Thank you. I found your insights and suggestions both practical and sensitive. Thanks too, for the reminder of the power and value of metaphor. Most useful in grief conversations/support!
HomeStudent Support Centres Toll Free 1800 657 667 Counselling Connection Counselling Connection > Case Studies > A Counselling Case Study Exploring Loss A COUNSELLING CASE STUDY EXPLORING LOSS 0 Sue and Tom lost their child Jill to leukaemia approximately one year ago. Tom suggested that Sue attend Professional Counselling because she still doesn’t seem to be able to cope with everyday living. For ease of writing the Professional Counsellor is abbreviated to C. A précis of the session is as follows In the first session C concentrated on building rapport with Sue and listening to her story. Sue felt that it was the first time that anybody had really listened. She felt that her friends and family didn’t want to even mention her daughter as they didn’t want to upset her. A lot of useful information was gathered throughout this session which is summarised below. Essential Case Information Her husband Tom feels that she should be more advanced in her recovery because he himself is coping much better and ‘getting on with life’. Sue is dwelling on guilt prone thoughts such as “Why her, she was so young, I’m still alive”, “I didn’t tell her I loved her before she died” and “What did I do wrong”. Sue and Tom have a son David who is 12 and are currently divided on parenting styles, whereas before the death they were fairly similar in their approach. Tom feels that David should be able to do what he wants. He feels that life can be short and therefore doesn’t want to be restrictive. Tom feels that Sue is being over protective whereas Sue feels that she has already lost one child and doesn’t want to lose another. She feels that she couldn’t protect Jill and is now doing everything she can to protect David. Jill was diagnosed with leukaemia only six months before she passed away. Sue was working part-time before Jill was diagnosed but gave up work to be with Jill during treatment. Sue has not returned to work. Before, when Sue was working part-time she was also doing all the housework, now Sue can’t “even” (her words) get the housework done. As Sue was very talkative and needed to get a lot of things off her chest in the first session C just focused upon building rapport and trust by fully attending to what was said. Therefore at the beginning of the second session C started the process of establishing goals by asking the client what she wanted to achieve out of counselling. It was also determined when and how Sue would know that counselling was no longer required. C then wanted to normalise some of Sue’s responses by providing her with some information about the stages of Grief and Loss. C was careful to highlight that each individual moves through and expresses the stages differently. C then asked Sue if she could identify with any of the stages and what stage she felt she was currently in. Sue felt she could relate to the first four stages and that currently she was in the Guilt stage. C then asked Sue what stage she felt Tom was in. Sue felt that Tom was in the Acceptance Stage or may have moved on to complete recovery. Again C highlighted to Sue that it is normal for people to move through the stages of grief and loss at different rates. C then spent some time examining how Sue felt about being in a different stage to Tom. C also discussed the length of time (6 months) that Sue had to come to terms with her impending loss before the loss actually occurred. Sue felt more relieved by discovering that it can be normal for someone to become stuck in a stage when they have little time to come to terms with a death before hand. At the end of the session Sue left with an affirmation that she had constructed with the assistance of C to affirm the normality of her current Grief and Loss behaviour. The affirmation Sue constructed was “The feelings I am experiencing are normal for the stage I am in. I will progress to the next stage when I am ready”. As Sue and Tom’s communication skills are quite good Sue is also going to discuss the stages of grief with Tom and highlight to him that people progress through the stages at different rates, in order to ease Tom’s concerns about Sue’s progress. In the following sessions it was apparent that Sue was feeling more comfortable with the stage she was at and was now accepting her feelings. Consequently, other issues could now be worked upon to assist her to progress smoothly through the remaining stages of the grief process. The first thing C wanted to know before further progress could be made, was Sue’s Personality Need Type. The administration of the profile indicated that Sue was a Personality Type A with a score of 9,9. Sue was amazed at the accuracy of the profile, although she felt that a lot of these behaviours had not been displayed for a long time. This lead to a discussion about the effects of not meeting needs and how it might contribute to her uncomfortable feelings at the moment. Issues that were discussed in detail included the fact that she used My quarries is what are the steps of counselling we should use in this case? It's a quit long please can you help me?
Hello Donald! Wonder if you remember me from Ansan? We hung out a bit. I just clicked on this video as part of my masters work in guidance and counseling and your comment was on top. Don't know if you'll ever see this since your comment was three years old.
This is so helpful for me. I’m not a counsellor but trying to cope with life without my husband who died of cancer at the age of 62. A very fit and active man and I can’t get passed the video in my head of the last hours of him struggling to breathe and fighting until his last breath.
🙏❤🙏...Hope you are doing ok. I still have flashbacks to my moms last day in Feb 2013 and my dad passed away last year in Feb so the wounds there are still very fresh even though we are approaching 1 year later.
Trying to cope with my grandpa who just died this morning of stage 4 cancer. He was my father figure throughout my 18 years of life. Never yelled, never swore once, was such a kind genuine down to earth person and that got taken from him. He was struggling and couldn’t breathe throughout his time. I don’t know how I’m going to get over this.
@@summerb7579 my sincere condolences for the loss of your Grandpa. You will learn to cope but don’t be hard on yourself and let the grieving process take its course. Sending hugs
I just lost my mom. And live far from my family or origin and my kids are grown/gone and far. I am also divorced. My mom was my rock. She loved me so unconditionally. I know it's been only 3 weeks, but my grief comes in waves. I totally thank you for this video. I like the idea of organizing grief. I did see my mom die, but it didn't traumatize me because she knew I was there and I held her hand. I am paralyzed though in the present and need to remember she wants me happy. My other losses are to my boys moving w/in the last 6 months so that's also tough. Thank you.
I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on, I lost my wife 3yrs ago to a terrible heart disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind it'd be nice if you just say hi here is my number +1206-237-2054
I lost the most important person in my life in a car accident i was saved with a brocken Hip but my Life(my eyes / my Hands ) and everything i had went away i cry almost every time knowing that she ,s Gone for ever i have absolut NO control of my life after seing your video a SMALL Light came to my life But I Still suffer from extrem Grief i´m from Sri lanka amcd my Life from Germany 77/ 82 years old i have no more Tears at the moment living for the sake of Living THHAX SO Much for the tiny Light you gave me God Bless you Tyrone
I used the balloon in a box metaphor, at first death is like a large ballon in a small box, every time the box moves the ballon touches the sides, similarly people experiencing grief will experience thoughts, memories, etc every which way they turn. But as time goes on and the ballon spontaneously deflates, gets smaller and maybe sinks to the bottom. The touches on the sides become less frequent, the thoughts, memories etc start to wane and as long as a more resourceful focus is obtained, acceptance can be allowed to become acceptable. Alternatively, when wearing blinkers, all you can see is what’s in front of you. Your energy flows where your focus goes. If you don’t like what you see, don’t keep looking at it, it won’t go away, look away! Turning 180 degrees away from the grief, towards a different perspective or focus of attention, allows to brain rest, to see other possibilities, more resourceful ones.
My cousin lost his amazing wife to cancer and she was the life of the party, very outgoing and a strong woman. He was always the more introverted one. He doesn’t want to go back to the house where she died shortly after being on hospice. He’s been staying with his daughter and family. I worry for him and we’ve been chatting for a bit. I’m going to be speaking with him this weekend and thought I needed to research some things to say. I’m so glad I landed on your page. I’m going to advise him to find a good grief counselor or a PhD that might need to prescribe temporary meds. Thank you again for doing this UA-cam video.
Thank you so much. I just lost my mom due of Leukemia and his last image when she was in the casket is being saved to my memory but I want to imagine her genuine looks when she was happily alive. That is what I want.
I plan on becoming a grief counselor and will start formally studying psychology next semester. When my Dad died, there was nothing but silence. I had no guidance in dealing with my trauma and grief. Speaking to someone like you would have been like changing, and that is why I hope to provide for others what I so desperately needed and did not get. Thank you for this video! I feel reinvigorated and confident in my plan!
My sincere condolences, may your heart and wounds be healed by God's love tenderly and gently as he reminds you that you are worthy and loved ❤ God bless
Thank you, I will try these techniques. My mum died suddenly and unexpectedly this year at age 60, my dad died 10 weeks later aged 60. We had to wait 6 months for the toxicology reports for my mum, and now the insurance company are still dragging it out. I feel I haven't had time to heal. I thought I had turned a corner and then 6 months later all the pain came back but stronger.
My friend I can't imagine.. but please, know that I send my love and regards. My mom lost to cancer after a short and aggressive battle a few months ago. I'm only 20 and I feel like there's an emptiness now, but I appreciate things more.. anyway, so sorry about your loss. Remember the good times, but not often enough to make you cry constantly.. at least that's what I've learned so far..
I miss my mother as well. I know this is just a random youtube video, but I want you to know, I'm right there in it with you brother. I send my love. YES, LOVE. My mother taught me to love others until given a reason not to.
about to have my first solo-session EVER as an intern with a client experiencing grief; i have no experience with grief personally. this video gave me a great head start and focus. thank you for sharing!
Thank you. As an RN in the hospice field with a graduate degree in Pastoral Counseling, I find your videos and techniques very practical. I always believed my education enriched me with a ton of theory, but if it can't be applied practically, it's of very little use.
I also believe in practical applications. Throughout the whole 13 years at university both as a student and teacher I was immersed in theory. Only when I started working with people I understood how far this theory can be from life. Or at the very least how much we need to translate this theory into practical skills.
My fiancé just passed 8 years together we spent basically all day every day together...I feel all this you are talking about...finding him dead...I’m suffering the trauma because it had been hours and it was just horrible, I feel guilt for not checking on him and trying to wake him up. I beat myself up for not doing things differently. And then after all that I just miss him and don’t know how to go on..... I found the video useful I’m trying to find help
I hope you find peace and comfort soon sis ♡ sorry for your loss. I hope you know that nothing God, universe or source energy has planned can be changed, once it is written then that is it. You are perfect and innocent...you are not the blame, nothing can change the decree of what is planned by the almighty and even if you do not believe in God, know that a power bigger than us meticulously operates things. You have nothing to do with the outcome so forgive yourself ♡ best wishes ♡
i lost my fiancee one month ago. and with no other family around me its a bigger challenge than it should be i think. i have never felt this bad before ever. but these videos help and I'm seeking other help too
Thank you so much for explaining grief and trauma. My husband died in our bed and I have been sleeping in the spare bedroom for years. I have tried to go back to our room, but it has not worked. Now I realise that it is trauma. I now know that it was a giant full stop and his story is what I should focus on.
Jus couldn't imagine how it feels like... Sending all my love and prayers to u dear... Stay stronger... Go to bed only when u r really sleepy... Do not simply lie on d bed n try to sleep......
@@lawrence-k7v I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on, I lost my wife 3yrs ago to a terrible heart disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind it'd be nice if you just say hi here is my number +1206-237-2054
Lucy there isn't no one can help me I lost a daughter and son yr half apart seven yrs ago words are worthless the pain gets worse I've lost sense of smell taste and hearing in left ear in fact I just go through the motions of life look after my remaining son who has head injuries I'm out and about every day etc but inside I'm dead they were my life I died the days they left me x
@@brendadrumm9708 dear, this is so personal to you. It must be a very painful experience. Yes, you lost a valuable part of you. Thinking about you Brenda and praying that you will find grace and peace. Sending light and love and light your way
Lucy, I lost my father 3 days ago. I am 18. I am feeling so lost, in so much pain. Please tell me does it gets better? Can I be happy again? How can I help my mother so she can be happy again too? Please I need help
As a counsellor, i can honestly say Mark, i believe ide be more than trusting in walking/working through what ever issue i had at any one time, nice one mate...
My wife of 37 years died in my arms and i cant get it out off my mind , its torture , taking my own life is not an option since I have children and grand children . So now I'm stuck , I have to go on although I don't want to be alive anymore !
I am sorry for your loss. I hope you will let yourself feel whatever it is that you are feeling. There is no ‘standard’ here. And a loss like yours is a shattering one.
Hope you are doing well Jan. The only thing that can fix your torture is to change your old perception about what life is. That can be done with lots of efforts and sincerity.
Hi jan.. I was just reading through people's comments and yours really caught my attention... How's things with you now? I lost my beautiful mum from covid in January and I'm finding things really difficult. ❤
It’s been almost a year since my nana passed from cancer. She raised me & was always in my corner. Ever since she passed I am an empty shell of who I used to be. I have tried to climb out of this but I can’t seem to escape it. I cry daily, and I’m constantly replaying our relationship every minute. I’m so scared for myself. I have a partner & kids that I’ve completely let down.
U haven't let anyone down u are grieving my angel I wish I could put my arms around u and hug u I've lost an adult daughter and son I'm not living just existing day after day ur not alone in ur hours of despair I know how u feel x
My husband died last October and I’m still grieving a lot, but I have more days now where I don’t cry anymore. Your suggestions give me a lot to think about and I want to thank you!
@@beautyRest1 I’m deeply sorry about that okay. I’ve personally experienced how unfair life can be to us at times but we do everything we can be strong! I pray you finds happiness again sooner that you’ll be expecting okay.
@@richardmcguinn732 I thank you for your kind words. I try to enjoy beautiful sunshine, blue skies, music and talks with good friends, and that helps me to keep moving forward
Have been grieving at times of a very special person my girl-friend a dear friend of mine we both loved adventures.. About 4 years ago she died of a heart attack.. I feel I fumbled the ball not taking CPR seriously enough to Applied properly…. Yes it hurts.. So Please people learn CPR & take it seriously so that you can apply it properly
I'm so greatful to find you video and you in general. I recently had an x come back into my life. And he is seeking mental help with the recent loss of his wife. It's so very sad. And thus far he has been very genuine in really just needing help. I think he came to me specifically because we had a very screwed up relationship due to his diabolical physical abuse. He was horrid to me. And his now late wife had completely somehow changed this man to be a better person. Unfotunatly that's how life works. When you have been horrid monster to every partner in your life and you finally find love and change. The world will take it away and leave you broken. You get back what you put into this life I firmly believe. Anyways. Without putting myself in harm's way and from a safe distance I am able to help him with his grieving process in what little way I can. And your videos as well as others on the subject have been invaluable. Thankyou. For posting these. It really is so helpful and can be life altering for some people. Thankyou.🍁A🍁
In some cultures (like part of Iran) there are fixed grieving days which is done collectively along with friends and family. E.g. the 3rd day, the 7th day, the 4oth day and then after a year.
Some people say 1 year is the ‘right’ time to grieve but I totally disagree with that. There is no standard here. It’s totally individual. In some cases it can take long months and years! Let yourself feel whatever you are feeling now. Whether it’s anger, sadness, fear, depression...it’s all a part of your mind dealing with your loss. However, if at some point you feel you can’t handle it any longer, my suggestion is to seek help. Remember, you are not alone. I am sorry for your loss.
There are no rules around grief so let the process unfold in your own time and your own way. Just allow yourself to grieve these dearly loved and sorely missed people. Accept the love and support of those around you and take good care of yourself.
It's perfectly fine to grieve or not grieve how ever you want. My last family member who died was a manipulative drunk narcissist. At the end we made sure she had good medical care and followed her last wishes; no pastor at her funeral because she didn't believe in God, no flowers because she was allergic, her son read her handwritten message describing how she expected us all to mourn her. He said a prayer, 18 of us family members silently stood there dry eyed at the funeral a couple more minutes and then we went out for a nice family lunch. She only left her sons photos and notes about how much she spent on them since they were born. Her passing feels like a huge relief was lifted. May she rest in peace.
Found this clip whilst looking for help coping with the loss of my wife. I’m pretty sure from the video I’m stuck in a period of trauma…. Every day by bedside in hospital looking after her, not accepting slow decline, to the final dying in my arms. Can’t unsee it! How do I go about finding a therapist who practices your techniques?
Thank you hit so many spots in my heart and brain. Thank you or your wise advice. I just lost my husband Only ten weeks ago and having a difficult time erasing his last weeks image from my mind. Your words meant a lot as I was listening. Blessing.
I am 20 it’s been 2 years since my bestfriend who I cherish and adore like a sister ❤😢 she’s left this earth and my heart is broken still it feels like yesterday
I am grieving for the loss of my dqd last Sept 30th. It felt like I'm going crazy. My feelings are just too much from anger to sadless to guilt to emptiness. I can't understand everything now. 😭
Thank you much, I lost my husband in November after a very short illness and I have really got something that will help me to move on. I was stuck on the last day I saw dying. Will look at the great memories.
I lost my daughter, las year to anorexia. I have no words, to explain the pain she were going thrugh, and the loss i`m feeling. Your words and "techniquis" are so vise, and i wish that they were common knowledge. Thank you.
Thank you Mark. As always, so helpful and compassionate. This helped me move on from feeling guilty when an acquaintance died. I'm sure this will be useful again someday.
My grief is making me crazy. I’ve been doing this for 5 years. I keep going through all the phases over and over again. I need help I feel mentally ill. I catch myself talking to her and crying out of know where.
Very useful. Your right I can’t get past the trauma of my adult sons last month. Watching him die from drinking and nothing we could do. And knew it was coming. Knew he wanted to die. If an adult person says no to medical. No matter who you are. You can’t legally do nothing. Dr helped us a bit by saying in general not saying the persons name. Just horrible us parents and his 3 kids so broken and mom left state to be with her bf. So hard 6/6/20. We will try these techniques. Due to covid counseling is limited. We get back 30!minit session on the phone. Atleast it’s something
I used to listen to one of your meditations in 2012 when going through a breakup. Now I’m running into you randomly again because I lost a boyfriend. I miss him. I’m wondering how long it will hurt. It’s been 5 months. I don’t expect to forget about him but I still feel an empty hole in my chest/heart area. 😭
🎯 Key points for quick navigation: 03:42 *The natural grieving process can be hindered if someone is stuck in traumatic memories of the deceased, requiring techniques like the rewind method to help them move forward.* 05:35 *Encourage clients struggling with guilt in their grief to understand that occasional breaks from grieving can enhance their ability to remember and honor their loved one more authentically.* Made with HARPA AI
It’s funny how I was always the free counselor for everyone else, but the minute I needed someone no one was there. Guess I’ll do this the way I do everything else. By myself.
Hey I don't know you but I'm sending good energys for you to get through this. I lost my father 3 days ago, it hurts so much. You are strong, you will get better, believe in yourself
Thank you. I found your insights and suggestions both practical and sensitive.
Thanks too, for the reminder of the power and value of metaphor. Most useful in grief conversations/support!
Great insight. I am a therapist and found the techniques very practical and make senses
Hello
I have one quarries can you help me please?
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Counselling Connection > Case Studies > A Counselling Case Study Exploring Loss
A COUNSELLING CASE STUDY EXPLORING LOSS
0
Sue and Tom lost their child Jill to leukaemia approximately one year ago. Tom suggested that Sue attend Professional Counselling because she still doesn’t seem to be able to cope with everyday living. For ease of writing the Professional Counsellor is abbreviated to C.
A précis of the session is as follows
In the first session C concentrated on building rapport with Sue and listening to her story. Sue felt that it was the first time that anybody had really listened. She felt that her friends and family didn’t want to even mention her daughter as they didn’t want to upset her. A lot of useful information was gathered throughout this session which is summarised below.
Essential Case Information
Her husband Tom feels that she should be more advanced in her recovery because he himself is coping much better and ‘getting on with life’. Sue is dwelling on guilt prone thoughts such as “Why her, she was so young, I’m still alive”, “I didn’t tell her I loved her before she died” and “What did I do wrong”.
Sue and Tom have a son David who is 12 and are currently divided on parenting styles, whereas before the death they were fairly similar in their approach. Tom feels that David should be able to do what he wants. He feels that life can be short and therefore doesn’t want to be restrictive. Tom feels that Sue is being over protective whereas Sue feels that she has already lost one child and doesn’t want to lose another. She feels that she couldn’t protect Jill and is now doing everything she can to protect David.
Jill was diagnosed with leukaemia only six months before she passed away. Sue was working part-time before Jill was diagnosed but gave up work to be with Jill during treatment. Sue has not returned to work. Before, when Sue was working part-time she was also doing all the housework, now Sue can’t “even” (her words) get the housework done.
As Sue was very talkative and needed to get a lot of things off her chest in the first session C just focused upon building rapport and trust by fully attending to what was said. Therefore at the beginning of the second session C started the process of establishing goals by asking the client what she wanted to achieve out of counselling. It was also determined when and how Sue would know that counselling was no longer required.
C then wanted to normalise some of Sue’s responses by providing her with some information about the stages of Grief and Loss. C was careful to highlight that each individual moves through and expresses the stages differently.
C then asked Sue if she could identify with any of the stages and what stage she felt she was currently in. Sue felt she could relate to the first four stages and that currently she was in the Guilt stage. C then asked Sue what stage she felt Tom was in. Sue felt that Tom was in the Acceptance Stage or may have moved on to complete recovery.
Again C highlighted to Sue that it is normal for people to move through the stages of grief and loss at different rates. C then spent some time examining how Sue felt about being in a different stage to Tom.
C also discussed the length of time (6 months) that Sue had to come to terms with her impending loss before the loss actually occurred. Sue felt more relieved by discovering that it can be normal for someone to become stuck in a stage when they have little time to come to terms with a death before hand.
At the end of the session Sue left with an affirmation that she had constructed with the assistance of C to affirm the normality of her current Grief and Loss behaviour. The affirmation Sue constructed was “The feelings I am experiencing are normal for the stage I am in. I will progress to the next stage when I am ready”. As Sue and Tom’s communication skills are quite good Sue is also going to discuss the stages of grief with Tom and highlight to him that people progress through the stages at different rates, in order to ease Tom’s concerns about Sue’s progress.
In the following sessions it was apparent that Sue was feeling more comfortable with the stage she was at and was now accepting her feelings. Consequently, other issues could now be worked upon to assist her to progress smoothly through the remaining stages of the grief process.
The first thing C wanted to know before further progress could be made, was Sue’s Personality Need Type. The administration of the profile indicated that Sue was a Personality Type A with a score of 9,9. Sue was amazed at the accuracy of the profile, although she felt that a lot of these behaviours had not been displayed for a long time. This lead to a discussion about the effects of not meeting needs and how it might contribute to her uncomfortable feelings at the moment. Issues that were discussed in detail included the fact that she used
My quarries is what are the steps of counselling we should use in this case?
It's a quit long please can you help me?
Hello Donald! Wonder if you remember me from Ansan? We hung out a bit. I just clicked on this video as part of my masters work in guidance and counseling and your comment was on top. Don't know if you'll ever see this since your comment was three years old.
So true trauma and grief are totally different!
This is so helpful for me. I’m not a counsellor but trying to cope with life without my husband who died of cancer at the age of 62. A very fit and active man and I can’t get passed the video in my head of the last hours of him struggling to breathe and fighting until his last breath.
I hope you reached out to your own therapist. God's grace always!!
🙏❤🙏...Hope you are doing ok. I still have flashbacks to my moms last day in Feb 2013 and my dad passed away last year in Feb so the wounds there are still very fresh even though we are approaching 1 year later.
Trying to cope with my grandpa who just died this morning of stage 4 cancer. He was my father figure throughout my 18 years of life. Never yelled, never swore once, was such a kind genuine down to earth person and that got taken from him. He was struggling and couldn’t breathe throughout his time. I don’t know how I’m going to get over this.
@@summerb7579 my sincere condolences for the loss of your Grandpa. You will learn to cope but don’t be hard on yourself and let the grieving process take its course. Sending hugs
@@barbsdee3831 aw thank you do much, this means a lot so thank you 🙏
Wow, I'm realizing now how my therapist used all of these techniques to help me grieve my dad.
Did it help?
Psychology has loads of them, that’s true. I hope they helped you.
What happens when a client is not prepared to talk about the deceased parents? It is very recent.
@@cristobal2012focus on the emotions they’re feeling or other aspects
I just lost my mom. And live far from my family or origin and my kids are grown/gone and far. I am also divorced. My mom was my rock. She loved me so unconditionally. I know it's been only 3 weeks, but my grief comes in waves. I totally thank you for this video. I like the idea of organizing grief. I did see my mom die, but it didn't traumatize me because she knew I was there and I held her hand. I am paralyzed though in the present and need to remember she wants me happy. My other losses are to my boys moving w/in the last 6 months so that's also tough. Thank you.
Did things get better?
Why don't you wait for grandkids and move closer to be an involved grandma?
I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on, I lost my wife 3yrs ago to a terrible heart disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind it'd be nice if you just say hi here is my number +1206-237-2054
You are loved...
Hope you are well 🙏
I lost the most important person in my life in a car accident i was saved with a brocken Hip but my Life(my eyes / my Hands ) and everything i had went away i cry almost every time knowing that she ,s Gone for ever i have absolut NO control of my life after seing your video a SMALL Light came to my life But I Still suffer from extrem Grief i´m from Sri lanka amcd my Life from Germany 77/ 82 years old i have no more Tears at the moment living for the sake of Living THHAX SO Much for the tiny Light you gave me God Bless you Tyrone
I used the balloon in a box metaphor, at first death is like a large ballon in a small box, every time the box moves the ballon touches the sides, similarly people experiencing grief will experience thoughts, memories, etc every which way they turn. But as time goes on and the ballon spontaneously deflates, gets smaller and maybe sinks to the bottom. The touches on the sides become less frequent, the thoughts, memories etc start to wane and as long as a more resourceful focus is obtained, acceptance can be allowed to become acceptable.
Alternatively, when wearing blinkers, all you can see is what’s in front of you. Your energy flows where your focus goes. If you don’t like what you see, don’t keep looking at it, it won’t go away, look away! Turning 180 degrees away from the grief, towards a different perspective or focus of attention, allows to brain rest, to see other possibilities, more resourceful ones.
Oh, wow! Thank you!!! I just wrote to my supervisor, asking him to remind me about the balloon metaphor (I am in counseling internship).
Thank you just lost my childhood sweet heart that was my boyfriend for 16 years and could not stop crying all the time xxx
This is great for me..lost my son 6 weeks ago to a massive heart attack ...listening to this brilliant man is so comforting
Bless you. 🙌
My cousin lost his amazing wife to cancer and she was the life of the party, very outgoing and a strong woman. He was always the more introverted one. He doesn’t want to go back to the house where she died shortly after being on hospice. He’s been staying with his daughter and family. I worry for him and we’ve been chatting for a bit. I’m going to be speaking with him this weekend and thought I needed to research some things to say. I’m so glad I landed on your page. I’m going to advise him to find a good grief counselor or a PhD that might need to prescribe temporary meds. Thank you again for doing this UA-cam video.
Thank you so much. I just lost my mom due of Leukemia and his last image when she was in the casket is being saved to my memory but I want to imagine her genuine looks when she was happily alive. That is what I want.
I plan on becoming a grief counselor and will start formally studying psychology next semester. When my Dad died, there was nothing but silence. I had no guidance in dealing with my trauma and grief. Speaking to someone like you would have been like changing, and that is why I hope to provide for others what I so desperately needed and did not get. Thank you for this video! I feel reinvigorated and confident in my plan!
Bless your heart. I feel your pain.
My sincere condolences, may your heart and wounds be healed by God's love tenderly and gently as he reminds you that you are worthy and loved ❤ God bless
Thank you, I will try these techniques. My mum died suddenly and unexpectedly this year at age 60, my dad died 10 weeks later aged 60. We had to wait 6 months for the toxicology reports for my mum, and now the insurance company are still dragging it out. I feel I haven't had time to heal. I thought I had turned a corner and then 6 months later all the pain came back but stronger.
My friend I can't imagine.. but please, know that I send my love and regards. My mom lost to cancer after a short and aggressive battle a few months ago. I'm only 20 and I feel like there's an emptiness now, but I appreciate things more.. anyway, so sorry about your loss. Remember the good times, but not often enough to make you cry constantly.. at least that's what I've learned so far..
Much love to you ❤️
Sending love
Mum I miss you 😢
I miss my mother as well. I know this is just a random youtube video, but I want you to know, I'm right there in it with you brother. I send my love. YES, LOVE. My mother taught me to love others until given a reason not to.
I say its not how they left, what they left for us in our hearts.
about to have my first solo-session EVER as an intern with a client experiencing grief; i have no experience with grief personally. this video gave me a great head start and focus. thank you for sharing!
Thank you. As an RN in the hospice field with a graduate degree in Pastoral Counseling, I find your videos and techniques very practical. I always believed my education enriched me with a ton of theory, but if it can't be applied practically, it's of very little use.
I also believe in practical applications. Throughout the whole 13 years at university both as a student and teacher I was immersed in theory. Only when I started working with people I understood how far this theory can be from life. Or at the very least how much we need to translate this theory into practical skills.
As a therapist this is very helpful for my clients. Thank you. - Tammi
1. Let them talk about the deceased.
2. Distinguish grief from trauma.
3. Deal with guilt and help them organise the grief.
thank you for that
My fiancé just passed 8 years together we spent basically all day every day together...I feel all this you are talking about...finding him dead...I’m suffering the trauma because it had been hours and it was just horrible, I feel guilt for not checking on him and trying to wake him up. I beat myself up for not doing things differently. And then after all that I just miss him and don’t know how to go on..... I found the video useful I’m trying to find help
I hope you find peace and comfort soon sis ♡ sorry for your loss. I hope you know that nothing God, universe or source energy has planned can be changed, once it is written then that is it. You are perfect and innocent...you are not the blame, nothing can change the decree of what is planned by the almighty and even if you do not believe in God, know that a power bigger than us meticulously operates things. You have nothing to do with the outcome so forgive yourself ♡ best wishes ♡
I send u love 💘
I hope you are ok. I read your post about losing your fiancé. How sad and traumatizing, I feel for you.
I just lost my fiance this last Tuesday, I'm in horrible pain and dealing with guilt, did it get better for you
i lost my fiancee one month ago. and with no other family around me its a bigger challenge than it should be i think. i have never felt this bad before ever. but these videos help and I'm seeking other help too
Thank you so much for explaining grief and trauma. My husband died in our bed and I have been sleeping in the spare bedroom for years. I have tried to go back to our room, but it has not worked. Now I realise that it is trauma. I now know that it was a giant full stop and his story is what I should focus on.
Jus couldn't imagine how it feels like... Sending all my love and prayers to u dear... Stay stronger... Go to bed only when u r really sleepy... Do not simply lie on d bed n try to sleep......
@@sowminishybin5589 thank you for your prayers and kind words. God Bless you.
@@lawrence-k7v I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on, I lost my wife 3yrs ago to a terrible heart disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind it'd be nice if you just say hi here is my number +1206-237-2054
@@sowminishybin5589Thanks,
Am planning to specialise in loss and grief counseling. As a student I find this piece very insightful and authoritative. Thank you so much
Thank you for sharing! I am a trauma counsellor and these tips are very helpful. A friend recently told me that silence can be awkward.
Lucy there isn't no one can help me I lost a daughter and son yr half apart seven yrs ago words are worthless the pain gets worse I've lost sense of smell taste and hearing in left ear in fact I just go through the motions of life look after my remaining son who has head injuries I'm out and about every day etc but inside I'm dead they were my life I died the days they left me x
@@brendadrumm9708 dear, this is so personal to you. It must be a very painful experience. Yes, you lost a valuable part of you.
Thinking about you Brenda and praying that you will find grace and peace. Sending light and love and light your way
Lucy, I lost my father 3 days ago. I am 18. I am feeling so lost, in so much pain. Please tell me does it gets better? Can I be happy again? How can I help my mother so she can be happy again too? Please I need help
As a counsellor, i can honestly say Mark, i believe ide be more than trusting in walking/working through what ever issue i had at any one time, nice one mate...
Jane, I miss you with all my heart and soul!
I wish you were my counsellor 😢
Many thanks for a few words of comfort in an otherwise insecure, uncomfortable world 🙏🏼❤️
My wife of 37 years died in my arms and i cant get it out off my mind , its torture , taking my own life is not an option since I have children and grand children .
So now I'm stuck , I have to go on although I don't want to be alive anymore !
It is saad.. .hold on and live for the kids and grandies. .my sincere condolences and prayers
I am sorry for your loss.
I hope you will let yourself feel whatever it is that you are feeling.
There is no ‘standard’ here. And a loss like yours is a shattering one.
Be patient with yourself. Imagine the joy she may have felt being comforted by your arms in her final moments.
Hope you are doing well Jan. The only thing that can fix your torture is to change your old perception about what life is. That can be done with lots of efforts and sincerity.
Hi jan.. I was just reading through people's comments and yours really caught my attention... How's things with you now?
I lost my beautiful mum from covid in January and I'm finding things really difficult. ❤
I can't for the life of me understand why this video has 8 dislikes, please enlighten me. This video is a big help to me for working with my clients.
Eric Neely Hateful trolls ...is why this great video has dislikes ..
Thank you! I was looking for videos with practical exercises rather than just general statements about grief processes. This is very helpful.
Very useful and practical insights.
It’s been almost a year since my nana passed from cancer. She raised me & was always in my corner. Ever since she passed I am an empty shell of who I used to be. I have tried to climb out of this but I can’t seem to escape it. I cry daily, and I’m constantly replaying our relationship every minute. I’m so scared for myself. I have a partner & kids that I’ve completely let down.
U haven't let anyone down u are grieving my angel I wish I could put my arms around u and hug u I've lost an adult daughter and son I'm not living just existing day after day ur not alone in ur hours of despair I know how u feel x
@@brendadrumm9708 🥰🥰🥰
@@kerilynnnation820 what does that mean
@@brendadrumm9708 just mean sending love
@@kerilynnnation820 God bless just got text my late daughter's friend of 43 her best friend has passed away from heart attack x
Thank you. Much needed today. My dad's death anniversary is always a tough day. I appreciate & value the content you provided. Very wise advice.
Very educative and instructive. Thanks
Beautifully put!!!
Thank you for your insight this will help myself and my father who really miss our best friend.
My husband died last October and I’m still grieving a lot, but I have more days now where I don’t cry anymore. Your suggestions give me a lot to think about and I want to thank you!
Hope you’ve found peace and happiness again?
@@richardmcguinn732 peace…..yes……happiness…NO, it seems that I lost the joy in life, as if my husband took that with him.
@@beautyRest1 I’m deeply sorry about that okay. I’ve personally experienced how unfair life can be to us at times but we do everything we can be strong! I pray you finds happiness again sooner that you’ll be expecting okay.
@@richardmcguinn732 I thank you for your kind words. I try to enjoy beautiful sunshine, blue skies, music and talks with good friends, and that helps me to keep moving forward
@@beautyRest1 That’s very wonderful to hear.
Have been grieving at times of a very special person my girl-friend a dear friend of mine we both loved adventures.. About 4 years ago she died of a heart attack.. I feel I fumbled the ball not taking CPR seriously enough to Applied properly…. Yes it hurts.. So Please people learn CPR & take it seriously so that you can apply it properly
I'm so greatful to find you video and you in general. I recently had an x come back into my life. And he is seeking mental help with the recent loss of his wife. It's so very sad. And thus far he has been very genuine in really just needing help. I think he came to me specifically because we had a very screwed up relationship due to his diabolical physical abuse. He was horrid to me. And his now late wife had completely somehow changed this man to be a better person. Unfotunatly that's how life works. When you have been horrid monster to every partner in your life and you finally find love and change. The world will take it away and leave you broken. You get back what you put into this life I firmly believe. Anyways. Without putting myself in harm's way and from a safe distance I am able to help him with his grieving process in what little way I can. And your videos as well as others on the subject have been invaluable. Thankyou. For posting these. It really is so helpful and can be life altering for some people. Thankyou.🍁A🍁
Thank you mark. That was a very helpful video. Thank you for your love and insight.
Thank you! I loved the analogy with the chapters in a book and the last punctuation mark on it.
Wow thank-you so much. I can now really help my client. Amazing xxx
Your videos are reallyyy excellent and very helpful. Thank you sooo much
In some cultures (like part of Iran) there are fixed grieving days which is done collectively along with friends and family. E.g. the 3rd day, the 7th day, the 4oth day and then after a year.
Very useful. I like particularly the point about the final punctuation mark not replacing the book
Many thanks Mark. Well presented, insightful and practical.
Thank you so much I'll definitely apply these techniques
Great video. Thank you for the advice, not only for practitioners but also for people that are grieving.
I liked your video on scaling. I'm studying guidance and counseling now. The video was given as part of our coursework.
I lost my mom and brother in March of 2019. And it seems like yesterday. I'm just heart broken and don't know how to go on😥😥.
Not Liking your comment, but acknowledging it. I hope you can find a way forward.
Some people say 1 year is the ‘right’ time to grieve but I totally disagree with that. There is no standard here. It’s totally individual. In some cases it can take long months and years!
Let yourself feel whatever you are feeling now. Whether it’s anger, sadness, fear, depression...it’s all a part of your mind dealing with your loss.
However, if at some point you feel you can’t handle it any longer, my suggestion is to seek help. Remember, you are not alone.
I am sorry for your loss.
There are no rules around grief so let the process unfold in your own time and your own way. Just allow yourself to grieve these dearly loved and sorely missed people. Accept the love and support of those around you and take good care of yourself.
It's perfectly fine to grieve or not grieve how ever you want. My last family member who died was a manipulative drunk narcissist. At the end we made sure she had good medical care and followed her last wishes; no pastor at her funeral because she didn't believe in God, no flowers because she was allergic, her son read her handwritten message describing how she expected us all to mourn her. He said a prayer, 18 of us family members silently stood there dry eyed at the funeral a couple more minutes and then we went out for a nice family lunch. She only left her sons photos and notes about how much she spent on them since they were born. Her passing feels like a huge relief was lifted. May she rest in peace.
Found this clip whilst looking for help coping with the loss of my wife.
I’m pretty sure from the video I’m stuck in a period of trauma…. Every day by bedside in hospital looking after her, not accepting slow decline, to the final dying in my arms. Can’t unsee it!
How do I go about finding a therapist who practices your techniques?
Thanks a lot Mark for this insightful information .
God bless you 🙏🙏
Thank you so much this is so helpful
Thank you, I am grateful for your videos, they are quite helpful and informative .
I like than analogy and will use that, thank you
This was so helpful! I will try using these techniques in my role play!
😎
New subscriber - glad I’ve found you 🙏
Thank you UNK, some reassuring words there.
Thank you hit so many spots in my heart and brain. Thank you or your wise advice. I just lost my husband
Only ten weeks ago and having a difficult time erasing his last weeks image from my mind. Your words meant a lot as I was listening. Blessing.
Lovely and kind. Ty ✨️
I love the taking control of grief concept!
Great Information.
Need your demonstration session.
I may go to a therapist. Should I watch this?
Thank you! This was very helpful for this new clinician (:
Thanks for sharing this relevant information, I can see that you are not just an ordinary practitioner but a genius.
I am 20 it’s been 2 years since my bestfriend who I cherish and adore like a sister ❤😢 she’s left this earth and my heart is broken still it feels like yesterday
Thanks 🙏
I am grieving for the loss of my dqd last Sept 30th. It felt like I'm going crazy. My feelings are just too much from anger to sadless to guilt to emptiness. I can't understand everything now. 😭
Hi ❤❤❤ sending you love even two years later .
And a big THANK YOU!! from me. Deanne
Thank you much, I lost my husband in November after a very short illness and I have really got something that will help me to move on. I was stuck on the last day I saw dying. Will look at the great memories.
Thank you. You gave me more insight into the person who is grieving.
Hi Barbara, how’s your day going with you?
Excellent practical tips. Thank you so much.
I lost my daughter, las year to anorexia. I have no words, to explain the pain she were going thrugh, and the loss i`m feeling.
Your words and "techniquis" are so vise, and i wish that they were common knowledge.
Thank you.
Thank you for the video and suggestions!
Thank you Mark. As always, so helpful and compassionate. This helped me move on from feeling guilty when an acquaintance died. I'm sure this will be useful again someday.
My grief is making me crazy. I’ve been doing this for 5 years. I keep going through all the phases over and over again. I need help I feel mentally ill. I catch myself talking to her and crying out of know where.
Hope you’ve found peace and happiness again Carrie?
Thank you so much sir
Thank you for this video.
What a helpful video thank you!
Incredibly helpful and powerful; thank you!
Really great. Thanks for sharing!
Great stuff. Love your approach.
Yes
Incredibly useful, Mark! Thank you!
Excellent insights. Thank you!
Very useful. Your right I can’t get past the trauma of my adult sons last month. Watching him die from drinking and nothing we could do. And knew it was coming. Knew he wanted to die. If an adult person says no to medical. No matter who you are. You can’t legally do nothing. Dr helped us a bit by saying in general not saying the persons name. Just horrible us parents and his 3 kids so broken and mom left state to be with her bf. So hard 6/6/20. We will try these techniques. Due to covid counseling is limited. We get back 30!minit session on the phone. Atleast it’s something
Hello
Thank you for this video. It helps me tremendously from my grief and guilt. 🙏
Thank you so much.
That’s amazing 🤩 thank you
Thank you for the beautiful words
Thank you Mark for your insights..extremely helpful and sensitive approach
Excellent........
These are great suggestions
I used to listen to one of your meditations in 2012 when going through a breakup. Now I’m running into you randomly again because I lost a boyfriend. I miss him. I’m wondering how long it will hurt. It’s been 5 months. I don’t expect to forget about him but I still feel an empty hole in my chest/heart area. 😭
Hello
The eating is a very good factor keeping up the carbs can help
Thanks , very insightful
Mark, this is great. Thank you.
🎯 Key points for quick navigation:
03:42 *The natural grieving process can be hindered if someone is stuck in traumatic memories of the deceased, requiring techniques like the rewind method to help them move forward.*
05:35 *Encourage clients struggling with guilt in their grief to understand that occasional breaks from grieving can enhance their ability to remember and honor their loved one more authentically.*
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I love the metaphor! Thank you!
What do you refer to as the rewind technique. 8:05
It’s funny how I was always the free counselor for everyone else, but the minute I needed someone no one was there. Guess I’ll do this the way I do everything else. By myself.
Life is ‘funny’ this way sometimes. Remember, you are not alone in your sorrow. Be strong and be safe.
It’s lonely being a leader. You’re a strong person, and that’s not always fun. I hope you can have a break soon. Carry on 💕
Spot on x
Hey I don't know you but I'm sending good energys for you to get through this. I lost my father 3 days ago, it hurts so much. You are strong, you will get better, believe in yourself