Don't Be a Doormat | Set Healthy Boundaries
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- Опубліковано 14 лип 2024
- A person who is kind and caring, who puts the needs of others before their own, may often find themselves being taken advantage of, used and manipulated, and left feeling drained of energy. How can we learn to conserve our energy and not to over-extend ourselves?
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"Kallaloe" by Blue Dot Sessions
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#ToxicRelationships
This is a much more digestible way of looking at narcissism than the typical psychology videos on UA-cam.
@CB So true!
The same lesson can be said to mother's who give every last inch of themselves for their children and never filling their own cup!
I don't even have a cup anymore. I'm so happy you said this. I'm getting a new cup
Wonderful. Churches, cults, so called spirituality is riddled with exhausted, guilt, ashamed into being responsible for others. co-dependents. Finally someone who speaks the truth. Self care is a priority.
I couldn't have said better myself. This statement is very on point! 🙏
@Dzsamila # Yeah, I left religions over abuse. I joke, but (seriously) "God understands."
Whew. Agreed. Religion. Abuse. Justification. Guilt. That is very asleep. Then, they often tell you that you just don't get it. The blind leading the blind. They won't likely wake up. You have to leave them behind. It's toxic to a true seeker.
i heard a phrase that goes the greatest sin is to deny ones self.
so i'm doing the greatest sin? fck it! :O
There is some truth to that.
@@waynemcleod6767 Indeed. I speak from experience.
I'm not religious, but I have been thinking lately it's a crime against god to not live the life he set you on earth to live
If I had known this, I could have saved myself a lot of heartache, time, and energy. I thought I was helping these people, but all I did was allow their dependence on me, which resulted in guilt trips and aggression when I even hinted at withdrawing a little. I learned the hard way, but I am glad that I did learn. Thank you so much for sharing these messages with us. Love and light from Germany.
yes, i relate with you, this is the kinda 'classes-lessons' (to me) that needs to be learned in schools in stead of so much nonsense there is thought♥
Amazing to me how many takers seem to find the givers!
“Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused”
@@luwigi4630 Great song by the Eurythmics.
Dun dun dun dun dun dun
Thank you. Experienced and very important to have boundaries. You will end up losing yourself if not.
I used to make friends based on me being the therapist and the caregiver, they only search for me for comfort and to feel better....and I felt drained after meeting them. Two years ago I develop anxiety disorder and panic attaks, being in treatment I realized how exausted I was to always "have to" fulfill everyone's needs and expectations. For my own health I have to put boundaries and even break some "friendships" that "demand" the attention I used to give. It was not easy, but it was healthy for them and for me. Now, I'm healing, being my own friend and willing to develop real friendships. Thank you for your videos.
my answer to this problem is self isolation. over years it seems like theres more and more of this. its now gotten to the point that its "normal". I bow out and lead my own life away from anyone.
Self isolation is not how we should be, but it is how we become... I believe, we are here to share with each other, but the world has become so bent on the "I" that everyone forgets about the "we" I feel so lost anymore because of the "I" in people. All day i see people bent over their phones getting a rush from the attention they receive from social media... It saddens my heart... (Bodhisattva) ( i find myself feeling the misery of the rest of the world) (carrying the world on my back, and feeling sorrow for others) (enlightenment is a hard journey) Self isolation is how i have lived for many years!!!
I learned that self isolation is necessary for growth..
When we work on ourselves and work towards enlightenment.we help the whole world!
@@oldtruckersneverdie3916 i think so Steve...
To who ever is reading this my all your endeavors spread love and light !!!
🙏🙌🤲☮❤☀️🔮💫
This is absolutely true. The best help is giving help to self help, without sacrificing yourself.
*USERS* love "people pleasers". They would use your own irrational guilt to drain you up (via manipulation).
I feel like crap for telling my now x boyfriend that "I can't do it alone, get a job". This was to help with home repairs, small bills, his clothes and things.
He walked out while saying that I need Jesus. I haven't seen or heard from him since May 2020.
I struggled with this up until a few weeks ago. I had a bout with sciatica my nextdoor neighbor was making ignoring boundaries and kept demanding to know my landline number using manipulation trying to get it. Her not taking no, not respecting the boundary of stop texting, calling until I recovered from a kidney transplant, the loss of my spouse and sciatica had to take desperate measures and then and only then was I able to get her out of my life. People take being nice and kind as weakness and youre a pushover.
Wish I learned this back in my younger days! Also, to the ppl who take advantage of others, why be like that? Why find someone who’s kind & giving, and then label them as someone easy to walk all over & set out to take advantage of them? Don’t you realize that makes you a POS 😡
Empathetic, compassionate and awakened people usually have those problems. Especially some people take advantage of it. I personally found peace in investing my love to animals, plants, trees and nature. We can't absolutely and completely isolate ourselves but we can find something to soothe our struggles. Its vital to put our needs than others. It is not a bad thing , and I agree everything you said. 💙
Kindness is a choice. You choose to let people walk over you, just like you choose to set healthy boundaries.
I just recognised myself acting in a toxic way with someone.
Thank you for explaining so clearly how to set boundaries with others and why.
Sometimes when someone is so kind and loving, you just become greedy i guess.
Or we think so highly of them.
We put them on a pedestal.
As if they are our savior.
I was in a 6-year relationship like this that ended and he is still using these tactics on me. I established boundaries last night and I am sticking to them. Thank you for the encouragement and strength continue with my self-worth
Good choice.
Every change is going to bring something better... 😊 Lots of love 💜🙏🍀🌻
Best wishes, Tammy. I hope all is going well. Six years is a lot of time to practice. Often without resolve, it appears in future relationship choices too.
I never realized I was such a sitting duck for being manipulated into "parenting" another adult until it had already happened. I was able to extract myself from the situation, but not without a lot of resistance from the other person, plus the guilt and grief over letting it go on my part. Establishing healthier boundaries in the first place, ( as stated here ), is such a valuable lesson.
Some people ignore boundaries .When you enforce them by way of legal means They get very angry and seek revenge .Those who favor and spend time with this individual will eventually understand why I no longer wanted them in my home to spite what they are told about the imperfections of others .
My cup is empty now .I will now rest . So I can refill my cup
Thank you for your advice 😔
Thank you for this. I like your gentle spirit. I too, always become the doormat for others. I am working on this aspect of myself.
I got attacked yesterday by someone that I put up boundaries with around dog sitting. Thank you so much. I really needed this. ☯️
You are an excellent teacher 🦋.
I was in this position for many years in my life. I burnt out last year. It was very sad and frightning but the best thing that could happen to me now looking back on it.
It s very scaring to set bounderies specially when your anxious, has low self esteem and handling with depression. But it is possible! Just be aware of your behaviour and take small small steps. Its getting easier all the time. Dont let anyone intimidate you. If they make stupid comments or accuse you of something throw it back in there face immediately . Then they know how it feels. Love from Sweden and take care 💜
Damn this is such great wisdom. I'm gonna have to rewatch and take notes.
This is the life lesson i needed to learn, and i did.
I really needed to hear this i often feel like I always have the responsibility to help others all the time
After years of being a doormat and people pleasing I’ve finally got it
Thanks for being so generous with your learning, thoughts and wisdom.
My own son has told me for years I am a door mat.
It is ok to not be perfect. Allow yourself to be who or what you are. If there is an area in your life where you'd like to focus your awareness on then do so at your own pace. Instead of working towards being perfect, work towards a healthy balance. You define what the balance is. First step is to become aware of the issue. This is the hardest and first step and it's why it takes so long. The rest will come so long as you maintain awareness and breathing
People should learn not to feel victim if they give more. It's own decision to give. If we feel then bad because we did what they wanted...it wasn't pure act. We expected something in back for it.🙏🏻🌸❤
Your videos have helped me so much. Please keep making these videos. You can help the world immeasurably. I send these to everyone I can. Please, don't stop
I love this. Ive been having issues with a co-worker that wants me to always be there right by her side and im trying to help her find it with in herself to figure things out for herself. Thank you for this video
Thank you. Thx u so much. I did exactly what u preach, I cut all neg selfish crazy ppl out my life
I wish you have a podcast. I like to listen to you while cooking.
I have a bad stress these days. Your voice is calming and beautiful.
Thank you so much for your wise and heart filled words❤️ namaste 🙏
all those 11 dislikes from the people who couldn't understand other people's boundaries!
Thank you so much for such an eloquent explanation exactly what I needed! Namaste
I hate it when you so much for someone without being asked and when you complain about it to them they say NO ONE ASKED YOU TO 😨
I thank Nada´s wisdom but I thank maybe more to the guys who invented the internet, computers and so on that allow us to be in touch with his wisdom. It is like the customs guard who asked Lao-Tse to write his wisdom. Thanks to the guard we have the Tao Te King. So that is how we can prove everything is related in some way. Amazing !.
I sin, sometimes, of being a "too good person" with the rest and putting their needs before my own, as you say in the video. Your words help a lot to redirect the focus of attention to yourself on a healthy way and on what really matters. Thank you for your time.
One of your best talks. Something a lot of chronic unhealthy "givers" can relate to
Such a beautiful explanation Nada. I wish I had realise these thoughts years ago. It is so easy to be just a giver for peace sake. Bless you. 🙌
This is easier said then done.💞
Then start as soon as possible. This phrase helped me to start: "Focus on where you wanto to go, not on what you fear".
Thank you, I could feel you were present while filming your message and this helps the most
I learned no matter how much I give materially or of my time while not even getting five hrs sleep....it will never be enough and now I have enemies because I don't do hundred dollar giveaways anymore
This was very helpful. Your videos opens a completely new perspective and that’s beautiful.
I have to set boundaries it's destroying my soul!!!! Blessings and positive energy and super white light 😇🙏❤️💖🎊💕🎉💡
So have I... I love all you people 💕
Balance always takes money.
I am so peaceful since l closed that door by ignoring such people. In fact that's emotional manipulation..
I have an issue on the other end. A person needs to leave and stick to it. Understanding it makes someone sad and not identifying someone sadness as manipulation. Its hard to make decisions sometimes but we can't forfeit the responsibility of our decisions when we make them. There is a reason a doormat may not be trustworthy.
There is something really to address the issue of people pleasing and dishonesty that comes. there is a level of something like codependency and a lack of self worth, fear of confrontation. Ive never met a doormat self included that was confident, honest and transparent.
Love this channel!
Beautiful message.😊
Wow 😮 😭 this hits me deep. I thank you very much for this video for your presence for your wisdom
The heart /love is an overflowing cup,and each one deserves a share...I have had a very big burn out myself because of giving (too?) much. Anyway bumped (crashed) on to a big wall! But you know what ? I discoverd there is an endless source/ flow of continuing love, for each one of us. Regardless for who ever you are or what you've been gone or going through. Thats the truth /life without question.
Relate big time. However, sometimes I think that because I can be soooo people-pleasing I occasionally get in situations where I expect the same, when in reality nobody asked me to give so much. Yes, I’ve definitely been taken advantage of manyyyy times, but I also think at times I’m even selfish in my selflessness, as if I get validation from it & then my expectations soar. Not trying to make excuses for abusers, just sincerely saying.... it’s often me abusing my damn self .
Great video! Thanks for sharing!
I believe this can go both ways when two people drain each other in different ways. The Buddha say right speak can also mean saying what needs to be heard even if it invokes anger or similar. Some people can become violent when confronted and often they do believe they are a victim and in a way they are a victim of blind kindness. Just my thoughts on this. Thanks for this wonderful helpful video.
Agree with what you say. Compassion and kindness to yourself first, and then to others next.
The harsh truth,
rule number one,
never be number two
the heart will never speak
but you must listen to it
to know.
On time message I love it!❤️
I've always been such a compassionate and selfless person that I end up burning myself up in the process. Being stepped on, I was the butt of every joke. It's so hard to try and find the medium of standing to for yourself without being overcome by those emotions too.
Great job and great words!
I love listening to you. It's calming and educating... I have improved alot in the past several years. However being an empath, makes it much more difficult NOT to fall back into the well... I now take it day by day and chance by chance. Some I catch amd stop myself and some I repeate being my kind self.... I must admit, my best night sleeps are those where I stopped caring about everyone all together 😍
I left a relationship like this two years ago, it’s taken me a long time to build myself back up. I’m learning about healthy boundaries now. I allow myself to give the burden of caring for someone over to Spirit. In this way I can feel like I know they’re still being cared for and I don’t have to be the one responsible for their well-being. It’s a relief!
beautifuly said! helped me understand myself and how to approach situations like this more ❤️
the moral of the video......dont take other people for granted
Or rather, "don't allow yourself to be taken for granted"
Great wisdom, thank you! Namaste
Thank You ✨💜✨
This is priceless.
What a great message!! Thank you
I really needed to hear this. Thank you
Thanks much appreciated
Thank you 🙏
Shalom🙏🏽 thank you 🥰
Turned my phone on to find this Piece of GOLDEN TRUTH!!!!! Thank You 🙏 Universe for reminding me that I do not need anyone to do for me what I AM capable of doing for myself and that is EVERYTHING because I AM a Divine Child of God!!!!! And thank you 🙏 for showing me that Adults Are very capable of Calling on their Universe for help!!!! All Power is Within!!!! Namaste 🙏
I think there is a path between both trying to give and taking care of oneself. That is by being critical and challenging the demands of everyone, including oneself. By constantly not being satisfied with what people say at first and pushing everyone I believe everyone eventually finds a solution that can cater to everyones needs.
Aw thank youuu... need this rn 🥺💗
It's totally ok if I am happy ,it's ok to seek my happiness, I can help others better when Im happy, if IAm sad too that doesnt help the others.
1:56 squirrel? 3:43 squirrel?
Thanks to all the takers and users....I no longer give....until a person proves their worth.
Thank you 🌸
Thank you 😌🙂
This video is excellent you are so inspirational. Thank you so very much for your kindness and wisdom.
Addie
I just become calm only from your voice💗🍀
Thank you for your wisdom :)
Thank you
Thank you.
A good gentle reminder thank you🙂
Wow..you help me and others taking the power back from others : ).. lots of love..
I used to be this person. I was not aware of my behavior since everyone around me enabled it and I normalized due to not learning healthy boundaries as a child.
thanks for the video
❤❤❤
🙏thank you
Thank you 🙏 so much
Kindness has to stop when the person is taking advantage of it. Kindness has to stop when myself is not taken care of.
The most caring thing you can do is allow them to stand on their own two feet.