Couples Therapy - (Showtime) #4 - Therapist Reaction
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- Опубліковано 17 лип 2021
- Dr. Kirk Honda reacts to Couples Therapy (Showtime). Includes clips from Couples Therapy
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Trigger Warning: This episode may include topics such as assault, trauma, and discrimination. If necessary, listeners are encouraged to refrain from listening and care for their safety and well-being.
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This is my favorite series you do. It really shows off your expertise.
The best!
Just want to say that I regret ever suggesting that there was abuse. My father was strict but not abusive. He was actually the most decent man. And my mother is not from this country and grew up in circumstances that make anything troubling I ever experienced seem like a fairytale good fortune. I came from a loving home, while we were very poor we were fortunate in many respects. I did quit school to work but passed my GED in 9th grade and saw no point in spending 3 years going over the same material when there was a better use for my time. Lots of family, friends and lots of accomplishments, athletic, artistic. I left to get work to help support my family, I wasn’t fleeing or running. I felt it was my duty to help with expenses. So I just wanted to correct the record. Much of the assumptions are simply untrue. To this day I am very close with all my family, had friends for decades have been very fortunate, if I ever implied ingratitude I apologize to my parents. They deserve nothing but my respect.
@@taoofmau7316 I don't know if it'll provide you any comfort since I'm just one person, but you did not sound ungrateful to your parents, you even sounded affectionate as you spoke about your mother. As a family systems therapist, the biggest assumption Dr. Honda (and hopefully his viewers) makes is that parents do the best they can with the resources and knowledge they have. Putting stuff on TV / the internet is weird bc people pick it apart to the extreme. But your parents did not come across as awful people at all when I watched this. Your successes and the fact that you were only going to "therapy" for really common communication issues is a testament to the fact that they did a good job. Also, anyone who has gone to therapy or been a therapist knows that the full picture of someone's life isn't revealed in a few sessions. People who assume they know you and your family from a few videos are too dumb to be worth caring about.
@@taoofmau7316 You guys did such a great job and you're both so brave to do this on tv! 👏 I'm sure a lot of us can relate to your story and that your example is helpful to a lot of us. 🙏 All the best to you and your beautiful wife! 😊
Agreed! I have recommended this as the first series to so many people!
Dr. Kirk Honda, this episode is incredible. I've listened to this over twice and when I get back to my desk I want to listen a third time, taking notes and reflecting. You've communicated so many really really complicated concepts here in such simple language, I'm in awe. So much of it was relevant to my behavior AND my partner's behavior. I'm looking forward to listening again. Thank you for all of the work you put into this channel and the podcast. The world needs more people like you in it.
Well said. ✨🙂
I listened to it three times, too. It's like unlocking a door.
Great response! Thank you!!!
Thanks for writing what we’re all thinking haha :)
This episode really highlights that you never know what someone is going through. I’m probably not the only one who disliked the husband and assumed he was just a crappy person. It doesn’t excuse harmful behavior, but it is a good reminder that everyone needs some grace
For me, this is your best episode yet. It means a lot to hear you explain how the pain of childhood neglect leads to avoidance, sensitivity to criticism, low self-esteem. You put it so simply but for people who struggle with this issue, this info is seriously helpful & healing. Thank you so much for all that you do
I can't even imagine. After hearing his story. I have identified that I suffered from emotional neglect but it wasn't as bad as for him
Just 2 big points:
1) Major respect to good therapists out there. I studied psychology, but after getting my degree decided becoming a therapist wasn't for me. It's such a tricky job to have, so much nuance to it, so many approaches.
2) Kudos to this couple for accepting to have their therapy filmed and made public. I can't ever imagine doing that myself. It doesn't get more private than therapy.
T-shirt merch idea: "I've got an ocean of emotion" 🤣
That's fantastic 🙂✨
Yessss!
Love that!!
I literally have to warn my partners that I'm bad about checking in, letting people know my whereabouts and forgetting to update on big news exactly because of parents that never asked about my whereabouts or existence.
Ooooh wow. I felt invisible in my family and now I am bad at checking in too! Wow. I never thought of it this way. Thanks for sharing.
I do this too but for me it was because of overbearing parents. And never having good/any reactions when I had big news or people lowkey wishing bad things on me when I had big news.
Hm, yeah a 15 year old “bed bound” by a college age (MAYBE 17 - 24) sounds like a kidnapping and repeated assault…horrifying, thank you for breaking that down and breaking it down immediately.
On the hugging your therapist point, I’m not a hugger in most situations, but with the therapist I had all throughout college, she made me feel so safe and genuinely cared for, I felt compelled to hug her after every session. She took me on pro bono during a time where I was immensely struggling. It was as if she was the only person I felt comfortable hugging in the moment.
LOVE when you analyse Couple Therapy!!! More plz!!!!
We seem to think that because we found a way to survive or even thrive after living through something traumatic and damaging, that it wasn't that big a deal. It is. It was.
Excellent point! & that the survival mode is the default, when in reality it’s a natural response to a traumatic event.
So happy to see this post! Please continue this series Dr. HONDA!!!!
Oh also please make more of these videos! I know everyone is all 90 day fiancé which is great and all but these ones, explaining from the patients side to the therapists point of view, and then from a teaching side too is just amazing. It also reminds us y’all therapists are something/someone underneath it too not just Jedi’s.
I totally agree!
As someone who has never seen a real therapy session analyzed, this is💥mind-blowing💥
🤯 I agree!
I'm finding your reaction to this series particularly illuminating, since you are able to offer analysis of both the couple themselves as well as the therapeutic process. Really interesting!
The wife knows it is helpful that she breaks the path for her husband - he has chosen her for a reason, because she is warm, intuitive, vital, and strong, (his opposite as he admitted). For him she is vicariously both his mother (like Goddess-of-all-things) and his Venus, non-threatening, soft. He has given her a huge role in his drama, and it is heavy for her to carry it, especially with all his denial of his needs and her rights. She would prefer an honest interaction, while he (still) needs to disguise his innermost truths in a clouded charade, to hide his two-year-old desperate inner child. He cannot handle feelings, not his, nor hers. He has decided that feelings are solely her task.
Children need to be held in your arms a lot more than adults and especially wounded parents realize, children need to be carried and cuddled and embraced and sit close, till they have filled up with security and reassurance to the brim, then they will jump down of their own free will and go on to explore the world and their own capacity again. They need to be free to touch home-base whenever they want, and much comforted when it occasionally isn't possible, which must happen of course.
Fathers of Mau's background will be upset when mothers give their children what the fathers didn't get when small - they will believe in/accuse/ mothers of making weak men of their boys, and they will make up any rationale also for being jealous of any of their children, regardless of gender and age.
His desire to have children with her so as to secure her for him within the frame of rivalry between men, now turns to rivalry within the family, where she anytime might chose the needs of the children prior to his needs as her most complicated, but adult child. This gives him angst. He fights for his life!
I hope the therapist can contain and securely harbour his denied feelings vicariously for him, and then show him a way to healthier handling of his inner conflicts. This will benefit the wife, lift a burden from her shoulders and present a grown-up man to her. Naturally his mother (and father) should have modelled the healthy strategies for him. It is painful and tragic that they failed him. All this plays out in the historical context of the decline of the patriarchy, but women are still the oppressed gender, needing to be free, whereas men are still the innerly split gender and must be allowed to heal, be whole. This constellation really hurts human beings to the core! Being a new kind of parent can play a part in healing childhood traumas and a level of discussion where it can be possible to meet, if both parents love their children and want what is best for them.
Read Thomas Gordon on Active Parenting.
Dorothy Dinnerstein writes deeply about some very significant feelings of women about men: "Children all of them!" This doesn't boost the ego of macho men, it makes them angry, and maybe violent, destroying what/whom they love and need.
Of all my heart I hope this couple gets the help, insight + support, they need and deserve!
Huge admiration for Dr Kirk Honda! Thanks a lot for all food for thought!
Very Interesting write up, I think you've captured something essential about this couples relationship.
@@Blinky.Catttt Thank you for this kind response!
A couple of years ago I made a joke in therapy about one of my old childhood fears, and the therapist I was seeing back then reacted in a similar way than the therapist on this show. It kinda irritated me, cause I was genuinely wanting to laugh about it, this particular anecdote was not a painful topic to me, I was comfortable laughing about the silliness of it, but I guess she really wanted to make sure I wasn't pushing down my emotions and forcing myself to make light of it, so I understand why she intervened in that way. Retrospectively I think part of me wasnt fully in connection with my emotions though. And I guess I wanted to be agreeable to the therapist sometimes, and that might have been one of the ways in which I was.
I think this is one of my top favourite videos of yours. Love this series.
I gotta say, these are my most favorite vids. Everytime I learn something about people in my own life. "Injected with their feelings". Me all the time with people.
yesss another couples therapy video :))
You are a gift from above Dr Honda
Please continue to react to this series! I'd love to see all of the couples. Your expertise is invaluable.
Yay! I love these videos!! I’m glad to see some background into him, it definitely allows for some empathy and compassion!
This is my favorite series!
Me too!
I finally realize why I have felt so uncomfortable in therapy. Because of her countertransference she gets in a power struggle with me and often uses “but” to respond to my stories, viewpoints, etc and I continue feeling unheard and invalidated…things I am trying to heal from my childhood.
Dr Honda you are such a talented educator. You explain things so well
This is one of the best videos you have, Dr. Honda! Totally "highlight" worthy. Thank you for this!
This is genuinely my favorite series of yours. Please keep doing more of these!! It’s so illuminating for me as someone who wants to practice therapy in the future!!
when you were listing off the behind the scenes needs (after he said him and his siblings are still waiting for their mom to take them to the pool) that a child being neglected holds, you definitely hit all the points, but i wanted to add one~ it sounded like they needed their mom to be *reliable* for them. this is something my therapist pointed out when i talked about my dependence on watching TV, and she suggested a reason for that being that going to the TV was a reliable source and made me feel the connection and relaxation that was missing from my neglectful parent relationship. i love learning more about neglect and how it shows up, because I've noticed that it's not typically outlined because other forms of abused can be much more obvious, and this kind of emotional neglect is so so prevalent but because it's not the kind of violence that is easily portrayed, there hasnt been much discourse about it up until now. i love this series :D thanks Kirk!
I ended up watching this twice, I took notes and I felt like I have learned so much about therapy watching this video more than most of my classes in uni
The description you gave of avoidant people was very good and clarified a lot of things for me. I definitely identify as avoidant. Most people consider me very independent and logical, analytical. But inside I'm extremely unsure, needing of love and emotionally perturbed
I have avoidant tendencies too and feel very similar to you 💕
@@amaniahmed5481 it's like I had never really admitted my hurt even to myself. I just walked through life pretending I was ok. I would cry a lot but for the longest time I couldn't express why
@@lanagustafson2905 I only recently admitted to it to myself as well. It has been painful but transformative.
I can identify with him a bit although my situation growing up wasn't as extreme. The story is really upsetting and he seems to downplay it. It took me a long time to admit the pain I felt as a child/teenager. Having my therapist acknowledge and name the pain was a huge deal
I agree ♡ it was an acknowledgement I didn't know I needed from my therapist, to let the wall break down.
This literally just happened with my partner except I was just trying to teach him what I’ve been learning about how neglect, getting hit/spanked, criticized especially for having feelings or show them, can lead to problems like depression and anxiety later in life. Also, how it is passed down thru the generations often enough so it’s not like it is just our parents fault and it doesn’t define them as bad people, they just didn’t know better or try to heal those things maybe. Even tho he and his siblings said all the bad treatment they received, when telling him the information and studies I had been reading he got very defensive and said that’s not what happened to him and that he deserved the treatment he got. I told him no ya didn’t just like your mom didn’t deserve hers from her mother. Would ya do that to another adult? His answer was no. So why do it to a kid who hasn’t even learned and is still developing? He said it’s how you teach them. No it’s how you traumatize them to make them come up with coping mechanisms that may be useful on the situation but are bad for you ultimately. I have never seen him get so mad and defensive. Now I see even talking about the subject and pointing out these things in regards to his life triggered him. It is confusing because I would have never have reacted like that. We make mistakes as humans. We didn’t deserve the traumas that happened to us but it’s our responsibility to heal from them.
It’s hard to face our realities of pain or admitting to being victimized. His circle must have directed him to act as if nothing happened and he may have intellectualized his pain because it’s easier than admitting that your parents abused you. He will see it when he is ready, but that might take years. Sending you my thoughts and love 💕
Maybe it's too hard for him to admit that his parents were wrong the way they treated him. Too see them as bad persons or unloving is worse than thinking I deserved it but they love me. The alternative is they did not love me enough, I am a victim, I am not lovable.
Sometimes it seems more easy to maintain an illusion, than to face a cruel truth. I don't know.
Stick to your truth, Audrey, that is solid ground. Only truth is reliable. Your man is not ready for it yet, but don't think that "one opinion is as good as another" - you are more right, but he has his world (read wall) that he can't afford, psychologically, to get crumbled. We need new ways of defending ourselves before we can leave older inefficient ones behind. Don't argue, it is not your responsibility to change him for the better. This is hard let be, but really: your own inner child comes first and you will be your own best friend and parent from now on, I hope!
Yes, got so excited to see new episode! My fav series of all your reaction videos. Thank you for all your work, dr Honda, you are truly turning this world into a better place ❤️
THIS IS AMAZING. As a grad student studying Marriage and Family Therapy, this is SO helpful to understand things I’m trying to learn about through dry textbooks and bad role playing. Please do more!
Your explanation about what he experienced as a child and how it’s affecting his relationship now completely explains everything that’s going on in my life. Interesting hearing your perspective because I did watch this episode but I guess I was more focused on their relationship In the present, too bad we bring everything from our past with us. You think it doesn’t affect you but it does.
As someone with BPD you saying someone with narcissism tendencies is BPD underneath made me feel so seen and better. I feel narcissistic because everything is wrong because of me. Obviously it's not because the world does not revolve around me. But everything is my fault, even though I have no power in the grand scheme of life and the world.
The analysis of not reporting in really explained a lot about my husband. He grew up in a house that definitely didn't notice when he would skip school and leave the house. I come from a very secure family. As a couple we have had to work on communication when not coming home at an expected time. This gives me more perspective on his view in a way I struggled with.
By far my favorite series
Yessssss never clicked faster
Omg Dr Honda, this episode has helped me tremendously trying to understand why I do what I do due to childhood trauma, abuse and why all my relationships have failed. Thank you so much and at the same time youve shown what an amazingly talented therapist you are. ❤️🙏🏾✨🥺 Love from the Netherlands/India.
Bc I’ve watched the series and knows what happens, your hypothesis are right on!!!!! It’s so interesting that they are some things that experts just see right off the bat.
One of my favorite series, thank you so much for the time and effort that you put into your reactions!!!
I paused this video to go tell my boyfriend that I'm sorry for bringing my issues with my dad into our relationship. It makes so much sense why I feel so inadequate with him! Thank you for this video and that realization and I plan to bring it up with my lovely counsellor. You're the best Dr K!
My goodness, this is amazing viewing. Thank you Dr Honda. I’m always eagerly awaiting these particular episodes. Wow!
Loved it. Thank you so much for the wonderful insight. Please continue commenting on these couples sessions. I appreciate it.
This explains so much! Thank you Dr. Honda!
thank you dr kirk
Man dude you’re gooooood! You had me commenting on another video that this dude was a narcissist or a psychopath and now you broke this dude’s struggle down to a place where I just want to hug him. 😂
I wish I had been able to become a therapist or psychologist. This is truly amazing!
Dr. Honda, I just noticed in an appointment with a client I thought to myself ‘’what would Dr. Honda advise right now’’ when I was stuck with a strategy and what I thought you might say WORKED! 😂 your videos are changing therapy everywhere (I’m in Wales, UK)!
Jesus man, you are incredible, the amount of insight you share in your videos for free, just helps me so much in my work as a social care worker with mentally ill patients, I feel more competent with every video you post, and your insight/advice WORKS ! God bless you
PLEASE COME BACK TO THIS SERIES DR. HONDA!!!! I learn soooooooo much from these videos
So fascinating. This is my ex-boyfriend. Mom was very neglectful due to domestic violence. He grew up having to take care of himself. Im anxiously attached so we were doomed from the beginning. By the end he was very critical and neglectful of me and our relationship. Though we went to therapy, we couldn't make it work.
I’m so happy you starting doing this series again!! I been patiently waiting 😆
Dr. Kirk..we love it!!!
I love love love these videos and your perspective on therapy. I find this to be extremely cathartic. Thanks for sharing.
This is so much more interesting than the 90DF drama 🙈🙉🙊 dare I say it?
This is so educational! Dr Honda has so much knowledge to share.
"This is why underneath an avoidant person is a preoccupied person. Also, underneath every narcissistic person is a borderline person".
I am dying to hear you talk about this in further detail - it is so important to conceptualise the vulnerabilities of people who are callous and mean-spirited...it helps me to feel compassion and less offended by them.
Interesting!
I am avoidant, I think. I am also afraid 😱 of my partner’s anger.
I don’t understand the preoccupied attachment.
Yes, we need more on this.
The insights and hypotheses on this video are great! I'll bet he is an amazing therapist and teacher.
Dr. Honda, I always appreciate your compassionate insights, especially when it comes to this particular series. When you talked about those with personality disorders and how they might be exaggerating their partner's wrongdoings (so to speak), I felt hit. I have a personality disorder myself and have been through many difficult, dysfunctional and conflict-filled relationships. Those experiences have caused me to have to look closer at my own maladaptive patterns and learn more about how to create healthy relationships, and that is one important reason I watch your channel with great interest.
I find this topic to be especially tricky, because I am fairly certain that a lot of those people I have dated before, also did have significant psychological issues which caused them to not treat me very good. I have often, in hindsight, after a romantic relationship has ended, had to reflect on why it came to be that way, and usually have been able to see how I negatively impacted the relationship with my distorted thoughts and paranoid imaginings, even if it is painful. However, in a lot of those cases, I've felt very unfairly labeled as the one and only scapegoat for how things came to be in the relationship. There has in some instances been placed an immense pressure on me to "get better" so that the person I was with, would want to continue being with me. But while I was trying my best to recover, to save the relationship, the person I was with did not admit to doing anything that hurt me or harmed the relationship, and they did not feel like they needed to improve or change anything about themselves.
I wonder what you think about these situations and how a person with a personality disorder can gauge whether they are entirely "at fault" for ruining a relationship because of their own distortions, or if their partner is actually being unfair and even manipulative in the way they make their PD partner believe they are the only one who needs to look at themself? I personally think it can be detrimental and even harmful to some PD folks, to tell them that their relationship issues are _almost always_ because of their own distortions, because it leaves them suspectible to being abused, manipulated and living through even more chronic invalidation of the same type they probably experienced in childhood. Before you can really say anything about if a PD person is causing unecessary conflict in the relationship, you have to figure out if their partner might actually be chronically invalidating, or abusive, or manipulative, or exhibiting any sort of behavior that may actually worsen symptoms in the PD person, and make the PD person question their own reality. And in my opinion, the less of a grasp a person with PD has on their own sense of reality, the less they can trust themselves AND others, which in turn only will make their symptoms and their suffering even worse.
I am not saying the PD person does not need to work on themselves either. In fact, the more self aware and mature a PD person can become, the more they can probably control their maladaptive coping strategies and be able to reduce conflict and treat others in more fair ways. Regardless of how others are treating them, they should seek recovery, because it will help them and the people being affected by them. Seeing as I have a PD myself, I know from personal experience that us PD folks can hurt others severely because of our issues. But that doesn't mean we are always "the aggressor" in conflicts, or that we don't deserve the benefit of the doubt or to be believed when we talk about feeling invalidated and unfairly treated in a romantic relationship.
In my opinion, when looking at relationship issues like these, we should never assume that one person is the only one - or even mostly - causing it, because the dynamic that happens between two people can be so complex and nuanced. And as I am sure Dr. Honda and many others are aware of, the way you treat someone will create reactions in them, and those reactions will cause reactions in you. So, in any dynamic, both people are responsible for how it turns out, even if one person has more significant attachment trauma they need to recover from.
PS. sorry for the longwinded comment. If Dr. Honda doesn't read it, I hope someone else who might read it at least finds the topic interesting to discuss or think about, because I feel like it might be highly relevant for many people.
👏👏👏 this was fantastic. Thank you, Dr Honda! You are one heck of a Psychologist and educator.
I have to say, this is super helpful! I hope you will make more videos like this one! Thanks a lot!
Thank you very much for this Dr. Honda. Your analyses has been insightful. Keep it up
These videos are my favorite ❤️
I would love to see more of this series!
This is the most interesting show you’re commenting on to me. Thank you for the new episode.
This episode was fantastic!
This may be my favorite YT series also, love hearing the bts of therapists' experience and choices and the whys of it all. But also, plathville is great because of learning more about family systems - wonder what you would think of the show My Unorthodox Life - though that seems it may have some more manufactured scenarios. Of course, 90-day fiancee is also great - especially eye-opening when you point out things we "the audience" would consider negative but are actually functional, the compassion you show problematic people, and how you model differentiated ways to communicate.... life-changing stuff.
I CANNOT BELIEVE I can get such valuable teaching for free 😭😭😭
Amazing analysis - thanks!
Please continue showtime reaction videos. This is my favorite!
Thanks dr Honda
Omg, did I hug my therapist when we recently went back to in person sessions. I did ask her first though.
That's partly me. I don't like to be pitied or rely on people but I do complain about my parent's short commings. They messed up.
Hello Dr. Honda, could you explain more what you meant by under every avoidant person is a preoccupied person? I forgot your exact phrasing, but I think you’ll know which part I mean 😊
19:34 I can't say whether my husband was neglected or not, although his the fact that he says he doesn't feel much/as strongly as other people makes me think he was, but this moment just made me realize why it is he might just stay out all night or leave the house without communicating to me sometimes and struggles to understand why this is so upsetting for me. He's mentioned he'd leave home as a teenager and come back days later to 0 consequences. I suspect this might also have something to do with the sexist culture in my country. What's worse is that his behavior triggers me deeply because I was abandoned by my dad when my parents divorced and I only recently realized that I start feeling like I'll be abandoned again when he does this. It's so hard being in a relationship where each spouse's coping mechanisms are a trigger to the other spouse.
I really like your reactions to this. I hope you can do more couples therapy.
Wow…. This is my marriage.
Only the problem is my H still puts his father on a pedestal. H only acknowledged his childhood abuse to me ONCE in a rare moment of vulnerability. H resents me for ever criticizing my FIL who is controlling and rigid. My H took on those traits 😢. Plus, he has very little insight. He has made me the villain: I was on a pedestal during our extremely short dating period but he went cold 🥶 on me immediately after we married. I was shocked 😯.I was locked 🔒 out: Never let in.
Ever.
Thank God someone finally brought up the disparity in social/sexual protection of girls as opposed yp boys who are just as victimised!
wow! love this series. can you cover some of the other couples on the show?
This video is so good! I learn so much from all these videos on couples therapy. They are your very best. I really hope you continue doing more of them. I find them so helpful as a family systems therapy student and as a private person.
I hear you say he seems to be avoidant. I wonder what you think about his traumas and his behaviours in regards to disorganized attachment. Could he be disorganized with more avoidant coping? I know that when an infant is characterised as disorganized, researches will also give them one of the three organized attachment styles as well, the one that fits the most. I guess in adulthood that would show up as a disorganized attachment “leaning” more to either the anxious or to the avoidant side??
I don't see any fearful attachment in him, say more about that hypothesis? I didn't notice see any signs
What do you think about the therapist's posture/ body positioning? i can see her body is turning away from him. Is that something that a therapist have to think about as part of a counter transformance?
Dr. Honda commented on her doing it in the previous episodes (I think it was the first one IIRC).
I love this
Great video! I enjoyed watching couples therapy on showtime and find it interesting watching other professionals comment on the sessions. I’d really like for you to review in the same way “The Therapist” on Noisey UA-cam channel where Dr. Siri Sat Nam Singh. I loved watching his sessions as well
Ty
It's odd that she is the one telling his story, why isn't he saying it with his own words?
Because he won't because he doesn't think it needs to be shared, "it's not a big deal, I'm ok now so it doesn't matter"
Bc hard ass know it all’s only think their partner has a problem. He only wants to talk about how awful his wife is.
Honestly, as someone who comes from mental health and has had to do many intake interviews, he did pretty well with this conversation.
He has definitely triggered me previously in how he's approached conversation lol but this he did well.
Let the chaos begin.
Annie seems like an absolute godsend to this terrible man. She is giving herself to understand him and his childhood, being understanding and loving to him, helping him through therapy all while being his mother, nursemaid, and sex doll.
It always an unwelcome and unpleasant reminder to see how people react to childhood stories like these. This doesn't hold a candle to the social milieu I grew up in/knowing about. It really makes me feel neglected right now in this moment to hear someone have so much sympathy for this story.
Thanks
I think you would really like analyzing Erik and Virginia from the last Married At First Sight.
Please make more. So goood
As a person with avoidant personality, I would never initiate a hug. But would definately like receiving.
This may not be the most pressing issue given the serious nature of this episode, but it brought to mind something that I've been curious about lately, especially when Dr. Honda references how he would approach the situation. Sometimes I tell my therapist traumatic things and she does what Dr. Honda says he would do -- she validates (I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you, that sounds really difficult), but this actually makes me super uncomfortable.
Does anyone else experience this? Does that come from a place of having had your feelings or experiences chronically diminished or dismissed? I feel like I've taken after my mom and my knee-jerk reaction/response is just like...you being sorry doesn't change anything, it still happened (as life does), and I guess in a way it feels patronizing, even if I know it isn't.
If anyone's been here before I'd love some insight, as I never know what to say or do after she says it haha
I'm not a therapist, but I definitely can relate. One thing I would suggest is to talks to your therapist about how you feel when she validates you. It is something that she will hopefully help you understand and navigate
Today I Google searched what is the difference between fear of abandonment and fear of rejection after couple’s therapy yesterday where I realized what that fear actually IS, and it’s not being left behind - it’s being kicked out. I came across the concept of Avoidant Personality Disorder. My psychiatrist gave me a “look” when I told him that I thought I very clearly lean towards Cluster C… that distinction was blowing my mind all day and then I watch this. So… I understand it. Now what? How do I fix it?
I wish my therapist would tip her hat by saying “HAHA THE TRAUMA HAS BEEN REVEALED”
I just realized I have attachment issues from feeling let down emotionally all throughout my childhood and teen years.
@12:00 explains so much
would you consider reacting to the new netflix show "my unorthodox life"?? Its super interesting in regards to culture but ALSO fascinating family dynamics and personalities
omg the one time my ex, who I believe is a pretty textbook avoidant, actually expressed any emotion it was this supppeeerrrr dramatic, self-pitying text message, so I definitely believe the "ocean of emotion" can be (is usually?) there. He'd been so cold and cruel prior to that, it was a relief to have my hypothesis confirmed that it was all about fear and shame