I had hoped this was the case the first time a coworker showed it to me. Between the donkey-braying laughter and suicide of brain cells, I wasn’t sure if this was supposed to be serious or not. 😂
This movie is absolutely amazing. It was a film school project and (I believe) this guy knew exactly what he was doing. I respect the hell out of this guy.
We were once known as the tyrants we shall rise up once again and we will WIN against zombo and the church of raptor Jesus will burn by me I will find it and summon the wrath of tyranodevil
From the title I thought it'd would be a literal Veloceraptor the whole movie serving as a pastor at a church with robe and everything, consoling people and helping them throughout the movie- I'd actually bw down for that ngl
1:08 Son: "Thanks for agreeing to be in my movie, mom and dad. I just have one more shot I have to do of just your car by itself so I can make it look like it exploded." Dad: "This is not Fuddruckers. I was promised Fuddruckers. I'm going to Fuddruckers." Son: "Wait...."
Alteori:"We're gonna be talking about a movie called Velocipastor..." Me [Watching this at 4:46 a.m. while sleep deprived...] *Brain freezes and goes blue-screen* Huh...? o_o
Its not that they couldn't afford it. The missing effect was done on purpose. The whole movie is done purposely bad.Its just having fun with itself. If you just watch it without over analyzing it. Its pretty damn funny. If you like that kind of stupid humor. To bad you can't watch it free by searching the movie youtube (wink wink wink hint hint hint if you know what I mean)
Me and my dad often watch B-Movies together, we saw the Velocipaster together. It was so bad that it was good and we often reference moments from it. Still the best B movie i have ever seen.
...and that was everything I love about these movies. Totally hysterical! I can't believe I didn't know about this one. Thanks for making me aware of it's existence.
Remember that time in Family Guy when he drank too much and then they made fun of Twilight Zone? Good, because my brain cells that stored that memory were killed when I watched this.
I don't usually like scary movies but your enthusiasm and choice in movies is great. Keeps me coming back anyway. Great way to find things like this. Not that this seems like a scary movie. Just ridiculous and over the top.
"So, your parents died on you? That's what they do." Yes. Because that's totally what a grieving person whose parents disappeared out of thin air wants to hear.
The perfect movie doesn't exi-......st, yeah, had a contemplative moment. This the cheapest thing I've ever seen put to screen...I lost It at the finale😂
Every time someone says "anime" this or "anime" that, I'm forced to assume they'e only seen five anime: Naruto, One Piece, Dragon Ball Z, Attack on Titan, and Maidragon.
I was thinking you were joking in the first minute when you said "THE VELOCPASTOR" then the movie started playing and my disappointment was immeasurable
That movie still got the rating 5.5 by IMDb like what 😂 and did you see the reviews because people called it a “true masterpiece” and “emotional touching” 🤦🏻♀️
"VFX: car on fire"?😐............i can't express how stupid that it is. that is like if they cut the t rex eating the lawyer from jurassic park and putting in " VFX: dinosaur eats man"
*The following are the musings of a Salty SEAGULL named EARL who just shows up in my posts whenever he feels like it!* [EARL the Salty SEAGULL:] 0:24 - "As someone who was a Philosorapter in a previous life, my grandfather was actually a VelociPastor and he a true MAN of the CLAW if there ever was one! He would eat all the EVIL dinosaurs!" 8:40 - "So nice to see a WERERAPASTOR accepting his role as a MAN OF THE CLAW!" 9:04 - "Obvious he is being rewarded by the big OMG for being a MAN OF THE CLAW!" 14:44 - "What?! VelociPastors are well known for being hunchbacks!"
I loved the sarcastic humour that you do with these videos when u pick them apart 😂😂😂 Wonder how much watered down tomato soup they used using it for blood ? 🤔 And OMG that raptor has a hump deformity and needs to go on a diet 🤣😂🤣😂
WHAT... XD Oh my god that’s the best thing ever! Edit: 14:50 WAIT WAIT WAIT WHAT IS THIS! OH MY GOD NO!! XD Ilts horrible I’m dieing! ;w; that’s no dinosaur!
Do you guys want more of these reviews? I am a willing sacrifice.
You always make my day better and you doing reviews like that makes me laugh. I want more please!
OMG where did you find this
You’re so evil . Love it lol do more please lol
You should do a Mystery Science Theater 3000 skits since you're doing bad movies🤣😂
Keep them coming.
Make more godzilla vids
They spent more money on the poster than the movie itself..
Honestly
Nailed it!
💀
You assume they didn't make the poster and THEN the movie.
Well... proper marketing...
"VFX: car on fire" like 1 minute into the movie and we're murdered by the hilarity.
It was at that exact moment that I knew I'd stumbled upon the best kind of gold: the cheesy, corny kind.
"So your parents died doug, that's what parents do...they die on you" so it's gonna be one of those movies😂
Yup.......it is.....
Yep
I'll break the parents nico nico kneecaps
@John Ryan Furtney I gave you a like but you are on the top of the list now
"*I Did Not Hit Her I Did Not*"
"So you're parents died, it's what they do, they die on you." Every Disney movie
the real backstory of Diego Brando
It's how pixar starts movies.
@@asiantom4935 bruh lmao
An accurate description on how my life is going right now:
*VFX: CAR ON FIRE*
*SPEEEDWAGONE*
rip
Aa-
Speedieeee-
What of an exuese and we meet again speedwagon
@@kirayoshikage4969 my fanboy soul is spiralling into madness EEEEE-
What if you, wanted to be a pastor, but God said:
VFX: Car on fire
oh, the dreaded horror. lmao
No...! No! _NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!_
This was a meme movie,
The people who made this just wanted to have fun and laugh,
You cant disagree with me if you saw in the movie: VFX:CAR ON FIRE,
I had hoped this was the case the first time a coworker showed it to me. Between the donkey-braying laughter and suicide of brain cells, I wasn’t sure if this was supposed to be serious or not. 😂
it looks like a 2013 youtube skit, so you're probably right
Agree, this is definitely made with love, love for comedy. And it's at least much better than Rings of Power.
This movie is absolutely amazing. It was a film school project and (I believe) this guy knew exactly what he was doing. I respect the hell out of this guy.
Absolutely he did, you can tell in the scene when the tall ninja went to check his watch before the pastor yelled.
Raptor Jesus the movie?
We were once known as the tyrants we shall rise up once again and we will WIN against zombo and the church of raptor Jesus will burn by me I will find it and summon the wrath of tyranodevil
@ewok king yes he is
Raptor+Jesus= Some blonde dude.
Sounds good
Is that a beaver reference
From the title I thought it'd would be a literal Veloceraptor the whole movie serving as a pastor at a church with robe and everything, consoling people and helping them throughout the movie-
I'd actually bw down for that ngl
Now that would be nice
I never knew that I needed alteori movie commentaries
Please more
I caught my dad watching this. And i thaught he was goin have a heartattack. He was laughing so hard lol
The video or the movie?
“Velocirapture” would’ve been a better name
Sounds like velociraptors in Bioshock. Damn, that sounds like fun DLC. XD
"Velocirapist"
BARTIX
Close, but no
oh god no
Doesn’t even look like a velociraptor. Looks like a tyrannosaurid.
Mixted with a baryonox mouth
Lol.. it looks like a Geriatrics version of a Tyrannosaurus/velociraptor long pass retirement & it's expiration date.
It’s some featherless nanotyrannus with 3 fingers
@@Frogboyaidan an old retired,fat,slowly dying,ugly,dry tyrannosaurid
Indoraptor could easily kill it with an effort by doing nothing and just standing
The main character looks like Benedict Cumberbatch‘s little brother if he never made it into the field he wanted LoL 😂
Dezlaton o' zmog
Bro that dude in the raptor suit had me rolling man🤣🤣🤣
Same 😂😂😂
That velociraptor costume is the best costume
@@MrVeg12523 So this is where Scott got that thing to Kentucky Ballistics. Small world.
1:08 Son: "Thanks for agreeing to be in my movie, mom and dad. I just have one more shot I have to do of just your car by itself so I can make it look like it exploded."
Dad: "This is not Fuddruckers. I was promised Fuddruckers. I'm going to Fuddruckers."
Son: "Wait...."
Guy:"sees floating text"
Guy: no...no..NNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
No. 9 I can just imagine his parents be like
Mom
Dad
Guy 5: what is he yelling at
LOL 😂 THEY SPENT THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS ON A JOKE 😂😂
Alteori:"We're gonna be talking about a movie called Velocipastor..."
Me [Watching this at 4:46 a.m. while sleep deprived...] *Brain freezes and goes blue-screen* Huh...? o_o
Holy shit. That was 10 mins ago.
Mood
It’s 4:15am for me and I’m having a hard time sleeping
It's 4:57am where I am right now. I'm also fairly drunk.
Seems about right.
"So your parents died? Thats what parents do, they die on you." Ffs man who hurt you? 😵
His parents
At first I thought you edited in the words "VFX: car on fire" to avoid having your video taken down but no its part of the movie lol -_-
Wait.............seriously?!
same lmao
Me too dude me too
I’ve seen bad movies before, but that was just sad.
That's what I thought.....
14:44 this literally looks like a skit you'd find in a 10-minute long vlog. Maybe 15 minutes.
Girl mad props for putting yourself through this. We owe you a beer. Hell, we owe you the whole damn brewery.
Yeessss
We need to give her Demomans beer
This has to be satire , it has to be , that Speech at the end is just too anime to be meant seriously xDDD
The beginning is already bad cuz they couldn't afford the effects 🤦♀️
@Tachibana Kei yep
@Tachibana Kei why couldn't they just let a bigger movie company make it
Its not that they couldn't afford it. The missing effect was done on purpose. The whole movie is done purposely bad.Its just having fun with itself. If you just watch it without over analyzing it. Its pretty damn funny. If you like that kind of stupid humor. To bad you can't watch it free by searching the movie youtube (wink wink wink hint hint hint if you know what I mean)
@@ItzMeWill oh
@@ItzMeWill arrrrr me matey, there are other options when you sail the seas
Me and my dad often watch B-Movies together, we saw the Velocipaster together. It was so bad that it was good and we often reference moments from it. Still the best B movie i have ever seen.
Dunno what you`re talking about, this is the best movie i`ve seen all year.
@Kaung Chit Naing The humour is top-notch in a "Scary Movie" way. Absurdism is fine sometimes.
no movies with raptors that look better than that is better.
6:12 looks like the desktop icon for the old pc game, Carnivores Dinosaur Hunter.
When you're a lizardfolk cleric
"..................................wHat?!" my exact reaction when i heard the name of this movie
6:56
Uh ok um wow! A prehistoric creature as a Pastor!? Uh so what drugs did the director take for this?
it was an autocorrect fail
Answer: Yes
And where can I find them
They could of pulled it off if it was well made and a different form of media all together. Like a satire comic series or something
10:10 Voltaire- what are you doing my guy? :(
I laughed all day,and it's time to sleep.Well,Just...
I can't even say anything,I love this channel and it's host so much.
The Velocipastor
Me: OH DEAR GOD NO!!!
I just fell out laughing now i just lost all my brain cells 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
HE NEEDS HELP, ASAP!!!!!!!!!
"VFX: CAR ON FIRE" really got me
My aunt showed me the trailer, we had a long good laugh.
I love how they just gave up on even attempting the explosion and just told you what you’re supposed to see
Alright that last part of the video, with the reveal of the monster had me laughing my head off. Good Job, making this movie review
Yoo you really found something amazing hahahaha lmao VFK:Car on fire “noooooo”
Most unbelievable part of the show is Christianity in China.
TheTechiemoses yes
Vfx:car on fire
China religion is to pray to Budda and they never choose Christianity that often
China, where God won't follow you
Chinese Christian ninja
13:11 I'd be screaming too if I have that much chili sauce in my eyes
Right. I am putting you on hold now because I absolutely love bad movies and this one checks all the marks. I'll be back.
...and that was everything I love about these movies. Totally hysterical! I can't believe I didn't know about this one. Thanks for making me aware of it's existence.
*can we have a sharknado review please?*
Al, you just gave the best idea of what to do with this movie, animate it.
Oh snap i was joking around with raptor jesus but i never thought it would be a reality XD
True disciple of Raptor Jesus, delivering only the tastiest livers to him.
"The Velocipastor"
...You have my attention.
"VFX: Car on fire"
This is going to be a beautiful trip, isn't it?
Remember that time in Family Guy when he drank too much and then they made fun of Twilight Zone?
Good, because my brain cells that stored that memory were killed when I watched this.
Rip
OMG this is too good, I'm crying
Thank you soo much for this
7:03
petetion to make this a meme
If I had enough storage I would twt
I don't usually like scary movies but your enthusiasm and choice in movies is great. Keeps me coming back anyway. Great way to find things like this. Not that this seems like a scary movie. Just ridiculous and over the top.
"So, your parents died on you? That's what they do."
Yes. Because that's totally what a grieving person whose parents disappeared out of thin air wants to hear.
Bro what this isn’t terrible this is a cinematic masterpiece
14:45
Scientific accuracy at it's best
Dat suit lol
At least try to use cgi like bruh
_hwAT THE FUCK_
Had a watch party featuring this, GOLD!
That looks more like a home movie from the nineties. Before the internet. I can't contain my laughter.
Literally an 8 dollar sword from Amazon.
Velocipastor?
More like.....
*VELOCICANCER*
VFX: Car on fire
This is my new mood
The perfect movie doesn't exi-......st, yeah, had a contemplative moment.
This the cheapest thing I've ever seen put to screen...I lost It at the finale😂
Omg that velociraptor suit cracked me up 😂
THE EVIL GINGER BLEEDS ORANGE FANTA THIS IS GLORIOUS
Hola ive come here on behalf of your recommendation from your most recent video, i am not disappointed 😂, asombroso video!!
"Well, you're not a real believer, *STAAAB*" 😂😂
"At the hands of my jaws." -Alteori, out of context, 2020
lol I saw the poster for the Velocipastor I laughed my face off and clicked immediately
Every time someone says "anime" this or "anime" that, I'm forced to assume they'e only seen five anime: Naruto, One Piece, Dragon Ball Z, Attack on Titan, and Maidragon.
Why tho
At 14:46 I was like what, is that him in a costume, wow these people didnt even try with this.🤣🤣
I was thinking you were joking in the first minute when you said "THE VELOCPASTOR" then the movie started playing and my disappointment was immeasurable
That movie still got the rating 5.5 by IMDb like what 😂 and did you see the reviews because people called it a “true masterpiece” and “emotional touching” 🤦🏻♀️
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂💀😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
It was meant as a joke I think because this movie is a joke
This is an Avenger level threat.
14:45 The Hunchback of Jurassic Park
This just killed me, when i clicked this time stamp my soul left my body
Lmao 😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
When it said car on fire I thought Alteori did that so we wouldn’t lose half of our braincells but the truth was 1000x worse
"VFX: car on fire"?😐............i can't express how stupid that it is.
that is like if they cut the t rex eating the lawyer from jurassic park and putting in " VFX: dinosaur eats man"
It was a spite edit
Basically the people weren’t happy about the death and car on fire so they just did that out of spite
Yeah that's the joke.
VFX: woman inherits world"
VFX: Car on fire
Ah yes, a car on fire
Alteori, this is clearly a comedy.
Before: well to bad I already lost all of mine
After: never mind I somehow lost more
Ironically, my mom talked about this movie to me yesterday. Interesting idea, executed poorly
No way this is perfect it’s not supposed to be taken seriously it’s fucking amazing
7:33 Damn! Our pastor be packin~
Actually this looks amazing. 😂
That sword you can buy on eBay For 8 bucks I literally just saw them on there lol I love your content by the way xoxox
Reminds me of the film "Anonymous Rex" it's a really interesting dinosaur film
Anonymous Rex is waaaaaaay better than this.
@@Dinoslay oh no doubt about it lol
I’m sorry that the film I’m gonna say isn’t related to it, but...
*this literally makes the Sharknado franchise look like a masterpiece*
@@MichelleW870 I wondered how it made it to a 6th movie ?
@@magnacrusherlel6713 and 3 video games
3:39 lmao this shot makes him look like an off-brand Butternut Crinklefries
I no longer have brain cells
And I feel just as wierd.
Same here
Vilocipastor is one of my favorite movies, its hilarious and the pastor looks like John Mulaney
Bless you, my child
*The following are the musings of a Salty SEAGULL named EARL who just shows up in my posts whenever he feels like it!*
[EARL the Salty SEAGULL:] 0:24 - "As someone who was a Philosorapter in a previous life, my grandfather was actually a VelociPastor and he a true MAN of the CLAW if there ever was one! He would eat all the EVIL dinosaurs!" 8:40 - "So nice to see a WERERAPASTOR accepting his role as a MAN OF THE CLAW!" 9:04 - "Obvious he is being rewarded by the big OMG for being a MAN OF THE CLAW!" 14:44 - "What?! VelociPastors are well known for being hunchbacks!"
When she said "oh my dear lord" i just died i was officially 80% out of air
dude i frickin’ love this movie! what do you mean “horrible”?! sis, this is a work of art
A yes the movie that could be an origin story of Raptor Jesus. Even though someone could honestly make a better version of it.
1:15 That was a heavy explosion
I loved the sarcastic humour that you do with these videos when u pick them apart 😂😂😂
Wonder how much watered down tomato soup they used using it for blood ? 🤔
And OMG that raptor has a hump deformity and needs to go on a diet 🤣😂🤣😂
😂😂😂
Is this how Dexter got messed up mentally? Dude legitimately looks like Michael C Hall’s brother...
i saw this movie with a friend like 2 months ago and honestly, we had a blast XD
It's one of the greatest movies ever made, and how dare you say otherwise
WHAT... XD Oh my god that’s the best thing ever!
Edit: 14:50 WAIT WAIT WAIT WHAT IS THIS! OH MY GOD NO!! XD Ilts horrible I’m dieing! ;w; that’s no dinosaur!
expectation: Jurassic world
reality: my mental breakdown
I'm gonna get so high & watch this on Valentine day. Just to get the day pass by.🤦♂️💯😂😂
Now that's a great plan
5:06 is gold