When Mau had his meltdown, I could feel Annie’s shutdown. Wow, her husband really dismisses her feelings and he punishes her with his anger for even trying to have a conversation about it. 😔
Dr. Honda! you should reach out to Dr. Orna Guralnik from the show for your podcast, would be so nice to see you two have a conversation or collaborate on a deep dive/discussion/emails. I've actually heard her on a podcast before, so I think she'd be open
I can relate to Mau on a certain level. I am not as aggressive as him but I was a lot like this with my ex-husband. When triggered, I would pontificate and lecture and become EXHAUSTING. I would become overly logical (in a sort of illogical way if that makes any sense - because feelings aren't always "logical"). That is how he strikes me, that it can be exhausting living with him because of the way he handles a conversation. Fortunately I have become much more aware of this about myself and really have worked on not going into lecture mode. I can feel for Annie, she looks so beaten down by the way he talks circles around things. My ex would say this about me, that I would just "out talk" him and he just would feel overwhelmed by my presence. I think Annie feels that way.
I'm glad you've recognized this and are working towards fixing it. I've been on the other side for a while now, and I give him so many chances during the conversation to de-escalate, validate and meet me halfway, but he thinks I'm trying to make him feel bad about himself. He will find a way to go on the offensive "lecture mode" and call me a hypocrite after I've conceded I made mistakes too. I think the saddest part is when he says "no one can make me feel bad about myself" and try to sound invincible, when in reality he just shoots himself in the foot and pushes his loved ones away because he's so "strong" he "doesn't need anyone". Hope you continue on your journey. At the end of the day, it'll be for your own good. Wish you well.
I'm being sincere when I ask how many F Us have to be directed at the spouse for a therapist to do a "whoa there, let's take a minute to talk about what that kind of verbal hostility does to your spouse"?
@@eriskalli yep, that's why I want to hear from a therapist how / when it would be addressed. I just can't imagine saying that to my spouse, and I've lobbed plenty of F Us in my day.
“I’m empathetic all the fucking time. That’s not a problem”. 🤣 You know when someone says something, and it means the exact opposite of what they are literally stating? Yep. Right here.
The husband seems to be working really hard at hiding his feelings, from his posture on the couch (look at how laid-back I am!) to his answers (I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed).
It's not unrelated actually haha, Mau is the Egyptian, and Chinese, and probably some other languages, word for "cat" and the sounds that a cat is supposed to make. My kitty was called Mau Mau
Why do I dislike this guy so much? I hate how he needs special treatment in order to show some sensitivity because his ego is so fragile that he needs to appear cocky af. God bless that therapist's patience.
Same here. I don't understand why he is allowed so much extra understanding and so little is expected of him, and then congratulated for moving forward an emotional millimeter when people like Annie are carrying the entire weight of this relationship - where is her credit? Seems highly unfair. Obviously I'm speaking from experience ... it just still feels really unjust. Is there something else Mau is providing, to even out the scales? Bc f so then OK, but otherwise what the heck.
@@sarahflaherty4449 yes I agree it feels wrong and makes my stomach turn sometimes but I think something dr Honda said that really helped me understand is that therapists try to be helpful, which doesn’t necessarily mean being right. The way I’m thinking about it is like if your toddler got very upset and broke something. Immediate punishment just gets them more worked up and distant even if it’s justified. Alternatively, you can be calm and understanding until they calm down enough to actually listen to you and understand the meaning of what they did. The vast majority of Maus behavior stems from his need to defend/protect himself and to let that go he needs to feel safe, even if it isn’t fair.
@@Maya-sd4jlI think your assessment is correct. I identify with some of Mau's experiences and behaviors. In my own process i've had a couple moments where i almost quit therapy due my insecurities. It took a long time for me to be able to accept accurate criticism without feeling devalued by my therapist. Looking back on some of these moments now, i'm kinda cringing thinking about my insecurities and need for validation/attention. At the time though, my therapist reacting in this compassionate and validating way is what kept me coming back and actually allowed me to work on my issues.
You've really helped me access some sympathy for Mau. I appreciate it! The whole time I saw this initially, he was so easy to hate. I feel like I've been more in Annie's shoes than his, but I do understand the hypersensitivity to criticism, how it is to feel like the rug's been pulled out from under you as you described it, and you made it a lot easier to connect the dots between what that feels like and his corresponding behavior. I really hope one day I can do this for someone - not get overly triggered/disgusted and just see what is happening and why, and move them into awareness. What a cool job.
After this, I do have a certain level of empathy for Mau, which I didn't have before. I do appreciate Dr. Honda's emphasis on the point that while Mau's behavior is definitely understandable given his past childhood traumas, it doesn't negate the fact that his current behavior is still harmful and negative towards his partner but also himself.
you breaking down how hard it is to work and heal someone who was harmed so terribly as a child is very helpful. Many of us only see the person he is now in front of us and our immediate reaction being to leave someone like this, while understandable, says a lot about how we approach harm and victims of harm i cannot imagine Annie sitting through 5+ years in therapy after already being married 23 years. Like... they should've gotten on it right away 😮💨
I just started working as a clinic coordinator at a therapists' office and just the slightest of contextual experience suddenly made this click so much better!
Please continue to react to this series! Incredibly interesting, as I have a lot of the same traumas as Mau. I also enjoy that it seems more sincere and "real" than 90 day .
Thanks for this video Dr. Honda!!! Mau was the most troubling client to me!!! I felt for Dr. Orna and she's an experienced therapist like yourself!!!!!!!
Dr. Honda, you talk of getting to know your emotions. As someone who has been in the position where at times you feel literally nothing (in situations that logically should bring on an emotion), it is an incredibly slow and torturous journey to build those connections between physical / gut reactions and feelings. I'm glad you place such an emphasis on getting patients to check in regularly within themselves - sth not all therapists do. Weirdly, I think taking up climbing helped me eventually fast track some of the work - because it produces such visceral reactions that you learn to tolerate and manage.
I appreciate the commentary on this couple so much! They love each other but it is so much work for them too. In this session I don't think Mau as a man who hasn't expressed that he ever suffered sexual abuse can put himself in Annie's shoes. If he doesn't want to do something he just doesn't do it. He doesn't get having power taken from a person in that way. Nor how sensitive and painful it can be to experience your partner not empathizing with you or showing compassion or having awareness for the partner's feelings, which are the kind of actions that restore one's sense of power in a relationship when they are done in a healthy way.
he has suffered sexual abuse though…a couple episodes ago they revealed that mau left home at the age of 15 with a “college-age older woman.” unless you’re saying he has experienced sexual abuse but just isn’t able to bring himself to realize or admit that yet (which is my thinking)?
@@editam.32 yeah, honestly I feel like he might be empathizing TOO much. He doesn’t want to recognize that what he did could be experienced as coercive, bc then what he did DEFINITELY was (probably has a deeply held logic which justifies what happened to him, which in turn would cause and/or retroactively justify many of his own actions)- which would not only mean identifying himself as a victim, but also could in turn trigger fears of having “turned into his abuser” etc. worst of both worlds, basically. Not to mention that some of his reactions to his wife are based on him seeing her as a different abusive woman in his life - his mother - so that’s turning everyyyything on its head. In a weird way, that might be the only way he has allowed himself to recognize what he experienced, and so to see HER as the victim could take that away from him, denying his trauma. (The other option would be recognizing that she’s not the one who traumatized him - I mean maybe she did, but based on what we’ve seen here - and stepping completely out of denial, which he is understandably not remotely ready for). pure speculation ofc
I’m also using the terms “abuser” and “victim” pretty loosely here (in the sense that there’s definitely more appropriate psychoanalytic terms) but just to put the theory out there in the simplest way possible
This is outstanding. I have learned so much watching you dissect this. I have watched a couple therapy since it started. Having you analyze, it has taught me more than any other book about marital therapy. Thank you so much and please keep doing it.
Thank you so much for the video! I have learned a lot just by watching you explain. For me the most difficult thing in relationships is to realise my emotions and recognise what I'm feeling, and by watching you explain what people might be feeling is a huge way for me to apply it on my own. Wish you the best :)
“A lot of words that mean nothing “…. That is his style . I couldn’t coin it when I watched the show. I kept thinking is he circular , is he just stringing big words together , is he arguing both sides in one statement so then it confuses the other party …, it was such a hard couple to watch . So curious if they survived Covid . I read that they lost their business after controversy at their family store during Covid . Wonder if these issues crossed over into their business .
I do the same in my work. I plant the seed of an attribute I want to see in them for example in conflict resolution I'll say "I know fairness and honesty is important to u and there's a way to do both in a more compassionate way" I use this when one person is being overly critical of another peer at work and I want them to be mindful of their tone and their messaging...and I want them to get along 😅
Mau is sitting there being so mean, dismissive, and so unfair to her… I’m very sad for her, and I want to protect her. I don’t know, maybe I’m triggered, because I just ended a relationship with someone similar to Mau. It was a relief to end it.
I think it could be potentially possible that Mau faced trauma surrounding anger and disappointment from his parents when he was young. Whenever he would do something to upset the parents they would express anger with him and he would sense that and be like "why are you angry at me?" And rather than admitting they were angry, they would say "I'm not angry. I'm just disappointed." It could be that he is projecting the feelings he felt onto his wife now and putting himself in the role of the parents. I am not sure, but that could be something to possibly keep in mind, as I grew up with parents who would say they were disappointed rather than admit they were clearly angry.
He is exhausting and needs his own intensive therapy. He may even have a pathological disorder. I feel so bad for Annie. She should leave before all her good years are gone. Sweet geezus.
He's saying that she should leave because (in this moment at least) he feels safe enough in their chaotic relationship to know that she will not leave him.
I never liked this guy, Mau, when I watched the series. He comes off so arrogant and narcissistic. I thought why us she working so hard with him. Annie is interesting, tho.
Why is the focus so much on Mau's experience of it and his process? What about Annie's needs in this session, especially when she's just brought up her own sexual trauma. Dr. Honda even comments on retraumatization (in this video or the previous one) but I don't see Annie's immediate needs and feelings/healing being focused on by either Dr. Guralnik or Dr. Honda in this session. How about the therapist saying "Ok, hold everything- let's listen to Annie's experience and see what her needs are"
Word ...I don't understand why therapists sacrify the victim in order to just get the abuser open a little... By doing this I only see that you as a therapist keep abuse the victim and make the victim think it's ok to accept it because they need to understand what the abuser feels even if the abuser shows that he doesn't care what they are feeling or about their trauma...
Ok but I have a honest question: Isn't it necessary for a therapist, when encountering a person like Mau, that with that level of trauma and unknowingness about it, to advice them that they should first go into individual therapy? Otherwise there's no room for the couple's needs and problems but only for the person that's never/rarely/insufficiently been to therapy about their issues...
this scares and discourage me. I am 3 months in a relationship and I worry that my boyfriend exhibits some defensive harsh dismissive. he is a good man with a great heart. but I worry that with time I'll be scared to share my needs or criticism. sometimes I wonder if we are all broken beyond repair
Can't anyone see that he covertly abuses this woman in private on the regular? Not with punches with his behavior, words, and actions. She makes light of it to exist in their relationship. She does not come out and say what is exactly happening due to the fear she lives in. She alludes to his demands, devaluation, objectification, control, mind games. uggggg then she goes to a therapist to be validated and the therapist has to tip-toe around this man so he doesn't get triggered. Also what about Annie she went through a lot of abuse hence she married an abusive man. Let us create safety and support for Annie.
all of your attention and point of view is for the male. What about HER experience. What about how SHE is experiencing all of this. Why does his past trauma trump the fact that he is actively traumatizing her and abusing her NOW?? He IS clearly the problem. Why can't we just be honest about that.
You're right, but at least Dr. Honda isn't defending him. Could it be all the attention to his dysfunctional ways could be for the sake of maybe helping people like him, or helping therapists help people like him change, so that people like Annie can ultimately be happier? Though of course wether he can be helped depends on to what degree he's genuinely in therapy because he wants to change, which seems unlikely...
Wow, it is unbelievably awful to me to see this man with his minor traumas be so hateful to his loving supportive wife around her actual sexual assault.
This is very hard to watch. Dr. Honda's commentary is very interesting, but the husband is so defensive and always in conflict and the therapist seems to just always add fuel to the fire and only focus on him and it is very frustrating and seems like they are getting no where and the wife stays behind.
We all knew after 3 minutes of session 1, that the wife needs to divorce and move on. This was a lot of time and energy wasted on keeping this wife's hope of getting through to her husband alive. Maybe it'll help her leave in peace , feeling like she did all she could, other than that, it (the husband) was a waste of time.
I feel exhausted for Annie
When Mau had his meltdown, I could feel Annie’s shutdown. Wow, her husband really dismisses her feelings and he punishes her with his anger for even trying to have a conversation about it. 😔
Dr. Honda! you should reach out to Dr. Orna Guralnik from the show for your podcast, would be so nice to see you two have a conversation or collaborate on a deep dive/discussion/emails. I've actually heard her on a podcast before, so I think she'd be open
OMG yes please!
I can relate to Mau on a certain level. I am not as aggressive as him but I was a lot like this with my ex-husband. When triggered, I would pontificate and lecture and become EXHAUSTING. I would become overly logical (in a sort of illogical way if that makes any sense - because feelings aren't always "logical"). That is how he strikes me, that it can be exhausting living with him because of the way he handles a conversation. Fortunately I have become much more aware of this about myself and really have worked on not going into lecture mode. I can feel for Annie, she looks so beaten down by the way he talks circles around things. My ex would say this about me, that I would just "out talk" him and he just would feel overwhelmed by my presence. I think Annie feels that way.
I'm glad you've recognized this and are working towards fixing it.
I've been on the other side for a while now, and I give him so many chances during the conversation to de-escalate, validate and meet me halfway, but he thinks I'm trying to make him feel bad about himself. He will find a way to go on the offensive "lecture mode" and call me a hypocrite after I've conceded I made mistakes too. I think the saddest part is when he says "no one can make me feel bad about myself" and try to sound invincible, when in reality he just shoots himself in the foot and pushes his loved ones away because he's so "strong" he "doesn't need anyone".
Hope you continue on your journey. At the end of the day, it'll be for your own good. Wish you well.
I'm being sincere when I ask how many F Us have to be directed at the spouse for a therapist to do a "whoa there, let's take a minute to talk about what that kind of verbal hostility does to your spouse"?
Maybe the therapist doesn't wanna call the guy out when he's clearly triggered and super defensive already. I doubt his behavior is going unnoticed
@@eriskalli yep, that's why I want to hear from a therapist how / when it would be addressed. I just can't imagine saying that to my spouse, and I've lobbed plenty of F Us in my day.
“I’m empathetic all the fucking time. That’s not a problem”. 🤣 You know when someone says something, and it means the exact opposite of what they are literally stating? Yep. Right here.
“I’m the most humble guy YOU’VE ever met!” Can’t remember now who said that in an interview….
@@RayReklaw7993 I believe a recent, former US president said that. Another classic example of what I was saying! 🤩
I learn more from Dr. Honda in this series than my current class on couples and family systems in my masters. Thank you!
Me too!!!
The husband seems to be working really hard at hiding his feelings, from his posture on the couch (look at how laid-back I am!) to his answers (I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed).
This is my favorite series you react to!
Dr. Kirk's reactions to Couples Therapy are priceless. I feel actual butterflies come up when I see these uploads!
same!
I see a guy squirming because women are asking him to take responsibility. There is a strong misogynistic undercurrent in his responses.
I agree. I suspect it has something to do with his upbringing, however. I have a strong feeling that might be the case.
I'm not sure it's even an undercurrent as much as it is overt. I'd be curious to see him interact with men. How does he hold his own with other men?
Completely unrelated: Mau would be such a cute name for a cat. 😻
It's not unrelated actually haha, Mau is the Egyptian, and Chinese, and probably some other languages, word for "cat" and the sounds that a cat is supposed to make. My kitty was called Mau Mau
@@Blinky.Catttt Really? Oh wow, that's even cuter then. Thanks for sharing! 😊
Mr. Miaowgee is my favourite cat name
I would like to know Mau’s heritage.
Omg trying to talk to a partner who uses a lot of words that seem to mean nothing is so frustrating
I had a boss like that. His nickname was Mr. Words!😂
i love this series! these are difficult conversations theyre having
Why do I dislike this guy so much? I hate how he needs special treatment in order to show some sensitivity because his ego is so fragile that he needs to appear cocky af. God bless that therapist's patience.
Yeah, this guy sucks BIG TIME
Same here. I don't understand why he is allowed so much extra understanding and so little is expected of him, and then congratulated for moving forward an emotional millimeter when people like Annie are carrying the entire weight of this relationship - where is her credit? Seems highly unfair. Obviously I'm speaking from experience ... it just still feels really unjust. Is there something else Mau is providing, to even out the scales? Bc f so then OK, but otherwise what the heck.
@@sarahflaherty4449 yes I agree it feels wrong and makes my stomach turn sometimes but I think something dr Honda said that really helped me understand is that therapists try to be helpful, which doesn’t necessarily mean being right. The way I’m thinking about it is like if your toddler got very upset and broke something. Immediate punishment just gets them more worked up and distant even if it’s justified. Alternatively, you can be calm and understanding until they calm down enough to actually listen to you and understand the meaning of what they did. The vast majority of Maus behavior stems from his need to defend/protect himself and to let that go he needs to feel safe, even if it isn’t fair.
@@Maya-sd4jlI think your assessment is correct.
I identify with some of Mau's experiences and behaviors. In my own process i've had a couple moments where i almost quit therapy due my insecurities. It took a long time for me to be able to accept accurate criticism without feeling devalued by my therapist. Looking back on some of these moments now, i'm kinda cringing thinking about my insecurities and need for validation/attention. At the time though, my therapist reacting in this compassionate and validating way is what kept me coming back and actually allowed me to work on my issues.
This is by far my favorite series Dr. Kirk does !
You've really helped me access some sympathy for Mau. I appreciate it! The whole time I saw this initially, he was so easy to hate. I feel like I've been more in Annie's shoes than his, but I do understand the hypersensitivity to criticism, how it is to feel like the rug's been pulled out from under you as you described it, and you made it a lot easier to connect the dots between what that feels like and his corresponding behavior. I really hope one day I can do this for someone - not get overly triggered/disgusted and just see what is happening and why, and move them into awareness. What a cool job.
After this, I do have a certain level of empathy for Mau, which I didn't have before. I do appreciate Dr. Honda's emphasis on the point that while Mau's behavior is definitely understandable given his past childhood traumas, it doesn't negate the fact that his current behavior is still harmful and negative towards his partner but also himself.
Please do more Couples Therapy! These are my favorite videos you do :)
you breaking down how hard it is to work and heal someone who was harmed so terribly as a child is very helpful. Many of us only see the person he is now in front of us and our immediate reaction being to leave someone like this, while understandable, says a lot about how we approach harm and victims of harm
i cannot imagine Annie sitting through 5+ years in therapy after already being married 23 years. Like... they should've gotten on it right away 😮💨
I just started working as a clinic coordinator at a therapists' office and just the slightest of contextual experience suddenly made this click so much better!
Yay! Thanks for reacting to this show again!
Please continue to react to this series! Incredibly interesting, as I have a lot of the same traumas as Mau. I also enjoy that it seems more sincere and "real" than 90 day .
Absolute best content on youtube. PLEASE CONTINUE THIS SERIES DR. HONDA!!!
Thanks for this video Dr. Honda!!! Mau was the most troubling client to me!!! I felt for Dr. Orna and she's an experienced therapist like yourself!!!!!!!
Dr. Honda, you talk of getting to know your emotions. As someone who has been in the position where at times you feel literally nothing (in situations that logically should bring on an emotion), it is an incredibly slow and torturous journey to build those connections between physical / gut reactions and feelings. I'm glad you place such an emphasis on getting patients to check in regularly within themselves - sth not all therapists do. Weirdly, I think taking up climbing helped me eventually fast track some of the work - because it produces such visceral reactions that you learn to tolerate and manage.
I can't get enough of the series. I've rewatched the videos 10 times.
Safe bet to like prior to watching 😊
I appreciate the commentary on this couple so much! They love each other but it is so much work for them too. In this session I don't think Mau as a man who hasn't expressed that he ever suffered sexual abuse can put himself in Annie's shoes. If he doesn't want to do something he just doesn't do it. He doesn't get having power taken from a person in that way. Nor how sensitive and painful it can be to experience your partner not empathizing with you or showing compassion or having awareness for the partner's feelings, which are the kind of actions that restore one's sense of power in a relationship when they are done in a healthy way.
he has suffered sexual abuse though…a couple episodes ago they revealed that mau left home at the age of 15 with a “college-age older woman.” unless you’re saying he has experienced sexual abuse but just isn’t able to bring himself to realize or admit that yet (which is my thinking)?
@@editam.32 yeah, honestly I feel like he might be empathizing TOO much. He doesn’t want to recognize that what he did could be experienced as coercive, bc then what he did DEFINITELY was (probably has a deeply held logic which justifies what happened to him, which in turn would cause and/or retroactively justify many of his own actions)- which would not only mean identifying himself as a victim, but also could in turn trigger fears of having “turned into his abuser” etc. worst of both worlds, basically. Not to mention that some of his reactions to his wife are based on him seeing her as a different abusive woman in his life - his mother - so that’s turning everyyyything on its head. In a weird way, that might be the only way he has allowed himself to recognize what he experienced, and so to see HER as the victim could take that away from him, denying his trauma. (The other option would be recognizing that she’s not the one who traumatized him - I mean maybe she did, but based on what we’ve seen here - and stepping completely out of denial, which he is understandably not remotely ready for). pure speculation ofc
I’m also using the terms “abuser” and “victim” pretty loosely here (in the sense that there’s definitely more appropriate psychoanalytic terms) but just to put the theory out there in the simplest way possible
Can’t wait for more episodes of this show!!!!!!! I’m obsessed.
These therapy breakdowns are amazingly valuable! Definitely can't watch enough of this type of analysis. Thanks!
This is outstanding. I have learned so much watching you dissect this. I have watched a couple therapy since it started. Having you analyze, it has taught me more than any other book about marital therapy. Thank you so much and please keep doing it.
Thanks. Wait. Mari??? Is that you?
Thank you so much for the video! I have learned a lot just by watching you explain. For me the most difficult thing in relationships is to realise my emotions and recognise what I'm feeling, and by watching you explain what people might be feeling is a huge way for me to apply it on my own. Wish you the best :)
Favorite series of yours so far
I saw this show a year ago and now I no longer get channel it's on. Fun to see Dr H address.
Man i wish there was biofeedback Annie and therapist could see because Mau's heart is POUNDING, it is affecting him
“A lot of words that mean nothing “…. That is his style . I couldn’t coin it when I watched the show. I kept thinking is he circular , is he just stringing big words together , is he arguing both sides in one statement so then it confuses the other party …, it was such a hard couple to watch . So curious if they survived Covid . I read that they lost their business after controversy at their family store during Covid . Wonder if these issues crossed over into their business .
Reporting to a clerk at a bus stop…. I love you Dr. Honda!
I do the same in my work. I plant the seed of an attribute I want to see in them for example in conflict resolution I'll say "I know fairness and honesty is important to u and there's a way to do both in a more compassionate way" I use this when one person is being overly critical of another peer at work and I want them to be mindful of their tone and their messaging...and I want them to get along 😅
Mau is sitting there being so mean, dismissive, and so unfair to her… I’m very sad for her, and I want to protect her.
I don’t know, maybe I’m triggered, because I just ended a relationship with someone similar to Mau. It was a relief to end it.
I think it would be so fascinating for you to do the show Scenes from a Marriage.
This has been my favorite yet.
I think it could be potentially possible that Mau faced trauma surrounding anger and disappointment from his parents when he was young. Whenever he would do something to upset the parents they would express anger with him and he would sense that and be like "why are you angry at me?" And rather than admitting they were angry, they would say "I'm not angry. I'm just disappointed." It could be that he is projecting the feelings he felt onto his wife now and putting himself in the role of the parents. I am not sure, but that could be something to possibly keep in mind, as I grew up with parents who would say they were disappointed rather than admit they were clearly angry.
He is exhausting and needs his own intensive therapy. He may even have a pathological disorder. I feel so bad for Annie. She should leave before all her good years are gone. Sweet geezus.
Mau reminds me of my ex- this explains so much of our relationship breakdown. Thank you.
He's saying that she should leave because (in this moment at least) he feels safe enough in their chaotic relationship to know that she will not leave him.
They are releasing an Aus version next week.
Really interesting
Ty
Honda: I can see Mau's been through a lot
Me: Okay i can accept that
Honda: And i can also see the goodness in him
Me: .......
.......
...where???
I never liked this guy, Mau, when I watched the series. He comes off so arrogant and narcissistic. I thought why us she working so hard with him. Annie is interesting, tho.
Why is the focus so much on Mau's experience of it and his process? What about Annie's needs in this session, especially when she's just brought up her own sexual trauma. Dr. Honda even comments on retraumatization (in this video or the previous one) but I don't see Annie's immediate needs and feelings/healing being focused on by either Dr. Guralnik or Dr. Honda in this session. How about the therapist saying "Ok, hold everything- let's listen to Annie's experience and see what her needs are"
Word ...I don't understand why therapists sacrify the victim in order to just get the abuser open a little... By doing this I only see that you as a therapist keep abuse the victim and make the victim think it's ok to accept it because they need to understand what the abuser feels even if the abuser shows that he doesn't care what they are feeling or about their trauma...
Yeeeeessssss! These are my favorite!
Ok but I have a honest question: Isn't it necessary for a therapist, when encountering a person like Mau, that with that level of trauma and unknowingness about it, to advice them that they should first go into individual therapy? Otherwise there's no room for the couple's needs and problems but only for the person that's never/rarely/insufficiently been to therapy about their issues...
this scares and discourage me. I am 3 months in a relationship and I worry that my boyfriend exhibits some defensive harsh dismissive. he is a good man with a great heart. but I worry that with time I'll be scared to share my needs or criticism. sometimes I wonder if we are all broken beyond repair
This is a great moment to go to therapy, if you can. The longer you wait, the bigger the problem, resentment and hurt.
Keep them coming!
Can't anyone see that he covertly abuses this woman in private on the regular? Not with punches with his behavior, words, and actions. She makes light of it to exist in their relationship. She does not come out and say what is exactly happening due to the fear she lives in. She alludes to his demands, devaluation, objectification, control, mind games. uggggg then she goes to a therapist to be validated and the therapist has to tip-toe around this man so he doesn't get triggered. Also what about Annie she went through a lot of abuse hence she married an abusive man. Let us create safety and support for Annie.
Could you react to the Gabby Petito body cam footage
This is so interesting!
all of your attention and point of view is for the male. What about HER experience. What about how SHE is experiencing all of this. Why does his past trauma trump the fact that he is actively traumatizing her and abusing her NOW?? He IS clearly the problem. Why can't we just be honest about that.
Thank you! Yes call it! Be honest! This man is abusive! Why is Dr. Honda buying into this BS?!
You're right, but at least Dr. Honda isn't defending him. Could it be all the attention to his dysfunctional ways could be for the sake of maybe helping people like him, or helping therapists help people like him change, so that people like Annie can ultimately be happier? Though of course wether he can be helped depends on to what degree he's genuinely in therapy because he wants to change, which seems unlikely...
Dr. Honda! Can you do videos on I Love a Mama’s Boy?? Pls pls pls!
YES! WE NEED IT!
YES!!!!
Please do more reactions to Couples Therapy!
Finally!!
It does not exemplify it in the way you imagine but in the way I imagine.
Soooo I’m right you’re wrong?
Please react to the show “I love a Mamas boy” it’s insane 😭😭😭
Is Mau the identified patient?
They all know they are being filmed for Showtime show?
Yes . They are real couples being paid to participate
Wow, it is unbelievably awful to me to see this man with his minor traumas be so hateful to his loving supportive wife around her actual sexual assault.
💚💚💚
He's correct, she should leave him. He is the cause of her feeling dismissed
Mau claims he is empathetic yet is dismissive and "just listening". Rather contradictory.
This is very hard to watch. Dr. Honda's commentary is very interesting, but the husband is so defensive and always in conflict and the therapist seems to just always add fuel to the fire and only focus on him and it is very frustrating and seems like they are getting no where and the wife stays behind.
Emotional entanglement! This is why women stay longer than they should.
React to gabby petito video!
Yes, the police body cam video footage the domestic violence call
I'm just glad I'm single! He is not worth all this aggravation. Am I observing narcissistic behavior?
First comment!!!
word salad
"Sugar"!
Fake fake fake fake & fake...😮
eeeuuww this guy is so icky.. he is so full of himself.. i feel bad for the wife..
You're still reacting to this couple?💀
We all knew after 3 minutes of session 1, that the wife needs to divorce and move on. This was a lot of time and energy wasted on keeping this wife's hope of getting through to her husband alive. Maybe it'll help her leave in peace , feeling like she did all she could, other than that, it (the husband) was a waste of time.
He's triggering me!😅