Questions For The Dehumanizing Narcissist
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- Опубліковано 16 тра 2024
- Narcissists can act smug when they dehumanize you. I have some questions for that person...
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his UA-cam channel, his videos have received more than 110 million views.
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I found it better to be alone than live as a couple with a narcissist
No doubts there.
My narc husband died several years ago, and I am terrified to remarry for fear I will choose another one. So many fake people out there.
@@user-em8on8py9z They are guilty of assault.
@@user-em8on8py9zPuttin' that best fake foot forward. I do not blame you. At all.
@@user-em8on8py9z I struggle with the same after enduring a few decades trying to coparent with my ex wife with bpd. It was a trial in self blame and constantly questioning reality just to be alienated from my daughter in spite of my efforts. I haven’t dared open up for another round because I don’t trust my picker.
They find joy in causing discomfort and pain in others, even brag about it. They consider it an achievement, adding value to their lives.
Yes my son enjoys hurting us.
Reap what we sow!
@@LysaChampione Sounds good, still waiting...
Looking back at relationships or friendships with them, the way that they were talking about some of their friends or family, was just them inadvertently telling on themselves about how they were eventually gonna treat you on the sly (before things move from the covert mechanism to the overt version of that)
@@SST4SSG 100% 👍 If you think you see them comming, the're comming. All the good stuff that gives you pleasure will disappear at a random and intermittent pace.
Best Advice Ever. We are Not Kidding. Just Run. The longer you stay, the worse it will be for you.
This is true, because my narcissist was my own mother and I knew her for 50 years, before going no contact. They NEVER change
It wasn't until I discovered Dr. Carter's channel that I even realized I was in a relationship with a narcissist. Every one of his observations strikes a YES! cord in me.
Me too!
The realization is both painful, and humiliating, at first. But when you realize it's not your fault, it helps set you on the path to healing. I wish you health and happiness.
Same for me. I’m handicapped and it’s hard now with the years of degradation,poor health from the added abuse- to get away. Fantasize daily about following my Dr.s advice to find my deserved peace.😢
@@vickydittfield9822 I understand how you feel. It took me until 62 years old, to see what my dad had been doing to me all my life. Then, he got Altzheimers on top, and his NPD kicked into high gear, even turning everyone against me with the pity act. I still have trouble sleeping, and his flying monkeys keep calling me up. I can't move, because he put my house in his name, along with mine. I actually can't leave till he dies. It's a disgusting situation. I destroyed my back, taking care of him, and can't care very well for myself or my home. There's a special place in hell for those people. I hope you find the peace that has eluded you. Don't look back at the past, and think what you "should have" done. It is an exercise in futility.
@@CactusGal Actually, it was almost a relief because he was long gone by the time I discovered this channel. It wasn't that I thought I did anything wrong, but I spent years trying to figure out WHY he behaved the way he did. As soon as I discovered what it was and that I wasn't alone, I was able to let it go. (Turns out, he treated his son's mother even worse.)
Spot on. Brilliantly explained. Have pity on the narcissist and move away onto your own safe space. Have nothing to do with evil.
Literal EVIL.
The more narcs I am forced to endure the less pity I have for them.
Compliments others and calls them honey and sweetheart. Calls me bug...feels disrespectful.
My nex gave me a steady diet of dehumanizing. I can't even begin to explain how difficult life with him was, and how hard it was to communicate with him.
I'm glad you stopped communicating with him 👍❤️🙏
@@amandaliverpool3374 He would literally drive you nuts lol.
I am glad you are free from his/her evil way of living ❤
@@isabelvidal3584 Thank you! That's so sweet.
@@isabelvidal3584 it’s “his” he’s a dude
EXCELLENT AS ALWAYS, DR. C.
HUGS TO GUS 😊
I said those very words to my son. Who treats their parents like this?
He's trying to impress the new wife with how he treats us. Very smug. Big man. He can cuss his 70+ year old parents out, over the phone. He's a real hero.
I look at other people having Mothers Day dinners with there children, I think I have become jealous.
The last Mothers Day I can remember was about 9 years ago when we went out for breakfast and he had to tell me how much more was eating than him.
I am becoming stronger as I grow with these videos. Some days I find myself doubting myself. I blame myself and think I deserve this.
But I don't. Even my granddaughter says I deserve better. I am striving for love and peace with each day.
Thank you all
Hey, I know it's late but happy mother's day and I sincerely hope that your future as a mother and grandmother is a good one. You do deserve better and I hope you get it.
Happy mothers day. 🌻🌻🪻 I'd give you flowers if I could. I know your pain. I went NC with my whole family. My whole life was filled with these nasty people. I'm 57 ,very alone ( except my 6 pets and God) and just had to get a restraining order against extreme narc neighbors. Uugh
@michellethiesen7972 Thank you, Michelle. That means more than you will ever know.
My narc child is my daughter. She has cut me out of her life. I dont miss the cruel words and belittlement from her. I do grieve the relationship we don't have. Yes, it hurts seeing others' mother/daughter relationships. And what hurts most is that she yanked my granddaughter out of her own family. She is a precious child who deserves to be loved by us all. When its explained that the narcissist is the way they are because of deep hurt, I thought it was me. But I was a good mom to her, encouraged her, supported her, gave to her. I think sometimes it is inherited. Her dad (my ex), is also a narcissist.
Just remind yourself every day; it's not you, it's him.
I did both. My sister blocked me and I was like, “thank God!” I live ten minutes away, but we don’t talk. She’s toxic. I’m now happy.
"The trash took itself out for you," as the adage goes
Yup. Well said, Dr. C. Went through 20 years of this. I love that, "is intimidation the only tool you have in your shed?" 😂 They'll never change. They'll never apologize. And they'll never be able to look inside themselves and ask "what have i become?", realizing that the rest they treat others of purely selfish and evil. It's all about having radical acceptance and getting out if you're on the receiving end. No one deserves to be treated like that.
Imagine if it's brothers and they bounce off each other...
And then they have kids
@@LysaChampionepoor kids🥺
That was the absolute BEST SLAY by Dr. C, asking about intimidation being the tool they have in their sheds!!!
Religion did it for my narcissist. He really believes everybody going to Hell..except those who think like him. 😊❤
I hear this. After I filed for divorce, mine told me that there is "something evil inside me" and he hopes I find God so I'll stop hurting our children. 😮💨
@@Bike4Life231
I totally understand! Experienced the same. I know religion helps some people but it does a lot of damage in the wrong hands.
@@Bike4Life231mine has said similar. Evil, dark, sadistic…. I’m not perfect but I’m seriously the OPPOSITE of those words..
@@TheAdventuresOfCollegeGiRL
I understand! I am not perfect either..nobody is! But I am Really a Good person! There is simply things in the Bible and in religion they can use against you and they Do! I Love 💕 You!
Do not dissway him 😜
Let him have his own "paradise", private of 5 stars
I wish I could move into my own space. Retirement has left me with a small income & it is pathetic I can't leave.
Then that can't be a recent photo.
@@sclogse1🦨💨 🤢
Who cares about her pic, and why do YOU? Go creep and stalk elsewhere. You’re not welcome here.
I had an uncle in that spot. Your not alone
The horrible thing is, Dr. C, is that they don't listen to this type of thing ... The questions, the message, the truths It would teach them so much, enrich and better the person, help them heal from those emotional scars that they experienced and help them grow and help their relationships. That's what sad. It could help them heal but they won't even try to listen to something this healing.
I agree with you- to us, hearing these traits, and recognizing so many of their toxic tools of destruction, we think maybe we could sit down w them and say "I see you, I recognize you, I want to help you so that we can have a healthy relationship." But the problem is- they don't WANT to let go of their cruel coping mechanisms and admit any kind of vulnerability, and this is the radical acceptance that I,and we, must embrace.
They are pure liars and extremely arrogant
Paralysing fear of doing everything wrong, feeling like missing out on good things and not being good enough.
I do NOT have pity for deceitful, treacherous Narcissists! I DO however, steer totally clear of them, even when they try to interact with me as though nothing ever happened. They're invisible to me and I simply walk away as though they weren't even there!
Still
Watch out
They have predator's instincts and may come when you at your weakest and vulnerable point. Be careful, please
@@matikramer9648 no way! The 2 I had dealings with try but deep inside they're afraid of me because they know I don't play and have them pegged for the treacherous trash that they are. Their best option is to steer clear of me!
Wow this hits home. There's nothing that I wouldn't do for my daughter. I have gotten out of my bed right after my cancer surgery. Teice a day I would drive her to work. Drive the younger baby to the baby sitter. Drive the middle child to day care. This was right after I got out of the hospital. I've been doing things like this all of her life. Ive never turned her down for anything. Yet in front of my narcissist Mother and sister she would do her best to humiliate me. It would hurt me to my core. Now that I understand about narcissism i do pity them all. I pray for them.
Exactly Dr.C. Recently, I was contacted by my narc ex. What did I do? I laughed at him. I mean I really laughed. This absolutely took him completely off balance. I think for the first time in 8 years, he really didn't know how to react. I hung up. Blocked him.
He's low on supply and he needs you back
Dehumanizing of anyone, or any group is a slippery slope. The more it happens, the more readily it becomes acceptable, even desirable to a narcissistic individual. Note their smugness. Beware of the Non-verbal sign of contempt. Stay Healthy!!
So true, thank you for sharing your thoughts ❤
Misery loves company...
Exactly what I have said many times about my mother as well as most of her siblings. They grew up (physically only apparently) in the same household and have the same issues and are alike in the fact that they are miserable people.
Omg don't say this to them if u want to live
Then RUN to your safe space
DON'T BE AFRAID. THEY FEED ON THAT.
The narcissist I knew would just deny all of this!
They all do, incapable of any self reflection.
Now I understand that. Thank u.
It has become disturbingly fashionable to scream dehumanising abuse at other people with the apparent expectation that berating and bullying them will convince them of one's perpetual big, big victimhood. It's almost as if such people are really the serial abusers, rather than the victims of anything, or something.
Currently living option 2. Life is good, just a little lonely at times.
They are bred and created and ultimately I pray for their healing and release from any and all trauma and demonic strongholds that may possess them. We are at war, and the war is first and foremost spiritual. YAH Most High bless you Dr. Carter. Thank you.
You could pray all day but the likelihood of that person changing is close to zero.
@@megpi72 Your unbelief is yours to own. You don't speak for anyone else. The only thing in existence capable of healing narcissistic, sociopathic, or extremely traumatised and troubled souls is divine intervention through the power of the blood shed by Messiah Yahushua himself, for the remission of the world's sins, and our Heavenly Father YaHuWaH Elohiym Most High granting freedom and healing.
Ya'acob (James) 1:5-8 KJV - "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of Elohiym, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.
For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of YAHUWAH.
A double minded man is unstable in all his ways."
Thank you.❤
They are cowards unable to face their demons they are a prisoner of their delusions
“Oh, boohoo, you are such a crybaby! You say that I am mean haha look in the mirror! It’s not what I’ve become. How dare you?? It’s what YOU have become!”
Can confirm, "pity them" is a really good way to take control of your own narrative while not falling into anger. Also helps you see what they are doing as not enviable or attractive, so you don't want to run back to fix them.
Thanks, Dr. C!
Very true!
If you asked them these things they would just say that it is you with the problem and that they are fine.
Thank GOD for you Dr. C.
My N brother is pulling out all stops
While .he demands 4 siblings to follow his rules that change whenever he Feels like it, to watch , pay and care for my mother in her home.
It is a HELL sht show.
And guess who is at the the focus
Of this horrible painfull fear manip.
Me the only one the scapegoat
71yrs. Who has had it.
My narc does this. They are so proud of themselves when they put people down
Good topic. For 20 years I didn’t see any unkindness. Aging and alcohol and abusive memories caught up. He became both his abusive stepmother, and also the defiant impulsive 4 year old. I’m still shocked that’s what was underneath.
Dealing with the same. A 63 year old man, once a clear thinking, (although looking back, all the signs of narcissism were there), clean, person, to a drunken, slovenly, lying, vindictive person, getting worse each and every day. A screaming mean and thoughtlesd person, with no empathy; who dishes it out, but cannot accept when the shoe is on the other foot... Gas lighter should be his name. I'm trapped, because we have two dogs that I love, and I am gutted by the thought of leaving them.
a person I used to see often was never heard to say anything kind about others. She often giggled at others' problems. She was broken
My wife threatens with divorce, name calling, four letter word applications, explosive nuclear option anger complete with a mushroom cloud, condescending. All this with never ever an apology, she applies this behavior without remorse.
Never!
They will never be willing to 👀 look at the core issues that dehumanize themselves
Destroying their own souls in the process
Thank you.
WOW Thank you so much for this. Asking them questions is a great idea to make them think without coming across as threatening towards them. I had a LOVELY counselor whom I couldn't work with after I moved to another city. Now my go-to is "What would she ask me about this situation ?!" It didn't occur to me till I watched this to ask questions that may make them stop and think about their actions !!!! ❤
Yes absolutely right
No more pity for these folks! It's sickening how they function towards humans!.........
Is it just me or his voice very soothing?
No communication no problem-solving from him for 40 years. I stayed because of the kids had nowhere absolutely nowhere else to go. It becomes a tragedy if you stay.
Thanks Doctor Carter. Very well rounded advice imo. I would think that would be gentle enough to draw out a healthy reconsideration. I love it
When I went no contact(over 5 years ago), with my narcissistic mom, for about the first year, every so often she would ask me to please talk to her. My only text reply would be something to the effectof what Dr C said. I would ask things like, "What happened to you to make you this way? " Or, would you like to talk about it? Then she'd go silent. Not a single reply. A few months later, she ask me again, to talk. Again I'd ask another same type question. Never once a reply came. So at least I figured out how to get her to stop texting me 😅 but then I blocked her completely and haven't looked back❤ thank you Dr C for ALL you advice and wisdom
In the past before I found this videos I would internalize and dwell on how these people are and it would change me as a person and it felt like myself disappeared and I'm always trying to feel like myself again.
I have chronic muscle tension now and chronic stress and chronic fatigue and it's affecting my everyday life.
Especially after a death or operation, they love to pour scorn or belittle
Another Dr. C video saved to my BEST NARCISSISM ADVICE folder!! 🎉 🏆
So true
Great questions!
Dr. Carter, info about narcissism is so readily available today. And respected doctors like yourself describe it in detail. My question is, how was information learned about their true feelings and personality traits since most narcs won't go to therapy?
Not only that, they cou1dn’t te11 the truth !f the!r s0ul depended on !t.
And !t d0es.
Y0u can c0n men.
But
You can’t c0n G0d.
Once again Dr C. you are helping us see the truth. Those of us who are exposed to these people are weary from questioning ourselves..."am I too much, or not enough?" Thanks again for leading us into more 'self care' & the ultimate goal....'Peace'. ❤
That’s exactly how we feel and probably when they have done it for long time we react in ways we would never normally and then it makes them feel even more powerful,
This is exactly what they want it’s like a win for them.
❤❤❤❤❤ thank you sir 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Thank you
Thanks 🙏 for your teaching
It's very helpful ❤
I've been being picked on by narcissist since I was 16 and I'm 34 now these people don't change and they have broken my spirit and cause major depression and I'm always trying to find a way to break out of the rut that they put me in. This isn't the life that I want
Boss sat in front of me with a customer at my desk and dehumanized me then turned to me and said smile.
Amen exactly 🙏💯
I have been being attacked by nurses most of my life to the point of them actually trying to ruin my character and my reputation.
Just because of their own opinion of me and never just accepting me for who I am!
It's not a good feeling.
My experience has been they can Not answer evem the Simplest questions. By doing this, they gain fuel by watching you get frustrated or they deflect amd speak about what's "wrkng" with you.
Three words in is when the narc starts bellowing blasphemies on top of you
I chose option #2, leave. I am trying to heal, now.
I saw a smirk on my Ex’s ex face when he’d finally provoke me to have a reaction.
Doc WOMEN especially can’t always just simply “move away” thank you FAMILY COURT FOR TAKING A B MISOGYNISTIC CHAUVINIST PERSPECTIVE. I’m going thru this now and inn2024 ALL divorced women are seen as HESTER PRIN in the SCARLET LETTER
I put up no trespassing signs 😊
Odd as it seems, they actually express pride at their handiwork in hurting others. Like it makes them serve a good purpose so others don't get too big for their breeches.
Yes
No no , they JUST WANT to try to upset you with their trauma. It is THAT BAD. They want YOU to know what it feels like . THEY ARE THAT SICK ! CAN YOU TELL I WAS WITH ONE ? 🤣
I have no pity on them, because they sure have no pity for me.
Also, what wouldn't you do to protect yourself and the ones you love. Those who matter to you etc...
I have to write this down. 😊
Amen
Sadistic they are
Yes! In every sense of the word.
Some people don't WANT to be decent because they would much rather have the power they get from the abuse they inflict.
What core decency? They have no core decency. They will laugh at you even suggesting they are not perfect. Seriously?
I❤❤❤THIS GUY....WOW. SOOOO SMART!!!!...MUCH RESPECT....XOXOX ANNETTE 👍👍👍💯💯💯💯💯💯💯🫶
Thank you.
Amen 🙏
My sister left her family and I think she dehumanizes her children shes more concerned about her music career won’t do counseling in order to have visitation with them. So so evil
I have to wonder if they weren't just extremely spoilt children who always got their way, figured it out and then used that operating system all their lives. What do you think Dr C?
Wow those are really good 🤌
Just leave them, there is no other way.❤
I have felt like I started being buried alive many years ago. Everything familiar was taken from me. Im 76. My income only increases when SS does.
It's so sad when you realise their too afraid to deal with what happened to them to literally dehumanise their being 😒
❤
Good adice❤🎉
ethnic rights for everyone, not just judeans.
No pity. I used to love him but he’s so malignant and he ruined our entire family with lies, toxicity and alienation. The pity is for me because I did have pity for him. But broken toddlers take advantage because for them it’s entertainment to mess people up.
100%
I did have pity on my dad and i moved away. I did visit him now and then. He is gone now so i can't ask these questions, i would have loved to hear his answers.
I have noticed that. If they could sidewinde you with an aftermath comment, then they are in heaven.
Not just move away, run ...
Comes with a BAG OF CHIPS
Narcissists have core decency?
I'm trying to picture the reaction to these questions. It would likely make them run 😂
For me it's better just to move away from my husband
God will sort them out one day.
Just stay single. They have been destroyed by there parents. What a shame !
Love this... move away
How to tell if it's really an artist say any of those comments to them and see how far you get with any of those I don't think you get the first sentence out of your mouth the real narcissist will not allow it will not have it and it will start to deteriorate into a very bad proposition immediately thereafter
This is what I be saying, but they don't hear me, though. Too global for me
Dr Carter, not Greta should be making speeches at the UN
I haven't been invited yet.