I know several divorced people and based on the reasons for the divorce...don't cheat, don't hide things, don't lie, appreciate your partner. Don't stop working on yourself or your relationship after the wedding day. I also think it's important to actually want marriage. Don't propose or say yes if you're not sure. If you think divorce is inevitable or being miserable is inevitable...don't get married and let your partner find someone who is excited about marrying him/her.
The problem is that the other person can do all those things at will and you can't stop them cos they have free will. Then they take half even though you weren't the one that cheated/stole ect.
On point!! You have to (want the marriage) to work.. through the tough times as well. Most divorced people will change whatever the reason may be. Even the people I spoke to regret their decision of divorce. Better yourself each day and your partners. Make them feel special and important. Love them each day!! Then this will appreciate the time spent.
After 40+ years of marriage I can tell you the biggest mistake people make is thinking that once you have a wedding everyone will live happy ever after. Marriage is hard work and it cannot be set and forget because things change and you need to keep talking to each other. Things go wrong because the couples stop talking to each other
My husband and I have been married for 18 years. Marriage is wonderful and also can be a struggle. Both people have to be committed to the marriage and making it work. It is about your commitment to each other. You will face struggles if you are married. To make it through those struggles, you have to be willing to work through things. You can’t throw in the towel when things get tough or when your spouse doesn’t let you always have your way. It is give and take. Sometimes you have to be willing to give up a little and meet in the middle. Find a compromise that both parties can live with.
After being happily married for 40 years, I believe our success has come from sticking together through thick and thin. Same with all relationships. Parents, siblings, friends. As long as you show love and respect for me as a person, I’m going to be by your side no matter how bad things get.
It took 5 years for my marriage to end. 5 long years. Why were the years so long? Something started to happen that I never saw coming. He was controlling, verbally abusive and then…physically abusive. I came home one day and he was messing with the cat. I tried to stop him and he grabbed me by the throat and threw me across the room. He then threw the cat against the wall and broke her leg. She went to live with my parents after that. I could've told my parents but I didn't. I don't know why. After that it continued. I was punched, clawed, was constantly being yelled at about how I was fat, stupid, I didn't have a real job (I was a teacher) and so on. He told me that if it were legal he'd kill me. That was it. I kept saying that I wanted to get a divorce. He said he'd take our son if I did. But one day he said “fine, if you want a divorce then get a divorce.” I did, he tried to get back with me but I showed him the door after one night together. That's the reason I got a divorce. Thankfully it “only” lasted 5 years. No spouse should EVER have to go through that!! Additionally, If you're considering hiring a private investigator for proof of infidelity in a divorce case, Barry Investigations could be the right choice. By contacting them at Barryinvestigation@gmail. com, you can work with experienced professionals to uncover the truth. Make sure to discuss your legal rights and responsibilities, establish clear boundaries, and follow the investigator's guidelines to ensure a successful and discreet investigation.
Obviously not being divorced is a higher predictor of happiness though. That's like saying "Just because you have a broken leg doesn't mean you're unhappy" Ofc but having a broken leg usually isn't conducive to happiness.
@@bryanjacobs1423 but the point is that nobody looks at stats about married but unhappy couples, only married vs divorced, not even 'never married' people. They play the numbers to look like married people are always happier.
@@MP-nj1qy Yes but it will cost a pretty penny with a licensed therapist. Why not do a religious one, do the exercises, have the convos, fill out the little quizzes, exchange with other couples, role play fights and learn how to resolve them, role play major life changes, pregnancy, child rearing, sickness, buying a home etc... And just don't mind the religious talk. I loved the one at my church and you actually continue it as newlyweds until two years into the marriage. It's fun.
We didn't do preengagement counseling, but I heard from someone who did that what they liked about it is that they didn't feel the pressure of an engagement to hide issues or muscle through despite red flags.
Just know who you are marrying. You have to be on the same page financially and with your life goals. Many people marry hoping things get better or will "work out". I am so red-pilled it's not even funny, however, there are good women out there, they're just rare and hard to find. My wife and I are on the same page across the board.
@@stephaniejane306 There's a group of people who are so convinced that society is wrong, they think they've taken the "red pill" from the Matrix movie and have a higher plane of thinking. This typically involves a lot of hugely negative sweeping generalizations about women and people in power.
We're missing one key statistic: Andew is in Los Angeles, where 2/3 marriages end in divorce. He maybe has a good plan, but she comes from a culture of divorce where there is no social stigma, Odds are in a few years she will file for divorce citing irreconcilable differences i.e. "I'm not happy"
mastersfan04, well, there are 2 general reactions to divorce for people who come from families with lots of divorce. One is not thinking much of it as you describe and not actually holding marriage to a high standard of commitment. Another reaction is to avoid divorce at all costs because of how much you don’t like it. Sadly, it seems that the first reaction is more common statistically speaking.
@@r.rodriguez4991 i did watch the entire video. A good understanding of Statistics help us take better control in our decision making. Here's another one: of those 2/3 in CA that end in divorce, 80% of the time the petitioner is the female. This caller was male, so there is a good chance that he has no control at all of how and when his marriage will end. We live our lives by statistics all the time. For instance, we font drive 90 mph down a residential road where kids play, b/c ststistically someone is going to get hurt.
Love is service/work. i.e. "I love my country so I served it, etc" People be like "We fell out of love" well actually they stopped working at it (usually).
randallanimal they always say that stuff like “we grew apart,” but never explain what caused them to. I literally saw a man on Facebook post that he and his wife are divorcing after 40 years. That ticked me off and doesn’t make sense. It makes me scared to get married. I have no clue if they went to counseling, but that hurts to read. It sounds like he wants to be back with her, but she doesn’t want to be with him.
@@IWantToMature85 top reasons for divorce are lack of commitment, finances, infidelity. I don’t know how infidelity isn’t part of lack of commitment. Anyway, I’d argue infidelity is the major reason for divorce and since women are filing more, logically it’s the husbands who are doing the more of the cheating and effing up. Ashley Madison is still up and running, so you know what that means. In previous generations, women were lot lenient on husbands infidelity. Now they are not so lenient because they are capable of making their own money. And the men that saw their mothers, grandmothers tolerating cheating husbands and expect the same from their wives. It just doesn’t work that way anymore.
I love being married despite all the work. ALL relationships require work. You will not be HAPPY ALL the time with your mom, dad, children, coworkers, husband, wife, church, etc. You will need to choose to be present in all those relationships and put work in them for them to really be enjoyable. It will not always feel good but growth requires us to be uncomfortable. We are an immediate gratification culture in America and once we tire of something we want to throw it away. Marriage is not necessary to be happy but it worth it for those who choose it.
So much this. "I'm not happy!" "I'm bored!" "It's hard!" Somewhere along the way people got the idea that if you're not having the time of your life at all times, you have the right to walk away...from a church, a job, or any other commitment. It's sad.
People think saying “marriage is work” means you have a bad one. That’s not the case. You spend 30-40yrs if your life in your career, and you’d obviously agree *that’s* work. You’re spending your entire life with someone else ... why wouldn’t that also be considered “work”? Work just means effort. Of course you have to put effort into your marriage.
@@TeKnoVKNG23 also don't forget, every second of your life, you're getting slightly closer to dying... Oh and by the way, those hotel sheets on your last business trip were probably not very clean. *ahem* excuse me if I choose to be slightly less pessimistic in general.
I don't go on business trips so not to worried about that. You can be less pessimistic, no one said you couldn't be, I was just citing the statistics and showing why IMO a lot of people are turned off to marriage these days. It's probably also my own personal experience watching pretty much all of my friends get married in their early 20s and then go through really bad divorces in their mid-late 20s, plus watching my own parents fight for 26 years and my dad go through 2 divorces of his own. I've rarely in my own personal experience seen it work out well. I do have two sets of friends who have been happily married for 10+ years, but they are the exception to my experience thus far and once they had kids their marriage got quite a bit more rocky. It isn't for everyone, and the people who look at it that way are entitled to their opinion also. If you know walking into it that you already stand a 50% of it not working out and losing half your assets when it might not even be your fault, it is completely fine to be cautious and have a negative thought toward the idea when it's a complete coin flip.
100% know your partner in and out before marrying the person! See if your personality is compatible with him/her. It will be easier working things out if you know who your dealing with. 13 years strong in my relationship and I’m almost 30 🥰🙏🏽
I was with my husband since I was 16 but I married him two years ago. Father of both my kids. I married him when it felt right not because “it was the right thing to do” 🥰👌🏽
Don't get married knowing your entire life situation will change right after. Make sure you know where you both will work, that you won't be moving unless you have both been hoping to get out of your current place and know what the new place is like. Make sure you are staying close to family if you love being near your family. Do not assume that person will be capable of filling in for everything that is missing if you up and change environments. They are there to comfort you in unexpected times of need, don't cause those times of need by upending your whole life while getting used to married life.
1. money + fiances / education 2. kids 3. religion / politics 4. In-laws 5. Age + maturity / dating length ( don't get married at 20- your too young . Don't get married w/o dating for long enough to truly know the person) 6. Prenup ( I may get some raised eyebrows but in 2018, a prenup is just like marriage insurance. While you guys love each other decide how you want to split things up in case of divorce. The sad thing is that we are all humans and when we are in pain during a divorce we don't think logically and end up hurting each other. ) Keep fighting the good fight Dave.
Work on the pre marriage gig before the wedding. Exactly like Dave says. This is not a play time event. Why enter into the marriage with more problems than you need. Think and work it before you leap.
Poppycock. Why is it christians go around blithering about jc? You don't hear buddhists preaching about buddha or muslims about their god. And where is this god? In the center of the earth, living in what we know is just molten rock? Or out in space, where there's no god to be seen? He/she has to be somewhere. Where then?
I met my late husband Nov 1979, got engaged Feb 1980, got married Aug 1980. He was 31, I was 21. We were married up until Mar 31, 2019 when he died suddenly. We never gave getting married any deep thought or had any counseling beforehand. We agreed we wanted no kids. Things seem tougher now for couples than in the 80s.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I met my husband in 1980. We’ve been together since. We didn’t give much thought to a lot of it. We dated for a year or 2. Lived together for a few years. Then got married. The only thing we agreed on was not having children as well. The “why not” questions about children didn’t end until I was about 40 though. Lol.
If you play this video on 0.5× Dave sounds hammered giving marriage and divorce advice 🤣🤣🤣 By the way I LOVE Uncle Dave! Almost Debt free and hopefully I go and do a debt free scream!! I watch him everyday !!
This logic is very dangerous. It's like saying, "I'm going to eat McDonalds every day because you can't death proof your life by eating healthy." Obviously nothing is 100%, but actions have huge effects on the chances.
Just don’t get married plain and simple there will be no divorce then but people have to toe the line and think it won’t happen to them until it happens to them.
@@CerronPritchett Yes but you have to be upfront about that with your partner. I’ve seen plenty of men tell their girlfriend or baby momma that they will eventually which leads to future arguments years down the road when no question has been popped.
I wish I wouldve thought about this before marrying my first wife.... everyone in her family had been divorced or cheated... Me being dumb... no she wont do that to me... wrong. exactly what happened.
Divorce court is a win win situation for women. There is no incentive for a man in divorce court. Women always marry up financially it's been proved. As men we have everything to lose. The only good thing about Divorce court is that it will show you your soon to be ex wife's true colors.
@@MickeyR6 I paid for my divorces. My husband's have our kids. Times are changing. I had to split my business and property. Not ALL women get to keep everything.
I wonder if this book looks at causation versus collation. If you don't have kids before you're married - this indicates maturity and character. If you don't live together before you're married - this indicates maturity and character. If you attend worship together/know religion - this indicates maturity and character. If you go to college (planning for a career) - this indicates maturity and character. If you've worked hard/long enough to earn $50K - this indicates maturity and character. If you're a no good loser and you go do those things (other than church), you probably don't become that much less of a loser. Sounds more like a personality type.
Chicken and egg. If folks are sorted and disciplined enough to *want* to do things in that sequence they've got a better chance of being smart enough to know how to choose the right partner, resolve conflict and stay married. As well as this, how many of those 50% of failures can be attributed to the same people with multiple failed marriages?
Yeah I learned this the hard way. My marriage counselor says my wife and father in law have an enmeshed relationship with narcissistic tendencies. The father in law is the narcissist. The man is an absolute cancer and has brainwashed my wife to be his surrogate wife from an early age. You can see her struggle between wanting to break free and feeling guilty to be anything other than his little girl. Everything and everyone are his. She’s not my wife; she’s his daughter. He’s a lunatic!
There is no such thing as "divorce-proofing" a marriage. No marriage or partner is perfect. One or the both of you will always have grievances that make divorce look viable. I think a lot of people get divorced today because starting over is easier than fixing the relationship. Two people must make the decision to commit to that marriage and work on it and themselves every day. No matter what problem comes up, they have to be willing to honestly work through it, compromise, and put the other person before themselves. Divorce cannot be an option for either person.
You never really know who you marry. People usually change every 5 years . I suggest, study FAMILY LAW in your state before you let the GOVERNMENT AKA MARRIAGE in your life , to see how risky it is in your state, In florida its horrible for Men . Check the pros and cons --- Most likely you'll change your mind
Trust me , she will change with time- Just like You Will Change with time. From Music, politics, Clothes you wear , church you might go to - so on and so on . Were human ,we cant change That my friend
College has completely zero correlation with success in marriage, being fiscally responsible and caring ahead on your neck has more correlation with success in marriage. In fact if you went to college and you have a long rap sheet and you bring that into a relationship that way it might poison your future relationship in a marriage
So clearly you need to go back to school. Do you know the meaning of the word "correlation?"Clearly you do not. The word you are looking for is 'causation.'
As much as I love Dave I genuinely don't know why people get married these days. Seriously what benefit is there for a man to get married these days? All you are doing is inviting solicitors and judges into the end of your relationship and I definitely do NOT trust them!
Only 4% of married couples are on food stamps because it's not very hard to go over the maximum limit with a dual income house. It's actually very hard for both husband and wife to be working and still be eligible for food stamps and other welfare.
Exactly. Especially with the "living together before marriage". Logically, that's saying to me that those couples are more likely to be heavily religious, and hence be from communities which inherently discourage divorce, even when it's arguably in the best interests. It's like how ice cream consumption correlates with skin cancer rates. Not because the ice cream causes cancer, but because people eat ice cream in warm weather and therefore have greater sun exposure.
I love how criticism seems to spawn yet not one of you actually address the issue and just say don't get married. If you aren't smart enough to make your own marriage work then maybe you shouldn't give advice. Dave always says don't listen to someone who is broke on financial advice. Same thing here. Also if he is so "red-pilled" then why are you here if you aren't.
@@rerungirl I was agreeing with Dave and replying based on comments below. My comment was to address the multiple comments below saying don't get married yet offer no advice on how a marriage is to work or last. As for grammar we can flag each other all day long. You need something separating the "+ and he" above. However my intention was not a proofreading match.
@@briancobbin1412 Would you marry again? If so then you can't take your own advice. If not then you aren't happily married. I would never tell anyone not to get married, but the reason is only that I don't want involved in someone else's life. Marriage isn't a bad thing, but people think it is a tool and use it for the wrong purposes. But everyone has an opinion. That is mine.
The odds of marriage/divorce are 50-50. The odds for blackjack are 48%. Is there a study or simulation that compares the cost of marriage/family life vs. gambling that money at the blackjack table? For example, it takes about $250,000/child from birth to age 18, so the marriage single earner with 2 kids spends nearly $1 million on the wife and 2 kids over the course of 20 years. Which one would come out on top? $1 million on raising or family or $1 million at the blackjack table?
I honestly don’t know if I’d trust a pastor at a church to give me marriage counseling 🤷🏽♀️ churches aren’t confidential. Maybe I’d pay a Christian counselor in their own private practice
You can't divorce proof any marriage in the era of no fault divorce. Even if you get a prenuptial agreement the judge often throws it out ,so where does that leave you?
If divorce is all over her family tree, you have a huge chance that your marriage will end as well. Especially if her parent's got divorced. I would never sign a marriage contract. Especially in this day in age.
At the end of the day, it boils down to the individual. Not everyone comes from a 2 parent home but that doesn’t mean they aren’t the marrying type. There are many who’ve been surrounded by marriages and don’t want to ever be married just as there are people who’ve had single parent households that are happily married. By you saying that, you’re basically saying most millennials can never be married because most come from divorced homes. Previous generations, many married for support, finances, pedigree and regretted it and those that are getting married nowadays are more likely seeking love especially now that women don’t need to RELY on a man’s income for survival. Instead more focus is on what both individuals can create together (as it should be) and that has NOTHING to do with your parents choices. You might have some learned behaviors or traumas that you may need to figure out as an adult but everyone has some kind of baggage whether they are aware of it or not. But if people focus on loving themselves first and growing together, they can have a great marriage, even if it’s the first marriage in their family (for decades) and they just might be able to teach their parents and family members a lesson on love just by doing differently from them. Like I mentioned, it all depends on the individual.
@@jasonmatthews52 It depends. A carefully drafted prenup in a competent jurisdiction will be upheld. New York regularly upholds prenups. Depends which state you live in and its local laws. Get a prenup plus hide or secure certain assets either offshore or in crypto currencies that won't get declared with the government upon a divorce.
Prenup and even consider a postnup as things change. Those are more important than separate accts. There’s never a guarantee, but it gets you closer to a guarantee that both are there for love
Where can I find pre marital counselling if I’m not Christian? I would love to have these discussions with someone but I’m pretty sure my local church wouldn’t provide this service to non christians
Was going through alot with my spouse but I'm glad I came across SPYBRUNO on Instagrm, he got me access into her phone and I saw how much of a cheat she was,she's my ex now though..
@@jutde Funny. But it really translates to "I want to commit to you so HARD, that if one of us chooses to leave, I will give you my children, pay alimony, child support, lawyer fees and half of my assets."
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No. You can avoid getting divorced by resolving never to divorce your spouse and marrying someone who feels the same way. This "all or nothing" attitude is the attitude of cowards. "The only way to make sure you don't break your leg skiing is to not ski" Or you can learn how to ski properly and be confident in your ability.
B Gibson I agree that’s why you have to use God given discernment and wisdom when selecting a spouse! I have watched my two older brothers go through a divorce but they married narcissistic women! However, stay encouraged there are still some good women and men out there! 💐
@@TheRealestRT just to add ppl most also remember that we all are human and are not perfect. Mistakes are bound to happen. Sometimes you would have to put in more work at times then your partner. And PRAY!
It's a reference to both the movies Matrix (red pill vs. blue pill) and a social media plateform where males (some very toxic others not) talk about different subjects related to manhood and the male experience where they're from. They also give tips sometimes.
Like test driving a car, you have to test drive each other Love Living Money Are the most important things . If it's not working out, then it's better not to marry Both have to join together to help each other. Cant be all on one person.. dont be fool by the beauty. You better check it out top to botton NO KIDS for first time young couple. Never go out with someone with kids at young age 18-30
I know several divorced people and based on the reasons for the divorce...don't cheat, don't hide things, don't lie, appreciate your partner. Don't stop working on yourself or your relationship after the wedding day. I also think it's important to actually want marriage. Don't propose or say yes if you're not sure.
If you think divorce is inevitable or being miserable is inevitable...don't get married and let your partner find someone who is excited about marrying him/her.
I think this is one of the best recommendations I have ever heard about marriage. Thank you
The problem is that the other person can do all those things at will and you can't stop them cos they have free will. Then they take half even though you weren't the one that cheated/stole ect.
On point!! You have to (want the marriage) to work.. through the tough times as well. Most divorced people will change whatever the reason may be. Even the people I spoke to regret their decision of divorce. Better yourself each day and your partners. Make them feel special and important. Love them each day!! Then this will appreciate the time spent.
After 40+ years of marriage I can tell you the biggest mistake people make is thinking that once you have a wedding everyone will live happy ever after. Marriage is hard work and it cannot be set and forget because things change and you need to keep talking to each other. Things go wrong because the couples stop talking to each other
Basically don't be selfish.
My husband and I have been married for 18 years. Marriage is wonderful and also can be a struggle. Both people have to be committed to the marriage and making it work. It is about your commitment to each other. You will face struggles if you are married. To make it through those struggles, you have to be willing to work through things. You can’t throw in the towel when things get tough or when your spouse doesn’t let you always have your way. It is give and take. Sometimes you have to be willing to give up a little and meet in the middle. Find a compromise that both parties can live with.
He's a very smart guy. Asking for help. Many just follow the statistic but he wants to avoid them by informing him self. Great job
Even in a family where divorce is very common, all it takes is deciding that YOU will be the one that changes your family tree!!
The decision...followed by education, planning and disciplined action.
After being happily married for 40 years, I believe our success has come from sticking together through thick and thin. Same with all relationships. Parents, siblings, friends. As long as you show love and respect for me as a person, I’m going to be by your side no matter how bad things get.
Communication, morals, character, understanding, loyalty, etc.
100%
It took 5 years for my marriage to end. 5 long years. Why were the years so long? Something started to happen that I never saw coming. He was controlling, verbally abusive and then…physically abusive. I came home one day and he was messing with the cat. I tried to stop him and he grabbed me by the throat and threw me across the room. He then threw the cat against the wall and broke her leg. She went to live with my parents after that. I could've told my parents but I didn't. I don't know why. After that it continued. I was punched, clawed, was constantly being yelled at about how I was fat, stupid, I didn't have a real job (I was a teacher) and so on. He told me that if it were legal he'd kill me. That was it. I kept saying that I wanted to get a divorce. He said he'd take our son if I did. But one day he said “fine, if you want a divorce then get a divorce.” I did, he tried to get back with me but I showed him the door after one night together.
That's the reason I got a divorce. Thankfully it “only” lasted 5 years. No spouse should EVER have to go through that!!
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Just because you don’t get divorced doesn’t mean you’re happy. A lot of married couples sleep in separate beds by age 40
True also we don't know what is happening in their bedroom.
I know a lot of old couples who sleep in seperate beds. It's usually health issues.
Obviously not being divorced is a higher predictor of happiness though. That's like saying "Just because you have a broken leg doesn't mean you're unhappy" Ofc but having a broken leg usually isn't conducive to happiness.
@@bryanjacobs1423 but the point is that nobody looks at stats about married but unhappy couples, only married vs divorced, not even 'never married' people. They play the numbers to look like married people are always happier.
That's true but there are many happily married couples who have been married awhile
I’m not a statistic. We’re not a statistic.
We just really respect each other as people first. 40 happy years. Grateful every day.
We did preengagement and premarital counseling. I recommend it!
kay22100 Can I do that other than in a religious setting?
@@MP-nj1qy Yes but it will cost a pretty penny with a licensed therapist. Why not do a religious one, do the exercises, have the convos, fill out the little quizzes, exchange with other couples, role play fights and learn how to resolve them, role play major life changes, pregnancy, child rearing, sickness, buying a home etc...
And just don't mind the religious talk. I loved the one at my church and you actually continue it as newlyweds until two years into the marriage. It's fun.
We didn't do preengagement counseling, but I heard from someone who did that what they liked about it is that they didn't feel the pressure of an engagement to hide issues or muscle through despite red flags.
Just know who you are marrying. You have to be on the same page financially and with your life goals. Many people marry hoping things get better or will "work out". I am so red-pilled it's not even funny, however, there are good women out there, they're just rare and hard to find. My wife and I are on the same page across the board.
@Mike - What does red pilled mean please? Never heard this saying in Australia!
@@myopinion8882 I second that
@@stephaniejane306 There's a group of people who are so convinced that society is wrong, they think they've taken the "red pill" from the Matrix movie and have a higher plane of thinking. This typically involves a lot of hugely negative sweeping generalizations about women and people in power.
@@sydney45 thankyou for explaining. 😃
Love each other and get your finances in order
We're missing one key statistic: Andew is in Los Angeles, where 2/3 marriages end in divorce. He maybe has a good plan, but she comes from a culture of divorce where there is no social stigma, Odds are in a few years she will file for divorce citing irreconcilable differences i.e. "I'm not happy"
mastersfan04, well, there are 2 general reactions to divorce for people who come from families with lots of divorce. One is not thinking much of it as you describe and not actually holding marriage to a high standard of commitment. Another reaction is to avoid divorce at all costs because of how much you don’t like it. Sadly, it seems that the first reaction is more common statistically speaking.
@@r.rodriguez4991 i did watch the entire video. A good understanding of Statistics help us take better control in our decision making. Here's another one: of those 2/3 in CA that end in divorce, 80% of the time the petitioner is the female. This caller was male, so there is a good chance that he has no control at all of how and when his marriage will end. We live our lives by statistics all the time. For instance, we font drive 90 mph down a residential road where kids play, b/c ststistically someone is going to get hurt.
@@r.rodriguez4991 get a life
@@r.rodriguez4991 practice what you preach
Never listen to stats because every household is different also in who you choose for a real life partner is important!
I agree! Marriage takes work. I love being married to my husband.
Love is service/work. i.e. "I love my country so I served it, etc" People be like "We fell out of love" well actually they stopped working at it (usually).
LeeAnn Meline happy for you! We need more of that!
randallanimal they always say that stuff like “we grew apart,” but never explain what caused them to. I literally saw a man on Facebook post that he and his wife are divorcing after 40 years. That ticked me off and doesn’t make sense. It makes me scared to get married. I have no clue if they went to counseling, but that hurts to read. It sounds like he wants to be back with her, but she doesn’t want to be with him.
@@IWantToMature85 adultry really can put the nail in the coffin. Too hard to come back from that mistake.
@@IWantToMature85 top reasons for divorce are lack of commitment, finances, infidelity. I don’t know how infidelity isn’t part of lack of commitment. Anyway, I’d argue infidelity is the major reason for divorce and since women are filing more, logically it’s the husbands who are doing the more of the cheating and effing up. Ashley Madison is still up and running, so you know what that means. In previous generations, women were lot lenient on husbands infidelity. Now they are not so lenient because they are capable of making their own money. And the men that saw their mothers, grandmothers tolerating cheating husbands and expect the same from their wives. It just doesn’t work that way anymore.
I love being married despite all the work. ALL relationships require work. You will not be HAPPY ALL the time with your mom, dad, children, coworkers, husband, wife, church, etc. You will need to choose to be present in all those relationships and put work in them for them to really be enjoyable. It will not always feel good but growth requires us to be uncomfortable. We are an immediate gratification culture in America and once we tire of something we want to throw it away. Marriage is not necessary to be happy but it worth it for those who choose it.
So much this. "I'm not happy!" "I'm bored!" "It's hard!" Somewhere along the way people got the idea that if you're not having the time of your life at all times, you have the right to walk away...from a church, a job, or any other commitment. It's sad.
People think saying “marriage is work” means you have a bad one. That’s not the case. You spend 30-40yrs if your life in your career, and you’d obviously agree *that’s* work. You’re spending your entire life with someone else ... why wouldn’t that also be considered “work”? Work just means effort. Of course you have to put effort into your marriage.
Listen to Your Gut! If you don't feel right DO NOT FORCE IT AND...YOU CAN'T CHANGE ANOTHER'S PERSON'S BEHAVIOR-CAN'T DO IT!!!
People think divorce solves problems, but it just brings new ones.
Tbh the conclusion is people that know how to avoid mayor mistakes won't marry the wrong person
Every time Dave Ramsey posts anything about marriage the cynics gather...
life is worth fighting for Yep, came here just to read all the comments from the MGTOWs. 😂
@@unique32journalist I know, I have my popcorn ready haha 😁
The statistics don't lie...you're already going in at a 50% chance.
@@TeKnoVKNG23 also don't forget, every second of your life, you're getting slightly closer to dying... Oh and by the way, those hotel sheets on your last business trip were probably not very clean. *ahem* excuse me if I choose to be slightly less pessimistic in general.
I don't go on business trips so not to worried about that. You can be less pessimistic, no one said you couldn't be, I was just citing the statistics and showing why IMO a lot of people are turned off to marriage these days. It's probably also my own personal experience watching pretty much all of my friends get married in their early 20s and then go through really bad divorces in their mid-late 20s, plus watching my own parents fight for 26 years and my dad go through 2 divorces of his own. I've rarely in my own personal experience seen it work out well. I do have two sets of friends who have been happily married for 10+ years, but they are the exception to my experience thus far and once they had kids their marriage got quite a bit more rocky. It isn't for everyone, and the people who look at it that way are entitled to their opinion also. If you know walking into it that you already stand a 50% of it not working out and losing half your assets when it might not even be your fault, it is completely fine to be cautious and have a negative thought toward the idea when it's a complete coin flip.
100% know your partner in and out before marrying the person! See if your personality is compatible with him/her. It will be easier working things out if you know who your dealing with. 13 years strong in my relationship and I’m almost 30 🥰🙏🏽
Did u get married at 17?
I was with my husband since I was 16 but I married him two years ago. Father of both my kids. I married him when it felt right not because “it was the right thing to do” 🥰👌🏽
Don't get married knowing your entire life situation will change right after. Make sure you know where you both will work, that you won't be moving unless you have both been hoping to get out of your current place and know what the new place is like. Make sure you are staying close to family if you love being near your family. Do not assume that person will be capable of filling in for everything that is missing if you up and change environments. They are there to comfort you in unexpected times of need, don't cause those times of need by upending your whole life while getting used to married life.
Good points
YES!!! Great advise... I'm forwarding this to my grand-daughter who is engaged.
Aweee :)
1. money + fiances / education
2. kids
3. religion / politics
4. In-laws
5. Age + maturity / dating length ( don't get married at 20- your too young . Don't get married w/o dating for long enough to truly know the person)
6. Prenup ( I may get some raised eyebrows but in 2018, a prenup is just like marriage insurance. While you guys love each other decide how you want to split things up in case of divorce. The sad thing is that we are all humans and when we are in pain during a divorce we don't think logically and end up hurting each other. )
Keep fighting the good fight Dave.
Work on the pre marriage gig before the wedding. Exactly like Dave says. This is not a play time event. Why enter into the marriage with more problems than you need. Think and work it before you leap.
Yes agreed, godly pre marriage counseling is excellent.
discuss your upbringing-both good and negative.-how it affected you,etc.
Just don’t do it if you have second doubts.
“ She really came into a mess .” Yeah right Dave . You’re daughter-in-law walked into a very very blessed life and that’s for sure.
Both husband and wife being committed to the Lord Jesus Christ.
That is Greatest secret of making any Marriage work, both individually commitment to Christ .
Amen
And each other
Poppycock. Why is it christians go around blithering about jc? You don't hear buddhists preaching about buddha or muslims about their god. And where is this god? In the center of the earth, living in what we know is just molten rock? Or out in space, where there's no god to be seen? He/she has to be somewhere. Where then?
Wrong
I met my late husband Nov 1979, got engaged Feb 1980, got married Aug 1980. He was 31, I was 21. We were married up until Mar 31, 2019 when he died suddenly. We never gave getting married any deep thought or had any counseling beforehand. We agreed we wanted no kids. Things seem tougher now for couples than in the 80s.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I met my husband in 1980. We’ve been together since. We didn’t give much thought to a lot of it. We dated for a year or 2. Lived together for a few years. Then got married. The only thing we agreed on was not having children as well. The “why not” questions about children didn’t end until I was about 40 though. Lol.
If you play this video on 0.5× Dave sounds hammered giving marriage and divorce advice 🤣🤣🤣
By the way I LOVE Uncle Dave! Almost Debt free and hopefully I go and do a debt free scream!! I watch him everyday !!
Hopefully she is as concerned as he is and wants to work together because that's what marriage entails.
There is no way to divorce proof any marriage that's like saying how can I death proof my life there is no way to do that.
Cerron Pritchett many marriages work though
This logic is very dangerous. It's like saying, "I'm going to eat McDonalds every day because you can't death proof your life by eating healthy." Obviously nothing is 100%, but actions have huge effects on the chances.
Just don’t get married plain and simple there will be no divorce then but people have to toe the line and think it won’t happen to them until it happens to them.
@@CerronPritchett
Yes but you have to be upfront about that with your partner. I’ve seen plenty of men tell their girlfriend or baby momma that they will eventually which leads to future arguments years down the road when no question has been popped.
I wish I wouldve thought about this before marrying my first wife.... everyone in her family had been divorced or cheated... Me being dumb... no she wont do that to me... wrong. exactly what happened.
so sorry to hear that 😮
I love how redpilled Dave's audience is about financially protecting yourself from women.
More and more guys are learning. Hopefully more will learn the easy way and not the hard way
😆😆😆 It helps so much to do so. I like how you've said "red pilled."
Divorce court is a win win situation for women. There is no incentive for a man in divorce court. Women always marry up financially it's been proved. As men we have everything to lose. The only good thing about Divorce court is that it will show you your soon to be ex wife's true colors.
@@MickeyR6 I paid for my divorces. My husband's have our kids. Times are changing. I had to split my business and property. Not ALL women get to keep everything.
@@quoteme.goddess6957 so he's part of the low 20% good for him. Lucky guy.
I wonder if this book looks at causation versus collation.
If you don't have kids before you're married - this indicates maturity and character.
If you don't live together before you're married - this indicates maturity and character.
If you attend worship together/know religion - this indicates maturity and character.
If you go to college (planning for a career) - this indicates maturity and character.
If you've worked hard/long enough to earn $50K - this indicates maturity and character.
If you're a no good loser and you go do those things (other than church), you probably don't become that much less of a loser. Sounds more like a personality type.
Chicken and egg. If folks are sorted and disciplined enough to *want* to do things in that sequence they've got a better chance of being smart enough to know how to choose the right partner, resolve conflict and stay married. As well as this, how many of those 50% of failures can be attributed to the same people with multiple failed marriages?
Did anyone notice how he was ready to mute the caller until he realized it was genuine?
To divorce proof your marriage you need to first be sure you are not marrying a narcissist because there is no recovering from that.
Yeah I learned this the hard way. My marriage counselor says my wife and father in law have an enmeshed relationship with narcissistic tendencies. The father in law is the narcissist. The man is an absolute cancer and has brainwashed my wife to be his surrogate wife from an early age. You can see her struggle between wanting to break free and feeling guilty to be anything other than his little girl. Everything and everyone are his. She’s not my wife; she’s his daughter. He’s a lunatic!
There is no such thing as "divorce-proofing" a marriage. No marriage or partner is perfect. One or the both of you will always have grievances that make divorce look viable. I think a lot of people get divorced today because starting over is easier than fixing the relationship. Two people must make the decision to commit to that marriage and work on it and themselves every day. No matter what problem comes up, they have to be willing to honestly work through it, compromise, and put the other person before themselves. Divorce cannot be an option for either person.
I believe if divorce is common in your family it’s more likely. They think it’s normal
My daughter went and at least one couple did not continue to marriage
Great advice Dave!!!!
Am I tripping? Why there’s only captions in Russian and not English
You never really know who you marry. People usually change every 5 years . I suggest, study FAMILY LAW in your state before you let the GOVERNMENT AKA MARRIAGE in your life , to see how risky it is in your state, In florida its horrible for Men . Check the pros and cons --- Most likely you'll change your mind
They say you don't know your wife until she divorces you.
Also, there are no pros to mariage for a man
You should know who you marry. If your spouse changes drastically there must be a reason, always and always. Problems just don't come up instantly.
Trust me , she will change with time- Just like You Will Change with time. From Music, politics, Clothes you wear , church you might go to - so on and so on . Were human ,we cant change That my friend
@@jomontanee Possibly. That does not mean that the man is the cause of these problems or can do anything about them.
I always get the impression that Rachel is his favourote child
Keep up the good work David. God bless you and the Lord use you to lead lost and His sheep in Jesus name.
College has completely zero correlation with success in marriage, being fiscally responsible and caring ahead on your neck has more correlation with success in marriage. In fact if you went to college and you have a long rap sheet and you bring that into a relationship that way it might poison your future relationship in a marriage
So clearly you need to go back to school. Do you know the meaning of the word "correlation?"Clearly you do not. The word you are looking for is 'causation.'
It is true money issues cause divorce but the money issues are also a symptom if the fact that your idea of your partner role is different to theirs
High school? Check.
Have a job? Check.
Got married before kids? Oops!
I love this. Thank you so very much sir.
As much as I love Dave I genuinely don't know why people get married these days. Seriously what benefit is there for a man to get married these days? All you are doing is inviting solicitors and judges into the end of your relationship and I definitely do NOT trust them!
Only 4% of married couples are on food stamps because it's not very hard to go over the maximum limit with a dual income house. It's actually very hard for both husband and wife to be working and still be eligible for food stamps and other welfare.
I checked all the boxes. Educated, didn't live together, no kids prior, went to church, she still cheated. Don't get married.
Read "When sinners say I do"
I see some possible confusion between correlation and causation.
Exactly. Especially with the "living together before marriage". Logically, that's saying to me that those couples are more likely to be heavily religious, and hence be from communities which inherently discourage divorce, even when it's arguably in the best interests.
It's like how ice cream consumption correlates with skin cancer rates. Not because the ice cream causes cancer, but because people eat ice cream in warm weather and therefore have greater sun exposure.
Do you guys have these stats available for download?? Especially the ones you cited at the end.
I love how criticism seems to spawn yet not one of you actually address the issue and just say don't get married. If you aren't smart enough to make your own marriage work then maybe you shouldn't give advice. Dave always says don't listen to someone who is broke on financial advice. Same thing here. Also if he is so "red-pilled" then why are you here if you aren't.
Brandon Slatton I don’t understand your grammar exactly, but Ramsey is marriage is 25 years + he has the right to give advice.
@@rerungirl I was agreeing with Dave and replying based on comments below. My comment was to address the multiple comments below saying don't get married yet offer no advice on how a marriage is to work or last. As for grammar we can flag each other all day long. You need something separating the "+ and he" above. However my intention was not a proofreading match.
Brandon Slatton im in a good marriage. And id still tell all men not to get married. And im happily married.
@@briancobbin1412 Would you marry again? If so then you can't take your own advice. If not then you aren't happily married. I would never tell anyone not to get married, but the reason is only that I don't want involved in someone else's life. Marriage isn't a bad thing, but people think it is a tool and use it for the wrong purposes. But everyone has an opinion. That is mine.
The odds of marriage/divorce are 50-50. The odds for blackjack are 48%.
Is there a study or simulation that compares the cost of marriage/family life vs. gambling that money at the blackjack table?
For example, it takes about $250,000/child from birth to age 18, so the marriage single earner with 2 kids spends nearly $1 million on the wife and 2 kids over the course of 20 years.
Which one would come out on top? $1 million on raising or family or $1 million at the blackjack table?
I honestly don’t know if I’d trust a pastor at a church to give me marriage counseling 🤷🏽♀️ churches aren’t confidential. Maybe I’d pay a Christian counselor in their own private practice
You can't divorce proof any marriage in the era of no fault divorce. Even if you get a prenuptial agreement the judge often throws it out ,so where does that leave you?
Redwolf Archive what is no fault divorce?
Local Fixx wow, that sucks that the courts allow this
If divorce is all over her family tree, you have a huge chance that your marriage will end as well. Especially if her parent's got divorced. I would never sign a marriage contract. Especially in this day in age.
Miguel Navarrete this isn’t true.
@@willa1699 sure it isn't 👍😁
At the end of the day, it boils down to the individual. Not everyone comes from a 2 parent home but that doesn’t mean they aren’t the marrying type. There are many who’ve been surrounded by marriages and don’t want to ever be married just as there are people who’ve had single parent households that are happily married. By you saying that, you’re basically saying most millennials can never be married because most come from divorced homes. Previous generations, many married for support, finances, pedigree and regretted it and those that are getting married nowadays are more likely seeking love especially now that women don’t need to RELY on a man’s income for survival. Instead more focus is on what both individuals can create together (as it should be) and that has NOTHING to do with your parents choices. You might have some learned behaviors or traumas that you may need to figure out as an adult but everyone has some kind of baggage whether they are aware of it or not. But if people focus on loving themselves first and growing together, they can have a great marriage, even if it’s the first marriage in their family (for decades) and they just might be able to teach their parents and family members a lesson on love just by doing differently from them. Like I mentioned, it all depends on the individual.
prenup and talk to a lawyer before you get married
Woman cries to judge, judge invalidates prenup, you lose half your stuff. Better luck next time. Take the red pill bro.
Yup! Lawyer can claim the wife was "under duress" and "forced" to sign a prenup and the entire thing gets thrown out of court by the judge!
Prenups aren't worth the paper they're written on. They're easily thrown out and are used only to provide a false sense of security.
@@jasonmatthews52 It depends. A carefully drafted prenup in a competent jurisdiction will be upheld. New York regularly upholds prenups. Depends which state you live in and its local laws. Get a prenup plus hide or secure certain assets either offshore or in crypto currencies that won't get declared with the government upon a divorce.
Also, a prenup doesn't stop CHILD SUPPORT which is used for her necessities to so your basically indirectly paying for alimony also
Don't get Married....there, I just fixed the problem stopped someone from losing 1/2 their money
What’s the name of the book please? And the author? Thanks a lot
Shaunti Feldhahn, the good news about marriage
Prenup and even consider a postnup as things change. Those are more important than separate accts. There’s never a guarantee, but it gets you closer to a guarantee that both are there for love
That’s what my lawyer told me, so better to do a prenup and then a postnup. Those are more powerful.
Get your education on
Get your job
get the women
Then get your family on
Last thing is get a home
@Johnny Five Just get fixed and hire hookers. You might as well. Women are either on sale to the highest bidder, or for rent to thousands of men.
"How to make russian roulette safe"
Cyphlix 🤣
This^
Exactly!
Mariage is like playing russian roulette with a pistol, not a revolver
Where can I find pre marital counselling if I’m not Christian? I would love to have these discussions with someone but I’m pretty sure my local church wouldn’t provide this service to non christians
Was going through alot with my spouse but I'm glad I came across SPYBRUNO on Instagrm, he got me access into her phone and I saw how much of a cheat she was,she's my ex now though..
There are non-religious pre-marriage counselors out there. You can also consider the priest of your place of worship (temple, mosque, church, etc.).
Of course they would. Otherwise they wouldn't be Christians.
I wish Dave spoke more about how unbiblical divorce is, as well as remarriage after divorce.
How to get divorce to zero - Simple don't married it government program.
"I love you so much that I want to get the government involved!"
@@jutde Funny. But it really translates to "I want to commit to you so HARD, that if one of us chooses to leave, I will give you my children, pay alimony, child support, lawyer fees and half of my assets."
Not marrying in the first place is the best way to divorce proof your marriage.
Put your spouse first ahead of your friends and family.
....and when she ask you to do something or go to the store for her, JUST DO IT NOW NOT NEXT DAY !!!!!
Get rid of no-fault divorce. No-fault divorce laws have single-handedly destroyed the contract of marriage. Nothing else has impacted it more.
I was raised Catholic. I would not claim they do a fantastic job with premarital counseling.
Linda Julia well, he knows some that it worked it for. Don’t let past situations change your opinions of things
Not Roman Catholic, he means Christian.
@@alishaschlipp3784 he means protestant Christian. Catholics are Christians, just a different denomination of Christianity.
Yes. Catholic Church has great premarriage counseling!!
yes. We made it 33 years but our Priest quit to marry later himself. LOL I bet he saw how good we were going to be. LOL ( no body's perfect lol )
What kind of stupid oxymoron is this? You avoid divorce by avoiding marriage, especially as a man in today’s society.
The only certain way to prevent getting a divorce is to never get married in the first place.
Have always believed in love to cure many things but it only fed my narc’s enormous ego. it is important to be wise when dealing with a narcissist and I’m glad that darkwebprohack helped cloned my husband’s phone. i got access to his dealings both on phone and social media without touching his phone,I’m here in Miami Florida USA and able to access my husband’s phone with a cloned app even while his was away in the UK cheating on me.All I did was share my husband’s phone number with darkwebprohack and I was able to read both his new and deleted messages from my phone through a remote link to a programmed app containing cloned cell information without having to touch his phone...my husband was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad to find out all his secrets and infidelity with the help of darkwebprohack. My husband also tried to use this corona virus outbreak as a means to get back to me but I’m not stupid to allow someone so toxic back into my life, I’m finally going through divorce with a lot of evidence against him. i read all deleted and chat on Whats app,Facebook,Instagram and GPS location of his phone at all times, you can contact the great hacker via Gmail (darkwebprohack) or text and speak to him directly on the phone and Whats App +17076225057 and I hope you will fund the peace with your heart after finding the truth just like myself.
Separate bank accounts and prenup
Prenup is now a joke. Most judges ignor the prenups.
Plus prenups don’t avoid a divorce. The point is not to hate each other.
You should NEVRR have a separate bank acct when married. This causes division. Combine your life combine your money.
Start a business..put cars, property in an LLC. Check with your tax guy.
@@Tubular1517 Totally agree. It's a huge sign of inability to trust in each other.
Asking a question like this makes me think one's not sure about who one's marrying. I never would have asked this question. Is it just me?
I don’t see how living together first hurts the marriage.
same
People usually change after marriage.
Great!!
Pre-marriage counseling is fine if you take the religion out of it. Just talk to someone who has been married a long time that you trust.
Don't get married, you wont get divorced.
The only way to avoid getting divorced is to avoid getting married.
No. You can avoid getting divorced by resolving never to divorce your spouse and marrying someone who feels the same way. This "all or nothing" attitude is the attitude of cowards. "The only way to make sure you don't break your leg skiing is to not ski" Or you can learn how to ski properly and be confident in your ability.
Good god! Divorce before marriage
Either do it right or don't do it at all. Kids arent a good enough reason.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Don't get married!
Second that!
L. S third that
What if this caller asked about marrying another man, what would Dave say? Would he have taken that call?
Don’t know but I wouldn’t
It’s better to marry than to burn 🔥
You can still suffer if you marry the someone that is not for you.
B Gibson I agree that’s why you have to use God given discernment and wisdom when selecting a spouse! I have watched my two older brothers go through a divorce but they married narcissistic women! However, stay encouraged there are still some good women and men out there! 💐
@ The Realest RT, Great Advice , Great Perspective there.
@@TheRealestRT just to add ppl most also remember that we all are human and are not perfect. Mistakes are bound to happen. Sometimes you would have to put in more work at times then your partner. And PRAY!
PEOPLE NEED TO STOP ACTING LIKE MARRIAGE IS THE HOLY GRAIL SMH ITS NOT THAT SERIOUS. EVERYTHING IS NOT EVERYONE!
Best comment ever!
The caller is young but mature, a real man; and not a grown boy. Well done & god bless for your future plans
Read Gods word together and pray together first and foremost.
I have NEVER, NEVER seen any relationship or marriage fail if God was in the center
Do whatever she wants and let her do whoever she wants lol
No such thing
What does "red pilled" in the comments section mean? Never heard this saying in Australia!
It's a reference to both the movies Matrix (red pill vs. blue pill) and a social media plateform where males (some very toxic others not) talk about different subjects related to manhood and the male experience where they're from. They also give tips sometimes.
It's from the Matrix movies, It means you're aware of reality.
Dave Ramsey sir! Have you ever thought of making a dating app? I think it would be a kick! :D
Just type in your household income, debt, assets, etc and match with like-minded people
Like test driving a car, you have to test drive each other
Love
Living
Money
Are the most important things .
If it's not working out, then it's better not to marry
Both have to join together to help each other. Cant be all on one person.. dont be fool by the beauty. You better check it out top to botton
NO KIDS for first time young couple. Never go out with someone with kids at young age 18-30