Identifying Bad Friendships (w/ Kim Zember)
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- Опубліковано 29 вер 2024
- Have you ever had a friend that you feel like didn’t really respect you?
Kim Zember joins Jackie today to talk about three signs to look out for that may indicate a bad friendship.
1. They lead you into sin. If you’re trying to live a virtuous life and your “friend” is making fun of you or tearing you down, they’re not a good friend.
2. They drain you. This doesn’t mean that they’re leading you astray, but every time you hang out with them, you feel exhausted.
3. They’re not happy for you. If you share something good that has happened to you, and your friend is dismissive or stoic, that’s a sign of a toxic relationship.
It’s also important to evaluate yourself and ask, “Am I a good friend?” Do I call them on to be a better person, do I give as much as I take, and do I celebrate the good things in their lives?
At the end of the day, God wants you to have close friends who lead you to heaven. If you realize that you don’t have any friends who will really call you on, ask God to bring those people into your life, and he will answer your prayer.
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I'm a 21 year old catholic, and a lot of my friends are not, and they shame me for not wanting to get drunk or go partying with them and say I'm not a real friend. It really hurts my feelings but I'm not going to throw away my morals & virtues for sinful things. ♡
Praying for you! You can do this
It's not that you're not their real friend. They are not *your* real friends.
Pray to the Father that He brings Godly friends into your life.
To add an example I had 3 types of friends when I was your age I had my friends that were saved and regularly did things like go to youth group, and church with me. I had friends that weren't saved, but they made sure to respect that I didn't go and do certain things like drink, do drugs, or participate in activities that would lead me into sin. Then I had " friends" these were fake friends, they had bad intentions saying things , like "Your God will forgive you won't he?" or " Don't you drink wine during communion?" Often I found myself thinking these "friends" might as well have gotten a script from satan. Those "friends" weren't around me for long. Part of being a friend is respect and they clearly didn't respect me.
embrace being young. go out once in a while but try not to drink to excess. honestly, you are only that young once and after college is over, life gets really real.
Oh, true, Miss Kim Zember; but remember, as you have expressed previously: not all the ways we may well want to live are virtuous, not in the least!
💗💗💗
I’ve been praying for virtuous friendships. I have a few good friends whom I love but they aren’t really religious/believers, worldly mindset, etc.
Can identify with that
That's totally relatable
I can relate to that too, how do you handle that during disagreements. I try to give opinion then back off a bit. Sometimes it's on and off friendships so u try to enjoy good times, bad or something that goes against nmny beliefs I back off .
I will pray for your virtuous friendship
Here's a friend :) hehe
I think we also need to pray that we should be good friends to others so that we selflessly lead others to CHRIST instead of just expecting others to do so . Great video
Exactly
But if they're making fun of you..... even if they're joking.....
This. This has been the message I’ve been getting lately.
I had a friend who was so sweet to me. I really loved her. One day, we were both having bad days and were a bit moody. I must have said something she didn’t like because she started to take everything out on me and said very hurtful things to me, even using things that I trusted her with, against me. I didn’t say anything back at her, I offered to help but when she just kept insulting me, I just decided to simply retire from her life. Even though we don’t talk anymore, I still pray for her and her wellbeing. Sometimes it’s a matter of clashing personalities. I hope God sends us friends with more compatible personalities!!!
Definitely been thinking about holy friendships lately and how to nurture them. Very good video thank you!
Same!
I sobbed for days when I realized that I was in an unhealthy relationship with my friends. Ngl, I couldn't throw away 9+ yrs of friendship down the drain. But God helped me find new friends who wish the best for me and will have my back 'cause I'd do the same for them. 🙏🙏🙏✨✨✨🤗🤗🤗
People change in their lives, either from good to bad or from bad to good, and so do friendships
This video is a lifesaver, even a year later. I had to break off a very close friendship because I kept growing in our faith, but my friend was not Catholic, and was very heretical and blasphemous in speech. It pained me to have to cut it, we were like brothers. I will pray for him, and I myself have to bear the cross of emotional pain now, but it was right to do. AD MAJOREM DEI GLORIAM
I truly feel like Ascension is listening in on me hahaha. I was just talking about discerning friendships and feeling at times like a bad friend myself.
I tend to take over conversations and unload alot more than I receive. It's a bad habit I am truly trying to break.
Anyway, thanks for the video!
Of course this *had* to come when I have this exact insecurity about my friendships.
Ascension Presents, your timing never ceases to be uncanny, God Bless!
Same here.
I think that the Internet could be a powerful tool to find people with the same mindset and goals that you. Online communities can be a place to gather those who are physically distant, but close in purpose.
But in person is also very important, I know some people who need that in person interraction, if you can handle online that is great tho.
Totally soo good, ladies. But what about family that aren't supportive and would seemingly rather tear down, rather than build up? Don't get me wrong, I'm not a peach but....
I totally agree! I'm the inly praciticing catholic in my family and they mock me tons.
Matthew 5:11-12
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets before you.
Also remember that our Father in Heaven is above our parents and siblings here on earth, and those who do His will are His family.
Matthew 12:50
For whoever does the will of My Father in heaven is My brother and sister and mother.”
Your true family is your brothers and sisters in Christ! Matthew 12:48-50
Currently stepping back from some friendships that were unhealthy and the peace from that decision has been such a gift. We’ve found some new friends since the pandemic started and it has been incredible to have people who don’t pressure and who encourage and uplift us!
If this message makes you uncomfortable, it is definitely for you. Don’t exit ❤️
I recently had to end a relationship because of toxicity. The pressure on me was heavy to be perfect but when I spoke out about issues it was met with denial of obvious facts. I had to step back and say, okay, this isn't going to be productive, this isn't going to change, I need to just end this.
I am just going trough this, with friends I have known for over 10 years... I am devastaded. I need to pray for holy friendships
I will definitely start to pray more for virtous catholic frienships! My two best friends are protestant and they really inspire me to be a better person and christian but I wish I had catholic friends whom i could share my faith with. I’ve gotten discouraged with this but i hope God prepares my heart to when i actually have those kind of friends. Loved this vid!❤️
Could you plz make a video on social media. I'm struggling with this for many yrs. And I think it's a common problem these days. Thank you for these videos.
Lord may bless all who seek for his sacred heart so full of kindness & compassion with right kind of friends.
Needed this, this was the year of slowly loosing my lifelong best friend, we are 25 now, she got married last month, and last 2 years I suffered, she put me behind, nevertheless she wanted me to be her godmother in the name of that friendship, and I DID but, I suffered so much from her abandoned me and my soul when she found her husband, we talked so many times about us and it didn't went nowhere (we see things differently) so that I am not able to continue this even though to her nothing changed, but for me she messages me so rare from the moment they met, and I sincerely need a friend who is alive in my life, somebody who will call more often than she does, even though through all these years she was a great friend to me... This was a great loss... even though we're all alive... and God did sent me amazing people in my life, but I'm still very hurt of losing her... The big problem was we are so different and she is more silent tip of person so our problems began more sooner...but God has his reasons.
Anyway, thank you for this video so much...❤️
Keep holding on and God bless you ♥️
I've experienced the same; people change and we have to let them change...I've let some 'close' friends of my past go cz they changed; now I don't even text them unless they put in an effort to keep in touch; Viz never...
This happens a lot when women get married. And sometimes they’ll disappear completely as soon as they have a few kids. Wait it out, a year maybe two, it will take time but a true friendship will endure over a lifetime and the others will fall off. New ones will come in. It is painful, but all part of life. Now is the time to focus on yourself and bringing in friendships that will help you grow and shine into the woman you are meant to be.
Seeking comment: I moved from a secular, progressive mindset to a (now) Catholic conservative one. This took about five years. In doing so, I felt less connected and comfortable with my formerly-close friends. I spent most of our gatherings biting my tongue or trying to chess-maneuver the conversation to avoid hostile topics (Trump; feminism; borders, BLM, et al). They would dog-pile FB comments I made in condescending ways, too. I begged off our monthly meetings a year ago and left social media for a time.(When I returned, I didn't add them back). I don't know whether to just leave it alone or try to reconcile with honesty. I basically ghosted them. Covid hitting was also good cover for my avoidance. My instinct is to leave it alone, but I know it's out of fear of confrontation or having to defend my beliefs. (PS, I'm not missing our gatherings as they became an airing of progressive politics and gossipy. So no loss on my behalf.) Thanks to anyone willing to chime in...
My 2 cents... You can't change the people around you but you can change which people are around you.
Part of you still wishes and still believes you could get the approval of your old friends. In my experience, you never will. You'll just keep hurting yourself until you let them go
It's hard at first when you're alone in your new life, but don't worry! Just going about your life doing good, one day you will fall in to a cream pie of belonging and connectedness. I was donating blood after 9/11, and that's how it happened for me!!... You'll make that one new friend or acquaintance who will open up a whole new social group to you! Honestly, it took a few years, but I landed in a huge group of new, loving, exciting friends. and
We raised children together for 15 years until most of us gradually moved away.... I'm in a new town, and a new chapter of life, starting over again with no friends, but I know it's just a matter of time to find where I belong so I wait enjoying the quiet.
I tried to have honest conversations with people in my life years ago, and they didn’t want to talk about it. They wanted to hang on to their resentments and ideas about who I was in their head. Even though I was telling them I wanted to be a better person. They wanted to chain me to the idea they had of me in their head, so I let them go.
And then about 2 years ago a friend of mine dropped me the day before my wedding. She could’ve told me months before that she didn’t want anything to do with me, why she didn’t want anything to do with me, but no. She chose the day before my wedding to tell me she didn’t want to be my friend. She expected me to just be able to tell.
That’s when I realized I never had good friends. I’ve never known what a real friendship is. And I think thats why it’s hard for me to be the friend I want out of people too. It’s hard to find good friends these days, but I’m keeping my head up. It’s all I can do.
Gosh this is timely for me! Thanks, God bless
I have to start making new friendship my sophomore year of college and thanks be to God for this video. Clarification for the best decision I have made!
Just been out of a toxic friendship in july and boi I feel so better off from that vibe and I'm starting to feel good the way I am
Wow ok so one of my Ex friends who I had cut out; because of how bad they where for me. Just tried to reach out on Instagram and after looking at there page and seeing how they haven’t changed and how they are still not a good friend for me, I messaged them telling to not to try and contacting me again! And Then after venting about it to another friend I JUST GET THIS ALERT! Wow THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LOOKING OUT GOD!
Now I understand that all my friendships are unhealthy and an obstacle for what I should be.
This video came out at a time when I needed to see it because one of my long term friendships had basically ended abruptly. But I'm only just watching it now. It has been on my mind so much lately how I need Godly friendships in my life. Definitely will be praying for this!
I had a friend who I met at a Catholic women’s Bible group. She wanted to be friends she thought I was funny but whenever she and I went out at night to a bar she drank a lot and then threw herself at men in the bar. It was embarrassing to me and I told her it bothered me. It happened several times
And she got defensive. The last time we went out she got that way again and it got worse because I drank and blurted out that I couldn’t stand the way she put labels on people and pushed herself on men! That was the end of our friendship even though I apologized to her many times she cast me out like an old shoe and never spoke to me again! This woman also was my sponsor for Confirmation! As I was on a journey to be a better Catholic she was on a journey to make it hard for me by exhibiting this bad behavior. It was hard to see her at church because we went from being really close to nothing! I just think she has serious problems with her self esteem and couldn’t have anyone draw any negative conclusions about her. Truthfully I enjoyed her company when we were not drinking. The good thing that came out of all of this is that I totally quit drinking… with a little help from Covid lockdown but I had a little problem with it. I feel proud that I no longer feel I need to drink to have fun. I do miss that friend but I know she is toxic for me but I pray she sees how she hurts people by her self centered actions.
it's disturbing, I had this sort of mentor who worked in a novus ordo for a while, but while I was growing in the faith, I noticed that her values seem off. She is divorced and looking for a man, she drinks all the time and is much older than I am, posts herself on social media a lot. It's not healthy for me to be around older women that act like they're still in their carnal party phase.
As a victim of narcissisric Abuse Well I had experienced this For my friendships with a friend who is indifferent to me and treats me like nothing around her and likes to talk about me behind my back when I am in not in the room watching TV shows that this roommate likes I am always forgiving this person for not treating me with respect I have forgiven her again and again many times until I am tired of her drama and problems that she creates for herself sould I pray for her?
If it were me I would definitely pray for her humility that she may come to Christ and see the error in her pride. Sadly, pride is very hard because it is hard to recognize in yourself. I would also pray for God’s Holy Spirit for proper judgement/discernment for yourself as to what to do and how to move forward. Hope this helped, Sister. God Bless!
Praying for good, holy friends and especially for God to turn me into a good, holy friend 💙🕊️
Misery loves miserable company.
My husband and I lost our close friends !!! They were more than just friends..
I have always prayed for God to keep me from being around situations or people that distance me from God ..
And after almost 18 years we had to say goodbye 👋 😢 its been very difficult..
Sometimes I feel so lonely but I must trust in God ..
Dumped all my friends they were not true. back stabbers, mean, judgers. They made me feel small. I am better off alone. I feel better.
Lord Jesus please give me great and better friendships I ask this of you at 3:00pm in this great hour of Divine Mercy Feb 6, 2023. I also ask of you to make me one of Jesus' greatest friends ever...please increase my beauty, goodness, and truthfulness.
Amen that is so true pray for me because I’m having a challenge and I feel like I’ve been battling since I got married with my Everything I do for my husband as he asks me for I get a challenge or I have to battle and I don’t think that’s fair all I do is pray and God guides me
Wow since that is about the only kinds of friends I have where does that leave me?
Go to church and build community
Im unsure of my current friends and whether I should stay or not. Please pray for me.
Wow I really needed this! Thank you!
Thanks for making this video I needed advice on this matter. God bless you!
HI I LOVE U BOTH SO MUCH !! Please make a video about how to be a good student !!! I’m in college and a common issue is working for an A instead of using my work to glorify God.
Doesn't an A glorify God, unless you did something unethical to get it?
I promise God loves A’s more than BCDF, haha
Wow, this is EXACTLY what I needed! The Lord truly does provide in our time of need.
I do have a quick question, though. When we identify a bad friendship that is definitely not good for us, should we stop all communication with the other person or communicate why we're cutting it off? (I've personally been trying to decide how to deal with a particular friendship, and I've tried before to communicate and not "ghost" them but it wasn't received well.)
what did u do? how did it go? i could use some advice as well!
Proverbs 13:20
Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.
yup...had one anyway
When is it OK to chop them off?
Closer and closer every day to meeting our Lord Jesus Christ!!!
Kinda a bruh moment
I know plenty of Catholics, but they are extremely cliquey with each other. In young adult groups, I’m always the outsider, despite being a cradle Catholic. I seem to be stronger acquaintances with Christians and non-religious people. Ever since middle school, I haven’t developed strong consistent Catholic friends. I have social anxiety, so it’s exhausting to ask for friends. What should I do?
Friends?
Yeah, what's that lol
My niece, who is 37 yrs old, always seems to have friends who are bad news. It makes me think shes probably bad news as well. Except for those pesky, teen years I firmly believe that birds of feather flock together.
Love these two ❤ !!! 'Don't just chop people off... Oh my goodness, I've been struggling with this my entire life, thank you so much for this reminder!!!
there is an air of haughtiness about this video. some cringeworthy patting themselves on the back. what about being a friend to people who aren’t lifting you up, but really need you to keep them from falling into utter despair? i have one friend who said he would have killed himself if I’d given up on him when he was abusing alcohol. glad i didn’t lecture him at the time and then, after a day or two when he didn’t turn it around, cast him out of my life because he wasn’t helping ME get to heaven.
Yes, on our life journey we hope to cross paths with godly people to help us walk in His light and we in theirs. Beware of “friends” who have a hidden selfish agenda. We can grow through the valleys if we put God first❣️
Thanks be to God this video/ information crossed my eyes! I'll also be showing it to my husband, relatives etc.
I have been praying for my adult children to have virtuous friendships. As a mother, I can see how some of their friends are leading them away from God.
My favorite topic! Prayer for good friends, God will answer your prayers. Friendship gets better with age. He answers prayers.
I read The Friendship Project, and prayed for Faith Filled Friends. God is so faithful, and I find people coming into my life who before I hadn’t really noticed them. A friendship that I thought was good, now seems to be one sided and draining. I love this topic.
Awesome! Thank You. 🙏🎄
Definitely had a number 2 friend...
Sin is everything which draws us away from God. I have some Christian friends who are constantly criticizing and questioning themselves and their virtues. This took away my joy in the Lord because I was also seeing him more as a coach than a loving father. And it drew me away from him even further. I think that's why we need worldly friends too, who - let's be honest--are sometimes better in enjoying life than Christians and who are not always talking about serious stuff ;) what do you think?
1000% agree with you
It’s hard to let go of friendships. I recently said goodbye to the person I considered my bear friend. She checked all of the boxes you pointed to. As I grew in my faith she didn’t take well to my modest dress, my desire to use head coverings, my love of the mass or belief of Sunday’s being a holy day of obligation, etc. I was also very uncomfortable with her ever increasing interest in the occult, and she wasn’t pleased when I told her to avoid that stuff like the plague. At the very end she was telling me I had hurt her and was condescending towards her, when I apologized for hurting her feeling unknowingly, she didn’t accept it. She began talking to me again some days later, but it turned into an argument and a series of underhanded, passive aggressive jabs. It was at that point I said bye. The Lord has been working on me regarding this relationship for over 6 months at that point, but I was too scared to let her go because I am naturally introverted and she was 1 of 3 friends I had.
I know you ladies stated to pray for good friendships, but in all honesty I don’t feel the need for friends. I love being alone, I love caring for my family and having time for me to dedicate to learning about our faith. Is that morally wrong? Like is friendship a necessary part of our Catholic walk?
Lovely video, God bless!
Hey Luna,
No, I don’t think it’s morally wrong at all!! I’m actually in a very similar season. I feel the Lord calling me to work on my friendship with Him first and foremost. I do desire healthy, authentic relationships but I’ve learned, through painful trials, it’s so much easier when we “seek the kingdom first.” When we align our priorities with His, friendships become so much easier because we don’t put our faith in people. I see friends as a blessing, just as material or spiritual gifts are, and not necessarily what I “deserve” to have. The right perspective also lightens our expectations so we are less hurt when friendships don’t meet our ideals.
I have had to make some difficult decisions regarding my friendships, and now I’ve come to appreciate quality far more than quantity. I believe we are so programmed by our culture into having a consumeristic mindset that we bring this to our social lives as well, and it can have devastating results. The pressure of accumulation can be so overwhelming, and prevent us from living the full lives that God wants us to have. I think so much of friendships depends on circumstances and environment; true, lasting friendships are quite rare. God also sees what our needs are; sometimes, a friendship is simply not serving us anymore. And He can easily bring new people into our lives through different circumstances. I've found that it can be exhausting to strive or grasp for what we want but there is so much freedom in letting go :)
Love you both, thank you.
Great topic.
loved ittt
Oh my God. This is exactly what I've been struggling with.
Hey dude, i just wanted to let u know that taking God’s name in vain is one of the Ten Commandments
💕
I recently ditched a toxic relationship...finally came to my senses...not blaming other party but rather blaming my own stupidity, vanity and selfishness.
Thank God!
Excellent presentation, thanks!
Trust me on this one Ladies: anyone, anyone at all, whoever even once leads me into sin; even accidentally, is expelled from my life, forever. Same with their superiors! Same with God Himself if any authority at all ever leads me into sin, or has; that is why He will never be accepted: for if all authority comes from God, then He is the source of sin- as authority itself is the source of sin! I will *never ever* respect any authority due to some past authorities even *suggesting* sinful conduct; even without realizing it! The only way to attain Heaven is to totally wipe out all authority and all figures of authority at that, due to that single offense years ago!
Is it acceptable to sow my wild oats then act like a Catholic later?
You can have fun and still be Catholic. A true Catholic is so joyful it’s contagious.