You know what sucks? Is when you're breaking up with these people and you can't have anyone around to help you because you're so isolated from being with the narc in the first place (5 years of isolation). I feel like this is why some people stay.
Don't stay, please reach out to your family and friends and let them know you want out and I promise you someone will come to your aid. Your narc isolated you from them not them from you.
An officer asked if there was a restraining order, when he saw my sister’s outburst. I haven’t gotten one yet, because we still need to exchange personal property (probate). But a restraining order might only be a piece of paper (I think) and à vehemently enraged Neanderthal like my sister, isn’t even interested in the judge or law enforcement.
@@csibiedit8046 that’s because boundaries are not for them. They’re for you. They’re for you to not continue to be supply for the narcissist. But, a narcissist respecting boundaries? Much like asking them to not play hopscotch. They may not care about the court and law enforcement either. As far as they’re concerned, boundaries are like a child having an invisible friend.
Absolutely true. When something bad happens to you they seem happy, but when you land on your feet again, it seems to bring out the claws. Jealousy is rottenness to the bones... Narcs are very jealous people.
You’ll get through it I got through it now I’m struggling with having friends it sucks But it’s NEVER as bad as it was before and there is times where I feel fulfilled and secure
It is. But it was way harder in the past. Nowadays, with the human rights awareness growing and options to earn money to become self-reliant, there is a lot of hope for a peaceful, dignified life, where you can choose to stay away from narcs. Even if it meant to live alone. Better times are coming to you - trust me 🙏❤️
The only way to take control from a narcissist is to get yourself from their domain first. You wont be able to figure out anything until and unless you are out of the hellish world. I will tell you one of my favourite stories. Once a King was too disturbed by everything that was happening around him. He felt as if no one was loyal to him and he was always afraid of his kingdom being attacked by perpetrators. He lost his sleep and his life had become hell. So he thought of taking a brief sojourn in the countryside. He passed through lush green fields and picturesque landscapes. The silent breeze that brushed through his hair filled his heart with joy. That is when he saw a farmer who was putting fence around his farmland. But his farmland had weeds all over and they hardly had any crops. This intrigued the King. He asked the farmer as to why was he putting a fence around the farm when the farm itself was covered with weeds. To this the farmer said that the farm was his own so he could get rid of the weeds whenever he liked. But he cant stop the stray dogs from running over his fields and destroying them. That is why he was putting the fence. To stop the stray dogs from venturing into the field. Once he was very assured about the security of his fields he can work on clearing the weeds and planting crops. On hearing this the King somewhat got the answer which he had been searching for. The human mind is also like the field. You cant control assholes from fiddling with your mind or saying bullshit. But you can definitely put a fence ( figuratively) so that these assholes cant influence you. And until and unless you dont put a fence you can never work on yourself. Once you have distanced yourself from toxic people then you can work on the healing process. Same is the case with narcs. Narcs are these stray dogs who suck your energy emotionally. They play mind games for fun because their mind wants melodrama. They hurt the very people who love them. So total isolation from these narcs is absolutely essential for the well being of your Mind. Once you are out of their mind games you can take decisions rationally. Narcs try to drain you emotionally. So everytime you respond to their low vibrations you tend to come to their level. But when you react confidently without panicking and without responding to their negative vibrations that is when you Win. When someone realises that you arent being influenced or being manipulated by their actions they will get tired of it. And after cutting them off completely from your lives you should work on your healing process. Work on clearing your mental clutter and keep yourself preoccupied. Read books and most importantly try to find your Purpose in life. When you find your Purpose you will be able to bear any pain in this World. Most importantly help others in need. When you find someone else who is stuck with a narc help them to get out of that. I feel this is the way to take control from a narcissist. P.S: I hardly find people around me who know about emotional abuse. But I think everyone should read and know about it. In today’s mean world you will find a lot of people who try to influence you or demoralise you using the sweetest of words. Its about identifying these covert manipulators and distancing yourself from them. I have immense respect for people who have survived narcissistic partners. They happen to be the most strongheaded and emotionally stable people you can come across. I learn a lot of things from them. Truly the broken will always be the most beautiful. Additionally, I was able to track his phone activities using Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Totally untraceable, cheap and anonymous.
The worst part is that they mostv often than not , they use their flying monkeys for their dirty work, as they tend to be master manipulators. For the narcissist you are either a tool for them to use or the enemy, thats why awareness is so important. Love you Dr Ramani, keep doing God`s work, the more ppeople know about these sick evil and sadistic iegomaniacs the better the world becomes. ♥
Pretty soon they'll rage at the flying monkeys. It took years but there was a death in the family and they're all fighting. I stayed Sweden and just watching them get their Karma.
And their lawyers…if they can find one willing to play corrupt legal games, in exchange for fistfuls of money - are only one example of the flying monkeys these manipulators will enlist to do their vindictive dirty work for them. They are nasty and malicious…to the core.
I can not tell you how important it was that I had informed my employer when a man I had dated started stalking me after we broke up. When he began lodging anonymous and impersonated complaints to my employer, it helped in defending myself. My (former) employer was wholy unhelpful and even victim blaming, but at least my career wasn't ruined. Do not underestimate how sick these people are or what lengths they'll go to to harm you.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I am going through something similar but it involves a toxic, older relative. They’ve made life choices that put them in a place of struggle and they resent my success. Because this is my sibling, my immediate family questions my concerns and derail my efforts to communicate to clear the air. According to everyone, I’m the problem. This hurts, but reading your comment helps me accept the reality of my situation.
I have such terror of my husbands vindictiveness it keeps me from leaving. He has "hoped "I "starve to death ", end up with nothing and that my children "hate me." This has been said to my face anytime I stand up for myself for years. I feel like people trivialize these threats of getting even or hurting you as the narc doesn't really mean it. But they do.thank you Dr Ramani for bringing the seriousness of this to life. It is real and it is frightening .
Yeah, some people say to just ignore it, it's only words. It's not like you're being physically hurt, like you're a baby if you "let" it hurt you, as though stuffing your true feelings is healthy.
Magnificent gratitude beautiful SOUL, U deserve better, make a quiet plan, U will know when to leave.... Mine was constantly belittling me and our disabled son, that's the abusive relationship I realized was sick and he only cared about himself. Also crashed our car on purpose so I couldn't leave.... we R safe and healing now. BUT he keeps threatening US with anything he can 🎉🎉
"I feel like people trivialize these threats of getting even or hurting you as the narc doesn't really mean it." The same people who say that also say I really meant the made up threats that I never said. They live in an alternate reality where up is down and left is right. I'm amazed these people don't go on red and stop on green. They invert everything else so why not?
Yeah, before my mother died, it became a thing of highlighting what little my sister was doing and making it seem as if I didn’t exist, after I’d been the closest child all of my life. That’s why I had no problem telling her she was a dirt bag and a creep.
I've had the same treatment, I cannot forgive her and I refuse to be anywhere near her too. My children's safety depends on being away from her she has physically hurt one of my three special needs children.
@@damondarkwalker My mother returned to college and took the exact freshman English course that I did. A dictionary was a required textbook. When I was in Ohio, a few thousand miles away, my mother accused me of stealing her copy and when I got back, the fact that I had the same copy was "proof" that it was hers.
1/ Limit Your Interaction With The Narcissist 2/ Avoid Sharing Personal Or Sensitive Information. 3/ Don’t Fall For There Manipulations 4/ Be Polite/ Distant. 5/Set Firm Boundaries. 6/ (Importantly.)Use Leverage To Protect Yourself….
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail.com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
I warned my family about the narcissist sister in law for years, only to be totally gaslit by them. Then she showed her true vindictive colours, including emotional abuse, lies, smear campaigns and verbal assaults, so my family finally saw who she is. Super sad as it’s caused a lot of damage to me and my family. Lots of grief. Not letting the enablers minimize it. It is exhausting. Protecting my health safety and well being. Leaning on my safe supports. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
The fact I’m here 39 minutes after posting, I think you would be amazed at the situation I’m in. I think it needs to be researched and used to help people. I’m not ashamed. I don’t know how I have survived this long. But I am here.
The vindictiveness is very real, my brothers ex wife targeted me after the divorce and is still targeting me up until today. It’s been more than 7 years she feels I broke her marriage. Got thugs to nail scratch my car, puncture my tyres. She finally got my car stolen, hired private investigators to stalk me constantly.Hired creeps and criminals to follow me around to all my locations. Harassing me while shopping, at church etc.I was driven off the road many times by “random” people. Bribed every person on the planet to get information on me and more. My country doesn’t have much help against this sort of thing and the local police told me I need hard evidence to make a case. The only thing that’s helping me now is working from home. The best part was my own family including my brother blamed me for everything that happened and said it was all my fault and wasn’t his ex wife at all, classic. You definitely learn who your people really are after this type of abuse. Thanks Dr Ramani, another great and informative video 🙏
Somatic exhaustion from growing up with my mother's borderline pass agg vindictiveness......and the devastating grief of such unjust betrayal and meanness.....and then the gaslighting, denial, whitewashing, minimising and then the smear campaigns that it was my fault ‼️she was insane with shame and rage and envy....xx
He has threatened my life, our pets’ lives, damage to property, and that he’s going to make my life a living hell! Now he’s requesting for our separation to be “amicable”. A little late for that, after the authorities had to be called to the house 3 times over 48 hrs. I cannot trust him and have a safety plan in place. The hardest thing is people’s minimizing, including some friends AND my therapist!
Get rid of that "therapist"!! There are too many out there to put up with that garbage. Especially these days where almost everything can be done from a distance.
Wow, thats just aweful. Im sorry youre going through that. Of course he wants to be amicable now. When my nex did it same model. Its when they realise they are caught/could actually be taken down. Do what you have to do. Get the restraining orders. Go in with the truth. You got this. Telling yhe truth is not a smear campaign if he tries to drag you into empathy over ride. Much love and hope for your road. And healing for you. ❤
@@Ayaime7 thank you. The police warned him that he’d be criminally responsible and charged if he followed through on any of his threats. Because of my guilt and shame I’ve always kept things to myself, so it feels uncomfortable telling the truth to others. I’m glad you clarified that it’s not a smear campaign because I was questioning if that’s what I was doing. This narcissistic abuse really messes with our reality and perceptions. I’m hoping to be free very soon so I can start healing. 🥰
I need to say this. You have saved my life. I saw you 2 years ago talking narcissist. New word for me. Omg! How stupid was I. I was dealing with 3 of them. 3 suicide attempts because of it. 2 restraining orders. Fighting like hell to get my life back now. Thank you. Should of learned all this in school but you said it's a new thing, I think. You are Awesome
If a lawsuit happens - get a lawyer who is experienced with narcissists - that lawyer will make sure the narcissist is exposed in their workplace with their employer and also destroy the major source of supply of that narcissist too - to stop the civil law suit from going to court Narcissists DREAD exposure and DREAD loss of major narcissistic supply - the 2 things to defeat ALL narcissists
You have to be careful though. If you or your lawyer…exposes the narcissist to their employer..,and the narcissist loses their job, due to their lack of integrity…the narcissist can use that AGAINST YOU…to get out of paying you spousal support, child support…or even your fair share of the accumulated matrimonial assets…because they will blame YOU…for them losing their job…and therefore, losing their pay check. And sometimes, the narcissist will go after YOU for spousal support…because YOU made THEM lose their job…even though, their own deceptive actions and lack of integrity is the real reason they got fired. Narcissists are ruthless in twisting the truth when they become laser focused on their vindictive retaliation. Nothing is too low…for them, to come out feeling as though they were ‘the winner’. Protect yourself. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
@@cheryldee95but exposing the narcissist means truly exposing these manipulative acts as duping the jury at court - a lawyer educated on narcissism knows how to sway the jury to truly see it and not be duped - that’s the point Basically informing the jury to not buy into the scam the narcissist and their lawyer present at court The lawyer who’s an expert on narcissism can expose the narcissist on the stand also like the final court scene in A Few Good Men - it works not just in the movies
Again a made-to-order vide! Thank you dr Ramani😊❤ My narcissistic mother decided to disinherit me because I no longer allow myself to be exploited by her and I do not allow her to use violence against me. Yesterday she literally went crazy and wanted to... beat me. Yes, yes: a weak and disabled pensioner wants to use physical violence on an able-bodied adult! Of course, I will use self-defense if she attacks me seriously. I've been through so much that I don't care that she's my biological mother. Because of this, she has already done so much harm to me that I could put her in prison for it. This woman has gone completely crazy since she realized that I went to therapy, I am using legal help and she will no longer have me as a victim. The better I get, the worse her condition gets. It seems that narcissistic people are addicted to their victims.
Be careful defending yourself. I went to jail for defending myself against a 6 foot 210 pound man trying to force his way into my house at midnight. I was the jealous roommate who didn't want to let him back in when he was coming back after preparing all day to leave the next day with a woman moving out of state. Knowing what I know now about Narcs, I think it would have been better to let him do his thing and leave the next day, then change the locks and be done with him.
Actually walking away from the woman who birthed me would send her loopy.....The councilor told me to physically remove myself as I was an adult now and I didn't not have to listen to her. This was back 40 yrs ago and this was the best advise for me. She would be screaming and I would say...."I don't have to listen to this." I was a compliant child, followed the rules when it came to my parents although I did sing my own song. Mommy Dearest told me she was a little afraid of my physically so I'm guessing that's why she didn't abuse me in that area. I don't know what I would have done if she had actually started that kind of abuse but I was afraid of my dad. My last beating was at 13 and he used a tree branch. Mommy Dearest was a very vindictive woman. I got to hear some of the stories she said about me when she was on the war path and they were something else. She would "plant" little seeds of lies to those around me....just enough to mess with their heads....I learned that these people either had to believe me or piss off. That's when I started upholding peoples 'words' as well as my own. It weeded out the flakes. Needless to say I cut her out of my life for my own well being....it's been peaceful.....
I know....how is this possible? My sister is the malignant narcissist who is a genius at gathering her 'flying monkeys' to do her bidding....I think its because my other siblings are AFRAID of her...she is a true monster
@@gigigigi1159Same with my older sister, and she is the therapist of the family! Constant judging & analyzing others but zero ownership for her own behavior.
I have PTSD from my mother's abuse and consider myself to be lucky. I didn't know that standing up to her for the first time would result in her lying to the police, committing defamation, initiating a smear campaign, kicking me out of the house during the pandemic, killing my pet and putting my life at risk more than once. At which point I went to court to get an order protection and that just fueled her rage.
Very sorry you went through this. I completely understand. There is no limit to what a nParent can and will do. They think you belong to them forever. It’s like a horror movie.
I constantly had to deal with smear campaigns by my parents to relatives and the small community we lived in. It took me years of confusion and hurt not knowing why people shunned me or were outright rude. I overheard my mother slagging me off to my father and telling him absolute lies and again another time my father lying. I was always confused by people's reactions to me and thought why is this happening so when I looked into Narcissists and watched your videos everything growing up and in adulthood started to make sense. It makes so much sense that I can predict my father's next moves and, now I have realised I'm not going crazy, it is good to be able to know what he will do next so there are now very few horrible surprises. The people who still believe him, my mother is dead now, I have no time for and have stopped trying to convince them otherwise as I am just wasting my breath.
No contact is the only true cure. I like to think of narcissists as tree sap. It's nothing you want to touch or have anything to do with. And if you do touch the sap it can be quite an endeavor to clean it off. In fact, "cleaning" it can just spread it to more places. It makes everything sticky and horrible and it's best just not to go near it in the first place.
Let them miss the boat. You know "rules" of their behavior. I have many more moves. Flexibility, discernments, with to speak, when you save to fight back to live to fight better another day. When to cache your stash. Don't show them the supplies they need to undercut you. Say, I see how you see me. Okay. Safe it. Shapeshift into a more pronounced, their version, of you. Boom. That wasn't me. Didn't care, didn't listen, apply more salt to their wings. They are a burden. They burden themselves continuously while remaining distant. Keep it up. Rock those ism's and skimim' to accentuate their lack of honestly, integrity. They don't trust themselves. Create and accuate, spin self-doubt in them. They can't move because you're the ones driving their locomotion. One track ticket to ride on. I could talk about this much more. I got moves, patience, self-determination, wiser, smarter (every time I got played, learned). I DO NOT WANT TO BE YOU. TIMES Don't need to listen to vindictive. It don't RULE. feed you bitterness? Hard Knocks 💪
Stay safe. Men inside. Women of the Vail! Houses that recognize her commerce, her agency. Vitals. How to rise her up? Say man. Be protectors of their wings and pave a way for their Freedoms!!! Vote BIDEN 😊
Turn the page. You're the ones writing the new beginnings, refresh, create, massage, sooth. They are broken, mutate, they are UNABLE to sooth themselves. US? WE'RE HEALING while they do not feed themselves properly to Enable and appreciate the bounties at the serving Tables. ❤
Ghost Souls in Perpetual UnRest. Deliver yourself from Hell. Move towards the lightness of our spirits releasing Our WWW communities. Lift up. Protecting our spaces and land of MASSES. WE CREATE!
They contract, a contraction. I got both moves. Your economics in the world is only a contraction with no forward movement of Expansion. WWW We move!!!
Thank you Dr Ramani. It is so necessary to be prepared for the narcissist tornado. Mentally, physically, paperwork, monetary and safety. When it hits your bunker will be ready.
One of the things you need to be aware of is that the narcissist will talk to all the best divorce attorneys in town so you can't hire them. An attorney told me that narcs will consult with attorneys and those attorneys cannot speak to the spouse, even though the narc didn't hire them,for ethical reasons. Don't tell them you want a divorce and see some attorneys before the narc even knows what is coming.
It is presently happening.My brother & sister in law tried to hit me with their car 3 times & since I am caretaker to our parents, they reported me to APS. Thankfully they declared my parents are receiving outstanding care. All of this because my parents made me executor of their trust & are leaving me more than they are my brother. He never asked why there is a difference in the amounts, he just turned on me with pure, evil hatred.
@@29Janice I have been talking to a lawyer. Once, another lawyer told me "It's not against the law to be an asshole." There's very little that the authorities can do I am thinking about getting a restraining order, but the other county I lived in made the process much easier.
@@susanmercurio1060 What is the government doing? Jerks can be criminals too! People deserve to be safe and not get tormented by these ugly beasts. And what's even worse is the interrogation. They will always side with the narcissist.
I hear your pain & am so sorry we’re in this club together. The smear campaign is bringing out all sorts of horrible behavior in seemingly decent people. Narcissism is insidious & divisive. What should be my twilight years to enjoy has turned into the worst nightmare imaginable.
I’m so sorry, I underwent and am still in a huge smear campaign and it’s awful. I almost terminated my pregnancy and left my husband it was so bad. Over the years however, I have learned a lot (thanks to Dr. Ramani! ❤) and become stronger. It doesn’t stop hurting but it does hurt less and it doesn’t affect me as much. I hope you have at least one good support who can help validate your feelings. Nobody deserves a smear campaign it is very abusive and is not your fault!
Running doesn't help. Getting strong and developing a support system does. My child's father after 37 years still attacks me. He lives on the other side of the country but still harasses me. This is a Spiritual Battle. Don't be deceived. Practice your faith. Get close to God. That is the only real help. Blessings
A lot of people know what you are talking about. You will make it through. This is a terrible thing to go through, but it will let you know who your true friends are, which is not a bad thing. It amazes me that you can be a good person, a decent person, and one person can lie through their teeth and people you have known for years, will listen to it and go Yep. I have a lot of friends and if someone said something bad about them, I would go, "That does not sound like them. That is not who I have known for 40 years", and I wouldn't believe the smear. Especially when you can see their evil motive. When a person goes to every person you have ever known, friends, family and customers to smear you, then they are the one with a mental problem, pretty obviously. Or they have evil intent.
It is that capacity for vengeful behaviour that seperates the the ugly from the dangerous. Unless you've experienced it you don't know, the normalcy bias will kill you 🙏🏻
I told my HR when I threw my abusive bf out, she (terrible narcissist herself) basically said I was being dramatic. He showed up in the parking lot, he spies from across the road, he stalked me for many years after. Yeah, just dramatic. Sheesh
Their vindictiveness reminds me of the kinds of things you see in movies - where someone goes to an extreme length - even harming themselves in the process to get revenge for a perceived wrong. I used to think, well that's ridiculous, no one would harm themselves just to get back at someone else - and then it happened to me. I've had someone sabotage my work, when I worked for them, when someone outside the group gave me a compliment. They had to put me in my place and show everyone that they were more skilled than me. I just kept thinking, "This is completely illogical. We're not supposed to be competing, we're on the same team." Unfortunately, one of my brothers has now become the primary target of my narcissistic siblings since I went minimal contact. I am trying to support him as he goes through the shock of seeing how vindictive they can be. I already went through this with them, but, while my brother always supported me, he has been holding out hope that he can reason with them and build a relationship built on trust and caring. It is really hard watching him go through this, because he is such a kind and loving person, he keeps trying to find compassion where it doesn't exist.
Yes, I’ve seen this, when I formerly didn’t think either my mother or sister were capable of narcissism, at least not this. My mother would’ve likely passed anyway. But something tells me she partially died, trying to ruin me. My sister? She’d rather blatantly perjure herself in court, probably wouldn’t mind being slammed face first into the ground by police, and lose her home while trying to get mine. Probably some breed of Neanderthal Narcopath.
3 hours after I broke away from the narcissist I called our rental office and told them that I had made another tenant mad at me, for them to be prepared for phone calls. Didn't say the persons name. The woman at the office asked me if it was the narcissist name. I said yes. In other words this person had already called.
3 hoover attempts this week ! I blocked each phone call ! 4 years “ no contact “ next month ! Malignant Narc has a history of physical violence! Being vigilant but not hyper !! Why now ? It’s my late Dads 4th year anniversary in June ! Keeping up appearances ! It took years to break free I ain’t going back ! ❤
After a 2 year relationship, I have finally blocked him today and walked away. He's been so awful I'm exhausted and I hope he leaves me alone. I immediately felt lighter not having to deal with his abuse. And I pray I have the strength to help me through the next few weeks and months. Its been a long time coming so I hope he will leave me alone, I am prepared 🙏
I have always been stunned by the users in the world--folks who expend vast amounts of energy trying to buck the system, con others, and win at any cost. Such a waste. It's heartbreaking. If I dwell on these very real facts, I am reduced to tears, unable to find hope or enjoy much of anything.
I know ...sometimes you get swallowed up in the lost time, the blame...the anger...the rage of good people getting screwed...but the truth is that you made a decision that was healthy IN SPITE of all the unhealthy things around you and THAT is what makes me feel, if not joy, PRIDE
Unfortunately, it’s not a waste, much of the time. There are many highly successful narcissists out there, and for men in particular, we often reward them for acting that way.
The crazy thing is, I went through this in the late 80’s with my ex husband. I could spot a narcissist quickly after I went to counseling, found my way back to me, all of the things we do to recover & be strong. I have kept my brother at a distance for 35 years and was great with that. My parents moved to NC and live on the same street as my brother. My parents needed me to come to NC & take care of them and that’s when I was around my brother more. And now he is vicious to me. I know it’s on him. He is responsible for his own emotions, feelings & actions. I know all of this intellectually. I am hurting emotionally to know a brother could treat a sister this way. That blows my mind.
When a parent dies the narc siblings get worse,when the second parent dies, it is like Pandora's Box has been opened. You will see,hear & experience things you never thought possible. The True personalities appear when power,control & money are involved. Many siblings need to go full no contact or limited contact. It's a sad reality.
My only deliverance from this vindictiveness behavior...all my siblings (sisters) was go NO CONTACT. It's been 8 blissful years and time to ponder how I was to blame for everything all the time. You not only become leather skinned to the lies but also well-versed in forecasting the worst. By premeditating the possibilities eliminates the surprises, and I will not be reactive but proactive in my responses when it happens. The question never leaves, no contact doesn't mean we don't want to know "Why" Why did this even happen? It's been a "work in progress" healing from such. Thanks, Dr. Ramani, your videos have been essential in helping me sort all this out.
Absolutely everything you said is dead on. I would tell folks to pay special attention to the part on Smear Campaigns. It can get so, much, worse. To the point where you would scoff at the absurdity of it. But, that's narcissists. Anything, absolutely anything and everyone is in play when their ego is hurt and they must crush you to prop up their tiny, shriveled ego. Just be aware.
Thank you Dr. Ramani! You are a warrior for so many of us who have experienced this and know it can be hell on earth to deal with and navigate. We must make it harder for the abuser and not the victim who has already endured so much trauma. Our system is backwards aiding the narcissist and not the one's they are harming. When you have children together it is almost impossible in our current system to get away. This needs to change.
The best way to separate is to move to another state. Live in a hotel for a while, so you don't have to put the utilities in your name, which makes it harder to track you. Get a new cell phone from the state you just left, so your phone is tied to that area code. Throw your old phone away so he can't track you. Never ever respond to them again. In fact, delete your old email account etc and get new ones. Good luck. PS be aware of spy ware (on phones and computers) and air tags (on your belongings) that would allow them to track you.
Thank you for covering this. The divorce was over 18 years ago; He has no further claims to my money or time. I blocked him entirely two years ago; I hear he's living in another country now. I know he's ever looking for another opportunity to get at me, somehow. I'm researching the benefits of a restraining order, meanwhile.
My sister stopped me from seeing my nephew- she knew how much it would hurt me. I used to spend hours trying to work out what I had done- but I realise I didn’t do anything, it’s was just my sister’s way to punish me. But my nephew still greets me with a hug and we talk about how we will always be friends. He is a teenager now- so I will just wait and see what happens- thanks Dr Ramani for helping me to understand
I’m sorry. I have the same situation with my grandkids. I can relate. I still get to see them but rarely and on my daughter’s terms with no real explanation of why.
I try to avoid them. When they ask what I've been doing I say boring things like dusting, mopping or getting groceries. I try to avoid anything important. I go no contact for weeks to let my family know they can't yell and swear because they don't agree with the most tiny thing I say. I also don't listen to what they tell me to do. Who wants to listen to crazy ass people.
I went through the smear and aftermath. It was hard (very) but I want those facing this to know two things: 1. You will find out who are true friends and it may surprise you that you discover true friends in unexpected places. 2. The truth WILL out. In my case, it took years but suddenly people’s view of me changed. I had moved on by then but their support became loud and clear. I did not dwell on that. If they felt guilty, so be it.
So true. How did I find you- to validate my experience. The sad truth of my experience was so little support or recognition of my truth. That hurt even more….
I hear you and believe you, I didn't realise they killed my mom too young, until they turned on and tried to destroy me... if only this info would have been out then. God is in control 🙏🏻 peace to you 🕊✨️
What a spot on video! When my narc husband passed away, his malignant mom decided that his estate belonged to her. I was left with three children to raise and had been out of the workforce for years. Knowing her evil tendencies, I found the Will and marched to the local courthouse to file it. Then I got an attorney to help with the transferring of assets that weren’t named in the Will. Did the MIL stop her pursuit? Nope. She continued to spread her victim rumors that I had withheld assets that she was owed. I lost “friends” and some family members because of her lying mouth. In the end, I prevailed and became a much stronger person as a result of the battles. Thank you, Dr R, for a thousand helpful insights!
Having to convince your own family that another member is a Narc is the worse nightmare to be the only one who recognizes it. Even after years and getting a TRO and distancing myself from this person, you never really feel safe. I make sure no one knows where I live unless I trust them fully. I don't care if my reputation is on blast. People know who I am. You can never be sure to let your guard down.
I thought I could distance myself from my narcissistic abuser and we would be on good terms more or less. Oh how naive I was. He decided to nuke our relationship from orbit and weeks later started trying to hoover me back in. Had to go no contact with him for my own well-being.
I have so much I could share about narcissistic vindictiveness, too much! I had a few very kind loving friends and family members who understood and supported me when I experienced this abuse. It kept me sane and able to start healing. Thank you Dr. Ramini, you are my healing therapist, even though we may never meet. ❤
I went back to no-contact with my narcissistic dad a month ago; I'm positive again. Not vulnerable to his nitpicking and obnoxious, un-asked for lectures! I win!
This video is right on the money I can’t help but think of O.J. Simpson. Keep away from all narcissists no exceptions. Learn that disorder and make sure you can identify it. Be very careful who you let into your life take it slow never rush anything I broke up with my narcissist girlfriend after nine months realizing something is terribly wrong with her and yes she seeked dirty gossip from my narcissist ex friends and then rubbed it in my face until I eventually went no contact
Oof, so true that the gaslighting and disbelief from others is part of what makes narc vindictiveness so destabilizing.👺😰 I've lost jobs, close friendships, and even my self-worth for a time because of narc smear campaigns. It took a LONG time to realize I was better off without the narcs AND the enablers. Now I see it's THEIR loss. 💖😃💐
This is a great topic and very validating to those experiencing this. The many ways narcs. are vindictive could fill up hours of content. Just yesterday, I was at a public event with my narc where several people lended me a helping hand or offered me praise. Even though it was extremely nice and refreshing, now all I can think about is what he is going to do to retaliate and punish me.
This is the reason for post separation abuse. He told his mom during ssupervised visit with our infant, "women always take my power.". 12 years later and it hasnt stopped.
Hell hath no fury like a vindictive narcissistic boss...they will not stop until they railroad your career. It is best to count your losses move on and do not tell them where your new job is.
@@snowyowlz5992I’ve been there but she died. The funeral was painful mainly because my husband & I were actually shunned…at her funeral! What a sad group. We don’t speak to any of them now, Don’t miss them at all!
37 weeks pregnant & have been going thru narc abuse for yrs & I hadn’t even realized that was what it was until recently stumbling upon your videos!!! Physical, mental, emotional , verbal abuse etc etc! The repeated cycles & so on… I have walked away AGAIN & now experiencing the “love bombing” stage AGAIN!
14 years of a horrible smear campaign by my ex and my mother. I just figured it all out. But theore I try to convince people I not crazy the more they think I am. My mother diagnosed me as having Bi-polar 2. When this started. Well she lied and told my New Doctor this when she turned on me. I just learned this. No I know why my Doctors don't believe my physical issues. Just crazy.. Lawyer time now. Should I forget getting my reputation and move away as I start the process of taking them to court?
Honestly, don't try to deal with crazy people. If I were you, I'd try to start fresh, and not tie it on with them. They love a big fight more than anything else where they can really get their nasty on. Step back from all of this, and just start again, and don't have any contact with these people, they mean you no good and will harm you if possible. And from now on, don't let people get too close, for your own protection.
I fear for my life😨 He is a malignant one and has been smear campaigning. I have cut off from all my friends. But i still fear that he would come after me..
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator digitalinvestigate@gmail.com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
That is exactly what is happening to me now. My husband stoped having sex with me just like that! He tells me that he has a lot of things going on and is stressed out, so he can’t have sex. He cheated and today told me that he is done with me and will cancel my immigration paperwork. He took all my money, I have nothing and he wants me out of the country. And I was battling cancer last year alone! Thanks God I am ok now. Thank at least I know it’s not my fault or being less of a woman.
"Sex and the city" was very inspiring for me and many other women. The "Rabbit". (Nowadays there are quite a few models of "Rabbit" to choose from. I suggest a small-to-medium size one with USB charging - and don't forget to also buy a big bottle of lube.) ua-cam.com/video/o-RozcHd08k/v-deo.html
Thanks for explaining it is an ego injury & shame. I have the neighbours from hell in my apartment complex. I asked for an apology from a lonely neighbour i had been nice to for years after he bellowed in my face- i wanted us to work together on caring for the complex. He instead got all his flying monkeys to yell at me instead, badmouthing me to all new neighbours, throw things at my window, tyres let down... They will never stop, the two worst are miserable older people whose hobby is to run vendettas. They also sabotage and damage the building because they lost power on the Committee to harass people, helps themselves & mates to money & favours. They hate me because i go about fixing stuff & trying to improve the building value. They're completely consumed by their own viciousness.
Same here. Elderly narc next door in our complex. We pulled her up 6 yrs ago on her abuse and behaviour to everyone else living or visiting the property. She's been raging ever since with petty and vindictive stuff. Seriously cannot believe she hasn't let up after all this time. We're all just waiting for her to plop her clogs and give us a bloody rest.
@@taurusgirl888 Some people don't have a constructive hobby. I guess being vicious and having a vendetta gives them something to do. It really is mentally sick.
@@taurusgirl888 yes, I ignore,.play some nice music, ...& am way too neutral & pleasant to these ghastly people- but I find it less energy consuming to be like that than get all uptight. Having said that, of course I will be happier when I don't have to watch my back and my stuff all the time.
Dr Ramani, it’s rare you mention vindictive behavior and I’m glad you did. Could you elaborate on why narcissists have this particular behavior? It’s not considered a mental illness, correct? They know they’re doing a bad thing and still do it. My question is why?
Boooy, i wont lie…. My narcissist used me, his best friends were his flying monkeys, and they all made a fool out of me in the end, part of me wants to get them back so bad and the anger builds up really bad sometimes, but I’m starting to learn that in the end I will heal, And they will always be narcissist so they can never change and we always live in misery. So that is my victory! But to be naïve and say you don’t want to get back at these people for using you and dragging you through the dirt it’s not very honest.
The problem is with these Narcs is they are very sneaky and covert. They will literally smile sweetly to your face whilst taking you down piece by piece behind your back. When the smear campaign begins and you start to notice people turning against you, the more you try to explain things to them the crazier you look. It's happening to me right now and it's horrific. I am scared to tell my Coworkers the truth because it will aggravate her further and they likely won't even believe me at this point. She is now playing the victim and making me out to be the bad Guy. She basically turned the whole team against me and told them I did everything that SHE actually did. I quit, but I fear she will still find ways to get to me outside of work if I tell anyone the truth. She has a pattern of trying to destroy other coworkers and her Neighbors by accusing them of things. So now I wait and see if anything happens further. It's horrific.
My principal is a narc and I lost m6 job and she has been vindictive towards me all the to the last day I was there, it was getting worse everyday all the way to the last day of school.
I think my first husband is/was a narcissist(vulnerable), I left him after he said why don’t you get pregnant, there’s when my love for him was gone. I blocked him on my phone(at this point in time everyone had a mobile phone, but the Internet wasn’t that popular). After a few months I called him at wanted to know about him(he couldn’t see my number) we talked a little bit, and after that, he said I was at fault for not getting pregnant. What he didn’t know, I was already pregnant at this point….
My ex-wife’s dad was in the mob. I waited until he died to get divorced. When I told her I wanted a divorce, she threatened to have me killed if I did not take all the debt she had accumulated (which was a lot), and give her everything we owned. I got out with my car, a defective TV, my college books, and a couch. She wouldn’t even give me some plates and silverware. She gas lit my friends and family into hating me, telling them I was beating her up and she was the one who wanted the divorce. The truly good friends and family members who know I’m not like that, told her to f.o.
Thanks to and thanks to all the people who take care of maintaining and uploading the content on the page🙏🏻 I am experiencing the last points Unfortunately, a month ago I was violently attacked without any warning or reason, From whom I thought the world would not hurt me like this (close friend) A day later the "friend" tried to stab me in the throat with a screwdriver and without success!! He is currently in prison under indictment for attempted murder and aggravated assault and threats to murder and everything I recorded and saved and documented ☆thanks to you☆ I have no fear and the police and the court and the prosecutor in Tick within 5 days have already filed a serious indictment!! He is in custody until the end of the proceedings and I will not exist for him forever as he tried to cause my death I choose to delete him Karma has finally arrived.
I have audio and video documentation and messages and lots and lots of evidence of serious criminal offenses in addition to what he tried to hurt me.. I have two years of materials that will shock his environment and everyone and everything that needs to be known
oh, it's a thing. and they can be sneaky about it, too. my narc sib did their best to sabotage me throughout high school by telling the teachers i was "weird" and god only knows what else behind my back. they all bought into it. my mom figured it out years into it, as did some of the smarter teachers who finally figured out that i wasn't so bad--just a smart, awkward kid (who's autistic, but we didn't know that). my narc ex would have been vindictive af, but i kept throwing them incentives and goodies to be nice, so since they wanted the incentives and goodies, like staying on my health insurance, they limited the vindictiveness to verbally abusing me to my face rather than doing anything awful to sabotage me behind my back--a huge win. "oh, i'm sure you're right," i'd say (of course they weren't!)..."i'm sure i could have handled that better" (nope, i handled it perfectly--my mom coached me, thank god).
1. Pretend you are listening to them. 2. Don't show emotions. Don't tell about your A+ diplomas and grades. 3. Change number or archieve their spamming contact.
Once again thank you for helping to clear some of this (hellish) mystery up. When things went terribly bad and some of the men that had been threatening me were ded on the ground - it was much more of a surprise to them than to me! The hard part to figure out or handle was how ALL law enfarcement at all levels, local, county, state and federal were made to stand back, not allow me to even report anything that had happened, actually hung up on me! {most of this was during the Bush/Chainey admin. so we all know about their sadism- yet some of the worst things done to people that tried to make it all public, Robin, "Seemore" prince, my late mother Shirley etc. was under Obama & Biden - so even more reason than ever to silence me} Yet I now see they were loath to have any of this come into a courtroom - NOT a word in the media, the plan was to send more covert "gang stalking" agents to take me out. AND IT IS NOT OVER - assaulted and or thrown out of every place i go, like restaurant, I can never go out to eat anywhere ever agian.
Makes it way harder when you have a child or children involved. You could literally leave country and disappear without them. Thats exactly what I would have done.
There definitely vindictive! As someone who has experienced narcissistic abuse her entire life by family! it has been so difficult to confront these narcissists I've somehow attracted, When I need to break up and confront them, I would use my rational thinking over my empathy since they feel nothing for me. Their cold individuals who only care about themselves and will NEVER change!!
I am currently going through that. 😢 I just want this to end. My self righteous narcissist tortures me by not eating food. Whatever I do doesn't work. If I say something she will start a fight, talk like a victim, blame me I dont respect elders. If I keep quiet she will say I am ignoring her.
I worked on a Late-Night talk show when my boss got fired. Months later, the asshole literally called the producer and got ME fired (despite my helping HIM out and having nothing to do with his getting fired).
👍🙏You're describing so much that's happened to me...they act as if they think they are so invincible that their vindictiveness can't ever backfire.....I imagine it's helpful to develop a reputation as someone that is a bad target, which rebounds unintended consequences, like a boomerang, that hits the narcissist back even more than they intended to hurt their target - i.e. by exposing them and damaging the narc's own reputation. I hope that's what I have done, and if not yet, I will be that bad target, like the Monster that I am, as they proclaimed in their smear campaign.
Omg I been abused and belittle for 6 years punched on told how to speak... lost all my friends but now he left me after 6 years but didn't say he hasn't been paying the rent and the landlord told me we owe 2 months past rent or get out by June 15th.... nobody has funds to help me from being homeless again so this is why we go back to the abuse just to have the rent paid 😢
Oh yes, the ability to flee is so dependent on where to go and how to live, very practical. Outsiders don't understand this very well. Shelters may not want to help you if you have a an income. Shelters are yet invaluable for saving victims' lives.
The lengths I've seen narcissists go to hurt people is beyond imagination. They are reckless and destructive and never think twice. Sadly, many people undermine the damage narcissists are capable of causing.
You know what sucks? Is when you're breaking up with these people and you can't have anyone around to help you because you're so isolated from being with the narc in the first place (5 years of isolation). I feel like this is why some people stay.
My situation to a tee. His mother isolated him and his brother. Now, he is doing the same thing to me.
Don't stay, please reach out to your family and friends and let them know you want out and I promise you someone will come to your aid. Your narc isolated you from them not them from you.
Me too
Well it’s not a romantic relationship for me tho
Got
To get comfortable being alone
1. Set boundaries
2. Support network
3. Restraining order
I'm worried if normal boundaries work for vindictive people.
Normal boundaries don't work with Narcs when they're not being vindictive.
An officer asked if there was a restraining order, when he saw my sister’s outburst. I haven’t gotten one yet, because we still need to exchange personal property (probate). But a restraining order might only be a piece of paper (I think) and à vehemently enraged Neanderthal like my sister, isn’t even interested in the judge or law enforcement.
100% true.
@@csibiedit8046 that’s because boundaries are not for them. They’re for you. They’re for you to not continue to be supply for the narcissist. But, a narcissist respecting boundaries? Much like asking them to not play hopscotch. They may not care about the court and law enforcement either. As far as they’re concerned, boundaries are like a child having an invisible friend.
Their vindictiveness can show up even when something good happens. Your success is going to trigger them, and they'll take that out on you too.
Absolutely true. When something bad happens to you they seem happy, but when you land on your feet again, it seems to bring out the claws. Jealousy is rottenness to the bones... Narcs are very jealous people.
@@joeythebushkangaroo1 envious mainly
Absolutely. Getting punished for doing well
Just being ourselves is an issue for them but we must just be and keep our essence 💜🙏💜😮💨🫂
Yup, I graduated from college and my mother threw away my stereo. I look back and every time I achieve something , I punish!
It's getting so difficult to live in this world.
You’ll get through it I got through it now I’m struggling with having friends it sucks But it’s NEVER as bad as it was before and there is times where I feel fulfilled and secure
It is. But it was way harder in the past. Nowadays, with the human rights awareness growing and options to earn money to become self-reliant, there is a lot of hope for a peaceful, dignified life, where you can choose to stay away from narcs. Even if it meant to live alone. Better times are coming to you - trust me 🙏❤️
Sad, but true.
It really is
@@starksweetheartbkk v v v v v v v vvxvkvvxvvvcžxx
The only way to take control from a narcissist is to get yourself from their domain first. You wont be able to figure out anything until and unless you are out of the hellish world. I will tell you one of my favourite stories. Once a King was too disturbed by everything that was happening around him. He felt as if no one was loyal to him and he was always afraid of his kingdom being attacked by perpetrators. He lost his sleep and his life had become hell. So he thought of taking a brief sojourn in the countryside. He passed through lush green fields and picturesque landscapes.
The silent breeze that brushed through his hair filled his heart with joy. That is when he saw a farmer who was putting fence around his farmland. But his farmland had weeds all over and they hardly had any crops. This intrigued the King. He asked the farmer as to why was he putting a fence around the farm when the farm itself was covered with weeds. To this the farmer said that the farm was his own so he could get rid of the weeds whenever he liked. But he cant stop the stray dogs from running over his fields and destroying them. That is why he was putting the fence. To stop the stray dogs from venturing into the field. Once he was very assured about the security of his fields he can work on clearing the weeds and planting crops. On hearing this the King somewhat got the answer which he had been searching for. The human mind is also like the field.
You cant control assholes from fiddling with your mind or saying bullshit. But you can definitely put a fence ( figuratively) so that these assholes cant influence you. And until and unless you dont put a fence you can never work on yourself. Once you have distanced yourself from toxic people then you can work on the healing process. Same is the case with narcs. Narcs are these stray dogs who suck your energy emotionally. They play mind games for fun because their mind wants melodrama. They hurt the very people who love them. So total isolation from these narcs is absolutely essential for the well being of your Mind. Once you are out of their mind games you can take decisions rationally. Narcs try to drain you emotionally. So everytime you respond to their low vibrations you tend to come to their level.
But when you react confidently without panicking and without responding to their negative vibrations that is when you Win. When someone realises that you arent being influenced or being manipulated by their actions they will get tired of it. And after cutting them off completely from your lives you should work on your healing process. Work on clearing your mental clutter and keep yourself preoccupied. Read books and most importantly try to find your Purpose in life. When you find your Purpose you will be able to bear any pain in this World. Most importantly help others in need. When you find someone else who is stuck with a narc help them to get out of that. I feel this is the way to take control from a narcissist. P.S: I hardly find people around me who know about emotional abuse. But I think everyone should read and know about it. In today’s mean world you will find a lot of people who try to influence you or demoralise you using the sweetest of words. Its about identifying these covert manipulators and distancing yourself from them. I have immense respect for people who have survived narcissistic partners. They happen to be the most strongheaded and emotionally stable people you can come across. I learn a lot of things from them. Truly the broken will always be the most beautiful.
Additionally, I was able to track his phone activities using Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Totally untraceable, cheap and anonymous.
The worst part is that they mostv often than not , they use their flying monkeys for their dirty work, as they tend to be master manipulators. For the narcissist you are either a tool for them to use or the enemy, thats why awareness is so important.
Love you Dr Ramani, keep doing God`s work, the more ppeople know about these sick evil and sadistic iegomaniacs the better the world becomes.
♥
Pretty soon they'll rage at the flying monkeys. It took years but there was a death in the family and they're all fighting. I stayed Sweden and just watching them get their Karma.
And their lawyers…if they can find one willing to play corrupt legal games, in exchange for fistfuls of money - are only one example of the flying monkeys these manipulators will enlist to do their vindictive dirty work for them. They are nasty and malicious…to the core.
Yep..perfectly put...flying monkeys...we called them IGORS from Dr. Frakenstein but yeah
It's so abusive when they use their minor children as flying monkeys.
@@kathrynsheartland tells you how much they really like their kids...
"I don't get mad, I get even," is an enormous red flag.
My narcissist ex best friend repeatedly says "I don't get mad. I get ahead."
I can not tell you how important it was that I had informed my employer when a man I had dated started stalking me after we broke up. When he began lodging anonymous and impersonated complaints to my employer, it helped in defending myself. My (former) employer was wholy unhelpful and even victim blaming, but at least my career wasn't ruined. Do not underestimate how sick these people are or what lengths they'll go to to harm you.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I am going through something similar but it involves a toxic, older relative. They’ve made life choices that put them in a place of struggle and they resent my success. Because this is my sibling, my immediate family questions my concerns and derail my efforts to communicate to clear the air. According to everyone, I’m the problem. This hurts, but reading your comment helps me accept the reality of my situation.
Yes, you have to be lucky with your employer. I work for a pal outfit, which might lead one to think there’s support. No.
@@crystalbirch298 so, if you're the "problem," they'll be a lot happier if you go away, right? tell them that and RUN! :D
@@crystalbirch298Good Morning, just want to say hang in there. Remember, it’s not you. It really is them. Have a bright day. ❤😊
I have such terror of my husbands vindictiveness it keeps me from leaving. He has "hoped "I "starve to death ", end up with nothing and that my children "hate me." This has been said to my face anytime I stand up for myself for years. I feel like people trivialize these threats of getting even or hurting you as the narc doesn't really mean it. But they do.thank you Dr Ramani for bringing the seriousness of this to life. It is real and it is frightening .
Yeah, some people say to just ignore it, it's only words. It's not like you're being physically hurt, like you're a baby if you "let" it hurt you, as though stuffing your true feelings is healthy.
Magnificent gratitude beautiful SOUL, U deserve better, make a quiet plan, U will know when to leave.... Mine was constantly belittling me and our disabled son, that's the abusive relationship I realized was sick and he only cared about himself. Also crashed our car on purpose so I couldn't leave.... we R safe and healing now. BUT he keeps threatening US with anything he can 🎉🎉
"I feel like people trivialize these threats of getting even or hurting you as the narc doesn't really mean it." The same people who say that also say I really meant the made up threats that I never said. They live in an alternate reality where up is down and left is right. I'm amazed these people don't go on red and stop on green. They invert everything else so why not?
You are stronger than you realize.
.
I am sorry for your trauma
Me Too
I had to go no contact with my mother because with her I couldn't grow as a person. But after I left a lot of untrue rumours were spread about me.
My mother spread untrue rumors about me from my earliest years (gaslighting).
It's a tactic
Yeah, before my mother died, it became a thing of highlighting what little my sister was doing and making it seem as if I didn’t exist, after I’d been the closest child all of my life. That’s why I had no problem telling her she was a dirt bag and a creep.
I've had the same treatment, I cannot forgive her and I refuse to be anywhere near her too. My children's safety depends on being away from her she has physically hurt one of my three special needs children.
Same. I got blamed for absurd things that I couldn’t even physically accomplish.
@@damondarkwalker My mother returned to college and took the exact freshman English course that I did. A dictionary was a required textbook.
When I was in Ohio, a few thousand miles away, my mother accused me of stealing her copy and when I got back, the fact that I had the same copy was "proof" that it was hers.
1/ Limit Your Interaction With The Narcissist
2/ Avoid Sharing Personal Or Sensitive Information.
3/ Don’t Fall For There Manipulations
4/ Be Polite/ Distant.
5/Set Firm Boundaries.
6/ (Importantly.)Use Leverage To Protect Yourself….
Leverage - Could you give me examples please? I’m drawing a blank ever since this began.
The victim that came to memory, was Nicole Simpson. When she divorced OJ Simpson. That evil man was a narcissistic monster.
Another narcissistic monster, a lizard of many colors, is the deceptive narcissist, “Diddy” Colmes.
@jeanie5074 You Are Absolutely Right
@jeanie5074 Absolutely So Incredibly True.
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail.com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
I warned my family about the narcissist sister in law for years, only to be totally gaslit by them. Then she showed her true vindictive colours, including emotional abuse, lies, smear campaigns and verbal assaults, so my family finally saw who she is. Super sad as it’s caused a lot of damage to me and my family. Lots of grief. Not letting the enablers minimize it. It is exhausting. Protecting my health safety and well being. Leaning on my safe supports. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
The fact I’m here 39 minutes after posting, I think you would be amazed at the situation I’m in. I think it needs to be researched and used to help people. I’m not ashamed. I don’t know how I have survived this long. But I am here.
The vindictiveness is very real, my brothers ex wife targeted me after the divorce and is still targeting me up until today. It’s been more than 7 years she feels I broke her marriage. Got thugs to nail scratch my car, puncture my tyres. She finally got my car stolen, hired private investigators to stalk me constantly.Hired creeps and criminals to follow me around to all my locations. Harassing me while shopping, at church etc.I was driven off the road many times by “random” people. Bribed every person on the planet to get information on me and more. My country doesn’t have much help against this sort of thing and the local police told me I need hard evidence to make a case. The only thing that’s helping me now is working from home. The best part was my own family including my brother blamed me for everything that happened and said it was all my fault and wasn’t his ex wife at all, classic. You definitely learn who your people really are after this type of abuse. Thanks Dr Ramani, another great and informative video 🙏
I'm really sorry this happened to you. I'm so sorry.
Yoo get a restraining order and buy 2 dracos with a hunnid round drum an keep thay shxt by yu 247
@@lindac6919 thank you 🙏
@@homixideactivist thank you 🙏
good grief that's horrible! What happened that your bother and his wife blamed you?! That sounds insane.
Yes!! The exhaustion. I have been made tired to the bottom of my soul.
Somatic exhaustion from growing up with my mother's borderline pass agg vindictiveness......and the devastating grief of such unjust betrayal and meanness.....and then the gaslighting, denial, whitewashing, minimising and then the smear campaigns that it was my fault ‼️she was insane with shame and rage and envy....xx
He has threatened my life, our pets’ lives, damage to property, and that he’s going to make my life a living hell! Now he’s requesting for our separation to be “amicable”. A little late for that, after the authorities had to be called to the house 3 times over 48 hrs. I cannot trust him and have a safety plan in place. The hardest thing is people’s minimizing, including some friends AND my therapist!
Get rid of that "therapist"!! There are too many out there to put up with that garbage. Especially these days where almost everything can be done from a distance.
Wow, thats just aweful. Im sorry youre going through that. Of course he wants to be amicable now. When my nex did it same model. Its when they realise they are caught/could actually be taken down.
Do what you have to do. Get the restraining orders. Go in with the truth. You got this. Telling yhe truth is not a smear campaign if he tries to drag you into empathy over ride.
Much love and hope for your road. And healing for you. ❤
Yes, I don’t even post pics of my pets online. Pets can be harmed or killed, without much interference from the law.
@@Ayaime7 thank you. The police warned him that he’d be criminally responsible and charged if he followed through on any of his threats. Because of my guilt and shame I’ve always kept things to myself, so it feels uncomfortable telling the truth to others. I’m glad you clarified that it’s not a smear campaign because I was questioning if that’s what I was doing. This narcissistic abuse really messes with our reality and perceptions. I’m hoping to be free very soon so I can start healing. 🥰
@@privateprivate8366 this is my concern. Even after the police warned him that he could be charged, I thought a lot of good that’ll do after the fact.
I need to say this. You have saved my life. I saw you 2 years ago talking narcissist. New word for me. Omg! How stupid was I. I was dealing with 3 of them. 3 suicide attempts because of it. 2 restraining orders. Fighting like hell to get my life back now. Thank you. Should of learned all this in school but you said it's a new thing, I think. You are Awesome
If a lawsuit happens - get a lawyer who is experienced with narcissists - that lawyer will make sure the narcissist is exposed in their workplace with their employer and also destroy the major source of supply of that narcissist too - to stop the civil law suit from going to court
Narcissists DREAD exposure and DREAD loss of major narcissistic supply - the 2 things to defeat ALL narcissists
You have to be careful though. If you or your lawyer…exposes the narcissist to their employer..,and the narcissist loses their job, due to their lack of integrity…the narcissist can use that AGAINST YOU…to get out of paying you spousal support, child support…or even your fair share of the accumulated matrimonial assets…because they will blame YOU…for them losing their job…and therefore, losing their pay check. And sometimes, the narcissist will go after YOU for spousal support…because YOU made THEM lose their job…even though, their own deceptive actions and lack of integrity is the real reason they got fired. Narcissists are ruthless in twisting the truth when they become laser focused on their vindictive retaliation. Nothing is too low…for them, to come out feeling as though they were ‘the winner’. Protect yourself. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
@@cheryldee95but exposing the narcissist means truly exposing these manipulative acts as duping the jury at court - a lawyer educated on narcissism knows how to sway the jury to truly see it and not be duped - that’s the point
Basically informing the jury to not buy into the scam the narcissist and their lawyer present at court
The lawyer who’s an expert on narcissism can expose the narcissist on the stand also like the final court scene in A Few Good Men - it works not just in the movies
Again a made-to-order vide! Thank you dr Ramani😊❤ My narcissistic mother decided to disinherit me because I no longer allow myself to be exploited by her and I do not allow her to use violence against me. Yesterday she literally went crazy and wanted to... beat me. Yes, yes: a weak and disabled pensioner wants to use physical violence on an able-bodied adult! Of course, I will use self-defense if she attacks me seriously. I've been through so much that I don't care that she's my biological mother. Because of this, she has already done so much harm to me that I could put her in prison for it. This woman has gone completely crazy since she realized that I went to therapy, I am using legal help and she will no longer have me as a victim. The better I get, the worse her condition gets.
It seems that narcissistic people are addicted to their victims.
Be careful defending yourself. I went to jail for defending myself against a 6 foot 210 pound man trying to force his way into my house at midnight. I was the jealous roommate who didn't want to let him back in when he was coming back after preparing all day to leave the next day with a woman moving out of state. Knowing what I know now about Narcs, I think it would have been better to let him do his thing and leave the next day, then change the locks and be done with him.
Actually walking away from the woman who birthed me would send her loopy.....The councilor told me to physically remove myself as I was an adult now and I didn't not have to listen to her. This was back 40 yrs ago and this was the best advise for me. She would be screaming and I would say...."I don't have to listen to this." I was a compliant child, followed the rules when it came to my parents although I did sing my own song. Mommy Dearest told me she was a little afraid of my physically so I'm guessing that's why she didn't abuse me in that area. I don't know what I would have done if she had actually started that kind of abuse but I was afraid of my dad. My last beating was at 13 and he used a tree branch. Mommy Dearest was a very vindictive woman. I got to hear some of the stories she said about me when she was on the war path and they were something else. She would "plant" little seeds of lies to those around me....just enough to mess with their heads....I learned that these people either had to believe me or piss off. That's when I started upholding peoples 'words' as well as my own. It weeded out the flakes. Needless to say I cut her out of my life for my own well being....it's been peaceful.....
If she’s not living with you please get her out of your life.
My siblings are very vindictive. They will go full on revenge. Stalking and spreading vicious rumors. Distance is eminent.
I know....how is this possible? My sister is the malignant narcissist who is a genius at gathering her 'flying monkeys' to do her bidding....I think its because my other siblings are AFRAID of her...she is a true monster
@@gigigigi1159Same with my older sister, and she is the therapist of the family! Constant judging & analyzing others but zero ownership for her own behavior.
I have PTSD from my mother's abuse and consider myself to be lucky. I didn't know that standing up to her for the first time would result in her lying to the police, committing defamation, initiating a smear campaign, kicking me out of the house during the pandemic, killing my pet and putting my life at risk more than once. At which point I went to court to get an order protection and that just fueled her rage.
Sweetheart, stay safe. ❤ remember, it’s not you. Have a sunny day today.😊
Very sorry you went through this. I completely understand. There is no limit to what a nParent can and will do. They think you belong to them forever. It’s like a horror movie.
That's it .... They think you belong to them....Ty..obvious but that really hit me....
I constantly had to deal with smear campaigns by my parents to relatives and the small community we lived in. It took me years of confusion and hurt not knowing why people shunned me or were outright rude. I overheard my mother slagging me off to my father and telling him absolute lies and again another time my father lying. I was always confused by people's reactions to me and thought why is this happening so when I looked into Narcissists and watched your videos everything growing up and in adulthood started to make sense. It makes so much sense that I can predict my father's next moves and, now I have realised I'm not going crazy, it is good to be able to know what he will do next so there are now very few horrible surprises. The people who still believe him, my mother is dead now, I have no time for and have stopped trying to convince them otherwise as I am just wasting my breath.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. ❤
@@Psalm2Charity thank you ❤️
No contact is the only true cure. I like to think of narcissists as tree sap. It's nothing you want to touch or have anything to do with. And if you do touch the sap it can be quite an endeavor to clean it off. In fact, "cleaning" it can just spread it to more places. It makes everything sticky and horrible and it's best just not to go near it in the first place.
Let them miss the boat. You know "rules" of their behavior. I have many more moves. Flexibility, discernments, with to speak, when you save to fight back to live to fight better another day. When to cache your stash. Don't show them the supplies they need to undercut you. Say, I see how you see me. Okay. Safe it. Shapeshift into a more pronounced, their version, of you. Boom. That wasn't me. Didn't care, didn't listen, apply more salt to their wings. They are a burden. They burden themselves continuously while remaining distant. Keep it up. Rock those ism's and skimim' to accentuate their lack of honestly, integrity. They don't trust themselves. Create and accuate, spin self-doubt in them. They can't move because you're the ones driving their locomotion. One track ticket to ride on. I could talk about this much more. I got moves, patience, self-determination, wiser, smarter (every time I got played, learned). I DO NOT WANT TO BE YOU.
TIMES
Don't need to listen to vindictive. It don't RULE. feed you bitterness? Hard Knocks 💪
Stay safe. Men inside. Women of the Vail! Houses that recognize her commerce, her agency. Vitals. How to rise her up? Say man. Be protectors of their wings and pave a way for their Freedoms!!!
Vote BIDEN 😊
Turn the page. You're the ones writing the new beginnings, refresh, create, massage, sooth. They are broken, mutate, they are UNABLE to sooth themselves. US? WE'RE HEALING while they do not feed themselves properly to Enable and appreciate the bounties at the serving Tables. ❤
Ghost Souls in Perpetual UnRest.
Deliver yourself from Hell. Move towards the lightness of our spirits releasing Our WWW communities. Lift up. Protecting our spaces and land of MASSES. WE CREATE!
They contract, a contraction.
I got both moves. Your economics in the world is only a contraction with no forward movement of Expansion.
WWW
We move!!!
Thank you Dr Ramani. It is so necessary to be prepared for the narcissist tornado. Mentally, physically, paperwork, monetary and safety. When it hits your bunker will be ready.
Narcissist tornado…fantastic description!
One of the things you need to be aware of is that the narcissist will talk to all the best divorce attorneys in town so you can't hire them. An attorney told me that narcs will consult with attorneys and those attorneys cannot speak to the spouse, even though the narc didn't hire them,for ethical reasons. Don't tell them you want a divorce and see some attorneys before the narc even knows what is coming.
What sucks is when they do the reverse psychological maneuver and say oh no, it’s not me it’s you!
DARVO-Jennifer Freyd. Deny, Attack, Reverse, Victim and Offender.
It is presently happening.My brother & sister in law tried to hit me with their car 3 times & since I am caretaker to our parents, they reported me to APS. Thankfully they declared my parents are receiving outstanding care. All of this because my parents made me executor of their trust & are leaving me more than they are my brother. He never asked why there is a difference in the amounts, he just turned on me with pure, evil hatred.
Maybe his behavior has something to do with the way that your parents left their affairs.
They will always act entitled and are obviously outraged at the financial situation
They're evil people. Have you gone to the authorities?
@@29Janice I have been talking to a lawyer. Once, another lawyer told me "It's not against the law to be an asshole."
There's very little that the authorities can do
I am thinking about getting a restraining order, but the other county I lived in made the process much easier.
@@susanmercurio1060 What is the government doing? Jerks can be criminals too! People deserve to be safe and not get tormented by these ugly beasts. And what's even worse is the interrogation. They will always side with the narcissist.
I am under a horrible smear campaign. I am now a pariah. I don’t have thick skin. I am being shunned. I want to run so far away.
I hear your pain & am so sorry we’re in this club together. The smear campaign is bringing out all sorts of horrible behavior in seemingly decent people. Narcissism is insidious & divisive. What should be my twilight years to enjoy has turned into the worst nightmare imaginable.
I have been in the same situation. For me, it was helpful to focus on the future and the new life I was making for myself.
I’m so sorry, I underwent and am still in a huge smear campaign and it’s awful. I almost terminated my pregnancy and left my husband it was so bad. Over the years however, I have learned a lot (thanks to Dr. Ramani! ❤) and become stronger. It doesn’t stop hurting but it does hurt less and it doesn’t affect me as much. I hope you have at least one good support who can help validate your feelings. Nobody deserves a smear campaign it is very abusive and is not your fault!
Running doesn't help. Getting strong and developing a support system does.
My child's father after 37 years still attacks me. He lives on the other side of the country but still harasses me.
This is a Spiritual Battle. Don't be deceived. Practice your faith. Get close to God. That is the only real help. Blessings
A lot of people know what you are talking about. You will make it through. This is a terrible thing to go through, but it will let you know who your true friends are, which is not a bad thing. It amazes me that you can be a good person, a decent person, and one person can lie through their teeth and people you have known for years, will listen to it and go Yep. I have a lot of friends and if someone said something bad about them, I would go, "That does not sound like them. That is not who I have known for 40 years", and I wouldn't believe the smear. Especially when you can see their evil motive. When a person goes to every person you have ever known, friends, family and customers to smear you, then they are the one with a mental problem, pretty obviously. Or they have evil intent.
It is that capacity for vengeful behaviour that seperates the the ugly from the dangerous. Unless you've experienced it you don't know, the normalcy bias will kill you 🙏🏻
I warned my job when I left my abusive husband, it got so bad they had to place a restraining order on him from the premises. It’s all true.
I told my HR when I threw my abusive bf out, she (terrible narcissist herself) basically said I was being dramatic. He showed up in the parking lot, he spies from across the road, he stalked me for many years after. Yeah, just dramatic. Sheesh
Their vindictiveness reminds me of the kinds of things you see in movies - where someone goes to an extreme length - even harming themselves in the process to get revenge for a perceived wrong. I used to think, well that's ridiculous, no one would harm themselves just to get back at someone else - and then it happened to me. I've had someone sabotage my work, when I worked for them, when someone outside the group gave me a compliment. They had to put me in my place and show everyone that they were more skilled than me. I just kept thinking, "This is completely illogical. We're not supposed to be competing, we're on the same team."
Unfortunately, one of my brothers has now become the primary target of my narcissistic siblings since I went minimal contact. I am trying to support him as he goes through the shock of seeing how vindictive they can be. I already went through this with them, but, while my brother always supported me, he has been holding out hope that he can reason with them and build a relationship built on trust and caring. It is really hard watching him go through this, because he is such a kind and loving person, he keeps trying to find compassion where it doesn't exist.
Yes, I’ve seen this, when I formerly didn’t think either my mother or sister were capable of narcissism, at least not this. My mother would’ve likely passed anyway. But something tells me she partially died, trying to ruin me. My sister? She’d rather blatantly perjure herself in court, probably wouldn’t mind being slammed face first into the ground by police, and lose her home while trying to get mine. Probably some breed of Neanderthal Narcopath.
3 hours after I broke away from the narcissist I called our rental office and told them that I had made another tenant mad at me, for them to be prepared for phone calls. Didn't say the persons name. The woman at the office asked me if it was the narcissist name. I said yes. In other words this person had already called.
Parental Alienation is Narcissistic Vindictiveness
Back when we were dating the malignant narcissist kept saying that I was vindictive. Now I realize that it was a projection!
Happy weekend everyone. Thanks Dr Ramani for all you do!
3 hoover attempts this week ! I blocked each phone call ! 4 years “ no contact “ next month ! Malignant Narc has a history of physical violence! Being vigilant but not hyper !! Why now ? It’s my late Dads 4th year anniversary in June ! Keeping up appearances ! It took years to break free I ain’t going back ! ❤
Great job on your NC!
@@abowling5759 Thank You ❤️
After a 2 year relationship, I have finally blocked him today and walked away.
He's been so awful I'm exhausted and I hope he leaves me alone.
I immediately felt lighter not having to deal with his abuse.
And I pray I have the strength to help me through the next few weeks and months.
Its been a long time coming so I hope he will leave me alone, I am prepared 🙏
Only God can get you through, stay alert, their evil knows no bounds 🙏🏻
I have always been stunned by the users in the world--folks who expend vast amounts of energy trying to buck the system, con others, and win at any cost. Such a waste. It's heartbreaking. If I dwell on these very real facts, I am reduced to tears, unable to find hope or enjoy much of anything.
Same. It makes it hard to trust anyone anymore.
I know ...sometimes you get swallowed up in the lost time, the blame...the anger...the rage of good people getting screwed...but the truth is that you made a decision that was healthy IN SPITE of all the unhealthy things around you and THAT is what makes me feel, if not joy, PRIDE
Unfortunately, it’s not a waste, much of the time. There are many highly successful narcissists out there, and for men in particular, we often reward them for acting that way.
The crazy thing is, I went through this in the late 80’s with my ex husband. I could spot a narcissist quickly after I went to counseling, found my way back to me, all of the things we do to recover & be strong. I have kept my brother at a distance for 35 years and was great with that. My parents moved to NC and live on the same street as my brother. My parents needed me to come to NC & take care of them and that’s when I was around my brother more. And now he is vicious to me. I know it’s on him. He is responsible for his own emotions, feelings & actions. I know all of this intellectually. I am hurting emotionally to know a brother could treat a sister this way. That blows my mind.
When a parent dies the narc siblings get worse,when the second parent dies, it is like Pandora's Box has been opened.
You will see,hear & experience things you never thought possible. The True personalities appear when power,control & money are involved.
Many siblings need to go full no contact or limited contact. It's a sad reality.
Speak softly and carry a BIG STICK.
@@abcbca0124 Protection
My ex actually used this quote 😂
The narcissist will never ask, "How are you?" Or say excuse me, sorry, or please
Mine says please when she wants to play victim, but sorry? Never, that would mean accepting they made a mistake.
So true
@@karenking5910 Yeah, and when you disappoint them with your answer, they never say thank you anyway. I have never had someone say thank you anyway.
My only deliverance from this vindictiveness behavior...all my siblings (sisters) was go NO CONTACT. It's been 8 blissful years and time to ponder how I was to blame for everything all the time. You not only become leather skinned to the lies but also well-versed in forecasting the worst. By premeditating the possibilities eliminates the surprises, and I will not be reactive but proactive in my responses when it happens. The question never leaves, no contact doesn't mean we don't want to know "Why" Why did this even happen? It's been a "work in progress" healing from such. Thanks, Dr. Ramani, your videos have been essential in helping me sort all this out.
Absolutely everything you said is dead on. I would tell folks to pay special attention to the part on Smear Campaigns. It can get so, much, worse. To the point where you would scoff at the absurdity of it. But, that's narcissists. Anything, absolutely anything and everyone is in play when their ego is hurt and they must crush you to prop up their tiny, shriveled ego.
Just be aware.
Thank you Dr. Ramani! You are a warrior for so many of us who have experienced this and know it can be hell on earth to deal with and navigate. We must make it harder for the abuser and not the victim who has already endured so much trauma. Our system is backwards aiding the narcissist and not the one's they are harming. When you have children together it is almost impossible in our current system to get away. This needs to change.
You are so smart, Dr. Ramani. You understand these people to their very core.
The best way to separate is to move to another state. Live in a hotel for a while, so you don't have to put the utilities in your name, which makes it harder to track you. Get a new cell phone from the state you just left, so your phone is tied to that area code. Throw your old phone away so he can't track you. Never ever respond to them again. In fact, delete your old email account etc and get new ones. Good luck. PS be aware of spy ware (on phones and computers) and air tags (on your belongings) that would allow them to track you.
Thank you for covering this. The divorce was over 18 years ago; He has no further claims to my money or time. I blocked him entirely two years ago; I hear he's living in another country now. I know he's ever looking for another opportunity to get at me, somehow. I'm researching the benefits of a restraining order, meanwhile.
My sister stopped me from seeing my nephew- she knew how much it would hurt me. I used to spend hours trying to work out what I had done- but I realise I didn’t do anything, it’s was just my sister’s way to punish me. But my nephew still greets me with a hug and we talk about how we will always be friends. He is a teenager now- so I will just wait and see what happens- thanks Dr Ramani for helping me to understand
I’m sorry. I have the same situation with my grandkids. I can relate. I still get to see them but rarely and on my daughter’s terms with no real explanation of why.
I try to avoid them. When they ask what I've been doing I say boring things like dusting, mopping or getting groceries. I try to avoid anything important. I go no contact for weeks to let my family know they can't yell and swear because they don't agree with the most tiny thing I say. I also don't listen to what they tell me to do. Who wants to listen to crazy ass people.
Thanks for validating this behavior! Its very clear to me but my son thinks I'm paranoid.
What she said, all true. Be prepared, brace yourself
It’s heartbreaking when they are vindictive at your children to hurt you.
I went through the smear and aftermath. It was hard (very) but I want those facing this to know two things: 1. You will find out who are true friends and it may surprise you that you discover true friends in unexpected places. 2. The truth WILL out. In my case, it took years but suddenly people’s view of me changed. I had moved on by then but their support became loud and clear. I did not dwell on that. If they felt guilty, so be it.
So true. How did I find you- to validate my experience. The sad truth of my experience was so little support or recognition of my truth. That hurt even more….
I hear you and believe you, I didn't realise they killed my mom too young, until they turned on and tried to destroy me... if only this info would have been out then. God is in control 🙏🏻 peace to you 🕊✨️
What a spot on video! When my narc husband passed away, his malignant mom decided that his estate belonged to her. I was left with three children to raise and had been out of the workforce for years. Knowing her evil tendencies, I found the Will and marched to the local courthouse to file it. Then I got an attorney to help with the transferring of assets that weren’t named in the Will. Did the MIL stop her pursuit? Nope. She continued to spread her victim rumors that I had withheld assets that she was owed. I lost “friends” and some family members because of her lying mouth. In the end, I prevailed and became a much stronger person as a result of the battles. Thank you, Dr R, for a thousand helpful insights!
And it is all true from the petty to the financial ! They are sick ! Run
You probably just saved my life.
Having to convince your own family that another member is a Narc is the worse nightmare to be the only one who recognizes it. Even after years and getting a TRO and distancing myself from this person, you never really feel safe. I make sure no one knows where I live unless I trust them fully. I don't care if my reputation is on blast. People know who I am. You can never be sure to let your guard down.
I thought I could distance myself from my narcissistic abuser and we would be on good terms more or less. Oh how naive I was. He decided to nuke our relationship from orbit and weeks later started trying to hoover me back in. Had to go no contact with him for my own well-being.
I’m glad you got free.
I have so much I could share about narcissistic vindictiveness, too much!
I had a few very kind loving friends and family members who understood and supported me when I experienced this abuse. It kept me sane and able to start healing.
Thank you Dr. Ramini, you are my healing therapist, even though we may never meet. ❤
I went back to no-contact with my narcissistic dad a month ago; I'm positive again. Not vulnerable to his nitpicking and obnoxious, un-asked for lectures! I win!
This video is right on the money I can’t help but think of O.J. Simpson. Keep away from all narcissists no exceptions. Learn that disorder and make sure you can identify it. Be very careful who you let into your life take it slow never rush anything
I broke up with my narcissist girlfriend after nine months realizing something is terribly wrong with her and yes she seeked dirty gossip from my narcissist ex friends and then rubbed it in my face until I eventually went no contact
Oof, so true that the gaslighting and disbelief from others is part of what makes narc vindictiveness so destabilizing.👺😰 I've lost jobs, close friendships, and even my self-worth for a time because of narc smear campaigns. It took a LONG time to realize I was better off without the narcs AND the enablers. Now I see it's THEIR loss. 💖😃💐
Enablers suck....they want an easy life and are justifiably scared the narc bully will turn the vindictiveness on to them....
This is a great topic and very validating to those experiencing this. The many ways narcs. are vindictive could fill up hours of content.
Just yesterday, I was at a public event with my narc where several people lended me a helping hand or offered me praise. Even though it was extremely nice and refreshing, now all I can think about is what he is going to do to retaliate and punish me.
I am experiencing this from an in-law-so painful. I have chosen to just stay away, after all, can’t fix crazy, at least not narcissistic crazy!
Can't fix crazy ...
This is the reason for post separation abuse.
He told his mom during ssupervised visit with our infant, "women always take my power.".
12 years later and it hasnt stopped.
I never unblock vindictive people. 📵
Good plan.
👍👍👍 We have this rule. Out of my face... And my screen.
Hell hath no fury like a vindictive narcissistic boss...they will not stop until they railroad your career. It is best to count your losses move on and do not tell them where your new job is.
How about a vindictive narcissistic mother-in-law backed by the entire family? Point is neither are good.
Any narc has the ability to be vindictive with a vengeance...
An ex husband & his mother is a bad combination
@@Freethnkr No disagreement here.
@@snowyowlz5992I’ve been there but she died. The funeral was painful mainly because my husband & I were actually shunned…at her funeral! What a sad group. We don’t speak to any of them now, Don’t miss them at all!
37 weeks pregnant & have been going thru narc abuse for yrs & I hadn’t even realized that was what it was until recently stumbling upon your videos!!! Physical, mental, emotional , verbal abuse etc etc! The repeated cycles & so on… I have walked away AGAIN & now experiencing the “love bombing” stage AGAIN!
14 years of a horrible smear campaign by my ex and my mother. I just figured it all out. But theore I try to convince people I not crazy the more they think I am. My mother diagnosed me as having Bi-polar 2. When this started. Well she lied and told my New Doctor this when she turned on me. I just learned this. No I know why my Doctors don't believe my physical issues. Just crazy.. Lawyer time now. Should I forget getting my reputation and move away as I start the process of taking them to court?
Honestly, don't try to deal with crazy people. If I were you, I'd try to start fresh, and not tie it on with them. They love a big fight more than anything else where they can really get their nasty on. Step back from all of this, and just start again, and don't have any contact with these people, they mean you no good and will harm you if possible. And from now on, don't let people get too close, for your own protection.
Thank you for helping is (abused ones) in this world. This kind of abuse can almost ruin your life, but this help you are giving is beyond price!❤
I fear for my life😨 He is a malignant one and has been smear campaigning. I have cut off from all my friends. But i still fear that he would come after me..
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator digitalinvestigate@gmail.com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
That is exactly what is happening to me now. My husband stoped having sex with me just like that! He tells me that he has a lot of things going on and is stressed out, so he can’t have sex. He cheated and today told me that he is done with me and will cancel my immigration paperwork. He took all my money, I have nothing and
he wants me out of the
country. And I was battling cancer last year alone! Thanks God I am ok now.
Thank at least I know it’s not my fault or being less of a woman.
"Sex and the city" was very inspiring for me and many other women. The "Rabbit".
(Nowadays there are quite a few models of "Rabbit" to choose from. I suggest a small-to-medium size one with USB charging - and don't forget to also buy a big bottle of lube.)
ua-cam.com/video/o-RozcHd08k/v-deo.html
Wish we had met each other instead of narcissistic lifeless jerks 😁 I can relate so much to your pain.
I get it. It is an ad 😆
Thanks for explaining it is an ego injury & shame. I have the neighbours from hell in my apartment complex.
I asked for an apology from a lonely neighbour i had been nice to for years after he bellowed in my face- i wanted us to work together on caring for the complex.
He instead got all his flying monkeys to yell at me instead, badmouthing me to all new neighbours, throw things at my window, tyres let down...
They will never stop, the two worst are miserable older people whose hobby is to run vendettas.
They also sabotage and damage the building because they lost power on the Committee to harass people, helps themselves & mates to money & favours. They hate me because i go about fixing stuff & trying to improve the building value. They're completely consumed by their own viciousness.
Same here. Elderly narc next door in our complex. We pulled her up 6 yrs ago on her abuse and behaviour to everyone else living or visiting the property. She's been raging ever since with petty and vindictive stuff. Seriously cannot believe she hasn't let up after all this time. We're all just waiting for her to plop her clogs and give us a bloody rest.
@@taurusgirl888 Some people don't have a constructive hobby. I guess being vicious and having a vendetta gives them something to do. It really is mentally sick.
@elipotter369 agree totally. Very bored sad individuals.The constant baiting behaviour drives me insane. Which I do ignore but geez it's hard.
@@taurusgirl888 yes, I ignore,.play some nice music, ...& am way too neutral & pleasant to these ghastly people- but I find it less energy consuming to be like that than get all uptight. Having said that, of course I will be happier when I don't have to watch my back and my stuff all the time.
Thanx doc this came up in the exact right time.🌹
Excellent info❤thank you😊
Dr Ramani, it’s rare you mention vindictive behavior and I’m glad you did. Could you elaborate on why narcissists have this particular behavior? It’s not considered a mental illness, correct? They know they’re doing a bad thing and still do it. My question is why?
Yep, in small and large ways!
Boooy, i wont lie…. My narcissist used me, his best friends were his flying monkeys, and they all made a fool out of me in the end, part of me wants to get them back so bad and the anger builds up really bad sometimes, but I’m starting to learn that in the end I will heal, And they will always be narcissist so they can never change and we always live in misery. So that is my victory! But to be naïve and say you don’t want to get back at these people for using you and dragging you through the dirt it’s not very honest.
True
The problem is with these Narcs is they are very sneaky and covert. They will literally smile sweetly to your face whilst taking you down piece by piece behind your back. When the smear campaign begins and you start to notice people turning against you, the more you try to explain things to them the crazier you look. It's happening to me right now and it's horrific. I am scared to tell my Coworkers the truth because it will aggravate her further and they likely won't even believe me at this point. She is now playing the victim and making me out to be the bad Guy. She basically turned the whole team against me and told them I did everything that SHE actually did. I quit, but I fear she will still find ways to get to me outside of work if I tell anyone the truth. She has a pattern of trying to destroy other coworkers and her Neighbors by accusing them of things. So now I wait and see if anything happens further. It's horrific.
My principal is a narc and I lost m6 job and she has been vindictive towards me all the to the last day I was there, it was getting worse everyday all the way to the last day of school.
any chance her name is either Jensen or Norris or Cracium?😕
@@IloveJesus-k4i Sorry that happened to you. I know how awful it feels.
@@psalm148.1 No. It is like they are all from the same mold though. My sensitive personality seems to attract them 😥
@@AngelCatUK They do all seem cut from the same cloth don't they?!☹️
I'm with you there, stay strong.💙
never underestimate your opponent is what i learned from domestic violence counseling. dr. ramani is taking me to the next level with CNM.
I think my first husband is/was a narcissist(vulnerable), I left him after he said why don’t you get pregnant, there’s when my love for him was gone. I blocked him on my phone(at this point in time everyone had a mobile phone, but the Internet wasn’t that popular). After a few months I called him at wanted to know about him(he couldn’t see my number) we talked a little bit, and after that, he said I was at fault for not getting pregnant. What he didn’t know, I was already pregnant at this point….
Brilliant. I really appreciate how you can calmly take a terrifying but important subject and make it actionable, Dr. Ramani.
My ex-wife’s dad was in the mob. I waited until he died to get divorced. When I told her I wanted a divorce, she threatened to have me killed if I did not take all the debt she had accumulated (which was a lot), and give her everything we owned.
I got out with my car, a defective TV, my college books, and a couch. She wouldn’t even give me some plates and silverware.
She gas lit my friends and family into hating me, telling them I was beating her up and she was the one who wanted the divorce. The truly good friends and family members who know I’m not like that, told her to f.o.
Thanks to and thanks to all the people who take care of maintaining and uploading the content on the page🙏🏻 I am experiencing the last points Unfortunately, a month ago I was violently attacked without any warning or reason, From whom I thought the world would not hurt me like this (close friend) A day later the "friend" tried to stab me in the throat with a screwdriver and without success!! He is currently in prison under indictment for attempted murder and aggravated assault and threats to murder and everything I recorded and saved and documented ☆thanks to you☆ I have no fear and the police and the court and the prosecutor in Tick within 5 days have already filed a serious indictment!! He is in custody until the end of the proceedings and I will not exist for him forever as he tried to cause my death I choose to delete him Karma has finally arrived.
I have audio and video documentation and messages and lots and lots of evidence of serious criminal offenses in addition to what he tried to hurt me.. I have two years of materials that will shock his environment and everyone and everything that needs to be known
When it comes to a smear campaign. Your true friends know better. End of story..
oh, it's a thing. and they can be sneaky about it, too. my narc sib did their best to sabotage me throughout high school by telling the teachers i was "weird" and god only knows what else behind my back. they all bought into it. my mom figured it out years into it, as did some of the smarter teachers who finally figured out that i wasn't so bad--just a smart, awkward kid (who's autistic, but we didn't know that). my narc ex would have been vindictive af, but i kept throwing them incentives and goodies to be nice, so since they wanted the incentives and goodies, like staying on my health insurance, they limited the vindictiveness to verbally abusing me to my face rather than doing anything awful to sabotage me behind my back--a huge win. "oh, i'm sure you're right," i'd say (of course they weren't!)..."i'm sure i could have handled that better" (nope, i handled it perfectly--my mom coached me, thank god).
1. Pretend you are listening to them.
2. Don't show emotions. Don't tell about your A+ diplomas and grades.
3. Change number or archieve their spamming contact.
Once again thank you for helping to clear some of this (hellish) mystery up.
When things went terribly bad and some of the men that had been threatening me were ded on the ground - it was much more of a surprise to them than to me! The hard part to figure out or handle was how ALL law enfarcement at all levels, local, county, state and federal were made to stand back, not allow me to even report anything that had happened, actually hung up on me!
{most of this was during the Bush/Chainey admin. so we all know about their sadism- yet some of the worst things done to people that tried to make it all public, Robin, "Seemore" prince, my late mother Shirley etc. was under Obama & Biden - so even more reason than ever to silence me}
Yet I now see they were loath to have any of this come into a courtroom - NOT a word in the media, the plan was to send more covert "gang stalking" agents to take me out. AND IT IS NOT OVER - assaulted and or thrown out of every place i go, like restaurant, I can never go out to eat anywhere ever agian.
Extremely Doctor Ramani
Thank you 🤍 UK
🙏🏻🇬🇧
The problem is when children are in the situation and it goes for years...
Makes it way harder when you have a child or children involved. You could literally leave country and disappear without them. Thats exactly what I would have done.
There definitely vindictive! As someone who has experienced narcissistic abuse her entire life by family! it has been so difficult to confront these narcissists I've somehow attracted, When I need to break up and confront them, I would use my rational thinking over my empathy since they feel nothing for me. Their cold individuals who only care about themselves and will NEVER change!!
I am currently going through that. 😢 I just want this to end. My self righteous narcissist tortures me by not eating food. Whatever I do doesn't work. If I say something she will start a fight, talk like a victim, blame me I dont respect elders. If I keep quiet she will say I am ignoring her.
I worked on a Late-Night talk show when my boss got fired. Months later, the asshole literally called the producer and got ME fired (despite my helping HIM out and having nothing to do with his getting fired).
I would never share my tactics in a public forum. If you actually dealing with these kinds of people
👍🙏You're describing so much that's happened to me...they act as if they think they are so invincible that their vindictiveness can't ever backfire.....I imagine it's helpful to develop a reputation as someone that is a bad target, which rebounds unintended consequences, like a boomerang, that hits the narcissist back even more than they intended to hurt their target - i.e. by exposing them and damaging the narc's own reputation. I hope that's what I have done, and if not yet, I will be that bad target, like the Monster that I am, as they proclaimed in their smear campaign.
I went no contact and I have PEACE. I realize that I have VALUE and I hope WORTH !!!!!!!!
Omg I been abused and belittle for 6 years punched on told how to speak... lost all my friends but now he left me after 6 years but didn't say he hasn't been paying the rent and the landlord told me we owe 2 months past rent or get out by June 15th.... nobody has funds to help me from being homeless again so this is why we go back to the abuse just to have the rent paid 😢
Oh yes, the ability to flee is so dependent on where to go and how to live, very practical. Outsiders don't understand this very well. Shelters may not want to help you if you have a an income. Shelters are yet invaluable for saving victims' lives.
The lengths I've seen narcissists go to hurt people is beyond imagination. They are reckless and destructive and never think twice. Sadly, many people undermine the damage narcissists are capable of causing.