"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone, it's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel alone" - Robin Williams
I once asked a 94 year old woman if she was lonely living alone - she said - there are a lot worse things than living alone - and one of them is living with a person you don't like.
@@vetracer217 Actually Eddie I think many men these days don't bother with Western women at all. I think in the USA they call it MGTOW. Other than for children or a visa, marriage isn't actually worth it. In the end I married a lady from SE Asia and the transformation from the years of demanding Western women was like switching a light on! Jesus, married 16 years now and my wife wakes me up with a massage and I get a breakfast menu!! If I even try to help in the house I'm thrown out!
@Jessica B. While it's true that you can experience loneliness and neglect as a single, when you are married, and your partner is cold and distant, you have a real dilemma. Customary marriage protocol precludes your ability to seek out alternate companionship, and/or lovers. If your wife is attentive enough to demand fidelity, but slips into cold and distant for a great portion of the day, and acts like you are just a chore... Like being affectionate is a duty... Then it would be so much better to be single. At least, as a single, you feel as if you have some control over your emotional future.
Agreed and also being needed for what you can provide and the person who tells you they love you not even looking/seeing who you are (it’s not even on their radar to even look/ask/seek) also is pretty lonely.
I was very fortunate. My husband and I were married over 70 years at the time of his death at the age of 89; we enjoyed each other (at least weekly) until we were well into our mid 80’s. Our teen-age marriage was one of the exceptions. How blessed we were.❤
I am leaving a 17-year sexless marriage because she just 'did not have time for it'. She worked a part-time job at 15 hours a week but seemed to be busy quite often and 'fall asleep' when I would come to bed. I gave 100% into the marriage and she put 0% into the marriage, concentrating on what she wanted instead of our relationship. She is still angry I filed for divorce. I am past caring. It is time to find someone who will love me and not just use my resources.
@@EmilyBoltz exactly my question, especially when he says ""not just use my resources". I'm guessing there's a lot of unpaid labor there, possibly including lion's share of parenting. She likely gave up her career to lift his up and now is left in a financial desert b/c of it
You did the right thing. First thing I notice in unhappy marriages is they start complaining about not getting any. Next thing you know they are divorced. I’m with you, I would want the person I’m with to want me as much as I want them. ✌️
All of it is true. Ending up in a sexless marriage is very lonely. Falling so in love, having a healthy relationship in the beginning and then nothing as time goes on can make a person fall into a depression. Marriage without passion is an empty place to be.
Well said. I’m only engaged and this is what I am feeling. It has me thinking a lot about if this is something I can live with for the rest of my life.
@Madonna Hagedorn truth. We’ve been together for 6 years - we haven’t been intimate in 2. I don’t want anyone else; I want THIS man that wants no part of me intimately. We are best friends and have a wonderful relationship outside of that - but living with this secret day in and day out has turned me into someone who hates herself.
After 39 years of marriage, I find myself to have a strong desire for my wife. I find her far more interesting at 58 than I found her to be at 19 when we first met. At times it is a struggle to connect just due to so many things going on, but it is all about the commitment. As the husband, I cook, clean, shop and take care of the house. The fact that my wife is not exhausted all the time really helps. In the long run it is a partnership with give and take.
That's the way a good marriage works. I brought my wife flowers, did not need an occasion. Would pick up her feet and massage them, or her back and shoulders just to touch her and show her that I cared.
I have been married to my wife for twenty eight years. She is gorgeous and I am still crazy about her. I can't say why we have got along so well. We just always do. I think she is the most gorgeous woman in the world. We get along very well in every aspect. I wish the same for everyone
Hello Wow That's very sweet that you think this way of your wife =) I'm concerned however, because you've only spoke of her outward beauty....is this because of the subject content? Please explain what else you love about her besides the way she looks. I'm curious
Hello Wow you are lucky to have a gorgeous wife and you are still crazy about her, but everyone is definitely not like you because I'm the unfortunate person on my marriage and still regretting, and living my life completely sexless and loveless, so that's the reason I'm taking antidepressants from few years but extremely desiring for my favorite great sex, which i never had unfortunately 💘
Not always the women. My ex was always tired, busy, "not tonight" ,etc ... as a woman I was embarrassed to talk about this for years because I thought. When I finally discussed it with friends, I discovered many of my girlfriends were experiencing the same thing. It's not always just the women.
Very true and powerful statement, unfortunately for me am newly married, my wife changed the first week we got married, it’s like am married to a stranger, she’s moody, never talks,
Please tell me what if you cannot marry the person you love for instant I loved a girl Unconditionally for some reason I could not marry her I cannot love anyone as much as I did her
WOW, Maureen! You described my marriage to perfection. I did all the cooking and housework and child care (6 kids) PLUS worked 50 hours a week. But any time I wanted "time" with her, she was "too tired," "too busy with something." or just "not interested." And then after 11 years SHE left me, saying I never did anything with/for her! To top it off, the day after the divorce was finalized by the court, she married the guy she'd been seeing the whole time. Sexless marriage? More a thoughtless, uncaring marriage, I would say.
Not me, I love myself. I’m smarter, wiser and have more common sense, and I spend wisely. Don’t be thinking someone else can fix you, or love you like your mother loved you, ain’t gonna happen, read all these comments. I think half these people would be better off getting a wonderful pet, like a dog, that you can walk to the park and get to meet and know other dog walkers. It worked for me.But I’m staying single, liking my own company, I get to watch what I want on TV, shop without sitting and waiting, or standing holding packages. Being single is cheaper. Lots of women even are doing more solo travel these days. Have fun, get to know you in the process.
Prefer poverty to riches during VIRUS crisis....so many rich are fearful and I suspect hoarding like my RWC ( rich white Christian ) evangelical conservative Christian sister used to do before Y2k
Affection Deprivation. I was never loved. Now I'm 34, lonely and very very depressed. When NOBODY touches you and doesn't WANT to touch you, you feel unlovable.
@@greeneyesfromohio4103 You slept with many women. That's why you still depressed and drink. Youre carrying jezebel spirits in you. And to think you were a "man" getting "some". All you were doing was wasting time and energy with a bunch of low hanging fruit.
Married is fully satisfying - if you are mates as God designed a relationship to be. The Bible describes this love and how a husband should treat his wife, and how she should treat her husband. Its not 50/50 effort. Its 100/100 percent effort, at a minimum. Are you all in, or just a part timer is the question....
If you're getting nowhere with your partner, and you are just over it, tell them. Propose parting ways. If they want to make it work, agree on a schedule, and honor it. If they can't change, don't look back. Happiness is out there. You aren't getting any younger.
I'm so broken and depressed. This is my marriage for 4 years now. We're two ships passing in the night most days. Most words out of her mouth directed towards me are critical. She loves our children at least. To all the husbands out there going through this but wanting to hold on, you're not alone, even though regularly you may feel like it...
Good luck to you. We tried counselling, but she said, in no uncertain terms, that in her view counselling is how you work out how to split up... not how to stay together. She is adamant that the marriage is over and that we are together merely for the stability of the children's home life. All the best to you.@@z5m2
Went through the exact same situation. Stayed in the marriage for as long as I could for the sake of our children, who are my world! I ended it eventually. 5 years on, with joint custody, I still cry over it!!!!!
No Sex Marriage is an oxymoron...if there is no sex then there is no marriage. A sex-free marriage makes about as much sense as a communication free marriage. If a spouse says "No" to sex with you then they are simultaneously granting permission for you to have sex with others. The only odd part about this is that the denying person often fails to recognize that this extramarital sex is NOT cheating because they have sanctioned it by saying "No." Just because both people have a "right" to say "No" does not in any way mean that making that choice is free of consequences. If you don't like the consequences then don't say "No"...this isn't rocket science.
As I often ask, "Is it fair to impose fidelity on a person who is deprived of sex from their spouse? And when that spouse has an affair must we call that cheating or is it merely survival?" Thank you for your comments Jake Ryan.
sad, lonely, confused....the list goes on I am sure. We have fear based education for girls and women not pleasure. Guilt is a wasted emotion Roger. Take care.
How much money, time and nerves you wasted? Were you helping her and relatives and that is why you felt with purpose? We don't need women except for reproduction and sex.
@@maureenmcgrath2897 so what if money is a factor out of your control, and when you did have an abundance you spent it all on them. Now with no money you're the bad guy cause they have to help.
I have a sexless marriage and I'm female, I hate when it's assumed to always be the wife who is denying her husband. it's destroyed me mentally and stolen the best years of my life. I've cried and pleaded and begged and ignored and gone to therapy to try to find out why, what was wrong with me, why doesn't my husband want me. I've had sex once in the last almost 3 years. I hate this life.
Has he gone for therapy? +Rachela Cay I did mention that this happens to women as well in my talk however it is far less frequent but equally if not more devastating.
I feel for you the worst feeling ever is you're with Someone but feeling alone I say life is too short get out while you're still young , live your life and be honest with yourself.
When i was young i married a man who only owned a pillow. I was in love...2 babies later & years of 3rd world conditions.., i gave up.Not all women are looking for money but a healthy ballence is needed when children come...our children suffered..i didnt regain trust enough for another relationship .
Being married for 25 years I can pass on this chunk of wisdom. Two people working together as a team can bring rewards beyond explanation. Give each other space to be individuals.
I am married and absolutely happy and satisfied in every sense of the word. The bottom line is, be with someone who you are compatible with. Stop looking for someone you are not.
question : as the years ago by...do you see your wife (I am assuming is a wife) as pretty as you did the first day? if not, how has your "love" changed? I have always wondered if couples truly in love see each other as beautiful as the first date?
@@luigidragonbornlol, your assumption is correct. She is an adorable wife. The truth is, change is inevitable. So is growth. However, as she grows physically and otherwise, her true self and inner beauty remain. That's what makes the difference. She is still the same person I fell in love with and our love keeps growing STRONGER as the days go by. What we do as a couple is that we keep dating, we plan weekly and monthly activities, publicly affirm and support each other's goals and aspirations, and keep the fire burning etc. Be honest and transparent, communicate and commit to each other. That's what works for us. Be blessed!
If you are have repressed trauma from childhood you will put up with anything rather than face your own internal pain. Of course this is not a conscious decision. You will not know any difference. This applies to many.
I love my wife more than the world but even I can admit everything changed pretty much the second we got married. The Kleenex company is making a killing off me
Funny i just finished reading a book about happiness, we don't have to go outside to find it, we just have to mindfully clear out the clutter and remove unhappy thoughts to become happy.
@Esther A The book is called "You can be happy no matter what" by Dr Richard Carlson. It's definitely a very insightful experience into how thoughts affect us. I'd definitely say you become more aware of thoughts and feelings you experience.
@@maureenmcgrath2897 i got more knowledge from the comments you caused to arise after your replies , Irony, Thank you for the Great TED Talk that year you really made me make a huge jump in my thinking towards women thank you Lady Maureen McGrath
I can only speak for myself, my husband and I loved each other more the longer we were together and to the day he died. I do not understand how some one can get and speak for what happens between people that they have no idea what happens in other people's life.
If you are in a sexless marriage, it's not going to last. It's only a matter of time until he steps out on his wife/cheats and he just may fall in love with the other woman. Intimacy is more than just satisfying a primal urge, it's also bonding. That's the bitter truth of the matter.
I'm 56 years old. Been divorced for over 12 years. After this TED talk, I'm glad I'm single and don't have to deal with the stresses of a sexless marriage!
@Mark Jones Murders theory might be true but who knows. The murder report could be like cheating. Women cheat far more than men but its the man that gets reported and publicized when he does, not the women so who knows. Watching Snaped! and American Greed tells a different story. Hope your sister see better days if she is innocent of malice.
@@ballardjjimkamees4010 are you within the first 2 years of your marriage? Also, do you have kids? If the answer is yes to the first question and no to the second question, then that's probably why. Otherwise, great!
In regards to the part about loneliness: My advice: learn to play a musical instrument, especially guitar or piano. You then always have something fun to do, something you can do by yourself, something fun that will occupy you and keep you from feeling bored or lonely or thinking about any problems you may have. Playing guitar kept me from committing suicide when my wife of 12 years, whom I loved very much, left me for another man. I am retired now and am never bored. There are hundreds of songs I love that I want to learn on guitar. I know so many retired people who are constantly traveling just because they have nothing else to do. They are bored out of their minds these days due to the COVID-19 preventing them from traveling. I actually feel sorry for people who don't know how to play a musical instrument. It is, in my opinion, the best hobby you can have. And it's a LOT cheaper and safer that traveling! Rock on! P.S. Learn the ukulele It's hard to be lonely or depressed when you're strumming a uke. Steve Martin said the same thing about the banjo
Tim, I've been rekindling my love of the piano during Quarantine while I have shifted to my hometown. I have my Uke waiting for me in my apartment in another city where I work. I'll be going back later this month and I miss it to bits. I know where you're coming from and I couldn't agree with you more. Music helps us overcome great loss and helps us find new beginnings. I wish you well. Warm regards.
Good for you! I agree music is a perfect way to stay happy and healthy when there is no relationship At age 55 I started playing the French horn as a way to combat loneliness. It was an instrument I played in school 30+ years ago. Everything you said is true. You will never be lonely when you can make music. I’m happier now and more engaged with life in years. Pick up an instrument. Get lessons. Enjoy life.
I concur. I play piano mostly now. It will take you to new spiritual highs. Beethoven said that too. as did the actor who played the lead in the movie The Pianist. Adrien Brody-had to learn some chopin for the movie and he said how it made him a better person by far.
After a 20 year sabbatical while the kids were growing up, I reawakened my love of the acoustic guitar. That was 6 years ago. It actually pulled us apart. When I practiced, 3 rooms away, she turned up the TV. I find TV to be mind numbing. The more I played, the more it annoyed her. We went our separate ways 2 years ago but have maintained an amicable relationship. She in her house, me in mine. I've met many liked minded people in the last 2 years. One of them is the woman I began dating last year who is a pianist.
My husband has no interest. Theres been absolutely nothing for over 4 months and in that time it was my birthday and our anniversary (decided to just say nothing and see how long it would be before he mentioned anything, well 4 months and nothing)and before that i was lucky to get it once ever 6-8 weeks. Over the past few years, 99% of the time it was me who initiated it. Some times he'd say he was tired, wait till tomorrow night etc. Once he asked and i said not tonight and he was visibly shocked as i never said no before. I joked and said "refusal often offends, doesn't it?" i only said no because i wanted to see his reaction. I'm beyond frustrated at this stage and feel lonely while lying beside my husband every night. I have zero interest in going to be with anyone else and i wouldn't mind but he even says I'm unreal, that i do things that blow his mind and he doesnt know how i do it but still nothing 😢 i know it has to be my fault though. He was away last night and was going to text to say i wanted it but decided not to cause probably wouldn't happen anyway and honestly i could have cried.
I know exactly what you are going through because I have gone through it. Your husband exhibits traits of an asexual. I know because my wife is asexual. May I offer a suggestion? Enter "Am I asexual quiz" into any search engine. (I used Google) Take 2 or 3 of the quizzes for your husband. Answer truthfully. You should know how he would answer. I suggest you take the quizzes too. (My wife refused to take the quiz which is why I did it for her) If the results indicate that he is asexual you should educate yourself about asexuality. (Wikipedia has an excellent explanation) If you apply everything you learn about it to your entire relationship it will explain everything. It certainly did for me. It wont change anything but, most importantly, you will realize that you are not the problem. Good luck.
I read your comment and had to check the username because I was like, "Wait... did I write this comment 8 months ago?!" You are NOT alone! So many heartbroken wives missing love from their husbands. 💔
I stayed at home to look after our twins from the day they were born until they started school. The house was always clean and tiday and dinner was always cooked. It was me who put the kids to bed most nights. I couldn't have done more while my wife worked as a school teacher. Still wasn't enough. We separated. Not only could I not give any more, I now feel like I can't love another woman. She met someone on a dating site within two years, I've remained single with joint custody of our children, for almost 5 years. Too broken to love again!
I know I don't know your whole situation, but I have found that taking the time to find out what makes you happy internally, like genuinely happy.....leads you to a place where you cant help but put out a good vibe that women (or people in general) pick up on, and your luck may change. Dont get hung up on 'I am broken because of my past love'. Use it as a learning base for what you want or dont want moving forward........ but always move forward, whatever that means for you.
There’s virtually no intimacy in my marriage, my wife had shown no interest for years on end. Then out of the blue she initiated physical intimacy. But now I cannot be intimate with her. I no longer associate her with physical intimacy. After years of rejection that part of me that found her desirable has died. When I could no longer perform, she got angry at me and accused me of not loving her, I still love her very deeply and need her in my life, but I felt miserable most of the time and started drinking. I’m a happy drunk, but I know it’s not the way to cope and have stopped drinking. I’m still miserable most and just waiting for life to end. It so hard to explain anything to a woman.
You have one life to live. ONE. You get to decide if you want the rest of your life to be fulfilled or just be a husk of regret on your deathbed. Like Red said in ShawShank, "Get busy living, or get busy dying." Peace and courage be onto you, brother.
Consider the possibility that your life is more important than your wife's feelings. If you agree with that, then go find a woman who will make you happy. You will die one day (and possibly soon because life is unpredictable). There are no do overs.
I married one that was exactly the opposite. Now shes almost 40 and i havent had as much as a hug is a solid 6-8 months. Either she is losing it or going through pre-menopause.. nothing but hate from her. She Always looks at me like i shot her dog ... Good times
Probably why I'm not really afraid of corona-cooties. After being in a love-less marriage for as long as I am, dying from a virus doesn't seem like a real big deal.
I've been married for 17 years. We had our kid 5 years later. Long story short, I've been lonely in my marriage for the last 12 years. I'm a great, compassionate guy and a devoted father. I have absolutely no issues with E.D. whatsoever... I mean what I'm a doing wrong here...? Up untill seeing this video, I thought our situation was unique and outside the realm of normalcy... This was a real eye-opening story.
@@jjac72 yeah that's unfortunately not an option. When you have kids, you have to be willing to sacrifice your well-being for their benefit. It's the right thing to do. Hang in there bud. I have for many years and constantly get better offers... Once the kids are gone it'll be our time. Good luck!
Being told to "Sort yourself out, it is only friction" week after week, month after month really riled me. So much for the warmth, closeness and connection of a intimate relationship. The result was animosity, emptiness and the complete loss of self worth.
This happens to women too. I'm in a sexless marriage, the amount of pain and rejection is unbearable. I thought things would get better, it's been 10 years. 😥
How true it would save a hole lot of heart acke on both sides and a lot of money in divorce fees .couples are meant to talk and try resolve there issues if they can
So much unnecessary shame and embarrassment often needs one or both to get off their sanctimonious high horse.However when you put up with a person treating you badly for a long time it then becomes your problem for putting up with it.Young people think relationships are easy they aren't and decent people are rare.What is the shame in working less hours or taking a slightly low grade of responsibility if it means saving your marriage?Pathetic, a longer for baby and a decent man.Prepared to throw it all away because of some proxy so called career.People have got their priorities wrong.
This was my problem!!!!!! "I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone, it's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel alone"
Connected to the internet! Honestly, the number of times I’ve seen couples in a restaurant together yet glued to their smart phones.. leaves me glad to be married to myself. And actually I’m taking myself on another extended honeymoon. I’m finally a happily married man.
It's not the best decision to go in to marriage Because you fear to be alone ,you might end up meeting the wrong partner and live in regrets for the the rest of your life . don't rush while chosing your partner.
Well some stay when theres kids involved especially if theres no fighting all the time.thats the case w one guy I know at my work.they do like each other but it's her I guess that hasn't wanted it for 3years he told me.
I read a comment below about advice a 94 year-old woman who quipped something quite witty that reminded me of what I hear when I was younger. My grandma used to say, "there's a lotta things worse than being alone, and one of 'em is wishin' that you were". Thank God I heard her say that to more than one of my cousins. I was young, but I fully understood what she meant and it made a world of difference.
She's always "too tired" for sex even though I do 90% of the housework by myself while she spends every waking moment glued to her cellphone and leaving behind another mess for me to clean up. I feel rejected and unappreciated, we fight about it, she promises to try harder to get in the mood, she never does, and it starts all over again. She has time and energy for everything but sex. But if I dare to call her on it, I just get punished with more deprivation.
+EnemyAce88 :( I guess you have an inequality of sexual drive/need then. Pressuring will only hurt her though. You can only have sex as often as both partners want to.
+RedDancer The question is: why isn't the fact that he wants to enough for her to want to. Why is her refusal not considered an expression of hatred and contempt.
Maybe you have to connect with your true self and true hart, and ask yourself: Why am I in this situation..? Sometimes you have to move yourself away by choosing for yourself..and see what happens next..
Was married for over 20 years- after moving 1,000 miles to her ailing parents' hometown and making great sacrifices to help her help them in every way I could, it became too much and she had no energy for 'us' anymore: after her mother, her father, our child, and her troubles with family. What was supposed to be a temporary situation turned into decades of living in a location that was a slow death for my career. Lost the house where we moved from, and struggled financially the whole time.. Be very careful about how much you put into any relationship- there can come a point where it can become ruinous. She then took 'revenge' by distancing herself from me physically, and chasing every old boyfriend she could find. I am free of this, at last.
Almost 24 years, living in my husbands hometown, which I hate, so I sympathize. He's pretended to be "sleeping" for 12 years. Much luck for a brighter future for you! Here's hoping I can get to mine
@@sophiasmythe6221 I am still in her hometown (she's left!) but more accepting which has helped me find aspects which are good for me- those exist. We are free to choose- set your sail.
Agreed. When you’re open to make changes and put their needs in front of yours. But they don’t have enough care or desire to make it better in any way or level
I never ever felt ashamed about having sex. I felt ashamed that I wasn't having sex. When I was in a sexless marriage I was terrified that my friends, family, and colleagues would find out I wasn't having sex. This shame made me feel even more trapped because I didn't want anyone to know. Even worse, my friends seemed to perceive my problem because some of their jokes suggested I wasn't getting any; I'd always laugh along like me not having sex was ridiculous but I wondered what in my behavior betrayed me? Two things I'd say to anyone is that you can be a lot happier alone than married to the wrong person and if you are in a joyless marriage you should either fix it or get out. Resigning yourself to a joyless life shouldn't be an option.
There was a survey (many years ago) on women, sex, and orgasm and most women claimed that they did not experience orgasm and many had to fake it in order to please their partners.
So Al Dente....... did you think TMZ was going to expose your lack of sex. Do you think people would look at you and say........ oh that person isn't getting it in the ass.
ExclusiveLM People who are bullies look for any weakness they can exploit. Some "frenimies" would joke about me not getting any. I feared that there was something in my behavior that betrayed me. Then again it might have just been a guess on their part and they were probing for something I was sensitive about. That is why I laughed it off, I didn't want to confirm anything.
I am 23 years into a sexless marriage. It was always something we would "address soon" but now I am almost 50. When we met right until we got married we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. I don't know what changed but she started to treat me like a leper physically as soon as we got married. I am still relatively fit and attractive for my age and get the frequent playful flirtation and it makes it even worse. It is completely demoralizing. If we didn't have kids I would leave even though she would still be a close friend. I am seriously considering cheating at the first chance but the thought of potentially ruining my kid's false perception of their parent's relationship keeps me in this miserable situation.
I'm so tired of "communication is the key" nonsense. We are communicating all the time. 70% of all communication is non-verbal. Congruence, not communication is the key. If you're saying "I love you" while your body is screaming "stay away from me" your partner will feel that and know your words don't mean anything.
Not really, most people lie with their mouths but tell the truth with their bodies. Only 7% of your meaning is carried with your words. What's far more important than communication is heart felt empathy. If you sincerely empathize with your partner you won't need words.
Agreed; congruence is not communication. While communication can be congruent, congruence can be missing from communication, and that's its own basket of issues.
When is the last time you saw someone give an hour long talk/ speech from memory? She is clearly an accomplished speaker, this was enjoyable to watch for that reason alone, says so much about the world we live in, where real skills are scarce.
"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone, it's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel alone" - Robin Williams
True, that's how my marriage has been, I filed for divorce!
So true!
@@navywoman7709 he killed himself not a good example LOL
@@gdean6002 ...think it was his payback time to make “them” feel alone... RIP and lol in heaven Mr. Williams!
Well put
I once asked a 94 year old woman if she was lonely living alone - she said - there are a lot worse things than living alone - and one of them is living with a person you don't like.
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SAN CARLOS DE BARILOCHE USHUAIA A R G E N T I N A
I know the feeling.
so true
That speaks for me.
Being with someone that makes you feel alone, is worse than actually being alone.
Amen
Correct
So true ..... I hate that feeling .
Absolutely. Lately it feels just fine with his being gone because I was alone for a year before he left.
Jesse Peterson very true
"Men in a sexless marriage cheat to remain in that marriage, Women cheat to get out of it". Profound.
That's so funny... I've concluded (through the years) that a bad man doesn't leave a good woman, but a bad woman will leave a good man!
@@vetracer217 Morality never heals hurtfulness
@@vetracer217 Actually Eddie I think many men these days don't bother with Western women at all. I think in the USA they call it MGTOW. Other than for children or a visa, marriage isn't actually worth it. In the end I married a lady from SE Asia and the transformation from the years of demanding Western women was like switching a light on! Jesus, married 16 years now and my wife wakes me up with a massage and I get a breakfast menu!! If I even try to help in the house I'm thrown out!
My mum didn't do that
@@vetracer217 a bad man may not leave a good woman but they treat women badly!
It’s destructive. Single life is better than the feeling of being unwanted and neglected.
I agree
So true, and that can lead to abuse.
It's the same analogy as "slow internet is worse than no internet"
@Jessica B. While it's true that you can experience loneliness and neglect as a single, when you are married, and your partner is cold and distant, you have a real dilemma. Customary marriage protocol precludes your ability to seek out alternate companionship, and/or lovers. If your wife is attentive enough to demand fidelity, but slips into cold and distant for a great portion of the day, and acts like you are just a chore... Like being affectionate is a duty... Then it would be so much better to be single. At least, as a single, you feel as if you have some control over your emotional future.
Is it, though?
There is no more lonely feeling in the world than being needed for what you can provide and being unwanted for who you are.
That’s painfully well written.
There's no way the words to this sentence could be written any other way. POWERFULLY WRITTEN 🤔🤨.
Aside from being a good woman and not being able to find a WHOLE man.... because he has spent years with bad women....
Agreed and also being needed for what you can provide and the person who tells you they love you not even looking/seeing who you are (it’s not even on their radar to even look/ask/seek) also is pretty lonely.
How true 👍
I was very fortunate. My husband and I were married over 70 years at the time of his death at the age of 89; we enjoyed each other (at least weekly) until we were well into our mid 80’s. Our teen-age marriage was one of the exceptions. How blessed we were.❤
Mine failed after 30 years. Liked other women. Sad!
Wow that’s just beautiful. How lucky you are. He must have been an amazing man. ❤
Now that’s how it’s done! 👏🏼
Pardon. How old are you typing it?
Sorry to hear that
The most painful thing is to live with someone who you can't communicate or you are not enjoyed with
Very accurate.😢
that me for twenty years solid
Better to be single wishing you were married than married wishing you were single - just my two cents.
ColGadarby I agree w this
You're either married or have been married. Just my two cents.
Better to be single and happy with it. Or married and happy with it. Can do that, too.
Preach.
@@rev1ction This is the correct response 10/10.
I am leaving a 17-year sexless marriage because she just 'did not have time for it'. She worked a part-time job at 15 hours a week but seemed to be busy quite often and 'fall asleep' when I would come to bed. I gave 100% into the marriage and she put 0% into the marriage, concentrating on what she wanted instead of our relationship.
She is still angry I filed for divorce. I am past caring. It is time to find someone who will love me and not just use my resources.
Jow much house work did you do- resentment can add up even if she only had a part time job.
You should do it long time ago . I’m just happy for you
Same!
@@EmilyBoltz exactly my question, especially when he says ""not just use my resources". I'm guessing there's a lot of unpaid labor there, possibly including lion's share of parenting. She likely gave up her career to lift his up and now is left in a financial desert b/c of it
You did the right thing. First thing I notice in unhappy marriages is they start complaining about not getting any. Next thing you know they are divorced. I’m with you, I would want the person I’m with to want me as much as I want them. ✌️
All of it is true. Ending up in a sexless marriage is very lonely. Falling so in love, having a healthy relationship in the beginning and then nothing as time goes on can make a person fall into a depression. Marriage without passion is an empty place to be.
True. Its a sad lonley place.
Well said. I’m only engaged and this is what I am feeling. It has me thinking a lot about if this is something I can live with for the rest of my life.
@@lumiya_lumos1423 Please work on resolving the issues in your relationship before you get married.
@@Freya778 I am in the process of doing so now or moving in with my life. I won’t start out a marriage in a bad place, that’s not wise and I know it.
@Madonna Hagedorn truth. We’ve been together for 6 years - we haven’t been intimate in 2. I don’t want anyone else; I want THIS man that wants no part of me intimately. We are best friends and have a wonderful relationship outside of that - but living with this secret day in and day out has turned me into someone who hates herself.
Intimacy is the only thing that separates a relationship from a friendship.
Unfortunately i think im in a friendship
This is the truth…I have been in a friendship for 10 years and it is killing me…
Friendships are intimate.
So true of a statement
Couldn't be more true!
After 39 years of marriage, I find myself to have a strong desire for my wife. I find her far more interesting at 58 than I found her to be at 19 when we first met. At times it is a struggle to connect just due to so many things going on, but it is all about the commitment. As the husband, I cook, clean, shop and take care of the house. The fact that my wife is not exhausted all the time really helps. In the long run it is a partnership with give and take.
Wow, well done.
Sounds like you have the right recipe!
That's the way a good marriage works. I brought my wife flowers, did not need an occasion. Would pick up her feet and massage them, or her back and shoulders just to touch her and show her that I cared.
@@dennisrice2763 Sir, I believe you have found the right formula!
Beta male
Q: what’s worst then sleeping alone in your bed?
A: laying next to someone in bed and have no physical interaction at all.
Yeah I know that feeling all too well.
Laying next to someone whose heart is not open to you as a person.
Sleeping alone is good at least we have vacated space
So true. Post menopausal in women is a killer in marriages. Many a night I cry with my spouse next to me. You get tired of the rejection.
I'm in that place. I can relate so much 🙁
I have been married to my wife for twenty eight years. She is gorgeous and I am still crazy about her. I can't say why we have got along so well. We just always do. I think she is the most gorgeous woman in the world. We get along very well in every aspect. I wish the same for everyone
Hello Wow That's very sweet that you think this way of your wife =) I'm concerned however, because you've only spoke of her outward beauty....is this because of the subject content? Please explain what else you love about her besides the way she looks. I'm curious
Hello Wow I'm happy to hear that. And thank you for your support.
does she have a single horn growing out of her forehead?
Hello Wow you are lucky to have a gorgeous wife and you are still crazy about her, but everyone is definitely not like you because I'm the unfortunate person on my marriage and still regretting, and living my life completely sexless and loveless, so that's the reason I'm taking antidepressants from few years but extremely desiring for my favorite great sex, which i never had unfortunately 💘
Hello Wow Amen
Not always the women. My ex was always tired, busy, "not tonight" ,etc ... as a woman I was embarrassed to talk about this for years because I thought. When I finally discussed it with friends, I discovered many of my girlfriends were experiencing the same thing. It's not always just the women.
THIS!
Just 99% of the time it is the woman.
Not always but almost always 😬
There's always that person pointing to the uno reverse card
Very true!!!
This reminds me of something I read in a Dear Abby column years ago: "It's better to be alone than to wish you were."
I never knew what loneliness is till I got married.
very sadd.
Wow! That a powerfully sad statement.
Damn
Very true and powerful statement, unfortunately for me am newly married, my wife changed the first week we got married, it’s like am married to a stranger, she’s moody, never talks,
@@compositestudios1204 Ask her why she’s changed.
When I got married, I agreed to fidelity, not celibacy.
Me too but unfortunately the former necessitates the latter.
Yes. I am not entitled to look at or touch her, but she is entitled to my fidelity.
We perhaps have different definitions of fidelity.
It goes both ways, some husbands lose interest.
@@robertameuchel4786Truth!!!
T levels tank and they just don't care to try to fix that. Because they don't care about their spouse. Heartbreaking.
very well said @charlesfoster3220.
A lot of people get married because of lust not love. They basically confuse the two. Once the lust runs out so does the marriage.
Exactly.
Spot on
Please tell me what if you cannot marry the person you love for instant I loved a girl Unconditionally for some reason I could not marry her I cannot love anyone as much as I did her
Wrong way around.
A big YES to that one
WOW, Maureen! You described my marriage to perfection. I did all the cooking and housework and child care (6 kids) PLUS worked 50 hours a week. But any time I wanted "time" with her, she was "too tired," "too busy with something." or just "not interested." And then after 11 years SHE left me, saying I never did anything with/for her! To top it off, the day after the divorce was finalized by the court, she married the guy she'd been seeing the whole time. Sexless marriage? More a thoughtless, uncaring marriage, I would say.
That woman is cruel
Im a single woman & never comment on this marital issues but yours broke my heart....
@@nanga196 you single ? How old are you and what do you look like, describe yourself to me and be honest .
I wish you realized all those years that you were a simp. I’m glad you got it now though.
@@MarkAB2210 im 41
"You are more likely to die from loneliness than from alcoholism or excessive eating." Wow.
Good news! Finally, I feel free to drink alcohol :)
@@pogodanaprzygode lol
Not me, I love myself. I’m smarter, wiser and have more common sense, and I spend wisely. Don’t be thinking someone else can fix you, or love you like your mother loved you, ain’t gonna happen, read all these comments. I think half these people would be better off getting a wonderful pet, like a dog, that you can walk to the park and get to meet and know other dog walkers. It worked for me.But I’m staying single, liking my own company, I get to watch what I want on TV, shop without sitting and waiting, or standing holding packages. Being single is cheaper. Lots of women even are doing more solo travel these days. Have fun, get to know you in the process.
GOOD I'm 99 percent there..
Rubbish.
Been married 19 years and we still do it 3-4x a week. I can’t get enough of my husband. Ever. Give it to me every day. Love it.
👏👏👏👏👏👏
why are you here then ma ' am
Boredom lol
That's awesome !!
You're a bloody nymphomaniac Mam👍good on you
Sooner or later you just get tired of begging for attention .
If this is the case, better file for a divorce.
@ferkemall what dummy gives their wife access to his account
And you end up having an affair.
David maybe you do . I’d rather go fishing
Goes for both sides.
No one - man or woman - wants to be unseen in their individual needs.
The poor want to be rich...The rich want to be happy...The single want to be married...and the married want to be dead: Ann Landers
No satisfaction 🤣🤣
LOL
So true
Prefer poverty to riches during VIRUS crisis....so many rich are fearful and I suspect hoarding like my RWC ( rich white Christian ) evangelical conservative Christian sister used to do before Y2k
Lol this is so true
I wear underpants in the shower because it’s wrong to look down on the unemployed.
HA! :)
Can't stop laughing.
U win!!!
😂😂
Good one 😂😂😂
Affection Deprivation. I was never loved. Now I'm 34, lonely and very very depressed. When NOBODY touches you and doesn't WANT to touch you, you feel unlovable.
I was loved and have slept with many women….Yet I still have depression and drink alcohol daily.
@@greeneyesfromohio4103 You slept with many women. That's why you still depressed and drink. Youre carrying jezebel spirits in you. And to think you were a "man" getting "some". All you were doing was wasting time and energy with a bunch of low hanging fruit.
You can still get touched and still feel unlovable
this made me cry. i am this
I can relate.
Better to be happy alone than to be married and miserable
Married is fully satisfying - if you are mates as God designed a relationship to be. The Bible describes this love and how a husband should treat his wife, and how she should treat her husband. Its not 50/50 effort. Its 100/100 percent effort, at a minimum. Are you all in, or just a part timer is the question....
Better unhappy alone!!!!!!
Being Alone is statistically proven to cause you to die younger. Which one is really the answer? 12B4Christ has the answer
@Stephen Trapnell Exactly, I was reading all the objections from lonely people and your comment was refreshing.
I disagree. Marriage is a roller-coaster. It has it up and downs. Been alone is just sad
If you're getting nowhere with your partner, and you are just over it, tell them. Propose parting ways. If they want to make it work, agree on a schedule, and honor it. If they can't change, don't look back. Happiness is out there. You aren't getting any younger.
Big problem there. Nobody wants to talk about what’s going on.
Most ppl are parting ways, which is why the divorce rate is so high.
talk it first then think lol
Till death do us part
I'm so broken and depressed. This is my marriage for 4 years now. We're two ships passing in the night most days. Most words out of her mouth directed towards me are critical. She loves our children at least. To all the husbands out there going through this but wanting to hold on, you're not alone, even though regularly you may feel like it...
You have just described my life to a tee! But I'm at the two year mark.
@@IPASAustralia hang in there. Stay strong, honorable, and don't give up.
I'll probably give counseling a second shot
Good luck to you. We tried counselling, but she said, in no uncertain terms, that in her view counselling is how you work out how to split up... not how to stay together. She is adamant that the marriage is over and that we are together merely for the stability of the children's home life. All the best to you.@@z5m2
I'm familiar with that 90% of communication being critical or negative. What is it saying and how to flip it? Doing more and better doesn't help that.
Went through the exact same situation. Stayed in the marriage for as long as I could for the sake of our children, who are my world! I ended it eventually. 5 years on, with joint custody, I still cry over it!!!!!
Better than most comedians out there. Perfectly elegant in her delivery with a touch of cheek. She’s an excellent speaker.
No Sex Marriage is an oxymoron...if there is no sex then there is no marriage. A sex-free marriage makes about as much sense as a communication free marriage. If a spouse says "No" to sex with you then they are simultaneously granting permission for you to have sex with others. The only odd part about this is that the denying person often fails to recognize that this extramarital sex is NOT cheating because they have sanctioned it by saying "No." Just because both people have a "right" to say "No" does not in any way mean that making that choice is free of consequences. If you don't like the consequences then don't say "No"...this isn't rocket science.
As I often ask, "Is it fair to impose fidelity on a person who is deprived of sex from their spouse? And when that spouse has an affair must we call that cheating or is it merely survival?" Thank you for your comments Jake Ryan.
agreed
+Maureen McGrath I ended up cheating because my gf was afraid of having intercourse for 2 yrs. I feel terribly guilty but I was 😞
sad, lonely, confused....the list goes on I am sure. We have fear based education for girls and women not pleasure. Guilt is a wasted emotion Roger. Take care.
How much money, time and nerves you wasted? Were you helping her and relatives and that is why you felt with purpose? We don't need women except for reproduction and sex.
"Where there is marriage without love, there will be love without marriage." --- Benjamin Franklin
When you hear "No" too often, you tend to stop asking, even if you're as helpful as you can be.
Truth +gary dufala
Yes
@@maureenmcgrath2897 so what if money is a factor out of your control, and when you did have an abundance you spent it all on them. Now with no money you're the bad guy cause they have to help.
@@kristincooper2949 so what's the solution? in your female opinion
Very true.
I live alone now but I am not lonely. When I slept next to my wife who had no interest I felt terribly lonely.
Some people stay in the marriage hoping that this will change. Did you?
So true.
Dont be in a failed marriage. Don't punish yourself for the other person's incompatibility ! YOU OWN YOUR OWN HAPPINESS !
I seriously needed to hear that.
💯. Agree
Not easy at all
Simple, but thank you for that truth.🙏
Amen!
Sexless marriage sounds like cellmates, not soulmates.
Bob Gillis Radio!, Keep it down . People got to get up early in the morning! No response.
"Cellmates!" Spot on!
I feel sorry for you and your partner that you think so.
This deserves top comment.
Fornication almost always leads to instability in a relationship. This has been known for literally a few thousand years.
I lost my virginity at 18...and I found it again when I got married
LMAO
Yes mate 👍🏾
👏👏😉
Darkly, sadly funny.
Ouch
If your wife constantly pushes you away and won't talk about it, don't wait - get a divorce. 13 years wasted.
"Life's greatest desire is to LOVE and be LOVED" - Hesiod (750 BC)
nope, give me money and take all your love for all i care
Falls
It is better to have loved than to have not loved at all.
Kamara
😂🤣
I'll take the money and good health too!
@@aprillovejoy4567 "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all......"
Alone is the worst when you are married
Henry Arrey truth
I feel what you are saying
As of jan _24_ 20
Getting divorce.
Now I am super lonely but hey i am alone.
This time
@@hjsigcjj3 I hope better times are ahead of you
Henry Arrey I don’t know what to say should you be congratulations or condolence
But i hope you find happiness
I have a sexless marriage and I'm female, I hate when it's assumed to always be the wife who is denying her husband. it's destroyed me mentally and stolen the best years of my life. I've cried and pleaded and begged and ignored and gone to therapy to try to find out why, what was wrong with me, why doesn't my husband want me. I've had sex once in the last almost 3 years. I hate this life.
Has he gone for therapy? +Rachela Cay I did mention that this happens to women as well in my talk however it is far less frequent but equally if not more devastating.
Rachela Cay : he is probably cheating on you..call me at 1876-3183736 ..let's talk
Rachela Cay
Are you not as attractive as you once were?
I feel for you the worst feeling ever is you're with Someone but feeling alone I say life is too short get out while you're still young , live your life and be honest with yourself.
When i was young i married a man who only owned a pillow. I was in love...2 babies later & years of 3rd world conditions.., i gave up.Not all women are looking for money but a healthy ballence is needed when children come...our children suffered..i didnt regain trust enough for another relationship .
Wow....couples make love 58 times a year? That would be my definition of heaven at this point 🤣🤣
Swears🤣🤣🤣
Right?! I'm the wife and I WISH he wanted it that often!
I'd be happy if once a month -
Have an ice cream 🍦 😊.
Being married for 25 years I can pass on this chunk of wisdom. Two people working together as a team can bring rewards beyond explanation. Give each other space to be individuals.
You're saying it's worth being celibate to have a good partnership?
You must be asexual.
YES! space!I wanted to "Space" my EX wife many times in 25 years! lol
Nice comment.
How did you guys address your individual ego’s?
Great insight, thanks!
My ex wife practiced “social distancing “ for years.
I guess you wont get corona ...from her at least..
She must have known that COVID-19 would need early practice
My wife was ahead of her time too with the social distancing.
I know the feeling lol
Banjamin Mann LMAO I’m dying man
I am married and absolutely happy and satisfied in every sense of the word. The bottom line is, be with someone who you are compatible with. Stop looking for someone you are not.
question : as the years ago by...do you see your wife (I am assuming is a wife) as pretty as you did the first day? if not, how has your "love" changed? I have always wondered if couples truly in love see each other as beautiful as the first date?
@@luigidragonbornlol, your assumption is correct. She is an adorable wife. The truth is, change is inevitable. So is growth. However, as she grows physically and otherwise, her true self and inner beauty remain. That's what makes the difference. She is still the same person I fell in love with and our love keeps growing STRONGER as the days go by. What we do as a couple is that we keep dating, we plan weekly and monthly activities, publicly affirm and support each other's goals and aspirations, and keep the fire burning etc. Be honest and transparent, communicate and commit to each other. That's what works for us. Be blessed!
Being treated right
I am so freaking confused about the meaning of marriage. Honestly
How long have you been married is the question
If you are have repressed trauma from childhood you will put up with anything rather than face your own internal pain. Of course this is not a conscious decision. You will not know any difference. This applies to many.
My grandmother was from the old country she used to say the day after you marry someone you wake up with someone else.
We men definitely wake up to someone different
wow...THAT is some reall @%#$%!
John T. Smith pure words of wisdom!
Probably because of the make up?
@@HobiAI nope....try again
I love my wife more than the world but even I can admit everything changed pretty much the second we got married. The Kleenex company is making a killing off me
Dude I've been yanking it so much that I get a hard on every time I see a bathroom sink.
@@corytrevorson1411 remind me to never brush my teeth at your house ....😂🤣😅
Hahaha
@@corytrevorson1411 That made me laugh
Lol
Wow, these comments are depressing! I hope you all find happiness - whether it be alone or with someone else.
Hilarious
Funny i just finished reading a book about happiness, we don't have to go outside to find it, we just have to mindfully clear out the clutter and remove unhappy thoughts to become happy.
Thanks
@Esther A The book is called "You can be happy no matter what" by Dr Richard Carlson. It's definitely a very insightful experience into how thoughts affect us. I'd definitely say you become more aware of thoughts and feelings you experience.
Yes.
I am 72 years old and learned more from this video than I knew. Thank you.
Ok boomer. Thanks for ruining the economy
Sometimes i get more knowledge in comment section than the video itself.
ME too!
Almost always
... On God !!! .. So true ...
I came here specifically for the comments.
@@maureenmcgrath2897 i got more knowledge from the comments you caused to arise after your replies , Irony,
Thank you for the Great TED Talk that year
you really made me make a huge jump in my thinking towards women
thank you Lady
Maureen McGrath
Oh my god. THIS is what a good Ted talk is like. Witty, direct and informative.
I’m 21 years married. There are sometimes bumps in the road, kids, work, fatigue etc. but its still like our honeymoon when we do bond together
that is awesome!!!
I can only speak for myself, my husband and I loved each other more the longer we were together and to the day he died. I do not understand how some one can get and speak for what happens between people that they have no idea what happens in other people's life.
That's cute keep it alive
@@augustajones7224 j
@Glenn John are you a part of our marital bed 🙄 ....sounds jealous much 😂
If you are in a sexless marriage, it's not going to last. It's only a matter of time until he steps out on his wife/cheats and he just may fall in love with the other woman. Intimacy is more than just satisfying a primal urge, it's also bonding. That's the bitter truth of the matter.
Maybe for you. Not for everyone. Performing for someone who’s not interested in your preferences or mind is the opposite of bonding.
I'm 56 years old. Been divorced for over 12 years. After this TED talk, I'm glad I'm single and don't have to deal with the stresses of a sexless marriage!
Are you happy
Are you happy..I feel like either way we always chasing sth...like in life..
@@samuelnjenga1086 More money, peace and freedom. Of course he's happy.
@Mark Jones Lol, false news. Im a divorcee now 18 years. Im not rich but far from poor lol
@Mark Jones Murders theory might be true but who knows. The murder report could be like cheating. Women cheat far more than men but its the man that gets reported and publicized when he does, not the women so who knows.
Watching Snaped! and American Greed tells a different story.
Hope your sister see better days if she is innocent of malice.
when you stay in unhappy marriages you make the decision to be rejected EVERY SINGLE DAY. id rather be single 100% of the time.
You make a great and valid point. +Legally Curvy
Truer words have never been spoken! Thank you.
And that is why mgtow exists....
Don't know, never had that problem, even once a day sometimes more than once a day!!!
@@ballardjjimkamees4010 are you within the first 2 years of your marriage? Also, do you have kids? If the answer is yes to the first question and no to the second question, then that's probably why. Otherwise, great!
In regards to the part about loneliness: My advice: learn to play a musical instrument, especially guitar or piano. You then always have something fun to do, something you can do by yourself, something fun that will occupy you and keep you from feeling bored or lonely or thinking about any problems you may have. Playing guitar kept me from committing suicide when my wife of 12 years, whom I loved very much, left me for another man.
I am retired now and am never bored. There are hundreds of songs I love that I want to learn on guitar. I know so many retired people who are constantly traveling just because they have nothing else to do. They are bored out of their minds these days due to the COVID-19 preventing them from traveling. I actually feel sorry for people who don't know how to play a musical instrument. It is, in my opinion, the best hobby you can have. And it's a LOT cheaper and safer that traveling! Rock on!
P.S. Learn the ukulele It's hard to be lonely or depressed when you're strumming a uke. Steve Martin said the same thing about the banjo
Tim, I've been rekindling my love of the piano during Quarantine while I have shifted to my hometown. I have my Uke waiting for me in my apartment in another city where I work. I'll be going back later this month and I miss it to bits. I know where you're coming from and I couldn't agree with you more. Music helps us overcome great loss and helps us find new beginnings. I wish you well. Warm regards.
Good for you! I agree music is a perfect way to stay happy and healthy when there is no relationship
At age 55 I started playing the French horn as a way to combat loneliness. It was an instrument I played in school 30+ years ago. Everything you said is true. You will never be lonely when you can make music. I’m happier now and more engaged with life in years. Pick up an instrument. Get lessons. Enjoy life.
I concur. I play piano mostly now. It will take you to new spiritual highs. Beethoven said that too. as did the actor who played the lead in the movie The Pianist. Adrien Brody-had to learn some chopin for the movie and he said how it made him a better person by far.
After a 20 year sabbatical while the kids were growing up, I reawakened my love of the acoustic guitar. That was 6 years ago. It actually pulled us apart. When I practiced, 3 rooms away, she turned up the TV. I find TV to be mind numbing. The more I played, the more it annoyed her. We went our separate ways 2 years ago but have maintained an amicable relationship. She in her house, me in mine. I've met many liked minded people in the last 2 years. One of them is the woman I began dating last year who is a pianist.
Yup, Im a guitr player myself. I can be alone for days , but as long as I have my guitar Im good.
My husband has no interest. Theres been absolutely nothing for over 4 months and in that time it was my birthday and our anniversary (decided to just say nothing and see how long it would be before he mentioned anything, well 4 months and nothing)and before that i was lucky to get it once ever 6-8 weeks. Over the past few years, 99% of the time it was me who initiated it. Some times he'd say he was tired, wait till tomorrow night etc. Once he asked and i said not tonight and he was visibly shocked as i never said no before. I joked and said "refusal often offends, doesn't it?" i only said no because i wanted to see his reaction. I'm beyond frustrated at this stage and feel lonely while lying beside my husband every night. I have zero interest in going to be with anyone else and i wouldn't mind but he even says I'm unreal, that i do things that blow his mind and he doesnt know how i do it but still nothing 😢 i know it has to be my fault though. He was away last night and was going to text to say i wanted it but decided not to cause probably wouldn't happen anyway and honestly i could have cried.
I know exactly what you are going through because I have gone through it. Your husband exhibits traits of an asexual. I know because my wife is asexual. May I offer a suggestion? Enter "Am I asexual quiz" into any search engine. (I used Google) Take 2 or 3 of the quizzes for your husband. Answer truthfully. You should know how he would answer. I suggest you take the quizzes too. (My wife refused to take the quiz which is why I did it for her) If the results indicate that he is asexual you should educate yourself about asexuality. (Wikipedia has an excellent explanation) If you apply everything you learn about it to your entire relationship it will explain everything. It certainly did for me. It wont change anything but, most importantly, you will realize that you are not the problem. Good luck.
Please don't blame yourself
I read your comment and had to check the username because I was like, "Wait... did I write this comment 8 months ago?!" You are NOT alone! So many heartbroken wives missing love from their husbands. 💔
I get your frustration, I can’t cheat so I never go to sleep first and I always blame myself.
He was away last night …….. where
My wife called me to rush home, and said the kids are at her mothers and nobody is home!
I rushed over quick!
---- And Nobody was home.....
Options Specialist 😂😂
Options Specialist 😂😭🙏🏽
Options Specialist
Options Specialist
Options Specialist gvhc
pleas
I was celibate for five years, then I got divorced.
haaaaaaaaahahahahahaha!
rick777888
I've been celibate for 14 years now. Maybe I should get divorced too.
Tim Green maybe you should be a man and work it out.
Rigo Martinez
Maybe you weren't brought up to understand that when a woman says "no", that means no.
Tim Greenberg is not
"Only about 7% of married couples set the sheets ablaze."
That hit deep, its powerful...
We wash our sheets. Silly to burn them.
@@chrisbuesnell3428 KASDKKASDKKXAKD
WOOOOOW
that high?
Thats sad and depressing
I stayed at home to look after our twins from the day they were born until they started school. The house was always clean and tiday and dinner was always cooked. It was me who put the kids to bed most nights. I couldn't have done more while my wife worked as a school teacher.
Still wasn't enough. We separated. Not only could I not give any more, I now feel like I can't love another woman. She met someone on a dating site within two years, I've remained single with joint custody of our children, for almost 5 years.
Too broken to love again!
You are a gem.
Sorry to hear that
Get back up and get out there. 8 billion of us in the world.
I know I don't know your whole situation, but I have found that taking the time to find out what makes you happy internally, like genuinely happy.....leads you to a place where you cant help but put out a good vibe that women (or people in general) pick up on, and your luck may change. Dont get hung up on 'I am broken because of my past love'. Use it as a learning base for what you want or dont want moving forward........ but always move forward, whatever that means for you.
@@darrendexter6125 Thank you Darren. You are right. I have leant and grown stronger. It's my goal to discover what I really want out of life now.
I have been divorced 40 years. I often dream of some one to love. Then I wake up and remember how happy I am.
that is what matters. being happy
Great comment!
Me too bro.
Me too😍
That makes 6 of us :)
I once was the happiest man in the world. Overnight, she changed. Now, I the loneliest. My right hand is now my wife.
It happens. Not uncommon. +barski1960thomas
Get help
@@U094326
Mine found religion and became a zealot within a few months..
GO GET SOME SIDE
I would much rather be single any day of the week than be with the wrong person.
Amen brother! Better to be alone and miserable than be in a relationship and be miserable. 👍
Hallelujah!
This is absolutely the key to it all. Marriage is not miserable; you're just doing it wrong.
There’s virtually no intimacy in my marriage, my wife had shown no interest for years on end. Then out of the blue she initiated physical intimacy. But now I cannot be intimate with her. I no longer associate her with physical intimacy. After years of rejection that part of me that found her desirable has died. When I could no longer perform, she got angry at me and accused me of not loving her, I still love her very deeply and need her in my life, but I felt miserable most of the time and started drinking. I’m a happy drunk, but I know it’s not the way to cope and have stopped drinking. I’m still miserable most and just waiting for life to end. It so hard to explain anything to a woman.
You gotta get off UA-cam and get it cracking lol
You have one life to live. ONE. You get to decide if you want the rest of your life to be fulfilled or just be a husk of regret on your deathbed. Like Red said in ShawShank, "Get busy living, or get busy dying." Peace and courage be onto you, brother.
Consider the possibility that your life is more important than your wife's feelings. If you agree with that, then go find a woman who will make you happy. You will die one day (and possibly soon because life is unpredictable). There are no do overs.
@@undugoo Dude.... Maybe don't use that line. People that have a hard time "getting living" might be take it wrong.
@@huhhuhhuh4069 Troll
I married a woman who refused to engage in intimacy, doesn't say much for my judgement and guess what, it didn't last long.
Interesting way to put it.
Great thing it didn't last. At least you didn't waste your life in it.
You survived. Live and learn.
I married one that was exactly the opposite. Now shes almost 40 and i havent had as much as a hug is a solid 6-8 months. Either she is losing it or going through pre-menopause.. nothing but hate from her. She Always looks at me like i shot her dog ... Good times
Shout out to my wife of 38 years. She loves me and takes care of me always. Feeling grateful 😍
Awesome!
DO you still do it?
well done to you both . shows u also a team that love eachother.
It takes two...😉
You lucky bugger,congratulations!
A married man will live longer than a single man, but a married man is more willing to die.
Truth.
Probably why I'm not really afraid of corona-cooties. After being in a love-less marriage for as long as I am, dying from a virus doesn't seem like a real big deal.
Why do TED talkers always adopt the same speech pattern as Windows narrator?
I wear underpants in the shower because it’s wrong to look down on the unemployed.
U
I've been married for 17 years. We had our kid 5 years later. Long story short, I've been lonely in my marriage for the last 12 years.
I'm a great, compassionate guy and a devoted father. I have absolutely no issues with E.D. whatsoever... I mean what I'm a doing wrong here...?
Up untill seeing this video, I thought our situation was unique and outside the realm of normalcy... This was a real eye-opening story.
I'm in the same situation bro. Ready to leave but is very hard when you ahve kids
@@jjac72 yeah that's unfortunately not an option. When you have kids, you have to be willing to sacrifice your well-being for their benefit. It's the right thing to do.
Hang in there bud. I have for many years and constantly get better offers... Once the kids are gone it'll be our time. Good luck!
Buahahhahah .. im single with 2 girlfriends and currently talking to 1 more plus the baby mama . Will never marry .. 😁
Look into her phone. Make sure she hasn't got "friends for benefits".
It’s somewhat common. It’s NOT normal.
Instead of the video, I'm reading The comments :D
Same here
Same!!😂😂😂😂
Trust we are all here lol
@@MrRudesaint same here lol , the comments are pretty interesting
Why do i have to read all this.
Being told to "Sort yourself out, it is only friction" week after week, month after month really riled me. So much for the warmth, closeness and connection of a intimate relationship. The result was animosity, emptiness and the complete loss of self worth.
Andrew, Was Her name, Diane
It was ?
@Oldie But Goodie Indeed and Agreed 👍
@Oldie But Goodie Yes ! Rent it is right ! You have it ALL that way ! Legalize !
Me too. Me too. It hurts. But if I leave CA law will screw me financially. I’ve found my hand again. It’s better than nothing. 😔
It's a bad feeling when a man knows he isn't wanted, but basically for food and shelter.
Make him feel wanted
When it comes to this.. He has to think of himself twice
Bad when it's a woman in that position, too.
Some women don't hide it... Some will tell the man exactly what they demand.....
Yup
This happens to women too. I'm in a sexless marriage, the amount of pain and rejection is unbearable. I thought things would get better, it's been 10 years. 😥
Same here
Get out now. Don't let that happen with you I'm in 46 years won't gebetter just bumd him.
@@tieniedutoit4689 well that doesn't sound like good advice although it's not exactly like I would know what good advice is
Soo true most women are living in sexless marriages.
its not going to get better. LEAVE
I had a sexless marriage. My wife did not.
Well at least one of the two is HAPPY :-)
Rip fallen soldier
Rodney Dangerfield flavor all over this place 😄😄😄😄😄
condoglianze :/
"Oh, she was sexing everyone but me
This is why we could never be." - Usher song "you remind me"
16:45 The idea that men cheat to stay in a marriage and women cheat to leave one is really profound and I don’t think we talk enough about it.
How true it would save a hole lot of heart acke on both sides and a lot of money in divorce fees .couples are meant to talk and try resolve there issues if they can
I've experienced and seen the opposite. Some people are just monkeys -have to have another branch to hold on to before they can let go
Women cheat so they can be discovered and end the marriage, men cheat so he can appear to be in a happy marriage
I tell you , coming home with a disease ( a cheating side effect ) isn't gonna safe a marriage.
Communication is.
So much unnecessary shame and embarrassment often needs one or both to get off their sanctimonious high horse.However when you put up with a person treating you badly for a long time it then becomes your problem for putting up with it.Young people think relationships are easy they aren't and decent people are rare.What is the shame in working less hours or taking a slightly low grade of responsibility if it means saving your marriage?Pathetic, a longer for baby and a decent man.Prepared to throw it all away because of some proxy so called career.People have got their priorities wrong.
This was my problem!!!!!!
"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone, it's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel alone"
Yap
Connected to the internet! Honestly, the number of times I’ve seen couples in a restaurant together yet glued to their smart phones.. leaves me glad to be married to myself. And actually I’m taking myself on another extended honeymoon. I’m finally a happily married man.
Go you! I love you attitude!!
Smartphones, Games, Social Media are the biggest problems … some are glued to their games every chance they get…
@@sussannekeith5676 sexless marriages were a problem long before any of those.
Marriage is one of those things in life you regret not doing, and regret equally for doing.
😂 true 🥲
I wanted it until I saw the last 50 years of stats. Women needed to be controlled
Amen
A person cannot regret a reality they never lived, they can only fantasize about it.
It's sad how many marriages are sexless
It's not sad to me people are in sexless marriages. They have options, unless they are catholic. Get out of the relationship!
@Lasna34 facts
@Lasna34 100% agree
That's what cheating is for. :)
@@ajtam05 Exactly, and in most cases, it's not cheating, it's just being free.
It's not the best decision to go in to marriage Because you fear to be alone ,you might end up meeting the wrong partner and live in regrets for the the rest of your life . don't rush while chosing your partner.
"Better to be single and lonely than married and miserable".
I would show my wife this but she will not take the 20 min off Facebook to watch it.
Case closed. +Steven Lopez
Steven Lopez post it on her Facebook
Good one! Chris Nguyen
Maybe she's Facebooking old flames.
Steven OMG ! My wife is the same way !!!!!!!!
I asked my wife how come you never tell me when you come she said because you're never here when it happens
Thomas Ingebrigtsen Good Lord, if you have to announce it, it didn’t happen!
@@elainehiggins2380 I wasn't trying to announce it I was wondering why she wouldn't announce it
That's on you my dude
Lol
😂😂😂😂😂😂❤
Sexless marriage? Then what’s the point?
Convenience / financial security I suppose. I couldn't do it. I've just left such a relationship.
Gildmirth0 Roses are red, violets are blue, Karen please, they’re my kids too.
Well some stay when theres kids involved especially if theres no fighting all the time.thats the case w one guy I know at my work.they do like each other but it's her I guess that hasn't wanted it for 3years he told me.
@Gildmirth0 americans.
The point is to show your love to each other it isn't only about that but now I know what men want in marriage
I’m so lonely and depressed in my marriage. At this point, it’s my faith and God’s grace only that’s kept me sane.
Same here.
Same here .He betrayed me once even after being a good woman to him .We got back together but it has never been the same
Me too
I hope this year you talk to your other half and take steps to feel whole. I will pray you feel God's grace in your journey.
This TED Talk needs to be shared far and wide.
I read a comment below about advice a 94 year-old woman who quipped something quite witty that reminded me of what I hear when I was younger. My grandma used to say, "there's a lotta things worse than being alone, and one of 'em is wishin' that you were". Thank God I heard her say that to more than one of my cousins. I was young, but I fully understood what she meant and it made a world of difference.
Once a week? I'd kill for that.
What do you do about it enemyAce88?
She's always "too tired" for sex even though I do 90% of the housework by myself while she spends every waking moment glued to her cellphone and leaving behind another mess for me to clean up. I feel rejected and unappreciated, we fight about it, she promises to try harder to get in the mood, she never does, and it starts all over again.
She has time and energy for everything but sex. But if I dare to call her on it, I just get punished with more deprivation.
+EnemyAce88 :( I guess you have an inequality of sexual drive/need then. Pressuring will only hurt her though. You can only have sex as often as both partners want to.
+RedDancer The question is: why isn't the fact that he wants to enough for her to want to. Why is her refusal not considered an expression of hatred and contempt.
Maybe you have to connect with your true self and true hart, and ask yourself: Why am I in this situation..?
Sometimes you have to move yourself away by choosing for yourself..and see what happens next..
Was married for over 20 years- after moving 1,000 miles to her ailing parents' hometown and making great sacrifices to help her help them in every way I could, it became too much and she had no energy for 'us' anymore: after her mother, her father, our child, and her troubles with family. What was supposed to be a temporary situation turned into decades of living in a location that was a slow death for my career. Lost the house where we moved from, and struggled financially the whole time.. Be very careful about how much you put into any relationship- there can come a point where it can become ruinous. She then took 'revenge' by distancing herself from me physically, and chasing every old boyfriend she could find. I am free of this, at last.
Almost 24 years, living in my husbands hometown, which I hate, so I sympathize. He's pretended to be "sleeping" for 12 years. Much luck for a brighter future for you! Here's hoping I can get to mine
@@sophiasmythe6221 I am still in her hometown (she's left!) but more accepting which has helped me find aspects which are good for me- those exist. We are free to choose- set your sail.
@@ktkt1825 I know how you feel as she chased old boyfriends the entire marriage. Find things that make you happy 😃
@@icedteagames Thanks- day by day, I'm moving ahead, taking good care of myself finally.
Amazing talk. Women also feel the rejection in a relationship. Nobody should stay in a sexless, loveless relationship 🥰🥰
We do have it twice in a year ,is crazy
@QualityRockProductions troll.
Agreed. When you’re open to make changes and put their needs in front of yours. But they don’t have enough care or desire to make it better in any way or level
💯
@@jeffreyolufemi8074 ure not alone
When you get told no enough, you just give up.
@Jason Stockman it's the worst thing....it's selfish & then if you cheated the same ungiving partner would throw a tantrum or even worse kill you😩
@@muurisoras5878 yeah right she should just close her eyes and handle it, i mean thats why you got married to her
I'm at that age when a female tells me "NO" I say "thank you"
Check in to the reason it’s always a no.
So true I’m at that point
I never ever felt ashamed about having sex. I felt ashamed that I wasn't having sex. When I was in a sexless marriage I was terrified that my friends, family, and colleagues would find out I wasn't having sex. This shame made me feel even more trapped because I didn't want anyone to know. Even worse, my friends seemed to perceive my problem because some of their jokes suggested I wasn't getting any; I'd always laugh along like me not having sex was ridiculous but I wondered what in my behavior betrayed me? Two things I'd say to anyone is that you can be a lot happier alone than married to the wrong person and if you are in a joyless marriage you should either fix it or get out. Resigning yourself to a joyless life shouldn't be an option.
Hear hear! You can rest assured your joking friends (the Joneses) were also in a sexless marriage. Al Dente
Al Dente, "... shouldn't be an option". I agree; but a few of us 'choose' that option for a combination of reasons. I didn't say I was proud of it.
There was a survey (many years ago) on women, sex, and orgasm and most women claimed that they did not experience orgasm and many had to fake it in order to please their partners.
So Al Dente....... did you think TMZ was going to expose your lack of sex. Do you think people would look at you and say........ oh that person isn't getting it in the ass.
ExclusiveLM People who are bullies look for any weakness they can exploit. Some "frenimies" would joke about me not getting any. I feared that there was something in my behavior that betrayed me. Then again it might have just been a guess on their part and they were probing for something I was sensitive about. That is why I laughed it off, I didn't want to confirm anything.
I am 23 years into a sexless marriage. It was always something we would "address soon" but now I am almost 50. When we met right until we got married we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. I don't know what changed but she started to treat me like a leper physically as soon as we got married. I am still relatively fit and attractive for my age and get the frequent playful flirtation and it makes it even worse. It is completely demoralizing. If we didn't have kids I would leave even though she would still be a close friend. I am seriously considering cheating at the first chance but the thought of potentially ruining my kid's false perception of their parent's relationship keeps me in this miserable situation.
I'm so tired of "communication is the key" nonsense. We are communicating all the time. 70% of all communication is non-verbal. Congruence, not communication is the key. If you're saying "I love you" while your body is screaming "stay away from me" your partner will feel that and know your words don't mean anything.
Sounds like communication to me. +Thermal Reboot
Not really, most people lie with their mouths but tell the truth with their bodies. Only 7% of your meaning is carried with your words. What's far more important than communication is heart felt empathy. If you sincerely empathize with your partner you won't need words.
Agreed; congruence is not communication. While communication can be congruent, congruence can be missing from communication, and that's its own basket of issues.
I'd rather hear words. Tell me if there's a problem.
Thermal Reboot you don't only communicate with you mouth but ok. It's so hard to tell what you want.
Life is way too short to stay in a loveless marriage wake up don't let anyone use you !!!
OK,any suggestions ?
*marriage
Magdalina Szokolai 2 young children you are scared to lose will keep anyone in marriage
There's a difference between sexless and loveless.
@@dgurisko2001 im 20 im not getting married or i doint want kids more money for me
I'm living the loneliness, frustration, anger.
George Guidas then ur a beginner, it gets fun again when u get used to it and learn to control it
DoDsaami,
so you are already cheating!?
Find where anger and frustration go, live there and then move on.
Go get a gf. Or pay for one. Cheaper than marriage
Can you imagine a country where prostitutes are attractive, reasonable priced, and available? And want to please?
When is the last time you saw someone give an hour long talk/ speech from memory? She is clearly an accomplished speaker, this was enjoyable to watch for that reason alone, says so much about the world we live in, where real skills are scarce.
Lol they have multiple teleprompters at Ted x. Good speakers practice their speech and use them loosely
This recording was just under 22 minutes, not an hour.
Uh, people give hours of speech from memory all the time!!! Where are you from? Wow. Sorry, but that is strange.
the 3 rings of marriage - the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering!
Amen brother!
Mike Stand Oh, man!!!
PEACE THAT'S REAL TALK
Mike Stand 🤣🤣🤣
😅😅😅😅😅