The conversations this talk has started indicates that more discussions like this need to take place in the Muslim community. Thank-you Brother Khan for taking a lead on this subject. If there is no harmony in the home there will be none in the greater community.
I have so much more respect for this believe now. As a non believer I am not much in contact with muslims, and the only thing I hear from media is bad stuff.. I am so relieved to hear this.. I am really sorry that you need to deal with the stereotyping, and I hope people will realize that we can live all together in peace and harmony. No matter if you are atheist, christian, muslim or any other believe (or disbelief) Peace and love!
Rubiraba Salam ! You're very welcome :)). What led you to this video (Nouman Ali Khan is an awesome teacher in our community tho :D) ? Oh and since I invited you to Islam, are you christian at the moment (did you know we follow the teachings of Jesus more than the christians themselves?) or atheists (did you know we have proof of the existence of God?) ? =p (tell me if I start becoming annoying hihi)
I am an atheist, and I'm sorry but I really do not believe hehe. I read both books now, the bible and the quran, but I just don't believe it you see. But I do respect beliefs and I find them interesting. I understand that you want people to become muslim and I respect that you want to "save" me, but I can't be convinced. :P
Rubiraba Hihi it's okay I didn't want to 'save you', I wanted to share ;p (only God, if He exists as I believe, knows who's going to be saved yeah, I'm not saved myself). But wow you've read the Quran, I haven't finished it, yet I study it, I'm weird haha. I'm sooooo curious about you tho. How do you feel about the order in the universe, idk personally it mesmerizes me and it's weird to me to think that it was there by coïncidence, it's so 'intelligent' so there must be an intelligent force. If the sun was bigger we would all die, if one molecular bond was missing in H2O or CO2 we wouldn't survive either. Ohhh and what about the miraculous nature of the Quran, I find it amaziiiing :) ! Actually no sorry I talk too much hihi (my husband had to stop me before i write an essay lol). Oh and by the way, I accept your belief (or lack of belief). Each person has his/her own journey in life, and it's awesome :). If you want to learn about us (muslims, islam, etc...), this is cool : islam-guide.com I wish you the best of the best in this wonderful life, may Allah guide you. Enjoy seeking knowledge it's cool, surround yourself with positive people and take care of youuu :))) x
Wrong A person born as a male is a man and one born as female is a woman. The person who a abused her was a man who had no honour No such thing as real men or real women or fake women or not a real man Just people wothiut any honour
I believe in our society, its mostly because mothers never taught daughters to take a stand. They always tell them to stay in a relationship no matter what .. they are being told that their husband's house is their real homes and their husband's respect is their own respect which is completely wrong. Women especially daughters should be taught to respect themselves first only then they are able to respect others.
Even before a sis, daughter, mother she is a human and a slave of Allah swt first. Recognise her as that, first and foremost, and there'll be no need left to attach her value to a male relationship.
We really really really need more videos like these, especially the desi community around the world......our women and children are abused in the name of Islam so much that I felt like not believing in a religion which allows such cruelty until I gained a lil bit of knowledge about the true teachings and it's use. Plz Ust Nouman, plz make more videos on this topic, jazakumAllah khayr!
same here. I also find it extremely hard to follow a religion which is so much in favor of men. even tho I have firm faith in Allah and prophet Muhammad . i am from Pakistan and I think the reason why we lack behind is because the cancer our molvis are spreading.
Unfortunately in some culture abusive behaviour is praised, therefore seen as a manly, masculine quality - if you don't do or display this, you are not seen to be a man or man enough.
I am a revert black lady . Ive been married for 3 years n my husband is also using Islam as a shield for his dirty deeds n he uses it to control me but alhadillilah I still attend madressa n I am gain knowledge about Islam n I know that Islam is a pure riligion it just that my husband is using it to his advantage. I have learned to live with it because I stand up for my self n I have started doing things that make me happy n Allah alone happy I have open a creche n am busy with that , I still love him n do my wife lyrics duties but I've drawn the line between his Narcism n Islam. So I am really grateful for this and I am glad I found this kind of knowledge.
I went through this in an abusive marriage, Im glad that they are talking about this. At the time I was too young and naïve and I didn't know enough about Islam to challenge it. I stopped practising for years, was very damaged and its only now that Im really starting to heal, though I still feel angry.
kittycorr3 i can totally understand your feeling.I have just survived from a trauma like that.I was tortured and was left to die..but I survived some how.I feel rage in me .Frustation ,depression many emotions challenge me everyday to remember how I used to pray before ALLAH for a beautiful future before my marriage .I keep remembering how I was tortured everyday in the name of islam..but you know the only thing that can stop me from dying is that i have still faith on Allah.and still I pray for a better future ..i just wanna share with you mine experience with you..
I felt the same as you. For many years my rage would keep me awake at night, and only my faith in Allah and my love for my children stopped me killing myself, and its taken me years and years to heal - meanwhile he goes on living his life. But don't worry, Allah is just and Merciful, just try to do the best you can everyday and look for professional help too. xxx all my love, Amirah x
Do not loose hope in Allah just pray for forgiveness for neglecting your duties and ask Allah to guide you instead of allowing evil ideas like anger to creep into your life. they can harm you great.
Salaam, its high time we start having discussions and lectures like this. My opinion is that we continue on one hand with lectures about patience, forgiveness and love etc, and on the other hand, when to say you are done with the abuse. we need to learn to draw the red line as a community as far as what behaviors are not to be tolerated.
there is 0 shame in a divorce if your husband is cheating , abusing u mentally or physically ... or ur inlaws what ever the case may be i thing the huge stigma that surrounds divorce within my culture of indo pak has killed many many innocent women
@@danizay2833 I'm a 19 year boy and me, my siblings and my mom we are also suffering verbal, mental and psychology from my father he pray 5 times and feeling he is right but we are also tired of these things but can't able to do anything we can't earn by ourselves, no shelter, fear of society and reputation. I also don't know what to do
My Question is what about a Brother a Man who has suffered at the hands of a mentally ill Sister or Woman who lied to get him removed from their home to gain a management move and new location, resulting in the man being wrongfully arrested and placed in Prison on remand til the court hearing then eventually thrown out on the streets homeless in another county to try and survive as a punishment of being looked upon as guilty even before the court case had commenced, leaving the man depressed, humiliated and homeless resulting in him finally crashing and suffering a major break down ending up suicidal in psychiatric hospital with permanent depression for the rest of his life, all because of lies exaggerated claims by a then mentally ill woman with history of mental depression and abuse herself who encourage by others used the British Judicial system which favors the female in all cases here in the UK leaving the alleged offender the man in the relationship defenseless and desperate eventually leaving him scared wishing to die to simply ease his pain and torture that never disappears. What answers do you all have for him? Jazak
Brother/Sister Tracy Alan: All i can advise is maybe reverify with regards to the mental stability of the plaintiff during the time period of the accusation, as legal proceedings are often based/affected by the sanity of the complainant. Perhaps solicit the judiciary to look over the case again, with respect to her psychological state. May Allah protect us from injustice, Ameen.
too long ago bro I am a brother too lol. Life is what it is now and I try make best now as a revert Muslim and pray Inshaa Allah Allah swt will guide me.
Jazzakallah khairun amazing topic, very common n disturbing issue of Pakistani community. I think is not limited to abuse in relationships the problem is deeper because we as parents wants to keep holding on ruling our own kids, we think our kids are purpose of our life, our property or our future security and we want to ensure that they don't make any decisions that can cause in decrease of our hold on our kids lives. We also abuse Islam when we began controlling our kid's life to secure our own future position. This is not only selfish but also proves that faith on Allah is very weak. We demand things from our kids that we should demand from Allah our creator. May Allah guide us all. Ameen. We sensitive n extremely important topic jazakallah khair.
I swear ! People love to exaggerate , they act as though he's sitting on her lap. Poor man barely made any eye contact. It's not like he was checking her out , he was simply just concentrating on what she was saying . Smh our fellow brothers and sisters need to relax. So long as The "neya" is pure
Sulaiman Gafoor Asak !Sister is in hijab n the topic is so beneficial.Cant v pay attention to what they say instead of judgeing his gaze.We have heard so many of his lectures n brother is such a respectable person.
thank you very much for addressing this issue.i am a victim of this kind of abuse in the past.I have heard words like heaven lies beneath the feet of husband ,husband can beat you when ever he wishes ,he can forbid you to visit your parents!! for once i thought how possibly Our so kind lord ALLAH can make such abusive laws for wives! i started to got so many evil thoughts built in me for it and it was making me go away from my so loved and respected belief.but then ALLAH ties my heart and i feet instead of going away from ISLAM ,i need to know the real knowledge they are using against me.and i found ISLAM is beautiful in every ways.those evil fated people are using islam as a weapon to control people .i saw some people who lacks power of any kind such as education,wealth they tries to use islam to get some sort of power .this must be stopped.because other wise many people will blame Islamic laws but in reality the bad people should be the one to blame.
You right, but it's all lack of educations especially around women. The prophet Muhammad pbuh challenged the traditions that rules in the Arab society that time, verbally and practically. We need people like that and start talking about this topics.
I am a victam as well of abuse i been hit so many times i dont remember how many verbal abuse at its peek my kids are so young one is 8 and other is 5 idk how to get out of it i get harrased my kids will be taken away from me i lost all my family member no one want to do anything with me because my husband also abuse my family by calling them and saying bad things i am so lost idk what to do
This is exactly the kind of good advice and perspective I expect from Bayyinah and Nouman Ali Khan. I hope to see more of this in the future insha'allah.
Thank you very much for discussing this topic. I hope you can do much longer discussions specially focusing on a single topic of elders e.g., (parents) abusing youngers in the name of islam. Because nobody nobody discuss these issues.
Thank you for starting this conversation! Although it saddens me that our local mosques should be providing education and awareness of these issues but do nothing, I am heartened by people like Nouman Ali Khan and his enlightened views - the Internet is a powerful media and I wish it were used more to provide education on these difficult issues. Jzk.
Masha Allah May Allah bring unity among our families Ya Allah grant us deep understanding in this deen Ya Allah strengthen us to overcome our difficulties and obstacles with beautiful patience Ya Allah bless us with goodness in this world and the next
Jazakumallahkhairan for sharing this must needed lecture with public and for being the forerunners of issues as important as these. I hope that we will be seeing more talks such as these in the future inshaAllah.
Finally somebody has spoken on this topic, Thank you so very much. My Mom confesses to hating the girl child. I've been searching for an Islamic solution to my problem all my life. Can we have more of such discussions please.
I love Allah but this past month my poor excuse for a father has been very nasty in the house. When I defend myself my mother tells me to shut up and Islam doesn't tolerate this. Honestly, this is distancing me from Allah. I don't understand how Allah expects me to remain silent after being treated worse than dirt. I have had enough of life, I have never asked for any of it.
before contacting authority, plz talk to a muslim scholar instead. it is better to solve this family issue than to involve authority that in many cases at least where i live would just literally take the children and replace them in another city with non-muslim parents
Parents need to learn how to be loving towards a child. And a child needs to learn how to respect their parents....this relationship breaks down due to lack of following your deen and being strong. May Allah swt guide us all Ameen.
I have been there too bro. I remember asking myself too that I had never asked for life or these problems I am having and Subhanallah how that was me some months ago. Now however I feel I have found the answer and it just all lies in learning your deen further. So take that step and I pray for you that you find what you're looking for. Fee Amanillah.
Assalaam alaikum. This video on so many forms of abuse specially parents that do with their children, was an eye opener. I always believe children of all ages should be respected. And given explanation with logic and not fear of Allah. Even most Molvi build fear for ISLAM and ALLAH which is so wrong. They should be stopped from misusing Islam for their power!
Salam my sister is going though this her in laws are giving her very hard time every time I call her she cries and it's so sad I can't help as well May Allah help my sister and all the people who's going through this Ameen
+oin154 our beloved Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) NEVER forced anyone to become muslim. Islam teaches us to defend ourselves but we never start the fight. Please read the quran and understand it and then you can ask questions with respect and not attack it. Give respect, receive respect.
this isn't a muslim problem only. i'm a christian and i've seen abuse in relationships, and the woman (usually,but not all the time) is told that her husband has authority over her. or she's told, if she prayed harder and was a better wife, he wouldn't hit/hurt/yell at her. plenty of people use their faith as an excuse for bad actions. i admit, i don't get the direct eye contact thing. i don't see how it's a bad thing, it's polite.
These people are the reason some religious people leave religion and become its biggest enemies. Religion's biggest enemy is a religious ignorant extremist
@@Spookwithme That is incorrect. They don't. A Muslim woman can legally take her husband to an Islamic Shariah governed court that will grant her protection and safety as well as divorce. "Give her food when you take food, clothe her when you clothe yourself, do not revile her face, and do not beat her"- Prophet Muhammad. Later on, he mentioned that domestic abuse is heavily sinful and a violation of God's creation. Hope that helps.
@@Spookwithme No, it is not ok in Islam to"lightly beat" their wives or do honor killings. That's cultural misinterpretation of the religion. The Prophet (may pleace be upon him) never beat his wife.
I am a muslim girl and the commentator is right islam does allow light beating...it hurts ne to knoww too Read surah al nisa 4:34 if a woman is rebellious the man can gently advise her then forskae her in bed and then as a last resort strike her..nit violently just to express your Anger wothout any brusises ....when thus verse has been specified many muslim become extremely abusive physically as allah had made them quwwam over women
Asalaamu Alaikum Brother Ali Khan Jazakallahu Khayran By Allahu Ta A'laa may you succeed in your contribution to the Ummah of Rasoolullah Salallahu Alayhi Wa Salaam.May He bless you& your family. Ameen
I really appreciate that NAK speaks on these issues but I really wish he would do a talk in urdu so (pakistani) parents who do this would understand how harmful the emotional abuse they inflict on their children really is and how it can affect them even after they grow up. Its so sad that religion is used to justify such terrible mentalities.
Islam is also called deen al fitra which means religion of nature. It agrees with human nature which can enhance our lives if we were to follow this religion.
+raphael44ify There's a discrepancy between "equality" and "justice". If you have two kids, one loves football/hates ballet, the other loves ballet/hates football and you enroll both in a 1 year ballet course, it's "equal" ie they're both getting the same thing, but there's no justice. Each child has a unique demeanor and set of likes/dislikes, and to treat them as one personality necessarily entails injustice. Similarly, no matter how we try and slice it, and despite the post-modern effort to suggest otherwise, men and women are in fact different. The obvious way is we're biologically/physiologically different, but we're also psychologically different, for the most part. This is established by modern psychology (read about personality theory/temperaments; there's an overwhelming discrepancy between males and females in which certain temperaments are under/overrepresented in one sex vs the other). I say "for the most part" bc of course there are always exceptions to the rule.
+raphael44ify An example from Quran is the fact that a female's inheritence is less than that of a male. However, her inheritence is hers alone, she has no obligations to spend it on anyone, unlike men, who are obligated to provide for the women of their family. It's not "equal" but it's "just". Where men are given an advantageous position regarding one aspect, women are similarly compensated in another aspect.
A woman I know told me that her husband even told her there was a hadith that said people don't need more than 6 hours of sleep, early in their relationship, in order to deprive her of sleep... Would even call her when she was visiting her mother to make sure she getting wasn't sleeping enough... And the worst part is she actually believed him for a few weeks, then it hit her, there were no clocks back then, how did they keep track of exact 6 hours, when she asked him he just brushed it away as if it didn't matter... Meanwhile for those few weeks she was constantly depriving herself of sleep in order to please Allah and her husband (in her mind)...
@@kanizfatima1377 yes, she should have indeed realized it earlier, his large beard and constant references to Sahaba RA created a sense of him being more knowledgeable in religious matters. The husband himself was sleeping around 9 hours each day, that's what made her realize he that he truly did not care about any hadith.
Honestly I used to think why do people hate Islam so much. But when I hear and see these people I think I would have hated Islam as well if I didn't know about it.
Alhamdulillâhi Rabbil âlamiin. Allâhumma Salli alâ Seyyidinâ Mawlâna Muhammadin Wa Sallim. Thank you Ustadh for sharing your knowledge with us. May ALLÂH SWT Rewards You. May ALLÂH SWT Protect Bless Help Guide us and Grant us jannah. Ameen Ameen
Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan is really someone who is a great role model to all the Muslims in the world under the current situations... there are so less people in our society who we know .. who are understanding and appreciating ..that people must have flocked to him with all types of problems and scenarios hoping for guidance and help. We can only imagine what all types of cases he must have heard or dealt with...but that did make him take up the this issue which is so common yet given so little heed..the problem is that Muslims are not just stereotyped by the outside communities ..we mentally stereotype our-self too..if someone has a long beard..stay away from them they are too conservative.. if a woman likes jewelry she is a muslim just for show,..is a Muslim is a language linguistic...they should only learn Arabic..why other languages? i hope that this new generation breaks the old boundaries and InShaAllah may we have leaders in all varied forms of frontiers of human race who are good muslims so that the coming generations truly see the real islam.
It's so difficult when you don't know what to do, no matter how hard to try to find an answer. An example like that is when the children are already having a job, saving money for their future, but the parent constantly wants to manage the salary, and even going further into claiming that the salary actually belongs to them. Now, I did come across a hadith that confirms this, but... what about the sister trying to save for college?
Our sin is our only real hurt. So many are hurting themselves more than what they think they're doing to others. Intellectual/spirituall honesty is the best treatment for self, and everyone. The best fear is moral/spiritual precaution. Tauhid. Taqwa.
Tracchofyre Exactly!!! like wtf??? All these years I heard him saying in lectures 'lower your gaze lower your gaze even lower your gaze with your female cousins don't even talk to them'' and in one lecture he tells couples not to have lunch/dinner with another couple.... and now he's staring at this woman and talking to her what the hell? This is hypocrisy.
Tracchofyre im a Christian and I find it polite to look at someone in the EYES when they are talking as long as your not looking down , as long as your heart is pure from negative thoughts and being respectful their is nothing wrong
Yakhi, something is haraam if it really has more harm than benefit.. then it just becomes makrooh(discouraged) because it may lead to haraam, it is then merely advised to be cautious. Yes, we’re told to restrain our gaze IF it’ll cause more harm than benefit.. when is that? when you set your gaze upon her merely to admire her appearance. But, In a situation like this.. obviously, more benefit is coming out of it & of course Nouman is being cautious.. he knows very well what lectures he’s given on the topic okay? Consumption of alcohol is haram but for medicinal purposes it is makrooh(discouraged so be cautious). Restraining ones gaze is by the way, only highly encouraged and not obligatory.. but extremes like voyeurism & leching is haraam. Please brother, they’re all trying to unite the Ummah once again to how it was before sectarianism brough division to Ummah.
walladheena aamanoo ashaddu hubban lillah. Allah Ta'aalaa teaches us in the Quran. Instilling love for Allah Ta'aalaa should be the great concern in us as muslimoon.
I think the same way she was thinking. Supposedly الله SWT tested us with this problem so that we'll learn a wisdom behind it and figure out the solution together.
My husband abuses me in 1 week of marriage and 2Years of relationship and tell me he will throw Mehr on my face and tell me that he will get marry in 1 week with a girl beautiful than Katrina kaif (Indian actress) and I stop talking to him and he says sorry next day as he was drunk and wanted me to come back... I didn't go back and he is calling me azabi that I am making my husband cry .. and calling me shameless for bothering him by not talking to him.. ( I can't use works what he says to me (abuse to next level) he says he can buy girls to sleep with him.. I don't want to go back and see his face, but I want Allah to give him hidayit to be a good Muslim... that's all.. May Allah protect all the girls, womes and innocent people, kids and poor...
I really think that the Muslim community needs a Counseling care for individuals facing abusive relationships, some sort of a careline by proper Muslim Counsel institutions to save troubled individuals. Statistics is collected so we can address the community more holistically. Kids and individuals have an avenue to grow beyond the abuse . And I dont mean 'religous schools '. The narative is usually,.. when you have a naughty kid , dump them in religious schools. We need a Muslim counseling platform. Do we have such institutions?
Nouman ali khan brother.. MASHALLAH niCee discussion.. i wud likeyou to make more videos n lectures over this topic .. i am a victim of domestic &sexual abuse many times. i am 21 years old now.. but still cant do anythng :(
Listening to an avoidant manner is a major listening. That'll help us understand/quietly consider the intention of certain actions. Listen to spiritual virtues first, and foremost. Tauhid. Taqwa. Isti'adha. Tasbih. Kalimah. Taubah to Allah. Astaghfirullah.
Nouman Ali Khan you're absolutely right. That's something we see in the Somali community, can't say I've been verbally abused or I had the same experience where one of my parents would use verses in the Quran against me. If I do I'll probably get punished in the hereafter. There's some parents that straight up do what they're doing and they don't care. I mean imagine having a child having a disability then his or her parents are mistreating him or her. It's just sad, to be honest. There are some somali parents that will literally say you know the good thing about being a parent. Is that you're prayers or duas are accepted when you curse your children. When they're not obeying the rules. And some children can be innocent. Some people like Sh Menk would consider this a religious black mail! And yeah the number one reason why children leave Islam are the cause of the parents.
Older brothers abuse little sisters too! It's not just parents. Parents put the sons on a pedestal until they become narcissists and then they feel they have the right to emotionally abuse, manipulate bully, and control. Because in their world respect and obedience is fard regardless of how abusive they are. And speaking up and standing up for yourself is disrespectful.
My dad used to beat my mother and my elder brother. In return, my mother took out her frustration on me ( for the crime of drinking the breast-milk of my dad's sister who was my mom's nemesis at the time, I was a baby at the time but was still evil according to my mother). No one in my family used to perform Salah. Despite living in an Arab country and us kids going to madrasah in addition to the Islamic classes at school. I would sometimes perform a Salah. And the next time I did something naughty (as children do because they are children) , this was my mother's abuse " oh you pray and you fight with your brothers/talk back to your mother. Then for what reason are you praying? is this why you are praying ?" Somehow all my crimes were tallied against my "pretence" of Salah. Times have changed but the anger remains. My mother is maybe not the same person yet the anger in me remains. Maybe she had her reasons yet forgiveness is not easy. I think I'm over it but the anger always returns.
@@nailanoorein2086 So strange to see this old comment. Things got a lot worse beyond this point. I gained clarity in the process and saw clearly how evil it was for a mother to pick on her daughter the way she did. No child is evil. But many adults certainly are. In a better place now, alhamdulillah.
I get verbal abuse from my mother and sister and I thought I was strong enough to handle it but it's slowly breaking me. Ever since I was little I was always there for my mum in a way my sister wasn't. If she wanted me to help her clean the house, I would do it. If she wanted me to help her with something, I was there. My sister never did that for my mum. However recently she has become upset with me because I have gained weight. She says things like 'there are no fat people in our house' and insinuates that no-one will marry me because of my weight. There is not a day that goes by where she doesn't call me fat. I feel like I have disappointed my mother because I have gained weight. However at the same time, I feel unloved my her, because it shouldn't matter what I look like, you should accept me for who I am. I feel like, to be accepted my her I will need to lose weight. ( roughly I am a size 12-14) My sister has always hated me form the day I was born. She has always treated me like shit. She will paint me out to be the bad person when ever we meet new people/ For example, we were going on holiday to meet my cousins for the first time, and she said things like' they will just hate you, no one will like you', and less than a week at our cousins house she was spreading lies about me that I was talking bad about them, thankfully they didn't believe her. She is lazy she does nothing around the house but because she is the oldest one, my parents favour her. She would verbally abuse me by saying things like 'your fat' and 'no one like you'. I don't know what to do with this type of abuse because she has my parents on her side. My dad doesn't treat me with respect either, he sexually abused me when I was 13 and I have never told anyone about it. Coming from a strict Muslim family, this would break our house even more that it already is. However he too sticks up for my sister, even when she is in the wrong. I don't know what I have done in my life to deserve this kind of torture from my own family. But the worse part is I can't do anything about it. I have to wipe my tears and fake a smile and pretend that everything is OK, when I am slowly dying inside.
I am so sorry about the problems you're facing. I cant imagine the pains you are suffering from. My advice is to please seek help outside of the family from someone like an imam who can settle the issues privately with you or they will continue to devour you. Perform your prayers and know in your heart that on the day of reconning, justice will be served by the all mighty for He is all just. InshaAllah, you will get the help if you ask Allah. I was going through family troubles as well and Alhamdulillah, I swear Allah has answered my prayers! No doubt it was God's work! It felt like magic, things were finally properly falling into place! Just pray your dailies and begin TAHAJJUD! Wake up during the last 1/3 of the night and pray your heart out! Allah swt is listening. When you take a step to Him, he will run to you! Follow the etiquettes of dua and make them in that exact way. Be grateful to Allah and He will undoubtedly increase you and increase you! In anything! Remember his attributes. He is most gracious and most merciful! ♡
+Tabby .S Assalam wa alaykoum sister I'm so sad to see that you're facing so much difficulties in your life But you know, Allah testes those He loves and He sure loves you, He loves all of us The advices of +bengalifob2 are amazing, I think you should do that And please, never ever lose hope in Allah for He is the All-Hearing, the All-Knowing and the Most Caring. You feel that He doesn't answer to your prayers but He is the Wise and He knows why he's doing this. He will relieve you if you trust Him. Just trust Him, focuse on duas, focuse on Him in your prayers and never lose hope. I pray for you sister, may Allah help you facing these hardships
Dear, always ask Allah for righteous husband because it's means a lot for us, women. I am sorry for all you had to go through. Please remember someone here makes doa to Allah asking happiness for you in Dunya and Akhirah. 😘
Tabby .S I've gone through some tough times too. We all do. Just read these and inshaAllah they'll be of some comfort to you :) Remember the 99 names of Allah, some of them being the Merciful, the Protector, AR-RAHMAN, the ALL-KNOWING. He is the Fairest of all Judges. The 3 Ways in Which Allah Accepts Dua 1. He answers your dua in this duniya and you receive what you had prayed for. 2. He instead answers by saving you from an affliction of equal magnitude. 3. He does not grant your dua in this duniya but you will receive something far better in the akhirat and you will end up wishing to yourself instead that Allah had not answered any of your duas in the duniya so that you would have received instead the rewards which are infinitely better in the akhirat. s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/a1/a4/20/a1a4204d2a4de1ae4a996363c6a207c0.jpg 1.bp.blogspot.com/-sq-zTQx6FnE/VS-a4U4URwI/AAAAAAAAAVI/vQS0X39dilU/s1600/998748_3356467327807_335467689_n.jpg facebook.com/IslamicTube/photos/a.599186523458650.1073741825.139870006056973/960819750628657/?type=3
Don't talk about his gaze!!! The man can have conversations with people without being afraid to look upon their faces. It's uncomfortable culturally for many to continually look people in the eyes but it's a sign of DISRESPECT in the USA to not look into the persons eyes. That's just the way it is. Also, just because the man has eyes doesn't mean he lets his penis control him. He's not trash like so many other men who have no mental or physical self control or sense on boundaries.
Salamualaykum. I understand about the community stepping in when it comes to verbal abuse. But when we are talking about physical or sexual abuse is that really wise? The police and social services have better knowledge and training to deal with that and let's be honest, in some cases it's better for the victims to be taken away from the abusers. In the uk when we have child protection training we are told of so many different ways that someone who is only trying to help can jeopardise a case against an abuser. Shouldn't we leave this to the professionals?
Helena Mohamed Yes in worst cases professionals must handle it. But these things happen in first place when you are not practicing Islam in the right way, but following your own devilish desires.
i grew up with an abusive father. in every way possible. ive tried to commit suicide on multiple occasions because of how bad he was. my mom doesn't understand mental health. she doesnt understand the concept of it. i have no one to talk to. its hard man. its hard
Be resilient! Everything is accounted for with Allah swt and make lots of duaa during this period of your life. Many forget that the duaa of the oppressed never goes unanswered-pls take full advantage of it. And PLEASE talk to someone, it helps more than you can imagine. May Allah grant you ease!
I grew up in terrible spiritual abuse, and I have come to the conclusion that if this is such a widespread problem among Muslims, we need to seriously look at reforming the rules that disadvantage women. Why do women receive half the inheritance of men? Why do women have to wear their faith on their sleeves (hijab) and men don't? Why do women bear the responsibility of modesty and covering hair when men should be the ones practicing self control? (What is wrong with a woman feeling beautiful and confident?) we need to recognize that Quran and Hadith have been interpreted largely by men in a certain context and time and be real about the implications this has for Muslim women.
+aveclasse17 Hi. I know it's a late reply, but i feel i should share my view on this. As a Muslim Woman, who wears hijab. i don't feel that i am at a disadvantage at all. You've been viewing this from the wrong perspective. When hearing a ruling it is wise to find the reasons for it. Women receive half the inheritance because what they get is their and their alone. If they're married their husband gets nothing out of it. it's theirs. Where as with the men they get the inheritance and it's not his alone. it's belongs to his wife and family as well and if he is a wali to a member of the family he has to use his inheritance to look after her. I think ustaadh has a talk on this or it might be Mufti Menk. i stand under correction. Women wear hijab because our religion view women as jewels. If you own jewels you don't put them on display for the world to see. you keep it safe in a well protected place. Women hold such a high place in Islam that she holds a position 3 time higher the husband. And if you think about it beauty is more often associated with women than men. Its also serves as a protection for her. Yes dressing up nice boosts confidence, but what makes you feel that way? the attention of men? why should men's opinion make women feel better. If i got all dressed up in a non-hijabi way and i got compliments it would boost my confidence, but likewise if i got insults i'd feel terrible. Doing that empowers the people around you to dictate how you feel about yourself. Covering up allows people to view you as you, your intellect, your inner beauty, your personality, etc. With regards to the physical protection, a man is more likely to attack/go after a women who is dressed attractively with less clothing than someone who is completely covered up. Just on a side note, i am a hijabi and i feel just a confident dressed the way i do. i feel liberated, because it allows people around me and especially in my work place to pay attention to my brain and character not my body. if that's not real empowerment then i don't no what is. i don't have all the answers but i know that Islam does not put woman at a disadvantage.
In the topic of abusive parents, we have th opposite where many cases of abusive children towards their parents. And these children are grown adults who bully their parents.
I got abused by both parents. They disowned me, my mother left when I was a month old and came back by force when I was 12. Been abused from the age of 3-20
khawla sorry you were treated that way. Parents really need to learn to raise a child, not just conceive for sexual pleasure. Counseling is only good to give you company honestly otherwise it’s “kharah” lol. I’m doing better now but you must kno I have PTSD from my earlier life. It’s not easy.
Yakhi, something is haraam if it really has more harm than benefit.. then it just becomes makrooh(discouraged) because it may lead to haraam, it is then merely advised to be cautious. Yes, we’re told to restrain our gaze IF it’ll cause more harm than benefit.. when is that? when you set your gaze upon her merely to admire her appearance. But, In a situation like this.. obviously, more benefit is coming out of it & of course Nouman is being cautious.. he knows very well what lectures he’s given on the topic okay? Consumption of alcohol is haram but for medicinal purposes it is makrooh(discouraged so be cautious). Restraining ones gaze is by the way, only highly encouraged and not obligatory.. but extremes like voyeurism & leching is haraam. Please brother, they’re all trying to unite the Ummah once again to how it was before sectarianism brough division to Ummah.
We protested against the parental abuse and Astaghfirullah provided with cruel Backlash and scathing comments instead of a single sincere advice . Now left everything in the Hands of Allah Subhan Wa Ta'alaa ..... A person who has no one But Allah on His Side ... Then one day Allah Helps Him/Her in the Darkness to come out for sure. Parents who sow Fire 🔥 in the hearts of their children must not dare to expect reaping flowers out of their hearts for themselves .... Children may be dutiful to you obedient as well ..... Just because of the fear and respect they Have for Allah .... But surely know ....keep in your minds such children don't have an iota of LOVE for you in their hearts. Don't be fool and let others befooled. Allah knows what you all do.
No, pls don't force victims of abuse to forgive their abusers, no matter who the abuser is. For anyone who really wants to help victims, provide them with resources to allow them the safe space and time needed to heal in whatever way they need to. Forgiveness should be entirely up to the victim, and they have every right to feel angry and bitter at the abusers who harmed them. I get so so sick of the narrative that pushes victims to forgive their abusers above getting the healing they need, to the point that victims feel guilty for cutting contact. It's so awful and disgusting and anger-inducing to hear victims worry about being bad wives/children for leaving their abusers and protecting themselves, when we all know damn well that their abusers feel no guilt whatsoever in inflicting physical/psychological/emotional pain on them.
So true, focus on the victims not the abusers, help them get their lives back, and punish the abusers, take their privileges away so they can’t do more harm, let the abusers suffer like they did to their victims, zero tolerance for abuse.
Pakistani Arab Indian and all the Muslims in the world that come from diffrent culture. This is a wake up call, I have seen mothers get abused by there husband while the children watch the verbal and physical abuse of there mother. I have seen it in my own family aunty talking bad about there husband. Children getting abused by there parents. Parents calling there children horrible names. And covering it up with some lies that Islam does not teach us. And when young men get older they seen there mother get abused by there father, they start to abuse there own wife when they get married. I have also seen Mulana parents abusing the hell out of there children. Saying ti them everything is haram.
The thing that I'd really like to know more about is what does the person who is being abused do? It's all well and good to admonish the acts of the parents or husband and say that it is not condoned in Islam, but when a person is not able to get the support of their family or their community (which is unfortunately the case too often), particularly when this abuse has been developed to be culturally systemic, it is difficult to assert your rights in islam and stop the abuse from happening, particularly with financial or emotional abuse, where a woman is forbidden from outside contact, or is made to be wholly financially dependent on their spouse, or where the excuse of male contact in the outside world is used to shelter girls and make it difficult for them to find help and support. I don't know if anyone has come across this video (vimeo.com/196593911) already, but I think there is a definite barrier for Muslim women in those kinds of situations to find help which I think should be adequately addressed. Even for educated women, it is even worse to be frustrated from growth and healthy relationships, because of being caught up in this cultural system. What do people in situations like this do? I'd love if anyone could refer me to some information about this if possible.
May Wiloughby being able to talk to males is the dumbest excuse of all time. Because at the end of the day parents never say “oh there’s females out there so you boys have to stay sheltered in the house because you’ll sin if you talk to them” parents never say this stuff. That’s why I think it’s a dumb excuse
Years go by, you lose all hope from people around you to offer help or even worse they enable the abusers, even if you get educated about the situation and know your rights, there is no help coming, they say to you to get over it, accept reality, ignore what is happening, live with it, be smart about it, anything but actual help, anything but removing the victims from the abusive situation, they see your attempts to ask for help is foolish, pathetic, naive, not understanding the reality around you, you get stuck, you pray hoping that god will answer your prayers when it is time, you lose your patience, and get depressed about life, you long for meeting your god and start to let go of what was important to you once in this life, you become a shell of a person, injustice is darkness that spreads to the victims life, and defines who they are to the end of their lives.
Sister you seem so hurt please tell me how you are doing now?I am bere to listen to your problems,okay?if you are uncomfortable its fine.... Btw which country are you from?
Yes, I think this is where we’re lacking. It’s important to talk about what is and isn’t acceptable in Islam. But the abuser doesn’t care about the rules. He’ll manipulate or cherry pick verses and hadiths to support his right to abuse. What about practical advice for women? Where are our Muslim shelters? Our advice hotlines for women? Our social services? How do women escape these situations when imams will not grant divorce even for physical abuse? When their only advice is, “Be patient”? When women have no resources to survive because they’re dependent on their husbands? When women have no support network, when even her parents will turn her away and tell her to return to the abuse? Are women meant to suffer in silence until death or insanity? Until they lose their faith? What are we doing to help women today who are suffering and whose husbands couldn’t care less about what Islam actually says?!
@@zumeraaa All important points. As long as Islam refuses to reform some aspects of its doctrine and reckon with the cultural implications the religion has on communities, nothing will change.
Assalamualaikum. I have heard ur family solutions and absolutely these solutions are very useful no doubt. Can i ask u a question please? How to cope with a divorce threat in the family? How to find out at a glance where the problems lies in a family which influences divorce? Please give me solution .. Thank you in advance.
It's worse when you have emmense love & respect for them & you fear & endure their multi tierd abuse alone & in silence. Misusing ayah of the Quran & hadith is usually accompanied by other means of justification like seniority (life experience), martial status (parents), gender, position in the family setting, cultural & traditional shaming to just name a few & if all else fails the humanity card is used...you arent human, you have no sympathy/empathy cause if you did you would do as I say not as is right & ordered & favored by Allah Almighty. Please continue these types of videos so these tabu topics can be discussed freely amongst our scholars, sheikhs, muftis, mullahs, teachers, doctors & anyone else in position of power & authority over the Muslim ummah specially the youth. May Allah SWT guide us all towards good & keep us from evil in this life & hereafter. Ameen
Forgiving physical abuse? Really... Step 1... just forgive? Empower the abuser? A man who calls himself a father, who repeatedly beats your mother half to death should just be forgiven?... A person with that self righteous abusive mentality is expected to just change and roll over after practicing a lifetime of abuse?... there is NO excuse for abuse... abusers should be locked up... they should get some of their own medicine whilst in jail... they should be punished in this world and the next... and when they die, their Rab will deal with them with infinitely more severe punishment... the same way He has dealt with the many oppressors, dictators and Firouns who came before.
I was a victim, I left the marriage institution, and alhamdulillah I am now reaching the light on my own..., cause I know Allah cares...
I hope you are going well sis
U deserved a pat on the back sis
Hii how are u doing now
The conversations this talk has started indicates that more discussions like this need to take place in the Muslim community. Thank-you Brother Khan for taking a lead on this subject. If there is no harmony in the home there will be none in the greater community.
love at home = peace on earth. The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.
I have so much more respect for this believe now.
As a non believer I am not much in contact with muslims, and the only thing I hear from media is bad stuff.. I am so relieved to hear this.. I am really sorry that you need to deal with the stereotyping, and I hope people will realize that we can live all together in peace and harmony. No matter if you are atheist, christian, muslim or any other believe (or disbelief) Peace and love!
THANK YOUUU ! I invite you to Islam, if you want :) ! If you have questions, just ask =D !
Have a lovely day ^^
Thefleurchic - Thank you so much for your kindness!
You have a lovely day as well! ^^
Rubiraba Salam !
You're very welcome :)). What led you to this video (Nouman Ali Khan is an awesome teacher in our community tho :D) ?
Oh and since I invited you to Islam, are you christian at the moment (did you know we follow the teachings of Jesus more than the christians themselves?) or atheists (did you know we have proof of the existence of God?) ? =p
(tell me if I start becoming annoying hihi)
I am an atheist, and I'm sorry but I really do not believe hehe. I read both books now, the bible and the quran, but I just don't believe it you see. But I do respect beliefs and I find them interesting. I understand that you want people to become muslim and I respect that you want to "save" me, but I can't be convinced. :P
Rubiraba Hihi it's okay I didn't want to 'save you', I wanted to share ;p (only God, if He exists as I believe, knows who's going to be saved yeah, I'm not saved myself). But wow you've read the Quran, I haven't finished it, yet I study it, I'm weird haha.
I'm sooooo curious about you tho. How do you feel about the order in the universe, idk personally it mesmerizes me and it's weird to me to think that it was there by coïncidence, it's so 'intelligent' so there must be an intelligent force. If the sun was bigger we would all die, if one molecular bond was missing in H2O or CO2 we wouldn't survive either. Ohhh and what about the miraculous nature of the Quran, I find it amaziiiing :) !
Actually no sorry I talk too much hihi (my husband had to stop me before i write an essay lol). Oh and by the way, I accept your belief (or lack of belief). Each person has his/her own journey in life, and it's awesome :).
If you want to learn about us (muslims, islam, etc...), this is cool : islam-guide.com
I wish you the best of the best in this wonderful life, may Allah guide you. Enjoy seeking knowledge it's cool, surround yourself with positive people and take care of youuu :))) x
a Man is not a Man if he abuses Women or children....A Man is a meant To be a protector
agree
exactly, it's said in the Quran
Indeed!
Yes.
Wrong
A person born as a male is a man and one born as female is a woman.
The person who a abused her was a man who had no honour
No such thing as real men or real women or fake women or not a real man
Just people wothiut any honour
I believe in our society, its mostly because mothers never taught daughters to take a stand. They always tell them to stay in a relationship no matter what .. they are being told that their husband's house is their real homes and their husband's respect is their own respect which is completely wrong. Women especially daughters should be taught to respect themselves first only then they are able to respect others.
Ishah thank you
may our daughters be independent, and free of abuse.
Even before a sis, daughter, mother she is a human and a slave of Allah swt first. Recognise her as that, first and foremost, and there'll be no need left to attach her value to a male relationship.
I don't know how anyone could respect a mother like this.
We really really really need more videos like these, especially the desi community around the world......our women and children are abused in the name of Islam so much that I felt like not believing in a religion which allows such cruelty until I gained a lil bit of knowledge about the true teachings and it's use. Plz Ust Nouman, plz make more videos on this topic, jazakumAllah khayr!
same here. I also find it extremely hard to follow a religion which is so much in favor of men. even tho I have firm faith in Allah and prophet Muhammad . i am from Pakistan and I think the reason why we lack behind is because the cancer our molvis are spreading.
your not a man if you abuse women or children in any way , your meant to be the protector not abuser.
true
Boom 💥 shots fired 🔥🔥
I luv what u just said dude ,that literally cut through my heart tbh
Unfortunately in some culture abusive behaviour is praised, therefore seen as a manly, masculine quality - if you don't do or display this, you are not seen to be a man or man enough.
Are you a muslim, sir?
I am a revert black lady . Ive been married for 3 years n my husband is also using Islam as a shield for his dirty deeds n he uses it to control me but alhadillilah I still attend madressa n I am gain knowledge about Islam n I know that Islam is a pure riligion it just that my husband is using it to his advantage. I have learned to live with it because I stand up for my self n I have started doing things that make me happy n Allah alone happy I have open a creche n am busy with that , I still love him n do my wife lyrics duties but I've drawn the line between his Narcism n Islam. So I am really grateful for this and I am glad I found this kind of knowledge.
This topic reminds me of Afghanistan how men use Islam to treat women badly .
I went through this in an abusive marriage, Im glad that they are talking about this. At the time I was too young and naïve and I didn't know enough about Islam to challenge it. I stopped practising for years, was very damaged and its only now that Im really starting to heal, though I still feel angry.
Amin. Thank you.
kittycorr3 i can totally understand your feeling.I have just survived from a trauma like that.I was tortured and was left to die..but I survived some how.I feel rage in me .Frustation ,depression many emotions challenge me everyday to remember how I used to pray before ALLAH for a beautiful future before my marriage .I keep remembering how I was tortured everyday in the name of islam..but you know the only thing that can stop me from dying is that i have still faith on Allah.and still I pray for a better future ..i just wanna share with you mine experience with you..
I felt the same as you. For many years my rage would keep me awake at night, and only my faith in Allah and my love for my children stopped me killing myself, and its taken me years and years to heal - meanwhile he goes on living his life. But don't worry, Allah is just and Merciful, just try to do the best you can everyday and look for professional help too. xxx all my love, Amirah x
+kittycorr33 Assalamu'alaykum, sister. How are you doing?
Do not loose hope in Allah just pray for forgiveness for neglecting your duties and ask Allah to guide you instead of allowing evil ideas like anger to creep into your life. they can harm you great.
Salaam, its high time we start having discussions and lectures like this. My opinion is that we continue on one hand with lectures about patience, forgiveness and love etc, and on the other hand, when to say you are done with the abuse. we need to learn to draw the red line as a community as far as what behaviors are not to be tolerated.
we can say out loud "this is not acceptable". I expect better behavior :)
there is 0 shame in a divorce if your husband is cheating , abusing u mentally or physically ... or ur inlaws what ever the case may be i thing the huge stigma that surrounds divorce within my culture of indo pak has killed many many innocent women
I want leave but how can I leave and take the father away from the kids I’m so tired of this mental verbal abuse
@@danizay2833 I'm a 19 year boy and me, my siblings and my mom we are also suffering verbal, mental and psychology from my father he pray 5 times and feeling he is right but we are also tired of these things but can't able to do anything we can't earn by ourselves, no shelter, fear of society and reputation. I also don't know what to do
JazakAllahuKhair..Every married person MUST WATCH!!
My Question is what about a Brother a Man who has suffered at the hands of a mentally ill Sister or Woman who lied to get him removed from their home to gain a management move and new location, resulting in the man being wrongfully arrested and placed in Prison on remand til the court hearing then eventually thrown out on the streets homeless in another county to try and survive as a punishment of being looked upon as guilty even before the court case had commenced, leaving the man depressed, humiliated and homeless resulting in him finally crashing and suffering a major break down ending up suicidal in psychiatric hospital with permanent depression for the rest of his life, all because of lies exaggerated claims by a then mentally ill woman with history of mental depression and abuse herself who encourage by others used the British Judicial system which favors the female in all cases here in the UK leaving the alleged offender the man in the relationship defenseless and desperate eventually leaving him scared wishing to die to simply ease his pain and torture that never disappears. What answers do you all have for him? Jazak
Brother/Sister Tracy Alan:
All i can advise is maybe reverify with regards to the mental stability of the plaintiff during the time period of the accusation, as legal proceedings are often based/affected by the sanity of the complainant. Perhaps solicit the judiciary to look over the case again, with respect to her psychological state. May Allah protect us from injustice, Ameen.
too long ago bro I am a brother too lol. Life is what it is now and I try make best now as a revert Muslim and pray Inshaa Allah Allah swt will guide me.
+Tracy Alan Bridle Assalamu'alaykum. How are you doing, brother? Just wanna check in with you..
+Tracy Alan bridle yeah brother, how’s it going with being an Islamic revert and all?
Jazzakallah khairun amazing topic, very common n disturbing issue of Pakistani community. I think is not limited to abuse in relationships the problem is deeper because we as parents wants to keep holding on ruling our own kids, we think our kids are purpose of our life, our property or our future security and we want to ensure that they don't make any decisions that can cause in decrease of our hold on our kids lives. We also abuse Islam when we began controlling our kid's life to secure our own future position. This is not only selfish but also proves that faith on Allah is very weak. We demand things from our kids that we should demand from Allah our creator. May Allah guide us all. Ameen. We sensitive n extremely important topic jazakallah khair.
It's etiquette - He's making eye contact. It means he is paying attention.
True
I swear ! People love to exaggerate , they act as though he's sitting on her lap. Poor man barely made any eye contact. It's not like he was checking her out , he was simply just concentrating on what she was saying . Smh our fellow brothers and sisters need to relax. So long as The "neya" is pure
Sulaiman Gafoor Asak !Sister is in hijab n the topic is so beneficial.Cant v pay attention to what they say instead of judgeing his gaze.We have heard so many of his lectures n brother is such a respectable person.
@@znoble6754 EXACTLY OMG
thank you very much for addressing this issue.i am a victim of this kind of abuse in the past.I have heard words like heaven lies beneath the feet of husband ,husband can beat you when ever he wishes ,he can forbid you to visit your parents!! for once i thought how possibly Our so kind lord ALLAH can make such abusive laws for wives! i started to got so many evil thoughts built in me for it and it was making me go away from my so loved and respected belief.but then ALLAH ties my heart and i feet instead of going away from ISLAM ,i need to know the real knowledge they are using against me.and i found ISLAM is beautiful in every ways.those evil fated people are using islam as a weapon to control people .i saw some people who lacks power of any kind such as education,wealth they tries to use islam to get some sort of power .this must be stopped.because other wise many people will blame Islamic laws but in reality the bad people should be the one to blame.
You right, but it's all lack of educations especially around women. The prophet Muhammad pbuh challenged the traditions that rules in the Arab society that time, verbally and practically. We need people like that and start talking about this topics.
I am a victam as well of abuse i been hit so many times i dont remember how many verbal abuse at its peek my kids are so young one is 8 and other is 5 idk how to get out of it i get harrased my kids will be taken away from me i lost all my family member no one want to do anything with me because my husband also abuse my family by calling them and saying bad things i am so lost idk what to do
Heaven lies beneath the feet of your mother nowhere does it say your husband whoever said that to you lied so hard
I know right😢1400 years and we are still denied our rights
@@sadiaahmar6733You are not obliged to care for your kids after they reach puberty. Just leave them all.
This is exactly the kind of good advice and perspective I expect from Bayyinah and Nouman Ali Khan. I hope to see more of this in the future insha'allah.
Thank you very much for discussing this topic. I hope you can do much longer discussions specially focusing on a single topic of elders e.g., (parents) abusing youngers in the name of islam. Because nobody nobody discuss these issues.
I want to know too. I have some serious questions too sister
Thank you for starting this conversation!
Although it saddens me that our local mosques should be providing education and awareness of these issues but do nothing, I am heartened by people like Nouman Ali Khan and his enlightened views - the Internet is a powerful media and I wish it were used more to provide education on these difficult issues. Jzk.
I didnt grow in an abusive home, but I know that many did, and this video is just mashallah!
6 years old video but very relevant. Jazakallah
Masha Allah
May Allah bring unity among our families
Ya Allah grant us deep understanding in this deen
Ya Allah strengthen us to overcome our difficulties and obstacles with beautiful patience
Ya Allah bless us with goodness in this world and the next
Jazakumallahkhairan for sharing this must needed lecture with public and for being the forerunners of issues as important as these. I hope that we will be seeing more talks such as these in the future inshaAllah.
Finally somebody has spoken on this topic, Thank you so very much. My Mom confesses to hating the girl child. I've been searching for an Islamic solution to my problem all my life. Can we have more of such discussions please.
we need more talks like these!!!
Fear, flatter,y shame n blame can be tools of manipulation, control, fear and are not of God. Thank you for an example of intelligent faith.
I love Allah but this past month my poor excuse for a father has been very nasty in the house. When I defend myself my mother tells me to shut up and Islam doesn't tolerate this. Honestly, this is distancing me from Allah. I don't understand how Allah expects me to remain silent after being treated worse than dirt. I have had enough of life, I have never asked for any of it.
toutenkarthony I think you should contact the local authority
before contacting authority, plz talk to a muslim scholar instead. it is better to solve this family issue than to involve authority that in many cases at least where i live would just literally take the children and replace them in another city with non-muslim parents
Parents need to learn how to be loving towards a child. And a child needs to learn how to respect their parents....this relationship breaks down due to lack of following your deen and being strong. May Allah swt guide us all Ameen.
I have been there too bro. I remember asking myself too that I had never asked for life or these problems I am having and Subhanallah how that was me some months ago. Now however I feel I have found the answer and it just all lies in learning your deen further. So take that step and I pray for you that you find what you're looking for. Fee Amanillah.
It's not Allah's fault, I mean He never told your parent to be mean with you
Thanks alot as if mountains burden lifted off my shoulders..
Assalaam alaikum. This video on so many forms of abuse specially parents that do with their children, was an eye opener. I always believe children of all ages should be respected. And given explanation with logic and not fear of Allah. Even most Molvi build fear for ISLAM and ALLAH which is so wrong. They should be stopped from misusing Islam for their power!
I like him beyond Words. Awesome wisdom MashaAllah.
Salam my sister is going though this her in laws are giving her very hard time every time I call her she cries and it's so sad I can't help as well
May Allah help my sister and all the people who's going through this Ameen
Masha Allah... I feel so glad that these issues are actually discussed about... Go on my brother nouman...
Thank you for having this talk and educating people.
Islam is based on two things (love&logic)......so you cant make anyone to walk on right path with sword......!
+oin154 our beloved Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) NEVER forced anyone to become muslim. Islam teaches us to defend ourselves but we never start the fight. Please read the quran and understand it and then you can ask questions with respect and not attack it. Give respect, receive respect.
+Abdul Haadi LOVE AND LOGIC
***** LOVE AND LOGIC
***** DONT YOU HAVE ANY MUSLIM FRIENDS..........
Lol Rofl LIKE YOUR ANSWER
MAY PEACE BE ON
" oin154 "
May Allah bless you.....Allah is fair ...HE does not want anyone to be destroyed
this isn't a muslim problem only. i'm a christian and i've seen abuse in relationships, and the woman (usually,but not all the time) is told that her husband has authority over her. or she's told, if she prayed harder and was a better wife, he wouldn't hit/hurt/yell at her. plenty of people use their faith as an excuse for bad actions. i admit, i don't get the direct eye contact thing. i don't see how it's a bad thing, it's polite.
These people are the reason some religious people leave religion and become its biggest enemies. Religion's biggest enemy is a religious ignorant extremist
Yes but Islam says men have a right to "lightly beat" their wives, honor killings, etc
@@Spookwithme That is incorrect. They don't. A Muslim woman can legally take her husband to an Islamic Shariah governed court that will grant her protection and safety as well as divorce.
"Give her food when you take food, clothe her when you clothe yourself, do not revile her face, and do not beat her"- Prophet Muhammad.
Later on, he mentioned that domestic abuse is heavily sinful and a violation of God's creation. Hope that helps.
@@Spookwithme No, it is not ok in Islam to"lightly beat" their wives or do honor killings. That's cultural misinterpretation of the religion. The Prophet (may pleace be upon him) never beat his wife.
I am a muslim girl and the commentator is right islam does allow light beating...it hurts ne to knoww too
Read surah al nisa 4:34 if a woman is rebellious the man can gently advise her then forskae her in bed and then as a last resort strike her..nit violently just to express your Anger wothout any brusises ....when thus verse has been specified many muslim become extremely abusive physically as allah had made them quwwam over women
Asalaamu Alaikum Brother Ali Khan
Jazakallahu Khayran
By Allahu Ta A'laa may you succeed in your contribution to the Ummah of Rasoolullah Salallahu Alayhi Wa Salaam.May He bless you& your family. Ameen
MashAllah addresses the issues of everyday muslim family life. Thanks for the advices
I really appreciate that NAK speaks on these issues but I really wish he would do a talk in urdu so (pakistani) parents who do this would understand how harmful the emotional abuse they inflict on their children really is and how it can affect them even after they grow up. Its so sad that religion is used to justify such terrible mentalities.
Jazak Allahu Khair for sharing
Very good info
Nouman bhai please call Yasmin Mogahed too in your show. JazakAllah.
WE NEED MORE OF THIS
Mashallah good topic. Everyone should be nice to their wife or vice versa.
Jazakallahkhair for addressing this highly important subject.
Islam is also called deen al fitra which means religion of nature. It agrees with human nature which can enhance our lives if we were to follow this religion.
***** No its a religion of peace.
+raphael44ify There's a discrepancy between "equality" and "justice". If you have two kids, one loves football/hates ballet, the other loves ballet/hates football and you enroll both in a 1 year ballet course, it's "equal" ie they're both getting the same thing, but there's no justice. Each child has a unique demeanor and set of likes/dislikes, and to treat them as one personality necessarily entails injustice.
Similarly, no matter how we try and slice it, and despite the post-modern effort to suggest otherwise, men and women are in fact different. The obvious way is we're biologically/physiologically different, but we're also psychologically different, for the most part. This is established by modern psychology (read about personality theory/temperaments; there's an overwhelming discrepancy between males and females in which certain temperaments are under/overrepresented in one sex vs the other). I say "for the most part" bc of course there are always exceptions to the rule.
+raphael44ify An example from Quran is the fact that a female's inheritence is less than that of a male. However, her inheritence is hers alone, she has no obligations to spend it on anyone, unlike men, who are obligated to provide for the women of their family. It's not "equal" but it's "just". Where men are given an advantageous position regarding one aspect, women are similarly compensated in another aspect.
Not really Hinduism has that not Abhmamic religions like Christianity and Judaism and Islam
Jazak allllllah kheeeer. AmAzing 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
Masha'Allah! Very beneficial insha'Allah!
A woman I know told me that her husband even told her there was a hadith that said people don't need more than 6 hours of sleep, early in their relationship, in order to deprive her of sleep... Would even call her when she was visiting her mother to make sure she getting wasn't sleeping enough... And the worst part is she actually believed him for a few weeks, then it hit her, there were no clocks back then, how did they keep track of exact 6 hours, when she asked him he just brushed it away as if it didn't matter... Meanwhile for those few weeks she was constantly depriving herself of sleep in order to please Allah and her husband (in her mind)...
@@kanizfatima1377 yes, she should have indeed realized it earlier, his large beard and constant references to Sahaba RA created a sense of him being more knowledgeable in religious matters. The husband himself was sleeping around 9 hours each day, that's what made her realize he that he truly did not care about any hadith.
Honestly I used to think why do people hate Islam so much. But when I hear and see these people I think I would have hated Islam as well if I didn't know about it.
Alhamdulillâhi Rabbil âlamiin.
Allâhumma Salli alâ Seyyidinâ Mawlâna Muhammadin Wa Sallim.
Thank you Ustadh for sharing your knowledge with us. May ALLÂH SWT Rewards You. May ALLÂH SWT Protect Bless Help Guide us and Grant us jannah. Ameen Ameen
Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan is really someone who is a great role model to all the Muslims in the world under the current situations... there are so less people in our society who we know .. who are understanding and appreciating ..that people must have flocked to him with all types of problems and scenarios hoping for guidance and help. We can only imagine what all types of cases he must have heard or dealt with...but that did make him take up the this issue which is so common yet given so little heed..the problem is that Muslims are not just stereotyped by the outside communities ..we mentally stereotype our-self too..if someone has a long beard..stay away from them they are too conservative.. if a woman likes jewelry she is a muslim just for show,..is a Muslim is a language linguistic...they should only learn Arabic..why other languages? i hope that this new generation breaks the old boundaries and InShaAllah may we have leaders in all varied forms of frontiers of human race who are good muslims so that the coming generations truly see the real islam.
It's so difficult when you don't know what to do, no matter how hard to try to find an answer. An example like that is when the children are already having a job, saving money for their future, but the parent constantly wants to manage the salary, and even going further into claiming that the salary actually belongs to them. Now, I did come across a hadith that confirms this, but... what about the sister trying to save for college?
Hami H fuck parents like that.
Our sin is our only real hurt. So many are hurting themselves more than what they think they're doing to others. Intellectual/spirituall honesty is the best treatment for self, and everyone. The best fear is moral/spiritual precaution. Tauhid. Taqwa.
Thank u brother for talking on this topic
All dislikes are from abusive parents
Guys please just appreciate the topic and stop talking about him lowering his gaze.
Tracchofyre Exactly!!! like wtf??? All these years I heard him saying in lectures 'lower your gaze lower your gaze even lower your gaze with your female cousins don't even talk to them'' and in one lecture he tells couples not to have lunch/dinner with another couple.... and now he's staring at this woman and talking to her what the hell? This is hypocrisy.
Tracchofyre uhgh; ,''',mml
Tracchofyre im a Christian and I find it polite to look at someone in the EYES when they are talking as long as your not looking down , as long as your heart is pure from negative thoughts and being respectful their is nothing wrong
Lol yes!!!
Yakhi, something is haraam if it really has more harm than benefit.. then it just becomes makrooh(discouraged) because it may lead to haraam, it is then merely advised to be cautious. Yes, we’re told to restrain our gaze IF it’ll cause more harm than benefit.. when is that? when you set your gaze upon her merely to admire her appearance. But, In a situation like this.. obviously, more benefit is coming out of it & of course Nouman is being cautious.. he knows very well what lectures he’s given on the topic okay? Consumption of alcohol is haram but for medicinal purposes it is makrooh(discouraged so be cautious). Restraining ones gaze is by the way, only highly encouraged and not obligatory.. but extremes like voyeurism & leching is haraam. Please brother, they’re all trying to unite the Ummah once again to how it was before sectarianism brough division to Ummah.
walladheena aamanoo ashaddu hubban lillah.
Allah Ta'aalaa teaches us in the Quran.
Instilling love for Allah Ta'aalaa should be the great concern in us as muslimoon.
I think the same way she was thinking. Supposedly الله SWT tested us with this problem so that we'll learn a wisdom behind it and figure out the solution together.
Amazing ,subhan-Allah what inspiration for us.
masAllah very very practical discussion.
My husband abuses me in 1 week of marriage and 2Years of relationship and tell me he will throw Mehr on my face and tell me that he will get marry in 1 week with a girl beautiful than Katrina kaif (Indian actress) and I stop talking to him and he says sorry next day as he was drunk and wanted me to come back... I didn't go back and he is calling me azabi that I am making my husband cry .. and calling me shameless for bothering him by not talking to him.. ( I can't use works what he says to me (abuse to next level) he says he can buy girls to sleep with him..
I don't want to go back and see his face, but I want Allah to give him hidayit to be a good Muslim... that's all..
May Allah protect all the girls, womes and innocent people, kids and poor...
good to hear this, thanks sister and brotehr
I really think that the Muslim community needs a Counseling care for individuals facing abusive relationships, some sort of a careline by proper Muslim Counsel institutions to save troubled individuals. Statistics is collected so we can address the community more holistically.
Kids and individuals have an avenue to grow beyond the abuse . And I dont mean 'religous schools '. The narative is usually,.. when you have a naughty kid , dump them in religious schools. We need a Muslim counseling platform. Do we have such institutions?
Beneficial advice. Thank you.
really liked this program
It's 22 but still is as important as it was
For someone who likes psychology this was interesting
Nouman ali khan brother.. MASHALLAH niCee discussion.. i wud likeyou to make more videos n lectures over this topic .. i am a victim of domestic &sexual abuse many times. i am 21 years old now.. but still cant do anythng :(
I wish he makes a video about polygamy and the abuse which takes place in name of it.
Listening to an avoidant manner is a major listening. That'll help us understand/quietly consider the intention of certain actions. Listen to spiritual virtues first, and foremost. Tauhid. Taqwa. Isti'adha. Tasbih. Kalimah. Taubah to Allah. Astaghfirullah.
Great talk on relationship/ family. :')
Nouman Ali Khan you're absolutely right. That's something we see in the Somali community, can't say I've been verbally abused or I had the same experience where one of my parents would use verses in the Quran against me. If I do I'll probably get punished in the hereafter. There's some parents that straight up do what they're doing and they don't care. I mean imagine having a child having a disability then his or her parents are mistreating him or her. It's just sad, to be honest. There are some somali parents that will literally say you know the good thing about being a parent. Is that you're prayers or duas are accepted when you curse your children. When they're not obeying the rules. And some children can be innocent. Some people like Sh Menk would consider this a religious black mail! And yeah the number one reason why children leave Islam are the cause of the parents.
Older brothers abuse little sisters too! It's not just parents. Parents put the sons on a pedestal until they become narcissists and then they feel they have the right to emotionally abuse, manipulate bully, and control. Because in their world respect and obedience is fard regardless of how abusive they are. And speaking up and standing up for yourself is disrespectful.
You are absolutely right😢😭
But the brother needs to want to TAKE the support.
I felt this was a great series but I wish they went into wife and husband scenarios as well.
My dad used to beat my mother and my elder brother. In return, my mother took out her frustration on me ( for the crime of drinking the breast-milk of my dad's sister who was my mom's nemesis at the time, I was a baby at the time but was still evil according to my mother). No one in my family used to perform Salah. Despite living in an Arab country and us kids going to madrasah in addition to the Islamic classes at school. I would sometimes perform a Salah. And the next time I did something naughty (as children do because they are children) , this was my mother's abuse " oh you pray and you fight with your brothers/talk back to your mother. Then for what reason are you praying? is this why you are praying ?" Somehow all my crimes were tallied against my "pretence" of Salah.
Times have changed but the anger remains. My mother is maybe not the same person yet the anger in me remains. Maybe she had her reasons yet forgiveness is not easy. I think I'm over it but the anger always returns.
Hey its been a long time
How are you doung now?
Have things gotten better?
@@nailanoorein2086 So strange to see this old comment. Things got a lot worse beyond this point. I gained clarity in the process and saw clearly how evil it was for a mother to pick on her daughter the way she did. No child is evil. But many adults certainly are. In a better place now, alhamdulillah.
Wonderful video
Verhy informative, thanks
I get verbal abuse from my mother and sister and I thought I was strong enough to handle it but it's slowly breaking me.
Ever since I was little I was always there for my mum in a way my sister wasn't. If she wanted me to help her clean the house, I would do it. If she wanted me to help her with something, I was there. My sister never did that for my mum. However recently she has become upset with me because I have gained weight. She says things like 'there are no fat people in our house' and insinuates that no-one will marry me because of my weight. There is not a day that goes by where she doesn't call me fat. I feel like I have disappointed my mother because I have gained weight. However at the same time, I feel unloved my her, because it shouldn't matter what I look like, you should accept me for who I am. I feel like, to be accepted my her I will need to lose weight. ( roughly I am a size 12-14)
My sister has always hated me form the day I was born. She has always treated me like shit. She will paint me out to be the bad person when ever we meet new people/ For example, we were going on holiday to meet my cousins for the first time, and she said things like' they will just hate you, no one will like you', and less than a week at our cousins house she was spreading lies about me that I was talking bad about them, thankfully they didn't believe her. She is lazy she does nothing around the house but because she is the oldest one, my parents favour her.
She would verbally abuse me by saying things like 'your fat' and 'no one like you'. I don't know what to do with this type of abuse because she has my parents on her side.
My dad doesn't treat me with respect either, he sexually abused me when I was 13 and I have never told anyone about it. Coming from a strict Muslim family, this would break our house even more that it already is. However he too sticks up for my sister, even when she is in the wrong. I don't know what I have done in my life to deserve this kind of torture from my own family. But the worse part is I can't do anything about it. I have to wipe my tears and fake a smile and pretend that everything is OK, when I am slowly dying inside.
I am so sorry about the problems you're facing. I cant imagine the pains you are suffering from. My advice is to please seek help outside of the family from someone like an imam who can settle the issues privately with you or they will continue to devour you. Perform your prayers and know in your heart that on the day of reconning, justice will be served by the all mighty for He is all just. InshaAllah, you will get the help if you ask Allah. I was going through family troubles as well and Alhamdulillah, I swear Allah has answered my prayers! No doubt it was God's work! It felt like magic, things were finally properly falling into place! Just pray your dailies and begin TAHAJJUD! Wake up during the last 1/3 of the night and pray your heart out! Allah swt is listening. When you take a step to Him, he will run to you! Follow the etiquettes of dua and make them in that exact way. Be grateful to Allah and He will undoubtedly increase you and increase you! In anything! Remember his attributes. He is most gracious and most merciful! ♡
+bengalifob2 He never answer to my prayers :'(
+Tabby .S Assalam wa alaykoum sister
I'm so sad to see that you're facing so much difficulties in your life
But you know, Allah testes those He loves and He sure loves you, He loves all of us
The advices of +bengalifob2 are amazing, I think you should do that
And please, never ever lose hope in Allah for He is the All-Hearing, the All-Knowing and the Most Caring. You feel that He doesn't answer to your prayers but He is the Wise and He knows why he's doing this. He will relieve you if you trust Him.
Just trust Him, focuse on duas, focuse on Him in your prayers and never lose hope.
I pray for you sister, may Allah help you facing these hardships
Dear, always ask Allah for righteous husband because it's means a lot for us, women. I am sorry for all you had to go through. Please remember someone here makes doa to Allah asking happiness for you in Dunya and Akhirah. 😘
Tabby .S I've gone through some tough times too. We all do. Just read these and inshaAllah they'll be of some comfort to you :)
Remember the 99 names of Allah, some of them being the Merciful, the Protector, AR-RAHMAN, the ALL-KNOWING. He is the Fairest of all Judges.
The 3 Ways in Which Allah Accepts Dua
1. He answers your dua in this duniya and you receive what you had prayed for.
2. He instead answers by saving you from an affliction of equal magnitude.
3. He does not grant your dua in this duniya but you will receive something far better in the akhirat and you will end up wishing to yourself instead that Allah had not answered any of your duas in the duniya so that you would have received instead the rewards which are infinitely better in the akhirat.
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Don't talk about his gaze!!! The man can have conversations with people without being afraid to look upon their faces. It's uncomfortable culturally for many to continually look people in the eyes but it's a sign of DISRESPECT in the USA to not look into the persons eyes. That's just the way it is. Also, just because the man has eyes doesn't mean he lets his penis control him. He's not trash like so many other men who have no mental or physical self control or sense on boundaries.
Salamualaykum. I understand about the community stepping in when it comes to verbal abuse. But when we are talking about physical or sexual abuse is that really wise? The police and social services have better knowledge and training to deal with that and let's be honest, in some cases it's better for the victims to be taken away from the abusers. In the uk when we have child protection training we are told of so many different ways that someone who is only trying to help can jeopardise a case against an abuser. Shouldn't we leave this to the professionals?
Helena Mohamed Yes in worst cases professionals must handle it. But these things happen in first place when you are not practicing Islam in the right way, but following your own devilish desires.
hmmm life happens and all for a meaning.. for the future...Allah SWT wants us to be happy healthy good ppl and environment.... PEACE n LOVE
i grew up with an abusive father. in every way possible. ive tried to commit suicide on multiple occasions because of how bad he was. my mom doesn't understand mental health. she doesnt understand the concept of it. i have no one to talk to. its hard man. its hard
Be resilient! Everything is accounted for with Allah swt and make lots of duaa during this period of your life. Many forget that the duaa of the oppressed never goes unanswered-pls take full advantage of it. And PLEASE talk to someone, it helps more than you can imagine. May Allah grant you ease!
This is a reply two years later. I pray to God to help you and heal you Allahumma ameen 🤲🏻
I grew up in terrible spiritual abuse, and I have come to the conclusion that if this is such a widespread problem among Muslims, we need to seriously look at reforming the rules that disadvantage women. Why do women receive half the inheritance of men? Why do women have to wear their faith on their sleeves (hijab) and men don't? Why do women bear the responsibility of modesty and covering hair when men should be the ones practicing self control? (What is wrong with a woman feeling beautiful and confident?) we need to recognize that Quran and Hadith have been interpreted largely by men in a certain context and time and be real about the implications this has for Muslim women.
You should learn more about Islam. You will know all those answers ...
Thank you for your words raphael44ify ! There is so much negativity to being critical that your input is a light in the darkness. :)
May Allah Subhannawat'Allah guide you all. Ameen
***** right?? this kind of simplistic, narrow-minded, regressive thinking is the fall of a lot of Muslims. tragic, really.
+aveclasse17 Hi. I know it's a late reply, but i feel i should share my view on this. As a Muslim Woman, who wears hijab. i don't feel that i am at a disadvantage at all. You've been viewing this from the wrong perspective. When hearing a ruling it is wise to find the reasons for it.
Women receive half the inheritance because what they get is their and their alone. If they're married their husband gets nothing out of it. it's theirs. Where as with the men they get the inheritance and it's not his alone. it's belongs to his wife and family as well and if he is a wali to a member of the family he has to use his inheritance to look after her. I think ustaadh has a talk on this or it might be Mufti Menk. i stand under correction.
Women wear hijab because our religion view women as jewels. If you own jewels you don't put them on display for the world to see. you keep it safe in a well protected place. Women hold such a high place in Islam that she holds a position 3 time higher the husband. And if you think about it beauty is more often associated with women than men. Its also serves as a protection for her. Yes dressing up nice boosts confidence, but what makes you feel that way? the attention of men? why should men's opinion make women feel better. If i got all dressed up in a non-hijabi way and i got compliments it would boost my confidence, but likewise if i got insults i'd feel terrible. Doing that empowers the people around you to dictate how you feel about yourself. Covering up allows people to view you as you, your intellect, your inner beauty, your personality, etc. With regards to the physical protection, a man is more likely to attack/go after a women who is dressed attractively with less clothing than someone who is completely covered up.
Just on a side note, i am a hijabi and i feel just a confident dressed the way i do. i feel liberated, because it allows people around me and especially in my work place to pay attention to my brain and character not my body. if that's not real empowerment then i don't no what is.
i don't have all the answers but i know that Islam does not put woman at a disadvantage.
In the topic of abusive parents, we have th opposite where many cases of abusive children towards their parents. And these children are grown adults who bully their parents.
I got abused by both parents. They disowned me, my mother left when I was a month old and came back by force when I was 12. Been abused from the age of 3-20
khawla sorry you were treated that way. Parents really need to learn to raise a child, not just conceive for sexual pleasure. Counseling is only good to give you company honestly otherwise it’s “kharah” lol. I’m doing better now but you must kno I have PTSD from my earlier life. It’s not easy.
Yakhi, something is haraam if it really has more harm than benefit.. then it just becomes makrooh(discouraged) because it may lead to haraam, it is then merely advised to be cautious. Yes, we’re told to restrain our gaze IF it’ll cause more harm than benefit.. when is that? when you set your gaze upon her merely to admire her appearance. But, In a situation like this.. obviously, more benefit is coming out of it & of course Nouman is being cautious.. he knows very well what lectures he’s given on the topic okay? Consumption of alcohol is haram but for medicinal purposes it is makrooh(discouraged so be cautious). Restraining ones gaze is by the way, only highly encouraged and not obligatory.. but extremes like voyeurism & leching is haraam. Please brother, they’re all trying to unite the Ummah once again to how it was before sectarianism brough division to Ummah.
We protested against the parental abuse and Astaghfirullah provided with cruel Backlash and scathing comments instead of a single sincere advice . Now left everything in the Hands of Allah Subhan Wa Ta'alaa ..... A person who has no one But Allah on His Side ... Then one day Allah Helps Him/Her in the Darkness to come out for sure.
Parents who sow Fire 🔥 in the hearts of their children must not dare to expect reaping flowers out of their hearts for themselves ....
Children may be dutiful to you obedient as well ..... Just because of the fear and respect they Have for Allah .... But surely know ....keep in your minds such children don't have an iota of LOVE for you in their hearts.
Don't be fool and let others befooled. Allah knows what you all do.
No, pls don't force victims of abuse to forgive their abusers, no matter who the abuser is. For anyone who really wants to help victims, provide them with resources to allow them the safe space and time needed to heal in whatever way they need to. Forgiveness should be entirely up to the victim, and they have every right to feel angry and bitter at the abusers who harmed them. I get so so sick of the narrative that pushes victims to forgive their abusers above getting the healing they need, to the point that victims feel guilty for cutting contact. It's so awful and disgusting and anger-inducing to hear victims worry about being bad wives/children for leaving their abusers and protecting themselves, when we all know damn well that their abusers feel no guilt whatsoever in inflicting physical/psychological/emotional pain on them.
Totally agree with you.....
So true, focus on the victims not the abusers, help them get their lives back, and punish the abusers, take their privileges away so they can’t do more harm, let the abusers suffer like they did to their victims, zero tolerance for abuse.
Its hard for me to forgive 😭💔
MashAllah very good and important topic. But no proper solutions to this prob is given in the video.
I'm a 21 yr old female whose about move out because of this
it will very helpful for us if we get it in Bangla?please dubbing...?
Brother i love you for god
Pakistani Arab Indian and all the Muslims in the world that come from diffrent culture. This is a wake up call, I have seen mothers get abused by there husband while the children watch the verbal and physical abuse of there mother. I have seen it in my own family aunty talking bad about there husband. Children getting abused by there parents. Parents calling there children horrible names. And covering it up with some lies that Islam does not teach us. And when young men get older they seen there mother get abused by there father, they start to abuse there own wife when they get married. I have also seen Mulana parents abusing the hell out of there children. Saying ti them everything is haram.
The thing that I'd really like to know more about is what does the person who is being abused do? It's all well and good to admonish the acts of the parents or husband and say that it is not condoned in Islam, but when a person is not able to get the support of their family or their community (which is unfortunately the case too often), particularly when this abuse has been developed to be culturally systemic, it is difficult to assert your rights in islam and stop the abuse from happening, particularly with financial or emotional abuse, where a woman is forbidden from outside contact, or is made to be wholly financially dependent on their spouse, or where the excuse of male contact in the outside world is used to shelter girls and make it difficult for them to find help and support. I don't know if anyone has come across this video (vimeo.com/196593911) already, but I think there is a definite barrier for Muslim women in those kinds of situations to find help which I think should be adequately addressed. Even for educated women, it is even worse to be frustrated from growth and healthy relationships, because of being caught up in this cultural system. What do people in situations like this do? I'd love if anyone could refer me to some information about this if possible.
May Wiloughby being able to talk to males is the dumbest excuse of all time. Because at the end of the day parents never say “oh there’s females out there so you boys have to stay sheltered in the house because you’ll sin if you talk to them” parents never say this stuff. That’s why I think it’s a dumb excuse
Years go by, you lose all hope from people around you to offer help or even worse they enable the abusers, even if you get educated about the situation and know your rights, there is no help coming, they say to you to get over it, accept reality, ignore what is happening, live with it, be smart about it, anything but actual help, anything but removing the victims from the abusive situation, they see your attempts to ask for help is foolish, pathetic, naive, not understanding the reality around you, you get stuck, you pray hoping that god will answer your prayers when it is time, you lose your patience, and get depressed about life, you long for meeting your god and start to let go of what was important to you once in this life, you become a shell of a person, injustice is darkness that spreads to the victims life, and defines who they are to the end of their lives.
Sister you seem so hurt please tell me how you are doing now?I am bere to listen to your problems,okay?if you are uncomfortable its fine....
Btw which country are you from?
Yes, I think this is where we’re lacking. It’s important to talk about what is and isn’t acceptable in Islam. But the abuser doesn’t care about the rules. He’ll manipulate or cherry pick verses and hadiths to support his right to abuse. What about practical advice for women? Where are our Muslim shelters? Our advice hotlines for women? Our social services? How do women escape these situations when imams will not grant divorce even for physical abuse? When their only advice is, “Be patient”? When women have no resources to survive because they’re dependent on their husbands? When women have no support network, when even her parents will turn her away and tell her to return to the abuse? Are women meant to suffer in silence until death or insanity? Until they lose their faith? What are we doing to help women today who are suffering and whose husbands couldn’t care less about what Islam actually says?!
@@zumeraaa All important points. As long as Islam refuses to reform some aspects of its doctrine and reckon with the cultural implications the religion has on communities, nothing will change.
Assalamualaikum. I have heard ur family solutions and absolutely these solutions are very useful no doubt. Can i ask u a question please? How to cope with a divorce threat in the family? How to find out at a glance where the problems lies in a family which influences divorce? Please give me solution .. Thank you in advance.
It's worse when you have emmense love & respect for them & you fear & endure their multi tierd abuse alone & in silence. Misusing ayah of the Quran & hadith is usually accompanied by other means of justification like seniority (life experience), martial status (parents), gender, position in the family setting, cultural & traditional shaming to just name a few & if all else fails the humanity card is used...you arent human, you have no sympathy/empathy cause if you did you would do as I say not as is right & ordered & favored by Allah Almighty.
Please continue these types of videos so these tabu topics can be discussed freely amongst our scholars, sheikhs, muftis, mullahs, teachers, doctors & anyone else in position of power & authority over the Muslim ummah specially the youth. May Allah SWT guide us all towards good & keep us from evil in this life & hereafter. Ameen
Compensation for any injustice done unto you. Insha'Allah. Shukrulilillah for sabr.
Forgiving physical abuse? Really... Step 1... just forgive? Empower the abuser? A man who calls himself a father, who repeatedly beats your mother half to death should just be forgiven?... A person with that self righteous abusive mentality is expected to just change and roll over after practicing a lifetime of abuse?... there is NO excuse for abuse... abusers should be locked up... they should get some of their own medicine whilst in jail... they should be punished in this world and the next... and when they die, their Rab will deal with them with infinitely more severe punishment... the same way He has dealt with the many oppressors, dictators and Firouns who came before.
Jazakallah.
I just wanted to see this video