The hardest thing for me to come to terms with is that all the red flags were there from the very first few months. You notice little things, how hard they are loving, how much you have in common, the sex, the messages. And that all slowly disappears and the arguments they generate out of nowhere and always after a good weekend, almost like self sabotage. Before you know it, 5 years has past and you're stressed and wondering how you got here. When you spend some time away and the fog lifts (the fog that she created), you start to see more clearly. Scary thing is, she has a child. And according to her all her exes were abusive, her child's father was apparently a narcissist.
She probably acted out with manufactured drama to force him to walk away so that he could be framed as the blame holder. Sadly because of inadequacies in the law some women are able to abuse children by alienating them from their father and taking him to court for exorbitant child maintenance payments which are often spent on other things than benefitting the child.
@dontassumemyfender9866, man, I had very similar experience. A pwBPD/NPD; involved with her for 2.5 yrs. She also had a kid. Her child's father was "also a narcissist" just like all her prior partners who she claimed never to have loved. She had a child abduction lawsuit from another country which she eventually settled. I had no idea it was going on until I was in deep. Shee said I was the only guy she had loved ever; she had never loved anyone else! mhhhmmmm (that was for me a major red flag) however, I continued going with her. During the relationship, she ghosted me many times, hoovered me back and towards the end she eventually discarded pretty badly, not once (but three times) as I continued to give her another chance, feeling that I could try harder and maybe make it work. I left the relationship as I was physically and mentally very exhausted. She tried to hoover me back for many other times for the next 8 months after that. She got together with the same guy she had tried to use during our last months of the relationship to make me feel jealous. After less than a year she was pregnant by this other man. It's been so crazy. I feel bad for her children and the new guy will end up the same. It's just a matter of time.
Sounds like a near on mirror image of what I went through other than my experience was over about 16 months. I spent so long going over situations in my head.
My wife gave me a picture book illustrating mountain cabins with a hand written caption in the end saying let’s save for our future cabin. she knows me so well the thought of it brought tears to my eyes, because I would very much like to have a cabin some day. Now any time I think about or mention steps toward this goal, I’m utterly alone. The reality is she has no intention of helping do or save or plan anything. if I am to acquire this dream one day I’ll be doing it alone wether with or without her.
I am continually impressed with how well you understand all this and can communicate it to others. It's like you're describing my entire experience perfectly. While I've processed most of what happened and understand it much better now, I still wrestle with questions of culpability; how much can we fault people with Cluster B disorders for the harm they've done to us? How much was intentional versus just being oblivious and reckless in the act of drowning in their own emotions and/or empty core? I don't know how to answer these questions yet.
Maybe I was just ready to hear this, but after years of trying to understand, this is it in a nutshell. Covers all the bases. Simple language, complete, well said!
1. doesn’t have the capacity to love you in a way that is healthy, mature, or genuine. “Love” is transactional and conditional, based on you providing them with what they need, feeding their ego with constant validation to reflect their idealized version of themselves back to them. You are a shiny object to be discarded. Will then distance and then discard. 2. No amount of validation is enough. They feel empty, anxious, and dissatisfied, and project those negative feelings onto you. You may feel as if you unworthy, not good enough, to blame, and totally replaceable. 3. The internalization of blame, thinking If I jump hoops, he will be happy. As soon as the honeymoon period is over, they start blaming you for their expectations not being met. This was never about you. You are simply a scapegoat in a long line of scapegoats. 4. Will prey on your deepest needs and desires to hook you, to control you by pulling the rug out from under you. Face the fact that this was a bad investment. Cut your losses. Let go of the fantasy. Accept that the relationship was built on lies. 5. We cling to the memory of who we thought they were. Duped by your own mind and delusions, perhaps because it’s better than the cold,hard truth. 6. Struggle to understand why they did what they did. You try to make sense of all of it. He is programmed that way. To clear the fog, accept that they don’t think the way you do and their harmful behavior is not a reflection on you, but of their disorder and their programming. 7. Hope they’ll change. The truth: They can’t be changed with patience, unconditional love, or by giving more. Their patterns are deeply imbedded in their personality and meaningful change is rare.
Year out and still cant move on. Hardest part was when she played victim and made me out to be (i kid you not) a liar, a thief, a dangerous stalker, mentally ill, queer, etc etc after i cared for her, loved her unconditionally, and supported her for three years. After the discard she guilted her mother into buying her a massive rural property we had fallen in love with but could never afford. Knowing she's living there with her new friends and lover is a killer. She hasn’t worked in ten years.
Typical. Another stupid here. That lost all, his career, director job, and all the people around, due to the fantastic woman that appear in my life.....I hardly keep every day without job or nothing at all. While she is posting pics how good is doing in the job I put her and pics kissing others..... I don't want to relate anymore with none
Typical. Another stupid here. That lost all, his career, director job, and all the people around, due to the fantastic woman that appear in my life.....I hardly keep every day without job or nothing at all. While she is posting pics how good is doing in the job I put her and pics kissing others..... I don't want to relate anymore with none
This sounds exactly like my 8 year marriage .This is truly damaging behavior . Sorry you went through that . The bottom line is we are all better off without these people .
It never ceases to amaze me as to how right-on your information is as applied to my now Ex. Even though we are now divorced for over 2 years after a 20-year marriage, I still appreciate receiving the validation from you videos that help me assimilate that the failure of this relationship was not due entirely, contrary to her narrative, to my imperfections. For her, the overwhelming things I did for her and us were completely negated by one fault on my part. Better late than never! Thank you for your continuing contributions to us who are surviving life and moving on!
Yes I've had my heart broken over and over again just trying to be there for them ... each has broken my heart so much from it but i truly think it's made me a better person I can relate much better to people with those problems it's difficult to handle but I've learned a lot only God can help them.......please give them prayers not hate...Satan hates God loves bless you all with LOVE...AND..HAPPINESS . 2:37
After a cruel split and five months of ghosting mine hoovered by telling me she had a brain tumour and a year to live. I fell for it. A month later she discarded me again. Then I learn it was a lie.
My ex bpd gf has stalked and hoovered me since I ended it last December and she too has crisis hoovered by telling me she has terminal cancer. They never stop lying. I’m in therapy now just to try and recover from her abuse.
Wow… Such faking is a low blow to you and a huge disrespect to all the people who actually battle a serious illness. 😮 I’m speechless, but not hugely surprised, y’know…
Puppeteers of smoke and mirrors, a future presented before you, the lights flicker, the wallpaper peeling, now you resign your faith in what you're feeling. Lise thanks for all the insights. 💫💯
Don't try to understand them - it'll only drive you more nuts... Run fast, run far, start a new life and try not to give them a second thought - thats real no contact... Good luck...
I've been divorced for a year. Watched hundreds of hours of videos, read several books, and been in therapy for a year. This video is the absolute best in describing what I went thru during the marriage and the fallout when she blindsided me with a divorce and jumped into a relationship with a married man (he spent 24 years with the same woman and had 3 daughters). The ex knew all this and love bombed him away from his family. And after a year, the man still tells his ex wife he feels like jumping off a bridge every day for leaving her The ex wife is a terrible person. Close the book, that story is over!
Lise, thank you for all your videos on this topic. This is 100% true. Female covert narcissist is pure evil. Great video. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her...extremely hard to not rewind and replay. I believe it all stems from a broken childhood.
Thank you Lise. You have helped me so much with understanding why and what happened to me last year. Im still trying to recover and i’ve come a long way since then. I couldn’t have done it without you.
You’re never alone, brother. I’m at the 1.5 year mark, still trying to get my head sorted out. It’s a long lonely road ahead of us, but one step at a time we’ll get to a better place.
I don't know if my ex was a full blown narcissist but this all checks out really well. It went from "You're the perfect man" to "you never do anything for my family" *I went to every single one of her families events save one* It seemed when her sister got pregnant, then I "needed to be doing SOO much more!" looking back on it the red flags were pretty obvious, I figured because of our shared faith she would have a little more desire to work things out in a Biblical sense. Nope. Thank God I wanted to enforce my own boundaries and only lost 7 months of my life learning that lesson.
Spot on. I was with someone who stated we were soulmates and made me feel like I was walking two feet off the ground. Then, she dropped me and became engaged to someone else two months after.
Yes, and they have a sixth sense when they are losing you and can surprise you with gifts, praise, and attention at just the right moments. I experienced it with someone with whom I was ready to leave the next day. I hadn't said a thing, yet the person magically dazzled me with love and gifts before I could enact my plans. But that was the past. Now I ignore their ploys.
🙏Thank You Dr. Leblanc!!!🙏 ⚠️Dear gentleman, please pay attention to those wise words ⏩️ 9:59 “BY THE TIME YOU RECOGNIZE THE ILLUSION FOR WHAT IT IS YOU HAVE SUNK SO MUCH INTO IT THAT LETTING GO MIGHT FEEL LIKE YOU ARE LOOSING EVERYTHING. AT SOME POINT YOU DO HAVE TO GET HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND FACE THE FACT💯 THAT THIS WAS A BAD INVESTMENT AND CUT YOUR LOSES BECAUSE THE LONGER YOU STAY(wasting your precious time) THE MORE YOU LOSE AND THE HARDER IT BECOMES TO REBUILD✅ SO ITS NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE ALREADY INVESTED OR WHAT YOU HAVE ALREADY LOST 🆘IT IS ABOUT HOW MUCH MORE YOU ARE WILLING TO LOSE??????????🆘
Thanks Lise, not in a romantic relationship with a female narcissist- but yoour channel is really hlping me to understand and break freel of my mother's toxic manipulations. My sisters are exactly the same. We all want family - they exploit this. The goal is to use me.
It doesn't even have to be a full-blown intimate relationship. These covert female narcissist relationships will also fake a possible future intimate relationship, not like you speaking to other women, freaking out when you do, and bam, turning around and leaving you cold for some other man that suits their fancy. My own relationship began more than two decades ago, but fortunately, her mother intervened. She attempted to hoover me again in 2000, 2009, and even last year. Good grief!
There is NO hope! The sooner you awake the less the perhaps harm is caused to you. Only you lose in this entanglement. Period. Nothing more to understand. It’s the most confusing and painful experience there is and truly sad for us caring people. They use, abuse, cheat and devalue you and move on to a fresh host.
If a narcissist is willing to leave you and get with someone else, don't be sad about it. You may have a bond with that individual. Is it really healthy? Let that person leave you if they want to go. You don't deserve mental and verbal abuse. In a sense, they are kind of doing you a favor. Heartbreak is normal in life. Just learn how to deal with it and don't let it make you negative. Choose to think positively about any negative situation you're in. You will heal from the pain.
Lise: has ‘delivered’ the emotional understanding and perspective I have needed for over a year. Clear, concise! Unapologetic, but tender-hearted and real. She is a blessing! Thank you Lise!
I was in a bad marriage with narcissist #1. He was saying, "I wish you would get hit by a car and die so that I could remarry without the sin of divorce". Narcissist #2 came along and started love-bombing me. "If only you were free - you are everything I wanted". Long story short, I left. Narcissist #2 told me not to contest the divorce because we were going to get married and live happily ever after. So I didn't. But Narcissist didn't want to get married "right away". He strung me along for 5 years, slowly devaluing me. I read a lot and I liked art, ballet, and museums. At first, he thought that was all really cool (of course, mirroring me), but after a while he said I was stuck up and thought I knew more than anyone else. I had to grovel and grovel and grovel. Then he despised me for being a worm. One day he found someone else: younger, and blond (I am a brunette). He put my stuff out and changed the locks. Since I did not contest the divorce, I had no alimony, and no money. I had to LIVE IN MY CAR. He went to a new church with this girl and I showed up when church was being let out, and I was screaming and yelling at him in front of everyone. I found out later that they all felt sorry for him because he had this nice girlfriend, and the crazy woman (me) was stalking him and screaming at him "for no reason". They told me that I had a demon and to leave the premises or they would call the cops. They all felt sorry for him. That was a long, long time ago, but it was devastating. (I finally met a nice guy, an old acquaintance from church. He had a narcissistic wife too who abused him. We both understood what had happened to each other. We got married and built a good life together because we are both hard-working, caring people.
Hi Lise I’m in a slightly different situation where one of my kids has npd behaviors that you have described so often and especially this video. He’s mid-30’s married and has a 5yo son. I tried the “kind supportive father” role to help him; financially, validating his feelings towards his siblings, and his mom. I waited for months at a time for little windows of opportunity when he might ask, “What do you think?” Within a few sentences of describing how I see his shortcomings he objected, blame shifted, gas-lit, and pointed out how “they” started it. Our final (for now) conversation was about 6 months ago. He asked me to drive 8hrs and spend a week or more to help fix up a debt-free home his wife inherited. I said ‘no’. Hire a contractor. The silence from him is something I’m growing accustomed to. However, he’s brought on-board a new flying monkey - my 86yo dad who has not yet seen through the lies. I am so glad you publish your content. It has been immensely helpful.
A few months ago I suddenly realized what all those series and movies about (demon) posession are about - they are about people with NPD - the dynamic portrayed is very similar and the emotions I felt and still feel, are almost the same.
I was future faked big time. He made so many empty promises. At one point, he literally made an appointment with a priest to have his former marriage annuled only to change his mind. Also said to me once, "i was going to buy you an engagement ring, but you were pushing me too hard to get married." The funny thing about that statement is that HE WAS the one doing all the pushing. Im so glad i broke up with him before we got engaged or married. Dodged a bullet...wait, i dodged an atomic bomb!
@12:43 "that someone you loved could treat you in such a hearless way is devastating and you might feel like you're trying to solve a (impossible) puzzle" describes my ex girlfriend and also my older sister. This intimate insight helps cast light on certainly one of the darkest and most painful experiences I've ever had. Thank you so much for your amazing work and compassion. TY
Thank you for this video ! This explains in detail my experience within my toxic marriage. Your explanation has given me the clarity that I have so very much needed. Much appreciation. 🙏
@@angel-y5z6fIt must be a hell of a pain right now, but I doubt you’d be happier if your marriage came to a crash years later. The shock will slowly fade as you realise it wasn’t your fault or decision to f* things up. I wish you the best and all the strength to overcome this situation!
As I am reflecting on the 'he' in my case, the video can be generalized to both genders depicting the selfish, monstrous tendencies and destroying lives as collateral damage as part of their schemes. The bitter memories remain in the mind forever.
Ah. You got me again! I started out as the shiny car, and then she started pointing out my flaws. I tried SO hard to become shiny again. It was exhausting. I also lived for a future that never came. This wasn't all her doing, but she was 1/3 of it. You are really good at presenting. Thanks again for taking me down my past path of horror. It's a good reminder to stay on track! Nice work!
Thank you Lise for this eye opening information👀 I was a scapegoat in a long line of scapegoats!! The man I was in a relationship with blamed me for things that made no sense at all. He would start a fight over the slightest thing and make it seem that I was the cause of his rage. SO much drama. I have not spoken to him for 4 months now. I’m still recovering and trying to heal and move forward with my life.
I know now why I met her father after 5 months, he was so not nice, a very big ego, after 2 hours on her birthday he left, i cant have a talk with him, i was sitting in front of me with his hat and subglasses on, I cant see his eyes. She was from the start copy me, liked everything what i did or listen, she loved my tv shows as it was all of her favorites, but i was every 2 weeks anxious, laying in bed, thinking what i did wrong. She let me sleep in a anxious overthinking state and the next morning she did of it was nothing, lied about everything. If she send you in the middle of the night, right before you want to sleep, a photo of a women (medusa) with a lot of different personalty heads overpowering a sad anxious men. Please run, i stayed because she said it was a joke. Now I know it wasnt, take care you all!! ❤ Always listen to youre gut feeling
One week she’d tell me “we’re going to be together forever”. Next she’d be cuddling up to another man while looking for my discomfort or threatening to end the relationship which she ended up doing as i wouldn’t try out for a baby after only knowing her for months!
Anybody here was forced to take "cold/flu meds" by their woman when you didn't want to? Like I have seen my woman literally screamed and yelled at her son because he did not want to eat the Taco Bell she bought because he was not hungry. He is young and timid. He dropped his food. Her yelling made him inadvertently drop the food. Now she orders him to pick it up. Then she bullies him into eating the food. Son looks terrorized. Now the kid as been living with his dad in another state for 6 months now, but she thinks that the dad has kidnapped her son. The only reason im still with her is because she got me out of my even worse toxic women family. Like, they really wanted me dead. Now, I am trying to formulate a plan to escape this Ridley Scott's _Alien_ . I am not even a fan of the films _Alien_ but that is how she appears in my dreams. Before I was involved with a diagnosed BPD woman. I personally believe I got into this whole mess because of my toxic female family; they infected me on a subconscious level. I live in Miami. I am paying $560 for a room across my _Alien_ . I even called Miami homeless shelters a billion times. I even slept in the car a few times. I am saving up. When I save enough, I will hop on in my spaceship, and I am gone. Also, I have to be careful, because the _Alien_ could be spying on me. As a matter of fact, she went to my stuff, my journal, and now she is saying that I am getting paranoid. She says that I need psychiatric help. Also, crazy how many things are coming to me in the form of dreams. For example, I had a dream that I was a kid again in the backseat of my step dad's car, and my little brother said to me that dad does crack. As it turns, I have conformation that he does indeed do crack and probably for a very very long time now.
It's been 7 months and it's been a living hell for me; alive but not living. Yesterday my best friend told me that she grabbed coffee with his fiancé after not talking for 6 months. She lost all her friends and she said that all her friends got away from her. She broke my soul into 1 million pieces, I would've stuck by her side for life. Karma is real guys, people who hurt on purpose will get their turn. She told she'll be alone for her birthday(huh) i was alone too.. all i had was her. She broke up with me after 2.5 long years after a 2year friendship by telling me that i'm the perfect guy she always wanted and thanks God every day for me.
Lise, first of all I have to say that I do believe that you're probably literally saving lives with all the videos that you do. Secondly, everything is on point as always. It's maddening so many people are going through similar things to I am. It's horrible but comforting that I can give and get advice. The Demon did everything. False promises and hopes. Wanted me to marry her. Told all my friends she was going to. Looked at rings and wedding dresses etc. The sex was perfect. The holiday plans etc. Then the abuse started. The cheating, the lies, the excessive drinking, the drug taking. The blame shifting. There were times I was apologising for things that I hadn't even done! Telling my friends and families lies about me. Telling me that because I wasn't there for her, I was useless and didn't care. Telling me once that I needed to get help. Telling me I wasn't the last person she slept with. Always coming back after days of ghosting me, sleeping with other guys and doing drugs etc. She has two children with two different dads who she always struggles with because of her behaviour. She made me out to be the greatest thing that happened to her. Her saviour. I was stupid enough to believe it. I put myself in danger several times. I looked after her as much as I possibly could. I'd come to her house and she'd be laid out drugged up, drink everywhere. Once even outside on her lawn with her neighbour who she used to sleep with stood over her. And the next morning she blamed me for it. Saying I wasn't there. I was so heartbroken and completely lost myself. I found myself crying out of nowhere. Hyperventilating. She'd told me once after an amazing day and night out that she slept with her neighbour recently. Anytime good things were happening, she'd ALWAYS end up ruining those times by saying or doing something that would be disgusting. Either flirting with a guy or telling me stories about other guys etc. There was other stuff. Worse stuff. I got out. After two months she sends me an email with a picture of her new boyfriend (I didn't open the picture) saying he's asked her to marry her. She now periodically emails me asking me to unblock her and call her.
The thing about a narcissist, is that until they have their narcissistic bubble burst, they assume that everything that you're doing is just for them. I have moved on from a narcissist, but they can't let go. Something that I noticed is to continue to do the things that I like to do despite whatever they may think. They'll be fine narcissists just don't understand their place in the cosmos, Kind of like in the book A Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, when they put people in that machine that shows them how small they are, compared to the vastness of the universe. Just a thought, I think part of a narcissist problem, is that they spend so much time searching for their life's meaning or their life's purpose and have not done the inner therapy work or on themselves and their inner critic (Self- talk) is not realistic and healthy.
I think in my case I was brought up in a conditional love environment so yes, I take your point in how my marriage to a covert narcissist woman was destined. I don’t know how I will break free but I think that I eventually will.
My nex seems to be using the death of her mother 2 years ago as an excuse for everything. She's cheated, lied, been caught and forgiven then done both again. She's withheld every kind of intimacy for 3 years, saying she can't even remember how to kiss .. but she's kissed 3 different people this year! None of it makes sense. Now she's saying I'm abandoning her during her grief when I said I'd be there for her. The issue is that she won't fulfil any of my needs for intimacy and also actively blocks me moving on with anyone else.
Never give up. We will endure till the very end. She is going against the court order. Sending letters to my children, no reply in 8 months & counting.
@LiseLeblanc-f8s Could we have a video on repair as a victim of a narc wife. As even if you run, you still got to do contact for the divorce etc. Even if the narc does no contact, and you the victim left to clean up the damage when the narc wife finally left (in their error, as hours later they wanted to return (hoovering) and I said no). So the narc gets angry and empties the bank accounts and ends your tenacy agreement then does a runner. So no contact, still would mean you still got to do logistics, divorce, money, assets, and even children, even if the wife does full no contact, a runner and disappears.
So true. Mine was talking marriage within 3 months. Told me her friends were getting married and she deserved to be treated like a queen. 1.5 year later I told I wanted to take the relationship more seriously. She told me if I was considering getting her a ring, that she wouldn't bother saying YES because she wasn't interested in marriage. Ironically, she discarded me telling me she wanted a man to get married to and start a new life and I wasn't gonna supply her with the lifestyle she wants. Purely evil.
I don't think they are about resources. You are talking about gold-diggers. Cluster B goes much deeper than that. They look for the spark in you eyes. For that, "I'll love you and will be there for you no matter what" or "I can save you" type attitude. Then they go about sucking all the life energy out of you, finances included if you have them.
I stayed too long - I would anyone who is experiencing this kind of relationship to get out immediately- as Lisa warns, it will not change, and just get worse. Lisa is soooo correct, the longer you stay, the more you lose and the longer it will take you to get your life back!
Nowadays I'm always one foot out the door with these modern women. Ghosting has become way too popular in todays world and god knows that a decent man is never appreciated or respected for his efforts. I refuse to get emotionally attached or emasculated
I believe the first step is to stop believing in what they are saying. Only believe what you see. In some cases, you may have to give them a little trust. Even then, look for results. How much can they really do to you if you don't believe anything that they're saying? Some of them are very imaginative liars. As if they went to college to study lying. Don't do anything for them that will cause you to "sink" if they choose to backtrack on their promises.
My wife fits this perfectly. The only reason that I'm still here is for my kids that she has been physically and emotionally abusive to and the state won't do anything to help. I'm sure that if I left she would get at least 50% custody and I refuse to not be readily available if they need me. Fortunately I'm self employed and set my own hours. For me personally, I feel absolutely nothing anymore.
In my case the fantasy about our fantastic future, had many things that made it look like a nightmare. Knowing that she will end up doing to me what she was doing to another one during our relantionship. Apart from that she will have fisically destroyed me. It was not possible to keep up with her extreme high needs. Even on the economic side, was impossible to follow, she spent everything she made and make you do the same. Yes the fantastic future had all the looks of a nightmare. But i was hooked to her, it took me quite a while to break up from what it felt must be breaking up from a drug dependency. 3.6 years now free. I think she has now onother one, so im safe, but sorry for him.
I don’t blame the narc for their behavior, they are who they are , I played right into it and stayed on off for 3 years , that’s my fault . They can’t change , but I can , and pay attention next relationship for red flags and don’t justify them ,and walk away immediately
I think I’ve lived with someone like this for the past 23 years I can hardly recognise the person I’m am now. I don’t like any of the things I used to do. I’m never enough I’m like a dog chasing its tail. Always apologising and never right.
Add a alcoholic to this . I gave to her omg she would hook up with other guys even in front of me . Everything you describe in your intelligent well researched video is what I experienced. It’s taken me a year and half to get over this . I sailed to another country. I enabled a lot of this and I own that .
My ex wife would tell me about all the people on her social media wishing her a good day at work and tell me how I didn't say enough nice stuff to her like what was on her social media. Then she would try to make me jealous over her students looking at her feet because she knew that was something special to me. She would try to get me frustrated and competing against her students and would say how I’m just like her bad students.
46 years Married. I had given her a second chance. As soon as she felt comfortable after returning, it started all over again. It was much worse the second time. She did terrible things to me. She was never home with me, she started hanging with older women. Secret walks with a neighbor every morning. Going on Hikes with a group from work which turned out to be one man every Monday night. She would stay out very late. When she returned home she would walk past me and say nothing to me. She would go into the bedroom and be texting someone. Last straw was coming home at 11:00 pm and rush past me upon entering the house and run into the shower and bathing before going to bed. She never showered at night. I noticed she washed her under wear in the sink and tryed to blow them dry with her hair dryer. That was it. I filed, for Divorce, because I could not take this anymore. She blames me for her being considered a Adultress, because she would have to have sex with someone if I Divorced her. Dam.
I’m sure my boyfriend is watching this… he has called me a narcissist and educates himself watching utube influencers….He had me thinking maybe I was…. Had me questioning myself. I think maybe he was projecting his narcissistic tendencies to me. Question…. Are all, or most, dismissive avoidants also narcissists? I'm starting to think this is possible. Very similar behaviors and traits.
My ex, moderate overt narcisist, discarded me and fell for a woman, that is in my opinion, a severe covert narcisist. Now I wonder how he will end up with her. He has got what he wanted so I just think of his health, what will happen after she gets bored of him. I think about it only because of our children, cause they love him. I've got an impression that after love bombing is finished she will suck the life out of him.
They are like interpersonal terrorists. She broke every promise she ever made, many times. She broke every apology dragged out of her. She broke every agreement we made many times. She would break trust, deny, deflect, gaslight and when that wasn't working she would rage punish and try to shift blame. After a week of this episode she would come back with an apology and I would take her back for the entire thing to start again within a day or a week. It is brutal. I still find myself wanting her to keep her word and make the amends she promised to make so we could have the future that was dreamt of together but she is already off seeking a new victim to fool. Manipulated and lied to her family, her son and my own daughter to hide her behavior. She actually tried to erase all of our texts and emails which were nothing short of absolute proof of her personality disorder (luckily I had back ups) When I eventually left after 500 chances given and 500 chances shit on, I am the loser, I never loved her, I don't care about her or our family and I was the abuser. Stay with them and you will be punished and abused, leave them because they won't get the help they need and they will punish and abuse you. That is their deal. Letting go of the fantasy is brutal, to realize I fooled myself for so long despite everyone around me trying to help me out of it.
The hardest thing for me to come to terms with is that all the red flags were there from the very first few months. You notice little things, how hard they are loving, how much you have in common, the sex, the messages. And that all slowly disappears and the arguments they generate out of nowhere and always after a good weekend, almost like self sabotage.
Before you know it, 5 years has past and you're stressed and wondering how you got here.
When you spend some time away and the fog lifts (the fog that she created), you start to see more clearly.
Scary thing is, she has a child. And according to her all her exes were abusive, her child's father was apparently a narcissist.
Nah he’s a normal dude most likely. Same situation man. You’re not alone
She probably acted out with manufactured drama to force him to walk away so that he could be framed as the blame holder. Sadly because of inadequacies in the law some women are able to abuse children by alienating them from their father and taking him to court for exorbitant child maintenance payments which are often spent on other things than benefitting the child.
You just explained me 25 years later. Now with Codependent 34 year old son.
@dontassumemyfender9866, man, I had very similar experience. A pwBPD/NPD; involved with her for 2.5 yrs. She also had a kid. Her child's father was "also a narcissist" just like all her prior partners who she claimed never to have loved. She had a child abduction lawsuit from another country which she eventually settled. I had no idea it was going on until I was in deep. Shee said I was the only guy she had loved ever; she had never loved anyone else! mhhhmmmm (that was for me a major red flag) however, I continued going with her. During the relationship, she ghosted me many times, hoovered me back and towards the end she eventually discarded pretty badly, not once (but three times) as I continued to give her another chance, feeling that I could try harder and maybe make it work. I left the relationship as I was physically and mentally very exhausted. She tried to hoover me back for many other times for the next 8 months after that. She got together with the same guy she had tried to use during our last months of the relationship to make me feel jealous. After less than a year she was pregnant by this other man. It's been so crazy. I feel bad for her children and the new guy will end up the same. It's just a matter of time.
Sounds like a near on mirror image of what I went through other than my experience was over about 16 months. I spent so long going over situations in my head.
Even the absolute best of a man will end up exhausted and effed up after such relationship. Insane experience.
Yes
46 years living in this nightmare. Now I have the information to separate from the abuse and live my own life.
Thank you.
My wife gave me a picture book illustrating mountain cabins with a hand written caption in the end saying let’s save for our future cabin.
she knows me so well the thought of it brought tears to my eyes, because I would very much like to have a cabin some day.
Now any time I think about or mention steps toward this goal, I’m utterly alone. The reality is she has no intention of helping do or save or plan anything. if I am to acquire this dream one day I’ll be doing it alone wether with or without her.
@@kenn080 get out now. Our plan was to retire together (turned out this was only my plan) she bailed and took half of everything including my pension.
Better do it alone. You dont need bad company.
I am continually impressed with how well you understand all this and can communicate it to others. It's like you're describing my entire experience perfectly. While I've processed most of what happened and understand it much better now, I still wrestle with questions of culpability; how much can we fault people with Cluster B disorders for the harm they've done to us? How much was intentional versus just being oblivious and reckless in the act of drowning in their own emotions and/or empty core? I don't know how to answer these questions yet.
Maybe I was just ready to hear this, but after years of trying to understand, this is it in a nutshell. Covers all the bases. Simple language, complete, well said!
1. doesn’t have the capacity to love you in a way that is healthy, mature, or genuine. “Love” is transactional and conditional, based on you providing them with what they need, feeding their ego with constant validation to reflect their idealized version of themselves back to them. You are a shiny object to be discarded. Will then distance and then discard.
2. No amount of validation is enough. They feel empty, anxious, and dissatisfied, and project those negative feelings onto you. You may feel as if you unworthy, not good enough, to blame, and totally replaceable.
3. The internalization of blame, thinking If I jump hoops, he will be happy. As soon as the honeymoon period is over, they start blaming you for their expectations not being met. This was never about you. You are simply a scapegoat in a long line of scapegoats.
4. Will prey on your deepest needs and desires to hook you, to control you by pulling the rug out from under you. Face the fact that this was a bad investment. Cut your losses. Let go of the fantasy. Accept that the relationship was built on lies.
5. We cling to the memory of who we thought they were. Duped by your own mind and delusions, perhaps because it’s better than the cold,hard truth.
6. Struggle to understand why they did what they did. You try to make sense of all of it. He is programmed that way. To clear the fog, accept that they don’t think the way you do and their harmful behavior is not a reflection on you, but of their disorder and their programming.
7. Hope they’ll change. The truth: They can’t be changed with patience, unconditional love, or by giving more. Their patterns are deeply imbedded in their personality and meaningful change is rare.
number 6....!
I wonder how common this personality type is in men vs women
Year out and still cant move on. Hardest part was when she played victim and made me out to be (i kid you not) a liar, a thief, a dangerous stalker, mentally ill, queer, etc etc after i cared for her, loved her unconditionally, and supported her for three years. After the discard she guilted her mother into buying her a massive rural property we had fallen in love with but could never afford. Knowing she's living there with her new friends and lover is a killer. She hasn’t worked in ten years.
Feel your Pain Bro!!😢
This how murders happen. Wondered why people even go to the extent of murder. Well clearly it’s coz of cruelly brutal betrayals like these.
Typical. Another stupid here. That lost all, his career, director job, and all the people around, due to the fantastic woman that appear in my life.....I hardly keep every day without job or nothing at all. While she is posting pics how good is doing in the job I put her and pics kissing others..... I don't want to relate anymore with none
Typical. Another stupid here. That lost all, his career, director job, and all the people around, due to the fantastic woman that appear in my life.....I hardly keep every day without job or nothing at all. While she is posting pics how good is doing in the job I put her and pics kissing others..... I don't want to relate anymore with none
This sounds exactly like my 8 year marriage .This is truly damaging behavior . Sorry you went through that . The bottom line is we are all better off without these people .
This is 15 minutes and 14 seconds of deep truth. Thank you.
It’s a tough lesson but as a old victim just share out experiences so young men can learn from it
It never ceases to amaze me as to how right-on your information is as applied to my now Ex. Even though we are now divorced for over 2 years after a 20-year marriage, I still appreciate receiving the validation from you videos that help me assimilate that the failure of this relationship was not due entirely, contrary to her narrative, to my imperfections. For her, the overwhelming things I did for her and us were completely negated by one fault on my part. Better late than never! Thank you for your continuing contributions to us who are surviving life and moving on!
Thank you. My plan to forget all about my past relationship is to get a dog and go for a cross-country drive...
I have a rescue dog you can have. My wife walked out on me and the dogs we rescued together.
Exactly what I’m about to do, though I’m adding a new puppy to my existing full grown service dog
“Narcissism cannot be fixed” 🙏🙏🙏
sad but true . i tried for 40 years !! get out guys
Yes I've had my heart broken over and over again just trying to be there for them ... each has broken my heart so much from it but i truly think it's made me a better person I can relate much better to people with those problems it's difficult to handle but I've learned a lot only God can help them.......please give them prayers not hate...Satan hates God loves bless you all with LOVE...AND..HAPPINESS
. 2:37
@@DonHarden-b8n Amen 🙏🏼
I told my cat I liked his frames while he sipped a Starbucks and adjusted his skinny jeans.
@@GhoatFocker 🤷🏼♂️
Thanks!
Thanks, Lise... You are a lifesaver. Truly. 110%
Paying two rents during divorce or I'd match this generous donation.
Stay safe brothers 😮 🎉🎉🎉
WOW thank you for this generous contribution! Your support means a lot to me
After a cruel split and five months of ghosting mine hoovered by telling me she had a brain tumour and a year to live. I fell for it. A month later she discarded me again. Then I learn it was a lie.
My ex bpd gf has stalked and hoovered me since I ended it last December and she too has crisis hoovered by telling me she has terminal cancer. They never stop lying. I’m in therapy now just to try and recover from her abuse.
@ I truly believe they are evil.
Wow… Such faking is a low blow to you and a huge disrespect to all the people who actually battle a serious illness. 😮
I’m speechless, but not hugely surprised, y’know…
Puppeteers of smoke and mirrors, a future presented before you, the lights flicker, the wallpaper peeling, now you resign your faith in what you're feeling.
Lise thanks for all the insights. 💫💯
Don't try to understand them - it'll only drive you more nuts...
Run fast, run far, start a new life and try not to give them a second thought - thats real no contact...
Good luck...
I've been divorced for a year. Watched hundreds of hours of videos, read several books, and been in therapy for a year.
This video is the absolute best in describing what I went thru during the marriage and the fallout when she blindsided me with a divorce and jumped into a relationship with a married man (he spent 24 years with the same woman and had 3 daughters). The ex knew all this and love bombed him away from his family. And after a year, the man still tells his ex wife he feels like jumping off a bridge every day for leaving her
The ex wife is a terrible person. Close the book, that story is over!
Lise, thank you for all your videos on this topic. This is 100% true. Female covert narcissist is pure evil. Great video. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her...extremely hard to not rewind and replay. I believe it all stems from a broken childhood.
Thank you Lise. You have helped me so much with understanding why and what happened to me last year. Im still trying to recover and i’ve come a long way since then. I couldn’t have done it without you.
You’re never alone, brother. I’m at the 1.5 year mark, still trying to get my head sorted out. It’s a long lonely road ahead of us, but one step at a time we’ll get to a better place.
@@mangore623 thanks bro. Good luck on your journey.
I'm with you. It's been just over a year for me. Weirdly enough she contacted me today. Through email. She is an absolute monster. A demon.
I don't know if my ex was a full blown narcissist but this all checks out really well. It went from "You're the perfect man" to "you never do anything for my family" *I went to every single one of her families events save one* It seemed when her sister got pregnant, then I "needed to be doing SOO much more!" looking back on it the red flags were pretty obvious, I figured because of our shared faith she would have a little more desire to work things out in a Biblical sense. Nope. Thank God I wanted to enforce my own boundaries and only lost 7 months of my life learning that lesson.
Every single point described my ex and marriage exactly. I said #7 out loud right along with you Lise, thank you
Spot on. I was with someone who stated we were soulmates and made me feel like I was walking two feet off the ground. Then, she dropped me and became engaged to someone else two months after.
Me too. It was two months after we'd been together for a year.
Brutal
No such thing as soul mates.
Casinos and narcissists have mastered the concept of intermittent reinforcement. 🤦🏻♀️
I've been through hell from both of them.
Yes and much through trial and error without ethics or moral principles.
Yes, and they have a sixth sense when they are losing you and can surprise you with gifts, praise, and attention at just the right moments. I experienced it with someone with whom I was ready to leave the next day. I hadn't said a thing, yet the person magically dazzled me with love and gifts before I could enact my plans. But that was the past. Now I ignore their ploys.
🙏Thank You Dr. Leblanc!!!🙏
⚠️Dear gentleman, please pay attention to those wise words ⏩️ 9:59 “BY THE TIME YOU RECOGNIZE THE ILLUSION FOR WHAT IT IS YOU HAVE SUNK SO MUCH INTO IT THAT LETTING GO MIGHT FEEL LIKE YOU ARE LOOSING EVERYTHING. AT SOME POINT YOU DO HAVE TO GET HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND FACE THE FACT💯 THAT THIS WAS A BAD INVESTMENT AND CUT YOUR LOSES BECAUSE THE LONGER YOU STAY(wasting your precious time) THE MORE YOU LOSE AND THE HARDER IT BECOMES TO REBUILD✅ SO ITS NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE ALREADY INVESTED OR WHAT YOU HAVE ALREADY LOST 🆘IT IS ABOUT HOW MUCH MORE YOU ARE WILLING TO LOSE??????????🆘
Thanks Lise, not in a romantic relationship with a female narcissist- but yoour channel is really hlping me to understand and break freel of my mother's toxic manipulations. My sisters are exactly the same. We all want family - they exploit this. The goal is to use me.
On point. And then you wake up and 10 years of your life is gone along with your time, $ and self esteem.
It doesn't even have to be a full-blown intimate relationship. These covert female narcissist relationships will also fake a possible future intimate relationship, not like you speaking to other women, freaking out when you do, and bam, turning around and leaving you cold for some other man that suits their fancy. My own relationship began more than two decades ago, but fortunately, her mother intervened. She attempted to hoover me again in 2000, 2009, and even last year. Good grief!
Thank you for sharing your insights and experience and for supporting my channel!
There is NO hope! The sooner you awake the less the perhaps harm is caused to you. Only you lose in this entanglement. Period. Nothing more to understand. It’s the most confusing and painful experience there is and truly sad for us caring people. They use, abuse, cheat and devalue you and move on to a fresh host.
If a narcissist is willing to leave you and get with someone else, don't be sad about it. You may have a bond with that individual. Is it really healthy? Let that person leave you if they want to go. You don't deserve mental and verbal abuse. In a sense, they are kind of doing you a favor.
Heartbreak is normal in life. Just learn how to deal with it and don't let it make you negative. Choose to think positively about any negative situation you're in. You will heal from the pain.
Lise: has ‘delivered’ the emotional understanding and perspective I have needed for over a year. Clear, concise! Unapologetic, but tender-hearted and real. She is a blessing! Thank you Lise!
I was in a bad marriage with narcissist #1. He was saying, "I wish you would get hit by a car and die so that I could remarry without the sin of divorce". Narcissist #2 came along and started love-bombing me. "If only you were free - you are everything I wanted". Long story short, I left. Narcissist #2 told me not to contest the divorce because we were going to get married and live happily ever after. So I didn't. But Narcissist didn't want to get married "right away". He strung me along for 5 years, slowly devaluing me. I read a lot and I liked art, ballet, and museums. At first, he thought that was all really cool (of course, mirroring me), but after a while he said I was stuck up and thought I knew more than anyone else. I had to grovel and grovel and grovel. Then he despised me for being a worm. One day he found someone else: younger, and blond (I am a brunette). He put my stuff out and changed the locks. Since I did not contest the divorce, I had no alimony, and no money. I had to LIVE IN MY CAR. He went to a new church with this girl and I showed up when church was being let out, and I was screaming and yelling at him in front of everyone. I found out later that they all felt sorry for him because he had this nice girlfriend, and the crazy woman (me) was stalking him and screaming at him "for no reason". They told me that I had a demon and to leave the premises or they would call the cops. They all felt sorry for him. That was a long, long time ago, but it was devastating. (I finally met a nice guy, an old acquaintance from church. He had a narcissistic wife too who abused him. We both understood what had happened to each other. We got married and built a good life together because we are both hard-working, caring people.
Hi Lise
I’m in a slightly different situation where one of my kids has npd behaviors that you have described so often and especially this video. He’s mid-30’s married and has a 5yo son.
I tried the “kind supportive father” role to help him; financially, validating his feelings towards his siblings, and his mom. I waited for months at a time for little windows of opportunity when he might ask, “What do you think?” Within a few sentences of describing how I see his shortcomings he objected, blame shifted, gas-lit, and pointed out how “they” started it.
Our final (for now) conversation was about 6 months ago. He asked me to drive 8hrs and spend a week or more to help fix up a debt-free home his wife inherited.
I said ‘no’.
Hire a contractor.
The silence from him is something I’m growing accustomed to. However, he’s brought on-board a new flying monkey - my 86yo dad who has not yet seen through the lies.
I am so glad you publish your content. It has been immensely helpful.
A few months ago I suddenly realized what all those series and movies about (demon) posession are about - they are about people with NPD - the dynamic portrayed is very similar and the emotions I felt and still feel, are almost the same.
I was future faked big time. He made so many empty promises. At one point, he literally made an appointment with a priest to have his former marriage annuled only to change his mind. Also said to me once, "i was going to buy you an engagement ring, but you were pushing me too hard to get married." The funny thing about that statement is that HE WAS the one doing all the pushing. Im so glad i broke up with him before we got engaged or married. Dodged a bullet...wait, i dodged an atomic bomb!
Every. Single. Point. Resonates. Thank you.
@12:43 "that someone you loved could treat you in such a hearless way is devastating and you might feel like you're trying to solve a (impossible) puzzle" describes my ex girlfriend and also my older sister. This intimate insight helps cast light on certainly one of the darkest and most painful experiences I've ever had. Thank you so much for your amazing work and compassion. TY
Thank you for this video ! This explains in detail my experience within my toxic marriage. Your explanation has given me the clarity that I have so very much needed. Much appreciation. 🙏
Thank you for your kind comment
Wonderfully explained. It is fascinating how well you explain this complex matter. Many thanks.
Mine discarded me one month before our wedding! Future faking to the extreme! Im am still in trauma shock 💔
They truly did you a favor..believe that!
@1980shameka watching, researching and self educating with the help of Lisa, I am slowly starting to see this. I cried for 4 months everyday 💔
@@angel-y5z6fIt must be a hell of a pain right now, but I doubt you’d be happier if your marriage came to a crash years later.
The shock will slowly fade as you realise it wasn’t your fault or decision to f* things up.
I wish you the best and all the strength to overcome this situation!
This is so spot on accurate to exactly what I've been through and still living!
As I am reflecting on the 'he' in my case, the video can be generalized to both genders depicting the selfish, monstrous tendencies and destroying lives as collateral damage as part of their schemes. The bitter memories remain in the mind forever.
So true! The prospective you give really helps to see things from aside. Thank you Lise!
Ah. You got me again! I started out as the shiny car, and then she started pointing out my flaws. I tried SO hard to become shiny again. It was exhausting. I also lived for a future that never came. This wasn't all her doing, but she was 1/3 of it. You are really good at presenting. Thanks again for taking me down my past path of horror. It's a good reminder to stay on track! Nice work!
Every video is so spot on, thank you Lise…..best channel on Utube for this content, especially for men.
Thank you Lise for this eye opening information👀 I was a scapegoat in a long line of scapegoats!! The man I was in a relationship with blamed me for things that made no sense at all. He would start a fight over the slightest thing and make it seem that I was the cause of his rage. SO much drama. I have not spoken to him for 4 months now. I’m still recovering and trying to heal and move forward with my life.
I know now why I met her father after 5 months, he was so not nice, a very big ego, after 2 hours on her birthday he left, i cant have a talk with him, i was sitting in front of me with his hat and subglasses on, I cant see his eyes.
She was from the start copy me, liked everything what i did or listen, she loved my tv shows as it was all of her favorites, but i was every 2 weeks anxious, laying in bed, thinking what i did wrong. She let me sleep in a anxious overthinking state and the next morning she did of it was nothing, lied about everything.
If she send you in the middle of the night, right before you want to sleep, a photo of a women (medusa) with a lot of different personalty heads overpowering a sad anxious men. Please run, i stayed because she said it was a joke.
Now I know it wasnt, take care you all!! ❤
Always listen to youre gut feeling
One week she’d tell me “we’re going to be together forever”. Next she’d be cuddling up to another man while looking for my discomfort or threatening to end the relationship which she ended up doing as i wouldn’t try out for a baby after only knowing her for months!
Anybody here was forced to take "cold/flu meds" by their woman when you didn't want to? Like I have seen my woman literally screamed and yelled at her son because he did not want to eat the Taco Bell she bought because he was not hungry. He is young and timid. He dropped his food.
Her yelling made him inadvertently drop the food. Now she orders him to pick it up. Then she bullies him into eating the food. Son looks terrorized.
Now the kid as been living with his dad in another state for 6 months now, but she thinks that the dad has kidnapped her son.
The only reason im still with her is because she got me out of my even worse toxic women family. Like, they really wanted me dead.
Now, I am trying to formulate a plan to escape this Ridley Scott's _Alien_ . I am not even a fan of the films _Alien_ but that is how she appears in my dreams.
Before I was involved with a diagnosed BPD woman.
I personally believe I got into this whole mess because of my toxic female family; they infected me on a subconscious level. I live in Miami. I am paying $560 for a room across my _Alien_ . I even called Miami homeless shelters a billion times. I even slept in the car a few times. I am saving up. When I save enough, I will hop on in my spaceship, and I am gone.
Also, I have to be careful, because the _Alien_ could be spying on me. As a matter of fact, she went to my stuff, my journal, and now she is saying that I am getting paranoid. She says that I need psychiatric help.
Also, crazy how many things are coming to me in the form of dreams. For example, I had a dream that I was a kid again in the backseat of my step dad's car, and my little brother said to me that dad does crack. As it turns, I have conformation that he does indeed do crack and probably for a very very long time now.
It's been 7 months and it's been a living hell for me; alive but not living. Yesterday my best friend told me that she grabbed coffee with his fiancé after not talking for 6 months.
She lost all her friends and she said that all her friends got away from her. She broke my soul into 1 million pieces, I would've stuck by her side for life. Karma is real guys, people who hurt on purpose will get their turn. She told she'll be alone for her birthday(huh) i was alone too.. all i had was her.
She broke up with me after 2.5 long years after a 2year friendship by telling me that i'm the perfect guy she always wanted and thanks God every day for me.
Lise, first of all I have to say that I do believe that you're probably literally saving lives with all the videos that you do.
Secondly, everything is on point as always. It's maddening so many people are going through similar things to I am. It's horrible but comforting that I can give and get advice.
The Demon did everything. False promises and hopes. Wanted me to marry her. Told all my friends she was going to. Looked at rings and wedding dresses etc. The sex was perfect. The holiday plans etc.
Then the abuse started.
The cheating, the lies, the excessive drinking, the drug taking.
The blame shifting. There were times I was apologising for things that I hadn't even done!
Telling my friends and families lies about me. Telling me that because I wasn't there for her, I was useless and didn't care. Telling me once that I needed to get help. Telling me I wasn't the last person she slept with.
Always coming back after days of ghosting me, sleeping with other guys and doing drugs etc. She has two children with two different dads who she always struggles with because of her behaviour.
She made me out to be the greatest thing that happened to her. Her saviour. I was stupid enough to believe it.
I put myself in danger several times. I looked after her as much as I possibly could.
I'd come to her house and she'd be laid out drugged up, drink everywhere. Once even outside on her lawn with her neighbour who she used to sleep with stood over her. And the next morning she blamed me for it. Saying I wasn't there.
I was so heartbroken and completely lost myself. I found myself crying out of nowhere. Hyperventilating. She'd told me once after an amazing day and night out that she slept with her neighbour recently.
Anytime good things were happening, she'd ALWAYS end up ruining those times by saying or doing something that would be disgusting. Either flirting with a guy or telling me stories about other guys etc.
There was other stuff. Worse stuff.
I got out. After two months she sends me an email with a picture of her new boyfriend (I didn't open the picture) saying he's asked her to marry her.
She now periodically emails me asking me to unblock her and call her.
THIS IS THE BEST NARCISSIST VIDEO EVER EVER EVER MADE!
Many great points that other people haven't really talked about yet. Thank you for sharing.
The thing about a narcissist, is that until they have their narcissistic bubble burst, they assume that everything that you're doing is just for them. I have moved on from a narcissist, but they can't let go. Something that I noticed is to continue to do the things that I like to do despite whatever they may think. They'll be fine narcissists just don't understand their place in the cosmos, Kind of like in the book A Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, when they put people in that machine that shows them how small they are, compared to the vastness of the universe.
Just a thought, I think part of a narcissist problem, is that they spend so much time searching for their life's meaning or their life's purpose and have not done the inner therapy work or on themselves and their inner critic (Self- talk) is not realistic and healthy.
Even four years later of a six month on/off relationship, I still feel the hurricane of emotions
Good, let that remind you of a relationship type you must never repeat again.
I think in my case I was brought up in a conditional love environment so yes, I take your point in how my marriage to a covert narcissist woman was destined. I don’t know how I will break free but I think that I eventually will.
Thanks Lise, You hit it on the head with this Post. Exactly the way it is!
You think that you know something or have sort of life experience until you run into a such person... unbelievable.
@@LiseLeblanc-q5 ma'am, thank you, my deepest respect
The great Dr. Phil also says there is no cure for narcissists
The harderst part?
The _hardest_ part is not wanting _vengeance_, when you realize that _justice_ isn't coming.
My nex seems to be using the death of her mother 2 years ago as an excuse for everything. She's cheated, lied, been caught and forgiven then done both again.
She's withheld every kind of intimacy for 3 years, saying she can't even remember how to kiss
.. but she's kissed 3 different people this year!
None of it makes sense. Now she's saying I'm abandoning her during her grief when I said I'd be there for her. The issue is that she won't fulfil any of my needs for intimacy and also actively blocks me moving on with anyone else.
It's easy to see how our phone/social media society is breeding legions of these empty souls.
200k Lise🎉🎉🎉 Congratulations!
2 children now fatherless because this woman is a narcissist
Im so sorry, please never give up. I’m fighting for custody too you aren’t alone. Never give up.
Yup. Same here.
Same here
Never give up. We will endure till the very end. She is going against the court order. Sending letters to my children, no reply in 8 months & counting.
@LiseLeblanc-f8s Could we have a video on repair as a victim of a narc wife. As even if you run, you still got to do contact for the divorce etc. Even if the narc does no contact, and you the victim left to clean up the damage when the narc wife finally left (in their error, as hours later they wanted to return (hoovering) and I said no). So the narc gets angry and empties the bank accounts and ends your tenacy agreement then does a runner. So no contact, still would mean you still got to do logistics, divorce, money, assets, and even children, even if the wife does full no contact, a runner and disappears.
She will demand marriage when you have more resources than her. Its a given.
Yep...within 3 months
If she does, tell her you’ll be happy to provided she signs a prenup and doesn’t involve the state. You’ll quickly learn her agenda.
So true. Mine was talking marriage within 3 months. Told me her friends were getting married and she deserved to be treated like a queen. 1.5 year later I told I wanted to take the relationship more seriously. She told me if I was considering getting her a ring, that she wouldn't bother saying YES because she wasn't interested in marriage. Ironically, she discarded me telling me she wanted a man to get married to and start a new life and I wasn't gonna supply her with the lifestyle she wants. Purely evil.
I don't think they are about resources. You are talking about gold-diggers. Cluster B goes much deeper than that. They look for the spark in you eyes. For that, "I'll love you and will be there for you no matter what" or "I can save you" type attitude. Then they go about sucking all the life energy out of you, finances included if you have them.
Thank you for keeping me sane tonight
Right on the button!
I stayed too long - I would anyone who is experiencing this kind of relationship to get out immediately- as Lisa warns, it will not change, and just get worse. Lisa is soooo correct, the longer you stay, the more you lose and the longer it will take you to get your life back!
Nowadays I'm always one foot out the door with these modern women. Ghosting has become way too popular in todays world and god knows that a decent man is never appreciated or respected for his efforts. I refuse to get emotionally attached or emasculated
We've always had cluster b people out there. But in todays society its being rewarded and protected.
Thank you very much!! Im opening my eyes ....!! I ended today.... And i am a psychologist.... But so blind to see at my side..... Thank u!!
Thank you for sharing your experience, I'm glad the video was helpful.
@LiseLeblanc here we are listening to another of your classes.... It's is so hard to detach from her .... Like letting go a hard drug....!
Spot on, thanks... ❤
I believe the first step is to stop believing in what they are saying. Only believe what you see. In some cases, you may have to give them a little trust. Even then, look for results. How much can they really do to you if you don't believe anything that they're saying? Some of them are very imaginative liars. As if they went to college to study lying.
Don't do anything for them that will cause you to "sink" if they choose to backtrack on their promises.
Excellent Talk. Much Appreciated.🌅🌅🌅
Thanks and it is helpful as well as validating!
Honestly, this was the worst from the whole narcissist relationship.
Thank you Lise Lablanc
My wife fits this perfectly. The only reason that I'm still here is for my kids that she has been physically and emotionally abusive to and the state won't do anything to help. I'm sure that if I left she would get at least 50% custody and I refuse to not be readily available if they need me. Fortunately I'm self employed and set my own hours. For me personally, I feel absolutely nothing anymore.
Excellent material ❤
It is tough to live in reality.. I would rather live in a fantasy and tell myself that all the stuff you just mentioned was not happening..
I know what you mean. I do. But we'd just be kidding ourselves which is a different kind of torture..
@@mukesh.dhimar Once you see and once you feel and once you know then you can't go back..
Great upload. Thanks!
Spot on!
Thanks so much for your help.
This one hit hard coming out of the fog of a male narc
In my case the fantasy about our fantastic future, had many things that made it look like a nightmare. Knowing that she will end up doing to me what she was doing to another one during our relantionship. Apart from that she will have fisically destroyed me. It was not possible to keep up with her extreme high needs. Even on the economic side, was impossible to follow, she spent everything she made and make you do the same. Yes the fantastic future had all the looks of a nightmare. But i was hooked to her, it took me quite a while to break up from what it felt must be breaking up from a drug dependency. 3.6 years now free. I think she has now onother one, so im safe, but sorry for him.
I don’t blame the narc for their behavior, they are who they are , I played right into it and stayed on off for 3 years , that’s my fault . They can’t change , but I can , and pay attention next relationship for red flags and don’t justify them ,and walk away immediately
Thank you
I think I’ve lived with someone like this for the past 23 years I can hardly recognise the person I’m am now. I don’t like any of the things I used to do. I’m never enough I’m like a dog chasing its tail. Always apologising and never right.
Add a alcoholic to this . I gave to her omg she would hook up with other guys even in front of me . Everything you describe in your intelligent well researched video is what I experienced. It’s taken me a year and half to get over this . I sailed to another country. I enabled a lot of this and I own that .
Thank god I didn't marry any of these women just to have them divorce me soon after
My ex wife would tell me about all the people on her social media wishing her a good day at work and tell me how I didn't say enough nice stuff to her like what was on her social media. Then she would try to make me jealous over her students looking at her feet because she knew that was something special to me. She would try to get me frustrated and competing against her students and would say how I’m just like her bad students.
Triangulation
If I grew up in NO love at all environment, will I be tending to stay in a relationship that provides nothing?
46 years Married. I had given her a second chance. As soon as she felt comfortable after returning, it started all over again. It was much worse the second time. She did terrible things to me. She was never home with me, she started hanging with older women. Secret walks with a neighbor every morning. Going on Hikes with a group from work which turned out to be one man every Monday night. She would stay out very late. When she returned home she would walk past me and say nothing to me. She would go into the bedroom and be texting someone. Last straw was coming home at 11:00 pm and rush past me upon entering the house and run into the shower and bathing before going to bed. She never showered at night. I noticed she washed her under wear in the sink and tryed to blow them dry with her hair dryer.
That was it. I filed, for Divorce, because I could not take this anymore. She blames me for her being considered a Adultress, because she would have to have sex with someone if I Divorced her. Dam.
My ex female covert narcissist started using my last name and calling herself my wife in the first two weeks
I got the blame recently, bombarded with texts, for walking away....
And it's ALL my fault apparently....
Thank you.
I’m sure my boyfriend is watching this… he has called me a narcissist and educates himself watching utube influencers….He had me thinking maybe I was…. Had me questioning myself. I think maybe he was projecting his narcissistic tendencies to me.
Question….
Are all, or most, dismissive avoidants also narcissists?
I'm starting to think this is possible. Very similar behaviors and traits.
Not kidding this is like she had a camerea watching my last 25 plus years of my life, its terrifying
My ex, moderate overt narcisist, discarded me and fell for a woman, that is in my opinion, a severe covert narcisist. Now I wonder how he will end up with her. He has got what he wanted so I just think of his health, what will happen after she gets bored of him. I think about it only because of our children, cause they love him.
I've got an impression that after love bombing is finished she will suck the life out of him.
They are like interpersonal terrorists. She broke every promise she ever made, many times. She broke every apology dragged out of her. She broke every agreement we made many times. She would break trust, deny, deflect, gaslight and when that wasn't working she would rage punish and try to shift blame. After a week of this episode she would come back with an apology and I would take her back for the entire thing to start again within a day or a week. It is brutal. I still find myself wanting her to keep her word and make the amends she promised to make so we could have the future that was dreamt of together but she is already off seeking a new victim to fool. Manipulated and lied to her family, her son and my own daughter to hide her behavior. She actually tried to erase all of our texts and emails which were nothing short of absolute proof of her personality disorder (luckily I had back ups) When I eventually left after 500 chances given and 500 chances shit on, I am the loser, I never loved her, I don't care about her or our family and I was the abuser. Stay with them and you will be punished and abused, leave them because they won't get the help they need and they will punish and abuse you. That is their deal. Letting go of the fantasy is brutal, to realize I fooled myself for so long despite everyone around me trying to help me out of it.
Singer Phil Collins with his hit song , "she's an easy lover" comes to mind 😅
Daryl Hall & John Oats " Man eater" comes to mind.