Timestamps: 4:37 3 Major Flaws in Neurotypical Productivity 10:50 The Issues the Flaws Cause 12:38 The 4 Cs of Motivation 15:20 Embrace the Pivot 16:13 Pomodoro Timers 16:44 Look for Sidequests 17:19 Micro commitments 17:52 Change your environment 18:26 Make Tests & Paperwork into a Game 19:01 Make Time-based Goals
This is the first time I've seen someone recognise that breaking a task into sections can make it more overwhelming and harder to start on. I've always felt like that.
This made me realize why doing that exact method of breaking things down is so hard. I like the feeling of completing the task but breaking it down feels like so much😵💫
the absolute worst part of breaking a project down into steps (for me) is that it’s an infinitely recursive task. i LOVE making lists, i could spend the hours i could be working just making lists of all the things i have to do and the things i need. it’s like breaking down a mountain by sorting and categorizing every stone, the hyperfocus kicks in on the wrong thing and you’ve wasted a whole day and STILL have no idea how to get started (but you were technically “doing work” so you’ve now duped yourself into thinking you were doing productivity)
This is exactly, exactly how I feel. Lists, upon lists and then I look up and 3 hours have gone by. I do the same thing with organisation, my workspace is messy so I organise it and 4 hours have gone by and I've lost the will to complete the original task that needed a clear workspace.
Ong yes exactly, I va love making list too exept I actually realized this method would never work for me (cuz I realized that just like writing an essay( which I’ve always hated)it’s actually a lot of extra work having to think and break down everything, and honestly I know myself and my adhd to a certain level that I could foresee my self hyper focusing on the details and eventually trailing of and and putting my focus into something else ( like another list or lists)and losing my stamina and motivation to do it..not only that I would probably leave a lot of started list or projects, seem to loose my stamina and motivation a lot
Ohhhh the irony of not only watching an adhd productivity video as a distraction from my current task, but also getting distracted while watching the video and forgetting where I stopped paying attention.
I've also been trapped in this world since always. Glad to see you decribe exactely what I've always gone through. If there weren't socials, I would still think I was the only one like this in the world, and any possible justification I could give was an excuse, because and I'm just lazy, like people aggressively ALWAYS made me believe.
I once went to a work productivity/resilience seminar thing, before I even knew I had ADHD. The facilitator was doing this exercise about setting effective goals. I asked a question about how to make progress and achieve goals because I always seem to get sidetracked or struggle to actually follow through. His reply was "Well I guess you just don't want it bad enough". It was so dismissive and so demoralizing when I was actually looking for constructive tips. I don't listen to that bad advice anymore! I am glad there are people that do understand.
Omg….I didn’t realise how much I’ve accepted and internalised that idea of ‘me not wanting something bad enough if I don’t follow through’. Damn.. thank you for sharing this 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
My dad said to me, well if you fail it's Your fault. (In response to me having a winge about studying for high school exam) that was a long time ago but still sticks in my mind
I remember a therapist once telling me that I could get things done if I rewarded myself with a cup of tea after. I laughed so hard, because all I thought was, "Great, now I have to make tea too." I experience very little intrinsic reward for accomplishments, and a cup of tea isn't going to cut it.
well i don't think the cup of tea is supposed to feel like an accomplishment, I think its supposed to feel like food+drugs stimulating reward circuitry in your brain. Of course, this will not work if you otherwise have bottomless access to stimulus via video games or some thing else that is not tied to accomplishment
@@homelessrobotyou know nothing and understood nothing about this did you? My own thought can give me more stimulus than a “reward”, after a task completed. I can distract my self with nothing, just my own thoughts, so my brain gives 0 motivation to seek satisfaction from completing a task.
This is so true. As someone with ADHD, I am HEAVILY motivated by attempting to prove other people wrong. That has been my main source of motivation throughout a lot of my life. If someone tells me I can't do something, I gain a ton of motivation, at least for a short while just to prove the haters wrong. I wish this kind of motivation was sustainable, and the problem with this is its motivation motivated by something negative, but boy does it feel good.
I'm currently in this mode due to the genocide in Palestine. Sadly this endeavour is not paid so need to channel this drive towards an actual income source.
This is why I find it easier to make an amazing meal when there's nothing in the cupboard but flour and some old beans but when the shopping is just in I cant do anything amaxing@
Today I tried to follow the “eat the frog first” advice and I literally accomplished nothing the whole day. With ADHD it feels like my brain has no arms or feet. You’re the first person I’ve found who seems to actually understand what this is like. I’m only halfway through but I have a lot of optimism right now. Thank you
I flip it on its head and do something really easy first, then I get the dopamine hit from completing the easy task, which motivates me to do more. So my current project is decluttering my house, I start my day by putting on a load of laundry (really easy), then I load the dishwasher (a little harder), then I declutter the area I've set for that day. And by doing it that way I can be finished by lunchtime!
my mom once said to me (which has solved like so many of my problems in school): "you can't reach your potential in a system that is not build for you" and it hit me like a tricking train seriously
“It didn’t fail.. it just worked for that amount of time” 🤯🤯 love this. I love all the tips at the end.. not diagnosed with anything but I relate to this so much
If you're relating to even 25% of the adhd/autism content you see It's generally a good idea to take a few online questionnaires, quizzes, and tests (preferably more "official" ones/ones that have been created by organizations that actively assist the people living with the conditions [if the focus is on the people who "have to deal with" the people living with the conditions then probably not a good source] whether that be through education, service, finance, etc.) There is NO cure for either js
even if you're not diagnosed, you can take whatever advice works for you. I always say to people that it doesn't matter what you're diagnosed with, you can take care of yourself and do what works for you as long as you're not self-medicating.
I've also very much resonated with the vidoe. As of seeing @nicholas landry comment, I made a few online tests, and they all suggest a medium or high level of chance, that I have ADHD. I always new about ADHD, but I never considered myself because I generally manage quite well. I'm good at school and uni etc. Nevertheless I sometimes have the feeling, that I work differently.
"We get bored of a routine that works." !!❣️It took me SO LONG to realize that I hadn't failed at every attempt at an organization system my whole life because I never kept doing them forever. I tried lots of things, and many of them were very helpful for a period of time. But I've made peace with the fact that no one thing will work forever.
Oh man, I broke when I heard "I cannot trust my brain." I have ADHD inattentive and I would get so frustrated with myself and cry out to God with the same statement. Thank you for the strategies and I plan to put them to good use
Frankly, most of humanity can't trust their brains except it's usually in terms of fallacies and such. No matter who you are, your brain is pretty much your worst enemy.
@@anthonymorris615 It’s not God that makes you stupid. It’s Satan that’s making SURE you FEEL stupid. I have severe inattentive ADHD and I get it, but please just keep that in mind. You’re fearfully and wonderfully made.
@@anthonymorris615 I think you have to *give* yourself a purpose and a direction. Choose a direction. You decide what you want to accomplish or be, because God gave you a free will and a life. You are not stupid, obviously, but I feel your frustration. I feel like that a lot, simply because people don't see what I see or think the way I do, and I don't function like everyone else, and no one understands me. And then I get mad at myself. I need a lot of alone time to feel normal, because other people don't get me. When you choose a path and a purpose, focus on that point in the distance, and always visualize yourself walking straight towards it to achieve it. And make sure it is a purpose you are passionate about.
@@onadism_ Dude, he clearly put it in quotes for a reason. I get you're trying to be helpful, but pushing your religious beliefs on someone is not the way to do it. You can easily get the point across that he's not stupid, but mistakenly feels that way because of his ADHD without pushing your beliefs on him. Most people aren't going to be open to the genuinely good message you're trying to send if you start by telling them why they're wrong.
This is so validating. Thank you.. especially the part about, "We're not just choosing to sit on the couch and do nothing, our brain is shutting down and desperate for dopamine." In regards to the overwhelm. Most people do not understand, and the constant pressure from others to just "get over it and get it done" is hurtful and worsens my symptoms.
For me, too. The constant put-downs or referencing of successful people in the Real world from my goal-oriented spouse, along with my own inner barrage of self-deprecating thoughts leads to daily OVERWHELM, then I shut down, paralyzed with anxiety ( also history of depression and anxiety/panic disorder) . Some days, we’ll a Lot of days it’s SO HARD, and I don’t know how I’m ever going to Just get over it! , and I’m constantly at a loss to explain what’s going on in my head , and then others ( mainly spouse) just thinks I’m making shit up, or, “it’s just another excuse!” Anyway, listening to Jesse’s video and reading all of the comments last night literally pulled me out of a very dark and scary undertow. So thank you all for that.
@@GDCheetahmotherFker I understand, it's hard. I have issues with my spouse because of it too sometimes.. I'm glad we have places like this where we can see that we're not alone in our struggles. It's gonna be ok!🤗
The degree to which it is societally normal to invalidate somebody's experiences is stunning. Like, how how a pretty girl may crave a connection, deep relationship, but everybody tells her that, she's pretty, she can have sex any time she wants, so her being lonely somehow becomes a lie. It's really horrible.
This video hit really hard for me, especially when it comes to the shame associated with good intentions followed by lack of completion. I have always been labeled "lazy" by my family, and have internalized that label to the point where I just shut down. Thank you for letting us know that we're not alone.
feel that, with my old man it was never what you did do, its what you didn't do. i could complete a list of tasks and all he would notice is the ones i didn't do after the burnout set in. gets to a point where i just dont want to do anything cause it just breeds more tasks with zero appreciation for the things i did. most debilitating shit ever with add/adhd
At 72yr old, Ive finally come to terms with the fact that I have undiagnosed ADHD. My school years were hell. ADHD was not even on the horizon of medical acknowledgement. Not living up to my potential, lazy, & self absorbed were constantly thrown in my face, damaging any sense of self-worth I'd had as preschooler. I'm so glad that my grandkids, who have all demonstrated the identical traits to varying degrees, will have the necessary help to deal with their lives in a constructive rather than destructive manner!
Yeah me too, instead of calling it ADHD, they called it a "learning disability". I can't function in a crowded, noisy environment. That's what the classrooms were like when I was a kid. LOTS of distractions. I was set up to fail. My teachers would say "You don't put in your best effort". By 7th grade, I gave up. It didn't do any good to try so why bother, I shut down and did nothing.
Same here. I’m in my 30’s. I can’t tell you how many times I was penalized back in grade school for “not following directions”, like I was doing it maliciously, when really my attention had inadvertently drifted when the instructions were being given. Upon snapping back to reality I would realize with horror that I had missed something crucial, so I would try to figure out what was happening by quietly looking at what others were doing. However, this was seldom enough to give me enough information, so I ended up being frozen and not knowing what to do or even how to start, and nothing got done. I just sat there feeling bored and slightly terrified of what would happen when it was time to turn the assignment in.
Regarding "The Four C's": my own "5th C" is CONTRIBUTE. When I'm trying my hardest to be productive for my own sake, I fall into all the classic ADHD pitfalls. Yet when my efforts are to the benefit of someone I care about, or a project that's meaningful to a community I'm part of, I'm far more able to overcome those pitfalls. Even before my (relatively recent) ADHD diagnosis, this has been an unflinchingly reliable and potent source of personal motivation. I want to see the world around me become better than it is, evidently much more so than I want to see myself improve. Whether that's a behavior to embrace as healthy, I'm not sure, but it's my reality. So if you're out there reading this and have had a similar experience, know that there's at least one other person out there like you :)
Thanks for letting me know I’m not the only one… Reasons for personal gain just always seem so meaningless and not worth my effort.. couldn’t really seem to figure out why my personal goals never really gave me the spark of motivation. But watching this video and reading Your comment just let the peaces fall intro place.
I almost read an entire statistics textbook to help my boyfriend study, and I managed to make a sort of boring topic fascinating to myself so that I could help him understand it. But I also couldn't pass algebra 2. And I'm pretty sure I took it 3 times. Forgot literally everything about it everytime. It becomes a whole different ballgame when I'm allowed to share what I know with someone else. But for myself? No shot.
Yeah, I DEFINITELY resonate with “I want to see the world around me become better than it is, evidently much more so than I want to see myself improve”, and I think my dad probably does too.
@@stokedstephi That's me browsing through social media while a video is running and then I have to hop back and rewind part of hte video but then I go right back to browsing shit in another tab lol
I find deadlines and ‘creating urgency’ is a tricky strategy for me. The situation always seems to go one of two ways: A. Deadline generates the spark of focus and motivation needed to get the thing done. B. Deadline generates anxiety and fear of failing which spirals into overwhelm and the thing doesn’t get done. The fun part is never knowing which outcome you’re going to get 😬
For me its also that deadlines only work if they're set outside. Like i dont even know how people can commit to deadlines they set themselves, cause theres always something you need to do better, go deeper, etc
For me it depends on whether or not i think i can do the task in 8 hours. If i can then A if i can't then B. Which is why i started dedicating a whole day week or two before the deadline (or possibly longer and more then one day if i think the task will take really long), for when i ask someone to body duble for me at a public space. For example I make a deal with my friend that on the specific day of the month she will go with me to a library to stare at me while at do the task. And my friend is awesome and will not go easy on me if i try to get out of it after that. This creates what feels kind of like a second deadline for me, but this time a deadline to start the project instead of to finish it. (which is a lot less likely to cause that kind of anxiety)
My entire life has and will always be like this. - If it interests me I excel, ace, and thrive at whatever it is. Better than most of my peers. That got me through school since I have wide interests, but barely because those courses I hated always offset the A's I would get. - If it doesn't interest me I just WON'T do it, period. If I am able to do it by forcing myself it comes at great cost to me. Fatigue, migraines, anxiety, mood swings, depression. It's not that I "just can't get it" (the concept, work, task etc...). It's that my mind just doesn't give a sh*t. - If I "am" interested, but someone tells me I *HAVE* to do it, especially with a deadline, it immediately gets put into I don't give a sh*t pile until the pile is on fire. Even before I was diagnosed, I saw the movie "Office Space" and said "THAT'S ME! I'M PETER FROM OFFICE SPACE". Been living my life like Peter ever since. 🤷🏻♂️ Awesome video. I'll finish the end of it later. ✌️😁
@@anima94the first time I saw this comment & video I felt the same, 2 years later I’m rewatching officially diagnosed 😂 always worth checking just in case
@@thewaytheworldisrn7788 I couldn't learn math that requires arbitrary practice, college level algebra/wave vector trig, until I was in trade school and could apply it to something tangible and useful. Seeing an oscilloscope waveform as a varying measurement of polarity and intensity over time and the wave itself as a block of time made sense and it let me see the value in the math that determines a value based on another value. I'm seriously considering going back for at least an associates degree since I've been diagnosed and have had the experience to see how different parts of an education will apply in the real world.
The Brain shutdown at overwhelm is exactly what I feel so so so often! It’s so hard to explain. Unless I have a life or death pressure for work I just can’t ! 😭
The life or death thing hit so close to home. Once I fell sick but it was only when I thought I might die that I went to the doctor. Applies to most aspects of my life except hobbies😭
Before I was diagnosed with adhd (just depression and anxiety) I was seeing a therapist and talking about how I was getting in trouble for being late to work. He was surprised when I told him I really liked the job. He couldn’t wrap his head around why I didn’t just leave 10 minutes earlier. He was literally baffled by what he saw as self sabotage. Is that what it’s like for normal people? Do they just instinctually understand how much time basic life tasks will take? Does their brain never say “oh, you have 10 minutes before you have to leave, that’s plenty of time to get dressed and brush your teeth. Stay in bed for 2 more minutes.” Or do they never lay in bed looking at the ceiling berating themselves for not getting up even though it’s getting later and later and they know they’re going to be late but getting ready for work just seems like an insurmountable task. Edit: I do want to let everyone know that it’s been a few years since this happened. I did get in trouble at work, I didn’t get fired but I got moved to a different department. I think my boss at the time saw my tardiness as some sort of challenge to her authority. The new position didn’t give me nearly as much joy, but it did have a much better boss. I’m at a different job now and I haven’t fallen into quite as dark a place since. The adhd diagnosis and treatment that I got a couple years ago helped quite a bit. It turns out that when you are able to focus and get more done at work, when you feel more competent, it can really help with that anxiety and depression.
Honestly, same. I'm struggling with depression & have been trying very hard to get to work on time after my boss got very upset with my consistent lateness. We ended up having a serious talk about it wherein I basically stated that I couldn't guarantee that I'd be on time every day, because I don't know where my mental state will be at. She didn't seem to understand what that meant & even almost asked me what that had to do with coming in on time (she did already know about my depression). It's kind of hard to explain that sometimes I don't want to be alive & am overwhelmed by the fact I am alive, I have to continue to be alive, & need to get ready for work in 5 minutes or I'll be late. I don't worry as much now about the whole laying in bed, trying to force myself to get up when my body feels like a useless sack of flour that is refusing to respond, but it happened a lot when I was in school. Those were rough mornings, with a lot of running to catch the bus 😑
@@e_viola I didn’t have an ADHD diagnosis yet. I’ve had a few therapists and they would never suggest ADHD as a diagnosis unless I brought it up. Probably has something to do with being an adult woman. Two groups that tend to have adhd misdiagnosed as anxiety and/or depression.
Shannon, I think this happens to me every time I have a plan to wake up or schedule I don't want to adhere to and I think it's just because I have to or because I've committed to it. I don't understand why but anxiety and depression is not the cause I think. It is the ADHD and my super-overeaction to being on a schedule and that I'm not going to do it, it's not going to work, I've tried so hard and struggled so much that I'm just tired. Overwhelmed. Shut down. I'm sick of shutting down I'm sick of no dopamine rush. My brain has gotten so used to those pathways that the depression and the anxiety kick in. I need someone to help with the motivation part. It's like I hate doing dishes. So a person, my soon-to-be-ex-therapist says so use paper plates. No. I don't want to use paper plates and be wasteful, add to the overproduction of disposable non-sustainable products, and how does that help when I need to cook? I still have the hard things to clean. She says that she can't help me if I don't want to change. What's up with that? She's supposed to have experience with helping ADHD...yeah, a BAD experience! Anyway, I wish we could find people who are neurodiverse to help instead of neurotypical people with good intentions who are ineffective and truthfully hurtful.
lol i first got diagnosed with anxiety/depression then bipolar and now it’s seeming more in line with adhd? edit: i haven’t seen a therapist since the bipolar diagnosis so the adhd is pure speculation it’s just getting eerily familiar with all i’ve heard and my experiences
Oh god this is me exactly. But… I don’t think I have ADHD. I’m genuinely confused. A lot of UA-cam content is ‘us versus the neurotypicals’ but I’m not sure I’ve ever met a neurotypical person who can motivate themself, eat the frog etc. It seems like everyone is neurodiverse! Or maybe just everyone I know…
@@lucycartwright9053 haha yeah, everyone now has some 'condition' that they use to define their identity and they shove it down everyone elses throat nonstop
I was diagnosed at age 34. I so feel you on not being able to trust your brain. People think I'm so organized because I excel at my job, but what I actually am is extremely anxious about deadlines. I check and double check everything constantly to make sure nothing slips through the cracks. And I still miss things sometimes, but often people don't notice... Setting aside the reams of unhelpful productivity advice, this is what has helped me. If I'm feeling really overwhelmed, I take a small notebook and write down every thing I'm stressing out about. Every task, every thought, every stressor, just a total brain dump. Need to do dishes? Mad at your spouse? Worried about your job performance? It goes on the list. I then ignore that. Turn over a new piece of paper and write down my tasks for the day. They are fresh on my mind after that brain dump, but all the other crap stays behind. Then I take a Time Timer - a little ADHD miracle sold on Amazon that I now own one for every room in my house, I pick the task that seems most feasible, set the timer for five or twenty five minutes, and do the thing for that long. Usually that gives me momentum to do the next thing. If I do it this way, I can get into a hyperfocus or flow state and get a lot done. I also avoid redundancy in my systems. Everything in my life goes on one Outlook Calendar. That's it. That's how I get things done. For me I have found that the best solution is to go as basic as possible. A notebook, a short to do list once a day, a calendar, and a Time Timer. Seriously. Get a Time Timer.
Thank you for suggesting a stressor dump notebook. I struggle a lot with intrusive thoughts, stacked emotions a lot and they interfere with my productivity and overall day/energy control. I'm going to try that out.
@@blaa2323 Having a Journal/Diary is really therapeutic, writing/typing down what is in your head can help you a lot to ease your mind, then you can stop and reflect about it. I use the daily notes in Obsidian (My note taking app of choice), I have two journals, one is dedicated for work, so I can keep track of my week so I'm always in touch with what I did, what I'm doing and what needs to be done, also in meetings I don't feel lost like I'm the only one that doesn't remember what I did, I set a reminder the day before every meeting, so I can review my past week and make bullet point of what's important for me to say in the meeting, this habit helped so much my colleagues started to notice that I always have something to say on our review meetings every two weeks, even got praised for it (Didn't told them my secret tho hehe), The other journal is more personal, it's like a brain dump like Mama Squid said. My daily template looks like this (This is in markdown, the "#" represents the heading number, how big the heading is, so I can organize it better, and the {{date}} thing if just a variable of the template, it would auto format itself to Sunday, 01/01/2023 when I create the daily note) you can use this template in a real notebook too if you like. The TO-DO part I write first thing when I turn on my PC, or if I already know what I need to do tomorrow I create the tomorrow note on the day before and write the to-do beforehand, so when I open my daily note I already know what I've left planned. #{{date:dddd, DD/MM/YYYY}} ## TO-DO - [ ] --- ## Personal ### What am I grateful for today? ### How did I feel today? ### What is on my mind right now? ### What did I achieve today? ### What could I have done better today? --- ## Work ### Today I Completed ### Today I Made Progress on ### Today I Started ### I should keep track of
I'm 34 and just realized my brain is wired like the guy on the video. I don't want to say I have ADHD. Just I'm a creative soul but had struggle with anxiety all my life to the point that I almost died of a heart attack. Anxiety is no way to live
Micro commitments is how I tricked myself into enjoying the gym. I told myself I just had to go. I could leave immediately if I hated it. I started going. And I started working out. And sometimes I would leave after 15 minutes and sometimes I’m there for an hour! And now I’m always excited to go back. I do what feels good and what’s fun. I don’t put a ton of pressure if I miss a day or two or even a week. I just go when I can and try to have fun w it!
with me its just that i wanted to be strong, and at the start you make progress much, much more quick than you do when youre more advanced, so i was easily self accomplished because of it, and i just knew that if i go to the gym 3 more times, i can lift x kg more, so this got me thinking "its not much, if i can just do this then i will be a step closer to my goal"
Ive given up on going to the Gym. I ride my bike. There is more stuff to look at. of course the problem with this is what do I do when the weather is bad. I used to go to the trampoline park but Ive stopped doing that since covid.
Neurotypical brain here, trying to learn how to parent and guide my ADHD daughter, and I find the information you provided here incredibly helpful and insightful. Thank you! I will be checking out your other videos as well!
Thank you so much for trying to understand your daughter and help her for who she is instead of shame and guilt trip her. We need more parents like that
I was thinking about how better I would have done as a child having accomodations for what I'm starting to realize is ADHD 😅 I'm glad your kid can get all the help she'll need
please watch this video with her and ask her specifically which parts she relates to most!! Doing the research *with* her is important because Adhd can affect people slightly differently. And also some videos/articles focus on the physical aspect (fidgeting and all that) and while those testimonials are valid, I don't relate bc I have the inattentive type where my brain is what's mainly active rather than my body. Talk with her an /non-judgmental/ open minded manner and you guys will get real far. :)
hey just wanted to say thank you for being the parent you are being to your daughter. I struggled with ADHD my entire life, and being raised by a parent that constantly was mad at me for my struggles with executive dysfunction was incredibly traumatizing for me. As an adult I struggle immensely with self esteem issues, self blame, depression, anxiety and chronic burnout, and I continue to try to take on more to prove that I am not lazy or stupid, and despite all my efforts I still find it near impossible to feel like I'm doing enough or trying hard enough. It makes me so happy to see parents taking steps to work with their children's Nuerodivergence instead of pressuring and making them feel bad about being different.
I spent my whole adult life incapable of finishing anything without one of those games (declutter 100 objects; answer every 3rd question; fold clothes in perfect rectangles, etc). If I didn’t do it that way, boring tasks would cause extreme distress and fatigue. It’s a low-level pain that neurotypicals may not understand. Those mental tricks made me believe I had OCD for years. And yes, one particular method only works a couple of times, sometimes only once! This video was so spot on. Great advice.
"I knew I couldn't trust myself" I'm crying. I only started suspecting I had ADHD last year. Couldn't get a diagnosis because they are too expensive where I live. I've been struggling academically all my life and everyone repeated that "you're not living up to your potential" every single day to me. To the point that I have anxiety attacks when my intelligence is tested because I don't want to fail. This one sentence "I couldn't trust myself" rings so true it hurts. I'll keep watching the video now, thanks
Same! I got diagnosed but I have to take Vyvanse which is so expansive!!! I'm taking Wellbutrin XL which is a antidepressant that works with dopamine but isn't enough. I'm so sad because if I had the opportunity to take the medication I need I would be so much better.
100% this! I hear the same things and I feel the same way! I also developed severe anxiety especially around school and work because I indeed feel like I can’t trust myself and I’m paranoid around failing to meet expectations of jobs and schools. Flunking out, getting fired, wasting time and money all suck. I want to get ahead in my life but it’s so hard because my brain is like broken.
I believe in you Elmer. You are smart. You can do it in your own way. Elmer, You are not now, nor have you ever been a failure. You have discovered many ways that don't work for you, and many ways that do. You got this. I believe in you, and as Mr Roger's was fond of saying, "I like you just the way you are."
i had tears welling up in my eyes when you talked about how you aced tests but couldn’t do homework, and ended up with C’s. that’s my exact schooling experience and exactly how i describe it to people who ask how it affected me in school. i knew it was adhd but have never heard someone describe it the same way as me and it was validation i didn’t know i still needed. doing so well on tests and not doing homework led to nobody catching my adhd until i was 18 years old. it led to every adult in my life thinking that i was just lazy and not applying myself. i’m 26 years old and trying so hard to learn how to function and reach my potential. currently falling into the constant overwhelm/shut down/do everything all at once cycle. :(
I aced tests mostly due to being a very visual learner (concepts were pictures in my head), but I never actually learned how to study effectively, which bit me in the ass on certain subjects. If I got bored in class, I’d doodle while taking notes. Somehow managed to finish the notes, but then I’d never look at them until like 10min before a test (in a panic!) because I was distracted with more interesting things, and basically have no idea how I have a 4.0 GPA because I don’t feel like I’ve ever internalized anything. Except for the stuff I got distracted with.
That tip about the microcommitments totally feels like home. This is how I’ve motivated myself to go out on runs as well. Instead of having to push myself to start this whole process which just feels overwhelming, I tell myself to just put on a pair of shoes, while I have the shoes on I might as well leave the house and at that point I am basically already on my way to do my daily exercise
it’s crazy because you mentioned the part about incorporating timers when doing tasks and only doing things just for a certain amount of time and recently i’ve been doing that and it’s helped soooo much! when u said “we’re not very good at estimating time” i was just like YES YES THANK YOUUUU. now when i need to clean the kitchen i tell myself, only 30 mins. and if i can’t get in the groove of finishing the kitchen even in 30 mins then i allow myself to stop. but it’s 100% helped me realize “hey it doesn’t even take that long so why not just do it” game changer .
lol what rlly helped for me was go like ok only 2 dishes and i end up doing them all, and then i started to realise i coupd just do them all and it wasnt too much of a leap, worked for me!
I started doing timers the other day (trying to take advantage of the energy that comes from a medication switch before I fall back into the old groove). Now I basically have a Pomodoro timer running all day, whether I’m working or just playing on the internet. It helps a little to just pull me out enough so the work task doesn’t feel endless and the play doesn’t consume my whole day (just the whole afternoon 😆). It also helps with things like cleaning because it FEELS like I’ve been washing dishes for hours but oh look it’s been three and a half minutes ok I guess I can do more. I also try to play videos while doing things like dishes, so that there’s something interesting going on while I handle the boring chore, and it gives me a bit of a time limit on its own.
I really resonated with the failure of "Just do it anyways", and how uselessly daunting "Breaking it into pieces" can be. I know perfectly well what all the pieces are! Re-arranging them in a chart doesn't make it any easier to get started.
"We try to eat the frog first but we just stare at the frog for hours..." This sort of thing is precisely what pushed me to get diagnosed. I kept hitting this throughout my life, and ultimately hit it in a point where I had no other distractions during the pandemic. I had a paper I needed to get done, and I refused to allow myself to do anything until I got the paper done. No games, no shows, nothing. And I.... sat and literally stared at the wall for FIVE HOURS until I finally relinquished and found a way to give myself little rewards along the way to do it. If I even noticed I was daydreaming (inattentive ADHD) I tried to stop that to "eat the frog first" and it just doesn't work for me. My grandmother still tries to give that advice to me, not understanding how much it DOESN'T work no matter how many times I try to tell her. I couldn't really put it into words properly the same way it is here in this video... I may try to send this to her & see if it helps her understand why that doesn't work for my brain.
Are you officially diagnosed with ADHD? Because I daydream a lot while I study (could be for hrs if it's a long session) even in the middle of a conversation with someone and it's really awkard. Besides all the symptoms mentioned in the video.
@@Ibrahim-me8kz Yes, I did eventually get diagnosed with ADHD. When I was filling out the questionnaire, I hit so many points on it that it wasn't even a question lol. My psychiatrist looked at that and went "yup, you definitely have ADHD"
@Widdershyn so your psychiatrist only asked questions and gave you a questionnaire, and based on your answers you get diagnosed? And if you take medication do you think it helped? I wish you all the best
I am not exaggerating when I say this man deserves the Nobel Peace Prize. In twenty minutes you've described what adhd brains have known our entire lives but couldn't put into words, so instead we just felt shame. THANK YOU.
Before suspecting ADHD, this is pretty much what I went through. Motivational videos, rigid routines, a million and one planners, bullet journals, overstudying, etc. It was a HowToADHD video that made it click. I was actually scrolling through productivity videos when I saw her channel. I dont remember what the video was about, but everything she said felt so familiar. I nearly cried. No diagnosis or anything yet, but the ADHD tips have helped a lot. I still fall into the self help things but at least when it fails I don't blame myself so much.
Making lists of things I want to do would send me on shopping excursions to find the supplies I needed, and now online and when that was done I would be too tired and overwhelmed by the fact that now I COULD start doing the thing. Aggghh
Yeah I always end up with one thing missing. Like I had bought all sorts of supplies for sewing and then really couldn't make the damn machine work ...and spent literally years and bought three different machines and eventually got an old singer which is mechanical so everything is fixable on it that also took me a year to fix but now it works great. And then I got all the feet all the thread all the whatnot. One thing I wanted to do was embroider real butterflies. I mean real patterns if species..and after so many years like ten...I haven't done it...I was at a Christmas Market last week and a lady in my village has done it! I'm like ok I don't need to finish that project somone else has. But I always think I have all the tools and then halfway I realise I either really don't have the skills or patients to do something a second time or else I haven't got such and such a tool. Gah!
I feel this so much. I, too, began to suspect, I might have ADHD after watching a video from How to ADHD. That was one and a half year ago. I got my diagnosis 3 month ago. Without that Video (and binge watching the rest of the channel), I would never have talked to a friend of mine, who supported me in the fight that is getting a diagnosis (because it is so damn hard to get an appointment). Finding the possibility, that I might have ADHD helped me a lot with my depression. I didn't feel worthless anymore, and felt that I understood my brain so much more than before. Have been having imposter syndrome lately, though, but this video was just so relatable again.
Funnily enough bullet journals actually are helpful to me. But that was only after I started using a combination of the original bujo method, some specified CBT lessons and a whoooooole lot of personal adjustments. And of course something that was mentioned in this vid, accepting that I won't always use it and that's okay. (I actually got my bujo as a bday gift from my BFF. She had bought 2 and she would take the one I didn't choose. She filled hers up 2 years ago, I'm not even one third in lol) But for me it was also HowToADHD that made me realize I may have ADHD. Though it was when I watched her TEDTalk after a meme channel recommended checking it out. Not everything was the same but enough of it was that I was just flabbergasted and could only think "that's me!" It took me around 3-4 months to get diagnosed after that so I got really lucky with the speed. I love talking about these two things so I'm sorry for the ramble. I hope you got your diagnosis by now or are well on your way there.
I'm not gonna lie: i got distracted 2 or 3 times watching the video, but i made sure to re-watch it and take notes, because i truly think the way of breaking down the 4 C's AND THEN giving the examples is super great!! Thank you soooo much!
I forced myself to take notes on this so I would pay attention, but in the middle I got a phone notification and told myself I would read it while listening to the video. Before I knew it, 2 minutes had gone by and I had to skip backwards. I made it to the end eventually though! It's really nice to find so many people that I can relate to :)
Parts of this are so painfully relatable. I’ve recently seen a substitute therapist while mines on maternity leave, and while discussing my possible ADHD diagnosis she talked about prioritizing and time management as if I don’t know how critical these things are. The whole point is I do understand their importance and I struggle to take care of them my brain is not like yours. They really don’t get it, thanks for your comment.
Most people don't care how you feel or if you have mental problems or not.They have things they expect and when they don't happen they get mad. period. Nobody cares about why you did or didn't do it... You're just an NPC thats out of line to them.
@@VioFax Wow, thanks for the words of encouragement, asshole! You know what, fuck it, you *totally* have a point. I give up; let me just force myself to conform to what society views as “normal” so I can suffer on the daily. Let’s also just ignore the idea of progress and go back to beating up people for being different. Hell, let’s go back to doing lobotomies on people who have schizophrenia or are on the spectrum so we can keep them as pets! Your sentiment is incredibly ableist. I hope you find it in yourself to change. In the meantime, I shall continue to share my experiences and hope for a better future, and if not for me, then for the next generation.
Though it may be risky with others with Depression and ADHD, having something alive to take care of has really helped me stay from hitting rock bottom. The past year of adjusting to moving out, failing my first year of uni, and struggling with relationships have all been a bit more barable because of my frogs + mice ♡ Having small animals to base my day around that rely on of my productivity without having to worry about the overstimulation of human interaction ♡ Animals captivate me, Creates bonds and projects and need to learn something new, helps Compete with "how can I make life for them better", and having them rely on me every day gives me daily deadlines for Completion.
I understand where you are coming from. Like his quote about drowning and being given a baby doesn't exactly ring true. That would kick my ass into high gear. Having to keep something else alive gives me a surge of motivation. Now the problem at least for me, is I am not sure I can trust this will last on the long term. Like I will fight like hell keep the baby from drowning, but now we are both fine and now I have to take care of this child forever. Which is hard for a person like myself that is motivated by completion and deadlines. There is no deadlines or completions when taking care of animals, plants, or humans.
You described me perfectly. I didn't know I had ADHD until I was diagnosed a few months ago. I'm 49. It makes me a little sad when I think about how much more different my life could've been if I knew about this much earlier. All those years of struggling and feeling guilty. Thanks for the tips and strategies!
I'm 58 - just this April. I occasionally wondered if I'd EVER find out what was going on in my brain. It's this massive window opening up. It's this incredible community. Welcome!
But at least you have a reason for the struggle. It’s not because you could help it. I wasn’t diagnosed until age 25 and I flunked out of all the classes at school I was bored in. Didn’t know why. As an adult I’m more gentle with myself now that I know I have ADD. Don’t dwell on the past, but look forward to a new future with a broader understanding of who you are.❤️
This is by far the best video about productivity and ADHD I've seen. Thank you, Jesse. I just recently discovered the possibility of having ADHD. With 51 years. It answers so many questions I had all my life.
ive known since birth, haha. though im approaching my senior year of high school and only just came across this video. barely passed my final quarter of 11th grade lol
Glad to know I'm not the only one who gets overwhelmed by breaking a project up into small steps! It does work for me...as long as I convince myself that the ONLY thing that needs to be done is the first small step and the rest doesn't exist. It's not a fool-proof system but it does help break the inertia.
I literally stared at the screen and went "well it works if you prioritize the first small steps and ignore everything else until they need to get done..." and then he said exactly that!
I’m finally getting my eval and the whole “can’t trust my brain” thing shook me. The reason I don’t drink isn’t because I know it’s bad for you, it’s because I don’t trust what my brain will do when I’m not in control, It’s also because my brain feels like a different being sometimes. ex. I am crying because someone raised their voice, but I am not actually sad and I understand that the person didn’t mean to scare or hurt me and I’m not hurt, but yet I’m crying and I can’t stop.
@@AmberyTear You're not wrong - supposedly, there are two parts of your brain always working together and one is non-verbal. Kinda creepy, but explains some symptoms of some issues.
You saying at 6mins in that our brains just get overwhelmed sometimes and we truly cannot force ourselves through it is so validating to hear. I’m in University now, working on getting diagnosed, but for a long time in my high school and primary school years my family would always call me lazy or clearly not motivated enough or not understanding of how important a task was, and when I’d enter these moments of total dysfunction they’d just yell at me for wasting time and make me do it anyways. I’m just glad to hear that I’m not broken.
My teachers would get so upset at me for not following along or getting lost, while in reality I was just very overwhelmed by all the info that was being thrown at me and my brain juat couldn't keep up!
You are not broken anyway. Don’t let anyone ever give you that idea. Everyone has a right to do things in a way that works for them, diagnosed or not. I have ADHD and it makes me so sad that I get acceptance after saying these magical 4 letters out loud, that otherwise I do not. The *world* is broken. We need more tolerance for people who can’t keep up with the main stream, do things differently than the majority, or have different needs to get where they want to go. You are perfect just being you. Always remember that.
I call that overwhelmed feeling "brain fog". It was the final symptom that caused me to realize I needed to go see a professional. It's like my brain is just ... locked up! Like it's behind a closed door you don't have the key to. Even finding something to eat is like pushing your hand through a pile of sand. It isn't a "wow this is hard" feeling. It's a "I literally cannot think. My brain is not working" and it can last for a whole day. I'd just sit there staring at things like I was in a coma. It made me realize (finally, after 40 years...) that I'm not neurotypical.
This is the problem I had with the ‘Deep Work’ book, his strategies were so inaccessible unless you’re a neurotypical person. He gives advice like ‘lock yourself away until the job is done’ which is great if you can hyperfocus on it, but otherwise we will procrastinate until the end of time. He gives advice like ‘Go to a new location’ which can work when there‘s subtle background stimulation at a coffeeshop, but then you get distracted and start talking to the barista.
He's also extremely dismissive of anyone who can't focus for a minimum of 90 minutes without any breaks or people who have jobs that won't let them ever go 100% off the grid. There have been people who have tried reaching out who are in the medical field, who have disabilities (one really disappointing one was when a person asked if he would be willing to add voice commands to his app for his blind coworker and Cal just said Google Calendar already has accessibility so he doesn't see why his stuff should), and people with autism or ADHD get brushed off hard too. Any time he addresses anyone living a life he doesn't understand he will say, "I'm not an expert on your issue, but I would just do [same thing I told everyone else]." Except for blind people who should apparently have known better than to lose their sight before wanting to learn about his tools.
Have you actually tried it? When people are locked in a room they have proven that they would rather be electrocuted for stimulation than do nothing. My advice is to not adopt this guys long list of excuses and try to reduce useless dopamine you are consuming online and with junk food or drugs
@@tiryaclearsong421 Oh, that's super sad to hear re: Cal Newport and accessibility. I liked that book -- when I can get into it, hyperfocus does work for me -- but I did get the impression that the only reason he was able to do that was because, yanno, he has a wife who takes care of the kids and all those "unimportant" things he dismisses. Bet she spends a lot of time reminding him they have dinner planned with so-and-so...
2:22 literally me - I have like a 50% homework grade and 90% test grade in Algebra 2. Usually what happens is I won’t be motivated to do the homework so then I don’t know the material and then I can’t do the homework for the next day and the cycle repeats until the night before or the morning of the test where I’ll be pressured into teaching myself all the material in just 1-2 hours purely running on anxiety. When I was younger, I was always able to get by without doing anything except for listening in class during the few moments when I wasn’t distracted. Probably 7-8th grade is when I my grades dropped because we’d have actual homework and it was also before I had a good understanding of what was going on. I remember I couldn’t imagine myself in a world where I would go home and do the homework as soon as I get home meanwhile everyone in my friend group would get everything done right away so they would always hangout when I felt like I should be doing my homework so I would hardly ever hangout with them on weekdays but even when I chose not to go I still wouldn’t get my homework done - as a freshman and sophomore I kind of self diagnosed the problem based on what I knew about biology and chemistry even though I had yet to take bio until jr year. I suspected that I either had a larger tolerance to dopamine, requiring more to satisfy my body or lacked production in dopamine. I primarily thought this because upon doing all the strategies that never work but somehow I feel like every school resource teacher will make you try, I found something that kind of helped me do tasks that seemed boring and made them more interesting by playing a video of something I like in the background. Turns out what I suspected was pretty much chemical definition of adhd: less production of dopamine and norepinephrine (another chemical stimulant that I think is triggered by adrenaline)
I was diagnosed with ADHD this year at age 27. I found this video and it's the first time ever anyone else has ever spoken about something so close to how I experience this. I spend so much energy trying to be productive, reading Tim Allen, etc, but I could cry listening to this video it's so good to be reminded I am not alone in this.
I hadn't yet figured out why breaking a daunting project down into smaller steps has never worked for me. Now I see it's really breaking Overwhelm down into a whole bunch of Overwhelms that, sure, are smaller, but immediately proceed to fight for attention. Or it's dissecting the damn frog into a mess of icky inside-frog bits which is worse than the whole frog ever was. 😂
For me it's like breaking down one thing that I already feel is difficult into a bunch of little things and now I feel overwhelmed because one thing has turned into many things but my brain can't see how that bunch of little things equals one big thing and I feel behind behind the big thing looks unattainable.
@@jessicasblack Same. I much rather bumble through the big thing than see all the smaller ones that my brain has to keep track of, figure out how to do it "perfectly", when to do it, etc etc. Too much, I'm overwhelmed, I'm gonna go take a nap.
This is the only video on productivity that doesn’t make me feel like an utter failure. You are totally reflecting a lot of my own strategies I’ve discovered and this really made me smile. Wonderful ❤️ thank you Jesse!
I've just started watching, I suspect some attention problems but I've never been diagnosed, but I started the video because of how productivity is really such a toxic concept in our society these days, and it's a word repeated in positive contexts to the point where it doesn't even look like a real word anymore (if you don't know what this feeling is, try saying the same word over and over for a few minutes - the reality of the word kind of washes off from your brain), so I was interested in the alternative take on it.
I remember trying to read an APUSH book in HS and my mom couldn't understand why I was having such a hard time. It got to a point that I could read a sentence over and over and it wouldn't register in my brain at all, each individual word became alien, and I think that was my "overwhelm point". Really great and relatable video that makes a lot of sense to another ADHD brain. Thank you!
I haven't seen anyone else describe it like this yet. I can read something, and just like you, it doesn't register, like they lost meaning. Or, if I'm playing games with my brother, I'd get to a point I'm playing the game, but not. I'd be moving my character and whatnot, but I wouldn't play like I usually do, but kind of mindlessly. Its like I can't focus no matter how hard I try to.
Back in HS when I needed to read a book and couldn't continue, because current part was too boring to me (not consciously, but brain just hurting to continue reading that next part), what I did as a trick, I *skipped several pages forward to try to find an interesting part*, and it usually helped, because of trying to figure out what happened in the skipped part was a challenge in itself, and then after some time I'd return to the boring part, read it, and reconnect the content.
@@padarousou That's bad advise. The people with ADHD I know all have more self discipline than the average person and practice doesn't delete your ADHD symptoms, otherwise doctors would just prescribe "practice" instead of meds. The average person with ADHD probably has a lot more self discipline than the average neurotypical person.
@@pixelmotte Not practice but Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It has been proven to be the best method of intervention when taken in conjunction with medication to correct problems with attention. ADHD is not primarily a hereditary condition, rather one that forms as the result of bad attention "habits" (i.e. switching your attention to different tasks frequently or irregularly) built over the course of years and can be overcome through conditioning. The average person suffering from any mental illness needs more self-discipline to regulate themselves, and live a productive life in society. Its not fair, but its the truth.
This is one of the greatest adhd vids I've ever seen. And I've consumed tons of productivity content (haven't we all), a lot of it even adhd-specific. Thank you, thank you, thank you. For the first time ever, I'm leaving a 'tip' -- and a comment, which I rarely do. Cheers 🙏🏼
1. Get into deep depression 2. Be unable to do anything, feeling zero motivation to even fullfil basic needs 3. Miss good old days where you were doing at least something 4. Recover from depression 5. Boom! Even with ADHD, you value those small accomplishments more, and dont blame yourself for not doing "important" stuff anymore. You learn what is "good enough" and are happy with your life
@@kalebjacobs111 "Hey, I've found a way to move my legs. I think I can try to walk forward a little and maybe get the hang of it." "Cool. While you're at it, here's a heavy backpack you can carry in that direction."
Hi, I've been following your list, but I'm having trouble doing step 4. Is there a cheat code for that one? Seriously though, the really bad depression got less bad months before your comment was made, but it's all still around all these months later. Months full of doing little besides obsessing over it and obsessing over whether an ADHD diagnosis will pan out and give me any chance of things getting better and feeling like even living through the day is too much effort because I already had it at the lowest effort possible before this.
Finally, solutions that work for us! I'm so glad I've found you today! I'm ADHD and currently having to home school my two neurodiverse children, who are struggling with mainstream school (probably for all the same reasons above). My issue now is trying to motivate them to do any learning at all and not having the tools myself to support them. It's like the blind leading the blind here, lol. This video has been quite inspirational in how to help them and myself reach our greatest potentials. Thank you so much.
when you were talking about how the “eat the frog first” method feels i resonated with it on a different level. i’ve been doing that “eat the frog first” cycle my entire life and i beat myself up about it every single time. i’ve been getting recommended more and more adhd content but this video just verbalised everything i’ve been thinking and feeling about myself for almost my entire life.
I’m a 49yo electrician, a med, biochem, and industrial engineering schools drop-out… a self- diagnosed adult adhd of the attention type up until I was 45. I’ve been bullied, laughed at, looked down at, mocked and ridiculed for most of my life. I am surprised I am not a drug addict alcoholic or a complete mess. I heard all of these “advice” throughout my life. Thank God for your video man keep them coming.
Sounds like you're still sorely in need of actual solutions, no? "Self-diagnosed" anything means less than shit. Talk to your doc, get a psych, and start figuring shit out. You can't find solutions if you don't even actually know the problem, and you sure as hell aren't going to find or execute those solutions without help. I'm glad you're finally getting some form of indirect akcnowledgement that the advice everyone has heard is not for people with specific neural disorders, but if you're already "self-diagnosed", didn't you already know that? What's stopping you from doing something about it? Repeatedly being validated on the internet is going to do nothing for you, and it sounds like you don't have much of your life span left to waste here.
Somany people don't understand and are afraid of electricity plus no one really knows what it is understood. So in my mind and I'm very intelligent if you're an electrician you ain't no idiot. Not everyone can learn it and even more not everyone can do it
@@martincoronado9232 brother you are an educated person i couldnt finish any uni due to my severe adhd and im told i dont have it but only add at age 25 now im 38 i went there and get diognised all these years i knew something was off abused nicotine,weeed,caffeine,a little alcohol and when i cleared of myself of those ( nicotine quitting made my focus way woirse tho due to dopamine stuff ) and started long release pills methylbnlabla i was like '' oh my god... is this how normal people live '' and well im trying to get well last 4-5 months at age of 38 its a lonely road for whatever its worth i understand you i wish you a healthy and happy life, i feel so alone in this path too :D
My brother. You've described my entire adult life and all the things I tried. I always knew that I wasn't stupid (in some contexts people think I'm extremely smart, but in academic environments, I feel like the biggest, slowest idiot). Discovering that I had ADHD last year allowed me to seek better answers to my problems. Thank you for this.
The best productivity system I've tried so far for ADHD is the Scrum methodology. Big Tech uses it a lot for its software development projects, because Big Tech is neurodivergent as hell. You may want to look into it. In a simplified way: you divide your time into fixed-length sprints, every sprint you schedule only enough work for the sprint, and you organize them by progress status on a kanban board (e.g. not today, doing today, in progress, blocked, done). I learned this method at work, but it works wonders for me in my daily life.
@@iloveanimemidriffADHD-havers tend to be serial procrastinators. Breaking large projects into small projects and having weekly accountability are both great ways to capitalize on the "urgent response" part of the ADHD brain.
Yesss pomodoro technique works like a miracle for some reason;_; speedrunning writing masters degree in 25 minute intervals like a champ. I dont have any diagnose towards add/adhd but i suffer from depression turned bipolar disorder and for most of the time i lack motivation even if i know something is important. Micro commitments work like a miracle too! Sometimes even enjoying my hobbies is a challenge... But when i tell myself "alright im gonna read for five minutes" or "im just gonna draw a quick sketch and not do any lineart/coloring" is a leverage enough to trick my brain into getting things done! Definitely better than "ooooh im gonna SIT DOWN and draw 10 STUDIES OF HUMAN FIGURE and not stop until I FINISH THEM". Because i wont. I just wont. But the tricks you mentioned help out with the never ending guilt. They help a lot actually. Thank you for presenting them along with methods i had not encountered before, you're doing gods work for nd people and those who seek to understand them ❤️
I've never been diagnosed with ADHD but listening to you made me realize I might actually have ADHD. For so many years at work I've been the "smart but lazy" one since I have troubles getting things done as the rest of the people and I do get distracted constantly. While doing a big project I often find small things that I can tweak and then I focus on them so badly, I completely forget about the project I was working on. I've always thought there was something wrong with me but after watching this video I have clarity why I am the way I am and I finally know why I do things differently than others. Thank you for this video :)
Hey, I know it's been 3 months, but if you really think you have ADHD, if you can afford it, or if health care is free where you live Idk, go to a psychiatrist to actually be diagnosed with it, it will be much better to know you have it than to think that you have it, also there is medication that can help you with, it won't cure it, but it will make you in control of your brain a bit more for a certain period (Some last a few hours, others half a day) the exact amount it's different for each one, you and your Doctor will figure this, starting with small doses. Most people with ADHD I know used this medication for a bit, some a few months others a few years, and they all stopped after that, the reason being they learned how to be productive with it, the medication made them in control enough that they got their life together and created systems that worked for them, I'm still starting, but I already see the effects and making decisions and staying focused for longer period, and getting the motivation to start something is getting easier, I'm a long way from a neurotypical brain, but I don't get stuck that much anymore.
@@ACoupleStoners My heart goes out to you. There are so many things packed in to what you're saying. I have lots of thoughts, but the three that I'll share here are: 1. I feel you entirely about being broken and needing to fix yourself. But the truth is, we live in a society that needs fixing. We are perfectly good and whole as we are. 2. Less = more. With my clients, we usually work on either a) narrowing down to a few goals and working on those diligently or b) being happy cycling through interests as you gain/lose interest in them. 3. Outsourcing (paying someone to help you or to do the things you aren't ever gonna get done yourself, despite your best intentions) and "body doubling" (having a coach like myself, a friend/family member, or a community group be an accountability partner) are game changers.
@@ACoupleStonersadding to the answer above. 1. Change your situation. Most likely ADHD will be no problem if you are a explorer (travel blogger) or a adventurer. Go camping with friends for an entire week, move outside all day. Such a life might be bliss for you - so go create it! 2. Challenge yourself. Do something that requires all those skill. Organize local " ted" talk, start a business, do things that might really fail. If it is a real adventure, you will thrive. 3. Don't expect to have a linear career. If you apply your strenghts, you will make it. You also will fail on the way. And once you made it, you'll get bored and go out to find new challenges. New job, new country, new hobby. Who knows?
@NotaNazgul these are all very me. Idk if you looked at my channel but my wife and I already live /travel in a bus. The local Ted talk thing is funny, I used to do that. I started a local psychedelics discussion group that grew really quickly and attracted some of the most interesting and in depth conversations I've ever had. We even had some a doctor join and share their knowledge and experience with us. The linear career thing is something I really struggle with. My heart tells me this is who I am. Just constantly searching out new fun and interesting ways to live life and make money. But inside I feel like I'm almost 40 and never really going to find my niche in life because I don't stick with things long enough for them to grow. Struggling with depression and watching the world around us crumble doesn't help either. But thank you for the advice. Where have you learned this from?
I’m an RN I went to school to be a health coach, the pandemic hit and I haven’t started coaching yet beyond my practice clients. I was diagnosed with ADHD last year and would like to add neurodiverse clients. Are there online classes?
One common pitfall I have found is being more invested in the system than the end goal. This can result in going down rabbit holes you don't need to go down. Sometimes you can't tell that a rabbit hole is unnecessary until you go down it, but taking a step back periodically to remind yourself of the end goal sometimes helps.
Misleading title, because "toxic" advice is not the issue... the problem is when the advice is developed for neurotypicals but then catered to ADHD audiences (which doesn't make the "productivity advice" inherently "toxic", at all). Other than that, *GREAT content* , thanks so much for posting!
A few people said to me maybe you have adult onset adhd and I'm sad to say I was like no way. This video describes me to a T. I was a straight A student through college graduation and thought I had it together because I felt I was intelligent enough to survive, but I just have not been able to function as I should. I'm FINALLY going to see a psychologist and be 100% honest about my struggles (that seem humiliating to me) and hopefully my life will finally change. I have be trying SO hard. Like can't go on level of hard. This video kind of saved my life. I can't believe how ignorant I was, but thank you, thank you, thank you!
Good luck with seeing the psychologist! Myths about ADHD are so prevalent, I also was very resistant to the idea that I could have ADHD when I first heard it. I thought “I can’t have ADHD because I can focus on the things I’m interested in,” which is basically a description of ADHD. 🙃
I just devoured this video to help me better understand my fiance and his sister, who have ADHD. I feel horrible for having done to them exactly what you said makes people with ADHD feel awful, but I will certainly take your advice to heart and change how I communicate with them about goals and productivity techniques. Thank you for making me a better ADHD ally!
thank you for being willing to learn. I think most of us with ADHD don't expect perfection from other people, we just want them to make an effort to understand us. You sound like a genuinely good person and your fiance is incredibly lucky to have you
Man you are spot on on the 3 major flaws of neurotypical productivity. It drives my wife crazy that when I get really busy, I completely shut down and don't want to do any of it. Even really simple stuff that would take like 10 minutes I just put off again and again, because I say "the list never stops growing".
Same here - the worst chores are those consisting of a sequence of short steps with unavoidable waiting periods between them. Have a time window to get blissfully dissolved into your current locus of interest only to get shaken up by your disgruntled OCD-leaning wife again and again lol. (maybe a life hack: vacuum cleaning / manual wash dishing and other prolongated chores, perhaps with some associated ambient noise that shuts off secondary distractions, are rather doable even during intense thinking on some work-related problem)
Yes! This is great! For years I went down the rabbit hole of neurotypical motivators and systems, and felt worse because I could never finish or WANT to do the things. I was diagnosed with ADHD 2 years ago, and now I understand why. I love the suggestions here, thanks!
A couple seconds in and you made me tear up with talking about treatment in school from teachers when they said you could improve or do better and all they would indicate was to try and not be as lazy. I haven’t heard that out of someone else’s mouth without me prompting it and wow thank you for not making me feel alone.
It was so frustrating. Like my competence was shown clearly in class, my aptitude was more than enough, I would participate in class and active discussions, so the tests. but Homework was my downfall
Microcommittments is usually the best strategy for me, and yes, usually it gets me doing more than I "told myself" I had to do. For me, it's SO MUCH about being "kind to myself" because I've been trained so well to motivate myself by emotional and mental abuse.
I love that you're on the left talking and not the right or center. It just feels easier to focus on you and your voice and isn't overwhelming with distracting animations at all. It's very calming.
I nearly cried while watching. His words strikes deep into my heart. Breaking things up in to smaller tasks has turned nightmare into absolute catastrophe. This guy here truly understands what life with ADHD is like.
Bro just describes my whole life in a few minutes. I like to mix things up when study, skipping randomly to another topic, jumping from one chapter to another just to see whats else is there. It actually works, keeps me from zoning out : )) And also start my day doing things i love, pretty much like warming up your muscles pre work out.
This is the first time I’ve ever heard someone perfectly describe what I have had to do since I was little. I have had to make everything into a game and micro tasks, and wow, this is honestly so true
I related so much to everything in this video, some tips I have thought of before and they do help, like the thought of accepting that you are going to have failure in your consistency and system, and that you will need to pivot
I haven’t been diagnosed with adhd but I have autism and I think there’s a lot of overlap. I feel that all the strategies you’ve suggested here are things I needed to hear at this point in my life, so I stop blaming myself for failing, I stop apologising when I don’t need to, and I stop feeling like there’s no hope for me. Thank you so much for this video, it’s just what I need right now. A thousand thanks for your dedication to helping others. You make the world a better place with this video. 🙂🙂🙂
Interesting! I have ADHD and know several people with autism. I have also been thinking that there's a lot of overlap. I also have OCD, so that's part of the overlap for me, too.
Im also autistic and not diagnosed with ADHD and honestly I either have it too or there is so much overlap that the advice for adhd might be perfect for autism too.
Bruh, seriously. Since I've found out I have ADHD, which was like, 2 weeks ago, i've been watching all these ADHD contents and I feel like crying because all the time I hear things that are INSANELY relatable to my entire life experience till now, and I´ve N E V E R felt so intensely this sense of belonging... I've never felt so understood. It's the first time I'm hearing people tell personal experiences that are EXACTLY like mine. Seeing so much people understanding so accurately how I feel, what I go through my entire life and how people don't understand and judge me insinuating that i'm stupid, lazy and indifferent towards other people, makes me SO EMOTIVE... I wish I could give a strong hug and thank all the content creators that makes me feel this way, so let me leave my thanks to you: THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! 🤧🤧🤧
So much of the ADHD content I see on the internet feels like it could be anyone in any situation. You absolutely NAILED what it feels like being inside my head. Thank you for this. Thank you for helping me see myself better. I typed out those productivity strategies and I'm going to print them so they're nearby.
I am so overwhelmed right now. I have never seen anything that made me feel so seen and heard. I've watched a lot of productivity and ADHD content, but we must has very similar brains because I resonated with everything you said. Thank you for making this.
What's been helping me a lot lately is limiting myself to only 3 tasks per day and then dedicating myself to only work on those 3 things during a daily 4-5 hour window of time (pre-scheduled in my calendar). The task limit makes it easier to get started because there are fewer things to focus on and the time limit creates a deadline to race against and a reward of relaxation to look forward to after the 4-5 hour window. It's surprising how much can be accomplished with just 3 consistently pursued tasks per day! (Also listening to a podcast makes mindless things like washing dishes 1000x easier)
Bruh... Wait! This is why I used to take 40min showers and now getting showered in 10mins is so easy because I now listen to music as I shower so my mind is busy with music and not shower thoughts...
If I could figure out what three things would get me closer to a goal, that would be awesome. I'm so glad you found what works for you! I'm cheering you on!🎉
Making dull tasks into a game is totally something I’ve done since long before I actually knew i had adhd but did know i couldn’t do that crap. It works. That’s not silly!
The funny thing is I'm 32 and I wasn't diagnosed and medicated until I was 30, but a bunch of these systems I figured out myself when I was in high school and college. Making games out of my work, changing my environment, setting time limits and break times for myself, etc. Towards the end of college I was struggling hard and had a massive amount of work to get done so I wrote down all my tasks and numbered them, then wrote down and numbered some rewards for completing tasks like going to the store to get an energy drink, or playing a game I like for a half hour, then I'd roll dice to determine what task I had to finish and what reward I'd get.
Thank you for talking about ADHD without being infantalizing about it. Too many times I've seen videos that break down these topics too simply and it makes it hard to take seriously.
This video is so awesome! I rarely see people talk about embracing the change. I go through planners and people think I’m crazy. But there is something soothing about copying down my schedule and changing my system to plan. By the end of the year I have five or six that I have rotated through. It seems insane, but once I realized that it works for me I refuse to let anyone make me feel crazy about it. If $50-100 a year keeps me sane and well organized and is within my budget it’s none of anyones business how many times I switch it up.
Something I found recently that works for me is dividing my tasks into: inherently fun work and more dry or boring or challenging less fun work. I break up my tasks throughout the day to have it set up with fun tasks beginning or bookending each less fun task. My day flies and I get so much done and it doesn’t really feel so hard!
My personal advice about the “do it for only 5 minutes and then maybe you’ll be on a roll”: that tip never used to work for me. I would get anxious thinking ahead about at the end choosing either (do more work) or (feel guilty for deciding to not do more work). What actually works for me is to set a timer for 5 minutes, and then STOP when the time is up, no matter what. You just do this at enough of a frequency that you can get the thing done. It’s a good technique for things like housework. Edit: by this I mean, for certain tasks I literally only do 5 minutes a day. You’d be surprised what you can get done in that amount of time. And 5 minutes every day is more than say, 30 minutes weekly. For me stuff like doing dishes and keeping my room clean is tough, and it feels like it takes up my entire afternoon. Finding out I can do it in less than 5 minutes is liberating. What takes up my entire afternoon is the procrastinating lmaooooo
I give myself little micro breaks. I'll check facebook or the news then I'll just randomly exit it out to go back to my task. I call it my circle and eventually you start to get more interested in the bigger task at ahnd. Sometime i'll turn on classical music but not singing to distracting. I might light a candle or turn a light on only when i'm studying. I also will take short walk.
I do this! I set a timer for 5 minutes and clean....whatever. no plan, just start picking things up or doing dishes or whatever I see first. Then I take a 5 minute break. Then 6 minutes work, 6 minute break, 7 minute work, 7 minute break - basically until I feel like I've done enough. On weekends, I can go all day.
Same. My thought process is "5 minutes is better than nothing". Even if I end up only doing 5 minutes, it was better than nothing. It's helped me reduce a lot of guilt I feel when not doing tasks.
This video was HUGE for me!! I was already starting to wonder about pursuing an ADHD diagnosis... Then I watched this video a couple months ago, and I had NEVER felt so understood in all my life!! I resonated with every single thing you said here, and that was the point of decision for me. I decided to get tested. I was just diagnosed with ADHD at 42-years-old, and I just wanted you to know that this video was an important part of my journey. So thank you!
I was diagnosed as a child. Something that has really been helping recently (especially with house work/self care) is setting a timer for 30 or 45 minutes and using that time specifically to complete generally productive stuff. Nothing specific, just whatever ones I feel like doing until the timer runs out. I find it a lot less stressful than a daunting to-do list of stuff I *really* don’t want to do.
YES!! huge for me at work bc i have so many parts i have to pay attention to all day in my manufacturing position. they’re all time sensitive materials and i love what i do…when i can actually do it lol. timers have saved my life ! and they make me feel like i’m truly accomplishing stuff all through out the day when the timers are going off and i know exactly what i need to do, where i’m going in the shop, and why. (i do have to make little notes on sticky pads next to the timers sometimes..to tell me the next step so i don’t forget lol)
I do this too, but for 5 to 15 minutes. Feels less overwhelming. If I want to, I can always go on for longer. It started because of back problems (not being able to sit for longer than 30 minutes), and then it became a useful tool: just walk around the kitchen or living room and see what little tasks I can do.
I just have alarms set on my phone for every hour, on the hour. That helps me keep track of time and how long I've been working or sitting around. It's not a hard cutoff or anything, just to keep me aware of the time. It's great at work.
Jesse, I’m old enough to be your mother but I also suffer from ADD. With an immense amt of dedication, through blood and tears I was able to earn my Masters in health care. I was diagnosed as an adult which made me understand all the difficulties I had as a child/young adult. Thank you for the explanation of why the methods for Neurotypical people do not work for us.. that made me cry because finally someone explained why those methods didn’t work for me. I appreciate you. You have gained a follower. Can’t wait to get your book
Whilst scolling through the internet trying to work out what the hell is ‘wrong’ with me, stumbled across your video. I have never felt so heard and understood. The first 15 minutes of this video you were speaking about me, word for word. I've tried all the tools and just inevitable fail again after a short period. Thank you for sharing this video. I actually think all managers should watch that first 15 minutes to gain an understand of how a neuro divergent employees can functional differently.
The 4 C’s! 🤯yes!!! These are exactly how I have got things done inside my business and home life! I just got diagnosed as a 39 year old mother of 3, successful business owner with also dyslexia 🤦🏻♀️ it’s been a rough ride the last 39 years but so amazing that I intuitively took action to work in a process that worked for me and not everyone else. This is a great video 👏🏻👏🏻
I think I might have a form of dyslexia. Reading can be a chore for me which can, at times, add more stress to my ADHD brain when trying to get certain things done.
I got diagnosed a month ago at 27. I feel extremely impatient to find meds that work, and I'm afraid that I never will and I'll just be stuck with my brain being like this for the rest of my life. I'm just starting to research behavioral modifications like the ones you offer, and it is hugely reassuring to know that even if I never get on the right meds, I can give myself permission to work with my ADHD instead of against it. Thank you.
i was diagnosed as a kid but kinda thought later it was bs and i was lazy and just didnt wanna pay attention. i guess maybe i really do have it cause man these sound like me ahah
Omg, this is exactly what I'm going through. I'm sorry for the frustration you're experiencing but it feels less lonely seeing your comment. I just wanted to reciprocate that feeling to you so you can also feel a little less alone too, cuz like i said this is what i am currently going through word for word
@@s.t.9605 Aww, thanks for this reply!!! It really made me feel less alone. My original comment was from two months ago, and at this point I am even further away from getting on the right medication. :( I tried some non-stimulant meds, had bad side effects, psychiatrist has basically decided against ever putting me on a stimulant. I've been crying about it all week. I think I'm grieving the loss of the idea that my life could be easier on medication. I just feel so broken, and now I feel like I have to accept that I'm going to be broken forever. I logically know that these difficult feelings will pass, but I'm having a hard time with them this week. Sending an internet hug!
Videos like this never fail to make me cry. For so many years, I blamed myself for being stupid, lazy, a slacker, etc. I was diagnosed with ADHD in my 40s, and until then it never occurred to me to talk to anyone about those feelings I had about myself because it felt like everyone else had their lives together. To know that there are sooooo many people out there that feel the same way is both amazing and awful. Amazing because I’m finally not alone, but awful that I spent 45 years blaming myself when I could have been relieved of the burden so much earlier and had a different life. I’m so grateful for content like this.
Just wow. I have suspected I have ADHD but I have not been diagnosed. This might have just lit a fire under me. Everything you said rang true for me, and you don't know how much joy the phrase "eat the ice cream first" brought me. It's so true though, when I get that spark of creativity, it gives me the juice and momentum to keep going. it totally fires me up. And then when I get hyperfocused I don't want to stop. Finding that sweet spot is tough but sometimes making it a game or pairing it with something enjoyable (like an audiobook while cleaning or decluttering) helps me stick with it. I didn't realize that ADHD was a lack of dopamine, and that ADHD'ers crave caffeine, sugar and carbs because of it. Seriously, my hubby wonders why I crave sweets so much and it's definitely worse when i'm tired/lacking motivation. i did notice that in 2021 when i was breaking down one of my 2 big goals, it was best when i only put down the pieces I wanted to get done this month. not the entire project at once. it was the best year cause I got it done that way!
I can’t even watch this video without drifting in and out of other thoughts and losing what you were talking about. But the captivate and create part stood out. Everytime I write and record music, building my 4x4 or doing a home Reno project, my brain just thrives
Time based goals have been a real game changer for me. "Do it until it's done" often seems so daunting, but "Do it for x minutes"... I can do that!! :) Like you, x changes drastically depending on my energy levels / how daunting the task is - sometimes 2mins is plenty!! Other times I go for 10, 20 or even 40. I rarely go above 45mins though. I need a break after 45mins.
I have 2 modes usually. Go go go or no no no. I used to clean but it was for 8 hours straight. Or never. Now during burn out it's never or 10 minutes only. So this could help.
@@AnotherBrainArt I have to agree, once I truly get started on a project, I start to hyperfocus and "get on a roll" and don't want to stop, even for a timer, because getting started again is so difficult.
instead of time increments, I usually find that it's helpful to break projects into steps, but instead of completing every step at once, I use them as checkpoints. If I can't get the whole project done, maybe I can make a step of progress toward completing it. I'm actually much more productive since changing my mindset from "it all has to happen now" to "something is better than nothing." If I'm too stressed to get the whole thing done anyway, then making any progress at all toward the goal means I'm overachieving and doing more than I was going to which is massively motivating to me for some reason. More often than not, I get going and do way more than I planned to, some days I only get a little bit done, but if I'm doing anything at all, that's what counts.
Several parts of this brought tears to my eyes. This helps me deal with myself with more kindness and more importantly, roll that kindness forward to my kids who also have adhd. Safe to say you’re making that difference in the world.
My kids have also add/ adhd. I have also.. its very important that you and we are also precious members of the society and we are not less.. different but not less.❤
Summary: 1: rather than eat the frog first (the toughest task) -> do a small, simple and or enjoyable task first to get moving 2: rather than break the project down and feel overwhelm -> break into a couple of its first few steps
Thank you Jesse, I love your 4C model! One simple idea for your consideration. Changing "Complete" to "Constraint" might be a better word. Since it's not really the completion of the task that motivates us, but the clear constraints brought from hard deadlines and accountability.
That quote you gave, "he looked at me like I was stupid. I'm not stupid" moved me to tears. Thank you for this eye opening perspective. It really helps those of us trying to understand how best to support those we love with ADHD.
Timestamps:
4:37 3 Major Flaws in Neurotypical Productivity
10:50 The Issues the Flaws Cause
12:38 The 4 Cs of Motivation
15:20 Embrace the Pivot
16:13 Pomodoro Timers
16:44 Look for Sidequests
17:19 Micro commitments
17:52 Change your environment
18:26 Make Tests & Paperwork into a Game
19:01 Make Time-based Goals
Super helpful💟
Thanks
Time stamps should be in every description. You deserve a digital thumbs up and an imaginary pat on the back Ryuuko 😊
Good job
Thank you!
This is the first time I've seen someone recognise that breaking a task into sections can make it more overwhelming and harder to start on. I've always felt like that.
Agreed! Will try breaking it into first steps rather than all the steps 🙌
Yeah you definitely have to make another system just to stop yourself from hyper focusing on planning and just do the first small task.
Rather than planing and breaking into sections do one thing at a time, it helps a lot
This made me realize why doing that exact method of breaking things down is so hard. I like the feeling of completing the task but breaking it down feels like so much😵💫
@@jclyntoledo "having put eight hours into this to-do list I am gonna call it a day. I will get to the list.... eventually."
the absolute worst part of breaking a project down into steps (for me) is that it’s an infinitely recursive task. i LOVE making lists, i could spend the hours i could be working just making lists of all the things i have to do and the things i need. it’s like breaking down a mountain by sorting and categorizing every stone, the hyperfocus kicks in on the wrong thing and you’ve wasted a whole day and STILL have no idea how to get started (but you were technically “doing work” so you’ve now duped yourself into thinking you were doing productivity)
This is exactly, exactly how I feel. Lists, upon lists and then I look up and 3 hours have gone by. I do the same thing with organisation, my workspace is messy so I organise it and 4 hours have gone by and I've lost the will to complete the original task that needed a clear workspace.
Omg ME
You use excel? My lists go in excel🤣
exactly how i feel
Ong yes exactly, I va love making list too exept I actually realized this method would never work for me (cuz I realized that just like writing an essay( which I’ve always hated)it’s actually a lot of extra work having to think and break down everything, and honestly I know myself and my adhd to a certain level that I could foresee my self hyper focusing on the details and eventually trailing of and and putting my focus into something else ( like another list or lists)and losing my stamina and motivation to do it..not only that I would probably leave a lot of started list or projects, seem to loose my stamina and motivation a lot
“Trying harder isn’t a solution when you have ADHD.”
I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that. Thank you.
Same. I have such a hard time blaming myself for "not working harder" and I realize I need to understand my brain is working its hardest.
Trying harder hust messes me up
The harder you try, the worse you do. Hence, medication. It allows you to try harder.
Ty will try . What medication do u use
"Do, or do not. There is no try."
I feel like this dude just cut open my brain and turned it into a 20 minute slideshow presentation.
Same
hahahahahahahahha same!!
Good thing you got the power to focus for 20 mins
I cant😂
Ohhhh the irony of not only watching an adhd productivity video as a distraction from my current task, but also getting distracted while watching the video and forgetting where I stopped paying attention.
Yup. I had to rewind a few times because I kept getting distracted and walking away, forgetting to pause the video lol.
😭😭😭
Listening to this at work😅😅
I've also been trapped in this world since always. Glad to see you decribe exactely what I've always gone through.
If there weren't socials, I would still think I was the only one like this in the world, and any possible justification I could give was an excuse, because and I'm just lazy, like people aggressively ALWAYS made me believe.
THIS🤣
*Because I didn't even realize it until I*
I once went to a work productivity/resilience seminar thing, before I even knew I had ADHD. The facilitator was doing this exercise about setting effective goals. I asked a question about how to make progress and achieve goals because I always seem to get sidetracked or struggle to actually follow through. His reply was "Well I guess you just don't want it bad enough". It was so dismissive and so demoralizing when I was actually looking for constructive tips. I don't listen to that bad advice anymore!
I am glad there are people that do understand.
Omg….I didn’t realise how much I’ve accepted and internalised that idea of ‘me not wanting something bad enough if I don’t follow through’. Damn.. thank you for sharing this 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
@@00samira00 It hurts! Gets me thinking I guess if I don't want this then I don't want anything, so what's the point of life?
I've identified a ton of why's and I still can't get up that hill.
Reading what Mr. Seminar said to you made my eyes go wide and I’m pretty sure steam came out of my nostrils. (😅)
My dad said to me, well if you fail it's Your fault. (In response to me having a winge about studying for high school exam) that was a long time ago but still sticks in my mind
I remember a therapist once telling me that I could get things done if I rewarded myself with a cup of tea after. I laughed so hard, because all I thought was, "Great, now I have to make tea too." I experience very little intrinsic reward for accomplishments, and a cup of tea isn't going to cut it.
well i don't think the cup of tea is supposed to feel like an accomplishment, I think its supposed to feel like food+drugs stimulating reward circuitry in your brain. Of course, this will not work if you otherwise have bottomless access to stimulus via video games or some thing else that is not tied to accomplishment
I fucking hate tea.
Not to mention having to wash the cup afterward.
Lol the therapist finally cracked open how to be productive with ADHD! Who knew all you needed was a cuppa tea???
@@homelessrobotyou know nothing and understood nothing about this did you?
My own thought can give me more stimulus than a “reward”, after a task completed. I can distract my self with nothing, just my own thoughts, so my brain gives 0 motivation to seek satisfaction from completing a task.
This is so true. As someone with ADHD, I am HEAVILY motivated by attempting to prove other people wrong. That has been my main source of motivation throughout a lot of my life. If someone tells me I can't do something, I gain a ton of motivation, at least for a short while just to prove the haters wrong.
I wish this kind of motivation was sustainable, and the problem with this is its motivation motivated by something negative, but boy does it feel good.
Exactly people always tell me that shouldnt be what motivates me but wth if it works why not ?
I'm currently in this mode due to the genocide in Palestine. Sadly this endeavour is not paid so need to channel this drive towards an actual income source.
This is why I find it easier to make an amazing meal when there's nothing in the cupboard but flour and some old beans but when the shopping is just in I cant do anything amaxing@
@@RucifXI always say " spite. The great motivator!" Lol😂
this i did ths accidently on my history exam and i aced the whole class
Today I tried to follow the “eat the frog first” advice and I literally accomplished nothing the whole day. With ADHD it feels like my brain has no arms or feet. You’re the first person I’ve found who seems to actually understand what this is like. I’m only halfway through but I have a lot of optimism right now. Thank you
I flip it on its head and do something really easy first, then I get the dopamine hit from completing the easy task, which motivates me to do more. So my current project is decluttering my house, I start my day by putting on a load of laundry (really easy), then I load the dishwasher (a little harder), then I declutter the area I've set for that day. And by doing it that way I can be finished by lunchtime!
Exactly
@@debbiejones7269 Only ADHD people understand how truly difficult doing dishes is!!
@@JRoseBooks yep, that's why I insist on always having a dishwasher. It still might not get done every day, but it makes it a lot easier!
Thank you yes exactly! I've told my husband it feels like I have a fully healthy functional brain in a body that can't activate my arms or legs. Ugh
my mom once said to me (which has solved like so many of my problems in school): "you can't reach your potential in a system that is not build for you"
and it hit me like a tricking train seriously
Absolutely incredible to have a parent who recognizes that. I was not so fortunate
I'm a late diagnosed AuDHD. I wish I was told that as a kid. Now I can use it for my ADHD, possibly Autistic, toddler. Thank you.
@@rubentormozov9734 Me too. It went like "you little imbecile. You're too distracted"
okay yeah so let’s just blame all of our shortcomings on a disorder, and anytime something bad happens we don’t have to take any accountability 👏👏
@@Mck_Plutoas someone with ADHD, i agree with your statement 100%
“It didn’t fail.. it just worked for that amount of time” 🤯🤯 love this. I love all the tips at the end.. not diagnosed with anything but I relate to this so much
ikr!!
If you're relating to even 25% of the adhd/autism content you see It's generally a good idea to take a few online questionnaires, quizzes, and tests (preferably more "official" ones/ones that have been created by organizations that actively assist the people living with the conditions [if the focus is on the people who "have to deal with" the people living with the conditions then probably not a good source] whether that be through education, service, finance, etc.)
There is NO cure for either js
even if you're not diagnosed, you can take whatever advice works for you. I always say to people that it doesn't matter what you're diagnosed with, you can take care of yourself and do what works for you as long as you're not self-medicating.
This may be the most powerful reframe ♻I've encountered in over a decade...
🤯🤯🤯 indeed ‼
I've also very much resonated with the vidoe. As of seeing @nicholas landry comment, I made a few online tests, and they all suggest a medium or high level of chance, that I have ADHD.
I always new about ADHD, but I never considered myself because I generally manage quite well. I'm good at school and uni etc. Nevertheless I sometimes have the feeling, that I work differently.
"We get bored of a routine that works." !!❣️It took me SO LONG to realize that I hadn't failed at every attempt at an organization system my whole life because I never kept doing them forever. I tried lots of things, and many of them were very helpful for a period of time. But I've made peace with the fact that no one thing will work forever.
Oh man, I broke when I heard "I cannot trust my brain." I have ADHD inattentive and I would get so frustrated with myself and cry out to God with the same statement. Thank you for the strategies and I plan to put them to good use
Frankly, most of humanity can't trust their brains except it's usually in terms of fallacies and such. No matter who you are, your brain is pretty much your worst enemy.
I frequently berate "God" for making me "stupid." Not sure I can forgive "him" for that. My life doesn't show any sign of purpose or direction.
@@anthonymorris615 It’s not God that makes you stupid. It’s Satan that’s making SURE you FEEL stupid. I have severe inattentive ADHD and I get it, but please just keep that in mind. You’re fearfully and wonderfully made.
@@anthonymorris615 I think you have to *give* yourself a purpose and a direction. Choose a direction. You decide what you want to accomplish or be, because God gave you a free will and a life. You are not stupid, obviously, but I feel your frustration. I feel like that a lot, simply because people don't see what I see or think the way I do, and I don't function like everyone else, and no one understands me. And then I get mad at myself. I need a lot of alone time to feel normal, because other people don't get me. When you choose a path and a purpose, focus on that point in the distance, and always visualize yourself walking straight towards it to achieve it. And make sure it is a purpose you are passionate about.
@@onadism_ Dude, he clearly put it in quotes for a reason. I get you're trying to be helpful, but pushing your religious beliefs on someone is not the way to do it. You can easily get the point across that he's not stupid, but mistakenly feels that way because of his ADHD without pushing your beliefs on him. Most people aren't going to be open to the genuinely good message you're trying to send if you start by telling them why they're wrong.
This is so validating. Thank you.. especially the part about, "We're not just choosing to sit on the couch and do nothing, our brain is shutting down and desperate for dopamine." In regards to the overwhelm. Most people do not understand, and the constant pressure from others to just "get over it and get it done" is hurtful and worsens my symptoms.
For me, too. The constant put-downs or referencing of successful people in the Real world from my goal-oriented spouse, along with my own inner barrage of self-deprecating thoughts leads to daily OVERWHELM, then I shut down, paralyzed with anxiety ( also history of depression and anxiety/panic disorder) . Some days, we’ll a Lot of days it’s SO HARD, and I don’t know how I’m ever going to Just get over it! , and I’m constantly at a loss to explain what’s going on in my head , and then others ( mainly spouse) just thinks I’m making shit up, or, “it’s just another excuse!”
Anyway, listening to Jesse’s video and reading all of the comments last night literally pulled me out of a very dark and scary undertow. So thank you all for that.
@@GDCheetahmotherFker I understand, it's hard. I have issues with my spouse because of it too sometimes.. I'm glad we have places like this where we can see that we're not alone in our struggles.
It's gonna be ok!🤗
The degree to which it is societally normal to invalidate somebody's experiences is stunning. Like, how how a pretty girl may crave a connection, deep relationship, but everybody tells her that, she's pretty, she can have sex any time she wants, so her being lonely somehow becomes a lie.
It's really horrible.
This video hit really hard for me, especially when it comes to the shame associated with good intentions followed by lack of completion. I have always been labeled "lazy" by my family, and have internalized that label to the point where I just shut down. Thank you for letting us know that we're not alone.
Thanks for sharing
Same ❤
Thanks to both of you for the kind words!
feel that, with my old man it was never what you did do, its what you didn't do. i could complete a list of tasks and all he would notice is the ones i didn't do after the burnout set in. gets to a point where i just dont want to do anything cause it just breeds more tasks with zero appreciation for the things i did. most debilitating shit ever with add/adhd
I would just lie to others about the work I put in, the only one who called me lazy was me ( and very few close friends )
At 72yr old, Ive finally come to terms with the fact that I have undiagnosed ADHD. My school years were hell. ADHD was not even on the horizon of medical acknowledgement. Not living up to my potential, lazy, & self absorbed were constantly thrown in my face, damaging any sense of self-worth I'd had as preschooler. I'm so glad that my grandkids, who have all demonstrated the identical traits to varying degrees, will have the necessary help to deal with their lives in a constructive rather than destructive manner!
It's crazy how fast times change. I'm sorry you had a bad time in school, but I hope this knowledge is giving you some grace for your struggles
Yeah me too, instead of calling it ADHD, they called it a "learning disability". I can't function in a crowded, noisy environment. That's what the classrooms were like when I was a kid. LOTS of distractions. I was set up to fail. My teachers would say "You don't put in your best effort". By 7th grade, I gave up. It didn't do any good to try so why bother, I shut down and did nothing.
I’m so sorry 😞
Same here. I’m in my 30’s. I can’t tell you how many times I was penalized back in grade school for “not following directions”, like I was doing it maliciously, when really my attention had inadvertently drifted when the instructions were being given. Upon snapping back to reality I would realize with horror that I had missed something crucial, so I would try to figure out what was happening by quietly looking at what others were doing. However, this was seldom enough to give me enough information, so I ended up being frozen and not knowing what to do or even how to start, and nothing got done. I just sat there feeling bored and slightly terrified of what would happen when it was time to turn the assignment in.
Regarding "The Four C's": my own "5th C" is CONTRIBUTE. When I'm trying my hardest to be productive for my own sake, I fall into all the classic ADHD pitfalls. Yet when my efforts are to the benefit of someone I care about, or a project that's meaningful to a community I'm part of, I'm far more able to overcome those pitfalls. Even before my (relatively recent) ADHD diagnosis, this has been an unflinchingly reliable and potent source of personal motivation. I want to see the world around me become better than it is, evidently much more so than I want to see myself improve. Whether that's a behavior to embrace as healthy, I'm not sure, but it's my reality. So if you're out there reading this and have had a similar experience, know that there's at least one other person out there like you :)
That's fantastic! Thank you for that. It's a great addition!
Beautiful suggestion. I will definitely be adding this to my list!
Thanks for letting me know I’m not the only one… Reasons for personal gain just always seem so meaningless and not worth my effort.. couldn’t really seem to figure out why my personal goals never really gave me the spark of motivation. But watching this video and reading Your comment just let the peaces fall intro place.
I almost read an entire statistics textbook to help my boyfriend study, and I managed to make a sort of boring topic fascinating to myself so that I could help him understand it. But I also couldn't pass algebra 2. And I'm pretty sure I took it 3 times. Forgot literally everything about it everytime. It becomes a whole different ballgame when I'm allowed to share what I know with someone else. But for myself? No shot.
Yeah, I DEFINITELY resonate with “I want to see the world around me become better than it is, evidently much more so than I want to see myself improve”, and I think my dad probably does too.
And here I am reading comments instead of paying attention.
Literally me right now
😂😂😂 Me too! But still taking it in.
Bro i just realized i was doing that lmaooo
And time and time again I think that I can do both at the same time, only to notice that I have no idea what’s going on in the video 😅
@@stokedstephi That's me browsing through social media while a video is running and then I have to hop back and rewind part of hte video but then I go right back to browsing shit in another tab lol
I find deadlines and ‘creating urgency’ is a tricky strategy for me. The situation always seems to go one of two ways:
A. Deadline generates the spark of focus and motivation needed to get the thing done.
B. Deadline generates anxiety and fear of failing which spirals into overwhelm and the thing doesn’t get done.
The fun part is never knowing which outcome you’re going to get 😬
For me its also that deadlines only work if they're set outside. Like i dont even know how people can commit to deadlines they set themselves, cause theres always something you need to do better, go deeper, etc
Oh god, I feel that exact same way, SO OFTEN.
Exactly
For me it depends on whether or not i think i can do the task in 8 hours. If i can then A if i can't then B.
Which is why i started dedicating a whole day week or two before the deadline (or possibly longer and more then one day if i think the task will take really long), for when i ask someone to body duble for me at a public space. For example I make a deal with my friend that on the specific day of the month she will go with me to a library to stare at me while at do the task.
And my friend is awesome and will not go easy on me if i try to get out of it after that. This creates what feels kind of like a second deadline for me, but this time a deadline to start the project instead of to finish it. (which is a lot less likely to cause that kind of anxiety)
It's B. It's always B.
My entire life has and will always be like this.
- If it interests me I excel, ace, and thrive at whatever it is. Better than most of my peers. That got me through school since I have wide interests, but barely because those courses I hated always offset the A's I would get.
- If it doesn't interest me I just WON'T do it, period. If I am able to do it by forcing myself it comes at great cost to me. Fatigue, migraines, anxiety, mood swings, depression. It's not that I "just can't get it" (the concept, work, task etc...). It's that my mind just doesn't give a sh*t.
- If I "am" interested, but someone tells me I *HAVE* to do it, especially with a deadline, it immediately gets put into I don't give a sh*t pile until the pile is on fire.
Even before I was diagnosed, I saw the movie "Office Space" and said "THAT'S ME! I'M PETER FROM OFFICE SPACE".
Been living my life like Peter ever since. 🤷🏻♂️
Awesome video. I'll finish the end of it later. ✌️😁
As far as I know I don't have ADHD but this describes me pretty well too..
@@anima94the first time I saw this comment & video I felt the same, 2 years later I’m rewatching officially diagnosed 😂 always worth checking just in case
Like I’m not even sure I can stick to the end of the video
Yep that’s me too
@@thewaytheworldisrn7788 I couldn't learn math that requires arbitrary practice, college level algebra/wave vector trig, until I was in trade school and could apply it to something tangible and useful. Seeing an oscilloscope waveform as a varying measurement of polarity and intensity over time and the wave itself as a block of time made sense and it let me see the value in the math that determines a value based on another value. I'm seriously considering going back for at least an associates degree since I've been diagnosed and have had the experience to see how different parts of an education will apply in the real world.
The Brain shutdown at overwhelm is exactly what I feel so so so often! It’s so hard to explain. Unless I have a life or death pressure for work I just can’t ! 😭
This is why I have to have a chaotic job! It keeps me from the brain shutdown during work.
Same here. Really struggling at the moment.
The life or death thing hit so close to home. Once I fell sick but it was only when I thought I might die that I went to the doctor. Applies to most aspects of my life except hobbies😭
@@julesa1754 We have a three-day rule. If I feel ill it happens but on day three if I feel ill I go to the doctor.
@@TH-eb5ro fair enough. Especially if you're from the states, you wouldn't wanna be rushing into the hospital over something that could be minor☠
"He's so bright but just doesn't apply himself." Wow I never thought I'd hear anyone else having this experience in school over and over. Thank you.
Before I was diagnosed with adhd (just depression and anxiety) I was seeing a therapist and talking about how I was getting in trouble for being late to work. He was surprised when I told him I really liked the job. He couldn’t wrap his head around why I didn’t just leave 10 minutes earlier. He was literally baffled by what he saw as self sabotage. Is that what it’s like for normal people? Do they just instinctually understand how much time basic life tasks will take? Does their brain never say “oh, you have 10 minutes before you have to leave, that’s plenty of time to get dressed and brush your teeth. Stay in bed for 2 more minutes.” Or do they never lay in bed looking at the ceiling berating themselves for not getting up even though it’s getting later and later and they know they’re going to be late but getting ready for work just seems like an insurmountable task.
Edit: I do want to let everyone know that it’s been a few years since this happened. I did get in trouble at work, I didn’t get fired but I got moved to a different department. I think my boss at the time saw my tardiness as some sort of challenge to her authority. The new position didn’t give me nearly as much joy, but it did have a much better boss. I’m at a different job now and I haven’t fallen into quite as dark a place since. The adhd diagnosis and treatment that I got a couple years ago helped quite a bit. It turns out that when you are able to focus and get more done at work, when you feel more competent, it can really help with that anxiety and depression.
Honestly, same. I'm struggling with depression & have been trying very hard to get to work on time after my boss got very upset with my consistent lateness. We ended up having a serious talk about it wherein I basically stated that I couldn't guarantee that I'd be on time every day, because I don't know where my mental state will be at. She didn't seem to understand what that meant & even almost asked me what that had to do with coming in on time (she did already know about my depression). It's kind of hard to explain that sometimes I don't want to be alive & am overwhelmed by the fact I am alive, I have to continue to be alive, & need to get ready for work in 5 minutes or I'll be late. I don't worry as much now about the whole laying in bed, trying to force myself to get up when my body feels like a useless sack of flour that is refusing to respond, but it happened a lot when I was in school. Those were rough mornings, with a lot of running to catch the bus 😑
Sounds like that therapist didn't pay attention when they learned about ADHD in class
@@e_viola I didn’t have an ADHD diagnosis yet. I’ve had a few therapists and they would never suggest ADHD as a diagnosis unless I brought it up. Probably has something to do with being an adult woman. Two groups that tend to have adhd misdiagnosed as anxiety and/or depression.
Shannon, I think this happens to me every time I have a plan to wake up or schedule I don't want to adhere to and I think it's just because I have to or because I've committed to it. I don't understand why but anxiety and depression is not the cause I think. It is the ADHD and my super-overeaction to being on a schedule and that I'm not going to do it, it's not going to work, I've tried so hard and struggled so much that I'm just tired. Overwhelmed. Shut down. I'm sick of shutting down I'm sick of no dopamine rush. My brain has gotten so used to those pathways that the depression and the anxiety kick in.
I need someone to help with the motivation part. It's like I hate doing dishes. So a person, my soon-to-be-ex-therapist says so use paper plates. No. I don't want to use paper plates and be wasteful, add to the overproduction of disposable non-sustainable products, and how does that help when I need to cook? I still have the hard things to clean. She says that she can't help me if I don't want to change. What's up with that? She's supposed to have experience with helping ADHD...yeah, a BAD experience!
Anyway, I wish we could find people who are neurodiverse to help instead of neurotypical people with good intentions who are ineffective and truthfully hurtful.
lol i first got diagnosed with anxiety/depression then bipolar and now it’s seeming more in line with adhd?
edit: i haven’t seen a therapist since the bipolar diagnosis so the adhd is pure speculation it’s just getting eerily familiar with all i’ve heard and my experiences
I’ve said for years I have momentum problem. I can’t get started & when I do I can’t stop until I drop.
Oh god this is me exactly. But… I don’t think I have ADHD. I’m genuinely confused. A lot of UA-cam content is ‘us versus the neurotypicals’ but I’m not sure I’ve ever met a neurotypical person who can motivate themself, eat the frog etc. It seems like everyone is neurodiverse! Or maybe just everyone I know…
This is my problem as well. Starting a task feels like walking through quicksand.
yeah thats why they call it executive function
@@lucycartwright9053 haha yeah, everyone now has some 'condition' that they use to define their identity and they shove it down everyone elses throat nonstop
I was diagnosed at age 34. I so feel you on not being able to trust your brain. People think I'm so organized because I excel at my job, but what I actually am is extremely anxious about deadlines. I check and double check everything constantly to make sure nothing slips through the cracks. And I still miss things sometimes, but often people don't notice...
Setting aside the reams of unhelpful productivity advice, this is what has helped me.
If I'm feeling really overwhelmed, I take a small notebook and write down every thing I'm stressing out about. Every task, every thought, every stressor, just a total brain dump. Need to do dishes? Mad at your spouse? Worried about your job performance? It goes on the list.
I then ignore that.
Turn over a new piece of paper and write down my tasks for the day. They are fresh on my mind after that brain dump, but all the other crap stays behind.
Then I take a Time Timer - a little ADHD miracle sold on Amazon that I now own one for every room in my house, I pick the task that seems most feasible, set the timer for five or twenty five minutes, and do the thing for that long. Usually that gives me momentum to do the next thing. If I do it this way, I can get into a hyperfocus or flow state and get a lot done.
I also avoid redundancy in my systems. Everything in my life goes on one Outlook Calendar.
That's it. That's how I get things done.
For me I have found that the best solution is to go as basic as possible. A notebook, a short to do list once a day, a calendar, and a Time Timer.
Seriously. Get a Time Timer.
I got all these fancy planners and habit apps. In reality I only use the basic notes app and I use it for everything
Thank you for suggesting a stressor dump notebook. I struggle a lot with intrusive thoughts, stacked emotions a lot and they interfere with my productivity and overall day/energy control. I'm going to try that out.
@@blaa2323 Having a Journal/Diary is really therapeutic, writing/typing down what is in your head can help you a lot to ease your mind, then you can stop and reflect about it. I use the daily notes in Obsidian (My note taking app of choice), I have two journals, one is dedicated for work, so I can keep track of my week so I'm always in touch with what I did, what I'm doing and what needs to be done, also in meetings I don't feel lost like I'm the only one that doesn't remember what I did, I set a reminder the day before every meeting, so I can review my past week and make bullet point of what's important for me to say in the meeting, this habit helped so much my colleagues started to notice that I always have something to say on our review meetings every two weeks, even got praised for it (Didn't told them my secret tho hehe), The other journal is more personal, it's like a brain dump like Mama Squid said.
My daily template looks like this (This is in markdown, the "#" represents the heading number, how big the heading is, so I can organize it better, and the {{date}} thing if just a variable of the template, it would auto format itself to Sunday, 01/01/2023 when I create the daily note) you can use this template in a real notebook too if you like.
The TO-DO part I write first thing when I turn on my PC, or if I already know what I need to do tomorrow I create the tomorrow note on the day before and write the to-do beforehand, so when I open my daily note I already know what I've left planned.
#{{date:dddd, DD/MM/YYYY}}
## TO-DO
- [ ]
---
## Personal
### What am I grateful for today?
### How did I feel today?
### What is on my mind right now?
### What did I achieve today?
### What could I have done better today?
---
## Work
### Today I Completed
### Today I Made Progress on
### Today I Started
### I should keep track of
I'm 34 and just realized my brain is wired like the guy on the video. I don't want to say I have ADHD. Just I'm a creative soul but had struggle with anxiety all my life to the point that I almost died of a heart attack. Anxiety is no way to live
@@Gooshytgooseanxiety typically co-occurs with adhd, friend
Micro commitments is how I tricked myself into enjoying the gym. I told myself I just had to go. I could leave immediately if I hated it. I started going. And I started working out. And sometimes I would leave after 15 minutes and sometimes I’m there for an hour! And now I’m always excited to go back. I do what feels good and what’s fun. I don’t put a ton of pressure if I miss a day or two or even a week. I just go when I can and try to have fun w it!
with me its just that i wanted to be strong, and at the start you make progress much, much more quick than you do when youre more advanced, so i was easily self accomplished because of it, and i just knew that if i go to the gym 3 more times, i can lift x kg more, so this got me thinking "its not much, if i can just do this then i will be a step closer to my goal"
Same here for a lot of other stuff I do that "you can drop/go whenever you want"
This is very on point. We have to take it veeery slowly if we want to implement an habit that is not immediately pleasant
Ive given up on going to the Gym. I ride my bike. There is more stuff to look at. of course the problem with this is what do I do when the weather is bad. I used to go to the trampoline park but Ive stopped doing that since covid.
Same here, but with running
Neurotypical brain here, trying to learn how to parent and guide my ADHD daughter, and I find the information you provided here incredibly helpful and insightful. Thank you! I will be checking out your other videos as well!
Thank you so much for trying to understand your daughter and help her for who she is instead of shame and guilt trip her. We need more parents like that
I was thinking about how better I would have done as a child having accomodations for what I'm starting to realize is ADHD 😅 I'm glad your kid can get all the help she'll need
please watch this video with her and ask her specifically which parts she relates to most!! Doing the research *with* her is important because Adhd can affect people slightly differently. And also some videos/articles focus on the physical aspect (fidgeting and all that) and while those testimonials are valid, I don't relate bc I have the inattentive type where my brain is what's mainly active rather than my body.
Talk with her an /non-judgmental/ open minded manner and you guys will get real far. :)
hey just wanted to say thank you for being the parent you are being to your daughter. I struggled with ADHD my entire life, and being raised by a parent that constantly was mad at me for my struggles with executive dysfunction was incredibly traumatizing for me. As an adult I struggle immensely with self esteem issues, self blame, depression, anxiety and chronic burnout, and I continue to try to take on more to prove that I am not lazy or stupid, and despite all my efforts I still find it near impossible to feel like I'm doing enough or trying hard enough. It makes me so happy to see parents taking steps to work with their children's Nuerodivergence instead of pressuring and making them feel bad about being different.
I wish my parents were as resourceful as you. Thank you for what you are doing
I spent my whole adult life incapable of finishing anything without one of those games (declutter 100 objects; answer every 3rd question; fold clothes in perfect rectangles, etc). If I didn’t do it that way, boring tasks would cause extreme distress and fatigue. It’s a low-level pain that neurotypicals may not understand. Those mental tricks made me believe I had OCD for years.
And yes, one particular method only works a couple of times, sometimes only once!
This video was so spot on. Great advice.
“Motivation in ADHD is not from importance.”
Man, that really helps. I never really thought of it that way!
"I knew I couldn't trust myself" I'm crying. I only started suspecting I had ADHD last year. Couldn't get a diagnosis because they are too expensive where I live. I've been struggling academically all my life and everyone repeated that "you're not living up to your potential" every single day to me. To the point that I have anxiety attacks when my intelligence is tested because I don't want to fail.
This one sentence "I couldn't trust myself" rings so true it hurts. I'll keep watching the video now, thanks
Same! I got diagnosed but I have to take Vyvanse which is so expansive!!! I'm taking Wellbutrin XL which is a antidepressant that works with dopamine but isn't enough. I'm so sad because if I had the opportunity to take the medication I need I would be so much better.
100% this! I hear the same things and I feel the same way!
I also developed severe anxiety especially around school and work because I indeed feel like I can’t trust myself and I’m paranoid around failing to meet expectations of jobs and schools.
Flunking out, getting fired, wasting time and money all suck.
I want to get ahead in my life but it’s so hard because my brain is like broken.
I believe in you Elmer. You are smart. You can do it in your own way. Elmer, You are not now, nor have you ever been a failure. You have discovered many ways that don't work for you, and many ways that do. You got this. I believe in you, and as Mr Roger's was fond of saying, "I like you just the way you are."
Relatable...
i had tears welling up in my eyes when you talked about how you aced tests but couldn’t do homework, and ended up with C’s. that’s my exact schooling experience and exactly how i describe it to people who ask how it affected me in school. i knew it was adhd but have never heard someone describe it the same way as me and it was validation i didn’t know i still needed.
doing so well on tests and not doing homework led to nobody catching my adhd until i was 18 years old. it led to every adult in my life thinking that i was just lazy and not applying myself. i’m 26 years old and trying so hard to learn how to function and reach my potential. currently falling into the constant overwhelm/shut down/do everything all at once cycle. :(
Holy shit I have like the exact same story. Hang in there dude
@@Binkley447 thanks and same to you!!
I aced tests mostly due to being a very visual learner (concepts were pictures in my head), but I never actually learned how to study effectively, which bit me in the ass on certain subjects. If I got bored in class, I’d doodle while taking notes. Somehow managed to finish the notes, but then I’d never look at them until like 10min before a test (in a panic!) because I was distracted with more interesting things, and basically have no idea how I have a 4.0 GPA because I don’t feel like I’ve ever internalized anything. Except for the stuff I got distracted with.
Have you considered meds?
@@corvoattano9303 yeah i’ve tried out multiple different meds over the last 10 years and am still adjusting things from time to time.
That tip about the microcommitments totally feels like home. This is how I’ve motivated myself to go out on runs as well. Instead of having to push myself to start this whole process which just feels overwhelming, I tell myself to just put on a pair of shoes, while I have the shoes on I might as well leave the house and at that point I am basically already on my way to do my daily exercise
Yes! This!!!
I would just put on shoes, leave the house and head straight back in
it’s crazy because you mentioned the part about incorporating timers when doing tasks and only doing things just for a certain amount of time and recently i’ve been doing that and it’s helped soooo much! when u said “we’re not very good at estimating time” i was just like YES YES THANK YOUUUU. now when i need to clean the kitchen i tell myself, only 30 mins. and if i can’t get in the groove of finishing the kitchen even in 30 mins then i allow myself to stop. but it’s 100% helped me realize “hey it doesn’t even take that long so why not just do it” game changer .
lol what rlly helped for me was go like ok only 2 dishes and i end up doing them all, and then i started to realise i coupd just do them all and it wasnt too much of a leap, worked for me!
I started doing timers the other day (trying to take advantage of the energy that comes from a medication switch before I fall back into the old groove). Now I basically have a Pomodoro timer running all day, whether I’m working or just playing on the internet. It helps a little to just pull me out enough so the work task doesn’t feel endless and the play doesn’t consume my whole day (just the whole afternoon 😆). It also helps with things like cleaning because it FEELS like I’ve been washing dishes for hours but oh look it’s been three and a half minutes ok I guess I can do more.
I also try to play videos while doing things like dishes, so that there’s something interesting going on while I handle the boring chore, and it gives me a bit of a time limit on its own.
I really resonated with the failure of "Just do it anyways", and how uselessly daunting "Breaking it into pieces" can be. I know perfectly well what all the pieces are! Re-arranging them in a chart doesn't make it any easier to get started.
"We try to eat the frog first but we just stare at the frog for hours..." This sort of thing is precisely what pushed me to get diagnosed. I kept hitting this throughout my life, and ultimately hit it in a point where I had no other distractions during the pandemic. I had a paper I needed to get done, and I refused to allow myself to do anything until I got the paper done. No games, no shows, nothing. And I.... sat and literally stared at the wall for FIVE HOURS until I finally relinquished and found a way to give myself little rewards along the way to do it. If I even noticed I was daydreaming (inattentive ADHD) I tried to stop that to "eat the frog first" and it just doesn't work for me.
My grandmother still tries to give that advice to me, not understanding how much it DOESN'T work no matter how many times I try to tell her. I couldn't really put it into words properly the same way it is here in this video... I may try to send this to her & see if it helps her understand why that doesn't work for my brain.
Are you officially diagnosed with ADHD? Because I daydream a lot while I study (could be for hrs if it's a long session) even in the middle of a conversation with someone and it's really awkard. Besides all the symptoms mentioned in the video.
@@Ibrahim-me8kz Yes, I did eventually get diagnosed with ADHD. When I was filling out the questionnaire, I hit so many points on it that it wasn't even a question lol. My psychiatrist looked at that and went "yup, you definitely have ADHD"
@Widdershyn so your psychiatrist only asked questions and gave you a questionnaire, and based on your answers you get diagnosed?
And if you take medication do you think it helped?
I wish you all the best
I am not exaggerating when I say this man deserves the Nobel Peace Prize. In twenty minutes you've described what adhd brains have known our entire lives but couldn't put into words, so instead we just felt shame. THANK YOU.
Before suspecting ADHD, this is pretty much what I went through. Motivational videos, rigid routines, a million and one planners, bullet journals, overstudying, etc.
It was a HowToADHD video that made it click. I was actually scrolling through productivity videos when I saw her channel. I dont remember what the video was about, but everything she said felt so familiar. I nearly cried.
No diagnosis or anything yet, but the ADHD tips have helped a lot. I still fall into the self help things but at least when it fails I don't blame myself so much.
Making lists of things I want to do would send me on shopping excursions to find the supplies I needed, and now online and when that was done I would be too tired and overwhelmed by the fact that now I COULD start doing the thing. Aggghh
Yeah I always end up with one thing missing. Like I had bought all sorts of supplies for sewing and then really couldn't make the damn machine work ...and spent literally years and bought three different machines and eventually got an old singer which is mechanical so everything is fixable on it that also took me a year to fix but now it works great. And then I got all the feet all the thread all the whatnot. One thing I wanted to do was embroider real butterflies. I mean real patterns if species..and after so many years like ten...I haven't done it...I was at a Christmas Market last week and a lady in my village has done it! I'm like ok I don't need to finish that project somone else has. But I always think I have all the tools and then halfway I realise I either really don't have the skills or patients to do something a second time or else I haven't got such and such a tool. Gah!
@@Padraigp I do that same thing all the time! So frustrating.
I feel this so much. I, too, began to suspect, I might have ADHD after watching a video from How to ADHD. That was one and a half year ago. I got my diagnosis 3 month ago. Without that Video (and binge watching the rest of the channel), I would never have talked to a friend of mine, who supported me in the fight that is getting a diagnosis (because it is so damn hard to get an appointment).
Finding the possibility, that I might have ADHD helped me a lot with my depression. I didn't feel worthless anymore, and felt that I understood my brain so much more than before.
Have been having imposter syndrome lately, though, but this video was just so relatable again.
Funnily enough bullet journals actually are helpful to me. But that was only after I started using a combination of the original bujo method, some specified CBT lessons and a whoooooole lot of personal adjustments. And of course something that was mentioned in this vid, accepting that I won't always use it and that's okay. (I actually got my bujo as a bday gift from my BFF. She had bought 2 and she would take the one I didn't choose. She filled hers up 2 years ago, I'm not even one third in lol)
But for me it was also HowToADHD that made me realize I may have ADHD. Though it was when I watched her TEDTalk after a meme channel recommended checking it out. Not everything was the same but enough of it was that I was just flabbergasted and could only think "that's me!" It took me around 3-4 months to get diagnosed after that so I got really lucky with the speed.
I love talking about these two things so I'm sorry for the ramble. I hope you got your diagnosis by now or are well on your way there.
I'm not gonna lie: i got distracted 2 or 3 times watching the video, but i made sure to re-watch it and take notes, because i truly think the way of breaking down the 4 C's AND THEN giving the examples is super great!!
Thank you soooo much!
I forced myself to take notes on this so I would pay attention, but in the middle I got a phone notification and told myself I would read it while listening to the video. Before I knew it, 2 minutes had gone by and I had to skip backwards. I made it to the end eventually though! It's really nice to find so many people that I can relate to :)
Me too, and Ijust realized that Iooking this video was part of my distraction to work on stuff. so I was distracted from a distraction🪆🪆
@@jolly2002me Story of my life! 🥴
same lmao! realised i hadnt put on deoderant, went to do that, well while im here might make some tea and on and on lmao
I stopped watching about 4 minutes in but came back to it a week later. Awesome video!
I'm lucky to have been diagnosed quite young (shout-out to my mom
Parts of this are so painfully relatable. I’ve recently seen a substitute therapist while mines on maternity leave, and while discussing my possible ADHD diagnosis she talked about prioritizing and time management as if I don’t know how critical these things are. The whole point is I do understand their importance and I struggle to take care of them my brain is not like yours. They really don’t get it, thanks for your comment.
A heartwarming comment ♥️
Most people don't care how you feel or if you have mental problems or not.They have things they expect and when they don't happen they get mad. period. Nobody cares about why you did or didn't do it...
You're just an NPC thats out of line to them.
@@VioFax Wow, thanks for the words of encouragement, asshole!
You know what, fuck it, you *totally* have a point. I give up; let me just force myself to conform to what society views as “normal” so I can suffer on the daily. Let’s also just ignore the idea of progress and go back to beating up people for being different. Hell, let’s go back to doing lobotomies on people who have schizophrenia or are on the spectrum so we can keep them as pets!
Your sentiment is incredibly ableist. I hope you find it in yourself to change. In the meantime, I shall continue to share my experiences and hope for a better future, and if not for me, then for the next generation.
It’s like telling an amputee to “just grow the limb back!”. If we could, we wouldn’t have this issue.
Bold choice to put a 5 minute intro on a video for people with ADHD.
Though it may be risky with others with Depression and ADHD, having something alive to take care of has really helped me stay from hitting rock bottom. The past year of adjusting to moving out, failing my first year of uni, and struggling with relationships have all been a bit more barable because of my frogs + mice ♡ Having small animals to base my day around that rely on of my productivity without having to worry about the overstimulation of human interaction ♡ Animals captivate me, Creates bonds and projects and need to learn something new, helps Compete with "how can I make life for them better", and having them rely on me every day gives me daily deadlines for Completion.
Wonderful!
I have a fish and some snails to help me focus.
I have plants to check on. for easy mode :')
(carnivorous plants and succulents are way more interesting than normal houseplants too!)
add goggly eyes to plants to make them seem like an animal…
I understand where you are coming from. Like his quote about drowning and being given a baby doesn't exactly ring true. That would kick my ass into high gear. Having to keep something else alive gives me a surge of motivation. Now the problem at least for me, is I am not sure I can trust this will last on the long term. Like I will fight like hell keep the baby from drowning, but now we are both fine and now I have to take care of this child forever. Which is hard for a person like myself that is motivated by completion and deadlines. There is no deadlines or completions when taking care of animals, plants, or humans.
You described me perfectly. I didn't know I had ADHD until I was diagnosed a few months ago. I'm 49. It makes me a little sad when I think about how much more different my life could've been if I knew about this much earlier. All those years of struggling and feeling guilty. Thanks for the tips and strategies!
I'm 58 - just this April. I occasionally wondered if I'd EVER find out what was going on in my brain. It's this massive window opening up. It's this incredible community. Welcome!
Do be too sad I was diagnosed when I was about 6, still didn't help because the world just isn't made for us.
same
I was diagnosed last year at the age of 31. Everything makes so much more sense now
But at least you have a reason for the struggle. It’s not because you could help it. I wasn’t diagnosed until age 25 and I flunked out of all the classes at school I was bored in. Didn’t know why. As an adult I’m more gentle with myself now that I know I have ADD. Don’t dwell on the past, but look forward to a new future with a broader understanding of who you are.❤️
This is by far the best video about productivity and ADHD I've seen. Thank you, Jesse. I just recently discovered the possibility of having ADHD. With 51 years. It answers so many questions I had all my life.
Me too!! 42!
Me three...64. I think there is light at the end of the tunnel. I need a burrito.
Finaly got my diagnosis and medication (Ritalin). It works so well and is such a game changer.
ive known since birth, haha. though im approaching my senior year of high school and only just came across this video. barely passed my final quarter of 11th grade lol
DX at 60! Has already changed my life so much for the better!!
Glad to know I'm not the only one who gets overwhelmed by breaking a project up into small steps! It does work for me...as long as I convince myself that the ONLY thing that needs to be done is the first small step and the rest doesn't exist. It's not a fool-proof system but it does help break the inertia.
I literally stared at the screen and went "well it works if you prioritize the first small steps and ignore everything else until they need to get done..." and then he said exactly that!
I’m finally getting my eval and the whole “can’t trust my brain” thing shook me. The reason I don’t drink isn’t because I know it’s bad for you, it’s because I don’t trust what my brain will do when I’m not in control, It’s also because my brain feels like a different being sometimes. ex. I am crying because someone raised their voice, but I am not actually sad and I understand that the person didn’t mean to scare or hurt me and I’m not hurt, but yet I’m crying and I can’t stop.
I can relate to this too much- ...
So true
I've always referred to my brain and my mind as 2 different things fighting 2 different battles all day every day.
You put words to it so well I am going bonkers
@@AmberyTear You're not wrong - supposedly, there are two parts of your brain always working together and one is non-verbal. Kinda creepy, but explains some symptoms of some issues.
You saying at 6mins in that our brains just get overwhelmed sometimes and we truly cannot force ourselves through it is so validating to hear. I’m in University now, working on getting diagnosed, but for a long time in my high school and primary school years my family would always call me lazy or clearly not motivated enough or not understanding of how important a task was, and when I’d enter these moments of total dysfunction they’d just yell at me for wasting time and make me do it anyways. I’m just glad to hear that I’m not broken.
I don't have ADHD and this is the case for me too. It's normal to get overwhelmed sometimes, nothing special about this.
My teachers would get so upset at me for not following along or getting lost, while in reality I was just very overwhelmed by all the info that was being thrown at me and my brain juat couldn't keep up!
You are not broken anyway. Don’t let anyone ever give you that idea. Everyone has a right to do things in a way that works for them, diagnosed or not. I have ADHD and it makes me so sad that I get acceptance after saying these magical 4 letters out loud, that otherwise I do not. The *world* is broken. We need more tolerance for people who can’t keep up with the main stream, do things differently than the majority, or have different needs to get where they want to go.
You are perfect just being you. Always remember that.
I call that overwhelmed feeling "brain fog". It was the final symptom that caused me to realize I needed to go see a professional. It's like my brain is just ... locked up! Like it's behind a closed door you don't have the key to. Even finding something to eat is like pushing your hand through a pile of sand. It isn't a "wow this is hard" feeling. It's a "I literally cannot think. My brain is not working" and it can last for a whole day. I'd just sit there staring at things like I was in a coma. It made me realize (finally, after 40 years...) that I'm not neurotypical.
@@__u__9464"Oh your foot is broken? I stubbed my toe once, you're not special."
This is the problem I had with the ‘Deep Work’ book, his strategies were so inaccessible unless you’re a neurotypical person. He gives advice like ‘lock yourself away until the job is done’ which is great if you can hyperfocus on it, but otherwise we will procrastinate until the end of time. He gives advice like ‘Go to a new location’ which can work when there‘s subtle background stimulation at a coffeeshop, but then you get distracted and start talking to the barista.
He's also extremely dismissive of anyone who can't focus for a minimum of 90 minutes without any breaks or people who have jobs that won't let them ever go 100% off the grid. There have been people who have tried reaching out who are in the medical field, who have disabilities (one really disappointing one was when a person asked if he would be willing to add voice commands to his app for his blind coworker and Cal just said Google Calendar already has accessibility so he doesn't see why his stuff should), and people with autism or ADHD get brushed off hard too. Any time he addresses anyone living a life he doesn't understand he will say, "I'm not an expert on your issue, but I would just do [same thing I told everyone else]." Except for blind people who should apparently have known better than to lose their sight before wanting to learn about his tools.
HAHAHHA so so true!
Have you actually tried it? When people are locked in a room they have proven that they would rather be electrocuted for stimulation than do nothing. My advice is to not adopt this guys long list of excuses and try to reduce useless dopamine you are consuming online and with junk food or drugs
@@tiryaclearsong421 Oh, that's super sad to hear re: Cal Newport and accessibility. I liked that book -- when I can get into it, hyperfocus does work for me -- but I did get the impression that the only reason he was able to do that was because, yanno, he has a wife who takes care of the kids and all those "unimportant" things he dismisses. Bet she spends a lot of time reminding him they have dinner planned with so-and-so...
2:22 literally me - I have like a 50% homework grade and 90% test grade in Algebra 2. Usually what happens is I won’t be motivated to do the homework so then I don’t know the material and then I can’t do the homework for the next day and the cycle repeats until the night before or the morning of the test where I’ll be pressured into teaching myself all the material in just 1-2 hours purely running on anxiety. When I was younger, I was always able to get by without doing anything except for listening in class during the few moments when I wasn’t distracted. Probably 7-8th grade is when I my grades dropped because we’d have actual homework and it was also before I had a good understanding of what was going on. I remember I couldn’t imagine myself in a world where I would go home and do the homework as soon as I get home meanwhile everyone in my friend group would get everything done right away so they would always hangout when I felt like I should be doing my homework so I would hardly ever hangout with them on weekdays but even when I chose not to go I still wouldn’t get my homework done - as a freshman and sophomore I kind of self diagnosed the problem based on what I knew about biology and chemistry even though I had yet to take bio until jr year. I suspected that I either had a larger tolerance to dopamine, requiring more to satisfy my body or lacked production in dopamine. I primarily thought this because upon doing all the strategies that never work but somehow I feel like every school resource teacher will make you try, I found something that kind of helped me do tasks that seemed boring and made them more interesting by playing a video of something I like in the background. Turns out what I suspected was pretty much chemical definition of adhd: less production of dopamine and norepinephrine (another chemical stimulant that I think is triggered by adrenaline)
I was diagnosed with ADHD this year at age 27. I found this video and it's the first time ever anyone else has ever spoken about something so close to how I experience this. I spend so much energy trying to be productive, reading Tim Allen, etc, but I could cry listening to this video it's so good to be reminded I am not alone in this.
I hadn't yet figured out why breaking a daunting project down into smaller steps has never worked for me. Now I see it's really breaking Overwhelm down into a whole bunch of Overwhelms that, sure, are smaller, but immediately proceed to fight for attention. Or it's dissecting the damn frog into a mess of icky inside-frog bits which is worse than the whole frog ever was. 😂
OMG, I love this comment. It’s so true, I’ve managed to surround myself with chopped up icky frog bits!!!
For me it's like breaking down one thing that I already feel is difficult into a bunch of little things and now I feel overwhelmed because one thing has turned into many things but my brain can't see how that bunch of little things equals one big thing and I feel behind behind the big thing looks unattainable.
agreed
@@jessicasblack Same. I much rather bumble through the big thing than see all the smaller ones that my brain has to keep track of, figure out how to do it "perfectly", when to do it, etc etc. Too much, I'm overwhelmed, I'm gonna go take a nap.
Yes! Well said!
This is the only video on productivity that doesn’t make me feel like an utter failure. You are totally reflecting a lot of my own strategies I’ve discovered and this really made me smile. Wonderful ❤️ thank you Jesse!
🥺🥺🥺
I've just started watching, I suspect some attention problems but I've never been diagnosed, but I started the video because of how productivity is really such a toxic concept in our society these days, and it's a word repeated in positive contexts to the point where it doesn't even look like a real word anymore (if you don't know what this feeling is, try saying the same word over and over for a few minutes - the reality of the word kind of washes off from your brain), so I was interested in the alternative take on it.
Thank you for making this content. It was a real eye opener. 😮
This lead to me getting diagnosed at age 41. Puts everything into perspective. 😅
I remember trying to read an APUSH book in HS and my mom couldn't understand why I was having such a hard time. It got to a point that I could read a sentence over and over and it wouldn't register in my brain at all, each individual word became alien, and I think that was my "overwhelm point". Really great and relatable video that makes a lot of sense to another ADHD brain. Thank you!
I haven't seen anyone else describe it like this yet. I can read something, and just like you, it doesn't register, like they lost meaning. Or, if I'm playing games with my brother, I'd get to a point I'm playing the game, but not. I'd be moving my character and whatnot, but I wouldn't play like I usually do, but kind of mindlessly. Its like I can't focus no matter how hard I try to.
I've had this problem my whole life too but never been diagnosed with ADHD. You just gotta discipline your mind and attention through practice
Back in HS when I needed to read a book and couldn't continue, because current part was too boring to me (not consciously, but brain just hurting to continue reading that next part), what I did as a trick, I *skipped several pages forward to try to find an interesting part*, and it usually helped, because of trying to figure out what happened in the skipped part was a challenge in itself, and then after some time I'd return to the boring part, read it, and reconnect the content.
@@padarousou That's bad advise.
The people with ADHD I know all have more self discipline than the average person and practice doesn't delete your ADHD symptoms, otherwise doctors would just prescribe "practice" instead of meds.
The average person with ADHD probably has a lot more self discipline than the average neurotypical person.
@@pixelmotte Not practice but Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It has been proven to be the best method of intervention when taken in conjunction with medication to correct problems with attention. ADHD is not primarily a hereditary condition, rather one that forms as the result of bad attention "habits" (i.e. switching your attention to different tasks frequently or irregularly) built over the course of years and can be overcome through conditioning.
The average person suffering from any mental illness needs more self-discipline to regulate themselves, and live a productive life in society. Its not fair, but its the truth.
This is one of the greatest adhd vids I've ever seen. And I've consumed tons of productivity content (haven't we all), a lot of it even adhd-specific.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
For the first time ever, I'm leaving a 'tip' -- and a comment, which I rarely do. Cheers 🙏🏼
Thanks so much! 💙
1. Get into deep depression
2. Be unable to do anything, feeling zero motivation to even fullfil basic needs
3. Miss good old days where you were doing at least something
4. Recover from depression
5. Boom! Even with ADHD, you value those small accomplishments more, and dont blame yourself for not doing "important" stuff anymore. You learn what is "good enough" and are happy with your life
Well shit, if it isn't me
Good enough? Why not strive to always do better for ourselves?
because it's NEVER ENOUGH. You might have missed the whole point of all this.
@@kalebjacobs111 "Hey, I've found a way to move my legs. I think I can try to walk forward a little and maybe get the hang of it."
"Cool. While you're at it, here's a heavy backpack you can carry in that direction."
Hi, I've been following your list, but I'm having trouble doing step 4. Is there a cheat code for that one?
Seriously though, the really bad depression got less bad months before your comment was made, but it's all still around all these months later. Months full of doing little besides obsessing over it and obsessing over whether an ADHD diagnosis will pan out and give me any chance of things getting better and feeling like even living through the day is too much effort because I already had it at the lowest effort possible before this.
Finally, solutions that work for us! I'm so glad I've found you today! I'm ADHD and currently having to home school my two neurodiverse children, who are struggling with mainstream school (probably for all the same reasons above). My issue now is trying to motivate them to do any learning at all and not having the tools myself to support them. It's like the blind leading the blind here, lol. This video has been quite inspirational in how to help them and myself reach our greatest potentials. Thank you so much.
when you were talking about how the “eat the frog first” method feels i resonated with it on a different level. i’ve been doing that “eat the frog first” cycle my entire life and i beat myself up about it every single time.
i’ve been getting recommended more and more adhd content but this video just verbalised everything i’ve been thinking and feeling about myself for almost my entire life.
I’m a 49yo electrician, a med, biochem, and industrial engineering schools drop-out… a self- diagnosed adult adhd of the attention type up until I was 45.
I’ve been bullied, laughed at, looked down at, mocked and ridiculed for most of my life.
I am surprised I am not a drug addict alcoholic or a complete mess. I heard all of these “advice” throughout my life.
Thank God for your video man keep them coming.
Sounds like you're still sorely in need of actual solutions, no? "Self-diagnosed" anything means less than shit. Talk to your doc, get a psych, and start figuring shit out. You can't find solutions if you don't even actually know the problem, and you sure as hell aren't going to find or execute those solutions without help. I'm glad you're finally getting some form of indirect akcnowledgement that the advice everyone has heard is not for people with specific neural disorders, but if you're already "self-diagnosed", didn't you already know that? What's stopping you from doing something about it? Repeatedly being validated on the internet is going to do nothing for you, and it sounds like you don't have much of your life span left to waste here.
Somany people don't understand and are afraid of electricity plus no one really knows what it is understood. So in my mind and I'm very intelligent if you're an electrician you ain't no idiot. Not everyone can learn it and even more not everyone can do it
I'm so so so sorry all of that happened to you ❤ you're an incredible person! And don't ever let anyone else tell you otherwise.
I’m also an electrician. I want to make sure I do have ADHD. What you stated is my life. I can say I felt something wrong even as a little boy.
@@martincoronado9232 brother you are an educated person i couldnt finish any uni due to my severe adhd and im told i dont have it but only add at age 25 now im 38 i went there and get diognised all these years i knew something was off abused nicotine,weeed,caffeine,a little alcohol and when i cleared of myself of those ( nicotine quitting made my focus way woirse tho due to dopamine stuff ) and started long release pills methylbnlabla i was like '' oh my god... is this how normal people live '' and well im trying to get well last 4-5 months at age of 38 its a lonely road for whatever its worth i understand you i wish you a healthy and happy life, i feel so alone in this path too :D
My brother. You've described my entire adult life and all the things I tried. I always knew that I wasn't stupid (in some contexts people think I'm extremely smart, but in academic environments, I feel like the biggest, slowest idiot). Discovering that I had ADHD last year allowed me to seek better answers to my problems. Thank you for this.
The best productivity system I've tried so far for ADHD is the Scrum methodology. Big Tech uses it a lot for its software development projects, because Big Tech is neurodivergent as hell. You may want to look into it.
In a simplified way: you divide your time into fixed-length sprints, every sprint you schedule only enough work for the sprint, and you organize them by progress status on a kanban board (e.g. not today, doing today, in progress, blocked, done). I learned this method at work, but it works wonders for me in my daily life.
@@iloveanimemidriffADHD-havers tend to be serial procrastinators. Breaking large projects into small projects and having weekly accountability are both great ways to capitalize on the "urgent response" part of the ADHD brain.
Yesss pomodoro technique works like a miracle for some reason;_; speedrunning writing masters degree in 25 minute intervals like a champ. I dont have any diagnose towards add/adhd but i suffer from depression turned bipolar disorder and for most of the time i lack motivation even if i know something is important. Micro commitments work like a miracle too! Sometimes even enjoying my hobbies is a challenge... But when i tell myself "alright im gonna read for five minutes" or "im just gonna draw a quick sketch and not do any lineart/coloring" is a leverage enough to trick my brain into getting things done! Definitely better than "ooooh im gonna SIT DOWN and draw 10 STUDIES OF HUMAN FIGURE and not stop until I FINISH THEM". Because i wont. I just wont. But the tricks you mentioned help out with the never ending guilt. They help a lot actually. Thank you for presenting them along with methods i had not encountered before, you're doing gods work for nd people and those who seek to understand them ❤️
I've never been diagnosed with ADHD but listening to you made me realize I might actually have ADHD. For so many years at work I've been the "smart but lazy" one since I have troubles getting things done as the rest of the people and I do get distracted constantly. While doing a big project I often find small things that I can tweak and then I focus on them so badly, I completely forget about the project I was working on.
I've always thought there was something wrong with me but after watching this video I have clarity why I am the way I am and I finally know why I do things differently than others. Thank you for this video :)
This is me rn
Hey, I know it's been 3 months, but if you really think you have ADHD, if you can afford it, or if health care is free where you live Idk, go to a psychiatrist to actually be diagnosed with it, it will be much better to know you have it than to think that you have it, also there is medication that can help you with, it won't cure it, but it will make you in control of your brain a bit more for a certain period (Some last a few hours, others half a day) the exact amount it's different for each one, you and your Doctor will figure this, starting with small doses. Most people with ADHD I know used this medication for a bit, some a few months others a few years, and they all stopped after that, the reason being they learned how to be productive with it, the medication made them in control enough that they got their life together and created systems that worked for them, I'm still starting, but I already see the effects and making decisions and staying focused for longer period, and getting the motivation to start something is getting easier, I'm a long way from a neurotypical brain, but I don't get stuck that much anymore.
YES! 🙌
As a neurodiversity life coach, I spend half my time helping people to unlearn the shame and "shoulds" of these neurotypical systems.
So what can I do to fix myself? I'm smart, i have dreams and ideas. I have skills. But everyday I feel more useless and get less done.
@@ACoupleStoners My heart goes out to you. There are so many things packed in to what you're saying. I have lots of thoughts, but the three that I'll share here are:
1. I feel you entirely about being broken and needing to fix yourself. But the truth is, we live in a society that needs fixing. We are perfectly good and whole as we are.
2. Less = more. With my clients, we usually work on either a) narrowing down to a few goals and working on those diligently or b) being happy cycling through interests as you gain/lose interest in them.
3. Outsourcing (paying someone to help you or to do the things you aren't ever gonna get done yourself, despite your best intentions) and "body doubling" (having a coach like myself, a friend/family member, or a community group be an accountability partner) are game changers.
@@ACoupleStonersadding to the answer above.
1. Change your situation. Most likely ADHD will be no problem if you are a explorer (travel blogger) or a adventurer. Go camping with friends for an entire week, move outside all day. Such a life might be bliss for you - so go create it!
2. Challenge yourself. Do something that requires all those skill. Organize local " ted" talk, start a business, do things that might really fail. If it is a real adventure, you will thrive.
3. Don't expect to have a linear career. If you apply your strenghts, you will make it. You also will fail on the way. And once you made it, you'll get bored and go out to find new challenges. New job, new country, new hobby. Who knows?
@NotaNazgul these are all very me. Idk if you looked at my channel but my wife and I already live /travel in a bus.
The local Ted talk thing is funny, I used to do that. I started a local psychedelics discussion group that grew really quickly and attracted some of the most interesting and in depth conversations I've ever had. We even had some a doctor join and share their knowledge and experience with us.
The linear career thing is something I really struggle with. My heart tells me this is who I am. Just constantly searching out new fun and interesting ways to live life and make money. But inside I feel like I'm almost 40 and never really going to find my niche in life because I don't stick with things long enough for them to grow.
Struggling with depression and watching the world around us crumble doesn't help either. But thank you for the advice. Where have you learned this from?
I’m an RN I went to school to be a health coach, the pandemic hit and I haven’t started coaching yet beyond my practice clients. I was diagnosed with ADHD last year and would like to add neurodiverse clients. Are there online classes?
One common pitfall I have found is being more invested in the system than the end goal. This can result in going down rabbit holes you don't need to go down. Sometimes you can't tell that a rabbit hole is unnecessary until you go down it, but taking a step back periodically to remind yourself of the end goal sometimes helps.
Misleading title, because "toxic" advice is not the issue... the problem is when the advice is developed for neurotypicals but then catered to ADHD audiences (which doesn't make the "productivity advice" inherently "toxic", at all). Other than that, *GREAT content* , thanks so much for posting!
A few people said to me maybe you have adult onset adhd and I'm sad to say I was like no way. This video describes me to a T. I was a straight A student through college graduation and thought I had it together because I felt I was intelligent enough to survive, but I just have not been able to function as I should. I'm FINALLY going to see a psychologist and be 100% honest about my struggles (that seem humiliating to me) and hopefully my life will finally change. I have be trying SO hard. Like can't go on level of hard. This video kind of saved my life. I can't believe how ignorant I was, but thank you, thank you, thank you!
Good luck with seeing the psychologist! Myths about ADHD are so prevalent, I also was very resistant to the idea that I could have ADHD when I first heard it. I thought “I can’t have ADHD because I can focus on the things I’m interested in,” which is basically a description of ADHD. 🙃
@@adhdjesse sooooo true, it’s basically THE definition
I just devoured this video to help me better understand my fiance and his sister, who have ADHD. I feel horrible for having done to them exactly what you said makes people with ADHD feel awful, but I will certainly take your advice to heart and change how I communicate with them about goals and productivity techniques. Thank you for making me a better ADHD ally!
If it makes you feel better, we're used to it, and we always appreciate the change in communication whenever it comes!
thank you for being willing to learn. I think most of us with ADHD don't expect perfection from other people, we just want them to make an effort to understand us. You sound like a genuinely good person and your fiance is incredibly lucky to have you
Man you are spot on on the 3 major flaws of neurotypical productivity. It drives my wife crazy that when I get really busy, I completely shut down and don't want to do any of it. Even really simple stuff that would take like 10 minutes I just put off again and again, because I say "the list never stops growing".
Same here - the worst chores are those consisting of a sequence of short steps with unavoidable waiting periods between them. Have a time window to get blissfully dissolved into your current locus of interest only to get shaken up by your disgruntled OCD-leaning wife again and again lol.
(maybe a life hack: vacuum cleaning / manual wash dishing and other prolongated chores, perhaps with some associated ambient noise that shuts off secondary distractions, are rather doable even during intense thinking on some work-related problem)
Yes! This is great! For years I went down the rabbit hole of neurotypical motivators and systems, and felt worse because I could never finish or WANT to do the things.
I was diagnosed with ADHD 2 years ago, and now I understand why. I love the suggestions here, thanks!
A couple seconds in and you made me tear up with talking about treatment in school from teachers when they said you could improve or do better and all they would indicate was to try and not be as lazy. I haven’t heard that out of someone else’s mouth without me prompting it and wow thank you for not making me feel alone.
It was so frustrating. Like my competence was shown clearly in class, my aptitude was more than enough, I would participate in class and active discussions, so the tests. but Homework was my downfall
For sure, you're not alone
Microcommittments is usually the best strategy for me, and yes, usually it gets me doing more than I "told myself" I had to do. For me, it's SO MUCH about being "kind to myself" because I've been trained so well to motivate myself by emotional and mental abuse.
I love that you're on the left talking and not the right or center. It just feels easier to focus on you and your voice and isn't overwhelming with distracting animations at all.
It's very calming.
I've noticed that with two monitors, the left monitor for "work" and right monitor for "research" works very well for me
I nearly cried while watching. His words strikes deep into my heart. Breaking things up in to smaller tasks has turned nightmare into absolute catastrophe. This guy here truly understands what life with ADHD is like.
Bro just describes my whole life in a few minutes. I like to mix things up when study, skipping randomly to another topic, jumping from one chapter to another just to see whats else is there. It actually works, keeps me from zoning out : )) And also start my day doing things i love, pretty much like warming up your muscles pre work out.
This is the first time I’ve ever heard someone perfectly describe what I have had to do since I was little. I have had to make everything into a game and micro tasks, and wow, this is honestly so true
I related so much to everything in this video, some tips I have thought of before and they do help, like the thought of accepting that you are going to have failure in your consistency and system, and that you will need to pivot
Agreed 100%
I haven’t been diagnosed with adhd but I have autism and I think there’s a lot of overlap. I feel that all the strategies you’ve suggested here are things I needed to hear at this point in my life, so I stop blaming myself for failing, I stop apologising when I don’t need to, and I stop feeling like there’s no hope for me. Thank you so much for this video, it’s just what I need right now. A thousand thanks for your dedication to helping others. You make the world a better place with this video. 🙂🙂🙂
Interesting! I have ADHD and know several people with autism. I have also been thinking that there's a lot of overlap. I also have OCD, so that's part of the overlap for me, too.
You're absolutely right! ADHD and autism are brain cousins!
autism is very very often comorbid with ADHD, so you may be ADHD too ✨
Im also autistic and not diagnosed with ADHD and honestly I either have it too or there is so much overlap that the advice for adhd might be perfect for autism too.
@@Cocoanutty0 I have to agree that there is a lot of overlap
Bruh, seriously. Since I've found out I have ADHD, which was like, 2 weeks ago, i've been watching all these ADHD contents and I feel like crying because all the time I hear things that are INSANELY relatable to my entire life experience till now, and I´ve N E V E R felt so intensely this sense of belonging... I've never felt so understood. It's the first time I'm hearing people tell personal experiences that are EXACTLY like mine. Seeing so much people understanding so accurately how I feel, what I go through my entire life and how people don't understand and judge me insinuating that i'm stupid, lazy and indifferent towards other people, makes me SO EMOTIVE... I wish I could give a strong hug and thank all the content creators that makes me feel this way, so let me leave my thanks to you: THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! 🤧🤧🤧
So much of the ADHD content I see on the internet feels like it could be anyone in any situation. You absolutely NAILED what it feels like being inside my head. Thank you for this. Thank you for helping me see myself better. I typed out those productivity strategies and I'm going to print them so they're nearby.
I am so overwhelmed right now. I have never seen anything that made me feel so seen and heard. I've watched a lot of productivity and ADHD content, but we must has very similar brains because I resonated with everything you said. Thank you for making this.
What's been helping me a lot lately is limiting myself to only 3 tasks per day and then dedicating myself to only work on those 3 things during a daily 4-5 hour window of time (pre-scheduled in my calendar).
The task limit makes it easier to get started because there are fewer things to focus on and the time limit creates a deadline to race against and a reward of relaxation to look forward to after the 4-5 hour window.
It's surprising how much can be accomplished with just 3 consistently pursued tasks per day!
(Also listening to a podcast makes mindless things like washing dishes 1000x easier)
Yesssssss listening or watching something while I work around the house helps me so much!
Bruh... Wait! This is why I used to take 40min showers and now getting showered in 10mins is so easy because I now listen to music as I shower so my mind is busy with music and not shower thoughts...
If I could figure out what three things would get me closer to a goal, that would be awesome. I'm so glad you found what works for you! I'm cheering you on!🎉
Making dull tasks into a game is totally something I’ve done since long before I actually knew i had adhd but did know i couldn’t do that crap. It works. That’s not silly!
I did this for years just because it made me dread things less, never realized it was an actual adhd tactic.
The funny thing is I'm 32 and I wasn't diagnosed and medicated until I was 30, but a bunch of these systems I figured out myself when I was in high school and college. Making games out of my work, changing my environment, setting time limits and break times for myself, etc. Towards the end of college I was struggling hard and had a massive amount of work to get done so I wrote down all my tasks and numbered them, then wrote down and numbered some rewards for completing tasks like going to the store to get an energy drink, or playing a game I like for a half hour, then I'd roll dice to determine what task I had to finish and what reward I'd get.
Thank you for talking about ADHD without being infantalizing about it. Too many times I've seen videos that break down these topics too simply and it makes it hard to take seriously.
This video is so awesome! I rarely see people talk about embracing the change. I go through planners and people think I’m crazy. But there is something soothing about copying down my schedule and changing my system to plan. By the end of the year I have five or six that I have rotated through. It seems insane, but once I realized that it works for me I refuse to let anyone make me feel crazy about it. If $50-100 a year keeps me sane and well organized and is within my budget it’s none of anyones business how many times I switch it up.
Something I found recently that works for me is dividing my tasks into: inherently fun work and more dry or boring or challenging less fun work. I break up my tasks throughout the day to have it set up with fun tasks beginning or bookending each less fun task. My day flies and I get so much done and it doesn’t really feel so hard!
My personal advice about the “do it for only 5 minutes and then maybe you’ll be on a roll”:
that tip never used to work for me. I would get anxious thinking ahead about at the end choosing either (do more work) or (feel guilty for deciding to not do more work).
What actually works for me is to set a timer for 5 minutes, and then STOP when the time is up, no matter what. You just do this at enough of a frequency that you can get the thing done. It’s a good technique for things like housework.
Edit: by this I mean, for certain tasks I literally only do 5 minutes a day. You’d be surprised what you can get done in that amount of time. And 5 minutes every day is more than say, 30 minutes weekly. For me stuff like doing dishes and keeping my room clean is tough, and it feels like it takes up my entire afternoon. Finding out I can do it in less than 5 minutes is liberating. What takes up my entire afternoon is the procrastinating lmaooooo
100% the pomodoro app also works for this bc the break is timed
I give myself little micro breaks. I'll check facebook or the news then I'll just randomly exit it out to go back to my task. I call it my circle and eventually you start to get more interested in the bigger task at ahnd. Sometime i'll turn on classical music but not singing to distracting. I might light a candle or turn a light on only when i'm studying. I also will take short walk.
I do this! I set a timer for 5 minutes and clean....whatever. no plan, just start picking things up or doing dishes or whatever I see first. Then I take a 5 minute break. Then 6 minutes work, 6 minute break, 7 minute work, 7 minute break - basically until I feel like I've done enough. On weekends, I can go all day.
Same. My thought process is "5 minutes is better than nothing". Even if I end up only doing 5 minutes, it was better than nothing. It's helped me reduce a lot of guilt I feel when not doing tasks.
I will try using that 5 minute stop for housework. Been struggling with it so much lately..
This video was HUGE for me!!
I was already starting to wonder about pursuing an ADHD diagnosis... Then I watched this video a couple months ago, and I had NEVER felt so understood in all my life!!
I resonated with every single thing you said here, and that was the point of decision for me. I decided to get tested.
I was just diagnosed with ADHD at 42-years-old, and I just wanted you to know that this video was an important part of my journey. So thank you!
I was diagnosed as a child. Something that has really been helping recently (especially with house work/self care) is setting a timer for 30 or 45 minutes and using that time specifically to complete generally productive stuff. Nothing specific, just whatever ones I feel like doing until the timer runs out. I find it a lot less stressful than a daunting to-do list of stuff I *really* don’t want to do.
I'll do this one. This sounds like something I can do! Thanks for sharing!
YES!! huge for me at work bc i have so many parts i have to pay attention to all day in my manufacturing position. they’re all time sensitive materials and i love what i do…when i can actually do it lol. timers have saved my life ! and they make me feel like i’m truly accomplishing stuff all through out the day when the timers are going off and i know exactly what i need to do, where i’m going in the shop, and why. (i do have to make little notes on sticky pads next to the timers sometimes..to tell me the next step so i don’t forget lol)
I do this too, but for 5 to 15 minutes. Feels less overwhelming. If I want to, I can always go on for longer. It started because of back problems (not being able to sit for longer than 30 minutes), and then it became a useful tool: just walk around the kitchen or living room and see what little tasks I can do.
I just have alarms set on my phone for every hour, on the hour. That helps me keep track of time and how long I've been working or sitting around.
It's not a hard cutoff or anything, just to keep me aware of the time. It's great at work.
Jesse, I’m old enough to be your mother but I also suffer from ADD. With an immense amt of dedication, through blood and tears I was able to earn my Masters in health care.
I was diagnosed as an adult which made me understand all the difficulties I had as a child/young adult. Thank you for the explanation of why the methods for Neurotypical people do not work for us.. that made me cry because finally someone explained why those methods didn’t work for me. I appreciate you. You have gained a follower. Can’t wait to get your book
Whilst scolling through the internet trying to work out what the hell is ‘wrong’ with me, stumbled across your video. I have never felt so heard and understood. The first 15 minutes of this video you were speaking about me, word for word. I've tried all the tools and just inevitable fail again after a short period. Thank you for sharing this video. I actually think all managers should watch that first 15 minutes to gain an understand of how a neuro divergent employees can functional differently.
The 4 C’s! 🤯yes!!! These are exactly how I have got things done inside my business and home life! I just got diagnosed as a 39 year old mother of 3, successful business owner with also dyslexia 🤦🏻♀️ it’s been a rough ride the last 39 years but so amazing that I intuitively took action to work in a process that worked for me and not everyone else. This is a great video 👏🏻👏🏻
I think I might have a form of dyslexia. Reading can be a chore for me which can, at times, add more stress to my ADHD brain when trying to get certain things done.
I got diagnosed a month ago at 27. I feel extremely impatient to find meds that work, and I'm afraid that I never will and I'll just be stuck with my brain being like this for the rest of my life. I'm just starting to research behavioral modifications like the ones you offer, and it is hugely reassuring to know that even if I never get on the right meds, I can give myself permission to work with my ADHD instead of against it. Thank you.
i was diagnosed as a kid but kinda thought later it was bs and i was lazy and just didnt wanna pay attention. i guess maybe i really do have it cause man these sound like me ahah
Let me know if you find anything. I'm like you
Omg, this is exactly what I'm going through. I'm sorry for the frustration you're experiencing but it feels less lonely seeing your comment. I just wanted to reciprocate that feeling to you so you can also feel a little less alone too, cuz like i said this is what i am currently going through word for word
@@s.t.9605 Aww, thanks for this reply!!! It really made me feel less alone. My original comment was from two months ago, and at this point I am even further away from getting on the right medication. :( I tried some non-stimulant meds, had bad side effects, psychiatrist has basically decided against ever putting me on a stimulant. I've been crying about it all week. I think I'm grieving the loss of the idea that my life could be easier on medication. I just feel so broken, and now I feel like I have to accept that I'm going to be broken forever. I logically know that these difficult feelings will pass, but I'm having a hard time with them this week. Sending an internet hug!
Videos like this never fail to make me cry. For so many years, I blamed myself for being stupid, lazy, a slacker, etc. I was diagnosed with ADHD in my 40s, and until then it never occurred to me to talk to anyone about those feelings I had about myself because it felt like everyone else had their lives together. To know that there are sooooo many people out there that feel the same way is both amazing and awful. Amazing because I’m finally not alone, but awful that I spent 45 years blaming myself when I could have been relieved of the burden so much earlier and had a different life.
I’m so grateful for content like this.
Just wow. I have suspected I have ADHD but I have not been diagnosed. This might have just lit a fire under me. Everything you said rang true for me, and you don't know how much joy the phrase "eat the ice cream first" brought me. It's so true though, when I get that spark of creativity, it gives me the juice and momentum to keep going. it totally fires me up. And then when I get hyperfocused I don't want to stop. Finding that sweet spot is tough but sometimes making it a game or pairing it with something enjoyable (like an audiobook while cleaning or decluttering) helps me stick with it. I didn't realize that ADHD was a lack of dopamine, and that ADHD'ers crave caffeine, sugar and carbs because of it. Seriously, my hubby wonders why I crave sweets so much and it's definitely worse when i'm tired/lacking motivation. i did notice that in 2021 when i was breaking down one of my 2 big goals, it was best when i only put down the pieces I wanted to get done this month. not the entire project at once. it was the best year cause I got it done that way!
It’s so interesting that food becomes a factor in this! It explains so much.
As a child, I often started meals with the dessert 🤭 It makes so much sense looking back!
I can’t even watch this video without drifting in and out of other thoughts and losing what you were talking about. But the captivate and create part stood out. Everytime I write and record music, building my 4x4 or doing a home Reno project, my brain just thrives
i start reading the comments in the middle of the video
@@mattice9083 Is there any other way to watch a video?
Time based goals have been a real game changer for me. "Do it until it's done" often seems so daunting, but "Do it for x minutes"... I can do that!! :) Like you, x changes drastically depending on my energy levels / how daunting the task is - sometimes 2mins is plenty!! Other times I go for 10, 20 or even 40. I rarely go above 45mins though. I need a break after 45mins.
I have 2 modes usually. Go go go or no no no. I used to clean but it was for 8 hours straight. Or never. Now during burn out it's never or 10 minutes only. So this could help.
@@AnotherBrainArt I have to agree, once I truly get started on a project, I start to hyperfocus and "get on a roll" and don't want to stop, even for a timer, because getting started again is so difficult.
@@AnadyiaHowell exactly. Once I stop, I'm done and can't go again.
instead of time increments, I usually find that it's helpful to break projects into steps, but instead of completing every step at once, I use them as checkpoints. If I can't get the whole project done, maybe I can make a step of progress toward completing it. I'm actually much more productive since changing my mindset from "it all has to happen now" to "something is better than nothing." If I'm too stressed to get the whole thing done anyway, then making any progress at all toward the goal means I'm overachieving and doing more than I was going to which is massively motivating to me for some reason. More often than not, I get going and do way more than I planned to, some days I only get a little bit done, but if I'm doing anything at all, that's what counts.
@@meganmullis5386 Absolutely! "Progress not perfection" :)
Several parts of this brought tears to my eyes. This helps me deal with myself with more kindness and more importantly, roll that kindness forward to my kids who also have adhd. Safe to say you’re making that difference in the world.
My kids have also add/ adhd. I have also.. its very important that you and we are also precious members of the society and we are not less.. different but not less.❤
Summary:
1: rather than eat the frog first (the toughest task)
-> do a small, simple and or enjoyable task first to get moving
2: rather than break the project down and feel overwhelm
-> break into a couple of its first few steps
Thank you Jesse, I love your 4C model! One simple idea for your consideration. Changing "Complete" to "Constraint" might be a better word. Since it's not really the completion of the task that motivates us, but the clear constraints brought from hard deadlines and accountability.
Interesting angle....
That quote you gave, "he looked at me like I was stupid. I'm not stupid" moved me to tears. Thank you for this eye opening perspective. It really helps those of us trying to understand how best to support those we love with ADHD.