#1 Thing Men Should Do On A First Date (According To Psychology)
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I think a lot of conversations fall apart because people listen to reply instead of listening to understand
You need to ask your date lots of questions to show interest in her and (and learn about who she is), then counter her replies with some self-disclosure, so she feels like she is not at an interview and is learning about you.
Been saying this for God knows how long. It's all about the environment that's created when on a date with a woman because if she feels like she can just be herself with you, the date will go as smoothly as it possibly can. This is what women mean when they say they didn't feel that "spark" with a guy: she didn't feel like she could be her most true self and just relax because she was feeding off his energy, so if he was nervous and anxious she also felt nervous and anxious. Cool, calm, and collected is the name of the game.
🙌🏼 love this comment, per usual!
@@CourtneyRyan Funny though. You know AJ never gets a second or maybe even the 1st date.
@@ericinla65 Maybe, just don’t say anything next time?
You can not "feed" off "energy" and there is no such thing as "Energy" or "vibrations" or "manifesting" etc.
@@nunyabeezwax6758 this comment gotta be a joke🤣
Another dating coach once said "If 10 different guys use the same approach with me, I would give them 10 different responses". I know you said that you're not the average girl and you are the exception to the rule. From what I have seen from my friends, the responses girls show often depend on the level of attraction they have on a guy. The more attractive a guy is, the more a girl would make an effort to make a date go well. If a guy is just an option among many guys, the girl tend to look for faults in a guy or compare a guy with her other options.
Thanks for sharing your insights.
I totally agree with this.
Dating is less like buying a new product off-the-shelf... and more like going out to buy a used car. There *WILL* be things wrong with all of them. That's why they're used. Same thing with people. There will be things wrong with you, me, or any other guy she dates. Similarly, there will be things wrong with her, her friends, her classmates, etc.
People make trade-offs, based on what they can (or can't) live with. If you're waiting for us to tell you that the world is fair, I'll save you the trouble: It isn't. Women are going to give their first attention to what they perceive to be high-quality guys, just the same way you would focus your efforts on the stunningly beautiful women if you went out to the bar or club.
If those guys have their game on point, and do everything right, and the women are deliriously happy, then there's not much chance for you. On the other hand, after a while, either she (or he) may think that the grass is greener elsewhere. The good news is that the country songs are correct: most relationships eventually end, one way, or the other.
Just be patient, keep improving yourself, and keep meeting new women. If you become a high-quality person, you will have high-quality women to choose from. If you don't, you won't. It's just that simple. 🙂
Girls are hypergamous by nature.
It’s true. I get away with lots of bad behavior and bare minimum just cause I’m attractive.
These women didn't say "comfortable," they said "the vibes" and the people who surveyed translated it to comfortability
I say create attraction first. Then create comfort. In that order. You are at risk of being put in the friend zone if you focus on creating comfort only.
Attraction and comfort are opposites. You gauge how the conversation is going, and add more attraction if it's dragging, or more comfort if she starts getting too weirded out. But Yes, if you keep getting stuck in the friend zone, then start with attraction. 👍
You can't "create" attraction though. You're either attractive to the woman or not, which depends almost exclusively on things not in your power, like face, height, skeletal frame, hairline, voice, natural body chemistry, and is instinctively decided on within just a minute into the date. The point is rather to not ruin initial attraction, if there is any, by being awkward or simply a jerk.
My experience has borne out what I've been told: attraction has to be set before comfort - or I've taken a one-way trip to the 'friend zone'
So, on a first date, I want to see signs of attraction, and then definitely want to move to comfort. Because, if a couple people aren't comfortable in each other's presence, why the hell would they date, right?
This video is first date advice. If you’re already on the first date with a girl attraction has already been created. So no, focus on comfort first, on a first date.
@@marcmays48 me wondering how to add more attraction.
Best first date location--a coffeehouse. It's casual and relaxing and inexpensive, can sit and talk without the expectations of "do I have food stuck in my teeth, why is the other person ordering such an expensive meal, do I have to pay for the first date, I can't hear what the other person is saying, do I have to dress up nicely," etc.
I really believe that practice makes perfect when it comes to dating. Once you go on enough dates, understand which environments are best for really talking/learning about people, also slowly reducing intimidation over time-dates become great experiences.
Comfortable lounges are my favorite and profound questions that people don’t normally ask separate you from the heard
The best “first dates” are ones that don’t feel like a date at all. Meeting someone organically and getting to know them already and hanging out with them without any pressure beforehand, so when you do officially go out on that date together, there’s no awkwardness. First dates where you meet for the very first time are often feel mechanical. Like going to a restaurant, eating and just asking each other questions about one another which are often essentially a job interview to decide if you want to see each other again. That’s why I think meeting organically hanging out when it’s not officially a date, like say meeting someone when you’re out with a group on a vacation or out in a group doing some type of activity, is always best. In that type of setting it’s so much easier to feel if you want to be around that person more and if you find them fun and interesting. So much more spontaneity.
I agree with you
@@BoubacarBah02 I don't - that's not really a date. NEVER involve friends or groups in early dating stages.
@@jleano609 I get it, but its a great starting point to actually start dating the girl🤷🏿♂️. But indeed, It's better to not have your friend group involved with it.
@@jleano609 I put date in quotes because it isn’t technically a date, but I used group as examples as where you might meet someone. For example going out with some friends and some of their friends and one of the people at this gathering is someone you start talking to, getting to know, and there’s no pressure and it’s very casual because it’s not a date. Then, at some point down the road, if you do go on an official date with this person you’ve already gotten to know them and get a good idea of what they’re all about because you spent time with them and talked to them in a setting where there were no expectations. So you may have even gotten to know a more genuine version of that person in a casual setting. I enjoy meeting people that way.
But you don’t have to meet them in a group. It could be something as simple as meeting a co-worker and talking to them at work and getting to know them. Then once you go on that date, no pressure because you already know a lot about this person and the chemistry was already developed.
@@geralt5843 for sure, this is called social-circle dating. There are some smart tactics for this environment. Ask the girl out fairly quickly for one. Get her number after the first time together. Do not tell anyone else in the circle. Do not involve anyone else in early dating stages. Only present yourselves back to the group once you have got to intimacy and a commitment (assuming that’s what you were aiming for) only then do you reveal it to the group.
The idea is that women don’t want to be judged by others in the group. There can also be male and female cock blockers. In any case the secrecy can be arousing also.
The only problem with surveys is that women do not know what they actually or subconsciously want and will answer what they THINK they want. As the old saying goes: if you want to learn how to catch a fish, ask a fisherman - not a fish. You really think a woman will not have have fun on a date with a guy who seems hot, dangerous, and mysterious?
100% correct - comfort is only one side of the coin, the other is arousal. You have to have both to be successful with women - but women typically won't tell you that.
Having a first date where the activity is something you'd do by yourself (but then you bring the girl along) works well in my experience. My current gf - I went to a cute downtown area with her to buy an air plant and then we hung out for a few more hours and then ended the night eating tacos on a swing watching the sunset.
did you eat her taco? If you didn't your date was a failure. LOL
lol@@SKRooU2
I already knew this, I've been doing this since I was a kid thanks for confirming it! Its very important to make a woman feel comfortable around you. Because if you're making her comfortable that means she feels SAFE around you!
💯
I know if it will go well or not the moment I meet the girl. It has a lot to do with that first little hug. And if we both come with a smile and a little joke, that's usually the best sign for me. An open place, public, of course. That should make you both feel safe.
Also, it's better to meet outside of the restaurant or the place you're going together - I'd say maybe include a little walk before sitting and talking. It gives you the chance to comment on the area (for example) and see if you view the experience you are sharing from a similar perspective - which is huge for connecting with the person. So when you enter the restaurant you are already entering the place together, and it's kind of like a little adventure if it's somewhere you never been to.
If you meet directly at the table or at the tickets, that's not good, that's always gone wrong for me - unless you are both incredible funny and have a high tolerance to awkwardness.
Love going into a first date feeling like I’ve known her for awhile now so she feels more comfortable, and I feel less awkward. Really does work like a charm. Be funny, ask great questions, tease her, flirt and listen.
Great advice!
Horrible advice
That's no advice at all.
Just let her babble and break out your check book, it's not rocket science. These modern women are alot of things, smart isn't one of them.
@@funkfarmer7125 lol true true
Wow Courtney this is one of your most informative videos. Everything you said is so true. My biggest issue recently on first dates is that too often my date tends to be rather quiet and not asking as many questions as I would like. Being the talkative person that I am and being some what nervous I end up dominating the conversation more than I intended. I guess I gotta relax uh?😊
Yes. Ask HER the questions. Two thirds of the conversation should be her talking.
Thanks for this video. I think your closing on mentality/ approach was perfect. Dating is about getting to know someone, not getting someone to like you. Well said. 👌🏽
Great info again Courtney. I have never framed it as "feeling comfortable" but that makes alot of sense as far as what a woman looks for on a first date, and I actually wouldn't have guessed it's the no.1 thing they're looking for.
It’s simple: pay more attention to her to see if she is truly interested in u more than if u yourself are genuinely interested in them. Just because u are really interested in them as a man doesn’t mean that the women is too. Why do u think men are obligated to approach according to most modern women? The men work their magic and hope that the women likes them back. The women decides if they want to keep seeing the man or not. Sadly it’s rarely ever decided between both parties and the man making the decision. Dating is mostly one-sided nowadays IMO and from personal experience. Most of those dating advice people that say: “u as the man should focus more on if u truly like her than if she likes u on a date” sadly doesn’t work with todays society. The only way it works is when a man ghosts the women instead of telling them they are not into them. This is probably another reason as to why women hate rejection is because some men treat women like how women treat majority of us men. It’s not good that both parties do this because it’s immature as shit. But as like I said, todays society is full of toxic and immature people and it’s getting worse by the day.
women don't care how you feel about them. they care about what they feel from/for attraction for you.
@@bartdegryse9345 I know so that’s why men while dating should pay a little more attention to see if the woman likes them than if the man likes the woman. A man clearly likes the woman more or is at least interested in them more than the woman cause why would we have asked them out in the first place?
Hey, just leaving my two cents here. I used to go into the dating scene with the mindset of "she's going to be just like majority of toxic girls and girls who are boring" and boy let me tell u almost all of the dates went as i expected. But i noticed that when I decided to be neutral about whatever future dates I went into, suddenly the experience changed. I was no longer projecting my judgment onto the girls I went out with, but rather I let them be whoever they show me they are, in a neutral and non-judgemental way. Yes, even by being neutral, there will always be girls who are still boring, but being neutral has helped me truly see the girl for who she is and not for someone I project my expectations on. Being neutral really opened my eyes and I really believe it could help you as well. All the best, we're all in it to learn along the way, don't be afraid to make mistakes and most importantly, try different perspectives on doing the same thing, and slowly move toward repeating perspectives that work for you. Goodluck bro, we're all in this together!
Hi Courtney, congratulations for your content! I truly like your POV around principles and values, I wish you could make a video (including other girls) around two topics:
1) Why of today’s dating climate?: Throw-away society, overconsumption of short-lived or disposable relationships?
2) Why women and man cheat despite been with someone that has respected and provide with everything and have a stable relationship?
I think a good rule of thumb is not to get attached to the outcome. In fact in a relationship even when it’s been established, still don’t get overly attached to the outcome. That way you can survive a split if that does happen. stay neutral to all outcomes. 🧨🍀
Exactly. Don't get fully involved in any relationship. Go half in. That way its easier to monkey branch.
@@bagpussisevil2877 monkey branch?😅
Yes. If you end up sleeping with eachother, go with the flow
💯
I agree!
This is actually fascinating to me. So Where I work there’s a lot of older women, and so I’m always asking them for their input. And the one thing they all have in common is that on their first date with their husband husband, they felt uncomfortable.
They felt excited, anxious, nervous, sometimes straight scared, but never comfortable.
So I wonder if this is a generational difference or more likely honesty. Emotional intelligence…
I think the most important thing for a man when he starts dating a woman is to be more discerning. Men get so caught up in this idea that they have to win a woman's affection that they often forget to pause and ask themselves if they even want it! It is important for any conversationalist to be able to carry on a conversation by asking interesting and open questions, not talking about yourself too much, and making appropriate eye contact and movements; however, if the girl is boring, rude, disinterested, not intellectually around your level, or just not someone who you jive with for whatever reason then it is important to stop trying to "win the date" and and take care of yourself. Of course it is important to make her feel comfortable and have a good time, but that shouldn't come at the expense of your pleasure and comfort.
I think having that attitude allows you to be more genuine and actually leads to the other person feeling more comfortable as well as creates a needed shift in the power dynamic - a date isn't just you convincing a girl to like you, men deserve happiness as well and she should be considerate of your needs and feelings just as you are of hers. She has just as much onus on her as the man.
That's why I tend to plan dates in stages ( move from location to location)so that you can basically make the date end early or last longer depending on how the date is going. It is better to end a date and go your separate ways than to be disingenuous because of this misguided notion that men are somehow entirely responsible for the success or failure of dates or relationships because, after all, they didn't convince the woman they are a worthy partner. What is the end game in that situation? You are now dating someone you don't even like in order to appease your ego? Play stupid games win stupid prizes...
I couldn't have said it better myself!
Why are we still being this needlessly accommodating with and subservient to women? This just enables the ones who expect not to do any work to continue to be lazy (and there are A LOT of them out there). The above applies even to non ho-ish women. Many of them just seem like they can't be bothered.
You got it right.
I appreciate your videos, you always have honest, good advice, that actually helps people. I’ve also watched a few other channels, that seem to focus on cheating, and dumping people, and all the drama, but they just don’t help you become a better person. Your channel is real help! 👍
Agree with everything you've said in this video really insightful. Regarding conversations from my experience at least I've found I'm the more inquisitive party. I get very few questions from the people I'm dating or talking to
Can't believe I actually watch these kinds of videos... Dating is no longer how it was. Rather than judging you on your personality and how you will treat her, she judges you because you can't keep a conversation going. Today it feels like a successful date comes only from the guy's side and the work he puts into the date and the female can decide if she was attracted or not...
Yeah almost like a literal interview at times.
Be honest. You only look for one thing when you first meet a woman. We are just as shallow
That's how it works. A man is always up for a second date and he's the one who has to impress the woman enough to get to a second date.
Because no one holds females accountable for being lazy and useless af. They come to these dates with the feeling you are there to entertain them, you basically expected to be the King and the jester in one for these "qweenz"
@@Dman425 Nope. You're wrong.
As always, thank you for the quality content. Have a nice weekend.
You too! ❤️
Please more content like this. So valuable. It's common sense in a way, but not something I've ever really stopped to piece together consciously before.
I do not think this is valuable.
Great video Courtney, every time more i admire you for your videos sort. In fact right now I have carrying a virtual relationships but it's awkward cuz despite I make her laugh almost all time, we talk every single day, I have showed my home , my daily activities ect, she still present insecurities respect to me , I get it , it's obviously, just we meet online, and both we are studying yet and we can't to travel to our respective countries, and so finally, my case is a particular case, the women feel comfortable with the time, and the way we can make them feel in first date tho be virtual, you right ✅
Hey, just leaving my two cents here. I used to go into the dating scene with the mindset of "she's going to be just like majority of toxic girls and girls who are boring" and boy let me tell u almost all of the dates went as i expected. But i noticed that when I decided to be neutral about whatever future dates I went into, suddenly the experience changed. I was no longer projecting my judgment onto the girls I went out with, but rather I let them be whoever they show me they are, in a neutral and non-judgemental way. Yes, even by being neutral, there will always be girls who are still boring, but being neutral has helped me truly see the girl for who she is and not for someone I project my expectations on. Being neutral really opened my eyes and I really believe it could help you as well. All the best, we're all in it to learn along the way, don't be afraid to make mistakes and most importantly, try different perspectives on doing the same thing, and slowly move toward repeating perspectives that work for you. Goodluck bro, we're all in this together!
Meh, pass. Loner for life.
Excellent advice for connecting with people, women and men, in a meaningful way socially. As a woman, I find a lot of fun and ease in social situations by assuming the other person is interesting and has good qualities to be discovered in conversation.
Good point! ☝🏻 You usually end up getting what you expect! EXCEPT SEX! DON’T make that one too important.
100% man. Guys (especially the types in the comments section) need to get over themselves and stop projecting their past experiences onto the next woman or gender as a whole. Go into each date with cautious optimism. The way they act like little bitches over the unreasonable women is a factor in why they can't get one. Walk up with a negative attitude and you've created a self fulfilling prophecy of loneliness.
You starting seeing us as individual humans and not as a group like cattle. 👍
Happy Friday Courtney and thanks for advice
Happy RED Friday 😉 💪 ❤
Happy Friday! ❤️
Getting the why and the reasoning behind things, for me, it helps me getting a better understanding of things and causes it to stick. So I appreciate it.
Not looking for anything right now but you’re videos are informative and genuine that I keep watching. Who knows maybe I’ll use this someday
I find that if a girl is attracted to me, then she feels fine. Too often, when I can see that a girl is not comfortable, my first thought is to take her home. There. You are home. Be comfortable. Goodbye.
I am way beyond tired of having all of the responsiblity. I have to approach her. I have to ask her out. I have to pick her up. I have to think of a great date. I have to pay. Well? What does she have to do? If she is going to expect me to make her comfortable then I think I've hit my limit.
That’s the bare minimum
The pessimism hits different today huh
Are you the type of guy that wants to be the leader in the relationship or equal partner?
If it's the latter, this should be mentioned before going out on a date with someone. If you believe in equal split relationships that needs to be mentioned before you spend your time out with someone. If you want someone subservient but doing this is too much for you, then that's not in balance. That needs to be checked.
I personally like relationships where there is an equal responsibility on on both. I prefer to pay for myself and my date pay for themselves unless it's a special occasion. BUT not everyone is like this and that's OK. If you know you're the type of person that wants to be seen as the "leader" or the "head" of a Relationship but, you don't like taking the lead, it doesn't match up. It's always best to just mention these things before actually spending your time effort in money to meet each other.
rub one out and clear your head before you go on the date for one thing...Ive had really good bar dates. but My favorite first dates were snowboarding and wakeboarding dates oh and a hiking date in South Lake Tahoe. having a task to do/or teach/accomplish really shows how you can take charge of a situation and your strengths.
😂
Interesting insights around making sure your date feels comfortable. Thanks for this video!
Thanks for the genuine care helping us out here on these streets.
Really liking the data based approach to dating vs here is what I like and go do this, this and this.
Also appreciate not blaming male purely for success of the date, like if she is a break wall and not carrying the conversation.
🙌
I think a first date is almost like a job interview. You're both interviewing each other. First impression is so important.
💯 this. It is actually more important, since the other person might end up being your life partner! Like all interviews, practice really does help. 🙂
@@kingneef8354 wat
thats why I try and talk voice to voice on the phone a couple times before a first date....thats where I do interviews to even see if we are compatable....
@@greg33770 Not like it makes a difference anyway.
You still need to meet these womens insane body shaming "standards" like penis size etc.
So you might be compatible over the phone, even on a date, but if you don't meet their BBC penis size shaming requirements, they will destroy your life by publically humiliating you to all their friends, just to try destroy you to mental illness.
Women are very flexible like that hahahahahah and by flexible I mean evil lol
I already have a job, zero interest in doing another one that I have to pay for at the end.
Good presentation! And you are so right on the money with your advise. You remain one of the most lovely and intelligent women in this line of work.
Makes sense. Giving off a great “vibe” is absolutely critical to an enjoyable, fun night. It goes both ways you know.
Hug her at the beginning of the first date. This breaks the physical touch barrier and acts as a “datum”. Then hug her at the end after walking her back to her car, Subway Station etc. DO NOT GO FOR A KISS.
If she likes you she’ll hold the embrace longer and turn her face towards you. Only if she makes it obvious do you kiss her. Crucially make it fairly brief and break it off first. Then say something like “ there’s more where that came from, but it’s time to go”
That builds tension and challenge. And for God’s Sake no making a date on a date from you. If she’s super keen and brings it up is the only exception. Reward good behavior. But ideally she should leave the date not knowing whether you like her and are going to ask her out again. Then wait a few days before you call her. This gives her space to reach out first. If she does MAKE THAT DATE. Again, reward good behavior.
@@IndigoInfantry Well, they're young and horny! What do you mean though by rush? Because I absolutely think if a girls not sleeping with you after 3-5 dates and is playing "Good Girl" game then a guy should walk. Do it with smile and zero butthurt but it's got to be "thanks but no thanks, I've auditioned enough. If you don't want me Stacy over there might, I'm going to go talk to her". The ability to walk away demonstrates confidence and an abundance mindset, all of which are attractive to women so if she won't sleep with you after that the genuine desire isn't there one way or another.
Have to go on a date in few days , hope this video helps me 😊
Awesome video Courtney. Great lessons to learn from those studies and mirrors what my female friends have said. Have to make her feel comfortable and safe and rest will follow
Like how she said to not get nervous and put pressure on yourself cuz she will feel that from you and she wont feel that she can be herself im glad im seeing this stuff before a date actually happens
I'm neferious for breaking alot of these rules, I live a pretty stressful fast pace life so its always difficult to "switch off" when its time to.
What they say they want and what they respond positively to are completely different. They will always say what makes them look good but they are drawn to their strongest feelings. Of course I always pay my taxes on time!! I wouldn't think of doing anything but that. I fweel compelled to support my government.
Just being present in the moment, and let the good times roll
Great information. Thanks!
That would make sense in a world where women actually knew what they want and tell it instead of saying what they THINK they should in order to look good 😜🤷🏾♂️
When I met my wife for our first date, she reached across the table in a clear invitation to hold her hand. It was all downhill after that. For us, the.whole thing happened about the same way water will flow in a stream. I never felt like I had to make sure I was impressing her and so on. It came easily. I have no doubt that some of this was simply because she did not expect me to always initiate things and because she wanted a successful outcome more than she wanted to screen me for some list of qualifications.
Amen!
Just remember how "great" she was when she's handing you divorce papers for "irreconcilable differences." But oh right that will never happen, she's "one of the good one's."......
@@funkfarmer7125They do exist. But yes, it is a gamble. One can screen well and make the odds better, but there will always be a risk. Besides, only a fool would actually keep all his assets in plain sight if someone else might be able to steal them. If she divorced me tomorrow and got half, I'd still have about 85%. But since we have no kids and I am about to retire, she would not get much and might even lose. We have never commingled money and I have never been the primary breadwinner. She worked as soon as she was approved to do so. She would leave with her money and that is about it.
But forgetting about money....You are right, if she left, it would hurt deeply. But guess what, I struggled with women my entire life and I guarantee that the pain of being cast out is far more intense than any woman could ever inflict by leaving. The old saying: "It is better to have loved and lost..." is 100% true for me. Besides, if she leaves, I know where to find a few million more.
Great advice! I have a first coffee date with a woman in two days and you reinforced my thoughts, so thank you. I wondered about the hug thing and worried it might seem to forward and at the same time I want her to know I like her. Thanks for your advice 😊
Thanks Courtney! This was very helpful! 😁
A couple of times the girl I was on a first date with gave me a kiss at the beginning of the date to avoid awkwardness later. I thought this was a good move as it made the rest of the date more relaxed. To my mind the act of going on a date is predicated on at least some mutual sexual attraction. This obviously can change but should be the default.
which site are you going to? I have to find me one of those women, lol
Key insights:
😌 According to a survey, the most important thing single women look for on a first date is feeling comfortable, even above feeling happy or being liked by the guy.
🤔 Women tend to prioritize feeling comfortable and relaxed on a first date in order to let their guard down and form a genuine connection.
💬 Being able to maintain a lively conversation and keep it flowing is important on a first date, as it shows confidence and can make a woman feel safe and secure.
💬 "Make sure that you are asking her questions and getting to know her as well and make sure that you guys are equally sharing information."
💡 "A really easy way to make sure that you're doing this is by genuinely listening to what she is saying to you."
🤔 Women tend to be more selective than men when it comes to choosing dating partners.
😌 The more at ease you are, the more at ease people will feel around you.
😎 Coming into a date with an abundance mindset, thinking of it as a great opportunity to get to know someone and have fun, can help create a relaxed and stress-free atmosphere.
TLDR: Making a woman feel comfortable and safe on a first date is crucial for a genuine connection to develop, and men can do this by engaging in lively conversation, asking questions, listening genuinely, taking charge, and displaying positive signals of attraction.
1. 00:00 🔑 Women prioritize feeling comfortable on a first date, according to a survey of 5,000 singles.
1.1 In this video, the speaker discusses what men should do on a first date according to psychology, emphasizing the importance of understanding the reasoning behind actions rather than just following advice.
1.2 The most important thing women look for on a first date is feeling comfortable, as indicated by a survey of 5,000 singles, with 79% prioritizing comfort over happiness or the guy's likability.
2. 02:07 🔑 Feeling safe and comfortable is crucial on a first date for a genuine connection to develop, so make your date feel comfortable by doing certain things discussed in the video.
2.1 Feeling safe and comfortable is crucial on a first date as it allows for a genuine connection to be formed, as humans need to feel secure before their emotions can truly develop.
2.2 Make your date feel comfortable by doing certain things on a first date, which will be discussed in the video.
3. 03:50 👨💼 Men should maintain a lively conversation, ask questions, listen genuinely, and take charge on a first date to make women feel safe and attracted.
3.1 The most important thing for men to do on a first date is to maintain a lively conversation and take charge, as women are attracted to men who can keep the conversation flowing and make them feel safe and secure.
3.2 It is important to ask questions and engage in conversation with your date, ensuring that both parties are actively sharing information and not leaving one person to do all the talking.
3.3 Men should take initiative and be more direct in conversations on a first date by genuinely listening to what the woman is saying.
3.4 Instead of overthinking and being in your own head, genuinely listen to the other person, use moments of silence, and take a moment to gather your thoughts before speaking.
4. 07:13 🔑 Women are more selective on first dates, so men should focus on displaying positive signals that women perceive as attractive.
4.1 Women are more selective than men when it comes to choosing dating partners, and the differences observed during first dates are often a result of sexual scripts that allow people to fall into patterned responses.
4.2 Men often take on a more proactive role in dating, planning the date, initiating sexual activity, and controlling the public domain, while women tend to focus more on their appearance and react to the date's sexual initiations.
4.3 Females are more selective and judgmental about behaviors on a first date, while males do not interpret behaviors as indicators of attraction, so men should focus on displaying positive signals that women perceive as attractive.
5. 09:36 💡 Women are more likely to feel a connection if a man engages in lively conversation and pays for the date, while men often use sexual behaviors as signals of attraction, and women are interested in future discussions and physical contact at the end of a date.
5.1 Women are more likely to feel a connection and expect the man to take charge if he engages in lively conversation, and paying for the date is seen as a signal of attraction.
5.2 Men often use sexual behaviors and redirecting conversations to the topic of sex as signals of attraction, while women are interested in future discussions and physical contact like hugs and kisses at the end of a date, and view behaviours like handshakes and waving goodbye without direct contact as negative signs of attraction.
6. 11:24 🤗 Make her feel comfortable by leading the conversation, showing attraction, and giving a hug instead of a handshake while avoiding marriage talk; expressing a desire to see her again and being comfortable yourself can make women feel more at ease on a first date.
6.1 Make her feel comfortable by giving her a hug instead of a handshake, leading the conversation, and signaling attraction, while avoiding talking about marriage on the first date.
6.2 Expressing a desire to see the person again and being comfortable yourself can make women feel more comfortable on a first date.
7. 12:59 💡 Approach a first date with a calm and positive mindset, focusing on getting to know the person without stress or pressure.
8. 13:36 🔑 Focus on the mindset of getting to know someone on a first date, rather than trying to make them like you, and share your first date tips in the comments.
8.1 Focus on the mindset that there are other options and that a first date is an opportunity to get to know someone, rather than putting pressure on yourself to make the person like you.
8.2 Share your personal stories and tips on what you do on a first date to make women feel more comfortable in the comments below, and don't forget to follow the speaker on Instagram.
Extremely interesting information, and very useful. - Thank you!
Just went on a first date and I think it went well and nice to see all of this information confirming this. She's going out of town next weekend but we're seeing each other the next weekend and we've been staying in touch. Excited to see what happens next!
That is what women said on a survey. What women respond to, is a different matter.
That's actually a good point, and is a limitation of surveys (vs. observations) in general. Anything that could be considered as "morally relevant" will most likely result in a biased response. (The perfect example is the body count question.) It really doesn't matter that much whether a statement is based on data, but rather what the data was based on.
My weekend is off to a good start, morning coffee along with watching an advice post from Courtney. Excellent advice 😊
Glad to hear it! Have a great weekend 🥰 thanks for being here Carlton!
Rather than ask her what she wants to do, or plan and put every detail of my plans out there for her to shoot down, I try to give her only the most basic details of the date to come and allow her to decide whether or not she wants to participate. If no, ok cool, NEXT! and if yes, well, that's always a great start to a date
This is better than asking her what she wants to do.
By telling her where/when/what we are doing, "meet me there", you're not only giving her less opportunity to waffle over, or complain about details, you're also showing leadership and have her in a position to follow you from the outset, and she will appreciate that.
Also, women love an adventure. The less you can tell her about what is happening later, and just give her the basics (where/when/what) and it will seem mysterious and intriguing for her.
Courtney Ryan = Amazing woman. Such great insight and simple, ordinary, common sense advice. Thank you again.
What else the Match 2018 survey shows:
"What women say is appropriate on a first date:
On a great first date, 94% of women want their date to compliment her appearance, to be waiting for her when she arrives (90%), to hug her (82%), kiss her on the cheek (71%) and insist on paying the bill (91% of women approve of this however 45% think it's appropriate to split the bill)."
Comfort doesn't by itself create chemistry. Millions of men have done everything suggested here and been quickly relegated to a platonic, great-connection-but-no-spark dead zone. If you don't create sexual tension, you're done. Gone. Move on. Comfort helps, but these are survey answers - what women say they want, and what gets them INTO YOU are two very very different things.
That's true and I certainly agree, but I believe that comfort and chemistry are both important. If comfort isn't there that I personally don't think chemistry will be.
Ding Ding! Someone who actually gets it. COMFORT+AROUSAL=FEMALE ATTRACTION. Too much comfort and you'll get FZ'd.
Top notch information!
Nice sharing. Thanks!
Men remember that the success or failure of the first date will rest firmly on your shoulders. Your dress, hygiene, and cologne choice are keys. Keep the conversation going by asking open ended questions. Repeat her answer and elaborate further on her answers. Make eye contact as often as necessary. Your choice of initial physical contact can be a deal breaker. Notice her body language. Don't be to physical, but if you don't initiate some physical touch, it might be viewed as a lack of her attractiveness. This is always a "Catch 22". Damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. Plan the date, be on time and keep the date within your financial abilities. A final thought. You will be tested from the moment of your first interaction till the date has ended. It is on you to make the date the best it can be. From her standpoint, she will only have to just show up. "Men display, women choose"
Ouch! As a boomer, this is what society subliminally taught me too, but now, this behavior is called simping.
#facts. Whether they wanna admit it. It’s in their DNA
Dude you are a low value beta simp. LOL you think everything relies on the guy making the female happy and doing everything right. I test females to see if they meet up to my standards. I'm the prize. Putting women on pedestals like you do is the wrong approach. The woman is suppose to look up at the man. YOU spend all of your time on your knees looking up at women.
This is some cringe AF "pick up artist" BS. So so cringe. This is that formulaic garbage that breeds new simps every day.
@@spotscorner6040 A lot of those issues could be avoided if you discuss things before you decide to move meeting each other. If you don't know whether they're expecting you to play a leadership role or not you should find out. If they are, you already know that they're expecting you to pay for the date. If you know that you don't want to take the lead then don't go. It's not for everyone and that's fine. There are plenty of women out there that would rather go Dutch and take their time to get to know you.
If you're the type of guy that does not like to wait to have sex, there's no point in dating when there are plenty of sex workers out there.
As far as the testing thing goes, both men and women will test each other while dating. There's such a thing as a "safety" test as well as a "how much can I get away with test". Everybody does it just for different purposes.
You definitely don't have to be dating someone in order to be tested or to test someone. We do it every day when we meet new people and we don't know if they're safe to be around or if they're secretly insane. Yeah men should also be vetting people when you're on a date. You can't just be putting up with whatever because then we're back to square one getting nowhere. 👀
Making someone laugh is alway's a great way to make them feel comfortable
What if you're not a commedian.
@@rascal211 Become a comedian
Courtney cover's this in her video
Hey Courtney... YES to - The Social Science Data...!!! BRAVO... 😊👍
All good points!
Meet her their, stay in the open,
do something fun and
keep it light, be courteous, polite and be yourself. The rest is cake !😉
The man is doing the chase, this is the reality. It isn't a two way thing. That's why men must be raised to be competitive and confident.
How can I have an abundance mindset when I only get one or two dates a year?
A year lol
Not had a date in over 10 years because these nasty shallow women won't go with any guy who isn't this specific height, penis size blah blah blah.
My only saving grace is that we have Courtneys excellent tips to counter this.
HAhahahahahahah
Great video! Thanks for sharing 💗💗
Dana Cleerici. Ur saying absolutely right.
Re: sexual scripts there's no real fail proof means to know if they'd like a hug or kiss, esp. when the girl is shy. Even if I'm comfortable, if she's not giving off comfort cues (e.g. she chooses to wave), I'm not sure it's the best idea to go for a kiss, esp given Me2 culture and the accusations that come with it.
1st dates are just like the interview most people go through when applying for a job. You want to have a plan, practice some intelligent questions and answers, and generally don't do anything to instantly ruin your reputation. After all, if it doesn't work out with one woman, she may set you up later with a different woman she knows BUT that won't happen if you lose your cool, or act too weird. Just be sensible and mature, and that will fix a lot of problems.
That said, there will be some dates where you know the other person is a hard No for you from the start, or vice versa. Just be polite, be respectful, move things along, and end things on as much of a high note as possible. You can send them a brief text or message letting them know that it's not a match romantically, but that you wish them all the best in their search.
On the other hand, if it did go well, you should still keep cool. Send a thank you text/message as soon as reasonably possible, and then schedule date #2 soon after. The longer you wait, the more likely the other person will think that you're playing games, or not interested. It also gives them a chance to consider other romantic partners, so you want to keep moving things forward, unless it is truly impossible or impractical to do so.
With practice, you'll figure out which questions to ask, which is an art in itself, to determine compatibility. Generally, go slower and ask more questions if you're young, or have less dating experience. You can move things along faster if you're older, or have a better idea of what you are looking for.
Those are the basics. From there, it's just a matter of fine-tuning your approach. 🙂
It's just a bit hard get practice. An chance for a date ever 3-4 years just isn't enough
@@fischersfritz468 Quick question: How many new women are you approaching each week?
Thanks for sharing your insights!
@@marcmays48 0.1 to 0.3 perhaps? I am not in the age anymore where you can make contact with a lot new people all the time.
@@fischersfritz468 Are you in jail? What's stopping you from going out, and meeting new people? Just say "Hello," keep your expectations minimal, and see what happens.
It’s funny, I’ve been on many dates in my life and that was always my goal. And you know, it usually works. Yeah, it didn’t always end in a second date but that doesn’t matter. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve been thanked by women after a date who said, essentially, “even though I don’t think we’d be a great match, thank you so much for a normal date and conversation. It seems like forever since I had one”.
Love your work Courtney, cheers. 👌👍
First dates are just awkward no matter what cus you are basically strangers unless you been friends a long time
Break the ice with a few voice to voice phone calls first, you'll learn alot from those, and judge if you really want that first date, then if you do, you'd be surprised how easy it makes the first date, on both of you, but.....remember modern women, many are just looking for a free meal ticket. Keep that in mind. Thats just reality.
That's why a coffee date works- entitled girls and foody dates will baulk at the idea. Anti Gold-digger strategy!
@@jleano609 yep, I've been suggesting a walk in the park(it's free)...had one the other day say "I'm not going to meet in a park", I just laughed to myself, another one who thinks she's entitled.
@@greg33770 Ok, but parks can mean isolation. Girls can rightly baulk at that too.
Like I said, coffee and cake, ice cream or drinks in a nice, safe public location that she has to find her way to herself is best.
@@jleano609 keep in mind, I break the ice with phone calls first(not texts, actual voice to voice conversations), so they should feel at ease, and these aren't "girls", I'm 66 years old, usually they are around my age, LOL....the parks around here that I suggest are all good, busy, and it's always daytime. Some meet me and some don't. Plenty of fish in the sea.
I sometimes had trouble figuring out whether a lady was interested in me because some ladies, although uninterested, will nevertheless still accept a date offer, for fear of offending you. And some of these ladies can be very reserved, not giving away much indication of their true feelings. You literally have to ask them point blank whether there should or should not be a second date.
Those "ladies" just wanted free dinner
Some women are reserved. It’s a pretty good thing actually. Just lead and get to 3-5 low investment dates. No intimacy by then? Time to bail!
@@antoniomatas199 I am not sure what they wanted and I don't think they knew either. And these ladies were all college educated professional types! Just looking for the bigger better deal I suppose.
Be yourself!... Always!....First & Foremost!... If not, then they're NOT for you!. Everything must be natural, spontaneous and just flow to a great ease 😌...Having said that, just remember that there are ALOT of people out there! ALOT of choices & ALOT of options...HAVE FUN! & KEEP IT SIMPLE!
Bring a pillow and a blanket with you, she'll be comfortable AF.
Guys just pull out your wallet and pay for everything. That’s makes all women comfortable.
😂and give her your credit card while you're at it.
And the keys to your house, very inportant!
For guys and gals who aren't quite ready to consider a person as a potential love interest, you might try asking this somewhat interesting person to go to something that was not necessarily a date Some event or some place like a historical house/museum. an outdoor event like a concert, look at a new house for a friend, go to a library for a specific book, go shopping for a gift for a friend or relative. Whatever you can find that isn't too long or feels too much like a date. The pressure would be much less and tell her to wear casual clothes. Tell him/her you need another opinion on something. Anything that takes the pressure off of the situation. Make the event be one to two hours, then you split. Think it over....and then go from there. I tried that a few times and it was much better than the trauma and pressure of a OFFICIAL FIRST DATE. When you see them again, you have things to talk about!!!
The one benefit that I have derived from the current dating environment is my "devil may care" attitude. I have polished my persona in all aspects. I plan things out. I treat women with respect and chivalry. I look young for my age. I'm a great conversationist. Etc, etc. I choose what I want to do, and then invite (not ask) a woman to join me. At this point, how much she enjoys herself and our time together is her choice. Everything that's under my control has been addressed, so the woman's feelings and final conclusion are up to her. She decides if she is worthy of a relationship with me or not. I walk my path, with or without her.
I interpret "feeling comfortable" on a first date (or anytime, actually) as:
1) a sense of personal safety and the ability to extricate oneself from the situation if warranted,
2) a low level of conversational intensity (there shouldn't be a need to 'soap box' or argue extreme or inflexible opinions or values in a very serious manner),
3) minimal (obvious) "facade" / "masking" ; creating a facade or hiding one's true nature to the point of "acting" (and having the other person thinking "something doesn't seem quite right" or "this all sounds a little too ideal to be true").
4) expressing a moderate range of emotions and conversational tones during the date; with most of it leaning a bit toward "light-hearted" or "humourous" and targeted mostly toward oneself; not so much toward the other person.
true but also boring and exhausting
Yes, nice word salad.
First date advice. Just be yourself and don’t try and impress. Be interested in her stuff but get rid if she just seems self entitled and shallow.
Thanks!
You hair is on point as always 👌
im so early, even before a summary guy lol
Haha hopefully he got in early! The video is less than 15 minutes so hopefully before 11:15 it is ready 🙃🙃
Here's the funniest thing.....almost all of my first dates have flowing conversation with mutual speaking and mutual questioning, yet I get friend zoned right after the first date almost 80% of the time, even though I supposedly check off many to all of their boxes I'm told. But last night, I had a first date with a very sexy girl visiting from Mexico whose English was bad enough that she often needed to use Google translation, and my Spanish is decent, but not exactly fluent. So, talk about inconsistent, non flowing conversation, not to mention conversation about very light hearted topics. But SHE drove me back to my car, had a heavy make out session before I stepped out, and she can't wait to see me again in 2 days. So much for conversational skills, 😂😂
Sexual chemistry above ALL. Conversation leads to that and that only.
If you dont establish that she wont like you no matter how great the conversation is.
Yep, you need both comfort and AROUSAL. Courtney, like most women and even female dating coaches don't tell on themselves. Too much comfort leads to the friendzone. How much of a mystery and a challenge are you being on first dates? Over communicate with a girl and tell her too much about yourself and you can kill these. Given the language issues you may have unconsciously boosted your challenge with this girl and the results is, she got TURNED ON.
@@jleano609 lmao, yep. But this scenario (unless she miraculously becomes fluent in English by next month AND has common goals, interests, and values) has no long term relationship potential. The former scenario, on the other hand, is what actually leads to long term growth and happiness with someone once the novelty of the physical attraction has worn off in a few weeks to months (IF you're lucky to still even be seeing them by then). If only women could realize this and not write off men after one date who check most to all of their boxes simply because she didn't feel earth shattering chemistry right away. I actually hate a girl who is mysterious and challenging. Life is challenging enough.....I don't need that in a relationship
@@Lonstermash mystery and challenge is for you to give her, not the other way around
@@jleano609 yes, I get it. It's also the sign of an immature woman who will probably only want a toxic relationship and who doesn't know what to do with a good man, because the many times I HAVE had a good relationship, no mystery, challenge, or game playing was involved. And, as Courtney initially stated in this video, women want to be comfortable around a man (or so they say). which contradicts the mentality of those who want mystery and challenge and all the anxiety that goes along with that type of relationship
I have never hand shaked a friend or someone I went on a date with because it is too formal. I will hand shake a woman who I am doing business with unless she so happens to be a friend too, then I will give a side ways shoulder hug. I won't hug another woman on a date unless she initiates it at first just to respect her space. At the end of the date or even after dinner, if I feel it went really well, I will go for the hug and kiss. This strategy has always worked for me.
Really fascinating
Some men are just joining the MGTOW movement and living a happier life.
Every average male who is being rejected because they don't meet these womens insane shallow body "standards" from height to penis size to looks to going bald is giving up on dating and some of them giving up on life too lol
Has to be a happier choice of life than being overlooked, told you are of ZERO value based on some body part you can't even change or help by these shallow, vain women.
Modern women are inspirational lol, empowering hahaha
Empowering average males to mental illness bullying them for what they can't help about their bodies, whilst putting their toxic serial womanizing masively endowed "alpha chads and tyrones" on a toxic pedestal, then sitting their gaslighting claiming they don't know why the male suicide rate is as high as it is.
Yeah I wonder.....It must be "toxic masculunity" right? It must be because these men don't open up, not because they are shamed as soon as they don't fit your cardboard cut out "alpha" massively endowed over 6ft James Bond stereotype of a male.
I think it makes innate sense that the feeling of comfort is their most sought after quality. Women are going to be vulnerable when they're meeting up with a stranger for the first time. If they sense that the guy doesn't pose a physical threat to them or emits a creepy/predatory vibe, it puts them more at ease. Men don't need to inherently worry about a woman trying to make unwanted sexual advances towards him, so it makes a lot of sense.
Stop being a simp.
when going in for the kiss at the end of the date how do you know if you should kiss on lips vs on the cheek to not indicate im creeping or being too forward kind of thing?
Happy Friday Courtney lookin good in that thumbnail 🌹❤
Many years ago I read an article by a serial adulterer. It was written from a viewpoint of asking the reader to be non-judgmental and simply shared his experience of pursuing women from the standpoint of someone with loads of experience.
His observation was simple. Girls want to sleep with you or not. There's almost nothing you can say or do to change it either way. They decide early and quickly. Even if they don't realise it.
What affects their choice? That does vary, actually. Looks are very important so do the best you can with that, dress well etc. Be confident as a first impression. Other than that just be yourself and hope that with someone you meet it's a 'yes'.
I'm 54 now. Always been kind of anxious on dates, and broke a crapload of the 'rules'. I even went for first date kisses etc sometimes, mid-date ( a no-no apparently) and it did not matter a crap, The ones that were into me, it was fine.
5:23 I can’t even figure how some people are so ignorant that it really feels like talking to brick walls even on 1on1 conversations.
*Me speaking*: I was at a sport event yesterday and what happened is hilarious… (they’re not listening)
*Me raising my voice*: I was at a sport event yester… (they’re still not listening)
*Me yelling*: I WAS AT A SPORT EVEN…. (they won’t listen)
*Me thinking*: It’s just the two of us here, I’m talking to you Jesus Christ!!!
Most of the times they’re using their cellphone unnecessarily though
if you're competeing with their cell........walk away.....
@@greg33770 well said!👍🏼
I don't even understand why a girl would bother to go on a date with someone who they would do that to unless they just want a free meal.
So I did okay if my date hugged me at the beginning and end of the date?
I was so tempted to go for a kiss, but I have first date anxiety 😥
Courtney, should I wear a mask and inform here that I am fully vaccinated(both Covid and Monkeypox) before we meet so she feels fully comfortable and safe?
The girl I’m talking to still brings up every day how comfortable I make her. If you have a chill laid back personality like me lean into it. If you’re outgoing and energetic lean into that. Everyone has someone that is compatible with them :)
you can make a girl TOO comfortable you know. Stop talking and ESCALATE.