Please can we make a big discussion about the inability to access our whole brains when someone else is in the house? I've never heard anyone else mention this, and it's one of the biggest frustrations in my life. I noticed this when I let my husband take our 3 year old out without me for the first time. I was alone for the first time in those three years and shortly after they left, I felt like someone I hadn't even noticed was missing arrived and it was ME! It was shocking! Today I get a few hours a couple times a week to myself and i feel like I'm only living a small percentage of my life.
Dude! I didn't know anyone experienced this. I feel this way all of the time. Like, I lived alone for 6 years and I was able to finish tasks and think. Now I can't.
I don’t think anyone who doesn’t experience this can truly understand it. Though I wouldn’t want anyone else to have to experience it. I’m this way though. And maybe this explains why I feel like I cease to exist whenever my family is around. 😅
@@ImNotThereYeti oh....oh oh yes. now that you mention it... I often feel they eat my brain ... but then mine are brutal bully narcs so... i.e. its overt. At the other end it happens with strangers; office work only works after 6pm when everyone else leaves. I function at night and live alone. Except now I have a cat who overtly manages my schedule and an unexpected love interest trying to get in on the act... imminent doom
@@1Hawkears1 they are! It's like they're silently screaming directly into my brain! It's like Professor X is yelling at you but he's Professor X so of course nobody else can hear it and you sound crazy when you bring it up. Lol
I always feel like neurotypical people have their sensory processing happen separately for every sense but mine is like all senses mix together so if the lights are too bright I can't possibly process what someone is saying. I _can_ hear them, but they might very well be speaking Chinese or another language I don't understand because I have no idea _what_ they're saying 😵💫
The bright lights thing is hard for me while driving. If it's in my face, like in the morning, it just makes me want to pull over. I can't, the world has a schedule. And if someone is trying to talk to me when that happens, I cannot process at ALL. I really have to sit up and make it a point to get hyper aware of everything around me on the road, and like if there's a stop sign I have to keep saying in my mind that I need to stop when I get there. And God forbid the sun is going in and out of the branches of trees along the road. I really do have to slow down, and people probably think I'm an idiot.
This one is so obviously an issue for me right now. The place i have shifted to has lights on all walls including in front of the tv. And my family prefers to light the on in front of the tv because its too bright. Preciely why i dislike it. I cant hear the tv over the light!! 😐
I cannot, for the life of me, do ANYTHING at home if someone is around. As soon as I have the house to myself (and that almost never happens), I become the most productive, creative, active person ever.
I relate so much to this I could’ve written it myself. When I’m home alone I’m so productive, I can do tons of things, clean the house, workout, you name it. But when my husband’s home, like on weekends, I have very limited energy. Even my ability to make decisions about simple things suffers. It’s as if half my brain is already busy with talking and interacting and I have very little brain power left for other things
I am the same way and assumed it was adhd for a long time. I found out that doing my own thing make me significantly more productive when I am alone. I started to realize how energizing it was for me to be alone during the pandemic. I didn’t know why people were going crazy. For me the lack of forced socialization and demands was pure bliss and freedom. I was angry how quickly everyone wanted to get back to life. At least they could have let people ease back. I have a private IG account and have abandoned the rest bc I can’t handle peopling all the time.
This is so me too! My partner is unemployed at the moment and I can't get anything done! 😫 I was thinking that tomorrow I would try locking myself in my workroom and telling him that I don't exist. Let's see if it works.
people be like this to me "oh I see you're concentrating. can you also navigate my feelings about everything and how it affects me while you do that thing"
Yep, when my wife and kids head out of the house, I have a sense of clarity that’s just awesome. Conversations have always been interesting. When I was in college, I was actually criticized by my professors for not participating in discussions. My brain just blanks in group discussion. It’s gone. I’m absorbing everything and I’m fully engaged, but the vocal participation is hard.
I saw a meme the other day that said "Sometimes I question whether or not I'm autistic, and then I leave my house." hah!! Glad you're here. Thanks for the comment.
Same!! 😂 I so often forget that, while others around me don't have those 'quirky' thoughts/habits, there are so many other people on this wonderful planet who do, so I can share these with them/you (if I need to) instead of hiding them all the time ❤
Taylor, I also love you. But I am a guy, so that sounds a bit cringe, so let me rephrase: where in the world can I find someone who would understand autism (and my autism and me) as much as you do? This video is again spot on. Thanks for making it. Never, ever think of editing out remarks like three hemispheres. I guess this is autistic humor, but you made me grin for hours.
When I was a banker, finding mistakes was my super power. I was really good at it. I never knew it offended everyone else outside of my workplace, until one day someone told me I was a smart alec. What? It really floored me. I was so used to doing my 'due diligence', thinking I was being a good and considerate human. But hell no, apparently that is severely frowned upon.
I suspect I'm autistic, and I just find it so sad when people get treated this way. I have always been called a "smarty pants", or "know it all", since I can remember. It really bothers me that people don't care about accuracy. Because it drives me insane. I can't even misspell in a text. I just can't. It's not perfection, it's accuracy, there's a HUGE difference in my book. I am so not about perfection.
@@creatuitiveguru Yes! I need to make it right, not perfect, just fix these certain things, come hell or high water. It’s so hard to explain. It’s a compulsion!
I LOVE when my husband goes away on work trips just for the fact that I am completely alone (when the kid is at school or asleep) and I feel so much more productive. Like just not having to exchange quick little stories about my day and how I’m doing, coupled with the freedom of not feeling judgement about how or when I get something done… it is liberating. And it’s really hard to communicate it to him in a non-offensive way lol
I feel this. I'm married with two toddlers, I work from home but my toddlers are also home with me so alone time is hard to come by. My husband isn't the type to need alone time so it can be difficult for him to understand why I'd want/need it. Sometimes it can even be perceived as rejection to him. Anyways, I get it.
I have started to wonder if it's really possible to have any happy relationship like this. I love being alone so much. Next to that I am fine being at home alone with my kids. But it always feels as though my husband is being judgemental. Unfortunately he's at home 99% of the time these days.
@@universaltruth2025 yes, it is possible! I've been married for 20 years, with two kids aged 15 and 6. My family has been extremely accommodating and understanding. There are indeed stressful situations, I do need to yell for silence sometimes (especially working from home!) but in general we get along fine. My husband and I sleep in separate rooms. I have misophonia and I can't stand his snoring. The only way I can sleep with him is if I take a pill or feel really tired and get to sleep before him. I cannot eat with him either (with my children, depends on the food, and only with white noise on the background). If my family did not understand I'm a special needs person, I would have been divorced by now.
The last one hit hard for me. My dad always was correcting my mom when she told a story, and yes usually about unimportant details. We thought he was being mean to her. Coming to understand I'm autistic has meant refiltering my life, which has led me to understand my dad was most likely autistic too. Giving myself grace also means giving him grace, which goes against my lifelong narrative about him. That has been so hard. Oh, and i interrupt too😅.
Wow, I'm having this about my mom! Things she did or does that now I'm like, oh, it's the 'tism. But she and I have behaviors that differ even tho I'm sure we're both autistic (no formal dx yet)
Hypengyophobia - Fear of responsibility. I am a 60 year old recently self diagnosed AuDHDer. You asked how to describe that endlessly overwhelming feeling of responsibility. Imagine a parental level of responsibility applied to every living creature, even a can of rocks. THAT is Hypengyophobia. My relief came when I realized all creatures can only survive and be satisfied in life if they learn to take care of themselves. Plus, caring too much can be an addiction.
"Autism from the Inside" talks about "responsibility hypervigilance". I think that fits what you're looking for regarding responsibility over other people.
Absolutely great term. That's me here too! 4 young kids , going to be 5 soon, and i can find myself going crazy over all the little things that i fixate on regarding them and their health, safety, wellbeing, happiness, etc. My doctor agrees its much more than a healthy amount lol.
@@SueReed-tj5zb The same with guests. And this is one major reason why moving yourself is much more exhausting than helping someone in the move, even if it's the same amount of actual work. Unless there's someone you feel you can transfer responsibility to. It's not just about them being responsible, maybe more about knowing how they do things and what you know you can expect - even knowing they understand what you want. If you suspect they don't quite get you, you'll feel the need to check what they are doing.
If anyone else is in my house, there's a part of my brain that I can't access: for me it feels like a chunk of my brain gets turned off then the 'out of sight out of mind' thing happens with that shut door area and I end up finding it again just as soon as the person or people leave! But in that same moment I realized that keeping that door closed was also draining my energy and suddenly I'm completely drained
a billion YESSSES!!!! and its emotionally painful because im subconsciously afraid i’ll NEVER GET BACK to the thoughts i was having before the distracting presence came along. and that Me and the goals that Me had will forever be lost.
someone being around is like a grenade that could go off at any second without warning and RUIN EVERYTHING so how could it ever not feel like a pebble in one’s shoe, metaphorically. small but impossible to tune out (because i cannot tune things out - studies back this up, some people just CANT “get used to things”, we cannot and do not eventually acclimate. every raindrop is another novel assault, anew. a whole new affront. the surprise never wears off.) someone being around makes the vibes off, they make the situation a powderkeg pregnant with potential for horribleness. it’s impossible to stay ME with that looming. i cant exhale, i cant remember what i need to do, i cant function. i thought i was literally getting dementia because my brain fog was getting sooooooo bad over the last year. it finally dawned on me that i was not ever getting any alone time, what with schedule changes and life demands. once i started getting some Me time it was amazing how clearheaded and on top of things i was able to go back to being.
for me, even my cat turns that part of my brain off, because I know I have to take care of her and I'm never really free to do what I want. yeah. I love her and she's my life, so I won't be able to live without her anymore. 2 sides of hell :(
@Etci21 I'm AuDHD, I have lived with all kinds of dichotomies my entire life. Also, in case you have a meltdown, your poor little can live off of dry food and toilet water. Js, you know, in case you need help with an excuse to take the deep jump into the void we call meltdown.
I'm more sensitive to noise than to light but it still leads me to an "I can't hear you, the lights are too bright" sort of thing. A while back a friend mentioned that she'd noticed that when we were in a noisy bar or restaurant together I would close my eyes when I was talking. With all the noise going on I needed to shut out as much sensory input as possible to be able to concentrate enough to put a sentence together. (This friend is also autistic, and that observation was part of a long process leading up to my own diagnosis a couple months ago.)
@@hiddenhand6973 Yep. I used to prefer Target because the one here didn't play music..but now they have started to play music and just that added element can be overwhelming. I found a grocery store that has dimmer lighting, no music, and a quieter building and we started going there most of the time.
@@faeriesmakme too! In stores it's really bad. How am I supposed to find what I need when I don't see sh!t??? But I have "it's too bright I can't hear" too. I can't have an actual conversation with someone in a fully lit room unless medicated so it blocks out some of the unnecessary information for me. Weed is a good prefilter for my brain when I'm around people but it doesn't help much with my anxiety
The noise factor is huge for me. Yesterday I was talking with my mother and I couldn’t pay attention to her or understand anything she said because her tv was so loud it hurt my ears. I also hate bright overhead lights but the sound thing is way more disturbing for me.
I can’t even watch it till the end of the video- just at 3:54 I can’t hold back tears. How could I have managed, to look „normal“ to anybody else, but inside I try to manage the chaos from all this „attacking“ me. Generally speaking I think, my english is quite good. But now I have a lack of words. I never dare to comment but in most of your videos I recognize myself. Now still the same. Can’t cook, when somebody is in the kitchen, stuck in the process, can’t think about what to do even at a „standard“ recipe😢 Try to learn an Instrument, but never could practice, because most time somebody is in the house and I feel ashamed - Now I feel like I should delete this comment because it’s way to long but a lot more to say and the description is absolutely inaccurate😢
I've always been super self-conscious, myself. Some things don't phase me because I grew up with a lot of siblings so I learned to be less self-conscious. But even having my husband walk in while I'm watching TV makes me feel super uncomfortable, like I'll be judged on my choice of movie/ show. My impulse is to turn it off or hand him the remote and be done. My sense of self is very weak around others.
@ yes - exactly thats how it is to me. It‘s easyer now with UA-cam: I just can take my mobil and go to another room… But if he asked (friendly, courious) to whom I am writing I‘m going to „defence mode“ ….
I relate to most of this, and the first point hardest of all. It's partly being on guard for the other person to interrupt or startle me at any point, but that's not the whole story. It feels like other people exude an electrical field that's out of sync with mine in a way that causes a constant static interference and keeps me from clearly hearing my own thoughts and feelings. As soon as I can get some distance from other human brains everything gets so much more quiet and clear.
Wow you described that as I would always...the electric field of other human brains interfering with mine! 🤯 When I was still living in the city, even though I had my own apartment all for myself I could sorta "feel my neighbors think"..if that makes any sense.. 🤷♂️ It feels like I would sense whats going on without hearing anything or being able to pick all those feelings and thoughts that aren't even mine apart or remove that "blanket" that covers my own thoughts..it just feels like total overwhelm and brainfog.. No matter how hard I tried to concentrate..the output was never worth the effort.. But when nighttime rolled round and most of the other brains fell asleep..suddenly my brain would "wake" and I was able to actually think and function like a human being should.. Issue was I had to pack my whole life in those few hours AND fall asleep before everyone else woke because I can't fall asleep when others are up. I can only sit and stim and wait for nighttime to roll round again. It's really frustrating to not being able to participate in anything really Sorry for the longass rant
@@sedumreflexum5295I'm just the same sweetheart. That's why I live alone. Can't cook in front of anyone else, or hold a conversation at the same time. Their presence seems to dominate me. Of course it didn't help being the only child of a hypercritical, overt narcissist (definitely) mother. My dad was autistic too, but seemed to know how to manage his life so that he could avoid most people, despite being a musician. I don't get stage fright either as if you practice well, you know in advance exactly what to play, sing or say in advance. Bliss! 😊
@@sedumreflexum5295This is me too! I can't fall asleep in bed with my husband. We go to his bed first so he can fall asleep, and then I go to my bed. But l7ke you, my brain then turns on and it wants to do things and read, ect. Then I can't get to sleep at a decent hour, so the anxiety builds and I need a sleep aid. I'm grateful for your comment because it explains exactly what happens with me too.
Congratulations on persevering for the hernia diagnosis! Several years ago it took me 22 months and 12 different doctors to get a correct diagnosis. We all need to advocate for ourselves and our loved ones with the medical community.
YES! Medical gaslighting is a serious issue these days. I always tell my parents, unlike what some psychologists and doctors say, I think if you can deal with it, it's important to google your symptoms or at least request second and third opinions. I visit forums. I read scientific abstracts. I come to a medical visit with a series of tests I know I need and possible diagnoses. I ask questions so doctors know they cannot just say, Oh, it's just stress and send me home. I know many people who died because they believed a doctor's opinion that they had nothing and they were terminally ill.
I started experiencing peri menopausal symptoms when I turned 40. Doctors gaslighted the hell out of me for YEARS. I finally got a prescription for HRT at 47
I feel so validated with all this. The kid part is CRAZY!! I was explaining this to my husband the other day. Just being responsible for them 24 hours a day / 7 days a week is so overwhelming. I just feel like I have to be on. I can’t fully relax.
i recognize the hypervigilance you describe regarding responsibility for the care of others. To me, it’s tied into anxiety . Responsibility of ANY kind is a burden. But if it involves living beings? Immensely exhausting , even if deeply satisfying.
Same for me. I can be completely myself and productive if surrounded by strangers I can ignore. Put in someone I care for and it's gone. Also, it is hard to judge in which situations I am allowed to ignore people I now like coworkers etc.
Couldn't have put it better myself. I never understood how for other people the joy they derive from looking after others seems to cancel out/override the anxiety. For me, no matter how rewarding the experience, my brain's gonna systematically build an inventory of EVERY SINGLE THING that could go wrong and repeat it back to me on a loop.
I’m finding it hard atm the responsibility for others I take my granddaughter to school everyday ,, run my partner when he needs to go places cuz I drive and have a bad history with my mum who has now been in the process of being diagnosed with dementia and I don’t feel great but I can’t describe what it is that im feeling if u get me 😢
I have 2 kids and an elderly parent, who is autistic, that I care for and I have been in burn out for about 24 years now from the caretaking responsibilities. Then on top of them there are pets in the house, and my Mom has chickens. No matter how many time or I or how I communicate it I can’t get across that I don’t want to be responsible or have to take care of ANY living being. It’s too hard and it takes too much from me. My ideal is no animals at all since my elderly mother doesn’t drive…even her animals I have to go and purchase the feed for and take them to the vet.
Thank you for explaining the ”being in charge of another person” and the hyper focus we need on that ALL the time! The stress of being a single mom when school is not working either is extreme! My friends always tell me to relax about it, but it’s crazy how I put my children’s wellbeing ahead of my own.
Have to be ready to hide what I'm doing or be interrupted when others are around. It's difficult to want this when it hurts the family, they always want me along or around but my idea of a great time is being by myself.
I adopted a 10 year old as a single parent. And all I can say is thank God she was very independent. Because I had lots of shut downs. I stupidly wanted to adopt another younger child and my daughter said that to me. And she also said I could barely handle her, so not a good idea. I'm so glad I listened to her. She was the first person, being an adult now, that readily accepted my diagnosis. She said I can see that!
Yes, Yes, Yes to everything you shared! I had to take my cat to the Vet today. Afer waiting for an hour in an exam room with paper thin walls, the vet tech came in moving fast and talking fast as voices from all the other rooms seeped through the walls. Plus she was talking LOUD. I finally asked her to speak more softly to which she bristled defensively explaining that many of her clients are hard of hearing. I had to stop her repeatedly so I can process what she was saying. When she left the room with the cat (to go weight him) I almost burst into tears. I was so exhausted by the time I arrived home, I had to spend several hours decompressing. That vet visit basically cost me an entire work day.
💯to all of these. I can’t even pick a favorite because they’re all so accurate for me. I can’t explain it but I need to keep my friend groups compartmentalized. It’s like I have to have different groups that demand a different energy from me separated. I cannot handle them meeting or my brain fries. I also cannot handle having people stay over at my place. I feel like I need to monitor their happiness or something. Anyways, so many great points!!
Are you part of my brain? I relate so much. Constantly tense around others. Can't turn my focus to any task because I could be interrupted at any moment. Even if there are other people in a separate room of the house, it's a little easier, but not the same atmosphere as having the house to myself. Probably why as I approach 60 in a few weeks, I find myself rattling about alone, childfree, in my 2 bedroom house. My former husband divorced me for not being around him very often. I was a rubbish wife, but couldn't explain why I needed a few hours out alone after work. We would only pass by in the morning sometimes, and spend late evening watching TV together, which I enjoyed. I have been wanting to get a cat for years, for company and cuddles (emotional support animal, kind of). I have so much love and affection to give but run out of energy quickly. I am still friends with my ex and he now has the wonderful wife and two children that he always wanted. I had been honest with him from the start, and said I don't do kids, but he thought he could change my mind. His now family love me and I have stayed with them for a week, but they live so far away, and I want to see them again before the children are teenagers. Trying to get the courage to book a coach ticket and arrange to have enough of my 5 meds for the time period. I have to go to the chemist very frequently because of an accidental overdose in 2017, a couple of months after I last stayed with them. I am not prescribed anything that I could OD on, except the beta blocker, which I collect fortnightly. They have a cat, and the daughter is asking for another one, so that should be interesting. I also want to visit family. My 2nd cousin Peter will be 91 next month, but they also live in a county near London. So much to think of. I can't drive either. Would be a liability on the road due to an infinity of things distracting me or possibly suddenly appearing, if you get me, not worth the risk, though I did physically learn to drive on quiet roads many years ago. Sorry this is so depressing and for going off on a tangent. I originally was trying to reply to the man who gets distracted by sun and shade while driving, but every time an ad popped up my reply got lost. I wanted to congratulate him for being a driver, and that I even feel uncomfortable walking in half sunny/half cloudy weather, where part of my body is hot and the rest cold. Gives me the shivers, but that's English weather for you. Well done to anyone who gets to the end of this. Can't stop telling my life story, oh dear 😉🙃
omg, yes i graduated later in life at 44 and had a graduation party due to pressure from various friend/family groups... it was the most horrible, stressful thing ever. the entire evening i wanted to just disappear. it wasn't a joyous celebration of achievement but rather a huge masking event that left me totally uncomfortable, exhausted, and defeated.
Your list of autistic challenges is spot on ! As a (very) late diagnosed autistic woman I realise that I have lived my whole life of 63 years without understanding why I would always end up being totally exhausted and wanting to run away. I could - and I would - do all the challenging stuff, but now I know that I had to put in way too much energy to push through ! I wonder if I’ll ever learn how to stop pushing through…
Me too - a very late diagnosed autistic 57 woman. I was married to the world's most social husband. We were great alone. He loved going out being around a lot of people and because I loved him I tried so hard. I'd be find in a crowd of people if everyone would just let me people watch. After 24 yrs of marriage, we ended up divorced ( not because we didn't love each other - he needed a partner to socialize with ) Years after our divorce I'm now raising my grandson who is non-verbal autistic, I have read everything I can put my hands on about autism. Through that reading it dawned on me - that's what has been 'wrong' with me all these years. That realization was like a huge weight lifted off me because I blamed myself for not being unable to socialize.
It is difficult to strike a balance between meeting the world where it is and demanding the environment that you need to be creative. I imagine for many of us we make concession after concession so that we appear normal or that others feel more comfortable interacting with us, but maybe for every two concessions you make, consider pushing back and demanding that the world make a concession for you. Not always that simple, but I try to do this for myself as much as possible. It'll never be 100% comfortable for me, but at least I can lower the amount of strain work puts on me day to day
I agree. Every story you tell holds up a mirror to my life. Sometimes it doesn’t quite match my experience, but it always makes me think, and that is a precious quality.
I have ADHD and wow, I checked every box. Thanks for talking about this. I can't explain how exhausting it is for me to hold up one end of a conversation or do anything in a group of people. I feel like there's a wall between me and everyone else except for my daughter, who's the same way. No one understands us. Glad we found your channel! You get it.
A lot of them resonate, but mostly the first one. My Husband cannot understand why I require alone time. Telling him it's how I've always been and that it's nothing to do with him does not help; he just gets all sulky and wounded whenever the subject is broached. He currently works the opposite shift than I, and insists being here while he's asleep should be the same as alone, but it's just not. When I'm not alone I can't fully relax with my own thoughts or do whatever I want because there is the possibility of being randomly interrupted, plus the weight of empathy knowing there's someone there and being vigilant about what might be wanted or needed from me at any given moment. "Part of my brain I can't access" is the best way I've ever heard it said! Thank you!
I don't even have words for how relatable this video is. I feel so grateful for people who can put into words what I can't seem to express myself. THANK YOU!
“Scope creep” presents itself in many things you’ve mentioned which I too experience. 1. Can’t tell a short story 2. Make 5 min task into 3 hours. 3. Seeing long connections and patterns to know whats going to happen.
I figured out I had ADHD when I was around 30, now around 50, the autism aspect has become evident to me. I could write a book about how everything you said is so true in my life. But I will restrain. Everything resonated. It's a daily struggle. One thing that helped me a lot is working 12 hour overnight shifts. I only have to work 3 days a week. We turn off many of the lights so most of my work environment is dim. There are less people. Over half of your coworkers on the shift are also neurodivergent which makes an easier social environment. This has improved my life so much.
One thing that has helped me a lot with alexithymia was when i realized that you can just tell people "let me think about that and get back to you" and people are generally okay with that. Then I can think about how I feel away from the pressure of social situations before I commit to doing something.
Omg. This is all me. I feel so much of this. And sometimes my socks feel too loud, so I understand the fluorescent lighting stopping you from processing what someone is saying.
@@TarotbyCassy666 the buzzing from the old florescent lights is the worst!!! Equal with the scratching of the chalk board!!! Think 'beep of the battery dead smoke detector" meets 'shrill of a toddler in Walmart'. I'm nauseous just thinking about it!!! 🤢
I just replaced light fixtures in my house that I bought in June. Some were not symmetrical, one was fluorescent, and several made noises. All the new lights are LED so we can adjust the color and the brightness!
I just bought colored lights that connect to my Alexa so I can control the color during the day and brightness. Really helps with my wake ups and sleeps too (increasing blue light brightness in morning, decreasing red light brightness at night).
Omg! The part about being responsible for somebody! Incredible! That is exactly what I was thinking before I decided I want children. I thought: do I really want to do this? because I will never not be a mother after this. That is also why I tend to emotionally isolate me from people who struggle or strangers who seem to need help (I'm talking about crossing emotional boundaries here, mind, not helping someone carry something heavy or something). It is incredibly emotionally distressing for me to notice somebody's wants and needs. I have a really hard time accepting the fact that everybody is responsible for themselves.
It drives me nuts when somebody asks me, "What's wrong?" I mean, it's obvious to them there's something wrong. But I know that I'm feeling something, but I don't know how to say what's wrong, I can't define it. Which is weird, kinda, for me, because I'm good with words, generally, unless I'm upset or rattled. Then they're just gone, like a flight of swallows that spots a cat.
the only thing im ever able to come up with for an answer is everyone keeps asking me whats wrong! thats whats wrong. i was minding my business just being neutral and people started asking me Whats Wrong? over n over. it isn’t probably accurate but its the only information i know. if theres more data out there im not aware of it. but being put on the spot with invasive questions is definitely identifiable to me as something wrong and upsetting.
Silver bullet phrase: why do you ask? Practice I was taught for learning to say no to people applied to this one. You can practice saying this out loud w a willing partner, (contact me if you don’t have anyone to try it with- I’ll step thru w you) to them asking a series of such questions in varying degrees of coercive, directive or congenial tones. After about 30 practice rounds it should be accessible to grab for under pressure at least sometimes. Linguistic practuce doesnt work for everyone but I think it’s worth a try so I wanted to bring it up.
Oh my, verbal instructions. Where do I begin. I struggle with how to cook things. And a couple friends of mine will stand in the kitchen (or elsewhere) and recite the whole recipe with instructions and I'm like.............."uh, what?" So for supper I will open a can of soup and stim. Ty, Taylor for the awesome videos. Keep them coming. 😊
YES YES YES!!! I YEARN for days when nobody is home so I can be with my thoughts and organize my life. I’ve advocated for my own bedroom, so my husband and I sleep in separate rooms, allowing me a space to go to be alone when he and my daughter are home doing their thing around the house. But it’s not quite the same as having the physical space to just BE without mental, emotional and physical distractions from others. Very few people understand this about me.
Every single one I related to…just got diagnosed with ASD Level 1 13 months ago, only one month before my 30th birthday..I’m sooo glad I’m not the only one who struggles with all these things
Even with my dog looking at me I find it hard to be alone, and I live alone with my dog. I have problems getting dressed every day, like you said. Omg, I have pelvic pain, too! I go to my appointment Wednesday. This is the only place I feel understood 😢. I do get it. Sometimes I forget I'm autistic.
Totally me. My brain gets stuck on SOmEthing…either an unusual word they used, or saying (or using) a word incorrectly, or the fact that they’ve said “actually “ fourteen times in the last 60 seconds, or a weird crinkle line in their forehead…. Doesn’t matter. I get fixated on it and I lose the conversation. Gahhhh! Or! I have a question about something they just said, and UNTIL I can ask my question, nothing else they are saying is going to get through to my brain.
Yes! The thing about questions is so true for me as well. If I focus back on the conversation, there is a very high chance that I will totally forget my question and it will not come back. Super frustrating experience.
Yes, i have to set up everything I say. SO hard to self-censor details-they’re ALL IMPORTANT. I do try, but never really sure how tedious it is for other people.
yes but i understood this as adhd - multichannels, multifacted theses, multidimensional mindmaps struggling to transfer data through a bottleneck to a monad.
Do you also find it virtually impossible to lie? Like, if someone asks me a question that I don't want to tell them the truth about, all I can do is just stand there frozen in silence, unable to answer.
@@peterlewis2178: sometimes I can't answer unless I can tell ALL the reasons why it could be slightly different and the answer would be different. It has made people think I was being dishonest because I couldn't just say yes or no. Also when I don't know how I feel about what someone is asking me I can give an answer that turns out to be not accurate, and that can cause trouble because I said something different at first.
Yes. Constant distractions and i think I have been conditioned to not even bother touching on ability to clean or create. But every single thing you mentioned is my life.
Good job speaking up for yourself on the hernia! It's so hard for us to do that, ESPECIALLY when it's speaking with someone who studied these things, but we know our bodies the best. When I was a baby, I hurt my leg pretty badly. My mom took me to the hospital and was wanting to get it xrayed but the doctors just thought it was a sprain. My mom said "I'm not leaving until you xray it" so they said fine and got me xrayed a bit later. When the xray came back, my mom said she was holding me in a rocking chair and could see the doctors when they read the xray - they looked at it, talked to each other, then turned to look at her out in the waiting room and she just stared back at them haha
@@CardinalTreehouse If I'm not masking, I don't seem to be hurting or sick enough - masking in that situation means trying to seem like a NT in that situation, which is more dramatic.
I had a lower abdominal hernia that required surgery when I was a young child, and I apparently experienced no pain from it. I know that both from my mother's comments and my own recollection.
Thank you. So many of these resonate with me - not communicating feelings correctly (including physical pain), mixing worlds, switching attention, difficulty processing question after question, knowing when to enter in to a conversation, getting stuck on idioms and metaphors and correcting people. I'm a relatively recently diagnosed autistic person and as part of my own therapy I'm researching around this and what it means. I have discovered so much that I struggle with (and I thought it was just me) is actually part of my autism and that I'm not the only one to feel this way. Thank you for your videos x
I’m 39 (I’ll be 40 in Feb. ‘25) and was assessed by a therapist (with a masters degree, specializes in autism) in October. She said that I was the poster child for ASD Level 1. Well, what she actually said was, “You check every box in every category!” And I saw a psychologist this month (Jan 2025) and he told me during the initial assessment that I didn’t even need to come back for actually testing because “it’s pretty clear that you have what they used to call Asperger’s.” And earlier this week my wife told a co-worker that I was diagnosed ASD Level 1 and her response was, “No?!?Ya think?!?” Glad to be here 👍 A/w, alexithymia is one of the parts I really don’t like. I just don’t enjoy having to feel something for a few days before I even realize what it is that I’m feeling. And small talk is more painful than getting shot in the kneecap with a staple gun. Switching attention: slightly less painful than giving birth (I’m given to understand). People eating around me is like slow death but worse. Can’t handle multiple questions/pieces of information? Bet that. Stuck on metaphors? My whole life. Always made sitcoms difficult. Great video!
Where can you get a diagnosis? I’ve been looking for a long time. It’s been expensive and I want them to make the diagnosis official so I can gain tools and resources I need.
😭😭😭I am not diagnosed autistic but every single thing you’ve said really hits home. I didn’t start crying until you mentioned not knowing our wants and needs. But holy moly
i taught myself years ago the only way i can handle them is to say Okay, you are going to CHOOSE the next one and COMMIT and just cannot back out no matter what, okay here goes, here it comes, the NEXT ONE is THE ONE!! and i have to obey the rule ive made and get on that one. it’s never easy but it makes it possible.
I literally just had this epiphany this morning, about having access to part of my brain power, when anyone else is in the same space You just blew my mind
I was literally just talking with my (also autistic) cousin about this last one a few days ago. I've had so many negative experiences around this and it was good to know I'm not alone.
I have never heard it articulated quite so perfectly- some part of my brain I can't access (shuts down) when anyone else is in the house (area) with me. Wonderful to hear that through another person's voice! Can somebody say, "Epiphany"??? 🙂
Okay the mixing worlds part. I was listening and thinking yeah I have a hard time going with a work friend to do anything outside of work, like going out to lunch together. And then... you said... "Different friend groups merging." Just thinking of that possibility hit me like someone suggested that alternate universes really exist and people can willingly merge THOSE. So emotionally and socially scary.
Yes! I mask differently depending upon who I'm around. So, when two familiar groups merge unexpectedly, it's like my brain has too many mask options and doesn't know which one to choose, so I just end up freezing.
@@elizabethivy1337 This is like being a different person in all those 'worlds', interesting I never thought it could be because of masking appropriately for the situation. This is why a big wedding or birthday would be a nightmare, you would need a different party for each world separately.
Oh. My... No..This is absolutely the most reaffirming and validating piece of information and you might be my favorite person in the universe today for saying these words about others in your house and accessing that part of your brain. It was something I could never explain, nor would I admit. Emotions are just intense now knowing I am not alone in this crippling issue. 😢 ❤
Also, eating in front of others, being perceived in general is sooo difficult. You're instantly hyper-aware of everything that person is doing, body movement, eye contact ughh everything.
IDK if anything has ever made me feel so autistic... Love your videos ❤ it's a real shame me and my teen daughter will probably never have access to a diagnosis, maybe my son will but he's 9 now and still hasn't been evaluated. Your doing great work in helping normalize female late diagnosis and I love you for that! Be well 🙏
My wife just told me she thinks others might think I am a know it all because I correct misinformation. To me it is a form of lying. To hear something incorrect and to agree (or agree with silence) is equivalent to me lying. I don’t want to lie therefore others must have their information correct or I will correct them. Nothing personal, I make mistakes too. In fact that is another reason I dislike misinformation. If I take in bad information I am likely to repeat it & I DO NOT LIKE BEING WRONG!
This is why I find "normal" to be inherently dishonest. They don't speak logic they speak in emotions. But emotions don't care about facts. People are more easily manipulated when being led by their emotions, and yet they say we are cold and apathetic.
Immature people don’t like to be wrong unfortunately makes them insecure that they’re less than even know they probably aren’t as good as they like to believe 😂
I am the same; for most of my life I've been biting my lip so as not to appear a 'smart Alec' (UK expression)... but it really bothers me if something is incorrect. I have to stifle my need to correct people all the time. Like you, I'm also fine about others correcting me, as it's just setting the record straight.
When I do absolutely feel the need to correct someone, I try to state it as a question rather than a statement. Are you sure of that? Could you please double-check that information?Because I've read something different. Even though I'm positive I'm right and they're wrong, it feels less threatening when you don't say it directly.
I try so many ways how to communicate better....and when I'm direct, I then get squashed from top down....and continue to go in circles....others read way to much into it...then things go real sideways.....because I'll try my hardest to explain more...openly and honestly which gets me 💯misunderstood. This leads me into a meltdown (because it's most likely me advocating for my son) .... what I've learned along the way is people don't know what to do with the truth....I'm starting to believe...people DONT want to know the truth. So yes, lol I can relate. Great video...I love and appreciate ur honesty and authenticity.
I was told when I try to explain some more, they actually perceive it as badgering, as trying to force them to accept my view on things. My GP told me I was perceived as controlling and directive. When I was honestly just trying to be thourough and complete so we would be on the same page. At least I now know why people react to me like that. But I don't know how to change it when I am advocating for myself or my husband. Maybe because I have this strong feeling of justice and being accurate that I come on too strong.
Yes, it's a fascinating issue, and very difficult to process, let alone explain. I'm a very articulate person, but more and more often these days, I'm frustrated and completely lost for words. Especially about why it's so difficult and unpleasant to be around even people I like. 🙄🫣🙂
Yes!!!!!!! The escalator thing, ever since I was a teeny little girl, I'll never forget the first time I saw one. My parents thought it was hilarious because I couldn't ride up one. I draped myself over the hand thing and rode up on that. It was so overwhelming, and I could never understand why my parents would laugh at me or scold me. It was the same thing with that gap in trains.
On responsibility for other people, I had so much trouble with this when I was promoted to a lead position at work. Way worse than being a mother, because I didn’t love all these people. I refused all management positions after I transferred out of this job.
A definite yes on the escalator problem! It's never really thought about it before, but it's definitely hard for me, and it's nice to know I'm not alone.
Spot on!! It's so healing to know there are others going through the same as I do. The last one!! It's stressful!! I like have mini panic attacks as I want to correct the wrong information. Sometimes I am fine, other times....... Anyway, thank you!!
OMG, the thing about not being about to say words, even though you hear it in your head. THIS IS MY LIFE. I have this elegant discourse in my head, but when I open my mouth to put it into sound, it's like a train wreck. I sound slow and stupid. I wasn't that way when I was younger, though. Maybe because I just blurted it out as a kid or young adult and didn't care so much how I came across?
Omg! Thank you so much! I’ve had doctors tell me the same thing, “No, you’d be in pain.” I don’t know if doctors realize…when pain is chronic, people don’t always walk around screaming. I mean, you can’t go to work or classes screaming, or just cry everywhere you go. Somehow, I don’t think that’s just us. I’ve been told I speak in a monotone and don’t emote, so maybe that makes it harder for them to understand I’m in pain…idk. I’ve also been told, “You don’t have _____. If you had that, you would KNOW.” Right after I told him if I think I have a good idea what I have, and tell them what it is.
Interesting how it's both so fun and fulfilling to hear all of these relatable struggles, and comforting in a "venting" kind of way too. Yet much like how you felt at the end of the video, it's overwhelming and frustrating and eepers too haha! Strange. With the eating in front of others, for me it's not just the sensory input from the food and socialising. But also following table etiquette, and my proprioception/kinesthesia... I so often spill food or drinks on myself, and goshhh if there's also people sitting beside you and if it's tight seating URK!!!
OMG! - I have nearly all of these, but keeping a story concise!! I find that SO incredibly hard, how to set up the context etc. I don't understand how other people do it? Do other people even explain things properly? I really don't understand!
I’ve found I need more natural fibers even more now (but not wool of any kind… sometimes alpaca or cashmere is ok.) linen & cotton pants. Recently found Happy Earth- Their sweatpants & sweatshirts- AMAZING! So soft & organic cotton! I can BREATHE wearing them & my whole nervous system relaxes.
8:08 - that moment when you realise you are boring someone and have no idea how to extract yourself from the story you have gotten yourself so deep into telling...
20:00 YES!!!!! One of my therapist's common questions was "would you rather be right or rather have a job/friends/etc.?" I struggled SO HARD to communicate that it wasn't about being RIGHT. It was about being CORRECT. I DON'T CARE if someone proves I'm wrong!! I REALLY REALLY don't! I just want my facts to be correct! (And, uh, yeah, everyone else's . . . .)
12:12 When I first became a mom my kids needs were more important to me than anything to an extreme. For example if they felt (even just a little) like going outside and I was in pain, sick, tired and literally on the verge of colapsing I would still go outside because I was responsible for them and their needs were more important than mine. It took me years to understand that that was not how it is supposed to be.
I was the same, but I think it's difficult to say what part of it is autism and what is just normal self-sacrificing motherhood. I mean, don't all mothers do that?
@anninasalo468 Watching friends and family I would say, not to that degree. Of course, motherhood means sacrifice but not total ignorance of your own needs.
My mom (in her 70's) just starts talking to me randomly, and it feels like it's every 10 minutes we are awake at the same time. I can't hear her if I'm paying attention to something else. I can't pay attention to something else if I'm trying to hear or understand her. I can't sit here all day and just listen for her to talk, so I mostly have to ignore her or I will never do or hear or think anything else. I cannot exist simply to listen to her, and she can't understand that.
OMG yes getting into a conversation when you enter an event! It's exactly like trying to time an escalator or double Dutch jump rope! When I used to have to go to professional events it was a nightmare! And recently I discovered that in my retirement community it's not any easier! I tried for 4 months last year, and it wiped me out so much I was in burnout for about 8 months. I decided in 2025 there will be no more social events, dinners, etc. with large groups. And you know what? I'm so OK and at peace with that decision. And my husband is fully on board and understands because he saw how hard I tried for 4 straight months and how failing at it -- I didn't make a single friend -- just did me in.
Double Dutch like the jump rope game? Yeah, no. I always wanted to but I would blow it immediately and no one wanted me on their team. (We played in teams)
I know- those people who can navigate wo writing every turn down - whoa! And maps- anyone ends have trouble reading maps? I think it has to do w “holding information in abeyance” which is an exec function thing.
I agree with all of this 100%, but what got to me was the sweater/laundry thing. I don't know if you have any videos on this, but could you talk about issues getting household/daily chores done? I can't explain, and I don't know if this is only a me thing, but the thought of doing laundry, dishes, cooking, organizing my room, etc, is so overwhelming that I just ignore it. People mostly assume it's laziness, but it's not, I just can't make myself do those things sometimes. I try to stay on top of things, but this is something I really struggle with. I get overwhelmed by being in an unorganized space, but I also get overwhelmed by the thought of having to organize it.
Totally relateable over conversations cues. I attended an autism talk and there was a chance to meet the speaker after. I stood at an appropriate distance from the speaker and another guest, giving them time to conclude their conversation. After five, six minutes I began to wonder if I had become invisible: it was like I was not there. I laughed at the irony of it, given that the speaker was an 'expert' but completely blanked me. But yes, you wait for a chance to join a group convo, but then the topic moves on and the opportunity has gone. Often I don't even bother to try anymore: if they want my opinion they can ask.
Yes, it’s like the part of myself that is grounded and calm and quiet gets blocked out when someone else is in the room, making it hard to think or be myself.
Why is it so relatable 😅 I do not know how much this kind of thing can be relatable to a neurotypical person, but I'm now thinking that doing a screening test would not be a bad idea after all 😅
I feel SO DUMB about the escalator thing! I'd rather walk a fair way further to take an elevator! But then I worry what others would think, especially if I'm in a group, etc.
The XyNariz I have chronic pain so I just tell my friends I will meet them downstairs at a certain place. 99% of the time they follow me to the elevator.
@@TheXynariz those who travel with me often know I’m probably taking the stairs, if I have an option. I have gotten better about it over the years, but I still hesitate and watch at least 3 steps go by before hopping on 🤪
@@daniannie traffic circles for me. We just moved to a town that has lots of traffic circles and they truly scare me. Too many cars coming at me from different directions and trying to figure out when it's my turn makes me want to cry. It reminds me of jumping rope when I was young when two people turn the rope and the jumps in only much more dangerous.
All of this. Including the escalators. I didn’t think the “eating in front of other people” was common… I even embarrassed family members when I got brought out for a birthday lunch (which was not something I was used to) and was scared to eat a really cool ice cream… 😢
Oh yes, brain shuts down when others are around, conversations struggles, picking out an appropriate outfits, Your gray sweatshirt color enhances your facial and hair color palate. I wear black a lot because it is easy and complements my facial and hair palate. Your authentic sharing is sooo helpful to me. and other people, I feel so grateful that you created a youtube channel for autistic people.
Great video, and, as usual, I find some things resonate profoundly while others not at all. For instance, I've never struggled with any of the stuff related to language. Now, this is largely due to the fact that American English has been a special interest subject for me for, literally, as long as I can remember. Consequently, things like idioms and their origins rather fascinate me instead of confuse or frustrate me. The good news is that, at least in my experience, it's not really an autistic thing to be tripped up by idioms, turns of phrase, metaphors, etc., but rather very much a human thing. People, especially those born after 1980, just struggle with this stuff. And pronounce the T in "often". And add an extra I when pronouncing "particularly". I digress. Okay, advice with describing your emotions. This, like other issues you've mentioned, is likely due to trauma. Autistic individuals are likely to manifest sensitivity issues early in life that their parents can't understand or respond to compassionately. The example I like use is a baby going into water that isn't hot to Mom or Dad, cries because it's hot, and then has their pain and fear invalidated when Mom or Dad says, "Ohhh, hush, you're fine." Because our parents are, ostensibly, gods, when we're children, we have no choice but to learn through repetition in a variety of circumstances that our experience is wrong and in order to get God's love, we must suppress our emotions and get our needs met by subtle, often unconscious, manipulation. This is, in essence, the breeding ground for anxious attachment. So, why can't you describe your emotions? Why don't you know what you need or want? Because you have next to no experience doing it. And therein lies the solution. You just train yourself to be emotionally literate. Google "emotions wheel" and just find one you like in the image results. Twice a day for thirty days, pick an event from the day and write down three feelings it made you feel. Then take those broad, generalized emotions (happy, sad, angry, anxious, excited, etc.) and drill down into three more specific emotions related to them. On your internal editor while storytelling: ask yourself WHY the context is relevant before sharing it. If you can't easily describe its explicit purpose to yourself, omit the context. My daughter struggles mightily with this and will include details that are entirely unnecessary. No one needs to know where you were going in a car full of friends if the story is about one of them having stinky feet. And when 70% of the story is composed of this totally irrelevant context, it becomes exhausting to listen to.
Hooooolyyyy craaappp. That first one has made me judge myself so harshly. I feel like I’m being 2 people. Everytime I get a chance to be home alone, I’m so free spirited and I realize im not so bad, and maybe people would love to see this side of me. “And when they come home, imma just be like this and see how it goes.” And then boom- someone comes home and it’s a wrap. I instantly mute a little bit. I’ve found people over the years where they bring that part out of me so much, and I think I just realized early on for some reason I’m comfortable only around a certain crowd but couldn’t figure out who was in the crowd 😂 I know now tho, lol
Taylor,Hi! Watched this w my husband last night and even though he nodded off (we are old! And way too busy!) it was so great to have you articulating so clearly some of the dilemmas that I try to explain but semi fail. Every once in awhile you’ll say something that is like another piece of my own puzzle- escalators. No one I ever went shopping w could figure out why I would take so long to get on one and make such a big deal about it but it was hard to coordinate the stair movement with my movement with where you are supposed to step, w masking that I know what I am doing. It’s a miracle I ever learned to get on a chair lift-I just rush out the second the other chair goes so I’m definitely going to get swept into the chair no matter what. Getting dressed dilemma has a few more factors for me along w all the ones you mentioned that I wanted to list and see if others have more to check off. I need to consider layers, hats, terrain (mtns. dirt driveways. Or warmer/cooler item in bag for quick change because I get catastrophically hot or cold sometimes, color because I “feel” the color, and then the social aspect- what is my camaflouge, what role/aspect of my mask can I accomplish, what outfit is joyful, what costume am I in to give me the association w performing the activity - apron for cooking, hiking outfit, projects outfit. When I was working from home I would still dress bus casual to keep myself in the channel of that identity/focus. How to blend in to the context and fly under the radar but still feel authentic - not too flashy but feels self expressive, not too sexy or too business or too formal or too informal or too rock n roll or too impractical or too attention getting (after fronting a band for years where that was the point so it can get to be a habit or a norm) or too granny or too different from others. And then also whether where I am going is likely to taint the clothes with textile or other fragrance or other odors such that they will need to be aired out and washed separately (olfactory senses are disabling sensitive) so I wear business or yard work clothes to Dr/bodywork/stores that otherwise I won’t need. I love love love this community and it is fun to know that a few others probably enjoy reading all the comments as much as I do. Thx for always terrific content!
Have always experienced this as well. I need to be completely alone to focus on anything. Just like you said, I can't access the part of my brain I need, including skills. It is like by brain can't filter out the other person, much like I can't filter out background noises. My ability to concentrate and access skills goes completely out the window. Regarding the rest of your video. I experience everything you do in exactly the same way, amazing. All these years I thought it was just me.
I was a single father for 10 years. I was completely stressed out for 10 years and also experienced some of the best and most difficult times of my life. It goes by so quickly though. Soon enough...we have far too much time on our hands when they grow up. That part about being a single parent is very difficult too. I had empty nest syndrome believe it or not I got wilder than ever before trying to fill the empty space and time with the wrong things. I finally came to my senses again lol. I had no idea that would happen until it did.
When contractions started with my first son I kept saying the pain was really intense. A midwife insisted that if I was ‘ready’ the pain would be much worse. Moments later another midwife checked and said “No wonder you’re in pain… you’re 10cm dilated… you are in labour.”
I haven't even seen this video entirely but i,m constantly nodding yes to everything. Especially on the 'how to communicate' this to a doctor or specialist. My body gets stuck and painfull and eventhought the fysio didn't find anything, i got send to a holistic fysio who does a bit more with mind and body and guess what. My body shuts down and gets stuck by stress or overloads. It took me more then 6 months for me to finally be able to say: Yes when i,m stressed my body gets stuck.
Re clothes. I always wear the same combo, jeans, a long-sleeved shirt and either a t-shirt or a collar-shirt over that, I play with colours to insert a bit of change. Cotton if at all possible. And at home I have my soft hoodie that I also wear whenever I am here.
I've gotten to where I record all conversations so I can go back and write and make sure I got it all or write down things I need to remember. Doctor's offices are the WORSE. They don't give you any useful information on their visit notes and if I don't record I might as well have not gone to the doctor to begin with!
OMG! I am not even kidding or exaggerating, EVERY SINGLE thing you said, EVERY single struggle you mentioned, is me!!! From the story telling , eating in front of people, wearing the same clothes and the feeling of them, not EVER being able to explain the type of pain at the Dr (for me) to everything! Omg one big one is the anxiety that being interrupted in something I’m concentrating on brings. I am diagnosed ADHD (was diagnosed as an adult)so I thought maybe all this was becaue of that but I also have wondered if I’m autistic. I have been looking into resources to be tested and it’s hard for me to keep up and just do it. It’s hard to get things done it takes me a week (or more) to clean my room it’s crazy. I even thought “ARE WE THE SAME PERSON?!” LOL. I have every single struggle you talked about , every one ! I started crying because I’ve always felt different and you made me feel like I’m not alone . Wow! Thank you for this video. Really. I appreciate you. Now I will look into this so much further. I need to know. It’s hard for me to get words out too and can’t seem to follow verbal instructions unless I see it or read it a million times or write it down myself . I was waiting for you to say something that I didn’t struggle with but you said it all! Love your videos that I’ve seen so far thank you so much for this!
To leave a conversation - "DId you know that autistic people end conversations awkwardly?" Then start slowly stepping backwards.
😂😂😂
yess
😂
😂😂😂😂😅😅😅😅😅😅
😂😂😂😂 every time
Please can we make a big discussion about the inability to access our whole brains when someone else is in the house? I've never heard anyone else mention this, and it's one of the biggest frustrations in my life. I noticed this when I let my husband take our 3 year old out without me for the first time. I was alone for the first time in those three years and shortly after they left, I felt like someone I hadn't even noticed was missing arrived and it was ME! It was shocking! Today I get a few hours a couple times a week to myself and i feel like I'm only living a small percentage of my life.
Dude! I didn't know anyone experienced this. I feel this way all of the time. Like, I lived alone for 6 years and I was able to finish tasks and think. Now I can't.
I don’t think anyone who doesn’t experience this can truly understand it. Though I wouldn’t want anyone else to have to experience it.
I’m this way though. And maybe this explains why I feel like I cease to exist whenever my family is around. 😅
I experience this too
@@ImNotThereYeti oh....oh oh yes. now that you mention it... I often feel they eat my brain ... but then mine are brutal bully narcs so... i.e. its overt. At the other end it happens with strangers; office work only works after 6pm when everyone else leaves. I function at night and live alone. Except now I have a cat who overtly manages my schedule and an unexpected love interest trying to get in on the act... imminent doom
Yes exactly! I think this explains why I can never feel truly rested, like I can never get a real break, especially living with others
"I can't hear you; the lights are too bright." Literally just said this yesterday at work. HUGE sensitivity for me. 100% get this!
I accidentally call bright lights "loud" very often
@@1Hawkears1 they are! It's like they're silently screaming directly into my brain! It's like Professor X is yelling at you but he's Professor X so of course nobody else can hear it and you sound crazy when you bring it up. Lol
I always feel like neurotypical people have their sensory processing happen separately for every sense but mine is like all senses mix together so if the lights are too bright I can't possibly process what someone is saying. I _can_ hear them, but they might very well be speaking Chinese or another language I don't understand because I have no idea _what_ they're saying 😵💫
The bright lights thing is hard for me while driving. If it's in my face, like in the morning, it just makes me want to pull over. I can't, the world has a schedule. And if someone is trying to talk to me when that happens, I cannot process at ALL. I really have to sit up and make it a point to get hyper aware of everything around me on the road, and like if there's a stop sign I have to keep saying in my mind that I need to stop when I get there. And God forbid the sun is going in and out of the branches of trees along the road. I really do have to slow down, and people probably think I'm an idiot.
This one is so obviously an issue for me right now. The place i have shifted to has lights on all walls including in front of the tv. And my family prefers to light the on in front of the tv because its too bright. Preciely why i dislike it. I cant hear the tv over the light!! 😐
I cannot, for the life of me, do ANYTHING at home if someone is around. As soon as I have the house to myself (and that almost never happens), I become the most productive, creative, active person ever.
I didn’t realize what was going on until this minute - even when my little guy comes home from school and he’s reading I feel frozen!
I relate so much to this I could’ve written it myself. When I’m home alone I’m so productive, I can do tons of things, clean the house, workout, you name it. But when my husband’s home, like on weekends, I have very limited energy. Even my ability to make decisions about simple things suffers. It’s as if half my brain is already busy with talking and interacting and I have very little brain power left for other things
My finance always jokes how much I get things done when he’s on a work trip lol
I am the same way and assumed it was adhd for a long time. I found out that doing my own thing make me significantly more productive when I am alone. I started to realize how energizing it was for me to be alone during the pandemic. I didn’t know why people were going crazy. For me the lack of forced socialization and demands was pure bliss and freedom. I was angry how quickly everyone wanted to get back to life. At least they could have let people ease back. I have a private IG account and have abandoned the rest bc I can’t handle peopling all the time.
This is so me too! My partner is unemployed at the moment and I can't get anything done! 😫 I was thinking that tomorrow I would try locking myself in my workroom and telling him that I don't exist. Let's see if it works.
I 1000000% relate. I CANNOT do anything mental around others, it's like I'm simultaneously peopling AND trying to do mental work which I cannot do.
There's too much self-consciousness and meta awareness for me to be able to concentrate in the presence of others
I think its because we know they could pop in or knock at any minute and interrupt us, and we think that because thats because they usually do.
"Peopling" is a good word.
people be like this to me "oh I see you're concentrating. can you also navigate my feelings about everything and how it affects me while you do that thing"
Yep, when my wife and kids head out of the house, I have a sense of clarity that’s just awesome. Conversations have always been interesting. When I was in college, I was actually criticized by my professors for not participating in discussions. My brain just blanks in group discussion. It’s gone. I’m absorbing everything and I’m fully engaged, but the vocal participation is hard.
My ableist teachers always said the same thing. Because I had good grades they expected me to speak in class.
I love you 😂 Every time I listen to you, I remember how autistic I am. I forget how complicated my brain is until you remind me. I'm a real party!😂
I saw a meme the other day that said "Sometimes I question whether or not I'm autistic, and then I leave my house." hah!! Glad you're here. Thanks for the comment.
Haha I remember writing in an email to my psych at the start of ths week during assessment 'Wow, if I'm not ASD, I'm a hot mess'
Same!! 😂
I so often forget that, while others around me don't have those 'quirky' thoughts/habits, there are so many other people on this wonderful planet who do, so I can share these with them/you (if I need to) instead of hiding them all the time ❤
Taylor, I also love you. But I am a guy, so that sounds a bit cringe, so let me rephrase: where in the world can I find someone who would understand autism (and my autism and me) as much as you do? This video is again spot on. Thanks for making it. Never, ever think of editing out remarks like three hemispheres. I guess this is autistic humor, but you made me grin for hours.
Oh wow I have exactly the same thing haha!
When I was a banker, finding mistakes was my super power. I was really good at it. I never knew it offended everyone else outside of my workplace, until one day someone told me I was a smart alec. What? It really floored me. I was so used to doing my 'due diligence', thinking I was being a good and considerate human. But hell no, apparently that is severely frowned upon.
I resonate with that SO much!
I suspect I'm autistic, and I just find it so sad when people get treated this way. I have always been called a "smarty pants", or "know it all", since I can remember. It really bothers me that people don't care about accuracy. Because it drives me insane. I can't even misspell in a text. I just can't. It's not perfection, it's accuracy, there's a HUGE difference in my book. I am so not about perfection.
Bruh, I have the exact same feeling of being called a smart alec, why do you got to call me out like that?
Same types of experiences! Makes me wonder how often I’ve made people around me unhappy. I’m a people pleaser, it’s so devastating!
@@creatuitiveguru Yes! I need to make it right, not perfect, just fix these certain things, come hell or high water. It’s so hard to explain. It’s a compulsion!
I LOVE when my husband goes away on work trips just for the fact that I am completely alone (when the kid is at school or asleep) and I feel so much more productive. Like just not having to exchange quick little stories about my day and how I’m doing, coupled with the freedom of not feeling judgement about how or when I get something done… it is liberating. And it’s really hard to communicate it to him in a non-offensive way lol
I feel this. I'm married with two toddlers, I work from home but my toddlers are also home with me so alone time is hard to come by. My husband isn't the type to need alone time so it can be difficult for him to understand why I'd want/need it. Sometimes it can even be perceived as rejection to him. Anyways, I get it.
I feel exactly this for a day or three. Then the struggles of parenting alone starts overwhelming me and then I want him back so badly!
This!! One hundred thousand percent! But I always thought for me it was because I don’t want to be married. 😂🤷🏽♀️
I have started to wonder if it's really possible to have any happy relationship like this. I love being alone so much. Next to that I am fine being at home alone with my kids. But it always feels as though my husband is being judgemental. Unfortunately he's at home 99% of the time these days.
@@universaltruth2025 yes, it is possible! I've been married for 20 years, with two kids aged 15 and 6. My family has been extremely accommodating and understanding. There are indeed stressful situations, I do need to yell for silence sometimes (especially working from home!) but in general we get along fine.
My husband and I sleep in separate rooms. I have misophonia and I can't stand his snoring. The only way I can sleep with him is if I take a pill or feel really tired and get to sleep before him. I cannot eat with him either (with my children, depends on the food, and only with white noise on the background). If my family did not understand I'm a special needs person, I would have been divorced by now.
The last one hit hard for me. My dad always was correcting my mom when she told a story, and yes usually about unimportant details. We thought he was being mean to her. Coming to understand I'm autistic has meant refiltering my life, which has led me to understand my dad was most likely autistic too. Giving myself grace also means giving him grace, which goes against my lifelong narrative about him. That has been so hard. Oh, and i interrupt too😅.
It’s nice to hear you’re able to reframe something like this with more knowledge about your and possibly your family’s patterns!
Wow, I'm having this about my mom! Things she did or does that now I'm like, oh, it's the 'tism. But she and I have behaviors that differ even tho I'm sure we're both autistic (no formal dx yet)
Hypengyophobia - Fear of responsibility.
I am a 60 year old recently self diagnosed AuDHDer. You asked how to describe that endlessly overwhelming feeling of responsibility. Imagine a parental level of responsibility applied to every living creature, even a can of rocks. THAT is Hypengyophobia.
My relief came when I realized all creatures can only survive and be satisfied in life if they learn to take care of themselves. Plus, caring too much can be an addiction.
This is interesting @stevekrahn. Thank you.
Crap. That’s me here at the shelter. I “den mom” everyone.
Thank you for sharing - This is something I needed to hear.
"Autism from the Inside" talks about "responsibility hypervigilance". I think that fits what you're looking for regarding responsibility over other people.
It would be an interesting survey to find out how many people in general feel this responsibility hyper vigilance.
Yeah still feel this for my adult kids who live at home still. It's exhausting just them being in the house
Yep! Responsibility hypervigilence is exactly me! 💯 conscientious
Absolutely great term. That's me here too! 4 young kids , going to be 5 soon, and i can find myself going crazy over all the little things that i fixate on regarding them and their health, safety, wellbeing, happiness, etc. My doctor agrees its much more than a healthy amount lol.
@@SueReed-tj5zb The same with guests. And this is one major reason why moving yourself is much more exhausting than helping someone in the move, even if it's the same amount of actual work.
Unless there's someone you feel you can transfer responsibility to. It's not just about them being responsible, maybe more about knowing how they do things and what you know you can expect - even knowing they understand what you want. If you suspect they don't quite get you, you'll feel the need to check what they are doing.
If anyone else is in my house, there's a part of my brain that I can't access: for me it feels like a chunk of my brain gets turned off then the 'out of sight out of mind' thing happens with that shut door area and I end up finding it again just as soon as the person or people leave! But in that same moment I realized that keeping that door closed was also draining my energy and suddenly I'm completely drained
a billion YESSSES!!!! and its emotionally painful because im subconsciously afraid i’ll NEVER GET BACK to the thoughts i was having before the distracting presence came along. and that Me and the goals that Me had will forever be lost.
someone being around is like a grenade that could go off at any second without warning and RUIN EVERYTHING so how could it ever not feel like a pebble in one’s shoe, metaphorically. small but impossible to tune out (because i cannot tune things out - studies back this up, some people just CANT “get used to things”, we cannot and do not eventually acclimate. every raindrop is another novel assault, anew. a whole new affront. the surprise never wears off.) someone being around makes the vibes off, they make the situation a powderkeg pregnant with potential for horribleness. it’s impossible to stay ME with that looming. i cant exhale, i cant remember what i need to do, i cant function.
i thought i was literally getting dementia because my brain fog was getting sooooooo bad over the last year. it finally dawned on me that i was not ever getting any alone time, what with schedule changes and life demands. once i started getting some Me time it was amazing how clearheaded and on top of things i was able to go back to being.
@rmrmlcy8906 I have the same experience with roommates. I'm not sure what I'll do if I ever get put in a nursing home 😳😳😳
for me, even my cat turns that part of my brain off, because I know I have to take care of her and I'm never really free to do what I want. yeah. I love her and she's my life, so I won't be able to live without her anymore. 2 sides of hell :(
@Etci21 I'm AuDHD, I have lived with all kinds of dichotomies my entire life. Also, in case you have a meltdown, your poor little can live off of dry food and toilet water. Js, you know, in case you need help with an excuse to take the deep jump into the void we call meltdown.
I'm more sensitive to noise than to light but it still leads me to an "I can't hear you, the lights are too bright" sort of thing. A while back a friend mentioned that she'd noticed that when we were in a noisy bar or restaurant together I would close my eyes when I was talking. With all the noise going on I needed to shut out as much sensory input as possible to be able to concentrate enough to put a sentence together. (This friend is also autistic, and that observation was part of a long process leading up to my own diagnosis a couple months ago.)
I have…I can’t see that, it’s too noisy.
This is why it’s so hard for me to shop at places like Walmart because the lights are intense. It’s too much and I can’t think.
@@hiddenhand6973 Yep. I used to prefer Target because the one here didn't play music..but now they have started to play music and just that added element can be overwhelming. I found a grocery store that has dimmer lighting, no music, and a quieter building and we started going there most of the time.
@@faeriesmakme too! In stores it's really bad. How am I supposed to find what I need when I don't see sh!t???
But I have "it's too bright I can't hear" too. I can't have an actual conversation with someone in a fully lit room unless medicated so it blocks out some of the unnecessary information for me. Weed is a good prefilter for my brain when I'm around people but it doesn't help much with my anxiety
The noise factor is huge for me. Yesterday I was talking with my mother and I couldn’t pay attention to her or understand anything she said because her tv was so loud it hurt my ears. I also hate bright overhead lights but the sound thing is way more disturbing for me.
The desire to correct factual inaccuracies one hit harddddd. I so relate.
❤
Ditto! My partner did the slow head turn on that one 💀
aaaah the dreaded does not compute.. I've had to literally bite my fingers not to blurt out something in a big meeting xD
Yes I learned the hard way to bite my tongue! 😂
I can’t even watch it till the end of the video- just at 3:54 I can’t hold back tears. How could I have managed, to look „normal“ to anybody else, but inside I try to manage the chaos from all this „attacking“ me.
Generally speaking I think, my english is quite good. But now I have a lack of words.
I never dare to comment but in most of your videos I recognize myself.
Now still the same. Can’t cook, when somebody is in the kitchen, stuck in the process, can’t think about what to do even at a „standard“ recipe😢
Try to learn an Instrument, but never could practice, because most time somebody is in the house and I feel ashamed - Now I feel like I should delete this comment because it’s way to long but a lot more to say and the description is absolutely inaccurate😢
I’m so glad you left the comment here! And your English is wonderful.
I feel exactly the same way. Thank you for bringing up cooking and practicing anything if another person is in the house
I've always been super self-conscious, myself. Some things don't phase me because I grew up with a lot of siblings so I learned to be less self-conscious. But even having my husband walk in while I'm watching TV makes me feel super uncomfortable, like I'll be judged on my choice of movie/ show. My impulse is to turn it off or hand him the remote and be done. My sense of self is very weak around others.
@ yes - exactly thats how it is to me. It‘s easyer now with UA-cam: I just can take my mobil and go to another room… But if he asked (friendly, courious) to whom I am writing I‘m going to „defence mode“ ….
@@buntzy2were you criticized or shamed a lot as a child?
I relate to most of this, and the first point hardest of all. It's partly being on guard for the other person to interrupt or startle me at any point, but that's not the whole story. It feels like other people exude an electrical field that's out of sync with mine in a way that causes a constant static interference and keeps me from clearly hearing my own thoughts and feelings. As soon as I can get some distance from other human brains everything gets so much more quiet and clear.
Wow you described that as I would always...the electric field of other human brains interfering with mine! 🤯
When I was still living in the city, even though I had my own apartment all for myself I could sorta "feel my neighbors think"..if that makes any sense.. 🤷♂️ It feels like I would sense whats going on without hearing anything or being able to pick all those feelings and thoughts that aren't even mine apart or remove that "blanket" that covers my own thoughts..it just feels like total overwhelm and brainfog..
No matter how hard I tried to concentrate..the output was never worth the effort..
But when nighttime rolled round and most of the other brains fell asleep..suddenly my brain would "wake" and I was able to actually think and function like a human being should..
Issue was I had to pack my whole life in those few hours AND fall asleep before everyone else woke because I can't fall asleep when others are up. I can only sit and stim and wait for nighttime to roll round again. It's really frustrating to not being able to participate in anything really
Sorry for the longass rant
@@sedumreflexum5295I'm just the same sweetheart. That's why I live alone. Can't cook in front of anyone else, or hold a conversation at the same time. Their presence seems to dominate me. Of course it didn't help being the only child of a hypercritical, overt narcissist (definitely) mother. My dad was autistic too, but seemed to know how to manage his life so that he could avoid most people, despite being a musician. I don't get stage fright either as if you practice well, you know in advance exactly what to play, sing or say in advance. Bliss! 😊
@@sedumreflexum5295This is me too! I can't fall asleep in bed with my husband. We go to his bed first so he can fall asleep, and then I go to my bed. But l7ke you, my brain then turns on and it wants to do things and read, ect. Then I can't get to sleep at a decent hour, so the anxiety builds and I need a sleep aid. I'm grateful for your comment because it explains exactly what happens with me too.
oh god this a nice way of seeing it
Yesss!!!!!
Congratulations on persevering for the hernia diagnosis! Several years ago it took me 22 months and 12 different doctors to get a correct diagnosis. We all need to advocate for ourselves and our loved ones with the medical community.
Wowwwwww!!! That’s a long time to persevere. 😓
YES! Medical gaslighting is a serious issue these days. I always tell my parents, unlike what some psychologists and doctors say, I think if you can deal with it, it's important to google your symptoms or at least request second and third opinions. I visit forums. I read scientific abstracts. I come to a medical visit with a series of tests I know I need and possible diagnoses. I ask questions so doctors know they cannot just say, Oh, it's just stress and send me home. I know many people who died because they believed a doctor's opinion that they had nothing and they were terminally ill.
I started experiencing peri menopausal symptoms when I turned 40. Doctors gaslighted the hell out of me for YEARS.
I finally got a prescription for HRT at 47
I feel so validated with all this. The kid part is CRAZY!! I was explaining this to my husband the other day. Just being responsible for them 24 hours a day / 7 days a week is so overwhelming. I just feel like I have to be on. I can’t fully relax.
Yup. I need the house to myself to clean or do work. It drives me nuts, not because I want to get on with stuff, but don't get much time on my own.
i recognize the hypervigilance you describe regarding responsibility for the care of others. To me, it’s tied into anxiety . Responsibility of ANY kind is a burden. But if it involves living beings? Immensely exhausting , even if deeply satisfying.
Same for me. I can be completely myself and productive if surrounded by strangers I can ignore. Put in someone I care for and it's gone.
Also, it is hard to judge in which situations I am allowed to ignore people I now like coworkers etc.
Couldn't have put it better myself. I never understood how for other people the joy they derive from looking after others seems to cancel out/override the anxiety. For me, no matter how rewarding the experience, my brain's gonna systematically build an inventory of EVERY SINGLE THING that could go wrong and repeat it back to me on a loop.
I’m finding it hard atm the responsibility for others I take my granddaughter to school everyday ,, run my partner when he needs to go places cuz I drive and have a bad history with my mum who has now been in the process of being diagnosed with dementia and I don’t feel great but I can’t describe what it is that im feeling if u get me 😢
I have 2 kids and an elderly parent, who is autistic, that I care for and I have been in burn out for about 24 years now from the caretaking responsibilities. Then on top of them there are pets in the house, and my Mom has chickens. No matter how many time or I or how I communicate it I can’t get across that I don’t want to be responsible or have to take care of ANY living being. It’s too hard and it takes too much from me. My ideal is no animals at all since my elderly mother doesn’t drive…even her animals I have to go and purchase the feed for and take them to the vet.
Thank you for explaining the ”being in charge of another person” and the hyper focus we need on that ALL the time!
The stress of being a single mom when school is not working either is extreme! My friends always tell me to relax about it, but it’s crazy how I put my children’s wellbeing ahead of my own.
Have to be ready to hide what I'm doing or be interrupted when others are around. It's difficult to want this when it hurts the family, they always want me along or around but my idea of a great time is being by myself.
I adopted a 10 year old as a single parent. And all I can say is thank God she was very independent. Because I had lots of shut downs. I stupidly wanted to adopt another younger child and my daughter said that to me. And she also said I could barely handle her, so not a good idea. I'm so glad I listened to her. She was the first person, being an adult now, that readily accepted my diagnosis. She said I can see that!
Yes, Yes, Yes to everything you shared! I had to take my cat to the Vet today. Afer waiting for an hour in an exam room with paper thin walls, the vet tech came in moving fast and talking fast as voices from all the other rooms seeped through the walls. Plus she was talking LOUD. I finally asked her to speak more softly to which she bristled defensively explaining that many of her clients are hard of hearing. I had to stop her repeatedly so I can process what she was saying. When she left the room with the cat (to go weight him) I almost burst into tears. I was so exhausted by the time I arrived home, I had to spend several hours decompressing. That vet visit basically cost me an entire work day.
💯to all of these. I can’t even pick a favorite because they’re all so accurate for me. I can’t explain it but I need to keep my friend groups compartmentalized. It’s like I have to have different groups that demand a different energy from me separated. I cannot handle them meeting or my brain fries. I also cannot handle having people stay over at my place. I feel like I need to monitor their happiness or something. Anyways, so many great points!!
Yay glad you were able to resonate! Thanks for your comment. 😁 glad you’re here
MONITOR THEIR HAPPINESS
Monitor their happiness, that is what I’m doing, I’m monitoring.
Are you part of my brain? I relate so much. Constantly tense around others. Can't turn my focus to any task because I could be interrupted at any moment. Even if there are other people in a separate room of the house, it's a little easier, but not the same atmosphere as having the house to myself. Probably why as I approach 60 in a few weeks, I find myself rattling about alone, childfree, in my 2 bedroom house. My former husband divorced me for not being around him very often. I was a rubbish wife, but couldn't explain why I needed a few hours out alone after work. We would only pass by in the morning sometimes, and spend late evening watching TV together, which I enjoyed. I have been wanting to get a cat for years, for company and cuddles (emotional support animal, kind of). I have so much love and affection to give but run out of energy quickly. I am still friends with my ex and he now has the wonderful wife and two children that he always wanted. I had been honest with him from the start, and said I don't do kids, but he thought he could change my mind. His now family love me and I have stayed with them for a week, but they live so far away, and I want to see them again before the children are teenagers. Trying to get the courage to book a coach ticket and arrange to have enough of my 5 meds for the time period. I have to go to the chemist very frequently because of an accidental overdose in 2017, a couple of months after I last stayed with them. I am not prescribed anything that I could OD on, except the beta blocker, which I collect fortnightly. They have a cat, and the daughter is asking for another one, so that should be interesting. I also want to visit family. My 2nd cousin Peter will be 91 next month, but they also live in a county near London. So much to think of. I can't drive either. Would be a liability on the road due to an infinity of things distracting me or possibly suddenly appearing, if you get me, not worth the risk, though I did physically learn to drive on quiet roads many years ago. Sorry this is so depressing and for going off on a tangent. I originally was trying to reply to the man who gets distracted by sun and shade while driving, but every time an ad popped up my reply got lost. I wanted to congratulate him for being a driver, and that I even feel uncomfortable walking in half sunny/half cloudy weather, where part of my body is hot and the rest cold. Gives me the shivers, but that's English weather for you. Well done to anyone who gets to the end of this. Can't stop telling my life story, oh dear 😉🙃
omg, yes i graduated later in life at 44 and had a graduation party due to pressure from various friend/family groups... it was the most horrible, stressful thing ever. the entire evening i wanted to just disappear. it wasn't a joyous celebration of achievement but rather a huge masking event that left me totally uncomfortable, exhausted, and defeated.
Your list of autistic challenges is spot on ! As a (very) late diagnosed autistic woman I realise that I have lived my whole life of 63 years without understanding why I would always end up being totally exhausted and wanting to run away. I could - and I would - do all the challenging stuff, but now I know that I had to put in way too much energy to push through ! I wonder if I’ll ever learn how to stop pushing through…
Me too - a very late diagnosed autistic 57 woman. I was married to the world's most social husband. We were great alone. He loved going out being around a lot of people and because I loved him I tried so hard. I'd be find in a crowd of people if everyone would just let me people watch. After 24 yrs of marriage, we ended up divorced ( not because we didn't love each other - he needed a partner to socialize with ) Years after our divorce I'm now raising my grandson who is non-verbal autistic, I have read everything I can put my hands on about autism. Through that reading it dawned on me - that's what has been 'wrong' with me all these years. That realization was like a huge weight lifted off me because I blamed myself for not being unable to socialize.
It is difficult to strike a balance between meeting the world where it is and demanding the environment that you need to be creative. I imagine for many of us we make concession after concession so that we appear normal or that others feel more comfortable interacting with us, but maybe for every two concessions you make, consider pushing back and demanding that the world make a concession for you. Not always that simple, but I try to do this for myself as much as possible. It'll never be 100% comfortable for me, but at least I can lower the amount of strain work puts on me day to day
Don't you worry about your stories not being interesting. Your stories are *awesome*. I can't get enough of them.
🥹🥹🥹 this honestly means a lot to me!!
I agree. Every story you tell holds up a mirror to my life. Sometimes it doesn’t quite match my experience, but it always makes me think, and that is a precious quality.
I totally agree!
Your stories matter. Also, I understand the not thinking small. I think so big especially with work
I have ADHD and wow, I checked every box. Thanks for talking about this. I can't explain how exhausting it is for me to hold up one end of a conversation or do anything in a group of people. I feel like there's a wall between me and everyone else except for my daughter, who's the same way. No one understands us. Glad we found your channel! You get it.
A lot of them resonate, but mostly the first one. My Husband cannot understand why I require alone time. Telling him it's how I've always been and that it's nothing to do with him does not help; he just gets all sulky and wounded whenever the subject is broached. He currently works the opposite shift than I, and insists being here while he's asleep should be the same as alone, but it's just not. When I'm not alone I can't fully relax with my own thoughts or do whatever I want because there is the possibility of being randomly interrupted, plus the weight of empathy knowing there's someone there and being vigilant about what might be wanted or needed from me at any given moment.
"Part of my brain I can't access" is the best way I've ever heard it said! Thank you!
I don't even have words for how relatable this video is. I feel so grateful for people who can put into words what I can't seem to express myself. THANK YOU!
“Scope creep” presents itself in many things you’ve mentioned which I too experience. 1. Can’t tell a short story 2. Make 5 min task into 3 hours. 3. Seeing long connections and patterns to know whats going to happen.
I figured out I had ADHD when I was around 30, now around 50, the autism aspect has become evident to me. I could write a book about how everything you said is so true in my life. But I will restrain. Everything resonated. It's a daily struggle. One thing that helped me a lot is working 12 hour overnight shifts. I only have to work 3 days a week. We turn off many of the lights so most of my work environment is dim. There are less people. Over half of your coworkers on the shift are also neurodivergent which makes an easier social environment. This has improved my life so much.
One thing that has helped me a lot with alexithymia was when i realized that you can just tell people "let me think about that and get back to you" and people are generally okay with that. Then I can think about how I feel away from the pressure of social situations before I commit to doing something.
Omg. This is all me. I feel so much of this. And sometimes my socks feel too loud, so I understand the fluorescent lighting stopping you from processing what someone is saying.
I totally get "my socks feel too loud." Well said
@@TarotbyCassy666 the buzzing from the old florescent lights is the worst!!! Equal with the scratching of the chalk board!!! Think 'beep of the battery dead smoke detector" meets 'shrill of a toddler in Walmart'. I'm nauseous just thinking about it!!! 🤢
@@MomontheSpectrum ditto
I just replaced light fixtures in my house that I bought in June. Some were not symmetrical, one was fluorescent, and several made noises. All the new lights are LED so we can adjust the color and the brightness!
I just bought colored lights that connect to my Alexa so I can control the color during the day and brightness. Really helps with my wake ups and sleeps too (increasing blue light brightness in morning, decreasing red light brightness at night).
Omg! The part about being responsible for somebody! Incredible! That is exactly what I was thinking before I decided I want children. I thought: do I really want to do this? because I will never not be a mother after this. That is also why I tend to emotionally isolate me from people who struggle or strangers who seem to need help (I'm talking about crossing emotional boundaries here, mind, not helping someone carry something heavy or something). It is incredibly emotionally distressing for me to notice somebody's wants and needs. I have a really hard time accepting the fact that everybody is responsible for themselves.
It drives me nuts when somebody asks me, "What's wrong?" I mean, it's obvious to them there's something wrong. But I know that I'm feeling something, but I don't know how to say what's wrong, I can't define it. Which is weird, kinda, for me, because I'm good with words, generally, unless I'm upset or rattled. Then they're just gone, like a flight of swallows that spots a cat.
the only thing im ever able to come up with for an answer is
everyone keeps asking me whats wrong! thats whats wrong. i was minding my business just being neutral and people started asking me Whats Wrong? over n over.
it isn’t probably accurate but its the only information i know. if theres more data out there im not aware of it. but being put on the spot with invasive questions is definitely identifiable to me as something wrong and upsetting.
Silver bullet phrase: why do you ask?
Practice I was taught for learning to say no to people applied to this one.
You can practice saying this out loud w a willing partner, (contact me if you don’t have anyone to try it with- I’ll step thru w you) to them asking a series of such questions in varying degrees of coercive, directive or congenial tones. After about 30 practice rounds it should be accessible to grab for under pressure at least sometimes.
Linguistic practuce doesnt work for everyone but I think it’s worth a try so I wanted to bring it up.
There's always something wrong but also it's my resting bish face
Oh my, verbal instructions. Where do I begin. I struggle with how to cook things. And a couple friends of mine will stand in the kitchen (or elsewhere) and recite the whole recipe with instructions and I'm like.............."uh, what?" So for supper I will open a can of soup and stim. Ty, Taylor for the awesome videos. Keep them coming. 😊
YES YES YES!!! I YEARN for days when nobody is home so I can be with my thoughts and organize my life. I’ve advocated for my own bedroom, so my husband and I sleep in separate rooms, allowing me a space to go to be alone when he and my daughter are home doing their thing around the house. But it’s not quite the same as having the physical space to just BE without mental, emotional and physical distractions from others. Very few people understand this about me.
Every single one I related to…just got diagnosed with ASD Level 1 13 months ago, only one month before my 30th birthday..I’m sooo glad I’m not the only one who struggles with all these things
Even with my dog looking at me I find it hard to be alone, and I live alone with my dog. I have problems getting dressed every day, like you said. Omg, I have pelvic pain, too! I go to my appointment Wednesday. This is the only place I feel understood 😢. I do get it. Sometimes I forget I'm autistic.
Totally me. My brain gets stuck on SOmEthing…either an unusual word they used, or saying (or using) a word incorrectly, or the fact that they’ve said “actually “ fourteen times in the last 60 seconds, or a weird crinkle line in their forehead…. Doesn’t matter. I get fixated on it and I lose the conversation. Gahhhh!
Or! I have a question about something they just said, and UNTIL I can ask my question, nothing else they are saying is going to get through to my brain.
YASSSS! Totally me, too! Every word matters TOO MUCH! 😢
@@funniful Absolutely true for me too. 😊
Yes! The thing about questions is so true for me as well. If I focus back on the conversation, there is a very high chance that I will totally forget my question and it will not come back. Super frustrating experience.
@elizabethivy1337 totally get that!
Yes, i have to set up everything I say. SO hard to self-censor details-they’re ALL IMPORTANT. I do try, but never really sure how tedious it is for other people.
yes but i understood this as adhd - multichannels, multifacted theses, multidimensional mindmaps struggling to transfer data through a bottleneck to a monad.
I can definitely relate to having a sense of justice
Mine is intense!!
Do you also find it virtually impossible to lie? Like, if someone asks me a question that I don't want to tell them the truth about, all I can do is just stand there frozen in silence, unable to answer.
Yup! That! @@peterlewis2178
@ yes
@@peterlewis2178: sometimes I can't answer unless I can tell ALL the reasons why it could be slightly different and the answer would be different. It has made people think I was being dishonest because I couldn't just say yes or no. Also when I don't know how I feel about what someone is asking me I can give an answer that turns out to be not accurate, and that can cause trouble because I said something different at first.
Yes. Constant distractions and i think I have been conditioned to not even bother touching on ability to clean or create. But every single thing you mentioned is my life.
Good job speaking up for yourself on the hernia! It's so hard for us to do that, ESPECIALLY when it's speaking with someone who studied these things, but we know our bodies the best.
When I was a baby, I hurt my leg pretty badly. My mom took me to the hospital and was wanting to get it xrayed but the doctors just thought it was a sprain. My mom said "I'm not leaving until you xray it" so they said fine and got me xrayed a bit later. When the xray came back, my mom said she was holding me in a rocking chair and could see the doctors when they read the xray - they looked at it, talked to each other, then turned to look at her out in the waiting room and she just stared back at them haha
Maybe you didn't seem to be in enough pain to warrant considering a break. We tend to feel our bodies differently.....
@buntzy2 Normally I would agree, but I was crying and was a baby so I don't think I would have been masking
@@CardinalTreehouse If I'm not masking, I don't seem to be hurting or sick enough - masking in that situation means trying to seem like a NT in that situation, which is more dramatic.
I had a lower abdominal hernia that required surgery when I was a young child, and I apparently experienced no pain from it. I know that both from my mother's comments and my own recollection.
Thank you. So many of these resonate with me - not communicating feelings correctly (including physical pain), mixing worlds, switching attention, difficulty processing question after question, knowing when to enter in to a conversation, getting stuck on idioms and metaphors and correcting people. I'm a relatively recently diagnosed autistic person and as part of my own therapy I'm researching around this and what it means. I have discovered so much that I struggle with (and I thought it was just me) is actually part of my autism and that I'm not the only one to feel this way. Thank you for your videos x
I’m 39 (I’ll be 40 in Feb. ‘25) and was assessed by a therapist (with a masters degree, specializes in autism) in October. She said that I was the poster child for ASD Level 1. Well, what she actually said was, “You check every box in every category!” And I saw a psychologist this month (Jan 2025) and he told me during the initial assessment that I didn’t even need to come back for actually testing because “it’s pretty clear that you have what they used to call Asperger’s.” And earlier this week my wife told a co-worker that I was diagnosed ASD Level 1 and her response was, “No?!?Ya think?!?” Glad to be here 👍 A/w, alexithymia is one of the parts I really don’t like. I just don’t enjoy having to feel something for a few days before I even realize what it is that I’m feeling. And small talk is more painful than getting shot in the kneecap with a staple gun. Switching attention: slightly less painful than giving birth (I’m given to understand). People eating around me is like slow death but worse. Can’t handle multiple questions/pieces of information? Bet that. Stuck on metaphors? My whole life. Always made sitcoms difficult. Great video!
Where can you get a diagnosis? I’ve been looking for a long time. It’s been expensive and I want them to make the diagnosis official so I can gain tools and resources I need.
@@Martina_E Michigan.
I didn't find giving birth than painful - maybe that's a reflection of being neurodivergent! High threshold. 🙂
Every single issue you raise here are things I have struggled with so much.
2:49 yes, very much!! It's a big part if why i struggle living with other people
😭😭😭I am not diagnosed autistic but every single thing you’ve said really hits home. I didn’t start crying until you mentioned not knowing our wants and needs. But holy moly
Yes to the escalators ever since I can remember. I tense up trying to step on them with starts, and stops and then nope.
i taught myself years ago the only way i can handle them is to say Okay, you are going to CHOOSE the next one and COMMIT and just cannot back out no matter what, okay here goes, here it comes, the NEXT ONE is THE ONE!! and i have to obey the rule ive made and get on that one. it’s never easy but it makes it possible.
@@rmrmlcy8906Yes, I have to hype myself up and go for it and then I run off at the bottom lol
I literally just had this epiphany this morning, about having access to part of my brain power, when anyone else is in the same space
You just blew my mind
I was literally just talking with my (also autistic) cousin about this last one a few days ago. I've had so many negative experiences around this and it was good to know I'm not alone.
I have never heard it articulated quite so perfectly- some part of my brain I can't access (shuts down) when anyone else is in the house (area) with me. Wonderful to hear that through another person's voice! Can somebody say, "Epiphany"??? 🙂
Okay the mixing worlds part. I was listening and thinking yeah I have a hard time going with a work friend to do anything outside of work, like going out to lunch together. And then... you said... "Different friend groups merging." Just thinking of that possibility hit me like someone suggested that alternate universes really exist and people can willingly merge THOSE. So emotionally and socially scary.
Yes! I mask differently depending upon who I'm around. So, when two familiar groups merge unexpectedly, it's like my brain has too many mask options and doesn't know which one to choose, so I just end up freezing.
@@elizabethivy1337 This is like being a different person in all those 'worlds', interesting I never thought it could be because of masking appropriately for the situation. This is why a big wedding or birthday would be a nightmare, you would need a different party for each world separately.
Oh. My... No..This is absolutely the most reaffirming and validating piece of information and you might be my favorite person in the universe today for saying these words about others in your house and accessing that part of your brain. It was something I could never explain, nor would I admit. Emotions are just intense now knowing I am not alone in this crippling issue. 😢 ❤
Also, eating in front of others, being perceived in general is sooo difficult. You're instantly hyper-aware of everything that person is doing, body movement, eye contact ughh everything.
I never even thought about that ... Eating in front of others make me a nervous wreck.
IDK if anything has ever made me feel so autistic... Love your videos ❤ it's a real shame me and my teen daughter will probably never have access to a diagnosis, maybe my son will but he's 9 now and still hasn't been evaluated. Your doing great work in helping normalize female late diagnosis and I love you for that! Be well 🙏
My wife just told me she thinks others might think I am a know it all because I correct misinformation. To me it is a form of lying. To hear something incorrect and to agree (or agree with silence) is equivalent to me lying. I don’t want to lie therefore others must have their information correct or I will correct them. Nothing personal, I make mistakes too. In fact that is another reason I dislike misinformation. If I take in bad information I am likely to repeat it & I DO NOT LIKE BEING WRONG!
Exactly!
This is why I find "normal" to be inherently dishonest. They don't speak logic they speak in emotions.
But emotions don't care about facts. People are more easily manipulated when being led by their emotions, and yet they say we are cold and apathetic.
Immature people don’t like to be wrong unfortunately makes them insecure that they’re less than even know they probably aren’t as good as they like to believe 😂
I am the same; for most of my life I've been biting my lip so as not to appear a 'smart Alec' (UK expression)... but it really bothers me if something is incorrect. I have to stifle my need to correct people all the time. Like you, I'm also fine about others correcting me, as it's just setting the record straight.
When I do absolutely feel the need to correct someone, I try to state it as a question rather than a statement. Are you sure of that? Could you please double-check that information?Because I've read something different. Even though I'm positive I'm right and they're wrong, it feels less threatening when you don't say it directly.
I try so many ways how to communicate better....and when I'm direct, I then get squashed from top down....and continue to go in circles....others read way to much into it...then things go real sideways.....because I'll try my hardest to explain more...openly and honestly which gets me 💯misunderstood. This leads me into a meltdown (because it's most likely me advocating for my son) .... what I've learned along the way is people don't know what to do with the truth....I'm starting to believe...people DONT want to know the truth. So yes, lol I can relate.
Great video...I love and appreciate ur honesty and authenticity.
I was told when I try to explain some more, they actually perceive it as badgering, as trying to force them to accept my view on things. My GP told me I was perceived as controlling and directive. When I was honestly just trying to be thourough and complete so we would be on the same page. At least I now know why people react to me like that. But I don't know how to change it when I am advocating for myself or my husband. Maybe because I have this strong feeling of justice and being accurate that I come on too strong.
This might just be the most relatable video yet. These things are just. So. HARD. And it’s invisible and confusing for other people 😢
Yes, it's a fascinating issue, and very difficult to process, let alone explain. I'm a very articulate person, but more and more often these days, I'm frustrated and completely lost for words. Especially about why it's so difficult and unpleasant to be around even people I like. 🙄🫣🙂
Yes!!!!!!! The escalator thing, ever since I was a teeny little girl, I'll never forget the first time I saw one. My parents thought it was hilarious because I couldn't ride up one. I draped myself over the hand thing and rode up on that. It was so overwhelming, and I could never understand why my parents would laugh at me or scold me. It was the same thing with that gap in trains.
I relate to EVERYTHING you said. Super love this!
On responsibility for other people, I had so much trouble with this when I was promoted to a lead position at work. Way worse than being a mother, because I didn’t love all these people. I refused all management positions after I transferred out of this job.
A definite yes on the escalator problem! It's never really thought about it before, but it's definitely hard for me, and it's nice to know I'm not alone.
Spot on!! It's so healing to know there are others going through the same as I do. The last one!! It's stressful!! I like have mini panic attacks as I want to correct the wrong information. Sometimes I am fine, other times....... Anyway, thank you!!
OMG, the thing about not being about to say words, even though you hear it in your head. THIS IS MY LIFE. I have this elegant discourse in my head, but when I open my mouth to put it into sound, it's like a train wreck. I sound slow and stupid. I wasn't that way when I was younger, though. Maybe because I just blurted it out as a kid or young adult and didn't care so much how I came across?
Do you think the feeling of the words in your head or the actual sounds? converting to speech is a bitch sometimes.
Omg! Thank you so much! I’ve had doctors tell me the same thing, “No, you’d be in pain.” I don’t know if doctors realize…when pain is chronic, people don’t always walk around screaming. I mean, you can’t go to work or classes screaming, or just cry everywhere you go. Somehow, I don’t think that’s just us. I’ve been told I speak in a monotone and don’t emote, so maybe that makes it harder for them to understand I’m in pain…idk. I’ve also been told, “You don’t have _____. If you had that, you would KNOW.” Right after I told him if I think I have a good idea what I have, and tell them what it is.
Interesting how it's both so fun and fulfilling to hear all of these relatable struggles, and comforting in a "venting" kind of way too. Yet much like how you felt at the end of the video, it's overwhelming and frustrating and eepers too haha! Strange.
With the eating in front of others, for me it's not just the sensory input from the food and socialising. But also following table etiquette, and my proprioception/kinesthesia... I so often spill food or drinks on myself, and goshhh if there's also people sitting beside you and if it's tight seating URK!!!
OMG! - I have nearly all of these, but keeping a story concise!! I find that SO incredibly hard, how to set up the context etc. I don't understand how other people do it? Do other people even explain things properly? I really don't understand!
God bless you dear sweet Taylor.... I relate to everything you talk about. Thank you!
I’ve found I need more natural fibers even more now (but not wool of any kind… sometimes alpaca or cashmere is ok.) linen & cotton pants. Recently found Happy Earth- Their sweatpants & sweatshirts- AMAZING! So soft & organic cotton! I can BREATHE wearing them & my whole nervous system relaxes.
8:08 - that moment when you realise you are boring someone and have no idea how to extract yourself from the story you have gotten yourself so deep into telling...
20:00 YES!!!!!
One of my therapist's common questions was "would you rather be right or rather have a job/friends/etc.?" I struggled SO HARD to communicate that it wasn't about being RIGHT. It was about being CORRECT.
I DON'T CARE if someone proves I'm wrong!! I REALLY REALLY don't! I just want my facts to be correct! (And, uh, yeah, everyone else's . . . .)
😊
12:12 When I first became a mom my kids needs were more important to me than anything to an extreme. For example if they felt (even just a little) like going outside and I was in pain, sick, tired and literally on the verge of colapsing I would still go outside because I was responsible for them and their needs were more important than mine. It took me years to understand that that was not how it is supposed to be.
I was the same, but I think it's difficult to say what part of it is autism and what is just normal self-sacrificing motherhood. I mean, don't all mothers do that?
@anninasalo468 Watching friends and family I would say, not to that degree. Of course, motherhood means sacrifice but not total ignorance of your own needs.
My mom (in her 70's) just starts talking to me randomly, and it feels like it's every 10 minutes we are awake at the same time. I can't hear her if I'm paying attention to something else. I can't pay attention to something else if I'm trying to hear or understand her. I can't sit here all day and just listen for her to talk, so I mostly have to ignore her or I will never do or hear or think anything else. I cannot exist simply to listen to her, and she can't understand that.
OMG yes getting into a conversation when you enter an event! It's exactly like trying to time an escalator or double Dutch jump rope! When I used to have to go to professional events it was a nightmare! And recently I discovered that in my retirement community it's not any easier! I tried for 4 months last year, and it wiped me out so much I was in burnout for about 8 months. I decided in 2025 there will be no more social events, dinners, etc. with large groups. And you know what? I'm so OK and at peace with that decision. And my husband is fully on board and understands because he saw how hard I tried for 4 straight months and how failing at it -- I didn't make a single friend -- just did me in.
Omg. I responded to this and was going to say double dutch too!
School field trips were excruciating for me
Cannot follow verbal instructions Omg. The last one !!!!!!!! 100 percent
Double Dutch like the jump rope game? Yeah, no. I always wanted to but I would blow it immediately and no one wanted me on their team. (We played in teams)
I know- those people who can navigate wo writing every turn down - whoa! And maps- anyone ends have trouble reading maps? I think it has to do w “holding information in abeyance” which is an exec function thing.
I agree with all of this 100%, but what got to me was the sweater/laundry thing. I don't know if you have any videos on this, but could you talk about issues getting household/daily chores done? I can't explain, and I don't know if this is only a me thing, but the thought of doing laundry, dishes, cooking, organizing my room, etc, is so overwhelming that I just ignore it. People mostly assume it's laziness, but it's not, I just can't make myself do those things sometimes. I try to stay on top of things, but this is something I really struggle with. I get overwhelmed by being in an unorganized space, but I also get overwhelmed by the thought of having to organize it.
Totally relateable over conversations cues. I attended an autism talk and there was a chance to meet the speaker after. I stood at an appropriate distance from the speaker and another guest, giving them time to conclude their conversation. After five, six minutes I began to wonder if I had become invisible: it was like I was not there. I laughed at the irony of it, given that the speaker was an 'expert' but completely blanked me.
But yes, you wait for a chance to join a group convo, but then the topic moves on and the opportunity has gone. Often I don't even bother to try anymore: if they want my opinion they can ask.
Yes, it’s like the part of myself that is grounded and calm and quiet gets blocked out when someone else is in the room, making it hard to think or be myself.
Why is it so relatable 😅
I do not know how much this kind of thing can be relatable to a neurotypical person, but I'm now thinking that doing a screening test would not be a bad idea after all 😅
I do the same with escalators. And pretty much everything else mentioned! Not correcting incorrect information in conversations is SO hard!!!
so glad i'm not alone 😅
I feel SO DUMB about the escalator thing! I'd rather walk a fair way further to take an elevator! But then I worry what others would think, especially if I'm in a group, etc.
The XyNariz I have chronic pain so I just tell my friends I will meet them downstairs at a certain place. 99% of the time they follow me to the elevator.
@@TheXynariz those who travel with me often know I’m probably taking the stairs, if I have an option. I have gotten better about it over the years, but I still hesitate and watch at least 3 steps go by before hopping on 🤪
@@daniannie traffic circles for me. We just moved to a town that has lots of traffic circles and they truly scare me. Too many cars coming at me from different directions and trying to figure out when it's my turn makes me want to cry. It reminds me of jumping rope when I was young when two people turn the rope and the jumps in only much more dangerous.
All of this. Including the escalators. I didn’t think the “eating in front of other people” was common… I even embarrassed family members when I got brought out for a birthday lunch (which was not something I was used to) and was scared to eat a really cool ice cream… 😢
I identified with so many of these! Thank you for your videos! I’m so thankful I found you. And I love my Ono roller too! ❤
You are so welcome! And I’m so glad you love the roller too. Glad you’re here.
Oh yes, brain shuts down when others are around, conversations struggles, picking out an appropriate outfits, Your gray sweatshirt color enhances your facial and hair color palate. I wear black a lot because it is easy and complements my facial and hair palate. Your authentic sharing is sooo helpful to me. and other people, I feel so grateful that you created a youtube channel for autistic people.
Great video, and, as usual, I find some things resonate profoundly while others not at all. For instance, I've never struggled with any of the stuff related to language. Now, this is largely due to the fact that American English has been a special interest subject for me for, literally, as long as I can remember. Consequently, things like idioms and their origins rather fascinate me instead of confuse or frustrate me. The good news is that, at least in my experience, it's not really an autistic thing to be tripped up by idioms, turns of phrase, metaphors, etc., but rather very much a human thing. People, especially those born after 1980, just struggle with this stuff. And pronounce the T in "often". And add an extra I when pronouncing "particularly". I digress.
Okay, advice with describing your emotions. This, like other issues you've mentioned, is likely due to trauma. Autistic individuals are likely to manifest sensitivity issues early in life that their parents can't understand or respond to compassionately. The example I like use is a baby going into water that isn't hot to Mom or Dad, cries because it's hot, and then has their pain and fear invalidated when Mom or Dad says, "Ohhh, hush, you're fine." Because our parents are, ostensibly, gods, when we're children, we have no choice but to learn through repetition in a variety of circumstances that our experience is wrong and in order to get God's love, we must suppress our emotions and get our needs met by subtle, often unconscious, manipulation. This is, in essence, the breeding ground for anxious attachment.
So, why can't you describe your emotions? Why don't you know what you need or want? Because you have next to no experience doing it. And therein lies the solution. You just train yourself to be emotionally literate. Google "emotions wheel" and just find one you like in the image results. Twice a day for thirty days, pick an event from the day and write down three feelings it made you feel. Then take those broad, generalized emotions (happy, sad, angry, anxious, excited, etc.) and drill down into three more specific emotions related to them.
On your internal editor while storytelling: ask yourself WHY the context is relevant before sharing it. If you can't easily describe its explicit purpose to yourself, omit the context. My daughter struggles mightily with this and will include details that are entirely unnecessary. No one needs to know where you were going in a car full of friends if the story is about one of them having stinky feet. And when 70% of the story is composed of this totally irrelevant context, it becomes exhausting to listen to.
Thanks for this!
Very helpful, thank you.
Hooooolyyyy craaappp. That first one has made me judge myself so harshly. I feel like I’m being 2 people. Everytime I get a chance to be home alone, I’m so free spirited and I realize im not so bad, and maybe people would love to see this side of me. “And when they come home, imma just be like this and see how it goes.” And then boom- someone comes home and it’s a wrap. I instantly mute a little bit. I’ve found people over the years where they bring that part out of me so much, and I think I just realized early on for some reason I’m comfortable only around a certain crowd but couldn’t figure out who was in the crowd 😂 I know now tho, lol
20:05 - "WELL, ACTUALLY.." - I'm totally that guy
As am I!
I use the word, actually, way more than I ought.
Taylor,Hi! Watched this w my husband last night and even though he nodded off (we are old! And way too busy!) it was so great to have you articulating so clearly some of the dilemmas that I try to explain but semi fail.
Every once in awhile you’ll say something that is like another piece of my own puzzle- escalators. No one I ever went shopping w could figure out why I would take so long to get on one and make such a big deal about it but it was hard to coordinate the stair movement with my movement with where you are supposed to step, w masking that I know what I am doing. It’s a miracle I ever learned to get on a chair lift-I just rush out the second the other chair goes so I’m definitely going to get swept into the chair no matter what.
Getting dressed dilemma has a few more factors for me along w all the ones you mentioned that I wanted to list and see if others have more to check off. I need to consider layers, hats, terrain (mtns. dirt driveways. Or warmer/cooler item in bag for quick change because I get catastrophically hot or cold sometimes, color because I “feel” the color, and then the social aspect- what is my camaflouge, what role/aspect of my mask can I accomplish, what outfit is joyful, what costume am I in to give me the association w performing the activity - apron for cooking, hiking outfit, projects outfit. When I was working from home I would still dress bus casual to keep myself in the channel of that identity/focus. How to blend in to the context and fly under the radar but still feel authentic - not too flashy but feels self expressive, not too sexy or too business or too formal or too informal or too rock n roll or too impractical or too attention getting (after fronting a band for years where that was the point so it can get to be a habit or a norm) or too granny or too different from others. And then also whether where I am going is likely to taint the clothes with textile or other fragrance or other odors such that they will need to be aired out and washed separately (olfactory senses are disabling sensitive) so I wear business or yard work clothes to Dr/bodywork/stores that otherwise I won’t need.
I love love love this community and it is fun to know that a few others probably enjoy reading all the comments as much as I do. Thx for always terrific content!
I love this community So much, too!
I read it all and keep nodding to all things that I recognise. So gratifying 😊
Have always experienced this as well. I need to be completely alone to focus on anything. Just like you said, I can't access the part of my brain I need, including skills. It is like by brain can't filter out the other person, much like I can't filter out background noises. My ability to concentrate and access skills goes completely out the window.
Regarding the rest of your video. I experience everything you do in exactly the same way, amazing. All these years I thought it was just me.
I was a single father for 10 years. I was completely stressed out for 10 years and also experienced some of the best and most difficult times of my life. It goes by so quickly though. Soon enough...we have far too much time on our hands when they grow up. That part about being a single parent is very difficult too. I had empty nest syndrome believe it or not I got wilder than ever before trying to fill the empty space and time with the wrong things. I finally came to my senses again lol. I had no idea that would happen until it did.
When contractions started with my first son I kept saying the pain was really intense. A midwife insisted that if I was ‘ready’ the pain would be much worse. Moments later another midwife checked and said “No wonder you’re in pain… you’re 10cm dilated… you are in labour.”
I haven't even seen this video entirely but i,m constantly nodding yes to everything. Especially on the 'how to communicate' this to a doctor or specialist. My body gets stuck and painfull and eventhought the fysio didn't find anything, i got send to a holistic fysio who does a bit more with mind and body and guess what. My body shuts down and gets stuck by stress or overloads. It took me more then 6 months for me to finally be able to say: Yes when i,m stressed my body gets stuck.
To leave almost any group conversation: ok, well it was great talking to you guys! Smile, little wave, walk away. That is my recipe.
Re clothes. I always wear the same combo, jeans, a long-sleeved shirt and either a t-shirt or a collar-shirt over that, I play with colours to insert a bit of change. Cotton if at all possible. And at home I have my soft hoodie that I also wear whenever I am here.
I share the same thoughts around lengthy stories. I seek to make sure persons understand the entire context and I exhust myself in the process
I've gotten to where I record all conversations so I can go back and write and make sure I got it all or write down things I need to remember. Doctor's offices are the WORSE. They don't give you any useful information on their visit notes and if I don't record I might as well have not gone to the doctor to begin with!
OMG! I am not even kidding or exaggerating, EVERY SINGLE thing you said, EVERY single struggle you mentioned, is me!!! From the story telling , eating in front of people, wearing the same clothes and the feeling of them, not EVER being able to explain the type of pain at the Dr (for me) to everything! Omg one big one is the anxiety that being interrupted in something I’m concentrating on brings. I am diagnosed ADHD (was diagnosed as an adult)so I thought maybe all this was becaue of that but I also have wondered if I’m autistic. I have been looking into resources to be tested and it’s hard for me to keep up and just do it. It’s hard to get things done it takes me a week (or more) to clean my room it’s crazy. I even thought “ARE WE THE SAME PERSON?!” LOL. I have every single struggle you talked about , every one ! I started crying because I’ve always felt different and you made me feel like I’m not alone . Wow! Thank you for this video. Really. I appreciate you. Now I will look into this so much further. I need to know. It’s hard for me to get words out too and can’t seem to follow verbal instructions unless I see it or read it a million times or write it down myself . I was waiting for you to say something that I didn’t struggle with but you said it all! Love your videos that I’ve seen so far thank you so much for this!
1:30 I've experienced this less like the escalator, more like hopping into a set of spinning double dutch ropes😬