This guy is definitely controlling. I take care of originating the budget in my home, but my wife is 100% involved in decisions, and she realizes the costs of a want vs a need, as do I. We got so frugal while in baby step 2 that now she's afraid to spend money and I have to remind her that the spending was part of the plan that WE made. I love my wife.
why does everyone tell a story when asked your household income ... before they actually tell him the actually numerical value of the income? it's a very simple question!!
Because many many people are financial illiteracy. They do not know how important the financial number in their life for all life planning and making decisions.
I know! I have to ask people a few simple questions at my job every day and instead of simple answers I get story time and then I have to keep asking the question until I get an answer.
Spiritisalive1 Ive been cutting my own hair for two years. My hisband and kids hair our entire marriage. It can be done. Oh and my hair looks professional enough no one can tell!
I gave all my credit card, debit card, and money to my girlfriend ( now wife ) back then.... Everything I made, she had control over. Of course, if I wanted something, I just took the card and went and buy whatever I wanted. I would consult her if it cost more than 50$. She made us rich. ( my own definition of rich ) Never regretted giving her control. We saw our strong points. She his very good with money. And I was really good at making life choices. Where we live, where we work, what our plans are for our life, I made those choices. ( we like the same things ) and everything moneywise, she took control. It still works that way and we are both very happy.
Same here. I do the budget and my wife implements it. I spend the money on to many "essentials" a.k.a. firearms. Letting my wife hold onto our money has made it were we went from not having $20 between us to we really don't feel like we ever have an emergency. We do always feel poor... but that's more self imposed than anything.
My husband bought some seasons of DVDs bc it was on sale. I brought home the same ones from the library to teach him and he doesn't get it lol. We can still have fun but why always pay for it?
No....Dad will allow her to be "a winning princess" and she would feel more comfortable spending daddy's money. Either she spent too much and he needs to take charged. Or, he's a controlling freak.
Its not controlling to stick to a budgeting plan that both agreed to. Their making progress, their on step 3, BUT BOTH need to be on the same page, not him benefit and she cuts back..it needs to be equal budgeting. So yeah they need to balance things, he's not being considerate and they need to talk.
I agree that it's a hobby for most of Americans, but I don't agree with your numbers. Personally, by the time I'm done with my whitetail hunting, I've filled the freezer with meat at $0.75 per pound or less depending on how many deer I'm allowed to harvest each year (First tag this year was $34, extra tags were $18, it costs me $1 per shot, and I'll round up to $50 for gas and food for 2 weekends, to harvest at least 150 pounds of meat). I don't have the latest and greatest equipment, in fact I'm pretty bare bones even by 50-years-ago standards. I do my own processing with 2nd hand equipment that I paid pennies-on-the-dollar for years ago. It's a lot of sweat equity, but my family eats well for very cheap. And for Colorado people, I could see an elk hunt being just as easily feasible for them as a whitetail hunt is for me.
I could see cutting costs for certain non necessities that you don't absolutely have to have but shutting a spouse down at every turn where you can't even speak without a slap on the hand is excessive. The way her voice was all shaky at the beginning of the call said it all.
Sounds like he's not only controlling, but the more she sacrifices to save towards their stated goals the more he has to spend/waste on his own personal wants. Her buying decor for their home isn't about her spend on petty wants, its an attempt to disable him from getting them further off track. Her hard work is fueling his contempt.
This was a great video, and something me and my partner are currently struggling with. Lots of good tips in here, and good insight. We are going to sit down and discuss our budget like grown ups within the next couple of days.
Wow! Great advice. I am a stay at home mom and my sacrifices are totally overlooked. I haven't been to the salon in a year. Now, my husband wants to end the use of my card, although he has a few credit cards. That puts me in a situation I'm not comfortable with. I don't feel like I should have to ASK to pay for gas to drive the children to school and events. I also don't feel like I should have to ASK my husband to pay for personal items such as hair products, feminine products, etc. Unfortunately, the young woman in the audio sounds somewhat like me, and her financial situation sounds similar to ours. I highly recommend she listens to Dave, because after 25 years, I'm ready to move on to a grown relationship even if it's by myself.
I have friends in that situation. I would not put up with having to beg for money. My husband and I share our money. It is a controlling behavior that I would not put up with to hurt her self esteem. He doesn't get to run the whole show and get what he wants. Stand up for yourself. We both work and combine our money so we both earn it.
Women and men are not equal, no two people are equal. The baby man was not equal to his mother when he was nursing on her breast. The mother knew what was best for the baby man, the baby man didn't get an equal vote on what's for breakfast. And now, the opinion of the man who does the budget takes precedence over the opinions of someone who doesn't even know how much her makeup costs. Maybe when she has some idea what she's doing she can take over the budget and give HIM permission to hunt elk. Until then, follow.
I think it's okay to set aside a little discretionary budget for yourself every month but it's all about balance. They need to sit down together and decide what that magic discretionary amount is and not worry about what the other is spending it on...it's theirs to do what they please. For a couple I would make the amounts the same just to be fair.
It's easy to jump on this guy's case when we have only one side of the story. But I keep hearing this woman say "I think...Welll...I think..." Woman do you want your hair done and do you want your house nice? Come up with a number that you think is reasonable.
Her speech sounds so unsure and whiny. Be a grown woman! It starts with the way you communicate with others... Stop saying right...I think....um... 🤦🤦🤦
Not only come up with a number that is reasonable, but get a job and by the stupid stuff that is only going to make you or the house looks better with your own money. If I were the husband I tell her I'm busy making sure the bills are paid and there's food on the table and and that's why there is less money for haircuts in makeup. It's simple if the wife wants up her extras she needs to get a job.
@@claritzaechevarria7693 I dont think they will divorce soon, only because she allows him to get and do what he wants. But when she stops then the troubles will start
I'm not so sure she is in a mutual relationship. This sounds really unhealthy, leaning towards abusive. I would like for Dave Ramsey to talk about Financial abuse. This is where one partner uses manipulative tactics to gain power and control.
This is a mistake that woman and men VERY OFTEN make...getting married without having their FINANCIALS together is a recipe for disaster, specially in this era where everything is so expensive. So my advise , if you can't afford to support a family (woman n children) DON"T HAVE ONE!!! Wait until you are ready.
N White: been there. Just like what Ryan Cook said in his first sentence: "If I let my wife...she'd have us bankrupt in a week." That's how I lived with a controlling husband. I was allegedly too dumb to know how to add 2 and 2 then subtract one. Lived with..... past tense!!
Kate needs to grow up and speak up. She said "unexpected expenses". That means she is not talking to her husband about adding a home decor category. Based on what she said, she is not a part of the budget making. She needs to get a clue.
I'm a 27 years old and my lady is 25 years ,we planning to get married in years to come ...I'm glad I found this channel...I'm learning to let go of financial control and learn to trust more ,we have started to budget together..I must learn to be more transparent but I'm willing to do anything to make my relationship healthy
Man, I sure would have loved to hear about that rental house she started to talk about before she got cut off. I think there's a lot more to this caller that didn't get heard.
I went through this with my husband. All he was concerned with was that it was “uncontrolled” or “random” spending. I agreed with him. I, with him, sat down and agreed on some necessary home expenses that were reasonable and he agreed he wanted. We put a number in it and saved for it. I also cut his hair myself so we save on that so getting my haircut at Supercuts for $20 twice a year doesn’t bother him. Frankly, I could spend more but I don’t want to☺️ it is true though that decorating a house from scratch is expensive but also not totally necessary. You need to be patient and use coupons/spread it out over time. It is really fine, most Americans have too much in their home anyways. It’s a balance. I’m sure he just doesn’t know the necessity of what she is wanting and is afraid if he says yes that there will be no cap on her spending.
The thing is, she doesn't want that resposability, she doesn't know how much the things she wants cost. And he's probably unaware how much women's self care and decoration costs. They should just establish a decent allowance for her to spend on the things she cares, without considering groceries and house maintance. 80k/yr, he could easily give her $300/month just to stop hearing about haircuts
They can be nice for a long time. My friend's husband was abusive and he still had everyone outside the home fooled, including the church. We believed her bc we had stayed in the home and overheard him a little but local people took his side. She asked for help b4 and was told to be more submissive. We told her it was ok to leave. I wish she had told me earlier
You're right she is financially abusing him. If only she got a job she wouldn't have to milk off of his earnings for a monthly haircut and makeup all the time. You don't bring any money to the table then yeah you got a limited budget on that stuff
@@Elizabeth-yg2mg whys that? Because I believe in equality? I bet you believe that the male should pay for everything right? My girl buys what she wants with her money and I could care less, because it's her money! I bet you already hit the wall and no one will look twice at you Elizabeth; otherwise I would stay the same thing you said to me....but we both know there is no need.
thank you! eases my insecurities about my kids never growing up with couches. lol. it's their playroom and if we hang out its usually on the floor. I could never justify the expense. =x
If she is working outside the home, a well-groomed appearance, like healthy looking hair, is an investment, in my opinion. And the longer the hair, the longer it takes to get ready. A 6 month hair cut is very reasonable.
I think wants and needs are easily blurred. I have seen some instances of this at my workplace which is a well known retail store. There will be an "associate in need" situation brought to everyone's attention that is actually someone not managing their finances situation. Money was taken up for a lady who didn't have shoes for work that was wearing her husband's shoes, two days later she was seen buying 3 or 4 movies in the electronics department. I think happens in the welfare system in this country.Sure you don't have money for groceries if you buy makeup, nails purses,i-phones, expensive cars, and everything else your heart desires. In the meantime, an elderly person who has saved and scrimped can't get help because they own a home and have little savings.Sorry about the rant and I know it has little to do with this call.
This guy sounds overly controlling and selfish. He's allowed to go elk hunting (which usually costs $5-10k) and she's not allowed to spend like $20 on pillows?
I'm sorry I heard something very different than a controlling spouse. I heard someone who sounded like they make a lot of "ooops" choices and the guy is probably frustrated.
I really do need to replay this video on a constant basis, because I'm a cheapskate. I've been listening to the Dave Ramsey Show over the last six years, my earliest memory of DR was Friday July 3, 2009, this Friday will mark the sixth anniversary. I was asking myself, who's this guy that's talking about money and marriage? wow! at first I thought, how weird, who does that type of radio program? but nonetheless I immediately got hooked on his program. - 6/29/15
I cut my own hair at home and do my own nails and hair. My husband also shaved his head at home. This pandemic has gotten us to get creative and save money at the same time! We prefer to still eat out once a week though. I think many women can rethink their beauty expenses and invest elsewhere, like personal development and stuff. I did find it super controlling of her husband for her to have $10 a month for her personal spending?? Especially since she also works?? Better to have this talk now or you will end up in a daddy/daughter relationship:(
I’m just finding this video because I’m just trying to create a budget for my family. We have two incomes and it’s a little difficult but this was really helpful because he’s completely right, it has to be a joint effort with joint input and joint commitment. I actually have to convince the other person that it’s okay to spend money on what they want because we planned for it now lol
She should have sorted this sh*t out early and assessed his potential as a mate/husband before they get married, starting a family and "actually" living together.
I lay out all our bills and expenses for the month then ask my husband what the extra money goes towards. He gives his opinions, we come to an agreement. I give him some blow money that he agrees on the amount. Most months are consistent so we don't consult on those months. Just maybe like hey this is happening. If something changes like he needs shoes or I wanna get my hair done We decide that beforehand and put it in the budget.
I don't think $60 2x/yr. is unreasonable. My budget is 0 for hair. My daughter's have been cutting my hair since they were 8. They can cut a pretty straight line. But it doesn't matter what my life is like, sit down and talk with your husband! No one can do your budget for you, not even Dave.
In the 1990's I read a convincing account of how much it would cost to pay a Home Maker and a Stay at home parent (usually the mom) for all the hours and jobs she does. It equated to $70,000 in the 1990's. With how much "traditionally women's work" pay on the dollar to a man in the same job in a "women's" profession. So who earns the most money? Who brings the most value to the marriage and family? Yes valid questions but what about this... 50:50 is not fair unless the entire value is taken into account. The entire context. All the work of making a family, couple hood, home... The one who brings in the most, does the most, adds the most value with elbow grease time and conscientious dedication gets to skim the cream a little but the other person still needs to have some fun/comfort money. Joint account for all deposits with allotments to separate accounts. This works the best. And the nest/decor and social connections matter most to women usually - so they are valid withdrawal from the joint... in most cases with sensible debt payment and sensible spending. Not grandiose or entitled but within one's means. DIY it is ... often.
you do realize that stay at home nannys do all of the same job as a stay at home wife and they make substantially less than $70k. More like $30k. Please tell me you know this. Trying to calculate what stay at home moms are worth are over estimated to make these moms feel they have more worth.
No they do not do the same thing. Home making mothers do so much more for no overt pay or societal recognition. Other developed countries like France, Germany, Switzerland etc - acknowledge the value here. Nannies are not on call 24 hours. I think you discount all that a home maker and mother do - and without direct pay or retirement assurance. It is those who diminish the value who think its a pat on the head for the momma who stays home to acknowledge the great value in outside the home work dollars. There is no comparison to the commitment of a mother versus a nanny. You have to know this right?
Jenny M that was the market rate when my wife and I hired them in Portland, Ore area anyway. I imagine in a place like new York or San Francisco, it would be more.
some stay at home mom are worth nothing some are worth 100k, there people that are stay at home mom when the kids are 15. it all depend on what they do. if she can work and the kids are not young it make more sence for them to work.
If this guy's only concern was putting food on the table with his fun elk hunts costing in the thousands, maybe he should take up a cheaper hunting hobby like fishing. It's hard to feel like you can't make your house a home because of money. I wanted art to tie our apartment together in certain areas so I bought some canvases and paint and did it myself. Home makers can still get creative with their solutions but their breadwinners can also stand to cut where they need to as well.
If the elk hunt is under $1000 and successful I think he can justify it because of the meat. But there is entertainment in that too. Making the house nice is worth investment if they have the money as well. Dave is right they just need to own the budget together and agree.
It bugs me when women claim to be ignorant to finance. And then when their husband leaves them 20 years later, they get taken to the cleaners because they never put effort into their own finances. You can't blame the guy. It's your fault. My parents taught me nothing. Buy yourself a book and learn. Know where both of YOUR money is at.
I break it down in order of importance. God, Food, Water, Heat and Shelter and a way to support it such as a job and a car to get me there. If it doesn't support those things you don't need them. We live on less than $2000 a month. I couldn't do that if I had debt. I found out about Dave Ramsey after we eliminated our debt. My problem was No savings plan. Now we are working on the savings plan.
Bronco Surveillance same thing with me, I also live on less than $2000 a month, I don't even make that before taxes (gross income). $10.50/hr x 40 hrsx52 weeks, let's do the math.
They should have decided to set some parameters and as long as the budget he creates is within those parameters, then they're good. But he's been doing it himself and she'd not involved and feels like he's ignoring her. This can be avoided.
all that really sunk into my mind is being debt free is the way to be, debt is dumb cash is king and the paid off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW (or some other expensive car/item) as the status symbol of choice. But when it comes to having relationships, I have trouble grasping the concept of having to work together, that's why I've never married to this day. #1 reason for divorces/breakups in relationships is money fights.
After five years of marriage i found out the one thing that makes marriage difficult is financial struggle, its not like my husband and i aren’t making money it’s just we barely have time for each other and there’s no amusement or new event it’s just work and the kids and that was fine but i wanted more..then i heard of a financial advisor who basically makes money for me and right now i have close to 100grand with her in my portfolio. now we pay for our vacation without breaking a sweat or losing sleep.
I am willing to bet she lacks discipline with money. She is not giving enough details on what the real problem is. They should each agree on how much money each can spend without permission.
How should a married couples budget be decided when both have disablities? When the one who is in charge of the money has nervous breakdowns due to finicances. I am such a cheapskate it can start an arguement about spending even $1. We talk about budgets but he does not understand the concept of money.
Young couple has their first stress over money and some loser shouts for divorce. Some people's opinion isn't worth the 2 kilobytes it takes to store it.
What's the point of getting married if it causes all these issues, Females are strong, powerful, and can do anything guys can, why not just be single and make your own decisions and 💰🤔
You married a frugal man! He compliant about you cutting and doing your hair get out of here. Get a job and make him pay child care so that way you can get pillows, your hair done and have someone else give you a break from the baby he so wanted. Or better yet, divorce him and have him pay child support, see how many pillows and hair do's can you afford. He's totally running over you, time to put on your big girl pants.
Hair and makeup men aren't asking women to put on all this extra stuff. We just want clean face out the shower literally. Your human appearance minus accessories. Glitz glitter eagle talon nails someone else sold this concept
This guy is definitely controlling. I take care of originating the budget in my home, but my wife is 100% involved in decisions, and she realizes the costs of a want vs a need, as do I. We got so frugal while in baby step 2 that now she's afraid to spend money and I have to remind her that the spending was part of the plan that WE made. I love my wife.
How sweet!! God has blessed you two :)
you guys are so cute I wish everyone could be like this :)
djd829 awesome!
Goals.
I get married in May and me and my fiance are already starting to follow this
Dave isnt a financial consultant he's a marriage counselor
He's a financial, marriage, life counselor.
He made almost all of the errors... and is pointing them out so others can avoid them.
why does everyone tell a story when asked your household income ... before they actually tell him the actually numerical value of the income? it's a very simple question!!
Because many many people are financial illiteracy. They do not know how important the financial number in their life for all life planning and making decisions.
i think people get embarrassed. Especially if its not what they want to make.
I know! I have to ask people a few simple questions at my job every day and instead of simple answers I get story time and then I have to keep asking the question until I get an answer.
Not everyone is like you, maybe?
I think it's because his opinion matters and he is easy to talk to it seems. I feel like telling him my whole life story myself lol
Kmart scissors with a buddy. I laughed so hard. lololol
Spiritisalive1 🤣😂
Spiritisalive1 Ive been cutting my own hair for two years. My hisband and kids hair our entire marriage. It can be done. Oh and my hair looks professional enough no one can tell!
😂😂😂☠️☠️☠️😂😂😂😂☠️😂😂😂😂😂😂☠️☠️☠️😂😂😂😂
This made my day 😂😂😂
It's true though!
I gave all my credit card, debit card, and money to my girlfriend ( now wife ) back then.... Everything I made, she had control over. Of course, if I wanted something, I just took the card and went and buy whatever I wanted. I would consult her if it cost more than 50$.
She made us rich. ( my own definition of rich ) Never regretted giving her control. We saw our strong points. She his very good with money. And I was really good at making life choices. Where we live, where we work, what our plans are for our life, I made those choices. ( we like the same things ) and everything moneywise, she took control.
It still works that way and we are both very happy.
I wish my husband would let me lol
Sarrah Conley haha :P
Same here. I do the budget and my wife implements it. I spend the money on to many "essentials" a.k.a. firearms. Letting my wife hold onto our money has made it were we went from not having $20 between us to we really don't feel like we ever have an emergency. We do always feel poor... but that's more self imposed than anything.
My husband bought some seasons of DVDs bc it was on sale. I brought home the same ones from the library to teach him and he doesn't get it lol. We can still have fun but why always pay for it?
Sarrah Conley Haha, I guess he likes to have it as a collection ? Thats a funny story though
She sounds like she is married to her dad rather than her partner.
I don't know...a decent father would be more generous with her....
Well, she sounds like a 14 year old, ......using "like" in every sentence, with the endless uptalk.
No....Dad will allow her to be "a winning princess" and she would feel more comfortable spending daddy's money.
Either she spent too much and he needs to take charged. Or, he's a controlling freak.
@@Eaglejake she is probably doing that bc she is infantilized by her husband
I love Dave Ramsey....he listens well and THEN gives advice
The husband sounds kind of controlling... NOT a good start.
She also sounds unsure and passive. She's the sheep wolves are attracted too. She needs to shed the sheepskin and take control!
I agree , she needs to GET RID OF HIM!
Wife some kind of lazy, she needs to get a job if she wants to spend money.
Its not controlling to stick to a budgeting plan that both agreed to. Their making progress, their on step 3, BUT BOTH need to be on the same page, not him benefit and she cuts back..it needs to be equal budgeting. So yeah they need to balance things, he's not being considerate and they need to talk.
Hunting is a hobby for 99% of the population in the USA. Almost no one "has to" hunt for meat to feed their family. SMH.
Jake Not to mention elk hunting is far more expensive generally than just deer hunting. Usually involves a guide and travel.
Hunting = the most expensive way to get free meat. Lol. By the way I love hunting and I do it often.
Although I'm OK with hunting, I can assure you, for city folk, it's not a common hobby!
Lol Jake
I agree that it's a hobby for most of Americans, but I don't agree with your numbers. Personally, by the time I'm done with my whitetail hunting, I've filled the freezer with meat at $0.75 per pound or less depending on how many deer I'm allowed to harvest each year (First tag this year was $34, extra tags were $18, it costs me $1 per shot, and I'll round up to $50 for gas and food for 2 weekends, to harvest at least 150 pounds of meat). I don't have the latest and greatest equipment, in fact I'm pretty bare bones even by 50-years-ago standards. I do my own processing with 2nd hand equipment that I paid pennies-on-the-dollar for years ago. It's a lot of sweat equity, but my family eats well for very cheap. And for Colorado people, I could see an elk hunt being just as easily feasible for them as a whitetail hunt is for me.
I could see cutting costs for certain non necessities that you don't absolutely have to have but shutting a spouse down at every turn where you can't even speak without a slap on the hand is excessive. The way her voice was all shaky at the beginning of the call said it all.
Thats a bit of a leap to assume
Dave Ramsey be preaching
Sounds like he's not only controlling, but the more she sacrifices to save towards their stated goals the more he has to spend/waste on his own personal wants. Her buying decor for their home isn't about her spend on petty wants, its an attempt to disable him from getting them further off track. Her hard work is fueling his contempt.
This was a great video, and something me and my partner are currently struggling with.
Lots of good tips in here, and good insight. We are going to sit down and discuss our budget like grown ups within the next couple of days.
How'd it go? Y'all still together? Lol
One side of the story!
Rarely, fully truthful
Wow! Great advice. I am a stay at home mom and my sacrifices are totally overlooked. I haven't been to the salon in a year. Now, my husband wants to end the use of my card, although he has a few credit cards. That puts me in a situation I'm not comfortable with. I don't feel like I should have to ASK to pay for gas to drive the children to school and events. I also don't feel like I should have to ASK my husband to pay for personal items such as hair products, feminine products, etc. Unfortunately, the young woman in the audio sounds somewhat like me, and her financial situation sounds similar to ours. I highly recommend she listens to Dave, because after 25 years, I'm ready to move on to a grown relationship even if it's by myself.
Wow yes. You deserve to be treated like an adult. Good luck with the course you take 💖
GIve him invoices for the household and a day care
That’s pretty close to financial abuse. Look up the definition of financial abuse.
4 years later@@LenaBelleMusic
I have friends in that situation. I would not put up with having to beg for money. My husband and I share our money. It is a controlling behavior that I would not put up with to hurt her self esteem. He doesn't get to run the whole show and get what he wants. Stand up for yourself. We both work and combine our money so we both earn it.
Thank goodness for Craig's list freebies for furniture. No need for an empty living room anymore.
In some households with controlling men, women are still fighting for their right to vote. You are equal and should be heard.
Women and men are not equal, no two people are equal. The baby man was not equal to his mother when he was nursing on her breast. The mother knew what was best for the baby man, the baby man didn't get an equal vote on what's for breakfast. And now, the opinion of the man who does the budget takes precedence over the opinions of someone who doesn't even know how much her makeup costs. Maybe when she has some idea what she's doing she can take over the budget and give HIM permission to hunt elk. Until then, follow.
I think it's okay to set aside a little discretionary budget for yourself every month but it's all about balance. They need to sit down together and decide what that magic discretionary amount is and not worry about what the other is spending it on...it's theirs to do what they please. For a couple I would make the amounts the same just to be fair.
Dave has been one of the most consistent influencers on UA-cam
It's easy to jump on this guy's case when we have only one side of the story. But I keep hearing this woman say "I think...Welll...I think..." Woman do you want your hair done and do you want your house nice? Come up with a number that you think is reasonable.
In addition to getting one side, her side may not be 100% accurate. Sounds like they have a communication issue, not a financial issue.
Her speech sounds so unsure and whiny. Be a grown woman! It starts with the way you communicate with others... Stop saying right...I think....um... 🤦🤦🤦
The guy makes plenty money, but she needs to get a JOB and pay for her own things I can see her getting divorce very soon.
Not only come up with a number that is reasonable, but get a job and by the stupid stuff that is only going to make you or the house looks better with your own money. If I were the husband I tell her I'm busy making sure the bills are paid and there's food on the table and and that's why there is less money for haircuts in makeup. It's simple if the wife wants up her extras she needs to get a job.
@@claritzaechevarria7693 I dont think they will divorce soon, only because she allows him to get and do what he wants. But when she stops then the troubles will start
I'm not so sure she is in a mutual relationship. This sounds really unhealthy, leaning towards abusive. I would like for Dave Ramsey to talk about Financial abuse. This is where one partner uses manipulative tactics to gain power and control.
He never will , he is from a prehistoric era.
Or where one spends all the money and the other has to gain power and take control to ensure you actually have money during retirement.
This is a mistake that woman and men VERY OFTEN make...getting married without having their FINANCIALS together is a recipe for disaster, specially in this era where everything is so expensive. So my advise , if you can't afford to support a family (woman n children) DON"T HAVE ONE!!! Wait until you are ready.
N White: been there. Just like what Ryan Cook said in his first sentence: "If I let my wife...she'd have us bankrupt in a week." That's how I lived with a controlling husband. I was allegedly too dumb to know how to add 2 and 2 then subtract one. Lived with..... past tense!!
Kate needs to grow up and speak up. She said "unexpected expenses". That means she is not talking to her husband about adding a home decor category. Based on what she said, she is not a part of the budget making. She needs to get a clue.
Not only a clue but, she needs to get a job.
I'm a 27 years old and my lady is 25 years ,we planning to get married in years to come ...I'm glad I found this channel...I'm learning to let go of financial control and learn to trust more ,we have started to budget together..I must learn to be more transparent but I'm willing to do anything to make my relationship healthy
Man, I sure would have loved to hear about that rental house she started to talk about before she got cut off.
I think there's a lot more to this caller that didn't get heard.
Yes she probably gets slapped around every now and then.
I went through this with my husband. All he was concerned with was that it was “uncontrolled” or “random” spending. I agreed with him. I, with him, sat down and agreed on some necessary home expenses that were reasonable and he agreed he wanted. We put a number in it and saved for it. I also cut his hair myself so we save on that so getting my haircut at Supercuts for $20 twice a year doesn’t bother him. Frankly, I could spend more but I don’t want to☺️ it is true though that decorating a house from scratch is expensive but also not totally necessary. You need to be patient and use coupons/spread it out over time. It is really fine, most Americans have too much in their home anyways. It’s a balance. I’m sure he just doesn’t know the necessity of what she is wanting and is afraid if he says yes that there will be no cap on her spending.
He "presents" her with their budget. That says a lot about how he's in control and she takes it.
The thing is, she doesn't want that resposability, she doesn't know how much the things she wants cost.
And he's probably unaware how much women's self care and decoration costs.
They should just establish a decent allowance for her to spend on the things she cares, without considering groceries and house maintance.
80k/yr, he could easily give her $300/month just to stop hearing about haircuts
“…and then you’re getting your haircut with K-mart scissors by your buddy…” 😂😂😂
I cant wait to get married and provide for my wife. :)
Danny Aviles lol have more dreams that !! Hopefully marriage is more for u than that
Married yet?
I can wait lol
Married yet? Miserable yet? Broke yet? Devoriced yet?🤣 I really hope you were being sarcastic.
Lool
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What Mеeen REALLY Waant => twitter.com/ebc44ac1da3c839ff/status/804693412402241537 How should aaaa marrieed ccouple s budget be decided
Didn’t they talk about any of this before they got married?
Depends on how long they dated before. Remember that abusers are always nice on the first date. People tend to ignore red flags as well.
They can be nice for a long time. My friend's husband was abusive and he still had everyone outside the home fooled, including the church. We believed her bc we had stayed in the home and overheard him a little but local people took his side. She asked for help b4 and was told to be more submissive. We told her it was ok to leave. I wish she had told me earlier
There is no negotiating w financially abusive people. You can work with unhealthy, but you can't fix stupid and you can't fix abusive.
You're right she is financially abusing him. If only she got a job she wouldn't have to milk off of his earnings for a monthly haircut and makeup all the time. You don't bring any money to the table then yeah you got a limited budget on that stuff
@@user-dy2xu3uv8k Stay single, hon.
@@Elizabeth-yg2mg whys that? Because I believe in equality?
I bet you believe that the male should pay for everything right?
My girl buys what she wants with her money and I could care less, because it's her money!
I bet you already hit the wall and no one will look twice at you Elizabeth; otherwise I would stay the same thing you said to me....but we both know there is no need.
thank you! eases my insecurities about my kids never growing up with couches. lol. it's their playroom and if we hang out its usually on the floor. I could never justify the expense. =x
If she is working outside the home, a well-groomed appearance, like healthy looking hair, is an investment, in my opinion. And the longer the hair, the longer it takes to get ready. A 6 month hair cut is very reasonable.
These judgments are not helpful. Who cares what YOU want. You didn't marry her, you're not putting roof over her head, she's not your responsibility.
This is so relatable. Thanks Dave for the great advice!
I think wants and needs are easily blurred. I have seen some instances of this at my workplace which is a well known retail store. There will be an "associate in need" situation brought to everyone's attention that is actually someone not managing their finances situation. Money was taken up for a lady who didn't have shoes for work that was wearing her husband's shoes, two days later she was seen buying 3 or 4 movies in the electronics department. I think happens in the welfare system in this country.Sure you don't have money for groceries if you buy makeup, nails purses,i-phones, expensive cars, and everything else your heart desires. In the meantime, an elderly person who has saved and scrimped can't get help because they own a home and have little savings.Sorry about the rant and I know it has little to do with this call.
This guy sounds overly controlling and selfish. He's allowed to go elk hunting (which usually costs $5-10k) and she's not allowed to spend like $20 on pillows?
They live in Colorado, elk hunting doesn't cost $5-$10k unless he's getting guided hunts.
That's not a marriage that's a dictatorship. I feel bad for her. She needs to get a little bit of a backbone
I'm sorry I heard something very different than a controlling spouse. I heard someone who sounded like they make a lot of "ooops" choices and the guy is probably frustrated.
She signed up for a husband works and plays while wife takes care of kids and house relationship. She got played.
When you add all of the expenses of elk hunting, you save money buying money from the grocery store.
Sell the heads after doing taxidermy and having the supplies for eyes and a buyer isn't crazy.
"you save money buying money from the grocery store" 😂😂
My wife and I have a solid plan or tiebreaker if we disagree on something. We settle all disputes with arm wrestling. The winner gets the final say.
Who typically wins?
😆
doesn't get the concept of we.
He or she?
A lot of people called from Denver on these shows because it's so expensive here. I live here on 55k a year before tax. It's brutal.
I really do need to replay this video on a constant basis, because I'm a cheapskate. I've been listening to the Dave Ramsey Show over the last six years, my earliest memory of DR was Friday July 3, 2009, this Friday will mark the sixth anniversary. I was asking myself, who's this guy that's talking about money and marriage? wow! at first I thought, how weird, who does that type of radio program? but nonetheless I immediately got hooked on his program. - 6/29/15
Wow i needed to hear this. Thanks
Her husband sounds mean 😩😩
I cut my own hair at home and do my own nails and hair. My husband also shaved his head at home. This pandemic has gotten us to get creative and save money at the same time! We prefer to still eat out once a week though. I think many women can rethink their beauty expenses and invest elsewhere, like personal development and stuff. I did find it super controlling of her husband for her to have $10 a month for her personal spending?? Especially since she also works?? Better to have this talk now or you will end up in a daddy/daughter relationship:(
I’m just finding this video because I’m just trying to create a budget for my family. We have two incomes and it’s a little difficult but this was really helpful because he’s completely right, it has to be a joint effort with joint input and joint commitment. I actually have to convince the other person that it’s okay to spend money on what they want because we planned for it now lol
She should have sorted this sh*t out early and assessed his potential as a mate/husband before they get married, starting a family and "actually" living together.
So glad my wife and I share the same financial goals.
I lay out all our bills and expenses for the month then ask my husband what the extra money goes towards. He gives his opinions, we come to an agreement. I give him some blow money that he agrees on the amount. Most months are consistent so we don't consult on those months. Just maybe like hey this is happening. If something changes like he needs shoes or I wanna get my hair done
We decide that beforehand and put it in the budget.
I don't think $60 2x/yr. is unreasonable. My budget is 0 for hair. My daughter's have been cutting my hair since they were 8. They can cut a pretty straight line.
But it doesn't matter what my life is like, sit down and talk with your husband! No one can do your budget for you, not even Dave.
In the 1990's I read a convincing account of how much it would cost to pay a Home Maker and a Stay at home parent (usually the mom) for all the hours and jobs she does.
It equated to $70,000 in the 1990's. With how much "traditionally women's work" pay on the dollar to a man in the same job in a "women's" profession.
So who earns the most money? Who brings the most value to the marriage and family?
Yes valid questions but what about this... 50:50 is not fair unless the entire value is taken into account. The entire context. All the work of making a family, couple hood, home...
The one who brings in the most, does the most, adds the most value with elbow grease time and conscientious dedication gets to skim the cream a little but the other person still needs to have some fun/comfort money. Joint account for all deposits with allotments to separate accounts. This works the best.
And the nest/decor and social connections matter most to women usually - so they are valid withdrawal from the joint... in most cases with sensible debt payment and sensible spending. Not grandiose or entitled but within one's means. DIY it is ... often.
you do realize that stay at home nannys do all of the same job as a stay at home wife and they make substantially less than $70k. More like $30k. Please tell me you know this. Trying to calculate what stay at home moms are worth are over estimated to make these moms feel they have more worth.
No they do not do the same thing. Home making mothers do so much more for no overt pay or societal recognition. Other developed countries like France, Germany, Switzerland etc - acknowledge the value here. Nannies are not on call 24 hours. I think you discount all that a home maker and mother do - and without direct pay or retirement assurance. It is those who diminish the value who think its a pat on the head for the momma who stays home to acknowledge the great value in outside the home work dollars. There is no comparison to the commitment of a mother versus a nanny. You have to know this right?
Greg Carlson so live-in nannies working 24/7 only make $30,000 per year? Wow...
Jenny M that was the market rate when my wife and I hired them in Portland, Ore area anyway. I imagine in a place like new York or San Francisco, it would be more.
some stay at home mom are worth nothing some are worth 100k, there people that are stay at home mom when the kids are 15. it all depend on what they do. if she can work and the kids are not young it make more sence for them to work.
"A winning princess"...so funny!
😀😀😀
Sounds like financial abuse...
$10/ mo, that's a dream woman...... (I have one) Dude needs to wake up, elk hunts are $2k plus without blinking.....
I just blinked
If this guy's only concern was putting food on the table with his fun elk hunts costing in the thousands, maybe he should take up a cheaper hunting hobby like fishing. It's hard to feel like you can't make your house a home because of money. I wanted art to tie our apartment together in certain areas so I bought some canvases and paint and did it myself. Home makers can still get creative with their solutions but their breadwinners can also stand to cut where they need to as well.
This is exactly what im going through as a newlywed
Make sure your vote is equal now or it'll only get harder to demand respect as time goes on.
If the elk hunt is under $1000 and successful I think he can justify it because of the meat. But there is entertainment in that too. Making the house nice is worth investment if they have the money as well. Dave is right they just need to own the budget together and agree.
$1,000 to hunt is ridiculous. He could easily go hunt deer for the cost of ammo, tags, and getting the meat processed. Usually easily less than $200.
If he was a hunter and gatherer, then hunting would be a need, not a want and there would be no issue with it. This guy doesn' t need to hunt.
It bugs me when women claim to be ignorant to finance. And then when their husband leaves them 20 years later, they get taken to the cleaners because they never put effort into their own finances. You can't blame the guy. It's your fault. My parents taught me nothing. Buy yourself a book and learn. Know where both of YOUR money is at.
Preach Dave
I break it down in order of importance. God, Food, Water, Heat and Shelter and a way to support it such as a job and a car to get me there. If it doesn't support those things you don't need them. We live on less than $2000 a month. I couldn't do that if I had debt. I found out about Dave Ramsey after we eliminated our debt. My problem was No savings plan. Now we are working on the savings plan.
Bronco Surveillance god is more important than living......"rubs eyes".
Bronco Surveillance same thing with me, I also live on less than $2000 a month, I don't even make that before taxes (gross income). $10.50/hr x 40 hrsx52 weeks, let's do the math.
+Bronco Surveillance - water needs to come before food.
you can tithe your time if the budget does not allow it. Personal savings should come right up there with food water and shelter
They should have decided to set some parameters and as long as the budget he creates is within those parameters, then they're good. But he's been doing it himself and she'd not involved and feels like he's ignoring her. This can be avoided.
This situation is unfair!
all that really sunk into my mind is being debt free is the way to be, debt is dumb cash is king and the paid off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW (or some other expensive car/item) as the status symbol of choice. But when it comes to having relationships, I have trouble grasping the concept of having to work together, that's why I've never married to this day. #1 reason for divorces/breakups in relationships is money fights.
marriages work when both parties are able to sacrifice and compromise a bit for one another. if you can't do that, it won't work.
"And what's your household income?"
"Well see it's like this..."
After five years of marriage i found out the one thing that makes marriage difficult is financial struggle, its not like my husband and i aren’t making money it’s just we barely have time for each other and there’s no amusement or new event it’s just work and the kids and that was fine but i wanted more..then i heard of a financial advisor who basically makes money for me and right now i have close to 100grand with her in my portfolio. now we pay for our vacation without breaking a sweat or losing sleep.
you go girl, you’ve got this. anything to save your marriage
i was literally just worried about the exact same thing. may i know your FA please it’s urgent?
@@emilyhowe3359 sure i get it hun. her name is Lucy Maria Koss, i googled her and reached out to her from her website. Goodluck with your wedding hun!
@@vanhall9513 i think i might have just blown my wedding budget, wish i knew this a month ago
Such an organic conversation that is totally not an advertisement 😂😂👌
This training video was surprisingly helpful and basic. Great responsibility of articulating!
We run nonprofit organization; takes 80k, buys new home & furnitures, argues about family trip & pillows... That sounds pretty profitable to me :)
Yeah I don’t think you know what a not for profit organisation is
Geez people over explain... get to the point!!!!!!!
Makes sense thank you
Sounds like a battered spouse.
Her husband sounds controlling & it’s definitely not teamwork or balance in a marriage.
What’s a not for profit siphon salary?
I love the truth coming out beautifuly said amen.
Cant she be definitive in an answer. Dave is not a therapist. This is why hubby gets his way. I agree with dave, she sounds hella whiney.
But you guys just just got out of debt. Dont go crazy spending on unnecessary things . thats probably the husband's concern.
There's a lot not spoken here...
I am willing to bet she lacks discipline with money. She is not giving enough details on what the real problem is. They should each agree on how much money each can spend without permission.
How should a married couples budget be decided when both have disablities? When the one who is in charge of the money has nervous breakdowns due to finicances. I am such a cheapskate it can start an arguement about spending even $1. We talk about budgets but he does not understand the concept of money.
Dave are you on XM Radio?
My former husband always had money for his stuff. Ex
She can control the budget and tell him what to spend.
If you’re reading this don’t every get married if you make the mistake ( MEN) marry up always or you will be be bent over and DP’D
Divorce him before it get worse
You're an idiot
@@amorestperpe I agree with Pets--this doesn't bode well.
Young couple has their first stress over money and some loser shouts for divorce.
Some people's opinion isn't worth the 2 kilobytes it takes to store it.
What's the point of getting married if it causes all these issues, Females are strong, powerful, and can do anything guys can, why not just be single and make your own decisions and 💰🤔
her husband should learn how to cut his wife's hair, that would solve the problem LOL and they will save more.
Yeah my husband bleaches and dyes my hair for me! Besides that, I only get my hair cut once a year anyway
MAN! I'm glad I'm not married...
You don't have to be married to be in their situation. Have a child and live together and you end up with the same issues.
Jeff Zimmerman agree
Marriage can be wonderful just know who your marrying!
Still single??
That nervous laugh ticks me off. Grow up
These guys are 100% divorced.
Why say,"Better than I deserved" I guess the idea that you are sinner.
This is my marriage.
You married a frugal man! He compliant about you cutting and doing your hair get out of here. Get a job and make him pay child care so that way you can get pillows, your hair done and have someone else give you a break from the baby he so wanted. Or better yet, divorce him and have him pay child support, see how many pillows and hair do's can you afford. He's totally running over you, time to put on your big girl pants.
Crazy advice. Your mind is so corrupt
She only got a $10 per month hair budget and he going elk hunting, what planet is this and how did he get a wife 😳😳
Hair and makeup men aren't asking women to put on all this extra stuff. We just want clean face out the shower literally. Your human appearance minus accessories. Glitz glitter eagle talon nails someone else sold this concept
How Dave looks the same 10 years ago? It is like he has always been old
Feel bad for her
True
The husband is selfish!