss cross apple sauce? Or what is it? Serious question, never heard that expression before and might as well try to improve my learn English as well as learning psychology from theese awesome videos😀

    • @LeandroVelez7
      @LeandroVelez7 3 роки тому +19

      Yes, Criss cross applesauce = Indian style. Indian style is the non politically correct way to say it.

    • @dropsomania8
      @dropsomania8 3 роки тому +5

      @@LeandroVelez7 Thanks for explaining, never heard this expression either. in Polish we just have one expression for that - 'to sit Turkish' 😅

    • @eriskalli
      @eriskalli 3 роки тому +6

      I've heard it referred to as "tailor style" because tailors apparently sit like that as a replacement for Indian

    • @s.melonita4454
      @s.melonita4454 3 роки тому +6

      In Germany we say tailor style haha

    • @justkeepsinging6007
      @justkeepsinging6007 3 роки тому +3

      @@s.melonita4454 in Swedish , we call it tailor style too! ”Att sitta skräddare” = to sit tailor style

  • @XlogicXX
    @XlogicXX 2 роки тому

    I think this is one your best reaction series. Again, very thoughtful and insightful. I actually started watching the show on Showtime because of your videos. I do criticize you sometimes but not here. I gained some insight. Thanks.

  • @jaclyn695
    @jaclyn695 3 роки тому +4

    Dr Kirk and Mau have super similar shirts this episode hahaha

  • @chickenphfantom
    @chickenphfantom 3 роки тому +3

    Thoughts on EFT? Thats the modality my partner and I chose and have a wonderful therapist.

  • @DrTerezaTherapy
    @DrTerezaTherapy 2 роки тому

    This is just amazing. Thank you so much

  • @abandonablesnowman
    @abandonablesnowman 3 роки тому +11

    I wonder what the wife means by her husband being both supportive and dismissive. Maybe he frequently alternates between the two?

    • @badvegan2540
      @badvegan2540 3 роки тому +4

      He puts his arm around her while dismissing her.

    • @princesstelevision67
      @princesstelevision67 3 роки тому +3

      I think she's seeing Mau as what she wants or hopes him to be instead of what he actually is. That's the only way I can make this supportive/dismissive thing make sense to me. Like, he'll be nice as long as things are going his way, or when it looks good. As soon as it's not going his way he's literally dismissing her. Lol, but it's not funny.

    • @abandonablesnowman
      @abandonablesnowman 3 роки тому +2

      @@princesstelevision67 That would make sense, given what we’ve seen of him. Honestly I find him very aggravating lol pompous and ignorant together? At the same time? I think it’s a fairly common dynamic, sadly

  • @raechel0823
    @raechel0823 3 місяці тому

    Would absolutely love a video on talking about trauma without retraumatization

  • @alma.blackhawk
    @alma.blackhawk 3 роки тому +1

    Shout out to Mercer Island, I used to work at Island Crust.

  • @thebowandbullet
    @thebowandbullet 3 роки тому +1

    I'm also picky with office chairs. I want flexible mesh because offices are usually too hot for my taste. A back, but not a high exec one. No arms, because they always get in the way, snag wires, promote poor posture.

  • @kathyjarvis1745
    @kathyjarvis1745 3 роки тому +4

    “Is the goal to never be dismissive?” Sounds dismissive already from husband
    He has declared he is unlikely to change = dismissive of therapy process

    • @kahyangni6808
      @kahyangni6808 2 роки тому +1

      I lost my mind when he said that. He’s the most dismissive person in the room

  • @lilacrose5266
    @lilacrose5266 3 роки тому +4

    thank you Dr. Kirk Honda! Can you please react to more of these show??

  • @katie5737
    @katie5737 3 роки тому +1

    Anyone else surprised that he’s been sitting this whole time? Deep down I think I knew but he just looks so up right to me lmao

  • @princesstelevision67
    @princesstelevision67 3 роки тому +11

    Mau is giving big Mike Y. energy. She's never going to get what she wants out of him, he's enjoying being withholding.

    • @badvegan2540
      @badvegan2540 3 роки тому

      This guy is way worse. Mike Y doesn’t mark his territory like this. He is avoidant, but not domineering.

    • @princesstelevision67
      @princesstelevision67 3 роки тому

      @@badvegan2540 I don't know exactly what you mean by worse. I think they are both really harmful because they both see what their wives need and are getting off on withholding it. Mike might actually be a bit more harmful because he's done it to someone who at least initially, was isolated from community and trapped by covid. Mau is very arrogant, though, and he's basically daring his wife to leave right now. I don't know enough about their life to know whether that's feasible for her, but at least she's from New York and wouldn't have to deal with covid restrictions?

  • @ArielLVT
    @ArielLVT 3 роки тому +5

    YYYYYEEEEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!!! FINALLY!

  • @MrSommerrae
    @MrSommerrae 6 місяців тому

    You bought it from the thrift shop I worked at! The Mercer island thrift shop, yes?

  • @Stormy575
    @Stormy575 2 роки тому +1

    Really loving these reaction/breakdown videos. One thing--I notice that you seemed to jump forward and omit segments, like Annie describing her sexual trauma and Mau reacting to it. And the part where Annie describes Mau making her wear short skirts. It's a little disorienting to see you reacting to a scene we haven't witnessed. Is there an unedited version of this video somewhere?

  • @charlize9341
    @charlize9341 2 роки тому +2

    I would not be able to reframe from punching a man that said to me, "That's both true and untrue," after I said as plainly and clearly as Annie did that I had had experiences with him that were similar to my trauma. After they have been sitting here talking about his demands of sex from her.

  • @joshuacoleman6245
    @joshuacoleman6245 Рік тому +1

    Ty

  • @shigemorif1066
    @shigemorif1066 3 роки тому +2

    Have you ever thought about reviewing sitcom episodes involving a counselor or therapist? There is an episode of everybody loves Raymond involving a therapist that is absolutely hilarious and it would be great to hear your thoughts on it.

    • @nicky132
      @nicky132 3 роки тому +4

      Dr. Honda has reacted to therapy sessions in Frasier and The Office and another sitcom whose name I don't remember 😀

    • @katarinasinfamy
      @katarinasinfamy 2 роки тому +1

      @@nicky132 ooh I didn’t know, I love Frasier! must look for those…

  • @fimanu
    @fimanu 4 місяці тому

    Now I like the husband! He was clear as day. He's only there because the wife dragged him there, he's not going to change and the therapy will only help if it makes this point clear to her and helps her make the decision she knows she has to make and move on with her life.

  • @cookiebun12
    @cookiebun12 Рік тому

    There is a new season will you be going into that ?

  • @domitillamezzanotte1598
    @domitillamezzanotte1598 Рік тому

    the only therapist i ever had is the one i asked for at my uni and the only good thing she did was send me to the psychiatrist (then she stopped answering my email to reschedule an appointment so now I am without help since last year yay) and almost at every end of the session i was shaking and in one of the very first (the first or the second) she asked me about my sex related traumas and i was like "for real???? i barely know you" i shared this stories with my ex and my best friend and only with my ex a shared a bit more of the details of what happened and we knew each other for 5-6years, my best friend 11 years of relationship. How do you think is a good idea ask me that on the second appointment. I immediately shut down and said "no its fine i don't have issues with that" and she was "okay let's move on then onto something else" 😭

  • @therabbithat
    @therabbithat 2 роки тому

    tbh it's really weird that the office is set up in such a way as to give
    her a clear position of power anyway. Unless you have lower back pain,. It's a huge fancy office, why not have 2 or even 3 couches and let the couple sit wherever

  • @NmoneNmtwo
    @NmoneNmtwo 3 роки тому +3

    YES!

  • @alexandradongala8954
    @alexandradongala8954 3 роки тому +2

    Yes!

  • @Tlydia
    @Tlydia 3 роки тому +1

    this is META!

  • @KS-op5hb
    @KS-op5hb 2 роки тому

    Did doc review the screen when she discusses Maus sexual event at 15 ? That was wild how he swept it under the rug so quickly …

  • @pooquezadventures
    @pooquezadventures 3 роки тому +14

    As a Native American, please be mindful of saying "sitting Indian style" just say sitting with legs crossed.

  • @emmalouise4864
    @emmalouise4864 3 роки тому +1

    What does it mean to sit indian style? I've never heard that before!

    • @madison_mcelroy
      @madison_mcelroy 3 роки тому +6

      It means to sit cross legged. The way he said it isn’t generally considered culturally sensitive in the US.

    • @emmalouise4864
      @emmalouise4864 3 роки тому +5

      @@madison_mcelroy ohh ok! In my country we just say sit cross legged. Thanks for explaining!

  • @LT-tf8co
    @LT-tf8co 3 роки тому +1

    Seems like they opened up so many topics without really gping deep into any.

  • @inescarvalho8156
    @inescarvalho8156 2 роки тому

    12:41 to 13:57 TIKTOK

  • @krista_marinda
    @krista_marinda 4 місяці тому

    Can you take a picture of your chair?

  • @amandawycoff3380
    @amandawycoff3380 Рік тому +4

    I'm so interested to see reactions from a female therapist. As a female observer, I can't help but realize I feel irritated at the immense amount of grace you give these obviously abusive men. I'm wondering if it's because of your privileged male point of view and the fact that you can not understand what it means to experience these situations as a women. It would be really educational to see you do this with a female colleagues and compare the different observations you two make.

  • @carmen953
    @carmen953 6 місяців тому +1

    dude.. i don't know about the north west coast.. but in the east coast it's considered offensive by some people, particularly Native Americans to say, "sit indian style" big No NO.. you're a Prof. You should know better..

  • @amyjoystudios
    @amyjoystudios 3 роки тому +1

    Second!!

  • @cthulucoon
    @cthulucoon 3 роки тому +2

    I don't like Mau

  • @annetums
    @annetums 3 роки тому +1

    I’m here bc I love your advice but this man is so hard to watch. He triggers me so much! I think he reminds me of my abuser as a child or something bc I get such a hightened feeling when he speaks

  • @caitbishere
    @caitbishere 3 роки тому +1

    First :)

  • @nononouh
    @nononouh 2 роки тому

    12hm

  • @hopekit1
    @hopekit1 3 роки тому +1

    The Thrift Store on Mercer Island is absolutely wonderful! 🪑 ❤️👍‼️

  • @samirasingh3193
    @samirasingh3193 2 роки тому +1

    Interesting from your description I have ptsd 🧐 I’ll just tuck that possibility in the back of my mind for now something I think about a lot with starting therapy is how can I tell the therapist what happened in the past with out completely devolving myself because to tell someone you have to think about it 🫣😫