Healing From The Scapegoat Experience (4-Video Compilation)
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- Опубліковано 5 лют 2025
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To avoid responsibility for their own actions, abusive parents sometimes make one child into a scapegoat, and siblings follow suit. The person scapegoated suffers horribly, but getting pushed out of the family sometimes means they demonstrate more strength and success in life than those who we kept in the family fold. In this 4-video compilation, I respond to letters from people working to heal the wounds of this terrible form of emotional abuse.
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Amelia, I identify with your story. You're not alone and I wish you healing. At the age of 60-something, I'm still trying to heal from an awful, narc mother and a clone of a sister who tried to knock me down and gaslight me as to how terrible I was all of my life. In reality, I was heads and shoulders above their small life of belittling and blaming others, while mired in fear. Their worlds were/are so small. I always sought a better, healthier life. Go no contact. Unfortunately I went LOW contact and even after my mother died, kept in touch with my sister until we became estranged. When I was diagnosed with cancer some years back, she reentered my life but it was a mistake. She went right back to insulting and trying to blame me, or gaslight into telling me what an "awful" person I am. She tried her best to resurrect every mistake I made in my life, some DECADES ago, to make me feel insecure and bad about myself. This time, it didn't work. I quickly cut that chord and am now no contact with that toxicity. I was, and remain, determined to heal and the only way I can do that is to cut out such toxicity. All the best.
Sorry for this reply but...
I relate to this completely Amelia but unlike you mine is worse.
My family would gaslight me to authority.
They would tell me to end life on many occasions and would make scenes in public to get me in trouble like with authority.
They make scenes to bystanders to phone the police.
I still haven't escape it and in the place I live there is zero support for family violence I've been putting up with this since a child. And the cops would side with them due to ages I've been traumatized many tikes times due to this.
Amelia I'm in a worst place than you.
Nothing has been helpful to me from psychiatrist to groups and trying to help others to myself.
I can keep going on and on. But people can't tolerate a lot of things nowadays or think I am making it up.
Unfortunately just this new year of 2025 I've recorded some instances of it unfortunately I got no one to show and the pessimism is a coping mechanism from me from going insane.
I don't do any substances or even drink. I don't want to.
2025 has been very bad for me.
I wish I had believed people when they showed me who they were a lot sooner.
I can identify so strongly with this story. I was ganged up on and abused by my entire family. I finally learned about boundaries in my 60s and cut them all out of my life. At first I was so lonely, but then I realized how much happier I was overall. I no longer had clinical depression! Now I give myself so much love and compassion. There are fewer people in my life, but I am happy.
I love the quote "Before you diagnose yourself with depression, make sure that you are not in fact surrounded by arseholes". Amazing how quickly we can recover from depression when we remove certain people from our lives!
@@ruthycantfail thanks. I never heard that quote before.
I wonder do ever possible to have a relationship. I just cut out my sister too as when mum passed she’s got worst with her accusations and gaslighting so I cut off. Its really nature you just want that relationship and have sister! Its sad!
I can relate to feeling like the world has passed me by... 54 years old and still feel this way... sad 😔...
Same.
Moving toward 70 this year. Always have been the scapegoat and repeatedly have been in abusive relationships.
I am FINALLY figuring out the whys and what fors, having distancing myself. You and I WILL be okay. I live alone and childless, but HAPPILY live MY quiet, peaceful life.
I am in my late twenties still and have felt 90 years old since early twenties with this feeling.
I relate to this completely Amelia but unlike you mine is worse.
My family would gaslight me to authority.
They would tell me to end life on many occasions and would make scenes in public to get me in trouble like with authority.
They make scenes to bystanders to phone the police.
I still haven't escape it and in the place I live there is zero support for family violence I've been putting up with this since a child. And the cops would side with them due to ages I've been traumatized many tikes times due to this.
Amelia I'm in a worst place than you.
Nothing has been helpful to me from psychiatrist to groups and trying to help others to myself.
I can keep going on and on. But people can't tolerate a lot of things nowadays or think I am making it up.
Unfortunately just this new year of 2025 I've recorded some instances of it unfortunately I got no one to show and the pessimism is a coping mechanism from me from going insane.
I don't do any substances or even drink. I don't want to.
Same. I'm 58 .
Hugs to you Amelia. My sister tried that and I shut it down over 40 years. Strangers have a way of being your new family. Blood family can be replaced
As someone who was taught that family is number one it has been an amazing realization that you can create a new community.
Amelia, I am the family scapegoat. The abuse was so bad for decades that I finally decided to go no contact with my entire toxic family. I decided my mental and physical health was more important than dealing with abusive family members. It takes time to heal. Be kind to yourself.❤
Well done you….ive done the same…..
Amelia, at 67 I can relate. My parents are gone and my siblings have become worse at criticizing me. I am totally isolated, don't feel adequate around others. I wish you all the best and strength to find answers. Don't procrastinate, you'll turn around and be my age before you realize it.
My family made me the scape goat.To this day I still am.Gaslighing me is their favorite pass time.I grew up with abuse mentally, physical and sexual abuse.Both marriages failed.Now Iam 65 and procrastinate daily and have done this for years.I would very much love to live on my own now.I have fibro and ddd in my spine both knees.I don't know how to move forward to live my remaining years in peace.
We're so glad you're here now :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Amelia, i feel identified with your story, you are not alone and we can heal! I wish you so many good things you deserve it!
Thanks for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I want to write in.. I was scapegoated, too. My childhood therapist and I found her later in my adulthood as well. She has helped a lot, but i have a far way to go. Bad relationships on repeat, still striving to get my family to see the disfunction. Canary in the coal mine... 😢 everyone wants me to quit chirping. I isolate when i can't take the abuse or disfunction anymore. THANK YOU! for all who write in so we can all be helped by these . I am grateful for your share. I am praying for your healing. Please pray for me as well.
My mom told me once .. as a young adult, that i was the reason she did drugs. After she almost overdosed. Truth was she couldn't handle her sister dying and being her caretaker.. and she has struggled with addiction on and off during her life. Even though i know why she was hurting, it still was painful.
The last letter Cinderella.. comment.. I remember feeling like that so much, my family would hand me dirty dishes like they just ruled/ chose me as the Cinderella piece in the family.
I even had a Cinderella border wallpaper in my bedroom ironic. 🙏
Thank you Anna for answering this letter. You answered my letter months ago and it made a huge impact on my life.
Amelia,
I'm only recently realizing that I've been a family scapegoat and a lot of what you are going through and feeling is very familiar. You are not alone and you are worthy!
My sisters also are jealous of me and have so much resentment because I'm the only person to have made it out of the trailer park and get a degree and not have a bunch of children, because that was my life choice.
My sister will buy Christmas gifts each year for all the family members but give me a picture of her family and a dollar scratch off ticket with a penny.
She became angry when I actually won a dollar last year and it took my partner at the time to point out to me but that was not normal and not OK.
I agree with Anna. This is bullying and even though it will hurt and you might feel a drift for a while, cutting those people out of your life will open more mental and emotional real estate for people who appreciate you. I'm so sorry you're going through this. You can do this!
Thank you for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I was told I was blamed even when I moved out
Wow! Anna these letters and how you explain things is so true. Your analogy about the little bird flying into the window is so me, or rather was me for decades. I have walked away from my dysfunctional family when it just became so obviously impossible! After that I worked and worked and kept so busy trying to survive financially and kind of burned out. Now I choose to work more part time in order to rest more and have had more time to start thinking and even feeling again. Sometimes I think of my siblings and what I so wish I could have in terms of a closer and healthier relationship and my heart hurts and tears just run down my face. I have not cried for a long time so I guess this is good... maybe a part of healing as I am really struggling to accept what I will never have. Thanks for all you share and help us with in these videos! God bless you and everyone here. You are not alone!
Thank you Emilia for sharing your story - it helps me understanding why I feel so disconnected & rejected even though I think I would actually be a fun person around - it just does not happen & it feels like I am watching people living while I waste my life time staying home alone - especially hard on christmas, new years or b-days! It is even hard to share since getting the blame/shame response or victimhood complaints, so I kept it for myself for years - no kids & no family since for them I am the person that messed up the family for just existing - so yeah, you are not alone & trust me I tried many therapies & sessions at some point I realized I only get compassion when I pay for it, that isolated I feel… maybe I find a way sometime to live a little too.
I felt the same way as well that I just didn’t get compassion from anyone, made me feel lonely too. I started with being compassionate to myself and sympathetic with the struggles I face. Like for example I struggle with connecting with other and making friends but it makes sense because I’ve never been emotionally connected with my family only surface level. So I understand why I struggle so much and that it will take more work than a secure person.
Anna, thank you for these informative messages. Eva and Amelia, you are not alone. I can recognise all these "triggers and scapegoating." Unfortunately, these "family members" are their own worst enemy. And they are comfortable for being like that. They are jealous and envy of you that you are doing things totally different from them. You have discernment and self-awareness of how to do things differently. Good on you ladies, keep working on your mental healing. Let them go and keep your peace.
Thrifting is fun, like searching for hidden treasures. It's a good way to experiment with clothes.
I was raised with all the bad stuff Fairy describes, plus scapegoating, life-long bad health. The worst was yet to come, when 18 years ago my brother was driving Mum & our cousin an hour’s drive to my home on Mum’s birthday.
He wasn’t paying attention, drifted into the opposite lane, hitting two other cars, injuring several in those cars, killing our mother, nearly losing his leg & our cousin’s arm in the process.
You’ll never guess who was “ACTUALLY” to blame. I’m disassociating now, even recalling it. 🐐
😮😮😮😮That was brutally cruel.
Oh my! So sorry for that incredibly base level of scapegoating! I am so sad to see that many of us have been hurt so brutally by our own families. The sad thing is we go on to repeat cycles of abusive relationships until we realise that we are allowed to raise our standards and that we are not to blame for everything. God bless you!
😮😢
How cruel. I was also repeatedly blamed throughout my childhood, for a family car crash. I was 9 years old and in the front seat without a seat belt and was badly damaged. She created the narrative that I had knocked the wheel from her hands. I lived with that guilt until the cruelty of that lie hit me when my 1st born reached the age of 9. What a burden to place on such a young kid.
@@Dimple_5 Yes, how utterly cruel and so unwise and absurd for a parent to place such blame on a child! Oh how I am so floored y some of these things done by foolish, foolish parents!
Lord have mercy! Do you know me and my family? I wasn’t fit to carrying guts to a bear! What!!?
I’m 64 haven’t dated in 10 years! I love you sister Amelia!!
You’re not crazy. You deserved & deserve to be loved & cherished. I’m sorry for what you went through.
CCF’s advice, especially with clothing is spot on. I’d even suggest playing with make up. It took awhile for me to get the courage to dress the way I wanted to & not look like a clown with make up on. 😊 be patient with yourself as you figure it out. 🙏🏼❤️🩹
Thanks for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Same here Amelia and it’s only watching this channel that I realise how horrible my family were x they allowed me to live with them because they had nowhere else to put me ! Thank goodness for my grandparents and my employer after school and my babysitter as a child ❤ you are normal it’s NOT you x
I relate Amelia. It's so awful. Mine is not as horrendous as yours but still deeply wounding, painful and so lonely. Wishing you all the best beautiful x
Amelia thank you for having the courage to share and to everyone who adds healing comments. After 60 years I'm breaking free. Its taking lots of prayer, love and support from people like you who get it. I know we can heal because Im healing. Sending you love and best wishes.❤
Amelia
You are not alone and you deserve love and belonging.
I relate to being the scapegoat.
Mother abandoned me and my sister as toddlers and was never a part of our lives after that. My father brought another woman into our lives who went on to sadistically and systematically abuse and torture us for the next 12 years until I was removed from the home at 16 yrs old. I was homeless for the first time by 17 yrs old. And went on to struggle alone for decades. I was deprived of parents and then later of relationships with any of my five siblings. I was demonized and blamed when I was only a child. I have never healed.
I am 37 years old. I have no family or friends and struggle to be understood at all by anyone I try to connect with. I avoid people in any way I can now.
I think I can say I know your pain and truly empathize with your loneliness. I hope you find the belonging and love you so deserve soon. ❤ take care of yourself
❤i hope life improves for you❤ God Bless you❤
Thank you for sharing your kindness towards the letter-writer. We're glad you are here and hoping you will find Anna's content helpful. You are still young and can heal. We're all rooting for you!
Nika@TeamFairy
My sisters stuck up for my father when I reporting historical s.a cos he bought them both a house
I can relate too this really well I was raised in a narcissistic family system and scapegoat abuse effects you on every level I’ve had addiction problems since I was a kid corn addiction because of the shame blame and neglect and rejection and gaslighting and belief system it’s traumatic on the scapegoat and grief loss I’ve had severe depression anxiety chronic pain and PTSD
❤❤❤ Amelia, you're not alone❤❤❤🙏✌️
I wish Amelia the best of luck in her healing. I was also made to feel worthless and I still struggle to this day. None of this should have happened to you and you deserve loving relationships and a happy life.
Hi Amelia, i can certainly relate to your story. Early on in life i chose to pursue a life path that my father and sister disagreed with. Over time, what started as a high-level disagreement devolved into harassment and scapegoating and public bullying of the cruelest order every time i failed at something in life. Before long i began to hear asinine sentiments from my sister who would claim that i am responsible for all her life's disappointments, allegedly i somehow gave her anxiety and ptsd. The accusations are absurd, however no less painful. Props to you for maintaining integrity. When such things happen in nuclear families, one is at risk at becoming a sociopath of the highest order
Hang on man. Been thinking about writing Anna my story but am afraid to. Respect to you for your courage.
We would love to hear from you! -Calista@TeamFairy
me too, thanks for your story. I'm making new friends at last, who are kind and get me and like me. Never too late; I'm 63.
Wonderful!
Nika@TeamFairy
Sweety I'm 58yrs old .I've walked away from the entire family it's hard and got a therapist it takes time getting to find myself
Better late than never. Walk away from the bullies.❤
This is my mother. Once she got offended that I didn’t buy her a Christmas present as a child and didn’t talk to me for months. She just iced me out.
Amelia exactly what I I went through. You are not alone. I do AA and I'm finally finding myself and I forgiven my family. They are sick not you. You are not alone. I'm going clothes shopping next weekend.
Hi Amelia. We are with you. United in the conviction to rewrite all the ways in which we were wronged by those who were supposed to love us and give us a sense of belonging. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It is healing to know. It is healing for us to stand in the truth and reclaim joy in our lives. Sending you light and love ❤️
Me too. I’m 73. It’s hard work.
Me too I’m 73 still working on it, yes hard work indeed.
Mine was my mother and sister too... then everyone else... off the back of that
And sometimes it’s all of the above and more
Listen to Anna, cut them off and work on your healing. My sister treated me the same and my parents always took her side. It kept me quiet and small most of my life. Once I stopped speaking to her, I felt free from her abuse I wish you well ❤🥰
Oh my goodness Amelia, thank you 🙏🙏🙏 I am new to CCF, and struggling to believe that I’ve been wronged/was scapegoated by my family because their gaslighting has me doubting ANY personal validation I have attempted. Battling imposter beliefs daily and hourly, which are getting in the way of my really connecting with this community, in case I’m a fake, and get found out.
Within two sentences of your letter I realised that my past is so similar to what you describe. Finally I can believe that I am here, in the right place, for once. Without your brave letter I would still be hiding away from reaching out to this community. Like you I am 56. I paused the video immediately to comment. And now I’m eagerly going back to hear Anna’s reply to you, because it will be to me also. I am so grateful to you for courageously speaking your truth… you have opened a door for me too 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
We're so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Amelia, people can be both the best part of life and the worst… I’m in the same boat with you but feel it’s so very important that we survive the worst in people, so we can be around to experience the best (even be part of it).
IDK about your views on spirituality, but prayer has been a huge part of my survival and optimism. Even the simplest prayers provide a sense of peace. Sending you love 🫶🏼
I was often attacked in various ways because i was outspoken and spoke up when I was being treated Unfairly. For most of adulthood I would shut down, become reserved, not share myself with females because of the bullying i received from females in my up upbringing. From bio mother, stepmother, foster mothers (i had 5-6), female cousins, female foster siblings, stepsister, girls around the neighborhood trying to fight me for no reason. I realized the reason why i dont have many female friendships or open up around women or connect is due to my releated negative experiences with females growing up and it left me distrusting and disliking women.
I developed a lot of pessimism around relationships with women. Im at the point where i have let the pessimism go.
Im happy i learned and established boundaries at 28. I started going back to my child self and realized i was outspoken, i loved writing, speaking my truth, standing up to iniustice and kind loving wanted friends and was open.
What a positive story. Thank you. I plan to use some UA-cam comments in my upcoming book about learning to form good friendships (for us traumatized people, of course). If you'd be willing to let me know how you'd like me to attribute this, please reach out to my team at hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com and let them know you're the commenter @Ms.Chan.T. Thank you! And great work healing!
Anna, I hope I can come close to truly expressing my gratitude to you for this video. You went even deeper into your evolution in overcoming self doubt, pain and procrastination. I’m sure you’ve help this dear woman- and been a balm to our souls. If you ever create a program similar to the one you spoke of, I’ll be there ❤ We appreciate your efforts and the lesson in overcoming that weighty procrastination that makes us waste our lives, instead of taking an avenue of healing and helping others- thereby finding real joy and purpose. With love, a family scapegoat ❤
Thank you so much for the kind words. @tumbleweed6492. Since this is a compilation of older videos, I can't always please tell me what mention of a program you are referring to? A 12-step program (those are easy to find online), or my Membership program?
@@CrappyChildhoodFairyit’s the workshop about telling your story- but you got sick, like on the third day
@@tumbleweed6492 Ah yes. That's Brendon Burchard's Influencer program (the name has changed since I took it). He is excellent for learning how to develop an online businesss based on personal development, or on any endeaver requireing motivation.
HI Amelia I totally understand you as I have had similar things happen to me .
I've removed them being my adopted siblings from my life and resting my thoughts.
I'd get set up and humiliated in front of people but realized people can see what is happening . Take care we are thinking of you I'm super proud of you for reaching out to Anna . Bless you Amelia ❤
I pray this is reassuring. In one of the stories it was mentioned that a particular role shifted around among family members. That happened to me. I realized in my twenties that the role of "person with a major problem" shifted around between my brothers and myself. I find this comforting. The family may be unfixably dysfunctional, but I can't be to blame if the role can move around on a dime. The roles are rigid, but who plays these roles can change in an instant. It can't be about you. It's not personal. "Yea" and "yuck" all at the same time.
You're not alone. I was and is the scapegoat, too.
I choose wellness. It's good to do. We can do the work together.
Thank you for sharing.
Amelia thank you for sharing i have gone through a similar experiences it definately can hold you back from you reaching true worth and get back what you rightfully deserve ❤
Emilia and Ava and Genie - sorry that both of you experienced this, it is not your fault.
You are not alone and are healing - as the Fairy said, you are benefiting all of us here by writing in (you could have written privately and then we would not have benefited) - thank you for your courage and bravery and for helping all of us!
Personally, I want to thank Fairy, and all three of the letter writers, the tips shared and the insight helped me a lot, a fellow parental and sibling scapegoat thriver(ex-survivor). Both me and my brother were scapegoated, with the golden child being the sister. I am sharing that to say that any combination of scapegoating is toxic and needs cleansing.
I am glad to say that with the help of the daily practice and the meditations on this channel, the effect of that scapegoating are significantly reduced and daresay, gone.
The effects of scapegoating *IF* left untreated are immense and I am glad, you took action(by writing), and we all benefit!
As the Fairy said, Our strength is action!
PS: I LOVE the paralysis (procrastination) healing video (this is the 3rd video). Immensely healing, so thank you Fairy!
Thank you for taking the time to comment. Your encouragement for the letter-writer is so valuable. And we're happy to hear The Daily Practice is helpful for you! Keep up the great work!
Nika@TeamFairy
I’ve lived in this type of family for years. I went no contact 4 years ago. Sometimes I still “miss” them but I know that I still have a wound because I sometimes feel like this. In reality I am so much better away from them. The bullying, the sadistic pleasure they get from hurting me, the manipulation, the emotional, financial and physical abuse- I am not around it anymore and although I am not thriving yet, I’m living a peaceful and abuse free healing life. You are not alone. You are worth loving relationships- you just aren’t going to get it from your family
Ava, thank you for sharing. My lord woman I thought I was absolutely crazy. The things happen in my family. I’m the youngest child and no one deals with me. If I have a relationship and bring him around , they are concerned all of sudden for him. WTH! This scapegoat position is all the way jacked up and I never new about it bc I was so far gone into this position i believed I was bad. Love you brave woman. I’m 44 and I have ruined everything. Im actually trying to pack up my home and stuff it in my car bc that is my new residence. I suffered a burnout last year and all the trauma of being a scapegoat, adhd and relationships loss has paralyzed me and now I have lost everything. Damn Ana is describing me at 47 minutes into video. 😢
I have been there and It has been hard but once you start it gets better
I related to this video all too well. I am the scapegoat and black sheep of my family. When I first moved out after graduating college my mom and sister called me and said I ruined my sister’s financial aid because when I moved out it got lowered. Then my mom and dad got upset with me because I moved out and they expected that I would live with them and pay their bills. As a kid my mom always blamed me for anything my sister did bad and I would get beaten and punished for it. I was blamed if my parents argued because I said the wrong thing to my dad. As I keep typing I could go on and on about my experiences. The best part of the video is saying how being the scapegoat means that you have the best chance of making a change. I 1000% agree with this. I have been able to see so many things wrong with my family but I’m the only one that sees it. I agree that it has helped me to be able to make those changes. It sucks because I’ve always been taught that your family is the most important thing in the world but I learned that I have to be realistic about how my family treats me.
Amelia, This is MY story, too! ... almost verbatim!! Stay the course and resist this abuse, wholeheartedly! Try to do things regularly, that make you feel GOOD, regardless of the persistent oppression! Tell yourself that you are CELEBRATING SURVIVAL!!!😊
Sending love, my family is fucked too. Thank you for sharing. We got this. Owe it to ourselves.
The bird flying into the window is the best analogy i have heard
Thanks Amelia
Amelia, this was me, not 100% but very close. My older sister, by 6 years, was so cruel, never a kind sister and she was mommy’s little angel. After my 1st suicide attempt my mother was so angry and stayed angry for years. I’ve no relationship with my siblings, none at all for 2.5 years, and distant all my life before the final cut. I’m 70 now and I’ve learned to wear nice clothes, to be friendly when I go to my senior exercise classes and I’m always looking for opportunities to meet in person and possibly make a new friend or two. Best wishes, healing is possible.
Ironic thats me for 61 years now n still happening hence why im buying a van n going all over usa soon .
N to be alone
Yes Amelia. Born to a teen mom who made me feel like a burden and then as a half brother who was different than the sisters and always having it pointed out. They had to protect the gene pool. Start on a path of improvement one step at a time. Exercise and make healthy choices. Take advantage of getting a new start.
I feel seen as you go over procrastination. Uggg lol
You're in the right place :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Yes I did it again. Didn't find friends so I went back to my family only for getting more trauma rocks to carry with in me.
Great listen. The “hard work” thing is something that become cognizant of - cause never shown had to figure it all out on my own and as late dx asd found it was masking/copying others esp my older siblings 💔😢
I love your vids especially this 1 it has so many answers in my family dynamics.
Amelia, I realised I was the family scapegoat only while watching this video. I'm eighteen, and I'm always compared against my narc aunt (who is my grand-parents golden child - I don't think my grand-parents are narc). I was abused as a child in many ways by my father, who is a narc man who also has schizophrenia (even if he refuse to admit it and to get proper treatments). I'm suffering C-PTSD too. The thing is, my aunt is nineteen years older than me but, since I started growing up a lot, she decided to compete against me, as if she was jealous or something. My grand-parents loves me a lot as well. So, I don't know how she did it but now, I became the family scapegoat. Her scapegoat, precisely. Even though my family still loves me, they are prompter to protect her than me. They harrass me, insult me, accuse me of everything. You are not alone, you Amelia or anyone else living the same thing. And yes, sometimes we're not even aware we are scapegoats.
Hang in there! You may also want to try Anna's free course The Daily Practice. It is a great way to process fears and resentment, and it has already helped thousands of people with C-PTSD. Give it a try, if you're interested: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
10:23 "i never thought my life was going to get bigger" SAME! but it is now! No one should give up yet.
Amelia- 100% . I been there, working thru it is worthy. ❤
Im with you Amelia ❤
Yup, extremes
Thank you
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Anna I love your channel and I almost always agree with what you suggest, but I have to say that lying is harmful on so many levels. You may think it’s the safer option when trying to avoid people, but it’s really not. You owe no one an excuse or an explanation. You can just say “no” or not answer the phone. Saying something that isn’t entirely true breaks your own trust in yourself.
Help me out here… lying?
I tried 12 steps and it didn't work for me . I tried smart recovery groups and it was a better fit, and it's based on cognitive behavior therepy. Lots of meetings all over the states and canada and the meetings are free.
Amelia 🤗 I understand you. You will reciver just keep on making efforts
Good Topic thanks
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I relate,me too
The last story...my brother would do that as a child as well...and my mother would fall for it, and I would get treated horribly after, but my father would tell my brother to stop because he recognized what my brother was doing (probably because he had similar traits to my father). I would usually get blamed as I was also the oldest and my parents were both the youngest in their families.
Wow, I so identify with Ava’s experience.
I feel ya Amelia! ❤
Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
I was the scapegoat and, after distancing myself, I ended up very popular and successful. I get my revenge because people always ask my family about me and what I'm doing
Amelia your not alone sweetheart
Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
Unfortunately I have no choice but to spend time with my family .They are hell .Sad thing is they were always this way but because they took me into their problems and they abused me , I was not able to see who they reallare .
I was the scapegoat. Amelia needs to go to SLAA. Anna, you have mentioned that 12 step program. She has become socially and (probably) sexually anorexic. She also may benefit from Debtors anonymous. Another 12 step group. It would help with taking jobs that are at her level, not below. Also, help with not wanting to be seen. Good Anna on saying that some 12 step groups are awful. Some are. But some are terrific. She needs to understand that there are gray areas with everything - even self help groups. I have no contact with family members and I am doing ok. She can also join social groups about interests. Basket weaving, walking, whatever. Good luck
My gf's parents squarely blame her for their divorce. When she was younger, she refused to have a sexual relationship with the mother's brother. This caused a big problem and of course, they had no else to blame but her. 😒😒
I really know what it was like to be the black sheep and the scapegoat and it is not an easy position…….especially when more than one family member 😢
Before you accept a diagnosis of depression, first make sure you are not surrounded by A-holes. It is great to know that it was not your fault.
We were always to pick up drunk dad and get him home safe or go buy their cigarettes as young children - about forgot about it 💔😢
I really know what it was like to be the black sheep and the scapegoat and it is not an easy position
Amelia ❤
Every letter you read is me. I have been all my life been an escape goat.And ı ws emotionally better than them now ı could se it.I was blamed not only with about everything.I was blamed with things a child or and teenage can. not do .My mom and father's marriage has been always disfantional and my father always cheated on her not only long terms charts ,always flirting front of us with very young girls and even children.
Glad you are here. Hope you will find this channel helpful.
Nika@TeamFairy
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I did I blocked! I get enough of my sister constant nagging! Yes desperation to be loved by your family it was so many tears! I was so lucky meeting loving husband who gives me more love than my family never able to give!!
Would love to know how you know how to trust others when you’ve been used as a dirty rag and self sabotage all the time. Like the image of bird flying into glass
What does Anna say about this; not every day do I have an outfit that is going to be perceived the right way or good enough to please everyone in public. I live a very active lifestyle as a fitness trainer and swim coach, and I have a large dog. As a result sometimes I'm in sweat pants and a hat with my hair pulled under the hat because it is wet from the pool in the cold coming from the pool at the gym with some dirt on my coat or boots because of the dog. People judge me harshly in public because I am a tall female with a muscular build. I'm different and I'm also friendly which can be misunderstood. Let me know what you think because when the outfit and hair is perfect, and I act stuck up, and I look like I'm coming from the office, every person treats me so much better, but with my lifestyle being unlike a person sitting in an office all day I may look too different for people to accept without assuming wrongly in public sometimes. I'm sick of people bullying me because I am different but I can't always look like everyone else with my lifestyle.
Can I tell my story
If you'd like to submit a letter for Anna to respond to on UA-cam, you can submit it here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters
Nika@TeamFairy
Disagree about the ‘being intact’.. would say trying to repeat making connections with these types of people is broken minded. I’m a very loving person yet I’m aware enough to not want to be connected to situations that don’t suit me any longer. Why advise people to do so….
Aly Art Kibbe body type test you tube and Color Class you tube channels for beautiful clothes❤🎉
So sorry. No one deserves it. I was the one to fight back in my family but never got ahead. My brother became the golden boy and I was the black sheep. My Dad was just a victim. Too weak to fight against my Mom. Hope you can still work at healing. ❤️🩹
The scapegoat was sent into the wilderness to starve to death. This helped me understand what my narcissist mother really wanted and gave me permission to leave.❤️🩹